Work Text:
He felt their stares. They thought they were subtle about it but he noticed. These days he seemed to notice everything. And he hated that.
Ever since they woke up he noticed how everyone looked into his green eye and just plain avoided looking into his red one. He saw how Pekoyama, Nidai, Kuzuryu, and Owari got ready to restrain him at any second if he ever got irritated. He saw how on edge Soda was whenever they hung out. He saw how Imposter watched him extra closely whenever Hajime was around him or near sharp objects. How everyone else was tense around him. Well, Komaeda wasn’t too bad around him, mainly just rambling on about how he loved and hated Izuru for his despairful yet hopeful acts (Whatever the hell that means).
But he never mentioned it. Never snapped or brought it up. He just decided to ignore it. Hoping the problem will resolve with time. But nope. The universe brought those unwanted emotions up one day, one of the worst days they could come back.
Hajime had been having a stressful week. He came down with a fever last week and had to do this week and last week's reports to the future foundation, which only one week was stressful enough as it is. He also had to do make-up counseling with everyone since no one else on the island could be a therapist and the advice actually be constructive and professional.
He was eating breakfast with everyone, on a droopy day. It wasn’t raining but it was sprinkling enough to soak you within a few moments of being outside. He felt them glancing at him, the fighters of the group at ready. He probably looked tired and stressed, which any person would be irritated if they had the sleep schedule he had. He felt the suppressed emotions take away his control over his mouth.
“Stop staring at me like I’m some feral animal!” He snapped before he could stop himself. He didn’t mean any harm, but it hurt to see how they looked at him. They had all done horrible acts to yet no one stared at each other like they were a monster about to go wild.
“We are merely being cautious, Hinata. You look stressed and angry, we don’t want you to get mad at anyone.” Pekoyama stated, her red eyes carefully watching him.
“Cautious my ass.” He muttered, his teeth clenched together.
“Please understand, Hinata we mean no harm.” Sonia said gently, as if she was talking to a child. “We do not think you’re a monster.”
“Then stop staring at me like I am one!” He shouted and clenched his fist. Keep your cool, Hajime. He saw Pekoyama’s hand immediately go to her sword.
“Sorry Hinata but your brain was all messed with.” Owari stated causally, her voice not matching how tense her muscles were. “Don’t want you getting angry and going all Izuru on the world.”
“Well I didn’t ask for it!” He shouted, standing up. “I didn’t ask to be treated like some lab rat and tested on to be some emotionless monster!”
“Woah! Calm down, Hinata. No one is calling you a monster.” Kuzuryu said, standing up to walk over to him.
“Then why do you look at me like one?” He took a breath and carried on. “Don’t think I don’t see how you look at me. I see how none of you will even try to look me in my red eye. I see how tense all of you are!”
“And while I understand that I did some horrible things, you all did too!” He felt his voice cracking. It was the first time he was saying these emotions out loud instead of punching a mirror and calling it a day. “You don’t look at each other like you look at me! That’s what hurts!”
“Hinata..” Soda started.
“Shut up and don’t follow me.” He snapped and stormed out, furiously wiping his eyes.
“I had no idea he felt like this.” Sonia said, looking down in disappointment in herself. “I feel awful.”
“I suppose we did treat him rather harshly.” Imposter sighed. “We treated him like he was some monster.”
“And while it’s true he was a monster but..So were we. He's changed and so have we. We haven't treated him fairly,” Owari sighed.
Nagito couldn't just leave Hinata alone when he understood better than possibly everyone on this island. “I’m going after him,” Nagito stated and got up from where he sat in the back. If anyone was to understand even a fraction of how Hinata felt, it would be him.
“He said not to follow him, dumbass,” Saionji huffed with an eye roll and crossed her arms.
“Yes, he did,” Nagito agreed and started towards the door.
“Did he just agree with her then do exactly what Hinata said not to do?” Soda whispered Mioda.
“Pretty rockin’ roll right?” She grinned despite the tense mood. She always had such a talent for that.
Nagito pulled up his hood and started walking around, looking for Hinata. He took one glance through the window in the brunettes cottage to make sure he wasn’t there. He could rule out the cottages. Possibly the beach? He had found Hinata there in the middle of the night on more than one occasion.
And he was right. Nagito had no idea how his useless self found Hinata so quickly. Hinata was standing on the beach, soaking wet just staring blankly at the ocean.
He detected Nagito’s presence before he was even six feet away from him.
“I believe I told everyone I was not to be followed, Komaeda” Hinata commented, no emotions from his voice to indicate what he was currently feeling.
“Technically, I found you after you arrived here.” Nagito shrugged and walked until he was directly beside the other male. He looked off into the distance as well.
“Loopholes. Such annoying things.” Hinata sighed. His voice blek, almost bored. Hinata did that a lot when he was masking his emotions.
“Yes, they are. But rather helpful when you want to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. Even if it is from trash like me.”
Hinata cleared his throat and Nagito could feel him glance at him. In their therapy sessions Hinata wanted Nagito to work on his self depreciation. He hasn’t really spotted a difference but Hinata said he was doing better and had been looking happier, so he took his word for it over Nagito’s inexperience.
“My apologies, Hinata. It just slips through.”
“No worries. Stuff like that takes time to lose.”
They stood in silence, getting soaking wet and just staring at the waves until Hinata broke the silence.
“Why’d you come after me? Aren’t you,” He put finger quotes up, “Scared of the monster?”
“No. Quite in fact I don’t understand why everyone is making a fuss over you. It’s not like you are going to wake up one day and choose to cause the entire world to go into hell again.”
“That’s not what they believe.” Hinata scoffed and rubbed his red eye. A habit of his. Nagito noticed how he tended to hide his red eye. Not by wearing anything over it but just keeping people to the side of his green eye. Possibly a habit formed after he noticed the lack of attention to his red eye. He knew that for Hinata, it was hard to look at himself in the mirror. And his friends were making it harder and only making his insecurities worse by not looking him in the left eye.
“You’re not a monster, Hajime.” Hinata’s first name slipped out of his mouth before he could stop himself. “My apologies, Hinata.”
“It’s alright. You can call me Hajime or Hinata. I can’t find it in myself to care what I’m called as of right now.”
“Well then, you can call me Nagito so we’re even.”
Nagito pursed his lips, hesitant if he should ask Hajime this particular question.
“What question do you have?” Hajime asked, turning his head towards Nagito.
“Mm’. I should have realized it’s pointless to hesitate around you.” Nagito chuckled. “I was just wondering, if you remembered anything from when you were Izuru. Everyone else just has spotty memories and I was just curious if it’s the same for you.”
Hajime was silent for a moment. “I remember everything. In precise detail to be exact.”
“Oh..” Nagito gasped quietly.
“It’s fine.” Hajime assured him. He continued on when Nagito gave him a wary glance. “Really it is. I don’t really remember them unless I try to so they don’t bother me….much.” He muttered the last part.
“If you insist…”
Hajime was silent, his hand that was rubbing his eye was now trailing a scar along his forehead. He couldn’t read Hajime’s blank expression but when Nagito looked into his eyes, he could see disgust- and for once, not directed at Nagito.
He knew that doing this might be no, is stepping over the line but Nagito couldn’t bring himself to care. He reached out and gently took Hajime’s hand away from his forehead and held it in his own.
He expected to be yelled at, pushed away in disgust, maybe even slapped. But Hajime did nothing. Just glanced down at their hands in confusion.
“I see it in your eyes, Hajime. You're disgusted with yourself. Wondering why you ever took the project and letting all your thoughts be drowned in self loathing.” He smiled humorlessly. “I can relate to that. But do you want to know something?”
Hajime raised one eyebrow but still did not speak.
“You helped me begin to get out of that mindset. You helped me out of a dark place, Hajime..Tell me, do you think a monster would do such a thing?”
“I..” He hesitated. “I guess not but-”
“No buts, Hajime. I- I may not be a professional but I’ll try to help you.” He met Hajime’s eyes, they were shiny and he was blinking quickly. “Just like you helped me.”
Before Nagito knew it, he was being pulled into a hug. He heard Hajime choke down a sob and hugged him tighter than he knew people could hug.
“Kinda sad this is the first time I felt human huh?” Hajime laughed, but there was no humor in it. Only pain.
“A little bit.” Nagito wrapped his arms around Hajime's shoulders. “But I believe we can change that.”