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"What did you do?!"
"Cas?"
"Why would you do that?!"
"Cas!"
"How could you just throw your life away, Dean? After I sacrificed mine for you!" Cas roars, stalking closer and closer. His face betrays his feelings but Dean couldn't be happier to see him.
"Cas! Jack really... I- I missed you.”
“Does my sacrifice mean nothing to you?!” Cas grabs him, ready to strike. Poised to share his displeasure.
“Castiel! Of course it meant something! It meant… everything. You don’t understand.”
Castiel stares him down. Dean’s not sure when he ended up on his knees but he’s here now. He grips Cas’ sleeve, reminding him of when Cas was going to kill him. When he only managed to tell him he needed him, not what he meant. That he loved him. Loves him still.
“Then help me understand, Dean. I sacrificed myself, my grace, my wants and needs. Everytime. All to save you.”
“I’m sorry. You…”
Cas cuts him off. “I don’t want an apology. I did it of my own volition. I know you would choose me too. There are times when you probably wished you had killed me. But, Dean, when you have someone who thinks you’re worth every sacrifice, why would you just... throw away the gift they gave you?”
“Gift?”
“Yes, Dean. A gift. I gave you the chance to continue. To live. You said that gifts, you keep those. Why couldn’t you keep it, Dean? Why did you throw it away?”
Dean wants to say he’s angry, but all he can feel is the deep heartbreak. “You think living without you is a gift?”
Cas stares at him, hints of uncertainty flitting across the turbulent sea of his gaze. “You would’ve been fine, Dean. You had Sam and- and you would have found… someone nice to settle down with and get that apple pie life. The one you always secretly wanted.” His voice is quiet but firm. He believes that he meant so little. That anger he was searching for earlier hits him now.
“I would’ve been fine?! How can you say that, Cas?! If we were where we were when we first met, you’d be right. But now? You’re not the only one that was changed by this relationship! It’s been rocky between us but I like to think I’m a better, more honest man since meeting you. Because I met you. You’re… like the better half. I learned how to be better from you. We… I can’t exist without you. I’m just no good alone. We’re like peanut butter and jelly. I’m the jelly because peanut butter’s great. But… but that’s not the point. You think you’re worth so little to me. I haven’t always been the best at showing it, but you’re worth so much. You’re so good though and- and you should’ve walked away from me a long time ago. But I’m eternally grateful you didn’t because I need you, Cas. I need you like I need to breathe.”
Castiel watches him. Clearly stunned. He seems to shake himself, looking away to gather his thoughts before looking back down. The afternoon sun decides that now’s the time to shine behind Cas, making him look just as ethereal as he is. Dean takes a moment to appreciate the view, as it might be the last time he sees it. Castiel still looks kind of smitey.
“... Need me? For what, Dean? There’s no more hunts, no more apocalypse to stop. What purpose could I possibly serve?”
Dean can’t help the hysterical laugh that bubbles up. He can’t stop even as Cas frowns down at him. He laughs even as he feels like crying.
“What was funny about what I just said?” Cas looks ready to murder him again, he should probably explain that he’s not finding this funny.
“I- I just… Oh god, Cas… please. I… don’t mean it like that. I… mean it like, when someone just needs someone else. Not for any purpose, just need that person to be there. I… need- well, wanted you and it just hurt that I couldn’t… so I couldn’t…” He’s not sure when the laughs turned into sobs but the tears are falling hard, “I can’t live without you. I’m just not complete anymore. I grieve for you everytime. It hurts everytime. I was never fine until you came back. And when I was certain you weren’t coming back…”
His grip on Dean’s jacket loosens and for a minute, there’s the terror that Cas is finally just going to walk away and leave his sorry ass. Instead, Cas sinks to his knees in front of him, gripping his other lapel gently too. Dean heaves another sob, as he can’t seem to stop now, and grips his other sleeve too.
“Dean…”
“Hey, Cas. I’m so glad to see you. I missed you so much.”
Water wells in his best friend’s eyes. “I missed you too. But… Dean. You are so good on your own. I don’t think I’m… the better half. And you are whole without me.”
“I’m not. I’m not whole without you, Cas. It felt like a big chunk of my heart was ripped out. I need you. I want you. I… You can have me. You could’ve always had me. Because I- I love you too.” Dean chokes up, fresh tears flowing down. They search each other’s eyes. Blue eyes made more so both by the sunlight and the tears in his eyes. Green eyes full of just as much emotion. Cas’ chest heaves with a heavy sigh, like he just remembered to breathe, as his hands move from his lapels to cup his neck and jaw. Dean leans into the palm touching his face briefly before daring to press a kiss to it. Castiel’s eyes widened slightly.
Dean gives him a small smile while he scrutinizes his face carefully. Then, Cas leans forward, bringing his face close to his. Dean tilts toward him, inviting him to do what they’ve both wanted for a long time now. Castiel, serious as ever, leans forward those last few inches, closing the gap between them. Cas’ lips are perpetually chapped but damn if they don’t feel good against his. Dean carefully slides his hands down, resting them on his love’s hips. They kiss for what feels like forever. They pull back just enough to touch their foreheads together.
“We should probably stand up. We’re going to be hating life and our knees if we stay here much longer.” Dean chuckles, actually happy this time.
“There isn’t any pain here, Dean. But yes, we should probably stand.” Cas laughs quietly with him. They stand and look at the water briefly before Dean tugs on Cas’ lapel. When he turns towards him, Dean hugs his best friend tightly, holding each for longer than they ever did in life. It’s tender, something they both always craved but didn’t have the time or guts for. Now they have all eternity to do what they want together. And together they shall do it.