Work Text:
When she first got accepted into UConn, Toni imagined college going a lot differently. Practicing everyday, partying all night, girls who were just looking to experiment, girls who knew what they wanted…and school or whatever.
What she didn’t imagine was a pandemic with an egregious amount of downtime.
Unfortunately, Toni is the kind of person who needs structure, lest she spiral into a void of swimming in blankets while mindlessly scrolling on TikTok for hours on end.
This, plus the ever true trope of college students with zeros in all the wrong places when braving their bank accounts, led Toni to where she is now: approximately 2 hours and 37 minutes into her shift at the Mail Center.
Truthfully, the Mail Center wasn’t all that bad. It gave her a chance to catch up on her mandated reading (who knew Intro to Astronomy was less looking at cool pictures and more boring physics problems that seemingly had nothing to do with actual space), practice her jumpshot with balls of rolled up tape and other trash students thought was okay to leave behind, and occasionally hang with Martha when she would visit.
Now, visits from Marty were usually a great way to cheer her up during a long shift. Today, however, it was a little unwelcome, as-
“All I’m saying is if I were you, Shalifoe, I’d have a different girl in my-”
Fatin, the girl who had just inexplicably been nailed in the chest with a roll of packing labels and Martha’s roommate, never knew when to keep her mouth shut.
“No, you wouldn’t. First of all, I would never let you bring them back to your room because Marty would probably be asleep in her frog onesie, and if you bothered her I’d kill you. Two, I have a lot going on, okay? I don’t have time to worry about getting herpes from some Psych major.”
“Please. Everyone knows business majors are the ones most likely to have herpes.”
“What? Who the fuck cares? I was trying to prove a point.”
“No Toni, it’s true. This girl in my Bio lecture said her friend got herpes so bad she was hospitalized and never came back. Apparently she was a business major.” Martha says, nodding her head as she speaks.
“That doesn’t even make sense!”
Toni rolls her eyes, making it a point to ignore the look shared between the roommates sitting in front of her.
Martha is the first to brave the silence in the room.
“Toni, would it really be the worst thing in the world to put yourself out there? You’ve been on like, one date since you’ve been here.”
The glare Toni shoots her is one powerful enough to get her fired if her superiors ever saw it directed at the patrons of the Mail Center.
“Marty, I thought I told you not to-”
Fatin struggles to hold back her laughter, clutching her abs and pretending to wipe tears from her eyes as she practically folds herself onto the ground.
“Remember,” she says between struggling to get air into her lungs “when she, when she-”
“Fatin I swear to god if you finish that sentence.”
“When she fucking SLAMMED her head so hard-”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hit my head on her shoulder when she was trying to hug me goodbye so hard I thought I had a concussion.”
Not even Martha could hold her laughter back now.
Toni has to resist stomping her foot down like a toddler.
“Look, it’s not my fault she was so tall! And I was like, really high, okay?”
Fatin wipes one final tear from her eye, finally calming down.
“I mean, if you want her to stop bringing it up, the best thing to do is to try again. Don’t you want to find the love of your life? She could come to your games, and you could study in the library together, oh, we could go on double dates together Toni, wouldn’t that be fun?” Martha says, looking up at her with the same yearning stare she watches Hallmark movies with.
Toni pretends to hold back a gag, but she knows Martha can see right through her.
~
The rest of the week, practice had been so intense Toni basically forgets the conversation in the Mail Center ever happened. Instead of dates with random girls like her friends had wanted, she spends the weekend barely being able to lift her arms above her shoulder and watching random videos that pop up on her YouTube explore page.
When Monday rolls around, her body has yet to recover and the fact that it’s the busiest day of the week at work isn’t helping.
One would think that working in a Mail Center wouldn’t even be that difficult. Someone comes in, says their name, gives her their ID, Toni looks in the back for their package, and onto the next person in line. It should be an easy system.
But when people like the girl in front of her come in, that’s when the system breaks down.
“Look, the name on the package is yours. I don’t know what to tell you.” Toni says for the fifth time to the blonde girl at the counter.
“I understand that, and I hate to be a hassle, but I didn’t-”
“I know, I know, you didn’t order the stuff in there. Congrats, you won the Mail Center lottery. Can you just take it and leave?”
“And I get that, I do, but I do think it would be the right thing to do for me to give this back to whoever ordered it. I sure bet they are missin’ their beef jerky and uh…male pleasure toy a whole lot more than I would enjoy it. There’s also, like, a weird amount of loofas in there that I really do not need so if you would kindly -”
Toni is at her breaking point. When this girl first got to the front of the line, she thought it would be a short interaction with an unfairly attractive looking girl, but of course the universe had something else in mind for her. The line behind the girl is piling up, and Dot, her co-worker, can only handle so much before there is a full on riot from the people having to wait outside in the cold.
“And if you would kindly pull your head out of your ass and see there’s other people trying to get their shit, we wouldn’t be in this situation.”
The blonde at least has the decency to look embarrassed.
She stares down at her hands as she picks at her nails.
“Would-could I just-I really can’t have this in my dorm, and Lord knows how I would even go about gettin’ rid of this, so can I just leave this here with you. Maybe the rightful owner will stop by and-”
Does this girl just think she can get away with whatever she wants with a smile and some nice words? Yeah, maybe that works with every other guy on this campus, but not Toni.
“Like I said, for the sixth time, I can’t just let you leave shit here.”
The blonde looks like she’s about to cry. And yeah, Toni doesn’t just let people walk all over her, but she does have the decency to feel at least a little bad. And maybe there isn’t a rule about leaving stuff at the Mail Center and Toni just wanted her out the door so she could deal with everyone else in line and leave early, but she is too stubborn to admit that now.
Dot gives her a look which Toni translates to dude, hurry the fuck up .
So she sighs, and when she looks back at the girl, she’s already smiling like she knows what Toni is about to say.
And that’s how it starts.
~
The next time Toni sees the girl, it’s a much tamer Thursday. Her body is less sore, the line is much shorter, and Toni’s actually in a pretty good mood.
She’s in such a good mood, in fact, she lets Dot leave early. Sometimes Toni likes the peace and quiet anyway.
Currently, she is sitting in the back of the mailroom trying to see how fast she can make the office chair spin. Yeah, it’s the peace and quiet she likes for sure.
Just when she kicks off for the third time, going faster than she thinks the chair can handle, she hears the bell in the front chime.
Putting her foot down to try and stop herself, Toni fails to realize exactly how fast she was going.
She topples face first into a bag of packing peanuts.
“Is everythin’ alright back there?” she hears someone call out.
Toni tosses and turns for way longer than she’d like to admit trying to escape her foam prison.
When she finally clambers her way back to the front desk, a familiar looking face tries to hold back a lopsided smile.
This dampens Toni’s mood just the smallest bit. Who does this girl think she is, laughing at her for no reason? First, she comes in and holds up the line, complaining about something that was admittedly probably Toni’s fault. Then, she refuses to make her life easier and just take the package like any sane person would. On top of that, Toni had to talk to the guy that ordered all that weird shit because of her. And now, she has the nerve to laugh at her? Right to her face?
Toni gives the girl her best disinterested stare.
“Can I help you?”
The blonde seems to realize her totally inappropriate reaction, clearing her throat and shifting her eyes to the side to avoid eye contact with Toni.
And says nothing. She just looks to the side. And says absolutely nothing.
“Hello?”
The girl’s eyes blink back over towards Toni.
“Why, I am just so sorry. Totally spaced out for a minute there!”
No figure, Toni thinks to herself. She stares blankly at the girl, tilting her head at the fact the girl still has yet to tell her what she’s even doing there.
“Right. I’m here to pick up a package?”
“You don’t sound too sure about that.”
“Well, I am just a little unsure how to do this, it’s my first time and all.”
Toni raises an eyebrow.
“Your first time?”
The girl flushes.
“Not like, not like my first time first time. I’ve done…that…loads of times. Yep, like a ton of times.” she says, wildly gesticulating as she defends herself.
Toni can barely believe the words coming out of this girl's mouth.
“Listen man, I really don’t need to hear that. I just meant you were literally here the other day returning a package.”
The girl breaks eye contact again in favor of looking at her shoes and brushing her hair behind her now bright red ear.
Just wanting the interaction to end, Toni decides to help the girl out.
“I just need to see your ID.”
The girl squeaks out an ‘ okay’ and reaches for her wallet. She digs around the protruding receipts and jingling coins, and after another awkward minute of silence triumphantly brandishes her blue UConn ID.
Or what she thought was her UConn ID.
“Yeah, unless your name is either Dave and/or Buster, I don’t think you meant to give me this.”
The look on the other girl’s face is one of pure devastation.
Toni is half-surprised when there is no usual chipper response or shy smile from the other girl, just a grimace as she slowly takes back the gift card and swaps it for her real ID.
Toni sticks her thumb out over her shoulder. “I’m just gonna…go get that package.”
The girl continues to stare at her low-rise adidas as she nods.
She then spends the next five minutes running in circles in the back trying to locate the source of this terribly awkward situation. She checks everything on the shelf eye level with her first, then uses the fun sliding ladder for the tall shelves, and even army crawls around the floor searching for anything with the name-she checks the ID in her hand again-Shelby Goodkind on it.
Usually Toni likes to make this sort of thing a game, like a fucked up mail themed Where’s Waldo, but she figures this Goodkind girl has had enough, so she goes to search her name in the computer.
Weirdly enough, just like Toni’s search through the shelves, nothing comes up.
She rounds the corner to break the news to the blonde, but when she returns to the desk, the girl is no longer there. And Toni is left standing there, holding her ID like an idiot.
She throws herself onto a different, more stable spinning chair, huffing to herself as she runs her hand through her hair in frustration.
Only to come back not empty handed, but with a packing peanut squished between her pointer and middle finger.
Great. Just great.
~
Toni didn’t imagine she’d ever see Shelby again. She gave her ID to Dot (she figured she was doing the girl a favor), and goes about her routine as normal.
Weekdays were easy. Class in the morning, practice in the afternoon, shifts at the Mail Center after that.
Weekends were different.
Normally, any sane person would take these precious two days as a chance to unwind and destress from the hectic college schedule, like she had done the weekend prior.
That weekend had been an anomaly due to the sheer insanity brought down on the team at practice following a loss that Toni did not care to even think about.
But her typical weekend? Yeah, it’s a whole different beast.
Why?
Because weekends mean training with Rachel.
Now, Toni is far from out of shape. She’s a DI athlete at arguably the most prestigious women’s basketball program in the world. And she earned her spot not because of her height, not because she has connections or a large media following, but because she knows how to put in the work.
Or at least she thought she did.
Until she met Rachel.
“Shalifoe, don’t even think about stopping three reps early. I did not show up here this morning just to waste my time on someone who doesn’t bother trying.”
“Yeah, you fucking showed up here to kill me.” Toni manages, barely able to get the words out due to the strain of the weights.
Rachel sends her a look that says I’m doing you a favor, so don’t test me and Toni understands that yeah, she should probably keep her mouth shut and just lift the damn bar.
It’s on her last rep that she sees her.
Baby pink leggings, gray crop top, blonde ponytail and all.
Toni watches her fill her water bottle for a brief moment, but decides keeping Rachel in a…tolerable mood is more important than observing the strange girl she’d seen at work a few times.
They move onto the next exercise in Rachel’s seemingly never ending (yet impressive all the same) repertoire: wall sits, mountain climbers, some shit with a medicine ball that Toni doesn’t even know the name of.
As the sweat drips down the side of her face, she can feel the calm taking over her body.
It’s a welcome distraction from how intense moments in her life can be, to feel nothing but the strain of the dumbbell, to hear nothing but the sound of her own breathing, to see nothing but herself in the mirror, watching her right arm go up, then her left, then her right, then her left, then the eyes of a girl that just did what can only be described as a backflip off a treadmill a few feet behind her.
Toni sets the weights down on the rack in front of her, slicking her hair back away from her forehead as she turns to observe the scene behind her.
A handful of guys in tank tops cut way too generously surround the treadmill’s victim.
They fawn over her, checking to make sure her back and head are okay, most likely asking her who the first president was or shit like that to check for a concussion.
But the girl in question pays them no mind.
She keeps her green eyes trained on Toni.
Toni’s response to this?
She rolls her eyes for what feels like the hundredth time that week.
First of all, who gets so distracted judging someone at a gym that they fall off a fucking treadmill? Sure, most girls here are just doing cardio and abs, but that doesn’t mean Toni can’t work to build muscle, does it?
Also, whose eyes are that green that you can see them from that far away?
Plus, that girl has already gone out of her way to disrupt her life at work, now she’s invading her personal time to destress?
At this point, she must have it out for me, the basketball player concludes in her head.
Toni scans the gym for Rachel, finally making eye contact and lifting her chin towards the exit.
She simply just didn’t have the energy to be around that blonde girl any longer.
Little did she know she had barely scratched the surface.
~~~
Shelby Goodkind is used to having a pretty easy going college experience.
She has a perfectly perfect friend group, just the most amazing schedule a girl could ask for, a healthy diet and gym regimen, and not to mention the best roommate, like, ever.
A roommate who was sent from heaven above, and who is currently handing her a third ice pack to place…well, basically everything hurt so Shelby didn’t care where it went, as long as it numbed her pain just the slightest bit more.
“I know I keep sayin’ it, but I am just so thankful you’re takin’ care of me. I do hate to be a burden on anybody, trust and believe, but-“
“I literally got hit by a car once, and I think you’re worse than I was,” Leah deadpans. “Seriously, don’t worry about it.”
“To be completely honest, my ego is hurtin’ more than I am physically, which is sayin’ a lot right about now.” Shelby says as she stares off towards the ground, unable to even blink. Whether that is from sheer embarrassment or bewilderment, she doesn’t know.
“Come on, it couldn’t have been that bad, I bet she didn’t even notice.” Leah tries.
Shelby goes to cover her face with her hands, but freezes as a sudden pain runs up and down her back.
She groans and slowly, very slowly, brings her arms back down to her sides.
“I am tellin’ you, we made direct eye contact. And even if He was lookin’ out for me and she didn’t see that, what about every other time this week?”
While Shelby was used to having a good college experience, that didn’t mean it was perfect.
Like she said, she had the friends, the day to day, the roommate.
But the love department? N-O-T not going too well, thank you very much.
Leah awkwardly crosses her arms in front of her, biting her lip as she thinks of what to say.
“This isn’t like, the only impression you can make with her, right? Like fuck, the first few didn’t go exactly good, sure, but you have more opportunities, don’t you? Try try again!”
Shelby lifts one of her eyebrows in response.
“Yeah, I don’t know why I said that either. I think I’m still right though.”
And although Leah had a comically cliche way of phrasing it (which is saying a lot coming from a girl from Texas), Shelby did agree. She was right.
And she knew exactly how she was going to do it.
The first part of the plan was dare she say the hardest.
She had to call Dottie.
Once the door soundly closed behind Leah, no doubt to meet up with this mystery person she’d been seeing lately at the library, she picked up her phone and clicked Dottie’s contact.
It rang four times before she picked up, the many swirling heart emojis next to her name mocking her for the conversation she was about to have.
The first thing Dot says is, “Who the fuck calls anymore? You could have just texted me like a normal person. Or like, answer the 500 texts I’ve sent you the past week.”
“Dorothy Cambell, always a pleasure.”
“Let’s not be cute here Shelby. You gonna explain to me what the hell has been going on?”
Shelby opens her mouth to reply, but feels the words get stuck in her throat. This situation has by far been one of the most embarrassing in her life, and that includes the time she walked out for first round of a pageant in mismatched heels.
How could she explain to Dot, a girl from her hometown that doesn’t even know she is gay, that she has been making a fool of herself across campus because her coworker is just the most attractive woman she’d ever seen in her life?
Yeah, sorry ‘bout that Dottie! I am just the most raging lesbian, and I’m unable to even speak without puttin’ my foot in my mouth when I am in front of your coworker! I made a fool of myself the first day at the Mail Center because I got distracted droolin’ over her jawline, and then I heard her voice and all coherent thoughts just left my brain, aren’t I just so silly? Oh, I also fell off a treadmill because I simply could not for the life of me take my eyes off her biceps and forearms at the gym!
Yeah, that’s not creepy at all. So, she tries a different approach.
“I’ve been…busy?”
There’s a pause on the other line. Shelby can’t imagine Dottie is very impressed with her excuse.
“You’ve been too busy…to pick up your ID…which you need to get literally anywhere on campus?”
“…yes.”
“Yeah, I’m not buying it Shelby.”
Shelby doesn’t think anyone would. So, she steels herself for the conversation she is going to have to have.
“So, you know your coworker? The short brunette one?”
“You mean the only other person I work with? Yeah, I know Toni,” Dot sarcastically quips back.
Shelby mouths the name, testing how it feels on her lips. Toni.
“So I’ve been, well I’ve had a…bit of trouble, I guess, speaking to her, and well-“
“Shelby, I thought we were over this. Yes, she’s gay, but that doesn’t make her any different.”
Dot continues to ramble about how that doesn’t warrant just leaving her alone in the Mail Center with her ID when she was just trying to do her job, and how cool she is as a person and on and on and on.
But Shelby isn’t listening.
The girl she’s been crushing on, embarrassing herself in front of, and thinking about nonstop, is gay.
Sure, she had had her suspicions, but the confirmation of this information? It’s world stopping.
“Hold on for just a minute, Dottie. She’s gay?”
“Yes, Shelby. She’s gay. You didn’t know that? Then why else have you been-“
She stops herself mid-sentence. Shelby can practically hear the cogs turning in her head from the other line.
“Holy shit dude.”
“What?” Shelby says, feigning obliviousness.
“Come on Shelby, don’t make me say it. You know I hate being involved in this kind of stuff. Just tell me. It’s just me.”
Shelby knows that’s Dot’s way of telling her she is here for her. She knows this, but it doesn’t stop the nerves, the pounding in her chest, the sweat on her hands causing her phone to slide in her grasp.
She hangs up the phone.
She sends Dot a text telling her to leave her ID outside her room so she can pick it up later.
But when she closes her eyes, trying to fall asleep and shut out the world, she is haunted by the thought of soft brown eyes fueled by fire.
~
Shelby may be a coward, but she is not a quitter.
Her conversation with Dottie was a difficult one, one she felt should continue in person.
But as the saying goes, actions speak louder than words, and she was determined to act right in the meantime.
Besides, the last thing she wants is for Dottie to attempt to wingwoman for her. This is something she has to do for herself.
The second step of her master plan led her to Amazon, ordering item after item and paying special attention to the shipping dates.
This was to ensure picking up her packages wasn’t a one day thing, but a week long marathon.
And maybe so she could expedite the shipping so the first one was delivered the following Wednesday, giving her the chance to see Toni again sooner rather than later, but still giving herself time to recover from her blunder at the gym.
When Wednesday morning finally arrived, Shelby was careful to select the perfect outfit. She needed something with a clear message, something bold, something out of the box.
A flannel.
She wore a flannel.
Okay, maybe it wasn’t exactly bold, but it would get the job done if the Texan could avoid panicking and running out of the Mail Center without her ID, and that is all she could really ask for.
That, paired with what she had ordered on Amazon, was sure to send the exact message she needed.
The rest of the day was uneventful. She went to her classes, barely taking any notes. She got lunch with Leah, both of them silent and thinking of other things, or, if Shelby had to guess, other people.
But by the time 4pm rolled around, Shelby knew she couldn’t delay any longer.
After the short walk to the Mail Center, she nervously wrung her hands together outside the clear glass door, mentally practicing what she was going to say.
She couldn’t help but laugh at herself. She was Shelby Goodkind, pageant queen, camp counselor, all around extrovert. She was being ridiculous, she could handle this conversation.
The embarrassment of last week was over.
She could do this.
She set her back straight, cleared her throat, and moved to push open the door.
But it wouldn’t budge.
She pushed one more time, checking her surroundings to see if the Mail Center looked closed. The lights were on, and she could see people in the building.
She took a step back, only to notice ‘pull’ written in bold letters across the handle.
Okay, not a great start, but it can only go up from here! she thinks to herself as she walks into the building.
She scans the area in order to plan her next moves. There’s only a handful of other students waiting in line, which is perfect for Shelby. Not too many, meaning she could maybe squeeze in a conversation with Toni without holding up the line, but just enough that there wouldn’t be a repeat of the last time.
From the back of the line, she is just able to see Toni working at the desk. Shelby feels her heart swoop.
The boy in front of the brunette towers over her, emphasizing just how small she is. Shelby imagines she is just the perfect height to tuck her head under her chin while they hugged, or as they held each other for a nap in between classes (with Toni being the little spoon of course).
One side of the collar of her work polo is flipped up, and she imagines pulling Toni closer to her as she adjusts it. While she’s at it, she would be the one to tuck the stray hair behind her ear like Toni is now, running her hands through her waves as she takes in the features of her face.
She imagines peppering kisses along her jawline down to her neck, breathing in nothing but Toni as she does so. Toni would laugh and Shelby would feel the rumble of her voice on the tip of her nose as she tells her quit it out because a sweet blush has started to overtake her tanned skin.
But instead, she hears her say next and Shelby realizes she is at the front of the line.
“Can I see your ID?” Toni asks in an uninterested voice, hopefully not due to Shelby’s presence but rather due to a draining day of monotonous work.
“Yep,” Shelby answers a tad too excitedly as she slides her ID over. “No Dave & Busters this time, picked it back up the other day!”
“What?” Toni says, seemingly confused.
Now, the fact that Toni apparently doesn’t remember this interaction is like a double edged sword.
On one hand, this means that she doesn’t remember the horribly embarrassing chain of events that occured the week prior.
On the other hand, this means that Shelby wasn’t impressionable enough for Toni to remember her.
Shelby decides to look at this in a glass half full type of way, seeing it as a blessing from above she has a chance to make Toni remember her in a positive way.
“Oh, um, nothin’!”
Toni side eyes her as she turns around to get her package.
And just for a brief moment, she sees her eyes flicker down to her lips.
Her heart swells with joy.
Toni returns with her box and sets it on the counter.
She maneuvers her neck to look behind Shelby, opening her mouth to assumably yell to the next person in line.
Shelby isn’t ready for the interaction to end, seeing as this next part is crucial to her plan.
So, she blurts out, “Hey! Not to be terribly rude, but would you so kindly give me just a second to check and make sure this is mine? Last time I got somethin’ that did not belong to me, so I don’t want to have to waste any more of your time.”
Toni furrows her eyebrows. And yes, Shelby can admit it’s a flimsy excuse, but it’s the best she has.
“Go for it.” She doesn’t seem amused.
She again moves to call to the next person in line, but Shelby keeps talking, desperate to keep her attention.
“You are just too kind. Is that why they hired you? I’d imagine so,” she rambles as she attempts to peel the tape without her acrylics getting in the way.
Toni, seeing the line growing longer behind Shelby, grabs the box from her hands.
“Here, fuck- just let me do it.”
Once the box is open, she holds up Shelby’s items. The angry confused face she is making switches one of complete surprise.
(It reminds Shelby of a puppy trying to figure out stairs. It’s utterly adorable.)
“Damn, maybe you were right. There’s no way this Girl in Red record is yours. And what, nail clippers? I’ll just take this back.”
Shelby thrusts her hands forward to take the box back from Toni.
“Nope, it’s mine! All mine! I ordered that, my card, my name, the school's address. You know how that works I’m sure.”
Toni drums her hands on the counter as she struggles to think of what to say.
“Well, happy birthday to whoever that’s for, I guess?”
Before Shelby can explain that it’s literally for her, Toni says something that surprises her.
“Oh, and uh, I know you hit your head real fucking bad the other day, but it’s a push on the way out.”
Shelby feels herself go pale. She can feel the embarrassment taking over her body, destroying her from the inside.
She decides, for once, not to let it win.
“Why, thank you for that helpful tip! By the way, I miss the packing peanut in the hair thing, it was a good look for you!” she says with her most sickeningly sweet smile, and leaves the building.
A thought washes over her, making a giddy laugh bubble up.
Toni did remember her after all.
~
From there, the plan is in full effect.
On Thursday, she picks up a WNBA poster. She doesn’t know who it is or what team it’s for, but she figures it’ll send a message for sure.
When Toni asks, “You play?” Shelby replies, “No, I just like lookin’ at the women.”
All Toni has to say is, “Oh, sick, you a feminist or something?”
Friday, she picks up a book on veganism.
Toni says, “There’s a library for a reason.”
This pattern continues on for about a week, with each interaction getting her no closer to being with the girl of her dreams. (Literally. Shelby can’t stop seeing her when she closes her eyes.)
The following Monday, when Toni spots her, Shelby hears her mutter, “Jesus, how much shit does this girl need?”
Once again embarrassed and a bit defeated, Shelby keeps her head down as she accepts her frog-shaped clay pot.
Then she hears, “Be careful with that, I know how clumsy you are.”
Her head shoots up, seemingly shocking Toni. This was the closest to a personal interaction she’d had with the girl in forever, and she couldn’t help but be excited. Sure, it had to do with when she nearly killed herself running, but it was something.
Her eyes flicker over to Dot, who just arrived at the front counter.
Dottie gives her a small thumbs up, so Shelby says, “Yeah, and I’ve seen you bench, like, twice your bodyweight, so maybe you should carry it for me?”
She beams as she quickly looks back over to Dot while waiting for Toni’s response, seeking approval for her smooth line.
The other Texan looks positively mortified.
“What, are you like, stalking me?”
Oh.
Oh good lord.
As she’s struggling for a justifiable reason as to why she would know this, Dot rushes in to save her.
“Toni, can you help this dude real quick, I gotta take this,” she says, holding up a phone that clearly isn’t ringing.
“Yeah, I got you.”
She throws Shelby one more sideways glance, and turns her attention to the other person at the counter.
Shelby mouths thank you to Dot, and the look she gets in response clearly says we need to talk.
Great. Just great.
~~~
Toni walks into Martha’s room without knocking, throwing herself onto her best friend's bed as she lets out a loud groan.
“Oh no. No no no, we aren’t doing whatever this is. The fuck is wrong you?” Fatin demands, gesturing loosely to Toni with the toothbrush in her hand.
Toni picks her head up from Martha’s ladybug Pillow Pet, scowling at Fatin.
“I didn’t come here to get the third fucking degree from you, alright? Don’t start shit with me, I‘m not in the fucking mood.”
Fatin scoffs, unphased by her friend's anger. “Yeah, but you weren’t even invited, and last time I checked, I live here. So, you can either tell me what the hell this is all about, or you can get out until Martha comes back. Your negative energy is killing my vibe, and I’ve got somewhere to be tonight. I can’t show up reeking of someone else’s depression or whatever.”
While Toni understands that her argument has about zero validity, she also reasons that maybe Fatin isn’t the worst person to confide in, seeing as she’s always down to gossip about some random white girl’s bullshit.
So, seeing how she really has no other options at the moment, she recounts the past few weeks to Fatin.
Admittedly, maybe Toni went on a bit of a rant. Maybe she didn’t need to include how annoying green the girl’s eyes were, or how her hair was always perfect and she felt judged because of it, or how irritatingly endearing her southern accent was, or how lips looked so soft she probably was one of those girls that wasted money on pretentious Lush products.
So when Fatin bursts out laughing when she finally finishes her story, she isn’t the most surprised. But that doesn’t mean she isn’t annoyed.
Anticipating the inevitable Toni, you need to get laid comment, she jumps in before Fatin has a chance to comment.
“Dude, come on. This is serious, I can’t even, like, do my fucking work because I’m always looking at the door waiting for her to come in.”
This only makes Fatin laugh harder. Toni crosses her arms and furrows her brow as she watches the girl wipe imaginary tears from her eyes.
After way longer than Toni would like to admit, Fatin finally becomes coherent again, and says, “You know, I knew about the whole ‘lesbians are oblivious’ thing, but my god are you on a different level.”
“The fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“Oh Toni. Poor, precious Toni. You’re trying to tell me that a girl who you are clearly obsessed with keeps visiting you at work to pick up the gayest shit available on the Internet, not to mention confessing to checking you out at the gym, and you still don’t get it? Fuck, what else does she need to get, a pride flag with your face on it?”
Toni stares back at her blankly.
“Girl, do I have to spell it out for you? She’s trying to slide into your Nike basketball shorts. She wants to have your sperm donor babies. She wants to-“
“God, the fuck is wrong with you? She literally wears a cross necklace and probably has a bible shoved up her ass.”
“Yeah, and I’m sure you were just looking at her necklace. Shalifoe, this girl is into you, and you’re into her. So, why don’t you take a page from her book and confess?” Fatin asks, waggling her eyebrows at her own joke.
Ever prone to dramatics, Toni throws herself face first into Martha’s pillow.
“You know, sometimes it’s embarrassing to even know you.”
Without saying a word, Toni lifts up her arm and flips Fatin off.
“Yeah, I know you think you did something, but you just proved my point further. Now, I’m off to probably traumatize an entire dorm building, so either get your shit together, or don’t. I honestly don’t care.”
The deteriorating wooden door of the room slams shut behind her, and Toni is left alone with nothing but the sound of her own thoughts, wondering where it all went wrong.
~~~
Standing outside of Dot’s door, Shelby was practically vibrating with nerves, as well as swaying with a bit of liquid courage.
Rationally, she knew this wasn’t a necessarily dangerous conversation. She’d been out to everyone she had met in college, and found a love for herself she never thought she’d have back when she was still living in Texas.
But with Dot, it was different. Sure, she knew Dot would never judge her. But the fact that she was so intertwined with her life back home? It made everything so much more complicated.
In Connecticut, it was so easy to be herself. There was no father looming over her, no expectation dictating her every move, no judgment from a conservative community.
But the ghost of the life she once lived still lingered, and tethered to it by an invisible string drawn in her mind, was Dottie.
So when the door swung open, and in front of her was her friend for years smiling back at her, she felt the facade of a new life she had constructed crumble.
She lunged forward, pulling her fellow Texan into an ungodly tight hug, and sobbed.
Seemingly blindsided by this uncharacteristic outburst from a typically unwaveringly positive Shelby, she did the only thing she could think to do: awkwardly pat her back as she let the blonde experience whatever crisis she needed to let out.
From there, any semblance of control Shelby had left was gone.
As Dot guided her over to the couch, she continued to cry and say anything that came to mind. Maybe she was drunker than she had thought.
“She’s just so darn pretty, Dottie. I mean, I know I keep tellin’ myself I’m alright with the whole…you know…but sayin’ and doin’ are two very different things. And please believe me, I don’t mean to keep secrets from you or nothin’, but I feel like there’s two very different Shelbys and I’ve been workin’ so dang hard to keep them separate, but I just can’t do it anymore. Have you seen her hair, Dottie? It is just the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Oh, but ya know what’s even better? Her abs, Dot. Her abs. I can’t stop thinking about ‘em. Everytime I close my eyes, there they are. God, listen to me! Have I told you ‘bout her hair, Dottie?”
Dot does her best to peel her intoxicated friend off her.
“Uh, Shelby? Is there something you wanna tell me, or should I just keep pretending I don’t know?”
Shelby can’t help but feel she’s made a fool of herself. In her drunken state, she can’t seem to figure out how to express what she feels. How can she convey that she is okay with herself, but the idea of expressing it to the world is so daunting, feels so private and personal, that it’s led to just about the worst week of her life.
Dot busies herself with the task of getting Shelby water, which gives the girl time to gather her thoughts.
What it comes down to is this. One, she is ready to live her life and find love. The problem with that is, she’s bottled up these feelings for so long, she doesn’t know how to put them into a real life context, and just ask the girl out. Two, telling Dot how she feels seems like the final step in connecting who she is to who she was, and that is easier said than done.
When Dot returns with the glass of water, Shelby tolds both of her hands into her own.
She looks right into her eyes and says, “Dottie, I’m a lesbian.”
She doesn’t know what she expects.
Maybe for Dot to throw her hands off of her in disgust, and tell her to leave immediately.
Maybe for a parade of people decked in rainbows and glitter to come storming into the apartment, cheering for what a champion of the gay rights movement she is.
The moment had been so built up in her head, so what she doesn’t expect, and probably should have, is for Dot to simply squeeze her hands and tell her, “I know, Shelbs. You’re okay.”
Shelby doesn’t know how to describe her feelings in an articulate way, but the best descriptor she can think of is it feels like the final piece of the puzzle has clicked into place. The weight of all she had been carrying wasn’t completely gone, but she felt whole in a way she hadn’t in a long, long time.
And she believed Dot when she said she was going to be okay.
“Now, what are we gonna do about this Toni situation?”
From there, the final step of Shelby’s master plan is constructed.
~~~
Over the next few weeks at work, Toni doesn’t see Shelby again.
To Toni, this is devastating for many reasons.
The first is after her conversation with Fatin, and many nights thinking long and hard about the situation, she realizes she was right.
Despite everything, she does want to give this girl a chance.
So much so that she memorizes every inch of her name, feeling her heart flutter with excitement every time a new package comes in with that very name.
But this was also connected to the next reason for her devastation.
Because no matter how many boxes came in over the few days following this revelation, Shelby never came in to pick them up.
Boxes upon boxes with that name filled the back room, each adding another metaphorical weight crushing her fragile heart.
Martha and Fatin were used to her moping around at this point, both giving an earnest effort to distract her with movie marathons or numbers of other single girls on campus.
But there was something about this girl, someone who seemed so dead set on getting Toni’s attention, someone who seemed so kind to those around her, someone who was willing to put the work in for Toni, that she simply couldn’t get her out of her head.
How could she have messed this up?
And that was the status of Toni’s life now, as she sat watching the clock tick away at the Mail Center, hoping to see those bright green eyes just one more time.
Dot tried here and there to start a conversation with Toni, or even set her up with one of her friends like Fatin and Martha had been doing, but she knew it was futile. No one was ever going to compare to Shelby.
While she watched the clock that particular shift, she busied herself with the task of learning to spin a pen in her hand. Just as she was getting the hang of it, it dropped to the ground, just another failure to add to the list.
She bent down to pick it up, and as she did so, she heard the bell of the Mail Center chime.
She shot up to check and see if it was Shelby, only to bang her head on the desk.
For once, she hoped it wasn’t Shelby.
Thankfully, or horribly, depending on who you ask, it turned out to be Fatin, as she could hear her loud laughter echo throughout the near empty building.
Rubbing the back of her head as she looked up, she glared at the girl, but was surprised to find out she wasn’t alone. Instead, she was accompanied by a tall brunette girl with the blueest eyes she’d ever seen (although they were no match for green eyes, in her opinion).
“Shalifoe, always a pleasure.”
“Wish I could say the same. Who’s this?” she asked, doing her best to put her ‘don’t make me hate you immediately’ face.
She felt proud that the girl looked nervous to be in her presence.
“Babe, don’t worry about her. She’s like a feral puppy who tries to look intimidating, but when you give her some attention, she’s really a softy.”
Toni bristles at that. “Wow, babe? Never thought I’d see you settle down with just one person, Jadmani.”
Fatin sets her jaw, but says, “You know what, I’m gonna let that go, but only because I know how emo you’ve been. Shelby this, Shelby that, honestly you should hear yourself. This is Leah by the way, you bitch.”
Just as Toni is about to start a wholeass fistfight in the middle of her shift, she sees Leah snap her head towards her girlfriend? Fuck buddy? Toni doesn’t know and really doesn’t care at that moment, because what Leah says next is exactly the chance she’d be waiting for.
“Shelby? Like, Shelby Goodkind?”
Toni raises her eyebrow.
“Yeah, how the fuck did you know that?”
“Oh, uh, she’s my roommate. So it was just like, the next logical step because who else do you know named Shelby, you know? Plus-“
Toni pulls her attention away from Leah and her rambling and back towards Fatin.
“Did you know that?”
“Of course not, girl. Chill. You think I like you all depressed and whatever else this is?”
Leah chimes in again, trying and failing not to be obvious in her prying. “What about her, anyway?”
Toni struggles to answer. How can she tell the roommate of the girl she’s been obsessed with recently that she has a crush on the person she lives with?
For once, Fatin jumps in to help.
“Oh, well see all those boxes back there. The like, obscenely large stack. Yeah, all hers. Heat Miser here has been bitching about it for like, forever. Hasn’t been able to get in contact with her to pick it all up.”
“Oh,” Leah says as she bites her lip, “I guess I can tell her for you?”
Fatin doesn’t seem to want to let that happen.
“But babe, aren’t you forgetting why we are here in the first place. That vibrator has like 20 settings. I’m not waiting to try it out.”
Leah has the decency to look embarrassed. Fatin, not so much.
“Yeah, but uh, I didn’t mean right now. I can tell her after we…you know…”
“Oh, but I’m sure Shalifoe wants this situation over as quickly as possible, don’t you Toni?”
Upon hearing Toni’s first name, something seems to click in Leah’s head. Before Toni can investigate this further, the taller girl jumps to say, “Well in that case, why don’t you go to my dorm yourself and tell her? We won’t be there for…obvious reasons, so it’ll just be you and her. But like, go now, wouldn’t wanna miss that chance.”
Confused by Leah’s sudden pressure, Toni points out the obvious.
“I can’t now, though. I’m literally working.”
Dot chimes in from where she has her feet propped up on the counter.
“I got it dude, don’t sweat it.”
Toni looks back and forth between the three people all looking at her, and she decides she doesn’t have a choice.
She’s going to go knock on Shelby’s door.
And hopefully this time she doesn’t blow it.
~~~
Her and Dot’s plan was taking longer than she had expected.
Dot had assured her that Toni would take the bait in her setting them up together, but apparently she truly wasn’t interested in dating.
It was devastating.
Leah was off doing who knows what with her girlfriend, so she found herself alone in her dorm eating way too much strawberry ice cream and listening to the Girl in Red record she had purchased what seems like so long ago.
She continued to scroll on her phone, contemplating downloading those very dating apps she had swore off, when she heard someone knock on her door.
Throwing her hair up in a bun as she sat up, she yelled out, “Leah, you really gotta stop forgettin’ your key in here. I mean, I’m not always gonna be around to let-“
From the other side of the door, she hears a deep voice say, “It’s not Leah.”
Shelby stopped in her tracks. She knows that voice. It was impossible for her to forget a voice like that.
Quickly accessing herself in the mirror on the back of the door, she wipes away the bit of ice cream that was left over on the side of her mouth and straightens her shirt, doing the best she can to look as presentable as she can in such a short amount of time.
She takes a deep breath, and opens the door.
There stood Toni, looking as breathtaking as ever in her work polo and khaki slacks.
She had her hands stuffed awkwardly in her pockets as she rocked back and forth on her feet, looking so out of place but so perfect nonetheless.
Shelby continued to take in every detail of her, before the shorter girl cleared her throat.
Right, she was supposed to say something.
“Right, hi, hello! What can I uh, what can I do for you?”
Toni avoided eye contact.
“Yeah, so like you have a bunch of shit you haven’t picked up recently and it’s taking up like the wholeass back room, so I just, I figured I’d let you know, I guess?”
Shelby deflated. Of course Toni wasn’t here to sweep her off her feet, but instead just fulfilling her duties as a Mail Center employee and dealing with the nuisance that was Shelby Goodkind.
“Right…well, sorry about that. I’m sorry you had to come all this way because of me. Here, what day aren’t you workin’, I’ll swing by then to pick them up.”
“I’m not working Thursday.”
Shelby cringed internally for how fast the girl answered that question, proving her point bluntly and swiftly.
“But I think you’re gonna be busy on Thursday.”
“Well yeah, I have like 45 boxes I gotta go pick up. I’m gonna need a truck or somethin’.”
“Damn, Uhauling already? I gotta say, I’m flattered, but a bit surprised.”
Shelby sends her a confused look.
“What I meant is, you’re going to be busy, because I’m taking you out.”
Shelby nearly passes out.
“I’m-I’m sorry, what?”
“I mean, if you want to, that is. Go on a date with me. Shit, I’m messing this up. I honestly didn’t plan this. I just couldn’t help it when I saw…well let’s just say I’ve been looking forward to seeing you again for a while now.”
Logically, Shelby knows what she should do. She should flirt back, compliment the girl, do literally anything to convey just how perfect that sounds.
Instead, she goes the formulaic route.
“Can I have your number?” she blurts.
Toni chuckles in a way that makes Shelby’s heart swoon.
“Sure. As long as this time, you don’t leave me on delivered.”
~
+1
Shelby has always been a planner.
It started from when she was a little girl, planning her life out. She would meet the man of her dreams in high school, and they would win prom king and queen, go to the same college, and he would ask her dad for her hand in marriage.
They would have the large family she had always dreamed about, and maybe a few dogs too. The rest of her family would come to visit over the holidays, and the house would never be quiet.
Instead, 2 years after she had graduated college, it was just her and Toni in a small apartment.
And it was perfect.
So, her plan had changed. Dramatically.
Instead of her parents and siblings coming over for holidays, it was their friends from school catching up and remembering the days in which all they would have to worry about were finals and finding love.
Oftentimes Shelby and Toni found themselves to be the butt of the joke, their friends finding great joy in laughing about how disastrous the two of them were.
“Remember when Shelby literally fell off the treadmill because she couldn’t stop checking Toni out.”
“As embarrassin’ as that was, Fatin, I stand by it now and I’d do it again. I mean have you seen these arms? And knowin’ what they can do now, well that just makes them all the more irresistible, I’ll be honest,” she says as she stares up and down Toni’s frame, who is sitting perched on her lap.
“Oh god, Leah help! My ears, Leah, they’re bleeding!”
“Oh, hush,” Shelby reprimands as she pecks Toni’s cheek.
Toni blushes, but puts on a smirk for the sake of keeping appearances up in front of her friends.
This doesn’t last long, as she is unable to resist holding Shelby’s cheek in the palm of her hand.
Shelby’s heart hurts from the amount of affection she feels for the girl in her arms.
“You guys are like, still disgustingly in love,” Dot yells from the couch.
“I mean, can you blame her? Like she said, look at these guns.”
Martha decides to humble her from where she is sharing a bowl of popcorn with Dot and Rachel.
“Toni, do you remember how for weeks straight you would come home and be all ‘Marty, her eyes, they’re perfect! Marty, I said her lips would feel like clouds, I just knew it! Marty, she makes me feel like I’m bathing in eternal sunshine, it’s indescribable! Oh Marty-‘”
“Fuck off, I never said that!”
Shelby pulls further away from Toni, raising her eyebrow as if to say oh, you didn’t?
Toni quickly realizes her mistake, grabbing Shelby’s face with both hands and whispering, “Of course I said that baby, you know how much I love you. I’ll do anything for you, please don’t be mad at me. You know how our friends are.”
Shelby whispers back, “Well, don’t ya think it's worth it?”
“Of course it’s worth it.”
Shelby smiles deviously.
“Then you’d have no problem saying it in front of our friends now.”
“Babe, I don’t-“
Shelby tightens her grip on Toni’s hips.
“Say. It. Now.”
Toni pales, realizing she has no other options.
“Alright, but keep this energy for later okay? Cause fuck, what you do to me, I-“
Leah coughs loudly. “You know we can hear you right?”
Both Shelby and Toni slowly turn their heads to their apparent audience, mouths open.
At least they’re embarrassing together.
And yeah, maybe she doesn’t have the life she always thought she would have.
But the one she has now? It’s perfect.
And no man would ever ask for her hand in marriage.
Because she was going to be the one to ask the girl of her dreams.
And like it always does, it starts with a plan.
~~~
Toni was having a…weird couple weeks, to say the least.
For the most part, her life was perfect.
She finally has a stable home life, plus a family she had found for herself.
She has the career she’d always wanted, playing professional basketball in her home state.
And she had the girl of dreams, one who never fails to come to all her home games.
So, there was really nothing to complain about.
Except for all the weird mail they had been getting lately.
First, it was a box of various sex toys.
She didn’t think too much of this one, figuring it was some company trying to get her to endorse them, or hoping it was Shelby planning something far more exciting than a brand deal.
But seeing as Shelby was the one to show her the box, this probably wasn’t the case.
Although the items inside did not go to waste.
The next box discovered by Shelby was just as confusing, as the only thing inside was packing peanuts.
“Maybe they forgot to put whatever they were sending in?”
Shelby nodded along to her hypothesis, laughing to herself as she did so.
“Or maybe they just sent us some hair accessories, you know the ones you love so much.”
Instead of sending her the glare she deserves, Toni humors her, placing it on her head and walking back and forth across their kitchen as if walking a runway. Shelby pulls her into a hug and spins her when she’s done with her walk, both laughing until they are delirious.
Next to arrive is a ladybug Pillow Pet, just like the one Marty had had in college.
Then, it was a Dave & Buster’s gift card along with a matching mug.
Records, pride flags, various frog shaped items, the list went on.
Just when Toni was starting to get suspicious that Shelby was playing some elaborate prank on her, their doorbell rings, indicating yet another package has arrived.
Shelby and Toni are quick to compete for who has to get up from where they are snuggled together on the couch, Toni’s head in Shelby’s lap as she twirls her hair in her hands, in the only fair way known to man: a game of ‘nose goes’.
Seeing as Toni’s arms are trapped under the blanket she is bundled in, Shelby wins easily, leaving a groaning Toni to collect the newest item that has arrived at their door.
Gracelessly rolling onto the floor, she makes her way across their apartment.
When she opens the door, what she finds is the smallest box yet.
Strangely, this one is not made of cardboard. It does not have a package label on it, no stamps to show it had been through the post.
Instead, it’s a small box made of finished wood.
“Shelby…” Toni calls out.
But when she turns around to call for her again, there Shelby is, right behind her.
She is holding a ring, and down on one knee.
“All those years ago, I promised I wouldn’t leave you on delivered. Now, I wanna promise I’ll never leave you. Ever. Not in a million years, my love. You’re all I’ve ever wanted, from the first day I saw you. I made a fool of myself tryin’ to prove it then, and I’ll continue to do that until the day we die. So, Toni Shalifoe, will you do me the greatest honor of my life, and marry me?”
And just like that very first day, Toni could do nothing but say yes.