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„Look, I wanna know what you and Jay were talking about earlier…“
„Oh, come on! It doesn‘t matter!“, Ben interrupts an only gets a huff as response from Callum. He crosses his Arms and turns away until Ben eventually gives in.
„Alright. Well, I told Jay, that I never admitted my full body count to you and he says … that he thinks I should.“
“Why have you never told me truth about what the number is?” Callum wants to know.
“Because it ain’t impor’ant!”
“It is to me!”
Ben hesitates. He lets out a breath and his gaze drops to his feet. He really doesn’t want to tell Callum, because he already knows what his reaction will be. But when he realizes that Callum wouldn’t drop the matter, he concludes he could as well just get it over with, trying to minimize the damage as good as he can.
“Alright … er … well I don’t …”, he takes a deep breath and clears his throat before he continues. “I don’t really know.” It is the truth but he can see that Callum couldn’t accept it as a final answer.
“Right. So, we talking double figures, or...?” Callum wants to know.
Ben remains silent while contemplating his answer. Why can’t Callum just leave it? Why can’t he drop the matter for his own good. Knowing fully well that his answer will be just fuel to Callums own clearly visible insecurity, he brings himself to speak.
“...Triple.”, he blurts out, not wanting to look his husband in the eyes, but considering not seeing his reaction being worse.
Callum is speechless for a second, struggling with his words when finds his voice again.
“Right...yeah, Yeah. It’s just…”, he pauses to start anew. “It’s just when you compare that to me, obviously…”, Ben interrupts immediately.
“But it ain’t a competition, darlin’.”, he says with all the insistence he is able to lay in his voice and for a second Callum seems to have forgotten what he wanted to say.
Ben takes advantage of his silence to quickly add: “You know, you stopped searching when you found perfection, didn’t you.”, pointing at himself at the word perfection for good measure.The joke seems to have the affect he’d wished it would when it coaxed a chuckle out of Callum.
“Yeah, that must be it.”, Callum gives in.
“That was then, this is now, okay?” Ben lets himself drop from the counter he was sitting on until now and begins peeling off his jacket. He finally begins to feel that the conversation is steering in a direction he wants it to go. “Some were good, some were …. very bad, none of them – and I mean none of them – were anything compared to you. Right? I promish ya! You’re not missin’ out.” Ben turns around folding his jacket just to keep his hands busy. He really hopes his words got through to Callum, but when he glances back over his shoulder he can see him leaning on the counter, not looking a hundred percent convinced yet. Although he wishes he could bury this topic for good now, he knows this ain’t over yet.
When Ben comes to bed this night, he can feel the tension radiating from Callum. His husband is lying on his back staring at the ceiling, when Ben climbs into Bed shuffling until he is comfortably tucked under the sheets. Knowing Callum always takes some time until he makes up his mind to speak up, Ben lays his head on his own pillow patently waiting for Callum to finally say something. Minutes go by and Callum is still staring at the ceiling and Ben begins to worry that the ever growing wrinkles in his forehead might decorate his handsome face permanently, if he won’t light up soon.
“Tell me what’s going on in that beau’iful head of yours?”, he asks trying his best not to let the worry seep through his voice. When he doesn’t get a reaction from Callum he reaches out to carefully touch his arm. Callum winces but finally takes his stare from the ceiling and turns his head to look at Ben. The worried look in his eyes is still there, though.
“Hm?”
“What’cha thinking about, honey? Wrinkles don’t look that good on you.”
“Nothing.”, Callum answers, still not hundred percent back from wherever his mind was drifting off to before.
“Tell me.”, Ben requests with a slightly more stern undertone in his voice.
Callum drops his look to his hands, awkwardly fumbling with his fingers.
“Our talk earlier about how many men you’ve been with…”, he begins silently.
“Doesn’t matter. I told you before. None of them meant anything to me!”, Ben interrupts taking Callums hands into his own, trying to squeeze them.
“I know you said you didn’t feel a connection with any of them…” Ben was about to interrupt him again, but Callum just keeps on speaking ignoring him. “...and I believe you when you say that they meant nothing. But still every time you are with someone – even when they were ‘very bad’ – you learn something. You develop and grow on every one night stand you have and I don’t mean this as a bad thing…”
“Then what?”
“I’m just saying that you have a lot of experience that I can’t even begin to match.”
“And I don’t want you to. I am very happy the way we are – the way you are!” Ben responds affectionately.
“But how can I ever be enough for you? How can you be happy with me, when I’m just this Baby-gay who knows nothing and is just boring and vanilla? Won’t you eventually miss all the excitement and whatever your kinks were before me?”, his voice breaks at the last words and Ben can see the light of the bedside lamp reflect in the tear that is rolling down Callums cheek. He loosens his grip of Callums hands to bring his own up to Callums chin, making him look him in his eyes.
“Callum.”, he begins slowly, making sure to keep eye contact. “I love you. I love you very much, I cannot see any reason why I would ever want to sleep with anyone besides you ever again. I love how things are between us and I want it to stay like that.” He moves his thumb to dry away the second tear that hasn’t quite reached the pillow yet.
“But…”
“No but’s!”, Ben interrupts. “I am happy with you just the way you are. Why don’t you just believe me?”
Callum ignores the question goes on with his own instead: “Won’t get bored with me eventually?”
Ben has actually thought about this before. Callum was right, everything between them has been very vanilla since the beginning and never really developed into something more. But still Ben couldn’t think of one time with Callum that hasn’t been at least a thousand times better than even the best one night stand he’ s ever had. Whenever they’re at the pub having a drink and he gets a smirk or a wink from Callum his heart speeds up and tripples its pace. Whenever Callum is trying to mirror Bens constant innuendos about their sex life he has to bite his lip hard enough to draw blood, finding it the resolution to make his hard on disappear and preventing him to jump at his husband right there. However, there’s no holding back at home. When Callums comes out of the shower, wet hair and only a towel around his waist, Ben feels barely able to restrain himself enough until they make to their bed.
Callum was right on one thing, though. Before Callum, Ben was all about the casual fling. After Paul he had thought he’d lost all feeling. He felt so numb all the time, and in desperation to feel anything at all, he had tried a lot of things. He had gone through practically every sex practice there is, only finding that none of it would fill the hole in his heart . There were some he stuck with, actually liking some of the rougher stuff, but knew as soon as he became involved with Callum, that he could never go there with him, and he honestly hasn’t missed it once.
Callum sniffed once and tries to turn back to the ceiling when he doesn’t get a response, but Ben holds him firmly in place.
“I could never get bored with you, darlin’. I’d jump you every second of every day, if you’d let me, that’s how crazy you make me feel.” A small smile escapes from Callums lips and it is the first time since the beginning of this conversation, that Ben has the feeling they can be okay again. “If you’d want to spice things up, though, you won’t be hearing a ‘no’ from me. But…”, he adds quickly. “...there is no pressure, no need from my side.”
“I would want to.”, Callum replies quietly and Ben is rendered speechless for a second. Did he just hear him right? Callum Highway wants to step up their sex game? Before his second brain down under has a chance to take over he speaks up to clarify:
“Did you just say what I think you said?”, he asks with an incredulous look in his eyes. Callum dropped his gaze that had been held by Ben’s until now.
“I did.”, he said almost inaudible.
It took all self-restraint Ben had left in him to not just kiss him right away. He needs to know more, but if he lets himself loose control now he might never get the answers he is suddenly so desperate for.
“So….”, Ben shudders thinking about what he is about to ask. “Where exactly did you wanna take things?”
Callum still doesn’t risk looking back into Bens eyes, instead holding his gaze firmly on his own hands, nervously chewing on his bottom lip.
“I haven’t really put a deeper thought into it yet.”, he admits. “But there is one thing I wanted to try ever since we first got properly together.”
“And what is that?” Ben asks, involontarily holding his breath.
“I would like…”, Callum is struggling with his words, trying to find the right expression. He has never been able to speek as bluntly about sex als Ben has. “I would like to try...to have you...for you to be inside me.” By the end of his sentence Callums head beams bright red, the dim light of the bedside lamp not giving him away but heat radiating from his head reaching so far as to where Ben is lying on the other side of the bed. Ben takes in a sharp breath even though he’s been holding it for what feels minutes, then he wills himself to breath out again after he begins to feel dizzy.
“You know I would shag you right know, but it takes some preparation.”, Ben finally speaks up when he finds his voice again. He is glad the dim light by the bedside lamps behind them puts their faces mostly in shadows, so Callum probably can’t make out the look on his face right know, because he is afraid the barely supressed sexual want that is so clearly showing on his face might scare him away.
“O...okay.”, Callum replies trying to hide the insecurity in his voice. “Let’s get ready for it then.”
B en can hear when the shower is finally turned off. He is sure it must have been at least t w o hours since he left Callum in the bathroom. He had tried to explain how to properly clean himself an beeing carful not to go too much into detail, since Callum already seemed more than uncomfortable only talk i n g about it. He had offered jumping into the shower with him and help him clean, but Callum only pushed him out of the bathroom closing the door with a loud thud behind him . Ben could understand him wanting to be alone, he himself wouldn’t have wanted anyone watching the first he learned how to do it, and beeing honest, he still prefers to do preparations alone. But k nowing Callum’s tendencies to overthink and worry too much about anything, he still can’t get rid of that uneasy feeling deep down, fearing Callum might want to back out again or anything worse .
So he is proud to say that he managed to restrain himself for the past two hours not to check up on Callum in the bathroom, instead just slouching on the bed waiting for him to return. Looking at his phone he realizes it has actually only been thirty minutes since the bathroom door had been closed behind him.
H e hasn’t heard the water beeing turned back on again, so Callum must be finished drying off by now, and while Ben still contemplates about whether getting up or not, the tall muscular outline of his husbands body appears in the doorframe.
“I’ll never scold you again for taking so long in the batroom. You weren’t lying when you said it takes some time to clean up properly.”, Callum says with a soft smile on his lips.
Ben feels like he’s been struck by lightning, unable to move. The light of the hallway reflects in Callums still wet hair, making him appear like an angel. A towel is slung low around his waist, sporadic droplets of water glistening on his skin, highlighting his defined muscles. If they weren’t already married, he would right now drop on his knees proposing again.
“Told ya! I’m not just watching my startling reflection all day.”, Ben responds to Callum’s earlier remark, when he finally finds his words again. When Callum is still leaning against the doorframe, by now having a small puddle of water at his feet where the droplets from his hair had fallen to the ground, Ben is waving grabbing hands at him, encuraging him to come closer. “Will you come here now or do I have to shag you in the hallway?”, he asks.
It draws a chuckle from Callum, but then he finally steps in to the bedroom, closing the door behind him.
“Wait!”, Ben exclaims and Callum stops midway, a trail of saliva marking his path of hot kisses from Bens neck to his sternum from where he is looking up now at Bens face with a frown. Ben would usually the last person to stop midway but this is important and he hates himself for not speaking up before.
“There’s one thing we gotta do first.”
“And what is that?”, Callum asks couriously.
“We...need a safeword.”, Ben answers.
“What for?”
Ben sits up to have a better look at his husband, who has now placed an arm across Ben’s chest and resting his chin on top of it.
“In case you feel uncomfortable, in case you wanna stop.”
“You’re afraid you’re not gonna be able to stop when I ask you to?”, there is a flare of fear crossing Callums eyes, but it’s gone before Ben can be sure he’s even seen it.
“What?! No! You know I could never hurt you. And I can restrain myself even around your sexy butt.” Ben feels a little hurt that Callum doesn’t seem to trust him when all he has ever done was holding back his natural insticts around Callum to not to overwhelm him and possibly scare him away. He doesn’t think he could ever physically hurt this man he loves the most in the world, when he is always so conscious about every little reaction coming from Callum.
“It’s just…”, Ben continues. “When we’re in the middle of it, when you’re really enjoying yourself, eventually your brain shuts off and it’s impossible to form a clear sentence. I just want to make sure you’re always able to tell me to stop if you want to.” Ben knows Callum has seen him drift off regularily during sex. Usually when Callum hits his sweetspot, Ben’s brain turnes into pudding, making communication impossible, as he is only able to mumble monosyllabic words and moans.
“So how comes we never had a saveword before?”, Callums asks with a frown on his forehead.
‘Because you’re too vanilla to even come close to hurt me.’, Ben wants to answer, but he supposes Callum might take it wrongly, so he says instead:
“Cause there is nothing in this world you could do to me during sex, that I wouldn’t love. Besides, I could just shove you off, if I wanted to.”
“Cause you’re so much stronger than me, you reckon?”, Callum grins challenging.
And he is right. Ever since Callum joined the police force, he has grown stronger and fitter and is by now powerful enough to pin Ben down, so the smaller man wouldn’t be able to escape. On the other hand, Callum is still an innocent sweet little puppy who couldn’t hurt a fly, so Ben is not at all worried about his big Badboy image.
N ot wanting to lose any more time on talking than absolutely necessary, Ben stirs the conversation back to the topic:
“So, what do you want it to be?”
“What?”
“Your saveword! It should be something that would never naturally come up in a converstaion in bed. Preferably something considered a turn-off.”
Callum thinks for a second then smiles brightly, when he found an answer he is happy with.
“Stuart!”, he exclaims.
“Great!”, Ben responds laughing. “This is indeed a very effective turn-off.”
He motions pushing Callum off to underline his comment, but quickly changing his mind and wrapping his arms around Callum ’ s back to hold him tightly.
Callum crawls back up to give his husband a kiss on the mouth and they quickly get lost in a very hot and very sloppy make out session.
“Anyways.”, Ben says after a couple of minutes when they have to break apart to take a breath. “It’s my turn today to make you feel good!”
Without a warning he pushes Callum off turning him on his back only to lay down on top of him . After another couple of minutes of hot improper kissing he makes his way down across Callum’s chest, shortly stopping to tease his nipples, grinning wide when it coaxes a moan from Callum’s lips. He plays a little with the short hair above his belly button as he always does and presses a kiss right below his pelvis bone before taking Callum’s rock hard swollen member inside his mouth. Ha can hear the sharp intake of breath and feels Callum’s body stiffen for a moment until he has adjustet and relaxed.
Ben loves these moments when Callum is all his, when he can make him writhe under him and there is nothing left besides the two of them making love.
He decides by the sound of Callums moans that it is time to take the next step. His own heartbeat quickens and he realizes he is quite nervous, but he pushes his doubts beside and goes on.
He cups Callum’s balls with his right rand massaging them for a minute, then he moves his thumb down between his legs until he reaches the rim. He still got Callum’s member in his mouth, hoping the familiar feeling of beeing sucked might distract him from the introusive finger at his rim . Callum is lying still, the occasional moan escaping his tongue but he doesn’t make a move to stop Ben so he decides to continue.
A strand of saliv a trails down Callum’s scrotum and Ben catches it with his thumb to use it at lube and starts to add pressure to the rim.
There is a sharp intake of breath and Ben immediately stops.
“You alright? Want me to stop?”, he looks up at Callum who is all flushed and shiny from sweat.
“Go on.”, the answer comes promptly. It was barely understandible and rather a slurred one syllable that two words but Ben understands it anyways, and chuckles nervously before continuing.
Ben pushes Callum’s legs up and makes him wrap his hands around them to keep them at place. Then starts sucking at Callum’s balls before his tongue makes its way further down. Ignoring the constant shudders and occasional writhing from futher up the bed , he sucks at his rim for while. When he feels Callum’s movemens to ebb away, he goes back to sucking his dick and rubbing his thumb at his entrace. When he finally uses enough force to push in, he hears a sound from Callum he has never heard before. It sounds like a very loud ‘ha’ but without a any vocals and too much air instead. He looks up to make sure Callum is alright, but he is just lying there as before, head on the pillow and sweat on his forehead. He keeps observing him when he finally moves his thumb, every so often taking his eyes off his face to give him a kiss on the inner side of thigh or to lick along his shaft.
“I’m gonna add another, alright?”, he asks, watching him closely.
“Mmh…”, is the only answer Callum can manage but it is all the confirmation Ben needs.
He pulls out his thumb and wets his index and middle finger with saliva before pushing back in as carefully as he can manage.
By the time Ben has added a third finger, Callum becomes more restless. One minute in he moans something unintelligible and Ben has to ask him to repeat what he wanted to say.
“More!”, he muffles into the pillow he has pressed into his face.
“You want more? You sure?”
“Mhh.”, is the only answer Ben gets.
“But I think you’re not ready yet…”, Ben replys but is interrupted immediately.
“Can’t go on…need you…inside…now…”, Callums muffles again.
“Alright, honey.”, Ben gives in. He can’t hold back his laughter at Callums state, though.
He sits up properly, laying down Callum’s calves on his shoulders an lining up his dick with Callum’s entrance.
“Tell me when you want me to stop.”, Ben says, not being able to hide the hint of insecurity in his voice.
He squeezes a little more lube on the head of his dick, already wrapped in a condom, and smeares it around Callum’s cheeks to make his ass as slippery as possible. When the tip of his member finds the tight red rim, Ben feels a hand on his thigh, just losely placed there, but ready to push him back, whenever Callum feels the need to. It gives Ben the curage he needed, knowing Callum is able to stop him, able to express his needs, and he finally pushes inside.
There is great resistance at first, but once he made it past the rim, it feels like heaven. He braces himself not to move immediately but to wait instead for Callum to adjust. Callum’s breathing has become heavier and Ben can feel from the hand on his waist he has gone completely tense.
“Relax.”, he appeases und kisses Callum on the leg that is still resting on his shoulder.
It feels like an eternity until he eventually can feel some of the muscles on Callum’s body to loosen up and when he feels his hand on Ben’s leg make the tiniest pulling motion, he starts to move as slowly as he can manage.
He pushes further in until half his member is beeing sucked up by Callums anus and then pulls back out until only the head remains inside. He knows at first it hurts the most to pull out completely and pushing back in, so he carefully avoids that. Not that he would ever want to leave that beautiful heat again, but his main reason being Callum’s wellbeing.
As the minutes drag on, Callum eventually begins to relax and settle into the new sensations and the constant undertone of pain, that Ben knows so well. Ben is actually quite happy about the slow pace, knowing fully well he might not being able to keep up a faster rhythm without immediately exploding.
Not in his wildest dreams could he have imagined how good actually feels, the warmth around him, the feeling Callum sucking him up, writhing and panting below him. He thinks back to when Callum was standing in the doorway half an hour ago, a ring of light around him, making him appear like he just fell out of heaven. Right now, Callum is nothing less than an angel of heaven, taking them both flying between the clouds. Ben never wants it to end.
A hand on his arm brings him back from his flight through the clouds, Callum pulling at him, trying to move him closer.
Ben leans forward, at the same time pressing Callum’s legs down between them and engages in a hot kiss.
“Ow!”, Callum moans and Ben stops short from any movement. He looks down at Callum questionately who tries to explain with as few words as possible. “Legs…strech…too much.”
“Oh.”, Ben realizes that his lover obviously is not as flexible as Ben himself, after all Callum usually doesn’t have to move around in weird positions to spice up their sex life.
Ben settles back, carefully lifting Callum’s legs from his shoulders and turning them to the side in one sweep motion. Without pulling out, he manages to settle behind Callum wrapping his arms around him while spooning. He caresses his arm and nobbles at his ear while Callum takes his time to accustom himself to the new position. When Callum feels ready he grabs at Ben’s butt behind him, pulling him closer.
B en starts to move his hips again, reverts to the old pace they had grown accustomed before. He presses his nose between Callum’s shoulderblades, inhaling the sweet scent of fresh sweat mixed with the still lingering fragrance of the bodywash. His arms are slung around Callum’s body pulling him as close as possible to feel even more of his heat around him.
It’s not long before he realizes he cannot go on like this for much longer, so he moves his hand further down along Callum’s body, caressing his skin lightly on his way down, until finally reaching between his legs, taking Callum’s member inside his hand. The sharp intake of breath at the sudden new senstation fills Ben with joy and spurs him on. It only takes a few pumps until Callum starts to mumble and his body stiffens. A few more and Callum groans loadly when strands of white fly over the sheets. The sound of his moans and the feeling of Callum’s body spasming has Ben coming withing seconds.
There is no greater feeling than the sweet seconds of bliss, when all their limbs are intertwined and they are closest to becoming one. They lay still for a minute, the only sound being their heavy breaths gradually slowing down as they return to the present.
Ben finally bestirs himself to move, ignoring the unintelligable sound Callum is grumbling, and gets up to walk to the bathroom.
He returns with a wet cloth, kneels beside slumped body on the bed and begins to carefully clean Callum of the evidence of the past hour. Callum – still not able to move – lets himself being moved around like a wet sack.
“Feel free to help me whenever you feel like it. You’re not exactly as light as a blow up doll.”, Ben chuckles.
“Can’t.”, Callum responds with an morose untertone and Ben breaks out in full on laughter.
“I would tell ya ‘I told you so’, but I actually only remember warnin’ you ‘bout not bein’ able to speak.” Ben has finished cleaning off and throws the wet cloth across the room.
“Hey!”, Callum objects. “… gonna have water stains … on floor.”
“Then get up yourself and put it away.” Ben has already settled next to Callum on the side that is not soaked in sweat yet.
“Mhph.”, Callum answers and Ben interprets it as ‘no’.
“So…”, Ben starts reluctantly. “Since you got your voice back for now…”, he thinks about how he could ask what he is suddenly so desperate for to know, crossing off all the profound and ordinary sentences that instantly kill the mood, when suddenly Callum opens his eyes and looks him straight in the eyes.
“You don’t need to ask. “, he says quietly with a soft smile on his lips. “You already know the answer. It was perfect, just as perfect as you are.” Ben stares at him with a blank expression on his face and Callum adds even quieter as before: “I actually regret a little not having ask you before.” It takes Ben a second to realize that Callum is not just saying this to boost Bens ego or make him feel better, no, Callum did honestly enjoy being with Ben this way. And of course, Ben had known – had felt it – when they were lying there before entangled with each other.
He sees Callum mirroring his own beaming bright smile now and huddles closer against Callum’s chest, letting him wrap his arms around his back und moving his own arms to Callum’s neck drawing him closer into a deep passionate kiss.
“Wanna go for round two?”, Ben muffles against Callum’s chest. They have been just lying there for the past hour, cuddled close together with their legs intertwined. Ben has his head against Callum’s chest breathing in the scent of his favorite human being.
Callum only laughs as an answer, simulating an earthquake with his chuckles.
“Why not?”, Ben looks up at him, patently waiting for Callum to calm down again.
“You really need to ask? I still consist of mostly pudding!”
“You wouldn’t even have to move. Just lay still and let me handle you.”
“No, thanks. I can still feel you inside me. I think I might feel it all week long.” Callum frowns at the realization, probably thinking about how to best avoid sitting down at all for the next week. Ben on the other hand just feels a deep happiness knowing that Callum will remember their night together just as vividly as Ben will, carrying around the evidence of their doings with him for at least a couple of days.
“You might be able to convince me for a repetition, in a few weeks time, though.”, Callum ads with a smirk and Ben can think of nothing he is more looking forward to than this.