Chapter Text
You’ve really worked me out.
The Keyblade War with Xehanort was over and Vanitas never felt so shaken.
Saix, Xion, and the Replica, who really wanted a name other than just “Repliku”, went to live in Twilight Town with Axel and Roxas. Which was more than fair, they had only good memories in Twilight Town from what Xion remembered and told him when they weren’t at each other’s throats.
The Replica probably didn’t want to be around the person he was supposed to be a copy of, that would only bring back bad memories. Plus, Namine lived in Twilight Town with the rest of them as well, and that was probably the main reason he stayed.
Meanwhile, Ventus wanted to stay close to Vanitas, Terra wanted to watch over him, and Aqua went along because she just wanted to have her boys happy.
And Vanitas absolutely hated it.
There was a deep feeling coming from inside his heart, it was an itch boiling beneath his skin and engraved into his bones to stay with Saix, and to not separate them please please please he’s all i have and he makes me feel safe please to take me away from him.
When they were parting their way at the Graveyard, after the War was over, he gripped , Saix’s cloak. Almost tearing the boiling hot, leather coat in two. It felt wrong to be separated from Saix after everything he did for the three of them, for him , when he didn’t need to.
Saix, by the looks of it, didn’t want to be separated either. Xion and Repliku were grouped together and hidden in the coat Axel wore. They obviously trusted him, Xion more so because of their shared history, because Saix trusted trusted Axel.
“Vanitas, I know you want to stay, but I think it would be good for you to stay with your other half. I can strike up an agreement with Aqua and Terra for you to visit when needed, but this is for the best.”
Saix kneeled before him, curse his short height, and was gently holding his shoulders in both his hands. Vanitas’s claws ripped into his gloves, gripping Saix’s hands and keeping them on his shoulders. Convinced if he didn’t surrender Saix’s hands, he’d be forced to take him with them.
“Vani, I know you’re scared, but I already talked to them before this war even started. They promised, under oath and contract, to keep you saf—”
“But Terra’s with them.”
Vanitas dug his claws even deeper into Saix’s hands, the former wincing when Vanitas started to draw blood. He could feel the pinpricks poking through the skin and slowly drip across his claws.
“I know how you feel about Terra and he’s free of Xehanort’s darkness”
“But what if he remembers? What if he still thinks of me the same way while we were in the Organization?
“Vani—”
“ Do you really think a piece of paper and a spoken word is going to save me from his fists? What if he isn’t as willing to lead me on now that he has full control again? Now that he remembers what I did to him, to them, a decade ago? He’s going to despise me and there’s no way a fucking promise and a piece of paper is going to save me .”
His grip was unrelenting on Saix’s hands, because he did not want to go.
Saix was safe, he was the only one who cared. The only one that bothered to care.
“I can’t go through that again Saix. I just can’t do it. I know I have to go with them, but I don’t want to go—”
“ Vanitas .”
Vanitas was going to spit the trio’s names, each one member a different flavor and intensity of venom, but Saix cut him off before he could curse them out.
He inhaled deeply, and then exhaled just as long. He was clearly disappointed in him, but seemed irritated. That probably wasn’t the case, but Vanitas always assumed the worst of every situation.
He was easily irritated and easily annoyed, always willing to rile someone up or bite down on the hand that feeds him. But Saix was patient and was there when he was at his weakest and, somehow, didn’t kick him while he was down.
It was very, very easy to use Vanitas as a training dummy and destroy his Unversed just as quickly as they formed, but he did none of that. Instead, he provided security, or as much as he could while they were a part of the Real Organization.
And now, those fuckers from the Land of Departure wanted to pry him away from the one person he cared about. Even more than Ventus at this current point. Ventus, at least he seemed so, wanted nothing to do with Vanitas after he destroyed the X-blade and foolishly had them both asleep in Sora’s heart for almost twelve years.
“I know you don’t like it, but it was what was agreed upon before hand. I’m sorry it ended up like this, but there’s nothing I can do about it now.”
Saix pulled Vanitas into a hug. Vanitas, not yet used to positive contact, froze when Saix wrapped his arm around his shoulders, the claw marks still dripping blood. The warmth of it felt through the leather of his gloves.
Vanitas wanted to return the hug, but his mind felt like it was suspended in mid air, which happened multiple times in battle and during training. He just couldn’t reciprocate no matter how much he wanted to.
What he wanted to do, was claw at all the places of contact and free the boiling blood and colonies of insects that seemed to buzz just below his skin. The thousands of Unversed that wanted to claw their way out of his pores and scars and the back of his throat.
But showing weakness and showing how the Unversed were birthed, and how much they hurt, would be a secret he took to his grave.
And if his life was prolonged because if this separation, then so be it.
So he, literally, swallowed his emotions, wiped away tears that weren’t there, and tried not to let the huge lump in his throat go any further.
He felt the thick, tar-like substance build up in the corners of his mouth and at the back of his nose. It stung like bile and smelled just as awful.
He wiped it away, sniffed it all up, and accepted his fate as never seeing Saix again. At least for a long while.
Vanitas was stubborn. His remnant was proof of that.
Saix pat him of the shoulders, clearly not trying to cringe at the deep cuts and slashes on his hands, and returned to where Xion, the Replica, and the rest of the Lights from Twilight Town.
It felt like a part of his was dying, a part of him was in shock, another felt like screaming at the Departure-ers until his throat was raw and his hands were stained with blood.
There was a sudden weight placed of his shoulder and it took every bone and muscle in his body to avoid tearing it apart with his teeth. Saix had just left in a Gummiship to Twilight Town, and he couldn’t disappoint the one person who cared.
Even if he wasn’t here.
Instead, he only moved his eyes. Staring daggers and knives into whoever dared to touch him.
It was Ventus. And suddenly the feeling of ugly mass and tar build up at the back of his throat reared its ugly head and came back with a vengeance.
It was all Ventus’s fault for being too weak to handle a little darkness. It was his fault for not being strong enough to handle the training all those years ago, and then again with Xehanort.
It was his fault they were separated, his fault he had to train under Xehanort. And it was his fault Terra was cruel and mean and hurtful. He stole his only friend away again and now there was a chance he was reliving that pain and hurt all over again.
It was all his fault.
His fault.
His fault.
His fault.
It would be so easy to cut him down right here and now, or strangle him until his face went blue. Would Ventus bleed red like everyone else if Vanitas were to bash his skull in with his Keyblade? Or, because his heart is full of nothing but light, would he bleed white? He was the opposite of Vanitas after all. Or maybe he’d bleed gold like Kairi did, showing off his status as a god, albeit an artificial one.
Would Ventus put up a fight? Or would he just keel over like a dog and accept his fate? If Vanitas killed him after all this, would they finally be able to form the X-blade, and finally find salvation? Would he be able to be free of the chains and hold of Xehanort and find peace? Would he just finally stop existing? Or would Ventus, Aqua, or Terra kill him finally kill him off and he could finally stop breathing and put an end to his miserable existen—
“Lets go home Vanitas.”
Never before had Vanitas hated a group of people before in his life. Real Organization, along with Xehanort and all the versions of him, would always be right at the top of his short list.
He hated people in general, they always asked questions and never shut up. Always poking their dumb noses in places they didn’t belong. They were too predictable, boring, and slow. Too dumb to process anything beyond the immediate future and too ignorant to accept any kind of change.
But, this trio was a close second.
Ventus was annoying because he represented everything Vanitas could never have. He represented everything Vanitas wanted and could barely touch, but it was just barely outside of his grasp. It had been like that since the very beginning of their miserable existence, and it would always stay that way.
At least until one of them kicked the bucket.
And he hoped it happened sooner rather than later.
He despised Aqua. she was a know it all, stuck up and rigid. Strict to a T and never bothered to change once she set her course. She was stubborn and strict, but she was also, somehow, the most head strong and unpredictable out of the tree. She always, always , managed to through a wrench into any plan Xehanort had, and was one of the main reasons the Hareraisers and Launching Plants existed.
And then there was Terra.
He couldn’t even look at the damn fool without his throat closing up and having the sudden impulse to keel over and kill himself.
Did he aware every action Terra made while a part of the Organization was under the control and possession of Xehanort and his lackeys? Yes.
Did that make his neglect, betrayal, and eventual abandonment any easier? No, it fucking didn’t .
Whenever Aqua, or Ventus, or T—, or and of the trio interfered with Xehanort’s plans, Vanitas and his Unversed payed the price for it. And he hated them for it.
They were, indirectly, the source of his hate, and pain, and fear, and being near them stirred the pot of rage and fury boiling in his stomach that threatened to spill onto the orange sand beneath his boots.
I hate you all I hate you all I hate you all so much
“Vanitas, the war is over. You can come home now.”
Home was with you.
Not speaking a word, they weren’t great enough to waste oxygen for.
He turned and followed the trio to the edge of the cliffs where the final war was fought and looked over the horizon.
The deserts and the thousands upon thousands of Keyblades looks so small and insignificant below him. Not even a few hours ago was he able to wield the masses of them without even breaking a sweat. Riding the waves of rusted and broken Keyblades with such ease.
And now, he couldn’t do any of that anymore.
He looked at the height of the cliff faces below the soles of his shoes, barely able to see the line where the stone and sands met.
“Vanitas, you’re going to have to ride on Terra’s glider. Ventus’s is too small to fit a second person and mine doesn’t have a proper place for you to hold on to. Terra’s glider is the only safe option for you right now until you unlock that ability for yourself.”
Vanitas considered jumping off the edge right then and there, wanting to hear the crack of his spine and the dull thud of his body against the sand.
He heard no objections from Terra, but once he turned around and saw his face, he saw he didn’t have any qualms with the situation either.
Did he?
Does he not remember?
And before anyone could say anything, they activated their armor and within a flash they were geared and ready to soar.
Vanitas himself repaired his helmet and curled his hands into fists, his suit protecting his claws from drawing blood.
One by one, they activated their gliders and set off, Aqua leading the way and Ventus following shortly.
Terra drifted to the space in front of the edge and gestured for Vanitas to jump on. Which he sure as hell didn’t want to to.
He wanted to jump off more than anything else.
Refusing to look at Terra, even though their was a full suit of armor and Vanitas’s own helmet and suit blocking them from looking each other in the eye. Or at all.
“Jump on Vanitas, it’s a hundred percent safe as long as you hold on tightly.”
Vanitas jerked his head to the side before climbing on to Terra’s glider. He gripped the seat’s, built in, handle bars. He refused to go anywhere near Terra if possible.
He hated this whole arrangement and, if he wasn’t trying so hard as to not release waves of Unversed, he would have spat venom and acid at Terra the whole ride to the Land of Departure.
But because he was trying not to puke his emotions out, he could only sit in the back of Terra’s pathetic glider and seethe in his own hatred and disgust
And fear.
I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you. I hate you all.
I wish you die.
I wish we both die.