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In the end, Darcy could only blame herself. The bachelor/bachelorette joint party scavenger hunt had been her idea. Well...hers and Tony’s, or if you wanted to get technical, she’d explained to Tony about what they were doing for Jane. JARVIS chimed in that he still hadn’t come up with a plan for Thor’s bachelor party, and Tony promptly stole the scavenger hunt idea. But whatever. The end result was the same. A giant, two-party wide scavenger hunt that encompassed all of Manhattan and part of the surrounding areas. In fact, it was so big that they each got a quinjet.
Darcy sorta loved that. Appropriating things illegally from S.H.I.E.L.D. was her new favorite pastime. Clearly Loki was rubbing off on her. And Tony, because he went with Loki to get the jets. Anyway, it was awesome. Natasha piloted the jet for Team Starscience and Clint was handling the wheel for Team Hammerhead. They had four hours to finish their lists and get back to the common room at the center of Avengers Tower.
That didn’t seem too hard, but the lists were insane. Darcy knew she shouldn’t have left that part up to Tony, but she was running low on time, and he offered.
“Number seventeen, ‘An out of state waterfowl’?” Jane’s brow furrowed as she stared at the list. “What does that even mean?”
“We fly to Pennsylvania and get a toy duck,” Tasha answered with a shrug. “Next?”
Darcy leaned over Jane, grinning at number eighteen. “‘A red cape’. Oh, we totally have this. Thor leaves them all over the apartment. I think there are about six hanging by the door right now.”
“No, no,” Jane replied. “It has a caveat. Look. ‘Cannot be the property of any Thundergod, Norse or otherwise’.”
“So costume store, then,” Pepper decided. She pushed a button on her bluetooth to make some calls, but Natasha held up her hand to stop her.
“I’ve got a better idea,” the Black Widow said, making a sharp right turn. “Jane, you still have that direct line to Heimdall?”
“Yeah…” Jane said slowly. “So Frigga and I can work on wedding plans, why?”
Natasha swiveled around in her seat for a second so she could face them. “What color is the Allfather’s cape?”
“Oh my god.” Darcy poked Jane in the side gleefully. “Oh. My. God. Odin’s cape. It doesn’t say anything about Allfather-in-laws in that caveat does it?”
The astrophysicist glanced at the list and then back at Darcy with a sly smile. “Nope. Just Thundergods.”
Tasha pulled back on the throttle, sending them towards a few acres of open field across the border in New Jersey. “Well then, I think we should take a little trip up the Bifrost.”
Twenty minutes and one surreptitious conversation with Frigga later, the girls were back on solid ground, and in possession of one very majestic red cape. Thor’s mother had actually found the entire business pretty humorous. Darcy loved Frigga. She could always be counted on to help out in fun, sneaky endeavors, and usually had a pitcher of Asgardian wine on hand. They’d each had a cup while they waited for the maid to get back with Odin’s cape. Jane had two, and was listing slightly on her way back to the quinjet. Pepper had to take her arm and assist her aboard.
“Okay, now what?” she asked as Darcy took the list from the giggling scientist.
“Ummmmm… We still need that toy duck, and then number nineteen is ‘a selfie at the top of the Statue of Liberty’. That’s easy. Let’s tackle that one right now.”
Tasha nodded, and they headed back to New York. As they flew over the towering statue, all the girls groaned at the long line of tourists waiting to get in.
Pepper squinted at the waiting people. “I could make some calls, but it’s still going to take a few minutes.”
“We spent almost half an hour just getting this,” Darcy said, flapping Odin's cape which she was wearing draped around her shoulders. Then she pulled her phone out of her pocket and checked the screen. “We’ve only got an hour left, and fifteen things still on the list.”
“Right. I’m going to need everyone to hang on.” Natasha reached up and began flipping switches over her head. “Pepper get everyone buckled into those harnesses near the doors.”
A few minutes later the quinjet was hovering over Liberty’s crown and all the girls were standing on the surface suspended in harnesses, cell phones at the ready.
“On three!” Natasha yelled into their headsets. “One! Two! Three! CHEESE!!!!!!”
Darcy decided that if she ever married Loki, she was letting the Black Widow plan the scavenger hunt. Of course, that would mean going public with their relationship, which they hadn’t. Yet. It was only a matter of time until they got found out, though.
As it stood, she was enjoying the secret hook-ups in supply closets at work, and middle of the night visits from a certain God of Mischief. They snuck around all over the Avengers Tower and most of the tri-state area too. Loki had this way of referring to it as “clandestine”, that made her go all weak in the knees.
Plus he’d said the THING the other night while they were having a post-mind blowing orgasm snuggle in his bed, and Darcy was still sort of walking on air. Apparently her girlie threshold was being told “I love you” by a green-eyed space prince with really great hair, because she’d been fighting the urge to twirl around the apartment like a Disney princess on crack ever since. It was awesome.
Just thinking about Loki made her wonder how Team Hammerhead was doing on their scavenger hunt, and that brought her right back to the task at hand. Winning. Which they were totally going to do. There was no way the guys could beat them. Not with Pepper and Natasha helping out. The whole thing was in the bag already.
She was right. The final fifteen things went super fast. They arrived back at the apartment with ten minutes to spare, and dumped out the bags of scavenger hunt items onto the long central coffee table. Darcy picked up the rubber duck they’d scored in a baby store in Pennsylvania and squeaked it at Jane.
“Any sign of the boys?” Tasha asked, organizing a row of Russian nesting dolls by size across the edge of the coffee table.
Darcy smiled. The dolls were wearing Avengers costumes, a requirement of the scavenger hunt, and they’d found them in one of those tourist trap stores down by Times Square. She was absolutely going to keep them. They’d look great on her desk at work.
“Not a peep,” Pepper replied. She walked over to the window and looked out. “I don’t see their jet either. Want me to have JARVIS locate them?”
“Nah.” Darcy kicked her feet up on the table between the nesting dolls and the printed out copies of the selfies from the Statue of Liberty. “Let them think they still have a chance. I can’t wait to see their faces when they realize we beat them back here.”
Jane had been rummaging around in the kitchen as they spoke, and came back with a package of oreos under one arm and a bottle of Kahlua under the other. She set a line of shot glasses down on the top of the console table behind the couch, and started to fill each glass with the precision of someone who is already tipsy and trying very hard to look sober. There had been some champagne on the quinjet after their stop on Asgard, and Jane had finished off about half a bottle on her own.
Once the glasses were filled, she handed one out to each of them. “To my teammates. No girl could have better friends or bridesmaids. Thank you so much for everything. To our inspirry, inspira...inspiron...in..spir...thingy...”
“Inspiring?” Darcy offered helpfully.
Jane beamed gratefully. “Yes. That. To our inspiring win.” She charged her shot glass.
“To the bride,” Natasha said firmly, raising her own glass.
They clinked them together to toast their win, and Jane, before downing the contents. Once they’d finished, Pepper set her glass down on the console table and smiled apologetically.
“I hate to drink and run, but I’ve still got to organize Tony’s calendar for the week. I’ll just be upstairs if you need me. And make sure you get a picture of the guys when they come in. Or a video. In fact, definitely video.”
“You got it,” Darcy assured her. “My phone is already set to record.”
“Thanks.” She hugged each of them in turn, and made a beeline for the exit.
Pepper had barely been gone a minute when a ruckus erupted outside in hallway, and the door to the common room burst open. For a second all the girls could see was a mass of bodies crammed inside the doorframe. Then Thor wrenched himself free, staggering into the room, laughing uproariously.
The rest of Team Hammerhead followed, also laughing, and toting various lumpy bags full of scavenger hunt items. Loki and Bruce were last of all. They appeared to be the only sober team members.
Darcy’s jaw dropped as she saw what the God of Mischief was carrying in his arms. “Is that…a goose? Like, a live goose? You guys brought back a Canadian goose????”
He shrugged. “It was not my decision. I was merely along for the ride. Are you wearing the Allfather's cape?”
"Oh you noticed that, huh?" She tossed her hair over her shoulder nonchalantly. "Your mom helped us get it. Think it will work as a tablecloth? Or a rug? I'm thinking rug."
For a moment they just looked at each other. Oh, she was so getting laid tonight.
"You have my father's cape?" Thor looked so staggered that Darcy almost felt sorry for him.
The goose honked loudly, and struggled to get free. Jane stared at it, wide-eyed, and backed up until she was nearly at the kitchen counter.
“Tell me you guys didn’t go to Canada,” Natasha said. “I don’t have time to clean up an international incident tonight.”
“Massachusetts,” Clint told her. “Hey, is that Kahlua?”
He took a stumbly step forward, and Tony caught his arm, righting him. “Careful there, Merida, the couch is that way.”
“He’s wrecked,” Natasha observed, moving to assist Clint. “You didn’t let him fly the quinjet like that. Right?”
Clint giggled happily, and handed Tasha his bag of scavenged items. “Nope. Loki flew.”
“I’m sorry, what?” The Black Widow looked like she wanted to kick someone’s ass but couldn’t decide where to start. “You let him pilot one of the S.H.I.E.L.D. jets?”
“I am actually quite adept at piloting aircraft,” Loki retorted. “I might remind you that my brother and I come from a far advanced race of beings. We mastered air travel before your pitiful species invented the wheel.”
Tony pursed his lips, eyeing Loki for a second before asking, “What race would that be, Reindeer Games? Bitchy Blue Divas or Condescending Assholes?”
“Hey, hey, hey,” Bruce interrupted. “Let’s not start this or my less congenial side might want to come out and play, and no one wants that. Trust me.”
The argument promptly subsided. Darcy was still watching Tony, though. There was something about the way he was holding his arms over his coat that was making her really suspicious. It looked like something was moving under there.
“What’s in the jacket, Tony,” she finally inquired, gesturing at the wriggly lump he was trying to conceal.
Natasha immediately straightened up, eyes focused on Tony. Steve, and Clint looked at each other and started to snicker.
Bruce shook his head at them. “I just want to say I had no part in this. In fact, I was against it, and so was Loki.”
“Indeed,” Loki agreed, lounging against the wall with the goose still tucked under his arm. “Sadly, we were outvoted.”
The goose hissed, long neck swooping around like a black-feathered snake. Loki glanced at it briefly and then rolled his eyes. His patience with the irritated waterfowl seemed to be wearing thin. Darcy wondered if she needed to intervene before he tossed it out the window.
“It is true,” Thor said, looking like he was contemplating rescuing the goose as well. “My brother and Dr. Banner stayed in the jet while we purchased the monkey.”
Jane held her hand up to stop him from saying anything further. “I’m sorry, did you just say that you purchased a monkey? As in, a monkey monkey? Do I even want to know what you guys were up to tonight?”
Steve solemnly shook his head, hands thrust into his pockets. “No, ma’am. You do not.”
He and Clint glanced at each other and broke out into loud guffaws. Thor held out a moment longer and began to laugh along with them. Loki rolled his eyes again.
The goose honked.
Darcy wondered if she ought to call Pepper and find out what the live animal ordinances were for New York City before they all got arrested.
“I’d just like to thank my compatriots for throwing me under the bus like that,” Tony said, scowling at Loki and Bruce. “Real nice, guys. I’ll remember that the next time you need an alibi.”
“I need more alcohol for this,” Natasha interrupted. “Considerably more. Darcy?”
Wordlessly, Darcy held her shot glass up, waiting for it to be filled. She tossed back the drink, set the glass down, and asked, “Well? Do we get to see the monkey or what?”
“What? Oh, yeah. That.” Tony unzipped his coat, and a tiny squirrel monkey emerged, climbing up to sit on his shoulder. “I got him for Pepper. She loves monkeys, and her birthday is coming up.”
“Pepper wants a monkey?” Darcy watched the little animal as its head moved around at a lightning fast pace, taking in everyone in the room.
“Everyone wants a monkey,” Tony replied.
“I don’t,” Natasha said, pouring herself another drink.
“Keep telling yourself that,” Stark responded.
“Well, this has all been very entertaining,” Loki stated, “but I have better things to do with my time than to hold a stolen goose while the rest of you discuss monkeys.” He walked over to his Thor, deposited the goose in his arms, and clapped him on the shoulder. “Brother, do enjoy the rest of your evening, and my congratulations on shackling yourself to a mortal.”
Jane hiccuped, wavering a bit where she stood near the kitchen counter.
“A drunken mortal,” Loki corrected. “How charming.”
“Just a second,” Darcy said, catching his arm as he went past. “Did you just say the goose is stolen?”
“Is there any other way to procure a wild goose from Central Park, Ms Lewis?” he asked dryly. “If so, feel free to enlighten me.”
“You guys stole the goose from Central Park? Do have any idea what the fines are for that?” Natasha set the mostly empty bottle of Kahlua down on the coffee table with a clang.
“I thought you said Massachusetts,” Darcy pointed out. “The waterfowl has to be from out of state or it doesn’t count. It says so right here in the rules.” She brandished the list, waving it at them. “You guys are disqualified.”
“Shit,” Clint mumbled.
“No, no, no,” Tony said. “The list said out of state, and the bird’s from Canada.”
“Canada isn’t a state,” Tasha reminded him.
“Besides, you don’t know where it was born,” Darcy said triumphantly. “For all we know, it spent its whole life in Central Park.”
As if to back her up, the goose honked noisily and flapped its wings. Thor had to fight to keep his grip. Undeterred, it swung its head around and bit him hard in the arm.
“Yup. That goose is definitely a New Yorker.” Darcy folded her arms over her chest. “It doesn’t count.”
“He could be from Boston,” Tony asserted stubbornly.
“I’m sorry,” Darcy said, “but I can’t take anything you say seriously when you’re wearing a monkey.”
“Fine. You know what? I’ll just take my monkey and go home.” Stark stomped off towards the door, leaving Natasha and Darcy snorting with laughter in his wake.
“Did that really just happen?” Jane asked after the door swung closed behind him.
“I’ll tell you in the morning,” Darcy said. “Anyway, this has been...interesting. If no one else wants them, I’m going to take these nesting dolls and go to bed.” She waited a second to give everyone a chance to weigh in, and then scooped the little dolls into a bag along with the rubber duck. “Good luck with the goose.”
Thor looked down at the goose nervously. “What shall I do with it? Did Anthony intend it as a wedding gift?”
Darcy could hear Loki’s sigh of exasperation from the other side of the room.
“Come, I shall help you return it,” he offered.
“You know what? You guys go to bed. Tomorrow is a big day for the God of Thunder here. I’ll handle the goose.” Natasha stood up, taking a wobbly Clint by the arm. “Come on, soldier. We’ve got a mission in Central Park.”
“Well, as Darcy said, this has been interesting.” Bruce scratched the back of his neck. “If there’s nothing else you need, I’m going to go back to my place.”
“Same here,” Steve added. “Thanks for a great time, but I’m going to hit the hay.”
“Alrighty then.” Darcy turned to Thor. “I’m assuming you know where Jane sleeps since you share the same bedroom. I’m leaving her in your care. If she pukes, call me. I’ll hold her hair, but just know that after the wedding that’s your job. Goodnight everyone.”
With a final wave, she made her way back to her bedroom, shooting a quick, meaningful glance at Loki on the way. He must have been on the same page, because it was only a short time later when all the type on the page of the book Darcy was reading swirled together to form “I await you in the living room, Ms Lewis.” in Loki’s flowing script. The sentence pulsed for a moment, glowing green, and then the ink slid back into the original words.
“Show-off,” she muttered, but she was smiling as she reached for her doorknob.
The common room was completely empty by the time she entered. Well, completely empty aside from Loki’s long form stretched out along the couch cushions.
“You rang?” Darcy said softly. “Or was that a mistake? I am a member of the pitiful species that was barely able to invent a wheel after all.” She peered over the arm of the couch, watching the upside down smirk spread across his face.
“Ah yes. I did say that, didn’t I?” he mused in a gravelly voice. “There’s a very strong possibility that I was lying.”
“Oh yeah? How strong?”
“Come down here, and I’ll show you.”
Darcy dropped to her knees behind the arm of the couch and leaned over it so their faces were inches apart. “Okay. I’m ready to be convinced.”
He smiled and reached his arm up so it was behind her neck, drawing her even closer. She could see desire blooming in his dark green eyes, and feel the warmth of his breath against her lips.
“I love you, mortal girl. Is that enough for you?”
She shook her head, lips slowly curving up. “Nuhuh. More.”
“More?” Loki appeared to ponder for a moment. His gaze shifted to her lips. “If you insist.”
The arm pulled her closer still, and she tilted her head, meeting his lips with her own. It began almost playfully. She could still feel Loki smiling against her mouth as she slipped her hand under his arm to take his chin in her fingers. That small touch seemed to set something loose in him. The pressure of his kiss went from gentle to insistent, lips parting, and tongue seeking entrance to her mouth. Darcy responded immediately, giving him access as her skin came alive all over with little electric thrills.
She pulled back a tiny bit from the intensity, but Loki moved with her, refusing to let go. His other hand came up to cup her head and hold firmly in place. Darcy felt his fingers slip into her hair, and let out a small, needy moan.
“Fuck, Loki,” she whispered when he moved his lips over to her jaw.
“Here?” he teased, purposefully misunderstanding her.
Darcy paused. “Why not?”
“You are serious, aren’t you? ” Loki stopped abruptly and half-sat up.
“Yep. I mean, Thor and Jane were both toasted. Or at least Jane was toasted and Thor was buzzed. Plus they’re getting married in the morning. I bet they’re asleep already. And who else is going to show up in here at this hour? Clint and Natasha are taking that goose back. Tony has a monkey situation, and do you really think Steve and Banner are coming back tonight?” She shrugged. “Put something on the TV and we’ll screw around on the couch like a couple of teenagers. It’ll be fun.”
She could see him considering it. After a couple more seconds he picked up the remote and the television flared to life.
His eyes flicked up to meet hers. “I am at your disposal, mortal.”
“Hell yeah you are,” Darcy agreed. “And um, about the thing you said a little a while ago. The feelings thing? Me too.” She waved her hand awkwardly between them, indicating the words she wasn’t saying.
“Eloquent,” he remarked, pulling her into his lap. “I am honored by your declaration.”
“Well, I mean, you said it the other night, and I sort of didn’t say it back exactly.”
“As I recall you demonstrated your feelings quite admirably in other ways.”
She shifted until she was straddling his thighs, dropping down to grind against him. “You caught that, huh?”
“It was rather enthusiastic,” Loki replied with a quiet groan, pulling her down again with his hands on her hips. “The sentiment would have been hard to miss.”
“Good, because I meant it.” The words were whispered, her lips brushing his with each one.
“Mmm, where are your undergarments, Darcy?” he inquired a little while later. “I cannot seem to find them under this ridiculous t-shirt you are wearing.”
She decided to kiss him some more before answering. Loki seemed more than fine with that.
“I left them in my room,” Darcy replied when they finally broke apart. “Want me to get them?”
“I hope you are not expecting me to say yes,” he said, both hands moving up under her shirt to cup her breasts.
“Nope. Not at all.” She rocked into his touch, back arching.
“So, it turns out that maybe I was wrong about everyone wanting a monkey. Pepper said we can’t keep…” Tony Stark’s voice halted mid-sentence. “Well, holy shit. I knew you two were hooking up! Captain Spangly Pecs owes me fifty bucks. You might wanna fix your shirt there, Lewis. Not that I mind the view.”
“Stark,” Loki hissed in a furious, low tone. “What are you doing in here?”
Darcy tugged her t-shirt back down, burying her head in Loki’s shoulder. “Tell me I’m dreaming this,” she said in a muffled voice.
“Unfortunately not.” He grabbed the throw blanket hanging over the back of the couch and draped it over her shoulders. “You may wish to go to your room unless you care to bear witness to murder.”
“Is that a threat, Reindeer Games?” Stark asked.
“No. No threat. We’re good.” Darcy wrapped the blanket around herself and climbed out of Loki’s lap so she could face Tony. “Pepper won’t let you keep the monkey, huh?”
“You’re not fazed at all, are you? I just walked in on you and your space boyfriend with a monkey on my shoulder, and you didn’t even bat an eye.”
“I work at S.H.I.E.L.D.” Darcy replied levelly. “And I live with two Norse gods, one of whom I tased just moments after he fell out of the sky and in front of the van Jane was driving.”
Tony cocked his head. “Good point. Anyway, no. Pepper won’t let me keep the monkey. I was going to see if you wanted to babysit it until I can figure out other arrangements.”
The monkey blinked innocently at her, and clutched Tony’s collar. “I don’t know…”
“Yes. We will care for the creature,” Loki said suddenly.
Darcy’s head whipped around. “We will?”
“I find him endearing.”
Her eyes narrowed. “No you don’t. What’s this really about?”
“Do my motivations truly matter? You will have a pet monkey,” Loki replied.
“How much does Thor dislike monkeys?” she asked.
His lips twitched. “They may not be his favorite animal.”
“Okay, Fine. But you’re cleaning up after him, and it’s only until Tony finds somewhere else for it to live.”
*****************************Three Days Later*****************************
Darcy and Loki were snuggled up on the couch watching Arrested Development. Jane and Thor were on their honeymoon, and they had the whole apartment to themselves. They’d been taking advantage of that constantly. At the moment there were only three flat surfaces they hadn’t christened, and that was only because Darcy pointed out that they had a full two weeks left to use them.
“He needs a name,” she said, glancing down at the snoring primate in her lap. “We can’t just keep calling him ‘Monkey’. It’s getting weird.”
“What about Anthony Stark?” Loki suggested. "They certainly share enough personality traits."
“Point taken, but he doesn’t really look like an Anthony. We need something else. Something...um...I don’t know, Norse sounding. What about Harold like that one king in mythology?”
“Haraldr. You are mispronouncing it.”
“Whatever. I’m not a five thousand year old Scandinavian,” she said, rolling her eyes.
“Neither am I,” he pointed out.
Darcy ignored him in favor of booping the sleeping monkey on the nose. “I like it. Harold it is. Harold Lokisson-Lewis."
Loki paused Netflix. “Did you just give a monkey our surnames?”
“Yep.”
“As if it were our child?”
“You know it,” she replied unconcernedly. “And before you go any further, I’d just like to remind you that I’ve seen the snake and the wolf on your armor. Tony isn't familiar with Snorri's little Edda, but I am. That could always be remedied.”
Dead silence met her words, and then, “Fine. Harold Lokisson-Lewis it is.”
“That’s what I thought.” Darcy stood up and carried Harold to his cage to tuck him in for the night. The moment the lock clicked shut, Loki's arms wrapped around her from behind. “Bathroom vanity?” she asked as he picked her up and began walking down the hall.
“Unless you object,” he responded.
“Okay, but tomorrow is Thor and Jane's balcony.”
“Of course.”
Her face lit up with a giant grin. “Awesome.”
