Audere est Facere

by Feylin

Summary:

In an effort to equalize good and evil and minimize the latter in the world, the ancient people of Hyrule had only one idea: integrate the different realms’ young into one boarding school.

When the Demon King Demise spends a regrettable night with the Golden Goddess Farore, the last thing he expects is a half-demon, half-holy shapeshifting baby to show up on his front porch nine months later with one note attached:

I want him every other holiday.

Link knows his family is probably, kind of, definitely weird, but it’s not like you can just announce to Demise himself that you want to go to the Academy for Bad Monster Children to Learn Goodness, so Mama Farore calls in a favor with Hylia. What Link doesn’t know is that Hylia’s own daughter is the most insufferable, stuck-up snob and WHY is she in HIS room?

And also, Demise has been planning a war against Hylia for quite some time now. More at six.

Notes:

ooooouuuu what fun! i give demise's parenting a 12/10
bit of a short chapter, but more of link's childhood to come!

Chapter 1: Daddy Demise

No, it’s probably not a normal day when a white-haired, dark-skinned, red-eyed baby shows up at your doorstep. And, oh! He’s crying. Okay. Fine. 

Demise debates on simply leaving him there. It’s not his problem, now is it? The kid is clearly a charity case, but Demise simply does not do favors. What’s in it for me? So, yes, he is about to simply hand the newborn to the Gravewalker, because he sure as fuck does not want the thing, and then he sees it. 

The note clutched tightly in his tiny fist. 

The thing’s face is all scrunched up and he’s just so damn loud, but Demise manages to wrestle the note out of his hand and smooths out the wrinkled paper. 

“Ah, fuck me.” 

Because it’s in Farore’s handwriting— of course it is— and these words carry the heavy implication that this thing actually belongs to him. Every other holiday? She can have him for all of them, if she wants. He wants a paternity test, godsdammit. But then again… 

He smoothly glides his gaze to the baby, and he has to admit that it might look like him. Just sort of. The ash skin and the vivid ruby eyes… And then there’s the matter of the hair. 

He takes a glance at his own flaming head before grabbing the baby with a single hand—because it’s even smaller than his fist, how precious. “You got that from Mama, didn’t you?” But his gruff voice doesn’t quite fit around the words, so he figures he best stick to your mother. 

The thing’s sobs begin to quiet, diminishing to only sniffles. 

And then it giggles. Softly. Half-holy, that is what he is. Never belonging to only demons, or the heavens above, having to carve out a place in this world for himself… 

Maybe Demise is a sucker. Maybe he doesn’t care. 

But he does almost drop the kid— his kid—when he opens his eyes and they flash blue, if only for a second. “Fuck! What the fuck was that? Oh, Hylia-fuck. I am not ready to be a parent. I don’t even know what the fuck that was!” Something he got from Farore, no doubt. That holiness inside of him… He’d need to learn to control that, as soon as possible. One trip to the flaming pits and he would never have that sweet look of blue-eyed innocence again. 

“My Lord,” a voice calls out behind him. “What is that?” 

He steps back into the mansion he resides in, swiftly shutting the door. “Mine. Apparently.” 

Cia flicks her wrist, light now illuminating the previously-dark hall. “From whom?” she questions, narrowing her eyes. 

“That is none of your concern. The boy will see his mother every other holiday. But he is mine to keep. And he will become the most powerful weapon in all of history.” He bares his teeth down at him then, his baby. “He is the bridge connecting us to Hylia, he is…” A feral grin spreads across his face as he holds the baby up in the air. “Link. Oh, fuck, why is he doing that?” 

Link’s head has lolled to the side. 

“Is he broken?” Demise continues. 

“No,” Cia deadpans. “He’s a newborn. You have to support his head.” 

“Fantastic! Cia, you will be his nursemaid.” Which will probably work out just fine. 

“ Excuse you,” she says, crossing to him. “I am your powerful general, I am the wielder of the Scepter, Lana and I are the balancers of the worlds—” 

“And you will help me raise this baby,” Demise finishes for her. “And that is an order from your king.” 

“I know nothing about children!” she shrieks. “I do not like children, I do not want children! Get your baby mama to do the work for you!” 

“ She lives in the heavens!” 

“What the fuck, Demise? Who did you knock up?” 

Link begins to cry again and Demise shoots her a glare as he cradles the baby. “If you must know, it is the Goddess of Courage. Which is why I need all the help I can get—because she’s set in her ways, and I’m set in mine. I am an all-powerful being and she is the embodiment of bravery. This child will be the next Demon King, and he will be the strongest creature to have walked this earth.” 

Cia rubs her temples in exasperation at the declaration. “You have a child with the holy goddess Farore? How?” 

“Well, you know me…” 

“Gross.” She takes Link from his arms, his ruby eyes blinking up at her. “You should know that he may not be the most powerful being.” 

He glowers down at her. “And why is that?” 

She retrieves a satin pillowcase—a pillowcase, for gods’ sake, this house is truly not baby-equipped—and wraps the bare baby in it. “She did not even send him with a diaper…” she mutters, then clears her throat. “Hylia is expecting any day now. I do not know who the father is, but I can only assume that the child will receive her gifts and more. They’ll surely keep each other on their toes, that’s for certain.” 

“All the more reason to shape him into my image,” Demise states. “My Link… My Link between worlds.” 

Winter Solstice comes the following month, and by then the manor is flooded with bottles and sippy cups and diapers and everything in between. It’s Link’s very first holiday at home, and Demise will be damned if Farore takes him for it. 

“I was in labor for forty-two hours for your insolence!” she exclaims, attempting to maneuver past him. “You will let me have him for Solstice!” 

“Absolutely not,” he states. “You dumped him with me, I named him, he’s mine. You can have him for the New Year, but we celebrate a little differently around here.” 

Her glowing form accentuates sapphire eyes, and he remembers why, exactly, he’d been so captivated by her just ten months ago. 

“The boy should learn some decency. I know your lot; I will not have him exposed to the nine circles of Hell at a month old!” 

“He will be cared for,” Demise seethes. “We are spending it together. I will not be joining my armies on this night, Farore. But…” He gives her a sleazy smile then, if only so she gets that pretty, pissed-off look on her features. “You’re still welcome to stay the night.” 

She scoffs, tossing silken white hair over a shoulder. “I did it once, and look where it got me.” 

Link babbles in baby in his crib. 

“Yes, yes, it got you a half-demon abomination—need I remind you that you only play at part-time parent?” He raises an eyebrow at her and smoothes his fiery hair. “General Cia and I have our hands full.” 

Her jaw drops. “You cannot be serious.” 

“Dead serious.” 

Link gurgles. 

“Give me my baby, look at him! He’s neglected here!” She peeks over Demise’s shoulder, assessing. 

Demise turns to find Link’s eyes flickering between red and blue. “It’s kind of creepy,” he remarks. “How does he do it?” 

“I imagine it’s his two sides fighting with one another for total control.” 

“Kind of like us.” 

They stare at each other for a long moment. 

“We might be doing this whole co-parenting thing wrong,” he says to her. “Maybe we should have taken this to court.” 

“We should try to work together…” she murmurs. “We shouldn’t fight in front of him like this.” 

They turn their attention back to him, lying on his back, stars hanging above his crib. Silent for a long moment, they contemplate their choices. Then—

“He’s a baby. He doesn’t know what we’re saying,” Demise says. 

“...Yeah, you’re probably right.” 

Silence. 

“ GIVE ME BACK MY BABY!” 

“GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!” 

Link continues to talk in baby. 

Chapter 2: The Baby is NOT Flammable

Summary:

Oh, the joys of fatherhood. Mama Farore is just kind of delusional.

Notes:

hello ladies and folks and abominations (looking at you, link)! today features a lana cameo uwu and talk of baby zelda! slightly

Most babies are flammable. Link is not, which is a great-fucking-thing when you’re on fire all the literal fucking time and your tiny son (who is very easy to lose track of) likes shiny things. Also hot things. Also things that might slightly resemble a food (see: Cia’s Scepter [a banana]). 

Sometimes, Demise debates placing Link in the fireplace like a roasted pig for noontime-naptime but then he’d be all covered in ashes and that’s probably child abuse that Farore could get custody over. Not that she hasn’t already tried getting custody—they did go to court over that when Link was two months, and she ended up losing. No, instead Link gets exchanged at a shady gas station at the halfway point of the Connecting Bridge (very clever name for a bridge that connects worlds, Hylia must have thought). He does sometimes question why there’s a gas station out there, but has too much pride to ask. 

Cia examines Link for any burns but there are none. Smart boy, takes after Daddy. 

Ew. Okay. No. Link is never calling him Daddy. 

“I think if he had a drop more of Farore in him, he’d have turned to ash. Then you’d have to name him Stinky Little Ash Boy. Or he could still be Link, short for Little Stink. Also, Farore would kill you.” She holds the six-month-old in the air, and he speaks what must be some old forgotten language spoken only by babies, followed by a delirious laugh. Then—

“Cici!” 

Demise quickly draws his sword, getting into a defensive stance. “What the fuck was that?” 

Cia’s brows furrow as she pulls Link closer to her. “I think he just spoke.” 

Demise scoffs at that. “Don’t be ridiculous, General, babies cannot talk.” 

“They do learn eventually, you know. And I do believe his first word was Cici.” She harrumphs, like it’s some sort of triumph for her. And Demise supposes… it is. Why wasn’t Daddy the first thing Link says? 

“Not… Daddy? Dada, perhaps? Wicked overlord? What else is he hiding from us? How else will he betray me?” He huffs and crosses his arms after sheathing his sword. 

“I think he likely just hears my name more, My Lord,” she deadpans. “But I’m not sure how I feel about Cici.” 

Demise scowls and snatches Link from Cia, the baby’s eyes glowing with the reflection of the fire. “It’s Farore’s fault, I’m sure of it. She baby-talks him too much. I read that it’s bad for their development.” 

“You think… that the goddess Farore… calls me… Cici.” 

“That is precisely what I think.” He balances Link on his hip. “She had him just last week, I wouldn’t be surprised if he said his first word around her and she just didn’t deign to tell us.” 

“My Lord, I should say that it is irregular for babies to form words so early on. I think he may have a higher intelligence capacity—” 

“ EXCELLENT!” 

“—that could rival Hylia’s own daughter.” 

Demise slowly swivels his head to her. “Hylia—? What the fuck does— oh, fuck, I forgot about her. Fuck that baby.” 

Cia’s mouth forms a small o, but she merely nods. “There’s also the matter of… of whether or not we would enroll Link in Skyloft. Of course you’d probably have to talk it over with Farore, but I would like to know what we are prepping him for here.” 

Link mumbles something, and Demise replies, “Riveting conversation, I value your input.” Link laughs giddily in return. “Cia, the answer is no. I’m keeping him here. He is not to mingle with the outsiders.” 

“My Lord, this may be the one law you cannot work around.” 

He tsks, fetching a warm bottle from near the fireplace. He sits on the couch and coos to Link, “Come on, my corrupt prince. It’s feeding time.” To Cia, he says, “Let me put this into perspective for you, General. I am the Demon King. I am powerful. I am evil. I want Hylia dead. This mistaken child is my sole heir, and the greatest pawn I have. Think of it as chess: most pawns don’t make it to the end of the board, but they’re still valuable. But the pawns that do make it, become queens. They move in every direction; they are ruthless, cunning. And there is no dallying with the enemy’s side. There is yourself and nothing more. So I will find a way to work around it if it’s the last thing I do, because I need this pawn to be my queen.” 

Cia stares at him for a long moment. 

“In a non-romantic way,” he adds. “That would be gross. That’s my son.”

“We could corrupt him as much as possible before he goes,” Cia says. “Even Farore’s influence would not amount to much. And he would be our spy. He could destroy them all from the inside out, My Lord. You still have to knock the chess pieces over to win.” 

Demise contemplates this, looking back down at the contentment on his son’s face as the bottle is downed. “I will have to think on it, General. Either way, he will be treated like the Demon Prince he is.” He coos, “Isn’t that right, baby?” He lowers the bottle and rubs Link’s belly with one enormous hand. “So, this talk of speech… when will he say more intelligent things? And when will he begin walking? I want him trained as soon as possible.” 

Cia clears her throat. “It’s hard to say, Your Majesty. Every child is different, though he does seem to be developing rather rapidly with the right love and care.” 

“Love? Care? He has neither of those things, Cia, don’t be ridiculous. I am the Demon King.” Never mind the pink bottle and pantries lined from top to bottom with various toys and regular baby items that any grown man could, realistically, own. Formula? It’s sweet. Link likes it. He does, too. He buys it for himself. Not the baby. He does not feel love. 

Cia exhales deeply. “If not from you, then from Farore.” 

“Nope! He is mine; Daddy loves his gitchy-goo! … Not a word, Cia.” 

---

At nine months, Link takes his first steps. And for once, it’s his first time doing something not surrounded by his father and nursemaid. 

Farore steadily balances him, hands never too far from his chubby body. She doesn’t know what it is about him—why he flickers between holy and demon-like, why he’s so clearly pure in the heavens, but so hellish when she first sees him. Clearwater blue eyes look down at the floor, then at her, then up in determination as shaking legs take one step—then another. 

“LANA!” she screeches. “LANA, GO RUB IT IN THAT STUPID WHORE’S FACE—HE JUST TOOK HIS FIRST STEPS— LANA!” 

“Uh… Yes, mistress! What would you like me to tell His Majesty?” The blue-haired sorceress stands in the doorway, book in hand. 

Link says something unintelligible, and Farore says, “Yes! Yes, tell him that! Goo goo ga ga!” She picks Link up by the armpits, whirling him around. “Oh, my sweet baby boy, you are so smart! Mommy is so proud of you and that son of a bitch is going to be so jealous! Oh, my sweet baby, Mommy loves you!” 

Link laughs wildly, but she already begins to see the shift—a few strands of white hair amongst the golden mass. He does not stay pure for very long these days—a couple hours at most. She tucks him close to her, resting her chin on his soft head. She can feel it—soon… soon, Demise will ensure he forgets he was ever the son of a Golden Goddess. 

“Mommy,” he says, clutching her own moon-white hair. His eyes flicker between red and blue. “Mommy.” 

He’s trying to communicate, she knows, but he’s so tiny and he can’t form those words just yet, but she likes to fill in the gaps. 

I won’t let him change me. 

“I know, precious boy.” She kisses his forehead as his skin darkens. “Mother knows. You will never come to harm, my dear. I will not let him.” 

Lana pauses. “Cia has come to care for the young prince, ma’am. I do not think either of them are trying to intentionally harm him.” 

“Not intentionally, no,” Farore acknowledges. “But I know Demise. I know he will try to make Link into everything he could not achieve.” A shining tear drops from the corner of her eye onto Link’s face and bounces off, the recoil singing like crystal knocked together. “‘Tis my greatest fear, Lana—that I cannot protect him.” 

“You did drop him off at Demise’s doorstep…” 

“I knew not what else to do! And I knew it was a mistake, and I tried to take him back, but my lawyer sucked ass, Lana. Ass!” 

Lana sucks in a breath. “Okay.”

Notes:

question: would you prefer shorter chapters (like the length of this one) closer together or would you want much longer chapters (for example this is about four pages in a google doc, so like 8-12 pages) but the chapters are released much slower? either way, thank you so much for the support!! comments are always appreciated!

Chapter 3: THE BABY IS FLAMMABLE (sometimes)

Summary:

Link learns how to fight. He is bad at it. Because he's five.

Notes:

i'm getting so IMPATIENT i have so many ideas for the juicy stuff!!!

The hellfire nips at Link’s heels, eliciting a worrying look to his father. “I’m okay, right?” Farore constantly complains to Lana about the danger Demise is constantly putting him in. He wonders if there’s any truth to her whining. 

It’s been five years since he wound up on Demise’s doorstep, three since he summoned his first demon (his father was particularly excited about that one). The demon-wolf proved to be as much of a coward as a mouse, unfortunately—but Link had thrown a fiery tantrum in order to keep him. Audax, his companion, now whimpers by his side, tail tucked in tight, nearly reaching the tip of his nose. 

They—Link, Audax, and Demise—stand on a tall plateau, a ring of white-blue fire surrounding them. Link thinks, from a distance, he could mistaken it for a winter wonderland. He turns his wide gaze away from his father and back to the icy-colored flames. “I mean, it doesn’t look very safe, Daddy.” 

“You’re fine,” Demise’s gruff voice insists, and he pulls Link up by the armpits and wiggles him around a bit. “Look, it can’t hurt you.” 

“But it can hurt Audax?” Link’s feet dangle freely over the edge, shoes licked by the fire. He feels a tingle—like it should hurt, but it doesn’t. Audax has curled into a tight ball.

Demise ponders this. “Probably not. Come here, mutt.” The dog in question is certainly not a mutt—his gray-and-black coat has the markings of the purebred demon wolves, but he raises his head regardless. 

Demise sets Link down and kneels so that they are eye-level with each other. “It’s important that you train your companion to stick by your side at all times, and to follow your every command. When you conquer the world, he will be by your side. When you marry your demon queen, he will be your best man. Kapeesh?” 

Link looks from his father to Audax, and back again. “What if I never get married?” 

“I feel like you’re missing the point. Now—” He stands straight and beckons Link to stare over the edge into the abyss of hellfire and darkness. Link cannot see where the flames originate from, but they only reach the edge of the surface. The heat is, if anything, uncomfortable at best. The mix of his parents have caused the essence of his own DNA to become confused—unsure if it should fear the fire or welcome it. Demise continues, “Down in the depths are angel dummies. They will try to kill you. You should already be familiar with their powers for the time you spend with your mother; they even exude the same golden light. You must maim—or better yet, slaughter—them before they return the favor.” 

“Mommy said the custody papers say you’re not allowed to teach me how to kill,” Link says absentmindedly. The concept of murder itself does not bother him—he’s never exactly experienced loss. And with his immortal life, he supposes he’ll have enough time to get over it anyway. Things like that can be taped over with a band-aid—Daddy says so. But Farore showed him the papers, even though he can’t read, and claimed that it said that he wasn’t allowed to learn killing from Daddy. Demise looks exhausted at this. 

“No, sweetie, the papers say that I can cause you no physical harm. I suppose it’s time to get you a governess.” Audax whines his agreement. “The mutt thinks so, too. Perhaps you can attend lessons together.” 

Link peers over the edge once more. “How do I get down?” 

As if on cue, a roar sounds behind them, shaking the surface they stand on. Even the flames flicker at the sound. Link nearly falls before Demise pulls him back by the collar and flips him to view where the noise comes from.

Racing towards them, a mountain in its own right, a dragon soars straight for Link. A powerful, mighty thing, its green scales reflect the light from the flames as bright, blinding balls of electricity race off him, tumbling into the unknown. He roars again and Link thinks it might pierce his eardrums as he raises his hands to his ears. But Demise raises a single hand, unfazed by the mythical creature. 

“Farosh,” his father says, “is yours to command, my son. You both embody the very courage needed to conquer this hell-ridden world. You may summon him at any time.” Then, with a pointed look, “Provided that it’s necessary.” 

“I can… summon him?” Link breathes, red eyes widening in breathtaking awe. “How?” Farosh seems so serene in comparison to the dank depths of Demise’s fiery domain. Link cannot imagine bringing such a creature to his training ring. 

In answer, Demise taps Link’s chest, where his black heart thumps. “You can feel it in here.” Link’s hand replaces his, the rapid beating of excitement nearly drowning out his father’s next words. “Farosh will not hurt you. Climb aboard his back.” 

Link grips the slippery scales with no small amount of ease, Audax still cowering on the surface before Demise grips him by the scruff and throws him next to Link. Farosh rears his head back—a silent warning to hold on—before diving deep, deep into the flames, Audax howling all the way. 

Link’s face becomes set with determination as the flames try to resist, try to tear that holy part of him away. He feels half-suffocated, but he pulls through, and when they reach the bottom, he’s greeted by the blinding halo of his mother’s ilk. He’s just barely off Farosh’s back before the first beam of light hits him—

Hits him, and bounces away. 

Confused but decidedly not wasting any time, he calls to the fire above him, his left hand thrown skyward. Staggering under the force of so many attacks, Link furrows his brows in focus as the hellfire refuses to yield, questioning his authority. 

One angel sweeps him off his feet just as its silicone arm is ripped off by Audax. 

The angel dummies—somehow programmed to have some level of intelligence—recognize that their tactics are not working, and pull out various weapons. Fear drenching him, Link spins around for Farosh, but the dragon is already gone, called away by the Golden Goddesses. 

“Audax!” Link cries, and the cowardly, sweet wolf snarls at the nearest angel, and rips its head off. 

Stuffing leaking from his mouth, Audax circles Link protectively, daring any of the enemies to draw closer. When one draws a dagger, Link raises his arms defensively, albeit knowing that it will do nothing in the way of their attacks. But a high-pitched, deafening ringing fills the arena. Holy fire, so bright and yellow, rises instead. A warm, beckoning feeling fills his chest as his ashen skin turns to a golden tan, his eyes flickering blue and red.

He pays no mind to it as Audax comes closer to him. Squeezing his eyes shut does not block out the light escaping him, so similar to the glow the angels exude, and yet so much more powerful. Reigning in his holy form, he finally manages to send the hellfire down on them as his bright eyes stay red this time. 

The flames twist and merge together and turn into something so hot Link can barely stand to be near it. He cries in his twisted black heart for someone—anyone—to come save him. Sweat slides across his skin, and he closes his eyes, sure that his short life is over, and when he opens them again, he sees his father. 

Demise does not appear angry. Only worry clouds his cruel face, searching for any injury on Link. It’s nearly silent on the plateau; whatever spell Demise cast to summon Link ceased the overwhelming flames. “I was so sure…” he murmurs, and Link feels the waves of disappointment washing over him. “I was so sure you were ready. What did you do, Link?” 

Link cannot meet his father’s gaze. He knows his eyes are blue again. “I used Mommy’s power,” he says. “And I almost got hurt.” 

Demise shakes his head. “We must work on that then. You can use one or the other, but never both, dear one. Never both. Holy and damnation do not mix well.” 

At that last sentence, Link wants to retort I know. He’s the prime example of it, after all.

In a flash, they’re sitting in Link’s little blue bedroom. Audax’s fur is slightly singed with black, and Link feels guilt creep over him as he remembers that the wolf has little immunity to the white magic of the goddesses. But Audax seems perfectly content to chew on the rope Cia had gifted to him weeks before.

“Mommy says there’s a school I have to go to when I’m older,” Link says, swinging his feet as Demise takes a seat next to him on his bed. He looks ridiculous on the tiny thing. “She says I’ll learn how to control my magic there.” 

Demise huffs a laugh. “Please. That is a suggestion. You will be attending Daddy’s Academy for Baby Overlords.” 

“I’m not a baby,” Link protests. 

“I’m trying to say that there is no reason. You felt it, didn’t you? The resist to your holy powers. You were made for greater things than lawfulness, boy. You are my successor. You will by the next Demon King. No pressure.” 

Link averts his gaze back to Audax, blissfully unaware of the conversation taking place. “Mommy might try to stop you. She says… she says there could be a war.” 

A snort. “That’s what court is for, baby. Don’t worry about your mother.” 

“What about Hylia’s daughter? What if she tries to fight me?” 

Demise quirks an eyebrow. “You truly believe you could not handle a half-mortal?” 

Link’s head snaps up at that, confusion flickering in his eyes. “Mortal?” 

“Her father is a Hylian, I’ve learned,” he says, standing. “A strong one, to be sure, but a Hylian nonetheless.” He places a kiss to Link’s forehead before making his way to leave. “You, my son, are a prince.” 

Alone with his Audax, Link flops back onto the bed. 

If Demise wants him to be a strong, silent demon prince, that’s exactly what he will be.

Notes:

uh oh! demise has made a parental oopsie! he's set too many expectations for the toddler!

Chapter 4: MY TITTIES

Summary:

Link is a good boy.

Notes:

i died dead rip me

Red eyes flicker back at him as he fixes his tie in the mirror. Dinner with the Demon King Demise has a strict black tie dress code—and Link does nothing if not dress to impress. Besides, he has a special request tonight, pre-planned by both him and his mother, though it was her idea first. He’s old enough now, she’d decided. It’s time for change. To be good and pure, the angelic son she always vied for. 

The Demon Prince has his own motivations. 

Audax lies on Link’s mattress (his own bed is obviously not good enough for him), and a soft sigh escapes his mouth. Not many things make Link smile. But Audax does. His very best friend in the whole wide world, never mind the slobber. 

“Do you think he’ll agree, Audax?” Link wonders aloud. “I am sure once he hears of my plan, he’ll be delighted. I just don’t want him to shoot me down before I’m able to say anything at all.” 

Audax stares blankly back at him, because he is an animal, and not even magical animals answer to royalty. 

Link purses his lips just as a knock sounds on his bedroom door. “Your Highness,” Cia drawls. “You will be late if you do not come at once.” She sounds so bored. They go through this routine every day. 

He does not love her. He loves no one. Except Audax, who is just a dog and therefore the only being deserving of it. 

“Yeah,” he says. “I’m coming.” 

He opens the door and glides past her, because it hasn’t been for many years that he has answered to her and not the other way around. For a long time, she was the closest thing he had to a mother, considering his actual mother was basically a deadbeat who only clucked her tongue in distaste at his dark clothes and red eyes. 

“You spend too much time with your father,” she used to claim. She stopped after he asked why they wouldn’t just use a condom. Farore is kind of a prude. Except about using a condom, apparently. 

The walk to the dining room is long and torturous. He’s practically trembling with the thought of asking his father for this… silliness. He would almost call it excitement, if only for the fact that he doesn’t get excited, because he doesn’t ever feel anything, besides love for Audax, because he is the Demon Prince, obviously, and he hates everything and everyone. 

Well. He doesn’t hate his father. They have a mutual understanding. 

He remembers, vaguely, a time when he did feel things, like the silly little boy he once was. How typically childlike. It disgusts him. 

“Is… everything alright, my lord?” Cia asks, almost too carefully. He doesn’t realize at first—the tips of his fingers burn with white fire. It goes out almost instantly. 

“Agitated,” he answers, just as carefully. 

She does not answer. Link doesn’t know when Cia became so uncomfortable in his presence. He doesn’t know when it quit bothering him. 

“I have a question,” he says. He doesn’t wait for her to respond. “How many hell creatures actually go to that boarding school? You know. What’s it called again? Skyloft?” He feigns disinterest surprising well. It pleases him. He does love one thing—to lie. 

Cia only shakes her head. “I keep telling you to get out of the castle more, meet kids your own age… This is the kind of thing you should know, Your Highness. Some, ah, old-fashioned parents opt for homeschooling, but the overwhelming majority send their young ones to the academy.” 

Old-fashioned, like his father, she means. Those preparing for war because it’s what they want. The taste of bred hatred and resentment makes his mouth water. 

Suspiciously, she says, “Why do you ask?” 

A devilish smile slowly spreads across his features. “I was just curious, General.” To his surprise, she doesn’t press on it. She does keep a close eye on him, opting to take a step closer to his side. 

The dining room doors swing open with a magical force he is unable to comprehend and hasn’t bothered to inquire about. An angel heart acts as centerpiece for their table—a very welcoming feel. 

It used to make him squirm. Cousinauntiegrandma—who was it? How did he know the still-beating heart? It’s been years. Demise looks proudly upon it, as if it’s a prized vase. Link doesn’t even want to know how he got it. It’s probably Farore’s, for all he knows. 

“My princeling,” Demise’s voice rings out. “My crisp Burger King crown. My McDonald’s tater tot.” He thinks for a moment. “Sonic popcorn chicken.” 

Link gives a nod of greeting. He is, in fact, Sonic popcorn chicken. The jumbo kind, though, that you get and always say you’ll finish but you never do and it’s just kind of too dry. 

He licks his lips. He shouldn’t be nervous. The worst Demise can say is no. Well. He could also lock him in the dungeon and throw away the key. Or he could get rid of Audax. Link swallows around the lump in his throat. He loves Audax.
“My wee lad,” Demise continues. “Take a seat and tell me why you requested I cut my meeting short.” 

Link resists the urge to break eye contact, to instead stare at the food being brought before him by the mummified staff. He holds his father’s curious gaze and says, “I’m going to Skyloft.” 

No, dumbass! 

Oh dear fucking Hylia. 

He is so fucked, to be praying to someone else’s god right now. 

He was supposed to gently sway his father into conversation about the academy, not just imply that he’s the almighty prince of Hell who does and gets whatever the fuck he wants. 

In his peripheral, he sees Cia’s eyes go wide. 

Demise’s good mood vanishes, replaced with something Link can’t quite place. He prays he doesn’t look nervous. 

“So,” Demise drawls. “Your mother has been feeding you bullshit again.” 

Link’s nails scrape against the table. “No. This is of my own accord. Because I have a plan, Father, and I am sure you’ll be more than pleased.” 

But Demise is never pleased. That’s why he had to fuck a goddess with no condom! Gods. People have no couth. Or do condoms not work for magic fire dick? Link shifts uncomfortably. He doesn’t want to imagine his dad’s magic fire dick, but—oh gods. It’s there. 

Okay, Link, stop fucking thinking about it! 

Link continues, “I’ve grown bored in my torture palace. I wish for more, I wish to cause… trouble.” 

Demise looks intrigued, at least. “Hylia’s brat will be attending this year.” 

Link smiles. “She’s half-mortal. Fragile. I can drop her on the ground and she’ll break into a million pieces. Hylia will be agonized without her beloved.” 

“And I can launch my attack,” Demise finishes for him. 

“They won’t be expecting it,” Link says with a simpl;e shrug that does no justice to his pounding heart. “They will be weak and unprepared after years of peace.” 

“And your mother has no inkling of this?” Cia finally interjects. Neither of them berate her for it. 

Link thinks of the golden-haired, blue-eyed boy his mother loves so much. How she believes he can do no wrong and it was a mistake when he shattered Aunt Nayru’s wine glass in her hand, just like Demise shattered that thumping heart’s body, just like how Link will shatter mortal Princess Zelda. 

“No,” he says definitively. 

Demise shakes his head. “Too wrapped up in bubble baths and bath bombs. Oh, actually, I just had one last night. I don’t really blame her.” He clears his throat. “No reason to disrespect my child, obviously.” 

“Motherfucking cheers to that,” Cia mutters and takes a long swig of her lemon-water. 

“That’s gross,” Link chastises. “He literally fucked my mother.” 

“Ah!” Demise covers his ears. “Watch your potty mouth, little boy, save it for… Actually, just don’t.” 

Running the risk of seeming too over-eager, Link asks, “So? Skyloft?” 

Demise looks over at Cia. She shrugs. 

“Yeah, whatever,” Demise grumbles.

---

Hylia acts like she doesn’t see Zelda horribly eavesdropping on them behind the throne room doors. 

“I don’t knowwwwwwww, Farore,” she moans. “That demon prince? Really?” 

“He’s not like Demise,” Farore promises. “He’s like me. He’s a good boy.” 

Hylia rubs her temples. “You’ve never brought him once to meet me. We’re basically family, you know.” 

“Well, Demise is sort of uppity about that sort of thing…” Farore says guiltily. “But you’d love him if you met him. He’s real sweet.” 

“But for him to go to Skyloft?” She bites her lip. “You know, my Zelda will be there in no time at all, and… I am just afraid he would be a poor influence, and don’t you look at me like that, Farore, it is not a criticism. It’s just… fact.” 

“ I BREASTFED ZELDA, PLLLLLEEEEEEEAAAASSSEEEEEE, HYLIA, PLLLLEEEEEEEAAASEEEE, HE’S MY BABY HE DESERVES A CHANCE I BREASTFED YOUR GODDAMN DAUGHTER OUT OF MY OWN TITTIES! MY TITTIES, HYLIA. THEY WERE SORE. NOT MEANT FOR TWO BABIES—” 

“Fuck! Okay! I don’t fucking care, Farore, do what you want!” 

“Awwwww, thanks!” 

Farore blows her a kiss before she leaves. Zelda doesn’t even bother to hide her eavesdropping now. She just looks bewildered.

Notes:

anyone else psyched for tears of the kingdom??

Notes:

i never want you to forget that farore and demise had a one night stand. i want you to end every chapter thinking about it.