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Is Adam with you ?
No. Still not home ?
No and I can’t reach him.
Kevin shakes his head at the last text. His friends… They are complicated, a bit of buttheads but they also are the best thing for each other. They hurt as much as they love each other and it has to end. Now.
Going back to the district to track his best friend’s phone because he’s ghosting everyone is not his idea of a relaxing evening and god knows they all deserve a break. He can already feel the headache coming.
But coming up the stairs and finding Adam at his desk is a surprise. Maybe his relaxing evening is not dead yet.
“What are you doing here ?“ Adam looks surprised to see Kev back at work this late. He knows things with Celeste are complicated but still.
Found him, will call you later.
“Looking for you Bro. Kim is worried you’re not home yet. You’re ghosting us. And with what happened between the both of you, I have to say she’s not the only one worried.”
“No need. I’m fine. Just doing my job.” Adam looks back at his screen, closing himself to the world.
Great… It will be a nice conversation then.
“You’re not Adam, you barely talk if it’s not case related. You’re staying here at 10 when your family is waiting for you.”
“I don’t have a family anymore Kev.”
“Of course you do, she didn’t kicked you out, did she ? Did she tell you that it’s done ? That you’re not moving with them at the new place ? Or are you so hurt and blaming yourself that you think she did ? Because then why is she blowing up my phone since I got here ?” Kev is showing up his phone where all the text messages and missed calls from Kim appear since he told her he found Adam.
Adam looks up at Kev, dark bags under his eyes because yeah he’s exhausted, he misses his girls but no Kim has been clear that he doesn’t listen to her and so he’s taking a step back because after all it’s what she wanted a few weeks ago. What she told him. And so he listens to her.
“She told me Mak is her daughter, not ours so if I’m nothing to Mak, then why should I stay ? I don’t want to get my heart broken anymore, I can’t Kev. Already did that more than once with Kim and it hurts to get up again. So I’m listening to her, because trust me I will never forget those words. Every time I see her it’s all I can think about. And I know I almost got Makayla killed, and I’ll never forgive myself for it. What if we didn’t find her in time ? What if they truly were going to let her go at the drop and by killing Lennie I screwed that up. Mak deserves to have someone who can protect her, not put her in jeopardy. Every single time someone I love is in danger I make it worse, did it with Kim, with Mak, with my dad, with Tommy, even with Al, he was my mentor and look what happened to him, he got killed. I got our baby killed because I wasn’t fast enough. Ortiz is in jail. Hailey was abducted while we were together, whatever that was. And Kev, you should get away from me before I get you killed too. And I tried to go back to my place, just to find all those boxes ready to be picked up. So I’m here, I’m doing my job and you can’t ask me more than that right now.“
"Adam… "
"No. Please Kev. I’m doing my best here. Leave it alone. Mak is safe, back where she belongs and it’s all that matter. The rest is history."
"Okay, as you wish, but you need to sleep, so go back there, don’t talk to Kim if you want to, but your kid needs you. When was the last time you saw her ? Because that little girl, she’s hurting too, and she needs her dad right now."
"Kev… One last time, let it go…" Adam breathes deeply and then "You know what ? I’m outta here. See you tomorrow."
"Wait ! Come to my place, I swear I won’t tell Kim you’re there and I won’t force you to talk if you don’t want to.”
“No thanks Kev. But you wanna do something for me ? Please go to Kim apartment and stay there for the night. Mak needs someone who will be able to protect her and her mom.”
“Yeah sure.”
And with that Adam left the district.
—————
“What do you mean he’s not coming Kev ? We need him, where is he ?”
“I don’t know Kim, he just left. He’s in a bad place. Blaming himself for everything and even more. He needs time. And space.”
“I’m worried about him, I know I hurt him but he’s Mak’s dad and my partner…”
“Is he really ? Because Kim you took back the fact she’s yours, to the both of you. He’s been with you 24/7 since you’ve been abducted, you relayed on him for months. He was with you at the courthouse and even before, did he ever let you go alone see your lawyer ? And instead of being united, you both lashed out at each other. But Kim I have to say, you hurt him, deeply and I don’t know if he’ll get over it. He told me he doesn’t have a family anymore. He doesn’t have any hope left. He loves you and that amazing little girl so much he doesn’t trust himself to be around you.”
Kim tears up at those words, unable to speak. Kev takes her in his arms when she finally breaks into full cries.
“It’s going to be okay Kim, you just need to talk to him, like really talk to him, lay all your cards on the table. I don’t know how it’ll end, but he needs and deserves the truth about what you want from him in the long run.”
“I kissed him. Before we got up to the apartment. He looked surprised but happy. I just told him we were keeping our kid and he took me in his arms and I just kissed him. Because I thought we could have our happy ending. I love him but I can’t deal with him ever leaving us again.”
“Kim… I love you but you’re so wrong. He never left you, you did. You’re the one who broke the engagement. And yes he accepted to push back the wedding but did you ask him why ? Because I listened to him pining for you for weeks if not months. He was terrified of not being enough, he would bring you the moon if you asked him. And then when you lost the baby, he was there, even if you didn’t see it. He never got to grieve properly you know.”
“I completely messed up, didn’t I ?”
“You both messed up, hence why you need to talk.”
Footsteps coming toward them ended that conversation.
“Mommy ? Uncle Kev ? Is Adam here ?” Mak looks hopeful but she sees Kim shake her head.
“No Queen M he’s not, he’s still at work. But he asked me to stay with you tonight.”
“I miss him.”
“I know. Come with us.”
Mak sandwiches herself between her mom and her uncle.
“I love when he cuddles me. He makes me feel safe every time. He hasn’t read me a bedtime story since… Did I do something wrong ? Is he mad at me ? Because I tried to hide when I heard them fighting with Gabby but I wasn’t fast enough.”
“No baby girl, you didn’t do anything wrong. He’s not mad at you. Adam is blaming himself for what happened to you. Because he loves you so much, it was terrifying for him. And for your mom. And for all of us. But I know he misses you.”
“Mom ? Can we go see him ? I need to tell him something.”
“Mak it’s late and while you don’t have school tomorrow, you need to sleep.”
“But mom, please ?”
—————
He found himself at the beach. The one where they take Mak on the week-end, where she finds all those sea-glasses, pilling into Kim pockets and his car. He used to have a very clean car, but now it’s full of kid books, snacks, clothes, sand and basically everything a kid could need on a travel. Kim used to laugh at him because he was so strict about all the stuff she kept in his car when they were together and now his car looks like a kid’s bedroom.
He hears a car in the distance and know it’s her. Kevin, I’m going to kill you.
Before he can compose himself and fully turn around he feels his little girl throwing herself at his legs. He’s barely bend down when Mak put her arms around his neck so he can fully embrace her. He missed her, how did she became his whole world so fast ? When they lost their baby he thought he would never get to feel what it’s like to love this much.
She’s so innocent and he’s so dark, how can she be near him and still be a happy little girl ?
“Are you done with work ? I tried to sleep but I missed you and then I heard mom and Uncle Kev talking. If you’re done you can go home !”
“Mak… I can’t go home right now.”
“Uncle Kev said something but I didn’t understand. I want you to go home with us, I’ve got new nails polish and we have to be careful because we can’t get some on the carpet again. And a new dancing show ! You could wear my tiara and I could show you what I learnt at dance !”
“I would love to, really, but I can’t. I know we didn’t spend much time together lately but you got your mom to show her all of that. I don’t know if I’ll stay with you much longer you know ?”
“But why ? Aren’t we moving to the big apartment anymore ? I know how I want to paint my new room and you’ll have to help me.”
Adam can’t help but chuckles at those words because damn that little girl will never take no as an answer and he’s not even sure he wants her to. Maybe all hope is not lost with her. Everything may be dead with Kim, but Mak… He would do anything for her, even do piggy back ride with his screwed shoulder which it has yet to be looked at.
“Come on let’s go back to your mom and get you to bed.”
“Only if you stay with me.” Mak gives him a big kiss on his cheek.
And at those words, Adam knows he’ll still move in with them if Kim let him.
They travel back to Kim’s car where she and Kev are standing, Mak already half-asleep on his back but still smiling at her mom because mission succeed.
He straps her in her booster seat, closes the door and turns around “Hmm. She wants me to put her to bed. If you are willing to let me to.” He never looks at her.
“Of course Adam, you know you don’t have to ask me. Come with us, let’s go home.”
“I’ll follow you back to your place.” There is no way he can be in the same car with her, he has to prepare himself to the confrontation he knows is coming.
————
Once in bed, Mak makes it her mission to keep Adam as long as she can in her bedroom, she fights sleep even tho she’s exhausted. She knows Adam will be gone when she wakes up. It’s been like that since they found her. He still sleeps there, he leaves all kind of notes on her bedside table for her to see when she’s awake. Pancakes will be ready to be re-heated in the kitchen but he’ll always be out of the door the minute she’s awake if not before. She misses him, she loves when he’s doing shenanigans with her just to bother Kim. He always makes her laugh when she scraps her knees or elbows or whatever limb she hurt so she won’t cry. She thinks of him as her dad, she never had one so she doesn’t completely know what it means in the everyday life but her friends are always talking about doing this and this with their dads and Adam does that too ! So maybe he could be her dad.
“Okay kiddo, nice try but you have to sleep now, it’s way too late for you to still be up !”
“I don’t want to sleep. I’m happy you’re here, I miss you. I’m sad when I can’t see you before school.”
“I don’t want you to be sad, I’m sorry I made you feel this way. I’m sorry for everything Mak.”
“It’s okay now you’re here. But can you stay with me til I fall asleep ?
“Sure. You know you can always ask us to stay with you right ?”
“Yeah, I know…”
“What is it Mak ?”
“I want to ask you something but I don’t know if it’s okay.”
“Mak, you can ask whatever you want, whenever you want. Always. I’ll always answer the best I can, I’ll never lie to you. Pinky swear. Remember when your mom got hurt, I told you what happened, right ?”
“Okay.” Mak sit up again in bed to look at Adam. “Are you mad at me ?”
“What ?! No Mak, I’m not. Why do you think that ?”
“Because I called Kim mom and I didn’t call you dad ?”
“Mak…”
“Because I want to but I don’t know you’re okay. We talked at school and my friends were telling me about what they did with their parents, I told them about the beach but they told you’re not my dad so it didn’t count.”
“Mak, I love you like my kid. No. Scratch that, you are my kid, calling me dad or Adam or whatever you want will never change that. But I would love for you to call me dad if you really want to. Nothing will make me happier. But never feel obligated to do it. It’s your decision.”
“Really ? So you’ll really be my dad ?”
“Yes Mak of course.”
Mak jumps at Adam neck who grunt from the impact. He really needs to get his shoulder be looked at because the pain only get worse with each passing day. He deserves to feel the pain but still, if it prevents him to take his little girl, his daughter in his arms, he’ll do whatever is necessary for it to heal completely.
“I love you Mak. So so much. I’m sorry I couldn’t find you faster. I was so scared for you and angry because you deserve the best, and I didn’t protect you like I should have.”
“No Adam stop. You did find her. We found her.”
Adam and Mak turn to see Kim standing against the door frame.
“Come hug with us mom !”
“Okay but you need to be sleep. Lay down.”
Mak does as asked and Kim and Adam lay beside her, forming a cocoon around their girl.
“ ‘night Mom, ‘night Dad.”
“Goodnight Mak.”
They stay like that until Mak is finally asleep and when they’re sure she won’t wake up, they get up slowly, Adam staying back a little to admire his sweet baby girl.
Getting out he finds Kev waiting for him in the hallway.
“Not too bad for someone with no family anymore.”
“I’m sorry Kev. I shouldn’t have talked to you like that. I really need to start thinking before talking.”
“It’s good bro, go talk to Kim, it’s the best thing to do right now. I’m going home so be nice to each other please.”
————
“We need to talk Adam.”
“I know. I’m just not sure how to explain myself.”
“Then let me start. I’m sorry Adam, for everything I said that day. She’s not my daughter, she’s ours. And I know I took that back, but I was desperate and you were right about the drop since the beginning. But I couldn’t take the risk. I don’t know what I would do if I lose her, or you. If it was anyone else I would have been the first to say to not pay, but Mak, she stole our hearts, didn’t she ?”
“That is sure... I can’t remember a second not loving her. And I think it’s what made me see red. She was kidnapped, because I didn’t protect her. Like I didn’t protect you. It was the same story again. And I couldn’t do it again. Wait to know if she was alive, if she was going to make it. Because I did it once, and I wanted to rip my heart out of my chest. Because then I was at home, with your daughter, hoping, praying she wasn’t going to lose her mom and I wasn’t going to lose my best friend. I couldn’t do it again. The pain was unbearable then, and it’s still now. I already failed you once, I wasn’t going to fail you twice. So I did what I always do, I go dark, and make some stupid decisions. I fought with Kev then, like physically fought with him and then with you…”
“But in the end she’s home, she’s safe. And I am too. You saved us. Both of us. You saved the Burgess girls.”
“My Burgess girls.”
“We’ll make it through it Adam, we have to, I don’t see a future where you’re not there beside me, watching our daughter grow up.”
“But not too fast please. I’m not ready to see her dating.”
“Please god no. Don’t break my heart.”
“She’s not allowed to date until she’s thirty of forty.”
“I don’t think we have to worry about that yet tho, she’s too enamored with her dad.”
“Yeah about that, if you disagree about it it’s okay I can talk to her.”
“Adam, look at me. She’s your daughter as much she’s mine. It feels so good to hear her call me mom, I would never that away from you because it felt good right ?”
“More than good actually. It was like the weight of the world got off my shoulders. Like I could breathe again. Because she’s not angry at me for what happened.”
“She’s a smart girl, she knows it wasn’t your fault. So no more leaving, you’re staying, and tomorrow we are going to talk the three of us. We’re going to go to therapy, individually and as a family. Because we all need to. Even you. You can’t keep feeling guilty about the past. He was the one responsible then, he’s dead and I don’t wanna know how, and Nia is responsible now. It never was your fault.”
Adam has to sit down, he needs to process all of this. Mak calling him Dad, Kim being sorry, realizing he may not be the curse he thinks he is. He doesn’t believe in fairytales, it won’t go away in the morning but Kim is right, they need to talk about all of this with someone.
“Where does it leave us ?”
Kim comes around to seat beside him.
“I don’t know Adam, but I know I don’t regret kissing you. I know I hurt you and I know we have a long way before thinking about dating, we have to heal but again there’s no future without you in it.”
Kim shows him her open hand, waiting for him to grab it, because the ball is in his court.
And when he grabs it, they both can finally breathe. It won’t be sunshine and rainbows from now on but they learnt communication is the key to their relationship.
“And also we are going to the doctor first thing tomorrow for your shoulder, we need you in shape, not in pain.”
Adams chuckles because yeah his Burgess girls can really make him do anything.