Work Text:
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BANG BANG BANG
The pounding on Izuku's door jolts him out of his sleep, his head nearly knocking over the pile of dvds and vhs on the floor. Having pulled an all-nighter rewatching the All Might franchise, his wits and self preservation is switched off in his sleep addled mind. Leading him straight to the peephole of his door instead of huddling safely under his covers in his room, per usual.
"Yes?", he calls, staring through the hole, seeing nothing and no one.
Peering only at the empty parking lot in front of his apartment, Izuku resolves it to being those kids from upstairs, harassing him again. Apparently when their mothers tell them there's "a creepy neet downstairs" and to "stay away", those kids decided they should go towards potential danger and ding dong ditch every morning.
"Ugh, whatever.", he scratches his back, yawning, heading to his "office" to start work for the day.
BANG BANG BANG
Izuku flinches from the violent sound, more insistent than before.
This wakes him up entirely.
He swore no one was in the walkway so who the hell is banging on his door.
He's three seconds from rummaging his room for his phone when a garbled, low voice from the other side of the door groans, "Delivery."
There's an ounce of relief before he's back on his guard, because...he hasn't ordered anything.
The rational part of his brain is urging him to contact his landlord and report those kids just in case it is them. The other, more danger indulging side already has him grabbing the steel bat against the wall and reaching for the doorknob. Surprise, stun, then save the day. The three S's from "All Might's How To Be a Hero" mini issue number 43.
With that in mind and his heart beating down his ribcage, Izuku grips the bat and counts down from three, two, one...
And now that the countdown for the countdown is finished, he can start the actual one. Well, maybe. When he stops his incessant quaking.
But before he could decide anything, it's decided for him.
BANG BANG-
Izuku swings the door open in frustration.
"WHAT IS - oof!"
An immediate blow to the stomach is what it was. And surprisingly, not by a fist. He can tell because he ended up curled in pain over a large, smooth, opaque...package? He squints to see if anyone was running from the scene of the crime, but all was quiet.
Izuku goes to stand up, but his eyes widen when the case moves itself through his front door, into his small living room and station itself right next to his armchair.
Horrified by this- this thing moving of its accord, Izuku slides off of it and goes to push it right back out his apartment. He strains to even make it wiggle on its wheels.
Wheels?
A peek under proves that the only thing beneath this contraption is a pale blue light illuminating from its underside and nothing else. No wheels, no belts, no strings. Just 3 feet of space from the floor to its glowing bottom.
Izuku stumbles flat onto his ass, staring in crippling fear. What the hell is happening? And more importantly, why is it happening to him?!
Suddenly, the "object" begins to lower itself onto the floor. Izuku pulls his legs to his chest to avoid having them crushed as he watches a vertical split appear atop the object.
Izuku raises a brow at that. Thinking it's broken, he crawls along the side of it to peek at the clean crack in it.
"Print verification required."
Izuku startles, "W-what?"
"Print verification required."
"For what? Who is this thing for?!", he yells at the voice projecting from who knows where on the thing.
"Package for Recipient: Customer #192740 Midoriya Izuku."
Confused beyond belief, Izuku asks, "Well, who is it from?"
The room becomes unsettlingly quiet as he leans his ear towards the object, waiting. Waiting. Still waiting.
"Damn it! Who is-!"
"Print verification required"
Before he could get even more pissed, a small area near the top of the object seems to warble. The opaque nature of the area clears like smoke being blown by the wind. Curious, Izuku leans up and over only to fall back away from it.
He clamors up from the floor, knocking down a pile of manga and his small trash can to get to his front door and slam it shut. Izuku immediately presses his back to the door as if the police are already trying to ram it down.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck. Oh my god, I'm fucked."
Just to be sure, Izuku runs over to peer into the spot again and groans at how fucked he truly is.
Because in that small space revealed to him was a face.
Of a person.
A person! Inside a high tech coffin-like object!
He places his hand on the thing to push himself up to finally find his phone and maybe turn himself in while he's at it, when the coffin lets out three soft chimes.
"Identification accepted."
A low hiss accompanies cold smoke as the line widens.
"Stand clear of cover ejection. Stand clear of cover ejection. Stand clear of cover ejection."
Izuku has a split second to move before the split widens abruptly and said covers fall off with a heavy thud.
Cold smoke spills from the case onto the floor, chilling his feet. But he pays no mind to it as he walks towards the uncovered person.
It appears to be a mold made just for the person's body. They were tucked under a sleek, gray sheet and their head was propped up by a pillow that looked like a smooth pond rock. At the bottom, past the end of the blanket were strange pouches and gadgets. If Izuku had to equate this to anything, it would be like getting a figurine in its mint condition box that includes its weapons and stand.
But the most important thing is, the person is breathing and their face is flushed with life. Thank God...
Ding
...The horror continues.
Izuku looks down and finds a card has appeared from a slot. No longer caring that this shitshow just keeps getting weirder, Izuku plucks the pale blue card. Seeing only a little circle on it, Izuku presses it, thinking it is a button. When he removes his thumb, his print is seen before it bleeds away.
"Greetings Customer. We here at Wifemod Co. thank you for your first and hopefully last transaction with us. Please take a moment to inspect your new Wifemod™ product.”
"W-Wifemod?", Izuku looks back at the person in the case.
Now that he's not in as much panic, he's able to study the person's face. They were beautiful, in a sense that not one person could deny. Blond hair, wild but uniformed, round face with a healthy blush across soft cheeks, and lips with a cute little cupid's bow and plush puffiness. Yes, they are pretty, but there's something about them that makes Izuku believe that this might not be a "traditional" wife.
Maybe it's the muscular chest peeking through the blanket.
Maaaybe it's the slight bulge a ways lower under the blanket. Maybe, who knows.
"We at Wifemod create unique Wives for our customers and make sure they go to a loving home where they are needed. You have been selected to be a new partner to our personalized Wifemod because of the following: anti-social-"
Izuku blinks at that. "Huh?"
“living alone with little to no companionship, has single-minded obsession-"
"Hey! What the hell?!", this is starting to feel more like a personal attack than a general description.
"disregarding one's health for obsession, one's birth giver expressing worry when one comes home with no news of significant other."
Heat creeps up Izuku's neck. "Can you get to the point, please.", he grumbles.
"We at Wifemod hope you enjoy your lovely Wife and all their features. Thank you! Disclaimer: Any biologically incorrect features are at no fault of the company due to the nature of producing Wives. Do not attempt contact with Wifemod Co. Each planet has a different communication system and none are equivalent to that of Wifemod Co."
"Planet?", Izuku peeks at the sleeping beauty, gazing at their closed eyes and long lashes. "You're not from earth?"
Unmoving lips do not answer him. But everything else surrounding this being does.
"Activation code: Katsuki, awaken.", the card says before turning completely black like an unplugged TV.
Izuku doesn't have time to decipher that before a tube shoots out from inside the case and under the nose of the being. It spritz a mist of red and it disappears into their nose as they breathe it in.
Moments pass before eyes as red as the mist stare up at the ceiling. And Izuku can't help but be amazed.
"Whoa...Whoa! Okay!"
Izuku covers his eyes as they (definitely a male) stands, allowing the blanket to fall from them, revealing that they were indeed very naked.
"D-Did you want some clothes, maybe?", Izuku squeaks, still hiding his eyes.
When he hears nothing, he peeks to see a very attractive and very toned ass. Then realises that the being is turned around with hands on their hips inspecting his home.
"On my transportation here-"
Izuku jumps at the voice. Not so much the unbelievably sexy gravel, but more the fact that they can speak japanese at all. Didn't the card say it's from another planet?
The man continues, "They stimulated my left temporal lobe and left frontal lobe to help me learn your language, among a couple of others."
"O-oh okay. That makes sense.", Izuku wonders where the man is going with this and also wonders if it's okay to get aroused by a non-human like he is now.
"Out of all the words they implemented into my memory. Two words can describe this place perfectly."
The man turns around, exposing everything his creators gave him, and a deep frown on his face.
"Shit hole."
Personalized wife, huh?