Chapter Text
The sound of footsteps coming down the hallway cut through Donna’s thoughts. The interruption put an end to the incessant voices that were threatening to pull her through the floor of her office. She breathed a sigh of relief; these moments in time where she was floating adrift in dissociative hazes had become frequent occurrences as of late. She still hadn’t gotten a handle on them. Her best efforts to avert her attention to the present moment when she found herself lost in space failed time and time again. A slight nagging pulled at her chest in spite of the joy that came with the position she knew she damn well earnt, and the seemingly perfect man who stood behind her, cheering her on as she became a powerful face in the legal world. The same man whose texts remained unanswered as her phone lit up repeatedly on her desk. Forgotten along with the ring that was lying buried in her top drawer.
I need time to think about it, Thomas, please understand — she had whispered into his ear.
Donna knew she had the world in the palm of her hand, everything she’d been wishing and working for; stability, security and promises of a fulfilled future. She cursed the lingering remnants of what could have been. Because in reality, ‘what could have been’ was laid to rest some time ago now, alongside her other great disappointments in life. Buried deep in the recesses of her mind, not to be shared with another soul so as to never admit her shield of confidence may have cracks creeping in So much had changed so quickly that it had left her gasping for breath — which was very out of character for Donna, but she had no intention of letting it cloud her newfound happiness for a moment longer. She was happier than she had been in the longest time. But the highest of highs are met with the lowest of lows, she justified to herself with a sigh, or in the very least — the highs prompted unwanted episodes of absence. She merely hoped no one else at the office had noticed them.
And with that, she quickly took stock of where she was in space and time. Right, she thought to herself, her office — the end of the day. Preparing to go to Harvey’s office to meet with him and his new client who had wanted her, and Louis, to be present for the signing of his retainer agreement before commencing with his new merger negotiations. Scolding herself for getting lost in thought and potentially leaving a bad impression, she smoothed down her dress and made way to follow the voices coming from Harvey’s office. Harvey. The man she’d seen only briefly in passing and meetings for the past few months. And not once in the past week.
Harvey had been nursing a glass of scotch when Gretchen’s voice alerted him that Mr. Ortega was making his way up the elevators of their building. Regrettably, he ripped his gaze away from the New York skyline and placed his tumbler back under the whiskey cart for later consumption, as he made his way out of his office. Popping his cuffs and buttoning his suit jacket, he acquainted himself with reality again as he strode to the elevators. Usually he would wait for clients in his office, make people come to him - never he to them - but with multi-million dollar signings came extra effort, and he was thankful for the reprieve that this offered him. Time had seemingly been standing still more often these days, with no regard for the circumstance, much to his dismay. Too often it was when his eyes locked with hers across the room, or at the end of their brief conversations as if to will himself to stay in her presence for just a few moments longer. Or, like now, when he was alone and drowning out the noise with Macallen. So, wanting to be done with tonight, he didn’t glance to his right as he passed Donna’s office. He didn’t want to be confronted with what little remained of their friendship or risk time standing still on him, stretching seconds into hours. He knew he’d see her soon enough, perhaps too soon.
“Mr. Specter,” the silver-haired, yet attractive man greeted him as he came through the sliding doors.
“Mr. Ortega,” Harvey replied, with a courteous tilt of his head, “a pleasure to finally be putting pen to paper with you tonight.”
“Oh, Specter, you know you had my business - I just had to make sure I knew who I was getting into bed with before entrusting you with these negotiations,” the man smiled back through a wise grin. “And your colleagues, they’ll be here too, I presume?”
“Of course, that was one of your requests, was it not?” Harvey smirked back and spotted Louis already leaning on the glass entrance to his office. “Speaking of, may I introduce you to my named partner, Louis Litt.”
“Really, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Ortega,” Louis chimed in a little too enthusiastically as they all took a seat on the leather couches, Harvey across from the older man, “I made sure to go over these retainer agreements personally before this final review.”
“Harvey did mention you in the highest esteem, along with… was it one Ms. Paulsen?” he asked as settled back into his chair, after accepting the glass of scotch Harvey had poured him.
“She should be—“ Harvey began.
“— here any moment, and so I am.” Donna finished as she gracefully entered the room sporting the smile Harvey knew she reserved only for clients. Harvey quickly took a large sip of Macallen to disguise the lump that had formed in his throat at the sight of her. Wearing her crimson caped dress, one of his favourites, he let his eyes fall to the floor instead. Donna didn’t dare let her step falter, despite feeling the distinct shift in Harvey upon her arrival and his subsequent silence. She took the gentleman’s hand as he stood up to greet her. Whatever the size or treacherous nature of the ocean that had grown between Harvey and herself, she refused to let it interfere with work.
“Donna Paulsen, COO, and you must be Mr. Vincent Ortega,” she continued as she shook his hand, and noted the crinkle in the corners of his eyes as he appraised her up and down.
“Ms. Paulsen, my my, the esteem in which you’ve been discussed clearly does you no justice. I find myself glad that my tendency to be thorough has resulted in a meeting with you,” he replied with a charming smile, along with a dose of innuendo. She returned the smile with ease. It wouldn’t be a normal day in the office without having at least one man flatter her in such a way, and Donna was unphased by these remarks now. Harvey didn’t have the same tolerance, however, as he felt the familiar twinge of emotion he still refused to call jealousy twist in his gut. Donna wasn’t privy to the way Harvey’s hand gripped his glass tighter or his jaw clenching subtly at the man’s words.
Before she could reply with platitudes, a blunt voice came from behind her and her head snapped to the source of the sound.
“ She’s taken ,” Harvey bluntly stated, a little too firmly to be considered jovial, and with an undertone of something Donna couldn’t place. Her eyes met his for the first time in, well, a week, and she was at a loss. She felt the beginnings of frustration bubbling up that he dare speak on her behalf like that, especially to a client for fuck’s sake, over a harmless compliment. Yes, that’s what rendered her speechless, she reasoned with herself. Not the insinuation in his words or the way the sharp edge of his voice felt like a strike to her chest. Too close, too personal, too much. His eyes were glazed over by layers of unreadable emotion. She was almost thankful for that, unsure if she could handle the alternative right now. She didn’t have a chance to clarify before Vincent spoke up again whilst taking a seat.
“My apologies, Ms. Paulsen, I mean no disrespect to you or Harvey, it’s just anyone with half a brain can see your business prowess and beauty. Forgive me, now please, run me through the final changes to my contract.”
Harvey could see Donna’s internal warfare and quickly broke eye contact to look back at the client, unable to handle the intensity of her gaze a second longer.
“She’s not mi —,” Harvey began.
“He doesn’t speak for me. That would be my Thomas, however I’m flattered, Vincent. You have great taste. And of course we can. Louis, would you mind addressing the addition to page eight?” Donna replied with a beaming smile, cutting Harvey off and rounding the table to take a seat, letting her walls fall into place in the process. She was now more determined than ever to get through this meeting.
Harvey didn’t meet her eye again as he listened to Louis ramble, who was none the wiser about the tension between the COO and partner. Thomas’s name, my Thomas, came as a bucket of ice water to douse the emotion that had set him alight two minutes ago. Harvey continued beating himself up for mindlessly blurting that out. His relationship with Donna was already strained, without his foot-in-mouth syndrome. Why was it strained? He didn’t know. How did they fix it? He didn’t know if they could.
Louis cleared his throat to grab Harvey’s attention, seeing that he was lost in thought. Harvey’s head snapped up and he recovered quickly, answering Mr. Ortega’s question with ease and highlighting one of the features he’d included in the contract.
“That’s the summary of our proposed changes,” Donna finished, thankful this meeting was drawing to a close, but knowing the night was far from over.
After Harvey had said his final piece and they all signed off, Louis took the opportunity to walk Vincent to the elevators, no doubt wanting to talk more about his part in things. This left them alone in his office. Harvey stayed silent, tightly gripping his scotch that was resting on the arm of his chair. Donna stood up to leave, suddenly overwhelmed by the stifling nature of the air in the room.
“That went well, let me know when you need me to look at those merger negotiations,” Donna said distantly, not letting her tone betray her nerves and smoothing down her dress in an almost self-soothing gesture.
“Of course, thanks for staying behind, he is… selective about how business is carried out,” Harvey replied, his eyes staying glued to a spot somewhere off in the distance. He couldn’t bring himself to look at her; he didn’t need more moments to repeatedly relive after she walked out the door, never knowing if it may be the last.
“It’s no problem, it’s what I do,” Donna replied, part of her begging Harvey to just look at her for one moment, but he couldn’t appear more disinterested if he tried. She cursed inwardly that she wanted to see his eyes just once more this evening. The moment earlier, although deeply inappropriate, had highlighted just how much she had missed them. Missed the casual banter they would otherwise usually be engaging in right now; missed the way she would have mindlessly poured herself a drink and taken off her heels; missed how she would have put on a Miles Davis record so they could decompress together.
She wanted her best friend back.
But that wasn’t reality anymore. The reality was that they were an ocean apart, instead of a mere four feet, with Harvey refusing to meet her eyes. The reality was she had the year’s biggest charity gala with Thomas tonight, and shouldn’t be entertaining the idea of turning back time and pouring herself a glass of scotch instead. The reality was she knew they were both to blame for the fragile state of their — whatever they were, but more so her this time.
“Well, I have to go,” Donna said defeatedly, breaking the silence and moving to leave. Her heart ached too much to stay.
“Yeah, me too,” Harvey replied awkwardly, rounding his desk before getting the courage to ask,
“Are you going to the gala tonight?”
This stopped Donna in her tracks, as she had no idea Harvey would be attending. She slowly turned and sucked in a breath as their eyes connected for the second time that night. His dark brown depths were still shrouded in an unreadable expression, and she hated that her ability to read him had apparently vanished, along with what was. Perhaps he had made it that way; cast her out. Friends into strangers.
“Yeah, I am actually, I have to do the honorary speech,” she said gently, “it didn’t occur to me that you would be going, I hope you don’t mind.” This was the first time they had acknowledged aloud that things were not okay between them, not that it needed voicing.
Something about her gentle tone shifted something in him, and he found the rigidity of his voice loosening in response, “Of course not, you’ll be great, I have no doubt.”
Time chose that moment to stand still, yet unlike the other times, they were both happy to have a moment not wrapped up in hostility and the insufferable ‘somethingness’ that neither could explain. The corner of her mouth crept up ever so slightly in reply to the gentle timbre lacing his voice, a softness that she hadn’t heard in many moons.
“Thanks, Harvey, I suppose I’ll see you there,” she muttered back, breaking the moment by looking down at her shoes and disappearing out the door. She took a deep breath as she continued down the hall, leaving Harvey locked in position behind his desk. Something had to give, had to break this impasse, he thought to himself. This couldn’t continue for much longer. He could only hope that when it did, it didn’t end where he suspected it would.
With them going their separate ways.