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“You’re sick. Go home.”
Chifuyu looked up, through bleary eyes, and found himself looking at Kazutora. Even with his senses muddied by the flu, there was no mistaking the look of concern in Kazutora’s eyes. Still, Chifuyu shook his head. He had too much work to do, and no way was he going to leave his friend to do it all by himself.
“I’m fine,” Chifuyu insisted.
Kazutora rolled his eyes. He knew Chifuyu. He knew he wouldn’t give up, that he’d continue to insist he was okay. He wanted to soften upon seeing the pained look on Chifuyu’s face. Kazutora did his best to banish that feeling. He could give his friend kindness later. Right now, he needed to be a little harsh.
“You’re not, and you know you’re not.”
Chifuyu flinched, and Kazurotra hated that reaction. He never wanted to be the reason Chifuyu felt bad.
“Look,” Kazutora continued, his tone mellowing. “The storm’ll be here soon. We’ve already decided to close the shop. We’ve been playing the thunderstorm track on a loop for the kids, and the animals that are particularly anxious have taken their medicine. All we’ve gotta do is count the money in the register and flip the sign. I can do that.”
Chifuyu looked like he wanted to argue, so Kazutora pressed on before he could.
“Peke J is probably going to be nervous. Go home to him. Let me finish up here, and then I’ll meet you. Think of it as 20 minutes without me nagging you.”
At Kazutora’s teasing tone, Chifuyu finally smiled. Kazutora felt his heart skip a beat as he let out a satisfied exhale.
“Alright,” Chifuyu agreed. “But you’d better be home in 20 minutes.”
“I’ll be there,” he assured.
Kazutora watched as Chifuyu left the pet shop, the bell on the door clanging loudly. Already the sky was beginning to darken and threatening clouds swirled. The glass doors closed between them. Chifuyu paused before turning back to offer Kazutora a grateful smile. Kazutora returned the gesture and watched as Chifuyu walked to his car.
Twenty minutes. That’s all it took. Within twenty minutes, the sky opened, and rain was pouring down. Kazutora ran to his car, but it didn't matter. He couldn't dodge any of the drops. By the time he made it to his car, he was soaked to the bone. His hair was practically plastered to his face. Annoyed, he put it up before turning the vehicle on. Immediately, he was met with warmth. His lips quirked up into a small smile. His habit was to turn off the heat, or AC, and the radio once he was finished driving. Chifuyu must have done this for him.
Just as his twenty minutes was up, Kazutora was stepping through his and Chifuyu’s front door. All he wanted to do was change out of his wet clothes, but the absence of light was a cause for concern. He glanced back out of the front door. Lightning happened to strike then, illuminating the front walk. So, he hadn't been mistaken. There was Chifuyu’s car. So, then, where was Chifuyu?
Kazutora called softly for his friend. When he didn’t get an immediate response, his heart raced in fear. Slowly, he made his way through their small home. There were only so many places that Chifuyu could hide, and it didn’t take long for Kazutora to find him. There was Chifuyu, sleeping soundly in Kazutora’s room, in Kazutora's bed. Chifuyu was swaddled in his comforter. Kazutora's heart clenched. There were so many times he’d wished to see Chifuyu in this exact position.
Chifuyu's blond hair was a mess, spread wildly on the pillows. Their friends initially teased him about his hair when he first revealed the dye job. Everyone joked with him about wanting to relive their Toman glory days. At the time, Chifuyu simply shrugged the teasing off, but Kazutora suspected that there was a bit of truth in the jokes.
“Baji-san?”
Kazutora’s eyes widened. Chifuyu was sitting up and rubbing his eyes. The comforter fell away. He was wearing one of Baji’s old t-shirts.
“Baji-san?” Chifuyu asked again.
Kazutora didn’t say anything. Instead, he stepped further into his room. Upon reaching the nightstand, he turned on the lamp and sat on the edge of the bed. Chifuyu moved to make room for him. Almost hesitantly, as if Chifuyu was a cornered animal, Kazutora reached out and felt Chifuyu’s forehead. He was burning up.
“Chifi…”
At the nickname, Chifuyu leaned away from Kazutora’s touch. He looked at him quizzically. There was nothing but confusion in his eyes.
“Only Kazu calls me that," Chifuyu said. He smiled and slowly sat up more, seemingly at the thought of Kazutora.
The comforter continued to fall away, revealing more of Baji’s shirt. It was long on Chifuyu’s body. “In fact,” Chifuyu continued. “We should invite Kazu over. We haven’t seen him in a while.”
Kazutora was stunned into silence. Did Chifuyu think that he was Baji? Was he really that sick? Maybe he needed a hospital. A loud clap of thunder, followed by a flash of lightning, immediately quelled that idea. There was no way Chifuyu was going to make it outside in these conditions.
“Why’s your hair up? Are you looking to brawl with someone?”
Chifuyu’s questions brought Kazutora out of his musings. He was facing his friend again. Slowly, Chifuyu scooted closer to Kazutora. Before he could move, Chifuyu was reaching around him and taking the ponytail holder from his hair. It fell around him, slightly damp from when he’d been outside in the rain.
“You’ll catch your death. Were you outside playing in the rain? Maybe chasing Peke J?” Chifuyu teased.
Still, Kazutora couldn’t bring himself to speak. Did Chifuyu not realize that Baji was dead? Everyone knew that ultimately, it’d been by his own hand, but that didn’t stop Kazutora from blaming himself.
“Kei-”
“Peke J is in his crate. I wasn’t chasing him,” Kazutora interrupted. He couldn’t stand the thought of Chifuyu calling him by Baji’s name again.
“So, how’d your hair get all wet?”
“It’s raining, Chifuyu.”
Chifuyu blinked, and for a moment, Kazutora thought he saw clarity in his eyes. Chifuyu looked outside, and it seemed to finally dawn on him that it was indeed raining.
“I’m so cold, Baji-san.”
Kazutora sighed. This had to be a curse from the universe. It wasn’t that Chifuyu wasn’t open with him. In fact, in the ten years, he’d been locked away, Chifuyu often visited him along with Draken or Takemichi. He also knew that Chifuyu had to have forgiven him by the sheer fact that he’d hired him. They lived together, for goodness' sake! Still, that didn’t mean there wasn't some awkwardness, some distance, between the two. Kazutora knew he deserved it, but that didn’t stop the feeling of hurt. Now, here was Chifuyu cuddled close to him, and it was all because he thought Kazutora was their dead friend.
Kazutora knew he should correct Chifuyu. He knew he should tell him that he was Kazutora, not Baji. Instead, he opened his mouth and said, “C’mon. Let’s get you some tea.”
Together they pushed back the blankets. Chifuyu leaned heavily on Kazutora once his feet hit the cold floor. Kazutora gathered Chifuyu in his arms.
“You’re so warm, Baji-san, and I’m so cold.”
In reality, Chifuyu was burning up in Kazutora’s arms. He was seriously considering taking him to the hospital, despite the raging storm outside. For now, though, he’d settle for getting him to their kitchen. They walked slowly so that every step of Chifuyu’s was sure. When they finally got into the kitchen, Kazutora helped Chifuyu sit on a chair. Immediately, Chifuyu was hissing. Kazutora dropped down to his knees and looked for an injury.
“What’s wrong, Chifi?”
“Nothing. Just cold.”
Kazutora looked down to see Chifuyu’s pale thighs against the cold wood of the chair. He cursed himself for not paying more attention to Chifuyu’s attire. He should have gotten him some pyjama bottoms, anything to keep him as warm (and healthy) as possible. Kazutora looked around helplessly. Finally, his eyes landed on a blanket thrown over their living room couch. In a flash, he went to retrieve it. Soon, he was back and wrapping the fabric around Chifuyu.
“I’m already feeling warmer,” Chifuyu said softly.
Kazutora could only smile as he stepped away to start water heating in the kettle. Once the machine was whirling, he moved to the cabinet and retrieved cold and flu medication. He measured the syrupy liquid out and placed the medicine in front of his friend. Chifuyu looked at it with big eyes before glancing back at Kazutora.
“It’s medicine,” Kazutora explained. “It’ll help you feel better.”
Still, Chifuyu continued to look at the liquid in front of him.
“It’ll help you feel less cold,” Kazutora tried again.
That’s all Chifuyu needed. He moved his hands from inside the blanket and took the medicine cup in hand. It shook in his hand, but Kazutora watched as Chifuyu choked down the liquid.
“You did good, honey,” Kazutora praised. He reached to take the medicine, but when their hands connected Chifuyu suddenly changed direction. He dropped the cup and instead gripped Kazutora’s hand.
“You feel like having peyang yakisoba?”
If at all possible, guilt weighed even heavier on Kazutora's heart. He already felt bad enough, pretending to be Baji. This… this was crossing a line. Before he could speak and correct his friend, the kettle sounded. Kazutora let go of Chifuyu’s hand. He turned his back and began preparing two mugs of tea. He’d done it enough times to know exactly how Chifuyu liked it. Outside, the rain remained steady. Kazutora glanced at the clock. All they had to do was make it through the night. If Chifuyu still thought he was Baji or if he was still warm, he’d take him to the hospital in the morning.
So preoccupied with the steeping tea, Kazutora didn’t notice when Chifuyu stood and approached him. He only became aware when Chifuyu wrapped his arms around his middle and laid his cheek against his back. Hesitantly, Kazutora placed a hand over Chifuyu’s. For a moment, Kazutora allowed himself to be held. He allowed himself to imagine that Chifuyu wasn’t sick and that he knew exactly what he was doing. Then he took a deep breath and lightly tapped Chifuyu’s hands. The blond didn’t let go, but he did adjust to bury his face into Kazutora’s back. His voice was just above a whisper, barely audible, but Kazutora felt Chifuyu’s lips as he spoke.
“Are you mad at me, Baji-san?”
Kazutora planted his hands firmly on the kitchen counter. His eyes practically drilled holes into the two mugs of tea. They were cooling quickly. He felt warm, as if Chifuyu’s heat was spreading to him. He cleared his throat.
“I could never be mad at you. I’m just worried about you. You’re sick.”
Confusion colored Chifuyu’s voice.
“I’m sick?”
Kazutora turned in Chifuyu’s arms, and Chifuyu loosened them just enough to allow the motion. Gently, Kazutora cupped his face. He leaned down to lightly kiss Chifuyu’s forehead. He still felt a little warm, against his lips, but less so than before.
“Yes, you’re sick. You aren’t thinking clearly, but I’m taking care of you.”
At the notion of being taken care of, Chifuyu smiled.
“You’re not normally this affectionate with me, Baji-san. Are you teasing me?”
Kazutora wanted to cry. Yes, Baji killed himself. But everyone knew that he only did that so Mikey wouldn’t have a reason to kill him. Kazutora knew that it’d been one last act of kindness. Now he was repaying that kindness with what? He was lying by omission. Could this be the life that he’d stolen from Chifuyu? Is this the future he could have had with Baji? Kazutora knew that the pair was close. Baji was the first person Chifuyu ever respected, after all. Could they have fallen in love if they'd been given more time? Everything felt so confusing. Did Chifuyu love Baji? Had Baji loved Chifuyu? Did he love Chifuyu? Could Chifuyu ever love him? Kazutora did his best to keep his sadness out of his voice as he answered.
“No, Chifi. M’not teasing. I just want you to get better.”
Chifuyu smiled, and Kazutora found himself wishing that Chifuyu would always look at him like that.
“There you go again, calling me Chifi. You’ve been talking to Kazu again, haven’t you?”
“He’s my friend too,” Kazutora said, stepping further into the role of Baji. “Of course, I talk to him.”
“Could you do me a favor then? Tell him he works too hard at the pet shop. He works overtime taking care of the kids. I’m grateful, but it feels like he’s working to pay off some debt. He doesn’t owe me anything. I like having him around.”
“You do?” Kazutora asked softly. He didn’t realize how much he’d needed Chifuyu to voice that sentiment until now.
“I really do…” Chifuyu’s words began to slur. The cold medicine seemed to be finally catching up with him. The label warned that it would make him drowsy. Slowly, Kazutora gathered Chifuyu in his arms and walked him back to his bedroom. Their mugs of tea were forgotten as Kazutora wrapped Chifuyu in the comforter, copying how he’d originally found him.
“Are you comfortable?”
Chifuyu nodded sleepily. Kazutora moved to step away when Chifuyu called out to him.
“Wait.”
Kazutora paused, mid-step, and turned back to his friend.
“Yeah?”
“Can you stay with me? I feel like I never see you anymore.”
Kazutora almost said no. He knew he should say no. But one look at those light blue eyes, and he was getting into bed with Chifuyu. He made sure to stay on top of the covers. His clothes were mostly dry now, and he really wanted to change them. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to leave Chifuyu. They just sat in silence. Kazutora felt lulled by the rise and fall of Chifuyu’s chest. Eventually, it evened out. He was almost asleep. As soon as Chifuyu was off in dreamland, Kazutora would let him go, slink off to take a shower, and have himself a good cry.
“Baji,” Chifuyu slurred. Kazutora looked at him. Chifuyu’s eyes were closed. His mouth was parted. He still seemed to be sleeping, but he’d spoken.
“Hmm?”
“Kazu…”
Now that really got his attention. Did Chifuyu want him, or did he want Baji?
“Yeah?”
He was met with silence. Kazutora had no idea how long he held his breath. Just as he decided to give up, and accept that Chifuyu was simply calling names out in his sleep, he spoke again.
“-ove you…”
If Kazutora thought he knew heartbreak, he was absolutely wrong. This was heartbreak. Slowly he detangled himself from Chifuyu’s arms. He made sure Chifuyu was comfortable before he left his room. Silently, Kazutora entered the hall bathroom. No way was he using the one in his bedroom and risking Chifuyu waking up.
Kazutora had no idea how long he stood in the shower. All he knew was that he used practically all the hot water in the house. He washed off work, he washed off the storm, and he did his best to wash off his guilt. The whole time, Chifuyu’s last few words echoed in his mind.
“Baji…”
“Kazu…”
“-ove you…”
Who did Chifuyu love? Could he allow himself to hope that the answer was him? Did he even want Chifuyu to be referring to him? When the water finally went cold, Kazutora shut off the spray and reached for his towel. Dressed in a pair of boxers, he stood in the hallway. He wasn’t going to go back to his room, not unless Chifuyu was actively being sick. He also wasn’t going to go to Chifuyu’s room.
Ultimately, Kazutora decided to stay on the couch. It was the safest place for him. As he made himself comfortable, he closed his eyes. No sound came from his bedroom, so it was safe to say that Chifuyu was asleep. Kazutora closed his eyes. He allowed himself a moment of happiness. None of his friends were dead, and no one had any guilt. Just before he went to sleep, the storm finally broke.
Kazutora woke up to the sound of the kettle hissing. He slowly blinked his eyes open as he stretched. As his joints popped, he couldn’t help but scold himself. He knew that sleeping on the couch messed with him, but he’d done it anyway. That was the moment the night before came flooding back to his memory. In his delirious haze, Chifuyu had mistaken him for Baji. Chifuyu had confessed… to someone. Kazutora shook his head. None of that mattered. Right now, he needed to make sure that his friend was okay. He needed to get him to the hospital, maybe call Takemichi, and…
“You’re finally up.”
Kazutora turned to see Chifuyu leaning against the kitchen chair, the same chair he’d been sitting in yesterday. This time, though, he was wearing more than Baji’s shirt and a pair of briefs. Now he was dressed in a pair of jeans and a large, white sweater. He had a mug in his hands. Immediately, Kazutora was up and by his side. Chifuyu held the mug high in his hands, to prevent the hot tea from spilling over, as Kazutora rushed toward him.
“Be careful, Kazu,” Chifuyu said with a smile. “I’ve got your mug on the counter. I saw that we were drinking tea last night, but we didn’t finish. I figured we would today. Maybe we go in a bit late to the shop? The kids should still be asleep, right?”
Kazutora looked at Chifuyu with a blank stare. The silence stretched until finally Chifuyu spoke again.
“What is it?”
“Do you… do you not remember last night?”
“I remember a bit,” Chifuyu said. A serious look graced his face. “I remember that you sent me home because I was sick. You took care of me. I guess I fell asleep in your bed. You didn’t have to sleep on the couch, you know. We could have shared.”
Kazutora shook his head.
“I wanted you to have your space, plus you… you were sick.”
Chifuyu gave him a soft smile. “I took a home test. My temperature is slightly above average, but I feel better. It must have been a temporary bug. And, I don't need space. Don't… don’t tell me that you’re tired of me already.”
“No, of course not, love. I could never be tired of you.”
“Good," Chifuyu said, the notes of sadness leaving his tone. "Because we’ve got a store to run. You’re stuck with me for the rest of your life. We’re partners, okay?”
Kazutora nodded. “We’re partners,” he affirmed.
“I’ll pour your tea into a travel mug. You go get dressed. I know I suggested we go late, but now I'm excited to open up the shop.”
Kazutora dressed slowly. He pulled on his own jeans, t-shirt, and jacket. As he pulled on each article of clothing, he allowed himself to think of last night in a loving, happy manner. Once he was completely dressed, he banished those memories to the corners of his mind. He wouldn’t bring them up again. He wouldn’t talk about them unless Chifuyu wanted to. He’d put the ball in his court, to tell him how he felt… if he felt anything at all.
“C’mon Kazu! I don’t want to be late.”
Kazutora bottled the last of his conflicting feelings and emerged. He took the travel mug from Chifuyu’s hands. To his surprise, Chifuyu threw his arms around him and hugged him. They stayed close for a few minutes before Chifuyu let go.
“What was that for?” Kazutora asked.
It was hard to read Chifuyu’s tone, but even harder to read his expression. He seemed happy, yet sad?
“I just had a dream that reminded me that I should take care of those important to me. I know it didn’t always feel like it, but you’re one of those people, Kazu.”
Kazutora gripped the canister in his hand. If it had been made of glass it might have broken in two.
“You’re important to me too, Chifi.”
“Alright!” Chifuyu exclaimed with the clap of his hands. “Time to go. I think today might be the day I finally convince Michi and Hina to get a dog.”
Together the two walked to Kazutora's car. Kazutora slid into the driver’s seat as Chifuyu took the passenger side and dialed Takemichi’s phone number. It was warm enough that Kazutora let the windows down. Chifuyu let one hand stick out the window so he could feel the wind. As they pulled up to the shop, Chifuyu hung up his phone. He looked content.
“They’ll be here soon. I definitely think they’re gonna adopt.”
Kazutora lightly patted the top of Chifuyu’s hand. To his surprise, Chifuyu turned his upward so that they were holding hands.
“Thank you for taking care of me.”
Kazutora’s voice was thick with emotion. “Of course,” was all he could manage.
Chifuyu smiled and let Kazutora’s hand go. “C’mon. Our kids are waiting for us.”
Kazutora hesitated for a moment, so he could watch Chifuyu open the pet shop. He watched as Chifuyu flipped the sign to open. The lights of their tiny shop illuminated the place. They did well, and soon they’d have customers coming to buy supplies and pick up a new family member. Kazutora stepped out of the car and took a deep breath. He locked the door and made his way inside. He’d have to convince Chifuyu to cage the birds so that they could open the windows. The forecast promised warm weather for the next few days. For that, Kazutora was grateful. He’d never see rain the same way again.