Work Text:
All I want is nothing more
to hear you knocking at my door
Cause if I could see your face once more
I could die a happy man I'm sure
Eddie was talking. Just one second ago Eddie was talking to him and then he stopped. Suddenly everyone around him starts running and screaming. The screams. Buck knows they're there but it's like he can't hear them. He freezes and all he can look at is Eddie.
Eddie falling down to the ground.
Eddie reaching out to him as a puddle of his blood forms around him.
Eddie's eyes slowly closing.
All of the sudden Buck is pushed behind a fire engine. Pushed to safety. Yet he can't bring himself to care. Eddie is still out there. Half of his heart is still out there on the cold asphalt bleeding out and all he can think about is how to get it back.
He rips himself out of captain Mehta grip. His team yelling at him on the back of his mind. Buck drops down under the fire engine. Crawling his way to Eddie and dragging him back to him. Back where he belongs.
The first thing Buck does is feel for a heartbeat. Nothing. He tries again. Still nothing.
Eventually his training reflexes kick in. He puts his hands on Eddie's chest and starts counting his rhythm.
1, 2, 3, 4...
Everything on his mind goes black, but he keeps counting. At least that is until he feels a hand on his shoulder. He looks up and Hen is staring back at him.
"Buck, he's gone."
When you said your last goodbye
I died a little bit inside
I lay in tears in bed all night
Alone without you by my side
Buck collapses on Eddie's chest and he starts crying. He starts crying and he doesn't think he will ever be able to stop.
He cries as bobby lifts him up from Eddie's body and helps him to the car.
He cries as he opens the door to Eddie's house.
He cries as he lays down on Eddie's bed.
He cries until the entire world faded away and his vision goes black.
But if you loved me
Why'd you leave me
Take my body
Take my body
Since the moment Buck told Christopher about the shotting the pair of them hadn't left each other's side. They cried together. They grieved together. And they held onto each other as Eddie's casket was lowered into the ground.
When the time came for the reading of the will Buck handed the crying boy to abuela with pain in his heart. It was there he learned that he would never have to leave Chris again.
Eddie had named him his legal guardian.
The lawyer talked him through the whole ordeal. He was allowed to refuse, and Chris would go to his grandparents. If he were to except there would be a fund set aside to help with anything they would need.
The story was long and most of the technicalities passed him by.
"I know there is a lot to think over and that this is a of information, Mr. Buckley" the lawyer said as he handed Buck a letter, "But Eddie told me to give you this letter in the hopes it would make things a bit clearer for you"
They sat in silence as Buck read the letter that was given to him. Tears streaming down his face as he took in the last words of Eddie's that he would ever read. Words written down, but never spoken.
He carefully folded the letter back the way it used to be and slit it back into its envelope.
"He knew I would never leave Chris" Buck sighed, "where should I sign to make this official"
All I want is
And all I need is
To find somebody
I'll find somebody
Like you
It's been a year since the worst day of Buck's life. A year without Eddie. When his new coworker asks him if he wants to tag along to a party of one of his friends. He gives him some time to think it over, which Buck does.
After a few nights of staring up at his ceiling fan Buck finds himself in a bar surrounded by people he doesn't know. Celebrating the birthday of someone he never met. But he promised Christopher they would try to get back out there.
Somehow this feels like a fresh start. A room full of people who are unaware of how fucked up he really is.
And that's how Buck meets Francis. He is kind a patient with Buck. A lot like Eddie is some ways but completely different in others. But most importantly he loves Chris just as much Buck and Eddie.
Cause you brought out the best of me
A part of me I'd never seen
You took my soul and wiped it clean
Our love was made for movie screens
On the day of their wedding their car stops at the graveyard. Francis walks with Buck to the gates and then let's him go with an encouraging smile.
The walk is not long but every step takes all Buck has.
He sits down on the grass in front of Eddie's grave like he has done so many times in these last few years and lays his head down on the cold stone. And he just starts talking.
About how much he misses him.
About the 118 and the crazy calls they have been on.
About the amazing man Christopher is growing up to be.
And about how blessed he feels to get to be a dad.
When he is done, he takes the letter Eddie wrote him before he died out of his pocket. He doesn't need to read it anymore because he now knows it's contents by heart. So he just looks at the last four words.
I love you, Evan
"Eds, I need you to know that I am not replacing you. No one ever could. This doesn't take away from the love I will always have for you. This is me trying to live a life without you in it. You will always be my first love and if you're still out there somewhere I hope you'll stand beside me today. Because I don't know if I can do this without you"
Two hours later Buck is standing at the altar. Chris is still by his side and Francis is across from his with their daughters by his side. They exchange their vows, and a ring is place on his finger. Francis' ring is still in hand. Buck takes a deep breath and looks up at the altar window, where a bright ray of sunshine comes shining through. He slides the ring on his partner's hand. A smile on his face for what he gained and a tear running down his cheek for what he lost.
But if you loved me
Why'd you leave me
Take my body
Take my body
At age 86 Buck finds himself in a hospital bed one last time. His daughters on his one side. Christopher at the foot end of his bed. His husband on the other side holding his hand.
With much difficulty he looks over at them all. Taking in their faces before he goes. His eyes landing on Chris.
Chris smiles at him, "I'm going to be okay Buck. You can go be with dad again."
With that Buck closes his eyes and the world around his fades to black.
All I want is
And all I need is
To find somebody
I'll find somebody
When Buck opens his eyes, he is 28 again. Back in the bed at his old loft. He turns his head and in the spot next to him is Eddie smiling back at him.
"Eddie"
"Evan"
A tear comes streaming down his face as he asks, "Is this real?"
"Nothing is more real"
Eddie rolls back onto his back and pulls Buck closer. Buck rests his head on Eddie's chest.
"It's been so hard, Eds"
He feels a gentle kiss being pressed into his hair.
"I know, but I got you now"