Chapter Text
„Leave” he said, not looking at her. His voice was cold but it was only thanks to his military skills that he could keep up with this mask. Inside he felt like his whole body was trembling with fear and regret. And anger.
“Cullen, talk to me. Tell me what happened, you can’t just cross out all we have built!” she exclaimed in dismay. She, on the other hand, couldn’t hide her emotions. Mainly because she wasn’t prepared for this whole situation. Only yesterday everything was normal. He hugged her, kissed her, told her he loved her for the thousandth time.
“Can’t you hear what I’m saying?” his voice raised because of the feelings that were ravishing him. But it was all for the better, he thought to himself. Maybe she’ll think that I’m angry. Maybe she’ll finally understand… “I don’t want to be with you anymore” he tried to be firm and solid as he was forced to repeat those words again and again. “This is pointless, we have no future together and nothing can change that. I was mistaken from the very beginning to think that we could ever be together”.
She tried to remember when was the last time she felt such pain but she couldn’t. And that was when she realized his words hurt her like nothing before. Is this a nightmare? Am I dreaming?
“Cullen” she tried one more time, desperate for him to just look at her as he was constantly avoiding looking into her eyes “Please, tell me… Why… What happened? Did I do something? Whatever it is, we can fix this together. You just have to tell me”.
At that moment Cullen felt a tiny glimmer of hope. Maybe she was right? Maybe he shouldn’t have acted in such a way? But then he remember the words.
You will do nothing but constrain her. You do not belong to the same worlds. You will only be a burden for her.
“It is of no importance anymore” he said “We cannot be together”.
“What do you mean ‘we cannot’? Who told you that? This is absurd! I love you. Why would you say such horrible things?” she started panicking. Cullen never behaved in such a way. She thought that it had to be some kind of a cruel joke on his part but he seemed to be so certain of his words.
“Because I do not wish to be with you anymore!” he yelled. He couldn’t force himself to look at her although he knew it would have helped her believe those lies. But he just couldn’t. He knew that her deep, blue eyes would have made him ready to beg her for forgiveness.
She stood behind him and felt as if the sky opened and a lightning hit her hard. She was paralyzed. She heard him but the words haven’t yet reached her mind.
“You said you loved me” she whispered with tears welling up in her eyes.
“Well…” he answered loudly. Maker, why? Why do I have to do it? I’m hurting us both… “I don’t” he finished, turned around and slammed the door.
Evelyn fell down on her knees, numb and lifeless.
He doesn’t love me. It was the only thought that kept ringing loudly in her head. After some time, she started sobbing silently. She felt as if she was never supposed to be happy again.
***
He kept reading the letter over and over again not knowing why. Did he really enjoy torturing himself this much?
It was a letter from Evelyn’s parents. A letter that changed everything.
First time he thought about proposing to Evelyn was when she went fighting with Corypheus. He promised himself that if… no, when she comes back, he will do everything to make her happy. And at that particular moment he thought that marriage would be a perfect way of saying how much he loved and adored her. How much she meant to him.
Then, he realized that he should probably ask her parents for permission. After all, she was a noble and that’s what nobles do. He decided to keep everything as close to tradition as possible. Evelyn deserved the best and he was determined to give it to her.
What he could not foresee is that the answer was negative.
To Sir Cullen Rutherford, Commander of the Inquisition Army,
We regret to inform you that we shall deny your audacious plea. We sincerely believe that any form of further explanation is entirely unnecessary; however, we shall gladly remind you that you bare no respected title or lands, which means that you should be completely unable to provide our daughter the happiness she deserves. What is more, we are inclined to notice that your lack of noble upbringing would be only unfortunate for both of your sakes. You will do nothing but constrain her. You do not belong to the same worlds. You will only be a burden for her.
Not to mention, we have already managed to organize the appropriate match for our daughter and we will gladly inform her about it for we intend to arrive soon.
They didn’t even bother to write their names at the end. Of course, it was fully intended as an insult, Cullen knew that all too well. He found out that in fact they made the necessary arrangements and are arriving in three days. Nobles.
First time he read it, he couldn’t believe his eyes. After reading it for the second time, he felt his heart shattering into little pieces.
So that was it. After all they have been through together, he was forced to take a step back. Because even if their words hurt him like nothing else, deep down he realized that they were true. He wasn’t of noble origins. He couldn’t give Evelyn anything of use. No title, no lands… And even though he felt jealousy crashing his chest, he couldn’t help it but silently agree that whoever they chose for her must be more worthy of her than some ex-Templar with a shady past.
He knew it wasn’t going to be easy. He knew that Evelyn wouldn’t let him go at once. So he decided to do it quickly, also because he was convinced that it would be the least painful way. He was wrong.
He started packing his clutter to one of the chests. He would later order someone to bring them to him. For now, it was important to just… disappear. As quickly as possible. He left a note for Rylen, instructing him that by the time he comes back, he will have to take up his responsibilities as Commander. Eventually, they will figure out that he was never coming back and they will be forced to choose someone else for this position.
But it wasn’t his problem to worry about. Not anymore.