Best Friends (Better Off As Lovers)

by heartbreakordeathmp3

Summary:

Shawn has wanted to kiss Gus for as long as he's known what kissing was.

 

Or five times Shawn joked about kissing Gus and one time Gus realized he wasn't joking. Or Shawn and Gus through the ages.

Notes:

title is ofc taken from Bang the Doldrums by Fall Out Boy <3

Chapter 1: 15 (too old, too young)

Shawn is sitting in a tree. Not for fun this time. This time, he is waiting for his dad to find him. ‘A Lesson in Covering Your Tracks’ as Henry named it. ‘Extreme Hide and Seek’ is what he likes to call it. Okay, so fine, maybe he is having a little fun. Not much though, the branch is digging into the meat of his thigh and he can feel a bruise forming where he’d slammed his knee into the trunk on the way up. The flies buzzing around his head are starting to get on his nerves; they are so god-damn loud.

Fifteen is too fucking old to be hiding in a tree.

He casts a quick look around the surrounding trees and forest floor, looking for any new footprints or grass that’s been moved since he last looked.

His eyes catch on a dandelion. He makes note to snatch it once they’re done playing this stupid game. Once he's done learning this important lesson he corrects himself.

He closes his eyes, listening for any odd movements or the slight crunch of dried leaves, as he tips his head back against the trunk of the tree. At least the quiet hum of distant birds is calming.

He kicks his legs, bored out of his mind. There are only so many things you can notice in the middle of the fucking woods before you begin counting the number of ants trailing past his hands. And he really doesn’t want to think about that.

He hears the footsteps before he opens his eyes. They’re much too loud to be Henry.

“Hi, Gus,” he singsongs quietly.

“Hi, Shawn,” he huffs out. “One day you have to teach me how you do that.”

He opens his eyes as Gus pulls on his pant leg. “Maybe someday, dude. Anyway, how’d you find me?”

Gus is wearing his usual slacks and light gray button-up, looking about 15 years older and (at least) 20 times out of Shawn’s league.

“Shawn… you do realize your shoes are visible from like, 25 feet away.”

He has not noticed this and flushes at the realization. He always overlooks the smaller details, doesn’t he.

He smiles, wide and toothy, and slightly too mushy for his liking, “That’s why I’ve got you, dude!”

Gus is looking up at him, rolling his eyes and opening his mouth-

“Shawn! Gus! You know I can see you guys!” Henry’s voice rings out and Shawn knows he's lost this round (it really is just a stupid game) (a stupid, pointless game).

He lets his head thud back against the tree trunk. He knew he was going to lose too, but at least he gets to talk to Gus.

He’d been too distracted before to notice Henry’s footsteps getting closer, not that he’d been close to them- he had to have been at least 25 yards away, but he does hear the loud and proud footsteps of his father walking back towards the picnic table, satisfied that he’d won and not wanting to wait around.

“What’d you track me down for?”

“They finally have the new issue in stock.” Gus informs him cheerfully. Shawn knows exactly which one he’s talking about. He tugs on Shawn’s pant leg again, “We’ve got to get there before they’re sold out!”

That has Shawn sitting up, back cracking as he stretches his arms. His mouth pulls up at the corners, an idea hitting him.

“Shawn…” Gus knows his looks.

He swings his leg around the trunk so he’s no longer saddling it, grips his hands onto the branch on both sides of his legs, stray pieces of wood biting into his palms. He heaves in a breath and swings forward, maintaining his grip on the wood.

He's eye-level with Gus's upside-down collar. Well, he's upside down, not Gus's shirt but the point still stands.

“What are you doing Shawn?” Gus sounds exasperated, like usual.

“I’m being Spider-Man, Gus!” He says it in his usual, ‘duh, you should know this’ voice.

Gus rolls his eyes again but shakes his head. Shawn knows that means, ‘fair enough.’

“Do you wanna try recreating the MJ kiss?” Shawn wiggles his eyebrows. It must look weird upside down but it gets the point across. He can feel the blood rushing to his head so at least he has something to blame his blush on.

Gus flushes and looks away and Shawn feels a tug of satisfaction in his stomach. Gus turns back to him and shoves his shoulder, shaking his head.

“Shawn you know that kiss made no sense logistically and you’re not even at the right angle!”

Shawn feels let down, he’d been hoping a little too much that Gus would see through the joke. But he doesn’t have much time to think about that specific problem right this second though because he feels his grip slipping and he can’t do anything about it. His hands are definitely going to be bleeding, that’s one thing he knows for sure.

His breath is punched out of him when he hits the ground, a rock digs painfully into his ribs, and there’s a beetle a foot away from his face.

At least he tried.

Gus’ feet make this horrible squishing sound against the grass as his shoes come into Shawn’s line of sight. Well, at least he doesn’t have to worry about the beetle anymore.

Gus is mumbling apologies as he reaches his hand out.

Maybe Gus will pay for his ice cream now (it’s the second-best option; Shawn would prefer a kiss but it doesn’t look like he’s getting one).

Chapter 2: 16 (going on seventeen)

Summary:

School dances (getting ready for school dances).
ft. oscar wilde's green carnations

Notes:

hope yall enjoy <3

This was the first time he and Gus had remembered to buy their dance tickets ahead of time. So he guesses you could say they’d put a lot of thought into it. They weren’t taking dates (not a surprise) (not for a lack of trying) so they’d planned to go together. By planned, they realized they'd have no else to go with three days prior and had turned to their last resorts.

Shawn is in his room getting dressed and he is very thankful he only has to aim for business casual (it’s just homecoming after all). He pulls his legs into his loose-fitting jeans, the ones he reserves for semi-formal events, and listens for the tell-tale sounds of Gus and his parents arriving. It’s way too early but they're the earlybird type.

Once his pants are on and buttoned (he double, then triple checks; he doesn't want a repeat experience of last time), he reaches for the shirt his dad had chosen for him. It’s a nice white button-up (one he has no intention of wearing ever again). It has no crinkles or stains definitely because Henry had kept it under his protection, stored away in his closet. They'd learned that Shawn could not keep clothes clean for long periods of time.

His hands shake as he buttons it up. He buttons it in the wrong spot and yanks at it to undo the mistake. Embarrassment pulls at his trembling fingers. All he was doing was going to a dance with his friend! Which everyone does! No one was going to think anything of it. No one was going to think it was a big deal. Except for him apparently. This felt like the biggest night of his life. And the only thing he had to show for it was the matching boutonnières that he was going to try to pass off as a joke.

The boutonnières were made of green carnations (hopefully no one else would get the reference) and he’d spent way too much on them for them to actually be a joke. He’d put too much thought into them too. It was probably going to be a waste too since neither of them would be wearing suit jackets. But it’s the thought that counts. Maybe he’ll convince Gus to wear it in his shirt pocket.

He finally manages to get the shirt fully buttoned (except for the top one, of course, who buttons the top button?). He pulls his converse on over his blue socks, not bothering to untie the laces.

He stops to check his reflection in the mirror. There’s not really anything special about his appearance but he looks suitable enough to be seen in public.

He hears the front door open followed by loud greetings. He knew they'd be early. He’s glad he thought to style his hair and brush his teeth before getting dressed. He glances at himself in the mirror one last time before he smooths his shirt down, sucks in a breath, and bolts downstairs. He definitely doesn't trip over anything.

He stops a few feet from where Henry has led their guests. He catches sight of Winnie from where he's standing but what holds his attention is Gus, who’s talking to Henry about something (he’s too distracted to try and read their lips) but they look quite engaged in the topic.

Gus looks no different than usual since he always dresses for business casual but it takes his breath away nonetheless. He looks like 35% out of his league now.

“There he is!” Winnie says, her smile growing slightly at the sight of him. “Come here!”

So he does, he’s not rude. Especially not to Winnie Guster. He pretends to drag his feet as he walks closer to the group but he’s smiling the entire time.

When he reaches them he throws his hands out and says, “Tada!”

He sees Henry roll his eyes but he’s too caught up in the shake of Gus’ head and Winnie taking him by the shoulders.

“You look nicer than usual.” Gus looks almost proud. “I’m taking credit for that.”

“I agree. You two will be some of the best dressed there!” Winnie releases his shoulders after giving his outfit a once over, “We need to take pictures so they can get on their way!”

Henry agrees and leads Gus’ parents away so they can get ready (for pictures, Shawn guesses, but everything is already set up). Shawn’s almost too happy to be alone with Gus, he moves to stand next to him, and their shoulders are almost brushing when he stops.

“I got us boutonnières!” He blurts out before he can give it too much thought.

A slightly confused smile appears on Gus' face as asks, “You did?”

Maybe he shouldn’t have. That’s not normal friend behavior, but it’s too late now. He laughs nervously. “Yup! They’re in the fridge.”

He moves across the kitchen, to the fridge and opens it a little too aggressively. The condiments in the door rattle. He can feel how hot his face is as he reaches into the fridge and pulls them out. He needs to remind Henry to buy more Worcestershire sauce, it sounds a little light. He holds the matching boxes aloft in front of him.

If Gus knows what the meaning behind the carnations is, he doesn’t show it. Instead, he grabs one of the boxes, opens it, and gratefully tucks the flower into the pocket of his shirt with no extra persuasion.

“They're pretty, Shawn." He adjusts it's placement in his pocket for a few seconds. "Let me do yours for you, you’ll end up ruining it.” Gus plucks the other box from Shawn's fingers and Shawn is left blinking at him, hand still hovering in the air.

His breath catches in his throat as Gus moves closer to tuck it into his pocket. He does it carefully, more carefully than Shawn would’ve. He knows he’s bright red but all he can think about is the very limited distance between him and Gus. The fridge door is still open, cool air occasionally brushing over them.

He clears his throat as Gus continues to adjust the boutonnière in his pocket. “I feel like we’re about to kiss.” His voice is rougher than it should be, almost embarrassingly so. He laughs, trying not to let too much honesty bleed into it.

“You feel like that whenever you’re within any amount of distance of anyone, Shawn.” Gus is exasperated again which means he succeeded. Shawn didn’t secretly hope he would notice the truth behind it, definitely not.

Gus scrutinizes the boutonnière before stepping back and Shawn feels like he can breathe again, but he misses the closeness too. Gus’ cologne smelt addictive.

“Hurry up you two!” Henry’s voice has them both turning and running outside.

Shawn can figure it out later. And if he doesn’t like what he finds out, then he can just pretend he didn’t.

Chapter 3: 17 (the dancing queen)

Summary:

Shawn and Gus go to the movies. Gus watches it. Shawn watches Gus.

Notes:

Sorry this one's a little shorter

Shawn is sitting in the exact middle seat of the movie theater. Gus is sitting to the left of the exact middle seat of the theater. Shawn was not going to let them go to the theater and not have the best seats. What kind of friend would he be? A shitty one. And Gus deserves only the best.

They’re sharing an extra-large popcorn and a matching extra-large Suicide. It tasted horrible. They get it every single time. If they were any younger, they would be bouncy off the walls. He was probably going to be bouncing off the walls anyway. He never had learned to manage his sugar intake.

They’re watching Batman: Mask of the Phantasm, which they're probably too old to be enjoying, but that's never phased them. Shawn has no clue what’s going on but he already knows he and Gus are going to come back and watch it again in a week so he lets himself sit back, judge the other people in the theater, and stare at Gus.

The young couple three rows above them totally don’t want to be here, but their daughter is very into the movie, Henry had steadfastly refused to come with them. They're too old for parental supervision anyway. The old couple sitting way too close to the screen are craning their necks to see. That’ll definitely hurt later. But more importantly, Gus is staring wide-eyed at the screen as something (probably interesting) happens. He can’t force himself to look away to see what’s happening, Gus' reactions are enough for him. Instead, he grabs a handful of popcorn and shoves it into his mouth, pieces flying out of his hand.

“That’s gross, Shawn.” Gus mutters lowly as he flicks away some of the popcorn that had landed on him. Shawn stares longingly as it bounces off the floor and under the seats in front of them.

“Hey! I could’ve eaten that!” It comes out a little too loud.

“Shhh!” Gus and the young couple say at the same time. Tough crowd.

Gus turns back to the screen, face lit by the movie.

He doesn’t know how much time passes before Gus grabs the soda and brings it to his mouth. Shawn still hasn't looked away from Gus.

Gus turns to look at him. Raises his eyebrows. Caught. Damn. He turns away, staring ahead, still not watching the movie.

Shawn puts a lot of effort into not staring at his lips as they wrap around the straw, but he ends up sneaking peeks out of the corner of his eye. Gus' eyes crinkle and his nose scrunches up. It really is a nasty drink.

He finds himself reaching toward Gus. He leans forward and pulls the straw out of Gus’ mouth. His fingers come way too close to brushing against his mouth. It makes a pop sound as it’s pulled free.

“Hey!” Gus says, affronted.

“Shhh!” For people who don’t care about the movie, the young couple sure doesn't like it being interrupted.

Shawn brings the straw to his mouth instead, making Gus keep hold of the drink. He maintains eye contact as he slurps on the straw. He widens his eyes comically (and not creepily, hopefully). Gus looks more grossed out than anything.

He crosses his eyes, rolling them around and Gus laughs. He’s still holding the cup.

Shawn pulls the straw from his mouth more gently than he’d done with Gus. He weighs the pros and cons of what he’s going to do next. He leans in even further. “So… wanna make out?” He makes a fish face and a loud ‘mwah’ sound.

“Gross, dude. Normally I’d say no but now it’s a 'definitely not'. Not after you drank so much of the Suicide. That shit is so foul, Shawn, why do we keep getting it?” Gus is turned away again, watching the screen almost too intensely. The drink is back in its cupholder.

Shawn sighs. He contemplates making a waterfowl joke. So much for making out in the movie theater. Where no one would even see them. Well, maybe the young couple would’ve, they’ve been staring at them the entire time. The creeps. (They should just stop drawing attention to themselves) (that's impossible for Shawn) (the strangers should know this by now).

He licks his lips, the bitter taste of like 20 different drinks all mixed together sticking to them. Yeah, they really should start getting something else.

Notes:

comments and feedback are appreciated<3

Chapter 4: 18 (going on extinct)

Summary:

Gus is going on a date with a girl. Shawn really wishes he wasn't.

Notes:

chapter title taken from reinventing the wheel to run myself over by fall out boy <3

Gus has a date with a girl. A pretty, smart girl. Who is way out of Shawn’s league, but is perfect for Gus (or as close to perfect as a girl could possibly be).

Shawn is not jealous. 100% not jealous. Not even a little bit. Even though he’s analyzing her the way Henry had taught him to analyze criminals. He just needs to ensure that she won’t be a bad influence on Gus (that was his job, and some girl from Gus’ AP English class would not take that away from him).

Gus had decided she should pick him up from Shawn’s house and not his own house. It had become pretty clear why, after the doorbell had rung and before Shawn could run to open it, Gus had pulled him aside.

“Shawn, I need to know if she’s going to kill me.” He’d whispered desperately to him from behind the door to Shawn’s room.

“Why would she want to kill you? Are you secretly going out with an assassin? Is she a hired killer, Gus? You should’ve told me that before you gave her my address! Oh my god, is that why she isn’t going to your house? You are a terrible friend if that’s the case!”

“What? No, don’t be ridiculous.” Shawn is firm in the belief that he is never ridiculous so he’d discarded that comment. “I think she may be out to kill me specifically.”

“Dude…” Shawn had blinked at that. “Why would she want to kill you? Specifically?”

“Because we both did presentations on the same topic last semester and I don’t think she’s fully moved past it!” Gus had looked like he truly believed that was a possibility. He's pretty sure Gus is the one who hasn't moved passed it, but that's neither here nor there.

“Okay, buddy. I’ll figure out if she’s trying to kill you.”

So that’s how the three of them ended up sitting around Shawn’s dining room table playing a pre-date game of Go Fish. Shawn’s impressed with himself for actually being able to pass it off as a Spencer family tradition (he’d considered trying to get them to play poker but that would’ve taken too long and would’ve been a little bit excessive).

Shawn’s winning even though he’s not paying any attention, rather, he’s watching Amber as her eyes flick back forth from her cards to Shawn. Her tells are very obvious, and he’s known Gus’ tells for as long as he could remember, so it’s no wonder he’s winning. As much as he wanted to tell Gus she was planning his demise, she very clearly was not holding a grudge about some Enligh assignment. Or at least not one obvious enough, or strong enough, that she was going to kill him over it. But it's better to be safe than sorry.

Nor was she a trained assassin. What he does find out though, is that she is an avid sewer, Cheeto eater, and dog walker. Nothing bad enough for Gus to not go out with her. He’s pretty sure Gus will make it home safe and sound, but that’s never guaranteed (unless Gus was going out with Shawn, then he’d be able to guarantee it).

“Gussss, any fours?” He watches as Gus scowls and dejectedly hands over the card. He bats his eyes in response. “Thanks, schmukums, I will love you forever.” He sets down another pair. Their game is almost over.

What he isn’t expecting, however, is the way Amber scowls at Shawn’s light-hearted flirting. He ignores it for now, in favor of wiping their asses in a children's card game.

They keep playing, Shawn every once in a while letting Gus get the upper hand. He does not go easy on Amber though. He also doesn’t cheat the way he usually does (a fact he is very proud of because it would be very easy for him to). He’s too busy trying to figure out if Amber; a) doesn’t like him flirting with Gus, b) doesn’t want anyone flirting with Gus, or c) doesn’t want any guys flirting with Gus. He’s tempted to see if she’ll call him a slur at any point tonight or in the near future (it's happened before, and will happen again) (maybe in the very near future). If he plays it up just to see if she gets mad, then he’s the only one who has to know.

“Hey, Gussy-poo, do you have any sevens?” Gus rolls his eyes and he gets distracted by the flush that spreads across Gus’ face. Amber’s scowl deepens. Gus hands over the card. They move on.

They finish the game (Shawn wins, obviously), and Amber and Gus start getting ready to leave for their actual date (which would now be cut much shorter thanks to Shawn’s brilliant plan). He decides to try one last thing before they leave.

He walks them both to the door, trying not to focus on how hot Gus looks when he tries even harder than he normally does (he went from ‘I’m on my way to church’-hot to ‘I’m about to receive a promotion’-hot; a minor, but attractive step-up).

When Gus and Amber step out onto the porch, he grabs Gus’ hand and brings it to his lips as he bows dramatically, “Good night, my fair lady.”

Amber looks unimpressed. Good.

He drops Gus’ hand and reaches up to cup Gus’ cheek. He could mimic romcoms with Gus forever (they both know the other secretly loves each and every one) (except for the one with the really weird sex scene, but no one likes that one). He leans in, and stage whispers loud enough that Amber will definitely hear, “I feel like I should give you a goodbye kiss.” Then, in an actual whisper, “I don’t think she’ll kill you over the presentation. She might kill you because she thinks you have a boyfriend though.”

Gus laughs, loud and used to Shawn’s antics. “Good to know. Now I’m going to have to spend all night convincing her I’m not cheating on you. Thanks a lot.”

“All in a day's work.”

Hopefully Gus’ date will end within the hour, that way they can still have their movie night, which Shawn knows Gus loves more than any of the first dates he’s been on.

(Shawn might as well be a professional saboteur).

Chapter 5: 19.

Summary:

Graduation Night

Notes:

this one's very angsty

They’d graduated an hour ago, it had been very uneventful (some other senior girl who'd never bothered to talk to him had shown up already drunk, but she'd hid it well). Shawn’s suitcase was already packed and stowed away under his bed, underneath his porno mags so his dad wouldn’t feel tempted to look. As soon as Gus and his parents left, he was going to book it. They still have another hour of photos and then dinner first though.

“Silly faces!” Winnie’s all smiles, proud of both of them. Shawn thinks she’s trying extra hard to make up for the fact that his mom hadn’t shown up (he was not disappointed, truly) (he wasn't even surprised).

Shawn sticks out his tongue, crossing his eyes as he throws his arm around Gus’ shoulder. He just barely manages to catch a glimpse of Gus’ face, hands pulling the skin under his eyes down and his mouth is open in a mock scream. Two absolute classics (he’s pretty sure they have dozens of pictures exactly like it from over the years). He ignores the pang that stabs through his entire body.

The camera flashes.

He hopes his emotions don’t show on his face. He doesn’t want to ruin their last picture together for who knows how long (he should know, but he doesn’t, even though he’s the one that’s leaving).

“That’s perfect! Okay, next one!” Shawn’s going to miss Winnie more than he’s going to miss Henry, that’s for sure (Henry, who is hovering somewhere behind her, probably deducing that something is wrong).

The next pose is just as dumb. They’re facing each other, holding hands, and leaning forwards. He can feel Gus' breath fan out across his face (his breath is minty and his teeth are perfectly white; they're attractive teeth, or they would be if teeth could be considered attractive) (he's biased however because he thinks everything about Gus is attractive) (even the moldy sandwich that has lived under his bed since they were 9 and would probably live there forever). Fake marriage photos are always a good choice (if only they were real) (and they weren’t wearing stupid gowns). Gus looks as if he’s expecting Shawn to say something. He would, normally, but not today, not right now (he's trying to enjoy it as much as he can).

The rest of the photos are varying degrees of dumb (some chosen by him, some chosen by Henry). They get one of them hugging (he thought it was a little basic), one of them jumping in the air High School Musical-esque (he knows it’s going to turn out blurry), and a dozen others.

He remains abnormally silent throughout the rest of the pictures, schooling a (hopefully) normal smile onto his face the entire time.

In the future, he knows he'll remember all of the details of the day, but he knows he’ll have stronger memories (and feelings attached) to the smell of the new body wash Gus started using yesterday, of every single word of Gus’ valedictorian speech, of the smile on his face when Shawn had walked across the stage and the way their hug had felt after (he’d wished it had laster longer, had been more private).

They sit down for dinner a few minutes later after they take off their gowns (they don't want to risk staining them). He sits next to Gus and scoots his chair the slightest bit closer to Gus’ (Henry notices, but doesn't say a word). He can’t pay attention to anything beyond the smell of the food being placed in front of him and the way Gus’ eyes crinkle while he eats. He's trying to catalog every detail to hold onto while he's away.

He doesn’t taste anything as he eats, everything blending together into one bland disgusting lump in his stomach (that might just be the stress though).

He doesn’t hear a word of the conversation going on around him, it’s all one quiet buzz in the background as he focuses on eating and the heat radiating from Gus’ side.

“Shawn isn’t going to college. And he refuses to attend the academy.” He hears Henry grumble to Bill. His head shoots up from where he’d been watching his fork scrape back and forth against his plate. “Don’t look offended Shawn, it’s the choice you made, and a horrible one if you ask me.”

“No one did.” He pushes his chair back, the screech quieting everyone else.

He walks away from the table, not wanting to fight with Henry when he’s leaving in a few hours (it's not worth it). He’s stepping outside when he hears the sound of another chair and footsteps following behind him. He doesn’t even consider the idea that it might be Henry.

Gus follows him to the curb in front of the house. His feet drag as he walks. He sits down, accidentally scraping his ankle against the pavement. A careless and easily preventable injury. He doesn’t bother looking at it, but he'll have to disinfect it later.

“What’s up, Shawn?” Gus sits down next to him, infinitely more careful than him.

“Nothin’ dude.” Normally, he’s an amazing liar. But right now he probably couldn't convince a child that the Tooth Fairy was real. Today just keeps turning out to be an even lower point than he’d thought it would be.

The sun’s setting, casting everything in a pretty orange (Gus’ shirt looks extra good in this light) and he can hear the distant sound of police sirens (he knows Henry would rather be working his shift, he’s definitely regretting taking the day off now, Shawn is certain of it). A lot of their classmates are probably partying right now.

“That’s the worst lie you’ve ever told. And that’s including the time you tried to convince our 5th-grade teacher that the reason you couldn’t do your homework was because your evil step-mother had taken away every single writing utensil in your home and hid them in your next-door neighbor's basement and if you brought in any new writing utensils she would have a panic attack and set off her homemade pipebomb which would take out the entirety of Santa Barbara.” He’s impressed Gus remembers that much of the lie (he’d forgotten the bit about the affair, 3rd-degree homicide, and Kimono Dragon, but he got the main idea).

“I’m fine dude, really.” He tries to put as much honesty into it as possible, but it falls flat on its face.

Gus nudges him with his elbow and raises his eyebrows. That’s all it takes for him to spill (he needs to stop being so emotionally clumsy).

“I’m taking off tonight.” His voice does not tremble. It absolutely does not (his body refuses to do as it's told) (the traitor).

Gus nods like he somehow already knew this. “I thought something was up. Especially since 3 of my hoodies went missing just this week.”

Shawn flushes, embarrassed. If anyone was going to catch him, it would be Gus.

“I’m keeping those.” Is the only thing he has to say for himself.

“Where are you going?” Gus looks worried. He heaves a breath in as the tears swell in his eyes (he knew this would happen).

“I’m not sure yet. I think I’m going to head for the East Coast.” His voice sounds wet and he feels the tears start to run down his face. He refuses to look at Gus, instead staring at the small patch of grass peeking through the crack in the pavement.

“Oh… how long until you leave?” Gus is staring, he can feel it burning through him.

“Once we’re done out here. I’m not hanging around any longer.” It comes out harsher than he means it to.

Gus nudges him again and he tears his eyes away from the ground. Gus looks sad. Really sad. Which is something Shawn hadn’t taken into consideration.

“You’re just leaving me?” Shawn hadn’t considered the idea that Gus would miss him. “God, Shawn. Did you think about anyone else when you made this decision? Or did you only think about how you’re much too big and more important than everyone else in this stupid, small city?”

Gus sounds hurt. This wasn’t how he’d planned on telling him. He’d expected to at least finish dinner first. He should've planned this better (he should've planned overall).

“You know this is something I have to do.”

The worse part is, Gus nods, slow and measured, accepting. Gus’ face is wet, so at least Shawn isn’t the only one crying.

He hauls himself up from the curb, he uses one hand to scrub the tears off his face and offers the other to Gus so he can pull himself up. Gus doesn’t take it.

They stand there, a few centimeters between them, probably the closest they’ll be until Shawn comes back.

“Is now when we’d have a goodbye kiss?” He’s half trying to lighten the mood, wholly hoping for an actual goodbye kiss. It comes out more desperate than joking. It sounds almost pleading.

Gus doesn’t smile, or shake his head, or even chuckle. Instead, he starts to turn away.

“I’ll send you postcards from everywhere I visit.” He wants Gus’ attention on him for just a little bit longer.

Gus’ resigned, “Don’t bother,” leaves him feeling emptier than just about everything else.

He stays standing next to the curb as he watches Gus walk back toward the kitchen. He feels smaller than he has in years. He’s still crying.

He might not have left if Gus had told him to stay.

Chapter 6: +1 - 28 (The Bad Side)

Summary:

Shawn finally comes back.

Notes:

chapter title is in reference to the Bad Side of 25 by Patrick Stump <3

Shawn returns almost 10 years later.

He’s only seen Gus a handful of times (none of which ended well) over the years (one of the times it hadn’t even been by choice, he knew he should’ve changed his emergency contact). It’s the longest they’ve been apart since, well, ever. They hadn’t called, or emailed, or anything really. There hadn’t even been any letters sent. Shawn had thought about returning every day he was gone, but he’d pushed those ideas away. He needed time to get over himself (and over Gus).

It had not worked. He was no more over Gus than he had been when he left, if anything he was more attached than before. He had discovered a lot of other things about himself, on the other hand. He learned he hated cold weather, loved places where walking around in swimsuits was the norm, and he needed Gus near him at all times (he also discovered he was an amazing foot and ankle model).

The night he decided to ride back into town, he hadn’t even planned on it. He’d just gotten done applying for a job at the sailing association in Newport Beach when he’d walked past a sign advertising a Happy Meal that came with a Batman toy.

So he grabbed his bike and skipped town.

He was sitting on Gus’ couch at 3 in the morning (where he belonged) when he heard Gus’ attempt at tip-toeing down the hall (all of their years of practice hadn't paid off).

“If you don’t leave now, I’ll call the police!” Gus yelled from behind him. Gus should’ve turned the light on before approaching the intruder, he thought he’d taught Gus better than this.

“Dude, if someone breaks into your house, you should call the cops first.” He doesn’t move from the couch, instead, he drinks some of the coffee he’d made with Gus’ (really nice and really expensive) coffee maker.

“Shawn?! What the fuck are you doing here?” Gus sets down whatever it is he was holding and comes around to stand in front of the couch.

Gus looks the same as ever, but so much older. In theory, he knew Gus would age because that’s how time works, but whenever he thought about him, he imagined him as the same 19-year-old who he’d left behind. He’s thrown by how much time has passed. When he was surrounded by strangers, he could pretend he’d only been gone for a couple of days, and when he came back, everything would be how he left it, with Gus about to go to college and Shawn left piecing together everything else.

There’s so much he wants to say, instead, he smiles, soft and too sad. “Surprise?” It comes out hesitant.

Gus scans him, carefully going over everything that changed over the years, his eyes dragging over his hair, down to his shoes (he’s probably paying extra attention to the mud coating the bottom of them). He’s doing the same to Gus. It's not weird.

Gus collapses next to him on the couch, his arm and leg touching Shawn’s. It’s warm and feels more intimate than anything he’s done while he was gone.

“Are you going to be staying?” Gus sounds almost hopeful.

“Yeah. I hope so.” He kicks his leg onto the coffee table. It lands next to the bag of McDonald’s he’d brought all the way from Newport Beach.

“Did you accomplish what you’d been hoping to?”

“I think I did.” He’s not sure how he’s supposed to talk to Gus now. Would it be too weird if he acted as if no time had passed at all?

Gus doesn’t say anything in response. They sit in silence for an uncomfortable amount of time (it’s worth it, he needs to get used to being in the same room as Gus again).

“I got you something.” He doesn’t mention how many things he’d bought for Gus over the years. Gus would probably have a souvenir from everywhere worth having a souvenir from if Shawn gave them to him (he will, eventually). He reaches forward, sets down his coffee, grabs the McDonald’s bag, and pulls it into his lap.

“Gee, Shawn. That’s very thoughtful.” (And, well, that’s a reasonable reaction, it is a bag from the biggest fast-food chain ever).

He reaches in and pulls out the Happy Meal. He sets it gently onto Gus’ lap (if he treats it like a prized possession, that’s between him and no one else).

They don’t say anything as Gus pulls at the curves of the M’s to open it and peer inside. He knows the instant Gus sees what’s inside from the way his mouth curves up into a pleased smile (the expression on his own face mirrors it) (subconsciously, he swears) .

Gus grabs the toy bag and pulls it out, discarding the rest of the Happy Meal (probably because the only thing Shawn hadn’t eaten out of it was the apple slices). Gus tears the bag open and grabs the miniature Batman. He holds it in his palm carefully.

“Why does he wear his underwear on top of his tights?” Gus asks him as he turns the figurine back and forth in his hand.

It shocks a laugh out of him, “I don’t know, dude. I’d never really thought about it.”

Gus turns and looks at him, his head resting against the back of the couch. His grin is sleepy but so, so genuine Shawn might go blind from staring at it.

Gus holds his hand out and they both stare at the tiny dude in silence for a while.

“Thank you, Shawn. I’ll treasure him forever.” He sounds like he means it.

Shawn’s still distracted by the glimmer in Gus’ eye and the fond smile he’s wearing. He can’t see much of the apartment, but it seems like Gus is doing well for himself. There are no signs of anyone else though (at least he wasn’t the only one who was lonely). It’s too quiet since it’s the dead of night, so the only sound he can focus on is Gus’ breathing (it’s shaky, but his is too).

They stare for a long time, cataloging each other’s faces (it’s been too long, longer than he’d intended but he’d gotten caught up. Then he’d gotten scared) (more scared than when he’d left).

“I really want to kiss you right now.” He doesn’t whisper it, but it’s quieter than how he normally talks. Maybe it’s the tiredness that makes him forget to lie and pretend, but he’s all honesty right now (too honest).

Gus blinks at him, and Shawn’s decently sure he flushes. “Really?” He asks. It’s not a sarcastic ‘really’ (maybe Gus is too tired, too). It has the same hopefulness as earlier when he’d asked if Shawn was staying.

His response feels more important than the initial admission.

“Really.” It feels like a confession.

The small smile Gus had been sporting stretches into a grin.

“Okay.” (And maybe that’s a confession, too).

Notes:

i highly recommend using the wayback machine to view shawn's myspace, it's amazing.
tell me what you think, here or on tumblr <3