Chapter Text
Higuchi is dead.
Light is wondrous and terrifying.
Light is himself again, alive with the glow of Kira, with godhood. He’s the best possible version of himself and in this darkest hour before the dawn he’s so close to winning. He and L are on a knife’s edge. The situation is precarious, and L is ruthless in a way only someone with a mind like that can be.
These handcuffs…
They’ve taught Light things.
Tethered to L he’s gotten closer to his reflection than ever before. Karl Jung, all that talk about the shadow of the mind…
Light’s self is reversed in L, but the components are fundamentally the same. They’re the same. They are two, almost extinct, animals and they will fight to the death for supremacy.
But do they have to…?
L is…
He is infuriating, yes.
But Light has never encountered someone like L before and, after eighteen years, he knows he never will again. Whoever wins this will be alone. Devastatingly alone. And it will be worse still because, for these ninety days, they have been together. They have been seen. They have slept in the same bed and typed their strange songs on mechanical keyboards until the wee soft hours of the night.
They have found each other.
And now they have to kill each other.
It makes sense, survival of the fittest.
But Light knows best, about almost everything, doesn’t he?
To kill L, to splatter all those dazzling brain cells on a cheaply painted wall…
It’s the most wasteful kind of thing.
Light hates the gluttony of waste. He hates the idea of trashing things that are beautiful, or useful, or rare just because some ingrate doesn’t appreciate what they’re dealing with. He’s a practical person and he’s calculated that the new world would be better with L in it.
But L…?
Well, L doesn’t know what’s best for him.
He’s a dangerously brilliant man but he’s childish, and he’s stubborn, and he wants to win more than he wants to live.
It’s waste.
It’s disgusting.
Light needs to fix this.
“Surely the handcuffs…?” Matsuda calls in the real world.
“It’s late, you should all go home for now,” L dismisses.
“Well done tonight everyone,” Light chimes with a smile.
L glances at him, scowling, but Light lets the expression bounce off him.
“Yeah, but—” Matsuda tries again.
“I need to review all the data.” L grunts. “I’m sure Light will indulge me one more night for security reasons?”
“Of course, Ryuzaki,” Light lounges in his desk chair. “We have to be careful, even with me. Magic notebooks don’t make this equation any simpler.”
“I’ll try not to snore,” L jokes, turning back to the computer screen.
“Goodnight everyone!” Light waves the detectives off, prompting them to leave. He and L are done with them for tonight and they, for their part, are too tried to argue.
Light sags back as the door shuts, sighing his head back.
“We’ve gotten pretty good at playing good-cop, bad-cop with the kids.” Light teases.
“You shouldn’t pump them up like that.”
“They did good work tonight.” Light argues.
“Higuchi is dead.” L ruminates. “We’ve lost our most valuable lead in catching Kira.”
“He was Kira.”
“A Kira, not the Kira.” L shoots knowingly.
“Well, all the same,” Light sighs, “you win more flies with honey, Ryuzaki. If we don’t console them a little they’ll be less productive and I know that would irritate you more.”
L huffs, rubbing his jaw furtively.
Light reaches across the desktop, stroking down his chin—
L catches his wrist, squeezing it hard.
Light freezes.
“What’re you doing?” L murmurs.
“You need to shave Ryuzaki.” Light’s fingers twitch. “You’re getting scratchy again.”
L releases his wrist wordlessly.
Light draws his hand back into his lap. “You look worried.”
“How do you know what I look?” L scoffs.
“I’ve been living with you, for ninety days,” Light scoots his chair a little closer. “I fall asleep with you every night and wake up with you every morning. It’s certainly the most intimate I’ve ever been with another person, especially one I’m not blood related to, and I would guess, given your social skills—”
“I’m not in the mood, Light.”
There’s a tension in L’s expression, a slice of pain.
He knows.
Or he suspects.
Kira is looming over him again.
He, perhaps more than anyone, can feel the shiver of venom in Light’s body.
“Then let’s not fight,” Light reaches for him again, folding his hand atop L’s on the table. “Let’s turn in for the night. It’s just us, you can relax.”
“Can I…?” L glances towards him.
Light’s hand lifts, back to L’s bony jaw. “If I was going to kill you, Ryuzaki, I wouldn’t do it in your heavily guarded fortress.” He laughs, expression soft.
L sags, more bitter than calm, but snorting warily let’s Light cup his cheek and thumb his cheekbone. Light shuffles closer, the wheels of the chair squeaking, and leans into L’s side.
“I think, more than anything,” Light whispers. “You’re scared you’re right.”
“Hmm?” L turns towards him, leaning into Light’s palm.
“I think you’re convinced I’m Kira,” Light replies, “but I also think you desperately hate that you think that’s true. I think, deep down, you hope you’re wrong.”
L blinks at him, like Light’s just said the magic words.
And they are magic, spell like.
They’re words Light hasn’t had the balls to say without his memories. Because his little amnesiac self was scared too. Scared to draw attention to the sword hanging over them. But Light will say it. Because Light fears nothing.
“But I’m not wrong,” L murmurs, expression illicitly tender as Light rubs his thumb over L’s lips. “I know you’re Kira.”
“We’ll see, won’t we?” Light whispers. “But that’s the great tragedy, isn’t it? Because you like me, as a person, but if I’m Kira—”
“I like you very much.” L admits, gripping his wrist again. “You’re the first real friend I’ve ever had, Light. It will pain me very much when this ends.”
But does it have to?
L thinks its does.
Maybe he’s too fastened to the old world to ever change.
But Light’s a god, a real god.
What’s a little conversion going to take?
L is smart enough to see his splendour, to like it.
“I think,” Light leans close. “You like Kira more than Light Yagami.”
L scoffs, pulling away.
Light rests his hands on L’s empty seat, leaning into his arms, and standing the detective adjusts the handcuff around his wrist.
“Come to bed, Light.”
He beckons, he lures…
And that’s it, isn’t it?
The truth and the solution hit Light in a single dazzling epiphany.
L has to fall in love with him.
L has to fall desperately, deeply, in love with him to live.
To save L’s life, Light has to seduce him.
In their rooms, upstairs, Light convinces L to sit on the edge of the tub in the bathroom. L shrugs off his shirt, resting his forearms on his thighs as he sits back in his jeans. Light dithers between the sink counter and L. Leaning forward Light precisely drags the razor down L’s cheek.
“Intimate, isn’t it?” L grunts.
“What?”
“All of this.”
“I could slit your throat,” Light smirks playfully.
“You could,” L seems to consider, but doesn’t pull away.
Light rinses the razor in the sink, the tap running in a thin but continuous stream.
“Why do you think Higuchi died, Light?” L asks.
“You want to ask me, your prime suspect, this question? Right now?” Light stress as he runs the razor up L’s chin.
“I’m curious what you’ll say.”
“Obviously it was an escape hatch.” Light answers, leaning into his knees.
“Interesting, elaborate?”
“Higuchi was a replacement Kira, a substitute, right?”
“Right.”
“He’s served his purpose, or else we got too close, so he needed to be disposed of so he couldn’t compromise the real Kira.”
“The real Kira who is out there, and who knows intimately what we’re doing,” L supplies.
“I suppose he must.”
Light rinses the little baby hairs of the razor again, coming back.
“And, if you were me,” L says, “you’d be Kira’s number one enemy.”
“Oh yes,” Light laughs, “lucky I’m not you.”
“But what would you do, if you were me?”
“Be more specific.” Light beckons.
“I’ve got a suspect, two technically,” L clicks his tongue, “and Higuchi is dead but there’s seemingly no way you or Misa could’ve killed him. So would you uncuff you?”
Light runs the razor down another patch of skin, making precise lines in the foam. “No.”
“No?” L rues.
“Higuchi was killing people with a magic notebook. Just because you don’t understand how Misa or I could’ve killed Higuchi doesn’t mean we didn’t. Logic has to be used precisely here because we’re dealing with supernatural things.” Light declares.
“You don’t think I should set you free?”
“No, God no.” Light tuts. “You think I’m Kira. If I thought you were Kira, I wouldn’t let you out of my sight for a second, especially not now. Obviously this is where things get interesting, why take a chance like that with your life?”
L sits with that.
Light rinses the razor off and comes back with a wet hand towel to wipe off L’s newly shaved face. L bats his hand away and starts to rub himself clean.
“You know the trouble with paranoia, Light?”
“Oh yes,” Light leans back into the counter, “now you think I have a scheme, don’t you?”
“If I was Kira, and you were the detective,” L flips the script. “I’d want to get out of these handcuffs immediately, so I could move more freely. So I could kill you more easily.”
“Yes, well, as I am not Kira—”
L laughs, but he sounds tired.
Light snorts, slouching into the counter.
“Brush your teeth, Not-Kira.” L orders.
Light pivots, instinctively moving with the chain and fishes up his toothbrush.
L sighs thickly.
“Stop thinking so hard.” Light teases.
“It’s think or die. What other options do I have?”
“I thought you liked the game? I thought it was a thrill?” Light says around the plastic in his mouth. “Aren’t you having fun anymore?”
“Less so.” L admits. “My life has never been this far out on the line. I thought—Turns out I wasn’t ready for it.”
“You’re scared for me too. I can feel it.”
“Can you?” L chuckles, almost accusatory.
“Want to spoon, Ryuzaki?” Light teases over his shoulder.
L cackles, a real laugh ripping out of him evidently without his permission.
“Stop that,” L laughs. “You’re not taking this seriously.”
“I am, of course I am,” Light promises. “I don’t want either of us to die.”
“So how does distracting me help us?”
“You need to think clearly, and if you’re too far in the weeds you’ll make mistakes.”
L snorts. “Maybe.”
Light spits up in the sink, running the tap again and stashing the toothbrush.
“It’s funny, you know,” Light laughs, “this feels like my first adult apartment. Like you’re my roommate. Isn’t that surreal? Like we’re at an internship together or something.”
L laughs, tenser this time. “I’ve never lived a life like that. It’s a nice fantasy.”
“You know, for two very different people, we’ve made this living arrangement pretty comfortable.” Light declares, leading them into the bedroom.
“Different?” L stops at the edge of the bed, unbuckling his pants to strip down to his boxers. “I think we’re very alike, Light.”
“Alike, but different.” Light concedes. “The different parts are what makes the alikeness more exciting, don’t you think?”
“I suppose,” L tugs back the covers.
He’s a funny thing in his boxers, L. He’s all gangly, pudgy in funny places and bony in others. His painted black nails, his well-kept toes, his hairy legs…
And he has to become Light’s.
That’s their only escape here.
So Light crawls into their bed. L fishes up the remote, flicking off the over heads and—
“Can you turn the AC up? It’s muggy.” Light asks.
There’s the tell-tale beep of L adjusting the temperature.
“Now,” Light shuffles a little closer in the darkness, “about spooning.”
L laughs, “I thought you were joking?”
“Maybe,” Light grins into his naked shoulder. “Unless it would genuinely make you feel better.”
“I don’t know what would make me feel better,” L rues. “I wish you’d take this more seriously.”
“Kira’s not here, between us,” Light lies. “And I’m the good cop, remember?”
“Are there any good cops?”
“Shut up, my Dad’s a good cop.”
“Debatable.”
“Oh shut up,” Light nudges him, shoves him. “Now you’re just trying to pick a fight.”
“Would he still love you, if you were Kira?” L wonders.
Light’s stomach twists, but he bites instead of backs away, “would you, Ryuzaki?”
“What…?” L whispers.
“Will you still love me, if you’re right and I’m Kira?” Light challenges brazenly, lips moving against the curve of L’s shoulder as he talks.
“Why do you say things like that?” L grumbles, rolling away. “You weren’t this ruthless yesterday, were you?”
“You’re avoiding the question,” Light whispers, tapping his fingers against L’s twitching back muscles like he’s playing piano keys.
“There’s no question.” L grunts. “We’re on a case together.”
“You said I was your friend.”
“I was lying. You should know all about—”
“No, you weren’t.” Light cuts him abruptly. “You weren’t lying.”
“How would you know?”
“You see me so clearly,” Light scoffs. “You think I don’t see you?”
L is quiet.
Light keys his shoulder.
“We need to sleep, Light.”
“You asked that question, to hurt me,” Light points out. “You know my Dad would be heartbroken if I was Kira. Why aren’t I allowed to hurt you back? You’re so childish.”
“I am,” L murmurs. “I’m horribly childish.”
Light flattens his hand against L’s back, resting skin on skin.
“You’re so distracting.” L sighs.
“I’m not doing anything.” Light argues.
“Now who’s being childish?”
“Ryuzaki,” Light bats, “have you ever kissed someone?”
“What does that matter?”
“Well, if I’m Kira,” Light counters, “than one of us is going to die. I don’t want to die without a kiss, do you?”
“Go to sleep Light.”
Light slides his hand away, but leaning forward, presses his cool lips in a soft kiss to the back of L’s shoulder.
L stiffens beautiful down the entire length of his spine.
“If you can grow up tomorrow,” Light whispers, “I’ll give you a real one.”
L doesn’t reply.
“Night Ryuzaki,” Light rolls over.