Chapter Text
The last hill before the land plateaus and winds around to the compound comes into view and Jungwon breathes a sigh of relief. They’ve been out since first light yesterday, and the sun is sinking below the horizon now, casting the forest in a faint golden light.
Even after a year of training- of doing days like these past two over and over again- Jungwon’s limbs ache. He chalks it up to spending last night on the forest floor, sitting up with his shoulder blades digging into the rough bark of the tree behind him. Jay had told him to lay down, but Jungwon is nothing if not stubborn and refused to do so if Jay wouldn’t too. Jungwon woke up with his face pillowed on Jay’s thigh anyway, and the older was gracious enough not to tease him about it as they gathered their things along with the others and set off again.
What was supposed to be a week-long expedition was mercifully only two days, as they found a facility earlier today. Jungwon’s heartbeat jumps every time he thinks of it, remembering how they’d squatted in the undergrowth for two hours to observe the soldiers’ every move and pinpoint the best way to break inside. Remembering that the night is far from over and will be far from safe.
Jungwon reaches the hill and starts to hike up it, ignoring the protesting burn in his thighs. Despite the danger, and despite the risk of what he could lose, he knows full well the end result of tonight’s raid will be worth it. It always is. For those who are trapped against their will in that facility, tonight will be their redemption. Their chance at a new life.
It’s a chance his mother wasn’t given, and the fight will never leave Jungwon in memory of her. For her. For himself, for all of them. He and the others are the same in that way; they-
Jungwon detects the slightest pressure on his left thigh and moves so quickly he doesn't have time to look. He doesn’t need to anyway- his fingers wrap around the hilt of the knife Jay was trying to slip out of its holding before the older is successful. Jungwon pauses, turning to level him with an unimpressed glare.
“Quit trying to steal my knives, asshole.”
Jay is plainly amused by his attempted cheekiness, not even sparing him a glance as he brushes past him.
“Just keeping you sharp,” he says, moving on up the hill. He’s wearing a smug grin and Jungwon rolls his eyes, going after him.
“I think you’re the one who needs practice,” Jungwon says when they’ve reached the top. Jay looks at him, that damn smirk stuck on his face again.
“Yeah?” he challenges. Jungwon has admittedly always found immense satisfaction in being one of the very few who can show Jay up from time to time, hence why he enjoys holding up the knife he’d inconspicuously snatched from Jay’s pocket when they’d crested the hill so much.
“Yeah.”
Jay’s eyes widen for a fraction of a second in the face of Jungwon’s carefully crafted nonchalance before they settle again. A small smile blooms on his lips instead. It starts slow, just tugging at the corners of his mouth and eventually pooling warmth in his eyes, and Jungwon is so familiar with this look on him. But it still catches him off guard, even after all this time. It still makes him feel like he’s melting from the inside out.
The air settles. In times like these Jungwon hates to be the one to look away first. Jay raises an eyebrow at him, tantalizing, playful, maybe even a bit daring, and Jungwon can only stare back.
He’s saved from a surely disastrous response when Niki plows right through them with a groan. Jungwon blinks after him, not having realized just how close he and Jay were to each other until being forced apart.
Niki doesn’t turn around as he grumbles, “You two are almost worse than those two.”
Looking ahead, Jungwon spots Heeseung and Jake. They’re about to disappear around the corner of a cluster of trees, walking shoulder to shoulder with their fingers brushing but never just locking together. Jay throws his head back with a burst of rippling laughter, and Jungwon doesn’t know if he’s amused by their friends’ obvious feelings, or if he’s merely being a good sport about being teased like this.
Regardless, Jungwon understands their hesitancy. A hand claps down on his shoulder. It’s Mark, bringing up the rear of their tracking team.
“I disagree,” Mark says lightly, grinning like this is the funniest thing in the world. Jungwon despises them all. “You two are definitely worse.”
Jungwon shoves him away by the shoulder and Mark goes on without a fight, chuckling to himself. Jungwon looks back to Jay just to meet eyes that were already trained on him. He’s still smiling, small and gentle and warm.
And it’s so fucking easy. All of this between them is so easy. They’ve been like this since the beginning, leaning into the push and pull, challenging each other whenever they can, and sharing these looks without ever speaking a word about what it all means beyond that.
Jungwon holds Jay’s knife out to him, heart full and pulsing in his chest. Day’s last light is setting behind the older’s head as he raises a hand to take it, slowly, like he hasn’t a worry in the world. Like they don’t have a whole night of hell ahead of them when they get back to the compound and alert the others of the news. His fingers brush Jungwon’s when he takes the knife back. Jungwon looks into his eyes, glittering with mirth, warm and deep and knowing, and thinks the touch was likely intentional, as Jay always is.
»
The innermost space of the compound has become known as the ring in the year they’ve been here, and its name serves it well. It’s a circular room at the heart of the compound, and the perfect place to hold meetings considering the sheer amount of people they need to relay information to on nights like this.
News spread quickly when he and the others returned several hours prior. “The trackers found a facility.” “There’s going to be a raid tonight.” Word always spreads quickly.
No one really sleeps on raid nights, foregoing rest in the early hours of the morning to instead ready themselves, which is why Jungwon is not at all surprised that people start flooding in just a minute or two after the lights throughout the compound are switched to a deep orange, signaling raiders to gather in the ring. Everyone’s eager to hear the plan. Everyone’s eager to get moving. Everyone’s eager to spill blood.
Jay emerges from the growing crowd, slipping next to Jungwon’s side where he’s standing with his hips resting against the only table in the room, arms crossed over his chest. It’s become custom for the leaders to stand here in the center to ensure everyone can hear them. Taeyong is directly across from Jungwon, sharp eyes softening when Mark joins them, Heeseung and Jake by his side. Niki and Sunoo are already here, on the other side of Jay, but Jungwon is distracted from trying to catch Sunoo’s eye when Jay’s hand brushes against the small of his back.
“It’s getting warm in here,” he comments idly. Jungwon hums in agreement, thinking about how much he wants to lean into his touch as he glances over the swelling mass of their people.
Not much more time passes before Heeseung raises his voice, calling their attention. The chattering and general noise quiets immediately. “Let’s get started.” He gestures for Jungwon to go ahead.
Jungwon straightens up, projecting so those in the back of the room can hear him clearly. “This facility looks to be a little smaller than the last one, and the guards are mostly focused by the front gate. There’s hardly any in the back so we shouldn’t have to worry about being ambushed from behind, just getting in initially. It’s a four mile walk, and the temperature’s dropping steadily so dress warm. As always, bring extra layers if you can for those we bring back tonight.”
Jungwon takes a breath and meets Jay’s eyes, which the older seamlessly takes as his cue to pick up where Jungwon left off.
“We should arrive at the facility around four. Everything else is routine. The darkness will protect us on our way there and we should all be back by the time the sun rises. Watch out for each other.” Jay pauses. Jungwon’s watching him, so he sees the way his eyes darken in real time. “No soldiers left alive.”
A visible wave of restlessness courses through the crowd, through each and every one of these individuals who have had so much taken from them by Unification soldiers. The fight that will never leave Jungwon will never leave them either; it’s the unwavering truth their entire lives are built on now.
Flashes of an outstretched arm holding a gun over his mother’s head flits through Jungwon’s mind and he clenches his jaw against the onslaught of memories. No. The fight will never leave me. It won’t ever leave any of us.
“Alright,” Taeyong’s cool voice rings out across the room. “Move out in thirty.”
A few minutes time finds Jungwon and Jay in their room. The dim light setting is switched on so the room is fairly dark as they move about, going through the motions of preparing for the raid. The moments leading up to departure are usually like this- quiet- but today it feels especially somber. Their last raid, nearly three weeks ago, had cost the lives of two of their people. Two young boys who’d literally given everything for their cause.
Jungwon sees their faces as he’s pulling on his boots and exhales heavily. Casualties amongst them are not rare, but they never get easier. For Jungwon, they serve as a stark, horrible reminder: it’s not a guarantee that they’ll all come back. Jungwon can’t be sure that the people he cares for most in the world will come back to him when the night is up, when the raid is done.
Finishing the last knot that laces his boot up, Jungwon rests his elbows on his knees where he’s sitting at the desk chair and looks over at Jay. He’s busy with his knives, slipping them into holding straps similar to Jungwon’s that are looped around his thighs and into the deep pockets of his pants, the insides of his jacket. He places them everywhere with expert hands, flashes of color catching Jungwon’s eyes in the low light.
Jay’s been painting the hilts of all his knives for as long as Jungwon has known him. It’s incredibly endearing and terribly bittersweet, as the entire reason he does it takes root in what his older sister used to constantly do when she was alive: doodle. Jay’s always spoken so fondly of her, of the way she would use sticks to draw in the dirt and daggers to carve intricacies into trees. Jay adopted a form of that in remembrance of her; the hilt of every knife he acquires he paints a different color- deep reds or dark blues or forest greens- and then loops designs of black or white over the base color.
Jungwon watches him a moment longer before standing and going over to him. Jay has just finished tucking his knives away as Jungwon steps into his space and reaches to zip his jacket up for him. He always forgets to do it.
“You’re quiet today,” Jay murmurs. Jungwon can feel his eyes on him, but he doesn’t look up, splaying his hands across the older’s shoulders for a moment, then dropping them back to his sides in the next. Gentler, Jay adds, “Nervous?”
Jungwon thinks of the two boys they lost three weeks ago and swallows. No guarantee. There’s no guarantee they’ll all come back to you. There’s no guarantee Jay will come back to you.
He shakes his head, distracting himself from the sick swoop of his stomach. “Just lost in thought.”
Jungwon does meet Jay’s eyes now. The older watches him closely for a moment before he nods minutely. He’s accepted the brief answer, but is probably thinking of those they lost too.
Jay allows a few seconds of silence before he draws in an audible breath that lifts his shoulders, turning around for a moment.
“Can’t forget these,” he says lightly, holding up what he’d swiped off the top of the dresser. Jungwon sniffs out a huff of laughter, as this is routine by now. He raises his hands, allowing Jay to tug the skin tight gloves over them. His fingers peek out the cut-outs in the top, and the memory of the first time Jay showed these to him is nearly enough to make Jungwon chuckle again. He flexes his hands when Jay’s done, shooting the older a stiff smile in thanks.
Jay catches the far from enthusiastic gesture with keen eyes that have long since become accustomed to Jungwon’s emotions. Slowly, he raises one hand to fit in the juncture between Jungwon’s neck and shoulder while the other remains wrapped around his now gloved fingers.
“Be careful,” Jay says, all traces of lightheartedness gone. There’s a furrow between his eyebrows, and Jungwon aches to reach out and smooth it away. He doesn’t.
“You say that every time,” he deflects softly.
“I mean it every time,” Jay says. His tone is firm and sure around the edges. His eyes are serious, gravely so. He’s always serious when it comes to Jungwon.
“I will,” Jungwon promises him. “Always.”
Jay keeps watching him, and neither of them move. Jungwon is terribly reluctant to let him go, dreading the moment they’ll inevitably have to leave their room behind even more than he usually does. Here, inside these four walls, it feels like nothing can touch them. Here, they can each be every unapologetic bit of their authentic selves.
Outside of this room, however, they are leaders. They were a part of the original group who proposed, and in turn saw out, this entire way of life, leading around a hundred people out of the abandoned city beyond the forest into the absolute unknown. The people still look to them because of their presence in all of this from the very beginning.
Out there, Jungwon is the leader of the tracking team. Out there, Jay is the head trainer who teaches those who have been saved and want to fight the skills to do so. Out there, they are two of the team of six trackers; their people depend on them to scout out facilities in the forest to attack. Their people look their way for information, answers, and above all: courage.
Determination for raids is not hard to come by. Killing Unification soldiers and saving those who are suffering are not things their people need help gathering the willpower to do. Rather, it’s fear. It’s the overhanging, overwhelming reality that they might not come back at all, and that their friends- their newfound family- might not come back either. That’s why they need to be encouraged when they look to their leaders.
So outside of this room, Jungwon and Jay cannot be afraid. Out there, they cannot hesitate.
Jay reads Jungwon like an open book, or at least that's what it feels like to Jungwon as the older runs a comforting hand down his arm. His warmth bleeds through the layers of Jungwon’s clothes, and Jungwon simply can’t fathom how he’s supposed to let Jay out of his sight. It’s been a year, and he’s still struggling with the concept of not being directly by Jay’s side when they run headfirst into very probable danger.
“We need to go,” he says hoarsely, instead of voicing how he’s feeling. The clock is ticking and they both know it.
Jay nods, hands falling away from Jungwon as he steps aside. Jungwon goes ahead of him, taking another deep breath and choosing to redirect his mindset so that he can be clear headed once they meet the others. With that conscious change in attitude, he finds it an appropriate time to be an ass.
“Your boots tied?”
“I tripped one fucking time!” Jay scoffs, accompanied with a knock to Jungwon’s shoulder that has him clambering out of their room with a burst of laughter.
They make their way through the winding halls, meeting Niki on the way.
“There you are,” Sunoo sighs when they reach the front entrance. Niki bounds the last couple steps over to him, locking his arms behind his back and dragging the older up into a kiss. Sunoo puts up with the display for all of three seconds before grunting and demanding Niki place him back on his feet.
“Always sappy goodbyes with you,” he snarks, but his tone holds no ill intent, and he makes no move to unwind Niki’s arms from around him, drawing him closer instead. On raid nights, Sunoo stays behind while Niki goes ahead, and it’s always difficult for them. As the leading medic of the compound, it’s vital that Sunoo is present when the sick and injured start flooding in. He’s self-taught, as medical supplies were never available to them in the abandoned cities, but he’s taken to it with an effortlessness they’ve only ever heard rumors of doctors in the Oases possessing.
“Wonie,” Sunoo summons firmly, holding his hand out toward him. Jungwon steps closer and Sunoo drags him into their embrace, his arm locking around Jungwon’s shoulders, boney wrist prodding at his neck. And Niki digs his chin into the crown of Jungwon’s head. Hard. The little bitch.
“Fuckin’- ow,” Jungwon hisses, readjusting and aiming a blind jab at Niki’s ribs as Sunoo laughs.
“Jay!” Sunoo sings once he recovers, a blatant calling, and Jungwon feels said boy’s body drape against his back in a few seconds’ time. They stay there for a moment, locked together in a group huddle, and though Jungwon is having trouble breathing at the dramatics of it all, he can’t help but close his eyes. A flicker of calm before the storm.
“Come back in one piece,” Sunoo orders, voice muffled in the fabric of someone’s jacket. He’s trying to be strong for all of them, but the waver in his tone still surfaces tonight as it usually does. He always puts in a valiant effort not to sound worried, but Jungwon doesn’t think he needs to just for their sake.
Jungwon’s not naive enough to genuinely believe that these nights are easier for those who stay behind just because they’re not directly involved in the risk. Sunoo has to deal with plaguing thoughts of losing them every time they leave him here, while all he can do is hope, and wait. Jungwon knows he would struggle similarly if he were in Sunoo’s position, watching everyone go but shouldering a responsibility too crucial to do anything but stay.
“All of you,” Sunoo clarifies- though it’s unnecessary- firmer this time.
Niki sidesteps weightiness and shoots for humor in an attempt to reassure his boyfriend as he croons, “Will do, babycakes.”
“Call me a god awful name one more time and I’ll beat your ass, Nishimura,” Sunoo threatens.
“Looking forward to it.” The brazen comment earns Niki a resounding slap, and Jay lets up from Jungwon’s back with a chuckle, giving Jungwon an out from the stifling hold of his friends.
A few more minutes pass- too slowly, too quickly- and so many of them cram into the entrance that they start to spill out into the hallway. Jungwon, Jay, and Niki have slid up to the front where Taeyong, Mark, Heeseung, and Jake are already waiting. Taeyong meets each of their gazes respectively, checking for the green light from each of them with quick, calculating eyes.
It doesn’t take long. He leads the way up the grated metal staircase to the last platform below the main door, the bottleneck tunnel arching close and climbing upward overhead. The guards that are stationed at the door heave it open. Jungwon doesn’t flinch as the gears squeal and screech, used to the sound. He steps out into the night, feeling the wind biting at his cheeks, feeling the souls of a hundred and fifty people spilling out of their compound and into the yard behind him.
Jay is absolutely unmoving, his shoulder pressed to Jungwon’s from behind. The slightest pressure, and yet, it’s there, still and sure- a testament that Jay never slows down except for nights like this. While the others tremble and shake in apprehension, Jay is calm. He's ready. He’s always ready.
The wind whistles in Jungwon’s ears and Jay’s knuckles brush against his wrist and Taeyong’s sharp eyes watch behind them until everyone has filed out and the door to their compound has closed again and all are waiting with their hearts in their throats, the night sky a dark blanket above them.
Taeyong turns around. They begin.
»
The facility lights can be seen blinking through the trees from afar. The stark un-subtleness of it almost makes Jungwon scoff. The planning that goes into building these facilities is not to protect from the outside, but rather from the inside. To ensure none of their test subjects escape. It fills Jungwon’s gut with bile, pumps fire into his veins.
He clenches his fingers around the handle of his gun while crouching in the thick underbrush spread out beneath the last covering line of trees. Ahead is an open field, upon which the facility stands. Jungwon stares at it just as he did hours before, when he and the other trackers camped out right around here, watching the soldiers’ movements and habits.
As far as they’re aware, all the Unification facilities are laid out the same way. Sometimes the size differs, but the dozen or so they’ve raided thus far have been carbon copies of one another. It’s a small comfort. The routine of getting inside this one should be the same- forcing down the metal gate, storming the front entrance, and killing off the soldiers on the main level before descending to the lower level where all the testings are done. Where all of the innocent people who have had their freedom ripped away from them are holed away, in passages of rooms that seem to go endlessly.
As the leader of the trackers, Jungwon led everyone here and is therefore at the front. He twists around, knee brushing against the grass, to peer through the faint light at everyone behind him. His eyes catch on Jay’s form, who’s still right behind his shoulder. The older’s eyes are trained on the facility, steely and steady. Focused. Ready. But then they flit over to meet Jungwon’s, and he watches as warmth pools back into them like ink in water as they look at each other. A flicker of a smile flits across Jay’s face. Jungwon looks beyond him at the rest of the raiders, unable to return it.
Those in the back of their large group have now caught up, everyone facing forward with wild eyes and antsy hands. Jungwon turns back, and rises. He can hear the undetectable whisper of those behind him following in suit, pants rustling and feet shuffling. From several meters away, the collective sound would be nothing but a whisper of the wind. This fucking hell house has no idea what’s coming for it.
Taeyong stands at Jungwon’s right. He nods when Jungwon glances at him. Reaching back without turning his head, Jungwon squeezes Jay’s wrist. Just once. The wind blows. A rush of adrenaline spikes in Jungwon’s chest, sharp and poignant. He can taste it.
It begins as it always does: all at once. With a flush of wind, in a moment. They move as one united force through the underbrush and across the field, no cries of warning on their lips, but a fierce gleam in their eyes and a burning sort of hatred urging their running feet forward.
It goes on as it always does: swiftly. Quietly, at first. Violently. The metal gate is forced down with relative ease by a plethora of eager hands and heels digging into the dirt during the push. They eliminate the unprepared, recently unsuspecting soldiers in the yard quickly. Jungwon doesn’t see who, busy with a soldier who is putting up quite the fight, but someone nabs a keycard from a fallen soldier’s suit and swipes it through the reader. The entrance of the facility slides open with a hiss just as Jungwon finishes off his opponent, running inside to face the influx of soldiers rushing at them from all directions. He doesn’t need to mind his noise anymore- not with the alarms suddenly blaring in his ears, flashing red in his peripheral- he just needs to be ruthless. Smart.
Jungwon starts down the hallway to his left with sure footsteps, arms raising to brace his hands around his gun as a cluster of Unification soldiers spill out into the hallway from around the corner. He picks off the first two with ease, the pop of the gunshot no longer a shock to his system like it was just a little over a year ago when he fired one for the first time.
Jake comes up on his right, finishing off the last three of the group. They sweep the hallway together, finding the communications room at the end, just as they suspected; the identical layout of the facilities has served them well once again. The room has dark cement flooring and walls and high ceilings that match the rest of the main level, but computers and other pieces of technology that Jungwon can’t even begin to name are present as well, an entire array of blinking colors and beeping noises and flashing screens with live feeds of the subjects kept in the underground level.
Peering through the sliver window in the door, Jungwon can tell the soldiers inside are flustered, scurrying about, obviously unaware of what the invasion procedure is. Because it’s never fucking happened before. These soldiers sit here day to day, staring at their screens and clicking their buttons and going through the motions of what they consider their duty like they’re not watching people suffer. No one has dared to defy them- at least not at a force they couldn’t suppress- before today, and now they fumble and trip over each other in moronic panic.
Jungwon despises them, despises what they stand for, despises their appearances. That’s what he’s thinking about as he starts to shoot them down before the door even opens all the way, before their heads fully turn to register the threat that is upon them.
Every single one of them looks the same- decked out in midnight black suits that cover every inch of their bodies, complete with a helmet pulled snugly over the head. It’s the literal embodiment of why they do what they do: they can’t survive without the suits. Because of what they’ve done in the past, they don’t have a future without the ultimate demise of those who are nothing like them, but everything they need.
Jungwon thinks they can burn in fucking hell- those here in their suits and those miles and miles away in their glass Oases as well. He despises them, all of them, and he fires bullets until he runs out, tossing the gun to the floor with a clatter and drawing knives from his thigh straps as he takes on a soldier charging forward to challenge him.
That’s all it feels like now- a challenge. Even less than one really, as the weight of his knives in hand is second nature to him. Guns are useful for longer ranges, but knives have always been Jungwon’s strong suit. He feels an innate sort of confidence- a beautiful security- in his ability to protect himself with the weapon.
And Jungwon is ruthless. Smart. He knows where the tube that makes outside air breathable for Unification soldiers is located in their suit. He knows where the vulnerable sections of material are located in the neck, upper thigh, and rib areas. He knows these soldiers are accustomed to crushing the advances of hungry, dehydrated, weakened individuals, and that many of them are actually poor fighters. It’s something he uses to his advantage, disarming them before they can even touch him.
Jungwon slashes his knife across the abdomen of one soldier and sinks the hilt into the neck of another. He raises his head when he sees movement in the corner of his eye. Jake is fighting a soldier near the doorway across the room, knocking them to the ground with his elbow. Another soldier, clearly in pain from injury and lying on their stomach on the floor a few feet behind him, aims a gun at Jake’s back.
Jungwon straightens and throws without a second of hesitation. His aim rings true, blade burying itself in the side of the soldier’s neck. Their head slumps over and they go motionless as Jake wins back his gun from the clutches of the one he’s been fighting and finishes them off.
The room stills as the gunshot dissipates, quiet again after all the scuffling. Jake looks over at him, chest heaving, hair in his eyes.
“Alright?” he asks.
“Yeah,” Jungwon answers with a nod, giving him a once over as well. He appears to be just fine. Jungwon goes to retrieve the knife he’d thrown and wipes the blood off absently on his pants as he looks up to the screens. Some raiders are already downstairs, using keycards and other means of force to open the rooms and coax the patients outside.
“Let’s get down there,” Jungwon says. Jake hums in agreement, bending down to swipe a gun off the floor.
“Here,” he says as a heads up, tossing it in Jungwon’s direction. Jungwon catches it with a quick thanks and they go back out into the hallway, taking down the few straggler soldiers that appeared while the raiders went downstairs.
The next ten minutes or so pass in a rush of movement and noise. He and Jake wind down the staircase to the underground level and then split off at the bottom to go separate ways- Jake to the left, Jungwon to the right. He and the other leaders all make it a point to not just stick by each other’s sides but instead spread out to most effectively guide everyone back to the compound.
Jungwon helps groups of raiders destroy the card readers outside of each room so the doors can be pushed open manually until a woman hands him a keycard so she can focus on helping a teenage girl to her feet. Jungwon uses the card to unlock rooms after that, as it’s a lot faster and the raiders following after him can save their strength for helping the individuals inside.
Killing the soldiers in the communications room eliminated some amount of threat- pertaining to a signal being sent out to other facilities in the area that could potentially send backup- but there’s, of course, no guarantee that that was not done before Jake and Jungwon made it there. Time is of the utmost importance, and Jungwon is painstakingly aware of it.
Jungwon hurries down the last passage of rooms, relieved to see most have already been opened. Raiders hasten about around him, communicating with each other and starting to move towards getting everyone out of here in groups or pairs. At the very end, there’s one more room with a door that’s still sealed up tight.
After running the keycard and shouldering the door open, Jungwon is met with the sight of a little boy, tears streaming down his cheeks. His hair is long and shaggy around the ears, grimy with unwash. The eyes peeking out from beneath his fringe are wide and terrified, unmoving from Jungwon’s form in the doorway. Despite the fact that Jungwon is not wearing a Unification suit, he still looks unreservedly wary of Jungwon’s presence. A wave of sympathy flushes through Jungwon’s system for this boy who should never have had to go through what he has.
Knowing full well the boy is not going to come to him first, Jungwon pushes the metal door until it clicks, signaling it will remain propped open without him having to hold it.
“It’s okay,” he starts slowly, gently. He snaps his knife back into its holding place on his thigh and slips the keycard into the front pocket of his pants so he can hold up empty palms. “It’s okay, I promise. We’re here to help. We’re not going to hurt you.”
The boy doesn’t move, but his bottom lip trembles and his glossy eyes scream that he wants nothing more than for Jungwon to be telling the truth. Jungwon takes his chances and moves closer with unhurried, smooth steps, desperately trying not to scare him more. He still flinches.
Upon closer inspection, the boy’s hardly more than a child. Probably ten or eleven years old. He’s too skinny, no matter how old. Too small. Jungwon swallows the thick lump in his throat as he squats down a few paces away from the boy, hands still raised in the air where he can see them.
“My name’s Jungwon. Myself and all the people out there want to help you get somewhere safe. It’s my home, and it’ll be yours too, if you want. Okay?”
The boy doesn’t respond right away, and the seconds ticking by are precious, but Jungwon allows the pause. He always does when it comes to reassuring kids as young as he is; they’ve been through too much at such an age, and trust won’t come easily to them.
Eventually, though, the idea of safety- of any place away from here- is enough. The boy nods, eyes still filled to the brim with tears.
“Okay,” Jungwon exhales. They need to get moving, but he keeps his distance and doesn’t try to reach for him. “Can you stand on your own?”
Oftentimes, patients are too weak from the blood tests and abuse to move much on their own, but the boy just nods again, getting his feet under him and standing, albeit shakily.
“Alright, good,” Jungwon encourages him, rising and backing up toward the doorway. “Just follow me.”
The hallway is still bustling with activity. As soon as Jungwon steps out of the room, he hears a call of his name and looks up to see Niki struggling to keep a tall, older man- practically hanging off of his arm in exhaustion- upright. He’s going to need help getting the man back to the compound.
Making a decision on the spot, Jungwon signals for Niki to wait a moment and turns to face the young boy standing at the threshold of the room behind him. He’s gripping the edge of the doorway, and Jungwon wants nothing more than to carry him home, but Niki needs his help. When Jungwon crouches down to look him in the eye, the boy doesn’t look away. It’s a misplaced emotion perhaps, but Jungwon is so proud of him for digging up the courage it took to even get to his feet that he tries to smile a little.
“You’re being very brave right now,” he says quietly. He then points behind them, at Niki and the older man. “You see that boy right there? That’s my friend, Niki, and he needs my help so we can get this man to safety too. Now, you see that group right there?” he continues, this time pointing ahead of them. “They’re my friends too, and they’re going to that home I told you about. We all are. So I need you to stick with them. They’ll look after you, and Niki and I will be right behind you, okay?”
The young boy looks back at him from eyeing the group, hesitation prominent in his body language. Jungwon aches to reach out and comfort him but he still refrains, recalling how badly he’d startled when Jungwon stepped closer to him in the room.
“I swear you’re going to be alright,” he says, heavy with conviction. It’s not a promise he should make since it’s not a guarantee that he’ll make it back to the compound alive- it’s not a guarantee for any of them- but it’s all he can do to give him some initiative to take action. “They’re going to protect you and we’ll all be safe soon. Home soon.”
The boy takes a deep, shuddering breath, eyes still wet but determined now, and for a split second Jungwon sees a younger version of himself in him. Terrified, but having the strength to do what he must to survive. The version he was before he found Sunoo and Niki. Before he met any of them. Before he met Jay. His heart aches in his chest, and he doesn’t say anything else, knowing it’d come out strained or unintelligible.
“Okay.” It’s the first time the boy’s spoken, and his voice is faint but final. He walks toward the group a little ways down the hallway and Jungwon swallows thickly, watching him go.
“Taeyong!” he calls, spotting the leader’s head of hair amongst the group. Taeyong turns, finding him at breakneck speed, eyebrows lifting in question. “Look after him.” Jungwon gestures at the boy who’s reached them by now, and Taeyong nods affirmatively, turning his attention toward the child.
Compelling himself to entrust the boy’s care to him, Jungwon rushes toward Niki immediately, who’s now lowered the man to the ground. He looks to be in his late forties-at least- and Jungwon can tell with a mere glance at his quivering shoulders and sunken eyes that he’s not going to be able to walk, hence Niki’s tactic to have him sit until Jungwon could help them.
Niki’s already instructing the older man with low, hurried words to wrap his arms around their shoulders when Jungwon squats down on the opposite side of him. Though his grip is weak, the man manages to do so, and Jungwon knows they can work with that. He and Niki each sling an arm about his waist and hook their hands under his knees to lift him up.
Though it takes a grunt of exertion out of both of them- the man’s taller than Niki, after all- he’s clearly not as heavy as he should be. It’s a vile, ghastly thing, that it’s expected by this point. Jungwon tries not to dwell on that as they wind around the dead soldiers’ bodies and groups of raiders through the passages of now-empty rooms.
Jungwon throws a quick glance over his shoulder when they reach the stairs, searching for Jay, but he doesn’t see him. He must be helping out in one of the passages to the left. Jungwon turns his attention to his footing so they don’t go sprawling.
They make it upstairs and out of the facility without any problems. Just as Jungwon figured it would, the temperature has steadily continued to drop. With the chilly air hitting them face on, the four mile walk will definitely be uncomfortable, but doable. Niki situated his extra jacket onto the man before they left the facility, and Jungwon has draped his extra over the man’s legs in hopes that it will lessen the sting of the spring wind until they can get him inside the warm compound.
He and Niki walk as fast as possible, a bit hindered by the fact that Jungwon’s a head shorter than Niki and that makes their hold on the man a bit awkward. Said man groans in pain at each particularly rough jostle, and they keep apologizing. They’re trying their hardest to keep their footfalls consistent and light, but the rocky terrain blanketed in darkness and littered with tree roots makes it impossible not to stumble.
“Just a little longer,” Jungwon promises under his breath, when it feels like they’ve been traveling through the night for a lifetime. He wasn’t lying, though. They’ve got about a mile left to go. Taeyong’s group is several meters ahead of them, moving faster than they are. Jungwon keeps an eye on the shadowed form of the little boy, but he seems to be keeping up well at Taeyong’s side.
Jungwon’s heart pounds in his chest at the prospect of being so close to the compound. It always feels like this during the last stretch, so close to safety but not in the clear just yet.
Twenty minutes or so later, they arrive at the hill. The hill, meaning the compound is so close. Jungwon hears Niki’s relieved exhale and nearly copies him himself. He tells the man they’re almost there instead.
Getting up the steep incline is a damn near disaster. He and Niki walked from sunrise to sundown both yesterday and today while they were tracking, prepared for the raid early this morning in lieu of sleep, and have spent the last four miles of tonight’s journey under considerably more strenuousness than the first four. Needless to say, they’re tired. There’s a searing ache raging in Jungwon’s shoulders and arms, but he keeps pushing himself and they eventually make it up the hill.
Around the cluster of trees and across the flattened plateau of land they go. The entrance door comes into view, and though the night is far from over, Jungwon allows himself a moment to be glad they’ve made it this far.
Entering the compound and carrying the man through the halls is a blur of bright overhead lights and bustling noise and rushed activity. People run past them, going this way and that, enough to make Jungwon’s head spin. Finally, finally, they arrive at what they’ve long since deemed the med wing. The long room is in a state of mayhem, but of the organized sort- just as Sunoo’s regulations and expectations ensure it will be. Raid nights bring back sick and injured people by the dozens, but Sunoo and the helpers who work under him prepare themselves in order to remain calm in the midst of the madness.
Still, a crack in Sunoo’s unwavering composure shows when he spots Jungwon and Niki lowering the man onto one of the empty beds lining the walls. His attention, of course, is quickly reclaimed by his duty, but Jungwon wasn’t surprised to see the momentary flush of raw, utter relief on the older’s face at their return.
“I’ll settle him in. You go,” Niki urges Jungwon as he helps the man lay down. Jungwon’s hands waver at the bedside.
“Sure?” he asks, hesitant to leave. Niki shoots him a perceptive- undeniably tender- look, one that Jungwon rarely gets from him, but knows by now means I’m okay on my own, I promise. Jungwon is so often reminded these days that Niki’s not the kid he met seven years ago anymore. He’s been capable of handling things alone for a long while now; Jungwon’s just reluctant to ease up on the protectiveness he feels over his youngest friend.
“Sure,” Niki confirms, giving Jungwon’s arm a prompting squeeze. “Help the others get in safely.”
That’s all the coercion Jungwon needs. He gives a quick nod, shakes out his shoulders, and jogs back into the hallway. He ignores the fatigue in his legs and picks up his pace as he winds through the compound to the front entrance. The flow of people coming in is much more steady now. Jungwon passes through the field just outside the compound and goes nearer to the hill, murmuring words of encouragement to scared, exhausted newcomers and pointing towards the entrance of the compound.
Mark arrives several minutes later. He’s carrying a little girl, and even in the darkness, from a significant distance away, Jungwon can see the lines of distress etched into his features. As Mark draws closer, Jungwon can’t curb the response that escapes him.
“Oh my god,” he chokes out, horrified. The child, she’s… she can’t be more than three years old. Maybe two. Her arms are folded between herself and Mark’s chest like she didn’t even have the strength to wrap them around his neck and could only collapse against him. Jungwon’s eyes start to sting.
Mark stops in front of him and Jungwon catches sight of her drooping eyelids. There’s a pang of something bittersweet in him when he realizes she may trust Mark to some degree, to nearly be falling asleep in a stranger’s arms. Maybe it’s hope that she’s found comfort in him, that she’ll be able to grow up and have a home in the compound. Maybe it’s fury, as this shouldn’t have happened to her at all.
“God,” Jungwon repeats. She’s by far the youngest they’ve ever saved. Seeing her- seeing all of them- makes it feel like the first time he’s understanding the devastating impact of the testings for the first time all over again.
Mark seems similarly affected by her presence, but he doesn’t address her when he speaks. The hour walk back was likely far more time than he wanted to be left alone with his thoughts, and Jungwon’s sure he just wants to get her inside where it’s safe and warm.
“Heeseung’s got a group a ways back,” Mark tells him, voice uncharacteristically thick, heavy laden with emotion. “They’ll need help.”
Mark adjusts his hold on the tiny girl, burying her closer to himself under the layering of his extra coat. Jungwon lays a hand on his elbow but doesn’t say anything. There’s nothing to be said.
Mark sets off toward the compound and Jungwon hurries down the hill. He spots Heeseung’s group not too long after he starts jogging again. Jake is with them, which Jungwon is relieved to see. Jay is not. A glance in the distance shows that there are still lots of people coming this way, though, so Jungwon focuses back on the situation at hand as he reaches the group.
A woman clad in the Unification-issued gray patient clothing is clearly struggling on the outskirts, hair sticking to her glistening forehead despite the chilly temperature, breathing ragged and wheezing. Jungwon immediately ducks under her arm to support her, noticing the boy right behind her as he does so.
The young man’s features are taut with tension, pupils blown wide as they flick wildly from the present surroundings to behind them at an unsettling pace. Even still, he’s helping the girl next to him walk with an arm looped through hers. Jungwon is moved by this display since the boy probably doesn’t know her but is helping her along anyway, all while being incredibly anxious.
“Hey,” Jungwon says over his shoulder. The boy’s eyes snap to his and lock in, his lips parted in trepidation. He doesn’t look much older than Jungwon himself. “Hang on for just a little longer. We’re almost there.”
The boy nods after a moment, dark hair sweeping across his forehead into his eyes, and Jungwon faces forward to concentrate on helping the woman under his arm up the hill.
Time blurs again, getting the group back to the compound, through the winding halls, and properly settled in the med wing. If it was busy before, it’s chaos now. The free beds are dwindling, but not everyone needs to lay down. Some with more strength lean against the walls, watching an environment that is entirely new to them with glazed eyes. Some lower to sit on the floor. Regardless of where they end up, raiders meet them where they’re at to get them whatever they need.
In a while, once everything’s settled and slowed down a bit, Taeyong will address those they’ve saved tonight. He’ll explain where their people came from and what they stand for. He’ll explain that the compound is hidden and undetected by Unification and that they’re safe here. That this can be their home.
Those who are cleared medically will then be taken to an empty room. A room they can have ownership over, a room they can call theirs. They’ll be encouraged to explore, and ask questions. They’ll be granted access to food in the eatery and bathrooms equipped with toilets and running water and showers- all privileges that were unheard of- for all of them- before they found the compound.
Jungwon takes great joy in watching newcomers not only realize that they have the space to exist here, but also that they are entitled to discovering how they want to live here- not merely survive. He looks forward to it, but for now, busies himself with fetching blankets, packaged food, cups of water, bandages, and more for people in need.
Sunoo requests clean towels and fresh bedsheets, so Jungwon takes a trip to the storeroom to retrieve them. When he gets back to the med wing and hands off the armful of linens, he stops for a moment to look around.
Heeseung is helping someone sit up against the pillows in their bed. Mark is standing against the wall, still holding the little girl close to his chest. She’s fast asleep now. Niki is near Sunoo’s side, available to grab whatever the older needs while treating people’s wounds at a moment’s notice. Taeyong is kneeled down in front of the little boy Jungwon sent his way before they left the facility, talking to him quietly. Jake is spreading a blanket across the lap of an older woman with wispy hair. The wing is hectic and full, and Jungwon’s eyes keep flitting about, moving from bed to bed, wall to wall, person to person, but-
Jungwon moves. He’s moving before he consciously decides to do so, before his brain catches up with his actions. Before an impossible thought plants its seed in his mind.
He darts out into the hallway. Runs. Makes it to the front entrance, narrowly avoiding crashing into several people on the way. He flies up the stairs and through the still-open main door, out into the night air. Squinting across the field turns out to be pointless.
No one’s coming.
The world shifts. Jungwon’s feet falter.
No, he thinks. No. You missed him. You just missed him. He’s inside, you just missed him.
Check again.
Jungwon turns on his heel and bolts, boots thundering on the metal staircase as he descends underground once again and immediately takes off running to the left, where he came from. Jay wouldn’t have gone back to their room without checking in first- without checking on Jungwon first- so veering right towards the lodging wing wasn’t even an option.
He checks the eatery. The kitchens. The communal bathroom. The storeroom. The hallways. Every weird turn Jay could’ve taken.
Jungwon flies back into the med wing breathless, desperate, heart hammering in his ears, head whipping side to side, searching-
Nothing. Nothing, nothing-
That threatening, impossible thought takes root.
No. He’s here. He’s got to be here.
He’s surely just leaning down over someone’s bedside, helping them adjust. He’s just crouched down in front of a scared individual consoling them, or sitting next to someone against the wall in quiet company. Because that’s the kind of man Jay is: sure and selfless and reliable and here.
But Jungwon reaches the end of the room, faced with a blank wall, and whirls around as the roots twist deeper, sharper. They prick at the corners of his mind. Ivy grows into his vision, blinding him for a terrifying, fractured moment. He forces himself through a splintered inhale so the lights blink back into focus. He stumbles to the nearest familiar person. Grabs hold of their arm.
Heeseung turns around, face blanching when his eyes rove over whatever Jungwon’s own features are doing. Jungwon doesn’t have any control over them.
“What’s wrong?” Heeseung breathes. He hardly ever reaches out first but he does now, fingers coming up to wrap around Jungwon’s bicep. Jungwon hadn’t realized it, but he’s shaking. Someone comes up by his side, concern radiating off of them in waves. Their face swims into view. Jake.
“Jungwon-” Heeseung’s voice is urgent. He’s shaking Jungwon’s arm. “What’s wrong?”
“Jay,” Jungwon rasps. It doesn’t sound like him. “Jay’s not here.”
There’s a suspended moment in which Jungwon can’t breathe, in which he can’t force himself to look away from his friends as their expressions twist into identical displays of alarm. In the next, he’s pushing through them. He thinks he hears Jake say, “Let’s go.” He thinks Heeseung may have been planning to drag him along if he hadn’t been able to move.
His body, however, takes over. He sprints through halls that have never been this long, gulping down air that has never felt this much like fire. It licks against the inside of his ribs, scorches his airway, expands across every inch of his skin.
The outside air should feel different from the compound when he reaches it, but it doesn’t.
His vision should have cleared by now, but it hasn’t.
The first mile passes too slowly. Jungwon’s racing back the way they traveled tonight- back to the facility. Distantly, he notes his hands are still shaking, even though he’s got them clenched into fists, arms pumping wildly at his sides as he runs. His mind is a cacophony of noise, insides melting under the assault of the flames.
Jay is smart, but what if? He’s strong, but what if? He’s steady and reliable and he’s not reckless unless he needs to be, but what if-?
No. His thoughts intertwine and overlap and battle for the forefront, but this is what he must be resolute about. He’s trying to persuade some terrified person that it’s safe to come with him. He got caught up helping someone who’s hurt. He’s leading a group of people who are failing to move quickly. He’s okay. He’s okay. He’s okay.
Jay is clever. He’s ridiculously strong, physically and mentally. He’s sure and steady and okay.
Jungwon wills it to be true as the trees smudge into one dark green canvas overhead. He wills himself to believe it.
He reaches the second mile. He’s pushing himself so hard that Heeseung and Jake are having trouble keeping up with him. It’s been too long. There’s still no sign of Jay, or of anything amiss at all, and everything in Jungwon’s body and mind is a contradiction. He’s numb with panic, but his lungs ache for breath and his legs plead with him to stop. His mind is both horribly muddled and terrifyingly blank.
He’s okay. He’s okay. He’s okay. Chanting it to himself is a necessity. He can’t afford to consider anything else.
He’s thinking about spotting Jay any second. He’s thinking about whether he's going to slap him in the chest for being careless with the time or jump straight into his arms in a crushing hug.
He’s thinking about going back to the compound with him, ushering him into their bathroom to shower first, laying down in bed beside him.
He’s thinking about how this may be enough to push himself to take the leap past all the unspoken doubts and hesitancies that have caused him not to pursue more than friendship (it’s already more than that, he knows it’s already more than that) with Jay. When he gets Jay back, he’ll remember this feeling. This fear. He’ll never forget it. He’ll let it impel him to confess- to do something. Anything.
When he gets him back.
He’s okay. He’s okay. He’s okay.
There’s a hill ahead. The adrenaline rushing through his veins- instigated by dread, prolonged by panic- drives him up it despite all the odds of exhaustion working against him.
He’s okay. One foot after the other.
He’s okay. Jungwon’s breath will return to him. His heart will settle. His limbs will no longer be sore. These are all temporary things, all things that don’t matter and won’t matter until Jungwon finds him.
He’s okay. The forest floor levels out at the top of the hill. The sun has just begun to peek above the horizon.
He’s-
The light is dim, but it’s enough. Jungwon comes to a halt, arms swinging heavily at his sides, chest heaving. He sees it before he registers what it is. He sees it before Heeseung and Jake even catch up to him.
A splash of blue amongst the dirt.
There’s blood on the forest floor. Jungwon falls to his knees amongst it, hands scraping through it. His mouth is moving. He doesn’t know what he’s saying. His breath gets lodged in his throat and he chokes on it, wrestling with his own body for air as he crawls forward.
His fingers wrap around the knife where it’s lying by itself in the dirt, hilt painted a deep blue, adorned with swirled designs of white along the edges. The cry that’s been building up within him rips out of his throat when his heartbeat starts pounding in his fingers from how tightly he grips the handle. He looks up through the haze of tears to see nothing but the sun rising over an empty forest.
It’s an all-encompassing thing: the way Jungwon shatters. Before, the world tilted. Now, it closes in on him completely. He’s gripped by a terror he has never known. Not like this.
He’s gone.