Chapter Text
Remus
James /prongsy
Sirius/ most handsome queer bitch
Peter/ Wormtail.
Lily/ love of my life
Dorcas/ my beautiful best friend
Marlene/ high badass lebanese
Mary/ wish to be virgin mary
I stay up late and I talk to the moon
And I can't stop tellin' him all about you
Wonder if you do the same thing I do
And these four white walls, they know more than my friends
They watch me type messages I'll never send
-Is your bedroom ceiling bored? - CAVETOWN, SODY
---Tuesday
(8:42): You have been added to “The Marauders” by Unknown number.
(8:42): Hyaaa wORMTAILLLLLL
(8:43): yes, yes welcome back
- NOW the important part
- i already put the bucket and made sure Snivellus got the note. so we ve got to move fast
- padfoot i assume u did ur job.
(8: 44): how dare u doubt me Prongs??ur BESTFRIEND?? THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE? UR OTHER HALF???
- but yes, i did it. Glittery Git Mission has started
(8:44): ok(?. 1 it is impressive how i understood all the words and yet i didn’t. 2 youve got the wrong number, im not wormtail (?
(8:45): .... prongs? what do we do?
(8:45): I dont know. they know too much
(8:46): i say we kill them
-WAIT im so disrespectful
-pronouns?
(8:48): uuh he/him
- who the hell are u? and also, should i be worried that two strangers are planning to kill me?
- in any case im dyslexic and i didn’t read anything.
---
Unknown number
(8:50): hey wormtail, u gave us the wrong number AND NOW OUR PLAN IS IN DANGER!!!
- pass ur number againnnnnnnn, this time the right one
- thank u
(8:51): i have enough brain cells to not insult a possible assassin, however, it is hard not to make a sarcastic comment
- its still the wrong number. it doesnt change whether its a group or not
- u know, maybe ur not an assassin but an old man.
(8:52): that is classified information
---
The Marauders
(15:27): so, after a meeting with the ACTUAL marauders we decided not to kill you
(15:27): HELLO FAKE ME
(15:34): well cheers....(?
(15:35): believe me when i say the pleasure is ours. your body wouldnt fit on my motorbike.
-EXCEPT IF U WERE A GOBLIN?
-ARE U???
(15:36): PADFOOT SH dont give him more information
(15:37): well JAMES POTTER i would trust a goblin with my life
(15:37): i am not and i am still doubting if goblins have pronouns
(15:37): SEE??? AND U GAVE HIM MY NAME
(15:38): hey chill. 1. u could have pretended that wasnt your name 2. there are millions of bikes 3. u can trust goblins
(15:38): i am not a goblin thank u very much
(15:38): but theres just ONE James Potter
- by the way, *HE* is SEVERUS SNAPE AND HE IS IN LOVE WITH HORACE SLUGHORN
(15:39): WHAT??? NOOOOO. DONT EVER SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT AGAIN
- MY awesome name is Sirius Black and im in love with PATRICK VERONA
- james stfu or i will send your address
(15:41): please, u wouldnt do that to mom and dad
-also, u came out to a stranger but not to our parents
- really?
(15:42): WELL u ar right i wouldnt do that to mom and dad otherwise i would lose my position as favourite son
-ANYWAY
-what are u then he/him stranger?
(15:43): uuh as far as i know a human being
(15:43): ugggh bOring. i hate human beings
(15:44): well then i guess u are some kind of wizard or something
(15:44): YES
- and i can transform into a dog obviously
(15:45): obviously....
---
Unknown number
(22:55): sooo who are u
(22:55): is2g. im a person that likes to be safe
(22:56): AKJSDK
(22:56): oh so u are really gay
(22:57): yep and no
- for your information i dont use tags
- BUTTT im not straight nor gay soooo queer it is
(22:58): you know what?
- im really proud of u
- not everyone can admit, say and be proud of it
(23:00): aw thank u so much
-u are actually really sweet creep/ murderer/ hacker bloke
(23:01): im concerned that you put them separately.
- i mean
- a murder and a hackers arent creeps?
(23:03): you know what i meeeaaann
- but can i just remark that u didnt deny my accusations
- what does that say???? uhhhhh??
(23:04): i didnt affirm them either
(23:05): if u arent a creep then u should prove it
- tell me something about u just so i (mostly james) can be sure im safe
- and saying u are not a goblin DOESNT COUNT
- (im still very disappointed at that)
(23:07): well im on my last year of high school
- and thats all im telling to a stranger
(23:08): IM ON MY LAST YEAR TOO OMGG TWINSS
- oh and “stranger”??TF??? plaEse, u know my name is sirius, that i own a bike and that im the prettiest guy in the world. (without mentioning my creativity and mi high IQ)
(23:08): u are right about being the pettiest guy, however i dont know about the IQ part as u added an r in petty
- thats fine though u can still be creative
(23:09): OUCH here i was, thinking we were happy and in love AND THEN U INSULT ME LIKE THAT
(23:10): happy and in love?
- shit i cant even tell my mom i love her
(23:11) lol mood
- MAKE A WISHH
(23:11): no, not u too
- its 23:11 not 11:11
- people that has configured their phone in the latter way are dangerous
- and of course u believe in the wish thing
(23:12): done
- i ll let pass that u call me dangerous BUT
- U DONT BELIEVE IN THAT??
(23:13): i mean its hard for me to believe something i cannot prove
- its fun though. DO NOT TELL DORCAS I SAID THAT
- they love witchcraft and i pretend to be annoyed
(23:14): ur secret is safe with me...
-...with one condition
(23:15): ?
(23:15): u have to tell me another thing about u
(23:16): eh??? no?? would you be so kind to stop?
(23:16): no <3, im bored and its kind of fun talking to u
- WAIT NO SHSHSHS I FIGURED WHAT UR BIGGEST SECRET IS
(23:17): i would say u dont even know me, but im very tempted to know what *is* my biggest secret
(23:18): well…
- u…
-are…
- a...
- werewolf.
- IT ALL FITS. u are mysterious and very reserved
(23:20): we literally just met and im “reserved” because normally i dont give a full summary of my life to strangers
(23:20): shshshshs
- dont interrupt. im typing
- ANYWAY u want to keep away from us so we dont find out. u think u are dangerous and ur just keeping us safe like the very kind boy u are
(23:22): i have to ask. what gave me away? just my mysterious actions of caution?
(23:22): my sixth sense
(23:22): i can see dead people
(23:23): AKSDBC JZ
(23:23): ...u know whats funny?
(23:23): what?
(23:44): ...well it is not funny to leave people hanging thank u
(23:48): lmaooo no, sorry my cat distracted me and then my mom called
(23:49): U HAVE A CAT????
-WHAT ITS NAME?
(23:50): newt scamander
(23:51): there is SO much to unpackage.
- firstly why? secondly your cat has a surname? thirdly WHAT IS FUNNY?
(23:52): 1. because i liked it. 2. yes because it sounds more extravagant (and i can)
- and my name is Remus Lupin
(23:52):SEE???
- SIXTH SENSE
- also, nice to meet u remus lupin
(23:53): nice to meet u too sirius black