Chapter 1: Find Me Somebody To Love
Chapter Text
“Is this for real, Hatake?” Tsunade slammed the folder down on the end of the hospital bed where Kakashi had been recuperating from chakra drain.
“Ah, Hokage-sama, welcome to my humble hospital room. As far as I know, we are not in a genjutsu, and therefore yes, it is for real.” Kakashi's voice was bored and insubordinate, but he didn't care. He was in too much discomfort and he knew that he could get away with it.
“Don't be a smartass,” Tsunade said, pointing a finger at him. “You are in deep shit, kid.”
“What do you mean?” Kakashi asked. His mind immediately went to his students. Had something happened while Naruto was off with Jiraiya? Had Sasuke made an appearance? Even as chakra-depleted as he was, he could rally if he had to, for the sake of his students.
She opened the folder and motioned to some jumbled-up numbers on the page. “I just got the results from your blood test. Your hormones are completely abnormal ! What have you been doing to yourself? I'll want to check your mate's bloodwork as soon as possible in case that's what's throwing you off. You could have a psychotic break or a damned stroke if we don't get this figured out,” she was at once exasperated and commanding, whirling around Kakashi's bed like a force of nature.
Well. Shit. His relief that nothing had happened to his students was quickly replaced by awkward worry. “Ah, about that...” Kakashi forced himself to smile. “I actually don’t have a mate.”
Tsunade the human cyclone paused and fixed her fierce amber glare on Kakashi. “What? Is it not still the policy that all jounin alpha shinobi in the village are required to have a mate by age 20?”
“As far as I know, that's generally the requirement,” Kakashi hedged, though he knew that she was absolutely right. He should have been married and mated many years ago.
“So why don't you have a mate, Hatake? How have you been handling your ruts? On your own or...”
Kakashi avoided her gaze pointedly, and Tsunade looked back down at the chart, still open, splayed across his feet over the worn hospital blanket. She shook her head, eyes narrowed as she read the numbers again, this time with more knowledge of Kakashi's personal life. “Blockers. Dammit Hatake, how long?”
“Since I was 18,” he admitted. There was no use hiding it from Tsunade.
She let out a long sigh and straightened up, her hands on her hips. “I don't know how you convinced Sandaime to let you abuse your body like this, but it ends now. You'll be married before you leave this hospital at the end of the week, and mated before the end of the month. I'll put Shizune in charge of this project. No blockers or meds allowed for you and whoever we assign to you until your hormones are back within normal parameters.”
“Shouldn't I get a say in this?” Kakashi asked, but it was pure orneriness. He knew that what he had done was unwise—alphas who remained unmated and blocked their ruts for too long were a huge risk not only to themselves but to others as well, and active duty jounin even more so.
But the thought of having another rut scared Kakashi to his core. The first and only rut he had experienced had been a disaster which he never intended to repeat. Being on blockers kept him at a beta-like steadiness, it let him live in a world without heats and ruts and scents and all of those things that got in the way of doing what he needed to do–first in ANBU and then as an elite jounin for the village.
Besides, he had been under the impression that there was no real danger of snapping so long as he remained on the hormonal medications. And so when his 20th birthday passed and no one ordered him to get married and mated, and he realized that most people in the village assumed he was a beta, he did nothing to correct them. The only person who knew the truth was Tenzou, and he was too loyal to out Kakashi, thankfully.
Part of him imagined that someday he would get in compliance when he had time. (He never had time) Or if he found the right man…but Kakashi had the added complication of not only being an alpha, but a jounin, and a gay one at that. There weren't a lot of people willing to take on someone with those descriptors. Throw in his notoriety, nasty sobriquets, and his demanding mission schedule, and finding any willing partner (much less a mate) had always seemed impossible. So he had just kept going with his lie of omission. He never took a partner and he kept up with the hormone blockers religiously.
“You had eight years to deal with this,” Tsunade said, gathering up Kakashi's file and snapping it closed. “Now you get what you get.” She shook her head at him one last time, then breezed out like a hurricane moving on to another shore.
Well. That was fair. His secret was out and there was no going back. He would just have to deal with it and hope that whoever he ended up with was prepared for the shitstorm that was Hatake Kakashi. God help them.
*
Shizune made quick work of following up on Tsunade's orders. Two hours after Kakashi's visit from the Hokage, the dark-haired medic-nin was sitting at Kakashi's bedside, the stack of files of potential mates in hand.
“Ah, there's just one problem with these options,” Kakashi said lightly, scanning the files that Shizune had handed over. Each one had a photo, a profile, and was accompanied by a clear plastic baggy containing an item of clothing scented by each possible mate, presumably to check for compatibility. But Kakashi knew without sniffing that none of these would work for him.
“Kakashi-san, I'm very sorry about the small selection. If none of these candidates are suitable, then we're going to have to start looking through the civilian files, which is...riskier for them, as you know. But there just aren't many women willing to mate a jounin alpha.”
“I'm sure that's true,” Kakashi mused. He pushed the files back towards her across his lap. It was inconvenient to still be in the hospital, but then, Tsunade had said that she wouldn't release him until he was married. “But unfortunately I'm about to make your assignment even more difficult.”
“How so?” Shizune asked warily.
“I prefer men.”
Shizune's shoulders sagged and she pressed her fingertips to her forehead. “Kakashi-san!” she groaned. “You're making this impossible!”
“Well, if you can convince Tsunade-sama to just let me continue blocking my hormones indefinitely—”
“Absolutely not!” Shizune looked pained. “There are side effects of those medications, Kakashi-san! You could suffer a stroke, or an aneurysm, or any number of other health issues! The effectiveness can also wane over time, and cause violent incidents and unexpected ruts! And after looking at your numbers…” She shuffled through the papers and pulled up the chart that Tsunade had slammed onto his bed earlier, and her brows drew down in concern, her teeth worrying at her bottom lip.
“Ah,” Kakashi felt a little bit sheepish. He hadn't been aware of that . The dangers to himself didn’t concern him so much, but the idea that he could have a spontaneous rut…that was the exact reason he had been so secretive about his nature and so dedicated to remaining on blockers. It would be a disaster.
“As for your preferences, I'll look,” Shizune said. “Maybe there is someone...but I can’t make any promises.”
“Thank you for helping me,” Kakashi said honestly. “I know very well that Tsunade-sama could just...force me to take whatever woman she deems suitable, and I would just have to deal with it, despite my preferences.” He had heard of such things. It was likely that his own parents had been such a couple. He rubbed a hand over his hair and sighed, bone tired by the idea of something so unpleasant happening to him.
He wished for a moment that he had done like Tenzou, who had reported as required just before his 20th birthday and was happily mated to a busty civilian omega woman. They were even expecting a baby, he remembered. But then, no. That kind of life wasn’t for him. He would do this because it was required, but he would much rather remain alone. He wasn't cut out for companionship, or family. He was the friend-killer, after all.
“Oh,” Shizune's face softened. “It won't come to that. You may have to settle for a civilian, or someone a bit outside of your age range, but...we'll figure it out. Tsunade-sama just cares a lot, which is why she is so insistent.”
Kakashi didn't have an answer to that. Perhaps the Hokage cared about his well-being, or perhaps she just didn’t want an unstable alpha jounin running around who was in danger of snapping. Either way, Tsunade was right. He’d had 8 years to look for someone suitable. It was about time his nature caught up with him. It caught up with everyone eventually.
*
Iruka looked down at the file that Shizune handed him, disbelief coursing through his brain, blinding him to all other thoughts, like a light too bright shining directly into his eyes. When he had been summoned to the hospital on urgent business in the middle of the school day, he had assumed that he would be receiving some kind of bad news, but he hadn't in any universe been expecting this .
A flush, embarrassingly, was creeping up his neck and into his cheeks, and he couldn't tear himself away from the photo in the file. The name at the top read Hatake Kakashi , but Iruka hardly would have recognized it since the handsome man in the photo wasn't wearing Kakashi's customary black mask over the bottom half of his face. Iruka was surprised at how far down the scar over Kakashi's eye went, slicing through his cheek almost all the way to his lip, and the cute mole dotting his chin, and...wow. Kakashi was really good-looking.
“You are, quite literally, the only bisexual male shinobi omega in the entire village,” Shizune was saying, when Iruka's ears began working again. “You fit every preference. Honestly, if you're not willing, it's likely that Tsunade-sama will make it an official command. She values Kakashi-san as a friend and as an asset to the village, and his health and wellbeing are of prime importance.”
“A command?” Iruka echoed, his throat suddenly dry. The fact that Shizune mentioned it meant that he really didn't have a choice after all, if the options were to go willingly into the wolf's den or be pushed in.
“I believe Kakashi-san is a good man, once you get past his aloof exterior,” Shizune said.
“I'm familiar...with Kakashi-san,” Iruka said, but it seemed like his voice was coming from someone other than himself. He finally looked up from the photo and met Shizune's apologetic gaze. His interactions with Kakashi had been brief. In fact, he hadn't ever really considered that Kakashi was an alpha. During their interactions, which had become heated on more than one occasion, he had never smelled any kind of spike of aggression, or really any scent at all. He had assumed that Kakashi was a beta like Shizune. And besides, if Kakashi was an alpha, then why hadn't he picked or been assigned a mate when he turned 20, as was the usual requirement?
“Would you mind smelling his sample?” Shizune asked. “I'm afraid he's been on hormone blockers for quite some time, so it's not particularly strong, but it's what we have to work with.” She offered Iruka a sealed plastic bag and he took it automatically, despite his misgivings. Well, blockers would certainly explain Kakashi’s lack of an obvious alpha scent when Iruka had been around him before.
Shizune smiled and then stood. “I'll give you a moment of privacy,” she said, and then left him alone in her office, closing the door behind her.
Iruka nodded, feeling numb with disbelief. Robotically, he opened the bag, dipped his face down to the black fabric inside, and inhaled deeply.
His first impression was pleasant, thankfully. The scent was mild, probably from whatever medications Kakashi had been using to block his hormones, but from what Iruka could tell, it was masculine, and earthy, with a little bit of sharp spice to it. It neither sent a thrill of arousal through him nor had him recoiling in disgust. It was a normal, manly scent, and basically unremarkable. Part of him had been hoping for a better reaction, honestly. Or a worse one, so that he would have a reason to refuse. (Not that he would be able to refuse, really.)
He zipped the bag back up and opened the door to Shizune's office. The medic-nin was waiting just outside, her anxious face searching him for any sign of his reaction.
“It's acceptable,” Iruka said honestly.
“So you'll do it? You'll mate Hatake Kakashi?”
“I...” Iruka hesitated. Tsunade-sama was right, Kakashi was too important to the village to be put at risk by not having a mate, and Iruka...was the only qualified candidate. If his options were to go or be forced, he'd rather do it on his own terms. “I will,” he said.
Shizune's face broke out into a bright smile. “Wonderful! We can go upstairs to make it official as soon as I alert the Hokage!”
“Wait, what? Now!?”
But Shizune was already darting off down the hospital hallway, leaving Iruka standing in the doorway with Kakashi's file in one hand, and his scent sample in the other.
Well....this was happening.
Chapter 2: It's a Nice Day For a (Surprise) Wedding
Chapter Text
Kakashi hadn't had a conversation with Umino Iruka in years—not since shortly after the chuunin exams, when the young teacher had apologized and asked about Naruto's progress under Kakashi's tutelage. And now the man was standing in front of his hospital bed awkwardly, flushing pink from neck to ears, and they were preparing to be married. He had quickly approved when Shizune had put his file forward desperately as the only suitable male candidate—Iruka was an attractive man, kind-hearted and loyal. Hot-headed and immature, sure, but then, Kakashi wasn't without his faults either, not to mention the whole alpha-about-to-snap situation that the poor man was being thrust into.
Shizune had made him smell Iruka’s sample earlier, and Kakashi felt an instant wave of pleasure at the other man's scent. It was much stronger than Kakashi ever remembered smelling Iruka in person—the sample was probably given during or soon after a heat cycle, which was why it was so appealing. Even after years of blocking his hormones, Kakashi still enjoyed the scent of an omega, and this one was particularly calming while still masculine. It gave Kakashi the feeling of strong arms around his shoulders and sent a shiver of warmth through his body. He nodded and handed it back to Shizune, much to her relief.
He was surprised, however, when she went downstairs and returned promptly with Iruka-sensei himself.
“There's a lot of paperwork to cover and not a lot of time,” Shizune said. She had an armful of scrolls, and she busied herself organizing them across the foot of Kakashi's hospital bed, mindless of the invalid's feet and legs, motioning for Iruka to come closer. He took a single nervous step forward.
“Tsunade-sama is adamant that we get this sorted out as quickly as possible, and Kakashi-san's numbers are so abnormal that she's ordered that you both abstain from any hormonal medications until his levels are back within an acceptable range. That, combined with the marriage and mating, is going to make this very tricky.”
Kakashi controlled his embarrassment, but only barely. “How am I going to go on missions in the meantime if I'm not allowed my medication?” he asked.
“You aren't.” Tsunade stood in the doorway, her face grave, her hands on her hips. She stepped in and closed the door behind her. “And Iruka-sensei, you're going to have to take a leave of absence from the Academy while we get this sorted. Thank you for agreeing to this.”
Iruka merely shifted uncomfortably, and Kakashi wondered what his take on this situation was. They hadn’t actually spoken to each other since this match had been decided. It sounded, from Tsunade's comment, that the man had come willingly to be Kakashi's mate, but from the discomfort obvious in the man's expressive face, that wasn't the whole story.
“What if you need me?” Kakashi asked Tsunade.
“We'll manage until you're healthy again, just like we do every time you do something idiotic and land back in here.”
Shizune spoke up again. “Kakashi-san, I'm afraid that this is going to be very difficult for you, and by extension for Iruka-sensei. It will take a few weeks for the drugs to fully leave your systems, but once they do, your heat and rut cycles will be triggered. And Kakashi’s rut will be...difficult.”
“I expect you both to cooperate,” Tsunade continued. “That means sex, that means knotting, that means mating bite. This is for real. Kakashi's life is on the line.” Her glittering amber gaze swept over both men, who swallowed in tandem and pointedly avoided looking at each other. Kakashi, in particular, didn’t want to think about that part of this forced union.
“Here's the marriage scroll,” Shizune said, unrolling a heavy, ornately scripted scroll. “We'll do the paperwork today, Kakashi can be discharged tomorrow, and then it would be wise for you both to spend as much time together as possible over the next few weeks.”
Standing at Kakashi’s bedside, listening to Shizune and Tsunade describe the next few months, Iruka's stomach rolled and the reality of the situation hit him. If Kakashi's rut was anything like Shizune predicted, it was not going to be fun. He was not just going to be spending his heat with Kakashi, not only going to be married, but he was going to be mated . There was no getting divorced or going their separate ways after that. Not between an alpha and omega. They would be bonded for the rest of their lives. Iruka closed his eyes and took a deep breath to steady himself. Kakashi didn't say anything, but when Iruka opened his eyes, the other man was watching him carefully with one dark eye, the other closed under the long scar.
“Can't I have a week with my meds to take care of outstanding personal matters?” Kakashi asked. “We can't live together and do something like this in either of our apartments, after all.”
Tsunade frowned, considering. “Don't you still own your father's old house? He had all that land on the southern edge of the village.”
Kakashi stiffened visibly in his hospital bed. “I do,” he said, but he sounded reluctant.
“Then get some friends, clean it up, and settle in. You're both off duty for 6 weeks minimum while we get this sorted, and I will extend it if you don't do your parts.”
Six weeks? That was almost an entire grading period at the Academy! Iruka must have looked aghast, because Tsunade turned a pitying gaze on him. “I'm sorry Iruka-sensei. You're getting a raw deal here, but your service is absolutely necessary. It's not your fault that Hatake here is an irresponsible brat.”
“Ah, thank you Hokage-sama,” Iruka said, because he couldn't think of anything else to say. It was useless to deny that what she was saying was the truth, but her comforting words didn't make the reality any less appealing. Being an omega in Konoha wasn't as bad as in some villages, but they were expected to put the needs of the village, and of the alphas of the village, above their own. Iruka had been lucky not to be called on in this way before now, honestly. He just hoped that it wasn't going to be as bad as he feared.
“Right then, let's sign these papers and make it official! Happy wedding day, boys!”
*
After they signed the marriage paperwork, Kakashi gave Iruka directions to his father's old house and told him to meet him there at the end of the week. There was no point in trying to live together in either of their tiny apartments, and he figured that Iruka would need some time to wrap up his personal business. That time would also give Kakashi a chance to work on the house, as Tsunade had recommended. He conveniently ignored the fact that Tsunade had also recommended that they spend as much time together as soon as possible. Surely a week to finish recovering his chakra and fix up the house wouldn’t matter.
And he would need every bit of that week to get the house into livable condition, Kakashi observed glumly. It was overgrown with weeds, there were several broken windows, and it looked like the roof needed major repairs.
Unfortunately, those repairs proved difficult, and not only because Kakashi was out of his depth when it came to construction. In only the few days since Tsunade had ordered him to quit his medications, he noticed things changing.
Kakashi’s senses had always been finely tuned, but now it felt like all of those senses were focused on noticing people. He found himself watching every attractive man who passed him in an almost predatory way, evaluating and smelling them and occasionally becoming aroused by them. Every alpha he passed made him as wary as if he were surrounded by enemy nin, and an untapped anger he’d never felt before lay just below the surface of every emotion. He wasn't sure if this was how all alphas felt when they were off meds, or if it was only because his hormones were so out of whack, but either way, it made everyday interactions that much more difficult.
When he found himself getting irrationally angry at the mild-mannered alpha contractor he was attempting to hire to fix the windows in the house, Kakashi excused himself and went for help.
*
“Senpai!” Tenzou answered the door and stepped out into the grassy yard. Tenozu lived on a bit of land not far from Kakashi's own family house. “I would invite you in, but Naomi is very...particular right now.”
Tenzou's wife was a pregnant omega—having an unfamiliar alpha in their home right now would be a huge violation of her nesting instincts. But Tenzou had gone still, his nose wrinkling, and looked Kakashi up and down with concern. “Whoa. What...?”
“I need help,” Kakashi said. “Tsunade found out about my misuse of blockers.” He made a sour face, mostly hidden by his mask, but it didn't go unnoticed by Tenzou. Quite the contrary, in fact. His eyes narrowed at Kakashi, who continued, “she had me quit them cold turkey.”
“Ah.” Understanding crossed over Tenzou's dark eyes. “I told you that was going to catch up with you,” he said, crossing his arms. “That would explain...this.” He motioned at Kakashi generally, and Kakashi stiffened.
“I don’t feel like myself,” he admitted.
“Yeah, your scent is really strong, and really aggressive. If I didn't know you so well Senpai, I'd think you were here to fight me or something.”
Kakashi sighed and stuck his hands in his pockets. He didn't feel particularly like fighting Tenzou, but then, he didn't feel particularly at ease either around the other alpha. It worried him, because Tenzou was his closest friend, and they had never had a problem being around each other, not even when Tenzou had first presented. Things weren’t supposed to be like this.
“I'm on mandatory family leave for 6 weeks while this gets straightened out,” Kakashi admitted. There was no point hiding the truth, not when he was about to ask Tenzou for some serious help.
“Family leave?” Tenzou's dark brows shot up. “Did you meet someone? Is that why you're off the meds?”
“Kind of,” Kakashi mumbled. “Tsunade-sama may have forced me to...get married.” Kakashi didn’t realize how humiliating it would be to admit that until the words left his mouth.
At that, Tenzou smiled wide and clapped Kakashi on the back, a friendly gesture that they had exchanged many times before—but this time, unfamiliar rage filled Kakashi at the sudden contact. Kakashi threw his friend's arm off and pounced on him, pinning Tenzou against the wall of the house, his forearm against Tenzou's throat, the beginning of a growl growing in the back of his own throat.
“Kakashi,” Tenzou said evenly. He wasn't angry or upset, and instead of panicking as many people might when threatened by an angry alpha as powerful as the copy-nin, he merely jammed his knee into Kakashi's crotch, wove his arm around the back of Kakashi's shoulder, and then hip-checked him off of himself before slugging Kakashi across the face with a bare fist, all without even breaking a sweat or frowning at his friend.
Kakashi staggered backwards and prepared to retaliate, the aggression in his gut blossoming and spreading like wildfire through his veins. But Tenzou had already made the signs for his wood-style jutsu, and beams of wood were twining up around Kakashi's legs, holding him in place.
“Take a deep breath, senpai!” Tenzou ordered, his voice firm and commanding. “This is just your hormones. Get ahold of yourself.”
Kakashi struggled through the fog of anger and did as Tenzou said, clawing off his mask and sucking in a breath of fresh spring air, forcing the anger out on his exhale. He had never lost control like this before. It took several minutes of being restrained, of Tenzou commanding him to breathe, in and out, before he felt even a little bit like himself again.
No wonder Tsunade was so concerned about him.
Suddenly, Kakashi was more concerned about Iruka .
“Senpai, I'm going to release you now,” Tenzou said once Kakashi's breathing was steady. Kakashi nodded, and then he felt the wooden beams retracting back into the ground. He pulled his mask back up and rubbed the back of his head.
“Sorry about that, Tenzou,” he said sheepishly. But inside, the unfounded anger he had felt towards Tenzou twisted into a terror so strong that it sickened him. Losing control like this was his worst fear. And he knew that this was only the beginning. How much worse was it going to be when he did actually have a rut?
His friend shook his head, brow creased with worry. “You've been blocking for so long, you don't have any experience dealing with this, do you?” Consciously or not, Tenzou had positioned himself between Kakashi and the door to the house, where his probably terrified omega wife was no doubt watching from inside.
“Apparently not,” Kakashi said wryly. “I need help.”
“Of course,” Tenzou agreed without hesitation, without even asking what Kakashi needed, even though Kakashi had just attacked him in his own front yard over a pat on the shoulder.
Damn.
Kakashi didn't deserve a friend like Tenzou.
Chapter Text
Iruka arrived at the address Kakashi had provided, his duffel bag of belongings slung over one shoulder, his stomach coiling with anxiety. He wasn't sure what to expect, but the humble, traditional-style house with the neat yard and faded paint wasn't it at all. Kakashi waved from his seat on the front steps, looking just like his usual self from the habitual slouch to the neat but worn jounin uniform.
“Good afternoon, Kakashi-san,” Iruka said, trying to overcome the awkwardness of greeting his husband so formally. “Is this...your house?”
“Our house, now,” Kakashi said, climbing to his feet. He seemed at ease, but Iruka could immediately smell the overpowering scent of alpha coming off of him, and...not a happy alpha. He resisted the urge to recoil in instinctive fear and focused instead on controlling his own scent and posture to keep from emanating disgust and horror. That would not be a pleasant way to start his married life.
“I have a few more boxes at my place, I hired someone to drop them off later,” he said instead of pointing out how off-putting Kakashi's scent was.
They stood in awkward silence for a few beats, then Kakashi turned and went inside, motioning for Iruka to follow him.
It was cleaner inside than Iruka would have expected from the shabby exterior. He followed Kakashi on a basic tour of all the main areas—kitchen, living, bath, and then down the hall to the bedrooms.
“I'll be in here,” Kakashi knocked on the door to one room. “And that's your room there,” he motioned to the room just across the hallway. “There's another, but it's empty.”
“We're not going to be together?” Iruka blurted out the question before he had time to fully consider his words, but wasn't that the point of the arrangement?
“We should set up your room with wards so that you can lock me out if...” he didn't finish the sentence, but Iruka's stomach dropped. Was Kakashi really that much in danger of losing control?
“I can set my own wards,” Iruka said, realizing that he was in very real danger. There was a reason that one of the qualifications for a mate for Kakashi had been to be a shinobi—he would at least be able to defend himself from an attack, in theory. “But hopefully it won't come to that. I'd like to at least try sleeping in the same room, if you're up for that.”
Kakashi stared at him with that single unfathomable dark eye, the mask and the headband making his expression hard to read—but there was no misunderstanding in Kakashi's scent.
Lust.
Iruka couldn't suppress the surge of anxiety that ran through him. Was it possible that Kakashi was going into rut already? Iruka had been off of his own heat-blocker medication for most of a week now, but it would be at least another few weeks until all of the hormonal medication was out of his system, forcing him into a heat.
“Sorry,” Kakashi's voice was rough. “I'm having trouble with...control.”
Well. That certainly didn't ease any of Iruka's worries. Just looking at Kakashi gave Iruka a very bad feeling that he didn't have all the relevant information here.
“You're starting a rut already,” Iruka accused.
“No,” Kakashi's words were measured, calm. He had reigned in the flood of lust from his scent, but it still lingered in the air, spicy and musky. “It's just been a while since I've...been off of meds.”
“How long?” Iruka asked curiously. Lots of shinobi alphas and omegas took suppressants, going off of them for at least one scheduled month per year to have a heat or rut cycle with their mate, but some didn't bother with meds at all. Iruka had been having regular heats every year since he presented at 16. It was inconvenient, but it was just part of life as an omega.
“Long enough to mess up my hormones pretty badly, apparently. I can't tell...what's what, honestly. I just feel...” the silver-haired man paused, considering his words carefully, “not like myself.”
“Oh,” Iruka felt a flash of sympathy for him. There must be a lot on his shoulders, for him to do that to himself.
“I don't want to hurt you,” Kakashi said.
Iruka reached out a hand to comfort him, but Kakashi recoiled, pressing himself back into the closed door of his bedroom. There was real fear in his dark eye, and it sparked another flame of fear in Iruka as well. He was an omega, alone in a house with an unstable jounin alpha. The gravity of it hit him, suddenly. He had been foolish to think that he could just “deal with it.” If Kakashi were to suddenly snap, he could very easily kill Iruka before he knew what he was doing. Even though they were both shinobi, Kakashi outclassed him by several ranks. There probably wasn’t anyone in the village who could stand up to Kakashi if he were in a true rage. Iruka gulped, then he put his mind to the problem.
“I don't want you to hurt me either,” Iruka said wryly. “So we're going to have to do something about that.”
“Do you want to chain me up?”
“ What !?” Iruka spluttered in surprise at that suggestion, but Kakashi shrugged, perfectly serious. “It wouldn't hold me for very long, but it would be safer for you.”
Iruka remembered the books he had bought, still boxed up at his apartment. He had at least attempted to prepare for this situation, he just hadn’t realized how much more volatile Kakashi’s hormones would be. When Shizune told them that this was going to be difficult, she hadn’t been exaggerating.
“No, I meant like...we should learn each other's scents, and start to act like mates so that when you do start your rut for real, you don't get aggressive towards me .”
“Ah,” Kakashi said, but he didn't move from where he was pressed against the door. “How do we do that?”
“Um...” he squatted down and unzipped his duffle. “I'll give you one of my shirts, and you go in your room and...”
“And...?” Kakashi asked. Iruka felt his face flush and immediately felt a flicker of anger towards himself. He shouldn't be embarrassed by this!
“And jerk off!” Iruka snapped, but then he put a hand over his face. Snapping at an unstable alpha was not a good idea, especially when it was himself he was frustrated with.
Kakashi went perfectly still. “That won't trigger the rut, will it?”
“I don't think so?” Iruka stood and waved his hands in the air vaguely. “I don't know, honestly. I can give you my pillow for tonight too, so you can get used to my scent. I haven't had a heat in months, so hopefully there won't be enough pheromones to trigger you. If you're already starting rut, then...there's not much we can do about it.”
Kakashi nodded slowly, then held out his hand and accepted the clothing from Iruka. It was a shirt he had slept in quite a lot, so it would smell pretty strongly of him.
“Do you want something of mine?” Kakashi asked suddenly.
“Yes please,” Iruka answered.
The copy-nin nodded slowly, then slipped into his room for a minute. When he emerged, he had a black lump of clothing in one hand, and he handed it off to Iruka without touching him, as if the brushing of fingers might suddenly make him go mad with lust.
“Right then. I'll ward my door, just to be safe. We can do this, and then have dinner together. We should talk about some basic boundaries, likes and dislikes, that kind of thing. Standard pre-heatsharing stuff.”
Not that Iruka had ever shared a heat with an alpha. He'd only ever been with betas before. Izumo, Kotetsu, even a few who he had met through a service for just such a thing. This couldn't be that different, right?
*
Once his bedroom door was closed and locked behind him, Kakashi pulled down his mask and shoved his nose into the t-shirt that Iruka had handed him, breathing in deeply and swallowing a groan of pleasure. He had been okay with the scent in the sample provided by Shizune—but that had been when he was on hormone blockers. Now, with the full volatile mix of alpha hormones flooding his body, Iruka's scent was the most wonderful thing he had ever had the pleasure of smelling. His cock was hard in an instant, swelling inside the confines of his pants and underwear uncomfortably, and it was all he could do to unzip and shove the waistbands down before he took hold of himself, stroking hard and fast with one hand while he kept Iruka's shirt pressed to his face. He didn't even make it to his bed, but kept his back against the closed door, his hips jutting forward, hand working his cock frantically. He had touched himself occasionally in the years since that first awful rut, but it had never felt so urgent or so good as it did now.
Kakashi paused only for a second to peel his glove off with his teeth before he was back at it, tugging hard and relentless at his arousal, tears forming at the corners of his eyes, desperate grunts rising from the back of his throat. It felt like his whole body was straining, working towards release, tensing like a coiled spring. Part of him was disgusted with himself, for succumbing to his urges so easily, for how desperate he was for release, for this lack of the cool control he’d always prided himself on.
It only took three minutes before he came, producing more semen than he'd ever seen in his life. It spilled like a cup of hot milk over his fist, splattering onto his clothes, spraying out onto the floor obscenely. His legs and abs were quivering with the effort, and he had to bite his lip to keep from shouting.
Fuck . If this was what it was like to jerk off without hormone blockers when he wasn't in rut, what would it be like to actually fuck Iruka? He continued to stroke himself slowly, sinking to the floor and imagining Iruka on his hands and knees on Kakashi's bedroom floor, ass in the air, dripping with slick and begging for Kakashi's cock… Kakashi took another long sniff of Iruka's shirt and tried to get ahold of himself. Deep breaths. To his relief, some of the unsourced agitation and simmering aggression had slipped away with his orgasm. He would have to do this regularly, if it helped with that. Then maybe he would be fit to go out in public.
With a long sigh, Kakashi stood and began to clean up. Ugh. He would need to change his clothes, and remember next time to keep some towels in here.
Notes:
That's the first three! Feel free to leave a comment to let me know what you think so far!
Also thank to Princessbuttercup for beta-reading these chapters and JKirin for being my cheerleader when I was doubting I could actually finish writing this! <3
Chapter Text
Dinner was a subdued affair, though Iruka was surprised and pleased that Kakashi was both able and willing to cook. Unless it came frozen in a package, Iruka couldn’t cook at all.
Iruka knew, as he chewed on chunks of perfectly cooked tofu and vegetables, that they should be discussing important things like sleeping arrangements and the upcoming frenzy of uncontrollable sex, but his brain kept going back to the sounds he had heard coming from the other side of Kakashi’s door after he handed his husband a slept-in nightshirt and instructed him to jerk himself off with it.
The rustle of fabric. The grunts. The lewd squelch of squeezing flesh. That satisfied sigh only a few short minutes later. And…Iruka could smell it. The heady, musky, alpha smell seemed to permeate the whole house, to delve into the deepest parts of Iruka, to twine through his veins and fill him with desire. It made him think that just maybe Kakashi in a wild raging rut wouldn’t be such a bad thing. It made him think that there might be something thrilling about finally being with an alpha.
But now, sitting across from him at the low table overlooking the backyard, Iruka was embarrassed to have heard all of that. Even if Kakashi was his husband and they intended to mate, Iruka hadn’t explicitly had permission to listen in like that. He knew that Kakashi expected him to go back into his own room (which was a strange arrangement—another thing that they needed to discuss) and likewise jerk off using Kakashi’s shirt. But he hadn’t. After listening to Kakashi’s private few moments, he did go into his room as quietly as his ninja training allowed, and then dumped his duffel back of clothes onto the bed along with Kakashi’s shirt, jumbling them all together to mix Kakashi’s scent in with his own. He would leave it there all afternoon, and then hopefully, when he went to bed, the two scents would be so thoroughly mingled that Iruka would begin to associate Kakashi’s scent with his own.
That was the idea, anyway. It was also possible that the unfamiliar scent would keep him awake, tossing and turning anxiously about everything that could go wrong. And he had recently discovered just how much could go wrong in his situation.
When it came to the upcoming heat/rut cycle, Iruka hadn’t been idle over the past few days. Besides organizing all of his class notes and arranging for someone to cover his classes and mission desk shifts, he had begun reading up on alphas and mating. He wanted to know more thoroughly what he was getting into, because his friends, unfortunately, hadn’t been very helpful. The only alpha & omega couple that he knew was Anko and Ibiki, but their situation was very different. They had gotten together later than was usual, after Ibiki’s partner died and Anko returned to the village after some time away.
Anko only wanted to argue on Iruka’s behalf to keep him from having to do this. “Hokage or not, she should not be treating you like you’re expendable!” She had said when Iruka told her the news of his marriage. He hadn’t been able to get any useful advice from her, other than that heat sex with an alpha was amazing.
Fortunately, however, the books had been more helpful. The one called “Mating Preparations from A to O,” suggested the scent-trading technique. Unfortunately, it was also geared towards couples who were already romantically entangled, and who were male/female, and who were not unstable shinobis who had been abusing hormonal medications for who-knew-how-long.
Another useful purchase was a purely anatomical reference text, which filled in a lot of holes in his knowledge. Iruka’s “sex ed” had been a breif talk from his jounin sensei about managing his heat cycles and a pamphlet called “Rules and Regulations for Omega Shinobi.” After that he had learned things here and there from his teammates and friends, but most of his knowledge consisted of rumors and second-hand stories. Experience had been a slightly better teacher, but even in that Iruka was limited to his yearly heat cycles, none of which had ever been with an alpha. So he had pored over the reference book, his face flushed with embarrassment as if he were reading porn and not merely educating himself about an important thing that was about to happen in his life. It had still felt dirty, somehow, looking at that drawing of a full erect cock with the knot engorged. He had never seen one in real life.
Yet.
But that was coming, probably sooner than he would like.
His face flooded with warmth as his brain suddenly conjured up an image of Kakashi’s erect cock. Of Kakashi standing in the doorway of his bedroom, skin pale and creamy even in the dark, his face–Iruka thought of the photo he’d seen in the file–on full display, his hand stroking himself–
“Iruka?” Iruka’s head snapped up to Kakashi, and he saw that the other man was sitting straight-backed and tense, his hands gripping the edge of the table with white-knuckled intensity. He seemed able to control his scent for now, but–oh shit.
“Sorry!” Iruka reeled his own scent in as much as he could. He had most certainly been giving off an aroused scent, which probably triggered a similar reaction from Kakashi. Iruka did his best to clear his mind and radiate calm, comforting, academic neutrality with his body-language, facial expression, and to the extent that he was able (which was probably not much) his scent. “I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.” If they continued to feed off each other in this loop, things were going to get very… heated …very fast.
“I’m fine,” Kakashi gasped in a very not-fine-seeming way, but his knuckles loosened and he slumped slightly.
“You’re obviously not,” Iruka retorted. “Or I wouldn’t be here, would I?” His calm was slipping away into annoyance, so he took another deep breath.
Kakashi’s dark eye narrowed, but he didn’t answer. Iruka imagined that he was scowling, though it was impossible to tell with the mask and the headband and his general aloofness. His posture was closed off, shoulders hunched, hands pulled into his lap, brow furrowed—but wasn’t that just how Kakashi always looked? Iruka, unfortunately, didn’t know his husband well enough to tell.
They needed to talk. As uncomfortable as it was, Iruka refused to live here and just let whatever happened happen. He might be an omega, and he may have been forced into this arrangement, but that didn’t mean that he shouldn’t do everything in his power to make it work, and to make it safe. Reading the books and trading items of clothes had been a good step, but they needed to do more. They needed a plan. And to make a plan, Iruka needed information.
“Kakashi-san, I would appreciate it if you would tell me exactly what is going on with your hormones, and what you are expecting the next few weeks to look like for us both.”
Across the table, Kakashi was still for a moment, and then he stood and shunshined away in a quiet puff of smoke, leaving Iruka with a table full of dirty dishes and his mouth hanging open in furious disbelief.
What. The. Fuck!
*
Without a husband to talk to, Iruka cleaned up the dishes and then ventured outside to explore. He was curious about the land surrounding the house. Perhaps he should have asked Kakashi about it, given the other man a chance to get more comfortable with him before bringing up the topic of their impending mating. But then again, why waste time on things like that? If Iruka’s idle daydream was enough to send Kakashi into a white-knuckled frenzy of uncomfortable arousal, then Kakashi was more unstable than he let on.
The grounds were pretty, though mostly overgrown. A large pond was almost entirely hidden by lily pads and weeds and perennial herbs of lavender, mint, and rosemary had turned into sprawling mass of tangled bushes. There was a greenhouse a bit further back that looked like it had several broken window panes and the remains of a training yard. Iruka trailed his fingers over wooden posts scarred with the familiar strikes of hundreds of shuriken thrown by someone much shorter than himself. Tsunade-sama said that Kakashi’s father had left him this land. Had Kakashi grown up here? Iruka looked suddenly back at the house, seeing it with different eyes, wondering what memories haunted his husband here.
This house had obviously been unoccupied for a long time. Iruka wondered why. He knew that Kakashi’s parents were dead like his own, but he didn’t know how it had happened. Another thing he could have asked rather than jumping straight to the sex stuff.
Iruka wandered over to the dilapidated greenhouse, peering inside at the assortment of smashed pots and overturned benches before circling back to the house. He stopped when he noticed Kakashi standing on the back porch, his hands in his pockets.
“I’m sorry.” Kakashi said, looking sheepish. “I shouldn’t have…disappeared on you like that.”
“No, you shouldn’t have,” Iruka agreed, annoyed. For someone whose poor choices had put Iruka into a precarious and unenviable situation, Kakashi wasn’t doing much to make things easier. They were both grown men, and married at that. They should be able to talk about things like sex and hormones and mating. They had to.
“I’m ready to talk now,” Kakashi said.
“Thank goodness,” Iruka said, trying his darndest to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. “We have to clear some things up.”
“Right,” Kakashi said. He sat down on the edge of the porch, his legs hanging off, looking strangely gangly and young like that, with his feet swinging slightly.
Iruka could sense a reciprocal annoyance coming from the alpha, a mirror of his own, and it prickled at Iruka’s danger senses, putting him on alert. He would need to tread carefully, which was, unfortunately, not Iruka’s strong suit. Slowly, Iruka approached and hopped up onto the porch to sit beside him, a good buffer of space between them, working hard to maintain control of his scent. It was difficult—especially without his usual meds to help him, and it was far from his specialty.
Kakashi continued, “I started taking hormone blockers after my first rut when I was 18, and I never stopped.”
Iruka’s stomach flopped, all of the delicious food he’d just eaten suddenly souring inside him. “You’ve only ever experienced one single rut!?” He could barely believe it. When Kakashi said he’d been on blockers for a long time, Iruka hadn’t imagined that he meant basically since he presented. How had he even managed to get away with that? All alphas and omegas were required to go off their meds for at least one month out of the year, and long-term use of blocking carried a high risk of health complications. That was one of the reasons that high-level alpha operatives were required to be mated at the age of 20, to stabilize their hormones and give them a break from the medications.
Kakashi shrugged, and then another thought occurred to Iruka. A terrifying thought.
“Oh my god,” Iruka said, the blood draining from his face. “Are you a virgin?”
Kakashi’s ears turned bright red. It was answer enough.
No wonder Kakashi was so sensitive and awkward about this stuff. Hormonally, he was like a newly-presented teenager, with all of the awful first-time anxiety, heightened senses, and overactive libido that came with it. And if he had only experienced a single rut so many years ago, then he had no familiarity with the normal symptoms of rut, and no framework for how to control himself.
Fuck.
Kakashi must have felt or smelled Iruka’s panic and horror, because he tensed visibly, shoulders hunching up again. It wasn’t a very alpha-like posture, and it reminded Iruka of an angsty teenager who was unhappy with having to deal with growing up. Iruka didn’t know how to address that, but he felt the need to reassure Kakashi anyway.
“I like your scent,” Kakashi offered, and Iruka had no idea if that was supposed to be a compliment or a reassurance. His face flushed again at the memory of what he’d heard after handing Kakashi that sleep-shirt, but he pushed those thoughts away.
“That’s a good start,” Iruka said. “I like yours too. But Kakashi-san, in a week or so, one of us is going to start a heat or a rut, which is going to trigger the other one. Like it or not, we have to figure out how to prepare for it.”
“I just thought that we would wait for it to happen,” Kakashi said with a shrug.
Well that was the worst idea that Iruka had ever heard. For a genius jounin shinobi, Hatake Kakashi sure could be an idiot. Iruka resisted the urge to say that out loud, and instead pressed his fingertips to his forehead.
“That may be very well for you, but I want to actually survive being mated,” he said. Still sharper than he had intended, but at least he wasn’t calling the other man an idiot, or worse.
“Oh.”
They stared at each other for a long time.
And then Kakashi shunshined away.
Again.
Notes:
Thanks so much to everyone who left kudos and comments, ya'll rock! <3
Chapter 5: Calling Doctor Love
Chapter Text
They slept apart that night. Kakashi made sure to not cross paths with his husband at all for the rest of the evening. He watched from a hidden spot on the roof when movers dropped off three boxes of Iruka’s belongings at the front gate and Iruka brought them to his room, after which the other man didn’t come back out.
Kakashi did, however, jerk off again while smelling Iruka’s shirt. Then, after he cleaned up, he clutched it to his chest all night while he slept. He felt like a creep, or like the demon in a novel who had stolen a beautiful princess away from her home and was preparing to roast her and eat her. Only, in this case the princess was a handsome omega man with a ponytail and a scar across the bridge of his nose.
But unlike the demon in the stories, Kakashi had fled like a damned coward at the first uncomfortable question. And also unlike the stories, Iruka wasn’t a helpless princess, despite being an omega. No. There was nothing meek or helpless about Iruka at all.
Iruka fought fiercely, loved fiercely, and taught fiercely. He had saved Naruto, challenged Kakashi over the chuunin exams, and now stepped up to the undoubtedly unpleasant task of being a mate to an unstable alpha jounin. His actions spoke for him—Iruka was a good man. And Kakashi wasn’t.
The shame ran deep, and being here in this old house, on these dilapidated grounds reinforced how unworthy Kakashi truly was. Every ruined building and empty room called up specters to walk beside him–his father, Obito, Rin, Minato-sensei. He’d moved away from his family’s house after the kyuubi attack, preferring to meet his ghosts at the memorial stone, away from the place he had to wake up every day. It had helped with the nightmares, at least. He hoped that being here wouldn’t bring them back.
Kakashi stared at the ceiling of the room he had slept in as a child, which was appropriate since he was acting like a child by avoiding answering Iruka’s questions and hiding himself away. Just because he didn’t know how to talk about these things wasn't an excuse to run from them.
He did know one thing, however; he refused to let Iruka become another casualty of Hatake Kakashi’s incompetence. Iruka was going to survive this, even if it killed Kakashi.
*
Despite his resolution of the previous night, the following day was an exercise in avoidance. Kakashi told himself that he was merely training and conditioning to calm his nerves, but that was a lie and he knew it. He ate a light breakfast before sunrise and stayed out on the grounds training until afternoon. It helped, but only a little. Sore muscles and depleted chakra only took the slightest edge off of the simmering agitation he felt. When he did return, he was surprised to hear voices that were not Iruka’s sounding from the open sliding doors of the house. But when he crept silently closer, he recognized Shizune and Tsunade sitting around the low table, speaking with Iruka, whose gaze was downcast as if chastised. A ripple of protective aggression flared through Kakashi, but he was able to tamp it down. Tsunade, despite being an alpha, was not here to take Iruka away from him. Or was she?
When he burst through the open doors, it wasn’t with the cool aloofness he had been aiming for. He had a physical reaction–adrenaline rushing, heart pounding, muscles taut and ready.
“Kakashi,” Tsunade’s eyes narrowed. “Where the hell have you been?”
“Training,” Kakashi said shortly. He circled around to stand behind Iruka, keeping himself at the ready in case either Shizune or Tsunade made a move on his husband. How could he have left Iruka alone at the house? What if some other alpha had come by and lured Iruka away? What if an enemy had attacked?
“You’re supposed to be spending time with your husband—the whole point of this was to help you, but you have to actually try!” She pointed a finger at him, the nail painted a sharp blood-red. Kakashi knew she was right, but he did not appreciate her tone.
“And stop posturing like a damned horny teenager!” Tsunade commanded. “Sit down!”
Kakashi didn’t. Instead, he put a hand on Iruka’s shoulder and stood up taller. It was a direct challenge. He could feel Iruka’s muscles tense under his hand, his scent rising in a mix of discomfort and annoyance. Well too fucking bad for Iruka. This was
Kakashi’s
house. Iruka was
Kakashi’s
husband.
Tsunade stood, but Shizune tugged at her. “Hokage-sama, please. Keep in mind how out of balance Kakashi-san’s hormones are. I’m sure he doesn’t intend to challenge you. He’s just feeling protective of his mate.”
“Well we’re not actually…we haven’t–ah…” Iruka’s face shifted from pleasant tan to a burning crimson. It tempered Kakashi’s anger slightly. Iruka was right. They weren’t mates yet. They were married, but Iruka wasn’t truly his.
“What have you been doing all week then?” Tsunade practically roared. “Kakashi, are you an idiot or are you trying to get Iruka-sensei killed? When I said get to know each other, I mean start fucking as soon and as often as possible! And Iruka-sensei, I thought you had more common-sense than this!”
“I’m trying, Hokage-sama,” Iruka said, trying not to cower, caught as he was between his Hokage and his husband, both alphas, both bristling with aggression, precarious as a thread of chakra wire connected to cascade of exploding tags.
Kakashi’s chakra flared with killing intent. Shizune was wrong. Kakashi had every intention of challenging the encroaching, demanding alpha, Hokage or not. If she made even one move towards Iruka he would–
“How about you go back to the office, Tsunade-sama,” Shizune said. She put one firm arm around Tsunade’s shoulders, and it was a testament to the Hokage’s control that she didn’t fight off the gesture. Even Tsunade’s scent, while angry and aggressive and very alpha, was just enough to let everyone know her intent, rather than flooding the room like someone with less control might inadvertently do. Like Kakashi probably was. Oops.
Shizune gave Kakashi and Iruka an apologetic look, then ushered the Hokage to the front door. There was a brief, one-sided argument of protests, and then the slamming of the front door. When Shizune returned, she sat carefully, calm and composed and professional even in the face of all that drama, the perfect picture of beta neutrality.
“It seems to me like you two are having some trouble communicating,” Shizune said. “Kakashi-san, would you please sit down beside Iruka-san?”
Kakashi still hadn’t let go of Iruka’s shoulder. He was fighting the urge to take the man into his arms and run , to take him somewhere safe and set up traps that would maim and dismember anyone who got too close, and then, when they were alone…
“Iruka-san is safe here,” Shizune said as if she could hear his thoughts. Or, well, she could probably smell them, which was close enough. Even as a beta, she could understand the subtle shifts in the pheromones of a scent to read intentions and feelings. She just didn’t produce any herself.
Kakashi forced himself to let go of Iruka. He took a deep breath in through his nose. Shizune and Tsunade-sama were right. He was letting his instincts control him. And where did that instinct even come from? How had he become so possessive over Iruka in just a week? Or had this all happened just since he’d made use of Iruka’s shirt? Kakashi was often insubordinate, but he’d never reacted like that to anyone or anything before. Another deep breath, and then he lowered himself onto the cushion beside Iruka, across from Shizune. Now that Tsunade (or to his inner animal, the threat ) was gone, he was shaken by how intense his feelings had been...and how intense they still were. Had he really just thought about…about forcing Iruka? That was why he stayed away. He never, ever wanted to do anything like that to anyone, much less to someone as good as Iruka. That was why he had abused the blockers for so long. He took one more deep breath, attempting to act as much like his usual self as he could, even if he didn’t feel like his usual self.
“Thank you, Shizune-san. Please convey my apologies to Tsunade-sama.”
“Of course, Kakashi-san,” Shizune said seriously. “She’s merely concerned about you. When Iruka sent me a message this morning, she insisted on coming down–” Another flare of anger flashed through Kakashi, and he tried to hold it back, but from Shizune’s pause and Iruka’s flinch, he was doing a very poor job of it.
“You sent a message?” he asked Iruka. His voice was calm, his posture relaxed, and his scent under control, but still Iruka had flinched. Shit.
“I woke up and you were just gone!” Iruka said. “We never agreed on a plan or anything, and honestly I’m out of my depth here.” He pressed a palm to his face, covering his eyes. “I tried to read up and research this, but our situation is unique. Like I said, I just…I just want to survive this.”
“Ah,” Kakashi was humbled by the honesty. Even as anxious as Iruka was around him, and after Kakashi’s immature display of his temper, he didn’t hold back from saying what he needed to say. No, there was definitely nothing meek about Iruka-sensei.
“Iruka did the right thing,” Shizune confirmed. “Your aggression is concerning. Iruka told me that you traded shirts yesterday. Did that help?”
“Yes,” Kakashi said. “In a way. I think that may have been what triggered this…protective…phase.”
It was a common enough stereotype, and not one that Kakashi ever thought he would play into. Damn, he had been naive, living out his life on suppressants for so long, thinking that he wasn’t that kind of alpha, that his nature was just an insignificant part of himself.
How wrong he had been.
“Do you have any advice, Shizune-san?” Iruka asked. His brows were drawn, his mouth a tight frown. He was dressed as if he were about to leave to go teach at the Academy, proper and perfect in his uniform, headband centered precisely on his forehead, not a single hair escaping from his neat ponytail.
Shizune put a hand to her chin, dark eyes sweeping across the two men, sitting so uncomfortably beside each other. “It’s been almost a week since you both went off of your meds, so you have probably another week before you get hit with the heat/rut cycle. The main danger to Iruka-sensei is Kakashi-san’s aggression. The more bonded you both are, the easier it will be to get through that first cycle.”
“Bonded?” Iruka asked. “What do you mean? And how do we do that in just a week?”
Kakashi could feel the twinge of panic rising from Iruka, like an eclipse slowly blocking out all the light in the world.
“Well, Iruka had the right idea with trading clothing, getting used to each other’s scent. You should spend time together, cooking, sleeping, training. And…”
She trailed off, her expression somber, “Unfortunately, Tsunade-sama was right when she suggested intimacy. It will be much easier on both of you if your first time together isn’t under the influence of such intense hormones.”
Both men stiffened and carefully avoided looking at the other. He prayed that Iruka would not mention that no matter when they did it, it would be Kakashi’s first time. He almost panicked when Iruka opened his mouth, but then, fortunately, he closed it again before spilling Kakashi’s secret. Small mercies.
“Are there any safety measures we can take in the meantime?” Kakashi asked. “Can he tie me up? Can you seal my chakra until all of this is done?”
“Don’t tie up an alpha, especially not this close to rut!” Shizune said quickly. “There have been very bad reactions to such things. You want to do the opposite. Create a calm atmosphere, a safe space. Maybe a place just for intimacy, a joint den where Kakashi can feel safe and loved.”
Iruka was nodding slowly, and Kakashi was wondering if the stereotypes about omegas were as distasteful to him as the stereotypes about alphas were to Kakashi. Dens and nuzzling and licking and things like that were just silly stories…right? Just as much as the stories about alphas peeing on buildings to mark their territory and fighting people for…oh…shit. Well at least the peeing thing wasn’t true! He would have noticed that around the village, right?
Right?
“And the last thing…I know you don’t want to hear this, but the sooner you’re bonded–as in mate-marked–the better for both of you. It would significantly reduce the chances of aggression from an alpha towards an omega if they are mate-bonded.”
Kakashi didn’t want to hear it. He had known, of course, that Tsunade intended for them to become mate-bonded. That was generally the goal of arranging these sorts of marriages, after all. But so soon?
“I don’t want to do anything that Iruka-sensei isn’t on board with,” he said, and it came out in a low, growly voice. Iruka looked over at him, startled, his cheeks pink. It hurt, a little bit, to think that Iruka would be
surprised
by something like that.
“Then you’ll need to take precautions, and communicate as Iruka has been trying to do. Because if you don’t take steps towards intimacy, then when the heat/rut cycle begins, you won’t have a choice.”
The mood in the room went still and somber, and Kakashi felt himself shiver. He had done enough terrible things in his life while fully in control of his faculties. The idea of losing control of himself like that was terrifying.
“Good luck.” Shizune said softly.
Chapter Text
“How about this room?” Iruka asked, standing in the doorway of the last bedroom in the hallway. It was bigger, and it looked like it might actually have been the master bedroom at one time. It was also totally empty, with wide windows overlooking the currently-overgrown backyard on the western wall, which would get wonderful afternoon light.
“Not that room,” Kakashi said. He reached past Iruka and yanked the door closed, almost in Iruka’s face.
“Excuse you,” Iruka’s temper flared. “That was rude! What’s wrong with that room?” Ever since Shizune left earlier that afternoon, Kakashi had been staying within Iruka’s sight, but he was still just as aloof as ever and seemed entirely disinterested in getting to know Iruka personally.
“I said no,” Kakashi repeated, his voice sharp. He turned and stormed down the hallway without explanation, his footsteps entirely silent despite how heavily he seemed to be walking.
What an asshole! Iruka opened the door and stepped into the room that Kakashi had rejected. There didn’t appear to be anything wrong with it at first glance. He inspected further, scanning the walls which were plain and freshly painted, then peering up at the ceiling which showed off beautiful old oak beams that supported the high ceiling at this end of the house. The floors were rich dark wood, not even creaking as Iruka walked on them. Why in the world would Kakashi be so adamantly against this room?
When he turned, Kakashi was watching him from the doorway. He must not have stormed off very far, if he was back already. Iruka felt a prickle of worry that Kakashi might react badly to Iruka ignoring his obvious intent that he stay out of here, but thankfully, despite his bristleyness, Kaksahi seemed to be in control of himself.
“You can’t smell it?” the pale jounin asked.
“No,” Iruka said. He took in a deep breath through his nose. “Smell what?”
“The blood,” Kakashi said softly. His dark eye passed over the floorboards just to the left of where Iruka was standing, and Iruka followed his gaze curiously. The wood didn’t appear stained, and Iruka couldn’t smell any trace of blood at all.
“I don’t,” Iruka said honestly.
“Mm. Maybe the smell is just in my memory.” He shrugged as if it didn’t matter.
“Kakashi, what happened in this room?” Iruka asked. Something had, obviously. But as always, Kakashi avoided answering, choosing to walk away instead. Damned emotionally constipated asshole!
Well. Something had happened here.
Not this room then.
But where?
*
“Is there an attic in this house?” Iruka asked later. They were eating leftovers from the fridge, Kakashi apparently not being in the mood to cook, and Iruka not willing to subject Kakashi to his awful culinary skills just yet.
“A small one. Not really a whole room.”
“Is there a window?”
“Mm. Kind of. Mostly just ventilation. Wait, do you want to use the attic as our sex room?”
“A den ,” Iruka corrected, feeling peevish. How hard was it to understand and follow Shizune’s instructions? Other than constantly being in the same room as Iruka, Kakashi had made absolutely no other concessions! “Unless you want to give up your room, or use the forbidden room.”
“ Forbidden? ” Kakashi’s dark eye went wide. “It’s not forbidden, I just don’t want to use it as a sex room.”
“Den!” Iruka corrected, more loudly and sharply this time.
“Fine, a den. We can use my room if you want. I didn’t know that’s what you needed. Or I can show you the attic. If you’d like, I can invite Tenzou over and he can fix it up however you want.”
“Who is Tenzou?”
“He’s the one who cleaned this whole place up. A friend from…a different assignment.”
Iruka knew that Kakashi had been in ANBU before he became a jounin sensei. Everyone in the village knew. The fact that he reflexively hid that fact from Iruka, to whom he was married and to whom he was supposed to be trying to bond with, and who was a chuunin and worked in the mission room and had clearance to know such things, was infuriating. Iruka gritted his teeth and then breathed deeply through his nose. He swallowed the angry retort and said instead;
“I would like to see the attic, and then yes, you should ask your friend over.”
“Right.” Kakashi stood. “This way.”
Iruka followed him to what he thought had been a broom closet, but inside, on the back wall, was a ladder. He followed his husband up and into the attic, and felt a surge of disappointment. As Kakashi said, it was smaller than a normal room with a low ceiling and boxes stacked along the walls. It wasn’t dusty–nothing in the house was dusty, despite its age–but it wouldn’t do as a den. Not in its current state, anyway. The ventilation was also just slats, letting in only cracks of sunlight, tinted orange as the sun set on the outside world.
“What’s in all these boxes?” Iruka asked. He had to crouch to inspect them, running a finger over the top of the nearest one.
“Family stuff.” Kakashi said vaguely. More avoidance. But he must have picked up on Iruka’s exasperation, because he came closer, crouching near and putting a hand on the top of the box, only inches from Iruka’s splayed fingers. “My father’s things.”
“Oh.” Some of Iruka’s annoyance faded. “Was your father Hatake Sakumo?” Iruka asked, something suddenly clicking into place in his mind. He had heard the stories of the White Fang of Konoha, but he had somehow never put the stories about Hatake Sakumo together with Kakashi. However, when Iruka looked closely, that was the name carved into the lid of the box in a tiny neat script.
“Yes,” Kakashi said.
Iruka’s mind grasped for information about the White Fang, and landed on the final story, of his disgrace and ritual suicide. Hari Kiri . They had talked about it at the Academy, when they first learned the shinobi code, about how important it was to follow mission parameters and stick to the rules.
Suddenly Kakashi’s memory of smelling blood in that forbidden room made a lot more sense.
“I’m sorry,” Iruka said. But the words were inadequate. Slowly, gingerly, nervous in the back of his mind that the alpha might suddenly attack him (though Kakashi hadn’t made any aggressive movements towards him at all) Iruka covered his husband’s hand with his own.
He could feel Kakashi’s breath stop. This was the first time that they had touched, skin on skin. Kakashi’s fingers were long and cool, but not as cold as the metal plates on the back of his rough leather glove. Iruka looked up to see what he could read in the other man’s expression. He looked far away, like he was seeing something that wasn’t there. His scent was strong, but Iruka couldn’t tell exactly what it was conveying.
“Kakashi?” Iruka asked softly.
“Yeah.” Kakashi’s breathing resumed, if a bit shaky.
“We’re going to get through this.”
He closed his eyes for a moment, then pulled his hand out from under Iruka’s and stood. “Right. Well, I can move these boxes to the shed and send Pakkun to ask Tenzou to come by tomorrow. We’ll have a sex room ready by tomorrow night.”
Iruka sighed, but didn’t correct his husband this time. “Great,” he said tiredly. “I’m ready for bed now, if you don’t mind.”
*
They opted to bathe separately, and then met up in the hallway between their rooms, shuffling awkwardly.
“I can bring my futon into your room if you like,” Kakashi offered. “Or we can sleep in my room. Whatever is most comfortable for you.”
Iruka thought it through. Having an alpha sleeping in his personal space made him anxious–even last night, sleeping with Kakashi’s scent mingling with his own on his bed had been peculiar. Not entirely unpleasant, but strange and unfamiliar. Sleeping in Kakashi’s room, which would smell even more like him, would be…alarming.
“My room,” Iruka sighed. Kakashi nodded and disappeared to fetch his things, then pulled his futon across the wooden floor into Iruka’s room, laying it a respectful distance from Iruka’s as space allowed. It was no closer or further than any comrades might position their bedrolls on a mission.
Iruka tucked himself into his bed, then stared in shock as Kakashi peeled off his undershirt with the attached mask, biceps flexing as he shifted the dark fabric over his fluffy pale hair. He was facing away from Iruka, but the omega suddenly got a very intimate view of his husband’s broad shoulders and rippling muscles, scars of all shapes and sizes decorating the pale skin. Silver hair brushed over the nape of his neck. And then he turned, slipping into his own futon, and noticed Iruka staring. His chest was just as delicious to look at as his back, but what drew Iruka’s attention was Kakashi’s face.
“Ah, I don’t wear a mask at night,” Kakashi said. “Or at home at all, usually. You don’t mind, do you?”
Mind? Did Iruka mind ? Kakashi was gorgeous . The photo in his file didn’t do him justice at all. There was pale stubble on his jaw, and he looked older now than he had in the photo, more mature, more masculine. Iruka knew his eyes must be as wide as a gaping goldfish, and his scent…shit. Did Kakashi realize that Iruka was getting aroused by the sight of him?
“Of course.” Iruka croaked. “We’re supposed to be working to make you comfortable, after all.”
Kakashi nodded, and then Iruka clicked off the light. Afterwards however, Iruka lay awake for a long while, counting his breaths and willing himself not to be alarmed by the scent of an alpha so close to him when he was vulnerable. After what seemed like nearly an hour, Iruka finally heard a change in Kakashi’s breathing that signaled that the other man had fallen asleep, and he was able to relax enough to doze off as well.
Notes:
Thank you all for the wonderful kind comments and kudos! I'm blow away by how welcoming the kakairu community is. <3 I was anxious about posting this but ya'll are so nice! Thank you!!
Chapter Text
Pakkun had told them to expect Tenzou and his wife Naomi around noon, and that the couple would be bringing lunch and a gift. As if Kakashi’s friends hadn’t already done enough for him, Kakashi thought. His kouhai was too nice for his own good.
Iruka seemed excited to meet them, especially after Kakashi warned him that Naomi was pregnant.
“Oh! How many months along is she?” Iruka asked, his eyes sparkling and happy. He also looked tired, but then, neither of them had gotten a good night’s rest last night. It had taken Kakashi ages to fall asleep, and he’d woken early, his body responding to the stress by sleeping for only a few hours, as if he was on a mission. It didn’t help that his balls were achy and swollen, and it was hard to find a comfortable position. Another side effect of being off the meds, probably.
“I have no idea,” Kakashi said in response to Iruka’s question. How was he supposed to know something like that? “You can ask her, I’m sure.”
Iruka smiled at that. He was a people-person, used to being either in the classroom, the mission desk, or out with his friends. Being here alone with Kakashi must be yet another unpleasant condition of this marriage he’d been forced into. Maybe it was for the best that Tenzou was coming to visit.
Then there was a knock at the front door, and Kakashi reluctantly followed Iruka to greet their guests. There was a general shuffling of removing shoes and handing off items before they all shuffled to the main room.
“Senpai,” Tenzou said, his smile wide and friendly. Then he bowed respectfully to Iruka. “Iruka-sensei, it’s very nice to meet you.”
“No need to be so formal,” Kakashi complained. “Iruka, this is my kohai Tenzou and his lovely wife Naomi-san.”
Iruka ignored Kakashi’s call for ignoring formalities and bowed back to their guests. “Welcome to our home,” he said, and somehow, when he said it, it felt warm and friendly instead of aloof and formal. How did he do that?
The atmosphere was relaxed, though Kakashi did notice that Naomi seemed nervous and kept close to Tenzou, who in turn kept a hand or arm on her. Kakashi made sure to keep his distance and remind himself that Tenzou was a friend, a guest, and was here to help. He didn’t want a repeat of what had happened with Tsunade. (Though she had begun raging at him long before he started to get aggressive.)
Fortunately, something about Naomi’s scent was also calming and not like any omega he’d been around before. Was it the pregnancy? Kakashi didn’t know if he’d ever actually been around any pregnant people in close enough quarters to catch their scent before, at least, not since he’d presented. He clattered around in the kitchen, gathering up plates and drinks for the food that the guests had brought, listening in on Iruka’s pleasant small talk. Naomi was apparently “32 weeks” (out of how many? Kakashi didn’t know and didn’t ask), and Tenzou beamed proudly. When Kakashi returned to the table, the conversation had turned to Iruka describing the attic to Tenzou and bemoaning the lack of space for a proper den.
“Tenzou modified our house and made the most perfect place for a nest. I’ve been fussing over it so much. I know I have plenty of time, but you know how these things are,” Naomi said with an adoring smile at Tenzou.
“Is that for real?” Kakashi asked, surprised. He set the bowls, plates, and chopsticks down on the table and Iruka took over handing things out and uncovering the dishes of food, which were still steaming.
“Is what for real, Kakashi-san?” Naomi asked, as if confused by his question.
“Dens and nests and stuff,” Kakashi said. He had, until yesterday, believed dens to be a silly stereotype, but he didn’t want to say it quite so rudely as that. It seemed that he missed the mark, however, by the glare on Iruka’s face and the crestfallen look on Naomi’s.
“Really senpai?” Tenzou asked, that familiar look of exasperation in his eyes.
“If you ever get me pregnant you’ll certainly believe nests are for real,” Iruka muttered, just loud enough for everyone to hear as he scooped some vegetables onto his plate.
Kakashi choked as a sudden image of Iruka holding a little pale-haired screaming bundle sprang into his head, and he was immediately horrified by the idea. He had absolutely no desire for biological children at all. And it wasn’t possible, anyway, right?
“I just…don’t have any experience with that sort of thing,” he said once he could speak again. He knew that his face was flushing, but he only hoped that his mask and headband hid most of the pink in his cheeks.
“That won’t happen, senpai,” Tenzou said, patient and practical. Kakashi took a quick look at Iruka’s smirk, which confirmed it. Well. Kakashi probably deserved that. He really should have spent the time to educate himself about these sorts of things. They just hadn’t been relevant before. (And he wished fervently that they weren’t relevant now either!)
“Kakashi-san, nesting is a very important step for preparing for a new baby, just like a den is important for mating,” Naomi said. Her voice was soft and almost musical, and kind despite how rude Kakashi had been. He couldn’t help but feel like she was speaking to him like she would to a very young, very stupid child (which Kakashi had never been, actually).
“Tenzou, can we give them our gift now?” The way she looked at Tenzou, squeezed his hand, and smiled at him as if he was the most important person in the world made Kakashi feel sick.
How could anyone be more of a perfect couple? How could any human be any more of a perfect omega stereotype? And how was he going to survive the rest of this visit without vomiting? Kakashi hoped that if he ever looked at Iruka like that, someone would tie him up and cart him off to T&I. Iruka, however, just looked happy, and his gentle smile sent a stab of guilt through Kakashi. Did he envy Tenzou and Naomi? Would he prefer to be with an alpha who was practical and considerate and, dammit, undeniably sweet like Tenzou?
Of course he would, Kakashi thought. Probably anyone would be preferable to Kakashi, especially with how he’d been acting for the past few days. Kakashi had to fight off a surge of protectiveness and force himself to be calm. Tenzou was obviously perfectly happy with Naomi. He had no reason to try to lure Iruka away.
Tenzou handed Iruka a package, and Kakashi leaned over to see that it was carefully wrapped in pretty flowered paper. It was decidedly pillow-shaped, and sure enough, when Iruka pulled off the wrapping paper, he revealed an overstuffed throw pillow which had been hand-embroidered with an intricate pattern of flowers like a wreath, circling a heart with the words “Hatake Kakashi & Umino Iruka” and the date of their wedding the previous week. It was so feminine, so incredibly out of touch with the situation, and so ridiculously thoughtful, that Kakashi was momentarily stunned.
“It’s beautiful Naomi-san!” Iruka gushed. Kakashi’s gaze snapped up to his husband’s face and saw that Iruka appeared to be perfectly serious. “Thank you so much!”
Naomi beamed happily. “It’s for your den. As soon as Pakkun told us why you needed Tenzou to come by, I hurried up and finished it.”
“I wanted to buy some rubber sheets for you both,” Tenzou said. Naomi made a mildly offended face at her husband for that unromantic but practical alternative. Honestly, Kakashi would have much preferred the sheets.
*
After lunch was cleared up, Tenzou, Iruka, and Kakashi climbed up into the attic so that Tenzou could survey space. It was crowded with the three of them up there, even with all of his father’s old stuff moved out to one of the dilapidated out-buildings that Kakashi had designated a storage shed. Kakashi immediately felt himself go on alert and moved closer to Iruka than he would have if it was only the two of them.
“This is workable.” Tenzou said with confidence. “I can’t make the floorspace much bigger without affecting the rest of the house, but raising the ceiling wouldn’t be difficult. Do you need more light? I can’t make glass, but the guys Naomi found who replaced the windows in the rest of the house should be able to fit some if I leave space.”
“You worked on the rest of the house?” Iruka asked. He shot Kakashi a curious look, and Kakashi shrugged.
“Senpai was having trouble dealing with…villagers, so he asked me to help. I did most of the construction repairs and Naomi found the other contractors for the things I couldn’t do, like windows and the cleaning service.”
“Did he pay you, at least?” Iruka asked, eyes wide.
Tenzou laughed and met Kakashi’s gaze with an earnest, familiar smile. “I owe Senpai my life so many times over, it’s a pleasure to help.”
“Ahh Tenzou you’re going to make me blush,” Kakashi drawled. But Tenzou just rolled his eyes and shook his head. Iruka told him what he wanted, and then Tenzou got to work. The whole thing only took a few minutes and left Iruka speechless. The attic space had been widened slightly, the floorboards smoothed, and the ceiling raised just enough so that Kakashi could stand comfortably without hitting his head. There was space for a small window at the end of the room. It would be cold in the winter unless Kakashi had it insulated, he knew from having to come fetch things from here as a child, but it would suit their purposes for now. Tenzou always did a good job.
Kakashi nodded in approval, but Iruka had stars shining in his eyes. "I didn't know there were any shinobi in the village with the first Hokage's gifts! That is truly incredible Tenzou-san."
Tenzou blushed like he always did when someone complimented him, and then quickly changed the subject, which was a good thing because Kakashi could feel the creep of jealousy warming his veins already. The basic hormonal part of him could not forget that Tenzou was an alpha, happily married or not, and he didn’t like how Iruka was looking at his friend.
"Senpai what did you end up doing with that third bedroom downstairs? I figured you were going to use that for a den when we were working on the house last week."
Iruka went still and cast a worried glance at Kakashi, as if he was going to explode into a rage at any moment. At least he didn’t flinch. Kakashi didn’t think he could handle living with someone who was that afraid of him.
"Too many bad memories," Kakashi said. "This will be a much nicer sex room now that you fixed it up for us."
That was the wrong thing to say. Iruka's face went bright red and Kakashi wasn't sure if it was from embarrassment or anger until the telltale sharp scent in his nose told him which. Anger. Definitely anger.
"Why aren't you taking this seriously?" The omega's voice cut through the small room and pinched something inside Kakashi, striking a nerve that he didn't know was there. How could Iruka accuse Kakashi of not taking this seriously when he had cleared out all these boxes and inconvenienced Tenzou yet again for this stupid den thing? Before he could catch himself, the smallest growl escaped from the back of his throat, a low, threatening thing. But it was enough. Iruka’s mouth popped open in surprise, and something like fear flashed across his face, a primitive response that even trained shinobi struggled to control. The only other time Kakashi could remember growling was when—
"Senpai," Tenzou said, in a calm and reassuring voice. "Focus on what's happening and not how you feel.”
The flash of anger turned from Iruka to Tenzou, who was…perfectly calm, his face neutral, his scent controlled so much so that he seemed more like a beta than Tenzou’s usual cedar-wood alpha self. Tenzou was helping fix up the house. Iruka was reminding Kakashi about something they had already agreed on.
It took a gargantuan effort, but Kakashi heeded his friend's words. He pulled himself back from that angry precipice and breathed deeply. “A den,” he conceded coolly. “My apologies, Iruka-sensei.”
Kakashi knew, however, that it wasn’t enough. The last time he had growled had been when Zabuza was threatening to kill his genin team.
Something was seriously wrong with him, if he would growl at Iruka .
*
Tenzou and Naomi didn’t stay much longer after the reshaping of the attic. Kakashi didn’t blame them.
“We don’t want to impose on your time together,” Naomi said, and goodness if she didn’t look absolutely sincere about that sentiment. Of course, she hadn’t been up in the attic with them (by design, Kakashi was sure.)
"Iruka-san," Tenzou's voice was quiet as they all said their goodbyes at the front gate. Kakashi politely avoided listening to whatever his friend was telling his husband, as if he could prove that he wasn’t a possessive asshole, and instead thanked Naomi copiously for the food and the beautiful gift.
"You have already done so much for us, Tenzou-san," Iruka said in a normal voice. "Thank you."
Notes:
Anyone notice anything about the chapter titles? LOL I plan to make a youtube playlist of all the songs...eventually. Next chapter is called "The Waiting is the Hardest Part" and it's one of my favorites! Thank you again for all of the comments and kudos I'm absolutely blown away! Ya'll are awesome!
And as ever thanks to PrincessButtercup and JKirin for being my betareader and cheerleader respectively!
Chapter 8: The Waiting Is The Hardest Part
Chapter Text
“I am taking this seriously, you know,” Kakashi said. Iruka looked up from brushing his hair and saw his husband sitting on his futon only a few feet away. He was bare-faced and shirtless, and, having just showered, his damp hair hung over his eyes, the sharingan eye closed as seemed to be his habit when it wasn’t covered.
Iruka bit back a smart-mouth reply about how Kakashi didn’t seem to take anything seriously in his life, not even being a jounin-sensei and definitely not being married. It was infuriating, how little Kakashi seemed to care for Iruka’s wellbeing. So far all his “protective” tendencies had done was nearly start a fight with the Hokage and nearly lash out at what seemed to be his only friend. The man kept secrets, mocked the few things that Iruka could try to do to improve the situation, and then had the audacity to growl at Iruka for expressing his frustration!
Iruka couldn’t stand by, helpless, and let his husband get away with thinking he was doing fine. If things went wrong when their heat/rut cycle started, it wasn’t Kakashi who would end up injured or killed.
“You’re really not,” Iruka said, a bite of venom in his voice.
Kakashi frowned, his posture straightening. Iruka had his attention now. “I had the house fixed up for you,” he offered. “The rooms, the furniture, the food…”
Material things, Iruka thought. Stuff . But none of that was going to help them next week, when it came down to it. Their bodies and hormones wouldn’t care if they were in a one bedroom apartment with a stack of ration bars or a five-star inn with meticulously prepared meals. “None of that is what really matters,” Iruka said. He turned away and went back to brushing his hair.
“Then tell me, what am I missing?” Kakashi asked, obviously exasperated but not angrily in the least.
So much… Iruka thought. He set his brush down on the dresser and then rummaged through the books he had set on his shelf in untidy stacks after the movers had dropped them off the previous afternoon. There. He found “Mating Preparations From A to O” and opened it to a page he had bookmarked previously. It was a diagram titled “Roadmap to Intimacy,” and there were little squares labeled with actions in four tiers. The first was called “Getting to know you” and included things like holding hands, front-hugs, and kisses on the cheek. The final tier included “Mating bite” and “impregnation.” He handed the book to Kakashi, who took it skeptically.
“What…?” The other man’s eyes widened as he looked over the diagram. “Did you do research on mating ?”
“Yes, because I am taking it seriously!” Iruka said. “But that’s not even the point. Kakashi-san, look at that map! Yesterday Shizune-san said that we need to make some progress towards intimacy before our heat/rut cycle begins next week, but we haven't. We aren’t even in the ‘getting to know you’ stage. We’re not even on the map!” Iruka felt himself trembling with a rising panic.
Kakashi’s brow furrowed, and Iruka knew that his panic must be palpable in the air. Before he could calm down, however, another fear smacked into him–that Kakashi might be so offended by Iruka that his instincts took over and he attacked. No matter what Tenzou had whispered earlier, just before leaving, about his house being only a quarter mile away, a safe space in case he needed to get away from Kakashi in an emergency, Iruka knew that it would be fruitless to try and run. Kakashi was an elite jounin, and Iruka was…a school teacher. Their skill levels didn’t even compare. There would be no escaping if Kakashi really did lose control and try to hurt him.
“Okay,” Kakashi said, his voice low and calm, his eyes sweeping across the diagram curiously. “This is actually really helpful.”
Slowly and still sitting cross-legged, he scooted forward on his bottom to close the distance between them and then offered Iruka his hand, palm up. He wasn’t wearing his gloves, and Iruka could see that his hands were scarred, the palms covered in little tendrilous burn-scars, probably from his lightning techniques that he was famous for. Iruka felt his panic abating. He put his hand in Kakashi’s, and long pale fingers curled up to grip his own tanned ones.
“There. Now we’re on the map,” Kakashi said, smiling.
It was uncanny how different Kakashi’s smile looked when his face was visible. He looked younger, somehow, and brighter. Even with the long scar that cut through his left eye and down most of his face, giving him a dangerous visage, that smile was almost innocent. The panic Iruka had felt only moments before fizzled to nothing, replaced by amazement. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from that handsome smiling face.
Kakashi looked back down at the book. “Do you want to keep going? Would you let me…hmm…kiss your cheek?”
“I…yes,” Iruka said. His eyes locked onto Kakashi’s lips, then flickered upward to his eyes, the scarred sharingan eye closed, the other watching him carefully. Kakashi leaned forward, moving as carefully as a kitten might approach a sleeping dog, until Iruka could feel warm breath, minty from the recent tooth-brushing, on his jaw. Iruka closed his eyes, and then there was the faint brush of warm lips on his cheek, the rasp of stubble, the tiniest hint of moisture. A kiss. Their first kiss, despite having been married for more than a week.
“Two down,” The copy-nin said after they parted. “Should we keep going?”
Iruka didn’t know what to say, what to do. Kakashi almost sounded like he was teasing . Which, couldn’t be the case. It was as if everything he had learned about Kakashi over the past few days had just been…an act? A misunderstanding? Was this the same man who had growled at Iruka for getting angry over his rude words earlier that day?
There was no aggression in his scent, no tension in his shoulders or face. No signs of hormonal imbalance or imminent rut. Iruka felt comfortable, despite his brain telling him he should be scared.
“Yes,” Iruka said. He knew what was next, and his face flushed. He pressed his free hand to the side of his neck before he realized what he was doing. But a hug, while seemingly innocent, would put Kakashi’s face (and mouth) in dangerously close proximity to Iruka’s scent glands. Even if he trusted Kakashi not to outright attack him, any omega would be nervous to let an alpha get so close to their bare neck.
“I won’t,” Kakashi’s hand squeezed Iruka’s. “I won’t until you ask me to.”
But could Iruka trust him?
It wasn’t like he had much of a choice. They needed to make progress here, if they were going to increase their chances of making this work. And a mating-bite was going to happen eventually anyway–Tsunde’s orders. He would take the chance.
Iruka nodded again and withdrew his hand from Kakashi’s. “We should stand up, I think.”
Kakashi stood, and Iruka joined him. They stared awkwardly at each other for a moment before reaching forward at the same time and wrapping their arms around each other’s shoulders. It was the kind of hug that two brothers might share, or a parent and child. It was very getting to know you as far as the “Roadmap to Intimacy” went. But it was progress. At least they were on the map now, instead of flailing helplessly in the margins.
Iruka breathed in a deep oxygenating breath, and with it, the strongest scent of alpha he had ever experienced. He braced himself, but was surprised by how not bad it was. In fact, after spending so much time with Kakashi and sleeping with his scent near his bed for the past two nights, it was slightly familiar. Iruka felt, for the first time since he had been voluntold to marry Kakashi, comforted. Pale hair, soft but textured, tickled Iruka’s nose, and he had the strong, unsettling urge to run his hand through it. He could feel Kakashi’s breath on his neck, strong hands gripping his back, the rhythm of the other man’s beating heart.
“Is this okay?” Kakashi’s voice was a deep rumble against Iruka’s chest. His hands moved slowly down Iruka’s back, and Iruka shivered and gripped his husband’s shoulders more tightly.
“What’s next?” Iruka asked. He had read the book cover to cover, and stared at that roadmap for a long time, but the memory of it had completely left him.
“I want to kiss you,” Kakashi said. “For real this time.”
“Yes,” Iruka agreed. He shifted his grip to Kakashi’s waist and pulled back a little bit. He…wanted to kiss Kakashi too. And not only because it was the prescribed next step. This wasn’t very different from being with any of the other partners he’d had before–at least, when he wasn’t in a heat cycle. Why had he thought it would be so different? Because he hadn’t chosen Kakashi of his own free will?
Iruka closed his eyes and let the alpha take the lead. His hands rested gently on Kakashi’s shoulders, and he was ready to jerk away in case something went wrong. Their lips met in a chaste kiss, gentle and sweet. Stubble once again brushed over Iruka’s face, scratching at his upper lip slightly, the warm breath from the alpha’s nose made it all feel very real.
Then it was over. Kakashi backed up, his whole face red, his hands adjusting his pants where the beginning of an erection was obvious. Iruka opened his eyes and stared. He could smell the alpha arousal rolling off of the other man.
But he wasn’t out of control, not even a little bit. Iruka stared at Kakashi, who was turned towards the wall, flipping through the book. How was this possible? Sure, when rut actually hit him he might be less restrained, but there was absolutely no aggression. “Can I read this?” He asked.
“Of course,” Iruka said. He brought a hand to his lips, as if he could chase the ghost of that kiss back into his mind. “And I have more, if you’re interested.”
It was nice to have an excuse to do something besides stand awkwardly and look at his husband. He shuffled through the books to pull out the rest of the stack he had bought for his research. “Oh,” he pulled one from the pile. It was called “What to Expect When You’re Expecting to Mate,” and had a section specifically about common omega mating behaviors. Iruka flipped to that chapter and doggy-eared the page before handing it over.
“In case you want more information about dens,” Iruka said, his voice a bit dry. The book was geared towards couples who were trying for a baby, but Iruka had grabbed everything he could find with “mate” in the title from the bookstore in his panic as soon as he left the hospital as a newly married man.
“Thank you,” Kakashi said, and he sounded…sincere? There was no mocking or teasing in his tone at all. He seemed more like himself than he had since Iruka had moved in with him three days ago. More like the Kakashi he had interacted with before their marriage, and even at the hospital. Had the intimacy actually worked to calm him? Or was he just becoming more comfortable around Iruka?
Hatake Kakashi was, despite being Iruka’s husband, a very mysterious man.
Chapter 9: He Blinded Me With Science
Notes:
This one is a little bit short, but the next one is a little bit long. We're about to get into the smut starting next chapter too, so um...be warned LOL
Chapter Text
The books were a revelation.
Suddenly, Kakashi knew what was happening. He knew what to expect, and more importantly, he knew why he was feeling the way he was. The only thing he didn’t know was why he hadn’t thought to buy some books about omegas, hormones, and mating.
There were some disadvantages to being a genius–one of them was thinking that he already knew everything he needed to know. If he had been so complacent in his ninja training, he would be dead by now.
He could kiss Iruka with gratitude. Well, he had already kissed Iruka, the night before. It had been Kakashi’s first kiss, and much nicer than he had imagined kissing would be. Maybe when Iruka woke up, he would let Kakashi have a second kiss. The thought was thrilling.
Now, however, Iruka was sleeping soundly on his futon a few feet from Kakashi’s own, on which Kakashi had laid all night reading. He didn’t miss the sleep though. When he wasn’t running missions constantly, he really didn’t need that much rest. Compared to chakra drain, one all-nighter was an absolute breeze. He did consider going to the bathroom and jerking off though, just to calm his nerves. He had never in life jerked off so often as he had since moving in here with Iruka, (except during that horrible first rut, of course) but now he knew that it was merely a symptom of his impending rut due to the lack of hormone blockers. Apparently, an alpha’s libido increased significantly in the week leading up to a natural rut cycle, rather than the sudden switching on of an urgent need to fuck as he had always thought. Again he wondered how he could go so long without knowing any of this.
Asleep on his futon, Iruka looked so soft and vulnerable that Kakashi almost couldn’t stand it. The man lay on his back with one hand on the pillow above his head, the other tucked up against his chest. His hair was down, silky and dark against the creamy cotton of the pillow, and his neck was totally exposed. He really was incredibly attractive. Exactly the kind of man Kakashi would have wanted if he had been looking for a mate. How had he gotten so lucky?
As good as he looked while asleep, Kakashi had to resist the urge to wake him up and talk to him about everything he had learned with his late-night reading. He hadn’t gotten through all of the books, but he had speed-read his way through “What to Expect” and “Mating Preparations from A to O” and skimmed two others.
And…he owed Iruka an apology. He had realized only a few chapters into “What to Expect” that he had been very unfair, and very rude to Iruka about many things.
It was time for honesty. It was time for the conversation that Iruka had been bugging him about since the first day that they moved into this house together.
But first jerking off and a cup of coffee.
*
“Good morning,” Iruka said. “Did you sleep well?”
“I didn’t sleep at all, actually,” Kakashi said. He took another long sip of coffee (it was his second cup) and passed a full hot mug across the table to Iruka. He had already added sugar and cream, and it was now a swirling pale caramel color.
“I’m sorry?” Iruka said, obviously confused both by the coffee and Kakashi’s answer to his inquiry.
“I read the books.”
Iruka’s eyebrows rose over the mug, which obscured the lower half of his face. Unlike the previous days, he was dressed more casually, in just his long-sleeve black shirt and pants, his hair in a tidy ponytail, but without his vest and headband. Ah. It was the weekend. Iruka must only dress out on days that he had school or mission desk duty. This was normally his day off, and even though he was on leave, he still stuck to his routine. Interesting.
“All of them?” Iruka asked.
“Not yet,” Kakashi said. Then he paused. He just needed to get it over with. “I need to apologize.” He pushed his chair back and stood facing Iruka, then bowed, low and formal.
“Iruka-sensei, I’m very sorry for my ignorance, rudeness, and aggressive behaviors, and especially for my insensitivity to the importance of a den. I will do my best to be better in the future by educating myself, monitoring my words, and controlling my actions.”
Iruka looked frozen, as if someone had put him in a shadow-strangle jutsu and he couldn’t move, talk, or blink. The only sign that he had heard Kakashi’s apology was the dusky red color in his cheeks. Kakashi merely waited for his husband to recover, which took half a minute.
“I…thank you. I accept your apology, Kakashi-san,” he said.
Satisfied, Kakashi sat down and continued to drink his coffee, while Iruka continued to stare at him as if he’d suddenly sprouted a rack of antlers.
“Another thing you should know,” Kakashi began, since it was obvious that Iruka wasn’t going to speak first, “I figured out what was triggering my aggressive outbursts,”
“Oh?” Iruka finally seemed to come back to himself, leaning forward with interest.
“Hormonally I’m a very young unmated male alpha who has chosen a partner and is in the beginning stages of a natural rut cycle.”
“Other alphas,” Iruka supplied before Kakashi could finish the explanation. “That explains how you acted around Tsunade-sama, and Tenzou-san.”
“Exactly, as well as a few other instances. Fortunately for you, that means that I’m unlikely to feel the urge to attack you, so long as there aren’t any alphas around keying up my challenge instinct and setting me off.”
“Hmmm.” Iruka took another sip of coffee, his intelligent dark eyes faraway in thought as he processed this information. Then his brow furrowed slightly. “What do you mean, you’re young hormonally?”
Ah. This was where the honesty was going to have to come in. He couldn’t keep his past from Iruka. The only other person who knew who was Tenzou, and only because Kakashi had gone to him for help afterwards. He was quiet for a long time, gathering his thoughts, and his courage.
“You know that I’ve only had one rut. My first one. It happened when I was 18 and returning from a mission alone. I panicked.” Panicked was an understatement. Kakashi had thought, at first, that he was dying. He had never thought much about presenting, and everyone had told him that since he was so late with it, he was most likely a beta anyway, and not to worry.
“I tried to handle it on my own,” he continued, remembering how painful it had been, pumping himself to desperate completion again and again and not feeling any relief, that searing panic that just refused to abate, the fire that seemed to take over, out of control, like a genjutsu that he couldn’t snap out of.
“A civilian man–an alpha–happened upon me and I hurt him badly.” That had been a shit show, and the man had nearly died. Kakashi didn’t feel the need to describe the storm of ninjutsu that he’d unleashed upon an unfamiliar alpha who had managed to interrupt him where he was huddled inside a crappy mud-style walled shelter. A brief interlude of normal thinking allowed him to drop the man off at the nearest hospital before he went back into the forest to finish his rut. He was still haunted by the thought of what might have happened if an unmated omega had stumbled upon him. Kakashi had done a lot of terrible things in his life, but the idea of forcing himself on someone was so repulsive that it made him feel sick to even think about.
“Once I made it back home, I went to the hospital and started on blockers. I was determined to never hurt someone because of it again. I managed to manipulate and lie enough to get my way, and even managed to evade the ‘mated by 20’ rule…until now, anyway.”
Iruka was quiet, holding his coffee close but not sipping it, carefully absorbing Kakashi’s story. Kakashi clenched his jaw, preparing to be scolded about his irresponsible actions, or how much of a menace to society he was, or even just a burst of anger that now Kakashi’s experiences had ruined Iruka’s life. But when Iruka spoke, his voice was gentle.
“So you presented late, and then only had one rut–which ended up with you and someone else getting hurt. It’s no wonder you didn’t want to experience that again. I’m sorry that happened to you.”
Kakashi felt his ears getting warm. He looked down into his mug rather than meeting his husband’s gaze. No one had ever told him that. But then, he’d never really told anyone about what had happened after he’d shown up at Tenzou’s apartment post-rut, half-starved and nearly unconscious. Tenzou hadn’t even presented yet, but he cared for Kakashi the same as he would after any intense mission. Those awful few days of recovery had cemented their relationship, shifting their bond from comrades to brothers. Kakashi had relied on Tenzou ever since.
Iruka continued to sit and drink his coffee for another minute, and then his eyes snapped up to Kakashi again. “Oh my god. Was that your first kiss last night!?”
“Ah…” Honesty. He owed Iruka honesty! “Yes, actually.” He ran a hand through his hair and offered Iruka an embarrassed half-smile.
A hand went to Iruka’s lips, touching them softly with the tips of his fingers, and his eyes were wide. “Oh,” he said. Kakashi didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.
“Well if you’re done eating, we should get back to work.” Kakashi was thinking eagerly of
Stage Two
which involved spooning (clothed), open mouthed kissing, and touching (under clothes). All of which he was very keen to do with Iruka.
“Perfect! We can go shopping, and then start setting up the den.”
“Oh,” Kakashi said. Crap , he thought.
Chapter 10: Don't Stand So Close To Me
Chapter Text
Iruka knew that dragging Kakashi through the village to buy supplies for the den might not be the best idea, considering that they might run into an alpha and set off something unpleasant, but it couldn’t be helped–they needed supplies and Kakashi insisted on going along. As they walked side by side through the village Kakashi stayed much closer to him than usual, and despite his casual posture, there was no ignoring how focused he was on every passing stranger, or how he shifted slightly to put himself between Iruka and people whom Iruka could only assume were alphas.
Beyond those possessive behaviors, Iruka could sense something in the other man’s scent, something stronger than just arousal and aggression. He couldn’t quite identify it, but it made Iruka think that they probably didn’t have another full week like Shizune predicted. They needed to progress through the stages of intimacy and be prepared to share a heat/rut cycle as soon as possible. Iruka could feel his own hormones ramping up as well. The headache, the discharge, the slight ache in his lower belly…he recognized the signs, the same as he always experienced before a heat cycle. He also knew that as soon as Kakashi went into full rut, his own heat, already imminent and without any medications blocking it, would kick into full gear soon after. The stress of knowing that he was going to be sharing his heat with Kakashi, who was not only a hormonal mess, but who had never had a partner before made him almost frantic to get the preparations finished.
The only upside was that they were finally talking. Kakashi confiding his reasons for using the medications for so long was heartbreaking. It was hard to feel so resentful after hearing about that uniquely awful experience. That, and he’d read the books . When Iruka had accused him of not taking things seriously, he hadn’t realized how many of Kakashi’s inflammatory actions had been out of sheer ignorance. He was impressed at how quickly the man took action to rectify the situation, even going as far as to apologize for his lapses. All of that combined did endear the man to Iruka somewhat. Kakashi might be struggling to deal with the unfamiliar onslaught of hormones, but he was trying. He was taking it seriously.
With that in mind, Iruka hurried through their errands. There were no incidents at the bank when Kakashi authorized Iruka to access his accounts, or at the window contractor’s office when Kakashi put in an order to have windows added to the attic, or at the pharmacy where they purchased wet wipes, healing salve, nutritional supplements, painkillers, and snacks. They did pass by the occasional alpha, and Iruka could feel Kakashi tensing beside him, moving his body to stay between Iruka and the offending stranger, his chakra flaring to life, electric and powerful despite his otherwise casual posture and expression. When that happened, Iruka felt helpless. All he could do was try to exhibit as much of a calm presence as possible.
Things were tense but fine until it was time to checkout at the homegoods store. Iruka arranged to have a mattress delivered later that afternoon, and was finishing up paying for the multiple bags of pillows, blankets, towels, and sheets (including practical rubber sheets to protect the new mattress) that things went south.
Iruka noticed immediately that the woman behind them in line was an alpha, and that she, like Kakashi, was close to rut. He could smell it in the powerful musky scent of her, and see it in the fluid, almost predatory movements of her body. He prayed silently that they could finish their transaction and get out of there before there was any altercation but–
“ Back up, ” Kakashi’s voice was a full-on low, rumbling growl. He faced the woman behind them in line, his chakra flaring and his stance battle-ready.
It was terrifying. And not just because Iruka was an omega in the presence of an aggressive alpha. Kakashi was an elite jounin, and the feel of his chakra was enough to scare anyone shitless.
For a moment Iruka was frozen, like he’d suddenly been bound with chakra wire from head to foot and he could do nothing but watch. The offending alpha was obviously surprised by this sudden aggression while she had been doing nothing but shopping innocently. She stepped back, but then her own instincts to stand her ground kicked in and she didn’t flee like a beta or an omega would have in the face of 6 feet of angry copy-nin.
Iruka’s thoughts raced. This could get ugly very fast, and people would definitely get hurt before help could arrive–most likely ANBU, considering Kakashi’s skillset. He shook himself into action. “Kakashi-san,” Iruka kept his voice low and calm and steady, staying nearby but careful not to touch his husband. “No one is threatening us. Please, let’s just finish up here so that we can be on our way. This woman hasn’t done anything inappropriate.” Tension and fear fizzled in the air around them like static electricity. Iruka gave a wide-eyed look at the cashier, still holding their change, and nodded towards the door. She fled. Probably to get help.
Kakashi didn’t look at Iruka. His eyes–both now, when had he opened his sharingan?--were focused only on the alpha woman who had come too close. He didn’t attack, but he didn’t step back either. Iruka needed to change tactics. Maybe he could appeal to this protective outburst in a different way. He lowered his voice and let his scent, close to heat as he was–seep out more than he normally would in public. “Please take me home now, Kakashi,” he said in his softest voice.
It worked. Kakashi’s posture changed from offensive to defensive. He growled at the other alpha low in the back of his throat, a sound that sent a sharp chill of terror down to Iruka’s most primal self. Then strong arms wrapped firmly around Iruka and they were gone, a body-flicker and puff of smoke removing both men from the situation entirely.
When they stopped they were home, standing on the front porch of their house. Iruka dropped the bags he had been carrying and stumbled against Kakashi, his every instinct crying out for him to burrow into his protector’s arms, to seek safety and comfort in his alpha, to fill his nose with his alpha’s scent–and when he did, he felt Kakashi’s arousal, hot and thick, straining through many layers of fabric, pressing firmly against Iruka’s thigh.
Shit.
He’d gotten them out of one confrontation, but by flaring his scent and whimpering a plea for protection, he had made an explicitly sexual advance on an alpha who was about to go into rut.
Iruka wrenched himself out of Kakashi’s arms and held up his hands, but Kakashi only shoved him backwards until Iruka’s back was pressed against the wall, until there was nothing between them but their clothing. The alpha was breathing hard, both of his eyes wide and wild, terrible and sexy and out of control. Iruka needed to play into his role again, this time, to hopefully divert that protectiveness that Kakashi had displayed into something useful.
“The next step,” Iruka said, his voice soft and small, “is touching under clothes. Kakashi, can I touch you?”
Kakashi’s arm, boxing Iruka in, trembled, but he didn’t respond for a long time, his chest expanding and contracting, pressed flush against Iruka.
“No,” Kakashi said, his voice like a ton of gravel slipping down the side of a mountain. “I’m not in control.” He lifted his hand and brushed his fingers gently along the curve of Iruka’s jaw, a tender gesture that was at complete odds with the aggressive, aroused scent he was giving off.
“You are,” Iruka reassured him in his softest voice. “You didn’t hurt anyone. Your hormones and feelings happen to you, but you can control your actions. You have.”
Kakashi’s face, still masked, dipped down to the curve of Iruka’s neck, making the omega tense slightly. There was still the possibility that he was wrong, and that any moment Kakashi would mark him–Kakashi was rubbing his face along Iruka’s scent glands. Not that he wasn’t within his rights to do so. Despite his earlier promise, Tsunade had ordered them–
“Is this alright?” Kakashi asked in a shaky voice, still rough but much more like himself than before.
“Yes,” Iruka whispered. Kakashi, having obtained permission, pulled his mask down and breathed deeply against Iruka’s neck, his bare lips pressing against the sensitive skin. Iruka closed his eyes at the surge of pleasure–and arousal–he felt. When Kakashi’s lips parted and his tongue darted out to taste the heavily-scented skin, Iruka shivered. He could feel Kakashi’s hips rolling slowly against him, the bulge of the alpha’s obvious erection sending a wave of want through Iruka that took him by surprise.
“Please let me help you,” Iruka whispered into the pale silver hair that tickled his face while Kakashi continued to scent him. “I know you won’t hurt me.” It was the truth; Iruka felt safe, protected, and wanted .
“Yes,” Kakashi said.
Iruka didn’t waste any time. He untucked Kakashi’s shirt and popped open the button of his uniform pants even as Kakashi continued to grind slowly against him, his hands delving until he found velvety skin that was hot to the touch. Iruka relished the feel of the long thick shaft, the tip already damp with precum, the base slightly swollen as his knot began to bulge just above the coarse hair where cock met groin. Kakashi tensed, and Iruka worried suddenly that If he jerked Kakashi off right now, the alpha might not be able to help but bite Iruka there, on his neck, marking him and mate-bonding him. The idea filled him with alarm. He wasn’t ready for that. Unless…
“Kakashi, let me use my mouth on you,” Iruka said, his voice as soft and sultry as he could manage. A part of him recognized that they were still standing on the front porch of the house, bags of homegoods items and heat/rut supplies spilled around their feet. It was unlikely that anyone would happen down the path this far towards the edge of the village, but even so, they should make this quick.
“Yes, so I don’t…” he groaned and Iruka gasped as Kakashi’s teeth grazed across the skin just below Iruka’s scent glands. “Hurry,” Kakashi said, withdrawing his face from Iruka’s neck and looking up, baring his own neck and giving Iruka the space he needed. Iruka sank to his knees, pulling Kakashi’s pants down as he went, revealing the full length of his husband’s dripping alpha cock, along with muscular thighs and a perfect, sculpted ass, to the entirety of their front yard and anyone who might pass by. But Iruka didn’t have time to think about what they looked like. He needed that cock, he needed to taste it, to let it fill him somehow, anyhow. Some small part of him recognized that his own arousal and feelings were a reaction to Kakashi’s arousal, to Kakashi scenting him, to the feel of that hard body boxing him in–but then his lips were around the dripping ruddy head of Kakashi’s cock, and the salty taste of alpha was on his tongue, and the why of it didn’t matter at all.
Iruka used both hands to squeeze up and down the length of Kakashi’s cock, which was bigger and longer than any he’d ever had before. Above him Kakashi’s hands were stroking the top of Iruka’s head, sliding through the strands of his ponytail, unimaginably gentle as Iruka laved his tongue along the underside of the head, teased at the weeping slit, and squeezed the sensitive knot. Kakashi’s hips jerked, giving Iruka an unexpected mouthful of cock, but steadied immediately as Kakashi got ahold of himself.
“My knot…” Kakashi gasped, “it’s too much…” Iruka’s gaze flickered up to meet Kakashi’s mismatched eyes, hazy with need, but still trying to restrain himself. Iruka hummed against the head in acknowledgement and moved his hands to stroke the shaft instead, increasing the pace and the friction, his head bobbing to take in more length with each stroke, until he heard Kakashi’s breath hitch and his thighs tighten, his fingers gripping hard in Iruka’s hair–and then cum was flooding his mouth, gagging him, leaking out of the corners of his lips. Iruka swallowed once, then he had to move back, letting the waves of Kakashi’s orgasm spurt across his face, his hair, his neck and shirt.
Damn . When it was over, Iruka could only stay frozen on his knees, absolutely covered in semen, his own pants probably soaked through with slick and his cock as hard as it had ever been in his life. Kakashi was breathing hard, his cock still twitching in Iruka’s hand.
“I’m sorry,” Kakashi’s apology was so anguished that it nearly broke Iruka’s heart. He climbed to his feet, switching his grip to clutch at Kakashi’s hands instead of his cock.
“It’s okay,” Iruka soothed, “We handled it together. That’s what I’m here for.” Iruka wiped one of his hands on his already-filthy vest and then brushed his fingers along Kakashi’s bare jaw.
“You shouldn’t have to…I need to be in control of myself.”
“You are,” Iruka insisted. “Come on, let’s get cleaned up.”
Chapter 11: I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore
Notes:
Hello! Just a quick warning that the intersex Iruka tag is relevant in this chapter and that I use traditionally feminine vocabulary for parts of his anatomy.
Chapter Text
Ever since Kakashi had told the story of his first disastrous rut and subsequent abuse of hormone suppressants, Iruka had assumed that Kakashi’s rut was going to begin first–which was why he was surprised when he woke up the next morning with skin that was feverishly hot to the touch, with an unwelcome but familiar wetness between his thighs, and morning wood that could fuel a forest fire. The needy ache in his belly was so strong he had to resist the urge to shove his fingers up his pussy immediately to try and fill that need that pounded through him…He had to remind himself, like always, that this was just his hormones, and that he would survive without immediate relief and that it was just discomfort and…the scent of alpha nearby drove every other thought from his mind. He had an alpha now. He wanted Kakashi. He needed Kakashi.
Shit!
Iruka wrestled his brain back under control and looked around. Kakashi wasn’t in his futon, which meant he was already up and out somewhere, probably making breakfast or training like he usually did before the sun rose. Had he noticed the change in Iruka? When had he transitioned from pre-heat to heat? Had sucking Kakashi off the day before set this off? He groaned and tried to sit up, but even his pants and blankets shifting against his hard cock made him wince and hiss. He’d known that this was going to start sooner than the week that Shizune had predicted, but…he wasn’t ready yet! There weren’t even windows in their attic den! The workers were supposed to come by today, but if he and Kakashi were occupied, it would be very bad for those workers!
Iruka summoned the rest of his fraying self-control and stood up, trying not to jostle his cock too much. What should he do?? (Besides strip naked and beg Kakashi to fuck him, to knot him and…) He managed to make it as far as the door before he hunched over, shaking with the effort of not succumbing to his urges. He was not going to die if he didn’t touch himself. All the books agreed. It only felt like he was going to die. Shit!
“Excuse me, Kakashi…san,” Iruka called out. He heard a clattering in the kitchen and then Kakashi appeared at the end of the hallway. When he caught sight (and scent) of Iruka, the alpha froze completely, as if he was a stone substitute. If Kakashi hadn’t realized before that Iruka was in heat, he certainly knew now.
Iruka had never seen Kakashi look so much like a predator as he did then, stalking down the corridor towards Iruka. It was the sexiest thing that Iruka had ever seen. He’d gotten a taste of that incredible alpha cock yesterday afternoon and he wanted it again, this time buried deep inside of him, knotting him, filling him with the cum that had been wasted yesterday when it spilled on his vest and face.
When Kakashi finally paused in front of Iruka, not touching him, hardly seeming to breathe at all, Iruka grabbed him by the front of his rough green vest and began undressing the alpha.
“Yesterday I did what you needed,” Iruka said, his voice breathy and earnest. “Now you have to do what I need.”
“Iruka, we–the steps–how–?” Kakashi’s protest died and he didn’t resist as Iruka yanked the vest over the other man’s broad shoulders and threw it to the ground, then began working at his belt and button.
“ Please ,” Iruka said, his whole chest bursting with need. He could smell Kakashi’s arousal, he could feel the bulge of the alpha’s erection through his pants. This was the whole point of their marriage!
“Should we go to the den?” Kakashi asked, his voice rough, his hands stopping Iruka from yanking down the black uniform trousers.
“After,” Iruka gasped. He did his best to refrain, to give Kakashi a moment to think about what was happening, but he was quickly overwhelmed by his desire. He had an alpha, a protector, a husband! Kakashi was here to mate him, and Iruka wanted it. He needed it.
Fortunately, he knew how to get it. Burning inside him, fueled by his desperation and the onslaught of his heat, was an instinct he had never felt before–at least not so strongly. He backed away a few steps until he was in his room, then pulled off the soft shirt he had worn to bed and dropped his pants and underwear to the floor. Then, with Kakashi’s eyes locked onto him, he turned around and knelt on the floor, bending forward until his hands and face were pressed to the floor, his bare ass in the air and his slick-soaked pussy on full display. The head of his cock pressed between his thighs and stomach, wet and sliding against warm skin, adding to his needy pleasure.
He heard the choked gasp from Kakashi, the thunk of his belt pouch hitting the floor, the zip of his fly coming down, and the rustle of fabric. Then two soft footsteps–more of a feeling than a sound–and the wonderful, exhilarating sensation of long fingers caressing his back, inching gently along the scar from the fuuma shuriken. Iruka trembled and bit his lip, and then there was the sweet, sweet relief of Kakashi’s cock prodding into him, slow and uncertain, until Iruka raised his hips slightly and moaned. Then, finally, Iruka was filled . Completely and fully, Kakashi’s bony hips and the brush of coarse hair flush with Iruka’s bottom, perfectly sunken into him.
“ Yes,” Iruka moaned and clenched around the cock inside him, eliciting another gasp from Kakashi. “Fuck me, please, fill me up,” Iruka said, his own voice a desperate parody even though he meant it with every fiber of his being. Kakashi was hesitant, his grip gentle, his movements slow as he edged out. But that wasn’t what Iruka needed.
“Harder!” Iruka wiggled his ass against Kakashi, pushing upwards to facilitate the fucking. Kakashi shifted behind him somehow, settling his knees between Iruka’s spread feet, leaning forward and putting one hand gently on Iruka’s stomach just above his aching, leaking cock.
But before he began to thrust, much to Iruka’s desperate frustration, he spoke.
“Say my name,” Kakashi said. His voice was that familiar low baritone–not a trace of a growl in it at all. The words sent a chill through Iruka.
“ Hatake Kakashi. ” Iruka whispered, so soft that it was almost a whimper. Kakashi thrust into him, hard, sending a shock of pleasure through Iruka’s whole body and causing him to shout.
“Again,” Kakashi said, and again Iruka said it, louder, more confident.
“Hatake Kakashi!”
It was punctuated by another hard thrust, so deep it seemed to touch Iruka’s very center. He reached between his own legs, spreading his knees slightly so that he could grip his cock. “Kakashi! Kakashi! Kakashi!” His voice rose to a keening shout, and Kakashi obligingly fucked him, hard and fast, his hands gripping Iruka around the waist. The alpha grunted as he thrust, the sound of skin slapping against skin and ecstatic moaning filling the room.
“Ka-ka–” Iruka’s words trailed into a wordless, garbled shout as Kakashi continued to pound into him, relentless and wonderful and brutal, until finally Iruka came, cum spilling over his hand and onto the floor. Kakashi didn’t slow down, however. If anything, his thrusts deepened and quickened to a frantic pace, his breath ragged and loud against Iruka’s back, until–
“Iruka!” Kakashi finally reciprocated, grinding out Iruka’s name as his knot engorged, locking them together, his cock spasming inside as wave after wave of cum filled Iruka.
Iruka continued to stroke himself mechanically, almost numbly, clenching hard around the strange fullness of a real alpha knot inside him. It was incredible . He had never in his life felt anything like this. It felt like his whole body was burning and tingling with pleasure, like he was full to bursting with the one thing he needed more than anything in the world. Why had he never done this before? His legs trembled and his hand on his own cock fumbled as he came again, a sob of relief escaping from his throat, his breaths falling from him like bricks, heavy and dense, building him back into a semblance of a person again, instead of just a body with physical needs.
He was aware of Kakashi still kneeling behind him, still gripping his stomach carefully, of the other man’s breath against the sweaty skin of his back.
“How long…until…?” Iruka asked, trying to glance over his shoulder. He shifted his hips experimentally, but then froze at the discomfort and the sudden tensing of Kakashi’s arm around Iruka’s middle.
“I don’t know,” Kakashi said softly, and Iruka remembered, like a fucking idiot, that this was Kakashi’s first time. Shit . This hadn’t been the gentle introduction to intimacy that Iruka had intended. Fucking hormones. And it was only going to get more intense from here on out. Kakashi, from his scent, wasn’t even fully in rut yet.
But he would be soon. Fucking an omega in heat was a surefire way to trigger a rut. The most surefire way.
“Okay,” Iruka said. He was feeling more like himself again, at least temporarily. His heats were generally pretty predictable, a manageable three or four days long. Of course, those had been heats with betas, all of whom were experienced and considerate. Things with Kakashi were bound to be different. And more difficult. He took a deep breath.
Kakashi was still, unnaturally so, as if he was using chakra to control his body.
“Okay,” Iruka said again. He arched his spine slightly and slid his arms under his chin. They needed to make a plan, while they still could. The further into heat Iruka got, the less brain power he would have.
“When we’re able to separate, you send a message to update Shizune on our situation, then to Tenzou to ask him to intercept the window contractors so they don’t burst in.”
“Right,” Kakashi said. He pressed the entirety of his long body against Iruka’s back, his nose against the back of Iruka’s neck, buried in the soft hair there which Iruka hadn’t had a chance to pull into his habitual ponytail. He braced himself with his arms on either side of Iruka’s head, keeping his weight up and off of Iruka, which was thoughtful.
Time seemed to slow, and Iruka focused on his breathing. He tried not to be distracted by the delicious pulsing ache of Kakashi’s knot inside him, or the solid comforting warmth of the man draped on top of him. This might not be an ideal situation, but it felt so good that Iruka had a hard time remembering the downsides. His hormones had fogged his thinking again.
The minutes passed eventually, and finally Iruka felt the easing of Kakashi’s knot and the softening of his cock. Iruka knew that later, when the alpha was in full rut, that the other man would stay hard even when his knot receded, ready to keep going immediately. And his urge to leave a mating bite on Iruka would grow each time they fucked.
Kakashi sighed and pulled out slowly, releasing the cascade of semen and slick to slide down Iruka’s thighs.
Finally, Iruka lifted his upper body from the floor, wincing in discomfort, and turned to face his husband.
The jounin looked…wrecked. His eyes were wide and shocked, his clothes a disheveled mess, and his hands hung limp at his sides, spent cock resting against cum and slick smeared pants. He hadn’t even taken off his shirt, though his headband was gone, leaving pale hair to hang over mismatched eyes.
“Are you okay?” Iruka reached a hand out to the other man, but Kakashi flinched back. “Kakashi?”
“Did I hurt you?” Kakashi asked.
“What!? No, of course not. That was…that was the first wave of my heat. You did great. Thank you.”
Usually it was the alpha’s role to comfort and soothe the omega partner, but…this had been Kakashi’s first time. Iruka offered his hand again, mindless of the mess, and smiled. “Really, you did exactly what you were supposed to.”
Kakashi nodded, but he didn’t take Iruka’s hand. Instead, he stood and pulled his pants up. His face had resumed it’s normal aloof demeanor. When he stepped towards the door, Iruka panicked. His breath caught in his throat and his heart fell to the still-aching need pooling in his belly. He had never had a partner leave him once his heat had started. What if Kakashi didn’t come back!?
“Wait! Where are you going?” Iruka called out.
“To send the messages, like you said.
He had said that, hadn't he? But that didn’t matter now, surely. What mattered was that his alpha stayed with him. “Don’t leave me! Please, can’t you do it here?”
Kakashi looked out into the hallway, then back at Iruka.
“No. I’ll be right back.”
Iruka’s whole body turned shivery and cold. Fuck! He had about an hour before his heat began ramping back up if he was lucky, and his alpha had just left him .
No. Kakashi had gone to take care of important business. Necessary precautions. He was doing what Iruka had asked. There was absolutely no reason to panic about that.
Instead, he rose unsteadily to his feet ( fuck his pussy was sore!) and found a light cotton yukata in his bottom drawer to pull on. He needed to grab some food and water and then towards the ladder to the den before the next wave hit.
Chapter 12: Hungry Like The Wolf
Chapter Text
Kakashi maintained his control until he closed the bedroom door between himself and Iruka, and then he let the trembling take him, his limbs shivering and his breath wheezing out of him.
Yesterday had been bad enough–to know that he had lost control so much that Iruka had been forced to play-act at being a pitiful omega in need of protection just to get him to go home, and then give him a blow-job to keep him from mate-marking him against Iruka’s will–made him feel like absolute scum. And worse, he had enjoyed it . He liked the sound of Iruka gagging on his cock and cum, the sight of the omega filthy with Kakashi’s mess, and the knowledge that the other man had swallowed it. When the blood finally began flowing away from his cock and back to his brain, however, he was horrified, both at his loss of control and by how much he liked it.
It didn’t help that Iruka was patient and polite–almost professionally so–as they cleaned up, cheerfully changing out of his soiled clothes, wiping cum off of his face as if he’d merely had a messy meal, and offering Kakashi a damp washcloth from the sink. It might have been better if he’d been sullen or angry. Kakashi certainly deserved such treatment.
In the face of such kindness and understanding, Kakashi hadn’t been able to say a word, and kept silent through the evening meal, the delivery of the mattress, and Iruka’s scrambling to get the den set up in some mystifying way, arranging sheets and blankets and towels and pillows just so, setting up baskets for their snacks and supplies. It didn’t make any sense to Kakashi, though he obeyed when Iruka told him to rub his scent on certain items. He had never purposefully rubbed his scent on anything, and he had never felt the urge to do so, but under Iruka’s direction, he scented pillows and blankets so that they could be placed in what was apparently a proper way.
And now. Kakashi felt a thousand times worse. He had fucked Iruka, and knotted him, and come inside him. He had done the reading, and he knew that Tenzou had been wrong. It was possible for male omegas to get pregnant. Very unlikely, but definitely possible. He didn’t know about Iruka specifically, of course. It was also possible that Iruka’s particular internal organs weren’t equipped to conceive.
He did know one thing, however. If rut and mating scared the shit out of Kakashi, that was nothing compared to the fear of a baby. He shut down that line of thinking immediately, or else he really would leave Iruka, breaking his promise to his husband and his orders from the Hokage. Instead, he clenched his fist and tried to separate his feelings from the situation and think through what they needed to do, despite the smell of omega and heat that clung to his clothes and skin, following him through the house.
Kakashi staggered out to the kitchen, breakfast still half-cooked on the stove, and summoned Pakkun.
“Hey boss–!!” Pakkun’s round eyes, already so prominent, bugged out even further and he recoiled. “You smell…like you have a mate!”
“Yeah. Not my choice. Go to Shizune and tell her Iruka’s heat’s started. Then get the others and set a guard around the house. Don’t let anyone other than Shizune onto the property, for their own safety, but don’t hurt anyone unless they attack you. Ah, and tell Tenzou too I guess.”
It was difficult to rattle Pakkun, and the old dog had seen quite a lot of strange things from his master over the years, but after these revelations he looked absolutely shellshocked.
“I’m about to have a rut,” Kakashi continued tonelessly. “It’s going to be bad, I may not be in my right mind. Use your discretion.”
“Right,” The little dog said slowly in his gruff voice. “Good luck boss.” He crept forward and licked Kakashi’s toe gently, then trotted off to do his bidding.
“Kakashi?” A soft voice called from behind him, and Kakashi turned to see Iruka standing in the hallway, wrapped in a pale green cotton yukata. His tanned skin shone in the glint of morning sun angling through the open window behind him, and his hair fell in silky dark strands around his face.
“Message sent,” Kakashi managed to say casually, as if his cock wasn’t already half-hard again. As if it didn’t matter that what they were doing was fucked up, as if it wasn’t all Kakashi’s fault that they were in this situation.
Iruka held out a hand towards him, dark eyes wide and worried. It was a heartbreaking look, and the thought that he’d even considered leaving flooded Kakashi with a new kind of guilt. Kakashi hesitated for the shortest moment before he strode towards his husband and took his hand, pulling him in for a kiss, thrusting his tongue into the omega’s waiting mouth, his hands tight against Iruka’s biceps, his groin rubbing against Iruka’s hip. He could feel the warmth rising in him, the desperation.
“You smell amazing,” Iruka gasped. The omega threaded his fingers tightly through Kakashi’s hair, forcing his head aside so that Iruka could bury his face in the scent glands on Kakashi’s neck. “I want your scent all over me, I want your seed inside me, I want…” he was naked underneath the yukata, which wasn’t even tied properly, the length pooling around Iruka’s feet, the front slipping apart to reveal the omega’s throbbing red cock. Iruka took hold of Kakashi’s hand and pulled it towards his groin, but when Kakashi moved to wrap his hand around the omega’s cock, Iruka hissed and lifted one leg, hooking it around Kakashi’s thigh, and pressed Kakashi’s hand down under his his cock and balls, between his legs, to slide between the folds of his pussy. It was slippery with slick. Kakashi pressed a finger up inside and Iruka clenched around him immediately, but that wasn’t what the man seemed to want either. Was he already having another wave? Did he want Kakashi to fuck him again already?
“What do I do?” Kakashi asked.
“Take off your clothes,” Iruka said, but his actions made it impossible since he didn’t let go of Kakashi enough to let him do so.
“Should we go to the den?” Kakashi asked. They were only a few steps away from the ladder that led up to the attic den Iruka had worked so hard on. Kakashi watched carefully as Iruka’s eyes drifted towards the ladder, then locked onto Kakashi.
“You won’t leave me?”
“I won’t leave.” Kakashi said softly. How could he possibly walk away from this? He wanted nothing more than to stay near his omega, to protect him and mark him and fill him with his seed.
Iruka nodded and loosened his grip on Kakashi’s hand, then lowered his leg. The omega shivered, and he looked more like his usual self for a moment, slightly embarrassed and tugging at his yukata to cover himself. It didn’t do much since his cock was still at full attention, tenting the fabric enticingly. He was also still holding Kakashi’s wrist gently. Delicate fingertips lifted the black fabric of Kakashi’s uniform shirt, and then Iruka pressed their slick-covered hands to Kakashi’s bare stomach, feeling along the ridges of his abdominal muscles down to the silver hair visible just above the waistband of Kakashi’s pants.
He was marking Kakashi, the alpha realized after a moment, remembering the (inadequate) reading he had done about what to expect from an omega’s heat. Slick was chock full of pheromones and scent. If an omega was afraid that their alpha was going to leave, they were more likely to try and mark that alpha to both induce rut and to broadcast to anyone their alpha came across that the alpha had claimed them.
“I’m not leaving,” Kakashi said firmly. He pushed Iruka up against the wall and kissed him again, this time hungrily, claiming that mouth for his own. His body trapped Iruka’s sensitive member between them.
Iruka let out a submissive whimper that ignited something inside Kakashi. Was this rut? It had been so long, and he’d been so overwhelmed by everything over the past week and a half…he groaned and loosed his pants, tugging them down and ripping Iruka’s yukata open. He was desperate to fuck again, desperate for release. Iruka squirmed to get his legs open, arching his back against the wall and grasping Kakashi’s shoulders.
“Show me,” Iruka said. “Fill me up again.”
Kakashi obeyed, pulling Iruka’s hips up, until the other man could wrap his knees around Kakashi’s middle, his wet open pussy within reach of Kakashi’s cock. This time there was no hesitation. Kakashi slammed his cock up into the tight wet heat of Iruka’s pussy, a sound almost like a howl building in the back of his throat. Iruka moaned, his fists gripping so tight at Kakashi’s shoulders he would probably leave bruises, but Kakashi didn’t care. There was only his cock, and Iruka’s body there for him to take, only the encouraging moans of an omega driving him to fuck up and into that sweet heat. It was fast, only a few frantic minutes of forceful thrusting, before Kakashi’s howl left him along with the swelling of his knot again, his flood of release. Iruka’s thighs quivered and his cock spurted thin pale strands of cum across Kakashi’s stomach and shirt, and then he was locked in, panting and trying to catch his breath, catch his thoughts but he was still pulsing, again and again, an agonizing pleasure that went on and on as he gripped tight to Iruka. It was several minutes before Kakashi’s head cleared enough to think, and the first clear thought in his head was: what the fuck ?
“Oh my god,” Iruka moaned. His head was lolling against his shoulders. His pussy spasmed around Kakashi’s knot again, knocking all attempts of rational thought away. The omega slumped slightly, but then clung tight to Kakashi’s as the knot tugged at them uncomfortably, gasping and clenching. Shit. As incredible as it felt, Kakashi wasn’t looking forward to holding Iruka up against the wall for the next quarter hour, or however long it lasted this time. He could feel the seeping of his semen filling Iruka yet again, despite how many throbbing spurts he had already released. Biology was so fucked up.
“Can you use chakra right now?” Kakashi asked Iruka.
“I…yes? I think so,” Iruka said. His eyelashes fluttered and he met Kakashi’s gaze. “Why?”
“Can you stick yourself to the wall until the knot goes down?” Kakashi asked.
“Oh!” Iruka looked around in surprise, as if he wasn’t expecting them to be in the hallway of their house, fucking up against the wall. Well, who would? “That’s a good idea…hold on.”
He pulled one hand off of Kakashi’s shoulder and made the seal, then closed his eyes and concentrated much more than a chuunin should have to in order to use wall-walking techniques–but it worked. Kakashi moved his hands under Iruka’s thighs experimentally and found that he didn’t actually have to support Iruka’s weight anymore. It was as if the other man was sitting on the edge of a tall table or low countertop. Iruka sighed.
“This is a shitshow, I’m sorry.” His voice was wry.
“You’re sorry?” Kakashi asked. “This is my fault .”
“What do you mean? You didn’t know that my heat was going to start this morning, ahead of Shizune’s predictions. She–ahhh.” He clenched down on Kakashi’s knot again and shivered, his eyes closing. “You haven’t done anything but what I asked.”
“I meant…” Kakashi couldn’t say it. You wouldn’t have to be mated at all if not for me.
Iruka’s lips turned up into a small smile. “I’m an omega. This is…part of the deal.”
Kakashi didn’t say anything, just leaned in softly to kiss Iruka’s cheek, then he slid his nose back to bury his face in Iruka’s scent glands. It was divine.
“Mmm,” Iruka tilted his head. “I know that Tsunade said–and I know you will mate mark me but…thank you for waiting so far.”
“I promised I wouldn’t until you say I can,” Kakashi murmured against that sweet sweaty skin. Next time they fucked, he wanted to smell this while he spilled his seed. His tongue slipped from between his lips and he tasted the scent glands, an almost drunken haze coming over him. Iruka shuddered against him, fingers stroking the hair at the nape of Kakashi’s neck.
“Does it feel good?” Kakashi asked.
“Y-yes,” Iruka’s voice was tight, like he was trying not to be truthful, but then he sighed deeply and continued in a rush, “All of you feels good. I’ve never had an alpha before, never felt a knot inside me.” He sounded breathless, ecstatic, as if he was confessing something sinful.
“Good,” Kakashi growled, and his gentle lick turned to sucking, “because you’re going to belong to me. I don’t want another man to ever touch you.” This was dangerous and tempting, but Kakashi didn’t feel nearly as wild now as he had before his orgasm.
“Yes,” Iruka agreed. “I don’t want anyone else.”
Kakashi grunted in approval and then withdrew his mouth from Iruka’s neck, falling back into a kiss, tender and exploratory, tongues still learning each other. They kissed until Kakashi’s knot began to shrink, and Iruka was finally able to release his chakra and Kakashi could remove his cock, still half-hard. Iruka kept one arm on Kakashi for stability and tucked the already-soaked yukata between his legs to keep from dripping slick and cum all over the floor.
“You’re in rut already,” Iruka observed, his eyes trained on Kakshi’s cock. Well that hadn’t taken long.
“Here we go,” Kakashi said in agreement. “Should we try to make it to the den before the next round?” He attempted to make his voice sound humorous, but inside he was full of dread. This was only going to get more intense, more messy, and more difficult.
Iruka smiled. “We can do this,” he said with a cheerfulness that Kakashi envied.
He just hoped that his husband was right.
Chapter 13: Lovin’ Touchin’ Squeezin’
Chapter Text
Iruka lay gently down on the mattress in the den, tired already from just the first two rounds of his heat. Part of it was Kakashi’s inexperience–no one would fuck up against a wall during a heat under normal circumstances, especially not an alpha who knew they were going to be knotting their partner. Of course, Iruka hadn’t been thinking straight enough to do anything other than encourage that ridiculous behavior, so he was partly to blame. But as absurd as it was, it felt so, so good.
Now, thankfully, Kakashi was beside him in the little attic, dutifully pulling off his clothes as Iruka requested, exposing acres of pale scarred skin and long limbs. Kakashi was lean, his muscles standing out in cords when he flexed and moved, an elegant strength. Iruka could watch him all day, but he’d rather have him in the den with him and cover him with slick and kiss him and…that was his heat talking again, Iruka could tell. It was harder and harder to focus. Soon he would be begging Kakashi to mate-mark him.
He didn’t even know why he resisted exactly; being mated was an inevitability. It was an order from the Hokage and the driving reason why he’d married Kakashi–to be his mate and stabilize his whacked-out hormones. To save the copy-nin’s life and sanity.
And now that he was in this situation, it was in the best interest of his own survival to encourage Kakashi to mate-mark him–alphas so rarely killed their own mate as for it to be unheard of. (Though injuries from unstable alphas was, unfortunately, a problem.)
So why did he resist? It definitely wasn’t the fear of pain–Iruka was a shinobi and had dealt with much worse than a bite on the neck. It couldn’t really be the fear of commitment–he hadn’t hesitated to fulfill his duty of getting married, which, also having been basically an order from the Hokage, wasn’t exactly something he could change his mind about.
Perhaps it was Kakashi himself that Iruka wasn’t sure about? There was no doubt he wanted Kakashi physically–already he could feel the ache in his belly where his body was beginning to want to be filled again–but he still felt like he didn’t know his husband very well. Kakashi was naturally withdrawn, an enigma of a man who kept himself to himself. The few snippets that Iruka had gleaned–about that first awful rut, about his father’s death–only gave Iruka the vaguest shapes of what was behind the real mask of Hatake Kakashi, elite jounin. Iruka knew nothing about his childhood, or his time in ANBU, or the stories behind the awful nicknames bestowed upon him.
Iruka wondered what Kakashi thought of him, if he liked him or hated him, if he fucked him because he was attacted to Iruka’s body or just because his hormones told him to latch onto the nearest omega and not let go, or merely because he’d been ordered to do so by the Hokage. He wondered if things would change once this heat and rut cycle was over. He wondered if Kakashi wanted to mate-mark Iruka.
But it didn’t matter, in the end, if either of them wanted to be mated. Iruka needed to man up and give his husband permission to do it, for everyone’s sake, and Kakashi needed to accept it and proceed. Iruka was a shinobi before all else, and he was willing to lay down his life for the village. When he had agreed to this arrangement, he had accepted that he meant every aspect of his life, including this.
Iruka made his decision. He pulled Kakashi close against him, laying facing the other man, nestled in the blankets that Iruka had arranged for them, for this.
“When the next wave comes, I want you to fuck me from behind, laying here…” Iruka shifted over and rolled so that his back was to Kakashi’s front. He lifted one leg and leaned forward slightly to demonstrate the angle. “Like this…”
Kakashi nodded, one pale hand sliding up Iruka’s flank. “Alright,” Kakashi said.
Iruka bit his lip and turned back to face his husband. “And don’t worry about holding back. I’m–I’m ready for you to mate-mark me.”
Kakashi’s eyebrows rose and his eyes–both of them–widened. It was an intense thing, to be seen so fully by those bright mismatched eyes, without the usual fall of silvery hair or cocked-down headband hiding half of that gaze.
“Are you sure? This isn’t just the heat making you say this?”
“Avoiding it won’t change our situation,” Iruka said. “So we might as well get it over with.” He was trying for cheerful encouragement, but by the way Kakashi’s pale brows furrowed he knew he’d only managed grudging consent. Warm fingers brushed against Iruka’s neck, skimming over the place where a mate-mark would go.
“I’m not going to hurt you. I’m only aggressive towards other alphas,” Kakashi said. “And…the rut doesn’t make me incapable of controlling myself.”
Iruka’s laugh was more from surprise than humor. “You’ve only had one rut,” he said. “And never with an omega. This one has barely begun and Shizune said that this was going to be rough…You have no idea how much control you’ll have over yourself.”
“I won’t hurt you,” Kakashi insisted. “I swear. And I won’t bite you unless you ask.”
Iruka shook his head. “That’s the other thing. By this time tomorrow my heat will have me begging you to bite me and impregnate me, and your body will be telling you that it’s the best idea in the world. I can’t ask you to try and fight against that.”
“Iruka…” Kakashi’s body froze, and his voice matched, icy with fear.
“What?”
“Are you able to get pregnant?”
What a weird question, Iruka thought, blinking. “Hm? Well technically I could, I guess. I have the right parts in there…but only during heat, and only with an alpha who…” realization dawned with a sickening chill in Iruka’s gut. “Oh my god. Are you fertile ?” Forget a mating bite–if Kakashi hadn’t had the standard surgery to render his sperm inert…
“I don’t know,” Kakashi said in a panicked voice. “How would I know?”
…which he probably hadn’t, since he’d gone so long without checking in with a doctor or having regular ruts. Iruka closed his eyes and breathed.
“It’s very, very unlikely. Especially since you’ve been blocking for so long, and I’m a male omega.”
“I didn’t know,” Kakashi said, anguish in his voice. “I don’t want a baby,”
“What, never?” Iruka asked. It wasn’t something he had thought about extensively, and now would be a very bad time for such a thing, but a fantasy about having a baby of his own had definitely crossed his mind from time to time–though generally he imagined adopting the baby, not…gestating it.
Kakashi was quiet, his eyes hazy and far away. “No.”
But then he looked back at Iruka, and he flushed as if embarrassed. “I’m sorry.”
Iruka swallowed. It took a moment to banish the fleeting image of a little silver-haired child with a ponytail from his thoughts. “Whatever happens,” he managed to smile, though it was entirely fake, “We’ll deal with it. Let’s just get through this heat/rut cycle and see…after we’re mate-bonded…”
Kakashi rolled onto his back and away from Iruka slightly. “I won’t.”
“It’s alright. I was just being stubborn, earlier,” Iruka said.
“I like when you’re stubborn,” Kakashi said. He put his hands up to rest behind his head and breathed deeply. “It’s cute.”
“It is not,” Iruka snorted. In this position he was staring right into Kakashi’s armpit, so he leaned in and stuck his nose in the pale hairs there, which were surprisingly soft and smelled deliciously of his mate as he had hoped.
Ah. There it was. He had only thought of Kakashi as his husband, before, not his mate. But the heat, and the closeness, and the knotting were changing his perception of the other man. And this wasn’t the worst of it yet. He would be begging for a mate-mark before too long.
Kakashi flinched away and tried to hide a laugh–was Kakashi ticklish? Iruka tried again to rub his face in Kakashi’s armpit, only to find his face squashed between a bulging bicep and a very toned pec–but was also rewarded by a real, genuine laugh from Kakashi.
“I would never have guessed that an elite shinobi would have such a weakness,” Iruka said when Kakashi let him go. His husband’s face was red and his eyes were closed, his arms crossed over his chest tightly.
“I don’t,” Kakashi lied blatantly. “I just don’t like…that.”
“Hmm…” Iruka trailed his fingertips down Kakashi’s stomach lightly and was appeased by the shiver that overtook the alpha. “Do you like this?”
“Ah.” Kakashi closed his eyes. His voice was growing rough. “Lower, please.”
“Oh.” It had been almost an hour since they’d fucked up against the wall and Kakashi’s cock, which had never gone completely flaccid, was perking up towards arousal. The next wave was imminent, then.
Iruka had seen the alpha’s cock intimately while blowing Kakashi yesterday, and had felt it even more intimately when it had been buried inside him, but somehow this was different. The sight of it free and unencumbered by pants or underwear in the diluted light of the cozy den was incredible. It burst majestically upward, curving slightly towards Kakashi’s stomach. The ruddy skin contrasted starkly with the milky paleness of the rest of Kakashi’s skin, except for the occasional mole and a few sprinkles of dark freckles on his hip and the tops of his thighs. Iruka wondered briefly if anyone else had ever seen these particular marks, or if he was the first one besides Kakashi himself to observe them. Iruka was surprised but delighted by the freckles, and the pale hair that curled, almost invisible, on Kakashi’s chest as well. Who else in the world would know such things about the infamous copy-nin?
He let his fingertips graze the soft skin of Kakashi’s shaft, eliciting a groan from the alpha. It was quite big (though not the monster that he had feared it might be) with the telltale roundness at the root of the shaft where his knot would swell up during orgasm. Iruka’s gaze went even lower, inspecting Kakashi’s balls. They were surprisingly big–much larger than Iruka’s or any of the beta men Iruka had been with. He’d heard that alpha’s testes swelled during rut. Perhaps they were smaller normally. Iruka cupped them experimentally, which made Kakashi flinch again slightly, though not in that reflexive ticklish way.
“Is this okay?” Iruka asked.
“Yeah,” Kakashi said, his voice rough.
Iruka squeezed gently, and Kakashi’s lips parted. Interesting. His own cock twitched against his legs and a trickle of slick wet his thighs. Suddenly his plan of having Kakashi fuck him from behind so that they could possibly get some sleep afterwards seemed unimportant. Iruka hooked a leg over Kakashi’s thigh and sat up so that he was straddling the other man’s legs. Kakashi watched curiously but didn’t move his hands from behind his head.
Yes , Iruka thought, this is right . He spread his knees so that his slick could rub across those pale thighs, sliding down until he could bend forward to suck on the wrinkled skin of those swollen balls. Kakashi tensed, his cock twitching just above Iruka’s face. The smell and taste of alpha was so overwhelming, Iruka couldn’t help but let out a soft moan. This was good, but his pussy ached to be filled, needed the alpha cock inside him.
“Iruka.” Kakashi’s teeth were gritted, and his hands moved down to clench in the blanket beneath them. “Please.”
It didn’t take any more prodding for Iruka to get to the fucking again. He would have time to taste that cock later, after he was good and full, after he belonged to his alpha completely. He climbed back up Kakashi’s body on his hands and knees until his face was above Kakashi’s.
“You want to fuck me?” Iruka asked. “You have a lot to learn about being with an omega, Kakashi.”
“Show me,” Kakashi ground out. He lifted his head to kiss Iruka again, his lips relentless and his tongue intrusive, but it didn’t last long. It wasn’t what they needed.
Iruka sunk down onto Kakashi’s cock, closing his eyes and sighing at the feeling as he sat back, taking the entire length in so far that it pressed just so inside him, lighting every nerve in his body with pleasure. He clenched around the wonderful fullness and rocked backwards and forwards, creating a slight friction deep inside himself. Kakashi’s hips tried to buck, but he was trapped under Iruka, unable to get any momentum.
“Touch my cock,” Iruka demanded, still rocking back and forth, the head of Kakashi’s cock pressing impossibly deep into him. Kakashi’s hand wrapped around Iruka’s shaft, his large hand covering most of the very average-sized member, and Iruka had to remember to breathe. He gripped hard at Kakashi’s thighs, arching his back and squeezing his pussy around the thickness of his husband’s cock. Kakashi’s hand stroked, slow and gentle at first, but quicker and harder as he went along, responding to the clenching and tensing of Iruka’s body. Fucking genius…!
Iruka came with a shout, his release spraying across Kakashi’s hand and chest, his insides spasming with his orgasm again and again. Before he could catch his breath, however, Kakashi withdrew and rolled them onto the side as Iruka had instructed before this surprise riding session, laying behind Iruka, his chest against the omega’s back His firm grip moved to Iruka’s hips and he began to thrust, quick and shallow. Iruka was so over the edge that he couldn’t even protest, one of his hands continuing to squeeze the last drops of cum from his cock as other gripped Kakashi’s forearm, nails digging little red crescents into the skin–and then the knot again, and the flood of hot cum inside him, filling him up, the ache and the relief.
“Kakashi, fuck, oh fuck,” Iruka’s words were garbled nonsense, “Do it, bite me, fuck me, do it .”
Iruka felt the hot breath of his alpha against his neck, but no bite.
“Do it!” Iruka insisted. Teeth grazed skin, lips pressed against the sensitive flesh, and then that hot mouth moved down to Iruka’s shoulder and bit down hard, breaking skin but not mate-marking him.
Iruka came again, involuntarily responding to the intense stimulus, crying out in pain and anger as the orgasm gripped him. “Fucking do it!” he panted. He reached back behind him, grabbed a fistful of silver hair, and then yanked it towards the back of his neck. There was nowhere for Kakashi to go, nothing else for him to do but give in.
Kakashi merely wrenched Iruka’s hand down, trapping it against his chest, heedless of the clump of silver hair that came out along with it. Iruka could feel his alpha’s breath there, against his scent glands, and the low rumble of a growl in his chest, pressed up against Iruka’s back.
“No,” Kakashi said firmly, as if he were telling himself just as much as Iruka.
A thought occurred to Iruka, and as soon as he thought of it, he couldn’t keep it inside. It was too painful, too useful not to voice, and a part of him really did worry that this was the truth:
“Is it me?” Iruka’s eyes watered at the thought of such a rejection, vulnerable as he was in his heat, needy and completely at the mercy of a superior shinobi, his husband and alpha. “Am I not good enough to be your mate?”
Now that the thought was in his head an awful dread filled him, and he knew that it was true. He was just a placeholder, someone to get the famous copy-nin under control until he could find someone better, just a warm pussy to fuck, an interchangeable part in the machine of the village.
“I’m the one who’s not good enough,” Kakashi said softly. He kissed Iruka’s neck gently, collapsing Iruka’s insecurities like a wave crashing over a sand castle.
And then the copy-nin wrapped his arms around Iruka and held him, really held him, as if he loved him. As if not mate-marking him was not a rejection, but a sign of something deeper. Iruka clung to the embrace, his shoulders shaking and tears running down his cheeks and Kakashi held him like a lover until sleep claimed him.
Chapter 14: Stuck In The Middle With You
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
The heat/rut cycle lasted for four and half days.
And it was indeed difficult.
Not because of Iruka, whose heat followed the familiar pattern he’d experienced each year since he’d presented. The waves of urgent need waxed and waned every few hours, with a longer stretch in the early hours of the morning when he would usually sleep, peaking on the second day with waves that were more intense and frequent than any other day.
But for Kakashi, the rut was almost constant, his cock only softening briefly before he began to get restless and antsy for more stimulation. Iruka could see how trying to handle something like that alone could break a person. The look on the other man’s face when he’d attempted to take care of it himself so that Iruka could sleep almost broke Iruka’s heart. To see someone so strong and seemingly infallible crack like that was humbling. He wondered how many people had ever truly seen the humanity beneath the legend that was Hatake Kakashi. So even when it was difficult and unpleasant, Iruka did his best to put Kakashi’s needs ahead of his own.
Iruka knew that the waves of his heat were waning when the stink of sex and the mess in the den started to feel gross instead of intoxicating and a pang of hunger tore through his stomach. He had let Kakashi venture downstairs to grab the basket of ration bars that hadn’t made it up to the den during the hasty preparation, his heart pounding with unfounded fear the entire time, worried that his mate wouldn’t return and he’d be alone forever.
Well. Not his mate. Iruka had spread his legs over and over and over, they had each orgasmed more times than he could count, and never again did Kakashi even come close to biting his neck than on that first day. The man had kept his damned promise.
It was confounding !
Iruka had begged for a mating bite, as he had told Kakashi he would. But that wasn’t even the worst of it. He’d said so many horrifically embarrassing things that he had never uttered before when he’d shared his heat with various betas. Things that made him want to never look at his husband again. Considering that at the worst of it, he insisted that Kakshi’s cum was magic pregnancy juice and that he hoped that they would have five pups together, it was a wonder that Kakashi hadn’t pulled out right then and run for the hills.
By the end of the fourth day Kakashi’s rut was finally waning too. Iruka’s pussy had gotten too sore for knotting near the end of the third day, so they had alternated sex with thigh-fucking and blow jobs until Iruka felt up for more.
“Fuck, I’m…” Kakashi gasped and groaned behind Iruka, his knot swelling yet again, his thighs trembling from exhaustion, his hands planted on Iruka’s hips. Iruka arched into it and hoped (not for the first time) that this would be the last time. His own orgasm was lackluster and unexpected, his cum only a few dribbles accompanied by a flash of satisfaction deep inside him, broadening to a general contentment as the knot stretched him.
Iruka felt Kakashi’s weight settle gently on his back, his limbs heavy with fatigue. Iruka pillowed his face on his arms and closed his eyes. The scruff of Kakashi’s almost-five-day beard growth was rough and ticklish against his shoulder blades. (Iruka’s own stubble grew more slowly, and even in his mid-twenties was still patchy and unattractive.)
The knot dwindled after only a few minutes, another sign that this ordeal was almost over, and Kakashi fell heavily onto the mattress beside Iruka, his eyes closed. There were dark circles under his eyes and his breathing was fast and shallow.
“How are you feeling?” Iruka asked softly.
“Like shit,” Kakashi admitted wryly.
Iruka pressed up against the alpha, nuzzling at his neck and sliding his arms around Kakashi’s waist. He couldn’t help but still want to be near, to want the reassurance of having his alpha close after an experience like that.
“I think it’s almost over,” Iruka reassured him. He brushed some silvery hair out of Kakashi’s bleary half-closed eyes. “I know I said some strange things while we were…you know…and I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine,” Kakashi said. His breathing was slowing down, and Iruka could tell that he was edging towards sleep, finally. That last orgasm must have been the final dregs of his rut. “Thank you for doing this.”
“You don’t have to thank me. I’m your husband. This is what I signed up for.”
“Ah, right,” Kakashi said. He closed his eyes and turned his face away from Iruka slightly. He looked sad somehow, but perhaps it was a trick of how tired the alpha was.
“Kakashi?” Iruka asked, his voice calm and soft before he made a request.
“Yeah,” Kakashi’s voice was slurred. He really was on the edge of sleep.
“Don’t leave? I mean, for a few days. I need…um…it’s hard to be alone suddenly after something like this.”
“It’s hard to be alone any time,” Kakashi mumbled without opening his eyes. He slung an arm across Iruka’s shoulders.
And then he was asleep, his arm a heavy dead-weight on Iruka, his breathing and heart rate slower than they had been in days.
It was over.
*
After a few hours of sleep they made their way downstairs to shower, swallow some painkillers, and dress in comfy clothes. Iruka heated up a frozen meal for each of them, which he ate with gusto and Kakashi ate mechanically, then they curled up in Kakashi’s futon since Iruka’s was still messy from that first morning of his heat.
Even after a searing hot shower and some healing salve, Iruka’s whole backside ached in the familiar way it always did after a heat cycle. He also felt more clingy than he ever had after a heat before. Usually his partner stuck around for a day to help clean up and make sure he was alright, but they didn’t usually sleep curled in each other’s arms, legs twined together, faces buried in each other’s necks. None of his heats had ever been as intense as this one either, though.
They slept tangled together for a good long while, until finally Kakashi’s stirring woke Iruka. The sunlight seeping in around the edge of the curtain was bright. He heard a knock at the door–that must have been what woke Kakashi.
“Hey boss,” Pakkun’s gruff voice brought Iruka the rest of the way to wakefulness. “Tenzou-san is here, and Shizune-san isn’t far off. I let them know when the mating was over. They’ve been worried.”
“Thanks,” Kakashi said. He dismissed the ninken and then looked over at Iruka. “Can I leave you now?”
Iruka’s heart nearly stopped for a moment, until Kakashi continued, “I should get dressed and talk to Tenzou.”
“Oh, sure.” Iruka wasn’t feeling nearly so clingy after resting and cuddling all night, or day, or however long it had been. He was hungry again, and he needed to start the cleaning and laundry...
Kakashi nodded, and then he was gone. Iruka felt the separation keenly, but it was manageable. He couldn’t really expect Kakashi to let Iruka cling to him like a wart forever.
It wasn’t like they were mates, anyway. Iruka dragged himself out of bed with a wince at the soreness in his limbs and nethers, then followed suit in getting dressed so that they could greet their guests.
*
When Iruka ambled out of his bedroom Kakashi and their guests were seated at the low table around a pot of tea. Kakashi was dressed in his jounin uniform and looked unfairly normal considering how intense the last few days had been. Iruka’s own face in the mirror had looked haggard, as if he’d been ill for the past several days.
“How do you feel, Iruka-sensei?” Shizune asked kindly when Iruka entered, her face a gentle smile. Tenzou, beside her, looked relieved, as if he hadn’t expected Iruka to emerge at all, much less in one piece.
“Fine, thank you,” Iruka said. He accepted a cup of tea from the man and sat gingerly beside his husband, who didn’t so much as look at him.
“Is there anything that I should convey to Tsunade for my report? I’ll bring her a blood sample so that she can analyze your hormones, Kakashi-san, but how are you feeling?”
“Almost back to normal,” Kakashi said with a careless shrug. “The sooner she can clear me to resume missions the better.”
“I thought you were allotted 6 weeks of family leave, senpai,” Tenzou said with a severe frown. “You should take advantage of it,”
“I’m sure Iruka-sensei would rather get back to teaching sooner rather than later, eh Sensei?”
Iruka was caught off guard by Kakashi’s indifferent tone and teasing treatment of him. Had they not been cuddling and intimate only half an hour ago? Was this the same man who had nuzzled against him and reassured Iruka that he wasn’t going to leave?
“I–suppose,” he said, unable to hide his frown.
“Don’t be in a hurry, Kakashi-san,” Shizune said in her calming way. “There is an adjustment period after becoming mates. It’s good that you got through your first cycle together, but…” she trailed off, glancing from Kakashi to Iruka and back again, as if puzzled. Iruka merely took a deep drink of his scalding tea and tried to appear nonchalant while Kakashi took a keen interest in the ceiling. There was an awkward silence as the two guests caught on.
“Senpai!” Tenzou’s exasperation was as deep as a ravine. “You didn’t do…the thing ?” He stuttered through the insinuation, obviously too embarrassed to say the words “mating bite”, as if they were taboo. Or maybe the words were only taboo around Kakashi.
“He didn’t want me to,” Kakashi said with yet another, somehow infuriating, shrug.
“I did so!” Iruka said. “I thought it through on that first day! When I told you to lay down and enter from behind I told you to do it! And you were the one who refused!”
Tenzou spewed tea across the table at that announcement, his face like a sunset, but Iruka ignored him.
“I wasn’t going to do it while you were out of your mind,” Kakashi drawled.
“I wasn’t out of my mind,” Iruka argued. He slammed his tea mug down on the table, his own face growing hot and red and flustered. “I decided that it wasn’t worth the risk, and that doing my duty was more important than my personal desires–”
“You seemed to desire me well enough,” Kakashi muttered in an absolute asshole move, as if he weren’t the one who had just accused Iruka of being too out of his mind to think clearly.
“Gentlemen,” Shizune’s voice cut across the argument like a commander on a battlefield. “Whatever the reason for avoiding it, I’ll remind you that Tsunade-sama will most likely not let either of you resume your duties until you’ve been mated and Kakashi-san’s hormones are stable.”
Iruka shot daggers at Kakashi, who didn’t react to that statement at all.
“Speaking of which, Kakashi-san, I’ll need a blood sample from you, unless you’d prefer to go to the hospital with me?”
“Sure I’ll go,” Kakashi said. He climbed to his feet and put his hands in his pockets.
“Senpai…” Tenzou’s tone was worried. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay with Iruka-sensei?”
“He’s fine,” Kakashi said. “Right Iruka-sensei?”
Iruka could tell that Tenzou wasn’t happy with Kakashi. He exchanged a look with Iruka, then sat back slightly, his posture shifting to something mirroring Kakashi’s own. It wasn’t subtle at all.
“Well if you go, then I could stay, I suppose. Would you like some help here, Iruka-sensei? I’m sure Naomi won’t mind if I hang out for a little while.” Tenzou said with a lilting tease in his voice.
The response was immediate. Kakashi’s entire body stiffened and his chakra flared. He might be able to act casual, but the possessiveness wasn’t completely flushed from his system. Iruka’s eyes widened at the blatant baiting. Did Tenzou not know how insanely powerful Kakashi was? Or did he know and just not care?
“That’s not necessary,” Iruka said with as much politeness as he could muster. “But thank you for being a considerate friend.”
Tenzou’s eyes flickered up and down Iruka’s body. “Maybe I can bring you some dinner later? If senpai is going to be gone, someone should take care of you.”
Iruka knew exactly what the man was doing, and he didn’t like it one bit. Not only was it patronizing to insinuate that Iruka needed taking care of, but he must know how angry that would make Kakashi! And even though Kakashi was indeed acting like a massive asshole, Iruka really didn’t want to deal with an aggressive alpha right now when he was exhausted from a very difficult heat.
Kakashi, predictably, growled and took a step towards Tenzou, but nothing more. For a moment Iruka was tempted to play along, despite how distasteful the entire thing was. It would serve Kakashi right for his rudeness. But before he could respond, Shizune let out a long sigh.
“We get it, Tenzou-san, please stop baiting him. He’s obviously not stable enough to be out in the world unsupervised. Kakashi-san, sit down and roll up your sleeve so I can take a vial of blood.” She pulled some medical equipment out of her belt pouch and moved around to sit beside Kakashi and prepare to draw blood. Kakashi gave Tenzou one last surly glare then obeyed the medic-nin, rolling up his sleeve and holding out his forearm to her.
“My apologies, Iruka-sensei,” Tenzou said, back to his usual polite tone of voice. “I know you’re a very capable shinobi and can take care of yourself. Please forgive me.”
“Oh,” Iruka was taken aback by the quick change in the other man. It was as if he’d flipped a switch and was back to being respectful and friendly. “Of course.”
At that, Kakashi growled wildly and lunged across the table towards Tenzou, but Shizune still had the needle stuck in his arm. She caught him in an elbow lock and slammed his head into the table. “Stop acting like an idiot!” the medic-nin shouted. She didn’t let him up until she was finished drawing blood, and even then she kept a wary eye on him.
“You’re obviously not stable,” she griped. “This is ridiculous! You both need to start acting like the grown men you are and not immature pre-genin with schoolyard drama.”
“It’s all him,” Iruka said sharply, glaring at Kakashi. “I gave my free consent and you still refused to respect it.”
“Fine!” Kakashi wrenched his arm out of Shizune’s grasp and turned towards Iruka, that dark eye glittering dangerously. Iruka wasn’t sure if it was panic or arousal coursing through him at the sight of Kakashi– his alpha –looking at him like that, but he didn’t resist when Kakashi put his hands on Iruka’s shoulders.
Tenzou shouted in alarm, realizing at the same time as Iruka what Kakashi intended to do, but by the time they realized, Kakashi’s mouth was already on Iruka’s neck, his teeth closing over the delicate, sensitive skin of his scent glands. Kakashi bit down hard and Iruka felt a flash of pain and a thrill of pleasure blurring his thoughts. Kakashi’s weight pushed him down backwards onto the floor, Kakashi’s body covering him, legs straddling Iruka’s waist.
“What the fuck!” Shizune was shouting, but there was only a pleasant sort of buzzing in Iruka’s head.
When Kakashi’s mouth covered his own in a forceful kiss, the taste of Iruka’s own blood was on his tongue.
That was it. That was the mating-bite.
Iruka belonged to Hatake Kakashi now and for the rest of his life.
Notes:
Thank you all so much for the comments and kudos! I'm so happy that people are enjoying this story! I updated the chapter count because I actually miscounted my chapters...and didn't notice for over a month >_< There are a total of 19 plus the epilogue, so 20 total! :D And as always thanks to my beta reader princessbuttercup for helping polishing these chapters.
***Edit 12/14/23
Hello! Popping in to let ya'll know that Author FrenchToastCrunch has written an alternate (angsty!) ending that jumps off from the end of this chapter. If you're interested in it, you can read it here!
Chapter 15: I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
Chapter Text
Kakashi knew that he had fucked up, so over the next few days he did laundry as a form of penance. He hauled sheets and blankets and pillows down from the attic and shoved the crusty fabric into the washing machine with probably way too much soap, loitered nearby with a book until the machine stopped spinning, and then went out and hung them to dry before going back up and getting another load of things to wash.
Iruka still wasn’t speaking to him. It had been two days since the disastrous visit from Shizune and Tenzou, and though they cuddled up together in the same futon in Iruka’s room each night they spent the days as far apart as they could bear.
It wasn’t, Kakashi knew, the mating-bite itself that had made Iruka so irate, but the immature performance of it, losing control in front of their guests, reducing an intimate act to something obscene, something delivered out of frustration instead of love.
He could hardly believe that he had done it at all, and shame flooded his face when he remembered the stunned looks on his friend’s faces, the tears and betrayal in Iruka’s eyes when he emerged from his haze, hand clasped to the bleeding wound. Shizune had ushered Iruka away and Tenzou hauled Kakashi by the back of his flak jacket out into the yard behind the house, shaking him like a disobedient child, and Kakashi let him. He’d stood silent and bristling while Tenzou told him off for acting so inappropriately, and then accused Kakashi of trying to ruin his own life, and then finally Tenzou rubbed a hand through his chestnut hair and apologized.
“I’m sorry for goading you,” Tenzou’s voice was frayed. “Tsunade-sama told me to test you and see how in control of yourself you are. You know she won’t let you go on missions until you can deal with the jealousy and possessiveness. It’s normal to feel like this after…you know. But hopefully in a few weeks you’ll start to feel like yourself again. I know I did, when…you know.”
Tenzou’s face turned pink, the flush spreading across his face like a very rapid sunburn. Tenzou had always been shy about this sort of personal stuff, despite their close friendship. He was younger than Kakashi, and had only been married for two years. He’d also presented late, which Kakashi thought that perhaps it was a side effect of the experiments that had been done to him. Kakashi had never noticed a difference between the young man that Kakashi had worked with in ANBU for so many years and Tenzou as he was now. How had he managed to stay so steady through all of this shit?
“Do you take blockers?” Kakashi asked.
If Tenzou was pink before, now he was strawberry. “Senpai–that’s–”
Kakashi wondered if he was going to answer. It was a personal question, yes, but Tenzou had just seen Kakashi mate-bite his husband live and up close. There wasn’t much more personal than that.
“No,” Tenzou said finally. “I never did, and Naomi prefers that I don’t. I’ve just learned to control my scent, and we were taught in Root to suppress our emotions as well. It helps with…this sort of thing.”
His arms were crossed over his chest, his gaze downcast. Root. If the experiments hadn’t delayed Tenzou presenting, then Root might have been the reason.
They were both silent for a few minutes, then Tenzou cleared his throat and looked back up at Kakashi, who stood with his hands in his pockets as if he was merely bored, but was thinking through things furiously.
“It gets easier,” Tenzou said softly. “But you have to compromise. You have to let him in.”
“He doesn’t want that. We’re both only here because we were ordered by the Hokage,” Kakashi said, but he knew that it was more complicated than that. There had been tenderness between them during their heat/rut cycle. There had been the beginning of something afterwards as well. But Kakashi had gone and fucked it up, first by trying to act like his usual careless self, then by overreacting to Tenzou giving Iruka a compliment of all things.
Tenzou shook his head, and there was pity in his gaze that Kakashi didn’t want to deal with. He shunshined away, off to the training grounds at the edge of the property.
He’d only stayed at the training grounds until Shizune and Tenzou left, then crept back to the house to be near Iruka. It was as if he were tethered to the other man, and being away from him was acutely uncomfortable.
But despite Tenzou’s admonishments and his own feelings of guilt, Kakashi only felt the true depth of how much he’d messed up when he saw that Iruka was crying, his face like stone but wet with sorrow, his knees tucked up under his chin. When he noticed Kakashi, he stood and walked away without a word.
So Kakashi had to work cleaning up the filthy sex room, and now he was waiting for the sheets to finish spinning, his worn copy of Icha-Icha Paradise in one hand while he leaned against the wall beside the washer.
And in the other hand, tucked into his palm, was a pill.
A hormone blocking pill.
He’d found what was left of the bottle that he’d bought a few months ago while cleaning up. Of course he had obediently stopped taking them at the Hokage’s command since the day of his wedding, but now that he was mated, who would know if he just…started taking them again?
Kakashi wanted to take it. He wanted to feel normal again, to go back to doing missions. To be away from the ghosts of this house and the awkwardness of wanting Iruka so badly. He didn’t even want to feel this way about Iruka, but the man had wormed his way into Kakashi’ soul somehow.
Even though he knew that Iruka had only married him out of duty and helped him through his rut out of pity, he had thought there was real tenderness in the omega’s eyes at one time.
Before Kakashi had ruined it with his stupid fucking alpha hormones.
You have to let him in, Tenzou had said that day. But Kakashi didn’t know how.
He pocketed the pill.
*
Kakashi should have expected Tsunade to show up — it was a wonder she waited as long as she did to visit, really. When she arrived she burst in like a fire jutsu and then, for the second time in his life, the fifth Hokage was in his face slapping a pile of papers down in front of him. She was looking at him as if she knew all of the unpleasant things he was thinking about her at that moment, and she smelled like alpha, sharp and burning and powerful.
“Your hormones are still way too elevated,” Tsunade said. Her voice was remarkably calm considering how flushed and angry her face was. Kakashi kept his own face neutral and made a poor attempt to control his scent as well. He could have told her that without Shizune’s blood test. He still felt unbalanced and not at all like his usual self. He hadn’t taken the pill, but he hadn’t gotten rid of his stash either.
Iruka, sitting dutifully beside him, winced as if it was his fault that the results were subpar, his gaze downcast and his hands twisting in his lap.
“We’ve done everything you asked,” Kakashi said. Iruka’s response made him defensive. He disliked having Tsunade, an alpha, in his house posturing as if she were in charge–even though she was, Kakashi had to remind himself. No attacking the Hokage no matter what she did or said. He was already in enough trouble, after all.
The Hokage turned her scrutinizing gaze onto Iruka and her amber eyes lingered on his neck, where a fresh bandage hid the still-healing mate-mark. It had only been four days since the mating bite, and Kakashi still hadn’t seen the wound, since Iruka kept it covered even at night when they lay together in his futon. Kakashi could smell the antiseptic healing salve that his husband spread on it. It was intended to help stave off infection and facilitate healing, but the salve muffled the scent of mated omega that he knew Iruka should be giving off, which bothered Kakashi. He didn’t dare bring it up directly, however. The few times he had asked if Iruka was feeling alright, he was met with more cold silence.
“Let me see it,” Tsunade demanded.
Kakashi stiffened. Again he had to parse out his feelings and analyze what was happening. He knew in his brain that Tsunade was a healer, and that her interest in Iruka lay only in helping him to help Kakashi, but a prickle of that same possessive envy caught him up anyway. He fingered the pill in his pocket, wishing for clarity.
It didn’t help matters that Iruka paled slightly, obviously reluctant to obey. He stared stoically ahead, however, rather than looking to Kakashi for support, and then peeled the bandage off with barely a wrinkle between his brows to convey his discomfort.
“Hmm. It looks alright,” Tsunade said. Thankfully, she kept her face a respectful distance from Iruka’s exposed neck as she looked. When she was satisfied with the look of the bite, her gaze flickered over to Kakashi. “That was a deep one, kid. Watch yourself. Were there any problems during the heat/rut cycle?”
“No,” Kakashi said quickly. But Iruka spoke over him, in a sure voice that belied his obvious anxiety.
“Actually, Kakashi-san reported intense pain when attempting self-stimulation. I read that so long as an apha is with a partner or uses adequate lubricant, self-stimulation during rut isn’t supposed to be painful.”
“What was he doing self-stimulating?” Tsunade asked, “You were supposed to be there with him the entire time.” Her eyes were narrowed and accusing as she looked at Iruka. He flushed a deep rose and opened his mouth, but he didn’t have a good answer.
It irked Kakashi to see her blaming him. “He never left. I was letting him sleep,” Kakashi said shortly. “If there’s any problem here, it was because of me.”
“Oh I don’t doubt that,” Tsunade said with a scowl. “Shizune told me what you did while she was here. A single compliment from another alpha, and you went straight for the throat. I’m surprised Iruka-sensei didn’t punch your lights out.”
“I would have deserved it,” Kakashi admitted in a mumble. Iruka’s gaze snapped onto him as if he’d said something important, but Tsunade was back on track.
“Was there pain with any other activity?”
Kakashi really didn’t want to answer, but he finally said, “No.”
“Well then, it’s probably because your hormones were so messed up. Your body wouldn’t be satisfied with anything but real omega slick is my guess. Alphas who endure a solo rut are encouraged to use scented lubricant or cocksleeves, but that doesn’t work for everyone. Honestly, didn’t Sandaime require any kind of sexual education?”
The answer was no, of course. Hence Kakashi’s absolute lack of knowledge and Iruka’s pursuit of information via books. Neither of them admitted to it, however. Kakashi had been a child at war in his youth, and Iruka was too fond of the Sandaime to criticize him.
Tsunade settled back down on her cushion and shuffled the papers. “So, it appears that physically you’ve done what you were supposed to, but I can tell that emotionally you’re not on the same page at all. You’re almost halfway through your 6 week leave, but these numbers aren’t halfway to where they should be yet. If you can’t get things under control, I’ll add another three weeks to your mandatory time.”
“How do we–what even–” Kakashi fumbled for what to ask exactly, aghast at the idea of having to put his life on hold for even longer because of all this mating and hormones stuff. He had become achingly fond of Iruka over the past several weeks (though part of that was partly instinctual, he tried to convince himself) but being stuck at home with a mate who was angry with him, not being allowed to take missions, and having to work on emotional closeness was as close to a nightmare as he could imagine. He wanted normal, even if it was some new kind of normal where he came home from missions to a warm smile from his mate and never had to spend another rut alone. But he was stumped on how to get there, after he’d messed up so badly so many times.
“Apologize if you haven’t yet, kid,” Tsunade said, waving her hand at Kakashi. “Have more sex if you’re not doing that,” she motioned at Iruka for that, for some reason. “And get to know each other. Likes and dislikes, most traumatic memories, bad tattoo ideas–whatever it takes.”
Kakashi looked at Iruka, whose face was flushed. He was doing that twisting thing with his hands again. He had apologized, hadn’t he?
Hadn’t he?
Shit.
Chapter 16: Listen To Your Heart (When It's Calling To You)
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
The moment Tsunade left, Kakashi turned to face Iruka.
“I’m sorry.” The words were rushed, as if fueled by anxiety and desperation, but they struck Iruka like a fist, pounding ruthlessly against his already wounded psyche.
He knew that his face was still red, that the jitters in his limbs were from being chastised by the Hokage. The entire visit had been both humiliating and yet at the same time illuminating. It appeared that doing his duty wasn’t enough–he had to actually cultivate a relationship with his husband. They wanted more of him than he ever thought that he would have to give. His body wasn’t enough, his life wasn’t enough–he had to give his heart away as well, or it was never going to work.
“You’re only saying that because Tsunade-sama told you to!” Iruka snapped in self defense, because he hadn’t prepared to hear something like that and it couldn’t possibly be true. Unlike the previous apology this one felt wholly inadequate.
Instead of responding, Kakashi’s eyes settled on the mate-mark on Iruka’s neck, now uncovered. Those eyes, one gleaming coal and the other a burning ember, made Iruka want to pull away and hide the bite under a shirt, another bandage, anything. It was a mockery of everything that a mating bite was supposed to be, and what right did Kakashi have to look at him like that after how he had done it?
It wasn’t even that Iruka wanted the circumstances to reflect love and devotion–Iruka had never expected anything of the sort from Kakashi–but he had hoped that it would be given out of mutual respect and acceptance. Instead, Kakashi had acted like a jerk and attacked him in front of his friends.
Any goodwill that Iruka had built up towards the jounin had been destroyed in that moment. The tenderness of their time together, the consideration Kakashi had given him by reading the books and helping to arrange the den, his real attempts to control his behavior and act like the man Iruka had thought him to be meant nothing when the most visible outward sign of their union had happened so thoughtlessly.
However, Iruka’s body betrayed him in spite of his intentions. Kakashi was his mate, his alpha, his husband. No matter how angry he was, or how much he wished that he could just go back to his old life, he needed to be close to him, and each night, no matter how frustrated he was, he left space for Kakashi in his futon, curling up against him, taking in his smell and smoothing a hand over the scarred pale skin of his stomach and back. He could no more push Kakashi away in the darkness of his room than he could betray Konoha.
With that singular dark gaze fixed on his neck, Iruka felt another flush of shame as he remembered Tsunade’s accusations, even as his body began to react to the closeness of his mate. The weakest part of Iruka wanted to accept the apology, to sweep aside his discomfort and frustration and move forward. It would be the easier path, after all.
Kakashi lifted a hand towards the mark. “May I?” Iruka swallowed his protest and nodded.
When Kakashi’s fingers brushed over the mark, a shiver ran through Iruka.
“That wasn’t how I wanted to do this,” Kakashi murmured.
Iruka’s curiosity got the better of him. “How did you want to do it?” he asked.
Kakashi stepped in closer, close enough to kiss if Iruka just tilted his head up…if Kakashi just pulled his mask down, if he weren’t still so angry and frustrated and humiliated…There was tension between them, thick and heady, like a sparring match that hadn't begun.
“I was going to wait until you asked me,” Kakashi said. “Until you really wanted it. Until you really wanted me .”
“I don’t–” Iruka gulped. The rough leather of Kakashi’s glove closed over the mark. He couldn’t finish. He did want Kakashi. Dammit, he wanted this to work, he wanted it to be more than duty. He wanted to fall in love with his mate, but–
“You don’t have to forgive me,” Kakashi said. “I’ve been trying to make it up to you, but I’m not good at this sort of thing.”
“I can tell,” Iruka said. Not that Iruka was much better at this, but at least he wasn’t keeping secrets and acting erratically.
“Can I kiss you?” Kakashi asked. His body was almost pressed up against Iruka now. Iruka knew that he should say no. He should walk away, go back to his cold silences and the crushing loneliness of a mate he didn’t love.
“Yes,” Iruka said instead. Slowly, as if he were considering each movement before he acted, Kakashi pulled his mask down and leaned in, but his lips didn’t meet Iruka’s. Instead, he tilted his head and pressed warm lips to the mate-mark.
Oh . It felt better than days of salves and bandages. Iruka melted slightly as some of the tension drained away.
“I’m sorry,” Kakashi said again. This time the words were soft and close, and rang with sincerity that the earlier rushed apology had lacked. Kakashi looped one arm around Iruka’s waist, and the other slid up to cup the back of the omega’s neck to hold him in place while he lavished gentle kisses on the mate mark.
It felt divine. A tiny moan escaped Iruka’s lips, and then he felt the familiar prodding of Kakashi’s cock rising against him. He expected to be repulsed–he wasn’t in heat, he wasn’t in love, he had no previous attraction to Kakashi before they were married–but the opposite was true. Warmth rushed to his groin at the feeling, and he had to steady himself against Kakashi with a firm grip on the alpha’s shoulder.
“How can I make it up to you?” Kakashi asked against his neck, still gentle and careful.
“Kiss me,” Iruka said, pulling the other man in closer. Kakashi obliged, warm lips enveloping Iruka’s mouth. They hadn’t kissed since their heat/rut cycle, and those kisses had been punctuated by the instinctive need to fuck. Now they took their time, tasting and feeling each other out with lips and tongues. Iruka shifted slightly to line their hips up against one another, his own burgeoning erection slotting up against his mate’s. Kakashi was surprisingly tentative with his kisses. It reminded Iruka of before, when they were first getting a feel for their intimacy, following the steps on the map outlined in the book. They had jumped over quite a few steps when Iruka’s heat hit sooner than they had anticipated, however.
Maybe what they needed was to go back and fill in those gaps. For all that they had shared, Iruka still felt like he hardly knew Kakashi at all.
“I never wanted to hurt you,” Kakashi whispered when their lips finally parted. A pale thumb ran along Iruka’s jaw, and Kakashi pressed their foreheads together.
“I know,” Iruka admitted. Whenever he did catch a glimpse of the man behind the aloof exterior he saw someone even more vulnerable and lost than himself. Someone sincere and gentle. That was the man he wanted to be mated to, not the indifferent copy-nin, not the elite jounin, not the aggressive alpha. If he had to spend the rest of his life with Hatake Kakashi, he wanted it to be with the real Kakashi. “But you have to be honest with me. I want you to be yourself, the self you were when you were in rut, when you were vulnerable and real and close to me. I want to know your secrets.”
“I don’t have–ah,” Kakashi’s face reddened and Iruka cracked a smile and a shaky laugh, the first he’d felt in days.
“Is it a reflex, to hide yourself?” Iruka asked in a wry voice.
Kakashi huffed out a small laugh, and their shared smiles broke the tension. Things weren’t fixed, and Iruka wasn’t ready to completely forgive Kakashi, but this was a good start. An apology. A gentle touch. A connection.
Iruka ran his fingers through Kakashi’s soft, pale hair. He wished he knew what was going on in that head, how that sharp intelligence and calculating mind were working, how his mate was feeling. The alpha’s scent was subdued, calm and slightly melancholy, but Iruka didn’t know what to make of it.
“Most of the people I’ve been close to in my life are dead,” Kakashi said slowly. “Opening up feels more dangerous than facing a squad of enemy shinobi.”
Iruka laughed. “Only you would think that,” he said. “But if that’s the case, then you just need to train yourself to have healthy emotional habits.”
Kakashi looked up at him hopefully. “How do I do that?”
“I have no idea. Maybe we can find a book called ‘ Psychological Help for the Emotionally Constipated’ or something?”
There was a pause between them, Kakashi’s eyes wide with surprise, and then he was laughing, a genuine, happy laughter that Iruka had never heard from his mate before, and never imagined he would see on the copy-nin, maskless and mirthful. It was contagious, and wonderful, and it almost felt like a new start.
*
The rest of the day passed without the strain that had plagued them since the mating-bite incident. Iruka was tired of being angry, of the tenseness and the silence. Things weren’t perfect by any means, but they were beginning to take the shape of something more normal.
That night they climbed into Iruka’s futon as they had every night since the heat/rut cycle, but this time, Iruka turned towards his husband and just looked at him, soaking in the sight of that handsome face. He took one of Kakashi’s hands and pressed it against his own neck, guiding that broad palm against the mate-mark, sighing at the warm relief of his mate’s skin on the still-tender flesh. Then he reached across the gap between their pillows and ran his thumb across Kakashi’s face scar, starting above his eyebrow and trailing down, ghosting over the closed sharingan eye and the high cheekbone, all the way to the top of his lip.
Kakashi seemed to hold his breath, only letting out a shaky puff of air when Iruka kissed him gently on that scarred eye.
“I was 11,” Kakashi said in a subdued voice. Iruka didn’t respond. “I had just been promoted to jounin and Minato-sensei put me in charge of part of the mission. After a series of mistakes including me being a trash human being and refusing to go and rescue one of my teammates when she was captured, my remaining teammate–my friend– Obito was crushed. He was dying, and he gave me…”
Kakashi opened the sharingan eye, and Iruka watched the wheel spin for a moment, mesmerizing and deadly and foreign. Then Kakashi closed it again. “Rin was a medic-nin. She did the transplant. Obito…” Kakashi trailed off. His words were steady, his breathing calm and composed.
Iruka knew without Kakashi having to finish the story. Obito was dead. And if he hadn’t died then, he most likely would have been massacred along with the rest of the Uchiha clan anyway. What a fucked up world. Iruka’s traumas seemed small in comparison. He’d lost his parents in the kyuubi attack, but so had lots of kids. Everyone lost in the wars, in the attacks–they were all friends, family and comrades to someone .
“You were just a kid, Kakashi. Doing your best?”
“I could have been better. Like this, with us–I can do better.” He closed both eyes then, and Iruka pulled him into his chest, wrapping him in his arms, letting his scent free, trying his best to evoke comfort and safety and understanding , so much as something that complex could be communicated nonverbally. It seemed to work as the tight pull of Kakashi’s shoulder muscles gradually softened and relaxed.
“You’re not the only one,” Iruka said. “I’ve been so angry, pushing you away. I…have a temper.”
“Hmm. I’m not sure I noticed,” Kakashi said, and Iruka could feel the smile against his neck. Iruka chuckled.
“Yes well, now you know. So do your best not to make me angry,” Iruka said loftily.
Kakashi pulled back to look Iruka in the eye again, their foreheads pressed together. “I want to make it up to you,” he said.
“You have, thank you. For sharing that part of your life with me, for apologizing for real, for not leaving. Nothing about this has been easy for either of us.”
“You’re my mate now,” Kakashi said, and it sent a thrill through Iruka to hear the words in the other man’s mouth. He knew that it was true–he had the bite on his neck to prove it–but it was actually beginning to feel true. Kakashi’s scent was almost as familiar and comforting as his own, now.
“I want to make you feel good,” Kakashi’s face flushed slightly. It was endearing, that after everything that they had done, that Kakashi would blush about whatever sexual fantasy he was too shy to share. Iruka had blown Kakashi on the front porch for goodness sake.
“Tell me,” Iruka said gently. “It’s okay. I want to know.”
“Can I try using my mouth on you?” One of the alpha’s hands slid down between them, gently resting on Iruka’s thigh.
Well. That was not what Iruka had been expecting. It wasn’t a very alpha thing to request–was that why Kakashi was so hesitant? Kakashi’s blush darkened and he looked as if he was holding his breath, waiting for Iruka’s response. Iruka had never actually been the recipient of a blowjob before. It seemed like an oversight in his sexual experiences, and if Kakashi was offering…he wasn’t about to deny that request.
“Yes,” Iruka said, breathless. “If you want to.”
Kakashi’s breathing evened out in obvious relief and he smiled again. When Iruka saw that smile light up Kakashi’s face, he felt like the most privileged man in the world. Every time , Iruka thought. He didn’t have time to dwell on it, however, because Kakashi was helping him pull off the worn t-shirt he wore to bed, the better to kiss his way down Iruka’s chest, lingering for a moment on Iruka’s nipples, then making his way down to the soft trail of hair below Iruka’s navel.
It only took half of a minute for Kakashi to work his way down to Iruka’s waistband, and already Iruka could feel both his cock and pussy leaking with anticipation. There was a little shifting around as Kakashi threw the blankets off and Iruka shed his pants and arranged the pillows behind his back so that he could watch.
Kakashi’s face nuzzled against Iruka’s erection through the underwear for a moment before those, too, were pulled down and off. When Iruka looked down the length of his body, Kakashi was studying the omega’s cock with adoration that made Iruka suddenly self-conscious, kneeling between Iruka’s slightly spread legs
“It’s not big,” he said, shifting under the intense gaze and flushing slightly. It was average, Iruka knew. He’d never wished for a monster alpha cock, perfectly content with his own adequate equipment. (And Kakashi had seen it and touched it before so why was he even worried?)
“You’re perfect,” Kakashi sighed. His warm breath ghosted over the sensitive skin, and then his tongue was exploring, lavishing, teasing at the veins and the dripping head, his hands holding Iruka’s thighs tightly in place while the alpha explored his mate. Iruka shuddered and felt his whole body go weak at the onslaught of sensation, the hot wet pleasure. “Spread your legs,” Kakashi said gently, nudging Iruka’s knees apart with his elbow.
Iruka obeyed, and Kakashi’s firm grip on his thigh loosened, fingers moving… Oh . Iruka felt the probing touch of a slender finger on his pussy with a shock, and then the swiping of a gentle tongue as Kakashi tasted him down there as well.
Iruka’s breath turned to an encouraging moan at that. The finger probed deeper, slow and curious, and his mouth trailed wet kisses all the way from his slick-soaked entrance up the underside of Iruka’s cock, then those perfect lips parted and enveloped Iruka’s cock completely.
“Kakashi,” Iruka gasped at the feeling. It wasn’t like sex while topping a beta or like during heat when Kakashi’s hand had gripped him. Once he’d fucked a female beta, burying his cock inside her as a curiosity, but it didn’t feel anywhere near as good as this. Kakashi’s mouth worked him up and down, and a second finger joined the first in Iruka’s pussy, twisting and moving and completely unlike being fucked. His tongue dipped back down to taste the slick dripping from the entrance and he added another finger.
“You taste amazing,” Kakashi confessed when he pulled off to breathe. “Is it…working for you?” He looked so uncertain and earnest, Iruka almost wanted to laugh, but then Kakashi crooked his fingers inside him and all he could do was moan again, ragged and broken.
“It’s good,” Iruka reassured him when he caught his breath again. “It’s great, I’m…really close,” He ran his hands through Kakashi’s hair and clenched his pussy around those long twining fingers, his head falling back against the pillows and his back arching.
“Good,” Kakashi murmured against Iruka’s cock before sucking him down again, taking him as far down into his throat as he could, tongue still undulating, and then swallowing.
Iruka’s hips jerked and he came, a long drawn-out orgasm that shook him from the top of his head to the tip of his cock and more, down to the soles of his feet. His pussy clenched and his cum pulsed from him, and Kakashi didn’t release him, swallowing again to get every last drop before he pulled his face away to watch Iruka’s reaction.
Iruka wasn’t capable of making words, or letting go of Kakashi’s hair, or anything at all other than uttering another long wordless moan.
“I hope I did okay,” Kakashi said. Iruka pulled him up and on top of him, aching to feel the weight of his alpha covering him, still shivering as little bolts of ograsm sparked up and down his body.
“You did,” Iruka said. When they kissed, he could taste the strange salty flavor of himself. “Not that I have anything to compare it to.”
“Really?” Kakashi sounded surprised. Iruka didn’t bother putting his clothes back on, choosing instead to pull the blankets back up over them both and cuddle up against his mate’s chest. He hadn’t felt this content in a very long time.
“Really. That was the first time anyone has done that for me.”
“Ah. Well. I hope you’ll let me keep apologizing for my mistakes this way,” Kakashi said. He pressed a kiss to the top of Iruka’s head and wrapped his long, strong arms around the omega.
“Hmm. If you’re not careful, apologetic Kakashi will become my favorite and I won’t be able to be mad at you at all.”
They fell asleep nestled together, mates in spirit as well as body at last.
Notes:
Thank you all again for the comments and kudos I am absolutely blown away and so happy that everyone is enjoying this! <3
Chapter 17: I Fooled Around And Fell In Love
Chapter Text
If Kakashi had known that giving Iruka a blowjob would get him out of the proverbial dog house, he would have done it on that first evening after biting the omega, rather than spending most of a week doing laundry and cleaning to try and get back in his husband’s good graces. It helped that Kakashi had thoroughly enjoyed the experience. He found his gaze drifting down Iruka’s body, remembering the taste of the omega’s slick and the feel of that cock in his mouth at inopportune moments.
Kakashi was not under the illusion that Iruka loved him, but he would take polite indifference over the cold silences any time. Sometimes he even caught Iruka looking at him with a sort of tenderness that Kakashi didn’t dare comment on, or assume meant more than that they were growing used to each other as mates.
It was enough for Kakashi that they were speaking again, and that Iruka stopped covering up the mate-mark. They also indulged in more non heat-related intimacy in the comfort of what was now essentially their shared bedroom. Kakashi was eager to learn everything about his mate’s body, and how to please him. He hoped that during Iruka’s next heat, he could be a more pleasant and accommodating partner. The apology blowjob was the first of several over the course of the next few weeks, and Kakashi continued to share pieces of himself with Iruka, in little bits as he was able.
You have to let him in, Tenzou had said. Kakashi thought that maybe, finally, he was figuring out how.
He could feel himself stabilizing. One afternoon he and Tenzou went together to the memorial stone, and Iruka went to visit Naomi. He hadn’t felt more than a jealous prickle when Tenzou had consciously touched Iruka’s shoulder in greeting, and the awful ache of being apart from Iruka dulled to a manageable longing. He felt more like himself than he had since he’d quit taking the hormone blockers. In control.
It wasn’t perfect, of course. There were some parts of himself that Kakashi kept buried deep, some secrets that were so reflexive to hide, some lies that were like second nature to confirm, but Iruka could tell when something was off. The innocent-sounding sensei would sometimes say things like “How many years were you in ANBU?” when Kakashi could have sworn he never mentioned his past in the black ops before, tripping him up and causing him to stumble out a half-baked denial before admitting, with a wince, that it was 13 years.
And then Iruka discovered the bottle of hormone blockers that Kakashi had stupidly left with his toiletries in the bathroom.
Kakashi could feel the sudden force of killing intent from across the house where he was heating up some breakfast, and braced himself when Iruka stormed into the kitchen holding the innocuous little white bottle in one hand, his face a burning red. He still had shaving cream on his face and no shirt on and if the omega’s ire wasn’t directed at Kakashi, it would have been arousing.
“What the hell am I doing all this for if you’re just going to go back to mistreating your body?” Iruka shouted. He slammed the bottle down on the counter and gestured wildly around the house. “Do you want to have another rut like that first one? I certainly don’t want to help you through something like that ever again!”
“I haven’t taken any,” Kakashi said shortly, his pride bristling at the idea that Iruka would assume something like that without any proof. What kind of shinobi just barged in with such reckless accusations?
“Why should I believe that? You have so many secrets, I hardly even know you except for in the bedroom! You’re only honest when your clothes are off, I guess!”
Kakashi nearly dropped the bowl he was holding. Is that what Iruka thought of him? His hormones might be raging, but he wasn’t completely obsessed with sex, was he? And he had been sharing. “I’m trying,” Kakashi said evenly, but his patience was growing thin. How long was Iruka going to think the worst of him? Was every mistake going to lead to an explosive argument like this?
“Do you think this is easy for me?” Iruka continued, “I gave up the rest of my life to help you–I could have found someone who loves me, who would have children with me, who respects my rank and my job–” He was crying, bright tears shining in his dark eyes.
Ah. This wasn’t about the hormone blockers then. Not really. Kakashi set the bowl down and stepped forward, into Iruka’s personal space, and to his credit, the omega didn’t flinch or back down at all. He wasn’t afraid of Kakashi anymore, or else he was too riled up to care.
“Ask me anything and I swear to tell you the truth.” Kakashi said, his voice so low it was almost a growl. “Unless you want me to take my clothes off first?”
Iruka’s mouth opened and closed once, his eyes scanning Kakashi’s face for a full minute before he spoke.
“When was the last time you took hormone blockers?”
“The day before we got married.”
Iruka’s eyes closed and he let out a long breath. Some of the tension drained from his shoulders, and the aggressive note to his scent abated. When he opened his eyes, there was more curiosity than fire in them. They both looked at each other for another long moment, the air still fizzling with anger and mistrust.
“Were you upset when the Hokage ordered you to marry me?”
“No,” Kakashi said, surprised at the direction Iruka was taking his questions. “I liked your scent. And you’re attractive and kind-hearted. I felt bad…”
Iruka looked stunned. “You felt bad?”
“That…you were going to be stuck with me.” Kakashi didn’t often acknowledge his low opinion of himself to other people, but he had promised to be honest.
“Oh.” The angry red tinge to Iruka’s face had faded to an embarrassed pink flush. The typhoon if the omega’s temper had blown itself out. Well, at least he was willing to accept Kakashi’s word for it. That was something, at least.
“What happened in that room at the end of the hallway?”
Kakashi’s instinct was to flee, to not let those memories surface. Hadn’t he answered enough? Hadn’t telling Iruka about his sharingan been enough? But he had given his word. He surrendered to the darkness and the face of his father, slack and still, filled his mind, followed quickly by the horror and panic of that moment…he took a breath and forced the facts to take shape into words.
“When I was five my father killed himself in there. I found him in the morning.” The words were low and distant, as if it was someone else saying them out loud to Iruka.
“Oh my god,” Iruka’s eyes went round. Kakashi wondered if he regretted asking. A warm hand settled on Kakashi’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t,” Kakashi said. He resisted the urge to back away. “It was a long time ago.”
Iruka nodded.
“One more thing.”
Kakashi braced for another round of words to slice into him, to dig up the most painful parts of himself and put them on display–
“Are you still glad that it was me?” Iruka asked.
“So glad,” Kakashi breathed out with relief. “I can’t imagine anyone else, now.”
“Oh,” Iruka’s hand moved from Kakashi’s shoulder to his neck. “Thank you. Can I kiss you?”
“Yes,” Kakashi wanted nothing more. He felt raw and open and exposed, but Iruka’s care for him was like a healing salve. The memories of his father receded like an easing tide. He slid his cheek against Iruka’s, shaving cream and half-stubble and all, and then their lips met in a kiss that was all gentle sweetness. Kakashi let Iruka lead, bending to the other man’s directions, parting his lips and letting Iruka take more and more, as much as he wanted. Kakashi had surrendered already, when he’d offered to answer any question. After that, giving up his body to Iruka was easy in comparison.
“You’re my mate,” Iruka murmured into the kiss. “I want to know more of you than just your cock.”
“Mmm,” Kakashi said in acquiescence. He found, now, that he wanted Iruka to know him as well, body, mind, and soul. And he wanted the same from Iruka, if his mate would allow it. He held onto a hope that someday, Iruka wouldn’t regret everything he gave up to fulfill his duty and be Kakashi’s mate.
*
Later that week they went together to the hospital for what would hopefully be their final checkup from Tsunade. Kakashi could hardly believe that it had been six weeks since that fateful day when the Hokage had burst into his hospital room and announced that she was arranging his marriage.
The walk to the hospital was the first time that they had been out in the village together since Kakashi had mate-marked Iruka, and the looks and double-takes didn’t go unnoticed by either of them. Kakashi was used to it and paid them no mind, but Iruka gave the voyeurs a friendly wave and put his arm through Kakashi’s elbow, the only sign of his discomfort a slight coloring of his cheeks.
“MY ETERNAL RIVAL!”
Kakashi groaned.
“CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NUPTIALS!”
Well. If anyone in the village hadn’t heard about his marriage before, they certainly had now. He pasted a smile onto his face and turned to face their energetic well-wisher.
“Gai-san,” Iruka said, “Thank you.”
“I am so very glad that my dearest rival has finally found love, and with such a wonderful, sensitive, youthful man such as yourself!”
“Thank you Gai,” Kakashi said smoothly.
“I wanted to stop by sooner, but Hokage-sama forbade me!” Gai harrumphed at this apparent indignity and crossed his arms, but only for an instant before his usual enthusiastic cheer returned. “But now that you’re up and about, our challenges must resume! Perhaps love themed challenges? I challenge you to a flower-arranging competition!”
“We’re on our way to an appointment now,” Kakashi said diplomatically. “Another time.”
“Oh, of course, don’t let me delay you then! You must love your mate very much to refuse a challenge because of him!”
“I do,” Kakashi murmured, so softly that Gai wouldn’t hear him, though Iruka gave him a sharp look and flushed pink.
“Later, Gai,” Kakashi said louder, waving to him and continuing along to the hospital.
*
“Okay boys, this is the final showdown,” Tsunade said from the doorway of the hospital exam room. “I’m going to take a blood sample from both of you this time, just to be sure that everything is okay before I clear you for duty.”
“Of course, Tsunade-sama.” Iruka said deferentially. He was still giving Kakashi funny looks every now and then.
Tsunade took their blood samples and hurried off in her energetic way. When they were alone, Iruka turned his gaze onto Kakashi.
“Did you mean that?” Iruka asked. His voice was low and serious.
“Mean what?” Kakashi asked.He knew exactly what Iruka was asking, but he hoped to goodness that they weren’t about to have a conversation involving love confessions here in a hospital exam room.
“That you…nevermind.” Iruka flushed pink and busied himself rolling down his sleeve over the band-aid covering the spot where the needle had pricked him and tidying his ponytail. Kakashi was flooded with relief, but then the urge to be honest and share his feelings burst up inside Kakashi, as if Gai had planted the feeling there when he said it. But it was too soon, Iruka hardly even liked him…Kakashi’s mouth opened and the words spilled out before he could stop himself.
“I did,” Kakashi admitted, despite his inner protests. “I hope you don’t mind.”
Iruka stared at him, but before he could answer Tsunade burst back in.
“Good news! You’re both cleared for duty!” She waved the papers at them, then handed them off to Shizune, who had followed the Hokage into the room a few steps behind, looking exasperated. “Shizune will go over all of this with you, but I’m proud of you both for making it work. I know this isn’t easy, even if it is all Kakashi’s fault,”
Kakashi bit back a rude remark about how it wasn’t entirely his fault that his personal life had been put on hold for the sake of the village, but it wouldn’t be productive, and Tsunade was leaving anyway, calling out for them to take care and keep having lots of sex!
Shizune sighed and gathered up the papers that her boss had handed off so inelegantly before smiling kindly at Kakashi and Iruka.
“Of course there’s more to it than Tsunade-sama said, but she did clear you both for duty. Kakashi, your hormone levels are on par with an average male alpha–though more like one who is 18 or so years old, not 28.”
“And what does that mean for me, personally?” Kakashi asked.
“Just that you’re more likely to crave sexual contact, and that your ruts will be more frequent and more easily triggered, and you are much more fertile than would be usual for someone your age. It should even out over the next few years of course–”
Kakashi’s stomach dropped, but Iruka was already speaking, his voice urgent, his brows drawn.
“Did you say more fertile? But–what does that mean? I thought he would be less fertile since he’d been blocking for so long!”
“I never had the temporary sterilization procedure,” Kakashi explained, his face flushing. “And we just shared Iruka’s heat cycle…” He looked at Iruka and his stomach felt like it was being turned inside out.
Shizune’s eyes widened as she realized what they were saying.
“Oh no,” She shuffled through the papers and pulled out Iruka’s blood test results, and her face was pale.
Kakashi thought he might throw up. He could smell Iruka’s sudden burst of anxiety and agitation, and he reached over and gripped his mate’s hand instinctively, wishing that the threat was something he could fight, something he could face off against, something that didn’t terrify him down to the very core of his being.
“I thought that Iruka’s hormones being elevated was just a reaction to the mating-bite, since that’s a well-known side effect, but…it could be…”
She looked helplessly from Iruka to Kakashi, who were both holding their breaths.
“It could be the earliest sign of a pregnancy.”
Kakashi’s mind blanked. Tsunade was right. This was all his fault. He pulled down his mask, body flickered over to the trash can, and vomited.
Chapter 18: Love Hurts, Love Scars
Chapter Text
A lot had changed for Iruka in the past six weeks. He’d gotten married, moved into a new home, shared a heat with an alpha, and been mated.
And now.
His mate was vomiting into the trashcan at the very idea that they might possibly be expecting.
“It’s too early to tell,” Shizune said reassuringly. “Even the blood test can’t say for sure. Please, Kakashi-san, don’t panic.”
Kakashi straightened up and rinsed his mouth at the sink before pulling his mask up. “This is my fault. I’m sorry.”
Iruka ignored the other man, though his every inclination was to agree vehemently. “When will we know for sure?” he asked instead, as if his world hadn’t just been turned upside down and shaken like a beat-up equipment pouch again .
“Not until at least twelve weeks when we can run a scan to detect a heartbeat or a new source of chakra.”
“And if I conceived during my heat that would mean it’s been only five weeks at most,” Iruka said. He wasn’t angry, despite Kakashi’s reaction, but his limbs felt heavy and tired. He pressed a hand over his eyes. If something could go wrong when it came to himself and Kakashi, it seemed bound to happen.
“If you were a female omega I would say it was absolutely certain, but as a male omega the chances of conception are still quite low even during heat with a fertile alpha. I don’t have your file in front of me but…”
“All my parts are in working order,” Iruka supplied, his voice as low as he felt. “My last checkup was less than a year ago. I’m technically capable of conceiving and carrying a child.”
Shizune’s lips turned into a thin line, and Iruka knew what she was thinking, what she was about to suggest. He knew the risks, the options, the potential price for a male omega in his situation.
“If I am pregnant, then I will look forward to having a child,” Iruka said, before the words could leave her mouth. On top of everything, the idea of giving up something he had always wanted even if it wasn’t happening in any of the ways he had imagined–marrying a beta woman and having a family, or adopting a child in need, or…anything but this –was still unthinkable. Even if his mate was a useless clod and refused to try and be a father, Iruka would make it work.
“I’ll make your appointment for seven weeks from now,” Shizune said. “And Kakashi, I can make you an appointment for the surgery, if you like.”
Kakashi nodded slowly from where he was standing beside the trash can looking terrified, but still didn’t say anything. Iruka didn’t have time to wonder what was going on in that ridiculous fluffy-haired head. He was too concerned with his own prospects and future.
“No one will know about this, right?” Iruka asked urgently. If a rumor like this were to go around…he didn’t think he could handle people’s well wishes no matter if it turned out to be true or not.
“Of course!” Shizune said seriously. “I won’t even tell Tsunade-sama unless it turns out to be confirmed. This is a private matter, and it’s likely to only be elevated hormones from the mating.”
She looked hopeful, but Iruka was out of hope at the moment. He screwed his mouth up into as much of a smile as he could manage.
“Thank you, Shizune-san.”
*
Iruka returned to teaching at the academy, though his mission-desk assignments had been taken over for the rest of the month. Kakashi went on missions when he was needed, and Iruka tried to fill his spare time by visiting Naomi and Tenzou, having lunch with Anko and his friends, treating Sakura and Ino to dinner as a break from their intensive medic-nin studies, and relishing in the latest letter from Naruto while he was off training with Jiraiya. If it weren’t for the looming uncertainty of a possible pregnancy, Iruka would have felt that his life wasn’t too terribly different from how it was before he’d gotten married.
Neither of them brought up the topic of the upcoming appointment, nor mentioned Kakashi’s reaction at the previous appointment. Iruka did his best not to judge Kakashi for his reaction, though it definitely bothered him. He didn’t have the mental energy to unpack whatever the hell Kakashi was going through. He was too busy staying on the alert for signs of pregnancy, or for signs of another rut from Kakashi. Every time he had to make a trip to the bathroom to pee, or felt the slightest bit fatigued, or his stomach turned because he needed to take a dump, he wondered if this was the beginning of it. He smelled his clothes each night before he showered to see if he could detect a change that might give him an answer, but there was no clue to be found in his dirty laundry.
They had breakfast and dinner together most days when Kakashi was home, and they still had sex. Shizune’s summation of Kakashi’s hormones making him a teenaged horn-dog was quite accurate. Fortunately, Kakashi had the procedure that he should have had when he’d first presented only a few days after they were cleared for duty, extending his leave by an extra week while he recovered, so at least they wouldn’t have to worry about another scare like this after Iruka's next heat cycle. (If Iruka thought Kakashi’s balls were large during his rut, that was nothing compared to how swollen they looked for the two days after the procedure.) Iruka found he didn’t mind the sex. Kakashi was turning out to be a good partner, attentive and considerate, focusing on getting Iruka off with the single-minded focus only a genius shinobi could exhibit. Iruka was almost abashed by how much Kakashi enjoyed giving him blowjobs, as if he was determined to become an expert as quickly as possible.
Iruka was learning what Kakashi liked as well, and it wasn’t the usual dominating things that alphas were stereotyped for such as biting all the time or insisting on doggy style. While it was rare for an alpha to knot while not in rut, Iruka managed to get him there once or twice.
In fact, the first time Iruka elicited a knot from his alpha since their heat/rut cycle was when Iruka was on top, seated on Kakashi’s cock while Kakashi was positioned on the couch. Iruka rode his mate slowly, his hands twisting tightly through that thick pale hair, squeezing his pussy over Kakashi’s cock while his own dragged across Kakashi’s chiseled, scarred abdomen. It had been gentle and deliberate, Iruka making it last as long as he could stand while Kakashi moaned and writhed under him, hips twitching but managing to keep himself in control under Iruka’s calm direction. Kakashi had shouted in surprise as his knot began to swell, and Iruka quieted him with a deep kiss, gently rolling his hips until they were locked together. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the sensation of throbbing fullness for a few minutes before he put his hand to his own cock and quickly orgasmed hard, cum spraying between them in long ribbons as they kissed, shaking and inseparable.
*
And then Kakashi went on a long solo A-rank mission. He left in the middle of the night, and didn’t say how long he would be gone. Iruka didn’t question it when he saw that his husband was wearing gray and black, a porcelain mask in one hand and a tanto blade strapped to his back.
At least, not until he returned in the middle of the night three days later, stumbling into their bedroom and nearly falling face-first onto Iruka.
The smell of blood jolted Iruka the rest of the way awake, and he lunged for the light. When he clicked on the lamp, the sight was horrifying. Kakashi’s ANBU uniform was soaked through with blood, and Kakashi was slowly fading from consciousness.
“What happened? Why didn’t you go to the hospital?” Anger flared in Iruka alongside the worry and panic. He caught Kakashi as the man fell to his knees, supported him under the arms and then lowered him slowly to the floor. Kakashi was heavy, his form lean but solid with muscle. It took some maneuvering to get his limp limbs situated properly
“Needed my mate,” Kakashi said once he was laying down. His voice was a low croak, weak and tired. He raised a gloved hand and caressed Iruka’s face, leaving a streak of blood behind.
“No! You need a medical-nin! What happened? Kakashi please, where are you bleeding?”
Kakashi grunted and motioned to his leg, where Iruka could see the gleam of a blade protruding from his mate’s thigh. Kakashi put a hand on it to try and pull it out, but Iruka stopped him with a yelp. “Don’t remove it or you’ll bleed out! I can’t fix something like this on my own!”
“I wanted to see you again before I died,” Kakashi said. Even in that hoarse voice, he sounded like this was a perfectly reasonable thing to say. Iruka grit his teeth so hard his jaw ached, but that was nothing compared to the pain that Kakashi’s words stabbed into his heart.
“You are not going to die Hatake Kakashi you absolute idiot!”
“Oh? That’s good I…guess…” and then he passed out.
“SHIT!” Iruka lurched to the dresser and grabbed a soft loose belt, then wrapped it tightly around Kakashi’s thigh just above the protruding knife. Then he took a pencil from where he’d been using it as a bookmark and looped the ends of the belt around the pencil. He twisted hard, cinching the tourniquet as tightly as he could safely manage. Iruka needed to get Kakashi to the hospital, but he needed to make sure that he was stable enough to get there. Somehow he managed to unbuckle the ANBU armored vest and check for additional injuries. He found several shallow bleeding wounds that probably accounted for the mess of blood on Kakashi’s uniform, but nothing life-threatening. Unless there was internal damage or if one of the wounds had been poisoned, but he had no idea if that was the case since he wasn’t a medic-nin!
Why had Kakashi come here? Iruka mentally cursed the man for his mixed up priorities and got to work pulling long gloved arms over his shoulder, lifting his mate awkwardly onto his back in a rescue-carry. Iruka was strong, but Kakashi was taller and weighed almost as much as Iruka, and while the other man was unconscious there was no way Iruka could carry him piggy-back. “Don’t you dare die before I can tell you what an asshole you are!” he muttered, and then he was off, sprinting halfway across the village to the hospital with a wounded ANBU on his back.
Help found him before he even got to the hospital, thankfully, when a masked ANBU appeared out of nowhere and began running alongside him.
“I’m taking him to the hospital, get Tsunade-sama!” Iruka barked the order between harsh panting breaths. The ANBU nodded and leaped away, but Iruka could feel another shadowy presence nearby, keeping pace.
They were ready for him when he arrived, a team of medic-nins in green who eased Kakashi off of Iruka’s back and onto a waiting gurney. He heard the clack of the Hokage’s sandals on the hospital tiles and her voice booming out orders. She didn’t even spare a glance for Iruka, but followed her team into an operating room immediately, the doors slamming shut behind her.
And Iruka was alone.
Chapter 19: What's Love Got To Do With It?
Notes:
This was supposed to be the final chapter before the epilogue, but at the advice of my beta reader I actually went ahead and wrote another chapter to bridge between the original ending and the epilogue. I hope that y'all don't mind! XD Thank you for sticking with me and I hope you enjoy!
Chapter Text
Kakashi felt like shit.
He knew that he was in the hospital. He didn’t want to open his eyes, but he could hear the sound of someone crying nearby, and the smell of…blood, and antiseptic, and…there. Iruka. His mate. His breath came easier, and he forced his good eye to creak open and look around. There. Iruka was there, sobbing into his pulled-up knees.
“Hey,” Kakashi’s voice rasped dry and painful in his throat. “Did someone die?”
Iruka’s garbled, choking shout amused him despite the pain and general shitty feeling of his body.
“You asshole!” Iruka said, which wasn’t the reaction that Kakashi had expected. “You idiot! You–”
And then Iruka was kissing him, arms carding through his hair gently, hot wet tears falling from Iruka’s face to his own.
“Mm,” Kakashi suddenly didn’t feel quite so shitty anymore. He wanted to reciprocate, to pull his mate down into a long passionate kiss–but his mouth was dry, and his lips were chapped, and he could barely move his own limbs.
When Iruka pulled away, his arms still holding and caressing him, Kakashi basked in it. Even anxious and aggravated, Iruka’s scent was all around him at last. They might be in a hospital bed, but with Iruka here, it was as good as home.
“You showed up at home half-dead and bleeding out,” Iruka said. “And you passed out in our bedroom and I had to tend to your wound and carry you here! I thought you were going to die!”
“Ah, I thought I might die as well,” Kakashi allowed, though he was very much glad that he hadn’t.
“You’re not allowed to die, Hatake Kakashi!” Iruka snapped. “I won’t allow it! I’ve gotten too used to having you around, and if I end up with a little silver-haired asshole baby, I will never forgive you if you leave me alone.”
The tears were back, and the sobs, and suddenly Kakashi’s entire world tilted sideways. He hadn’t forgotten, exactly, that Iruka might be carrying his baby, but he had shoved the thought aside and buried it deep. There was no use panicking over something like that until they knew for sure, anyway, and every time he thought about it too much, he felt nauseated.
“Ah,” Kakashi gathered all of his efforts and lifted a hand to Iruka’s face. “I’m sorry.”
Iruka gulped and pressed a kiss to Kakashi’s forehead, smoothing his hair back, his soft lips lingering. “I know,” Iruka whispered.
And that was all the energy Kakashi had left. Before he could respond, he was unconscious again.
*
“He’ll be fine,” Shizune told the gathered visitors. Iruka, Tenzou, and Sakura stood quietly around the sleeping patient in the hospital room with the medic-nin. “Chakra exhaustion, blood loss, and some minor poisoning, all of which have been dealt with. He just needs to rest for a few days and he’ll be back to his usual self.”
“That’s wonderful news, thank you Shizune-san,” Tenzou said in his calm, even voice. Iruka sat heavily in the chair he’d dragged over to Kakashi’s bedside, where he could rest his head against Kakashi’s pillow and stroke the unruly silver locks while his mate slept. It was also close enough to get a good noseful of Kakshi’s scent, which was weak while the alpha was unconscious and healing.
“Why does he always do this to himself?” Sakura lamented. “Kaka-sensei has no sense of self-preservation at all!”
“He never has,” Tenzou observed. “But that’s part of what we love about him, right?” His gaze flickered to Iruka, who shifted in his seat slightly. Iruka wasn’t sure what love had to do with it. Kakashi was his mate, that was all. (And they were only mates because of a bunch of bad decisions and strange coincidences that had converged to make it so.) And, Iruka thought, if they became parents it would be due to another set of poor decisions and coincidences.
At least, that’s what Iruka had believed before this whole hospital thing. Now, looking down at that half-hidden face, something inside him twinged with gratitude that fate had brought them together.
Shizune’s eyes lingered on Iruka for a moment, as if she knew what Iruka was thinking. “Come on Sakura, we have rounds to do.”
Sakura nodded and followed the medic-nin out with a cheerful goodbye to Iruka and Tenzou.
“I can’t stay either, Naomi doesn’t want me to be away for too long now that the baby could come any day now,” Tenzou said.
“Oh, congratulations,” Iruka said softly. “I hope everything goes well for her and the baby.”
The man’s face shone with happiness and the slightest bit of anxiety at Iruka’s sentiment. “Thank you, Iruka-sensei. And…I want you to know that you’ve been really good for Kakashi-senpai.”
“Oh. Yes, that’s why I was assigned to marry him, you know.”
“Not just that,” Tenzou said. He put a hand fondly on Kakashi’s shoulder. “I’ve never seen him as happy as he is when he talks about you, or when he’s around you.”
“Oh,” Iruka didn’t know what to say to that. It was a baffling contrast, like everything about Kakashi. He had sworn not to mate-bite Iruka until he had permission, but then did it in the worst possible way anyway. The man was obviously devoted to him, but vomited at the thought of having a child together.
And yet…The thought of being without Kakashi, even after only a few months of being with him, was unbearable. Iruka swallowed another round of tears before they could pool in his eyes or burn the back of his throat.
“Thank you,” Tenzou said. “For loving him.”
“It’s just physical,” Iruka said, but it wasn’t convincing, even to himself. “We’re not…it wasn’t a love match.”
“Ah, my apologies for presuming then,” Tenzou said, but there was something in his eyes that Iruka couldn’t quite grasp. “In that case, thank you for caring for him.”
“Of course,” Iruka said automatically.
When the door clicked closed behind Tenzou, Kakashi’s dark eye cracked open.
“Don’t listen to him, I never talk about you,” Kakashi said.
“You–! You were listening to that?”
“I’m an elite jounin, listening is one of my best skills.”
Iruka laughed and wiped away the tears that were falling now that the other visitors were gone, until Kakashi sat up enough to brush them away for him. “I don’t know if I love you,” Iruka confessed.
“I don’t mind. I know I’m an asshole, and a shitty mate, and the reason you’re in this mess in the first place. You didn’t choose me.”
“But I would…if I knew. I would choose you, Kakashi,” Iruka said, and he felt relief at finally admitting that to himself. He leaned in and buried his face in his mate’s neck. “You are all of those things, but I still want you. I still want to be with you. When I thought you might die I…couldn’t bear it.”
Kakashi huffed a quiet laugh against Iruka’s shoulder, then pulled him up for a kiss. It was gentle at first, a kiss for someone still healing and resting, a kiss with a little bit of an apology in it, and a promise to be better, to do better, to love each other better.
It morphed into something more, however, as lips parted and tongues brushed. Kakashi groaned against Iruka’s mouth, and Iruka had a suspicion when the smell of alpha lust hit him…
“Are you hard right now?” Iruka asked, whipping aside the plain cotton sheet to see the tent that had formed under Kakashi’s hospital gown. “We’re in the hospital! And you’re supposed to be resting!”
“None of that matters to my cock when it comes to you,” Kakashi said, and he pulled Iruka down onto his lap to kiss him some more. “Besides, Shizune-san said I’m basically a horny teenager right now. I can’t help it.”
Iruka laughed. Maybe he didn’t know if he loved Kakashi, but he didn’t mind having him for a mate, at least. “I’m not having sex with you in the hospital!” he said.
“Okay,” Kakashi breathed between kisses.
“I mean it!”
“Sure…”
*
Tenzou and Naomi’s baby made her appearance shortly after Kakashi was discharged from the hospital. Iruka had picked up a gift and to his surprise Kakashi agreed to walk over to visit the new family of three and drop it off.
“You’re not going to vomit at the sight of a baby?” Iruka asked in a dry voice, his feet scuffing at the dirt path that led even further from the village center than the old Hatake farmhouse.
They still hadn’t talked much about the upcoming appointment when they would find out if they were going to be parents, other than Kakashi affirming that he would attend.
“It wasn’t the idea of having a baby with you that made me throw up,” Kakashi said.
“Oh? It certainly looked that way to me.”
“It was just the idea of being a father at all. To any baby. To any kid.”
“But why? You’re incredible, Kakashi. You would be a great father.”
Kakashi stopped in his tracks. “What?”
“You heard me,” Iruka didn’t want to repeat himself. “You’re dedicated and loyal and smart and funny and…are you just acting dumb so that I’ll lavish you with compliments?”
“No,” Kakashi did look genuinely aghast. “I thought…everyone says how much like my father I am, and he…”
“Oh.” A sort of understanding crossed Iruka’s heart. “No. You’re your own man, Kakashi. A good man.”
“Even after everything I’ve done to you? I ruined your life.”
Iruka laughed at that. “No, you didn’t. You changed it, sure, but I don’t think you ruined it. At least, I don’t think that anymore.”
“Oh,” Kakashi stood still until Iruka took his hand. “Come on, let’s go meet little Umeko-chan.”
*
The baby was perfectly healthy but not very cute, Kakashi thought as he peered down at the quiet bundle in Iruka’s arms. She was wrapped tightly in a soft blanket, and Iruka bounced gently while he made a soft cooing noise and smiled like…like afternoon sunshine. Like a bright spring breeze. Like a gentle caress after making love. Kakashi didn’t think he had ever smiled like that in his life, and seeing it on Iruka’s face was…startling.
Tenzou hovered anxiously nearby, a pacifier in one hand and a blanket in another, as if he was worried that either item might be needed at any moment. When the baby stirred gently in Iruka’s arms, Kakashi half expected his friend to taijutsu the little thing out of Iruka’s grip and rush her to safety. Naomi, Tenzou had said, was getting some much needed sleep upstairs while Tenzou was on dad-duty.
“Do you want to hold her?” Iruka asked Kakashi, his bright cinnamon eyes still sparkling happily. “So long as your stomach is alright.”
“It’s fine,” Kakashi grumbled, placating Tenzou’s panicked look with a sigh. Iruka was never going to let that go, was he?
Tenzou, the untrusting jerk, made Kakashi sit down before he’d let him handle his new daughter, but Kakashi didn’t mind. He sat and held out his arms expectantly, allowing Iruka to lower the baby against him.
“Be sure to support her neck, and don’t jostle her too much,” Tenzou warned, still hovering.
The little thing weighed scarcely as much as a loaf of bread, and was very warm. She smelled…heavenly. Not like anything he had ever encountered before, soft and sweet and familiar. Her eyes opened suddenly, startling Kakashi. He’d thought she was asleep.
“Ah, she looks like you, Tenzou,” he observed. The baby’s dark eyes were too big for her pinched little face, but, like her scent, they were strikingly familiar.
“Oh I hope not Senpai,” Tenzou said. “That would be a curse on her for sure.”
“Don’t say that Tenzou-san,” Iruka said. “It’s always a treat when children resemble their parents. And your daughter is beautiful .”
Tenzou beamed at the compliment, and Iruka’s eyes locked onto Kakashi.
Oh.
“This doesn’t seem so hard,” Kakashi said to keep from imagining what a baby of his and Iruka’s might look like. Cuter than this one, probably.
“It’s not, except for that she never sleeps for more than two hours in a row, and she messes her diaper every half hour, and I’m constantly terrified that something is going to happen to her,” Tenzou said with a fond sigh. “She’s wonderful.”
“We could handle it,” Iruka said softly, putting a hand gently on Kakashi’s shoulder.
Could they though?
Iruka could, he was sure. And Kakashi would do anything for Iruka.
“Yeah, we could,” Kakashi said softly, smiling a little under his mask.
Whatever happened at the appointment, he and Iruka would be able to handle it together.
Chapter 20: Kickstart My Heart
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
The next few weeks until the appointment went by more quickly than Iruka would have liked, and the more days that passed, the more certain he became that something was different.
It began with a nap. Iruka arrived home after teaching at the Academy all day and flopped onto the couch to rest for a minute before he put his things away and heated up some leftovers for dinner–but even after Kakashi arrived home and attempted to rouse him, Iruka could barely keep himself awake long enough to get to the bed and pass out there. He told his mate that he was just overtired and possibly coming down with a cold, but Iruka knew better. That kind of bone-crushing fatigue was one of the main symptoms that Shizune had warned him to look out for.
And then, when he suddenly felt overwhelmed by the smell of his usual favorite shampoo and then had to step out of class to pee three days in a row, he was certain. This was more than elevated hormones from the mating bite.
As much as he had loathed when Kakashi kept secrets from him, Iruka felt justified in keeping his suspicions to himself. In part, he was worried about his mate’s reaction. Even after visiting Tenzou and Naomi’s baby, Iruka wondered if Kakashi might panic again, throw up, or even leave him altogether if the pregnancy was confirmed.
Never mind that they were married, never mind that they were mated and Iruka was marked–Kakashi had said in no uncertain terms that he never wanted children. The man had vomited at the mere idea that they might have a baby. How much worse would he be if it was confirmed? Iruka’s heart ached at the thought of Kakashi leaving him, and he knew that it wasn’t just because of the mark on his neck that bound them together. Kakashi’s little jaunt to the hospital and near exsanguination had only shown Iruka how much he really did care for his husband. Every day he looked forward to seeing that unmasked smile, feeling the warm comfort of a solid muscled body beside him at night, sharing news about his day and receiving encouragement and advice in return, sitting on the couch with their feet entwined while they read or graded or wrote mission reports.
Iruka’s one saving grace was that Kakashi seemed less scared of parenthood now that he’d seen his best friend caring for sweet little Umeko-chan, however that was no guarantee that he would accept a baby of his own into their life.
So Iruka drank an extra cup of tea with his breakfast and watered down his shampoo and tried to chalk up his extra nighttime bathroom visits to an upset stomach.
But elite jounin shinobi were notoriously difficult to fool, and one week before the appointment, Iruka woke up and staggered to the bathroom to puke. When he looked up, Kakashi was standing in the doorway of the bathroom, a haunted look on his face.
“S-sorry,” Iruka spat the last bits of bile into the toilet bowl, his eyes streaming with tears both from the sickness and his horror at having been found out. “Please don’t…leave.” Fear consumed him suddenly as he looked up into his husband’s blank dark gaze. Was Kakashi’s fear of being a father really stronger than his professed love for Iruka? A painful sob wrenched from his throat, squeezing out between clenched teeth, and his stomach gave another churn unrelated to the hormone-induced nausea. In his moment of pain, more vulnerable than he’d been even during his heat, doubt shook him.
But then Kakashi was crouching beside him, smoothing sweaty strands of hair back from Iruka’s face, tender and searching. “We did this together,” Kakashi said, his voice low and earnest. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Relief flowed through him like the healing glow of a healer-nin’s chakra, and Iruka fell into Kakashi’s arms.
*
“How long have you known?” Kakashi asked. They were back in bed, Iruka’s head resting on Kakashi’s chest, their hands entwined, staring up at the ceiling. Iruka had called in sick to the Academy, and Kakashi sent Pakkun as a messenger to let Gai know he wouldn’t be training with him.
“I’ve suspected for a few weeks now,” Iruka admitted. His fingers traced the veins on the back of Kakashi’s hand and he forced himself to breathe in and out slowly to keep the rest of his thoughts and worries from crashing over him like a deadly tsunami against a little rowboat. He told himself that he was safe here in his mate’s embrace, the beating of Kakashi’s heart a gentle cadence over the sounds of their quiet breathing, and after a moment he was ready to voice those worries.
“Even if I’m pretty sure, we can’t be certain until Shizune confirms it. I don’t know a lot about this stuff, but there are so many things that can go wrong. Just because some doctor told me that my body is technically capable of carrying a baby to term doesn’t mean that I’ll actually be able to.”
Kakashi didn’t speak for a moment. His breathing remained as calm and steady as ever, but Iruka could hear his heart rate increase just a little bit.
“Did you really think I might leave you?” he asked at last, and Iruka almost flinched when he heard the raw pain in his words. “After everything we’ve been through?”
“I prepared myself for the worst,” Iruka admitted. “Just in case.”
“Hmm,” Kakashi considered. “I guess it's your turn to act irrationally and cause problems because of hormones, huh?”
“At least my hormones aren’t going to make me get into fights in homegoods stores and bite you in front of our friends,” Iruka countered loftily.
Kakashi laughed, his whole body vibrating against Iruka. “Feel free to do either of those things. Maybe I’ll give you a blow job on the front porch just to make things even?”
This time it was Iruka’s turn to laugh. “I might take you up on that,” he said, his face reddening at the thought, and, to his surprise, his cock stirring. He’d been too tired and stressed over the past week to be very interested in sex.
“Mmm.” Kakashi rolled over, positioning himself above his mate on hands and knees. The alpha pressed his nose to Iruka’s mate-mark and breathed in Iruka’s scent deeply.
“Something is different about your scent,” Kakashi said, his voice a low lusty rumble.
“Are you sure you’re not just smelling my puke-breath?” Iruka asked, but then he shivered at the feel of warm breath and soft lips on his mate-mark, catching a whiff of alpha lust .
“No, I watched you brush your teeth after. This is…” Kakashi trailed off, and Iruka moaned softly as Kakashi’s tongue swirled over the mark, tasting him. “Deeper. Sweeter.” Kakashi ground his hips into Iruka’s groin and moved his lips to Iruka’s mouth, drinking him in along with his scent, taking possession of him in a way that thrilled Iruka. He wanted nothing more than to be possessed just then. He could feel Kakashi’s arousal as well as smell it now, pressing into his stomach when Iruka wanted it pressed deep inside him–needed it in a way he hadn’t needed Kakashi since the last day of his heat almost three months ago.
“It makes me feel like you’re really mine,” Kakashi’s voice was almost a growl, protective and fierce, and his hands were firm as he rid himself of his pants and underwear in an instant. “Can I take you? Can I mark you all over? Iruka, I swear I’ll never leave you on purpose.”
“Yes please,” Iruka gasped. Kakashi almost seemed to pounce on him at those words–Iruka’s comfy sleep pants were nearly ripped off of him, and Kakashi’s cock was inside him a moment later, sliding deep into Iruka’s pussy with almost no warning, satisfying that need in a way that left Iruka moaning and writhing under his mate, clenching around the alpha’s cock even as Kakashi began to thrust slowly.
“More,” Iruka encouraged, gasping. He wrapped his legs around Kakashi’s waist and let his fingers dig into the man’s shoulders. Kakashi’s teeth scraped across Iruka’s mate mark and then his hips bucked into Iruka hard.
“Yes!” Iruka’s shout was half-pleading, and it had the desired effect. Kakashi braced himself against Iruka’s shoulders, his face still buried in his mate’s neck and he began to thrust relentlessly into him again and again.
Iruka could feel the need to be close and reinforce their bond in every spark of pleasure that Kakashi ignited inside him. No matter what happened with the baby, he was content to know that he would have this for the rest of his life. When Kakashi said that he would stay with him, Iruka knew it was true with every fiber of his being. Hatake Kakashi didn’t make promises lightly, after all.
“Fuck!” Iruka cried out as he came, spilling his seed between them without even having to put a hand on his cock. Kakashi didn’t slow down, but sat back slightly to grip Iruka’s hips as he continued. It was incredible, watching as Kakashi’s face strained, his chest smeared with Iruka’s cum, the cords of muscle standing out in his neck and shoulders. He came with a roar and a stuttering of his hips, knot swelling in reaction to the intensity of their fucking.
Iruka pulled him down to lay on top of him, whispering comforting gibberish into his mate’s ear, fingers sliding through his hair. Kakashi’s chest expanded with each breath as if he’d fought off a whole platoon of enemy nin. He recovered remarkably swiftly, of course, a smiling curling over his lips.
From his position above Iruka, kneeling between the omega’s legs, Kakashi had perfect access to most of Iruka’s upper body without having to move from where they were knotted together. He shivered every now and then as another wave of his orgasm sent a stream of cum into Iruka, but worked anyway with his teeth and tongue to leave wonderful little bites and hickeys across his mate’s chest.
“I love you,” Kakashi murmured directly into Iruka’s skin. “I’ll never leave you.”
Iruka believed him.
*
The day of the appointment, Shizune entered the dingy exam room to take a blood sample from Iruka and froze at the matching terrified looks on their faces.
“Has something happened?” she asked.
“I’m pregnant,” Iruka said. “I can tell.”
“Ah.” Understanding crossed her features. “Tell me what you’ve noticed.”
“The classic signs. Fatigue, nausea, increased need to use the bathroom…and,” he looked at Kakashi briefly, who stood stoic and tense beside Iruka with his hands in his pockets. “Kakashi says my scent is different.”
“That sounds pretty convincing,” Shizune admitted. “We can definitely tell for sure today, one way or the other. I’ll still run the blood test, but Iruka if you don’t mind I’d like to do a sonogram.”
“What’s that?”
“A machine that can show us a picture of what’s happening inside. It’s still early so we’ll have to insert the sensor into your vaginal canal. Is that alright?”
Iruka exchanged a look of alarm with Kakashi.
“If you agree, it might be possible to see a heartbeat.”
“Yes please,” Iruka said. Kakashi’s shoulders tensed, but Shizune nodded in acquiescence.
“Alright Iruka-san, please let me take your blood sample, and then undress and lay on the exam table. I’ll bring in the machine.”
When she was gone, Kakashi immediately began pacing.
“Are you alright?” Iruka asked. He felt a little bit jittery, but mostly with excitement. Kakashi, on the other hand, looked as if he wanted to flee the exam room through the window.
Iruka could tell that Kakashi was about to lie, but when he raised his eyebrows Kakashi sighed and paused his pacing. “I’m nervous, and I don’t like the idea of her putting something…”
“It’s a routine scan,” Iruka said. “Would you rather wait outside?”
“No. I want to see it.”
“Okay.” Iruka said gently. “Then hold my hand and try to stay calm.”
Kakashi nodded and did as Iruka said, taking up a position beside Iruka, his hand clenching Iruka’s tightly. Iruka was glad that Shizune was a beta and that Tsunade was nowhere around, because as soon as she entered the room again Kakashi’s chakra flared slightly as if facing a physical threat.
Shizune was smiling as she wheeled in the machine. “You’re going to be dads,” she said. “Congratulations.”
Even though he had known, more or less, that the blood test would show that he was pregnant, Iruka still felt a floating sense of disbelief at the official news. Beside him, Kakashi’s face was unreadable.
“Now let’s see if we can get a peek at baby,” she said cheerfully. Iruka braced himself for the feeling of the machinery prodding into him, the cold medical lubricant an unpleasant but necessary thing to endure–the first of many unpleasant things, surely, over the course of the next year.
The screen was all blurry blackness and Iruka winced, tightening his grip on his mate’s hand as the sensor twisted inside him, searching for…
“There’s the heartbeat,” Shizune said, a look of awe on her face. “Wow…”
Iruka saw it–the little fluttering movement that Shizunes’ eyes were locked onto. Somehow seeing it with his own eyes on the little black and white screen made the whole thing very real. He looked up at Kakashi, who had lifted his headband and was studying the screen with the intensity of both his dark natural eye and his scarlet whirling sharingan, as if there was something hidden in that black and white image that could be revealed through the jutsu.
“When can we know if it’s a boy or a girl?” Iruka asked. He felt Kakashi jolt with surprise at the question.
“Not until around 20 weeks,” Shizune said. “This is truly amazing, Iruka-san. So far everything looks perfect. We’ll be monitoring you closely and you’ll be on light duty for the foreseeable future, but if everything goes well, you’ll be welcoming a little baby Hatake in about seven months!”
Kakashi’s hand went limp in Iruka’s grip a second before the other man slumped down into a faint.
Well. It was better than vomiting, Iruka supposed.
*
“What are we going to tell Naruto when he gets back from training with Jiraiya?” Iruka asked. They were back at home, relaxing on the couch together, emotionally exhausted from the drama of the doctor’s appointment. They sat at opposite ends, Iruka’s feet propped on his mate’s lap and Kakashi’s book propped up on Iruka’s feet. Iruka was slumped down. He wondered if his former student would be excited or outraged. Probably both.
“I think we should just not tell him,” Kakashi said, smiling in such a way that Iruka could’t tell if he was being serious.
“You mean just welcome him back, baby in hand, and pretend that we’ve always been living together and that this is perfectly normal?”
“Sure!” Kakashi shrugged. “He may never figure it out.”
Iruka burst into laughter and sat up, pulling his feet in to put himself on Kakashi’s lap. “Did you hit your head when you fainted in that exam room?”
“It’s for my own self-preservation,” Kakashi retorted. “He might try to kill me if we tell him, and who knows what Jiraiya is teaching him–he might end me.”
“He’s protective, but his heart is in the right place. I’m sure he’ll come around. And can you blame him? You still seem kind of weird about the whole thing.”
Kakashi pulled Iruka up to face him, locking their eyes and breathing slowly. His scent was calm and his gaze was thoughtful. Strong arms wound comfortably around Iruka’s waist and instantly Iruka was sure of his mate–of his devotion and commitment and love.
“I’ve spent my entire life preparing to fight for and defend Konoha and the people of the Land of Fire. I was a chuunin when I was six years old, and a jounin by the time I was 11. I put off getting a mate and abused the hormone blockers for years for that reason…so these past few months have brought a lot of changes.” He pressed his forehead to Iruka’s, and the raw honesty was like a soothing balm between them. Iruka kept quiet, letting his mate empty himself of all the worries. He knew that getting married, mated, and now facing an unplanned pregnancy had been just as difficult for Kakashi as for himself.
“I’m sorry for the grief I’ve caused you,” Kakashi said. His voice was deep and genuine.
“A lot of it was out of your control,” Iruka said gently. He cupped the back of Kakashi’s neck with one hand. “You did your best, and that’s all I can ask. Thank you.”
Finally a sense of peace came over the alpha, like he’d released a tension that he’d been carrying since the day he and Iruka were married. Forgiveness, Iruka thought with wonder. He had just witnessed Kakashi find a way to forgive himself for at least some of the things he had done in the past few months.
This time, when they kissed, it was with the peace and honesty of two people who loved each other, even if the words were still half-unsaid. When Iruka buried his face in Kakashi’s neck and breathed in, it smelled like home .
THE END
Notes:
<3 <3 <3
All that's left is the epilogue! :D
Chapter 21: Epilogue
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Epilogue: I Was Made For Loving You Baby
Some Months Later
Iruka didn’t confess his love for Kakashi until the day their baby girl came into the world, when he was buried under pain and medicine. The wonderful news that the baby was healthy and that he was going to make a full recovery freed him from the stress and pressure of the past months. He had done it. They had done it.
Beside Iruka’s hospital bed, Kakashi held their baby carefully on his lap, both arms cradling her as if she was made of glass. She was impossibly tiny and had been expertly swaddled in a pale pink blanket by the neonatal nurses. Iruka had only gotten a quick peek at her in the operating room before Tsunade had put him under general anesthesia for the remainder of the grueling surgery, but he didn’t need to see her to know she was perfect. They had both made it, and that was what mattered. That, and Kakashi was there. He hadn’t left. He hadn’t abandoned their little family no matter his fears or insecurities.
Now, in the recovery room, every part of him in pain and his brain still foggy, Iruka watched as Kakashi pulled down his mask, closed his eyes, and pressed his lips to the newborn’s forehead right below her little swirl of short silvery hair. Elite jounin, ex-ANBU, alpha shinobi Hatake Kakashi breathed in deeply and smiled at the infant in his lap. Something about that sight stirred Iruka’s heart and brought him back to coherence, and he suddenly had hold of the words he had been too uncertain to voice before.
“I know now,” Iruka said in a raspy, exhausted voice. “I know now that I love you.” He reached across the inches between them and squeezed Kakashi’s hand, weak with exhaustion but strong with determination.
“You don’t have to say it,” Kakashi said, his voice low. “You’ve been through a lot–you’ve done a lot. Look...” He bent down slightly so that Iruka could see what they had made. The baby’s eyes were open, dark and unfocused, but beautiful.
“With you,” Iruka said. He didn’t let go of his grip on Kakashi’s hand, weak as it was. It was his mate’s expression that he wanted to see just then–rarely was the man so vulnerable and open with his feelings, and Iruka thought that it was almost as beautiful of a sight as the baby in his arms.
“I love you,” Iruka said again. His heart was full. “I love you both .”
Kakashi scooted closer to Iruka’s bed so that he could hold his mate’s hand and rest part of the newborn’s slight weight on Iruka’s chest. He still hadn’t pulled up his mask, and Iruka could see the gentle curve of his lips as his loving gaze wandered from the baby to Iruka and back.
“She needs a name,” Kakashi said. “Tsunade asked me, and all I had was Hatake . I think you should pick out her first name. We talked a little bit before…”
“Kairi,” Iruka said. His voice was stronger now. “The meaning for my family, but the sound reminds me of you.”
“I love it,” Kakashi murmured softly. There were tears in his eyes and his voice was strained, but Iruka didn’t comment on it. Kakashi never teased him about all the times he had cried for his emotions, after all. Iruka lifted his hand to cup the other man’s cheek.
“I hope she’s like you,” Iruka added.
“That would really be a curse on her,” Kakashi said, laughing softly to cover the single tear that had escaped. “Even I don't want to be like me most of the time.”
“It’s always a blessing when children take after their parents. Especially when one of them is you.” Iruka could feel the deep weariness of his exhausted body pulling him back down, the fog of pain that had momentarily lifted while he admired his mate and new daughter descending again. Tubes and needles still perforated Iruka’s body, and he knew that he wouldn’t be able to stay awake for much longer. He closed his eyes and concentrated on breathing, and on the sound of Kakashi’s warm voice, thick with feeling.
“Thank you, Iruka. I didn’t know, when Tsunade burst in and demanded that I get married, that this would be the outcome,” Kakashi said.
“Just kiss me again before I pass out,” Iruka said. The alpha obeyed, laying those same soft lips that had moments ago kissed their newborn daughter onto Iruka’s chapped lips, breathing deeply into him until Iruka was relaxed and content enough to slip back into the healing blackness of sleep. His last thought before unconsciousness claimed him was that he wouldn’t have wanted it to turn out any other way.
*
Five More Months Later
It was different with his own baby, Kakashi thought as he bounced the little silver-haired girl on his hip. He was watching the sunrise with her on the back porch of the house that was more home now than his old apartment had ever been. It smelled like Iruka and himself and Kairi-chan all mingled together in a scent that felt like family , which he had never thought to want for himself. He’d been afraid of what it would mean to bring a child into his life, into his world, into his house that was so full of pain and ghosts. But new memories of snuggled-up afternoon naps and playdates with Tenzou’s little family had almost entirely written over the pain of the past that had once dogged his every footstep over the worn floorboards.
To his surprise, having Iruka and Kairi here brought up happy memories of his own father that he hadn’t thought about in many long years. Before, the thought of being a father made his stomach churn with anxiety and nausea, but now it filled him with hope and pride…and love.
The sun was just barely brushing up against the trees that lined the property, painting the sky with pinks and oranges and the prettiest teal. Kairi-chan gave a little coo and clung to the front of Kakashi’s black t-shirt with hands so tiny that each fist could wrap around only one of Kakashi’s fingers. Her bright cinnamon eyes reflected the morning light, intelligent and curious and beautiful. A perfect reflection of Iruka’s dark, thoughtful gaze in miniature, Kakashi thought.
She had arrived in the world five months ago, just over a year from that fateful day that Kakashi and Iruka had been unceremoniously united in a slapdash marriage. It hadn’t been an easy year–far from it. A male omega’s pregnancy was never without complications, but with Iruka’s incredible strength, Tsunade-sama’s expert medical help and Kakashi’s unwavering support, they had all made it out more or less whole and healthy.
While Iruka had survived the birth, his recovery from the ordeal was long and difficult, which meant that most of Kairi’s care for the first few months had been solely Kakashi’s responsibility. Tenzou and Naomi were an incredible help during that time–Naomi donated milk and Tenzou very patiently taught his senpai how to change diapers, swaddle, and burp his tiny new charge. (“I’m the copy-nin, Tenzou. You only need to show me once.”)
Sakura-chan babysat little Kairi and Shizune visited frequently to check up on Iruka’s health, and Gai bought her more baby clothes and toys than any one child could ever need. Even as quick of a learner as he was, however, Kakashi decided that caring for a baby should qualify as an A-rank mission. (“And she can’t even walk yet,” Iruka reminded him with a smile.)
The year had been trying, but worth every minute. Kakashi pushed through the anxiety and the sleepless nights and the copious amounts of spit-up for Kairi and Iruka’s sake. He did it for slobbery open-mouthed baby kisses on his cheek and nights spent with his arms around his mate. For the joyful music of little giggles in his ear and the way Iruka looked at him when they were alone. And for himself, he was able to admit occasionally. Kakashi always considered himself unworthy of his incredible good fortune, and so he was determined to spend the rest of his life making himself worthy of Iruka, Kairi-chan, and the rest of the children who would be born in Konoha.
Suddenly, Kairi looked around and wiggled aggressively in Kakashi’s arms. He followed her gaze and saw Iruka shuffling towards them in his pajamas, a gentle smile on his face and a cup of coffee in one hand. Had she detected her daddy before Kakashi had? Kakashi couldn’t help but feel a little bit proud. Perhaps she would be a prodigy like him. He didn’t say it out loud, however. Iruka had been plenty mad when he overheard Kakashi and Tenzou planning out their daughter’s future training regimens and debating whose baby would be passing the chuunin exams first. (There had been several apology blowjobs after that argument, but fortunately Kakashi enjoyed giving them just as much as Iruka enjoyed receiving them.)
“My two favorite people,” Iruka cooed. He kissed Kairi on her chubby, drooly round cheek and then laid his head on Kakashi’s shoulder.
In a little while, Iruka would leave to teach his classes at the Academy, and Kakashi would drop Kairi off with Naomi and little Umeko-chan so he and Tenzou could do some intensive training.
But now, in the early morning with his two favorite people, he couldn’t imagine his life any other way.
Notes:
That's it!
<3 <3 <3
Firstly thank you so much to Princessbuttercup for betareading this entire thing! When she signed on it was only 2 chapters and stuck with me as it grew and grew and grew lol. She's a champ and so patiently deleted an untold number of unnecessary commas for me. XD I really appreciate it!
Also thanks a billion to Jkirin for cheering me on. I was close to abandoning this at about ch.16 so it is with her positive comments and support (as well as the rest of the cabin) that I was able to push through that difficult part and finish. <3 <3 She also picked out baby Kairi's name! You rock Jinx!!!
And finally, thank you so much to everyone who has followed along and commented and left kudos, I am blown away by how much everyone has enjoyed this story! (And very happy!) I hope that my entry into the kakairu fandom lives up to all of the wonderful stories that inspired me. *tears*
If you want to hang out with me I'm usually around on Tenzo's Cabin Discord Server! I wasn't planning on adding any more to this, but I am signed up for the kakairu reverse big bang which should be finishing up during the summer and it should be fun!
<3
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