Chapter Text
Hongjoong stared at the blinking cursor, trying to magically find the inspiration he needed to finish this god-forsaken song. He’s been in this industry long enough to know that creative blocks are common and normal, but that doesn’t prevent the frustration and anxiety from building up inside him.
What if this is the end of my career? That’s it. I have probably used all the creative juices I had in my brain by now, I should have kept that last song for myself –
The noise of the door opening made him jump slightly and pulled him out of the downward spiral that was starting to make him breathe a little harder. EDEN poked his head through the new opening and gave him a stern look.
“Why are you still here? Didn’t I tell you to leave like 3 hours ago?” he asked.
“You did, and I told you that I would leave after finishing this song,” Hongjoong replied.
“Kid, we both know the only possible outcome here is you curling up in a ball and staring into the abyss until the sun comes up. Just go home, Joong, it’s really late and tomorrow will be a new day,” EDEN said.
Hongjoong sighed and pushed his head against the headrest of the chair. EDEN sighed as well, stepping into the room, closing the door behind him, and sitting down on the empty chair next to Hongjoong. “I had to talk you out of a freak out literally 3 hours ago, do we really have to do this again?” EDEN asked while petting Hongjoong’s hair softly.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Hongjoong whispered, embarrassed about the fact that his senior had witnessed him losing his cool twice in such a short amount of time. “You can go home. You said it yourself, it’s pretty late. I’m fine, don’t worry, I’m just a bit stressed out.”
EDEN looked at him for a few seconds before sighing again. “Listen, I know I told you this earlier today but I’m going to say it again,” the elder said before moving Hongjoong’s chair around so they could face each other. “Creative blocks happen. I’ve gone through it. LEEZ has gone through it. Literally everybody and their mother in this industry gets stuck every now and then, but we all end up getting out of that rut, and so will you. You are being way too hard on yourself, Hongjoong. You’re so used to being your usual genius self that you are spoiled,” EDEN said with a smile. “I’ve seen you write masterpieces in an hour while having lunch, you don’t have to worry about anything. I believe in you, we all do.”
Hongjoong looked at him, feeling overwhelmed by the mix of emotions running around in his brain. “Hyung,” he whispered while trying to contain the tears. “I really appreciate your support. I’m really grateful for the love I’ve received here. It’s just…” he hesitated for a bit before saying: “It’s just that I’ve gone through creative blocks before, but this just feels different. I really feel like my brain is fried and I can’t come up with anything good. Everything I’ve been able to create in the last few weeks is average at best and it’s starting to get to me.”
EDEN petted his head again and smiled comfortably. “Things have been hectic and you haven’t taken any time off, no matter how hard we’ve tried to force you to do it. You just need a break, Hongjoong, you have a successful solo career and have worked as a producer for what feels like half of the industry at this point too. Not only you’ve entered the charts with every title track you’ve released the last couple of years, but the songs you’ve produced have also charted very well.” EDEN said and paused before turning around to save and close every open window on Hongjoong’s computer. “You simply need some time off to recharge and get back on track. Everything will be fine.”
Hongjoong smiled sadly and didn’t even fight him. He was too tired to try it.
Yes, the songs I’ve made for other people chart at a decent place, but I can’t even get into the top 50 with my own stuff…
“Thank you, hyung. I’m sorry I’m being such a nuisance,” Hongjoong said with a slight pout. EDEN laughed and leaned back against the chair. “Look at you, being all pouty and listening to what I’m saying without answering back for once. Where’s your usual stubbornness, kid? Exhaustion is making you soft, I’m not sure I like it,” he said jokingly.
They both laughed a bit before falling into a comfortable silence. Hongjoong started to gather his things from all over the table and put them in his bag, throwing away all the empty coffee cups and takeaway boxes in the process.
“Do you know what you actually need?” EDEN suddenly asked while watching the younger man tidy up the space. “You need to get laid.”
Hongjoong rolled his eyes and made a noise of annoyance. “Please, don’t start. I get this enough from Mingi and Yunho as it is. I don’t need to get laid, I’m fine.”
EDEN laughed and raised his hands in surrender. “Don’t get defensive. When was the last time you got some action, kid? You haven’t mentioned anyone in a while and you haven’t spent less than 12 hours a day in this studio for the last few months. I’m pretty sure it’s been at least a couple of months since the last time you got your dick wet.”
Hongjoong rolled his eyes again but didn’t reply.
More like a couple of years but who's counting...
EDEN smirked before getting closer to whisper, “I think all that sexual frustration is messing up with your creativity, you need to release some of that to get back on your feet. Trust me. Been there, done that.”
Hongjoong faked a gag and pushed him back. “I don’t want to hear about your sex life, hyung, and I don’t need you to worry about mine either. I’m completely fine.”
EDEN lifted an eyebrow and gave him an incredulous look. “You’ve said you’re fine way too many times for it to be real but whatever. It’s your balls, not mine.”
Hoongjoong decided not to reply again. He’s been down this road way too many times with his friends, he knew the best way out was to pretend he didn’t hear anything. He wasn’t sexually frustrated. He was too busy to even think about sex. He had more important things to worry about.
I’m completely fine.
They both got up and headed to the door in silence. After getting out of the studio, Hongjoong closed the door behind him and turned to face EDEN once again. “Thanks again for everything, hyung. I will try to take your advice and get some time off to unwind,” he said with a smile. “It’s Friday so I will try my best to stay away from anything related to work until Monday. Hopefully you’re right and my brain will get back on track soon.”
He knew he would probably give in and try to work on the song at some point during the weekend, but EDEN didn’t need to know that.
“I know you won’t be able to make it to Monday without working, but please give it a try. I really think you just need to take a well-deserved break. Ideally, longer than a weekend but we can start here,” EDEN said before putting a hand on Hongjoong’s shoulder, “get some sleep and relax. I’ll see you on Monday.”
Hongjoong smiled and returned the sentiment, before they both turned around to head in different directions.
EDEN stopped in front of the door to his studio and turned around. “Hongjoong,” he called, making the younger stop at the end of the hallway and turn around. EDEN smirked and shouted “go find a cute guy and get laid!” before getting into his studio.
Hongjoong stared at the empty space and chuckled. He didn’t understand why everybody kept trying to meddle in his sexual life. Or lack thereof.
I’m completely fine.
--
Hongjoong opened the door of his apartment and went straight to the kitchen, turning the lights on and dropping the bag of instant food he had bought on his way home on the table. He pressed the button in the electric kettle before opening a cup of ramen and pouring the water in after it started boiling.
He looked around for his phone while waiting for the ramen to get cooked, stretching his back and sighing again. I can’t wait for this day to be finally over. He found his phone inside his bag in the living room and head back to the kitchen, noticing that he had a bunch of unread messages from his mother, EDEN and the group chat he shared with Yunho and Mingi. He ignored the group chat and went straight to read the message from his mom, grimacing when he saw she had written hours ago and would probably be asleep by now. He finished preparing the ramen and sat down to eat before opening EDEN’s message, wondering if he’d let something behind at the studio or something.
EDEN hyung
;) thank me later
Attached to the message was a link, its preview featuring a woman making sexy eyes towards the camera. Hongjoong whined and banged his head against the table before double checking the link and seeing that it was, in fact, porn.
Me
Hyung….
I’m FINE
and I can find porn on my own if I need it
tyvm
EDEN hyung
Shut up and check it out
I have never ventured in the male section for obvious reasons
But the ladies are particularly lovely
So I’m sure you will find something that fit your stupidly high standards
Hongjoong sighed and locked the phone without replying. He was REALLY tired of people trying to meddle in his life.
I’M COMPLETELY FINE.
He finished the ramen in silence, looking into his empty living room and praying that he will be able to sleep without his mind trying to convince him that he’s a failure. I just need a break. Please, brain, just let me be for a little bit. With another sigh, he got up and threw away the cup, not even bothering to put away the rest of the stuff he bought. He went straight into the bathroom and stripped, turning the water on and getting under the spray before it even got warm enough to be comfortable. He washed himself absently, trying to will mind away from the usual self-pity party. He finished washing up and got out of the shower, drying up and looking at himself in the mirror.
He looked like shit. He didn’t feel like he was seeing a 25-year-old in front of him. No wonder people didn’t pay much attention to him as an artist.
His eyes looked red and tired, sitting on top of dark baggy eyes that gave away the fact that he hasn’t slept well in…well, forever. His mullet was getting out of hand too, what had previously been a shade of light brown had faded and the black roots had almost taken over, undercut pocking out from underneath, screaming for a very long overdue trim.
He averted his eyes and put on some underwear and an old ratty t-shirt, brushing his teeth before heading to his room and falling on top of the bed gracelessly. He didn’t even bother getting under the covers, he just curled on top of the blankets and closed his eyes. He stayed there for what felt like hours, trying to silence his brain long enough to fall asleep.
He turned onto his back and picked up his phone. 11:03PM. It didn’t seem like he was going to fall asleep anytime soon, so he might as well check his social media, see what his fans were talking about. He wasn’t the most popular artist out there, but he had a pretty loyal following, something that helped him way more than he could ever admit out loud. The thought made him stop for a second, trying to figure out when was the last time he had updated any social media account. Weeks, most definitely. Months, probably. He groaned and put his head against the pillow.
I’m such an awful artist, I don’t deserve the love I get.
He unlocked his phone and the open chat with EDEN popped up in front of him again. He re-read the conversation and scoffed. He didn’t have “stupidly high standards”, he just …rarely believed that the risk was really worth it. It wasn’t that he was asexual or anything – he was very much attracted to men and he had actually always had a pretty high libido, it’s just that he wasn’t into one-night stands and he couldn’t just go around sleeping with random men either. He wasn’t that famous but he was famous enough, and he didn’t think most of his fanbase would appreciate stanning a gay rapper either. This is Korea, after all.
Hongjoong looked at the link preview again, staring into the lady’s face and trying to remember when was the last time he had taken his time jerking off, the way he used to before his life became what it is. It felt like a lifetime ago. Masturbating has become a quick and efficient job to get a physiological release before going to bed, nothing else.
He checked the time again. 11:21PM. He closed his eyes and sighed, pausing for a second before opening his eyes again and clicking on the link.
Might as well try it. It’ll probably help me fall asleep.
He didn’t know why he was even trying. He’s never been into porn, something about it feeling too fake and manufactured to make him feel anything. He’d get off to amateur porn every now and then, but even that felt too impersonal and cold to properly turn him on.
He looked around the website and noticed that it wasn’t just a regular porn site, it was a streaming porn platform. He stared at the small thumbnails featuring women and men on the homepage, all of them with the telltale red button that indicated they were online right now.
Hongjoong looked for the very few men available and clicked on some of them, but never stayed for long in any stream. None of them were really his type and he couldn’t even understand most of the stuff they were saying anyway.
Of course you’d be upset because you can’t understand what these men are saying while jerking off…
His inner voice sounded a lot like Yunho sometimes.
Maybe I do have stupidly high standards.
He went straight to the “MEN” tab on the website and clicked on it, having exhausted the limited options he had on the homepage. He looked around for a while, trying to find thumbnails that caught his attention long enough to click on it, but ended up moving from one stream to another with little success. He groaned in frustration, feeling enough arousal to keep looking but not enough to actually make him want to get off.
Fuck it, I give up.
He was about to close the browser, having decided to just jerk off on his own so he could get some quick release and go to sleep, when a flash of pink caught his attention. A new thumbnail had appeared on top of the page. The image was pretty small so all he could see clearly was a mop of fluffy pink hair and a beautiful smile.
He clicked on it before his brain could even process the information, almost dropping the phone on his face in his hurry.
Beautiful.
That’s all his brain could come up with.
In front of him was an East Asian man around his age, looking shyly into the camera while carefully styling his bubblegum pink hair. He had big, sparkly eyes, a beautiful straight nose and pretty pouty lips stretched around a soft smile. He had to be one of the most gorgeous men Hongjoong had ever seen in his entire life – and he worked with k-pop idols often, he was quite desensitized to pretty men by now.
The boy (Mars, his brain carefully supplied) was casually leaning against a mountain of pillows, a couple of plushies visible in the background. He was wearing an oversized peach puff sweater that had fallen to the side, exposing part of his naked right shoulder, and shorts that showed his long, hairless legs. The whole image had a very lovely pastel look, everything from his light make-up to his outfit to his pillows and even paper wall had a very relaxing and aesthetically pleasing vibe.
“Hello, everyone”
His voice made Hongjoong jump, snapping him out of his trance.
He spoke in Korean and his voice was surprisingly soft and deep, Hongjoong didn’t expect him to sound like that but he had to admit he really liked his tone.
“Sorry I’m a little late, I’ve had a really long day and couldn’t go live on the scheduled time,” Mars said, pouting and looking sweetly into the camera.
Right, he’s a camboy. This is a porn site.
He looked so soft and sweet that Hongjoong forgot what he was looking at for a moment there. Inhaling nervously, he got more comfortable, heart beating fast and anticipation curling in his belly. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt like this because of a man.
“You’re all so sweet. You treat me so well, I feel spoiled,” Mars said, playing with a sweater paw. It was only then when Hongjoong remembered that he was only one of the many people watching Mars right now, looking down he noticed a pretty decent number of online viewers and a chat box. Comments and tips were going up quite fast, some people making casual small talk with the streamer and others urging him to undress and get to it.
“Ah, you’re always so impatient. I do agree, though, let’s stop beating around the bush. It’s been a tough day and I just want to unwind and go to bed. I apologize, it’s going to be a simple stream tonight, but I promise I will make it up to you in the next one. Stay tuned for that,” Mars said, winking slightly while looking straight into Hongjoong’s soul.
The streamer laid back even further between the pillows and lazily stroked a hand over his chest, before moving down and pulling the sweater slightly up to show a sliver of abdomen. “
You’re going to help me forget about my stressful day, right? You always take such good care of me,” he said with a breathy tone.
Without even noticing, Hongjoong was touching up and down his chest, mimicking the streamer. He felt his cock stirring in his underwear and warm excitement spread over his body. Mars wasn’t even doing anything sexual but Hongjoong was feeling more aroused than he has in a really long time.
He was about to put his phone down so he could continue with both hands, when a message popped up on the screen.
You have run out of minutes! You have already used all the free allowance you get as a guest. Register now to continue watching.
Hongjoong cursed out loud and quickly clicked on the pop-up message, just to curse once again when he noticed he had really low battery. He got up and looked hastily for his changer, but he suddenly remembered it was all the way in his office. He took his laptop from his night stand and threw it down on the bed, turning it on and plugging the charger – just in case, he couldn’t risk it.
“Come on, come on, come on,” he urged his computer, quickly opening the browser and looking for the website. He registered quickly, choosing the recommended plan without even looking at the price and filling the form as fast as he could, choosing his PayPal account to make the payment in order to make himself feel a bit better about throwing money at some random camboy. He had initially chosen a random string of letters as the username but now he hovered over the ‘Register’ button hesitantly.
Mars won’t probably notice, and Hongjoong most likely won’t even say anything at all in the chat, but for some reason he wanted to be represented with more than a random keyboard smash. On a whim, he quickly deleted the username and wrote PirateKing instead, the name of his debut song. He’d probably regret it later, but couldn’t bring himself to care right now.
He cheered out loud when he finished the process and quickly looked for Mars’ stream on the platform so he could re-join it. By the time he made it back, Mars was already naked and stroking himself, moaning softly with his eyes closed. Hongjoong couldn’t even feel bad for missing part of the action, all the arousal that had gone away during the registration process was back at full force and he couldn’t stop watching the scene before his eyes.
He took the sight for a few seconds – enjoying the way light reflected on the naked long line of Mars’ body, his skin pale and flushed pink, his face slightly contracted in pleasure, mouth partially open and hand stroking firmly what is possibly the prettiest cock Hongjoong has seen in his life.
He took a deep breath, only noticing he had stopped breathing after feeling the burn in his lungs, and laid down on the bed once again. He moved the laptop around, looking for the best angle, and finally – finally – pulled his boxers down, grabbing his half-hard dick and sighing with relief.
This is it.
Hongjoong began stroking himself slowly, pumping his cock into full hardness and trying to pace himself out, afraid he was going to come way too soon. He wanted to pay closer attention to Mars before he got lost in his own pleasure, but, for some embarrassing reason, he felt himself hovering over the edge already, the tight feeling inside him about to snap at any time. He watched enthralled as Mars played with his own nipples, his moans getting louder and higher in pitch, his body moving around on the pillows, desperately chasing the pleasure of his own hand.
The room was silent except for the whimpers and occasional “please” and “oh God” coming from the computer, and the echo of his own moans and the increasingly obscene wet sounds coming from his fast and firm strokes. Mars was getting more and more desperate in front of him and Hongjoong could feel sweat slowly forming on his skin, the objectively simple sight of this man touching himself on the screen becoming too much for him.
Hongjoong looked around and located the tissues close by, stretching his arm to grab them before quickly going back to the task at hand. On screen, Mars brought his knees up and opened his legs more, pushing his hips up and bringing the hand that had been fondling his nipple to his mouth. He swiftly sucked two fingers into his mouth and then moved them down his body, stopping on his hole. Hongjoong stopped touching himself, heart beating wild as he watched with attention how Mars fucked himself quickly with one finger, just to add the second one soon after. He couldn’t even see the action clearly, the way the streamer was laying down made it hard to see, but the knowledge that this pretty boy was gracelessly fingering himself in front of him made him feel feverish nevertheless.
Hoongjong couldn’t stop his traitorous mind from thinking look how impatient he is, I wouldn’t give him a second finger so fast, I would definitely make him for work for it, beg for it –
His hand quickened its pace and he stopped to spit on his hand, trying to ease the aggressive friction on his cock, stroking it once again and feeling a better, wetter, slide.
“I’m so close. Please, I need to come,” Mars moaned, growing more desperate by the second, the movements of both hands becoming sloppier and less coordinated.
“Yes, come for me,” Hongjoong replied out loud, alone in his room, increasing the speed as he felt himself getting closer and closer as well. Without any warning, Mars moaned loudly, his pink hair fanning on the pillows as he pressed his head hard against them. Ropes of cum came in spurts out of his pink cock and landed on his chest, the sound of his giggles breaking his harsh breathing as his limbs trembled slightly.
Hongjoong couldn’t help myself, he closed his eyes and jerked himself off roughly. The image of the pink-haired beauty cumming all over his chest after touching himself was replaying behind his eyelids, and soon enough his orgasm hit him so hard that he saw white spots for a second. When he came to himself, cock still in hand and cum all over the place, Mars was talking softly and sweetly: “ – thank you, I had a lot of fun too. I love the more elaborate settings but sometimes the simplest things are the best, right? I apologize for the lack of toys and outfits anyway. I didn’t want to miss our date but I was too tired to prepare anything more complex today. I promise I will make it up to you next time.”
The streamer was still naked with visible cum stains on his belly and chest, but he was looking at the camera with sparkly eyes and a wide smile. The combination made Hongjoong’s exhausted brain freeze.
How can someone be so cute and so sinful at the same time.
Hongjoong looked as Mars cleaned himself and made some small talk with the chat. With a newfound clarity, his brain started to frantically process what had just happened. His thoughts jumped around from “That was embarrassing, I haven’t come that fast since I was a teenager” to “Damn, that was the most intense orgasm I’ve had in a while” to a very loud “Did I just jerk off to a porn streamer? Oh my God, did I just SIGN UP on a PAID porn platform–“
“I’m sorry, I keep yawning. It’s really late and it’s been a long day, I should really go to bed. Thank you to everyone who tuned in today, specially to my biggest tippers. I wasn’t even paying attention to chat today, I’m sorry.”
Hongjoong snapped out of his inner freak out and noticed he was still holding his flaccid dick, cum cooling and drying up on his hands and clothes.
Mars was speaking softly when Hongjoong brought his attention back to him, thanking the tippers by name and promising a more personalized experience in future streams. He had his sweater back on and he looked as sweet and soft as before, the only thing giving him away being the glassy eyes, flushed cheeks and bed hair.
Note to self, tipping means more attention.
He sighed and tried to locate the tissues he had uselessly retrieved earlier so he could clean the cum before it dried out. After finding them, he quickly grabbed a couple and tried to clean the stains as best as he could, getting lulled by the pleasant endorphins swimming in his brain and the soft deep tone of Mars' voice saying his goodbyes in the background.
A sudden, loud noise made him jump and it took him half a second to recognize the sound as the intro of Horizon, one of the songs from his debut album. He looked around, trying to find the source of the music, thinking he had accidentally stepped on his phone while moving around on the bed.
“Oops, sorry. I unmuted my phone this evening because I was waiting for an important call and forgot the sound was on. It’s my roommate, he probably forgot his keys again and wants me to open the door for him. I’m leaving for good now. Have a great night, everyone! See you on Sunday.”
And just like, a smiling Mars blew one final kiss to the camera and the screen went black.
Hongjoong stood there, looking into the black computer screen and seeing his reflection staring back at him. There he was, kneeling on top of his bed covers, underwear around his knees, dick out, a bunch of tissues in his hand and cum stains all around him. His brain struggling to process what had just happened.
He just jerked off to a pretty camboy.
He just jerked off to a pretty camboy who had one of his less popular songs as his ringtone.