Work Text:
"ENTRY 1: November 29th, 2020
Let me start out by saying everything is going to shit. I mean everything. I joined this SMP thinking things were going to be fun, I never expected any of the events that have happened in these past few months.
At 16 I fought my first war.
It all started with my discs, which got stolen from me by Dream, my prized possessions just stolen by the same stupid man who wants me exiled now, the same stupid man who didn't want L'Manburg to have freedom, the same stupid man who gave my brother TNT to blow up L'Manburg, hopefully if I'm exiled I never have to see his stupid face ever again.
When my brother Wilbur joined the SMP, he decided to start a new nation, he recruited me, Tubbo, Fundy, and Eret to start this new nation, it was just us at the beginning. Dream didn't want us to have freedom in our nation that we had decided to call L'Manburg, he didn't want to call us a real nation. All of us decided to have a revolution, this revolution did not go well though, we lost. I guess it was kind of my fault, wasn't it? I had a duel with Dream for the independence of our country and I lost. I decided to give my discs away to Dream to get freedom for our nation. We did get freedom for our nation, but that didn't last as long as we would have wanted it to.
Wilbur then wanted to hold an election for president, he was currently the president, but he wanted to run again. At first, he was just going to run by himself and only have him as the option for president, so he would inevitably win, but then Quackity joined the election with his running mate George, followed by Fundy and Niki, and lastly JSchlatt. We practically won, at first I really thought that we had won, me and Wilbur, but Quackity had actually decided to merge his votes with JSchlatt, so he and JSchlatt ended up winning.
You wanna know what happened next? Wilbur and I got exiled. We got sent away from a country that we had fought a war to win freedom for, the country I had given away my most prized possessions for. All of that was gone. We had to seek refuge in some dirty ravine. Wilbur tried to fix it up and make it look nice, but there really isn't much you can do to make a ravine look nice. I mean it's a ravine, what are you going to do to make some dirty, ugly, crevice look nice.
My other brother then joined us in our dirty ravine we ended up naming Pogtopia. I was of course very happy to see my brother again, I mean I hadn't seen him in so long. This happiness was short-lived though. Wilbur was not in a good state, after getting exiled with everything he had gone through, he started to become more and more mentally unstable. He broke, he went insane. Techno was by his side, Techno just wanted chaos, I shouldn't have been so naïve, I shouldn't have thought he would side with me and help me get Wilbur help so he could get better.
Wilbur then had this maniacal idea to blow up L'Manburg. Dream decided it would be a nice idea to blow up the country and helped him get TNT so that he could blow it up. Wilbur placed all of that TNT underneath L'Manburg and was waiting for the perfect opportunity to blow it up.
That opportunity came up when Schlatt announced he would be holding a festival on the 16th of October. Everyone in L'Manburg would be at the festival, it would be the perfect time to blow up the nation with everyone inside of it. He wanted them all dead. I didn't want that though. My best friend was there. Tubbo. The only person I could trust anymore. He had stayed in L'Manburg when I was exiled. He was a spy on the inside for us, he would report back to us the things that were going on in L'Manburg, which by the way was renamed Manburg by Schlatt, but I refuse to call it that.
Tubbo was assigned to give a speech on the day of the festival, so when that day came I was stressed and scared as hell. I didn't want my own best-friend to die to the TNT and I didn't want my brother to blow up the nation I had given everything away for.
When the festival came and Tubbo was giving his speech, Schlatt started talking, he had figured out that Tubbo was a spy, so he ordered my own brother, Techno, to kill him. I thought he wouldn't do it, I mean he's my brother, he wouldn't hurt my best friend, right? I was wrong. Techno shot him. He took his bloody crossbow, put a damn firework in it, and shot my best friend. He almost didn't make it you know. He was in so much pain. I mean he just had a firework shot at him. Thank god he didn't die though, Tubbo was all I had left, the only person I could trust. I would never admit it ever, but I love him a whole lot and don't know if I would be able to cope if he had died.
Tubbo forgave Techno for shooting him, they agreed that it was just peer-pressure. And I really did try to forgive my brother, but I couldn't. That was my best friend. I felt so betrayed that my own brother had done that to my best friend. My own brother. I fought with him in a pit. He beat me, I don't know why I thought I could beat him. Tubbo took refuge in Pogtopia with me after that. It was nice to have him around.
Wilbur would always yell and shout at me, trying to get me to crack, he wanted me to blow up L'Manburg with him. And somehow I managed to not break. I really think the only thing that kept me going was wanting to save L'Manburg and Tubbo. Wilbur wasn't himself anymore and it really hurt knowing that. He wasn't my Wilbur, not my brother. He was mean and cold and insane and all he wanted to do was blow up my country. I really tried to persuade him not to do it, but obviously, it didn't work.
A lot of people banded together and we fought to get L'manburg back. Jschlatt actually died, we were right there when it happened, it was assumed that it was some kind of heart problem. We really had thought that we had won L'Manburg back, but that would have been way too easy.
Wilbur handed off the presidency to me, I couldn't accept it. I still needed to get my discs back, my Tubbo and I would get my discs back, and then we could be happy. We could live peacefully in our country. I gave the presidency back to Wilbur, Wilbur gave the presidency to Tubbo. I was very happy for my best friend, I knew he would be a great president. I guess this wasn't such a great thing though, I didn't know my best friend would just devote himself to the country and forget about my plans for us to get my discs back.
Wilbur ended up blowing up L'Manburg. He blew it all up. Everything we had worked so hard together to start and everything we had given up for the nation gone.
Phil then joined the SMP, my dad. And I watched as he killed Wilbur, I watched my dad take a sword and impale my brother with the sword. I watched Wilbur die. He died because my dad killed him. He died. Wilbur died. Wilbur was gone.
I was betrayed by Techno next. He decided that the destruction of Wilbur's TNT wasn't enough and he summoned a bunch of Withers to further destroy our country. After the Withers were gone he disappeared. I haven't heard from him since.
I know this is horrible to say, but after everything, even though my brothers weren't the greatest people ever, I really missed them.
Wilbur came back as a ghost, calling himself "Ghostbur". That was nice I guess. Except for the fact that the only thing he remembered about me was bullying me. I just wanted my Wilbur back, the one I used to make jokes with and laugh with, I wanted my brother. I wanted my happy family, I wanted us to be happy, Phil and Techno and Wilbur and me, I wanted us to be happy. I wanted to be living happily with my family and my best friend. At least I still have Phil, at least he's still with me, but I wonder how long it will be before he decides to leave me like everyone else did. I wonder how long it'll be before Tubbo leaves me as well.
So we've made it to present time I guess. I have gotten myself into a lot of trouble. I decided to rob George, which honestly was a bad decision on my part, but what do I know. All I feel is numb. I'm tired of people hurting me, so I decided to hurt someone back. It really just started out as me robbing him, but then I left some hateful signs and then used netherack to keep a fire burning. It caught his house on fire, I really didn't mean for it to catch on fire, but it did. I tried to stop it from burning, but there wasn't really anything I could do about it.
Dream was mad. He put up an obsidian wall around L'manburg. He said all of our treaties weren't valid anymore. Everything I had worked for gone like that. It was really stupid.
I'm on trial now. Dream wants me exiled. I think I might be getting exiled sometime soon. I don't want to be exiled. I'll be all alone this time. I won't have Wilbur or Techno with me. I won't have my best friend either.
They put me on probation, so here I am writing this all down in a little log for Fundy to read and review, if this furry makes me rewrite this I will actually be very angry, I've written so much and I've already had to rewrite it once.
They are speaking this Wednesday, December 2nd to decide my fate. It's not looking good, I think I'm going to be exiled.
I really thought my best friend wouldn't let that happen to me. He was my best friend. It was him and I against the world. If I didn't have anyone else, I at least had him. Now he's devoting himself to a country and all he wants to do is protect it, he will probably exile me if it's the only way to fix this. I know I'm being selfish, but I just am tired of people hurting me and betraying me.
Everything is getting to be too much for me to handle, I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to hold myself together. I've always had Tubbo, but I might lose him. I might not have him on my side. I might turn into another Wilbur. I can't let that happen to myself, I'll just have to find something else to be my anchor.
And if I get exiled. Well, I really don't know what I'll do. I mean what can I do about it really. It seems that the only thing people ever wanna do is exile me. I guess I'll just have to figure out how to make it on my own. Maybe my dad will even side with me and help me. Maybe. I hope he does. I hope he puts me over the country. I hope I'm more important to him. Then maybe I'll have one person.
There you go Fundy, you wanted me to write this, this is what you get. I wrote it all out for you, everything I'm feeling. And honestly, this doesn't even begin to explain the things I've gone through or the pain I've felt--emotionally, physically, and mentally. I suppose I'll understand if you exile me. After all, I'm just dragging this country down. I'm lowering our reputation and making us look bad. I guess I deserve it. I wish I could say that I didn't."
Fundy had finally finished reading the entry out loud to the cabinet members, Quackity and Tubbo. He looked up at them carefully.
"That's what he wrote," Fundy said.
"I..." Tubbo started. "I'm going to feel horrible if he ends up getting exiled."
"Me too," Quackity said. "But you have to think about the country."
"Yeah, it's our responsibility to make sure the country has peace and there is no violence," Fundy agreed.
"You're right," Tubbo said.
None of them wanted to have to exile Tommy, but they would if they needed to. They had long wanted peace for the nation and they weren't going to let anything ruin that.