Chapter Text
Even after more than 15 years as an NYPD detective, Kate Beckett knew she had not seen it all. She knew, that even after the past few months of monotonous routine mob hits and love affairs gone wrong, that something would come up. Something that would finally shake her again, renew the passion for detective work that Loksat had stolen from her.
She rolled over in bed and smiled at the man beside her. Loksat might have stolen some of her passion, but there was one thing he hadn’t managed to steal.
Her husband.
Two years of marriage, and she didn’t think she would ever get tired of thinking it, of hearing other people reference him as her husband.
Castle opened his eyes, groaning. He rubbed his forehead and blinked away the last remnants of sleep. “What time is it?”
Kate checked her watch. “Just after nine.”
“Remind me never to do that again.” He sighed and let his head flop back onto the pillow.
“Never to do what again? Party too hard at your daughter’s birthday…I mean really Castle? Beer pong? I thought you learned your lesson after that one case…”
“Exactly! That was one time, and you weren’t even supposed to see that! And we were supposed to be at a hotel. Alexis told me she didn’t want me at her party. I gave her free reign of the house. Then she calls us and tells us to come back? Why?”
Kate’s eyes drifted to his bare chest. Over the years, she had grown used to seeing her own bullet scar in the mirror. She never thought she would see one mirrored on Castle. She had…damn it, everything she had done had been to protect him. She had almost blown up her marriage to protect him, and here it was, staring her in the face every single day. The consequences.
“Hey.” Castle grabbed her hand, forcing her to look back at his face. His eyes were concerned but steady. “It’s all okay. We’re okay. We survived. Everything is back to normal, right?”
“In theory, it might be, but in practice…Castle, your daughter watched you die and then come back to life in a hospital bed for a week straight. She lost you for two months when you went missing. No wonder she wants to keep you close. You just need to give her time. We all need time.”
He tugged her into his embrace. Kate curled up against him. She, for so long, had forced herself to be the strong one. To bear the mental load of her and everyone around her. But she had learned since the Loksat shooting that she couldn’t be that way with her husband. Not anymore. They had been through too much.
Castle’s fingers traced across her bare skin. First, the ghost of a touch against the scar from the attempted assassination at Montgomery’s funeral. Then, a firmer touch to a fresher wound—the one from just a few months ago.
“You’re right, you know,” he said. “Life will never be normal again. But Kate—we both thought we were going to die. We both thought we would never have this again.” He gestured to the sunlight streaming in through the open window. A cool autumn breeze fluttered the curtains. “We never thought we would have this. Us. I could never ask for anything more. And I refuse to live one more second of my life without you. Always, right?”
The words tugged at her heart. She ducked her head and pressed a kiss to their entwined hands. “Always.”
They lay like that for a few more minutes. Then her phone buzzed. She scooted across the bed and reached for it.
“Please not a murder, please do not be a murder.”
She smiled as she unlocked her phone. “Who are you and what have you done with Castle?”
“I’m too old to have had that much to drink. My murder solving prowess will not be in full effect today.”
“Hello?”
“Kate?” Lainie’s voice echoed through the phone. “You need to get down here, there’s something you’re going to want to see.”
Something in her chest froze. “I’m captain now, Lanie. Get Ryan and Esposito to respond to the crime scene.”
A pause at the other end of the line. “Well, you’re gonna want to come to this one personally, I promise. I’ll send you the address.”
Kate hung up. She stared at the wall in front of her. From the sounds of it, the 12th had finally snagged an interesting case. So why did she feel so empty inside? Why did she have no desire to go?”
“What’s wrong?” Castle stood up and crossed to her side of the bed, sitting down next to her.
She didn’t say anything for a minute, gathering her breath. “Is it wrong? That when we were in Paris for the past few weeks—I didn’t think about work for one second. I didn’t wonder what the boys were doing, how my precinct was doing…I miss it, but I don’t. A part of me feels…broken, but also not.”
He didn’t say anything.
“Rick?”
“You want to know how I felt before I met you? I felt like I was drifting. On the surface, I enjoyed the partying and the women and the toys that my money could buy, but it wasn’t until I met you that I woke up with purpose every day. Even when we were fighting, even when I was reduced to the PI business, I still felt that purpose. Sure, the bestselling career I’d always envisioned might have fallen a bit by the wayside, but I at least woke up with a sense of direction every morning.” He rested his hand on her thigh. “It’ll come back to you, Kate, whatever it is that gives you that sense of purpose. And I’ll be with you. No more secrets, remember?”
A smile tugged at her lips, remembering their vow renewal in Paris. The big wedding celebration she had missed, where they finally vowed to hold each other close at every moment. No matter what, she would never keep another case like Loksat from her husband again.
She smiled at him, wide and bright. She could see her own love reflected in his eyes. Only a few people in the world really understood the true Richard Castle. The playboy she had first met had never been him. This—the love for his family, for his craft—this was the authentic Richard Castle. The one his adoring fans would never see.
A text came in from Lanie. The crime scene was on the other side of Manhattan. “Want to ride with me?” she asked.
Castle shook his head. “I have do something about this hangover first. And then I have some business at the PI office. Alexis and Haley finally caught an interesting case, and there are a lot of papers I need to sign from our time away. I’ll meet you at the precinct for lunch?”
Kate kissed him goodbye and left, holstering her gun. A surge of anxiety gripped her. Loksat was dead. Defeated. She had to keep reminding herself of that. For both their sakes.