I Don't Know Who I Am (But Now I Know Who I'm Not)

by Kirazalea

Summary:

Coming to the realization that he liked Bernard was huge for Tim. It opened his eyes to a part of himself that he'd never really seen before. But now he had the challenge of showing that part of himself to his family as well.

This is just Tim coming out to the rest of his family and that's about it lmao, happy canon queer Tim everyone

Notes:

this is way later than i meant it to be, but life happens oh well, happy one month to queer tim

ANYWAYS this is almost certainly the most self-indulgent thing i will ever write in my life (which is also why he comes out as bisexual specifically, just fyi) but it’s not my fault okay. i was doing fine, i haven’t actually been super deep into comics for the past year, i was even in the middle of working on the one (1) unfinished fic i have for a completely different fandom again (after a year of not updating, rip), and then DC grabbed me by the fucking throat and called me a fruit, so now we’re here
also, for transparency’s sake, i’m gonna let you know right now that i haven’t been keeping up with the comics at all and know maybe five things total about current canon, so as usual, canon is my playground, there will almost certainly be things that are wrong and don’t fit with canon, and i couldn’t care less <3

alright, that said, enjoy me shamelessly projecting onto tim drake for like ten thousand words straight

title from jupiter by sleeping at last

Chapter 1: Jason

Notes:

as always, an eternal thank you to my best friend and beta reader @machokoolkat <3 you're my hero

and if anyone's interested, here are the songs i listened to while writing this!

Praying - Kesha
How Do You Sleep - Sam Smith
Oblivion - Bastille
Be Still - The Killers
Fix you - BTS cover
The Village - Wrabel
My Time - BTS

Tim didn’t plan to. He honestly didn’t.

Jason would never bring it up, but Tim had seen the collection in his old room back when he’d first stayed at the manor and had accidentally wandered into the wrong room. He knew Jason had a soft spot for classic literature that he likely never got to indulge in, so when he’d seen a limited first edition cycling around the internet, he couldn’t stop himself from purchasing it, even as he silently mourned the loss of his spending money for the month. And when he stopped by Jason’s apartment to drop off the book he’d picked up for him on a whim, he’d figured it would be more of a hit and run type of deal and that he’d be leaving soon after. But Jason had surprised him by inviting him in. 

They’d stood awkwardly in the entrance for the first few minutes, neither making any moves to sit down as they talked idly, asking about things like how the other had been lately. Both of them knew that they weren’t getting anything more than pleasantries and platitudes in response, but it had felt… nice to just talk. Despite how much closer they’d grown over the years, there was always a part of Tim that held itself back when he was around the older, too afraid to mess up the fragile bond they’d built. They were brothers, yes, but he still didn’t want to bother Jason too much. He didn’t want to become an annoyance. So to be able to talk for so long, even if it wasn’t about anything that mattered, felt like a small victory and the part of him that craved Jason’s acceptance glowed.

When Jason finally gestured toward the couch, moving into the kitchen to wash the cup he’d been holding the entire time, Tim sat on the far edge, feet planted on the ground and hands in his lap. He pushed himself as far into the arm of the sofa as possible, leaving Jason as much room as he could. Jason plopped down gracelessly onto the other side, all signs of stress gone from his body as he sunk into the cushions. A moment later, however, he sighed softly and pulled his legs up, his sock clad feet resting on the middle cushion and back reclined against the arm of the couch. 

Looking back, Tim honestly couldn’t recall what they’d talked about. Things turned a little deeper, and slowly Tim mirrored his posture, turning to face him. Jason started asking about how he was actually doing, gave him somewhat hesitant advice on lighter subjects, and listened when Tim let some of his feelings out. Not all of them, he couldn’t bring himself to go that far, but it was more than he’d given anyone else recently. Part of him screamed at him to hold more back, to not complain and push away the concern, not wanting to be the center of attention, but in the face of Jason’s open kindness and concern, he couldn’t help it. A larger part of him just wanted a friend, a big brother, to lean on, and Jason seemed perfectly willing to play the part.

He couldn’t for the life of him remember how they’d gotten onto the topic, but he remembered finding himself talking about how sometimes he felt so stifled at the manor. It wasn’t that he didn’t feel welcome, it’s just that he felt like he had to constantly put on a facade. He didn’t even know what he wanted or who he was, so how could he just be himself? He felt like he had to perform every time he interacted with Bruce or Duke or Damian. He knew they all had certain perceptions and expectations of him as a person, and most of those were pretty accurate to who he was, he didn’t mind meeting them, but some of it he knew didn’t feel right. But he couldn’t put his finger on why. Not until Bernard.

He didn’t explain any of this to Jason, fearing the outcome should any of this reach Bruce’s ears more than he craved Jason’s comfort, but he expressed it in vague enough terms to still get the general point across.

He felt confused. He felt like he couldn’t breathe sometimes when everything just weighed down on him at once. He didn’t want to disappoint Bruce.

Jason had listened quietly the whole time. “You know if you ever need to just get away for a bit… my door’s always open, right? I get what you mean.”

Tim felt his throat tighten a bit at the words even as he nodded softly. Jason had no idea what was truly eating Tim alive, but he was right. Jason did know what most of that felt like, albeit for different reasons. But that difference didn’t matter, not in that moment. Because it made Tim feel seen.

Jason, the most rebellious of them. Jason, who had done so many things that went against what Bruce had taught them. Jason, who, as far as Tim could recall, had never seemed to have anything at all against the different ways people could love.

Jason, who had just offered him refuge.

Tim hadn’t planned to tell anyone about his questioning, especially when he still didn’t have a solid answer for himself. But in that moment, he needed more than anything to get the words out. 

He didn’t know if Jason suspected anything or if it had truly just been coincidence, but when he mentioned a recent mission with Constantine, Tim couldn’t stop himself.

“I mean I know the dude’s kind of an asshole,” Jason ranted, head now leaned back onto the arm rest and frowning at the ceiling, “I don’t have any problem with that, but he would not stop flirting with this guy in the middle of the fucking mission. Like dude, I get it, but can you not come back and do this another time? God, at the very least just get the dude’s number and chat him up later, we’ve got shit to do.”

“I think I might be into boys too,” he stated, as calmly as he could manage. Jason’s head popped up and his frown deepened in confusion at the out of the blue statement. Tim felt some of his trepidation return, but he pushed through it. He’d come this far. “I don’t know though,” he confessed. “I’ve been thinking about it, and I don’t really know what I am, but… I don’t think I’m fully straight.”

Jason’s frown had shifted into understanding by the time Tim finished. “That’s fine,” he said plainly. “I mean… that doesn’t change anything.”

Tim honestly felt a little ill from the nerves, but he nodded, as much to himself as to Jason.

Jason stretched his leg out and nudged him gently with his foot. “I mean it,” he said quietly. “And it’s okay to not know. Either way, you’re fine, y’know?”

Tim, embarrassingly, felt his eyes tear up a bit. He blinked it away harshly before the other could see and finally looked up at his brother. His smile was small and fragile, but it was real.

“Thank you,” he said.

“It’s no big deal,” Jason shrugged, looking away awkwardly, but Tim knew that he meant the words. They were both a little too new to this whole deep conversation thing, a little too clumsy about it. It wasn’t quite the outcome Tim had expected from his first foray into coming out to someone, more anti-climactic than he’d thought, but it soothed a part of Tim that had been on edge for a while now. 

Jason had given him a safe space, and that meant more to him than he could ever express. 

Chapter 2: Duke

Tim had been thinking a lot lately. He’d begun to spend more time at Jason’s apartment outside of business, had come to look forward to the nights when Jason would cook for them. They still didn’t often speak about the heavy things, and Tim hadn’t brought up his inner conflicts again, but it was… fun. He enjoyed spending time with the elder, and even though he was still half afraid that Jason would turn him away any time Tim asked if he was free, Jason always welcomed him in more or less graciously.

Jason had apparently extended his offer to Duke as well, inviting both of them over one afternoon. They spent the day playing board games Tim had never heard of, but Tim had felt his own shoulders relax when he’d seen the way Duke smiled more freely the longer they hung out. None of them were on patrol duty that night, so Jason didn’t kick them out until it was nearing midnight. He’d brushed them off with a roll of his eyes when they’d thanked him on the way out the door, but Tim had caught a glimpse of his eyes softening as he closed the door behind them.

Now, Tim stared out the window as he drove, the black of the road and the buildings around them comforting in its embrace. There was something intimate about driving with someone at night. Tim didn’t get to experience it often, was usually preoccupied with other things by the time the darkness settled in, but he always remembered how much he loved it when he got to experience it again.

Duke had his hand out the window catching the wind as it pushed back against him, that same soft smile still on his face as he watched. “How have you been?” Tim asked, just loud enough to be heard over the wind and quiet music.

Duke turned to look at him, smile widening into a smirk. “Y’know, I appreciate you guys looking out for me, but you’re not exactly subtle. You should probably work on that, all things considered.”

Tim huffed out a laugh, the corners of his lips rising as well. “To be fair, I had no idea he was planning anything, so if you’re knocking anyone for subtlety, it should be Jason and Jason alone. I’m just the humble driver.”

Duke shook his head in amusement, turning his head to once again look out the window. “I’m okay,” he continued calmly. “Just a little tired with everything going on, but nothing major. I do appreciate it though.”

Tim nodded. “I’m glad.” He was almost as bad at the whole big brother thing as Jason, but he remembered how much Dick checking in meant to him when he was younger. Duke wasn’t that much younger than him, and a lot of things had changed since it was just Dick and Tim, but Tim figured the general idea still stood. So he was trying. 

“So how long have you been talking with Jason?” Tim asked, curious about the happenings between his family.

Duke hummed. “Couple weeks, I think? I think he’s trying to be more involved with everybody again. I heard from Damian that he hung out with Dick a few days ago too. Guess they got lunch or something.”

That made sense. Tim didn’t know everything that had happened, but Bruce had come home one night looking like he’d had a weight lifted off his shoulders and Jason had seemed quiter the few times he’d seen him after that. It was part of why he’d gotten the book for Jason in the first place.

“Have you hung out with him much?” Tim asked lightly. 

“No, not really lately. Not outside of… y’know.” Duke paused for a moment, eyes still locked on the passing buildings that were quickly turning into houses the further out from the city they got. “I’m glad, though. He’s… he’s really cool.”

“I’m glad,” Tim repeated, a little softer. “What about everyone else? I know you saw Cass a while back, how was that?”

Duke nodded, still watching the passing scenery. “Yeah, she was great. We got lunch too, actually, she showed me her favorite place, over on the east side.” He stopped again, laughing a little. “And Damian’s still a bit of a brat occasionally, but he’s pretty cool too. Just wish he’d stop trying to take in every stray he sees, y’know? ‘Cause I always end up having to help him clean up after them. But he’s come a long way, even just since I’ve known him, so it’s all good.”

He certainly had come a long way, Tim mused. They all had.

They drove in comfortable silence after that, the only sound between them the music still playing softly as the houses around them gave way to the familiar wooded road that led to the manor.

They were almost home.

The shadow of the car hid him away from everything. The cool touch of the wind blowing his hair over his forehead and tickling his cheeks sheltered his expression from the world, and from his passenger.

“Hey, Duke?” he started quietly, voice wavering with uncertainty, despite his best efforts.

Again, Duke turned to him, giving Tim his attention. “Yeah?”

Tim continued watching the road, not looking at the other. He opened his mouth, but no words came out. He breathed out silently, trying to shake off the nervousness that had crept up over him, even as his heart beat a little harder in his chest. 

He thought after talking to Jason, after thinking it over more in his own mind, that it would be easier to get the words out. But it was just as hard.

He was still just as scared.

“I… um…” he finally trailed off after a few moments of silence. Duke sat quietly, not prompting Tim to speak. He was a solid presence at Tim’s side, letting him take his time.

Tim swallowed past his dry throat, swallowed down all of the uncertainty. He knew Duke. He knew he wouldn’t react badly. He just had to be brave enough to trust him.

“I like… boys. And girls.” Tim finally said in a small voice. He focused on the smell of the trees around them, the scent of the rain that had passed through not long before they’d left Jason’s place. “I told Jason I was kind of questioning a while ago, but… you’re the first person I’ve actually told,” he admitted.

“Did he say anything about it?” Duke asked in a serious tone. Tim glanced over and saw Duke’s brows furrowed slightly, a light frown on his face. 

“N- no?” Tim answered in confusion. “I mean, he said I could come to him if I ever needed to I guess… Why?”

He watched as Duke’s expression smoothed out at his words and understanding hit him like a freight train. Duke was defensive. He’d looked ready to drive back to Jason’s and give him a piece of his mind if Tim had answered negatively.

Tim knew that Duke had always been closer to Jason than most of the rest of them, had always looked up to him in a way. He didn’t know if Duke had a favorite brother, but if he did, Tim’s money probably would’ve been on Jason. Not five minutes ago he’d called the guy cool and looked happy at just the thought of being around him, and he’d been willing to toss that aside and stand up to him for Tim’s sake.

“That’s good,” Duke said in lieu of an answer. “You haven’t told anyone else?” he asked in a softer tone.

“No,” Tim whispered. “Not yet.” He paused, biting the inside of his lip. “I didn’t even think I would be telling you tonight.”

“Thank you for trusting me,” Duke said, his hand coming up to rest lightly on Tim’s shoulder for a moment before he dropped it again.

Tim nodded, really not sure what to say to that. They were pulling up to the manor now, their time in the safe bubble of the car coming to an end, and his stomach was still tied in knots despite the fact that Duke’s reaction was the best he could’ve asked for.

He parked the car, entering the manor alongside Duke. They walked in silence through the dark house, trying to stay quiet. Tim took a step up the staircase when they reached it, but Duke kept walking down the hall toward the kitchen. 

It would be so easy to walk away, to rush to his room and have a private freak out to get all of the emotions out before morning, but his hand was shaking where it lay on the banister. He knew he couldn’t. Not yet.

“Hey, Duke?” Tim called out softly. 

Duke turned back to him immediately, expression open.

“Don’t… don’t tell Bruce?” he whispered, but it came out weaker than he meant it to, his worries turning the request into a question.

Duke regarded him calmly, face unreadable even as he nodded. He walked back toward Tim, standing by his side once more.

“I won’t tell Bruce if you don’t,” he whispered back, rolling up his sleeve.

Tim watched in confusion before he caught sight of the dark ink adorning Duke’s bicep, just above where his sleeves normally fell. 

Tim’s eyes widened in surprise. One of Bruce’s biggest rules was no tattoos and it was one that even Jason had never broken. It wasn’t that he had anything against them, but permanent marks on their bodies were things that people could use to identify them if they were paying close enough attention. Things like scars were unavoidable in their line of work, but a tattoo was a whole other beast.

“But you-” Tim cut himself off in confusion, his brows furrowed. He’d never seen this mark before, what looked to be a small tree, from what he could see in the dim light. He thought back, and knew that he’d seen Duke shirtless or in a sleeveless shirt multiple times, but he’d never seen the tattoo before. “When did you get that?” he whispered.

Duke let his sleeve fall back down and smiled at him. “Just before I started living here full time. I use makeup to cover it most days.”

Tim didn’t ask, but he knew everything in his expression was screaming Why?

Duke’s smile slowly fell and a solemn look appeared in its place. “It’s… it’s for my mom. She was a social worker. She always used to tell me that people, that kids, are like trees. They start out as a seed: defenseless, but full of potential. And if they’re nurtured right, they can grow into something great that gives back to the world around it.” His hand came up to rub the back of his neck. “I know it probably wasn’t the best idea, but… I wanted a reminder of her. Of both of them.”

Tim’s face softened, his throat feeling a little tighter.

He knew exactly what Duke was doing. He could’ve just agreed, told Tim that of course he wouldn’t tell Bruce, and Tim would’ve known that he meant it. He wouldn’t have doubted it at all, but he would still worry. Worry that Duke would let something slip by accident. He’d be filled with fear any time Duke interacted with their mentor, which would’ve been a frequent occurrence.

Instead, Duke had given Tim leverage over him. He’d left himself vulnerable and shared a secret, different from his own, but just as damning. They both knew that the other would never use that leverage, but the selfless offering, and the trust that it implied, put Tim at ease like nothing else could have. He felt his eyes burn a little as his vision blurred, but he blinked the moisture away, hoping that Duke hadn’t noticed. 

“It’s beautiful,” he whispered. “I’m sure she’d love it. And… deal.”

Duke’s smile returned and he held his arms out, tugging Tim into a hug. Tim hesitated for only a moment before winding his arms around Duke, returning the hug with just as much affection.

He felt something inside him loosen just a bit at the warmth and strength of his brother’s arms.

Chapter 3: Dick & Bruce

Notes:

minor anxiety/panic warning for this chapter ?

it's not too bad so i didn't tag it, but if that's something you're sensitive to, please take care!

Duke kept his promise and Tim kept his. Barely anything changed between them in the coming weeks, but Duke seemed to make it a point to just be there more. He’d drop by Tim’s room and talk with him for a few moments before continuing on his way, or sit beside him when Tim ate breakfast downstairs. Tim, on the other hand, occasionally caught his gaze falling to Duke’s arm, where he now knew a tattoo lay. It was stupid because Duke wore long sleeves or a jacket more often than not, but he kept wanting to catch a glimpse of it again. He’d force his eyes to move on every time, though, and pointedly tried to forget about it, terrified that he’d accidentally blow Duke’s secret with one too many lingering glances. 

He knew that even if he did, Duke wouldn’t throw him under the bus, but Duke had trusted him with something personal, something he doubted the other had shared with anyone else. He was going to take that secret to his grave if that’s what Duke wanted.

As the weeks progressed, it got harder and harder to push down the desire to tell the rest of his family. The simple comfort and joy that being around Jason and Duke brought him was addicting and he found himself craving it with the others as well. But as strong as the desire was, the hesitation remained just as strong.

At this point, Tim was almost annoyed with himself. Each time he’d come out it had gone well, and yet that fear persisted. Wasn’t it supposed to get easier? 

He wanted to tell the others. It felt wrong to keep something like this from his family, especially when two of them knew already. But he couldn’t find a good moment. 

Or maybe he just kept backing out of it. Maybe he needed to make a moment. But the thought of that just made him even more anxious. And so, for a long few weeks, Tim stayed silent. 

Much like the previous two times, Tim didn’t plan it.

Ironically, they were in the car again. This time Dick was driving.

They were on their way back from a charity event. In a turn of events Tim hadn’t expected, they’d visited Jason’s apartment beforehand, spending about an hour talking as they all changed into their suits. Dick had driven in from Bludhaven and Bruce had driven the two of them over from the manor. Tim had caught him steadying his breathing more than once, silent deep breaths calming him every now and then. Tim knew he and Jason were on much better terms, but the restlessness was understandable.

They’d taken Dick’s car to the event, leaving Bruce’s at Jason’s to avoid the extra hassle. Bruce had even cracked a grin when Jason promised to make sure no one stole his tires while he was gone.

There was no trace of that grin left as they drove back.

The event hadn’t been very memorable if Tim was honest. Not until the end. They’d been on their way out, but all three had stopped when the sound of slightly raised voices caught their attention over the din of the crowd. After a brief shared glance, they’d all headed toward the noise. 

Tim couldn’t make out everything, but the words reached him before any sight of the people they belonged to did. 

“... believe you would say… tolerated this… of yours, but… taught you better…”

Two hallways later, they turned the corner to see three women and a scowling man. Two of the women had their backs to them, but Tim would recognize the vibrant red hair of the woman on the right anywhere.

“Katy!” Bruce exclaimed, his arms flying open as he strode toward the group. In an instant, he became Bruce Wayne again, all smiles and excitement. 

All four of them stiffened, Kate twisting around immediately at the outcry. There was a pinched look on her face that only barely lessened when she saw who’d called out. 

“Bruce,” she managed, blinking in confusion. “I… didn’t know you were attending tonight.”

“Yes, I flew a little under the radar for this one,” Bruce laughed. As he reached his cousin’s side, he threw an arm over her shoulders, gently pulling her into his side. “And who might this be?” he asked good naturedly, looking at the woman on Kate’s other side.

Tim watched as Kate’s eyes flicked quickly toward the older couple they’d been speaking with before their arrival. The man’s face had cleared into a neutral expression but the woman still had a light crease on her brow.

“This is Sara. My date.” There was the briefest pause as she tilted her head toward the other couple. “And her parents.” Kate turned to face Sara, her face clearing the slightest amount. “Sara, this is my cousin, Bruce.”

“It’s good to meet you,” Sara answered politely, a small smile on her face, but Tim could tell it was fake.

“And you,” Bruce replied with a soft smile. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude,” he declared, turning to face Sara’s parents. “My boys and I were looking for the bathroom and I suppose we must’ve taken a wrong turn somewhere,” he explained boisterously. 

“It happens,” Sara’s father allowed with a tight grin. His eyes hadn’t left Bruce’s face since they’d made themselves known, but Tim watched as the man gave Kate a once-over, something like disgust in his gaze. “I hope you won’t think us rude, but we do have to be going,” he said, head tilting in apology even as he moved past them. His wife followed close behind.

“Of course,” Bruce replied. Once the two figures rounded the corner, Bruce turned his gaze back toward his cousin. “I really didn’t mean to intrude,” he continued in a softer voice, dropping his arm back to his side.

Kate sighed, eyes closing briefly. “It’s okay,” she responded. When her eyes opened once more, she looked toward Sara with a sorrowful expression.

She was around Kate’s age, older than both him and Dick, and taller too, but in that moment she looked so small.

“It’s not my business,” Bruce started slowly, “so forgive me for asking… but is everything alright?”

Sara looked to Kate nervously, only relaxing a fraction when Kate gave a tiny smile and encouraging nod.

“My parents don’t… agree with some of my opinions,” Sara explained hesitantly. “They… they learned to accept that I like women as well as men, but…” She trailed off miserably, arms coming up to wrap around herself. Kate moved forward to gently place a hand on her arm. “They blame Kate for me disagreeing with them, even though she has nothing to do with it.”

Tim stood silently, half hidden behind Dick. His breath caught in his throat and his gaze immediately shot to Bruce’s face. 

He saw nothing but sympathy.

They’d left not long after, Kate’s arm around Sara’s shoulders as she led her away. None of them had said a word as they climbed into the car and started heading back.

Roads passed by in a blur as they drove in silence. That familiar nervousness had made a home in his gut the moment Sara started talking and it had only gotten worse the longer he sat with bated breath.

“I hate that there are people whose love is so conditional that their kids end up terrified of them,” Dick said quietly, breaking the silence that enveloped them.

Bruce sighed harshly. “I’ve never understood that. They’re your child. Having different opinions doesn’t suddenly strip that away.” There was a tightness to Bruce’s jaw as he turned toward the window. Tim could tell that the encounter had struck a nerve for the older man, and with the way his eyes had softened every time Jason laughed or joked or smiled with them earlier in the evening, it wasn’t hard to figure out why.

Despite all of the anger and hurt and disappointment that had marred their relationship, Tim knew that not once had Bruce truly seen Jason as anything other than his son.

His breath shook as he inhaled, but the last thing he wanted right now was to draw their attention. So he stayed as still and silent as he could in the shadow of the back seat, even as his eyes burned viciously.

“It reminds me too much of how Kate’s father reacted when she first came out,” Bruce continued in a lower tone. 

Tim saw Dick’s hands tighten on the steering wheel. 

Dick had known Kate the longest out of any of them. He’d grown up seeing her at events exactly like the one they’d just left back when there was no one but him. Tim knew the two cared for each other. 

Tim hadn’t really paid attention at the time, too young to know what to look for, but thinking back, he did remember some of the fallout. Jacob Kane was, after all, a military man. Tim figured that it was all water under the bridge at this point (they’d had a stable relationship for years now), but when the news first spread, it had taken quite a few months before Bruce’s uncle was seen in public with his daughter again.

“I remember how stiff they both were when I was younger,” Dick replied quietly. “I think he knew, even before she told him. He just didn’t want to deal with it.” A tiny sigh passed his lips. “She shouldn’t have to go through something like this again. Neither of them should.”

Dick was the one that Tim had always looked up to the most, the one he’d always tried the hardest to impress. To get to like him. When he needed assurance or, on rare occasions, a hug, Dick was the one he turned to first. Dick’s hugs and smiles came with a warmth Tim had rarely felt with anyone else in his life, and to hear him so upset and resigned on Kate’s behalf ached more than he could believe. 

He tried to push it down, to hold it back, but only the rumble of the car and their hushed voices masked his quiet sobs as tears began searing a path down his cheek. The urge to tell them was suffocating, even as his head pounded and his eyes burned. He parted his lips, fighting to get the words out as much as he was fighting to keep them in.

“I-”

It came out as less than a breath and melted into the sound of the tires against the pavement before his voice had a chance to reach their ears.

Dick and Bruce both fell back into a tense silence as they continued driving forward. It would be so easy to speak up, to grab their attention. I like boys. That was all he had to say. 

And he tried. 

Again and again, he started off the sentence, forcing out a weak “I- I like-” But every time, his voice failed him. Tears kept falling from his eyes as silent sobs wracked his body.

He was so fucking scared.

He’d always known that Bruce was nothing like his parents, who had let cruel words pass their lips as easily as air. He could remember all the times when they’d spoken about people like him as though they were less than human, and even as a child, it had left him feeling upset, but he’d never quite known why. 

He knew Bruce didn’t hold those same views, knew that Bruce could never hate him for this, but Bruce was his father too. And that age old fear of disappointing his parents had never gone away, even with their deaths.

When they turned onto Jason’s street, Tim’s breath quickened even more, panic flooding his body alongside the terror and bone-deep sorrow. He knew himself. He knew if he didn’t get it out here and now, he would never do it. He wouldn’t have the courage to try again.

And though there had been a time during the past few weeks where he’d honestly considered just never telling anyone, Tim couldn’t live like that anymore. He couldn’t live a lie.

“Bruce?”

Bruce hummed from the passenger’s seat in an invitation to continue. 

Tim opened his mouth one more time, saw Dick’s eyes meet briefly with his in the rear view mirror, and as more seconds passed, he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to say the words.

Now or never , he repeated to himself.

He swallowed past the lump in his throat and took a shaky breath.

“I like boys,” he admitted faintly. He felt a searing heat flood his body, immediately replaced by a numbing chill, and he couldn’t suppress a shudder.

Bruce turned to look back at him. Faint remnants of anger and sadness were still visible in his features, but they softened as he faced him. “What was that? I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you,” he apologized. 

God. Tim had never wanted to die as much as he did in this moment. He knew he shouldn’t, had no reason to, but he could feel nothing but humiliation and a sharp, piercing fear. 

Bruce hadn’t heard him. Tim had used everything he had left to say the words, and Bruce. Hadn’t. Heard him.

He shook faintly, pressing himself back against the seat. The urge to just abandon the whole idea and tell him that it was nothing, nevermind was so strong. He didn’t have to do this right now. Bruce hadn’t heard him and he could play it off as a passing thought that he’d considered and discarded in the time that it had taken Bruce to reply.

He breathed a little faster, still silent in his distress.

Tim knew Bruce couldn’t fully see him through the thick darkness, but the man’s gaze never left him. Nothing but patience and slowly mounting concern showed in his face.

“Tim?”

He’d already come this far.

“I- I like boys,” he choked out once more, hand immediately shooting up to cover his mouth as another hiccuping sob forced its way out.

He squeezed his eyes shut, ducking his head as more tears spilled over.

They flew open soon after, the feeling of a hand resting gently on his knee causing him to nearly jerk out of his seat. He blinked harshly, raising his eyes hesitantly to look at Bruce once more.

Bruce looked back at him. 

Tim saw that same sadness, etched just a bit deeper into his skin. And acceptance. And so, so much love.

“It’s okay, son.” 

The cries he had been holding back for so long broke loose and Tim… Tim folded. 

He cradled Bruce’s hand, pressing his forehead to the back of it as he sobbed. He let every breathless gasp and tear pour from his soul, feeling Bruce’s fingers curl gently around his as his other hand came up to carefully stroke his hair. The warm, solid weight on his head and the repetitive movements soothed him, but all he could do was cry harder.

He flinched when another smaller hand softly tucked the hair hanging in his face behind his ear. He sniffed and blinked some of the tears away, pushing himself up to see that they’d parked next to Bruce’s car. Bruce’s hand slid down to cup his nape as he straightened out, and his grip on Tim’s hands tightened.

Dick was now fully turned in his seat staring at him with watery eyes of his own. When he reached out to once more brush back the loose hair, Tim felt his lip quiver, but he stayed quiet. He leaned into the touch before Dick’s hand fell away.

Tim’s gaze fell with it, watching his brother grab at the back of the seat to steady himself instead of meeting either of their eyes. 

“How long have you known?” Bruce asked quietly.

“A couple months,” he whispered, voice barely loud enough for them to hear. He knew he should speak up but he just… he couldn’t. “But looking back, there were moments when I was younger, and I…” He swallowed again. “I think I’ve always known.” Tears welled up in his eyes again, but he refused to let them fall.

“Have you told anyone else?” Bruce continued, thumb rubbing circles into Tim’s neck.

“Jason and Duke,” he answered, eyes still down. “I told Jason a while ago when I was over at his apartment. And I told Duke a couple weeks ago.”

There was a brief pause where no one spoke. Bruce’s hand stilled for a moment before-

“What made you tell us now?”

Tim slowly looked up. “Hearing you talk about Kate,” he admitted. “I… I didn’t think you’d take it badly, but I was still afraid. But then hearing you talk about Kate, I just…” He knew he was mumbling, knew his words held none of their usual precision. He doubted that either of them were even fully following along with his thought process, but Bruce’s hand, still held between his, squeezed reassuringly.

“It’s okay,” he repeated. “I understand. I know how hard it must have been to tell us.” There was a pause as he squeezed Tim’s hands again. “I’m glad you did.”

Tim sniffed. A smile, small and shaky, but there, lifted his lips. “Me too.”

Dick had stayed a silent observing presence this whole time, his eyes never leaving Tim. He shifted forward, just enough to draw Tim’s attention. “If anyone ever says anything to you,” he said soberly, “let me know and I’ll talk to them.” Tim had almost expected the man to make a joke and lighten the heavy atmosphere, but the words were said so plainly, so earnestly, and Tim knew that Dick meant them. He couldn’t quite tell if he meant ‘talk’ as in an actual talk or something a little rougher, the man’s tone was so neutral that it could go either way, but just the thought that he was willing to step in for Tim, that he was still willing to protect him, reduced him to soft silent tears once more.

They stayed in the car a lot longer than they should have, considering who they were and where they were. Tim quietly admitted his fears to the two men, spoke about how he didn’t want the entire world to know (not yet at least; maybe not ever) and how he was still honestly figuring some things out for himself. They gave him nothing but reassurance and love in return, and Tim could feel the stress that had made a home in his chest finally unravel. There were a few threads that remained taut, knowing that there were still members of his family that he needed to talk to about this, but the most frightening part was over. 

Bruce knew. Bruce knew, and he didn’t hate him.

Even if everything went wrong from here on out, he knew he was safe from the worst of it. He knew his dad would protect him.

Not quite an hour later, the three of them stepped out into the cool night air. The second Tim’s feet made contact with the ground, he was softly drawn into a hug. Tim tucked his head under Bruce’s chin and hugged him back. They stayed that way for a long moment, neither of them saying a word. When Bruce pulled back with a final squeeze, Dick was there to sweep him into an even more bone-crushing embrace.

“I love you,” Dick whispered into his hair. Tim clutched onto his shirt a little tighter. 

“I love you too.”

When they separated, Bruce moved a step closer, keys already in hand.

“Are you coming with me, or do you want to ride back with Dick?” he asked. Tim suddenly felt guilty. He wanted to go with Dick, but he didn’t want Bruce to feel like it was because he didn’t want to be around him. He just… It had been so long since he’d seen his brother, and he knew Dick would be leaving again in a few days. He had already wanted to spend as much time as he could with him, but after the events of the past few hours, that desire had only amplified. He felt so safe with Bruce, but there was a different kind of warmth and safety that came from being around Dick, and Tim knew that that was what he needed right now.

He glanced back at Dick and tried to summon the courage to say what he wanted, but Bruce seemed to already know.

“Why don’t you go with your brother,” he suggested, hand coming up to squeeze his shoulder and a slight smile on his face.

Tim looked up at him, eyes wide, but nodded all the same. He hesitated for only a second before pulling Bruce into a hug. He felt Bruce’s arms surround him as they held each other close for a brief moment. When they parted, Bruce squeezed his shoulder one last time. 

“See you two in a minute,” he said calmly, climbing into his car.

Tim turned and quickly climbed into Dick’s car, closing the door behind him and buckling his seatbelt.

They pulled back onto the street and Dick fiddled with the radio for a moment before settling on a station Tim knew played the type of songs they both loved. He kept the volume low enough that they could talk, but loud enough that they didn’t need to.

Dick broke the ice first a minute later, making a joke about a show Tim had recommended. Tim laughed as they both acted like nothing had changed. The elephant in the room remained a steady weight behind all of their words, but they spent the drive joking and teasing each other and Tim couldn’t fight the grin on his face any more than he’d been able to fight his earlier tears.

They were almost home when Dick quieted down. “You know I mean it, right?” he asked.

Tim didn’t have to ask what Dick was referring to. He simply nodded.

Dick glanced over at him for a moment before looking back at the road. “You’re my little brother,” he said softly. “I don’t say this enough, but I would do anything for you. So if anyone says anything, just let them know that your big brother is a cop and he’s only a phone call away,” he smirked, and Tim laughed breathily. There was the joke he’d been looking for earlier. But even as Tim laughed, he once again knew that Dick meant it. 

“It doesn’t matter what I or anyone else thinks,” Dick continued. “You’re you, and nothing’s gonna change that. You’re always gonna be my nerdy, annoying little brother,” he teased, reaching over and roughly messing up Tim’s hair. He shrunk away, a beaming smile on his face as he pushed the hand away unsuccessfully. A softer smile was on Dick’s face as he finally retreated.

Nothing had changed.

 

---

 

As he sat on Bruce’s bed that night, Tim staring at himself in the mirror, he let himself slump just a little.

“I want… I want to tell everyone else.” A scared young man stared back at him, determination in his eyes. “I don’t want to keep hiding.”

Bruce laid his arm around Tim’s shoulder and pulled him close.

“Take all the time you need, but try to do it soon if you can,” he advised gently. “Neither of us will say anything, but the more you wait, the harder it will be. And they’ll be hurt if you wait too long.” A moment passed and Tim buried his face in Bruce’s chest, the man’s other arm completing the hug. “I can come with you if you want,” he offered softly.

Tim shook his head even as his own arms returned his father’s embrace. “This is something I think I need to do by myself.”

 

---

 

The morning after Tim came out to Bruce and Dick, he started planning.

Chapter 4: Cass

Dick was going to be in town for another few days after that night, and so far he’d spent a decent portion of that time with Tim. While Dick was more affectionate than most of them, he usually waited for someone else to make the first move. With how nervous Tim got about initiating physical touch, this meant that he typically didn’t get more than the occasional teasing hair ruffle or goodbye hug. However, he couldn’t seem to go more than an hour without Dick pulling him into his side or jokingly nudging him. Tim leaned into every touch and couldn’t stop himself from grinning when Dick started to play fight with him. Those little reassurances meant more to him than he knew how to say, but he thought that Dick knew anyways with how much more Tim hugged him first.

The first day after, the thought of telling Cass and Damian nagged at him, but he pushed it away, letting himself bask in the affection that was being so freely offered. He’d made a deal with himself: he’d keep today for himself, he’d tell Cass tomorrow while she was still in town, and he’d tell Damian the day after during the family movie night that Dick had made mandatory attendance.

But tomorrow turned into today faster than Tim wanted and he felt his nerves return with a vengeance. He found himself looking at Cass from a distance a few times as the day progressed, but he always ended up turning away without so much as opening his mouth. 

If anyone else noticed his hesitation, they didn’t mention it. 

As the sun slowly began its descent, however, Tim knew he’d put it off long enough. He’d stopped himself every time, thinking that it would be too embarrassing to bring it up in that moment, but no other opportunities had presented themselves. 

When Cass headed toward the kitchen, Tim stood up and quietly followed.

She was stretching up to grab a snack from the upper shelves of a cupboard when Tim entered behind her, but the slight turn of her head let him know that she’d heard him. She dropped back fully on her feet once she’d obtained her prize and turned to face him. She held out the container of cookies Alfred had baked earlier in the week, silently offering him one.

Tim smiled in thanks, but shook his head. “No thanks.” He felt like he might regret it if he ate anything in his current state.

You can do this, he thought to himself. It’s going to be fine. “Cass?” he called softly.

Her head rose once more, staring at him inquisitively. Her eyes raked over his form and whatever she saw was enough for her to slowly set the container down and lean against the counter. He knew he had her attention.

He took in a quiet breath to steady himself and met her gaze. “I… like boys. And girls,” he added, a little clumsier than he meant to. 

But his voice remained steady.

Cass gave no other reaction than a slight widening of her eyes. Tim awkwardly moved toward the countertops lining the other wall, leaning against them and looking down at the ground near his sister’s feet. He shifted his weight a bit, just to have something to do. When he chanced a glance up at her face, there was a tiny frown.

“Were you worried?” she asked, a weak furrow to her brow. She sounded… sad.

He blew out a breath. “A little,” he admitted. “Not- I didn’t think you’d be upset with me or anything, but… it’s hard, y’know?”

He saw her nod slowly out of the corner of his eye.

“You know… I would never love you less for this?” she questioned solemnly.

And that. That was what he’d needed to hear. A part of him had known all along that this wouldn’t, shouldn’t, change the love his family had for him. But there was a difference between knowing and hearing.

He smiled softly at her. “I know,” he whispered.

Cass smiled back and pushed herself forward, arms already open. He straightened up right as she reached him, her hands tugging him into a hug.

Normally, their hugs were one-armed side hugs that didn’t last long. Occasionally, Cass would drape herself over his back for a brief moment before letting go. The few times they’d fully hugged each other, Tim’s almost negligible height advantage meant that Cass typically wrapped her arms around his sides while he rested his on her shoulders.

This time, he was forced to bend slightly forward as his sister threw her arms around his neck and pulled him close. His arms encircled her waist as she pushed them even closer, her strong grip just shy of actually hurting, but that just made Tim hold on even tighter. He rested his head against hers and let himself breathe again.

Chapter 5: Damian

Tim meant to tell Damian the next day, he really did.

The thought of finding Damian right after he and Cass parted had crossed his mind, wanting to get it over with and feeling more confident about it than he ever had, but he’d soon crashed. This one hadn’t been nearly as bad as any of the previous times, his emotions nowhere near as violent and taxing, but after excusing himself to the bathroom for a small freak out, he’d still felt emotionally drained from the experience and knew it was better to wait.

He was still nervous, but for once, he felt ready.

Of course that meant that movie night was cancelled by an Arkham breakout.

Just a few hours before everyone was meant to gather, the news broke and they threw themselves into motion. They were in vigilante mode for the rest of the night and the thought of all that had been plaguing him for months suddenly took a firm backseat. He didn’t have time to worry about anything other than tracking down their rogues before anyone could be hurt.

Tim didn’t even see Damian for the next three days. They’d been assigned different cases and areas, so other than the occasional hope that things were going well for everyone else, Tim barely spared the current Robin a thought.

They’d managed to round up nearly all of the escapees five days later, the few left having gone to ground almost immediately. Unfortunately, they didn’t have a chance in hell of finding them until they either slipped up or chose to make themselves known. They’d all be on the lookout for it, but until one of them made the first move, there was nothing more that they could do.

Tim was running on fumes at this point. As soon as he finished his patrol, he took what felt like the fastest shower of his life and collapsed into bed. He got about seven hours of sleep in before Alfred woke him up, claiming that he needed to eat something. 

Tim grumbled a bit, but he knew the man was right. He’d scarfed down something that could probably be considered dinner around five last night in between casework and patrol, and it was nearing one in the afternoon now. He dragged himself down to the kitchen and sat next to Damian. He already had a plate in front of him and was lazily picking at it, still looking half asleep himself. With his ruffled hair and bleary eyes, he almost looked adorable, but Tim knew better than to voice that particular thought. Damian might not try to actively kill him anymore, but he was still a little brother and Tim was not looking to start his day by getting smacked.

Alfred placed a plate in front of him and he smiled in thanks. As he slowly began eating, he idly watched the younger out of the corner of his eye. Thoughts of telling Damian once again crept in.

He didn’t mean to leave Damian for last, but if he was honest with himself, his youngest brother was the one who had been the most up-in-the-air for him. Their relationship was leagues better than it had been, so that alleviated some of his stress. They regularly spent time together now, watching shows when their bodies needed a break or going out to parks and art galleries when they wanted to not be home. But Tim figured that if anyone was going to be opposed, it was probably going to be Damian. He didn’t know exactly what the current Robin had learned growing up, but he really couldn’t imagine that it would have been all that favorable. Between Ra’s’ obsession with producing heirs (something that still made Tim shudder if he thought about it for too long), and the multitude of teachers Damian had spent the majority of his childhood with (some of whom Tim knew were pretty… conservative in that area), Tim was a bit nervous.

Everything had gone so well up until this point, but surely his luck couldn’t hold out. Life had taught him better than that.

But life had also taught him that he would gain nothing if he didn’t suck it up and try. 

“Hey, Damian? Want to hang out tonight?”

 

---

 

“What are we watching?” Damian asked as he shuffled himself into the corner of Tim’s couch. He clutched the throw pillow to his chest once he’d settled.

Tim held the remote in his hand as he stared intensely at the home screen.

Damian leaned forward a little, trying to catch Tim’s gaze at the other end of the couch. “Drake?”

Tim took a steady breath in. He’d let Bruce know what he was planning, so he knew that everyone else was out of the house for the night. He’d had time to prepare himself and they were in his room, the place where he felt most comfortable. Everything was set up.

He just had to go for it.

“Do you what bisexual means?” he asked quietly, glancing over at Damian before turning back to the TV.

“It’s when one is attracted to both men and women,” Damian stated slowly. 

Tim nodded softly. He looked again toward Damian, saw the younger openly staring back at him. So far, there was no disgust, no disdain in his features. Tim knew Damian was smart enough to put two and two together. He’d probably already guessed where this conversation was going.

All Tim had to do was actually say the words. “Yeah. I, uh,” he started, swallowing around the dryness in his throat. “I’m bisexual.”

He watched Damian’s face closely for any change. There was a slight frown between his brows, and Tim braced himself, but all Damian said was, “This is something I shouldn’t mention around the family?”

Of all the responses Tim had tried to prepare himself for, Damian’s immediate concern for his privacy hadn’t made it very high on the list, but it warmed his heart more than probably any other reaction could have.

“Everyone else already knows. You’re the last one I’ve told,” he admits. “I actually meant to tell you last week when Dick had us all together for movie night, but we had a bit of a problem.” A small grin works its way onto his face when Damian’s nose crinkles at the reminder.

“So… this is something you want others to know then?” Damian continued once his expression had smoothed out a bit. 

“Well…” Tim trailed off. “I mean. I don’t think I’ll be shouting it from the rooftops,” he tried to joke, before sighing a little. “I don’t know. I don’t mind people knowing, but… the world is still a little iffy about this kind of thing, y’know? It’s not like I feel the need to hide it or anything, but I don’t feel like I need to tell everyone I meet right off the bat either.”

Damian nodded, expression serious. “I understand.”

Tim stared into Damian’s eyes for a moment, neither of them speaking. “You’re good with this?” he checked quietly. Everything pointed toward yes, but if there were any issues, Tim wanted to get them out in the open now instead than later. “I know how some of your old tutors think. I don’t know how much they really spoke to you, but…” 

“I do remember some of them speaking rather disparagingly.” Damian shrugged, turning his gaze toward the pillow he still held in his lap. “But it never made much sense to me. If your primary goal is not having a child, then why should that matter?”

Tim couldn’t stop the smile that grew at his little brother’s words. Damian must have caught the change because his face immediately turned haughty.

“Personally I couldn’t care less about who you’re interested in, Drake. You being bisexual just means that there are twice as many people that won’t date you,” he said, the ghost of a smirk tugging at his lips.

Tim blew out a harsh breath, fighting back his grin as he leaned forward and shoved Damian into the arm of the couch. “Brat,” he muttered without any heat.

Damian brushed non-existent dust off of his shoulders as he straightened up again. “So, were we actually going to watch something, or was this all just an elaborate plot and I dedicated my evening to this for no reason?” he asked.

Tim rolled his eyes, fondness running through his veins and replacing all of the stress he’d been carrying for so long. 

“I was thinking we could start Deep Space Nine?” he offered. They’d finished The Original Series last time they’d had time to relax together, and as much as Tim loved Star Trek and Sir Patrick Steward, he couldn’t bring himself to watch The Next Generation right now. Maybe another day.

“Works for me,” Damian agreed, leaning back against the couch and getting comfortable.

Tim settled in too, starting the pilot episode, even as he knew that Damian would complain about not understanding and he’d have to explain half of the plot. 

He felt more at peace than he ever had before.

He could get used to this.

 

---

 

“So does this mean you’re finally going to ask Kent out?”

Tim felt his face redden. “Damian-”

“Or was it Dowd?” his little brother asked with a fake nonchalance.

“Damian!”

Notes:

so like i said, this was completely self-indulgent. with the exception of a few details here and there to make it fit more with tim’s circumstances, this is entirely based on my own experiences. i did try to keep it as in character as possible, but if anything seemed off, that’s why lmao. that’s also why cass’s section is so short, and believe me i feel horrible about that, but it is what it is. hope you enjoyed! as always, feel free to leave a comment and thank you for reading ♡