Chapter Text
With each step he took amidst the wetland, it seemed as though Eren was sinking lower and lower, as if there were sounds below the soil that the soles of his feet needed to hear. As if his soles had souls. With every kiss his boots made upon earth, they leaned in deeper, need growing, as if they could catch the sound in one fell swoop--failing when each boot rose up only to clap the ground again.
It was somewhere--the tree they sent Eren to find. A tree outside wall Maria. On it marked one of the old territories for expansion the scouts led by Shadis lost to the titans in 839. They could find it again; they could find many things again. That’s how it was now. They got Wall Maria back and its surrounding territories, reintroducing themselves or, for most, introducing themselves for the first time to new land. In other words, more space to bury the fallen. Kids burying parents, parents burying kids; commanders burying soldiers, soldiers burying commanders. Decay, decay, decay, expand, grow, decay.
Perhaps those were the sounds.
He had to do four things here. One, find the tree with “KS, GD, IIII” engraved on it. Two, re-mark and describe the location on the map. Three, search for any leftover belongings. Four, erect a flag so that the corps can return to it. They were going to build a watchtower.
Due to the fall of Wall Maria, the records of Shadis’ external bases were either lost or crushed into the very nothingness that is titan flesh, by titan flesh. The only avenue left to remember, vaguely, where the squads had laid temporary siege was through memory. Shadis was the only survivor left among those who went on his missions, ensuring this after leaving himself behind; abdicating the throne. All his soldiers who continued fighting, who would have shared some of that memory too, died in the timeline. The long widened timeline of success and failure, winding round and round, hugging grieving families like an amphibian tongue, catching tears like they do flies.
After the success of the Shiganshina mission, the corps was able to go beyond Wall Maria once again, and decided to find those bases from long ago and lay siege to them first --to honor those who never dreamed it so. Hange petitioned Shadis to recall any locations, however accurate. In truth, that’s the least he could have done after having kept secrets related to Grisha Jaeger. Thus, with an outer security perimeter to make sure they stayed within, the scouts were spread out to find them, or, what was left of them.
Although it would make his travels easier, Eren wasn’t allowed to transform here, especially when not ordered to, which would only happen under dire circumstances such as a foreign aggressor. The reason being: the island had grown. Marleyan volunteers and Azumabitos aided the island’s intellectual development. With that, they had learned the importance of a stable ecosystem and the level of disruption Titan activity had on forestry. The Female Titan and Attack Titan’s brawl in the Forest of Giant Trees back in 850 took out several hundred species of insects and damaged a considerable portion of plant life, causing an imbalanced food chain-- from which it is still recovering. Should he, in this wetland, transform for convenience, he’d likely be jailed and put the Survey Corps’ custody of him in jeopardy.
He stays in human form.
Large swaying trees are above him. Eren looks up to what isn’t crown shyness. Outer branches of the trees tangle within each other and dance to one of the wind’s natural compositions. They weren’t shy here; they’ve never been. His long hair whips around his face, covering his already squinting eyes as he paces, circling tree trunks, sludging through the marsh. Green all around him.
“Eren, come home”
“Go fly, somewhere, far away,”
“Someday you won’t see them anymore. Don’t wait and live with regret”
“It’s because of the sunset; everyone’s red now”
Memories, future, and past, swirl inside his head. Guilt and confusion bubble, boil, and burst. He’s alone, knows he’ll be alone, will make himself alone, and stay alone, but he still feels. He agonizes for what he’s been shown he will do; the devastation he will bring. He thinks maybe it’s better to be alone, for no one to be near him, as if his very being is infectious. This always happened when he was alone: the self-depreciation, the self-loathing, the doubt. His hands glaze over tall grass, touching, feeling, reveling in the senses that the terrain provides. He recognizes a plant, something he might have seen in one of Armin's books. It's deep green with a thick stalk. He remembers that the stalk can be peeled off and eaten. It's a bit sweet, he relishes and looks to the sky.
It showered lightly in the morning, as it did most days when the island greeted winter. It’s cloudy now and tinges the greenery around him grey. He eventually reaches down to tuck in his pants which, with excessive movement, had bellowed out from his boots like muffins. It’s when he does that, that he sees it. The light in his periphery. A long ways away.
The clouds opened up in such a way that a small ray of light was able to shine through the trees, in one place, as if the heavens were sending someone down, or someone up.
As he inches closer, steady, in awe of its brightness, in awe of how the light makes the puddle beneath it shimmer cascading yellows, he sees something materialize. He sees someone materialize. Right in the center of it.
“mom?”
“mom...”
“oh...mom”
Carla stands a distance away, arms outstretched nodding as if encouraging him to come forward. She’s in what he’s always known: long sleeve blouse, white apron, burgundy skirt.
“Eren...come here honey….come on... you got it”
He reaches a hand out as if he were only an arm’s distance away. He’s walking faster, almost running now, sashaying through bull tongues and cattails, wanting to swim if it were deep enough, if it would make him fast enough.
It’s his mother, and it hurts. The love he lost, the comfort, the home, the kindness. Gone so long ago within an instant. Nowhere buried, nowhere burned, body taken. Yet he can see her now, see the start of his grief in light, in brightness, in color in---
He falls, hands and knees sunken and wet. He crawls then stops, looking down at the water. He stares at whatever the water decides to show him. Some boy in the water, looking at him.
“What do you see?”
He doesn’t answer. She doesn’t ask again.
“Mom I’m so tired. I do-n’t know what to do. Tell me--" his hands collapse and he’s on his forearms, “--what to do,” the tips of his hair lightly brush the surface of the water as he looks down, “the future--the future for me is--”
She gasps and he looks up. She has kneeled down to meet his level. Smiling. Fingertips curling and uncurling, gesturing his arrival.
“It’s dirty you-you’ll get soaked 'cause th-there’s water and your skirt--don’t do that”
Water had poured into his boots when he fell; if he were to stand now he’d be even slower, carrying water with him. Carrying. Carrying. Carrying. All he does is carry.
He doesn’t stand; he can’t stand. He remains on his knees.
“I’m dirty. if I--if I come to you, I’ll ruin your clothes. Is th-that okay?”
They’re still curling, uncurling.
“I’m coming, wait for me-please” and he’s on his hands again. “Mikasa and Armin… they’re okay right now-they’re...I--”
With a burst, something comes out of him; a phantom pain follows. It’s a body, a small body, waddling fast. The little boy teeters, stops, stabilizes then starts waddling faster than before. He falls into Carla’s arms.
“You saw me from all the way over there didn’t you Eren? You saw me huh didn’t you? you walked so well. Didn’t he?”
Then a voice came from deep within his gut
“Yes, he did.”
His old man’s memory.
Eren’s head surrenders to the water.
It is then that he is yanked from it and thrown back into the tree to his right, face kicked in and bashed thrice with what feels like a fist full of rocks. He cries out in shock. Bleeding.
He can’t see; everything’s blurry. A large branch comes from behind the tree, wraps around him, and gets pulled back against his neck. His hands shoot up to meet it. Pushing out, he fights against the pull. Immovable, unstoppable-- the two forces at his neck. He struggles to breathe.
“Heal” a voice commands him from the front.
“Heal!” and it’s louder
Eren coughs and chokes and coughs and chokes. He then raises his eyes up enough to catch a face. Eyes, still blurry, unable to make it out.
He concludes it’s some man and he doesn’t sound like a foreigner.
“Eren” and it’s his mom again. She’s still here.
“Jaeger,” it’s the stranger.
If he transforms and injures them, even if they are the aggressors, he’ll be jailed. Custody most likely lost. Worse if they’re killed. The council will never believe the Founding Titan’s life was put in danger by citizens, let alone believe that citizens would even try to hurt him. He doesn’t have the mental or physical strength to transform anyway.
He then hears his baby self giggle and his father’s laugh from within him. Carla stands up, rocking baby Eren back and forth in her arms. The violent stimulus hadn’t taken this memory away. It’s still there, alive and breathing.
His side is kicked, he cries out again. There’s a clear and present danger, and he’s confused.
He doesn’t have a future memory of this, no indicator, no hint. He still hasn’t figured out how it all works. His future memories tell him he’ll survive this; he just doesn’t know how this, in particular, will end. Something may happen to where he transforms, or he may never. If he does he’ll simply write it into history, and that’s always what was meant to happen...or he doesn’t and that’s that. It’s up to him.
“I love you Eren, you know that right?”
He doesn’t want to transform; it’s not worth it.
Then he realizes something. He realizes that they must not think he’ll transform either; it would be foolish to try to beat and batter the Founding Titan who, in one blow, could end a life. There’s trust. They know that if he transforms to attack, even to run away, he’ll be behind bars and the scouts may lose custody. Both the assaulter and assaulted are aware of this. Even still, he can’t rationalize why they’re able to be so brave in such close proximity to a shifter, even if the shifter will pay the price for it. He questions their sobriety.
He’s then kneed in the stomach, blood spilling from his mouth as he’s told to heal once more.
“Heal so he can break ya’again,” and this time it’s the person behind him.
He wonders why he isn’t healing. He wonders if it’s in unconscious defiance of the man’s command or if he simply can’t because he doesn’t have the strength. That, or, and what is the truth, he doesn’t have the will.
“You’re going…,”
it’s Carla and she’s helping his baby self burp.
A foot stomps on his left thigh.
“...to grow up to be…”
The man balances on that thigh and repeatedly kicks into his calf with the other foot, hand holding the tree to steady his blows.
“... such a good boy..”
Face bashed in again.
“... my son...”
again.
“who is perfect and doesn’t need to be special.”
again.
Would his mother help him now? In this bloodied state? If she knew everything? He doesn’t know. Would she even hold him, his baby self, cradle him like that, with the knowledge of who he’d later become? He doesn’t have an answer to give himself.
Red in the face, Eren sat there taking it, wondering why someone like him should even heal when he could be judged instead. Punished. Deserving of pain. For the future, for the past, for being the reason why the person in front and back of him is angry even if he doesn’t know why. They want him to hurt. To heal, then hurt again. As far as hurt goes, it doesn’t hurt Eren as much as it would a normal person, but it still does hurt. He wonders if he isn’t properly being judged because he can’t fully feel the pain.
Looking up again, he tries to catch details of the man’s face this time, eyes now clearer. His dad’s memory, long gone.
Big bright eyes. Blue. Juxtaposed with dark hair. As Eren observes his skin, his teeth as he grits them and his hairline, he realizes the man isn’t a man at all. He’s just a boy. One around his age at that. Is the one behind him just a boy too? Are they all youth?
“Who did it. You or the girl? Or was it both?” A question for him.
He doesn’t know what this means. He doesn’t know what 'girl' they’re talking about and wonders why they don’t know who, out of the two of them, had done whatever it is.
His eyes look down towards the branch at his neck which he can barely even see, hoping the boy before him understands that he 's unable to speak even if he wanted to.
The person behind, seeming to know this, loosens the pull but keeps the branch against his neck. The boy in front must have made a signal. He coughs up blood.
“No…no... I don’t know”
“My father.”
He doesn’t know what father he’s supposed to know about.
“That night. 844”
“844?”
“844.”
Eight
Four
Four
Eight-forty-four
Eighty-forty-eight-forty-four-eighty
The year enters and registers. He remembers that year.
“Your father,” he says out loud with a choked breath, as if it would jog a memory.
The clouds make way for the sun. It’s brighter in the area now. He doesn’t remember where the single ray was; they’re everywhere in blotches.
“Look at me,” Eren didn’t realize he had looked away. He looks back up. The sunshine allows him to get a better look at his face. A mole protrudes out of the boy's left temple.
Eren’s hair, still wet from previously dunking it, moves all around as he is hit. Blood escapes from his lips, coats his hair, the hair goes into his mouth, then back out for blood to coat it again. He's losing and consuming his own blood.
“Three men. The two of you. My father was one of them”
Oh.
Them.
One of those animals was a parent?
“They were kidnappers, he was a kidnapper,” he manages to spit.
“Liar!”
Eren’s jaw is grabbed.
“Don’t lie on my father’s name!”
“I’m not” Eren says looking straight at him. He never knew any of the men had a son. Not that he cared anyway, or anyone for that matter. They hunted and killed; hunted and sold. Women and children. One would think a parent of all people would have, at a minimum, the slightest bit of empathy when it comes to endangering children. That isn’t the case; it never was. Parents of children are evil too. They can and will be evil, and can and will take advantage of the fact that no one suspects parents to harbor this evil.
Of course his father would have hidden it from him. Though, Eren wonders why the son still hadn’t known; it had been years. If he was too young when he died to have been told, by now he would’ve found out.
“Which one of you was it. There were three men. Which one of you killed the man with brown hair, widow’s peak...tall”
Brown hair… widow’s peak...tall. As he looks at the son before him, breathing inhibited, he remembers that same choking feeling that night. In 844. The father of the son had choked him. Father of the son. Brown hair. Widow’s peak. Tall.
Mikasa killed that one, to save them.
“I killed them all,” he takes a breath, “all of them.” Eren makes direct eye contact with him. “It was me…”
The boy searches for truth within Eren’s eyes, within his voice. He turns towards his lackey. Eren continues.
“...she didn’t kill anyone. They were traffickers, your father was a trafficker. They killed her parents and were going to take her away. I killed him...all of them.”
Yes, he had killed them. All three. He spoke this into existence. He hopes he is believed. With the evergrowing disdain the son in front of him has on behalf of his father, Eren is grateful he is the one facing this wrath and not Mikasa. If he could just keep him here and figure this out, maybe--
“Don’t lie to me!” he says, fists clenching, unclenching, preparing for another blow.
Eren remembers. “Records… there are records...defense… trafficking...it says it all”
He then remembers that the records say that she did kill one man. Does it specify? He decides that he’ll just say the MP’s got it all wrong. All wrong. All wrong. Everyone has it all wrong.
“The records are gone, and even if they weren’t, whatever’s written’s just another nasty MP coverup. I wanna know what really happened.”
Gone?
“No...the records…they must be--”
“I said they’re gone! Are you deaf?” He pushes Eren’s head back into the tree by the jaw; bark digging into his scalp.
“My guess is your father was involved. That damned doctor. Psuedo scientist. Brought his foreign magic over here. Tell me I’m wrong.”
“You’re wro-”
“Wrong!” Jaw shoved in again. He’s losing consciousness.
The Military Police had brought up the incident when Eren was summoned to court after his Trost mission. He specifically remembers Nile Dok with a paper in his hand, describing the crimes he and Mikasa had committed-- in order to deem her testimony unreliable. He then sorts out the timeline. His court hearing was after the fall of Wall Maria and after Trost; it was because of Trost that he was summoned to court in the first place, so they still had the records by that time. Stohess comes next. Eren thinks about the possibility of the records getting destroyed during the Assault on Stohess. He doubts it. Someone must have lied to him, he concludes. Why is the question.
Why. Why now, why after all this time, all these years. He wonders.
His knuckles are white from squeezing the branch for so long. He doesn’t know if the blood pooling on the flesh between his thumb and forefinger, trickling to the tips of his thumbs, is from the open wounds on his palms or from the drips falling from his chin. The blood in that area looks familiar to him; he bites his hand there.
A churchbell rings. The starlings that were resting on the trees above them, watching the encounter, lift as if awakened, and form a shadow in the sky. A murmuration.
“Dude...we… we gotta go man.” The one behind him, who had only said one other thing the whole time, said this.
A chime of the East Maria churchbell indicated that the end of an hour had come. Eren was due back. It seemed as if they were due somewhere too.
One hand lets go of the branch and it dips a little as it’s pulled back around the side of the trunk from which it came. Eren releases his hands, exhaling fervently.
Able to access his jacket collar now, which had been obstructed by the choking, the son grabs it. “Imma find out...if it--”
“Come on man… come on!” Eren looks around the tree to take a look at the choker beckoning the son. He needs to remember both faces. He’s young too. The choker turns away from him as if he knew what Eren was trying to do and takes off running, dragging then abandoning the bloodied branch. He turns back around though, to say “Greg, come on!” through gritted teeth which allows Eren to catch more of his face until he goes back to scurrying through the marsh. He got something else too.
A name.
The son, Greg, follows.
“I killed him! Not her,” Eren manages to yell after registering that the choker revealed a name. He needed to get that through their heads. If he had a chance to make only one thing be understood, it would be that just now.
Mikasa didn’t kill him.
...even if she did.
***
With each running step he took amidst the wetland, it seemed as though Eren was sinking lower and lower. Lower than before. He stops and empties each boot before putting them back on. He wonders if that was the right decision, but he is able to run faster now and rises to that occasion.
Shoving past the forage, he spots the very tip of the Survey Corps base; it’s atop a mountain.
“You wait at the base of the mountain.
.
.
.
...do you understand me, Eren?”
He runs, just as he had run that day in 844. One thing on his mind both times:
Where is she?
____________________
Eren was steaming by the time he made it up the hill. Not in rage or anger, but in healing. He had begun to heal as he thought about finding her, needing to know she was somewhere safe and hadn’t left or didn’t plan on leaving to where she may run into the assaulters. For that, he needed to be strong. Eren knew that Mikasa would make it past this, he had seen her in what he thinks is Marley from his future memories and also sees a later her in a mountainous region, but there was no telling whether she would get injured in between then and now. Physical injury aside, future memories couldn't tell him about how people felt inside. There was a strong possibility that this would affect her psychologically; it was inevitable, really. Her past trauma had a descendent.
He barreled through the door, forgetting the small step upwards, and tripped onto the wooden flooring. Looking up having heard footsteps, he saw a pair of small shoes before him. He implored, having already identified the individual by those footsteps.
“Mikasa. Where is she?”
“Get up. You look like a farm animal,” Levi said as he stood with a broom in hand. He was tidying up it seemed, not all-out cleaning given he was wearing his squad leader uniform.
“Is she here? She wasn’t assigned a base. She’s not roaming anywhere right? Did someone come, ask for her?” Given the fact that Greg had asked if it was him or Mikasa, it told him that Mikasa must've not encountered him, but that didn’t mean that he couldn’t have attempted to look for her before he looked for him.
He was told then that she was in a meeting with Kiyomi taking place upstairs, and had helped him clean earlier before said arrival. The rest of the 104th were all assigned to find old territories, and surprisingly Eren was the first one back. Though that was because they had given him the one closest to the base due to the fact that he was the founder.
Levi asked why Eren was in such a hurry to see her, not before asking why his body was in the state that it was in. He would have heard at least the transformation if not his Titan roar. Even if no transformation was involved, it was just strange to him that Eren had been injured, and even stranger that he hadn’t been fully healed by the time he returned. He would have heard an assault if it happened nearby and, only in that case, would it have made sense for him to still be healing.
That day, when Nile had exposed Eren and Mikasa’s past to the court, Levi was there. He had heard what went down, the tragedy of Mikasa’s parents, the avoided tragedy of Mikasa’s fate, and the violence they had to commit in order to change that fate. He was protective over them, even if he didn’t show it. So when Eren told him that one of the kidnappers had a son and was responsible for the injuries Eren was now healing from, out there loose, still a threat, he didn’t doubt Eren one bit. He was believed; urgency understood.
They sat at the table as Eren recounted the event, about how the son wanted to know the killer, the violence they put him through and described, to the best of his abilities, their faces.
“A name? Any names?”
“Greg.”
“Greg?”
“Yes, Greg, yes. I don’t know if it’s a nickname. It could be Gregory. The other one, I don’t know.”
“Should they be looking for bloody faces?”
“No...no… I told you I didn’t fight back at all. But who knows what they’ll get into between now and whenever they’re found. They could be bloody by that time.”
Levi called for subordinates to send out a search party after Eren later told him they escaped to the east at the sound of the bell. For the past several minutes of recalling the story, he was trying to remember whether they went east or west. He couldn’t remember for the life of him at first, then he called to mind that the eastern bell had rung which was the direction they ran towards. Levi didn’t wait to hear the rest of the details before sending out the crew, assuming the fugitives planned on passing through an inner wall, blending into the crowds. Eren thought this was best as well; they needed to be found as quickly as possible.
“So which one of you did it? What did you tell him?”
“Mikasa… killed him. He described the man and...it’s the one she killed.” Levi’s eyes widened, wondering if that was the answer to both questions.
“I told him I killed them all.”
Levi didn’t know what to think of the lie at first. A lie in the long run often turned into larger predicaments, but if it saved someone from harm, in exchange for said predicament, even Levi himself would lie. Eren would’ve never told the son it was Mikasa, no matter how much trouble it would have caused in the future, as long as all of that trouble was kept as far away from Mikasa as possible. He’d do it even if it killed him. Levi knew this as did everyone. I may be a monster but she has nothing to do with it.
“Why didn’t you just say you killed his father instead of saying all three? You said he only asked about one man.”
“There was a strong possibility that, if the other kidnappers had relatives or friends, Greg was aware and in contact with them. If I even implied or made it seem like Mikasa had killed, even if it wasn’t his father in particular, someone else might want to seek her out for vengeance.”
Levi followed Eren’s line of logic and realized he was completely right. They had to consider the other kidnappers too; specifically, who they were survived by. He was surprised Eren was able to make a proper judgment call in such a stressful situation. He then wondered how he’d break all of it down to Mikasa.
Before he was able to ask, however, they descended down the staircase: Mikasa, Kiyomi, and the pair of MP guards that had stood outside of the room in which the two had met.
Levi looked at Eren and Eren understood. He looked completely busted. If he were to be seen by Kiyomi in this state, it wouldn't be a good look for the island. He was still wet, dirty, and bruised, the founding Titan at that. Eren also had to consider Mikasa; he didn’t want her to see him like that, though he also didn’t want to lie about the violence the son and his friend was able to cause. He wanted Mikasa to understand that they were dangerous, but not in a way that would put the attention on himself, but to let her know the potential violence they could inflict on her. It was a moot thought, though, since Mikasa thought about everyone but herself. He thus prepared for her inevitable worry as he scurried off to the bathroom on the ground floor, to hide from Kiyomi and wash and dry himself as much as he could.
As they descended the stairs, Levi stood up and bowed.
“Mrs. Kiyomi”
“Captain Levi”
Mikasa bid her adieus as the guards escorted Kiyomi off the premises to take her back to the quarters they had prepared for her stay. Usually, Kiyomi would have meetings with individuals in the government building by the port to feign professionalism; however, Kiyomi, taking an interest in Mikasa and her lifestyle, requested to meet with her in places she would normally be. Paradis wasn’t aware that Kiyomi didn’t care all that much about professionalism as long as business was getting done. She had met with Zeke in a filthy abandoned building to discuss the interest-piquing ice burst stone. Regardless, the island wanted to make themselves look good. The capital thus made extra accommodations to ensure Kiyomi’s safety traveling to and from the survey corps base.
“I thought I heard Eren, is he here?” She wanted to see him and tell him about what she and Kiyomi had spoken about in the meeting.
A thump was heard from the bathroom, something had fallen out from one of the cupboards as Eren opened it. He cursed to himself. Though, he rationalized that the sooner he was able to speak to her the better. Mikasa followed the sound. Not just the sound but the footprints. Blotches of soil and water patterned the floor. Mikasa was surprised to see them given Levi’s penchant for cleanliness. Levi had noticed it but had immediately forgotten when Eren began the story. He also never even thought about Eren’s mission which he had failed to carry out. It didn’t matter anymore.
“Eren, how was your--”
She gasped, shocked at his state, and rushed towards him, turning him around.
“Eren what happened? Are you okay?” Her hands rushed over his face and hair, caressing his closed and healing wounds that steamed as if he had just taken a shower. She then looks down at his attire which he had tried to clean.
All he could do was look at her, thinking about everything at once. Then he hugged her tightly, internally scolding himself for getting her dirty and wet by doing this.
“I have to tell you something,” he said in her ear.
She still had to process the hug. She wasn’t expecting it, and her hands struggled to find a place to rest on his body. Then it processed. A hug was a good thing, but coupled with his appearance and words, it told her it wasn’t good at all.
“Eren what happened? Tell me… did someone hurt you?”
As Eren released his arms that were wrapped around her waist, Mikasa held his shoulders in place, staring at his face again.
He took a deep breath. “That day…that night…when it all happened...”
Eren told her all of which he had told Levi, not going too much into detail about the torture. Her hands had let go of his shoulders as she consumed it. She was silent. He walked her back to the room with Levi, which let her know that he was aware of the situation and knew all of the same information. The muscles on her head pumped, it had started again. The headaches. She winced in pain and looked down. Eren noticed this.
“I’m sorry... I’m so sorry Mikasa.” His apology was for everything. All she had to go through, for it being brought back up now. Everything, just everything. He sat her down at the table, drew in a chair for himself, and pulled her body towards him. She leaned into his chest, palms against her forhead. Eren’s hand that was around her shoulder pulling her in went to her temple and massaged it.
Several emotions circled within Mikasa. She was grieving once again for her parents, angry at the kidnappers for killing them, scared at the thought of them taking her, which then led to her and Eren having to kill. She was angry at the two sons for having hurt Eren and for Eren having to lie about who he had killed. She wished she were there to protect him, for them to have handled it together, so he didn’t have to lie. Though, she didn’t know how she would have dealt with all of a sudden having her past come back to her in such a way, especially if a mere retelling of events could get her to have intense headaches as she had now.
Then her negative emotions became a bit assuaged as she thought about the fact that Eren was safe with her there and people were out looking for the boys. She was also glad that Levi was there with them, being someone trustworthy who was, aside from Eren, the next closest living person to her who could understand parts of her past.
Mikasa experienced her parents' death and the subsequent kidnapping alone, which was something she personally had to work through; Eren and Levi couldn’t relate to those specific experiences, they were neither there nor hunted. However, they did have adjacent experiences, to which they all, mostly in an unspoken way, saught comfort in knowing each other could empathize with. This situation made it so that they’d have to speak about it with each other more; which in the long run would be much needed.
Eren never saw Mikasa’s parents get murdered, nor was he there for her capture, and neither could he fully understand what it's like to be hunted because of one's blood. However, he had seen her parents' lifeless bodies on the ground and knew she had been taken. He had searched for her and they had both killed to save each other. This was an experience they shared ending with Eren giving a piece of himself to her, something red, and opening up his home. It helped her heal from some of the pain for which she would be forever grateful. Having a home to share after such an event meant not having to feel constant loss despite having experienced great amounts of it.
As for Levi, he knew what it was like in the underground, his own mother having lived the kind of fate Mikasa had almost been subjected to; and while it was a different bloodline, it was one Mikasa also shared. That difference in their bloodlines, though, actually protected Levi. While it meant slicing off a piece of his identity, he was able to dissociate himself from his blood by not taking on his last name. When it came to Mikasa’s Asian heritage, however, a stripped last name wouldn’t have the same effect. Her phenotype gave it away; she couldn't hide from it. So although Mikasa was at times skeptical about Kiyomi’s intentions, she was glad to have someone there who looked like her.
Mikasa thought and thought, eyes closing as she felt Eren’s thumb go back and forth on her temple. She sat up.
“I just don’t get it. A son searching for his father’s killer, yes. But...who knows he was a...trafficker and murderer?”
It was then that Eren realized he had forgotten to mention one of the more important details. He was too caught up in the crux of the general situation-- kidnapper had a son, son looking for killer or killers, might have looked or will look for Mikasa--that he forgot to bring up the fact that the son was completely misinformed in the first place. The reason for his vengeance was not only on account of the fact that his father was killed but also the fact that the son didn’t know that his life was taken for a reason. He believed his father was innocent, having no idea that he and the two other men worked for a trafficking ring, killed Mikasa’s parents and kidnapped Mikasa. He didn’t believe it when he was told either.
“The records, shoot the records. The records oh my god. He had no idea who his father was because the records are… they’re gone. I tried to tell him but he didn’t believe me.”
“Gone?” Her eyes widened.
Levi looked up. “What do you mean gone?”
“I don’t know. Maybe lost or destroyed. It was supposed to have been in the MP’s possession no? They...they used it in court that one time.”
Levi and Mikasa nodded in recollection.
“Someone would have had to remember the incident at least. It’s well known within the MPs since it involves you, the Founding Titan, and you, one of our strongest soldiers. Someone would've just told him, the MPs are loudmouths anyway, and they had already brought it up in court.”
“Do you think there’s something going on?” Mikasa questioned, looking between Eren and Levi.
“I don’t know. It’s just...what would be the reason for that. Why hide something like that.”
“I think there’s something going on,” Levi said, looking away from Eren and Mikasa.
Neither Mikasa nor Eren was surprised at Levi, in particular, saying this, nor were they surprised at the idea of the MPs doing something strange. The possibility that it was simply lost did linger in their minds, but the notion that something else was going on with the Military police wasn't a total shock. Eren, Mikasa, and the rest of the 104th were aware of the tensions between the Military Police and the Survey Corps. It was a tale as old as time. For years the Brigade advocated for more funding to be given to them rather than the Survey Corps and Garrison; especially the Survey Corps. They exacerbated the citizens who believed that scouting missions were a waste of tax money by parroting the notion themselves. However, after the successful Trost mission, the smack talk from citizens lessened... and the funding for the scouts increased. This didn't bode well with the Military Police, even if it would save their lives in the long run. Aside from funding, the MP's were still spiteful over their soldiers being used for Erwin Smith's mission to retrieve Eren Jaeger which cost them many soldiers. This contention had only gotten worse when the volunteers and Azumabitos came to the island; many decisions had to be made together with oversight. All in all, the Military Police became less and less trustworthy, even within their ranks; the interior MIlitary Police had kept secrets before and would do it again.
“The search party… are military police right…” Mikasa whispered as if lamenting the fact that the situation seemed to get worse upon that realization.
“Typically yes, since the survey corps don’t enforce the law...but I sent out corps members since they were here and since the issue involves its members. But the procedure is for them to inform the MP’s eventually. What they probably did was split up, one group searches for the two, the other group informs the MPs to join said group.”
At this, Armin, Jean, Sasha and Connie enter. They were all in the same general area and were able to meet up to head back.
“Hey guys, we’re back,” Armin says as they all take off their boots by the door. “We saw a bunch of corps members out there, who're they looking for? They asked us if we had seen two guys?...guys?”
Eren and Mikasa had put their heads down. They were exhausted from working through the whole situation, feeling worried, scared, and vulnerable. Eren was fully healed by now but he was still dirty, and the group could sense the tense air. The two of them were glad, though, that Armin and all of them had run into the search party instead of the guys. It was a small worry they had in the back of their minds, though it would show true desperation on Greg and his friend’s part to confront people who had nothing to do with the situation. Especially since the second boy tried to hide his face, indicating that they were aware that they would be reported eventually. Giving away their faces to anyone else would have been unintelligent.
Mikasa didn’t want to be the one to explain; she couldn’t. Eren and Levi both knew this. Levi ended up recounting the whole thing, not wanting Eren to have to explain it for the third time. Mikasa didn’t want Eren to have to retell the event either and was grateful to Levi for that.
As Levi explained the situation to the rest of the 104th, Eren and Mikasa returned closer and closer to each other from when Mikasa had sat up after asking the question about Greg. She looked down at the scarf on her neck, secured it even more, and placed her hands in Eren’s. They were cold. He enclosed his palms around them and rubbed back and forth creating warmth.
Out of Armin, Jean, Connie, and Sasha, Armin was the one who knew the most about their past. He was told a little bit about it when he inevitably asked Eren why there was a girl in his house. He was also there in court that day when Nile read the report. Besides that, Mikasa had also spoken to Armin about her past to comfort him after he had killed Kenny’s crewmate in order to save Jean. All in all, Armin was heartbroken that they had to revisit their past in this way, if at all. It was as if they were being haunted. Though, as he looked at them, all close and affectionate at the table, he was so glad they had each other.
Jean, Connie, and Sasha had known most of what happened, but not all the details. All of them were shocked, to say the least, and feared for Eren and Mikasa’s safety, wishing they were there earlier.
They were all sitting around the table now. Armin contemplates. “So...if he didn’t know who his father was, what does he believe happened? Did he think you guys killed him just because?”
“I don’t know. He--he mentioned my dad and his medicine, but it didn’t make any sense. I have no idea what he was trying to imply with that.”
“Why didn’t you fight back?” This was Jean. It was a question they had all thought about. Anyone would fight back in his situation, but for Eren especially, and even more so with him being a Titan, they expected, if not for him to transform, for him to at least put up a fight.
Eren thought back to when it all happened. That memory. It had distracted him. He had never experienced his memories in a mirage-like manner before; it was strange and intense. With an overwhelmed mind, he felt he deserved the cruelty. With a clearer mind now, he thought about the idea that he was driven to the point of vulnerability and masochism, wondering why. Little did he know it was the plant he had just eaten before it, which had hallucinogenic properties hidden within its sweetness, as did many plants in the wetland, and caused that out-of-body live memory experience.
“I was caught off guard. I had a headache.” Mikasa looked at him, concerned. He mouthed I’m okay now in a way where only she saw.
“...and getting physical wouldn’t have answered their questions. It would just get me in trouble.” Maybe a younger more impulsive Eren would have been reckless enough to transform but Eren as he was now was a lot more perceptive and had mellowed out after everything--knowledge of the outside world; future memories. He knew a future him would make bad decisions after bad decisions and wanted to make the time he had left with his friends as problem-free as possible. Though, the situation now didn’t help.
Mikasa didn’t know how to feel about him not defending himself. While she knew that things definitely could have escalated, she hated having seen Eren in the horrible state that he was.
Right then, two Survey Corps Members stumbled through the door announcing three things. One, Greg and his friend had been caught. Two, they were going to be held overnight at the Military Police holding cells. Three, Darius Zackly and members of the Interior Military Police called them all in for a meeting the next day, including the assailants.
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Commander Keith Shadis; Squad Leader Gerald Domine [Deceased]; Four Squadmates [Deceased]. 839
KS, GD, IIII