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“Does he get that look in his eye?”
Mickey was sat at the bar of the alibi, still looking at apartments for him and Ian to rent whilst his husband slaved (well ok not exactly slaved) away tending bar and mixing drinks. Ian sauntered over to him and took a drink of his beer, earning a raised eyebrow from Mickey.
“What? It’s not like you paid for it” Ian reasoned, offering it back to his husband after he’d quenched his thirst.
“S’ok, you can pay me back later” said Mickey casually, but throwing a smirk his lovers’ way.
“Oh is that so? And how would you like me to-“ Ian began as he leaned forward on his elbows against the bartop, inching closer to Mickey’s lips, when he was rudely interrupted by a fake cough coming from the right side of the bar. Both he and Mickey turned, annoyed, to glare at whoever had intruded on their moment of shameless flirting.
“The fuck you want Kermit?” Mickey spat at the man, eyes narrowing in dislike. “And where’s your other half gone?”
Kermit flustered at that and squirmed slightly in his seat, before looking shiftily around the bar, as if to make sure there was no-one else to overhear.
“Ian, um…when did you uh, I mean how did you... Wait, let me try again, um-“
“Jesus Christ while we’re young Kermit!” Mickey rolled his eyes and went back to scrolling through Zoopla. Ian frowned at him but turned more kindly towards Kermit.
“What’s up?” He asked lightly, drying a glass with a dishrag to try and make himself look even more the part of a sympathetic bartender.
Kermit took a steading drink, took a long, deep breath then blurted out -
“Me and Tommy fucked when we got high off of those brownies that Kev and Vee made and like they made us super horny and we fucked in the bathroom and it was amazing and so good and I’ve never been with a guy before and I really wanna do it again but Tommy acts like it never happened which makes me sad as it was the best sex I’ve ever had and ever likely to have again and maybe it was the brownies that made us gay but I don’t care I just really wanna do it again but I don’t wanna lose my friend” in one long breath, before breathing in deeply and looking much more relaxed for getting it all out. Mickey and Ian meanwhile looked frozen to the spot. Mickey was the first to move, his head slowly lifting up from his phone to stare at Kermit in what can only be described as shock, disgust, and goddammit, grudging respect.
Ian’s face was slowly starting to do that weird scrunched up thing that he does when he’s thinking hard. Mickey calls it his ‘Resting Himbo Face”.
“You think brownies made you gay?” Because of course that’s what he took from that revelation. Of course. Mickey ignored him and fired off the first of many, many questions that he had.
“You and Tommy fucked? For real? In the Alibi bathroom? Fuck, I can feel that beef burrito I had at lunch threatenin’ to come back up” Mickey stated as he rubbed his stomach uneasily and willed the food to stay put.
“I just- I don’t know what to do. And you’re the only gay guys I know! Could I be gay? I’m 49 and I’ve only ever been with women -“ Mickey tried and failed to repress a shudder “- but maybe it was just lying dormant and now it’s been activated!” Kermit was getting more worked up, running a hand through his thinning hair.
“Look, Kermit, you don’t have to label anything right now, or at all if you’re not comfortable. Maybe you’re one of those people who aren’t attracted to certain genders, but rather just certain people. And this time it just so happens to be a guy” Ian shrugged his shoulders, as if that explained everything. Kermit just shook his head in confusion.
“What about you? Did you always know you were gay? What if someone said to you; ‘Oh you’ve just not met the right woman yet’?”
“Ay! Fuck you Kermit, I’m a fuckin’ catch. I ain’t a stand-in until Red here meets Miss Right” Mickey glared at him in an offended manner.
Not for the first time that day Ian was regretting agreeing to watch the Alibi for Kev and Vee. He could be home right now watching TV or fucking his mouthy husband into the mattress.
“Everybody’s different Kermit. I can’t tell you who to be attracted to. Some people are attracted all genders, or none at all. For me, I just worked out at a young age that I was never gonna be attracted to women. I like dudes, always have.” He caught Mickey’s eye at that point and winked at him, earning him the patented ‘Mickey Milkovich’s flirty bouncing eyebrows’ look and a smirk in return.
“I guess” Kermit replied glumly.
“Look man it’s pretty simple, you like the guy yeah? Tell ‘im. If he tells you to fuck off, find someone else you wanna fuck and who wants to fuck you back. Worst thing you can do is keeping that shit bottled up, trust me” said Mickey, who was now receiving starry eyes from his husband.
“I think that might be the most romantic thing you’ve ever said Mick” Ian whispered, causing the other man to blush. Ian was still staring at him intently, and Mickey bit his lip before standing abruptly and motioning for the door with his head. Ian quickly got with the programme and discarded the dishrag and heading around the bar.
“Hey Kermit, we just gotta run an errand, you ok to watch the bar until Kev and Vee get back? You can have 2 free beers?”
Kermit sighed and nodded as the 2 men practically bolted out of the door. Errand huh, they must think he was stupid.