Work Text:
Natural Gremlin Reproduction - full
-WBG-
Higari Maijima was once again the homeroom teacher of the Support Course class 1-H. Yet, like every year, he wondered if the hazard pay was actually worth it. Yes, it was substantial and growing faster than his actual pay, but the students were monsters.
One of his ‘students’ (he still wasn’t sure she wasn’t just three raccoons in a trench coat) made a flying chair during the assembly. She didn’t even have anything explosive available, but she managed to blow it up. Then, she blew up the workshop. Twice.
He checked if her quirk was related to explosions, only to find a deceptively simple ‘zoom’. She always talked about seeing five kilometers away, but with some support questions, he realized that five kilometers seemed to be her limit only because that’s where the earth’s curve becomes noticeable.
She didn’t have a limit.
Which lent to her… impressive operations. She could find minuscule flaws in circuits or correct imperfections others won’t notice without a microscope. Her problem was that… she didn’t care.
So after she blew up the support lab for the fifth time in the span of three days, he decided that it would be best for everyone (but especially his insurance) to expel her. Eraser expelled one of his students and it seemed to turn out all right. At least he hadn’t heard anything bad going over because of it.
If only he actually socialized with the other teachers…
When Powerloader arrived on Friday in class, he didn’t expect to see Hatsume Mei there. He was pretty sure he expelled her. Did she not realize?
“Hatsume-san… I’m sorry, but weren’t you… expelled?” He dared to ask when it seemed something was starting to smoke on her workstation. Wait! It was his workstation.
“Yeah.” She was completely oblivious to both the meaning behind his question and the smoking.
Without thinking, Maijima grabbed the faulty circuit and whatever it was attached to and tossed it out of the open window. A small explosion went up before it even hit the ground, vaporizing whatever it was supposed to be.
“Hey! It almost worked!” She was actually happy for the explosion that vaporized the solid steel frame?
“You can’t be here if you were expelled!” Higari lost his patience.
“Ah! I was supposed to hand you this.” She gave him an envelope sealed with the strange stamp of a cackling monster.
“What’s this?” He waved the thing in the air, at the same time testing if it would explode.
“Starting today, I’m your Assistant.” She beamed. “So many babies!” Now she was cackling like a TV supervillain.
“What?”
“Well…” A new voice startled Maijima. And all students in class. And the gen-ed student that was passing by the open doors.
There was a green-haired teen hanging from the vents. His hair was a mess that defied gravity and he had eyebags that could rival those of Aizawa. He was dressed in a green, black, and yellow bodysuit and had a mouthguard hanging from his neck.
“Who are you!” Power Loader totally didn’t scream like a small girl. The only one who used the vents as means of transportation was Nedzu. Until now apparently.
“The Chaotic hero: Gremlin. Copyright pending.” The boy pulled a provisional hero license and flashed it to the Support Hero. “And starting today I’m the vice-principal of UA High.”
There was total silence.
“Could you please repeat that?” One of the students asked, shaking in fear. The aura around the boy was just… unsettling.
“I’m Nedzu’s side-kick, personal student, and the only employee. As such, I’m the second most important person in UA at the moment. Isn’t it glorious!?”
No one dared to comment, fearing for their sanity. The boy was still hanging upside down… somehow.
“Anyway, I came for the crowbar I ordered.”
“Oh! Here it is!” Mei, the only one completely unfazed by the boy’s appearance or behavior, handed him a red crowbar. “I made it strong enough to withstand All Might’s punch at a hundred percent and then some.”
“How did you test that?”
“I nuked it of course!” Hatsume cackled maniacally, fire appearing behind her eyes. “Several times, just to be sure. It’s completely impervious to heat, physical force, radiation, and at least three types of juice. I spilled some on it on accident.”
Power Loader carefully eyed the test chamber in the back. He had it reinforced with a solid meter worth of lead lining when they had a student with quirk able to do nuclear fusion.
The gremlin weighted the thing in his hands. “How quick can you make me a matching sledgehammer?”
“Well, the Nuke chamber should be decontaminated by now, so give me three hours. I still have my notes on the process. It will be glorious!”
“Glorious!” The boy chanted.
“Glorious!” They both chanted.
The vent gremlin disappeared and Hatsume was about to get to doing the commission. Maijima shook off the shock. “You still haven’t explained how exactly are you my assistant? And why are you here? Where did you get nuclear bombs?”
“You expelled me so I enrolled into Support Course online. I needed to have an external internship so Green got me one at UA. You asked for an assistant at the end of last year. And I made the nukes myself, duh.” She pulled an honest to god lightsaber and got to cutting a giant block of… at this point, it might as well be a cooled star. That girl officially no longer surprised him.
Ignoring her, Power Loader started his class. It wasn’t easy, but for the sake of his sanity, he absolutely refused to acknowledge her presence. His student did the same.
-WBG-
“He just… appeared!” Thirteen was sitting on the couch in the teachers’ room. She was shaking and Snipe used his poncho as a trauma blanket.
Maijima decided to for once talk with his coworkers outside the absolutely necessary interactions.
“He was brutal. Efficient, but brutal.” Aizawa solemnly nodded.
“So… The Kraken is on the loose?” Sejiro Kan asked, gripping his cup of tea tightly.
“He took the girl I expelled and made her into my teacher’s assistant,” Higari confessed, earning a few surprised gazes, all of which quickly turned to looks of pity. “She apparently made a Lightsaber when she was bored. And not the ones you might’ve seen on make-it shows. Her’s doesn’t require any external power cell and has blade that is hard plazma.”
Few of the more technologically inclined teachers understood the shock. Such a thing would break several laws of physics.
“She didn’t even know she was breaking any laws. When I told her that, she just shrugged and she said she didn’t live in ‘physycs’, or whatever country, so their laws didn’t apply.”
“Gremlin hasn’t slept in a week,” Aizawa informed them, returning to the subject. “From what I’ve seen, he is like Nedzu when he got high that one time on catnip mixed with rat poison.”
That sent shivers down the spines of all UA teachers and made Hound Dog whimper while he rolled into a fetal position. It was a dark week in UA history.
“So we have two gremlins on the loose?”
“Is it a pandemics already?”
“Nedzu is doing it on purpose. He finally snapped. I’m telling you!” Midnight cried. “We’re all doomed!”
“Hi!”
Izuku walked from inside the TV in the corner.
Three teachers screamed like little girls. The others just cowered in the corner.
“I came to see how is it like on the other side.” He informed them, taking a seat in one of the now-empty armchairs. He then seemed to remember something and got up faster than the human eyes could see. He pulled a box of… something from a pocket that certainly couldn’t fit it in there and approached Eraserhead.
The teachers around him parted like the Red Sea.
“Here.” He handed him the box. At first, Aizawa was hesitant to pick it but decided that if this was how he died, he would take it with any dignity he had left.
Inside the box was… a sleeping bag? Shouta pulled it out, revealing a yellow bodysuit that doubled as a sleeping bag.
“I wanted to show that I have no hard feeling about the expulsion thing.” Izuku smiled, for a moment making everyone forget that he was an unhinged teen with zero care about casualties in sanity or health.
“I… I’m sorry for how it’s turned.” Aizawa dumbly apologized.
“Thanks.” The boy smiled. “It means a lot to me.” He took it as a compliment and pulled a nearby lamp, which turned out to be a lever. The floor under Snipe opened and he was sent flying into a dark hole.
“Wrong lever…” Izuku took a step back and pulled another lamp, making a rope drop from the ceiling. He grabbed it and yanked it twice, making it ascend with him into the ceiling.
Snipe wasn’t found until Tuesday and he absolutely refused to speak on what he’s seen.