Chapter Text
Luo Binghe remembers his past life after a rather light bike accident where his luck is proven to be abundant in amount; in other cases, he would have gotten broken ribs on top of broken legs and arms. But he instead got away with just one sprained ankle and few scratches on his otherwise uninjured face. Truly, a heavenly luck.
It doesn't stop other people to convince him to go with the ambulance to the hospital. Even if he looks relatively uninjured, save from his swollen leg and bloody temple, he might have gotten a concussion or internal injuries. And he was still a bit confused and reeling from the sudden rush of memories, threatening to split his head apart. So he quietly climbs on the ambulance and lets the rhythmic siren guides his breathing.
What does he remember? Right, the last days he had with his beloved husband, Shen Qingqiu, a whole another lifetime. Normally, Luo Binghe would scoff at the notion of 'past life memories', but it's too vivid, and too deeply seated in his mind to be anything but memories.
But then, it leaves him with a painful ache. Where is his Shizun now? Are they even living in the same world, same timeframe? What if this time, Luo Binghe is stranded alone, without Shen Qingqiu? He couldn't take it. The return of his memories is probably the worst outcome of the accident.
The doctors confirmed that he's safe from any internal injuries, though he does ask them to run him through brain scan. Perhaps his memories are just born from confusion. But it's proven false. His brain is healthy, much too healthy, even.
The doctor in charge, a kindly woman in her forties, told him that he only needs to do some check-ups a few time to ensure no lingering hidden damage, and with that, he was sent to the reception desk to settle the administration and other stuffs.
Luo Binghe notes, with an awe, that this lifetime, instead of being an orphan, he actually has a living parents—his own parents from previous life, in fact. Tianlang-jun, now is named Luo Lang, and Su Xiyan, are happily married and they're living well. Enough to spoil Luo Binghe and buy him a bike (which he had crashed into the street sides, good thing there wasn't any other casualties). They don't seem to remember anything from the past lives, and good thing, that.
Though, knowing his mother's temperament, she would be pissed off if she knows about his accident. So he refrains from telling her of the event until after he arrived home — home, in this world, means a moderately-sized suburban house in a decent housing complex. Fortunately, his parents should still be at work by the time he would arrive home.
He was thinking about how he'd go home, when his eyes caught a glimpse of something. Someone, rather. He thought he was mistaken, a trick of light. After all, his luck wouldn't be that good.
But, no. When he blinks several times, that person is still there, standing in the middle of hospital corridor, fiddling with a vending machine.
He would know that face anywhere. The sharp but finely shaped nose, rose plump lips, phoenix eyes. The inky black hair—shorter, this time, but no doubt just as silky and smooth.
Shen Qingqiu.
Shen Qingqiu—or the person resembling him—took few bottles of drinks from the vending machine before he walks away further into the corridor, not minding his surrounding. Luo Binghe feels his entire body scream to chase after him, and he would, if not for the receptionist calling his name to finish the administration business.
Damn it! Just when he thought his luck is still flowing smoothly like a river!
He keeps a tight but polite smile as he finishes whatever it is the healthcare world needs him to, before the receptionist bids him goodbye and he turns his bandaged leg — ow — and runs towards the corridor he saw the person disappears into. He must have ran around the first floor of the hospital before he realizes, from the healthy appearance and attire that he glimpsed from Shen Qingqiu, he must've been a visiting guest rather than a working staff or a patient. Which means....
The hospital provided four floors for patients, but it should be noted that it is a big hospital, in the dead center of a busy city. Luo Binghe's chance of finding the man just by running around the floors is pretty much slim. And that's still not with the assumption that a) the man and him missed each other and he already exited the hospital through side entrances, b) the man is inside a closed room and Luo Binghe can't peer inside, c) the man is actually a hospital staff who just happened to either started or finished his shift.
Either way, Luo Binghe is just thinking he's going to spend hours just walking around—yes, walking, his leg hurts after all—when he turns around the corner in the third floor, where the patient rooms for middle class fee are located, and—
Well.
There he is. Shen Qingqiu, sitting on a bench just outside a patient room with the door open. He's fiddling with his phone, looking unbothered. Solemn.
Luo Binghe takes a while to just..... Marvel at the sight. And to calm his breathing. And to suppress the dull ache in his leg (yeah, still ow). He thanked all the stars and particles of sands because he couldn't believe his luck. Just like that, he found the man.
He's about to call out to the man—a sweet and longing "Shizun!"—but was beaten to it when the man turns and look up at him. Their eyes met, and Luo Binghe expects wide-eyed surprise and tears, a joyful reunion of two lovers once separated by death.
What happened, though, shatter the ground beneath him.
Shen Qingqiu, or the man with his face, instead looks mildly annoyed—even borderline offended—and says with a chilly tone, "Oh. You're finally here."
Wha—
Not even waiting for his reply, the man pockets his phone and stands up, walking calmly towards him. No, not walking. He strolls lightly, slow and taking his time. As if he was taking a morning walk in the midst of Qing Jing peak bamboo grove.
When he's one, two meters away from Luo Binghe, however, he throws him a familiar look. Old, almost forgotten, but familiar. A sneer, usually hidden behind a fan. Luo Binghe swallows, feeling like he was twelve and a tea just got poured on top of his head all over again.
But.... How could it be? Aren't they husbands...? Didn't they love each other? What happened that made his beloved act like he's a dirt under his unblemished shoes?
His questions are answered swiftly, by the mercy of the man before him.
"I'm not your husband, beast. The idiot who had the misfortune of being that is inside that room, still recovering from eating expired food."
Wha.
Luo Binghe blinks and stares with a dumb look.
'Shen Qingqiu' waves his hand dismissively, the action only lacks a fan to complete it. He gestures Luo Binghe towards the bench, and sits down on one. Luo Binghe, taking the hint, slowly sits down too, but takes a space between them. Something that 'Shen Qingqiu' approved, if his hum is anything to go by.
"I'll make things easy for you." the man starts again, voice easy and calm, "The one who had lived with you as your spouse wasn't me. It's my younger brother in this world."
"Brother... But.."
"This topic might be too complicated for you, and I should have better things to do, but I would hate to be mistaken for a husband by you." 'Shen Qingqiu' then takes out a sketchbook, and flips the page open.
On the first page, there's a rather crude drawing of two people. One has the word 'Shen Yuan' on top of it, one has the word 'Shen Jiu' on top of it. 'Shen Qingqiu' taps at the drawing under Jiu character, "This is me," and then he taps the other drawing, "And this is your husband, the patient inside that room, my younger brother."
Without waiting for Luo Binghe's brain to catch up, Shen Qingqiu—or rather, Shen Jiu as he has decided—flips the page to another drawing. It's a scene where a person is lying on the bed—tagged as Shen Qingqiu, while the drawing of Shen Yuan lies on the floor in front of a computer.
"If I remember correctly, it must be when you were fourteen. Shen Qingqiu—which is to say, at this point, me—had a qi deviation and died on the spot. At around the same time, Shen Yuan, my brother of this world, almost died from a combination of eating expired food and from emotional breakdown over trashy novel with familiar plotlines. His body went into a comatose state, and his soul ended up occupying my body—thus becoming Shen Qingqiu."
Shen Jiu pauses for a bit, staring at Luo Binghe, making sure he's still following his explanation. When Luo Binghe nods, he huffs.
"Good. You have a better attention span this time around, I see. Makes things easier. Anyway." he flips to another page, a drawing of Shen Qingqiu with a small bracket underneath with the tag 'Shen Yuan' and next to him was a drawing tagged Luo Binghe. Beside them, is a drawing of a faint and transparent 'Shen Jiu'.
"After the qi deviation, Shen Yuan acted as Shen Qingqiu in my place. My spirit, however, still clings to whatever it is in his soul or in my body, so I practically live as a ghost or a haunting with him." Shen Jiu leans back to the bench, "I saw how his life as Shen Qingqiu plays out, how he treats you kindly, how he saved Liu Qingge, and other things he did. Even that mousey rat excuse of a 'God', Shang Qinghua! Just remembering it makes me mad."
Shen Jiu scowls, but still not giving a chance for Luo Binghe to speak. He flips the page again, "Of course, everyone loves this kind and caring new Shen Qingqiu, and he loves them in return. Let's not talk about how frustrated it used to made me, because I'm way past that and this isn't about me, and go over the life. I'm sure you remember plenty of it. You lived through it, after all."
The page now has a drawing of a family of six — mother, father, three sons, and a daughter. Likewise, they each have a name. Mother, Shen Xiaoyue. Father, Shen Liang. First son, Shen Feng. Second son, Shen Jiu. Third son, Shen Yuan. And daughter, Shen Ruli.
"When your lives ended—you and your Shen Qingqiu—my haunting also somehow ended. I was prepared to live on as a spirit for hundreds if not thousands of years, but instead found myself reincarnated into a child named Shen Jiu. Which, ironically enough, is exactly my name even in the first life—"
"You remember all of this immediately?" Luo Binghe cuts in, too taken aback to hold his surprise. It's a lot to take in. He was a powerful demon, but he had never sensed any spiritual being nearby Shen Qingqiu. But how would he explain everything else? Because it... Makes sense, somehow.
He remembers that his Shizun started acting differently after that particular qi deviation he heard of when he was fourteen. At the time, he brushed it off, too preoccupied with the joy of having a gentler Shizun. But then, that knowledge shattered everything he knew. That means, the person he loves all this time isn't—
"Oi, brat. Listen. For all it's worth, he's still Shen Qingqiu when I died and he replaced me." Shen Jiu's annoyed tone snaps him back to reality. He must have had muttered it out loud. "I hated you and your kind, but I wouldn't lie and say he doesn't genuinely love you. Or, what? You care not about the person who you loved and instead is hung up on technicalities that he's not 'Shen Qingqiu', as wrong as it is?"
"No.. I.. I mean.." Luo Binghe takes his time finding his words, gripping his knees. After all, no matter what, he is still Shen Qingqiu, technically. He lives his life, years after that qi deviation, as Shen Qingqiu. Enough to claim that identity for himself.
"Does that not bother you?" he asks instead, quiet and hesitant.
Shen Jiu takes deep breath, "Hm. It used to, once. But, I told you, I'm way past that. I have my own reasons, and I can explain about that qi deviation too. To answer your earlier question, I did remember everything immediately after I was reincarnated." he huffs annoyedly, "It's vexing to return being a helpless baby, needing my diapers to be changed and all. Other people has the grace of not being aware and conscious of their early years. And there I was."
Shen Jiu then stares ahead wistfully, with a thousand-yard gaze, "Though, it's a complete improvement from my previous childhood."
Luo Binghe lets the words sink. He never actually finds out his Shizun's (both of them) childhood. And his own Shen Qingqiu also never talks much about it. Let the bygones be bygones, or something. Now, though, seeing Shen Jiu reminiscing a past way too long ago, Luo Binghe feels unsettled feelings.
Luo Binghe had managed to spend a life full of bliss, loved by the kind Shizun he loves in return. But, if that qi deviation never took place and Shen Yuan never replaces Shen Jiu, would the Shen Qingqiu that he knows still act cold and cruel? And, in regards of that, what would the Luo Binghe do? Knowing himself, Luo Binghe knows it's not something pleasant. At best, death. At worst...
Shuddering, and deciding not to think about it, Luo Binghe looks up at Shen Jiu again, "You said you have reasons and can explain about the qi deviation..."
"Yes. I caused that qi deviation." Shen Jiu admits lightly, almost nonchalantly. Luo Binghe stares blankly at him in reply.
Shen Jiu gives him a wry smirk, and closes his sketchbook. Instead, he pulls out his phone and looks up for something in the internet, "Little brat, do you have a hobby for reading? Or rather, has anyone ever approach you and say you're just like a novel protagonist?"
Luo Binghe considers the questions, "No, I don't read much. And yes, actually now that you mention it, there were times when people I just met and introduced myself to would be surprised and tell me it's like a name of a character from a novel."
Shen Jiu lets an amused snort, "And you're never curious enough to look it up on the internet?"
"No, not really?" then again, it was before he remembers his past life. Speaking of which, he should make that clear. "I just remembered my past memories earlier; I got into bike accident and immediately after regained my memories. That's why I'm here in the first place." he gestures to his bandaged leg and the plaster on his face.
"Huh. I thought it was ridiculous that you would look bruised and dirty when we met again. Like some sort of ironic retelling. Nevermind." Shen Jiu shakes his head, "You're taking it well if you just regained the memories earlier today."
Luo Binghe shrugs, "The way to the hospital in the ambulance is weirdly meditative and helps process the memories better."
Surprisingly, Shen Jiu gives a chuckle. The original Shen Qingqiu would never act openly in front of Luo Binghe. It's really a shock to him.
"So I take it you're not aware of a trashy novel titled rather crudely as 'Proud Immortal Demon Way'?" Shen Jiu offers his phone, showing a website page of the novel. Luo Binghe takes the phone carefully, reading the summary of the novel. It doesn't take a long time before his eyes widen.
"Wait, this..."
"Familiar but not exactly the same as you remember, yes?" Shen Jiu fiddles through a plastic bag on the floor next to him, and takes out two bottles of tea, putting the bottles on the seat between them. He opens the cap of one and sips it, "Shen Yuan, that dumb brother of mine, almost dies from food poisoning and from hate-reading that novel. The ending apparently is so god awful that he got a stroke and went flatline. Good thing our Meimei found him in time."
"Hold on, you said, his soul then replaced yours in my world—"
"This is where this story gets a lot more complicated." Shen Jiu offers his hand, a gesture for asking his phone back. Luo Binghe politely returns it to him. Shen Jiu pockets his phone again, and this time he offers the other bottle of tea to Luo Binghe. With a half-amused and half-wry smile, Shen Jiu says, "Don't worry. This time I won't pour it on your head."
Luo Binghe inadvertently frown to that dry joke, but he accepts the cold tea. He sips it once, and finds himself pleased with the taste. He never tastes this brand of tea before. It might be a new favorite.
In the time he was examining the tea bottle, Shen Jiu opens his sketchbook and doodles new drawings in an empty page. Luo Binghe takes a glance, but it's not a meaningful drawings — just sketches of flowers, clouds, and eyes. He does notice that the drawings are different in quality from the crude drawings he was shown before. As if the drawings from before was when Shen Jiu could barely hold a pencil, and this time it was when clearly Shen Jiu already improved his artistic skill.
Luo Binghe waits for Shen Jiu to continue his explanation patiently. In a surprisingly comfortable silence between two former master and disciple, something Luo Binghe for sure, almost instinctively, knows that could never happen between them two. At least, not between him and Shen Jiu.
"Shen Yuan collapsed last week. There were few days he's half-concious, but then he went under again. He just fully regained his consciousness last night." Shen Jiu says, his hand still sketches a ladybug in flight on the paper, "His memories is still jumbled, I'm sure. But no doubt he got his memories of the life as Shen Qingqiu."
"So that means, in the time he was comatose here, he lived as my Shen Qingqiu in the other world?" Luo Binghe concludes.
Shen Jiu nods, "It's only a week here, in this world. But his mind lives a full lifetime there. Of course, nobody else would know. Except me, because I've known the exact time he transmigrated into my body from my own memories." Shen Jiu pauses, and snorts, "Is it confusing for your demon brain?"
In the past, or in other situation, Luo Binghe might be angry at the question. But now, he recognizes there was not an ounce of accusation or mocking in that question. In fact, the tone Shen Jiu used is close to an amused but harmless tone. Akin to teasing a friend.
So, Luo Binghe only sips the tea once more, and shrugs, "It's less confusing than Shizun's lecture on poetry."
"Ha." another rare gift of a dry chuckle, "Who's your Shizun?"
"You and him both. Him, more than you. But doesn't change the fact that I was under your tutelage for a period of time." Luo Binghe says, and he finds it easy to admit that.
Shen Jiu looks surprised, but doesn't comment on it. Instead, he continues their long conversation, "Now, the only other big question in your brain should be regarding that novel. I'd kill you if you tell Shen Yuan this, but I also read that shitty novel. For nostalgia sake, if not for paradoxically therapeutic experience. It triggered my traumas and fears early on, but after therapy—a lot of therapy—I can finally reminisce about those days in notably near-comfort."
Luo Binghe tilts his head. The way he phrases the sentence....
"You mean, you also..."
Shen Jiu taps their bottles together in a dull toast, another wry smile on his lips. "First and foremost, that was my original life. The world I was originally from."
Luo Binghe didn't read much over the summary of the novel earlier. But he caught some sentences; scum villain, trash Shizun, half-demon's revenge, and torture. Something about human stick too. Turning pale, he realizes what it means for Shen Jiu.
"I told you I caused the qi deviation, didn't I?" Shen Jiu speaks up, in an even and measured tone. But Luo Binghe notices the tremble in his hands and legs. "The moment I regained awareness, of re-living my life as Shen Qingqiu, the scum villain of Luo Binghe's story to greatness, the moment I remembered what did you—the other you—did to me, would do to me, I couldn't take it. So I self-destructed, killed myself in hopes to avoid the merry bad ending written in stone for me, and ended up as a spirit watching over a stranger, who later turns out to be my brother, takes over my life and did a good job in it. And now, here we are."
The pieces connect cleanly. They sit in silence for a while. The setting sun, seen from the window in the room in front of them, seeping through the open door, fills the hallway they're sitting in with orange hue.
Luo Binghe doesn't know what to say. The man in front of him basically has lived three lifetimes, including his current one. And, even without fully knowing his childhood, Luo Binghe knows the memories of his late years is enough burden to him. Shen Qingqiu, the man he knew as Shen Qingqiu before the soft and kind version appears, is a willful and prideful man. For that kind of man to kill himself to avoid a certain ending...
What had Luo Binghe done?
And, to be fair to himself, it wasn't him. But it is still Luo Binghe. And, again, he knows enough of himself. It's not pretty. It must've been long, arduous, thorough torture.
He entertains the question of why Shen Jiu picked death over trying to gain his good graces for a while. But quickly finds the answer. If he's in Shen Jiu's shoes, suddenly remembering what would happen in the future, completely traumatized and feeling helpless, he would act rash too. Forget trying to be kind, it would be impossible to even look at the man who would one day torture him. Death really is the only feasible choice for that Shen Qingqiu at the time.
"Were you the one who wrote the webnovel?"
"No." Shen Jiu answers firmly, "It's that bastard Shang Qinghua, or the bastard who replaces him, rather. I should have known he acted differently in the second lifetime. Shen Yuan calls him Airplane, that's the pen name he uses when he writes the novel. I think he mentions dying from electrocution, and as much as I think it serves him right, I think he's actually also spared from death. I don't know his real name so I can't track him down. He's probably in some hospital now."
"Oh. I thought..." Luo Binghe trails off.
"As if I'd flaunt my weaknesses and moments of shame to the public." Shen Jiu crosses his arms, "And my memories aren't that good enough to remember all the things that happened. Not after two lifetimes. Too many things I wasn't aware of, as well. Like your train of thoughts."
The same train of thoughts that arrived in the ending where Shen Qingqiu is left an empty husk, a hollow meat vessel. Beaten, bruised. Broken.
Luo Binghe is quiet.
"Don't look that down. You're making it awkward. As far as I'm concerned, you're not the one who did it." Shen Jiu's voice is light, quiet. But resigned. It doesn't hold contempt. Luo Binghe can even pinpoint a relief in them. As if telling the whole story has been a cathartic moment for Shen Jiu.
It should be. It's a huge briefcase to unpack.
"Am I the first one you meet who remembers?" Luo Binghe asks.
"You are. Though, technically, my brother is, last night. But he's still very confused, so I didn't count it." Shen Jiu taps his pencil to the paper, "Do you want to meet him?"
"Yes." unblinking, without hesitation.
"You can't now, not yet. But you probably can in few hours. Tomorrow." Shen Jiu hums, sketching a tower with a lot of windows, "No guests allowed apart from relatives for now, and he's still sleeping inside. If he's awake, he would undoubtedly whine and make troublesome requests."
His tone is gentle. Fond.
Luo Binghe makes a voice, which earns Shen Jiu's attention. He frowns, "And why are you in tears? Is that snot?"
Luo Binghe wipes his eyes — huh, weird. Since when he was crying? "I'm sorry. I'm too happy. I didn't expect you'd allow me to see him."
"I'm scummy but not that scummy. I can see well he's head over heels for you. The first thing he says when he regains consciousness is your name. Good thing I was the one next to him. Otherwise, my family would pin him as a lunatic who's obsessed over a trash novel."
Luo Binghe sniffs louder, holding back a happy sob from the knowledge that his name is the first thing to come out from Shen Yuan's mouth. Shen Yuan. His Shen Qingqiu. God, he misses him. He wants to see him, kiss him. Hold him. He's just meters away, separated by an open door.
But Luo Binghe can wait. Just one day, one more day. Tomorrow, he can see him.
"Wipe your snot, brat. It's gross." Shen Jiu throws him a handkerchief. Luo Binghe notices that for a while now; the shift in nickname. From hateful beast to an exasperated brat.
"Fhang yu..." Luo Binghe says, through sniffles, and peruse the handkerchief. Shen Jiu stares at the handkerchief like a fallen fellow soldier. Probably mentally parting with the handkerchief. But still, it's an act of kindness from Shen Jiu. A miracle, in on itself.
Experienced in controlling his tears, Luo Binghe folds the handkerchief and pockets it, "I'll return it after I wash it."
"Don't bother. It's a cheap thing." Shen Jiu says, dismissively. He returns to sketching haphazardly.
"Can I ask you something? Not as Shen Jiu, but as my former Shizun." Luo Binghe gathers his courage and asks.
"Hm. I'll see if I can answer it."
Luo Binghe can spot how Shen Jiu's shoulders suddenly grow tense, but wisely doesn't comment on it. Instead, he asks with a straight tone, "Why were you cruel to me?"
Shen Jiu heaves a sigh. He most likely had expected that question. Luo Binghe lets him stew in his answer, finding words. Shen Jiu closes his sketchbook and puts away his pencil. He leans on the wall, looking up at the window across, inside the room.
"You remind me of myself." he starts, much to Luo Binghe's surprise, "Only that, you were blessed in ways that I wasn't. So I was envious. And wanted to beat your naivety out of you, make you see how unforgiving the world is."
"I was a kid." he murmurs, "A kid who knows nothing better."
"You think I didn't know that?" a tired sigh, "If I wasn't a kid once, with a similar fate, I wouldn't do the things I did."
A flicker of realization, "You only did what had been done to you."
Shen Jiu glances at him, a bit taken aback, "You have a surprising perceptive skill, for a brat."
"Were you called beast too?" Luo Binghe asks, instead of replying to that hidden praise.
"No. But I was called names. It's in the past, I don't remember them." Shen Jiu shrugs.
"Then why did you pour the tea on me?" Luo Binghe presses on. Of all the things Shen Jiu—Shen Qingqiu—did to him, that one he still doesn't have the answer to. And the Shen Qingqiu who married him would never know the answer to.
"You were proudly and brightly talking about your mother." Shen Jiu answers without much hesitation, like the memory is still clear in his mind, "I didn't have one."
"Envy, again?"
"I'm shaped from envy. Was." Shen Jiu says, almost amused. "But now that you brought it up, I suppose there's also something I need to say to you."
Shen Jiu turns to face him fully, still sitting on his seat. Then he bows deeply, and holds the position for a few long seconds. Luo Binghe doesn't dare breathe. He doesn't dare blink.
"This master apologizes for treating you in less than a pleasant manner. I was filled with fury and jealousy, and wanted to drag you down to my level. Disciple Luo Binghe doesn't need to forgive this master, but this master asks for him to listen to this apology."
Slowly, he straightens his back, and once again, with a soft tone, "I'm sorry."
He wouldn't apologize this sincerely back then, Luo Binghe instinctively knows. He's much too prideful—and later, too broken, to admit his wrongs and apologize for it. It's probably after his third life, a softer and kinder third life, that allows him to cut away his edges and cushion the worst of his temper.
Luo Binghe stays still for a moment, before he sips the tea given to him. It's a bit warmer now, but still sweet and cool. Then, as if mirroring him, Luo Binghe puts the tea on the seat between them, and bows three times.
"This disciple thanks Shizun for the short time he was your student."
And, with a softer tone, "I forgive you."
Now, Luo Binghe would never tell anyone, and he's sure Shen Jiu would kill him first before he could, but Shen Jiu was close to tears. Eyes glassy and nose red, lips trembling. If Luo Binghe wasn't aware of his identity, he would mistakenly kiss those lips and coax him to tell him what's wrong, why did Shizun cry.
Alas, Shen Jiu clears his throat and the illusory moment breaks, and Luo Binghe averts his eyes politely, pretending to not have seen anything.
"I forgive you, Shizun—Shen Jiu, but I think I'm not the only one you should apologize to." Luo Binghe says, slowly.
That caught Shen Jiu off-guard, "You think he's here too? The other.. you?"
"I don't know. But if he is..." Luo Binghe considers it for a moment. He only had the unpleasant experience of meeting his other self for a very brief moment, thankfully, but the bastard had wanted to take his Shen Qingqiu with him. No doubt he wanted the kind and loving version of his Shizun.
If he's somewhere in this world, and if he also has his memories, what's stopping him from either approaching Shen Jiu or, for that matter, Shen Yuan?
"If he is, please allow me to help you." Luo Binghe says, and he's surprised at how earnest he sounds.
Shen Jiu blinks, and relaxes. It's a new thing between them. Might be the first time Luo Binghe's earnestness wasn't met by cold and mean words.
Instead, Shen Jiu smiles, a small but sincere one.
"Then, I'll count on you when the time comes."
This might be the first time his original Shizun relies on him, and Luo Binghe doesn't want to disappoint him.
For now, though, Luo Binghe bids polite farewell to Shen Jiu, promising he would come again the next day. Shen Jiu snorts in amusement as a reply, but nods. And Luo Binghe steps outside the hospital, feeling much lighter than he did when he stepped inside.
He has a novel to catch up to.
"Er-ge, did someone come earlier?"
Shen Jiu hums, "You were awake?"
"No, I was half-awake but I heard you talking to someone. He sounds familiar." Shen Yuan says, yawning, "Your friend from work?"
Shen Jiu snorts, "I don't have friends."
Shen Yuan shuffles a bit on the bed, peering at his older brother who's peeling an apple. "Make them rabbit-shaped."
"Not even an hour conscious and already making troublesome demands." Shen Jiu clicks his tongue.
"But you'd do it." Shen Yuan says, cheekily.
Shen Jiu rolls his eyes, and he did do it, because he spoils and dotes on his siblings.
Munching the apple slices, adorably shaped like rabbits, Shen Yuan continues his prodding, "So who was it, if it's not your friend from work?"
"It could be a nurse." Shen Jiu points out.
"En. But you talked a lot to them. I don't think you'd talk much to nurses here." Shen Yuan says.
Shen Jiu leans back on his chair, next to Shen Yuan's bed. "A student of mine." he says.
"Oh, what a coincidence. Why's he here?"
"Bike accident, he said. He looked fine to me."
"Aw, Er-ge, you're always so aloof about your students. Even though you care about them so much." Shen Yuan says in a mock sorrowful tone.
"I'm going home." Shen Jiu blankly declares, standing up to reach his bag.
Shen Yuan laughs and immediately catches his arm, "No, wait, sorry, I'm joking!"
Shen Jiu huffs and lets Shen Yuan pull him back to the chair. Shen Yuan lies back down, a smile on his lips.
For people who aren't familiar with them, Shen Yuan and Shen Jiu are like twins. The difference is that Shen Yuan's face is softer, rounder, and he wears glasses. But their built and appearance are almost identical.
An ironic thing, too, considering that they're both technically Shen Qingqiu.
"Ge, I have the strangest dream." Shen Yuan spoke, softly.
"Hm?"
"It's very long. It's kinda like that shitty novel. I was Shen Qingqiu, and there's also Luo Binghe. There's also a system. But it doesn't end up like the novel. I worked hard to avoid that ending."
Shen Jiu feigns an annoyed look, "The same novel that gave you stroke where you ended up in a hospital?"
"It was a teamwork between that and the expired food. Give it some credit too." Shen Yuan grins.
"I'll give you a credit for being a fool. Not only we told you to stop hate-reading that novel, we also specifically told you to take care of yourself."
"Geez, I know, I know...." Shen Yuan shifts closer to the edge of the bed, "It's a long dream. Long enough that I miss being scolded by Er-ge like this."
"Oh, don't worry. I'll scold you plenty you'd wish you're back dreaming." Shen Jiu threatens, but the hand ruffling his brother's hair is gentle.
Shen Yuan smiles, "Er-ge, I only regret one thing from waking up from that dream."
"You should regret a lot of things, but go on." Shen Jiu can predict what is it exactly he regretted about.
"In the dream, I married someone wonderful. I learnt to love him. And even though I thought I would never love him, I was wrong. I love him so much." Shen Yuan's voice tremble, "I want to see him."
A tear drops from his eye, down to the bed, soaking it. Shen Jiu quietly pats his head in silent comfort. He doesn't tell Shen Yuan that he knows, that he remembers. He loves his brother too much to make it about himself. And, reminded of that, he supposed he should warn Luo Binghe to never tell Shen Yuan of his memories.
Nobody should shoulder the burden of Shen Jiu's memories, other than himself.
So he merely rubs his brother's hair and lets Shen Yuan cries over his supposed lost love.
If only Shen Yuan knows who's going to pop up the following day.