Comparisons are easily done once you've had a taste of perfection

by nostraightsdetected

Summary:

It's Sam's wedding day but he can't stop thinking about him.

Notes:

**edit - 23/09/22 this work has now been moved to my unfinished or abandoned fics**

1. yes the title is from Thinking of You by Katy Perry
2. I don't really know what this is or if it's any good but I had fun writing it. It just came to me randomly when i was trying to sleep so
3. Don't read this for Klaine they don't even interact it's just an established relationship for plot
4. May be typos and mistakes etc
Also i left Sam's partner totally gender neutral and I didn't describe them at all or give them a name idk if it works but let me know if it's offputting and i can add something in

Comments are always the best <3

Chapter 1

Sam ran his hand through their hair. Dark and soft curls with that soft hint of berries that brings back so many memories.

He looks into their wide hazel eyes with the subtle flecks of gold only noticeable from this close. He hates himself because they should make his heart flutter, but all they do is make him feel empty.

Their smile so wide as they twirl around the dancefloor, giggling because they are so content and in love. In love with Sam. In love with someone who doesn’t deserve them.

He watches as they captivate the room. His friends admire them. He knows they all approve, but all he can do is compare them to him. They’ve never shined quite as bright as him.

Delicate hands wrap around his back, pulling him in close and even after all this time, it feels wrong. He feels sick. It doesn’t matter how many lies he tells himself. It doesn’t matter how much he wants to move on and be happy he can’t.

He sways with them, gently breathing through his mouth to avoid the subtle berry scent. He used to be so accustomed to burying his face in the dark inky curls suffocating with that specific brand of hair gel. So strong and overwhelming, he wanted to drown in it. The smell that once made him feel safe and at home now leaves him lost and scared like a little boy.

Sometimes he wonders if they know he’s all Sam thinks about. Every date or trip, every time they touch. Every smell, restaurant and lingering moment somehow still brings him back to the forefront of his mind.

He wants to love them. He’s never wanted anything more… except maybe to be over him.

Somehow he can feel the moment he enters the room. Sam’s always had a sense for him.

He wasn’t supposed to be here.

Sam’s chest tightens when he catches Santana, Mike and Puck huddled together, obviously plotting to keep him away, but it’s too late, Sam already knows.

This was supposed to be the best night of Sam’s life. He was married, and he was going to have his own little happy ending with a white picket fence, kids and a dog with someone who loved him. That’s all he had ever wanted. So why did he feel like he had to run?

He catches Mike trying his best to hold Santana and Puck back. He sees the dangerous look in their eyes, and he loves them. These people have no obligation to love him, and yet they do without ever asking him for anything. He would die for all three of them, and they are the only people who he is confident would ever do the same for him.

He makes eye contact with Santana, subtly shaking his head while trying his best to look confident and pull his partner closer. They deserve better.

And once again, he feels sick.

Santana deflates all fight draining from her while Puck and Mike watch him closely, where he lingers by the door waiting for his husband.

Sam looks down to find them already looking up at him with a gorgeous smile. “I love you.” they say. “I love you too.” He replies. He lies so often sometimes he almost believes it.

“Are you happy, Sam?” They say so sweet and perfect… for someone else.

“I’m happier than I’ve ever been now that I have you.” That lie seems to hurt more, but it makes them smile and stop looking at him.

He swears he feels him murmuring before he even hears it over the noise of the packed venue and loud music. A place full of people celebrating a love he doesn’t even feel and somehow, he’s still so in sync with him.

He braces himself, taking a moment to close his eyes and take some deep breathes before he feels the gentle hand rest on his shoulder.

“Sam.” He hears Kurt say. He hates that Kurt is unsure. Kurt has always been so open and confident and he and Sam used to be close. But mostly hates that he hates Kurt because Kurt has the one thing Sam has always wanted and he doesn’t even know it.

Everyone can feel a slight tension fill the room. Only a handful of people know the real reason why and Kurt is certainly not one of them. To most people here, this is an awkward situation because Kurt’s husband and Sam used to be best friends. They were inseparable until a fight tore them apart and they never told anyone why. Not quite the truth, but Sam has begun to wish it had ended like that.

He opens his eyes, paints on a calm smile and does what he does best these days; he pretends.

“Kurt.” He spins around hands still wrapped around his partner, who moves easily, greeting Kurt with a bright smile.

The room is dark, dark rustic wood walls with only fairy lights and table centrepieces, causing a warm golden glow scattered around. Of course, the first thing Sam still sees is the gold wedding band on Kurt’s finger mocking him as it glistens in the light. He tries not to be obvious about searching out the exits.

Kurt looks amazing as always. Older and more mature looking, but still Kurt. He tries not to notice that he isn’t there with him, but it doesn’t work. He can still feel him somewhere close by.

“Hey, It’s good to see you.” Lies. “It’s been a while. How have you been?” He seems to have convinced Kurt since he visibly softens, tension leaving his shoulders, but he feels the arms wrapped around him squeeze a little tighter. Sam wants to cry.

“I’m really good, Sam.” He sighs. “Congratulations. You are a gorgeous couple. I’m so happy you found happiness, Sam. I know you were always looking for the one and no one deserves this all more than you.” Kurt is so genuine, and Sam wants so badly to be happy he’s there, but that stupid ring keeps catching his eye every time Kurt moves. It’s like getting his heart ripped out each time. His own wedding day is his personal hell.

“Thank you so much, Dude. You know I just can’t believe it’s all happening. I’m so lucky. Definitely the best day of my life.” His cheeks hurt from smiling so hard and his palm hurts from where he’s been digging his nails into it since he knew he was here.

Kurt laughs softly. “So I guess you’ll never grow out of calling me, dude.” “Haha, no way.” Everything just feels so fake he doesn’t even need to think. He zones out the conversation working on autopilot. He’s had years of practice.

Until he hears that name. And this time, Sam is sure he’s going to vomit. No one says his name, not around Sam. Not even he says it. He hasn’t heard it in so long, and hearing it from Kurt really just feels like a kick in the face.

“I’m sorry, what?”

Kurt sighs. A frown and tired eyes made him look his age for the first time. “I hate to do this at your wedding, but you don’t talk to me anymore. You brush off my invites and ignore my messages.” Sam opens his mouth to defend himself, but Kurt beats him to it. Raising up one hand placidly, “I’m not here to fight. I understand you two don’t talk anymore, but as far as I’m aware, we didn’t argue. We were friends too Sam and I miss you.”

God is playing some sick fucking joke tonight.

“I-I miss you too, Kurt.” That one’s not really a lie. He does miss Kurt, but he also wants to punch him in the face. It’s complicated.

Kurt smiles again, but Sam can see the second Kurt begins to hesitate, and his stomach drops. Please don’t do this now. He prays to God Kurt doesn’t bring him up now because Sam really can’t cope with anymore tonight.

“He misses you too, you know.” And just like that, Sam’s entire body loses all feeling, and all he can hear is a high pitched squealing. For a second, he thinks it might be him.

This was meant to be a good night

“He talks about you in his sleep sometimes.”

He was trying to move on, just like everyone told him to.

“He gets nightmares and it’s always you he calls out for.”

Just like he told him to before he left.

“He won’t talk about what happened between you two, but you were best friends and he’s miserable without you.”

Best friends. Best friends. Best friends. You were best friends

“He didn’t want to come because he thought it would upset you, but he’s around if you do decide to… talk.” Sam has to get out of here.

“Listen, I’m sorry, Kurt, I just need to get some air. I feel a little dizzy. Must be all the excitement.” He forces a smile which he’s pretty sure was more of a grimace, untangles himself from the body wrapped around him and rushes through the crowd without another word.

Puck grabs hold of his arm. Of course, Mike and Santana are right beside him. “Dude, are y-“. Sam pushes him off. “ I love you guys for caring, but please, I just need to go and get some air. By myself, okay?”

They all reluctantly agree but make sure to let him know they lost sight of him at some point so Sam might run into him. This night has to be Sam’s punishment for every single thing he’s done wrong in his life.

He pushes open the French doors, bursting out onto the balcony and rushing over to the edge, taking several deep breaths.

Then he feels it. The hair all over his body stands up. He should’ve fucking known.

He takes a moment to compose himself before he looks over at him.

Those hazel eyes with those gold flecks that still take his breath away. Those dark wild curls still call to him to run his hands through. He can even smell the hint of berries from where he stands and it makes his heart stop.

Curiously there is one important thing missing, the wedding band has gone with no trace of a tan line.

Doing everything he can to seem unaffected, he takes a deep breath, twirls his wedding band twice, catching how his eyes dart down to follow the action and says a simple;

 

“Hello, Blaine.”

Chapter 2: Running so fast from the hearts that you're breakin'

Summary:

Sam comes face to face with the man he thought he'd marry one day

Notes:

lmao so turns out I did write a chapter 2 and just forgot? Anyways not sure anyone will even read this so many years after the original chapter

*** I literally just copied and pasted what I had in my notes app from years ago so not proof read or edited ***

The silence is suffocating. A reminder of everything he's lost, everything they were meant to be.

“What do you want, Blaine? I don’t want to fight with you today. In fact I don’t want to see you today.” He tries to look as strong as possible, but it’s difficult when he’s being stripped bare with his gaze.

“I…I don’t know. I just had to see you.” A pause. “I miss you.” He steps closer.

“Don’t you dare.” Sam says. The venom in his voice shocking them both. “You don’t get to say that.” He adds softly.

Blaine stills for a moment, breath caught in his throat. The air is thick and Sam is exhausted.

He keeps facing out over the balcony, but is careful always to never to lose track of the man beside him. He has to stay on guard around him.

“Kiss me and tell me you don’t love me, that you don’t feel anything anymore and I’ll walk away right now and never bother you again.”

“What?! Have you lost your fucking mind?! Blaine, I just got married.
For fucks sake YOU are still married. You remember your husband? you know the guy in there who loves you enough to come her and beg me to talk to you. That might not mean much to you, but it does to me. I will not be that guy. I will not hurt anyone.
Who the fuck do you think you are coming to me today of all days and asking me to do that?” It shocked him to find he had moved closer to Blaine, body going of it own accord. He had always been drawn to him, but looking down at him, practically nose to nose with the man he’d been pretending he didn’t love was not going to end well.

He fights against the urge to collapse into him. To push his nose into those lightly gelled curls (He was playing dirty because he knows how much Sam love this hair like that.) and wrap his aching limbs around the man he once thought he was made for.

Being this close to him after so long feels like finally going home and Sam wants to go home, but it isn’t his anymore, perhaps it never was in the first place.

He gets lost in himself for a second making the fatal error of allowing his eyelids to flutter shut as his senses are overtaken by berries and Blaine.

When he manages to catch himself he’s too late. He can see that glimmer appear in Blaine’s eye and Sam knows he’s fucked. Blaine can see through him, always has. Sam’s actions obviously telling him exactly the opposite of what his words did.

Fuck he’s given Blaine hope and when Blaine has hope he never gives up.

Sam begins stumbling backwards, finally knocked back into action when he catches Blaine’s eyes drop down to his lips before running his tongue along his own.

He will not do this. He will not hurt anyone.

And he almost makes it before a hand shoots out pulling him back to Blaine, tugging him in even closer than before. Blaine’s body so firm and warm against his and Sam is just so tired of fighting against what he really wants.

“Blaine, please. We can’t.” Sam whimpers out pathetically, but it’s hardly worth it.

“What are you so afraid of, Sam? If you really mean it then it won’t affect you. If you really love them then it won’t be hard to choose.”

Just as Sam could feel himself falling right where Blaine wants him he hears a voice from behind that shocks him like a bucket of ice cold water.

“You should do it, Sam.” They said.

Blaine is the one to gasp while Sam twists out of his strong hold. “Baby I-“ “It’s fine Sam. I’m not mad. I always figured it was him. And if I was stupid enough to lose you I’d fight to get you back too.” They are so understanding and trusting and Sam so badly wants to love them.

They look towards Blaine analysing him for a moment while Sam stands there speechless before moving right in front of Sam and begins whispering.

“He’s not going to leave until you prove it and… I love and trust you so, just kiss him and then come back to the party. It doesn’t mean anything because tonight is the first night of the rest of our lives and he can finally be put in the past. Now I’m going back inside to make sure Mike managed to keep Santana and Puck away from Kurt. Everyone is missing you so be quick.” They raise up on their tiptoes to place a kiss full of warmth and meaning on Sam’s cheek. All it does is make the bile rise up in his throat. “I love you.” They whisper.

“I love you more.” He replies thoughtlessly.

Blaine is completely still through the entire exchange, only letting out a breath when the door gently closes and the blaring music goes back to a dull thump. He lets the air settle before deciding his next move.

“Aren’t you exhausted pretending Sam?” He asks. Sam adamantly stays silent keeping his back to him and facing the door.

He can feel him move closer.

“Aren’t you sick of not getting what you want? Because I am. You are all I want. You’ve been what I’ve wanted for years and I’m sorry I got scared and fucked it all up, But I made a mistake. A selfish stupid mistake. I’m sorry I’m not as brave as you. I’m sorry I didn’t believe in us but please don’t ever doubt how much I’ve always loved and wanted you.”

“Why now? Why today?” Is all Sam replies.

“Because 5 years ago today you kissed me for the first time and I know you know that. I know you’ve thought about it today. I know that because I know you. Because I love you. I’ve never gotten you out of my head and I never want to. So just say the word and we can fix this.”

Sam spins around quickly throwing himself into Blaine both hands grabbing a hold of the man he loves and pushing their lips together. Blaine eagerly reponds moving his lips and wrapping his arms around his waist, sliding up his back.

Sam gives into every urge he’s fought against for far too long. He runs his hands through Blaine’s hair, and lets himself fall into Blaine for what he swears to be the last time. He’s greedy and wanting, still so in love it feels like he’ll never be able to catch his breath again.

He pulls back sharply. Completely removing himself from Blaine’s space, not trusting himself not to go further. He can’t let him know. He can’t let Blaine in again.

Blaine’s eyes stay shut for a moment. His eyelashes eventually fluttering open as he gasps for breath, swaying towards Sam. By the time his eyes focus on Sam’s face Sam has already slipped on the painfully familiar mask.

“You can’t tell me that meant nothing. I know you, Sam. I know what it feels like when you love me. You can’t fake it.” Blaine whispers with those beautiful, beautiful eyes staring right into him.

Unfortunately for Blaine he was wrong. All Sam ever does is fake it these days. His guard is up and Blaine will never get back in.
Sam leans in close, eyes never leaving his. “I didn’t feel a thing except regret. All I ever do when I think of you is regret every single second I wasted on you. Go to hell Blaine and don’t ever come near me again.”

He walks by him like he’s nothing, despite everything in him desperately begging him to turn around, for once in his life Sam decides to put himself first, no matter how much it hurts.

Notes:

Thank you for reading ! Please comment any thoughts or feelings you have about it and let me know if i should continue it or leave it here :)