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Something is wrong with Wen Kexing. Zhou Zishu doesn’t know how he knows, but he’s sure of it. It’s not like Wen Kexing has stopped being an annoying gnat. The relentless flirting, the constant attempts to lay a hand on his person regardless of Chengling’s presence, the lewd smirks and commentary, they are all still there. But underneath it all, there’s a quiet stillness to Wen Kexing these days. Sometimes Zhou Zishu catches him gazing his way with such painful longing that it makes his heart skip a beat. The one time Zhou Zishu had broken under the stare and had asked Wen Kexing if he’s okay, Wen Kexing had laughed, eyes aflame with a wild delight. He stared at Zhou Zishu for a long time.
“If I said I would die without your love, Ah Xu, would you believe me?”
Zhou Zishu had been taken aback by the quiet murmur, spoken with such tenderness. Some of his confusion must have shown on his face since Wen Kexing had cracked in peels of laughter. He’d laughed so much that Zhou Zishu forgot to shake him off for a moment when the pest draped himself over Zhou Zishu and muffled his mad cackle into his shoulder.
“Look at your face! Is it such a novelty that I might have genuine affection for this peerless beauty?"
Zhou Zishu elbowed him in the ribs, "Get off me, you pest."
Surprisingly enough, Wen Kexing did. Which only made the feeling of wrong grow.
A cold breeze startles Zhou Zishu to the present. The window is open, letting in the cold winter air. Zhou Zishu had forgotten to close it before he climbed into bed. It's usually Wen Kexing who takes care of things like that.
But Wen Kexing isn't here yet.
It's close to midnight and the pain will start hitting him any moment now.
And Wen Kexing still hasn't come.
Zhou Zishu frowns. It's not like Wen Kexing not to show up. Did he finally learn how to sleep in his own allotted room with its perfectly fine bed?
The thought doesn't make Zhou Zishu as happy as he thought it would. Before he could ponder more on it, the first wave of pain hits and Zhou Zishu grunts quietly, curling into himself.
It feels like it lasts forever.
Or maybe he simply misses the way Wen Kexing's arms held him close.
Zhou Zishu doesn't entertain such ridiculous thoughts. Why would having that madman around have any effect on his pain? Pain is pain.
Zhou Zishu doesn't miss Wen Kexing at all.
***
Zhou Zishu doesn't see Wen Kexing for the longest time next day.
"Wen Qianbei went to the village," Chengling informs him dutifully. "He said he might be late and for us to eat without him."
Zhou Zishu's face darkens imperceptibly. If he were a little bit harsher than usual with Chengling that day, well, the boy does need to learn to move around without being a danger to himself.
Dinner that night is cold and tastes bland. Wen Kexing still isn't back. Zhou Zishu's mood continues to get worse.
It's almost close to midnight when Zhou Zishu hears the doors to the manor creek open. A few minutes later, a knock sounds at the door. Wen Kexing enters without waiting for Zhou Zishu's response.
Wen Kexing reeks of brothel perfume.
So that's where he's been.
Zhou Zishu does not care. Wen Kexing is free to do as he likes.
"Ah Xu, I bought you something!" Wen Kexing says cheerfully.
"I don't need anything from you," is what Zhou Zishu intends to say. What comes out of his mouth is "what took you so long?"
Zhou Zishu already knows the answer, can smell it on him; but he still waits.
Wen Kexing's brows rise up and he turns his piercing stare to Zhou Zishu's eyes.
Zhou Zishu doesn't dare blink, refusing to back off now that he's given himself away. Whatever he sees on his face makes Wen Kexing's eyes crinkle in genuine mirth.
"Did Ah Xu miss this wife?"
"Who missed you? I was glad to have some peace for once. You should go cavorting more often. It's nice to have some quiet." Zhou Zishu retorts.
"Cavorting?” the disbelief in his voice isn’t faked. “Ah Xu, where do you think I went?” Zhou Zishu has to make himself look nonchalant under Wen Kexing’s scrutiny.
“ Oh!” Wen Kexing breathes out. “You are jealous. ” He sounds as incredulous as Zhou Zishu himself feels.
"Don't speak nonsense. Why would I care? What does it have to do with me if you found one of your whores to fuck?”
"Of course, of course. How foolish of me to think otherwise.”
The way Wen Kexing gives in without making a joke out of it or some other witty-to-him-but-idiotic-to-others remarks grates on Zhou Zishu's nerves. It only gets worse when Wen Kexing explains himself.
“Just so you know, I didn't go to any brothel. This," he nods to himself, "was an accident. Someone knocked into me and spilled their perfume. And didn't I tell you? Ever since I decided to cling to you, I haven't been with anyone else."
Worthless as it is, it does help quell the rage Zhou Zishu hadn't even realized he was feeling. That realization is something Zhou Zishu could have gone without. It’s not like him to do this. To care. Especially for people like Wen Kexing who are never serious about anything.
"You don’t have to explain yourself to me," he grits out.
"Don’t I? How can I let my Ah Xu think I betrayed him? Whom would I explain myself to, if not to my Ah Xu?"
The playful smile on his face makes it look extremely punchable.
"Wen Kexing!" Zhou Zishu loses his patience.
"Alright. Alright. I came by to drop this off," Wen Kexing pulls a small pouch out of his sleeves.
"What's that?" Zhou Zishu looks at it suspiciously.
"Some pain medication. The healer I found said it's very effective. I thought it would be worth a try."
There's something strange happening with his heart. It's suddenly cool and burning at the same time. The ache is different from the ones caused by the nails. This goes deeper, duller. A pulsing, consistent throb.
"It's not going to matter much, but thanks. Leave it on the table," he manages to say.
Instead of climbing into the bed, Wen Kexing turns to leave afterwards.
"You're not staying?" Zhou Zishu asks from behind him before he can filter his thought, causing Wen Kexing to go still.
The question hangs heavy between the two.
"Do you need me to?" Wen Kexing asks without turning back. It's too soft. Too intimate. He's not even looking at him and still it makes Zhou Zishu yearn for a mask.
Does he need him to? When has he ever needed anyone in his life?
"No," he says just as softly.
A quiet sigh escapes Wen Kexing. "Then I'd take my leave."
Zhou Zishu doesn't stop him.
***
Wen Kexing looks more sallow than usual the next day. The gauntness of his cheeks is more severe, the bruises under his eyes more prominent. Even if that hadn't clued Zhou Zishu in, their sparring session sure would have.
Wen Kexing misses a step and stumbles.
Wen Kexing never stumbled. It was such a rookie mistake. It's only when he stumbles and falls into Zhou Zishu, something so unexpected that Zhou Zishu also loses his footing at the additional weight and they both tumble to the ground, that Zhou Zishu realizes he's burning up.
"Lao Wen," Zhou Zishu pushes Wen Kexing by the shoulder to look him in the eyes.
"I am fine.”
Zhou Zishu stares unblinkingly at his face until Wen Kexing averts his eyes.
"Rest up for the rest of the day."
"Aiyo! I am really fine. It's just a mild fever."
"Lao Wen," Zhou Zishu warns.
Wen Kexing smiles, rolls to his back.
"I shall not worry my husband. I will do as Ah Xu says. In fact," Wen Kexing doesn't get to finish his sentence as a series of sudden coughs wrack his frame. Zhou Zishu frowns.
"How long have you been sick?"
"A few days now," Wen Kexing admits quietly, wiping away at his lips.
"That's why you went to the village yesterday. To get medicine."
Wen Kexing hums in answer. It's a tired sound, very unlike Wen Kexing. Zhou Zishu isn’t sure he likes it. To see him so…muted. He’s always so loud, parading around like a proud peacock. A shameless menace, really. But he also knows, people like them, they will never show weakness. The fact that Wen Kexing is, makes it obvious that it’s more severe than it looks.
And he still tried to tough it out, Zhou Zishu reminds himself. He will keep doing it too.
It’s an uncomfortable thought.
"Don't exhaust yourself in the kitchen later," Zhou Zishu tells him at last.
"As much as your concern over me warms my heart, Ah Xu, your stomachs will be left cold if I don't cook. Who will feed you two? Both you and your disciple are hopeless."
"Who's concerned. I am just thinking long term. It's better to have you rest for a few days than end up with you bedridden for weeks."
"If you say so," Wen Kexing chuckles in such a way that it's obvious to Zhou Zishu that he doesn't believe a single word he just heard.
Maybe that's okay too, Zhou Zishu thinks. Maybe it's okay that Wen Kexing can see through his prickly guard. The thought comes unexpectedly, and surprisingly enough, it doesn’t bother Zhou Zishu that much.
Maybe it was the night he spent alone, no hard body to anchor him while pain ravaged his body. Maybe it’s the simple pleasure of not having to hide himself from someone for once. Maybe, the pain actually did manage to damage his brain last night if he’s thinking of that pestilence as an anchor.
But he is here, so is Wen Kexing. For that moment, it’s still good.
So Zhou Zishu nudges his shoulder and Wen Kexing nudges right back.
It's really warm.
***
Wen Kexing does not get better.
At first, he could still move around and be his bratty annoying self. But a week later, Wen Kexing can hardly stand for more than a couple minutes without swaying on his feet.
"What crack healer did you go to? It's been over a week and not only did you not get better, you keep getting worse," Zhou Zishu grumbles as he wipes the sweat off his brow with a wet cloth. These days, Wen Kexing is too weak to even sit up without support.
"Ah Xu, it's," another set of coughs make it impossible for Wen Kexing to say anything.
"Shut up."
Of course Wen Kexing doesn't shut up.
"Ah Xu is so good to me."
"Wen Kexing."
"I'll shut up. I'll shut up,” Wen Kexing laughs weakly.
“Mm.”
“Shifu, Wen Qianbei,” Chengling calls from behind the door. Zhou Zishu walks over to get the medicinal broth he’d left simmering in the kitchen.
“What is it?” Zhou Zishu asks when the boy doesn’t leave even after he’s handed over the tray.
Chengling moves from foot to foot, wringing his hands nervously.
“Chengling?”
“Shifu…is Wen Qianbei going to be okay?” Chengling’s voice trembles slightly.
Zhou Zishu suppresses a sigh. “He’ll be fine. I am here, aren’t I?”
Right on cue, Wen Kexing starts coughing again. Chengling’s eyes widen in worry.
“Chengling, he’s no delicate flower. You don’t need to fret over him.”
“But,”
“Why are you bumbling around instead of practicing? Go!”
Chengling nods obediently and leaves.
“Ah Xu, you should stop worrying too,” Wen Kexing says, futilely trying to push himself off the bed. His hand slips. Zhou Zishu steadies him by the shoulder.
“Careful.”
Wen Kexing keeps quiet as Zhou Zishu helps him up, allowing him to rest his back against the headboard. He’s almost turned back to the food before he turns back and stares intently at Wen Kexing’s lips.
“Husband Zhou should be careful with the way he looks at me. It makes me feel things, when you look at me like this,” Wen Kexing looks down with a lewd smirk.
Zhou Zishu doesn’t bite. “How much blood have you been coughing up?”
Wen Kexing stills, looks over Zhou Zishu’s shoulder.
“Not much.”
“There’s blood on your lips.”
“Would Ah Xu like to kiss it away?”
Zhou Zishu almost, almost whacks him up the head for that comment. His hands clench with the urge to beat him up.
“Don’t mess around.”
“It’s not that serious,” Wen Kexing wheezes out through another round of coughs. The hand he used to cover his mouth is clenched when he removes it. He licks off the blood on his lips.
Zhou Zishu has never seen Wen Kexing so sick. He had never thought the Ghost Valley Master could suffer from something as mundanely human as falling sick.
“I’ll get stronger herbs tomorrow.”
Wen Kexing looks up at him adoringly, a smile playing around his lips as Zhou Zishu holds the spoon against his lips.
“Ah Xu really does have the softest heart.”
Zhou Zishu scoffs at the flattery, but doesn’t refute it. That would only make Wen Kexing insist further and frankly, he’s not healthy enough to have prolonged conversations. So he keeps his silence, and blessedly, Wen Kexing does as well.
Probably because he doesn’t have the energy to do so.
The thought rankles. Before, Zhou Zishu had thought he was far beyond the basic human needs like wanting for love, connections and all such nonsense. He’d given up on belonging anywhere at all, planning to have a quiet death and then be forgotten as if he never existed in the first place. Zhou Zishu hadn’t wanted these bonds, but they found him all the same.
And Wen Kexing?
What Wen Kexing makes him feel is different than anything he’s ever felt before. Annoyance, fondness, companionship…a knowing. For all his preening, Wen Kexing was right about that one thing. Zhou Zishu does know him, monster to monster. Wen Kexing’s presence in his life is what made Zhou Zishu realize how lonely he’s been. All these years on earth and it’s only Wen Kexing whose presence is loud enough to swallow the yawning emptiness Zhou Zishu has been feeling, keep it safe. Especially after Jiuxiao, his dumb, kindhearted shidi. He’d never thought anyone else could melt the ice around his heart.
And yet.
It’s really funny how the world works, isn’t it? For Zhou Zishu to meet these people when he has so little time left.
For him to meet Wen Kexing.
If Wen Kexing is willing to stick around, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad even if he were to live longer.
That’s what scares Zhou Zishu the most. That Wen Kexing could make him want to live longer. It shouldn’t matter so much. The man is pretentious and fickle. Zhou Zishu doesn’t even know for sure if Wen Kexing still stayed with him for the thrill of the chase or for genuine affection.
“Ah Xu,” the weak grip on his arm startles Zhou Zishu out of his own musings.
“Hm?”
“I am sorry you’ve been going through the pain alone.”
It’s a simple statement, but also not. Zhou Zishu knows what Wen Kexing means by the words. The kind of pain that would run deeper than that of the nails.
Another crack appears in his heart. He looks at Wen Kexing, sickly pale and garish. Ironically enough, of the two of them, Wen Kexing is the one who looks more dead than alive right now when it should have been Zhou Zishu. What a pair the two of them made!
“I’ve known pain longer than I ever knew of your existence, Wen Kexing.” The words are grim, but they aren’t spoken harshly.
Wen Kexing blinks.
“That’s good. That’s good. I’ll wait for you at the Naihe bridge then,” he smiles.
“Stop being dramatic. We both know I’ll be the one to kick the bucket first.”
“Even so. I just wanted you to know. If, I were to die first, I’d wait for you.”
“Can’t give me peace even in the afterlife, is that it?”
“Mmhmm,” Wen Kexing nods proudly, then his face sombers up.
“Wouldn’t I be lonely without you? I am selfish enough, monstrous enough, to keep you even after death.”
Even bedridden, the fierceness with which Wen Kexing says those words would be enough to scare any normal human. For Zhou Zishu, the blatant possession, too, is a reassurance. It makes him want to believe Wen Kexing.
He’s never known affection like this, so freely given, without expectations, without judgement. It’s a strange thing, that fragile hope that flutters to life in his chest. Delicate and yet terrifying at the same time. If he were to take this gamble, what would happen if he ended up being wrong?
Wen Kexing isn’t the only one who would be lonely.
“I am too tired to listen to your nonsense. Can Philanthropist Wen please be kind and go to sleep?”
“Would Ah Xu read me a bedtime story?” Wen Kexing bats his eyes.
“I will end you myself if you don’t stop running your mouth.”
Wen Kexing pouts and is promptly ignored by Zhou Zishu.
“Ah Xu,” Wen Kexing calls after him as he leaves.
When Zhou Zishu turns his head, Wen Kexing’s got the smile that makes it hard to look at him. It’s weak, barely a tilt of his lips.
It’s so genuine it’s devastating.
“I will hold you through all the nights if I could.”
Of all the things Wen Kexing has ever said to him, this one actually hits its mark dead center, and it hurts. So much.
“Then it’s too bad I don’t have that many left, isn’t it?” The smile Zhou Zishu aims his way is filled with self mockery.
“Good night, Lao Wen,” Zhou Zishu leaves quietly. He’s not sure he can take the pain of meeting Wen Kexing’s gaze any longer. Not with that look on his face.
Back when Wen Kexing had asked if the Yin Yang Manual could have any methods to save Zhou Zishu, it was the first time Zhou Zishu felt like maybe Wen Kexing wasn’t playing with him. It was the first time someone had ever put Zhou Zishu first. Humans are selfish, and yet, Wen Kexing’s first thought had been for him, for his health.
Now, so sickly and bedridden, he still thinks of Zhou Zishu, of the pain that was the price for having his freedom back.
A pain that hurts a bit less when there’s a solid warmth against him.
Someone who put him first.
Someone who drank with him, sparred with him, made fun of him.
Someone who’d drape warm robes over his ailing body when he was cold. Someone who fed him healthy meals he hated because “Ah Xu, you need to eat well. You torture your body enough as it is.”
The admonishment has always been fond. Wen Kexing didn’t blame Zhou Zishu. Didn’t fault him for not taking Da Wu’s offer.
Wen Kexing didn’t run away.
Even after.
Even after.
Zhou Zishu is a monster and Wen Kexing stayed.
Because he cared, Zhou Zishu finally admits to himself.
And Zhou Zishu?
Zhou Zishu wants him to stay.
All the time he could have given Wen Kexing the slip but didn’t.
It’s nice to have some company, isn’t it? Enjoy the sunshine together, get drunk under the moonlight…
Someone who wouldn’t leave.
And if Wen Kexing could stay, why can’t Zhou Zishu stay too? Caring for someone in ill health isn’t easy, especially if you care for the person. It takes a toll on you too. it hurts seeing them hurt. And Zhou Zishu does hurt, watching Wen Kexing grow more and more lifeless right in front of his eyes no matter what medicine they tried. It’s cruel, that helplessness.
How cruel has he been to Wen Kexing?
Wen Kexing could stay with a dying man in the final lap of his life without asking for more. And that takes strength. True courage. He bore the weight of Zhou Zishu’s cruelty all this while without resenting him.
If he could take that risk, why can’t Zhou Zishu?
Can’t Zhou Zishu at least try?
Why did he give up so easily? Why didn’t he look for any other way?
Maybe it’s time he did that.
Because in this world, there’s someone who cares.
And he can’t leave him behind so easily now, can he?
Wen Kexing.
The knowledge comes to him without any fanfare.
The world doesn’t stop spinning. The earth doesn’t shatter under his feet. His heart doesn’t grow wings and fly out of his chest.
Instead, a quiet joy fills him. A lightness he hasn’t felt in forever.
He really is Zhou Zishu’s person. In every sense of the word.
Now that he is finally acknowledging this unknown thing in his heart, there’s no way he can give up having more days with him.
If… If he pestered Da Wu some more…
Zhou Zishu doesn’t get to think more on it as his nightly torture starts just then.
But the pain doesn’t stop his smile.
Not this time.
***
Zhou Zishu doesn’t know what wakes him up. It’s nowhere near dawn yet, of that he’s sure. For whatever reason, he suddenly has an urge to see Wen Kexing. It doesn’t make sense to Zhou Zishu, this urgent need. Before he knows it, he is at Wen Kexing’s door, barefoot and without an outer robe. His heart pounds uneasily in his chest.
Something’s terribly wrong.
He enters the room without bothering to knock.
What he sees inside is a gruesome sight.
Wen Kexing is curled up in a position Zhou Zishu is all too familiar with, bone shaking coughs wracking his body, making him shiver.
What is not familiar is the blood soaked cloth in his hand.
He looks so small. Frail.
Wen Kexing looks like he’s dying.
“Lao Wen.”
Wen Kexing, who’s yet to notice him, startles at the softly uttered words.
His eyes go round at whatever it is that he sees on Zhou Zishu’s face. He looks away first, eyes lowered in guilt and shame.
“Ah Xu,” he croaks out. Right now, if he weren’t so sick, Zhou Zishu himself would kick his ass for hiding the severity of his illness for so long.
But Wen Kexing is sick. Without a word, Zhou Zishu climbs into bed behind him, gathering him close.
Just how he used to hold Zhou Zishu through the nights.
“Not a word,” Zhou Zishu tries to sound calm, to not let Wen Kexing hear the betrayal and rage in his voice.
Gods must be laughing at him. They had reversed their positions so well. Is this what Wen Kexing felt that night he realized how sick Zhou Zishu actually is? Did his chest constrict just like this? Did his throat hurt just so?
“But Ah Xu, I,” Wen Kexing starts weakly.
Zhou Zishu snaps. He doesn’t shout. But the cold rage vibrates through his whole body as he curls protectively over the taller man, his hold around Wen Kexing painfully tight, daring him to complain.
“You have some nerve, trying to hide this from me, you bastard. What the fuck were you thinking? What were you even planning to do? Die on me first as some sort of competition? How fucking dare you.”
“Ah Xu,”
“Wen Kexing, do you think you could just abandon me now after calling me your husband? After shamelessly parading around as my wife? Or did you forget that I too, am a monster and don't like to share?” Zhou Zishu’s arms around Wen Kexing are so tight he’s sure he hears his ribs creak. But Zhou Zishu doesn’t let up.
“You are mine, you asshole! For better or worse. Are you the only one who’s allowed to be lonely? What of me? What of me if I lost you because you wouldn’t even let me know ? What am I to do with this strange thing in my chest? This affection— he spits out the word as if it’s something sour—that you carved out of me? How dare you barge into my life when I was ready to die, make me want to live, and then break my trust like this?”
Next thing he knows, he’s got Wen Kexing’s shoulder between his teeth. He lets the fear go. The rage. The mindnumbing panic at seeing Wen Kexing like that. If Zhou Zishu were more aware, he would’ve noticed how much his words affected Wen Kexing. So much so, the man couldn’t even blink. It’s only when pain explodes on his shoulder that Wen Kexing comes out of his stupor.
He winces, but doesn’t flinch away from Zhou Zishu. Wen Kexing allows him to have this.
It takes Zhou Zishu a long time before he could let go.
“Ah Xu,” Wen Kexing calls after a while, breaking the comfortable silence between them.
“Mm?”
“Did you really mean it?”
“Mean what?”
“About your affection for me.”
Zhou Zishu stills, gathers him even closer if that were possible, buries his head into Wen Kexing.
“Why else do you think I tolerate you?”
Wen Kexing starts struggling in his hold enough that Zhou Zishu loosens his grip. Instead of moving away, Wen Kexing just turns around to face him, allowing Zhou Zishu to hold him like this.
He presses into Zhou Zishu, their noses almost bumping. There’s a sparkle in his eyes. He looks more alive now than Zhou Zishu has seen him in a while. Frail fingers cup his jaw, a thumb stroking away at his cheek.
“I am sincere too. You know that, right?”
He really didn’t. It’s only now that he can even entertain such a possibility, and he admits as much.
“Ah Xu!” Wen Kexing exclaims. “How could you not see? How could you doubt my intentions? Even after everything?”
Zhou Zishu just shrugs at him, earning him a weak swat on the shoulder.
“Husband Zhou is too cruel to his wife.”
“Should have known that when you chose me. Now that I have you, I won’t let go. You’re stuck with me.”
“As if I’d ever let you,” Wen Kexing presses closer. Not even air could get between them like this.
“Ah Xu?”
“What now?”
“I am glad we didn’t meet too late. You make me want to live too. I never knew Ghosts could live in the light before.”
The words are a confession. Raw. Zhou Zishu is the only person in this world who’d get this from Wen Kexing. It’s a comforting thought. Possessive too. Zhou Zishu rewards it with a confession of his own.
“After I get back from the village tomorrow, I will write to Da Wu.”
Wen Kexing goes utterly still in a way only monsters like them can.
“Ah Xu…”
“It’s not what you’re thinking. I will ask his help in finding some other way that wouldn’t jeopardize my gongfu. If anyone can find something, it’s him. And they do owe me a favor.”
“You really want that?”
“Have you listened to a word I spoke? You’re not the only one who likes the light, Lao Wen. He’ll probably know what’s wrong with you too.”
Wen Kexing raises his head, meets Zhou Zishu’s eyes head on. “Even if he can’t remove the nails, I’ll still be here.”
“I know.” He does. He does know Wen Kexing wouldn’t leave.
“About the other thing, I have something to tell you.” Wen Kexing hides his face back into Zhou Zishu’s shoulder.
“What other thing?”
“My sickness.”
Zhou Zishu’s body goes rigid. The state which he found Wen Kexing in tonight…
“I am sure it’ll be fine. Even if the village healers can’t help, Da Wu sure can. You didn’t drill seven nails into your body.”
“That’s the thing. I'm saying he doesn’t need to do that.”
“What?”
“My sickness, it’s…already getting better, can’t you tell?”
Now that he’s mentioned it, Wen Kexing hasn’t coughed once since they began talking. Wen Kexing looks up at Zhou Zishu when he doesn’t get a response for a long time.
“Are the medicines finally taking effect?”
Wen Kexing shakes his head. “It’s you.”
Zhou Zishu must look as lost as he feels.
“Have you heard of Hanahaki disease?” Wen Kexing asks him.
“That’s a myth.”
Wen Kexing looks pointedly at Zhou Zishu, then at himself. The handkerchief soaked in blood lying near the pillow.
“Are you really saying it’s real?"
“It’s very, very rare. But I’ve seen it happen once, long back. They brought the girl to my mother.”
“And?”
Wen Kexing shakes his head.
Zhou Zishu’s breathing stutters. Did that mean???
If I said I would die without your love, Ah Xu, would you believe me?
He wasn’t being dramatic at all, was he?
"Where are the damn petals and flowers then? Aren’t you supposed to grow some plant in your lungs? I sure don’t see any."
Wen Kexing looks sheepishly at Zhou Zishu before pulling out a sachet from inside his pillow. It's dark with wet blood.
Inside he sees the petals and some whole flowers. It's a gory sight. He can’t even tell the colors apart. The mangled things are stained a dirty brown from all the blood. They don’t even look like anything he’s ever seen before.
These things were inside Wen Kexing. Sucking away his life, choking him up. Fucking parasites.
"How do you even get rid of these things?”
"I burn them when you aren't here,” Wen Kexing replies easily, a simple fact.
"When you couldn't even move?"
Wen Kexing shrugs as if that's answer enough.
It really is, Zhou Zishu knows. It’s what he would have done in Wen Kexing’s place. It’s infuriating.
That absolute bastard!
“Wen Kexing.”
“Hear me out before you get mad,” Wen Kexing interrupts. “If I let you know, you would have felt obligated. I didn’t want a confession that you didn’t mean, Ah Xu. Don’t you get it? How can I force you to do something like that? And if you said it to save my life, it wouldn’t have mattered. I do want any and all crumbs you’d throw my way, but I don’t want you to feel like you have no choice. You put yourself through hell to have the freedom you now have. How could I take that away from you?”
Zhou Zishu’s heart aches fiercely in his chest. Wen Kexing gets him, understands him in a way no one ever has.
Stupid. Foolish. Wen Kexing.
He really would have… What if he’d been too late? What if Wen Kexing had died? If he lost his warmth…
It’s too cold without him.
What would it be like, having Wen Kexing for such a short while and then spend the remaining days of his life without his loud, boisterous, presence?
Zhou Zishu kisses him.
It takes Wen Kexing only a moment to kiss him back. They are a tangle of limbs, two monsters who could only ever fit each other.
They are both breathless when they pull back.
“Wen Kexing, if you ever do something as foolish as this again, I will kill you myself.”
“Ah Xu!!! I told you why.”
“And I still stand by what I said. Don’t ever betray my trust like this again.”
“I am sorry I scared you,” Wen Kexing tells him. Zhou Zishu does notice the way he phrased the words in a way that makes his own stance clear.
“You are going to be sorrier when I get you back on the training field.”
“Ah Xu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
***
Chengling doesn’t know how Wen Qianbei gets better, only that he does. But he did fear for Wen Qianbei’s life the first time Shifu and him got on the field together. Chengling had wisely withdrawn to another corner of the manor for his own training lest he ended up being collateral damage. They were both bruised and laughing when they came back. It was quite weird. But they’ve always been weird. So Chengling doesn’t pay it much mind.
Until the day he unfortunately had to witness Wen Qianbei with his hand inside Shifu’s robes. The two of them kissing as if they wanted to devour each other. The cursory glance Chengling had before turning around and walking away with a furious blush was enough to scar him for life. So nowadays, unless it’s a life or death situation, he avoids being anywhere near their sparring field.
But it’s pretty good to see Shifu laugh and smile even if those aren’t directed at himself. There’s a lightness to Shifu, to both of them, nowadays.
Wen Qianbei is healthy. Shifu is looking better. And even Gu Xiang jie, the last time he saw her, looked happier.
Chengling likes seeing them like this. It makes his own heart fill with joy.
Something hits the back of his knees, causing him to drop to the ground. He looks down to see a melon seed.
“Stop daydreaming, Little Tyke.” Shifu warns ominously.
“Shifu, I was just,” Chengling’s stupid mouth opens before he could filter himself.
“Five thousand times instead of a thousand.”
Chengling could cry, but he knows not to by now.
“Ah Xu, stop being so hard on the boy.”
Chengling doesn’t look at them as he starts chanting and moving.
One. Two. Three.