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Soobin and Yeonjun sit down on one of the benches in the park, watching the sunset in front of them. One seat apart. So close yet so far. The space between them, it’s not that big yet it feels so empty.
Their fingers are itching to hold onto one another’s hands again. Like how they used to before. Right. Used to. Soobin balls his fist, doing his best to hold himself back from reaching out for Yeonjun’s hand.
The younger looks to his left, seeing the man whom he loves so much, sitting inches away from him. He studies Yeonjun’s features, like it’ll be his last time seeing him. From his hair to his chin, making sure to remember every single detail, in case he forgets—not like he would. Soobin has always loved everything about Yeonjun.
It’s been two weeks since they last talked and had seen each other after a really huge fight between them. They’ve been getting into a lot of fights and arguments these past few weeks or even months. Even in the smallest of things, they’d make a big deal out of it, until things just got out of hand and Soobin ran away from Yeonjun’s apartment. The gap between them was getting bigger and bigger.
So, Soobin texted the elder, telling him to go to the park—a place full of their memories. Yeonjun agreed, wanting to fix all of these and talk things out.
Yeonjun clears his throat, earning the attention of the other boy. “This scenery is so beautiful. God, I could look at this forever.” Chuckling under his breath after uttering those words.
Soobin just stares at the other, not knowing what to say. He wants to tell him that he’s much more beautiful than that, but it’s not as easy now as it was before. That big, empty, and fragile space between them that holds him back.
“This park really is the best.” Yeonjun looks around the place, reminiscing every little thing they did there. From when they first met, to when he asked Soobin to be his on a snowy day in december, and when they had their several dates here. Now, here they are. Still in their favorite place, together as always.
The sky, the sunset, the park—everything would’ve been perfect, if only things weren't messy between them. If only they were okay. If only .
Soobin hums as a response. Watching the sunset with Yeonjun is totally something he’d love to do, but not in this state, not when their relationship is on the edge.
“I love you.” Yeonjun pauses. He looks to his right, staring completely at Soobin’s eyes. “You know that, don’t you?”
“I know, always.” Soobin closes his eyes. It hurts him. He couldn’t help but ask himself how’d they get into this situation? What happened to them? They were alright. So, how?
Yeonjun cracks a small smile, still looking at the younger. He lets out a sigh of relief.
“I love you, always.” Tears drop from Soobin’s eyes as he responds. It felt like a farewell ‘I love you’ for him. This is driving him crazy.
Yeonjun nods, averting his gaze towards the sunset. “I love you. So much.” The elder smiles sadly. “But it hurts already.” He fiddles with his fingers, a mannerism he does when he’s anxious or nervous. Soobin notices it. Only God knows how much he wants to hold Yeonjun’s hands right now.
“Are you tired of this?” Soobin asks with a quivering voice. He watches how Yeonjun nods lightly, not wanting to look at him directly now. “Sorry.” The elder nods once again, still not looking.
“Do you still want us to keep going?” Soobin waits for his answer. Every second that Yeonjun doesn’t speak is killing him slowly inside.
Yeonjun continuously watches the scenery, admiring its beauty. Closing his eyes as he inhales the fresh air. Yeonjun has always loved the sunset. He shakes his head as a response, repeatedly telling himself not to cry. He couldn’t say the word “No.” out loud.
“I don’t know, I don’t know anymore.” Yeonjun finally looks at Soobin. He notices the reddish eyes of the younger’s, looking back at him. “I want to be with you, I really want, but us breaking up, don’t you think it would be better for us as individuals? Our relationship has been toxic lately, we fight and argue too much. Too much. Those two weeks I spent without you, I thought about you, about us , about our relationship . We were—are unhealthy, physically and mentally.” He reaches out for Soobin’s left hand, caressing it in the most gentle way he could. Yeonjun genuinely smiles at him. Soobin thinks he’s pretty. Even if he’s on the verge of crying, even if he looks like he hasn't slept and showered for days—Yeonjun will always be pretty for Soobin.
He closes his eyes and thinks about what the other told him, still feeling Yeonjun’s hand on his. Tears drop from his eyes as he then realizes how the elder is always, Always , thinking on what would be better, if not better, best for him. Doing so even more when Yeonjun wipes the tears away from his cheeks with his thumb. Soobin opens his eyes, meeting a pair of lovely eyes. He nods.
“Okay. If that’s what’ll be better for us.” Soobin hugs Yeonjun, crying in his shoulders as he does. He smells the scent of the perfume he gave him for his birthday last year. Yeonjun hugs Soobin back. It’s warm, always has been.
“I love you.” Yeonjun whispers in the younger’s right ear, stroking Soobin’s hair to calm the boy down. ‘I should’ve told you more before.’ He regrets every single second of the days they fought and every single second he foolishly acted because for every single second that passed, he could’ve told Soobin how much he loves him.
Soobin just continues to cry, not wanting to let go of Yeonjun yet, because the moment he does, he knows he won’t be able to see him for a long, long time.
“What if we meet again and we still love each other?” Yeonjun chuckles endearingly at Soobin’s question as he wipes his own tears away from his eyes. A typical question from the boy.
“We will try again.” Yeonjun breaks the hug. “Maybe things are finally better for us in the future.” Yeonjun looks in front of him, seeing that the sun has almost set. He ruffles Soobin’s hair for the last time, kissing the younger’s forehead a goodbye too.
Yeonjun was about to stand up and go home already, when Soobin suddenly held onto his hand, keeping him from taking a step. Pressing his forehead onto his back hand.
“I’m sorry.” That was the last thing Soobin heard from Yeonjun before he watched his figure slowly vanishing away from the park, leaving him alone with his half broken, half mended heart. They ended things where they first started.
Soobin glances at the sky. The sun is now nowhere to be seen, completely replaced by the moon. It watches him, along with the billions of stars, cry over someone he loved so deeply.
Soobin doesn’t move from his seat. Constantly looking over at the empty space where Yeonjun was sitting earlier. Hoping that maybe he’d come back for him. Maybe.
Yeonjun didn’t.
Yeonjun never did.
For the better.