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Met my old lover in the grocery store
Snow was falling Christmas Eve.
Stole behind her in the frozen foods,
Then I touched her on the sleeve.
The store was way more packed than any store needed to be on Christmas Eve, in my opinion. I mean, c'mon, I know why I'M not home with my family, but the people working here have families they wanna get to, you know. I shouldn't complain, I'm here too, but I was running low on some basics, yanno? Just, yanno, coffee, tofu, maybe a bottle of vodka, just the basics, don't judge.
I was cutting through the frozen veggies when I saw her, considering whether or not to pay the markup for name brand vegetables. It stopped me dead in my tracks, like… right there. Terra…
Well, it's been years and I'm already all alone on Christmas Eve, might as well give her a hello.
She didn't recognize my face, at first,
but then her eyes flew open wide.
Went to hug me and she spilled her purse,
then we laughed until we cried
"I would recommend splurging. It IS Christmas, after all," I said, and she jumped in surprise, whacking me right across the face with her purse. I admit, it made me laugh, and then she recognized me and laughed, and we both couldn't stop. We just laughed and laughed, until the tears were running down our cheeks- which just made us laugh harder. I don't even know why, it wasn't that funny but hell, the world sucks. A good laugh is healing for the soul.
"Gar! It's amazing to see you, how have you been?!" She asked, giving me a hug. I hugged her back, taking in the changes time had wrought. Twelve years had gone by too quickly.
"I've been alive, that's gotta be worth something, right?" I asked in reply.
"Absolutely, it absolutely does!"
"Last minute shopping?" I asked. I mean, it had to be. You don't go grocery shopping on a snowy Christmas Eve without it being desperately last minute.
"Yeah, just… getting the last minute stuff for the last minute visit from my in-laws!" She said with an exasperated chuckle and an eye roll to go with it. "Sister in law is suddenly nuts on the whole 'gluten free' thing."
"Oh God, she's still on that shit? I haven't heard anyone who wasn't actually allergic to gluten talk about that in years!"
Terra leaned in, all secretive then. "She's an anti-vaxxer, too… but I took my niece and got her vaccinated."
"You sly dog, you!" I teased, as we began to walk up front, sort of slow and meandering.
"Yeah, I have plenty of practice. Couldn't let Jer...Kelly around her until she was, though. Oh, uh, Kelly is my daughter. Her immune system is a little rough."*
I nodded. "Mine was the same way, when I was a kid. Only got better when I got, well, green," I said, gesturing to myself. "You have decent insurance?"
"Yeah, my husband gets the really good stuff through work."
Fuck, I'd forgotten she had gotten married. I had attended, even, how did I forget that? Fuck what was his name? Bill? Eddie? Georgie? Something like that I think? No. No wait those are characters from IT…
"Good," there we go, that's much less awkward than admitting you forgot she'd gotten married. "Especially if you got a sick kid."
She smiled at me, again, and we began to check out. I had everything I needed, except the booze, but fuck, it isn't every day you run into an old friend.
Took her groceries to the checkout stand,
Food was totaled up and bagged.
Stood there lost in our embarrassment
as the conversation dragged
"So, what uh… what happened to the others?" She asked as we began to ring in her food and other assorted purchases. It was awkward, and thank God I'm green or she'd see the blush.
"We uh… Not much, really? Star had to go back to Tamaran and after she left we just kinda… drifted. Raven and I tried to date for a little while, until she realized she was more into girls and less into sex. Her and Cyborg are the only other Titans I'm still in much contact with- and ever since Melvin, Raven hasn't talked much."
"Oh, yeah, God, I remember seeing that on the news. That poor kid… God, were we ever that young?"
I nodded. "Scary to think about, isn't it? I mean God, look what it did to you, no offense."
She held up a hand. "No, no, I get it, Beast-Boy. There's a lot I regret from my teenage years, and I'll probably regret it until I'm dead. No matter this… peaceful anonymity, I regret plenty of things I did, and I'll be paying for them when the time comes."
We were outside, now, and Terra gave me a sidelong glance.
Went to have ourselves a drink or two,
But couldn't find an open bar.
Bought a six pack at the liquor store
Then we drank it in her car.
"That said, wanna hit up a bar, quick? I've got a little time to kill, and Frank won't mind me not coming right home. He knows how much I hate his sister."
I mean hell. Time to kill, I've been killing time for at least two years now. I have literally nothing better to do.
"Sure- I haven't said no to booze in years."
That got a laugh, and lemme tell you, making people laugh? Best feeling on earth. Top five, at any rate.
"That said, are there even gonna be any open bars on Christmas Eve? Cause uh, I don't remember seeing any."
Throwing my arm around her shoulder, I grinned. "Terra, let me introduce you to a guy I know. Get in your car and follow the birdie, ok?"
"You think I drove? Hell no, that stuff is expensive." She teased, lifting up a rock that had, conveniently, been set down on a parking spot. "Now c'mon, hop on. Old time's sake?"
Grinning even wider, I hopped up and let her do the flying. Good, since I'd have had to have turned into something big with wings to carry my groceries, otherwise.
We drank a toast to innocence, we drank a toast to now; tried to reach beyond the emptiness, but neither one knew how
We sat, booze in hand, just outside Hal's Liquor Store, each just savoring our drink. We were talking about our lives, about everything, about nothing.
"Yeah, twelve years… Frank's an architect, you know. Designed our house and everything! It's a great job, and he's happy, and I'm happy but…"
"You don't love him, not anymore," I finished. I still knew Terra well enough to know what she was feeling. Hell that was half the reason Rae and I didn't work out romantically, I'm man enough to admit.
"And you, I've seen you on the news a couple of times. Mr. Big-shot, working for the Justice League! And, I mean, the whole thing where you figured out a cure for Parkinson's was amazing."
I waved her off.
"I was just using my parent's old research and connecting the dots. They did most of the leg work, and I'll keep reminding people of that until I die."
"It's still something to be proud of, Gar. You've saved millions of lives, millions. I know it doesn't mean much, not from me, but that's more important than any superheroing you've ever done." Terra told me.
She said she'd married her an architect,
He kept her warm and safe and dry.
Would have liked to say she loved the man,
but she didn't like to lie
It might have been the booze, or the look of the starlight in her hair, but I really looked at Terra, then, and I remembered all the reasons I'd ever been in love with her.
"You look good… time was nice to you." I said. "Your eyes are still the same as they ever were."
"Yeah right, Gar, I've put on like thirty pounds after two kids and I'm starting to wrinkle like old leather," she laughed, but I knew in my heart that none of it mattered to me. She could be 200 and I'd still find her attractive.
I said the years had been a friend to her,
that her eyes were still as blue.
In those eyes I wasn't sure if I saw
Doubt or Gratitude
She said she saw me in the record store, that I must be doing well.
I said the audience was heavenly but the traveling, it was hell.
"So what brings you to this neck of the woods, Gar? Finally decide to retire, or are you gonna settle in like when we were kids?"
I sipped my beer carefully. How to answer that one? I would love to retire but I think I'm in this business until it kills me, at this point.
"League is opening up a school for young metahumans to teach them control and keep them out of the hands of the government. They asked me to be the headmaster." I said. Still wasn't sure if it was a good idea.
"Wait really? Gar that's great! I'm so excited for you!"
"Yeah, well, it was me or Booster Gold so I didn't have much of a choice." I said sardonically. Sure enough, Terra gagged. She'd never liked Booster, none of us did. It was practically a requirement for becoming a Titan.
"Yeah, no, I would rather it be you. I would rather put Batman in charge than him."
"Yeah, he's a… well, c'mon, it's Christmas," I told her, cracking another beer.
We drank a toast to innocence, we drank a toast to now; tried to reach beyond the emptiness, but neither one knew how
We drank a toast to innocence we drank a toast to time… relieving in our eloquence, another old Lang Syne…
We talked for hours, it seemed like, about anything and everything. Vic called, and we both talked with him for a bit too. It was almost like old times, I guess… I don't think I've laughed that hard in years and I know Vic hasn't.
But after he hung up, Terra sighed, and we both went quiet.
"I'm… sorry…" She said, after a few minutes. "I don't think I've ever actually said that. Well, I know I've said it for lots of things, but… I'm sorry about… us. I'm sorry we didn't work out."
"Me too." I admitted. "But maybe it's not a bad thing. You've got a family that loves you and needs you, and you're safe. There's a lot I could have given you but. Well, I couldn't offer that. I couldn't promise you I wouldn't die saving someone else, I couldn't stop all of the hero stuff."
"You shouldn't have had to." She muttered, crushing her beer bottle into dust inside a rock, letting it float away in the wind. "I should have been more respectful of that."
"Hey don't beat yourself up for it. I could have listened to you better, could have paid more attention. As much as it sucks, we just… drifted."
"Yeah. It's good to know you're ok, though."
"You too, Tara."
I smiled, then stood. "I should go… crime doesn't take Christmas off and I have just a mountain and a half of paperwork waiting for me."
"Yeah, me too… as it is, I don't think I'm flying home." Terra mused. She turned and hugged me with a small smile, and then we both went our separate ways.
I'd probably see her again. I hoped I'd see her again, at least, and if we're both living in this town, well. Who knows what the future holds, right?
Beer was empty and our tongues were tired, running out of things to say… she gave a kiss to me as I got out and I watched her drive away. Just for a moment I was back at school… and felt that old familiar pain… and as I turned to make my way back home the snow turned in… to… rain…