Work Text:
She haunts my dreams
Like the faces I don’t remember
And my heart sinks
Like the stone I thought I’d be forever.
Memories flit around my brain, tease my vision
But I can’t
For the life of me
Make myself see through them
Emotions I can’t perceive
That have me in a chokehold
They force me to relieve
Experiences that I
Don’t
Barely
Always
Remember.
Soothing melodies
Chiming bells
Distant screams
Familiar sounds
they resonate in the confines of my mind
They echo
Hauntingly
And I
Can’t
Won’t
Couldn’t
Am unable to make them stop.
These emotions
They want to tear me down
They seek my true self
The one I’ve fought to keep down
But maybe
Just maybe
That sad little
Boy
Girl
Child
That I have hidden inside
Can get the help that they need
The comfort they seek
If I just let the ones around me see inside
But I go back
To the
Comforts
Torture
I had before
And I
bethink
Rue
All that I
Lost
Forgot
Would Like to forget
Can’t forget
Just like
Her grins
His sneer
Their smiles
My tears
All of them replay in the depth of my soul
And I
Won’t
Can’t
Couldn’t
Stop myself from seeing them
These emotions
These stupid, stupid emotions
They won’t leave me alone
They make my hands shake
My eyes water
My tongue run dry
My soul ache
But for some reason
It would seem
That I
Can’t
Won’t
Shouldn’t
Make them stop.
Her hair
His eyes
Their voices
I can not seem to shake them
And I am
A coward
A fool
A failure
Guilty
For
Letting him get the best of me
Letting her go
Letting them die
Letting them down
And at night
I have nightmares
That keep me up at night
Sometimes I think
That they’re out for my skin
Because they’re too real
Too vivid
For my mind to differentiate
Between what’s real and what’s not
Because sometimes
I see her singing me to sleep
I see him turning my skin to stone
I see them screaming out for help
I reach out
Trying to
Reach her
Escape
Help them
But my eyes open
And they’re no longer there
And then I just sit there
In the darkness
And weep
For something
I Lost
I Survived
I Forgot
That happened in the past
But no solace finds me
These emotions
These annoying, tiring emotions
They make my nights sleepless
And I can’t
For the life of me
Go back
To the abyss
That is my mind
And even though
My hands shake
My vision wavers
And my knees buckle
I keep going
Because I have
A reputation to uphold
A kingdom to protect
A wasteland to nurture
A promise to keep
And the bags under my eyes
Will raise their questions
Make them worry
So I hide my feelings
And it doesn’t matter if
It makes me sick
Feels like I’m suffocating
My mind blanks
I am not okay
Because everyone else is
Safe
Alive
Prospering
Happy
And that is enough for me
But even when
I see their smiles
Hear their praises
Know they are safe
I can’t help but think that
they
are not
That she’s dead
That they’re dead
That he’s dead
Because of me
My greed killed her
My weakness got him killed
My failure killed them
And sometimes
My lungs fail me
And the panic sets in
Most of the times it happens
It’s because of this
Because
their cheers
Her song
His insults
They taunt me
And I fail to defend myself against them
Because I know
That deep down
They are right
That every word that screams in the tones of their disembodied voices
Is absolutely right
I am a helpless girl
I am a failure
I am a murderer
I am a grieving kid
A kid grieving their innocence
One that was taken away too soon
And they won’t let me forget it
And what I wouldn’t give
For one last time
To hear her say I love you
To hear them laugh around the table
To hear the regret in his voice
To say goodbye
And close this wound
That bleeds so freely
Onto my life
But these emotions
These asinine, stupid, futile
emotions!
They cloud my vision
They make me weak
They disturb me
They are ghosts over my head.
Really,
What wretched things.
And if
A Champion
A Legend
And a Princess
Had something to do about it.
They would make them go away.
Completely.