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Kaeya realizes right away that it’s going to be one of those days.
He wakes up tired, his heart fluttering all too anxiously in his chest.
He rolls over onto his back, glaring angrily at the ceiling. What are the odds that I can just… not go into work? Kaeya scoffs at the thought. There was no way that could happen.
So, with tremendous effort, Kaeya Alberich gets up to get ready for the day.
Once he’s dressed he heads to the bathroom. Something must be done about his messy hair.
He walks in the bathroom, jumping back when he sees a familiar figure in the corner of his eye. He frantically looks for something, anything to defend himself when he makes eye contact… with himself.
Kaeya let’s out a breathy laugh, it’s just his reflection. It wasn’t who he thought it was… it was ok. He was safe. That man is gone.
Kaeya looked in the mirror and frowned. In all honesty, he felt silly. He hoped he’d outgrown this… whatever this is.
He took a good look in the mirror, he looked like a mess. He was paler than usual and a dark bruise found home under his eye.
Kaeya sighs, rubbing his face tiredly. Hopefully no one will comment on his haunted appearance.
What other people thought of how he looked isn’t really his issue at the moment. So long as they didn’t bother him he didn’t care what they thought. Right now, he glares at his reflection. He’s never been particularly fond of how he looks, but on days like these is when he can’t stand to look at himself.
Almost every aspect of Kaeya’s appearance resembles him. Every time Kaeya looks in the mirror he’s reminded of the man that haunts his dreams, the man from a past life. The one from before his Mondstadt family, the one that constantly hurt him.
The only aspect of his appearance that Kaeya ever liked were his eyes, blue and sharp and not resembling that man. But he couldn’t even have that.
Kaeya looks to his eyepatch, the memory of the scar underneath enters his mind. He suddenly feels sick.
He finally looks away from the mirror, he’s spiraled enough for one morning. His heart still hammers in anxiousness as he quickly brushes his hair and exits the bathroom. At this rate, turning back to the mirror to put it up is more trouble than it’s worth.
•••
Walking down the halls of the Favonius Headquarters, Kaeya feels tense and jumpy. He walks through the halls quickly, eyes darting all around searching for something (he wasn’t quite sure what). He was all too eager to get his paperwork done so he could bury himself in the commissions that needed to be done.
It wouldn’t be the first time he’d buried himself in work to distract himself from… this.
He could probably finish his paperwork in an hour if he really tried. Then, he could go fight monsters till he can’t lift his sword anymore before going to the Angel’s Share.
That sounded nice. Drinking this away until he couldn’t feel anything. Being at the tavern always had a special way of calming Kaeya’s nerves. It was familiar and grounding, and Charles always slipped in a few free drinks during days where he felt like this. Charles was a good friend and Kaeya always found comfort in the silence he provided when Kaeya wasn’t up for conversation.
Kaeya almost smiles at the thought of his evening as he turns the corner. But his semblance of a somewhat ok mood comes to a screeching halt as he’s suddenly in front of someone. He jumps back and for a moment he thinks his heart stops. His chest feels even tighter than it did a few moments ago and it hurts , oh god why can’t he breathe and-
“Kaeya?” Oh, it was Lisa. She was holding a rather large stack of books that was much too tall. Her head pokes out, concern written on her face. “Sorry, dear. Did I scare you?”
At her words, Kaeya bounces back almost immediately. “Just startled me as all. Don’t worry, I’m just feeling a bit restless today. I’m eager to get out of the office.” God, it was scary how easy this came to him now, pretending like he was fine.
Lisa nodded her head knowingly as Kaeya took half the books in his hands.
“Need some help?” His smile felt forced, but Lisa doesn’t seem to notice.
“Oh, thank you! But you don’t have to! I don’t want to keep you, dear.”
The two start walking as Kaeya shakes his head. “Nonsense! What kind of friend would I be if I let you carry these all by yourself?”
•••
Kaeya slashes at enemies left and right. Usually, a Hilichurl Camp would be no problem for the knight, but today was different. Today, he isn’t as alert as normal, and all caution is thrown to the wind. The only thing that matters is keeping busy and distracting himself from how he is feeling.
It didn’t matter that his chest hurt, or his vision was blurry, or that his stomach was doing backflips. He just needed to keep busy.
Kaeya fell to the ground as a Hilichurl attacks from his blind spot. His shoulder explodes in pain and he has to bite back a cry as he uses his cryo to kill the enemy.
He got up quickly, only for his vision to swirl together as his nausea increases tenfold. Not good. He stumbles a bit as he tries to bite back the urge to throw up.
A Mitachurl is suddenly charging at him (has it been here the whole time? Kaeya isn’t sure). Panic finds its way back to the pit of Kaeya’s stomach as he lets out a shriek. He can feel a burst from his cryo, freezing the entire camp.
•••
Kaeya isn’t sure when he blacked out but when he comes to he’s met with a field of ice. He doesn’t even have time to be surprised, for the second he sits up he’s emptying the contents of his stomach.
After that he stands up, dazed. He doesn’t remember what happened or why everything hurts but he can’t really bring himself to care. He’s cold and tired and all he wants right now is a damn drink.
So he starts to limp back to Mondstadt. With each step the dazed feeling lessens and becomes replaced with the awful feeling again. Every muscle in his body is now tense again, which makes everything hurt more.
He decides to focus on his feet. Putting all his effort into moving to where he wants to go. God, he can’t wait to get to The Angel’s Share. There it’s safe and familiar. No one expects anything of him there. Hell, he doesn’t even have to talk, Charles always seems to know what Kaeya wants, even before he himself does. And what Kaeya wants is to drink himself under the table without anyone bothering him.
When he gets to the tavern, Patton lets out a surprised noise at the sight of him. “Sir Kaeya! What-“
Kaeya just gives him a halfhearted wave, barely having the strength to acknowledge the man.
Kaeya pushes the door open and walks in to find Diluc at the bar.
Kaeya’s eyes go wide. What is Diluc doing here? He isn’t supposed to be working today! If Kaeya had known, he would’ve gone to the Cat’s Tail! He definitely did not want to deal with the added stress of his brother. Diluc’s back is still turned, maybe Kaeya can just-
It’s then that Diluc turns toward Kaeya. His eyes immediately landing on the knight.
Diluc’s scowl deepens as Kaeya’s chest sinks further. So much for running away.
Kaeya stands there a moment longer before limping to his seat at the bar.
Kaeya practically collapses onto the seat in front of Diluc. For a moment the two just stare at each other. It makes Kaeya’s already shot nerves more of a mess.
“Death After Noon, please,” Kaeya tries to sound like his usual smug self, he really does.
This is a mess. It’s not that Kaeya hates Diluc or anything. Even if the other hates him, Kaeya still loves his older brother. It’s just, more so than not their conversations turn into arguments and Kaeya just doesn’t think he can take the yelling right now.
“Kaeya.”
Kaeya looks up at Diluc. He must’ve been trying to get Kaeya’s attention for awhile now if he’s dropped the honorific. Oops… “I’m sorry, Luc. What?”
Kaeya’s words only make Diluc’s frown deepen. “What the hell happened to you?”
Kaeya sighs, rubbing his temples. To top it all off he was starting to get a migraine. “Nothing. It’s just been a long day, Luc. Could I get my drink, please?”
Diluc stares at him a moment longer before going to make the drink. “Whatever.”
Kaeya eyes Diluc warily. Watching his brother’s hands move with impressive speed to make the drink. Normally Kaeya would be impressed, but today it makes him feel anxious. He does his best to take a deep breath but it’s too short and too shaky.
He tries to reassure himself. It’s Diluc for Barbatos’ sake! He’s just making a drink, his drink at that! Kaeya can see every movement he makes, he shouldn’t be freaking out!
Diluc places the drink in front of Kaeya. “Here you are, Sir Kaeya. One Death After Noon.”
Kaeya doesn’t trust his ability to talk at the moment so he settles for a shaky smile before taking a sip. The familiar taste hits his mouth and he relaxes just a teeny bit.
Kaeya tries to direct his attention elsewhere as he sips his drink. The sound of the music, the smell of his drink, anything but the thoughts spiraling in his head. And it works, at least enough to get him to breathe somewhat normally again.
It’s when Kaeya’s halfway through his glass where things start to go horribly wrong.
An arm snakes it’s way around Kaeya’s neck from behind, pulling the man into a very unwanted hug.
Kaeya’s whole body locks up, frozen in places for about five seconds…
“Well ‘ook! It’s my bud-“ the drunkard doesn’t even get the chance to finish his sentence before he’s lifted off the ground by his neck.
Kaeya holds the man in the air with one hand. His other clutches his sword as tightly as possible.
Kaeya can feel his whole body tremble with exertion. His chest burns and his eye is hot with tears that threaten to fall. But none of that matters! He has to protect himself! He can’t go through this again! He can’t-
“Kaeya!”
Kaeya whips his head towards the voice, eyes wide with fear.
Diluc had practically thrown himself over the bar to get to the two of them. He gently grabs Kaeya’s sword. “Put it down.”
Something about Diluc’s tone doesn’t leave much up for debate. And besides, Luc’s here, he’ll protect Kaeya… right?
Kaeya does trust him to…
Kaeya lowers his sword, as well as the poor fool who snuck up on him. The second he does his panic increases and he rushes over to Diluc.
•••
Diluc knows something is wrong the second he sees Kaeya. He looks like a mess.
Diluc’s frown deepens. His brother looks like he hasn’t slept in days, his hair is down and a mess. He’s caked in dirt and grime. He looks like he’s gone to hell and back and, oh god, is he limping? Why is he limping? What happened?
Kaeya sits down and the two stare at each other for a moment. Diluc’s worry threatens to boil over, he wants to ask Kaeya what happened but Kaeya speaks before he gets the chance.
“Death After Noon, please.” Kaeya’s words are quiet and his voice shakes at the end as he turns to stare at the table.
Alarms go off in Diluc’s head. Something is really wrong. “Sir Kaeya.”
No response.
Diluc’s eyebrows furrow in concern, had Kaeya not heard him? “Sir Kaeya.”
Still no response.
Diluc’s mind is beginning to jump to conclusions now. Maybe Kaeya’s really hurt, maybe he hit his head and is sporting a nasty concussion and that’s why he seems so out of it. The thought leaves a sour taste in Diluc’s mouth. “Kaeya.”
Kaeya looks up this time. Finally, he’d really been starting to scare Diluc. “I’m sorry, Luc. What?”
Diluc’s frown grows. Kaeya hasn’t called him that since they were kids. “What the hell happened to you?”
Kaeya sighs and goes to rub his temple. A headache? Maybe Diluc’s concussion theory wasn’t too far off… “Nothing. It’s just been a long day, Luc. Could I get my drink, please?”
Diluc stares at Kaeya. That’s the second time he’s used that nickname. Something clearly wasn’t right. But if something really is wrong, is it really Diluc’s place to try and help? He hasn’t exactly been a good brother as of recently. Kaeya has every right to not confide in Diluc. “Whatever,” Diluc decides to drop it. If he can’t help Kaeya with whatever’s wrong then he can at least make Kaeya his drink.
As Diluc makes the drink he notices the wary looks Kaeya gives him. It doesn’t sit right with Diluc seeing his brother this tense because of him. What even has Kaeya so worked up right now? Diluc isn’t sure. Maybe Kaeya really has just had a long day and it’s left him on edge?
Diluc realizes that he’s done with Kaeya’s drink. How did that happen? He places it in front of Kaeya, “here you are, Sir Kaeya. One Death After Noon.”
Kaeya offers Diluc a tiny smile before taking a sip.
Diluc notices Kaeya relax a tiny bit. It makes Diluc feel relieved. Maybe he was overreacting. Maybe Kaeya’s just had a stressful day and he needed a drink to relax.
As Diluc works to make orders he spares an occasional glance in Kaeya’s direction. His brother seems to be a little more relaxed than he was moments ago. It leaves Diluc feeling relieved…
That is until he spots movement in his peripheral.
Diluc turns away from his task to see a man, another knight Diluc notes, stumbling up from behind Kaeya. He opens his mouth to say something, maybe give Kaeya a heads up on the upcoming visitor, but he’s too late.
The wasted knight slings his arm around Kaeya, putting all of his weight onto the man.
Diluc watches his little brother go rigid, his entire body locking into place.
The drunkard slurs into Kaeya’s ear loudly. “Well ‘ook! It’s my bud-“
The next few moments happen in slow motion for Diluc.
Kaeya drops his drink, the glass rolling off the table before shattering to the floor. Then, in one swift movement, Kaeya grabs the man by the neck and lifts him in the air as he takes his sword out.
The entire bar is silent, all eyes are on the two.
Diluc stares at his brother. He notices how Kaeya trembles, and the way his chest heaves for air like he can’t get any oxygen in. His eye is wide and full of tears and his expression is nothing short of desperate and-
Oh god, how did Diluc not realize sooner?
Kaeya’s grip on both the man and his sword tightens. Diluc then springs into action.
“Kaeya!” Diluc jumps over the bar, not caring that he’s knocked over several bottles of alcohol.
Kaeya snaps to look at him. Now that they’re facing each other, Diluc can clearly see the fear and desperation etched onto his brother’s face. It makes Diluc’s chest tighten even more.
Diluc places his hand over Kaeya’s, hoping to ease the sword from Kaeya’s grasp. “Put it down.”
A moment passes before Kaeya drops both the sword and the drunkard.
A weight is lifted off of Diluc’s chest. That’s one problem down, now he just has to empty the tavern so he can deal with his brother. He turns to the crowd, “I am terribly sorry for the commotion, folks! I’m afraid we’ll have to close early for toda-“ he’s cut off short as something barrels into his side. He lets out a grunt, turning to see Kaeya latched to his side.
Diluc’s expression softens. How could he not notice how much his baby brother was struggling? He drapes an arm around Kaeya, immediately rubbing circles into his back before continuing to address the crowd. “As I was saying, the tavern will be closing early for the day. If you could go to Patton on your way out, you will be reimbursed for any inconveniences that may have occurred today.”
Within minutes the tavern is empty.
Diluc then turns to his brother, who still clings to him. “Hey, Kaeya,” Diluc’s tone is uncharacteristically soft.
It doesn’t surprise Diluc that Kaeya shows no sign of hearing him. He lets out a sigh, beginning to run his fingers through his brother’s hair…
Which apparently was the wrong thing to do.
Kaeya let’s out a shout in surprise before jumping away from Diluc. He takes a few shaky steps back before his legs give out and he hits the ground hard. He lets out another cry, grabbing at his shoulder.
Diluc panics a little, Kaeya’s fall shouldn’t have hurt his shoulder, so to top it all off Kaeya was injured…
His baby brother is hurting and all Diluc can do is stand there.
What happened? Diluc used to be so good at this. “Hey, Kae,” Diluc tried the old nickname out, it felt foreign on his tongue.
Kaeya looks up at Diluc, his eye overflowing with tears. “L-Luc?” Kaeya hiccups as he curls in on himself, his hand still on his shoulder.
Diluc gives him a sad smile. He takes a few slow steps towards Kaeya before sitting in front of him.
Kaeya buries his head in his knees, “I’m sorry!”
Diluc’s chest hurts. “What? Why are you sorry?”
“Because I made a scene,” Kaeya pauses in between his words, struggling to get air. “And it’s my fault and-“ a hiccup, “and you have to deal with this when I’m the last person you’d ever want to talk to!”
Diluc stares at Kaeya, sure it’s true that he made a scene, but in no way was this his fault. Anger flares in Diluc’s chest. “Look at me, Kae.”
Kaeya looks up just enough for his eye to meet Diluc’s.
“This is not your fault. There is absolutely nothing to apologize for.” Diluc pauses, finally processing what Kaeya’s last statement was. “And you are not the last person I’d ever want to talk to. That spot is reserved for Venti.”
Kaeya let’s out a weak laugh, “he does talk a lot.”
Diluc groans, “oh it’s constant ! At least you know when to stop pushing my buttons.”
Kaeya’s found his way out of his cocoon, his head fully out now. “It’s the little brother’s job to be annoying.” Upon realizing what he’d said Kaeya pales, shrinking further into himself as he looks away. “S-sorry.”
Diluc stares at him, suddenly feeling guilty. After all this time… Kaeya thinks that Diluc doesn’t consider him his brother…
…Diluc supposes that’s his fault.
“What are you sorry for?” Kaeya looks back to Diluc at that, eyes wide in surprise. “That’s what you are,” Diluc speaks before Kaeya has the chance to interrupt. “And as the older brother it’s my job to look out for you! Make room!” Diluc scoots to sit next to Kaeya.
The two sit in silence for awhile, Kaeya eventually leaning his head on Diluc’s shoulder.
Diluc stares at Kaeya, noticing just how worn out his baby brother looks. It’s been so long since Diluc’s seen Kaeya’s anxiety get as bad as it is right now. In fact, hadn’t the last time this happened when they were 15? This isn’t right, as far as Diluc knew Kaeya was doing better…
What changed?
“Hey, Kae?”
Kaeya hums in response.
“I thought you didn’t get panic attacks like this anymore?”
Kaeya shrugs, “dunno… they’ve been happening every two or so weeks.”
Guilt finds its way under Diluc’s skin again. Kaeya had been suffering like this alone? “Gods, I’m- I’m so sorry , Kae.”
Kaeya looks up at Diluc, frowning. “Why are you sorry?”
“I should’ve been there.”
“How could you have?” There’s disbelief in Kaeya’s voice, “you didn’t know. And besides, we haven’t exactly been on speaking terms lately.”
Diluc feels his guilt increase, he really did make his brother feel like he was alone, didn’t he? “I’m sorry. It’s my fault. You’ve always made some sort of effort to try and make things seem normal between us, and I always shut you out.”
Kaeya looks down. “It’s what I deserve,” his voice is quiet, barely above a whisper.
Diluc stares at Kaeya in disbelief, did he hear him right? Kaeya believes he deserved to go through that?
Kaeya looks at Diluc, frowning. “Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you’re blaming yourself.”
Diluc sighs, even after all these years, underneath that cocky facade is the same kindhearted little brother Diluc knew…
How could Diluc have hurt the person most important to him?
Diluc decides to change the subject, “what happened to your shoulder?”
Kaeya looks as if he’s thinking about something, “I don’t know.”
Diluc cocks an eyebrow, “really, you don’t know?”
Kaeya nods, “I was taking out a Hilichurl camp and a Mitachurl charged at charged at me and the next thing I know I wake up surrounded by ice.”
Diluc’s eyes widen, “a Mitachurl! That thing could’ve killed you!” He’s suddenly panicking at the possibility of his brother injured even worse than he thought. “Why in Barbatos would you think about fighting in this condition!?”
Kaeya shrugs, “I always do it. It’s a nice distraction.”
Diluc frowns, the thought of Kaeya regularly doing this left a sour taste in his mouth. “Next time this happens I want you to come to me.”
Kaeya stares at Diluc, his eye wide in shock. “Are you serious? I can’t just not go into work, Luc.”
“Yes, I’m serious. And I’m sure Jean would want the cavalry captain to take care of himself.”
“But-“
“No buts, Kaeya. From now on if you feel like this I want you to find me. I don’t care if I’m doing a thousand different things at the same time, you pull me aside and tell me, got it?”
Kaeya pouts, but nods all the same. He goes back to laying his head on Diluc’s shoulder.
The two sit in silence for a long time, neither is truly sure how much time has passed, it could’ve been hours.
Kaeya feels sleepy, his eye droops and threatens to slip closed but he can’t go to sleep. Every time he’s about to drift off a noise scares him awake leaving him to calm his racing heart.
At least Luc’s here with him. Even if they’re not on good terms his big brother still helps to ease his nerves.
Kaeya begins to think about today’s events, specifically to how Diluc has been. He’s not used to his older brother acting like he doesn’t hate his guts. It almost feels like how it was before. “Luc?”
“Yeah?” Diluc’s voice is uncharacteristically soft.
“Does this mean we’re good now?” Kaeya feels anxious, now that he’s said it out loud he dreads the answer. It’s unbearable living knowing your older brother hates you. Kaeya’s always feared that would never change, that they’d never make up.
Diluc sighs, “we’re not good.”
Kaeya’s heart sinks. Oh, so that’s it huh? This is just some fluke, then? This is just Diluc pitying him. It’s fine really, it’s what Kaeya had coming, he should’ve expected this answer, so why does it still hurt? Kaeya’s chest hurts, it makes it hard to breathe again.
“But… it’s a start.”
Relief fills Kaeya, suddenly feeling silly for getting worked up over nothing. He smiles his next words coming out quiet. “I’ll take it.”