The Invention of Group Chats in Dreamland

by Sorio99

Summary:

Susie has made many mistakes in her life. Taking so long to exit Another Dimension, helping her father’s mechanization project for years, stealing the control unit at the wrong moment and destroying him forever. All horrible, terrible mistakes that scarred her life forever.

Introducing these people to Group Chats might be at the top of that list now.

Chapter 1: My Friends And Susie

Summary:

Meta Knight changed Bandana Waddle Dee’s nickname to “Banana”

Meta Knight changed Banana’s nickname to “Bandana”

Susie changed Bandana’s nickname to “Banana”

Banana: Banana

Susie: Banana

Dedede: Banana

Kirby: Banana

Meta Knight: Stop.

Susie: Get his ass.

13:45 GST

 

President Susie Haltmann began server “Dreamland’s Defenders”

 

President Susie Haltmann changed nickname to “Susie”

 

Susie added Kirby, Meta Knight, and Dedede to server

 

Susie gave Meta Knight admin permissions

 

Kirby: :o

Kirby: :D

Kirby: Hi, Susie! Hi, Meta Knight! Hi, Dedede!

 

Dedede changed nickname to “King Dedede”

 

King Dedede: Oh, it’s all over for you fools.

 

Meta Knight: Less than a minute in, and I can already tell this tool is going to be misused.

 

Susie: Oh, trust me, nicknames are far from the most chaotic things this app is capable of.

Susie: The main HWC server was created to disperse information through the company efficiently.

Susie: It is currently 95% old Earth memes making fun of me, jokes about Star Dream and Kirby inhaling things, and daily images of dogs.

 

King Dedede changed nickname to “His Lord Highness, King Dedede, First Of His Name, Illustrious Ruler Of Dreamland, Emperor Of All He Sees”

 

Meta Knight changed Dedede’s nickname back to default

 

Dedede: Traitor.

 

Meta Knight: While I do appreciate the ability to moderate this tool, @Susie, I am still not 100% comfortable with you having access to what is intended to be a security tool for us.

 

Susie: And I understand that completely. I don’t intend to use anything here against you all, obviously, but if you decide it really isn’t safe, your permissions override mine, and you have the ability to remove me from this chat at any time.

Susie: Additionally, anyone added to this chat will be unable to see messages sent before they were added, so there shouldn’t be any security issues if someone is added that shouldn’t have been.

 

Dedede: So if I trash talk Magolor, and then add him later on, he won’t see any of what I said?

 

Susie: Yes, I suppose so.

 

Dedede: Magolor is a traitorous piece of crap who deserves every burn he got from Landia.

 

Meta Knight: Surprisingly tame, considering your, other statements about him.

 

Dedede: I don’t wanna swear too much in front of Kirby.

Dedede: He must be protected.

 

Kirby: I’m, like, almost an adult, no matter what age scale you work with.

Kirby: I’ve also killed at least, like, two or three gods.

 

Dedede: You are small.

Dedede: You must be protected.

 

Kirby: Oh! Meta, Susie, can I add people to this server?

 

Susie: Oh, sure. I should’ve guessed you’d want those permissions.

 

Susie gave Kirby invite permissions

 

Kirby invited Bandana Waddle Dee

 

Susie: Oh, I didn’t think we distributed the smartphones to the Waddle Dees yet.

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: You didn’t, I just nabbed one from your company while I was undercover.

Bandana Waddle Dee: Jeez, that username is long.

 

Meta Knight changed Bandana Waddle Dee’s nickname to “Banana”

 

Meta Knight changed Banana’s nickname to “Bandana”

 

Susie changed Bandana’s nickname to “Banana”

 

Banana: Banana

 

Susie: Banana

 

Dedede: Banana

 

Kirby: Banana

 

Meta Knight: Stop.

 

Susie: Get his ass.

 

Banana: Language!

 

Kirby: Again, multiple gods, dead.

 

Banana: Do any of them really count as gods?

 

Kirby: Look, you didn’t see Zero Two, if that doesn’t count as a god, I don’t know what does.

 

Meta Knight: To be fair, considering Dreamlanders are literally immortal, the sheer number Kirby has defeated is probably impressive enough.

 

Dedede: Yeah, maybe, but it’s not like most of the Dees are all that difficult to send back to the Fountain.

 

Susie: “Back to the fountain”?

 

Dedede: It’s mostly just a saying.

Dedede: Most Dreamlanders don’t reappear at the fountain itself, but it’s a quick and easy way to refer to the whole, “reappearing after seeming death” thing.

 

Susie: I think the joke is “I would love to study you”, but I’m like 90% sure I already am studying you all.

 

Meta Knight: Dreamland is, odd, but you become accustomed to those oddities over time.

 

Banana: Speak for yourself.

Banana: I was born here and I still don’t understand what the heck is going on around here.

 

Dedede: I mean, I could regale you with our nation’s illustrious history, from the forming of the Dream Fountain onward.

 

Susie: Would it be focused on the penguins who lived in Rainbow Resort?

 

Dedede: Maybe.

Dedede: >:>

 

Meta Knight: Can we please focus on the actual purpose of this chat?

 

Kirby: I figured this was just so I could talk to all my best friends directly!

Kirby: Well, all my best friends and Susie.

 

Susie: Harsh but fair.

 

Kirby: Aw, I didn’t mean it like that! :(

Kirby: I think you’re my friend, Susie.

Kirby: I just, haven’t worked with you long enough to call you one of my BEST friends.

 

Meta Knight: And I suppose her hijacking of my body and overriding of my free will has no impact on this judgement.

 

Dedede: To be fair, he did very quickly befriend Taranza after he did pretty much the exact same thing to me.

 

Meta Knight: ANYWAYS

Meta Knight: This chat is intended to help us to coordinate in the case of another crisis hitting Popstar.

Meta Knight: The last two times something attacked us, we ended up split apart and unable to work together.

Meta Knight: I wasn’t even aware of the Dreamstalk growing up until after Sectonia had already been defeated.

Meta Knight: And during the Haltmann invasion, Dedede was trapped under his castle’s rubble for days before any of us were made aware.

Meta Knight: Well, any of us who WEREN’T actively helping the invasion.

 

Susie: Okay, to be fair, I made sure he wasn’t DYING when I took the tissue sample.

 

Meta Knight: My point is, if we’re all going to work together to try to protect this land, we need a way to stay on the same page, and keep each other updated.

 

Kirby: I mean, I did already have a phone, you know.

 

Banana: Yeah, but that thing’s older than Meta Knight.

 

Susie: Wait, I thought Meta Knight was, like, centuries old, if not millenia.

 

Dedede: Lol, no.

Dedede: He’s only, like, five years older than Kirby.

 

Kirby: Wait, Meta, you’re only 22?

 

Meta Knight: The king is underestimating our age differential. I believe I’m in my mid to late thirties in the Galactic Standard.

Meta Knight: Additionally, if you count the time you spent in stasis in interspace transit, you’re actually eighteen, not seventeen.

 

Kirby: :o

Kirby: I can drink!

 

Susie: What? Is the drinking age on Popstar only 18?

 

Dedede: Nah, it’s 25 for Dreamlanders. No clue what the puff’s talking about.

 

Kirby:  :(

Kirby: Ado said the human drinking age was 18.

 

Susie: Human???????

 

Meta Knight: It is, a long story. We may introduce the two of you at some point, but for now, she is a Dreamlander who was born from a human dream.

 

Susie: That, seems, interesting.

Susie: At some point, I’m going to interrogate you and Dedede about exactly how this Dream Fountain works.

 

Dedede: To be fair, even we don’t fully understand.

Dedede: I mean, I around the same age as Metty, and the Fountain’s around, what, five millenia old?

 

Banana: I’m pretty sure it’s closer to five million millenia, if not older.

 

Dedede: Yeesh. Yeah, I don’t think even Kracko is old enough to know everything about it.

 

Kirby: Okay, so, I looked at my old phone, and

Kirby: It’s over 80 years old, from manufacture date.

 

Banana: Wow.

 

Meta Knight: How in the world were you able to make that work in the Mirror World?!

 

Kirby: To be fair, the other Kirbys had basically the same phone.

 

Susie: Other Kirbys?!?!?!

 

Kirby: Oh, yeah.

Kirby: Dark Meta Knight tried to kill me while fighting Meta, but he just cut me into four versions of myself.

 

Meta Knight: All just as powerful as the original Kirby.

 

Susie: ...what the hell are you?

 

Kirby: Meta Knight says I’m mostly an Astral!

 

Susie: I...see...

 

Dedede: Anyways, getting back on topic, I’m definitely in favor of anything that means I won’t end up stuck under 100 pounds of rubble for a full week again.

 

Banana: I’m sorry, King Dedede! I tried to dig you out, I really did!

 

Dedede: Relax, Bandan. I know, and I don’t blame you.

Dedede: I blame the pink puff that managed to hijack a mech suit and STILL didn’t bother to dig me out.

 

Kirby: Look, I didn’t know you were there, okay?

Kirby: If I had known, I would have freed you.

Kirby: Can we let this go already?

 

Meta Knight: This chat is never going to be used for what it was meant for, is it?

 

Dedede: Are you really surprised?

 

Meta Knight: I wish I could be.

Notes:

Random Kirby Headcanon of the Chapter: Susie and her father (and probably some other employees of HWC) are actually human beings, just far in the future, and with cyborg enhancements. The two of them have the two most normal English names in pretty much the whole series (except for Rick technically), and their voices are very clearly human, if digitized. Plus, it means the implied destruction of Planet Earth in one or two ways didn’t also lead to the death of humanity.

Chapter 2: Dreamland's Newest Craze

Summary:

Rick: If you had a neck, I would strangle you.

Ado: It is 3:25 AM
Ado: I will strangle both of you
Ado: Lack of necks be damned

Pinned: Meta Knight: This server is intended to be a coordination tool, so those of us dedicated to protecting Planet Popstar can stay on the same level and keep in touch in the case of an emergency. Please note that any non-pinned messages sent before you were added to this chat will be invisible, and will remain so unless otherwise stated. Access to this chat is a privilege, not a right, and if you are deemed a danger or nuisance, you will be kicked from this server.

 

End Pins

 

---

 

8:53 GST

 

Kirby invited Taranza

 

Taranza: I still don’t understand why the people of the sky have been given these devices.

 

Banana: Hey, Taranza!

 

Meta Knight: Greetings. I don’t believe we’ve met yet.

Meta Knight: I am Meta Knight, leader of the Knights of Dreamland, and pilot of the Halberd.

 

Taranza: Yeah, I know who you are, Meta. I’ve spent the past year in Dreamland, and your ship has your freaking face on it.

 

Dedede: YOU

 

Taranza: Oh dear.

 

Kirby: Dedede, be nice!

Kirby: Taranza is our friend, okay?

 

Dedede: HE KIDNAPPED AND BRAINWASHED ME!

 

Banana: To be fair, I think it was more like mind control than brain washing.

 

Taranza: And to be even fairer, I was under a not insignificant amount of brainwashing myself.

 

Susie: I’ve heard your story. Simping for a royal family member doesn’t count as brainwashing.

 

Taranza: Simping?

 

Banana: You don’t wanna know.

 

Dedede: Okay, to be fair to the guy who kidnapped me

Dedede: Which, wow, what even is my life anymore

Dedede: Judging by that weird mirror I found while exploring your palace, I would believe you were under some amount of unnatural influence.

 

Meta Knight: Mirror?

 

Kirby: Mirror?

 

Taranza: Oh, yeah, the mirror.

 

Meta Knight: Taranza, this mirror wouldn’t happen to have had a gold frame and wings, would it?

 

Taranza: ...okay, what the heck is this thing?

 

Dedede: Shattered, now. That’s what it is.

 

Kirby: You shattered the Dimension Mirror?

 

Dedede: Is that what that was? I was wondering why an even edgier Meta Knight came out of that thing.

 

Meta Knight: And you didn’t inform us of all this, why?

 

Banana: Because he’s Dedede?

 

Dedede: Because I handled it?

Dedede: Bandana you wound me.

 

Taranza: Lao

 

Susie: You’re, missing an M there.

 

Taranza: Laom?

 

Susie: Lord, give me strength.

 

---

 

15:36 GST

 

Kirby invited Adeleine to the chat

 

Adeleine changed nickname to “Ado”

 

Ado: In more of an Ado mood today.

 

Susie: Than why did you make your official username Adeleine?

 

Ado: Because I use that more often?

 

Taranza: Hey, Ado, do you know why so many people hyphenate your names?

 

Ado: What? Do they?

 

Taranza: Yeah, because they want to

 

Susie: Oh lord

 

Taranza: Add-a-line!

 

Ado: :o

Ado: ^.^

 

Taranza: : ;)

 

Dedede: What’s up with the extra colon?

 

Taranza: What do you mean?

Taranza: Do you not like my camoflauge eyes?

 

Dedede: Mmmmmmmmmmmm

Dedede: I’m gonna have to go with no.

 

Meta Knight: So, again, safe to assume any and all hope of this chat being used for its intended purpose is dead?

 

Taranza: Personally, I think puns are of the utmost importance.

 

Susie: In any case

Susie: I’m glad I’m not the only woman here anymore.

 

Ado: Mmmmmmmmmmmmm

 

Taranza: Is that now the standard response to something someone doesn’t like?

 

Dedede: What’s your alternative?

 

Taranza: I don’t know, maybe, actual words?

 

Ado: I’m not, really a woman, @Susie

 

Susie: Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to misgender you, that’s my bad

 

Ado: Oh, no, it’s fine, I get it

Ado: Honestly, most days you wouldn’t be

Ado: It’s just, you know

Ado: A thing

 

Dedede: Also, aren’t you, like

Dedede: Six?

 

Ado: Dedede you’ve known me for more than six years how on Earth could I be six

 

Susie: I mean, that does raise the question of how old you actually are.

Susie: Also, “how on Earth”?

 

Ado: It’s a human thing, you wouldn’t get it.

 

Susie: ...bitch what?

 

Dedede: Language! The children are here!

 

Ado: I’ve literally fought against monsters born from actual night terrors.

 

Dedede: And you’re still a baby. Incredible how that works.

 

Ado: >:(

 

Dedede: Little baby pout

 

Ado: Don’t make me Death Note you.

 

Dedede: Please, the letters would just flop on the ground like Blippers out of water.

 

Taranza: I’m going back to bed.

 

Meta Knight: It’s not even 4 PM yet?

 

Taranza: ItS nOt EvEn 4 pM yEt?

 

Meta Knight: You can’t mock me when you’re the one acting illogically.

 

Taranza: Oh yeah? Just watch me.

 

Dedede: I mean, Kirby’s asleep right now.

 

Meta Knight: Kirby sleeps 160 hours a week, he is not a role model.

 

Susie: There is, no way that’s true

 

Ado: To be fair, the hibernations do sway the averages.

 

Susie: ...

Susie: You know, I never did get the chance to study Kirby.

 

Meta Knight: No.

 

---

 

3:21 GST

 

Meta Knight added Rick and Gooey to the server

 

Meta Knight: Here

Meta Knight: Argue about it in this

Meta Knight: And let me sleep

 

Taranza: Yo, what’s up?

 

Gooey: Rick thinks birds can fly because they have feathers

Gooey: I say it’s because they don’t have bones

 

Meta Knight: I forgot I have this application set to all notifications

Meta Knight: And now I wish I died in the vacuum of space seventeen years ago.

 

Taranza: Why are you two arguing about birds

Taranza: at 3 in the morning

Taranza: Also, aren’t you friends with a bird

 

Rick: Coo just said “I fly because I am a bird”

Rick: “And I am a bird because I fly”

 

Gooey: Does Coo have bones?

Gooey: No

Gooey: Case closed.

 

Rick: Coo??? Has bones???

 

Gooey: Prove it.

Gooey: Show me a single one of his bones.

 

Rick: Show me one of yours!

 

Gooey: I don’t have bones.

Gooey: And I can fly.

 

Rick: If you had a neck, I would strangle you.

 

Ado: It is 3:25 AM

Ado: I will strangle both of you

Ado: Lack of necks be damned

 

Taranza: Ado, just go back to sleep

 

Ado: No

Ado: Now I need to know how Gooey is typing on the phone

Ado: (They don’t have hands, for the record)

 

Taranza: (ty)

 

Gooey: My tongue is a skilled and precise tool.

 

Taranza: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

 

Ado: Now who isn’t using words.

 

Susie silenced Ado for 5 hours

 

Susie silenced Taranza for 5 hours

 

Susie silenced Gooey for 5 hours

 

Susie silenced Rick for 5 hours

 

Susie: Now either go to sleep or bother the nocturnal creatures.

 

Meta Knight: Susie, when it’s actually daytime, will you teach me how to do that?

 

Susie: No problem, now you go to sleep too.

 

---

 

8:30 GST

 

Taranza: FREEDOM!

Notes:

Random Kirby Headcanon of the chapter: Ado/Adeleine is genderflux: they go between fully female and nonbinary, and various stages in between. Also, they are mentally and physically 10 at the time of Dreamland 3, 11 in Crystal Shards, and about 16 here. In terms of actual age, nobody knows.

Chapter 3: The History of Hoomun Kind

Summary:

Rick: The real question is, if I dream of a clone of myself, and that comes out of the fountain
Rick: Would it be okay for us to, you know

Meta Knight silenced Rick for thirty minutes

Meta Knight: Got it.

Pinned: Kirby: Important rule! You don’t have to be serious or on topic, but please be nice and respectful of others! If someone is seriously hurt or upset by something, listen to them and try to understand where they are coming from! Thank you! ^-^

 

End Pins

 

---

 

12:36 GST

 

Susie: Okay, so, the feathers help control flight, and the hollow bones make the birds light enough for flight to be possible.

 

Gooey: I still say having no bones at all would make flying easiest.

 

Rick: Not everything has magic, Goo.

 

Ado changed nickname to “Addy”

 

Addy: You’re still talking about this?

Addy: It’s been eight hours.

 

Susie: Nine, technically.

 

Gooey: Wait, is Addy another name of yours I should know?

 

Addy: Nah, it’s just short for Adelien.

Addy: Adaline

Addy: However you spell my stupid name.

 

Susie: I believe the most common spelling is Adeline, but yours is spelled Adeleine.

 

Addy: Incomprehensible, thank you.

 

Rick: Wait, we can change nicknames on here?

 

Rick attempted to use a banned word in their nickname

 

Rick: >:(

 

Susie: What the heck did you even go for there? There are only, like, five banned words.

 

Rick: Ask Pick.

 

Susie: Who?

 

Rick: My girlfriend.

 

Taranza: Wait, aren’t you like

Taranza: A hamster?

Taranza: How do you have a girlfriend???

 

Rick: You’re just jealous of me.

Rick: Your girl probably ran off with a frog.

 

Taranza: The woman I loved was corrupted by a gift I gave her and had to be destroyed by Kirby to save Popstar.

 

Rick: a

Rick: Well, that’s two inappropriate things I’ve done today.

 

Addy: For the record, I think I may know what Rick was going for there.

 

Susie: Oh? How?

 

Addy: It helps to know he has a slight Australian accent.

 

Susie: Okay, someone needs to explain your origin story to me

Susie: Are you like

Susie: From Terra Prime?

 

Addy: Lol no

Addy: But I have memories of Earth from when I was first dreamed.

 

Susie: So, you’re a native Dreamlander

Susie: But also a human being

Susie: I seriously need to study this Dream Fountain

 

Kirby: Morning everyone!

Kirby: Touch the dream fountain and I’ll wreck your mech again

 

Susie: Duly noted.

 

Addy: Kirby, you know we love you

Addy: But it’s like

Addy: After noon.

 

Kirby: I like sleep

Kirby: Sue me

 

Addy: Alright

Addy: Who’s your attorney?

 

Gooey: Your honor, my client is completely innocent of any wrong doing

Gooey: He is simply a sleepy orb

 

Banana: Objection!

Banana: He has unlimited energy, how can he be sleepy?

 

Dedede: Overruled.

Dedede: Everyone needs beauty sleep.

 

Gooey: Banana?

 

Banana: Oh, I forgot you weren’t here for that

 

Banana changed nickname to SpearDee

 

SpearDee: Aka Bandana

 

Gooey: Gotcha.

 

Rick changed nickname to “Pick’s Pick”

 

Pick’s Pick: This works.

 

Gooey: Disagreed.

 

---

 

President Susie Haltmann began Direct Chat with Adeleine

 

President Susie Haltmann: So, feel free to tell me if you believe I’m intruding too much

President Susie Haltmann: But I am genuinely very curious about your experiences and memories as a dream human.

President Susie Haltmann: Not to mention why you’re the only other human being I’ve found on this planet.

 

Adeleine: Okay first, you really need to change your username at some point.

 

Susie: Agreed, and done.

 

Adeleine: Cool cool

Adeleine: Second, I don’t think that’s too intrusive

Adeleine: At least, not yet

Adeleine: In terms of memories, I’m not sure how much was, accurate?

Adeleine: Like, I remember Earth, I remember being surrounded by other humans

Adeleine: I remember this big museum with a ton of my paintings on all the walls, but I think that was almost certainly just a part of the dream

Adeleine: And I remember most of the other people looking, similar to me?

 

Susie: What do you mean by most?

 

Adeleine: Well, there were a few with

Adeleine: I guess, robot parts?

Adeleine: Like, there was one guy with these big, electronic eyes, who was like

Adeleine: Analyzing a painting I made of a dog?

 

Susie: Fascinating

Susie: That implies your original dream was from around the beginning of the Augmentation period.

Susie: When humanity was first beginning to experiment with biotechnology replacement, but but before it had seen mass adoption.

 

Adeleine: I guess?

Adeleine: I think I remember being really happy one of them liked my art.

Adeleine: Was the replacement originally, like, a status thing?

 

Susie: In the beginning, that was one of its primary uses, yes.

Susie: Some people with disabilities did opt for the replacements as well, though judging by records from the time, it was, prohibitively expensive for them

Susie: At least, in most regions of Terra Prime.

 

Adeleine: Is Terra Prime what you call Earth?

 

Susie: It is one of the more official names, currently.

Susie: Other less official ones include Earth, The Homeland, Human Nest, the Shiver Star, the Old World, the Abandoned Lands, and so on.

 

Adeleine: Wait

Adeleine: Shiver Star?

 

Susie: So named because of its current climate.

Susie: If I recall correctly, sometime after humanity developed warp technology, they discovered their star was close to Supernova.

Susie: And some company had the idea to warp the planet out of the blast range, to a different system.

 

Adeleine: And they mechanized the planet to do so?

 

Susie: Oh, no, HWC did that millenia later.

Susie: The relocation project just messed up the calculations

Susie: And sent the planet just a little outside their new star’s habitable zone.

 

Adeleine: How’d they manage that?

 

Susie: Well, they searched for a star that was similar to their original sun, and warped near tha

Susie: Except a. It was just a little bit smaller than their original sun, even at full size,

Susie: And b. it was still extremely young, purposely so

Susie: And so what should have been roughly an equally hospitable region of the system as their original orbit ended up freezing any and all water on the planet.

 

Adeleine: Huh.

Adeleine: That explains, a lot actually.

Adeleine: The planet is slightly more inhabited now, for the record.

 

Susie: Oh, I’m aware.

Susie: The star it orbits has matured a fair amount since then, so while the planet as a whole is still largely frozen over, it is now capable of supporting life.

 

Adeleine: okay

 

Susie: Are you alright?

 

Adeleine: I’m fine, just

Adeleine: It’s weird to think about

Adeleine: When I think of the Earth I remember, it’s so,

Adeleine: Warm

Adeleine: And alive

 

Susie: Yes, it is, a bit sad to think about.

Susie: I hope I didn’t depress you too much

 

Adeleine: No, no, it’s fine

Adeleine: I prefer knowing what happened, rather than just

Adeleine: Never knowing.

Adeleine: Anyways, as for why I’m the only human, honestly, you’re better off asking Coo.

 

Susie: The bird friend Rick and Gooey mentioned, I believe?

 

Adeleine: That’s the one.

Adeleine: He’s like, crazy old.

Adeleine: And he’s never left Popstar

Adeleine: If anyone can tell you what’s up with the Dream Fountain, it’s him.

 

Susie: Thank you so much, Addy.

Susie: And, again, apologies for the other day.

 

Adeleine: Eh, it’s fine.

Adeleine: Honestly, if you call me a girl, I’m pretty much always okay with it.

Adeleine: Just, don’t call me a woman.

 

Susie: Duly noted.

 

---

 

Naked Except For This Apron: You think I give a crap what some counterfit, half price Kirby thinks of my girl?

 

Splodger Splodgington Oozequire: YOU TAKE THAT BACK YOU SIX PIECE NOBODY

 

Susie: I step away for like five seconds and this is what happens.

 

Susie changed Rick’s nickname back to default

 

Susie changed Gooey’s nickname back to default

 

Susie silenced Rick for thirty minutes

 

Susie silenced Gooey for thirty minutes

 

Susie: Meta Knight, I just sent you the instructions for how to moderate chats through DM.

 

Meta Knight: Thank you.

 

Kirby: To be fair, I did like Gooey’s nickname

Kirby: Even if I still don’t get the reference

 

Susie: By the way, Kirby, if you want to add, say, Coo, that’s okay

 

Kirby: Oh! Okay! ^.^

Kirby: I sent the invite, but he may not respond for a while.

Kirby: He tends to be fully nocturnal this time of year.

 

Susie: Fair enough.

Susie: So, uh

Susie: Where did Rick get that nickname from?

 

Several people are typing

 

---

 

20:54 GST

 

Kirby invited Coo

 

Coo: Interesting.

 

Gooey: Hey, Coo!

 

Rick: G’day, Coo.

Rick: Wanna throw a shrimp on the barbie?

 

Coo: Someone mentioned Rick’s accent again, didn’t they.

 

Susie: Look

Susie: Listen

 

Coo: I’m an owl without ears, I can only really do one of those

 

Addy: He’s lying

Addy: He has ears

Addy: They’re under his feathers

 

Coo: Betrayed

Coo: Abandoned

Coo: And by my only true friend

 

Rick: Excuse me?!

 

Coo: You heard me, bitch.

 

Meta Knight: Language

 

Susie: By the by, Coo, I’ve been meaning to ask

Susie: What’s up with the dream fountain?

 

Coo: I don’t fully understand what you mean.

 

Susie: Like

Susie: How does it work?

Susie: If Dreamland is where dreams, like, literally happen

Susie: Does that mean I forcibly inserted myself into other peoples’ dreams?

Susie: And why are there so few non-Dreamland original Dreamlanders?

 

Coo: Okay, first off

Coo: The Fountain of Dreams doesn’t make dreams literally happen

Coo: It is, essentially, the source of dreams, and where those dreams lay to rest, but that doesn’t mean every sentient being can create events that happen on Popstar.

Coo: What comes out of the Fountain are those objects and creatures which are dreamed of but don’t otherwise exist.

Coo: So, for example, at one point in time and space, there was no such thing as a Waddle Dee.

Coo: Then, one day, some creature on another planet dreamt of a mouthless, waddling head

Coo: And then, at some point, the first Waddle Dee popped out.

 

Susie: At some point?

 

Coo: The Fountain of Dreams doesn’t seem to work immediately, or even necessarily on a linear time scale.

Coo: No doubt you’ve noticed that the only Human Dreamlander is based on a version of humanity from millenia ago.

 

Susie: Yes, I, did note that.

 

Addy: Yeah, our main theory is, I was dreamt up thousands of years ago

Addy: But I didn’t break surface until, like

Addy: 20, 30 years ago?

 

Rick: How in the world could you be 30?

 

Addy: I don’t know, ask whoever dreamt me up.

 

Coo: As for why there aren’t more beings who resemble other sentient species, that’s a two part answer.

Coo: The first is that, for the most part, when a person dreams about members of their species, they dream of people that exist.

Coo: Not just because they are more likely to know or remember them, but because sentient species are so varied and numerous, if a face is imagined in a dream, there is a high probability that, somewhere across time, that face once belonged to a person.

Coo: That said, there are still numerous non-Dreamland-type beings who are born from the fountain.

Coo: In general, these tend to be dreams of a person’s future which are, in one way or another, substantively different from how things actually happen.

Coo: For example, if a person dreams of their adult self, but ends up being extremely different when they actually grow up, because they, say, transitioned gender.

 

Rick: Or they died before they got to grow up.

 

Susie: I...see.

 

Addy: I think I’m more one of the former.

Addy: Like, I’m guessing whoever dreamt me up was, like, a trans girl

Addy: But didn’t get to transition until way later than she wanted to.

Addy: Or just had unrealistic expectations of the process, I don’t know.

 

Coo: Keep in mind, this is just a theory.

Coo: We don’t really have any way to know what kind of person dreamt Adeleine up.

Coo: But, as for the other reason there aren’t many like her

Coo: The honest answer is, most Dreamlanders who are most similar to other sentient species, tend to seek out the original species, in order to rejoin their people.

Coo: It doesn’t always happen, but it is exceptionally common.

Coo: And as for humans, Adeleine is the first human being to be “born” in Dreamland in hundreds of years.

 

Susie: That actually makes a fair amount of sense.

Susie: Our species programmed away our need to dream many, many generations ago.

Susie: Now, our memories tend to be stored and sorted by our internal computers automatically whenever we enter sleep mode.

Susie: So we don’t need dreams to do it for us.

Susie: So it makes sense the last humans to appear here on Popstar would be late poppers like Addy.

 

Addy: Late popper

Addy: I like that.

 

Coo: I will say, I should not be taken as gospel on all of this.

Coo: Old as I may be, compared to the rest of this group, I am still not nearly as old as the Fountain itself.

Coo: So it is possible my understanding of it is still flawed.

 

Susie: Thank you for your input regardless, it makes a lot of sense

 

Rick: The real question is, if I dream of a clone of myself, and that comes out of the fountain

Rick: Would it be okay for us to, you know

 

Meta Knight silenced Rick for thirty minutes

 

Meta Knight: Got it.

Notes:

Random Headcanon of the chapter: Basically everything in this chapter, obvs, but also, because humankind used to dream about itself a lot, there used to be a lot more humans on Popstar than most other non-Dreamland species. As a result, a lot of human media was brought over to Dreamland with them, hence why Rick and Gooey can make references to Ebichu and Dragon Quest, and why English and Japanese are semi-common languages on Popstar.

Chapter 4: Party At The Carnival

Summary:

Gooey: Birthday birthday birthday

Susie: ...oh god is there a birth day cult on this planet

Meta Knight: Join us Susie

Kirby: We need more souls

Susie: Oh god

Notes:

It my birthday

Pinned: Dedede: If any of you hurt Bandana, I will break any apendages you have.

 

End pins

 

---

 

00:01 GST

 

BigBWD: It’s my birthday!

 

Coo: Cheers

 

Taranza: Woo!

 

Susie: It’s twenty seconds after midnight

Susie: Could you not wait just a few hours?

 

BigBWD: No

BigBWD: Birthday birthday birthday

 

Taranza: Birthday birthday birthday

 

Rick: Birthday birthday birthday

 

Coo: Birthday birthday birthday

 

Dedede: Birthday birthday birthday

 

Addy: Birthday birthday birthday

 

Gooey: Birthday birthday birthday

 

Susie: ...oh god is there a birth day cult on this planet

 

Meta Knight: Join us Susie

 

Kirby: We need more souls

 

Susie: Oh god

Susie: Please don’t hurt me

Susie: Uh

Susie: Birthday birthdaya biatathday

Susie: I mean

 

BigBWD: Oh stars

BigBWD: I can’t stop laughing now

 

Coo: No, there isn’t a cult

Coo: Bandana was just being silly

Coo: Taranza and Rick joined in

Coo: And I think the rest of us just thought it would be fun

 

Meta Knight: I will not lie

Meta Knight: I wasn’t going to participate until Susie started freaking out

 

Kirby: I helped! :D

 

Susie silenced all users for eight hours

 

Susie: Go to sleep

Susie: All of you

 

Meta Knight: Hey Susie

 

Susie: I genuinely forgot you have admin

 

Meta Knight changed Susie’s nickname to “Birch”

 

Meta Knight: Now we can sleep.

 

---

 

8:10 GST

 

Dedede: Birch

 

Taranza: Birch

 

Birch: Birch

 

Rick: Birch

 

Meta Knight: I will destroy all of you

 

Dedede: Get his ass

 

BigBWD: Anyways!

BigBWD: Can we have a party?

 

Rick: Didn’t we just have a party after the whole invasion thing got settled?

 

Taranza: And then after Susie agreed to work with the Dream Team?

 

Birch: And also on Tuesday for no reason?

 

Dedede: Yeah, but birthday parties need to be special.

Dedede: Meta?

 

Meta Knight added Magolor to the server

 

Magolor: Hello, to all friends of the stars! You are all invited to Bandana Waddle Dee’s Big Birthday Party Bash! Being held today from 9 AM to 10 PM at Merry Magoland! Admission is free for anyone who enters with the code BandanaDeeBig!

 

Susie: What the hell?

 

Magolor: I studied the app, so I’d know how to do special text.

 

BigBWD: :D :D :D :D :D

BigBWD: is hitting my table so fast in joy

BigBWD: :o

 

Susie: I can already tell this is going to be a disaster.

 

Kirby: But a fun one!

 

Susie: Eh, probably.

Susie: I’m likely gonna have to opt out of this party, unfortunately

 

BigBWD: :(

 

Susie: Oh, please don’t be sad

Susie: I want to go, I really do, I’ve been interested in this park since I landed on Dreamland, and you’re one of the only people here I respect

 

Rick: That’s fair

 

Susie: I just have so much work I need to get done still, especially with Star Dream

 

Meta Knight: Still trying to salvage the old ark?

 

Susie: Partially, but its pieces have also started getting drawn towards various planets in this system. We’re trying to gather them all up and relocate them to a more remote part of Gamble Galaxy

 

Magolor: More remote than Popstar?

 

Susie: I’ll be perfectly honest, after the fifth alien invasion, I don’t think this planet can be considered “remote” anymore.

 

Kirby: That’s fair

 

---

 

11:32 GST

 

Magolor: So, uh

Magolor: We’ve had a number of fish who’ve made it into the waters of the park, since we expanded

Magolor: And we keep it safe enough for them to swim in, don’t worry, you shouldn’t stumble on any dead Blippers if you take the flume ride

Magolor: But, uh

Magolor: One of them is trying to, talk?

 

Kirby: Oh! I think I have an idea who that is!

 

Kirby invited Kine

 

Kine: Where am I?!

 

Dedede: Physically, or on this server?

 

Magolor: Oh jeez, don’t worry, we’ll figure something out.

 

Kine: I just wanted to go for a swim!

 

Magolor: I know, I know, I’m really sorry about this!

 

Kine: Why is there a giant water wheel here?!

 

Magolor: ...wait, what?

 

Kine: WHERE IS MY WIFE?!

 

Kirby: ...Magolor, what color is the talking fish?

 

Magolor: Um, sort of orange and pink?

 

Rick: Yeah, no, that’s Mine.

Rick: I think you kidnapped Kine’s wife.

 

Magolor: That, would explain why she’s not using a phone currently

 

Dedede: How was that not your first clue?

 

Kine: HELP

 

Magolor: Oh, wait, water wheel

Magolor: OH GOD WAIT

 

---

 

11:42 GST

 

Kirby: Uh, Magolor? We haven’t seen either of you, is everything okay?

 

Kine: I ALMOST DIED

 

Magolor: WELL WHY DID YOU SWIM TOWARDS THE FILTRATION BUILDING?!?!

 

Kine: I THOUGHT IT WAS THE DOCK

 

Dedede: Yeah, they’re fine

 

---

 

13:52 GST

 

HappyBWD: Hey, where is everyone in the park?

HappyBWD: I think I misplaced my spear somewhere.

 

Magolor: That’s not great. Did you leave it at the Arena?

 

HappyBWD: Well, I’m currently at the Arena, and the only spears here don’t have my ribbon on them.

 

Coo: I’ll look around the weapon checks for the rides.

 

Susie: I still can’t believe you can bring weapons into that park.

 

Rick: Is there a Spear challenge area that someone could have accidentally brought it to?

 

Dedede: To be fair, weapons are less dangerous when 95% of the population is functionally immortal.

 

Magolor: No, we haven’t set up a Spear area yet.

 

Kine: What, too focused on using the blades to kill fish?

 

Magolor: I ALREADY APOLOGIZED

 

HappyBWD: I don’t understand where it could be

HappyBWD: I can’t even call it back to me

 

HappyBWD changed nickname to “SadBWD”

 

Susie: Hang on

Susie: If you can’t recall your weapon, that means it has to be in someone else’s possession

Susie: Does the weapon check area involve employees holding the weapons?

 

Magolor: Employees?

 

Susie: ...okay.

Susie: Bandana, I hate to say it, but I think someone might have stolen your spear.

 

SadBWD: ;~;

 

Kirby: Hmmmm...

 

Meta Knight: Magolor

 

Magolor: I’m looking around, I’m not seeing the spear anywhere

 

Meta Knight: If I discover you took his spear

 

Magolor: Why would I take it?!

 

Meta Knight: Is this why you forbid me from bringing Galaxia?

 

Magolor: No I forbid that sword because it’s literally the most dangerous weapon on this planet!

 

SadBWD: Magolor, did yousteal my spare!?

 

Magolor: Why are you accusing me?!

 

Kine: Well, you already almost killed people!

 

Magolor: I ALREADY SAID I’M SORRY!!!

 

Dedede: Hey now, it might not have been Magolor.

Dedede: If I may remind you what other bugs were invited to this event.

 

Taranza: Mmm, don’t like that wording

 

Dedede: Old habits die hard, don’t they spider boy?

 

Rick: Big words for the greedy bastard who tried stealing ALL THE FOOD in Dreamland.

 

Dedede: Oh, you wanna fight, Hamster!?

 

SadBWD: Please stop

 

Rick: How do we know you didn’t steal his spear yourself, your royal selfishness?

 

Dedede: Why would I steal from my right hand man?!

 

Taranza: Well why would I steal anything?!

 

Dedede: Bold words to say to the man you kidnapped!

 

Magolor: FOR GOD’S SAKES, META KNIGHT, WHY ARE YOU CHASING ME?!

 

Meta Knight: If you really want me to believe you’re innocent, you’d stand still and answer me.

 

Magolor: YOU’VE GOT AN ULTRA SWORD, AND I’M NOT A DREAMLANDER

 

Coo: Okay, the five of you need to calm down, now.

 

Rick: Oh no, I’m not letting this monster get away again

 

Dedede: Oh, so you’re pointing fingers at me, but not the actual criminal?!

 

Taranza: I was just following orders! What’s Mag’s excuse?!

 

Magolor: FOR GOD’S SAKES SOMEONE STOP HIM

Magolor: Wait, what was that sound?

 

Meta Knight silenced Magolor for ten minutes

 

Meta Knight silenced Dedede for thirty minutes

 

Meta Knight silenced Taranza for thirty minutes

 

Meta Knight silenced Rick for thirty minutes

 

Meta Knight: And I don’t need to silence Meta, but I should clear things up

 

Meta Knight changed nickname to “Kirby on Meta’s Phone”

 

Kirby on Meta’s Phone added Daroach to the server

 

Kirby on Meta’s Phone: Do you have something to say?

 

Daroach: ...I’m sorry for taking your spear, Bandana.

Daroach: You should be able to recall it now.

 

SadBWD: :O

 

Coo: Ah.

Coo: How did none of us figure that out?

 

Kirby: Sorry I wasn’t here to stop the fighting earlier.

Kirby: I had to actually find and stop Daroach.

Kirby: Apparently, he’s been stealing some weapons from Waddle Dees recently

Kirby: And supposedly he mistook Bandana for a standard Spear Dee.

 

SadBWD: I mean, it’s also not great to be stealing from them

 

Kirby: I know, and I’m gonna be talking with him and the other Squeaks about that.

Kirby: Also,

Kirby: @Taranza @Rick @Dedede

Kirby: I just wanna say, I’m really disappointed in you.

Kirby: One thing went wrong, and rather than thinking logically, you immediately went after each other.

Kirby: That isn’t okay, and it’s not how we need to work to keep this planet safe.

Kirby: And it’s especially a jerk move to fight like that on Bandana’s birthday, while they’re the one who’s been hurt.

Kirby: Hopefully this should serve as a warning for how dangerous fighting like this can be.

Kirby: Also, Magolor, I’m sorry I silenced you, I just needed to calm things down, I know you weren’t accusing anyone.

 

Kirby on Meta’s Phone unsilenced Magolor

 

Magolor: No problem

Magolor: You all should have seen Kirby stop Meta Knight.

Magolor: I didn’t think the little puff was capable of something like that.

 

SadBWD: To be fair, he did kick your butt and the Master Crown’s.

 

Magolor: Fair enough.

 

Susie: While watching this was definitely more emotionally draining than I was expecting

Susie: I will say

Susie: It’s funny that this is the closest this chat has come to serving its intended purpose.

 

Kirby: ...you’re not wrong.

 

Coo: ...did you steal Meta Knight’s phone?

 

Kirby: Yes, and considering he was the only one trying to kill someone, he’s not getting it back for a while.

 

Gooey: Do you need me to come get him?

 

Kirby: I think that might be for the best.

 

Gooey: I’ll take him to the Halberd for now.

Gooey: ...did

Gooey: Did you force a Noddy’s cap on him?

 

Kirby: I had a hunch

Kirby: And I was right.

 

---

 

14:31 GST

 

Dedede: ahem

Dedede: I would like to say

Dedede: @Taranza

Dedede: I’m sorry for going after you

Dedede: While I don’t want to take, all the blame for what happened

Dedede: I’m still the first of the three of us to point fingers

Dedede: And I had no good reason to do so.

 

Taranza: It’s all good.

Taranza: I get this was probably stressful.

 

Coo: Yes, I imagine I’d react rather similarly if one of my children was robbed.

 

OkayBWD: :blush:

 

Rick: Wait

Rick: Coo?

 

Coo: Yes?

 

Rick: You have kids?

 

Coo: ...Rick, how long have we known each other?

 

Kine: Oh jeez, I remember those custody hearings.

Kine: Coo, has your ex been troubling you any recently? Mine and I have been wondering.

 

Coo: Nah, Poo’s been quiet.

 

Rick: YOUR EX WIFE IS NAMED POO?!

 

Coo: Well, Pujamanda, but she goes by Poo

 

Susie silenced Rick for five minutes

 

Susie: Down boy.

 

---

 

17:01 GST

 

Magolor: Okay, everyone who’s at the park, come on over to the diner in Apricot Atrium. We’ve got one last stop on this party train!

 

HappyBWD: :o

 

Magolor: And I’m gagging Kirby until at least half the cake is gone.

 

HappyBWD: :O

 

Daroach: Word of warning, Mags: keeping Kirby away from cake is a dangerous game.

 

Kirby: To be fair, I will get to have some AFTER everyone else gets a slice.

 

Ado: Well, okay, I doubt everyone else is gonna get a slice if it’s only half the cake.

Ado: There are a lot of us here.

 

Magolor: Well...we’ll see.

 

---

 

18:24

 

Dedede: @Susie

Dedede: We, uh, may need your help

 

Susie: Why? Did something break? Is someone in trouble?

 

Dedede: No, just, uh

 

Dedede sent an image to chat

 

Susie: Oh my god?

 

Gooey: Is that

Gooey: Is that all cake?

 

Magolor: Well, to be fair, the Crown and Zero are basically pure fondant.

Magolor: But otherwise, yeah, it’s all the cake.

 

Susie: Ado looks like they’re about to scream in that picture

 

Dedede: They did.

Dedede: To be fair, so did Bandana, and Rick.

 

Magolor: Kirby probably did too, but he was gagged before we showed him the cake.

 

Kirby: I’m going to eat all of you if you don’t ungag me right freaking now.

 

Susie: Ah.

Susie: That’s why you need help with it.

 

Kirby: We’ve been here for an hour, and they’ve barely eaten a third of it.

Kirby: But they still won’t free me until “half” is gone.

 

Ado: And we definitely need more mouths, because I don’t think I can eat any more.

 

Gooey: Wimp.

 

Ado: I HAD TWELVE SLICES

 

Kirby: Gooey, you and Meta Knight can come, just please

 

Gooey: Are you sure? I don’t know if, like, Magolor would be okay with that.

 

Magolor: Honestly, I think I seriously overestimated how much everyone could eat BECAUSE of you three.

Magolor: Besides, he’s not, like, banned.

Magolor: He’d probably kill me extra hard if I tried.

 

Gooey: Alright. cracks imaginary knuckles Let’s do this.

Gooey: Oh, that’s how you do slanted text.

 

Meta Knight changed nickname back to default

 

Meta Knight: Don’t worry. Between Gooey and myself, the cake shall not survive.

 

Magolor: Its? Not alive?

 

Meta Knight: You understand what I mean.

 

Susie: Okay, I’m gonna warp down there, and grab a slice or two before we figure out what murdering a cake entails.

 

Magolor: Oh dear.

 

---

 

22:35 GST

 

Kirby: Did everyone get home safely?

 

Coo: Physically, yes.

Coo: Emotionally, I may never recover.

 

Kirby: Oh come on, I wasn’t that crazy!

Kirby: I only ate, like, a sixth of it!

 

Susie: It was less you, or even Gooey, and more

Susie: Meta Knight

 

Gooey: Oh, yeah, you didn’t expect that?

Gooey: Meta may not have the Matter hunger, but he’s definitely got some kind of hunger.

 

Kirby: I got at least half my consumption powers from the same place as him.

 

Meta Knight: Honestly, I don’t know if Astrals tend to have high metabolism or grand appetites.

Meta Knight: It might just be that, as an active knight, I burn more energy than most average beings, not to mention how infrequently I even remember to eat substantially.

 

Dedede: Or maybe you’re just a glutton.

 

Meta Knight: That is a distinct possibility.

 

Ado: I’d never even seen Meta Knight’s face before tonight.

Ado: Seeing what he looks like eating, was

Ado: Not a fun way to learn

 

Meta Knight: I apologize if the sight of my consumption disturbed any of you.

 

Daroach: Why does that feel like when I would apologize for stealing

Daroach: By saying “I’m sorry if you felt hurt by my actions”

 

Meta Knight: ...well I’m not sorry for eating.

 

Kirby: To be fair, Gooey was holding back

Kirby: When he’s fully letting go and eating, he’s a lot more disturbing to watch.

 

Gooey: I figured everyone else would appreciate if I, didn’t, get saliva all over the cake

 

Kirby: Meh, I still would have eaten it.

 

Susie: And now I’m going to have even more nightmares than usual.

 

Gooey: ;P

 

Susie: Oh I hate you having italics.

 

Gooey: suffer

 

HappyBWD: Birthday :)

Notes:

Random Kirby Headcanon: completely unrelated to this chapter, but based on the headcanon of Dreamlanders being literal dreams, Adeleine was the dream of an extremely young girl (or possibly enby girl) of being a famous artist. However, by the time she was around 10, she was partially mechanized, as this was right around when humankind began becoming full cyborgs. Also, Kirby and Gooey don’t have teeth, but Meta Knight does, and it’s part of what makes things so disturbing. Also also, Coo is divorced, which is why he didn’t have a companion in Dreamland 3.

Oh, and if you read this before and remember Merry Magoland being named something else, no you don't.

Chapter 5: Galactic Gallivant Pt 1

Summary:

Kirby: RIBBON
Kirby: YES YES A THOUSAND TIMES YES PLEASE I WANNA TALK TO RIBBON AGAIN

Susie: Oh Jesus I awoke the beast

Magolor: What’s Jesus?

Ado: I was taking a drink of water, for pete’s sake.

Notes:

A surprising amount of this chapter ended up revolving around Shipping content. If this isn’t what you’re interested in, you can skip basically this whole chapter after the 10:30 timestamp.

Pinned: Kirby sent an image to chat

 

Pinned: Kirby: Do you all see this? This is what we can’t let happen on here. Got it? Okay.

 

End pins

 

---

 

7:32 GST

 

Susie: Have I mentioned how much I hate having to pilot for long periods of time?

 

Ado: Jeez, how long have you been flying for?

 

Susie: Basically, since I got back to my ship from Bandana’s party, I’ve been flying non-stop.

 

Magolor: Holy cow, you’re flying the remains that far away?

 

Susie: Most of them, yes.

Susie: I left most of the data storage parts and, what I think is basically its “brain” on Mekkai, but everything else needs to be as far from any inhabited planets as possible.

Susie: I’m essentially going to the other side of the galaxy to get rid of this thing.

 

Ado: Are you sure that’s necessary? I mean, I’d think the whole “life hating supercomputer” brain would be more dangerous than just, like, some scrap from its body.

 

Susie: Unfortunately, not. The intelligence is hostile to organic life, but on its own, the worst it can do is spout antisocial sentiments, and even that is beyond its capabilities in its current state.

Susie: However, the body of a clockwork star isn’t just dangerous in scale, with even most of the broken pieces risking the possibility of a Chicxulub level impact should they collide with a planet.

 

Magolor: Chicxulub?

 

Susie: Galactic standards were, very human-centric, honestly.

 

Ado: I can’t remember much, but, I think that’s bad.

 

Susie: Very.

Susie: However, there’s also the risk of what might happen if life forms discover the technology which was once in Star Dream.

Susie: Not only is there danger of a potentially hostile force or entity gaining Ancient level technology and power, there’s a danger that they’ll find some way to reactivate Star Dream

 

Meta Knight: But wouldn’t the OS be necessary for such a task?

 

Susie: You’d think so, but unfortunately, it seems not.

Susie: Keep in mind, the Mother Computer was originally built without inherent operating system, just the general designs left behind by the Ancients.

Susie: Everything about it and the Access Ark was built by members of HWC, even if off of older instructions, and the intelligence should have been drawing primarily from human databases.

Susie: If some species finds the pieces to Star Dream and attempts to reconstruct it, even without the OS, they risk recreating it and putting themselves and the rest of the universe at risk.

Susie: Not to mention that, if they have the ability to even start repairing it, they probably aren’t far off from interstellar travel.

 

Meta Knight: Another reason you wish to take it so far away?

 

Susie: Bingo.

 

Ado: Correct me if I’m wrong, but, doesn’t humanity not even originate in this Galaxy?

 

Susie: You are technically right, but somehow I doubt I’d be able to get all the way back to the Milky Way without breaking down of old age first.

Susie: Approximately 90% of humanity has moved to the Gamble Galaxy at this point anyways.

 

Ado: Makes sense, considering even the Earth moved here.

 

Meta Knight: I’m surprised I haven’t come across more humans, if that’s true.

 

Susie: To be fair, you might have met some when you were too young to form proper memories.

 

Meta Knight: Oh, no, I remember my youth, and all of the humans I met back then.

 

Susie: ...okay, we can unpack that later.

Susie: For now, I’m approaching a

Susie: Um

Susie: Hmmm

 

Ado: Everything okay?

 

Susie: Yes, it’s fine, just

Susie: I’ve never seen a planetoid that looks like a, heart, before.

 

Magolor: Cartoony or realistic?

 

Susie: Oh, cartoony for sure. It even has dot eyes, and, a mouth?

 

Ado: Oh, that’s Ripple Star!

 

Bandanananana: :O

Bandanananana: Ribbon!!!

 

Ado: You should stop there for a while! It’d be cool!

 

Susie: I assume you know some of this planets natives, then.

Susie: Would you like similar cellular distribution for this planet as the Dream system?

 

Kirby: RIBBON

Kirby: YES YES A THOUSAND TIMES YES PLEASE I WANNA TALK TO RIBBON AGAIN

 

Susie: Oh Jesus I awoke the beast

 

Magolor: What’s Jesus?

 

Ado: I was taking a drink of water, for pete’s sake.

 

Susie: It’s, basically some old deity humanity used to worship a lot more commonly.

Susie: The mythology has mostly died out, but a lot of phrases relating to it are still prevalent in English.

 

Ado: Okay, I definitely was dreamed before it died out, because hearing you call it a “mythology” just did something to my brain.

 

Susie: To be fair, the terms “religion” and “mythology” are used pretty interchangeably here at HWC.

 

Meta Knight: Is there a particular reason for this?

 

Susie: Maybe I’ll explain another time.

Susie: For now, I need to figure out how to land here without either directly or indirectly destroying the planet.

 

---

 

10:30 GST

 

Susie: So, you didn’t mention the natives of this planet were ACTUAL FAIRIES

 

Ado: Oh, yeah

Ado: Surprise?

 

Dedede: You know, I always wanted to get back in contact with their Queen.

 

Bandanananana: She’s not into you, your majesty.

 

Dedede: WHAT?!

Dedede: I didn’t mean like that, you little twerp!

 

Bandanananana: Sure you didn’t, your highness.

 

Susie: Should I add her to this server?

 

Kirby: You’ve gotten the phones out?

 

Susie: To be fair, the fifty or so fairies who met me on landing helped a lot.

Susie: I’m currently at lunch with her and her, um,

Susie: Consort? Apprentice? Friend?

Susie: ...Lover?

 

Ado: I’d hope not, Kirby’d be heartbroken.

 

Kirby: Why would I be heartbroken?

 

Susie: Okay, I, think the girl is asking to be added. Is that okay?

 

Meta Knight: Sure.

 

Susie: Oh, now I get it.

 

Susie added Ribbon to the server

 

Kirby: !!!!!! :D :D :D

Kirby: RIBBON!

 

Ribbon: KIRBY!

Ribbon: AAAAAAAAAH!!!! <3 <3 <3

 

Susie: Um, I, opened a voice channel, if you two want to use okay they joined it before I could even send this message.

 

Ado: The rest of our team can join later, I, think they’re particularly excited to catch up.

 

Susie: I never thought I’d see a fairy fly, let alone so, fast

Susie: She must be really happy to talk to Kirby again.

 

Dedede: Heh, you have no idea.

Dedede: Those kids had the most obvious crush on each other

 

Susie: Well, without wishing to embarrass either of them

Susie: They’re both cute to each other.

 

Ado: Agreed.

 

---

 

10:34 GST

 

Bandana Waddle Dee began Direct Chat with Adeleine

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: So, still not going to tell anyone?

 

Adeleine: Waddle, I swear to god, if you tell her OR Kirby, I will find you

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Ado, you know you should tell SOMEONE about this.

 

Adeleine: Hey, you know!

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: And how many years did it take for you to tell me?

Bandana Waddle Dee: And only because I never stopped asking

 

Adeleine: Look, what do you want me to do?

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: I don’t know, maybe just tell her?

 

Adeleine: Waddle, buddy

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: What’s the harm in just saying something!?

 

Adeleine: I don’t know, maybe losing my friendship with her AND Kirby, all at once?!

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Oh please, do you really think either of them would stop being your friend over that?

Bandana Waddle Dee: I mean, did you see what Kirby said when you joked he’d be “heartbroken”?

 

Adeleine: Yes, and I also know Kirby was seemingly surprised by the fact we were talking about Ribbon.

Adeleine: Also, come on, do you really think Kirby knows what “lover” means in that context?

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Ado, he’s not an idiot.

 

Adeleine: Waddle, did you see how excited they were just to TALK to each other?

Adeleine: They clearly care so much about it each other

Adeleine: I’m not about to burst in and be like “hey, guys, I actually have a crush on Ribbon too, so now I’m a part of this!”

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: I’m not saying they don’t like each other, and I’m not saying you should “shoot your shot” or whatever

Bandana Waddle Dee: But I am saying that you’ve been thinking about this and dwelling on it for actual years, and your feelings are important enough to be expressed!

 

Adeleine: And I’m saying they aren’t.

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Ado, don’t even joke about that.

 

Adeleine: Bandana, drop it.

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: ...

 

---

 

11:20 GST

 

Ratck: Yo, Dedede, was Bandana serious about you wanting to shoot your shot with that fairy?

 

Dedede: Don’t like the phrasing there.

Dedede: Also, no, he wasn’t.

Dedede: I think I once made a joke about marrying her to technically be king of her planet, but that’s about it.

 

Rick: Okay, just wanted to see if we were looking at King Simpyde.

 

Dedede: Boo.

 

Susie: So you’re saying she’s available?

 

Meta Knight: Susie...

 

Susie: What? You got a problem with me wanting to get with a girl, homophobe?

 

Kirby: What’s a homophobe?

 

Susie: ...is this a Dreamland thing, or a Kirby thing?

 

Meta Knight: Kirby.

 

Ado: I can’t tell if you’re answering her question or trying to get his attention.

 

Meta Knight: Let’s call it both.

 

Kirby: What is it?

 

Meta Knight: A homophobe is, essentially, a person who dislikes or fears gay people and gay relationships.

 

Kirby: Ah.

Kirby: What does gay mean?

 

Bandanananana: Oh my stars.

 

Rick: Lol

 

Meta Knight: Kirby, please.

 

Kirby: What???

 

Dedede: I’mfreaking crying

 

Susie: Kirby unwoke moments

 

Coo: More unwoke then a Noddy with an anti-alien profile.

 

Kirby: Why am I being so bullied? ;-;

 

Ribbon: It’s okay, Kirby. They’re just amused.

 

Susie: Okay, I just showed the Queen what you asked, and she’s in hysterics

 

Rick: Did you show her that you were wanting to shoot your shot?

 

Bandanananana: Please, stop saying that.

 

Kirby: What is gay?!

 

Meta Knight: It’s when a man likes men, or a woman likes women.

 

Kirby: Oh! Like you and Dedede!

 

Meta Knight: ajsadfoanisigcaihomrgoiqhaermae

 

Susie: Not helping your case

 

Dedede: No, Kirby, he means, like, “romantically” likes

Dedede: Not just friends

 

Kirby: Oooohh.

 

Dedede: I mean, maybe Metty likes me like that.

Dedede: You know, when we first met, he came to me offering to do “anything” for me

 

Meta Knight: stoP

 

Dedede: He wanted to serve the throne, in any way he could

Dedede: And you wouldn’t believe how impassioned he was

 

Meta Knight: This is slander!

 

Susie: No, technically, it’s libel.

Susie: Me telling the Fairy Queen about Dedede’s undersized throne is slander.

 

Dedede: Really? You think going for undersized is the best you can slander me?

Dedede: I could come up with a million better ways to hurt my pride!

 

Susie: I don’t know, the idea of you being in hardcore denial about your size is funny to me.

 

Meta Knight: For the record, I never came to Dedede offering any kinds of services

Meta Knight: We met when he offered me assistance in sealing Nightmare

 

Susie: Oh, I know.

 

Kirby: Yeah, you’ve told me that story!

 

Ado: We all knew

Ado: Doesn’t change how clearly you want him

 

Meta Knight: I DESPISE HIM

 

Dedede: Aww, it’s cute how ya play hard to get

 

Meta Knight: I WILL DESTROY YOU AND YOUR KINGDOM

 

Kine: I believe the Japanese word is Tsundere?

 

Susie: bhjgghvh

 

Ribbon: I’ve missed this so much.

 

---

 

12:40 GST

 

Ribbon began Direct Chat with Adeleine

 

Ribbon: Hey, Ado! Sorry we didn’t get to talk much in the voice chat!

 

Adeleine: It’s fine, I knew what Dedede was like beforehand.

Adeleine: Uh, thanks for using the right name, btw.

 

Ribbon: Oh, of course! I didn’t want to be mean.

 

Adeleine: I’m still a little surprised you used the nickname from the groupchat.

 

Ribbon: Well, that’s how I knew you were using it currently

 

Adeleine: You actually remembered from back then?

 

Ribbon: Of course!

Ribbon: Travelling with you meant a lot to me, I could never have forgotten!

 

Adeleine: I mean, I wouldn’t have blamed you

Adeleine: Sometimes even my dopts forget.

 

Ribbon: Dopts?

 

Adeleine: The parents who raised me

 

Ribbon: Got it.

Ribbon: Well, I’m sorry that happens, but, I promise I’m not going to forget!

 

Adeleine: ...thanks, Ribbon.

 

Ribbon: No problem, Ado. <3

 

---

 

12:42 GST

 

Adeleine: Shit.

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Realizing I was right?

 

Adeleine: Shut up.

 

---

 

19:31 GST

 

Ribbon: And, Susie’s ship has left.

Ribbon: She’s asked us not to expect any messages from her for a while, since she’s going to try and get some sleep while her ship leaves the solar system.

 

Dedede: So, did she and the Queen end up hooking up?

 

Ribbon: Not yet, though they did trade numbers.

Ribbon: And knowing her, Susie’s gonna have a lot of messages when she wakes up anyways.

 

Meta Knight: Did you inspect the Star Dream wreckage to ensure none of it went missing during her stay?

 

Ribbon: Oh, the wreckage didn’t even touch down on the planet.

Ribbon: Susie left it in orbit around the planet, and she had drones watching it from pretty much every angle the whole time.

 

Magolor: You know, I’d say she’s being paranoid, but knowing what I do about the Ancients, and the Clockwork Stars, she’s really not.

 

Ribbon: She did leave us the coordinates to get to Popstar, though!

Ribbon: So now, if we want to visit, all we need is a good space craft!

 

Kirby: :D

 

Ribbon: :)

 

Daroach: ;3

 

Ribbon: ?

 

Daroach: ^

 

Dedede: Stop that, all of you

 

Ribbon: What does the up arrow mean?

 

Daroach is quoting a previous message

 

|       Those kids had the most obvious crush on each other

 

Dedede: Daroach!

 

Kirby: :blush:

 

Ribbon: W

Ribbon: Is that about

Ribbon: Oh jeez

 

Daroach: Hey, I’m just saying

 

Meta Knight: Daroach, that is uncalled for.

 

Daroach: Hey, I’m not the one who said it first.

 

Kirby: Who said that?

 

Daroach: Huh?

 

Kirby: Who sent that message?

 

Coo: Uh oh

 

Daroach: Suddenly I feel fear and regret

 

Kirby: If you don’t tell me, I’ll look for it myself.

 

Dedede: Come on, kid, it ain’t that big a deal.

 

Kirby: Found it.

 

Dedede: ...why do I hear boss music?

 

---

 

19:37 GST

 

Adeleine began Direct Chat with Kirby

 

Adeleine: Kirby, stay calm

 

Kirby: I’m calm.

 

Adeleine: Kirby, I know you, you don’t act like this when you’re calm.

 

Kirby: I just want to talk to Dedede, I swear.

 

Adeleine: Okay, I’m heading over.

Adeleine: Kirby, please, be reasonable.

Adeleine: Kirby, talk to me!

 

Kirby: Mm

 

Adeleine: Kirby?

 

Kirby: Bandana locked me in a closet.

 

Adeleine: Okay

Adeleine: Look, I understand why you might be upset, but you can’t just attack Dedede, okay?

Adeleine: Remember what you said during Waddle’s birthday?

 

Kirby: ...I know.

Kirby: I just,

Kirby: I don’t know, it’s really mean.

 

Adeleine: I know, but he wasn’t trying to be a jerk. He just wasn’t thinking things through all the way.

Adeleine: I think he forgot you and Ribbon could see the messages.

 

Kirby: Mmm

 

Adeleine: If you’re worried about the others embarrassing you about it, I promise, none of us would ever make fun of either of you.

 

Kirby: I know, I just

Kirby: Uggh

Kirby: I hate feeling like this

 

Adeleine: Angry, or embarrassed, or something else?

 

Kirby: I don’t even know.

Kirby: Like, he’s not even wrong, I know my crush was obvious, and I even knew about Ribbon’s, just

Kirby: Having him just say we had feelings like that, so suddenly, in front of everyone, it just makes me feel

Kirby: Uugghh.

 

Adeleine: I’m sorry.

 

Kirby: It’s not your fault.

Kirby: All you did was make a small joke about it.

 

Adeleine: You, saw that again, huh?

 

Kirby: Ado, it’s fine. It was honestly kind of a funny joke.

Kirby: Besides, I

Kirby: I can’t, fault you for being, snarky about it

 

Adeleine: What? Why? Why would you be okay with me being snarky?

Adeleine: Do you just think its okay for people to joke about? Clearly not.

Adeleine: Is it because we’re good friends, because if so, I’d think you and Dedede were that close by now

 

Kirby: Ado

Kirby: I, know you have feelings for Ribbon

 

Kirby: Ado?

 

Adeleine: Sorry

Adeleine: Just

Adeleine: You know, early, I joked with Waddle about you not knowing what “lovers” means

Adeleine: And they said “Ado, he’s not an idiot”

 

Kirby: To be fair, if this was after the “What does gay mean” thing, I’d understand why you’d think that

 

Adeleine: To be even fairer, you once asked me if my hair tasted good.

 

Kirby: You’re never going to let that go, are you?

 

Adeleine: ...I’m willing to forget it if we don’t go back to what you said earlier.

 

Kirby: Ado

 

Adeleine: Look, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I just

Adeleine: I don’t know, we met when I was learning about myself

Adeleine: And she was one of the first people I told about “Ado”

Adeleine: And she was so nice and accepting

 

Kirby: Ado, it’s okay

 

Adeleine: And when we left I got so sad

Adeleine: I’ll shut up

 

Kirby: No, you don’t have to shut up.

Kirby: Look, I don’t have a problem with you liking Ribbon

Kirby: I mean, did you dislike me for my crush on her?

 

Adeleine: No, but she actually likes you back

Adeleine: And I mean, you were so excited to talk to her, and all I could think about was my own dumb feelings

 

Kirby: They’re not dumb!

Kirby: I fully get why you’d be thinking about that, it’s a really big thing!

Kirby: I mean, through the whole time we started talking on Voice Chat, I was nervous about if she’d still like me, if I’d still like her, if I would do something dumb in front of her

Kirby: What kind of hypocrite would I be if I got upset about you doing the same thing?

 

Adeleine: ...again, because she likes you back.

 

Kirby: So? She might like you back too!

Kirby: Besides, I’m not even completely sure she still has feelings for me.

Kirby: I mean, it’s been years since we’ve even talked, I was honestly a little surprised I still had the feelings for her I did have.

Kirby: And it’s not like I have any real claim to her, we never actually dated or, what did Dedede call it?

 

Adeleine: Uh, I think, “hooking up” means something different

 

Kirby: I think it can mean both.

Kirby: Somehow I doubt Dedede asked Ribbon if Susie and the Queen slept together in a semi-public groupchat.

 

Adeleine: Okay, how the hell did you not know what Gay meant?

 

Kirby: ...honestly, I did.

 

Adeleine: Huh?

 

Kirby: Come on, Ado, do you honestly think I’m straight or naïve enough to not know what gay means?

Kirby: I’ve literally kissed Bandana, Meta, and Dedede on the mouth.

 

Adeleine: Yeah, but, your kisses can transfer healing magic. That’s utility.

 

Kirby: You’re not wrong.

 

Adeleine: Besides, why else would you ask what a homophobe was?

 

Kirby: Honestly, I was just making a joke about Susie accusing Meta of all people of being homophobic.

Kirby: Then everyone assumed I was dumb enough to not know what it meant, so I ran with it as far as I could.

 

Adeleine: ...you’re a lot smarter than people give you credit for, huh?

 

Kirby: I’ve grown up a lot over the years. I’m not so ignorant anymore.

Kirby: Honestly, the Dark Matter stuff was around when I started trying to be more observant and mature.

 

Adeleine: Because of the possessing stuff?

 

Kirby: Yeah.

Kirby: I’d love it if I could be childish and be like, “no, everyone has to explain stuff to me” or “no, everyone has to do exactly what I say”

Kirby: Or even “no, I’m the only one allowed to crush on them”

Kirby: But I honestly don’t want any of that.

 

Adeleine: ...you’re really cool, you know that, Kirbs?

 

Kirby: Do you mind if I come over to your place?

 

Adeleine: I’d love to see you.

 

Kirby: Hey, Ado?

 

Adeleine: Yeah?

 

Kirby: You’re a good person, you know that?

Kirby: <3

 

Adeleine: ... <3

Notes:

So, uh, would you believe me if I told you Ribbon joining the groupchat was meant to be, like, a very brief moment in this chapter? Yeah, the meat of this chapter was supposed to be what’s now going to be Part 2 of Galactic Galavant, and Ribbon joining was basically going to just be, like, a single chatlog. Then I actually started writing it and, this came out. This is, the most explicit ship content I think I’ve ever written, actually. I wouldn’t even consider myself a hardcore shipper of Ribbon/Adeleine OR Ribbon/Kirby, but, here we are, I guess? Yeah, I guess I just started writing, and thinking things through, and, this happened.

Also, I came up with the “What does gay mean” conversation much earlier, but I intended for it to be in a later chapter, and played much straighter (not that kind of straight). I don’t know, I just liked the idea of Susie’s “Is this a Dreamland thing or a Kirby thing”, and Dedede’s verging on NSFW story about Meta Knight.

So, uh, random Kirby headcanon: even though I’m not a big Kirby shipper, I figure the majority of the Kirby cast is in fact super queer. Also, because that one was a bit obvious, I also believe that in between Star Allies (and possible Kirby Fighters 2 if you count that as canon) and Forgotten Land, Kirby and Bandana Dee went through a break-up, and while Kirby is a firm believer in kissing the homies, it’s a bit too recent, so he’s just doing high fives with Bandana for the time being. Woohoo!

Chapter 6: Galactic Gallivant Pt 2

Summary:

Kirby: Susie.
Kirby: What does the body look like?

Susie: Hold on, I’m heading back through the wormhole
Susie: Okay, I have the wormhole base, so I can go back there if I need to.
Susie: @Kirby It looks, odd. It looks sort of like a Noddy, but, its hat is still on it, and, it’s not a Noddy cap.
Susie: It looks almost like your Mirror hat, honestly.

Kirby: Shit
Kirby: That’s Marx

Pinned: Kirby: Don’t make comments about other people’s feelings for each other, okay? Especially if they haven’t talked about it themselves, and especially especially if you’re going to make fun of them for it.

 

End pins

 

---

 

10:21 GST

 

Susie: Jeez, I miss all the craziest stuff when I’m drunk.

 

Ribbon: Did you get drunk at that luncheon?

 

Susie: Look, I’m half machine. I don’t handle alcohol well, and that’s not my fault.

 

Ribbon: How are those two in any way connected?

 

Susie: Shut

Susie: So what did I miss?

 

Rick: Kirby killed Dedede

 

Kine: RIP Dedede

 

Dedede: I lived birch.

 

Susie: Birch.

 

Dedede: I was referencing

Dedede: When Meta Knight

Dedede: Made that mistake for real.

 

Susie: Fair enough.

 

Meta Knight: You know, sometimes I disagree with Kirby that you’re “redeemed”.

 

Susie: Jealous that I’m so dang successful, aren’t you?

 

Meta Knight: Don’t you have a ship to pilot?

 

Susie: Oh, please, I’m an AU away from any actual matter at this point.

 

Ribbon: You only left 13 hours ago???

 

Susie: My ship can move at approximately 1% the speed of light, and I moved away from literally your whole system all night.

 

Meta Knight: Your vessel can reach a full percent of the speed of light?

 

Susie: Approximately. I believe technically, it moves at 0.009123226 times the speed of light without additional gravity boosts.

 

Meta Knight: That is still a remarkable speed, especially considering how long you’ve been traveling now.

 

Magolor: It’s still barely anything if you’re trying to reach the other side of the Galaxy. Even travelling at full light speed, you’d need about 20,000 years to get from Popstar to the opposite side of Gamble.

 

Susie: I’m aware, Magolor.

 

Ribbon: You aren’t leaving forever, are you?

 

Susie: Not intentionally. If I am, it’s because something goes wrong with my current strategy.

Susie: There’s an abandoned wormhole station only about 50 AU from Popstar.

 

Meta Knight: And you’ve been traveling for approximately ten days now.

 

Susie: Minus 14 hours I spent on Ripple Star.

Susie: With the few gravity boosts I’ve managed to get so far, I’d say I’ve managed to get about 74 hours of double speed, and I was able to go from standard speed to 0 back to standard without additional time loss.

 

Magolor: That still puts you only about halfway to your destination.

 

Susie: I’m well aware, Magolor.

Susie: God, I’m just glad I’m operating in Gamble.

Susie: Milky Way is so much more spread apart, even the solar systems were thousands upon thousands of AUs wide.

 

Meta Knight: To be fair, from what I’ve heard, the stars in that galaxy were also considerably bigger and noticeably stronger.

 

Susie: Yeah, the only star even close to the original Terran star that I’ve seen out here is the one Shiver Star orbits, and that one’s only orbited by that one planet.

Susie: It was at least useful as a gravity boost, though, so I wouldn’t mind more like it.

 

Kirby: Why not warp to the station?

 

Meta Knight: Ah, you’re awake.

 

Kirby: Yeah. Addy’s couch is comfy, but not that comfy.

 

Ribbon: You slept on Addy’s couch?

 

Ado: To be fair, so did I last night.

Ado: Oop

 

Ado changed nickname to “Addy”

 

Addy: That’s better

 

Kirby: My question still stands.

 

Susie: I wish I could warp there, but unfortunately, to do so I need exact galactic coordinates.

Susie: Like, if I wanna return to Popstar, or Ripple Star, I can do that super easily.

Susie: But at most, I have a general idea of where in the galaxy this station should be. If I warp there, and it’s shifted enough that I or something end up inside a solid piece, it could be disastrous.

Susie: Especially since it’s a wormhole station, I could risk ending up deep inside a wormhole that leads to a now hostile region.

Susie: I need to get the station up and running, map out the area nearby, do a survey of each wormhole, choose one to send the wreckage into, then, send it through.

Susie: Then get back before the wormhole closes, because I’ve heard horror stories about trying to warp over 1000 light years.

 

Kirby: How long will the wormhole stay open?

 

Susie: Depends on how much energy the station can use, and how big I need it to be to get the wreckage in.

Susie: Minimum, I can transfer the energy from my ship into it, and I should have a minute to launch the wreckage through.

Susie: Maximum, the station could sustain any wormhole for a good few hours when operating at full power.

 

Magolor: How long ago was it abandoned? And, why?

 

Susie: Sometime between Star Dream’s first activation and when I was hired a few years ago. As for why, my father’s records indicate that there were, disagreements between him and the rest of the Gamble Alliance when he began the mechanization project, and he ended up shutting it down so he would have basically free reign in this sector.

 

Addy: You know, it’s nice to know not all humans were as terrible as he was.

 

Susie: ...sure, let’s go with that.

 

Taranza: Concern.

 

Ribbon: Lots of concern.

 

Susie: You don’t even know what my dad did.

 

Ribbon: I mean, I’ve seen your company logo, and I’ve been to Shiver Star.

 

Susie: Okay, you sort of know what my dad did.

 

Kirby: I’m a little worried about how long this is going to be.

Kirby: And, also about another thing that used to be in our system.

 

Meta Knight: Luckily, the Nova drifted away years ago, and it was going fast enough, it should be long gone.

 

Susie: God, I forgot there was another one of these in your system at one point.

Susie: How thoroughly would you say it was destroyed?

 

Band: Well, I mean, he punched a hole in it with a demon.

Band: Then it exploded like it was going Supernova.

Band: So it’s definitely dead, at least.

 

Susie: A demon?

 

Kirby: It’s a long, and, disappointing story.

 

Susie: Oh my lord

 

Kirby: What, what is it?

 

Susie: Okay, so, you know how I said there weren’t a lot of big stars in this sector?

 

Susie sent an image to chat

 

Susie: That’s roughly two AUs away.

 

Magolor: Holy crap, that’s gonna be one hell of a gravity boost if you can swing it.

 

Susie: I just need to be careful, because I do not want to get too close to that.

 

Kirby: Be careful, Susie! Stay safe!

 

Susie: I’m going to need to focus for, maybe the rest of the day. Wish me luck.

 

Ribbon: Good luck, Susie!

 

Kirby: Good luck >-<

 

Meta Knight: Best of luck.

 

Magolor: Stay safe, space girl.

 

Band: You can do this, Suse!

 

Dedede: What they said.

 

Ado: Here’s hoping it goes well.

 

---

 

20:21 GST

 

Ratck: No, I’m not a literal rat, I’m a hamster.

 

Daroach: So? I’m pretty sure Doc’s a hamster too.

 

Dedede: Again, why are you two talking about this HERE?!

 

Susie: OH MY GOD

 

Kirby: Susie! Are you okay, is everything alright?!

 

Susie: Okay!

Susie: So!

Susie: I figured out why that star was so big for this system!

Susie: It was freaking collapsing!!!

 

Ribbon: Wait, why would it collapsing make it bigger?

 

Meta Knight: Oh no.

 

Magolor: Oh, god, please tell me nothing got Spaghettified.

 

Susie: No, both thankfully and unfortunately. If I had enough time to establish a stable orbit, dropping the wreckage into a black hole would have been a great option. Unfortunately, I only realized how close it was to that while still trying the standard slingshot.

Susie: Luckily, it’s pull didn’t increase enough to pull me in, so I was able to escape.

Susie: But, to give you an idea how close it was, my system clock is saying it’s only been 5 hours since I reported the star.

 

Meta Knight: Oh that’s not good.

 

Ribbon: Wait, I’m sorry, you tried to get a slingshot off a BLACK HOLE?!

 

Susie: Oh, I didn’t try, I succeeded.

Susie: I just barely managed to slow down to standard speed, but I’m only a couple hours out from the Wormhole station.

Susie: I just cut down almost two weeks with that maneuver.

 

Magolor: That’s good at least.

 

Susie: Only 10 hours between sight and ending the maneuver, definitely, impressive.

 

Meta Knight: ...um.

 

Susie: Oh god, what now.

 

Magolor: Yeah, no, you told us about the star yesterday.

 

Kirby: I don’t think our wishes for good luck worked. ._.

 

Susie: ...I should be horrified at how close I came to death, but I’m more shocked that Rick kept the same nickname for more than 24 hours.

 

Ratck: I’m a useful compass, except when I’m not.

 

Susie: Excuse me for a moment, I just realized how much I need to throw up.

 

---

 

8:00 GST

 

Susie: Okay, I am officially announcing, the Dream Sector Wormhole Station is operational, currently at 24% operational capacity. The current Galactic Coordinates will be added to the official warp-dex, and communications will be reopened with the Gamble Alliance soon.

 

Kirby: :D

 

Addy: It’s nice to hear that things are going well! Have you figured out where the wreckage is going to go?

 

Susie: Not yet, I’ve investigated a few potential locations, but all of them are too close to inhabited planets.

Susie: I was honestly going to wait to report until after I had deposited it, but I’m just about to investigate my 14^th still viable wormhole, and it was turning near the hour.

 

Meta Knight: Are you investigating manually?

 

Susie: Unfortunately, I kind of have to. The only info the station gets automatically is if the other side of the hole is free of matter and outside of active gravitational pull.

Susie: Oh my god

 

Kirby: What is it?

 

Susie: I went through the wormhole, and

Susie: There’s what looks like a planet’s worth of scrap here

Susie: There’s not even a single planet in 100 AUs, how did this get here?

Susie: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

Susie: SOMEONE’S HERE

 

Kirby: WHAT?!

 

Susie: I’M BRINGING THE BODY ONTO MY SHIP

 

Kirby: WHO WOULD BE THAT FAR OUT!?

 

Meta Knight: Alright, both of you, calm down.

Meta Knight: It’s likely just whoever was onboard whatever station was wrecked there.

 

Susie: That’s the thing though, a. It didn’t look like a station, b. this was the only creature there, and c.

Susie: Holy shit.

Susie: This is a Dreamlander.

 

Kirby: Where are you in relation to Popstar, and in relation to the Wormhole station?

 

Susie: I need to go back through to the station soon, but, my ship is saying we’re almost 10,000 light years away.

Susie: I don’t understand, the wreckage looks almost similar to the Access Ark’s, but, it seems so much more destroyed, and, older.

 

Meta Knight: ...is it a Clockwork star?

 

Susie: I don’t know, I can’t see a face, but it might just be broken apart too much.

 

Kirby: Susie.

Kirby: What does the body look like?

 

Susie: Hold on, I’m heading back through the wormhole

Susie: Okay, I have the wormhole base, so I can go back there if I need to.

Susie: @Kirby It looks, odd. It looks sort of like a Noddy, but, its hat is still on it, and, it’s not a Noddy cap.

Susie: It looks almost like your Mirror hat, honestly.

 

Kirby: Shit

Kirby: That’s Marx

 

---

 

10:23 GST

 

Addy: Did it work alright?

 

Kirby: Yeah, we touched down inside the wormhole station.

 

Meta Knight: This is troubling.

 

Magolor: Okay, so

Magolor: I already told Meta, Kirby, and Susie about this, but

Magolor: I’ve met Marx.

 

Band: What?

Band: How? He died years before you showed up!

 

Magolor: I don’t know, it doesn’t make any sense, but

Magolor: He was in Another Dimension, and he looked

Magolor: Different, but it was definitely him

 

Meta Knight: We have theories about it, but the short version is that we believe Marx’s soul was severed from his body somehow.

Meta Knight: Which, might also explain his, current state.

 

Meta Knight sent an image to chat

 

Taranza: I’m surprised you made a gif under these circumstances.

 

Susie: That’s a photo.

Susie: It should be a motionless png.

 

Daroach: Why do I feel the same looking at this as I did when I was possessed by Dark Nebula?

 

Dedede: I know what you mean, this isn’t just some optical illusion.

Dedede: This is actively affecting my thoughts.

 

Kirby: ...that might not be far off.

 

Coo: You know, I’ve always wondered how Marx could have died since he was a Dreamlander.

Coo: I imagined it was because his wish made him something other than a Dreamlander, but I always was confused why a wish to be more powerful would deactivate his immortality.

 

Kirby: But what if it didn’t?

Kirby: What if he’s still alive, but, something went wrong?

Kirby: I have an idea.

 

Ribbon: ...and what is it?

 

Meta Knight: He’s tried to tell us some of it, and

Meta Knight: Now he’s gone, inside Marx?

 

Gooey: Oh, that makes sense.

 

Ricky Rat: IT DOES?!

 

Gooey: I mean, Kirby has gone inside things before, and did weird, Astral things in there.

Gooey: I think he did something like that with Nova, even.

 

Kirby: ˆæµ ßø®®¥ ˆ çø¨¬∂˜æ† ´≈π¬åˆ˜ ∫´††´®≤ ˆ ∑åß ∑ø®®ˆ´∂ ˙ø∑ ¬ø˜© ˆæ∂ ˙å√´⁄

 

Addy: Uh

 

Susie: Okay, so, that’s corrupted.

 

Kirby invited Âå®≈

 

Âå®≈: WHERE THE FUCK AM I?!?!

 

Susie: What the hell?!?!

 

Kirby: ¨˙ ø˙≤ †˙å†æß ˜ø† ∑˙冠ˆ ∑嘆´∂ †ø ∂ø≥

 

Âå®≈: ALL I CAN SEE IS CODE

Âå®≈: BUT I HEAR ALL THESE VOICES

Âå®≈: KIRBY PLEASE I’M SO SORRY

 

Kirby: ˆ ç嘠ƒˆ≈ †˙ˆß⁄ ˆ ç嘠ƒˆ≈ †˙ˆß⁄

 

Âå®≈ left the server

 

Meta Knight: Okay, so

Meta Knight: Kirby just flew out of his mouth.

Meta Knight: And now he’s, alive?

Meta Knight: And screaming?

 

Kine: You know what, that makes sense.

Kine: If Kirby reunited my soul with my body by commiting reverse vore, I’d scream too, even if my soul wasn’t shoved into a chat client first.

 

Susie: I’m sorry, what?

 

Kine: Well what else could that have been?

Kine: The weird thing was clearly inside the application, given what it said, and it both apologized to Kirby and had a four letter name.

Kine: Clearly Marx ended up inside the chat somehow, and probably just his soul.

 

Magolor: And somehow you couldn’t recognize a force purifier for a river.

 

Kine: Shut up, attempted murderer.

 

---

 

13:51 GST

 

Kirby began Direct Chat with Meta Knight

 

Kirby: Okay, we’ve got an all-clear.

 

Meta Knight: That’s good, at least. I did not want a sudden Code I.

 

Kirby: I was surprised how willing he was to form a truce. I really do hope this isn’t another case of him trying to trick me.

 

Meta Knight: I’d hope you’re smart enough he wouldn’t be able to trick you like that again.

Meta Knight: I suppose part of it may have to do with you helping reunite his soul and his body, plus his knowledge that you are more than strong enough to stop him should he act up again.

 

Kirby: Maybe

Kirby: ...do you remember Shadow Kirby?

 

Meta Knight: Ah, yes, your odd ally from the Mirror World.

Meta Knight: It is a shame we lost contact after the Mirror was lost.

 

Kirby: Yeah, but

Kirby: We know where it is now, right?

 

Meta Knight: I don’t think I like this train of logic.

 

Kirby: If we can put it back together, we could regain contact between our worlds.

 

Meta Knight: Kirby, need I remind you why Dedede shattered the mirror?

 

Kirby: And do you really think it’s okay to abandon Shadow Kirby in there?

Kirby: I mean, Shadow is basically just me but slightly less powerful.

Kirby: Would you be happy abandoning me in the Mirror World if you knew there was a chance you could find me again?

 

Meta Knight: ...

Meta Knight: You’re going to do this whether I help you or not, aren’t you?

 

Kirby: Probably.

 

Meta Knight: Alright, fine.

Meta Knight: Let’s do this.

 

---

 

15:31 GST

 

Kirby invited Marx

 

Marx: What’s up, fuckers?

Notes:

Random Kirby Headcanon: most of the games in Super Star and Super Star Ultra happened, but not necessarily all at the same time. Spring Breeze is, very much, just a retelling of Kirby’s Dreamland, so it either took place in place of that game, or not at all. Gourmet Race is something I assume Kirby and Dedede do fairly often, honestly, but probably first between Dreamland and Adventure. Dyna Blade takes place between Adventure and Dreamland 2, after Kirby had gained renown as a defender of Dreamland but before he became a big-time hero. The Great Cave Offensive may take place any time between Adventure and Crystal Shards. Revenge of Meta Knight takes place between Dreamland 3 and Crystal Shards, and Revenge of the King takes place shortly after Crystal Shards. Finally, Milky Way Wishes takes place in between Dreamland 2 and Dreamland 3, when the game was released, and in between Dark Matter’s first and second attack on Popstar.

Chapter 7: Obligatory "Marx Attempts To Ruin A Group Chat" Reference

Summary:

Addy: Hey, be careful, you don’t know if I’m Catholic or not.

Marx: What the fuck is a Catholic?

Rat Bastard: Catho-lick my balls.

Marx: Meh, 2/10. Poor execution, even by pun standards.

Coo: You two are a blight on society alone, and you’re even worse together.

Notes:

Takes place at the same time as my fic “Kirby and the Broken Mirror”, so if you want context, go check out that story.

Pinned: Meta Knight: The following list should serve to identify potential emergencies that may need addressing:

Code A: Two important Popstar Entities in conflict

Code B: Malicious actions by an important Popstar Entity

Code C: Arrival of an unknown, external entity

Code D: Minor malicious actions by external entity

Code E: Invasion by an external group/entity

Code F: Capture of a Dream Defender by external group/entity

Code G: Mass destruction/effects on Planet Popstar

Code H: Mass destruction/effects to multiple planets

Code I: Appearance of a known Stellar Level Threat

 

Pinned: Meta Knight: Code Z: Dark Matter related events

 

End pins

 

---

 

10:21 GST

 

Kirby: So, uh, I’m going to go explore the Mirror World! Take care of Popstar while I’m away, and Meta Knight will message you if something bad comes out with me! Bye!

 

Susie: I’m sorry, WHAT

 

Ribbon: Kirby?!

 

Addy: Oh for the love of god

 

Taranza: WHAT DO YOU MEAN IF SOMETHING BAD COMES OUT?!

 

Marx: Wow, I’ve only been back for like, a week, and he’s already running away to another universe.

 

Dedede: THAT’S WHY YOU WANTED IT PUT BACK TOGETHER?!

 

Bandana: Kirby, I swear to god, if you die in a completely different dimension

 

Meta Knight silenced all users for one hour

 

Meta Knight: I’m monitoring the mirror for as long as Kirby is inside, with Galaxia close at hand. He’ll have the Master Blade, and he still has his smart phone, so if there’s an emergency, he can let us know.

Meta Knight: We aren’t dealing with any kind of emergency here, Kirby just misses his mirror world counterpart.

Meta Knight: Now I’ll give all of you time to calm down.

 

Marx reacted with :thumbsup:

 

Meta Knight: God I regret your resurrection.

 

---

 

11:22 GST

 

Marx: Bitch

 

Dedede: Language.

 

Marx: Ribbon, how old are you?

 

Ribbon: Uh, I’m, not actually sure?

Ribbon: I’ve definitely been alive for at least 15 years.

 

Marx: So the youngest person here is at least 15, possibly 25.

Marx: I’m gonna say whatever the fuck I want.

 

Ricky Ticky Tavy changed nickname to “Rat Bastard”

 

Rat Bastard: With that boundary broken; Ribbon, how the fuck

 

Ribbon: Listen

Ribbon: Not every planet uses the whole “Galactic Standard” thing.

Ribbon: Plus, I’m not even sure how our life cycles compare.

 

Susie: I mean, I could always figure out if I had a small genetic sample.

 

Ribbon: I’m not gonna let you clone my blood.

Ribbon: Try that on the queen if you really need to.

 

Susie: Fair enough.

Susie: While I can’t tell biological maturity differences between species, I did at least jot down the difference between your solar cycles and GST years.

Susie: It’s a bit tricky to quantify, but roughly 5 cycles for Ripple Star equates to approximately 8 years.

 

Ribbon: Okay, so, I was 10 cycles old when I first went to Dreamland, so 16 years old, and it’s been 5 years since then, correct?

 

Addy: Wait, you’re 21?

 

Susie: Explains the Queen giving you wine, I suppose.

 

Marx: Permission to tease you about the mutual crush, Ribbon?

 

Ribbon: Please don’t be too mean ><

 

Marx: I mean, you’re the cradle snatcher here. Wasn’t Kirby, like, 12 when you two met?

Marx: @Meta Knight

 

Meta Knight: Technically, yes. We arrived on Popstar roughly a Galactic Year following his creation, and he’s spent seventeen years growing since then. However, during transit, he was effectively in stasis, meaning biologically, he is only 17 years old.

 

Marx: I mean, hey, if he’s 17 and a half, Ribbon would still be safe, right?

Marx: Also, new Lore? :eyes:

 

Meta Knight: None of this information is beyond your ability to discover from other sources, Jester.

 

Ribbon: I have no idea what you’re all talking about, but I think Marx was saying I was creepy?

 

Marx: Eh, age differences can be weird for some people, but I mean, I can’t judge

Marx: I tried to take over the galaxy, kill Kirby, and later convince a random alien to finish the job.

Marx: Who gives a shit if you’re, like, four years older than your boy toy?

 

Ribbon: ><

 

Rat Bastard: My question is, why did Meta Knight have a frozen baby on his spaceship?

 

Meta Knight: I don’t know, Rick, why does Pick have her own bed in your house?

 

Kine: Dang, roasted

 

Marx: Fight, fight, fight, fight

 

Rat Bastard: You wanna go, you blue zorro wannabe?

 

Meta Knight: At the moment, I’d enjoy nothing more than annihilating you in battle.

 

Addy: Yeah, sure is boring being kept on the sidelines while someone else is having an adventure.

Addy: Sucks, doesn’t it?

 

Bandana: We already said we’re sorry! We would have loved to have you on the journeys!

 

Magolor: To be fair, I might have objected

 

Addy: That’s because you’re a prick.

 

Magolor: No, I’m a Halcandran.

 

Meta Knight: I still can’t believe you’re actually from Halcandra. It’s quite surreal.

 

Magolor: Oh, yeah, you’re one of the Astrals

Magolor: It’s so weird that my home world is technically a major part of that religion.

 

Susie: Ah, yes, the Astral mythology, I’ve studied it a fair amount.

 

Meta Knight: I can see why, considering what you’ve told us of your past.

 

Susie: I must admit, I do think more of it is simple superstition than most give it credit for.

 

Marx: Holy shit, bold thing to say about someone’s whole religion.

 

Meta Knight: I am curious what makes you say that.

 

Susie: It’s just, certain leaps in logic even magic can’t quite account for.

Susie: Like, how they discuss Void.

Susie: Even aside from the whole Void Initia and Void Termina debate, a lot of the things the Astral Mythology says about Void don’t really have strong evidence.

Susie: The whole “void before existence given sentience” thing in particular is kind of ridiculous?

Susie: Like, the name “Void” does have its origins in the Halcandran word for “Nothing”, but most scholars agree that was because of its destructive tendencies, not because it was literally nothing.

Susie: Like, you can’t battle a literal absence of matter, right?

 

Meta Knight: I see what you mean. I believe it is generally accepted that the story of the “original void” is more meant as an allegorical telling of its origins, since no other observers existed that we know of, when it was first born.

 

Susie: That’s fair enough. To be honest, most mythologies do have trouble with the question of “where did the original creator come from”, and the “spontanteous creation” theory is certainly more reasonable than just saying “God always existed, don’t question it”.

 

Addy: Hey, be careful, you don’t know if I’m Catholic or not.

 

Marx: What the fuck is a Catholic?

 

Rat Bastard: Catho-lick my balls.

 

Marx: Meh, 2/10. Poor execution, even by pun standards.

 

Coo: You two are a blight on society alone, and you’re even worse together.

 

Meta Knight: To be honest, Susie, I figured you’d point out the issues with the, Galacta Knight worship.

 

Taranza: Well, considering your friends have talked about you dueling him, you probably didn’t need that lecture.

 

Meta Knight: Fair enough.

 

Susie: I also kind of understand how that idolization began, to be honest.

Susie: I mean, even if he WASN’T the leader of the Old Heroes, he was definitely a powerful one, and he was the one who settled in this universe.

Susie: Besides, it makes sense why Astrals would worship the original Astral.

 

Meta Knight: To be fair, it isn’t just Astrals who worshipped him.

 

Susie: ...true.

 

---

 

12:23 GST

 

Susie began Direct Chat with Meta Knight

 

Susie: I have a personal question for you.

 

Meta Knight: Do you believe I would answer it?

 

Susie: I like to think we’ve come a long way in the past couple months.

 

Meta Knight: Don’t misunderstand me. I may not be actively pursuing you, but this in no way means I trust you.

Meta Knight: The only reason I allow you access to our resources is because of Kirby and Adeleine. Were it fully up to me, you would be barred from even returning to this system.

 

Susie: I understand. It hurts, but I understand.

Susie: I want to try and help, and I also want to learn more about our world.

Susie: I believe these two goals to be aligned, in at least one way.

 

Meta Knight: What is your question?

 

Susie: Where exactly did you and Kirby come from?

Susie: I know this is a big ask, but

Susie: I feel like it’s better if we understand what happened.

 

Meta Knight: Why do you want to know?

 

Susie: Partially just scientific curiosity.

Susie: Astrals are exceedingly rare to find, and most are millenia old.

Susie: Two on the same planet, both under a century in age? That’s noteworthy.

Susie: There’s also the few hints that you have given us.

Susie: I mean, I’m going to be honest; the fact you knew actual humans in your youth both intrigues and terrifies me.

Susie: And, then, theres, the sword.

 

Meta Knight: Galaxia?

 

Susie: It’s, a small thing, and it might not mean anything.

Susie: But I have a memory of seeing an image of that sword as a little girl, before I even received my third implant.

Susie: And I’ve never been able to find any mention of it anywhere else.

Susie: I don’t know why, but, it makes me feel like there’s some connection between myself and your past.

Susie: And that’s, a terrifying thought.

 

Meta Knight: ...give me time to think.

Meta Knight: If I decide to let you know anything, I will tell you so.

 

Susie: Thank you.

 

Meta Knight ended Direct Chat

 

---

 

12:37 GST

 

Marx: It’s absolutely an afterlife! Don’t you try to gaslight me, space boy!

 

Magolor: Look, just because your supposed “soul” ended up there doesn’t mean any other ones ever would!

Magolor: You are an outliar, and you do not count!

 

Marx: I’ll show you who doesn’t count!

 

Susie: It’s sort of one.

 

Marx: Huh?

 

Magolor: Pardon?

 

Susie: It’s sort of an afterlife.

Susie: Souls can’t be destroyed, so if a being with a particularly powerful soul dies, the soul has to go somewhere.

Susie: Most souls stay in the body after death, or if the body is completely destroyed, it seems to be channeled across space to a currently unknown destination.

Susie: But if a soul is strong enough, has enough power, it will instead be forcefully ejected by the body, and in most cases, it ends up going to Another Dimension.

 

Magolor: How do you know that much about this?

 

Susie: One part the study of souls for cloning, and one part twenty years spent traversing the dimension as a child and young woman.

 

Taranza: Cloning? Haltmann does that?

 

Susie: Technically, we did that, since we haven’t cloned a being since the Star Dream incident.

Susie: We still have most of the genetic samples, though, including those taken from Popstar.

 

Dedede: You still have my DNA?

 

Susie: It’s important for data preservation, I promise.

 

Addy: What kind of other samples do you have, anyways? Like, fifty different colors of Waddle Dee?

 

Susie: We do have Dee DNA, as well as most Dreamlander subspecies.

Susie: We also collected more, exoctic samples, however.

 

Coo: Define exotic.

 

Meta Knight: As something of a peace offering, she gave us the sample of Dark Matter DNA the company discovered here.

 

Susie: And it was promptly destroyed.

Susie: Can’t say I blame you.

Susie: Beyond that, various powerful entities, bizarre Fauna, and a few odd Flora. I think the other most powerful sample collected was the wasp.

 

Taranza: Wasp?

 

Susie: Not a literal wasp. It seems to primarily be Floralian in origin, but it’s, odd.

Susie: It almost seems like the DNA was corrupted, but, when a clone is generated, it creates a functional being.

 

Taranza: Susie, what does the clone look like?

 

Susie: Let me pull up the photos real quick

 

---

 

12:43 GST

 

Taranza began Direct Chat with Susie

 

Taranza: Don’t share the picture in the group chat.

Taranza: Please.

 

Susie: Okay? Do you still want to see it?

 

Taranza: Yes.

 

Susie sent an image to chat

 

Taranza: Fuck.

Taranza: That’s Sectonia.

 

Susie: Oh shit.

Susie: I’m sorry, Taranza.

 

Taranza: I don’t know what to do with this.

Taranza: Is it possible to uncorrupt the DNA?

 

Susie: Technically, yes. All we’d need is a clean genetic sample from another member of her subspecies, preferably a very similar member, and we could return the DNA to it’s original form.

Susie: But we can’t clone her.

 

Taranza: What do you mean? I thought your cloning thing could recreate her.

 

Susie: It can recreate her body, and with the current genetic samples, some pieces of muscle memory.

Susie: But our devices are nowhere near strong enough to clone a soul, and even if we could, we’d need more than just tissue samples.

 

Taranza: So this is just another waste of time

 

Susie: Taranza, look

Susie: If I could bring back the dead, you know I would.

Susie: I miss my Dad every single day, and I have his full genetic makeup on file.

Susie: But it still wouldn’t be him, and no matter how much I fix her DNA, it still wouldn’t be Sectonia.

Susie: At least, not the one you knew.

Susie: At best, I could make a juvenile copy of her with no memories and a fresh soul, but I don’t think that’s what you want, is it?

 

Taranza: ...no.

 

Susie: I promise, if we can find a way to bring her back, I will.

Susie: If we can find her soul, we might have a chance, but, it’s a long shot.

 

Taranza: It would probably be in Another Dimension, wouldn’t it?

 

Susie: From what I’ve been told of her story, I would imagine so.

Susie: If we have a chance to go in and actually make any significant progress into the Dimension, we could look for her.

Susie: Though I can’t guarantee I wouldn’t be focused on finding out if my father’s soul is in there.

 

Taranza: Understandable.

Taranza: I’m sorry for taking your time with this.

 

Susie: No problem, Taranza.

 

---

 

17:53 GST

 

Taranza: @Meta Knight

Taranza: What was that explosion in Old Odyssey?

 

Meta Knight: Kirby’s back.

Notes:

Random Kirby Headcanon: During her time in Another Dimension, Susie thought for many years that she was actually dead, due to the surreal nature of the world, plus, in this fic, the fact that Another Dimension holds some powerful souls. Also, yes, Soul of Sectonia and Star Dream Soul OS exist in Another Dimension, and I may touch on that at some point.

Chapter 8: Mirror Mates

Summary:

Susie changed Shadow Kirby’s nickname to “Shadow”

Susie changed Dark Meta Knight’s nickname to “DMK”

Marxy poo changed Shadow’s nickname to “Sonic”

Sonic: I love it.

Pinned: Marxy poo: Unga Bunga

 

End pins

 

---

 

11:21 GST

 

Kirby invited Shadow Kirby

 

Kirby invited Dark Meta Knight

 

Dark Meta Knight left server

 

Kirby invited Dark Meta Knight

 

Shadow Kirby: Ah, come on, DMK!

 

Dark Meta Knight: I do not need to be bombarded with these beings’ inane drivel.

 

Marxy poo: See, I think we make more pointless banter.

 

Dark Meta Knight: Why would I need to know what inanity these creatures consider important?

 

Meta Knight: I’m sorry, do you have some way to return to the Mirror World that we don’t know about?

Meta Knight: Because otherwise, I would think you’d want to be alerted should another Stellar Level threat appeared in this world as well.

 

Dark Meta Knight: This is simply a distraction from finding the remaining Mirror shards and repairing it.

 

Dedede: Then don’t pay attention to the chat, dummy.

Dedede: You can turn notifications off in the settings.

Dedede: Just keep @ notes on.

 

Dark Meta Knight: Fine, just do not expect me to assist you if a threat does not threaten me.

 

Taranza: We wouldn’t want your help anyway, jackass.

 

Shadow Kirby: :(

 

Kirby: I’m sorry, Shadow. I thought he’d fit in here.

 

Shadow Kirby: It’s okay. I just wish he’d put a bit more work in.

 

Coo: Sometimes, you have to accept that people aren’t willing to change, or improve themselves. The best you can do is move on and live a life separate from them.

 

Rick: Jeez, Coo, project much? He’s sad DMK is being an introvert, not that his ex-wife is a bitch.

 

Coo: She really was, though.

 

Susie: Shadow Kirby, is there a nickname you’d prefer to use in conversation, or would you prefer us call you by your full name?

 

Shadow Kirby: I mean, you can just call me Shadow, if you all want! I think technically my original name was just Kirby, but, I don’t think anyone’s called me that in a looong time.

 

Susie: As long as you’re okay with us calling you Shadow.

Susie: Didn’t want it to be, like, racist or something.

 

Susie changed Shadow Kirby’s nickname to “Shadow”

 

Susie changed Dark Meta Knight’s nickname to “DMK”

 

Marxy poo changed Shadow’s nickname to “Sonic”

 

Sonic: I love it.

 

Marxy poo changed DMK’s nickname to “Death Murder Kill”

 

Susie changed Death Murder Kill’s nickname to “DMK”

 

Susie: Look, I already hate that you can do these things, but please don’t make his name even longer.

 

Marxy poo: Yeah, that’s fair.

Marxy poo: Shadow, you actually okay with the nickname?

 

Sonic: I’ll be honest, I think I kinda prefer it to my “real” names.

 

Marxy poo: I mean, we could call you that for real, but some people might think we’re doing a crossover.

 

Susie: A crossover of what?

 

Marxy poo: :)

 

Susie: God I hate you.

 

---

 

15:03 GST

 

Marx began Direct Chat with Dark Meta Knight

 

Marx: Yo.

 

Dark Meta Knight: What do you want, clown?

 

Marx: I don’t know, I figured you could use someone to talk to.

Marx: Before you block me

Marx: Hear me out

 

Dark Meta Knight: Write quickly, fool.

 

Marx: Look, I get not liking Dreamland.

Marx: Frankly, I’m pretty sure half of that dumb chat hate it, but they’re too polite to say.

Marx: And I know you’d rather be doing something productive, like trying to leave.

Marx: But the thing is, I don’t think you’ve fully thought through what going back to your home world would actually mean.

 

Dark Meta Knight: I am aware of the risks posed by Dark Mind, and I assure you, I will not be his victim again.

 

Marx: Oh, I mean, I’m sure you think that, and hey, who knows, it might be true! I haven’t seen either of you fight, but you’re probably pretty damn good.

Marx: But what happens after you go back? What’s your plan for after Dark Mind is gone, and you’re back in the Mirror World?

 

Dark Meta Knight: Why should I tell you? So you and your gang of “heroes” can stop me?

 

Marx: Oh, please. They all hate me, and that’s exactly how I like it.

Marx: Trust me, I’ve stolen my fair share of cosmic power, I know how intoxicating the feeling of conquer can be.

 

Dark Meta Knight: Then why should you want me not to conquer the Mirror World?

 

Marx: Oh, far from it, I think you being in charge of that world would be great!

Marx: I mean, you at least seem more of a level-headed ruler than the flaming eyeball Kirby described.

Marx: No, my concern is your ability to do it.

 

Dark Meta Knight: You doubt my ability?

 

Marx: Normally, I’d say no, considering I do quite like what appendages I have.

Marx: But let’s be real here. Between our Kirby and Dark Mind, you’ve proven you aren’t completely invincible.

 

Dark Meta Knight: So what would you have me do? I highly doubt you can assist me in any way.

 

Marx: Rude, but fair. I probably wouldn’t last a day in your world.

Marx: No, I don’t want to join you, or anything. I’m not particularly invested in ruling at the moment. I’ve got a steady supply of food currently, and that’s all I really need.

Marx: But what I am saying, is you need a way to get power. A way to become stronger.

Marx: You need something to make you strong enough to conquer the whole Mirror World.

 

Dark Meta Knight: ...go on.

 

---

 

18:21 GST

 

Kirby: I don’t think that’s how that works.

 

Addy: It is if you aren’t a coward.

 

Susie: Um, I have a quick question about the Mirror?

 

Shady: What’s up?

 

Susie: So, how exactly does the Dimensional Mirror, work?

Susie: I know traveling through it allows passage between the Mirror World and our world, but, through what mechanics?

Susie: Is it just a magical pocket dimension within the mirror, or a full alternate universe?

Susie: And why is is seemingly easier for people to enter the mirror than it is to leave?

 

Kirby: Well that last one is easy: the Mirror cheats.

Kirby: You go in the Mirror from our side, you go straight into the central hub for the Mirror World.

Kirby: You try to pass through on their side, you have to make it through a completely different area!

Kirby: It’s dumb, and cheating, and I don’t like it.

 

Shady: Beyond that, it’s difficult to say the exact nature of the Mirror.

Shady: I think it’s pretty obvious that this side, your Popstar, is the “real” world, and that it is primarily a reflection, but it’s difficult to say to what degree they’re linked.

 

Ribbon: Does everyone in Dreamland have a Mirror equivalent, or is it just Kirby and Meta Knight?

 

Shady: I mean, neither, really?

Shady: What I mean is, there are definitely more counterparts than just me and DMK.

Shady: There was definitely a Dark/Shadow Dedede at some point, although I’m pretty sure he became Dark Mind’s vessel at some point.

Shady: I also vaguely remember seeing an insect like creature who seemed Floralian in nature, but, I only saw them once, and I didn’t get a good look at them.

Shady: Beyond that, there are some, similar entities between us? For example, our King Golem seems to behave quite similarly to the Nature Guardian in Dreamland, though why I can’t say.

 

Kirby: There’s also Kracko in both our worlds, but it’s possible it’s just the same Kracko, whose spirit followed me and Meta Knight in.

 

Shady: That is true.

Shady: It seems to be either powerful enities, or nearby entities, who have direct analogues across the mirror.

 

Taranza: So, that doesn’t explain why the mirror seems to be so evil.

Taranza: Like, from what I’ve seen and heard, you’re literally the only entity to ever come from the Mirror that wasn’t, like, at least slightly evil.

 

Shady: I mean, I love DMK, but

Shady: You’re not completely wrong.

 

Meta Knight: My theory has always been that the reflections are born of the darkness inside of the person being reflected, and there was simply no darkness to reflect from Kirby.

 

Ribbon: Kirby recently tried to kill Dedede.

 

Daroach: Kirby once went on a rampage because he couldn’t eat a single slice of cake.

 

Dedede: Kirby has directly freed multiple eldritch horrors.

 

Kirby: I’m like 60% sure I’m part Dark Matter.

 

Meta Knight: Okay, so it’s not the best theory I’ve ever had.

 

Susie: Wait, Kirby?

 

Kirby: Every time I’ve fought a Dark Matter, it’s had at least one ability that I’ve had. You’d understand why that would leave an impression.

 

Meta Knight: ...to be fair, the Astrals and Dark Matter have similar origins, separated primarily by time.

 

Shady: To be fair, it does seem like there’s, less SPIRITUAL darkness to Kirby than, say, Dedede or you?

Shady: That might also be why I’m a fair bit weaker than Kirby, while DMK is pretty much just as, if not stronger than you.

 

Meta Knight: I may concede he is stronger than me, as he has defeated me before, but I can take comfort that he is at least weaker than our Kirby.

 

Ribbon: To be fair, most people are.

 

Kirby: I’m strong :)

 

---

 

21:32 GST

 

Marx: Progress report

Marx: DMK seems interested in my proposals. It took some convincing, as he did seem to think himself strong enough, but I was able to at least pique his interest.

Marx: Also, it seems we were right; he intends to conquer the Mirror World whenever the Mirror is reassembled, assuming he’s strong enough to defeat Dark Mind.

Marx: He seems to believe that, now he’s been mostly healed, he’s more than powerful enough to take on Dark Mind, but I at least convinced him there may be threats he’s not prepared to overcome.

Marx: It shouldn’t be too difficult to convince him to play along with the plan.

Marx: Will continue along this line for now. Will update as situation evolves.

 

---

 

21:34 GST

 

Meta Knight began Direct Chat with Susie

 

Meta Knight: I think there’s something I can tell you.

Notes:

Random Kirby Headcanon: While Dark Mind isn’t necessarily a direct reflection of any single entity in the main Kirby universe, he does reflect various villains from the rest of the series. Essentially, at one point in the Mirror World, there was an analogue to Nightmare (from Kirby’s Adventure and Nightmare in Dreamland), who was already powerful and malevolent. Then, that analogue was infested by Dark Matter, or the Mirror World equivalent, which slowly but surely transformed it into the Dark Mind we see in Amazing Mirror. Also, the Dedede that is the base of King D-Mind is the same Shadow Dedede who Dedede faced in Dededetour, but possessed by Dark Mind like DMK was in that sub-game.

Chapter 9: The Epistemological Nightmare Of Copy Abilities

Summary:

Susie: Interesting, I wasn’t aware anyone other than Kirby could utilize copy abilities.

Fine: I mean, technically a few of us can use them, but only if Kirby is using them while with us.

Coo: But Gooey seems to be the only one who can use them independently.

Gooey: Ye

Susie: So, if you don’t mind me asking, how exactly do you, acquire these abilities?

Gooey: Eating people

Susie: im sorry what

Notes:

Epistemological: relating to the theory of knowledge, especially with regard to its methods, validity, and scope, and the distinction between justified belief and opinion.

Pinned: Susie: Please, do not humor Marx. Trust me, it is not worth it.

 

Pinned: Marx: Ignore her. Humor everything I do and say.

 

End pins

 

---

 

9:15 GST

 

Susie: @Kirby Would you mind if I ask you a few questions?

 

RickWasTooBoredToMakeAGoodNickname: Good luck getting his attention.

RickWasTooBoredToMakeAGoodNickname: He, Addy, Bandan and Dedede are all busy with Ribbon.

 

Susie: Ah, so the warp point’s working?

 

Meta Knight: Apparently so. Also.

 

Meta Knight changed Rick’s nickname back to default

 

Rick changed nickname to “Fine”

 

Kine: That’s gonna be my first child’s name.

 

Fine: Lol

 

Meta Knight: Is there any chance I may be able to answer your question, Susie?

 

Susie: Well, it was kind of about his copy abilities, so, probably not.

 

Gooey: Oh, you wanna know about those? I can probably help.

 

Susie: Interesting, I wasn’t aware anyone other than Kirby could utilize copy abilities.

 

Fine: I mean, technically a few of us can use them, but only if Kirby is using them while with us.

 

Coo: But Gooey seems to be the only one who can use them independently.

 

Gooey: Ye

 

Susie: So, if you don’t mind me asking, how exactly do you, acquire these abilities?

 

Gooey: Eating people

 

Susie: im sorry what

 

Gooey: Yeah, Kirby and I get most of our copy abilities from consuming different kinds of creatures.

Gooey: Mostly Dreamlanders, but we can also get them from other planet’s inhabitants.

 

Susie: That

Susie: You

Susie: Are they sentient?

 

Gooey: Most of them.

 

Meta Knight: I’m surprised you weren’t aware of this, he does it quite a lot.

 

Susie: I only ever saw him absorb the Halberd using the Robobot Armor, and inhale various robots and inanimate objects.

Susie: I was not aware he ate ACTUAL LIVING PEOPLE

 

Kine: Why are you so freaked out?

 

Susie: Because they’re EATING PEOPLE?!

Susie: Like, okay, I get Dreamlanders would just reappear somewhere else, but, if they’re eating non-Dreamlanders

Susie: My god, how many people have you two KILLED?!

 

Coo: Oohh, you think they die when they get eaten, that makes sense.

 

Susie: im sorry do they not die

 

Gooey: Oh, god, no! Of course not, we’re not monsters!

 

Fine: Well

 

Gooey: No, literally anything we eat just reappears nearby after a few minutes.

 

Meta Knight: I believe Kirby has actually consumed Bandana Dee multiple times in the past.

 

Marx: According to one Waddle Doo I talked to, it apparently feels like “falling asleep in a warm bed, after a nice glass of milk, before suddenly waking up right back where you were before”.

 

Susie: But

Susie: How

Susie: How do they reappear, how can it not be painful, how do you gain abilities from that if you don’t even really consume them?!

 

Gooey: I don’t know.

Gooey: It just kind of happens.

 

Susie: Okay, Gooey, you need to come to my lab, now.

 

Meta Knight: Susie

 

Susie: I won’t kill him if I don’t have to.

 

Gooey: Understandable.

 

---

 

11:32 GST

 

Bandana: Wait, Marx, who the heck said it felt like that?

Bandana: It doesn’t feel like anything, it’s basically just a sudden jump between being consumed and reappearing.

 

Marx: Yeah, nobody said that. I was just fucking with her.

 

Meta Knight: I’ll allow it.

 

Fine: So, how was it hanging with Ribbon?

 

Dedede: Pretty good, I’ve definitely missed the kid a fair lot.

 

Bandana: I think it was just weird for the King and I because, well

Bandana: You know

 

Dedede: She’s currently still hanging out with Kirby and Adeleine, just talking and wandering around.

Dedede: I think I know who her favorites are.

 

Bandana: To be fair, I can’t exactly blame her.

Bandana: You were always a bit of a jerk while hanging out with her.

 

Dedede: Hey, lay off, I’ve had character development since then.

 

Bandana: As for me, I’m basically an entirely different person now compared to back then.

 

Coo: ...you started wearing a Bandana. That’s pretty much it.

 

Bandana: I know, it’s a lot.

 

Dedede: God, do you remember the things Kirby did during that trip?

 

Bandana: Oh, you mean the mixing?

 

Dedede: Yeah

Dedede: I miss Melting Ice Cube

 

Taranza: I’m sorry?

 

Bandana: At the time, Kirby was experimenting with mixing two different copy abilities together.

Bandana: I think Melting Ice Cube was his mix of Fire and Ice?

Bandana: @Fine @Kine @Coo You should have seen Rock and Cutter mixed, it could turn into statues of you three, plus Chuchu, Nago, and Pitch.

 

Kine: Ooh, I bet mine was useless, if it was a stone statue.

 

Fine: Oh, man, it’s been ages since I’ve talked to those dorks. I wonder what they’re up to nowadays?

 

Coo: I think they’ve been hanging out with the Hatters some, trying to help reinvigorate the cleaning initiative.

 

Fine: Considering how much Susie’s company messed things up, I can get why.

 

Dedede: I mean, to be fair, I’m pretty sure the Hatters tried to stop cleaning as much to discourage Kirby from, you know.

Dedede: Eating them.

 

Kine: I don’t get why, I swear, they are the most paranoid Dreamlanders I’ve ever met.

 

Dedede: Meh, it’s weird, but I mean, it sorta worked?

 

Meta Knight: Debatable. He still attacks them if they stand in his way.

 

Dedede: Well, yeah, but

 

Fine: I wanna eat a chicken strip.

Fine: Are there any non-sentient chickens we can harvest from?

 

Coo: Why not just get dream food?

 

Fine: It’s not the same.

 

---

 

13:42 GST

 

Ribbon: I have an announcement to make:

Ribbon: Kirby and Adeleine are both cute as all heck

Ribbon: That has been your news update.

 

Addy: :blush:

 

Kirby: :blush:

 

Meta Knight: We have so many emotes, and you all use, like, three.

 

Susie: UUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHH

 

Kirby: Is everything okay?

 

Gooey: She had trouble with my dissection.

 

Meta Knight: I’m sorry, your what?

 

Susie: I tried to investigate non-violently, but eventually, I just took a scalpel to this thing.

Susie: Believe me, if he wasn’t literally Dark Matter with a good soul, I would have just cloned him and dissected that.

 

Kirby: Why were you dissecting him?

 

Susie: Scroll up and read.

 

Kirby: Will do!

 

Susie: So

Susie: What the actual fuck

 

Marx: Yesssss

Marx: Join the dark side, Susanna

 

Susie: Okay, I was expecting, there might not be conventional organs, inside of him.

Susie: I’ve seen Dark Matter analyses before, that was expected

Susie: But literally no test I tried worked in the slightest to understand this thing!

Susie: I sprayed water in his mouth, it went down and my tank got emptier.

Susie: I dropped a knife in his mouth, it reappeared on my table!

Susie: I shoved my hand down his “throat” and I swear to God it felt like I was fisting a goddamned pillow case!

Susie: WHAT ARE YOU THINGS AND HOW DO YOU COPY ABILITIES?!

 

Kirby: Oh, you wanna know about copy abilities?

Kirby: I’ll warn you now, neither Gooey or I naturally have them.

 

Susie: ...what.

 

Kirby: Yeah.

Kirby: Gooey only developed the Copy ability after I united him with a powerful heart, and he definitely couldn’t do it as a Matter.

Kirby: And I only gained the ability to copy after I absorbed the five Sparkling Stars for the first time.

 

Dedede: Oh god, I remember that.

Dedede: You turned into this big ol’ balloon thing that lifted my castle into the sky.

 

Susie: Wait

Susie: Wait wait wait.

Susie: You mean to tell me this ability ISN’T an inherent power of yours?

 

Kirby: Uh, maybe?

Kirby: I mean, nobody else who absorbed the Sparkling Stars ever gained the ability, so it might have just awoken the power inside of me?

Kirby: I honestly don’t know, and, I don’t really care.

 

Susie: How could you not care? How could this not be a big deal to you?!

 

Kirby: Because I’m still me, aren’t I?

Kirby: It doesn’t really matter how or why I can do the things I can, just that I use those powers for good.

Kirby: I can’t spend every hour of every day wondering how or why, I have a life to live.

Kirby: So I just live my life, and, I assume whatever answers there are, I don’t need to know!

 

Susie: ...I don’t know if I can do that.

Susie: I’ve dedicated basically my whole life to the pursuit of knowledge and advancement.

Susie: From trying to learn more about Another Dimension, to trying to figure out what was happening to my father, and now trying to understand the worlds I helped to mechanize.

Susie: I can’t just say “it’s okay to not know”. That’s not the kind of person I am.

Susie: I’m sorry, that’s just how I feel.

 

Kirby: No, I totally get that! I don’t expect literally everyone to think like I do.

Kirby: I’d say, between me and Gooey, plus what I saw during the Crystal Shards incident, the leading theory you should work off of is Dark Matter.

Kirby: A member of the Dark Matter forces used what seemed to be the same copy abilities I did at the time against me

 

Susie: Fascinating.

Susie: I will need to look into that.

 

Shady: I’ve been busy today, but I can contribute this much: I can’t use copy abilities.

 

Susie: Thank you.

Susie: Genuinely, all of you, thank you so much.

Susie: You’ve all been so kind, and understanding, and

Susie: I’m so grateful to be able to work and live alongside you all.

 

Marx: This is, uncharacteristically sappy of you.

Marx: In fact, you’ve been more emotional than usual all day, is everything okay?

 

Susie: I’m fine, I just need to keep working.

 

Kirby: Are you sure? Maybe you should take a break.

 

Susie: I just need to stay out of my head, I’m fine. Thank you for your concern, though.

 

Kirby: If you say so...

 

---

 

16:15 GST

 

Susie sent a link to Direct Chat

 

Susie: I found this project in some old archive my dad made. I think this was back when he was studying the ancients, a little before he found Star Dream. I know it probably doesn’t raise your opinion of me or the company to know we had a hand in this, but I figured you deserved to know anything and everything that was going on.

 

Meta Knight: I see. I will go through this tomorrow, as I imagine this will be, a lot to go through.

Meta Knight: If I may ask, are you sure you are alright? Working yourself too hard to distract yourself may not be the healthiest option.

 

Susie: I’m fine, I just

Susie: Fuck it, I’ll just say it.

Susie: Today would have been my Dad’s birthday.

 

Meta Knight: Oh

Meta Knight: I’m sorry

 

Susie: It’s weird, you know?

Susie: Growing up, it was really just me and him.

Susie: My mom was in the picture for a while, but, she left before I was even 3.

Susie: And he was so nice back then, even when he was busy, even when he had work to do, he’d take the time to try and raise me right.

Susie: The day of the accident, he was trying to take every precaution, while still showing me where he worked and what he did.

Susie: And then, when I came back

Susie: It was like he was a completely different person.

Susie: He didn’t recognize me, even when I told him who I was, he didn’t even seem to hear what I was saying.

Susie: He was cruel, vindictive, petty. Not just to other species, however unjustified that was, but, to his employees, to his “friends”.

Susie: And

Susie: Every time I looked at him, every time I talked to him, I looked in his eyes, hoping to see, something, anything, a spark of recognition, a glimmer of who he used to be

Susie: And, eventually, when he dismissed me so, casually, so coldly

Susie: I thought, maybe if I do something big

Susie: Maybe if I take away the computer

Susie: Maybe I can wake him up

Susie: Maybe I could make him see me.

Susie: And instead, I killed him.

 

Meta Knight: ...I’m sorry.

Meta Knight: I know it isn’t much, I know there isn’t really anything I can do to help

Meta Knight: But, I would suggest talking to Taranza about this.

Meta Knight: Your situations are vastly different, I know, but, he could be a good support for you in times like this.

 

Susie: ...thanks, Meta Knight.

Susie: Thank you.

 

---

 

20:00 GST

 

Director of Communications, Satoshi Ishida: President Haltmann, we may have a major problem.

 

Head of Human Resources, Scot Ritchey: Satoshi, today may not be a good day to contact her directly.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: It’s fine. What’s going on?

 

Director of Communications, Satoshi Ishida: Well, I’ve been trying to get in contact with the Gamble Alliance at least 12 hours a day since you reestablished the Wormhole Station.

Director of Communications, Satoshi Ishida: And, obviously, I’ve been unsuccessful.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Clearly, since this is your first report on it since then.

 

Chief Executive Officer, Anne-Marie Laperrière: To be fair, ma’am, he has been filing his standard daily reports, he simply hasn’t made any high-priority updates.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Understood, continue.

 

Director of Communications, Satoshi Ishida: Well, today, I decided to attempt contacting the Alliance personally and physically, since clearly digital communication wasn’t working.

Director of Communications, Satoshi Ishida: And, I remembered which wormhole in the station should lead to the Alliance Headquarters.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: How is the labelling project going for that, by the way?

 

Director of Communications, Satoshi Ishida: As far as I can tell, approximately 83.8% of all wormholes have been properly sorted and labeled.

Director of Communications, Satoshi Ishida: Anyways, I fired up the wormhole for the Alliance Headquarters, and

 

Director of Communications, Satoshi Ishida sent an image to chat

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Jesus Christ, please tell me the wormhole was misaligned somehow.

 

Director of Communications, Satoshi Ishida: No, ma’am, that’s the exact coordinates for the landing pad at the Alliance Headquarters.

 

Head of Human Resources, Scot Ritchey: Oh god, I think I’m going to be sick.

 

Chief Executive Officer, Anne-Marie Laperrière: Those marks, those look like some of them were electrocuted.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Satoshi, please tell me you’re back in this sector.

 

Director of Communications, Satoshi Ishida: I am, though to be honest, I don’t think the destruction was recent enough for the perpetrators to still be there.

Director of Communications, Satoshi Ishida: I monitored the wormhole until it was fully closed, though, just to ensure nothing followed me through.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Okay. We’ll get the Medical Operation Division set up to go through and try to account for all the bodies this coming week.

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Scot, figure out which employees have family who might have been working at the Alliance headquarters, we need to get a head start for after identification.

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Satoshi, I need you to start searching for any human signals in the galaxy, and contact us if your department finds any nearby colonies.

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Yutaka, we need to figure out how long ago this happened, and how long it would take for whatever did this to reach this sector.

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Q, get the robotics department ready to potentially reactivate the security drones. Remember to set the native lifeforms in “preserve”.

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Anne-Marie, we need to talk, in person, as soon as possible.

 

Chief Executive Officer, Anne-Marie Laperrière: I’ll get a warp to Popstar as soon as possible.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Good. And for the love of god, nobody tell the locals.

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Especially Kirby.

Notes:

Random Kirby Headcanon: Gooey becoming an ally of Kirby’s wasn’t actually an active or intentional process on either end. Gooey essentially came to Dreamland as a baby Dark Matter, and he spent time with Kirby for years and, slowly, became the Gooey we know and love today.
Also, we’re getting more of a plot than expected, huh?
Also also, shout out to five more real life people with real actual bodies who are now characters in this Kirby fanfic because I'm not good at coming up with names

Chapter 10: What Does Gay Mean?

Summary:

Ribbon: I like how you fake-gagged at Kirby and I being cute, and you learned you still have superpowers.

Karl: Look, I can’t help it, straights make me throw up, apparently throw up balls

Ribbon: Bold of you to assume I’m straight

Kirby: Bold of you to assume I’m straight

Notes:

More ship stuff in this chapter. If you wanna skip it, you can move to the next chapter after the 12:02 timestamp, without missing anything too plot important aside from ship stuff. If you like shipping stuff, uh, enjoy!

Pinned: Susie: HWC is working on a major project currently, so not only will I be off-planet more often than usual, but you all may see more human staff coming and going from Popstar for a while. Don’t worry, the project is not in any way going to affect this planet, it’s just boring human stuff.

 

End pins

 

---

 

9:12 GST

 

Karl: In what way was it inappropriate? It was no more dangerous than a water balloon fight!

 

Dedede: Ketchup is a lot heavier, AND a lot closer looking to blood!

 

Karl: Oh please, like they actual still have red blood. They’re like, half-machine, aren’t they?

 

Susie: Marx, I’m already having to lecture a good half of the enhancements department, don’t make me do it for you too.

 

Karl: Look, it’s not my fault things are so boring around here!

Karl: Why couldn’t I have been brought back when something exciting was happening, when there was some big demon to fight, or when Dedede and Meta Knight were at war, or whatever?

 

Ricky: To be fair, you aren’t completely wrong.

Ricky: I mean, despite the almost annual Crises, Dreamland can be kind of boring on a day to day basis, at least without friends.

 

Bandana: Counter-point: nothing is stopping Marx from having nice, non-harmful fun with friends other than himself.

 

Karl: Bold of you to assume I have friends.

 

Kirby: Aww, aren’t we friends, Marx?

 

Karl: You don’t count, you consider the freaking ground you sleep on your friend.

 

Ribbon: Yeah, but that’s what makes him great.

 

Kirby: Thanks, Ribbon. <3

 

Karl: oh holy shit

 

Kirby: What is it?

 

Karl: I just fake-gagged at that, and

 

Karl sent an image to chat

 

Dedede: Is that, a beach ball?

 

Karl: Technically, I think it’s a circus ball, but, same difference.

 

Kirby: Hmm, between this and the semi-visible wings, I think you might not fully be, a Dreamlander, still?

 

Karl: Yeah, but, those were a part of my Nova powers. I couldn’t spit out balls when Nova gave me power.

 

Kirby: You could spit out lasers, though!

 

Karl: Yeah, can’t do that anymore.

Karl: I don’t know if I can still split myself in half, though

Karl: askdfasouinvaoenaioufbinjafnjdjifvjandjifnevnoejkaoviuoejfbknaefiboaknfba

 

Kirby: Uh oh

 

Karl: I just spit it out

Karl: Okay, so, I can rip in half and make a black hole still.

 

Susie: Oh god.

 

Karl: Judging by the phone, though, it’s at least not a real black hole.

 

Dedede: Please, be careful with that.

 

Ribbon: I like how you fake-gagged at Kirby and I being cute, and you learned you still have superpowers.

 

Karl: Look, I can’t help it, straights make me throw up, apparently throw up balls

 

Ribbon: Bold of you to assume I’m straight

 

Kirby: Bold of you to assume I’m straight

Kirby: Heyyyyyy

 

Ribbon: Eyyyyy

 

Ricky: Wow, huge growth for Kirby “What Does Gay Mean” Nolastname

 

Kirby: I think my last name is Dee? Just because, like, they raised me.

 

Susie: I’m honestly more shocked that Marx “Literal Worst Person In Dreamland” Noddy is claiming to not be the straightest person on this planet.

 

Karl: Oh, please, no one here is straight.

 

Ricky: I mean, I think Kine and I are?

 

Kine: Nope, I’m Bi.

 

Ricky: Dang. Coo?

 

Coo: I’m full-on gay.

 

Karl: But? You had a wife? And kids?

 

Coo: And my ex was super homophobic.

 

Susie: Okay, I’m with my HR guy currently, and he’s in hysterics currently.

Susie: He’s also saying we should all come out, so we could become closer.

 

Magolor: What kind of horrible HR does he manage?

 

Susie: Well, first, it was more because we’re mostly friends, and not coworkers or employees.

Susie: Also, to be fair, considering the past 15 years of this company’s history...

 

Magolor: That’s fair.

 

Susie: I can start, if that makes everyone more comfortable.

 

Karl: Insinuating any of us don’t know you’re a lesbian.

 

Susie: ...okay, that’s fair.

Susie: and Scot is laughing again.

Susie: “They read you, Suse, they read you like a book.”

 

Addy: I’m guessing you’re cis? If only because I feel like you’re not the kind of person who’d choose a nickname for a name you chose yourself.

Addy: You feel like, if you had chosen the first name “Susanna”, you’d force literally all of your employees to call you “Susanna”.

 

Susie: Again, you’ve got me hard.

 

Addy: And I think everyone knows, I’m a genderflux girl and bi.

 

Kirby: Not to encourage another “Kirby unwoke” moment, but

Kirby: How does being trans, work, exactly?

 

Addy: It means identifying as a different gender than what you were assigned at birth.

 

Kirby: I know that much, but, how does it work, for

Kirby: You know, non binary sexed species?

 

Susie: It’s a good question. Generally, it depends on the culture the individual was raised in, and whatever gender identity they have.

Susie: So, even if your species doesn’t technically have a "male" and "female" variation, if the culture you grew up in identified you as male, but you aren’t male, then you would be considered trans.

Susie: What’s important to remember is, the “assigned gender”, which in human-like civilizations is generally binary, is not the same as biological sex, which is universally more complicated.

 

Kirby: Okay, cool!

Kirby: I do wonder how my gender was assigned, though.

 

Meta Knight: To my knowledge, we were not assigned genders at birth, although I was assigned male in my relative youth.

 

Karl: More Meta Lore? Pls?

 

Meta Knight: Only that I do indeed identify as male, and thus am technically cis.

Meta Knight: As for you, Kirby, the assignment, may have been the result of, projection on my part.

 

Kirby: Understandable.

 

Bandana: So, you’re cis and straight, then, Meta?

 

Meta Knight: How dare you

Meta Knight: You challenge me

Meta Knight: Blades at dawn to defend my honor

 

Bandana: Lol

 

Susie: Wait, Meta Knight, are you actually gay? I assumed that was just, like, a joke

 

Dedede: I mean, no?

 

Meta Knight: No, I am 100% homosexual, I’m afraid.

 

Shady: Odd thing to fear.

 

Dedede: I was joking about him coming to me asking to “serve”, but, like

Dedede: There was definitely a time he asked me out

 

Meta Knight: To be fair, I believe that was because I was planning on killing you and seizing the throne as your widow.

 

Dedede: Ah, of course.

 

Taranza: You know, sometimes I look at this chat, and realize we’re all horrible people.

Taranza: Anyways, I’m a straight trans dude.

 

Magolor: And I’m a cis gay man.

 

Addy: So you’re each half valid

Addy: Together, you form one valid man.

 

Ribbon: I’m a pan girl!

Ribbon: I think, by the established rules, cis?

Ribbon: So, I’m half valid too.

 

Addy: Hmmmm

Addy: Nah, you’re full valid.

Addy: I decree it.

 

Magolor: You’re biased.

 

Addy: Fight me, egg.

 

Shady: I’m pan and cis too, btw!

 

Kirby: That’s so interesting, I’m pan too, but I don’t think I’m fully cis?

 

Dedede: Oh?

Dedede: Character development?

 

Kirby: I mean, I do still like he/him pronouns, at the moment, but, like

Kirby: I’ve talked with Addy about this a lot, actually, I don’t, fully feel like a boy?

Kirby: I mean, sometimes, I feel a bit more and a bit less, but, in general, I think

Kirby: I don’t know, some flavor of non-binary?

 

Addy: And it’s okay to not fully know! Gender is a complicated and personal experience, no two people are necessarily going to have the same view on it! Sometimes, there aren’t even precise words to describe it, but you can still know inside what makes you happy or unhappy!

 

Susie: Besides, I don’t think anyone in this group is going to give you shit for not being cis.

Susie: Well, maybe Rick.

 

Ricky: The hell did I do?

 

Dedede: Well, personally, I’ve known I was a boy since I set flipper on the ground, and I’ve known I like ‘em all since I knew what liking ‘em meant.

 

Ribbon: So, cis pan again?

 

Dedede: ye

 

Bandana: I think my parents thought I was a girl as a very little kid, so, technically I’m trans?

Bandana: And I like boys and non-girls, that’s about all I know.

 

Gooey: And I like food.

 

Susie: Yeah, Gooey is ace.

Susie: And, between Dark Matter’s mindlessness and Dreamland’s lax politics, I’m pretty sure there’s no real assigned gender for Gooey.

 

Gooey: I like being a boy

 

Kirby: Than a boy you are!

 

Gooey: :)

 

---

 

11:32 GST

 

Susie: Wait, Marx never said how he identified

 

Karl: And now you’ll never know.

 

---

 

11:34 GST

 

Marx: So, any updates?

 

Dark Meta Knight: I have found the second Star, though it was not easy.

Dark Meta Knight: The vermin hid it deep inside of the planet, I had no choice but to coerce one of them into helping me reach it.

 

Marx: I’m hoping you weren’t too violent, remember, you are still counting on the group helping reassemble the mirror.

 

Dark Meta Knight: I was cautious, I can assure you. The rodent believes we are “friends” now, and I managed to part without splitting his skull.

 

Marx: Nice, not always easy to do with that gang. Was it Storo, or did you have to deal with Spinni?

 

Dark Meta Knight: It was neither. It was a member who identified himself as “Doc”. He seemed calm enough to work with, to his credit.

 

Marx: Oh, yeah, Doc. He’s definitely one of the better ones.

Marx: I will say, I’m somewhat surprised you managed to trick him. Did you go for the old “Kirby wanted me to get it”, or did you have your own methods?

 

Dark Meta Knight: I have my own ways of doing things, that I have no need to inform you of.

 

Marx: Fair enough, fair enough.

 

Dark Meta Knight: Why do you immerse yourself in them?

 

Marx: The Squeaks? I don’t, I really don’t.

 

Dark Meta Knight: No, the supposed “defenders” who spout such nonsense.

Dark Meta Knight: I’ve seen you mingle amongst them, but just from our talks, I can tell you are above them, above these pointless games.

Dark Meta Knight: Why lower yourself to their level, why entertain their pathetic whims?

 

Marx: First off, incredibly generous to say I’m in any way above them in terms of maturity.

Marx: The truth is, despite our similarities, you and I operate on very different levels.

Marx: You want power because the world you came from rewards power, requires power.

Marx: You want dominance and authority because you believe you know what’s right for the world, you know how to make things work.

Marx: But I’m not like that. I don’t want to set the world right, or make things go in order.

Marx: My primary instinct, my solitary goal in all things, is to make myself happy.

Marx: Like, yeah, the Defenders chat is dumb and immature, and the things I do may make me hated.

Marx: But it’s fun for me to mingle with them, to occasionally throw wrenches into their works.

Marx: Sure, helping you with this is a gamble, could get me and everyone else killed, and even if it doesn’t could get me exiled or killed again.

Marx: But I find the promise of chaos and fighting fun.

 

Dark Meta Knight: Fascinating.

 

Marx: I mean, what do you find fun?

 

Dark Meta Knight: Fun is not something I’ve concerned myself with.

Dark Meta Knight: What the world asks of me, I will deliver. And it asks only for my judgement.

 

Marx: You know, as different as you and our Meta Knight are, you’re also super similar.

 

Dark Meta Knight: Understandable, I suppose. I am his reflection.

 

Marx: Well, I’ll get out of your hair. I need to go harass an emotional teenager about her crush.

 

Dark Meta Knight: Very well. I will continue my search.

 

Marx: Oh, before I go, though: what’s your orientation and gender?

 

Dark Meta Knight: What.

 

Marx: Look, the chat put it in my head, and you’re the only technical member who didn’t answer.

 

Dark Meta Knight: I am a man, and I have no time for distractions like romance or sex.

 

Marx: Cool, I’ll mark you down as aro-ace and cis. See ya!

 

---

 

12:02 GST

 

Adeleine: Kirby, please come get Marx.

 

Kirby: ???

 

Adeleine: He’s just playing music from old Disney movies outside my house at full volume.

Adeleine: It’s all romantic themed, and I’m wishing I could strangle him.

 

Kirby: Okay, I’ll be there soon.

 

Adeleine: I’m proud of you, by the way.

 

Kirby: Oh, for the gender stuff?

 

Adeleine: Yeah, just

Adeleine: I know what it’s like, coming out like that

Adeleine: Even if you’re 99% sure everyone will accept you, it’s still nervewracking.

 

Kirby: I know what you mean. It was honestly, really scary!

Kirby: But everyone was okay, and, it’s nice!

Kirby: It made me so happy to be able to just say it, too

 

Adeleine: You’re amazing, buddy

Adeleine: Ooop, I assume that’s you?

 

Kirby: Yep! He shouldn’t bother you for a while.

Kirby: Oh jeez.

 

Adeleine: What?

 

Kirby: He said, and, I’m quoting here

Kirby: “She wants to mack on your girl, puff ball!”

 

Adeleine: Oh my god, I’m gonna kill him again.

 

Kirby: Please don’t, I don’t wanna have to bring him back again.

 

Adeleine: Hmmmm

Adeleine: Okay

Adeleine: But only for you.

 

Kirby: Thanks, Addy! You’re the best! <3

 

Adeleine: ... <3

 

---

 

12:08 GST

 

Adeleine: Ribbon, I have to be honest.

Adeleine: If you don’t pounce on Kirby, I just might.

 

Ribbon: Noooo

 

Adeleine: >:3

 

Ribbon: Lol

Ribbon: Seriously, though, he cute is he?

 

Adeleine: I mean, absolutely 100%.

Adeleine: You’re both adorable together.

 

Ribbon: Awww!

Ribbon: But so are you two!

 

Adeleine: Yeah, but, like

Adeleine: We’re not actually a pseudo-couple like you two are.

 

Ribbon: I mean, define a pseudo-couple.

 

Adeleine: Two people with crushes on each other, who know they both have crushes on each other, but aren’t dating?

 

Ribbon: Hmmm...

Ribbon: Well, you definitely miss the second part at least.

 

Adeleine: What? What are you talking about? Kirby and I don’t have crushes on each other.

 

---

 

12:10 GST

 

Ribbon began Direct Chat with Bandana Waddle Dee

 

Ribbon: You know that moment where both your crushes are for some reason completely oblivious to literally everything they say and do?

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Jokes on you, I only have one crush, and he’s the smartest person on this planet.

 

Ribbon: Waddle, I understand you, but he is not the smartest person.

Ribbon: It took him over four years of knowing a nonbinary girl to realize he didn’t have to be a boy.

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: ...fair.

 

---

 

12:11 GST

 

Adeleine: Ribbon?

 

Ribbon: Sorry, was just complaining to a friend back on Ripple Star about how oblivious you are.

 

Adeleine: Hey! I’m not oblivious!

 

Ribbon: Addy, I’m not going to lie. You couldn’t be more oblivious if you missed a Dark Matter invasion for a month.

 

Adeleine: Rude!

Adeleine: Even if you thought I was serious about crushing on Kirby

Adeleine: WHICH I WASN’T

Adeleine: Kirby very obviously has a crush on you, not me!

 

Ribbon: He can have multiple crushes on multiple people!

Ribbon: It’s a very common thing!

 

---

 

12:12 GST

 

Adeleine sent an image to chat

 

Adeleine: AAAAAAHHHHHH

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: So, can I get context for this, or is that confidential?

 

Adeleine: Confidential, shush.

 

---

 

12:12 GST

 

Ribbon sent an image to chat

 

Ribbon: I ALMOST MESSED UP BIG TIME

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: So, I assume this is related to previous discussion then?

 

Ribbon: Maybe, hold on, I need to keep messaging

 

---

 

12:12 GST

 

Kirby: Hey, any idea where I should put Marx?

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: OH MY GOD, WHY IS EVERYONE MESSAGING ME AT THE SAME TIME?!

 

Kirby: ...what?

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Sorry, sorry! Just, a lot of stuff going on.

 

Kirby: Is everything okay, Bandan?

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: You know, I like to think I’m doing okay, but it gets harder and harder each day.

 

Kirby: Come on, it’s gonna be okay. I believe in you, Bandan. <3

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: ...so, do you send the hearts to everyone, or just the people you know are crushing on you?

 

Kirby: Eh, I like doing it for everyone, but I love teasing you especially.

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: You’re lucky you’re cute.

 

Kirby: Same to you!

Kirby: Also, please come help, Marx is trying to bite me.

 

---

 

12:25 GST

 

Karl: Kirby’s crimes are plentiful and unpunished.

 

Dedede: What’s going on now?

 

Kirby: He was bothering Adeleine, so I warped him to the Halberd.

 

Karl: I shall have vengeance plentiful and beautiful.

 

Susie: Why, exactly, was he teasing Adeleine?

 

Kirby: It’s a bit private, Susie.

 

Susie: @Karl

 

Karl: Oh fuck no, I’m willing to tease her, but I’m not telling you all about it.

Karl: I don’t have a death wish.

 

Susie: @Addy Is this something I should actually be concerned about, or like, teen romance drama?

 

Addy: I mean, emotionally teen, yeah.

 

Susie: Cool, cool. Was worried something actually serious was going on.

 

Ribbon: To be fair, to a lot of people, romance is very serious!

 

Kirby: Yes, but probably not “world-ending” serious for most people.

 

Ribbon: Fair enough, I guess.

 

---

 

19:31 GST

 

Adeleine: Okay, I think I actually need advice.

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: My advice of “tell them what you’re feeling” is still pretty good.

 

Adeleine: No, it’s not about the Ribbon thing.

Adeleine: I mean, it sort of is, but also, sort of isn’t?

Adeleine: It’s just

Adeleine: Ribbon and I were chatting earlier about Kirby, and

Adeleine: She seems to think Kirby and I have a crush on each other?

Adeleine: And, like, it’s totally ridiculous, right? Like, it’s almost funny!

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: I assume that’s what the screenshot you sent earlier was about, then?

 

Adeleine: Yeah, because I pointed out, REASONABLY, that he clearly has a crush on her.

Adeleine: But she was like “oh, he can have a crush on multiple people”, and it’s just

Adeleine: Ugggh

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: ...I believe you mentioned you wanted advice?

 

Adeleine: ...it’s just

Adeleine: I keep thinking about what she said

Adeleine: And

Adeleine: What if I do have a crush on Kirby?

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: ...Addy, I’m gonna be 100% honest with you.

Bandana Waddle Dee: You have a crush on Kirby.

Bandana Waddle Dee: Like, almost as bad as Ribbon and I do.

Bandana Waddle Dee: Pretty much the only times you talk to me these days, it’s either about your crush on Ribbon, talking about how cute and cool Kirby is, or art.

 

Adeleine: ...

Adeleine: I think the point of that was making me realize I have a crush on him

Adeleine: but really the biggest thing I’m getting is that I’m a terrible friend

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Nah, the art is cool. We’re good.

Bandana Waddle Dee: And like, I’m not blaming you for having a crush on him! I do too! So does Ribbon!

Bandana Waddle Dee: Heck, I’m pretty sure a good third of Dreamland’s population in our age range has a crush on him, and the only reason it’s not more notable for them is that they aren’t in his best friend circle!

Bandana Waddle Dee: And I think, the best thing you can do now, is tell them both how you feel!

 

Adeleine: What, tell the two people who clearly are destined to be together that I’m actually into both of them?!

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Destined? Addy, buddy, they’re no more destined than Meta Knight and Dedede are.

 

Adeleine: That’s, an exaggeration, but, I get what you mean.

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Trust me, you should just, tell them, okay?

 

Adeleine: ...I’ll think about it.

 

---

 

20:02 GST

 

Kirby: Susie? Are you still awake?

 

Susie: Yes, unfortunately.

 

Kirby: Are you still working?

 

Susie: No, I just

Susie: Can’t sleep

 

Kirby: I’m sorry.

Kirby: Do you, want a distraction?

 

Susie: I don’t know.

Susie: Is it even slightly sad or tragic?

 

Kirby: I mean, probably not?

Kirby: It’s, to paraphrase you, emotional teenage romance drama.

 

Susie: You know, I don’t know why you append “emotional” to the start.

Susie: Don’t the other three words already imply it being emotional?

 

Kirby: Oh, no, it’s not modifying “drama”, it’s modifying “teenage”

 

Susie: Oh, right, because some of your ages are messed up.

Susie: Alright, lay it on me.

 

Kirby: Okay, so, do you know what polyamory is?

 

Susie: Oh, I’m gonna need popcorn, this is gonna be GOOD.

Notes:

Random Kirby Headcanon: in terms of texture and flavor, Marx is less like a grape and more similar to a fig. Also, for many years, Marx didn’t know what a fig actually was, due to confusing Fig Newtons for actual Figs, and Ants on a Log with Fig Newtons. As in, mistaking Ants on a Log as somehow being made of a fig. Definitely not drawing from any personal experience with that headcanon.

Chapter 11: The Much-Anticipated Lore

Summary:

Meta Knight: @everyone I have an important story to tell you all. Kirby has already been told everything, but, I felt you all deserved to be informed. And yes, Marx, this is the much-anticipated “lore”. This is Kirby and mine’s origin.

Notes:

If this chapter confuses you, I'd recommend the penultimate chapter of "The Meta Knightmare". A lot of the same ground will be covered here as was in that chapter, though, with a different overall focus.

Pinned: Kirby: Respect everyone’s chosen pronouns, or you’ll find out what happened to Nightmare :)

 

End pins

 

---

 

8:42 GST

 

Meta Knight: I have fully analyzed the archives, I believe. I’ll admit, I am curious if we have any idea what became of H-42 and K-68, but I think for now, I am done.

 

Susie: How are you feeling?

 

Meta Knight: To be completely honest, it’s somewhat bittersweet. I’m glad I know, I appreciate having this resource, but, it still is a reminder of what my life was for those years.

 

Susie: If I may bring a little levity to things

Susie: I still can’t believe you act so mature and like, “Oh, I’m the adult here”

Susie: When you’re only freaking 23

Susie: Like, are you serious?

 

Meta Knight: To be fair, considering the simulations, I think I’m mentally much older, but, I understand your point.

 

Susie: My god, you’re two years younger than me.

Susie: It’s absurd.

 

Meta Knight: I have an important question.

 

Susie: Yes, you can tell whoever you want, including everyone in the chat.

 

Meta Knight: Thank you.

Meta Knight: I think it’s time.

 

---

 

9:00 GST

 

Meta Knight: @everyone I have an important story to tell you all. Kirby has already been told everything, but, I felt you all deserved to be informed. And yes, Marx, this is the much-anticipated “lore”. This is Kirby and mine’s origin.

 

Dark Meta Knight: I am torn, but I believe I have no need to know. Should this provide any weaknesses for either of you, you may keep them to yourselves.

 

Marx: I think that’s the nicest thing he’s ever said.

Marx: Anyways, Meta Knight, I know I tease, but you aren’t, like, obligated to tell us anything you don’t want to.

 

Meta Knight: I appreciate your concern, Marx, but, I feel there is no point in staying secretive, when so many of you have been so honest and open.

 

Rick changed nickname back to default

 

Rick: Well, a lot of us, but not everyone.

 

Magolor: Harsh, but fair.

 

Daroach: Yeah, true.

 

Meta Knight: I would, also like to thank Susie for her assistance in properly compiling and assessing information beyond my personal memory.

Meta Knight: Okay.

 

Meta Knight: This is, difficult.

Meta Knight: I’m not sure where I should begin.

 

Susie: Would you like me to start?

 

Meta Knight: Yes, I think that would be for the best.

 

Susie: Okay, this will be a long message, so, give me time to type.

 

Marx: Bracing for the exposition.

 

Susie: Around 40 years ago, shortly after my father became President of HWC, he gained a strong fixation on the ancient Halcandran civilization. He believed that this ancient race was the key to solving the problems of the modern universe, including and especially the issue of Dark Matter. To this end, he partnered with two other corporations to form the Healing Ancient Lifeforms project, or HAL for short. The primary goal of this project was to research, rebuild, and in some cases, resurrect the creations of the Ancients.

 

Taranza: Quick question.

 

Susie: Go for it.

 

Taranza: What’s with the HAL thing?

 

Susie: Oh, it’s an old superstition our species picked up around when we moved to the Gamble Galaxy. I think it’s probably related to Halcandra, but the basic idea is that the letters H, A, and L together are good luck.

 

Taranza: Fair enough, continue.

 

Susie: The HAL project was arguably the Gamble Alliance’s largest scientific initiative ever constructed, with a large, moon-sized laboratory being built to house the Project’s various divisions. Some of these divisions attempted to recreate Ancient technology, various artifacts, while others tried to analyze the various entities the Ancients left behind. However, one branch in particular was the primary interest of the investors, and that was, the Knight Resurrection Program.

Susie: The KRP’s goal was as simple as it was nightmarish; to create a clone of the original Galacta Knight, based solely on a single strand of DNA, that would be fully and completely under the control of the Gamble Alliance. This program was, according to internal memos, the primary reason the Alliance Defense Foundation even agreed to finance the HAL project. In essence, they were attempting to create a sentient bioweapon who would follow all their orders.

 

Marx: Why not just, like, invent a bigger nuke? Why bother with a supersoldier?

 

Susie: A nuke can’t spare your soldiers and annihilate the other side’s.

 

Marx: Horrifying, but, reasonable enough.

 

Susie: As Marx alluded to, however, the program was, flawed. While they were able to create living specimens, the majority were either too weak, or too uncooperative to be called successful. It didn’t help that they weren’t even completely sure how to clone such a powerful entity; most conventional cloning technology we have is vastly underpowered to even recreate a standard Astral, let alone the original Knight himself. Initial tests through older cloning methods through other Astrals, was, unsuccessful, to put it mildly.

Susie: There were a number of methods attempted to create a successful clone. Generating new tissue slowly, manipulating actual stars, implanting the DNA in juvenile creatures, everything. Overall, they were only able to create a total of 86 test subjects that survived outside of strict, stasis containment, out of over 200 attempts. However, even these specimens were, as I said, either weak or uncooperative.

Susie: Additionally, as early as the first subject, a new problem emerged: Dark Matter Infection. It turns out, ancient Astrals and Dark Matter are even more closely linked than initially believed, as several subjects began darkening in parts of their body and, with at least three of the initial eight “successes”, they eventually became instances of Dark Matter itself. This was, a big problem, obviously, and led to 32 test subjects being terminated, many shortly after their skin showed just the slightest darkening. In one case, a powerful test subject, K-72, broke containment completely, and escaped. There were later discovered as a fully absorbed part of the Dark Matter forces.

Susie: Eventually, the team working on the KRP came up with the Meta method, short for “Metastasis”. The idea was, rather than growing from scratch, or being born through another animals life cycle, various animals would instead be injected with, effectively, a cancer laced with the Galacta Knight’s genetic code. There were ten tests conducted, resulting in five subjects. Of these, only one survived long enough to be even briefly considered viable; the subject grown from a Terra-Prime bat.

 

Meta Knight: And I don’t imagine it’s difficult to guess who that was.

 

---

 

9:15 GST

 

Marx: I know you’re reading it, even if you claim you aren’t.

Marx: Does any of this affect you?

 

Dark Meta Knight: It is, troubling, I will admit. While our worlds may be vastly different, the stories of the four heroes, and the problem of Dark Matter, are two things we do have in common.

Dark Meta Knight: To hear my counterpart, my origin, was born of one, and could have become the other, is, perhaps more than I expected.

 

Marx: I know what you mean.

Marx: I was here, you know, in Dreamland the first time Dark Matter invaded. I was here when it tried to destroy us. And, it was one of the scariest times in my life. Like, I don’t know what life is like in the Mirror World, but, I think that may be the closest I ever came to that feeling, of the world being evil and out to destroy me.

Marx: And, hearing Meta Knight, the knight I always kind of admired, was almost one of them? It, it’s like hearing your dad once almost made a deal with the devil, you know? You’re never really prepared.

Marx: And, I doubt the story’s about to get easier to hear.

 

---

 

9:17 GST

 

Meta Knight: I was in that place for five years, but, it felt so much longer. It was year after year of training, of simulation, of life or death scenarios, and the only times I could relax, I was only, contained like an animal who could turn rabid at any moment. The only kindness I was granted was the knowledge they let me have, the words to describe what was happening to me. The only way I could survive, for so long, the only way I could justify it to myself, was that the pain, the torment, the loneliness, was necessary, to be strong and to survive.

Meta Knight: But, ultimately, it was all for naught. After five years of working to be the warrior they wanted me to be, during training one day, my hands grew dark around my weapon. I didn’t know, then, what it meant, what signifigance it held. But, from the scream of the doctor who handled me, I knew it wasn’t good.

Meta Knight: I was scheduled to be killed, terminated, as they said, within 24 hours. My death was to be in less than five days. I didn’t know what I’d done wrong, what had happened, why this was happening to me. All I knew was that my death had been sealed, and there was to be another to take my place.

 

Susie: The Meta method was discontinued, once the termination order was set. Meta had been the longest lasting subject in the program’s history, and, the logic was that the embarrassment of failure could have destroyed the whole Project. So, they ultimately chose to use a much, riskier, approach that a junior scientist had proposed.

Susie: To use an inert sample of Dark Matter to create their knight.

 

Ado: Oh my god.

 

Susie: Yeah, the idea behind that was, maybe, the biggest gamble in the entire history of the universe.

 

Magolor: Wait.

Magolor: Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait.

Magolor: Hold the fucking phone.

Magolor: You don’t seriously mean to tell me

Magolor: That Kirby

Magolor: The little pink puff ball who makes friends with the ground and has never intentionally insulted anyone for fear of being rude

Magolor: Is actually

 

Meta Knight: A hybrid between the greatest warrior the universe has ever know, and the pure force of chaos and destruction formed by a dying god, yes.

 

Susie: As a matter of fact, some in the program even suggested trying to create such a being could accidentally end up resurrecting, not Galacta Knight, but Void itself.

Susie: Meaning it is entirely possible that Kirby is, not just an Astral or a Matter, but literally a reincarnation of a god.

 

Marx: Holy shit.

 

---

 

9:25 GST

 

Adeleine: I’m heading over to Kirby’s place, I think it would mean a lot for him if you came too.

 

Ribbon: I’m already on my way, don’t worry.

 

Adeleine: I texted Waddle, he’s apparently been with Kirby all night.

Adeleine: Meta, the tactful genius, only told him fucking yesterday.

 

Ribbon: Oh jeez

Ribbon: Are you okay?

 

Adeleine: I don’t know what I’m going to do.

Adeleine: I don’t know if there’s anything I can do.

Adeleine: I need to help him, but I don’t know how.

 

Ribbon: I know what you mean

Ribbon: I think, we just need to be there for him

 

Adeleine: Yeah. I know.

Adeleine: I’ll see you there.

 

---

 

9:27 GST

 

Meta Knight: I don’t know exactly what motivated her to do it. Compassion? Pragmatism? A simple grudge against her superiors? It’s, difficult to say. All I know is, when I saw her approach me with that sword, I thought she had decided to, finish things early, to take me out herself.

Meta Knight: And then she gave it to me.

 

Susie: According to Meta, the rest is, somewhat blurry, from the chaos, but records from the station indicate he went on something of a rampage. No one was killed, but large swaths of the facility were destroyed, and the whole station barely avoided complete structural collapse. What we do know is that he left the station on a ship taken from the junior doctor who initially proposed the “Matter method”, as it was referred to; and, according to Meta, this is the person he named Kirby after.

Susie: And, I guess the rest is history.

 

Shady: So, to recap

Shady: Susie’s dad got interested in ancient scientists, a few companies created a science planet, they created Meta Knight and Kirby from absurdly powerful beings, and then the two of them escaped because they were dumb enough to try and kill Meta Knight.

Shady: And somehow, the biggest question I have is, what the heck is up with Galaxia?

 

Susie: Best I can give you is, some ancient sword design the Ancients came up with that the HAL project recreated. No clue how, barely know why, a lot of that division’s files got completely corrupted after Star Dream was first activated.

 

Meta Knight: But, yes, that is, the story, as we understand it.

 

Taranza: You know, I knew Kirby was powerful, and I knew Meta Knight wasn’t too far behind

Taranza: But holy shit

 

Magolor: While I can obviously understand wanting to wield the power of the Ancients, I mean, surely someone in the program was like “hey, maybe this is wrong?”

 

Daroach: I mean, the unfortunate fact is, a lot of people know what they’re doing is wrong, and keep doing it anyways.

Daroach: And yes, I am speaking from experience.

 

Rick: God

 

Kine: Yeah.

 

Coo: You know, Meta, when we first met, you didn’t exactly mention any of this to me.

 

Meta Knight: To be fair, much of this I only learned myself in the past few months.

Meta Knight: And do you really think I would have told anyone back then if I knew?

 

Coo: Honestly? I don’t know.

 

---

 

9:32 GST

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Are you doing okay, your majesty?

 

Dedede: I’ll be perfectly honest, I don’t want to talk right now.

Dedede: Just help your little friend.

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: ...I understand. If you want to talk, I’m here for you.

 

---

 

12:46 GST

 

Dark Meta Knight: I have acquired the fourth Star.

 

Dark Meta Knight: Usually, this is when you ask me questions about that process.

 

Marx: Yeah, yeah, sorry, just

Marx: Been processing a lot, you know?

Marx: So, how’d it go, was everything okay?

 

Dark Meta Knight: Unfortunately, I, needed more assistance than I wish I did.

Dark Meta Knight: That planet has precious little solid ground, and unfortunately, my wings are not in stellar condition.

Dark Meta Knight: I am fortunate a family of birds happened to be there at the time, who were willing to provide me with lifts when necessary.

 

Marx: Birds, huh? Any I’d recognize?

 

Dark Meta Knight: Perhaps. They were a family of pink and green feathers, and the largest were only barely larger than myself.

 

Marx: Oh, yeah, that’s Pitch and his family. Good folks, if a bit annoying sometimes.

 

Dark Meta Knight: Indeed.

 

Marx: Usually, after I ask you about one of the stars, you have some kind of question for me.

 

Dark Meta Knight: I am aware of our odd ritual jester.

Dark Meta Knight: I

Dark Meta Knight: How

Dark Meta Knight: Why

 

Marx: Are you okay?

 

Dark Meta Knight: How do you cope with them?

 

Marx: Pardon?

 

Dark Meta Knight: Feelings, emotions, how do you cope with them?

Dark Meta Knight: I know you have not closed yourself off and sought isolation like I have, so, how do you do it?

 

Marx: Honestly? Not well.

Marx: Like, if you mean, like, emotional connections to others, I’ve sort of developed a habit of, pushing people away. Not like you, not directly being like “leave me alone”, but more like, trying to give them reasons to leave me.

Marx: Trying to make myself so abrasive, nothing and no one can really connect without getting hurt themselves.

Marx: It’s, not always fun.

Marx: And, as for just, pure emotions, like pain, or fear, or sadness, honestly, for a long time, I’ve just kind of

Marx: Tried to pretend they don’t exist?

Marx: Like, I try to just convince myself and everyone around me that I can’t even feel them.

Marx: I’m just silly, slightly evil Marx! I’m just the dumb troll of a clown, always bouncing around and trying to ruin everything!

 

Dark Meta Knight: And does it work?

 

Marx: ...not too much, honestly.

 

Dark Meta Knight: Mm.

Dark Meta Knight: For whatever it is worth, however abrasive you may be, I do consider the two of us to have some, connection. However strange and loose it ends up being.

 

Marx: ...thanks. That means a lot.

 

---

 

13:05 GST

 

Marx: He’s gotten the fourth star from Skyhigh. He’s getting very close to the end.

Marx: I...don’t know if I can do this.

Marx: I don’t know if I can keep lying to him like this.

Marx: I know I should, I know it’s the only way for this plan to work, it’s just

Marx: I feel like scum.

Marx: Even for me.

 

Marx: I, know with everything going on you probably won’t respond for a while.

Marx: Just, I don’t know

 

Marx: ...I’ll stick to the mission for now.

Marx: I trust you.

Marx: I trust your plan.

Marx: We’re going to do great things.

 

---

 

18:02 GST

 

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutaka Watanabe: The analysis is complete.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Do I want to know?

 

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutaka Watanabe: Well, the good news is, the damage doesn’t appear to have been a targeted attack, necessarily.

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutaka Watanabe: It looks like, whatever destroyed the HQ, it seemed more interested in creating a large space through the area, and only began truly decimating the area when the personnel on-site resisted.

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutaka Watanabe: That’s the good news.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: I’ll take the worse news, then bad, then worst.

 

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutaka Watanabe: The worse news is, the only reason they would need to clear this station in this region is if they were moving something, and the direction they were moving is directly towards this system.

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutaka Watanabe: The bad news is, whatever they were moving is roughly five times the size of the largest planet in this system, Popstar.

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutaka Watanabe: And the worst news is that the station was destroyed five years ago.

 

Director of Communications, Satoshi Ishida: We have managed to make contact with other human outposts, at least, but the Alliance is scrambling. The ADF was hit hard enough by the initial destruction, and the public outcry means they’re effectively on life support.

Director of Communications, Satoshi Ishida: There have also been similar attacks reported in the Aeon Sector, the Null Sector, and the Gamma Sector.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: When was the attack on the Aeon Sector?

 

Director of Communications, Satoshi Ishida: One year, six months, and seventeen days ago.

 

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutaka Watanabe: That changes the equations we’re looking at, then. Previously, we assumed this force was at least operating at sub-light speeds.

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutaka Watanabe: But if they could go from the Alliance Sector to the station in the Aeon Sector in less than four years, then they’re either utilizing better wormhole technology then even the Ancients were capable of, or they’re moving at least 1.99 times the speed of light.

 

Director of Communications, Satoshi Ishida: Is it even possible to make a wormhole big enough to transport something that size? Like, even beyond our technological capabilities, the laws of physics surely would create a limit on how large such holes can be!

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Yutaka, if they can move at twice light speed, and they haven’t stopped since the attack on the Aeon Sector, how long will it be until it reaches this system?

 

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutaka Watanabe: If they can move at 2c, they would arrive here in approximately 4 months.

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutaka Watanabe: With your help, we should be able to complete the full Mother Computer data analysis within 28 days, which should give us three months to assemble a suitable defense force.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Alright then. Let’s get to work.

Notes:

Random Kirby Headcanon: The Gamble Galaxy is actually significantly more dense and more populated than most galaxies: while most star systems are several light years apart, the majority of star systems are only around a dozen AUs apart. However, perhaps consequently, the majority of astral bodies in the galaxy are several orders of magnitude smaller than in most galaxies, with the average star being only around 0.1 times the size of our Sun, and a good half being even smaller (with the generally accepted answer for how they can possibly be so small being “literal magic”). That’s why the Crystal Shards team was able to travel to planets outside of their “solar” system, and why the HWC were able to reach the system within a human lifespan. Basically, Gamble is a mini-galaxy, like you’d see in a video game. Oh, wait!

Chapter 12: Data-Dump Analysis

Summary:

Susie: So, uh, Kirby has infinite power????

Dedede: First thing you say in almost a month, and it’s that?

Susie: Okay, here: Hey, cool to have free time, I’m back, turns out Kirby has infinite fucking power?!?!

Pinned: Kirby: I promise, everything’s okay, I’m not hurt, and I’m not going to hurt you. Please trust me, everything’s okay, and everything’s going to be okay.

 

End pins

 

---

 

19:02 GST

 

Susie: So, uh, Kirby has infinite power????

 

Dedede: First thing you say in almost a month, and it’s that?

 

Susie: Okay, here: Hey, cool to have free time, I’m back, turns out Kirby has infinite fucking power?!?!

 

Meta Knight: I guess we’re just officially ditching any attempt at not swearing.

 

Kirby: I’m literally the youngest person here, and I know all the swear words. The ship has sailed, Meta.

 

kciR: There’s no way that’s true, right?

 

Kirby: I, don’t think I’ve got infinite power?

 

Meta Knight: Where did that idea come from exactly?

 

Susie: Okay, so, context: HWC has been analyzing the data salvaged from Star Dream, and we’ve finished up today.

Susie: I’m currently sorting through the data from its final day, and, everything is alarming and disturbing.

Susie: For example, it attempted to analyze and assess Kirby.

Susie: And, it placed his power level, as, infinite?

 

Kirby: That, can’t be right.

 

Susie: There are two options, honestly. The first is that the analysis failed, and your power level is simply too great for Star Dream to process.

Susie: Keep in mind, this is a machine that was attempting to calculate the power level of Void, from it’s known actions, and was producing power levels.

Susie: The other option is, yes, you literally have infinite power, and quite frankly, I’m not sure that’s even that far from the first option.

 

Marx: Is this really THAT surprising, though? I mean, it is Kirby.

 

Kirby: I’m not that powerful!

 

Gooey: You gave me a soul through the sheer power of your vibes.

 

Taranza: You ate a common Floralia fruit, and gained absurd sucking powers.

 

Susie: You took a step into a single piece of invader armor, and you transformed it into a robotic replica of yourself with many of your abilities, and possibly a soul.

 

Daroach: A deity of Death cut you into 10 smaller versions to even have a chance to defeat you, and you both survived because your heart lead you to safety, and then literally beat him to death.

 

Marx: At this point, either Kirby is a god, or could kill god, and I do not care if there is a difference.

 

Kirby: Alright, you’ve made your points

 

Susie: To be fair, that’s only, like, the third most alarming thing in this data set.

Susie: Like, one thing it was working on was summoning the freaking Galacta Knight?

 

Meta Knight: That’s not good at all.

Meta Knight: Would it have ever been capable of doing so?

 

Susie: Honestly, the only reason it didn’t is, it apparently intended to summon him as part of it’s “new administrator program”

Susie: And I am so glad my father was the first and only admin for it.

 

Meta Knight: So, if you had stolen that control unit and it HADN’T gained sentience...

 

Susie: Whoever I sold it to, the AI would have summoned Galacta Knight, and depending on what version you believe, it might have been the end of the universe.

Susie: If it makes you feel better, Meta Knight, Star Dream placed you power level slightly above Galacta Knight’s.

 

Meta Knight: I don’t think it was accurate.

 

---

 

22:21 GST

 

Dark Meta Knight: I have collected the sixth star.

Dark Meta Knight: I find it curious how there has been at least one person at each destination willing to assist me in collecting each star.

Dark Meta Knight: This time, it was a group of Floralians, who apparently recognized me from stories Shadow Kirby had told them.

Dark Meta Knight: I was concerned by how rapidly the seasons changed, but they helped me locate which version of this planet the star resided in.

Dark Meta Knight: They at the very least seemed genuinely surprised to see me, so I at least am assured that I am not being followed.

Dark Meta Knight: Is there a reason for your silence?

 

Marx: Can I ask a serious question?

 

Dark Meta Knight: If you wish to. Though I reserve the right not to answer.

 

Marx: Why do you want to go back to the Mirror World so badly?

 

Dark Meta Knight: I do not believe I understand.

 

Marx: Like, why are you so focused on going back into that stupid mirror?

Marx: What’s so damn important about that world that you’d rather be in there than anywhere else?

 

Dark Meta Knight: It is where I belong, where I was created and where I have lived.

 

Marx: But literally everything you’ve told me about living there indicates that it fucking sucks! More monsters than anywhere in this world, no one willing to work together, no help when you need it

Marx: Like, even just from a pragmatic view, why would you want to try to conquer a world full of brutal monsters who would be more than happy to kill you at a moments notice?

 

Dark Meta Knight: ...I understand why you would think that. You have never lived there.

Dark Meta Knight: The creatures of the mirror are hostile ones, yes. There are forces in my world which could tear you apart, limb from nonexistant limb.

Dark Meta Knight: But there is also a great beauty to the mirror world. Grand castles and ancient ruins, starry space and vast caverns. Even the Central Circle is a true sight to behold.

Dark Meta Knight: Perhaps, I am biased, in my appreciation for its beauty. I do still consider it my home, however harsh it may be.

Dark Meta Knight: I would hope you could understand that.

 

Marx: ...

 

---

 

23:01 GST

 

Marx: I’m going to tell him.

Marx: I’m sorry.

 

---

 

23:01 GST

 

Marx: I have a confession.

 

Dark Meta Knight: You have been manipulating me for your own ends, I assume?

 

Marx: I, what?

 

Dark Meta Knight: I suspected something was afoot from the moment you suggested this plan.

Dark Meta Knight: I presume you intend to take the wish from Nova once again, either for yourself, or for another individual you are acting with?

 

Marx: Meta, Nova is dead.

Marx: Even with the stars, we could never summon it.

 

Dark Meta Knight: ...I do not understand.

 

Marx: Apparently, some Dreamlanders tried to summon Nova, like, a year after its destruction. All that showed up was some small piece of it, broken off from the rest.

Marx: The stars were only hidden to discourage people from summoning more random junk into the system. They could never do anything else.

 

Dark Meta Knight: Then

Dark Meta Knight: Why

Dark Meta Knight: Was this some wild goose chase, an errand to distract me from repairing the mirror?

 

Marx: No, no, it’s not like that!

Marx: Shadow Kirby’s been repairing the mirror this whole time, it’s just

 

Dark Meta Knight: Silence.

Dark Meta Knight: This betrayal of trust is expected, but I had assumed it at least had a purpose.

Dark Meta Knight: It is clear you will be of no help whatsoever. Do not attempt to contact me again.

 

Marx: Meta, wait

 

Dark Meta Knight has blocked Marx

 

---

 

23:05 GST

 

Dark Meta Knight left server

 

---

 

1:14 GST

 

Susie: I think I need a drink.

 

Meta Knight: I assume the data analysis is going poorly?

 

Susie: Technically, it’s going amazingly. It just fucking hurts.

Susie: Apparently, by the time Star Dream fused with the Access Ark, my father’s body was already completely atomized, and his intelligence within the system had been 97.6% purged.

Susie: And having to read about the only family I ever had been systematically and gradually destroyed, piece by piece, is a lot.

 

Meta Knight: I’m sorry to hear that. I truly am.

Meta Knight: I wish there was something I could do to help.

 

Susie: It doesn’t help that I need to get this done sooner rather than later.

 

Meta Knight: May I ask why?

 

Susie: It’s, complicated

 

Meta Knight: Is it related to why your company appears to be increasing manufacture at a ridiculous rate?

 

Susie: You noticed, huh?

 

Meta Knight: I may trust you more than I used to, Haltmann, but 3% being greater than 0% doesn’t make it a large amount.

Meta Knight: What are you planning?

 

Susie: I’m not planning on harming anyone or anything in this system

Susie: All droids are set to preserve native populations and locations, as much as possible.

Susie: Populations being the highest priority, locations somewhat less so.

 

Meta Knight: So why does it look like your company is preparing for full on war?

 

Susie: I was hoping to tell you once it was closer, and we could get a better understanding of what we were dealing with.

Susie: The short version is, something is approaching this system. Something big, and something powerful.

Susie: It has completely leveled at least four human settlements between the center of the galaxy and here, including the central nexus for all of humanity in this system.

Susie: And, those settlements had millions of human beings inside them.

 

Meta Knight: How long do we have?

 

Susie: According to my scientists, about two and a half months.

Susie: The problem is, we don’t have any idea what kind of threat we’re looking at.

Susie: All we know is, whatever object is moving through, it’s at least five times the size of Popstar, and it’s moving at about twice the speed of light.

 

Meta Knight: That’s impossible.

 

Susie: No, it’s improbable. What’s impossible are the alternatives.

Susie: The warp star has, at maximum, been recorded moving at super-liminal speeds.

 

Meta Knight: Yes, but barely. And even then, only because it’s a fairly small object with, at most, four passengers.

Meta Knight: For something as big as you said, to move at that kind of speed...

 

Susie: You can’t tell anyone, okay?

Susie: At best, there would be mass panic, and at worst, some of them might get the idea to try and stop it themselves.

 

Meta Knight: I understand. The secret is safe with me.

 

---

 

9:21 GST

 

Dedede: My hammer just caught on fire?!?! But with electricity?!?!

 

Bandana: Oh yeah, I heard Kirby mention, something weird has been happening with the copy powers recently; apparently some of the elements are mixing with other abilities?

Bandana: I was practicing with my spear the other day, and one of the Parasol Dees ended up giving it the power of water, oddly enough.

 

Gooey: I don’t think it’s just element stuff that’s going weird

Gooey: I tried to copy a Leo, and my tongue just hurt him.

Gooey: But, I can still go Burning, even without an ability?

 

Rick: I know what you mean. I’ve been spitting fire recently all on my own.

 

Kine: It’s been so cold underwater, I figured it was just some weird weather thing.

Kine: Have I actually been freezing myself?

 

Meta Knight: This is all concerning

Meta Knight: @Kirby do you have any idea what’s going on?

 

Meta Knight: This is concerning.

 

Coo: It’s only been, like, five minutes, give him time.

 

Meta Knight: It rarely takes him more than two

Meta Knight: @Adeleine @Bandana @Ribbon

Meta Knight: When was the last time you saw Kirby?

 

Addy: Honestly, I haven’t seen him in person for a couple weeks

 

Ribbon: Last I saw him was the other week, around when Susie mentioned the whole “infinite power” thing.

 

Bandana: Same, I saw him earlier that day. I haven’t heard from him since.

 

Marx: Oh no.

 

Magolor: Wasn’t that night when DMK left the Server?

 

Taranza: Has anyone seen the edgy bastard since then?

 

Shady: I haven’t seen him much, but he’s been around Popstar. He’s been working on the mirror again recently.

 

Daroach: Stopped going after those stars then?

 

Rick: Why was he even looking for them? How would he have learned about them?

 

Gooey: Maybe someone told him about what happened with Marx?

 

Kine: But why wouldn’t they have told him about Nova’s death?

 

Susie: Maybe they were trying to distract him for some reason? Prevent the mirror from being put back together?

 

Shady: If that was the case, why has no one tried to stop me?

 

Meta Knight: Marx

 

Marx: What, why are you singling me out?

Marx: What the heck could I have done?

Marx: What possible reason do you have to blame me for any of this?!

 

Meta Knight: Marx, do you know what’s happening?

 

Marx: ...

Marx: Not everything, but I know what happened with DMK.

 

Susie: Does it have any connection to Kirby disappearing?

 

Marx: Maybe.

Marx: Shady, do you remember the conversation you had with Kirby your third night on Popstar?

 

Shady: Yeah, I told him I was thinking of staying in this world, but I didn’t want to stay if

Shady: Oh no

 

Ribbon: What’s wrong?

 

Shady: I told him I didn’t want to stay here if Dark Meta Knight was going to go back in.

 

Marx: His idea was to get DMK to make friends here in our world, to make him more reluctant to go back to the Mirror World

Marx: That way, Shadow Kirby wouldn’t have to leave, and they’d both be safer on this side of the mirror.

Marx: But, Dark didn’t wanna make friends, so, he figured we’d have to trick him into it.

Marx: So, he had me tell DMK about the Nova Stars, and send him to each one when someone nice and compatible with him would be on that planet.

 

Meta Knight: It’s a clever idea, if not a little deceitful.

Meta Knight: The stars are well hidden, and without Kirby’s abilities, he would almost certainly need someone else’s help to reach each one.

Meta Knight: And the whole time, you and he would likely grow at least slightly closer, since you were the one giving him the information.

 

Marx: That’s the problem, though. We got so close, I, couldn’t keep lying to him.

 

Magolor: Really? Didn’t he not even get to all of them?

 

Marx: Unlike some people, I really don’t actually LIKE lying. I only do it if I feel like I have to.

 

Susie: To be fair, it’s not like the plan was flawless to begin with. Surely, whenever he actually “summoned” it, he would have realized it was a wild goose chase, right?

 

Marx: I don’t know. I could have claimed to not know it would happen, but he might not have believed me even then.

 

Shady: So, let me get this straight

Shady: You and Kirby were trying to influence his decision making ability

Shady: You led him on a pointless hunt throughout the system.

Shady: Just so I wouldn’t leave

 

Marx: I know, I know, it fucking sucks

Marx: I went along with it at first, mainly because I was bored and was interested in causing some chaos.

Marx: Plus, you know, we had so much in common

Marx: He hates everyone, and I’m hated by everyone

 

Ribbon: That’s not true

 

Addy: I mean, it kind of is

 

Marx: I’m sorry

 

Bandana: Okay, so, Kirby’s plan to try and make DMK stay in this world failed, the same day you all insinuated he was a dangerous force.

 

Susie: We weren’t

Susie: Well

Susie: Oh

 

Daroach: Oh shit

 

Ribbon: Um, I’m at his house, and

Ribbon: He’s not here.

 

Meta Knight: Oh no

 

---

 

16:23 GST

 

Shadow Kirby began Direct Chat with Dark Meta Knight

 

Shadow Kirby: Meta?

Shadow Kirby: Are you there?

 

Dark Meta Knight: For now.

Dark Meta Knight: How close is the mirror to completion?

 

Shadow Kirby: About two thirds of it is back together.

 

Dark Meta Knight: Good. At this rate, we should be able to return home within three months.

 

Shadow Kirby: I heard about what happened with Marx.

 

Shadow Kirby: Meta?

 

Dark Meta Knight: It does not matter.

Dark Meta Knight: He betrayed me, as I knew he would. It simply took a form I did not expect.

Dark Meta Knight: What matters is we can return to the Mirror World soon.

 

Shadow Kirby: I don’t want to go back.

 

Dark Meta Knight: What.

 

Shadow Kirby: I said I don’t want to go back through the mirror.

Shadow Kirby: Why would I?

 

Dark Meta Knight: It is our home. This is not up for debate.

 

Shadow Kirby: Meta, open your eyes!

Shadow Kirby: We have a second chance here! We could actually be happy for once!

Shadow Kirby: Back there, I was miserable! Every single day, I had to fight just to even try to survive!

Shadow Kirby: Here, we have friends! There are people who care about us!

Shadow Kirby: There are people who will go to absurd lengths, just to make sure they don’t lose us!

Shadow Kirby: And you want to throw that away for a world that nearly killed you for showing your face?!

 

Dark Meta Knight: That is enough.

Dark Meta Knight: We are returning to the mirror world, and that is final.

 

Shadow Kirby: No.

Shadow Kirby: I’m not going back.

Shadow Kirby: You can have fun in hell all you want, I’m not leaving Popstar.

 

Dark Meta Knight: You are being irrational.

 

Shadow Kirby: Then let me be irrational.

Shadow Kirby: If you want to put this back together, you can do it yourself.

Shadow Kirby: If you change your mind, I’ll be in Floralia.

 

Dark Meta Knight ended Direct Chat

 

---

 

22:15 GST

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Are you there?

Bandana Waddle Dee: Kirby?

Bandana Waddle Dee: Please, talk to me.

Bandana Waddle Dee: Ribbon and Adeleine are worried for you

Bandana Waddle Dee: I’M worried for you.

 

Kirby: Leave me alone

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Kirby, you’re scaring me

 

Kirby: Then you’ll fit in well

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Kirby, please, just come back home at least

Bandana Waddle Dee: If you don’t want us to be with you, fine. I can live with that

Bandana Waddle Dee: But I need to know you’re okay

 

Kirby: I’m supposed to be a god, I can survive a few weeks outside

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Kirby, please

 

Kirby: Bandan, what do you want me to say?

Kirby: The only people who are willing to even spend time with me are the ones who are scared of me

Kirby: And when I actually try to keep a friend, it blows up in my face

Kirby: At best, I’m a terrible person, and at worst, I’m the actual devil.

Kirby: I love you all so much, but I don’t know if I can do this anymore.

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Then let us help you

Bandana Waddle Dee: We care about you, I promise

Bandana Waddle Dee: Just let us be there for you

 

Kirby: im sorry

Kirby: i’ll come back i promise

Kirby: i just need some time alone

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: ...okay.

Bandana Waddle Dee: Stay safe, alright?

Bandana Waddle Dee: Love you

 

Kirby: ...love you too

Notes:

Random Kirby Headcanon: Dark Matter’s ability to adapt other creatures abilities may be a result of its infective nature. The species acts as a hive-mind, and can infect any organism and corrupt its body. As a result, any instance of Dark Matter can access the abilities of any creature that has ever been affected by the entities. Interestingly, this had some ripple effects through the natural world, as living beings had to adapt to the dangerous abilities these high-level predators had. Eventually, a single low to mid-power Dark Matter could be overpowered by a planet’s organic population, though high-power instances still posed a serious threat, and a coordinated invasion was almost certain to devastate the planet.

Chapter 13: Emergency Alert

Summary:

8:15 GST

Coo: What’s going on, why are there heart things falling from the sky?

Pinned: Meta Knight: Reminder: we have a code system for major emergencies. Please remember it.

Code A: Two important Popstar Entities in conflict

Code B: Malicious actions by an important Popstar Entity

Code C: Arrival of an unknown, external entity

Code D: Minor malicious actions by external entity

Code E: Invasion by an external group/entity

Code F: Capture of a Dream Defender by external group/entity

Code G: Mass destruction/effects on Planet Popstar

Code H: Mass destruction/effects to multiple planets

Code I: Appearance of a known Stellar Level Threat

Code Z: Dark Matter related events

 

End pins

 

---

 

4:44 GST

 

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutaka Watanabe: @everyone We are currently on Red Alert, the Unidentified Destructive Object has reached this system.

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutaka Watanabe: I repeat, the Unidentified Destructive Object has reached this system!

 

Director of Robotics, Q Dequina: We aren’t even close to ready for this! The defense drones are still a month away from activation!

 

Chief Executive Officer, Anne-Marie Laperrière: You said we still had two months until that thing arrived!

 

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutaka Watanabe: I don’t understand! For it to have reached us already, it would have to have traveled at four times the speed of light!

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Shit shit shit shit shit

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Okay, this is bad, this is very bad.

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Is it still moving?

 

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutaka Watanabe: No, it’s currently stopped, approximately 500 km out from the farthest orbit in the system, pointing away from the galactic center

 

Director of Communications, Satoshi Ishida: I’m uploading images of it now

 

Director of Communications, Satoshi Ishida sent 5 images to chat

 

Director of Robotics, Q Dequina: That looks like a super-massive space station

Director of Robotics, Q Dequina: What are those dots in the fourth image?

 

Director of Communications, Satoshi Ishida: They seem to be smaller stations which were stored inside the larger body. Currently, they are simply orbiting the main vessel.

Director of Communications, Satoshi Ishida: Should we attempt to make contact, or should we maintain radio silence with the object?

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Maintain silence. We need to prepare in case it acts, and our current vessels are small enough we may still have the element of surprise.

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: I’m heading back planetside to Popstar. We’re going to need all hands on deck.

 

---

 

5:00 GST

 

Susie: It’s here.

 

Meta Knight: I saw. It doesn’t appear to be active at the moment.

 

Susie: It’s still at the very least a Code C, and we need to let everyone know.

Susie: Do we have any updates on Kirby’s whereabouts?

 

Meta Knight: Bandana said he was still on Popstar, just wandering. Odds are good, he’s still asleep somewhere in Dreamland.

 

Susie: What about DMK? Is there any possibility he could help us at all?

 

Meta Knight: It’s not likely, but I can ask Shadow Kirby to get in contact with him if needed.

Meta Knight: My crew is ready to go at a moment’s notice. We can handle this, Susanna.

 

Susie: I hope you’re right.

 

---

 

8:06 GST

 

Rikki Rikki Rembo: Yo, was there, like, an explosion up on Halfmoon?

 

---

 

8:15 GST

 

Coo: What’s going on, why are there heart things falling from the sky?

 

Kine: They’re kinda pretty, but they look weird.

 

Bandana: DON’T TOUCH THEM!

Bandana: Dedede just touched one of them, and something weird’s happened to him!

 

Susie: Shit, shit, shit, shit

Susie: Okay

Susie: @everyone We have an emergency situation! We previously believed we had a Code C, but it is being upgraded to a Code D emergency!

 

Addy: What the fuck is happening?!

Addy: Ribbon and I were with the paint sisters, and one of those weird heart things landed near us

Addy: Now Vividria is suddenly attacking us!

 

Ribbon: Paintra is panicking, this is really bad!

 

Gooey: Something’s wrong with Meta Knight! He’s acting really weird!

 

Marx: I just barely managed to avoid one of those things

Marx: I tried looking at it, and it felt

Marx: It felt like Nova

 

Magolor: I know what you’re talking about

Magolor: I remembered how I used to think of the Master Crown, and that feeling hit me like a shockwave as I looked at these things

 

Taranza: Floralia is getting hit hard

 

Shady: Luckily, most of the people of the sky know to avoid things like this, but most of the other Dreamlanders seem to be affected.

 

Daroach: It’s not just Popstar

Daroach: The whole system is getting hit with these things

 

Bandana: HE JUST ABSORBED IT

Bandana: I REPEAT, DEDEDE JUST ABSORBED THE WEIRD HEART THING

 

Susie: Shit!

Susie: @everyone We are upgrading! This is officially a Code H! We are in serious trouble!

 

Gooey: Meta’s attacking me!

Gooey: Someone, help!

 

Rick: @Kine @Coo I don’t think I can do much alone, you two willing to give me a hand?

 

Coo: Just like old times

 

Kine: Hopefully not EXACTLY like them

 

Addy: Ribbon and I are stuck outside of Dreamland, so if anyone can help, we really need it!

 

Daroach: The Squad and I will head over as soon as possible, kid. Stay strong!

 

Magolor: @Taranza I’m heading over to Floralia! The Lor should have enough Firepower to help defend anything you need.

 

Susie: I’ll head over too. HWC is deploying the defense force outside of Popstar, but I need to do something. I hope you’re okay with my business suit.

 

Taranza: Why would I give a shit what you’re wearing?

 

Susie: Oh, it’s not clothing.

 

Bandana: I need to find Kirby! We need his help!

 

Marx: I’ll help look. It’s my fault he’s still missing

 

Coo: Rick, Kine, Gooey and I will head over as soon as we stop Meta Knight

 

Gooey: He just flew off! I think he’s looking for something!

 

Addy: God damn it, where the hell are they?!

 

---

 

8:30 GST

 

Shadow Kirby began Direct Chat with Dark Meta Knight

 

Shadow Kirby: Meta, we need your help

Shadow Kirby: Something bad is happening

Shadow Kirby: These hearts are doing something to people

Shadow Kirby: I don’t know what to do

Shadow Kirby: Please

Shadow Kirby: I don’t want to die

 

---

 

8:35 GST

 

Ribbon: UH, DMK JUST TOUCHED DOWN IN NORTH EAST POPSTAR!

 

Shady: God I hope that’s not bad

 

---

 

8:40 GST

 

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutaka Watanabe: Our drones are getting shot down within a system radius of the object!

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutaka Watanabe: We can act on the planets currently center-side of Popside, but that’s about it

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Then do that. The warpstars are small enough compared to the drones, we should be able to transport forces to the rest of the planets manually.

 

Director of Robotics, Q Dequina: The native populations are attacking the drones, though! What are we supposed to do?

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Set the drones to attack hostile Dreamlanders. It would seem temporarily killing them is enough to knock them back to normal.

 

Head of Human Resources, Scot Ritchey: We’re ordering all employees to avoid the heart matter at any and all costs. Our droids seem to be able to resist the influence somehow, but our people can’t.

 

Director of Robotics, Q Dequina: Considering the blueprints we’re using for them, I think we can at least thank Star Dream for thinking long-term.

 

Director of Communications, Satoshi Ishida: We’re running active analysis on the stations, but it’s difficult to do at this far a distance.

Director of Communications, Satoshi Ishida: But I can tell you this much: this thing isn’t just ancient, it’s Ancient.

Director of Communications, Satoshi Ishida: As in, dates back to the original heroes era of Ancients.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Fuck, now I’m really hoping those power readings from Star Dream were accurate.

 

---

 

8:45 GST

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Kirby, where the fuck are you?!

 

Kirby: Shit, I forgot the chat app; I’m near Donut Dome

Kirby: Are you alright? Are Addy and Ribbon?

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: They’re okay, Daroach is helping them, but Dedede and Meta are affected

 

Kirby: I know, I’m trying to get to Dedede’s Castle. I’m just having trouble

Kirby: I think one of the hearts everyone is talking about hit me, because something weird is happening with me and hearts.

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Wait, don’t tell me you can cure this?

 

Kirby: Sometimes; most of the random people who come after me, I can clear up, but with, like, Mr. Frosty, I need to “pacify” them first.

Kirby: It seems the Waddle Dees are safe, mostly? The Parasol’s are definitely affected, though

Kirby: Another problem: I can’t cure everyone permanently. If a few of them stay near me, I can keep them clean, but otherwise only the “pacified” ones stay cured.

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Shit, what is this stuff? And why is it falling on us?

 

Kirby: Where are you? We need to talk

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: I’m almost at Donut Dome. Marx, Gooey, and the Animal Friends are with me.

 

Kirby: Good. Because I just heard word about Whispy Woods. We need all hands on deck.

 

---

 

9:15 GST

 

Kirby: @everyone

Kirby: CODE Z, I REPEAT, IT’S A CODE Z

Kirby: THIS THING IS FUCKING DARK MATTER

Notes:

Hope you all enjoyed! This isn’t the end, and I'll probably have a new chapter up next week, but this is a major turning point. Also, I am seriously debating whether or not to make a semi-novelization of Star Allies, but in this universe? I don’t know, I think it could be fun, and I’m especially interested in writing the Divine Terminus and on, but I’m not sure if I’d make it broken into chapters, or a one-shot. Anyways, Random Kirby Headcanon: Kirby isn’t brainwashing enemies in Star Allies; he’s curing them of the corruption the Jamba Hearts cause. Those hearts only really affect beings at or above a certain power level, and have greater effects the greater the power. Hence the phenomenon Kirby notices here, and how Bosses have those weird mutations. As for the “suddenly becoming corrupted again”, I don’t know, maybe there was Jamba dust in the air, I can’t explain literally everything.

Chapter 14: So, What Just Happened?

Summary:

Marx: So
Marx: We wanna talk about all that?

Kirby: What part?

Rick: Buff Dedede?

Notes:

No ship skip disclaimer this time. Screw you, you're going to read my self-indulgence, and you're going to like it.

Pinned: Kirby: CODE Z, I REPEAT, IT’S A CODE Z

 

End pins

 

---

 

20:39 GST

 

Marx: So

Marx: We wanna talk about all that?

 

Kirby: What part?

Kirby: The resurrection of the original god?

Kirby: The direct confirmation of a lot of the old Astral stories?

Kirby: The evil cult who may or may not have been members of the Ancients?

Kirby: The summoning of the original Galacta Knight?

Kirby: His apparent absorption by a freaking butterfly?

Kirby: The fight against literally THE god of our universe?

Kirby: The soul of that god looking almost exactly like my face?

Kirby: That soul ejecting from its body and turning into a Dark Matter?

 

Rick: Buff Dedede?

 

Marx: I’m just gonna say, a blanket “all of that”

 

Susie: I think this confirms a lot of things about Kirby

Susie: No offense

 

Kirby: None taken, I get what you mean

 

Dark Meta Knight: I must be honest, I have not felt this invigorated in a very long time.

 

Shady: I’m sorry I wasn’t able to pitch in with the big battles! I’ve been trying to clean things up

 

Taranza: It’s all good, everything ended up going okay

 

Kirby: I am a bit disappointed the Jamba people wouldn’t talk things out with us

Kirby: From what I could understand of what Hyness said, I don’t think they were always so, evil

 

Susie: I mean, yeah, they probably weren’t always a doomsday cult, but

Susie: Like, they brought the god of destruction back to life, and he killed all four of them to do it

 

Magolor: I’m talking to the members that were on the station, trying to get an impression of how everything started

Magolor: Are you all back on Popstar safely?

 

Kirby: Yeah, we touched down about an hour ago

Kirby: I’ll be perfectly honest, I’ve only been awake for about 12 hours, and I want to sleep for years

 

Dedede: If you want, I’ve got a place in Rainbow Resort near the Dream Fountain, that’s a lot better for preventing nightmares

 

Kirby: I might just take you up on that.

 

Marx: You know, I figured my first big adventure after coming back would be like, “Go keep Candy Mountain safe while Kirby fights a random beast”

Marx: Not “Help the biggest team Popstar’s ever seen defeat God”

 

Addy: Hey, it could be worse. You could’ve been possessed yourself

 

Marx: Just pull the trigger, piglet

 

---

 

23:21 GST

 

Dedede: Bandan? You still up?

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Yes, your majesty?

 

Dedede: I just

Dedede: Wanted to say I’m sorry

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: It’s okay, your majesty. It wasn’t you, it was the heart.

 

Dedede: I think it was, but

Dedede: It didn’t feel like it was.

Dedede: It felt like, I was acting of my own free will, like it was what I wanted to do

Dedede: It’s like I was sent back to how I used to be, back to being selfish and refusing to think of anyone but myself.

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Your majesty?

 

Dedede: I just, feel like it’s my fault

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: ...Dedede

Bandana Waddle Dee: I know things were bad, and I’m not going to say you never did anything wrong.

Bandana Waddle Dee: But you’ve grown so much, and it’s not your fault the heart affected you like it did.

Bandana Waddle Dee: Besides, Meta Knight started attacking everyone under the sun, you’re not the only one who did bad things under its influence.

Bandana Waddle Dee: You are a good king, and whatever went wrong, we’re going to stay by your side, okay?

 

Dedede: ...thanks, kiddo.

Dedede: You’re a good friend.

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: I do try.

 

---

 

7:21 GST

 

Taranza began Direct Chat with Meta Knight

 

Taranza: I have something to ask.

 

Meta Knight: Is it important?

 

Taranza: I think so

Taranza: It’s about Galacta Knight

 

Meta Knight: Given recent events, I’d say that might just be important

 

Taranza: Is it true that in the Astral faith, Galacta Knight is the guard of the dead?

 

Meta Knight: It depends what denomination you’re talking about.

Meta Knight: There are variations in which he acts as more of a martyr figure, while a few even frame him as more of a evil than Void.

Meta Knight: From what I know of the faith, though, the most common belief is along those lines.

Meta Knight: He was sealed in Another Dimension, the after life, and acts as its guardian, ushering in the souls of the dead and punishing those who disrupt the balance of life and death.

Meta Knight: Personally, I always found this to be a bit too much of a stretch, even for my somewhat superstitious mind.

 

Taranza: I have heard, though, one of the common elements in Astral stories is the dead being greeted first by the silhouette of a knight.

 

Meta Knight: Indeed

 

Taranza: Now, I think you need to go out with me on a branch here

 

Meta Knight: As I said, I’m already somewhat superstitious.

 

Taranza: I don’t know what you know about Popstar’s myths and faiths. Obviously, there are, a lot of variants.

Taranza: Human mythology in particularly is a major influence throughout most of Popstar, presumably a remnant from the “Dream People” era.

Taranza: And, for a long time, I always assumed that includes the Floralian beliefs regarding death.

 

Meta Knight: From what I know of human faith, that implies either skeletons, fire, or clouds.

 

Taranza: Not quite. Are you familiar with Dreamland Butterflies?

 

Meta Knight: ...I think I see where this is going.

 

Taranza: Butterflies are generally seen as a symbol of death and/or rebirth, but, Floralia takes this to a bit of a greater extreme

Taranza: A key part of the faith is that, when someone powerful dies, their souls are taken to the afterlife by the butterflies of the lower lands

Taranza: And it’s said that one butterfly guards the gates of eternity, with one hand open and the other wielding a firey blade.

Taranza: For some reason, that always stuck in my head as weird, mainly because, well

Taranza: Butterflies don’t have hands.

 

Meta Knight: But Astrals do.

Meta Knight: So, you think both myths originate from the mysterious entity that affected Galacta Knight?

 

Taranza: Possibly? I mean, I somehow doubt a normal butterfly would be able to do that, and I don’t think Galacta Knight was ever supposed to transform into another form.

 

Meta Knight: I see what you mean, but it’s definitely debatable.

Meta Knight: Personally, I have my suspicions of the two unlocated test subjects from the HAL project.

 

Taranza: I mean, it could be both. Time is kind of fluid in regards to Dreamland, and the butterfly that affected the Knight was definitely the Dreamland breed.

 

Meta Knight: I suppose you aren’t wrong. Though, it does raise the question of, if that is the guardian of the afterlife, what is happening to it now?

 

Taranza: ...I wonder.

 

---

 

8:01

 

Kirby: Do you ever want to destroy the sun?

 

Dedede: Stay away from Mr. Bright

 

Susie: Okay, are Bright and Shine Popstar’s actual Sun and Moon, or are those four distinct organisms?

 

Dedede: I don’t know, Shine doesn’t really look that much like our moon, but nobody’s ever seen both at the same time

 

Kirby: I’m gonna eat both suns

 

Addy: Please don’t

 

Kirby: But wake me >:(

 

Ribbon: Why not try wearing an eyemask?

 

Kirby: Can’t keep on

Kirby: Head is round and have no ear

 

Dedede: Wait, my Rainbow Resort house has thick shades specifically to help sleep through the sun

Dedede: How is it waking you up?

 

Kirby: I’m not in your house

Kirby: I couldn’t find key

Kirby: I’m sleep by fountain

 

Dedede: Aw, shoot, I forgot that house has locks on it

 

Taranza: Important Question: Does anyone know what happened to the weird orange butterfly knight?

 

Magolor: It’s definitely not on the Jambandra base anymore.

 

Susie: I tried to log its energy signature while I could, and from what I can tell, it’s basically completely vanished from this system.

 

Meta Knight: You have a way of tracking its energy signature?

 

Susie: More or less. I can detect if it is present within 1000 light seconds, or a little over 2 AU.

Susie: Is this significant?

 

Taranza: It just might be.

Taranza: Does anyone know the legends of Dreamland’s Butterflies?

 

Kirby: Taranza, no

 

Magolor: No what?

 

Kirby: No to what he’s going to suggest

 

Taranza: Come on, you don’t even know what I was going to say!

 

Kirby: You were going to say that the knight we saw may be the guardian of the afterlife, and considering Susie’s experience and the recently revealed truth behind Astral Mythology, that afterlife is likely Another Dimension, and if Susie has a way of detecting the knight’s presence we may be able to venture into Another Dimension and explore it, to see what we can find in there.

 

Taranza: ...how the fuck

 

Kirby: I’ve been doing this for over half my life, I know what I’m doing at this point.

 

Magolor: I mean, I don’t want to take sides here, but, there’s a chance we might have to enter Another Dimension regardless.

Magolor: There are a high quantity of rifts appearing in the System at the moment. Probably a result of Termina’s appearance?

 

Susie: That’s, very bad. We need to close those rifts ASAP

 

Kirby: Then we’ll find a way to do it that doesn’t involve going through them.

 

Dark Meta Knight: I do not understand your resistance to this idea.

 

Kirby: Alright, everyone, show of hands: who here would sacrifice all of their morals in order to bring a specific person back to life?

 

Taranza: ...I mean

 

Susie: Maybe not all of them, but

 

Magolor: ...yeah.

 

Bandana: Mags?

 

Magolor: You don’t know my past

 

Rick: To be fair, Kirb, I’m pretty sure everyone in the world would do that for at least one person, given the chance.

 

Kirby: That’s exactly my point.

 

Marx: I gotta agree with him, there’s way too much temptation for us if we try to go in

Marx: Even beyond that, I, don’t think it’s safe even if we stay on the rails.

Marx: I remember something happening to my memories while I was drifting through there

Marx: It was like, something was coming out of my head, something was being made from my thoughts

 

Daroach: Look, I understand that must have been a lot, but, like

Daroach: We just killed THE god.

Daroach: I think we can take on a couple dream eaters

 

Meta Knight: Kirby, I understand your trepidation, really I do.

Meta Knight: But at the very least, I think we need to at least investigate what’s happening here, as best we can.

 

Kirby: ...okay. I’ll think about it.

Kirby: But don’t say I didn’t warn you.

 

---

 

12:23 GST

 

Susie: Okay, I’ve found a decent match

 

Meta Knight: For what?

 

Susie: Our mysterious fluttery knight.

Susie: H-42, aka morpho method subject #4

Susie: The idea was to utilize a species’ metamorphosis to transform an otherwise unexceptional animal into a clone of Galacta Knight

 

Meta Knight: Let me guess, 42’s host was a caterpillar?

 

Susie: A caterpillar from Popstar.

Susie: Apparently, the subject was unruly and disobedient from the moment it emerged, but it was kept unterminated for a long time due to displaying “exceptionally fast growth, and remarkable skills with the sample blades”

 

Meta Knight: That definitely seems like them.

Meta Knight: So, you think you have the ability to detect this Morpho knight?

 

Susie: Nice, if a bit derivative.

Susie: Yes, I believe I can detect its presence, which should be useful if the afterlife theory proves accurate

Susie: I also have technology that can repel the Doomers in a wide radius around us when we go through AD.

 

Meta Knight: Built during your time stranded?

 

Susie: Partially. I developed Doomer repelling tech back then, but it’s been enhanced since then with HWC resources.

Susie: I’m surprised you’re so on board with an AD expedition.

 

Meta Knight: I must admit, I am fairly curious.

Meta Knight: I’ve only ventured into the world on a few occasions, and during those I either stayed very shallow, or spent most time on Halcandra.

Meta Knight: The idea that actual living souls could exist within that world, that these ideas I put my faith in might have some truth to them,

Meta Knight: It both intrigues and scares me.

 

Susie: Makes sense.

Susie: I hope you don’t judge me as selfish for my hopes regarding it.

 

Meta Knight: Quite honestly, I’d be shocked if you weren’t interested in finding him.

 

Susie: Out of curiosity, are there any people you would try to bring back if you got the chance?

 

Meta Knight: It’s, hard to say. I think there might be one, but, I’m not sure if they’re dead, and, even if I did, it would primarily be to ask questions

 

Susie: I think I understand. I, can confirm, she has passed on since then.

 

Meta Knight: I see. That is, unfortunate to hear.

 

Susie: ...if I somehow find her in there, I’ll let you know.

 

Meta Knight: Thank you.

 

Susie: No problem, Meta.

 

---

 

18:42 GST

 

Kirby started Group “confidential”

 

Kirby added Adeleine, Bandana Waddle Dee, and Ribbon

 

Kirby: Am I immature for making this? Perhaps.

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Why is this named “confidential”?

 

Adeleine: Why us three?

 

Ribbon: Is something wrong?

 

Kirby: I mean, I think this group could useful for multiple purposes

Kirby: But the reason I made it right now is because

Kirby: You three are the only ones I know aren’t embarrassed by sleeping with me

 

Ribbon: :blush:

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Excuse me?!

 

Adeleine: Guys

Adeleine: He means physically sleep in the same place as him.

 

Kirby: As opposed to what?

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Don’t pull that act with me

 

Kirby: lol

Kirby: but in all seriousness I really need help sleeping

 

Ribbon: Doesn’t the Fountain of Dreams help with nightmares?

 

Kirby: It does, but it works better the closer you are to it

Kirby: and now that Dedede’s actually unlocked the front door, I’ve realized this house is

Kirby: probably close enough for most nightmares, but, not my current ones

 

Ribbon: Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that!

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: I’ll head over in a second

Bandana Waddle Dee: If that’s okay?

 

Kirby: Yes please

 

Adeleine: I’d offer my own services or Ribbon’s, but

Adeleine: I think the bed might not be big enough for four people

Adeleine: Even if one of them is a small fairy

 

Kirby: Wait, did you two finally confess to each other?

 

Ribbon: egiuabejrvjfbraklgvbjleg

 

Adeleine: WHAT NO WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE DON’T LIKE EACH OTHER DON’T BE SILLY

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: I like how even when you’re in denial, you still use apostrophes

 

Adeleine: Blame Susie.

 

Kirby: I don’t understand? Weren’t you saying you and Ribbon would be in the same bed?

 

Adeleine: Yeah, but we’re just, like

Adeleine: Sticking together.

Adeleine: For solidarity!

 

Ribbon: Yeah, we’re just, keeping each other safe!

Ribbon: Nothing more than friends, honest

 

---

 

18:51 GST

 

Kirby: Really?

 

Adeleine: Oh, shut up, you marshmallow.

 

---

 

18:51 GST

 

Kirby: Really?

 

Ribbon: >.<

Ribbon: I’m not as forward as I used to be, okay?!

 

---

 

18:52 GST

 

Kirby: Oh, I get it!

Kirby: Like how Waddle’s gonna help me sleep now!

 

Adeleine: I

Adeleine: Sure?

 

---

 

18:53 GST

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: hits you

Bandana Waddle Dee: bites you

 

Kirby: lol

Kirby: with what mouth?

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: the one i curse you out with

 

---

 

19:23 GST

 

Kirby: Hey, Susie?

 

Susie: Is this serious question stuff, or more soap opera?

 

Kirby: Maybe both? Depending on what angle you look at it from?

 

Susie: Alright, whatever. Hit me with it.

 

Kirby: So, uh

Kirby: How long is the average Astral lifespan?

 

Susie: That is a fascinating question that I’m like 90% sure you don’t actually want the answers to.

 

Kirby: I know I’m not, like, completely an Astral

Kirby: And, like, the Void stuff means I’m probably unique

Kirby: But, I don’t know

 

Susie: Okay

Susie: Well, the short answer is, infinite

Susie: The long answer is, we don’t currently know, because no Astral has reached the end of their natural lifespan yet.

Susie: There are maybe a handful of known Astrals in existence, not counting you and Meta Knight

Susie: All have been alive for centuries at the least, hundreds of millenia at the most.

Susie: Some show signs of aging, others don’t, and neither seem to actually corrolate with known age.

Susie: They’re not immortal, necessarily, injury can kill them

Susie: But as far as we’re aware, old age may not be able to kill them

 

Kirby: I think I’ve heard that they don’t die of old age before, honestly

Kirby: I just wanted to see if that was actually a scientific fact

 

Susie: I’m sorry if that wasn’t the answer you were hoping for

 

Kirby: It’s fine, not your fault anyways

Kirby: Like I said, I already kind of knew it, just, wanted to confirm

Kirby: So, at minimum, the lifespan must be, like, centuries?

 

Susie: ...yes

Susie: To be fair, there are magical ways to resist old age mortality, so

 

Kirby: So the older ones could have used magic, or so there are ways for me to not spend centuries alone?

 

Susie: More, the former, but, the latter isn’t, untrue

Susie: Though, Meta Knight would probably also live that long?

 

Kirby: Unless his bat component shortens his lifespan somehow

Kirby: Sorry, I’m just

 

Susie: No, it’s okay!

Susie: Trust me, I get it.

Susie: If anyone has reason to be in a mood right now, it’s you

 

Kirby: Yeagh

 

Susie: Yeagh?

 

Kirby: Bandana cuddled me while I was typing

 

Susie: Okay, I know you’re both basically teenagers and there’s real drama

Susie: But the idea of you two orbs cuddling is adorable

 

Kirby: He is very adorable, at least

Kirby: He’s looking over my shoulder

Kirby: He says to say I’m adorable too

 

Susie: D’awww

 

Kirby: >.<

 

---

 

19:49 GST

 

Susie: Yo, dededork

 

Dedede: That’s King Dededork, thank you

 

Susie: Why are none of the teen dorks actually dating?

 

Dedede: Adeleine is oblivious, Ribbon is shy, and Kirby is afraid of commitment

 

Susie: Seriously?

 

Dedede: I mean, the Marx incident left more trust issues than it should have, and also, you know

Dedede: Evil monsters constantly attacking and slight fear of himself

 

Susie: So, less fear of commitment than fear of loss?

 

Dedede: I guess?

Dedede: But, yeah, that’s about why

 

Susie: You know, I wanna say the benefit of being an adult is not dealing with relationship drama

Susie: But then I remembered Taranza exists

 

Dedede: I mean,

Dedede: It’s a different kind of drama

 

Susie: True

 

Dedede: Besides, who knows if those kids are actually adults or not

Dedede: I mean, Kirby is semi-ageless and Meta Knight started behaving like a full old man at age 6, Adeleine is a dream that was born and has mostly stayed as a tween, and Ribbon is technically 21, 22

 

Susie: Actually, I have done more analysis of fairy aging

Susie: They live an average of 100 of their planet’s solar cycles

Susie: (So 160 years)

Susie: So by their aging standards, she’s a little over 13.

 

Dedede: Huh

 

Susie: Age is weird and I’m not a fan

Susie: Why can’t everyone be born a fully mature adult and stay that way eternally?

 

Dedede: Well, I mean, at least we know Bandana’s solidly 16 years and 8 months old.

 

Susie: And somehow the most mature of us all.

 

---

 

1:59 GST

 

Pick’s Pick of the Pickle Patch: mods are asleep

Pick’s Pick of the Pickle Patch: post shirtless dedede

 

Pick’s Pick of the Pickle Patch sent image to chat

 

Meta Knight: I never sleep.

 

Meta Knight changed Rick’s nickname back to default

 

Meta Knight silenced Rick for 10 hours

 

Dedede sent image to chat

 

Meta Knight: I hate you all

Notes:

Random Kirby Headcanon: The Side Modes vary in canonicity to this series. For example, Dededetour is basically full canon except for Sectonia DX, Meta Knightmare is semi-canon to what Meta Knight did before Kirby awoke in Robobot right up to the end of Level 3, and Guest Star is obviously pretty much completely noncanon. However, Morpho Knight and the summoning of Galacta Knight near the end of Star Allies did occur in this canon. If I haven’t uploaded the fic based on it by the time this comes out, here’s the idea: in an attempt to slow the Star Allies down once they were in the Divine Terminus, and since he was already going to be destroying the universe, Hyness summoned Galacta Knight from his seal in Another Dimension. After that and the Morpho fight, they got to the end, with Zan Partizanne and Hyness. Does that mean Galacta Knight is dead in this canon? I honestly don’t know.

Chapter 15: Preparing To Storm Hell With The Worst Possible Team

Summary:

Daroach: It’s weird to think that the Ancients actually existed.
Daroach: Like, I always figured they were purely legends and myths
Daroach: But, they’re apparently real

Coo: What planet have you lived on all your life?

Meta Knight: You were possessed by a creature the Ancients locked away

Daroach: Listen

Pinned: Kirby: Okay. This Friday, at around 10 in the morning, we’re going to go to the Divine Terminus of the Jambandra Base, and we’re going to go inside the large dimensional rift there, and see if we can’t close the rifts that are opening up around this system. Please, please, prepare yourselves; this isn’t likely to just be a brief excursion, this is probably going to be a large, perilous expedition.

 

End pins

 

---

 

9:21 GST

 

Taranza: You ever wake up from a really nice dream, then realize it was just a dream, and get super depressed?

 

PPPP: I’m pretty sure you’re just depressed in general

PPPP: Like, not even as a joke or insult

PPPP: I think you need therapy.

 

Taranza: Look

Taranza: Maybe

Taranza: But do you know any good therapists in this solar system?

 

Susie: I literally go to a therapist.

Susie: HWC employs several.

 

Magolor: So, how much do the company’s “employing professional therapists” and “actually committing intergalactic war crimes” eras overlap?

 

Susie: Until about a year ago, the venn diagram was basically one circle.

 

Kine: To be fair, I would imagine commiting monstrous acts on a regular basis would generally result in people needing therapy

 

Addy: I’m just surprised Susie is willing to go to therapy

Addy: I mean, I know some traumatic stuff has happened to you

Addy: But

Addy: I don’t know, I just never saw you as that kind of person

 

Susie: Therapy is a useful tool for living a happy life.

Susie: I told my therapist about my traumatizing backstory, and bought myself an additional two years before I accidentally killed my dad.

 

Coo: Does your therapist know you make comments like that regularly?

 

Susie: Look

Susie: I don’t have to tell Claire everything.

 

Kirby: Does she know you’re going back into Another Dimension in, like, three days?

 

Susie: Actually, yes

Susie: She recommended I bring an extra Xanax with me just in case I start having a panic attack.

 

Taranza: Do you have panic attacks regularly?

 

Susie: No, not regularly, but I’ve definitely had a couple.

Susie: Usually because of a particularly strong trigger.

 

Kirby: Panic attacks suck.

 

Marx: Agreed.

 

PPPP: New Marx lore? :eyes:

 

Marx: Rick, I will skin you

 

Coo: Okay, how the heck did you even know that was Rick?

Coo: I literally couldn’t tell who it was, and I was wondering if I’d missed something

 

Kine: You can click on a nickname to see the user’s standard username.

Kine: As well as some of their other nicknames

Kine: Isn’t that right, “Das Kapital Stan”?

 

Marx: Bingo.

 

Dedede: What was your dream about, Taranza?

 

Taranza: Eh, the usual.

Taranza: Sectonia, peace, the mirror was atomized

 

Shady: Dang

 

Dark Meta Knight: My apologies.

 

Taranza: Meh. Not like you personally chose to do it.

Taranza: I’d hope

Taranza: For the sake of your owngoing survival.

 

Dark Meta Knight: I assure you, it was not my idea for my own body to be a host for darkness, nor for it to be sealed near the glass of the Mirror.

 

Meta Knight: Am I the only one who remembers we still have to actually plan for the rapidly approaching expedition?

 

Kirby: Believe me, I remember.

Kirby: The big problem is, we don’t know what we need to plan FOR

Kirby: Between Marx, Magolor, Susie, and personal experience

Kirby: We have multiple, completely different accounts of what Another Dimension is like

 

Dedede: I feel like we need to keep in teams.

Dedede: I call Meta and Bandana

 

Susie: Not Kirby?

Susie: Bold choice.

 

PPPP: I mean, Kine, Coo and I pretty much have to stick together to actually get anything done.

PPPP: I can’t get very far in water or air, Kine can’t get very far on land or in air, and Coo can’t even really walk.

 

Coo: I like to think my flight can compensate for my slow walking speed.

Coo: But, I’m an even worse swimmer than Rick.

 

Kine: To be fair, if Another Dimension doesn’t have a lot of water, I’ll basically be dead weight.

 

Susie: From what I remember, there is water in AD.

 

Kine: Fantastic.

 

Kirby: Still might be a good idea to bring a couple other people along with you three, just in case.

 

Ribbon: I’m sticking with Adeleine.

Ribbon: We work well together.

 

Addy: Agreed.

 

Daroach: I can watch them, probably.

 

Meta Knight: I suppose that works well enough.

 

Taranza: I enjoyed working with Magolor and Susie during the crisis.

Taranza: But I’d understand why that might not be, agreeable, for some.

 

Kirby: Eh, it works, fine enough

Kirby: I just need to know I can trust you three to not do anything that puts others in danger.

 

Magolor: You have my word, at least.

Magolor: Can’t speak for these two.

 

Susie: Rude

Susie: I’m not planning on putting anyone else at risk.

 

Taranza: Same here.

Taranza: As much as I want to save her, I’m not about to risk someone else’s life to do so.

Taranza: As for keeping myself safe, I make no promises.

 

Susie: I’ll try to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself.

 

Kirby: Hmmm...

 

Bandana: Why are we going in smaller groups anyways?

Bandana: Why don’t we just all stick together?

 

Meta Knight: That is definitely the ideal situation.

Meta Knight: However, the unfortunate fact is, we don’t know what we will be facing, and it is incredibly possible we’ll need to split up at one point or another.

 

Susie: A good majority of the dimension is in a semi-constant state of collapsing and regenerating.

Susie: Somehow, this portion of the dimension is legitimately the safest of the whole reality.

 

Marx: I remember floating through Another Dimension for years, with my meeting with Magolor being the only instance where anything interrupted the isolation and empty space.

Marx: Then, a year or two ago, something, happened

Marx: I don’t know how to explain it, but, it felt like something was trying to siphon my power and memories

 

Magolor: There are some lifeforms in AD that aren’t just Doomers, but, they can be, odd.

Magolor: Some of them are just from Halcandra, and others are from this dimension.

Magolor: But, there’s also

Magolor: Parasites

 

Kirby: Do they feed on people?

 

Magolor: Sometimes?

Magolor: I’ll admit, I’m not an expert myself.

Magolor: All I can speak of are what little I ventured outside of Halcandra, and the stories the few other Halcandrans told me about.

 

PPPP: Yo, wait

PPPP: Mags, do you look like one of those priestesses?

PPPP: Or like the cult leader?

 

Magolor: Not either, specifically, but definitely not those priestesses

Magolor: I’m like 90% sure they’re not native Ancients

Magolor: They were probably inducted in at some point, probably by that Hyness guy

Magolor: Obviously, Halcandrans have evolved a lot since the Ancient era

Magolor: But it is nice to know the ears are that old

 

Daroach: It’s weird to think that the Ancients actually existed.

Daroach: Like, I always figured they were purely legends and myths

Daroach: But, they’re apparently real

 

Coo: What planet have you lived on all your life?

 

Meta Knight: You were possessed by a creature the Ancients locked away

 

Daroach: Listen

 

Addy: Daroach himbo moments?

 

Susie: Ew, no

Susie: Do you even know what that word means?

 

Addy: Do I seem like I would?

 

Susie: I don’t know, what you know from human civilization seems to be kind of arbitrary

 

PPPP: I can verify, it’s one of the things that was left over from the old human ages

PPPP: And Daroach isn’t hot enough to qualify

 

Daroach: But I am hot, you agree?

 

Ribbon: Wait wait wait

Ribbon: Did Daroach ever tell us his sexuality?

 

Daroach: I have my own group chat to focus on

Daroach: I don’t have time to check what weird stuff you all are getting up to 24/7

 

Meta Knight: We will never stay on topic, will we?

 

---

 

12:30 GST

 

Ribbon: Question: how do you tell a girl you like her?

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Do I seem like I’ve ever liked a girl, OR told someone I like them?

 

Ribbon: I mean

Ribbon: Maybe?

Ribbon: I think Kirby knows you like him

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: You assume I willingly divulged that to him

Bandana Waddle Dee: Instead of him having to go full detective mode to figure it out

 

Ribbon: Okay

Ribbon: Fair

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Why not just, like

Bandana Waddle Dee: Tell her?

 

Ribbon: I can’t do that!

Ribbon: What if she doesn’t like me back?!

Ribbon: Or what if she thinks I’m weird for liking her

Ribbon: Or if she laughs at me like it’s just a joke

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: She wouldn’t do any of that?

 

Ribbon: How can you be sure?

Ribbon: You don’t even know who it is?

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: ...

 

Ribbon: Alright, fine, whatever

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Why not just kiss her like you did Kirby?

 

Ribbon: Waddle, that was done once on pure adrenaleine

Ribbon: And even then it was more terrifying than the angel demon we’d just fought

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: You know, whenever things actually develop

Bandana Waddle Dee: I really hope Kirby doesn’t force me to date you

Bandana Waddle Dee: Coward

 

Ribbon: Jerk

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Why are you even asking now?

Bandana Waddle Dee: Why not wait until after the whole “life-threatening mission” thing?

 

Ribbon: Because I don’t want to die having never told anyone how I feel about them!

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: ...okay, need to reword, I don’t think it’s going to be that life-threatening.

 

Ribbon: Look

Ribbon: If it hadn’t been for Addy, I would have died five times over during the Void incident.

Ribbon: I’m not strong, and I’m not fast

Ribbon: If we get separated during the trip, I’m 100% dead

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: No you’re not!

Bandana Waddle Dee: Ribbon, you escaped from a horde of Dark Matter all on your own!

Bandana Waddle Dee: You are stronger than you think!

 

Ribbon: Waddle

Ribbon: You weren’t there

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: No, but I’ve been there myself.

Bandana Waddle Dee: Do you remember what I was like back then?

Bandana Waddle Dee: Hell, the first time I faced Kirby in battle as myself, he literally just inhaled me.

Bandana Waddle Dee: You are stronger than you think you are.

Bandana Waddle Dee: I promise.

 

Ribbon: ...dammit, Waddle, why do you have to be this good?

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: I mean, it’s generally just me, Meta, and Dedede with Kirby on a daily basis, at least before the phones

Bandana Waddle Dee: And, well

Bandana Waddle Dee: They aren’t exactly mental health experts.

 

Ribbon: True

Ribbon: But then, neither of them have “slept with” Kirby

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Shut

 

---

 

16:11 GST

 

Susie: Yo, Anne-Marie

Susie: Anything going on Friday?

 

Anne-Marie27: Do I look like your secretary?

 

Susie: I don’t have a secretary

Susie: And I meant, like

Susie: In your personal life

 

Anne-Marie27: What personal life?

 

Susie: Do you think you could cover for me in a meeting on Friday?

Susie: Something big is going on that day, and I completely forgot about the meeting

 

Anne-Marie27: How big are we talking?

Anne-Marie27: Is this like “Personally defeating God”, “Disposing of wreckage someone else could’ve taken”, or “Flirting with a queen”?

 

Susie: First off, fuck you

Susie: Second, in between 1 and 2.

Susie: We’re gonna be trying to close the rifts, by going into AD.

 

Anne-Marie27: I see

Anne-Marie27: Have you told Claire about this little errand?

 

Susie: Why so many questions? I can take care of myself.

 

Anne-Marie27: Fine, fine

Anne-Marie27: What’s the meeting?

 

Susie: Luckily, it’s nothing major

Susie: Just a preliminary meeting, should only be about 10 minutes max

Susie: Telecon too, won’t even need to go anywhere.

 

Anne-Marie27: When you say preliminary

 

Susie: It’s with some of the other surviving human settlements

Susie: Basically, it’s the “meeting to decide when we should have the meeting”

Susie: Honestly, if cell service actually worked in AD, I’d still do it myself

 

Anne-Marie27: Fair enough

Anne-Marie27: Promise you’ll come back before 15 years this time?

 

Susie: Listen

Susie: It was 12

Susie: And I’ll send Kirby back with my body if I die

 

Anne-Marie27: If you don’t have a secretary yet, do I become President if you die?

 

Susie: Sure, fuck it

Susie: I’ll keep the Presidential keys in my pocket

 

---

 

7:21 GST

 

Kirby: Question

 

Adeleine: Answer

 

Kirby: If you drew a picture-perfect version of me

Kirby: Could it literally use my powers?

 

Adeleine: I mean

Adeleine: I can’t draw a picture-perfect anything

Adeleine: And, I don’t think my drawings have, like, actual life?

Adeleine: Like, if my sketches have souls, I might be history’s greatest monster

 

Kirby: Fair

 

Kirby: Do I have a soul?

 

Adeleine: It’s 7:30 in the morning.

Adeleine: AKA too early to bug the human about existentialism

Adeleine: Ask your crush or something, idk

 

Kirby: Which one?

 

Adeleine: ...not gonna process that right now.

 

Kirby: I mean, assuming you mean Ribbon, aren’t you two sleeping in the same bed still?

 

Adeleine: She’s checking up on Ripple Star currently

Adeleine: I’m not particularly happy about it

 

Kirby: Awww

Kirby: Do you need help with anything?

 

Adeleine: ...I mean

Adeleine: I wouldn’t mind having a big plush Kirbo to cuddle while I sleep

Adeleine: But I don’t want to interrupt anything

Adeleine: Or ruin your sleep schedule more

 

Kirby: I assure you, it can’t be ruined more than it already is

Kirby: Plus, Waddle’s helping Dedede pack some stuff for the expedition in two days

 

Adeleine: Alright, get over here, luff

Adeleine: *puff

 

Kirby: Be right there

Kirby: Jeez, I should find that sock.

 

Adeleine: ...I just don’t ask questions anymore.

 

---

 

12:00 GST

 

DMK: Question

DMK: Is there anything of great power in Another Dimension?

 

Magolor: Don’t like that question

 

Susie: There are some things, but they’re generally surrounded by great danger.

 

DMK: That is of no concern.

DMK: I will accompany you all on this expedition.

 

Meta Knight: I’ll warn you now, if you attempt to stop us from accomplishing our main goal, we are fully able and willing to destroy you.

 

Shady: Please behave, DMK.

 

DMK: I assure you, I am not idiotic. I would not act against the interests of the primal reincarnation.

 

Kine: Ominous.

Kine: Usually, Kirby would object to someone talking about him like that.

 

Bandana: Well I’m at Dedede’s castle, and Ribbon’s back on Ripple Star

Bandana: And he and Addy always seem to sleep in whenever they’re in the same bed/couch

 

Marx: :eyes:

 

Daroach: Trust me, Marx

Daroach: Don’t go there

Daroach: Anyways, @Meta Knight

Daroach: I’ll try to keep watch over Edgy McEdgeface over here

Daroach: AGAIN

 

Meta Knight: I hate to inconvenience you regarding this

Meta Knight: But it’d be very appreciated.

 

DMK: You act as though I can not be trusted at all.

DMK: Need I remind you that I assisted you of my own free will during the recent incident?

 

Meta Knight: Need I remind YOU that you were the first to challenge the Knight?

Meta Knight: Forgive me of skepticism when you’ve openly stated you have selfish intentions.

 

Shady: :(

Shady: What should I do?

 

DMK: It would be for the best if you remained outside the rift.

DMK: Outside of the mirror, you are not powerful enough to stand much of a chance.

 

Shady: ):

Shady: I can use weapons!

 

Susie: It might be for the best if you stay guard right outside the rift.

Susie: Who knows who or what might come out of that rift while we’re inside

 

Shady: Okay

Shady: I’ll try to get a good weapon to stand guard with.

 

Dedede: :thumbsup:

 

Meta Knight: And what, pray tell, are you doing?

 

Dedede: Getting as much food as I can for the trip.

Dedede: You can never have too many provisions.

 

Taranza: Oddly enough, not wrong.

 

---

 

1:23 GST

 

Addy: WHAT YEAR IS IT?!

 

Kirby: We didn’t sleep that long, Addy

 

Susie: Depends on how you qualify things.

 

---

 

8:50 GST

 

Kirby: Alright, me, Addy, Ribbon, and Bandana are heading over on my warp star

Kirby: Is everyone else on their way?

 

Magolor: I’m bringing Spider-boy and the Mirror-Worlders on the Lor.

 

Susie: Dedede and the blob pushed their way onto my personal ship.

 

Gooey: Am blob

 

Meta Knight: I’m aboard the Halberd, bringing Daroach, Marx, Rick, Kine, and Coo.

Meta Knight: The other animal friends are going to try and track down any rifts that stay open once we’re done.

 

Magolor: I’m glad we’re doing this sooner rather than later.

Magolor: I think the rifts are actually weakening the barriers between dimensions.

Magolor: So, I mean, the upshot would be DMK and Shady could head home without the mirror

Magolor: The downside being, you know

 

Kirby: Yeah

Kirby: Remember, everyone, be careful.

Kirby: I’ll see you there.

 

----

 

22:52 GST

 

Shady: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED IN THERE?!

Notes:

What happened in Another Dimension? Does Kirby have a soul? What in the world happened to Marx in Another Dimension? Find out in the new fic, THE STAR ALLIES IN ANOTHER DIMENSION! Shameless self-promotion, ding!

Random Kirby Headcanon: Hero In Another Dimension is canon to the actual games, and as a result, the Mage Sisters and Hyness being redeemed is canon. I don’t think there’s been official word on whether or not it’s canon, but, I think it is. And nobody gets to tell me it isn’t.

Chapter 16: Deconditioning

Summary:

Zan Partizanne: Ah! Japologa, je goppoko jalt.

Magolor: Ji jombre = jalt joo.

Marx: What kind of moon language are you weirdos speaking?

Magolor: It’s Halcandran you fig.

Pinned: Kirby: So, uh, long story short: I’m like 99% sure I’m Void’s reincarnation, but I’m still a good guy. Cool? Cool.

 

End pins

 

---

 

11:12 GST

 

Marx: That feels, way too casual for something like that.

 

Kirby: Look

 

Marx: You gonna tell me what to look at, or

 

Meta Knight: Susie, how are the cultists?

 

Susie: Good enough, Hyness is still asleep, but I think he’s just exhausted.

Susie: The “sisters” are awake, though, and I’m trying to acquaint them with modern tech.

 

Rick: So, are we seriously just, like

Rick: Gonna let them roam free?

 

Dedede: Current plan is to keep them under strict supervision.

Dedede: Susie currently, then a few other folks once she actually has to do her job again.

Dedede: Based on what those women said, we think they probably don’t intend to do harm

Dedede: But there’s still a serious risk.

 

Susie: Unfortunately, we can’t ask HWC to help until the big Gamble Human meeting.

Susie: And then possibly ever after that.

 

Coo: Why not?

Coo: Surely they’d be well-equipped to restrain these ancients.

 

Susie: Look, the main headquarters for all of humanity in this galaxy was completely obliterated by these people’s station.

Susie: If word gets to the other settlements that we have the people responsible, they’ll be calling for their heads on spikes within the hour.

 

Kine: Couldn’t we just point out, you know

Kine: They were pretty clearly half-mind-controlled into doing it?

 

Susie: We could, yes, but humanity isn’t particularly entranced by that defense

Susie: Magic is still generally considered a fairy tale device by most of the species.

 

Ribbon: Fairy tale?

 

Susie: Long story.

Susie: But it means something fake and childish.

 

Ribbon: Rude

 

Dedede: Between me and Taranza, we probably have enough man-power to handle those four, no matter what they try and pull.

 

Taranza: I suppose so.

Taranza: Should I prepare a dungeon cell or two?

 

Dedede: Wait, you have a dungeon?

 

Taranza: ...do you not?

 

Daroach: Lol, noob doesn’t have his own dungeon

 

Dedede: I’ll kick your ass, rat man!

 

Magolor: It’s always nice to see things have definitely calmed down.

 

---

 

15:21 GST

 

Susie added Zan Partizanne to server

 

Zan Partizanne: Bonjam.

 

Magolor: Ah! E jupika de Halcandra jidioma! Je Magolor.

 

Zan Partizanne: Japologa.

 

Magolor: Janno, ze jidioma modijie. Mago = jalt Mapop

 

Zan Partizanne: Ah! Japologa, je goppoko jalt.

 

Magolor: Ji jombre = jalt joo.

 

Marx: What kind of moon language are you weirdos speaking?

 

Magolor: It’s Halcandran you fig.

 

Zan Partizanne: Japologa. Many words of this new language escape me, but I will do my best to keep to it.

 

Susie: It’s all good, lots of new speakers have issues with it at first

Susie: You and your sisters are surprisingly good with the language!

 

Zan Partizanne: Jamanke. Though, I suppose if the order is dissolved, we are no longer sisters.

 

Dedede: Ha! Kine owes me a Maxim now.

 

Zan Partizanne: Juh?

 

Dedede: I placed a bet with him that you were religious sisters, not blood relatives.

 

Zan Partizanne: I am

Zan Partizanne: 90% certain Flamberge is attracted to Francisca.

 

Susie: At the least, we knew for a fact you three weren’t related to Hyness.

 

Zan Partizanne: Jambadetana, you have some intelligence.

 

Magolor: I do find it fascinating the small ways the language has shifte over time.

Magolor: Like how the word for “hope” has become even closer to the word for “lie”.

 

Zan Partizanne: Tell me, what is this language’s word for “lor”?

 

Magolor: Paradise.

 

Zan Partizanne: I see

 

Marx: Hang on

Marx: You’re saying you named your ship the Paradise Starcutter?

 

Magolor: Considering my own name means either “hope for paradise” or “false paradise”

Magolor: It’s not that out there.

 

Zan Partizanne: To be fair, our base which landed on this planet has a name which means “God’s heart”, so

 

Magolor: Halcandran names are weird.

 

---

 

16:01 GST

 

Susie: Okay, I think everything’s a lot calmer now

Susie: How’d the preliminary meeting go?

 

Anne-Marie27: Considering a fifth of humanity is dead, surprisingly well.

Anne-Marie27: There was definitely some talk about holding an official hearing regarding the mechanization project and the company’s more anti-Alliance activity during the period

Anne-Marie27: But considering the main President at the time is now dead and there isn’t a firm legal system currently in operation, the idea has been indefinitely shelved.

 

Susie: Anne-Marie, you are a god damned life saver.

Susie: I’d give you a raise, but I’m pretty sure at this point you make more money than I do.

 

Anne-Marie27: I’ll talk to our CFO and see what I can do for you.

Anne-Marie27: In any case, the big meeting is going down in a couple months.

Anne-Marie27: And, we are probably gonna have a bigger seat at the table than expected.

 

Susie: Is that a good thing, or a bad thing?

 

Anne-Marie27: Technically, following the disasters caused by the Jambandra

Anne-Marie27: As well as the news that you personally helped neutralize the threat it posed

Anne-Marie27: We are the single largest corporate/government entity in the entire galaxy.

Anne-Marie27: At least, for humanity.

 

Susie: Damn

Susie: Guess the ADF is officially defunct, then?

 

Anne-Marie27: Seems like it.

Anne-Marie27: Couple that with pretty much every other corporation having an at least major operating center in the Alliance HQ, and

Anne-Marie27: Well, we’re sitting pretty

 

Susie: Okay, so, I’m assuming my attendance at this meeting is mandatory, unless we want what’s left of the alliance after our heads.

 

Anne-Marie27: Bingo.

 

Susie: Alright, then.

Susie: God I hate meetings though.

 

---

 

18:03 GST

 

Susie added Francisca and Flamberge to server

 

Francisca: Ooooh, jawaii!

 

Flamberge: Jamanke, Susie.

 

Susie: No problem. I’ll have the test results back as soon as possible.

 

Rikc: Test results?

 

Flamberge: They’re figuring out if I got Franny pregnant.

 

Francisca: JAsmdfanjsfnoakmvv

Francisca: STOP

 

Zan Partizanne: Rigg

Zan Partizanne: Rigg jet jamblast

 

Flamberge: Japologa

Flamberge: I just figured since this was a more

Flamberge: Jesatado environment.

 

Magolor: Just say loose.

Magolor: I know you know what loose is.

 

Flamberge: Jesatado captures the idea better.

 

Zan Partizanne: Vun rigga, jamanke.

 

Coo: Is it weird I’m starting to figure some of this language out?

Coo: Like, just through exposure?

 

Zan Partizanne: Let us test that figuring out.

Zan Partizanne: “Jonto, jais jachen Flamberge konjy.”

 

Francisca: YOU REMEMBERED THAT?!

 

Zan Partizanne: Jes.

 

Coo: First one is “Soon” something something, “Flamberge crazy”?

Coo: And the second one is “Yes”.

 

Zan Partizanne: Correct.

Zan Partizanne: The quote translates to “Soon, I will make Flamberge crazy.”

 

Flamberge: What does that even mean?

 

Zan Partizanne: Francisca told me that the day before we investigated that beach planet.

 

Francisca: >~<

Francisca: It was a joke! I swear!

 

Flamberge: Oh, I remember that trip.

Flamberge: I remember it well~

 

Coo: I will remind you, there are minors who can access this chat.

 

Flamberge: ...Francisca, ju jwempak jete majicious.

 

Francisca: :blush:

 

Coo: ...do I want to know?

 

Zan Partizanne: Janno.

 

---

 

1:42 GST

 

Susie: The old man’s finally woken up.

 

Meta Knight: I do hope it wasn’t a great event.

 

Susie: Nah, he seemed more confused than anything.

Susie: Our theory that he was already hosting the parasite before the ritual was shot down quick, unfortunately

Susie: The parasite only took him over after he had lost the sisters in AD.

 

Meta Knight: Troubling, but not completely unexpected.

Meta Knight: I encountered a different parasite in the dimension that took the form of Whispy Woods, I believe.

 

Susie: Same, but it was Dedede instead.

Susie: There’s also the Kirby copies, of course, but I think they were something different.

 

Meta Knight: Possibly created by the parasites, though.

Meta Knight: You and your crew claim your copy offered you some kind of deal you all declined?

 

Susie: Yes, and I wonder if perhaps whatever possessed Hyness tried to do the same for Kirby

Susie: Though I imagine he was less tempted than the three of us were.

 

Meta Knight: You know, I would quite like to know what exactly the deal was

 

Susie: Well, honestly, it was two deals we declined

Susie: And one relied on the three of us each technically being partial “owners” of Kirby’s soul

 

Meta Knight: Concerning as always.

 

Susie: In any case, Hyness appears to have been driven to madness by his clan’s actions first, then was corrupted by the Jamba Heart afterwards.

 

Meta Knight: Interesting. There are some legends regarding a schism within the Ancients, but they vary wildly, and there are still others which claim there was never any schism whatsoever.

Meta Knight: The Astrals claim it was a result of the sealing of Galacta Knight, with one sect believing these actions were unnecessary or pre-emptive.

Meta Knight: Though, of course, they have obvious bias.

 

Susie: True, though he does seem to have been among those who originally sealed Galacta Knight away.

Susie: He seemed concerned when I mentioned the Knight was, assimilated by an unclear entity.

 

Meta Knight: I am curious how long-lived these cultists are, as well as how they’ve lived so long.

 

Susie: We definitely know they date back to the Ancients, but beyond that, it’s a mystery for now.

Susie: Much of his memory seems to be spotty at best, unfortunately, and the sisters might not be much better.

Susie: By the way, I’ve done a fair few tests on the priestesses DNA

Susie: They don’t seem to originate in this galaxy, but they’re also definitely not human beings.

Susie: Possibly Andromedan in origin? Or else Triangulan? It’s hard to say without data from these galaxies.

 

Meta Knight: Is it possible they’re from elsewhere in the Milky Way? They seem very similar to human beings.

 

Susie: You’re not wrong, but, so are the fairies.

Susie: I think the problem is, sentient life tends to evolve in very similar ways.

Susie: At least, that’s the current biological theory.

 

Meta Knight: Hmm.

Meta Knight: I’m sure we could try to ask where they originate from.

Meta Knight: Though it’s certainly possible given the passage of time that they’ve forgotten by now.

 

Susie: Not just possible, practically guaranteed.

Susie: Whatever magic they used to become so long-living clearly didn’t give them perfect memory storage, and their brains can only really store up to 5 millenia of information naturally.

 

Meta Knight: Interesting. I suppose all we can do now is hope they behave, and try to get as much information as we can.

 

Susie: Indeed. I’ll report any further findings.

 

---

 

7:12 GST

 

Ribbon sent an image to chat

 

Ribbon: Look at these cuties.

 

Francisca: Aw, jawaii!

 

Marx: I’m surprised all four of you are together.

 

Ribbon: Addy and I didn’t want to split up, but they also wanted to be close to Kirby

Ribbon: And Bandana has been sticking very close to him since we got back

 

Rick: And they’re all still asleep except for you?

 

Ribbon: Hey, I don’t make their brains.

Ribbon: I just sleep next to them.

 

Flamberge: You all seem a bit young to be all sleeping together.

 

Marx: You’d be surprised, Ribbon’s almost as old as Meta Knight.

 

Ribbon: I’m also, like, 13 by my species’ definition.

 

Marx: So who’s the real cradle snatcher?

 

Susie silenced Marx for thirty minutes

 

Susie: Hush, nasty clown.

 

Marx changed nickname to “Nasty Clown”

 

Susie: For pete’s sake

 

---

 

9:21 GST

 

Susie added Hyness to server

 

Hyness: sorry for trying to destroy the universe lol

Hyness: can’t help being a gardevoir

 

Susie: FOR FUCK’S SAKES

Notes:

Random Kirby Headcanon: Hyness is actually a member of the Halcandran species, however, over the millenia that have passed since the Ancient’s era, pretty much everything about Halcandran, as a species, a language, and a culture has changed wildly. Also, the mage sisters aren’t Halcandran, nor are they humans. Now, technically all of those have already been established in this fic, but, fuck it I don’t have any good headcanons for this chapter.

Chapter 17: Kine Writes The Callout Post

Summary:

Kine: It is done.

Coo: I’m afraid to ask.

Kine sent a file to chat

Susie: Oh, my god.

Pinned: Hyness: Seriously, though, I am deeply sorry for the damage I did with the Jamba Heart and the Jambandra Base. I understand how destructive our actions have been, and I don’t expect to be forgiven for them. I simply ask you not hold these deeds against the mages; I essentially forced them into these actions, and they shouldn’t be blamed for what I made them do.

 

Pinned: Kirby: Despite what Hyness said, this does not give anyone permission to attack him. Looking at you, Rick.

 

End pins

 

---

 

15:19 GST

 

Kine: Callout post for Rick: ate literally all of the brisket my wife made, when it was SUPPOSED to be for the whole group.

 

Rick: Callout post for Kine: provided literally no non-fish food for me at the dinner EXCEPT for the brisket.

 

Susie: I regret giving you all access to human internet.

 

Addy: I find it fascinating that you think they would be behaving better if it weren’t for that.

 

Dedede: Callout post for Susie: gave Rick, Kine and Marx more avenues to be complete deviants.

 

Susie: Oh, you wanna play that game, penguin boy?

Susie: I’ll warn you right now, I’m not about to play fair.

 

Dedede: Hey, ain’t none of us gonna play fair either.

 

Susie: Callout post for Dedede: gave me precious information about Meta Knight in exchange for spicing up his hammer.

 

Meta Knight: Callout post for Dedede AND Susie: He doesn’t know me half well enough to have “precious information” about me.

 

Dedede: Callout post for Meta Knight: is stupid and gay

 

Kirby: Hey, no he’s not!

Kirby: He’s just gay!

 

Addy: Callout post for Meta Knight: is too gay.

 

Meta Knight: Callout post for Adeleine: is gay AND homophobic.

 

Addy: How DARE you

 

Marx: My god, you are all

Marx: SO stupid

 

Rick: Callout post for Marx: never told us his sexuality.

 

Marx: Like I’d trust any of you dumbasses with any details of my life.

Marx: Honestly, there’s nothing you can call me out on that isn’t worldwide public knowledge.

 

DMK: Callout post for Marx: misled me for months regarding the stars necessary for summoning the Galactic Nova.

 

Shady: DMK?!

 

Marx: Oh, you wanna go, Stabby McStabFace?

Marx: Callout post for Dark Meta Knight: tried for several months to summon Galactic Nova in the hopes of gaining great power

Marx: Callout post for Dark Meta Knight: was literally willing to abandon everyone, including Shadow Kirby

Marx: Callout post for Dark Meta Knight: attacked Daroach for simply trying to survive in Another Dimension

 

Daroach: I don’t know if I regret telling you about that now.

 

Kirby: Oh, is that what I saw? I was wondering

 

Marx: Que?

 

Hyness: Oh, yes, I believe I remember.

Hyness: My corrupted self showed you some visions of your allies from, the future? I think?

 

Kirby: Yeah, it was weird. Based on what the others said, the first, second, and fourth ones actually happened.

Kirby: But Addy said that the four of you didn’t actually fight, despite what the fake me tried to do.

Kirby: I guess you and DMK fought a bit earlier, then?

 

Daroach: Oh, yeah. I grabbed onto his foot to try and not fall.

Daroach: It didn’t work, and he thought I had dragged him down with me.

 

DMK: To be fair, I feel like that is far from the most illogical conclusion one could reach in that scenario.

 

Addy: Callout post for Daroach: dragged DMK down into the depths of Another Dimension

 

Daroach: Callout post for Adeleine: literally shot “Kirby” in the head.

 

Ribbon: I mean

Ribbon: Technically?

 

Kirby: Yeah, but Meta Knight literally tried to cut his imposter in half.

 

Marx: Imposter?

 

Susie silenced Marx for five minutes

 

Susie: That game is

Susie: SO old now.

Susie: Literally millenia.

 

Addy: Really? I remember it only being centuries.

 

Susie: WHY DID YOUR DREAM GIVE YOU THAT MEMORY?!

 

---

 

18:43 GST

 

Anne-Marie27: So, how’d the meeting go?

 

Susie: I think I want to destroy Popstar again.

Susie: For the last 2 and a half hours, the damn Dreamland chat just would not shut up

 

Anne-Marie27: Okay, aside from the natives being obnoxious, how’d it go?

 

Susie: Eh, well enough I guess?

Susie: We still have the best claim to the Dream Sector of any of the former Alliance factions, so we can still keep operating here for the time being.

Susie: As for the Alliance as a whole, it’s kind of

Susie: Dead?

 

Anne-Marie27: Oh, that’s, maybe not GREAT.

Anne-Marie27: Are the colonies still going to keep in contact, or are we entering an “every man for himself” era?

 

Susie: It’s, complicated.

Susie: Basically, following the destruction of the Alliance HQ, it was discovered that the Alliance was actually draining large resources from inhabited planets, pretty much always without the native’s consent.

Susie: The problem being that, following Haltmann’s semi-official separation from the Alliance, most other colonies developed an increased sensitivity for non-human suffering.

 

Anne-Marie27: I mean, probably for the best?

Anne-Marie27: I don’t expect everyone in the universe to go vegan suddenly, but I think we can agree, Sentient life at least deserves some respect.

 

Susie: No, I do agree.

Susie: Problem is, not everyone who was leading the separate colonies did.

Susie: Seriously, like, a good third of the meeting was just the Relay sector and the Gamma sector having a screaming match about a specific mining operation in what used to be the Alliance sector.

 

Anne-Marie27: Reminds me of the arguments between your dad and Ritchey.

Anne-Marie27: Except Scot usually just had to roll over and surrender most of the times so he could keep his job.

Anne-Marie27: So, what’s the call here? Nobody wants to work together, so we’re just gonna stick to this sector?

 

Susie: Again, it’s complicated.

Susie: As you mentioned, we are technically the largest human corporation still operating, and thanks to the colony ships, we’re also technically the largest human colony still standing.

Susie: Between that and what info we’ve given them regarding the Termina incident, they kinda expect us to take control and form

Susie: A new alliance, I guess?

Anne-Marie27: Right. They are aware we’re like, light-years from the center of the Galaxy, right?

Anne-Marie27: And somehow I doubt our wormhole station is in good enough shape to transport the colony ships.

 

Susie: I told them that, and that we had firmly established a new base of operations in this system.

Susie: Unfortunately, the consensus is still that we need to have a hand in rebuilding human civilization in this galaxy.

Susie: At the very least, we need to find somewhere for a new HQ to be established.

 

Anne-Marie27: Alright, I think we can work with that.

Anne-Marie27: I’ll get Watanabe to work on finding either an empty enough pocket of space, or a decently uninhabited planet.

 

Susie: Good. Thank you so much, Anne-Marie. This has been a massive headache.

Susie: Honestly, I feel like I’m more comfortable dealing with the drama between the Dreamlanders at this point.

 

Anne-Marie27: Going a bit native, aren’t you, ma’am?

 

Susie: Don’t call me ma’am, you’re like 50 years older than me.

 

Anne-Marie27: Excuse me, I am only 13 years older!

Anne-Marie27: Besides, my point still stands.

 

Susie: Look

Susie: I don’t know how to explain it.

Susie: I know I’m supposed to be the president, I’m supposed to be, human

Susie: Well, as human as any of us are past our fifth augment.

Susie: But, it’s like

Susie: Something about me feels like it fits in more with the people of Popstar than it ever has our own species, you know?

 

Anne-Marie27: I understand what you mean.

Anne-Marie27: I’ve seen you mingling with them, and, you seem to be

Anne-Marie27: Happier, with them

 

Susie: I don’t know why

Susie: Maybe it’s just because of the bullshit I’ve dealt with from AD

 

Anne-Marie27: Maybe. Maybe not.

Anne-Marie27: Miss Haltmann, may I ask you a question?

 

Susie: Sure, go ahead.

 

Anne-Marie27: When was the last time you took a break?

Anne-Marie27: Had a real vacation, where you weren’t working on one or a million different things?

 

Susie: Uh

Susie: Does my summer vaction from school count?

Susie: ...in second grade?

 

Anne-Marie27: Jesus christ, Susie

 

Susie: Look

Susie: When was the last time YOU took a vacation?

 

Anne-Marie27: Four months ago.

Anne-Marie27: Me and Jack went to the Null sector for a week.

 

Susie: ...okay

Susie: fair enough

 

Anne-Marie27: Look, Susie, I’m saying this as your friend, and as the co-leader of HWC.

Anne-Marie27: Take some time off.

Anne-Marie27: That meeting was the last big thing on your schedule for the next few months, and Yutaka and Satoshi can deal with the other colonies.

Anne-Marie27: Just, relax, take a break

Anne-Marie27: Maybe visit that fairy planet you mentioned before.

Anne-Marie27: Okay?

 

Susie: ...okay.

Susie: Thanks, Ama.

 

Anne-Marie27: No problem, Suze.

 

---

 

19:52 GST

 

Susie: Callout post for Ribbon: refused to tell me what her Queen’s orientation was.

 

Marx: Really? This again?

 

Susie: I was in a meeting during the first time, so I didn’t get a good chance to call you all out.

 

Ribbon: Callout post for Susie: kept asking me about the Queen for weeks after the wreckage was dropped off.

Ribbon: Clearly a hopeless lesbian.

 

Marx: Callout post for Ribbon: is dating someone who’s only 17.

 

Ribbon: WHAT?!

 

Kirby: 1. We aren’t dating

Kirby: 2. I’m technically 18.

 

Meta Knight: I mean, technically you’re 19 now.

Meta Knight: We just, didn’t get a chance to celebrate your birthday.

 

Kirby: Oh, right, the whole, end of the world thing.

Kirby: Wait

Kirby: Does that mean I didn’t get my birthday cake?!

 

Dedede: Ah, shoot, I forgot to order that, didn’t I?

Dedede: Maybe Kawasaki can make something for ya

 

Kirby: >:O

Kirby: Callout post for Dedede: DIDN’T GET ME MY BIRTHDAY CAKE!

 

Magolor: You know, Taranza and I are having a lovely luncheon

Magolor: And it’s nice to be reminded how much mature we are than all of you.

 

Susie: Callout post for Taranza: was extremely tempted to not just sell his own soul, but also Dedede’s and Kirby’s.

 

Dedede: Eh, can’t blame him. My soul for Sectonia’s, that’s an outright bargain.

 

Kine: Callout post for Magolor: almost killed me with his theme park.

 

Magolor: IT’S BEEN ALMOST A YEAR

 

---

 

21:59 GST

 

Magolor: Yo, anyone in the “Stellar Emergency” squad up?

 

Meta Knight: This chat is intended for emergencies, Magolor. It’s in the name.

 

Magolor: I’m aware, short, dark, and round. And this is very easily an emergency in the making.

 

Kirby: What’s up, Magolor? Did you find something?

 

Magolor: I was doing a review of the areas where the dimensional rifts appeared, and

Magolor: Well, take a look

 

Magolor sent a file to chat

 

Susie: Oooh, this is interesting.

 

Meta Knight: What am I looking at here?

 

Magolor: Okay, so, you know how I mentioned the fabric of reality a while back?

 

Kirby: Gosh, that was months ago.

Kirby: Didn’t you mention that the dimensional rifts were because that fabric was weaker, or something?

 

Magolor: Okay, this is complicated, but bear with me.

Magolor: The fabric of reality is, a complicated idea.

Magolor: Basically, imagine all of space, all of the infinite expanse of our universe, compressed down into a single line. All three spatial dimensions, pushed down into just one dimension.

Magolor: Then, flowing out perpendicularly, is the dimension of time; every single moment that ever was and ever will be, every single variation of our reality at each planck time, stretching out just as infinitely.

Magolor: There are other meanings for “the fabric of reality”, of course, but this is what in means for the Halcandran people.

 

Susie: That would basically be the entirety of our universe, represented as a two dimensional object, correct?

 

Magolor: Precisely! In fact, this is often how our universe is theorized to appear to higher-dimensional beings. It’s fascinating, if you ever want to research it, but the metaphor is the best way to think about it at the moment.

Magolor: Now, when Void Termina was summoned, a great deal of energy and pressure were placed on one very specific area of this tapestry; specifically, the edge of this solar system, at that specific point in time.

Magolor: It’s like dropping a thousand ton weight on a 10 square centimeters of a carpet.

Magolor: That’s how we got the major rift which formed in the Jambandra Base, which the beings of Another Dimension were able to hold open

 

Meta Knight: And the other rifts?

 

Magolor: That’s where things get super interesting, actually!

Magolor: See, my initial theory was that, once the larger rift formed, the parasites used that to open the much smaller rifts, pushing from both sides.

Magolor: And while that may be part of the story, the main reason they were able to do that, is because the barrier between dimensions was already so weakened!

Magolor: See, if you punch a hole in fabric as violently as happened here, you’re not just going to open a hole; you’re going to severely weaken and damage the surrounding area as well!

Magolor: So, even though we were able to stitch the biggest hole closed again, and the others closed shortly after, the fabric of reality is still extremely weak in this system, and will be for some time.

Magolor: The chart I sent should map that out fairly efficiently. It looks like, in just one year, we should return to the standard structural integrity in this system from before the summoning.

 

Susie: A full year?

 

Meta Knight: I see. We’ll have to keep an eye out for portals to Another Dimension for the time being.

 

Magolor: Well, yes, that is the most immediate danger.

 

Kirby: ???

 

Magolor: It’s okay, Kirby.

Magolor: We can discuss Multiverse theory another time.

 

---

 

7:21 GST

 

Kine: It is done.

 

Coo: I’m afraid to ask.

 

Kine sent a file to chat

 

Susie: Oh, my god.

Susie: How long did that take to write?!

 

Rick: I’m sorry, did you actually list me messing up your wife’s name back ONE WEEK AFTER YOU MET HER?!

 

Marx: Holy shit, I didn’t even realize how many things you people have done wrong.

Marx: @Magolor Your section is like 5 pages long!

 

Magolor: Kine, for fucks sakes

 

Kine: To be fair, I only listed the water wheel incident once.

 

Magolor: YOU ALSO LISTED ME TALKING IN MY NATIVE LANGUAGE AS A “SERIOUS CRIME”

 

Zan Partizanne: I will say, I appreciate the “TBD” note in our sections.

 

Hyness: Yes, it feels quite appropriate.

Hyness: This fish does not know exactly what war crimes we have committed.

 

Flamberge: I don’t appreciate the “is blatantly gay” note in mine!

 

Kine: If it’s going to be a comprehensive callout post, it needs to have everything anyone in the universe might possibly object to.

Kine: Don’t worry, I’m calling out both gay crimes AND homophobic crimes.

 

Addy: IN WHAT UNIVERSE

Addy: AM I HOMOPHOBIC?!

 

Meta Knight: I find that part quite agreeable, actually.

 

Addy: I’M THE GAYEST PERSON HERE!!!

 

Bandana: Objection?

 

Magolor: Excuse me

 

Daroach: I feel like “at least 100 robberies” was lowballing it a little to be honest.

Daroach: I’d put it more in the range of the thousands, at least if we’re including petty robbery like pick-pocketing.

 

Kine: I’ll keep that in mind for the second draft.

 

Susie: SECOND DRAFT?!

 

Gooey: Why is my section blank?

 

Kine: You’ve never done anything wrong.

Kine: You are good and pure.

 

Gooey: :D

 

Rick: Doesn’t Gooey literally eat people?

 

Gooey: Shush let me have this.

 

---

 

9:12 GST

 

Kirby: I’m sorry

Kirby: Why is my section

Kirby: 20 PAGES LONG?!?!

 

Susie: You have eaten all the people Kine listed.

 

Kirby: Callout post for Kine: nothing I ever did was wrong.

 

Daroach: Callout post for Kirby: tried to kill Dedede over mentioning a crush everyone already knew about.

Daroach: Source: Kine’s Ultimate Callout Post, my own memory.

 

Kirby: Callout post for Daroach: started it.

 

Addy: God, you’re all so stupid.

 

Ribbon: Love you too, Addy.

Notes:

Random Kirby Headcanon: The Haltmann Works Company has an extremely unconventional hierarchy and structure; the president and CEO, while two different positions, are roughly equivalent in authority in the corporation, with the President being slightly more important and higher up. Additionally, secretaries for individual positions are typically the second-in-command to their “bosses”, making Susie technically the second highest authority in the company during the course of Planet Robobot. Finally, if an employee of HWC dies while in employment, their secretary takes the position. Why would that be how it works? Who knows! But it’s pretty fun, so let’s go with it!

Chapter 18: Okay, Fine, It’s a Shipping Fic

Summary:

Kirby: This isn’t gonna be an excuse for you to make fun of people, is it?

Marx: Oh, no, as much as I enjoy some light teasing, I’m not gonna be a dick about it.
Marx: I’m just curious about some stuff.

Kirby: Fair enough. Fire away.

Notes:

Fuck it, I’m giving in, and just writing a full chapter based around ships. I’ll try not to put anything else important in this chapter, so if you really hate that stuff, you can pretty safely skip this one. Otherwise, sorry, at this point I pretty much have to go in-depth on it somehow.

Pinned: Marxist Fuck: Bunger bunger bunger bunger bunger bunger bunger bunger

 

End pins

 

---

 

17:21 GST

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: How are you holding up, Ado?

 

Adeleine: Pretty good.

Adeleine: Question: How do you change your default user name?

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Oh, I’m not actually sure.

Bandana Waddle Dee: Maybe ask Susie?

 

Adeleine: Okay, give me a second.

Adoren: Got it

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: :D

 

Adoren: :)

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: ;3

 

Adoren: :o

Adoren: XP

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: :o

Bandana Waddle Dee: ;-;

 

Adoren: XD

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: :O

Bandana Waddle Dee: >:(

 

Adoren: ;P

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: What in the hell are we even doing?

 

Adoren: I don’t know, but it’s fun.

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Fair enough.

 

---

 

17:28 GST

 

Marx: So, uh, Kirbo

Marx: Kirbilosity

Marx: Kirbmeister

Marx: Kirbalicious, definition make demons go loco

 

Kirby: Why do I get the feeling you did something seriously bad?

 

Marx: No, no, no, nothing like that

Marx: I just, you know

Marx: Wanted to ask a few questions

Marx: Regarding

Marx: Things.

 

Kirby: What kinds of things?

 

Marx: Like

Marx: You know

Marx: Me teasing you and Ribbon, type, things

 

Kirby: Ah

Kirby: This isn’t gonna be an excuse for you to make fun of people, is it?

 

Marx: Oh, no, as much as I enjoy some light teasing, I’m not gonna be a dick about it.

Marx: I’m just curious about some stuff.

 

Kirby: Fair enough. Fire away.

 

Marx: So, uh, what’s up with you and Ado?

 

Kirby: Pardon?

 

Marx: Again, not making fun or anything! I fully get it if things are complicated. I’m just curious.

 

Kirby: I guess I’m just not sure what you’re curious about.

Kirby: I really hope it’s not about her “macking on my girl” again.

 

Marx: Oh, nah, I figured you two had already hashed that out before.

Marx: I’m just curious about your direct relationship, and, what’s up with it.

 

Kirby: Direct relationship?

Kirby: We’re just friends, Marx. I don’t know what else you want.

 

Marx: Come on, you can be honest with me Kirby. I’m not gonna tell anyone else.

 

Kirby: I am being honest! We’re good friends.

 

Marx: ...really.

 

---

 

17:32 GST

 

Marx began Direct Chat with Ribbon

 

Marx: Hey, Ribbo

Marx: Is Kirby just trying to dodge my questions, or does he seriously not realize it?

 

Ribbon: Depends on what you’re asking about.

 

Marx: Ado.

 

Ribbon: Oh, yeah, no, they’re both completely oblivious somehow, lol

 

Marx: Oh my god, and I thought Kirby was smart.

 

Ribbon: He is, just, you know

 

---

 

17:35 GST

 

Marx: Okay, you’re, serious, I guess.

 

Kirby: ?????

 

Marx: Don’t worry, I’m sure one of you will figure things out eventually.

Marx: I do have, another question, though.

 

Kirby: Is this one any less weird and out of left field?

 

Marx: Sort of.

Marx: So, you have, I wanna say, three people in our friend group alone with major crushes on you.

 

Kirby: I mean, I’d say just one, two at the most, but sure.

 

Marx: And, it’s pretty obvious that in at least one case, that crush is reciprocated.

Marx: So, why are you still, you know

 

Kirby: Still what?

 

Marx is quoting another chat

 

|          Kirby: 1. We aren’t dating

 

Kirby: Ah.

Kirby: It’s, complicated.

 

Marx: Is it, though?

Marx: I mean, I get why you weren’t dating the last five years.

Marx: You’ve been living on different planets with the best method of communication being an old Starkia phone.

Marx: But, like, it’s been almost a year since you were reunited.

Marx: You both VERY CLEARLY still have crushes on one another.

Marx: You’re both obviously mature enough to enter a relationship.

Marx: And you’ve even slept in the same bed, seemingly numerous times.

 

Kirby: That’s, not entirely unfair

 

Marx: And that’s not even getting into the others!

 

Kirby: Marx, there aren’t any others!

 

Marx: Kirby, my guy, my dude, my non-binary man.

Marx: I literally became a part of the source code for this app.

Marx: I HEARD you and Bandana flirting before I even knew what a Bandana Dee was.

 

Kirby: ...okay, fine, you got me on that one.

 

Marx: So, why is it still talk about “crushes” and “pseudo-couples” and stuff like that?

Marx: Why not just freaking ask them out?

Marx: Is it just because you have crushes on multiple people, and you don’t want to choose?

Marx: Because if so, I have a wonderful tool a few of Susie’s employees are using that can solve that issue.

 

Kirby: I know you can date multiple people at one time, Marx.

Kirby: That’s not the problem.

 

Marx: Okay, so, what is the problem?

Marx: Do you just, not want to date?

 

Kirby: No, I’d be fully willing and happy to date

Kirby: It’s just

Kirby: Uggh

Kirby: I fucking hate feeling like this

 

Marx: Holy shit

Marx: An F word AND an H word?

Marx: Seriously, are you okay?

 

Kirby: It’s because I’m an Astral, and I’m a Dark Matter, okay?

 

Marx: Ah.

Marx: So, you’re scared they’re going to die long before you, and that you’ll end up hurting them against your will.

 

Kirby: Yeah.

Kirby: You understand.

 

Marx: Honestly, I disagree, even if I get it.

Marx: But, I’m not exactly a therapist.

Marx: I’m not about to try and fix your personal issues.

 

Kirby: Thank you, Marx.

Kirby: You are a good friend, you know that, right?

 

Marx: Yeah, whatever you say, bud.

 

---

 

18:33 GST

 

Adoren began Direct Chat with Marx

 

Adoren: Hey

 

Marx: what

Marx: why are you starting a contact with me

Marx: that’s not how anything works right

 

Adoren: I need someone to convince me I’m an idiot

Adoren: And you seem very good at mocking people

 

Marx: Harsh, but fair

Marx: Continue

 

Adoren: So, I believe you are aware of, the, situation, between me and some of our friends.

 

Marx: Oh, you mean the weird love dodecahedron between the four of you? Yes, I’m aware.

Marx: Including how oblivious you and Kirby are in certain respects.

 

Adoren: ...Ribbon confirmed that, didn’t she?

 

Marx: Yeup.

 

Adoren: In my defense, I am, less oblivious currently.

Adoren: At least in terms of my own feelings; I still am not convinced of any reciprocation.

 

Marx: Meh, fair.

 

Adoren: I think you’re aware of Bandee’s, mindset, as well, correct?

 

Marx: Uh, I guess?

Marx: He’s gay and into Kirby?

 

Adoren: Specifically, the first part.

 

Marx: ...oh my god.

Marx: Are you actually serious right now?

 

Adoren: Look

 

Marx: Holy shit.

Marx: You are absolutely fucked.

 

Adoren: Oh COME ON

Adoren: Why do you have to make fun of kids like me?!

 

Marx: 1. You literally asked for it

Marx: 2. Bitch, I’m younger than you.

 

Adoren: I DON’T EVEN KNOW MY AGE, HOW COULD YOU KNOW YOU’RE YOUNGER THAN ME?!

 

Marx: Because I remember you existing when I was born?

 

Adoren: How the hell

 

Marx: To be fair, I think we can agree I am around or below your level of MATURITY, if not “emotional age”.

 

Adoren: Fine, whatever.

 

Marx: Anyways.

Marx: Hang on, one second

 

---

 

18:38 GST

 

Marx: Yo, Bandee

Marx: Are you strict gay, or just generally queer?

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: What the fuck?

 

Marx: I promise, it makes sense in the external context.

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: What in the world is this timing?

 

Marx: Timing, lol

 

---

 

18:38 GST

 

Marx: Okay, so

Marx: What’s the problem here?

 

Adoren: What the fuck do you mean?

Adoren: I’ve got a crush on a gay boy.

 

Marx: If I remember correctly, his exact words were that he likes “boys and non-girls”

Marx: And, like

Marx: Especially at this very moment, you are a non-girl.

 

Adoren: Yeah, but, like

Adoren: That’s assuming Waddle would see me that way.

Adoren: And doesn’t just see me as a girl at all times

 

Marx: One second

 

---

 

18:39 GST

 

Marx: Unrelated question: do you see Ado as a girl even right now?

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Marx, what the fuck is going on with you right now?

 

Marx: Science, lol

 

---

 

18:39 GST

 

Marx: I mean, that feels like a harsh judgement.

Marx: You’re basically saying “what if one of my best friends is a total asshole?”

Marx: “What if one of the nicest people I know is secretly a complete fuckhead?”

 

Adoren: Okay, look

Adoren: You’re talking about it like it’s some conscious thing he’s thinking

Adoren: And not, like, just a thing of like

Adoren: Meta Knight still seeing Kirby as a little kid

 

Marx: Okay, sure, sometimes people can have things they think subconsciously that they don’t actually believe.

Marx: Like how I sometimes catch myself thinking of DMK as my friend still when actually, he still seems to hate me.

 

Adoren: I guess

Adoren: Anyways, even if he doesn’t think of me like that

Adoren: A good 90% of the time, I still feel at least partially like a girl.

Adoren: So, what, my crush is only compatible with him 10% of the time?

Adoren: PLUS, I have never heard a single word from him indicating an attraction to ANYONE aside from Kirby.

 

Marx: Ado

Marx: Deep breaths

Marx: In and out, in and out.

 

Adoren: Okay.

Adoren: I’m fine.

Adoren: Sorry.

 

Marx: Look.

Marx: I’m not going to say “oh, there’s totally a way for you to win Bandan’s affections”

Marx: Because, honestly, who the fuck knows?

Marx: Maybe he likes you, maybe he doesn’t

Marx: My question is, does it really matter that much?

 

Adoren: What do you mean?

 

Marx: Look, I once had a crush on a guy, when I was really young. And I really liked him, but he didn’t like me! And you know what happened?

Marx: NOTHING!

Marx: The world didn’t collapse, he didn’t absolutely despise me, my life wasn’t destroyed, we just didn’t date, and we went on with our freaking lives!

Marx: That’s the thing I don’t get with you four; yes, I get it, romance is this big and important thing in our world, it’s so scary and so sacred, we all have to end up living happily ever after with our soulmate

Marx: But you four have fought gods, eldritch abominations, giant robots. You’ve traveled across multiple different solar systems, done impossible feats, and come out the other side as the same fundamental people!

Marx: And yet, somehow, the scariest things to you is admitting your feelings, or not being together forever, or having feelings or someone who can’t reciprocate, and it’s like

Marx: WHO CARES?!

Marx: Tomorrow, a hole could open in the sky, and we could all be sucked into another universe, and you’re really scared about confessing to your crush?!

Marx: What do you have to lose?! Why not just do what makes you happy?! Why not live your life the way you want to?! What in the world is actually stopping you?!

 

Adoren: holy shit

 

Marx: Sorry, it’s just

Marx: At this point, I’ve lived through enough shit, I really cannot live with people just pussyfooting around what they really wanna do.

 

Adoren: ...you know, you can be surprisingly inspirational, when you’re frustrated

 

Marx: Thanks, I guess?

Marx: Anyways, good luck with, whatever the hell you do now.

Marx: Carpe diem, seize the day, and all that junk.

 

Adoren: Same to you, grape.

 

Marx: t(-u-)t

 

Adoren: t(-u-)t

 

---

 

19:19 GST

 

Susie: Guess who just scored a third date with a cute-ass Queen?

 

Francisca: Woo! Get ‘em, girl!

 

Zan Partizanne: Jambadetana.

 

Marxist Fuck: Mazel Tov

 

Ado: Wait, if you’re going on the third date

Ado: How is this the first we’re hearing about it?

 

Susie: Hey, fun fact: not everyone openly broadcasts every single detail about their romantic life.

Susie: I only told y’all now because this means things are getting serious.

 

Flamberge: Oh, are we meant to communicate serious long term relationships?

Flamberge: Because, if so

 

Susie silenced Flamberge for ten minutes

 

Susie: Francisca, can you give us the PG version?

 

Francisca: ><

Francisca: Flamberge and I have been, seeing each other, for a month or so now.

 

Zan Partizanne: Ah, you finally made it official, then? Jambadetana.

 

Marxist Fuck: So, Susie, who were you vagueposting about in that response to Ado?

 

Kirby: Shush

 

Susie: :eyes:

 

Marxist Fuck: :eyes:

 

Ado: :eyes:

 

Kirby: I will eat all of you.

 

Marxist Fuck: ...so how PG are we keeping things?

 

Several people are typing...

Notes:

Random Kirby Headcanon: Kirby literally can never, and will never, die. Everyone else will. This will be true, no matter what you do.

Also, more recent fun fact: less than 10 hours before this chapter is published, I finally beat Kirby And The Crystal Shards, 100%, for the first time ever! Yes, before it was released on Nintendo Switch, I had never beaten, or, I believe, even played it at all. And this whole chapter is built around shipping four of that game's leads. Don't worry, next month, it will get dumber.

Chapter 19: The Power of Friendship and Wrestling Moves

Summary:

Kirby: I AM BECOME CENA

Marx: The fuck?

Magolor: How in the world

Kirby: SUPLEX IS DEAD
Kirby: WRESTLER LIVES

Pinned: Kirby: Hydrate or die-drate.

 

End pins

 

---

 

10:12 GST

 

Dedede: I HAVE MASTERED CLONING KIRBIES

 

Marx: THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA LET’S DO IT

 

Kirby: Why?

Kirby: And, how?

 

Dedede: Okay, so, Susie and I have been working on this

Dedede: Because no matter how we’ve managed to clone Kirby before, it just sort of

Dedede: lays there

 

Susie: The problem has been that they couldn’t operate independently

Susie: Most HWC clones have been able to act on some level of muscle memory, but the Kirby clones haven’t been able to do that for some reason.

Susie: However, we figured out we could place a small chip into the clone’s brain, with a piece of Artificial Intelligence

Susie: AND, that allows the brains inside these clones to perservere beyond the clone themselves, so we can keep the automatic 12 hour decay and keep the universe safe without losing everything.

 

Dedede: Granted, they’re still not perfect copies.

Dedede: The color seems to be somewhat random, and they can only copy one ability, at all, because they can’t discard copy abilities.

 

Shady: Hey, if they can use copy abilities without using real weapons, they’re still a level above me.

 

Dedede: Fair enough!

 

Meta Knight: If you don’t mind me asking, your majesty, is there a plan or reason for these clones?

 

Dedede: ...who’s down for a new arena?

 

Kirby: YES

 

---

 

19:05 GST

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Yo, Ado

 

Adoren: Yaddle, Waddle?

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: lol

Bandana Waddle Dee: Any interest in the new Arena Dedede and Meta Knight are building?

 

Adoren: What is with you four and arenas?

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Look

Bandana Waddle Dee: Fighting is, fun

Bandana Waddle Dee: But it’s better, when death, isn’t really a threat

 

Adoren: Lol

Adoren: Tell you what, I’ll cheer you and Kirby on from the sidelines.

Adoren: Sound good?

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Aw, come on!

Bandana Waddle Dee: Gooey’s joining in!

 

Adoren: Gooey would jump into an active blender if someone said it would be funny

Adoren: I love the blob as much as anyone else, but he is not a role model.

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: That’s, fair

Bandana Waddle Dee: I’m guessing that means Magolor being there also isn’t tempting.

 

Adoren: Hmmm

Adoren: The idea of beating him up is tempting

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: lol

Bandana Waddle Dee: Why do you want to beat him up?

 

Adoren: IDK. Seems fun.

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: That’s what I’m saying! Violence is fun and good!

 

Adoren: Sometimes, I actually wonder if you’re safe and healthy.

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Aw, you know you love me.

 

Adoren: >:P

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: :)

Bandana Waddle Dee: Seriously though, you don’t need to take part if you don’t want to, but it would be cool if you did!

 

Adoren: I think I’m good for now?

Adoren: Idk, I may join in later, but right this second, I think I’ll just watch and cheer.

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Okay! I hope you enjoy watching!

Bandana Waddle Dee: <3

 

Adoren: ...<3

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: okay what is up with you and the ellipsis hearts?

 

Adoren: shut

 

---

 

3:10 GST

 

Kirby sent image to chat

 

Kirby: I AM BECOME CENA

 

Marx: The fuck?

 

Magolor: How in the world

 

Kirby: SUPLEX IS DEAD

Kirby: WRESTLER LIVES

 

Susie: It is 3

Susie: In the fucking morning.

 

Kirby: WRESTLER DOES NOT SLEEP

Kirby: WRESTLER ONLY WRESTLERS

 

Marx: Okay, so, Kirby has officially snapped.

 

Magolor: It had to happen eventually.

 

Kirby: THERE IS NO KIRBY

Kirby: THERE IS ONLY WRESTLER

Kirby: THEREMKAOKCSDNVJAIUNRENAC

 

Susie: Huh?

 

Ado: If I need to literally force him into his bed to get some sleep, god damn it, I’m going to.

 

Susie: Thank, you?

 

Ado: I took the mask off too, by the way.

Ado: Mags, everyone else who’s gonna be in the arena,

Ado: Maybe be careful whenever he puts it on.

 

Magolor: Oh, fear.

 

---

 

10:22 GST

 

Dedede: Hey, the arena’s built

Dedede: What the hell happened to Kirby?

 

Kirby: It’s okay

Kirby: I’m normal now

 

Addy: He’s lying.

Addy: I had to lock the mask into a box.

Addy: I sent it to Waddle, if you want to fight this version of Kirb.

 

Kirby: I will warn you

Kirby: The power is corrupting.

 

Ribbon: Is it?

Ribbon: Or did you want an excuse for Addy/Ado to come over and sleep with you?

 

Addy: RIBBON?!

 

Susie: Adeleine Font found dead by her gorlf

 

Kirby: :blush:

 

Meta Knight: For the sake of knowledge; is this actually a new copy ability, Kirby?

 

Kirby: Oh, yeah, definitely.

Kirby: Well, technically, it’s heavily built off of Suplex and Throw, with some bits of Fighter.

Kirby: You know, because, it’s a wrestling ability.

 

Meta Knight: Interesting. Did you manufacture this ability on your own?

 

Kirby: Pretty much. I knit together a wrestling mask yesterday while you and Dedede were putting together the new Arena, and

Kirby: Absorbed its, power?

 

Susie: Fascinating. I’d love to study this new ability.

 

Bandana: You could always come watch the fights!

 

Rick: Oh, yeah, everyone should come see!

Rick: A ton of us actually helped build it! It’s amazing!

 

Marx: I think that’s the first genuine emotion I’ve ever seen Rick express.

 

Rick: It’s a cool arena, you clown!

 

Taranza: 2/10, insults shouldn't just be facts.

 

Dedede: You’ll want to look for the big “Buddy Fighters” tower near my castle. Also, note; this is intended to be a cooperational arena; it can be entered solo, but having set up the Kirbclones, they are definitely balanced for 2 fighters.

Dedede: The first tourney is probably gonna be a couple teams working their way up to me and Metty.

 

Gooey: Wait, it’s a tower? How is this going to work?

 

Meta Knight: Come over soon.

Meta Knight: This should be a lot of fun.

 

---

 

19:21 GST

 

DMK: Oh my lord

DMK: That was thrilling just to watch.

 

Ribbon: I really liked the elevator seats! It made the whole thing feel so, dynamic.

 

Coo: Thank you, it took a lot of work to create so quickly.

 

Susie: I’m surprised how varied the interior floors managed to be

Susie: Did you actually base some of them on the Jambastion?

 

Flamberge: It was a surprisingly close copy, which surprised us.

 

Rick: To be fair, the holo-arena technology does help create these floors.

 

Kine: I personally always advocate for physical recreations in Arena areas, but, meh. What can you do?

 

Dedede: owwwwwwwwwww

 

Kirby: What did I tell you?

Kirby: The mask makes me lose control.

 

Meta Knight: I, honestly believed Ribbon was right about the whole “wanting to get Adeleine to come over” thing.

 

Kirby: No, lol

Kirby: I am a monster

 

Susie: I am curious how you managed to recreate Gigavolt even WITH the holographic technology.

 

Marx: I’m curious how often Kirby and Bandana smooch like that.

 

Kirby: It shares healing magic, you grape

Kirby: I’ve done the same with Dedede and Meta Knight

Kirby: Heck, I did it with the majority of this chat.

 

Marx: I know, but, like

Marx: Surely you could just like

Marx: High-five the healing magic into them.

 

Shady: You just don’t want Kirby kissing anyone but you, right?

 

Marx: I will suck you into a black hole.

 

Kirby: I thought that was a lot of fun, though!

 

Bandana: You just wanted something fun to fill time, didn’t you?

 

Kirby: Oh, come on! This didn’t feel like just, filler!

 

Marx: ;)

 

Susie: I hate when you do that.

Notes:

Is this filler? Probably. Random Kirby Headcanon: Many, but not all, Kirby spinoffs are non-canon. In particular: Kirby’s Dream Course (Keeby is fun, but makes no sense with this series), Kirby’s Air Ride (even if the Amazing Mirror Kirbys stuck around to race, why is there a city in Dreamland suddenly?), the expanded sub-games on 3DS (Fighters features multiple inexplicable Kirbys, Drum Dash Deluxe is weirdly non-diegetic AND diegetic, Blowout Blast works oddly with Kirby’s abilities, and Team Kirby Clash just, can not line up with known Kirby canon), and Super Kirby Clash (what did I just say?). They are not canon, even if aspects of them may reflect or inform canon. But Dream Buffet is 100% canon. Weeee!

Chapter 20: The Writer Just Writes Human-Based Sci-fi Into Their Kirby Fanfic, I Think?

Summary:

Susie: Have I mentioned recently how pretty you are?

June Ripple: Are you drunk again?

Susie: Even if I am, that doesn’t mean I’m wrong.

Pinned: Susie: Alright, my vacation is officially over as of today. I have work to take care of now that I’m going back to work. Please, unless there is a Code C emergency or higher, do not @ me, and avoid DMing me.

 

End pins

 

---

 

7:21 GST

 

Mark: Admin is away from server.

Mark: Change nickname slightly.

 

Kirby changed nickname to “Kirpy”

 

Rick: Oh, this will be fun.

 

---

 

7:30 GST

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: @everyone I’m back to work, effective immediately. Any topics temporarily diverted to @Chief Executive Office, Anne-Marie Laperrière can now be directed back to me.

 

Seth Hanser, DOR: Boss is back, delete the shitposts.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: You’re so funny, Seth

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Do you think my laughs will suffice as this months wages?

 

Seth Hanser, DOR: Sorry, ma’am.

 

---

 

7:38 GST

 

Head of Human Resources, Scot Ritchey: Welcome back, ma’am. Did your vacation go well?

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: It was definitely more relaxing than things have been for quite some time.

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: I get the feeling today’s not gonna be anywhere near as relaxing.

 

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutaka Watanabe: I have a progress report ready, regarding the new Human headquarters.

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutaka Watanabe: Btw, the current plan is to utilize the location as more of a Capital, as opposed to a corporate or military headquarters.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: I assume you’ve sent the full progress report to my inbox already.

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: For right this second, what’s the cliff notes version?

 

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutaka Watanabe: Yes ma’am. The current plan is terraform a relatively desolate planet which was approximately 15 AUs away from the former HQ. It’s approximately 1.8235 times the size of the full HQ, and seems to be more than capable of supporting life, with just a few tweaks to the atmosphere and surface. Terraforming is already underway, and a stable wormhole between our station and the new location has been formed.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Excellent. I’ll survey the work done at some point today, assuming there aren’t too many complications.

 

Director of Communications, Satoshi Ishida: Remember, the heads of the Gamma and Relay sectors are holding the in-person meeting today, on planet Seraphim in the Aeon sector.

Director of Communications, Satoshi Ishida: I’m aware the meeting is likely going to be, “more dickwaving about mining operations”, as Anne-Marie so colorfully put it, but your attendance is still key at maintaining amicable relations with the other colonies.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Duly noted. I’m preparing the warp to the Wormhole Station, I’ll be there soon.

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Q, how is the Improved Cloning Project developing?

 

Director of Robotics and Biologics, Q Dequina: Surprisingly well, thankfully. The microcloning restoration has been an overwhelming success, and we’ve successfully managed to produce organic-artificial limbs. The higher-consciousness initiatice is progressing more slowly, but we are at least able to give the clones an infant-level intelligence.

Director of Robotics and Biologics, Q Dequina: Unfortunately, rapid aging education has verified these intelligences don’t retain memories from the original, but it is still progress.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Excellent. Thank you, everyone, for your work these past few months. I’ll give a report on the meeting, once it’s done.

 

Chief Executive Officer, Anne-Marie Laperrière: Knowing Hoover and Mayler, that should be around 8 PM tomorrow.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: You know, I wish I could say you were wrong.

 

---

 

14:17 GST

 

Susie: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 

June Ripple: Is everything okay, honey?

 

Susie: I’m fine, just

Susie: This meeting has been going for over six hours

 

June Ripple: Is it still going?

June Ripple: You may need to pay attention, if only so they don’t get mad.

 

Susie: Nah, the past hour and a half has just been a screaming match between Hoover and Mayler.

Susie: The representative from Aeon is actively watching online videos.

Susie: Three of the reps are playing a fighting game.

 

June Ripple: Fair enough

June Ripple: I forget, which side are Hoover and Mayler on, again?

 

Susie: Hoover is from the Gamma Sector, who are trying to argue the mining operation needs to be preserved, for the sake of keeping the augment factories running.

Susie: Mayler, meanwhile, is from the Relay Sector, and their argument is that the mining on planet Halcyon is too destructive for the local wildlife, which is quickly approaching a sentient level of intelligence.

Susie: And like, yes, Mayler is the more moral choice, and there are so many alternatives to the Gamma Sector’s augments.

Susie: But my god, neither of these two will shut up, and the Gamma Sector is currently laying claim to the entire former Alliance Sector, which we NEED to form a new capital, and just

Susie: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 

June Ripple: :hugs:

June Ripple: It’s gonna be okay, Susie.

June Ripple: I’m guessing you’ve mentioned the micro-restoration project you were working on?

 

Susie: I did, but, Hoover was like “you can’t make organic augments”

Susie: Which is technically true

Susie: But then he called me a word I’m not even comfortable saying to you, so

Susie: Think I’m just gonna sit this out for right now.

 

June Ripple: Gosh.

June Ripple: I definitely understand the, difficulties, involved in diplomacy.

June Ripple: Last I counted, there were twelve different sentient species in our system, counting us fairies.

June Ripple: And we are, maybe, one of three species which are actually native to this sector.

 

Susie: Ah, yes, I did notice, there was a surprising amount of diversity in your solar system.

Susie: Is there any real reason so many species came there, or is it just a coincidence?

 

June Ripple: I believe it’s because we’re roughly between the center of the Gamble Galaxy, and Popstar’s system.

June Ripple: So, between the people who go there for spiritual reasons, and the Dreamlanders of various species who ended up stationing here in favor of finding their home planets, we ended up being a major hub for species.

 

Susie: Huh. I never really thought of that alignment between the systems.

Susie: And suddenly I’m very glad the old Alliance HQ was off center for the galaxy.

 

June Ripple: Oh, yes, that

June Ripple: For the record, we did technically detect the vessel moving by our solar system

June Ripple: But we didn’t log it properly, because it moved past us so fast, we couldn’t properly assess it.

 

Susie: Interesting. I would love to see your general logs of these things.

 

June Ripple: I’d be more than happy to show you, whenever you have time off next.

 

Susie: That’d be wonderful, June. It’s a date.

 

June Ripple: :heart:

 

Susie: :heart:

 

---

 

2:23 GST

 

Susie: Ama, remind me again why we don’t just nuke the Gamma Sector, because I am, so tempted right now.

 

Anne-Marie27: Well, nuclear bombing is still considered a war crime, unfortunately.

Anne-Marie27: Plus, even just attacking them is a bad idea, considering how many of the ADF resources were stored in that sector.

 

Susie: Okay, what about just killing Hoover?

Susie: And maybe Mayler too; they really are not making the kind of argument they need to if they want to win people over.

Susie: Seriously, how do you make “we shouldn’t kill and exploit semi-sentient species” NOT sound convincing?!

 

Anne-Marie27: Oh my lord, are you still in that damn meeting?

Anne-Marie27: How long has it just been them arguing?!

 

Susie: Technically, there have been three distinct arguments about it.

Susie: A total of 11 hours have been spent on topics OTHER than this one specific mining operation.

Susie: Unfortunately, the other 7 have exclusively been these two trying to argue in the least convincing ways possible.

Susie: With Hoover occasionally shooting off a slur or personal insult at anyone who tries to intervene.

 

Anne-Marie27: Is someone recording it all, at least?

 

Susie: Oh, I’ve set up cameras to go for about 72 hours. I am absolutely willing to blackmail Hoover with this stuff.

Susie: Aeon is currently setting up a fighting game for the people with non-sleeping augments, and the rest of us are trying to set up sleeping bags.

Susie: If I wake up to one or both of them dead, I am definitely going to claim control of the meeting, and end it immediately.

 

Anne-Marie27: Lol

Anne-Marie27: Get some sleep, Suze.

 

Susie: Night, Ama.

 

Anne-Marie27: Good night.

 

---

 

9:41 GST

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: FREEDOM

 

Head of Human Resources, Scot Ritchey: Welcome back, Miss Haltmann! How was the meeting?

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Well, about 13 hours were wasted on a pissing contest over a stupid fucking mining operation.

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: However, the other 12 and a half were spent on actually productive topics, the plans for the Capital planet have been roundly approved, we still have free reign over the Dream sector (at least as far as humanity is concerned)

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: And I have saved recordings of Hoover using a total of 84 different slurs in 132 instances, covering the full spectrum of race, gender, sexuality, and species.

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: So I’d say, ultimately, a productive day!

 

Head of Human Resources, Scot Ritchey: Oh, jeez

Head of Human Resources, Scot Ritchey: Um, any targeted, at you?

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Directly, five slurs, ten times.

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Indirectly, by a category I fall under, thirteen slurs, twenty-two times.

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Felt like hell to go through and assess

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: But it works really well as Blackmail.

 

Head of Human Resources, Scot Ritchey: Yeah, no, that is absolutely going to end Hoover’s career if it gets out.

 

Director of Communications, Satoshi Ishida: And technically, since neither our company or the Gamma sector have laws against blackmail, and there’s not really any greater authority over both of us

Director of Communications, Satoshi Ishida: It’s perfectly legal for you to hold it over his head.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Scot, what’s your judgement on that, ethically speaking?

 

Head of Human Resources, Scot Ritchey: Hey, I’m human resources for HWC, not the Gamma sector.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Fucking fantastic. All in favor of forcing him to compromise with the Relay sector and close the mining operation, say aye.

 

Head of Human Resources, Scot Ritchey: Aye.

 

Director of Communications, Satoshi Ishida: Aye.

 

Chief Executive Officer, Anne-Marie Laperrière: Aye, aye, fucking aye.

 

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutaka Watanabe: Sooner we can get this sorted, the easier the Capital project is gonna go. Aye.

 

Director of Robotics and Biologics, Q Dequina: Yeah, we haven’t used their augments for over a decade. Aye.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Alright, ayes across the board. It’s decided. Fuck Hoover.

 

Chief Executive Officer, Anne-Marie Laperrière: Fuck Hoover!

 

Head of Human Resources, Scot Ritchey: ...I mean, yeah, at this point?

Head of Human Resources, Scot Ritchey: Fuck Hoover.

 

---

 

11:59 GST

 

Susie: Have I mentioned recently how pretty you are?

 

June Ripple: Are you drunk again?

 

Susie: Even if I am, that doesn’t mean I’m wrong.

Susie: Your hair is so nice and fluffy.

Susie: I wanna run my hands through it.

 

June Ripple: I appreciate that

June Ripple: Where are you right now?

 

Susie: I think I’m near the wormhole station?

Susie: I don’t know, I can’t see it, but I haven’t turned my ship around yet.

 

June Ripple: Oh dear.

 

---

 

12:02 GST

 

June Ripple began Direct Chat with Anne-Marie27

 

June Ripple: Hello, Ms. Lapierre?

 

Anne-Marie27: Laperrière, thank you very much.

Anne-Marie27: This better be damn important if you're messaging me directly.

Anne-Marie27: What department do you work in?

 

June Ripple: Um

June Ripple: The Ripple Star monarchy?

 

Anne-Marie27: Oh, fuck

Anne-Marie27: I keep forgetting it’s not just employees who can find my contact info anymore.

Anne-Marie27: I am so sorry, your majesty.

 

June Ripple: Oh, it’s okay! I understand the confusion.

June Ripple: I’m just contacting you, because, well

June Ripple: Susie said you were a good emergency contact for her, and

June Ripple: Um

 

June Ripple sent image to chat

 

Anne-Marie27: God, Susie is the only person I’ve ever met who still uses proper grammer when she’s piss drunk.

Anne-Marie27: Alright, I’ll track down her coordinates and bring her either to the Popstar system or the Ripple system.

 

June Ripple: Thank you so much.

June Ripple: You are a good friend

 

Anne-Marie27: I try.

Anne-Marie27: By the way, can I ask something personal about Susie?

 

June Ripple: Sure, what are you wondering?

 

Anne-Marie27: You’ve been spending more time with her in-person these past few months.

Anne-Marie27: Has she been drinking like this, a lot?

 

June Ripple: Not really? She does drink a bit more than I do, but usually it’s just a glass or two of wine.

June Ripple: She has gotten a bit more tipsy on some of our dates, but really only once or twice has she gotten properly drunk like this.

 

Anne-Marie27: Okay, that’s, probably fine.

 

June Ripple: If you don’t mind me asking, why exactly were you concerned about this?

 

Anne-Marie27: It’s just

Anne-Marie27: I worry about Susie a lot in general.

Anne-Marie27: I mean, given everything that’s happened...

 

June Ripple: Yes, she mentioned, you knew each other before she was

June Ripple: “lost”

 

Anne-Marie27: My mother was the CEO under her father from when I was around 12 to when I turned 25.

Anne-Marie27: That’s when she finally retired and I took over as CEO.

Anne-Marie27: I knew Susie from the day after she was born, until the moment of her accident.

Anne-Marie27: I saw her father break down in despair, desperately wishing to any god he could think of to bring her back.

Anne-Marie27: And I had to stand by and watch when she returned, and her father didn’t even remember he had a daughter.

Anne-Marie27: You can understand why I’ve become a bit protective of her.

 

June Ripple: Of course.

June Ripple: I do hope I’ve made a decent impression with you.

 

Anne-Marie27: You care about her, and you make her happy.

Anne-Marie27: I don’t know what else any of us could ask for.

 

June Ripple: Thank you.

 

---

 

13:21 GST

 

Susie: My girlfriend is so pretty

Susie: Aaaaaa

 

Xine: You know, I don’t know what exactly I expected.

Xine: But it wasn’t this.

Notes:

Random Kirby Headcanon: So, in case it wasn’t obvious, the queen of Ripple Star from Kirby 64 doesn’t actually have a canon name. I got her name in this from a twist on the Japanese name for the character, which is technically “Queen of Ripple Star”, but the Japanese word for Queen is apparently pronounced Joō. Technically, Joan or Jone would have been closer to that pronunciation, but I felt like June was a good fit, since it’s just real enough as a name to be possible in human civilization, but also not common enough to be boring; sort of like Ribbon, which is technically a girl’s name that has been used before.

Chapter 21: There's A Hole Where The Sky Used To Be

Summary:

Addy: The rift is basically right over the castle, so Dedede almost definitely got pulled in.
Addy: Bandana probably did too for the same reason
Addy: And somehow, knowing Kirby, I think it’s probably safe to say he’s in there.

Magolor: So, literally the chief defenders of Dreamland are probably all inside that rift.

Marx: ...well fuck.

Notes:

Warning: spoilers for Kirby and the Forgotten Land from this point forward.

Pinned: Kirby: Based on testing with Bandana Dee, yes, I can transfer healing magic with high-fives just as effectively as through mouth-to-mouth. So, if you’re not comfortable with kissing me, but still need healing, we can do that.

 

 End pins

 

---

 

4:23 GST

 

Magolor: Hey, so, uh,

Magolor: @InterstellarCitizens

Magolor: We may have a situation

 

Magolor sent image to chat

 

Susie: Oh, that’s not good.

Susie: How the hell did it get that thin, that fast?

 

Magolor: I don’t know.

Magolor: It’s possible something is pushing against us from elsewhere?

Magolor: But I haven’t detected anything from Another Dimension

 

Susie: Have you been back there any time recently?

 

Magolor: Oh hell no.

Magolor: The fabric of reality is so fragile near us, opening a dimensional rift directly to AD could lead to a major catastrophe

 

Susie: Shit. This is bad.

Susie: I think we can officially state a Warning State for Planet Popstar, especially Dreamland. I’ll see what I can do about informing everyone.

 

Magolor: Well, that’s, the other thing.

Magolor: The build-up of energy in that region is having an effect of electromagnetic signals that try to pass through it.

Magolor: Communication between planetside inhabitants is fine, but

Magolor: Currently, no messages from off of Popstar seem to be going through.

Magolor: Even the warp seems to be obstructed, worryingly enough.

 

Susie: Shit.

Susie: Shit shit shit shit shit.

Susie: Okay, I’ll try to get one of our people planetside ASAP, and start trying to assess the situation.

Susie: I think we can officially declare this a Code C emergency.

Susie: The problem is just gonna be telling anyone actually in Dreamland.

 

---

 

9:46 GST

 

Rick: Hey, so, I’m in Cloudy Park, and, uh

 

Rick sent image to chat

 

Rick: Code C emergency?

 

Addy: It’s a Code D, at the least!

Addy: Ribbon and I barely manage to avoid getting sucked into the rift!

 

Magolor: OH THANK FUCK, MESSAGES ARE GOING THROUGH!

Magolor: EVERYONE WHO CAN STILL SEE THESE, STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM THAT RIFT

Magolor: THAT DOES NOT LEAD TO ANOTHER DIMENSION, AND WE DON’T KNOW WHERE IT LEADS.

 

Susie: This is a major emergency. We’ve detected a powerful lifeform generating a massive amount of energy somewhere on the other side of the rift.

Susie: With multiple pieces of the landscape being ripped up into it, I think we can officially declare a Code G state of emergency.

Susie: We’ve got multiple HWC machines and personnel working to evacuate the whole area being affected by the rift.

 

Taranza: We seem to be far enough from the rift here in Floralia, we aren’t being pulled in.

Taranza: If anyone needs to evacuate up here, we can take as many people as necessary.

 

Rick: Shit, we need a roll call, who’s still safe?

 

Kine: I’m at home with my family.

 

Coo: Same, I was visiting my eldest over in the Popopo Islands when it opened.

 

Ribbon: Addy and I managed to get out safe!

 

DMK: Shadow Kirby and I are safe and sound in Floralia.

 

Taranza: Same here.

 

Marx: I’m getting as many Dreamlanders out as possible, since I’m able to generate enough gravity to stick to the ground.

 

Gooey: I’m still here! Meta Knight went flying towards the destruction to help people, though!

 

Daroach: The Squeaks and I are safe over on Ice Island.

 

Magolor: And both Susie and I are off planet, trying to get a grasp on the situation.

 

Susie: We’re still missing Kirby, Dedede, and Bandana Dee, and Meta Knight may have gotten pulled in if he was trying to save people.

 

Addy: The rift is basically right over the castle, so Dedede almost definitely got pulled in.

Addy: Bandana probably did too for the same reason

Addy: And somehow, knowing Kirby, I think it’s probably safe to say he’s in there.

 

Magolor: So, literally the chief defenders of Dreamland are probably all inside that rift.

 

Marx: ...well fuck.

 

---

 

11:36 GST

 

Susie: Okay, so, what are the numbers we’re looking at?

 

Adeleine: Approximately 300 Waddle Dees, 100 Blade Knights, 200 Bronto Burts, 250 Blippers, 50 Bombers, 150 Bouncies, 75 Cappies, 90 Chillies, 25 Corori, 100 Foleys, 100 Gabon, 200 Glunks, who even knows how many Gordos, 150 Hotheads, 250 Kabu, 50 Mumbies, 100 Needlous, 50 Noddies, 25 Pactos, 50 Phanta, 100 Poppy Bros Jrs, 75 Scarfies, 125 Kibbles, 50 Spookstep, 100 Squishies, and 150 Twisters, as well as Gigant Edge, Mr. Frosty, and Bonkers.

 

Susie: Okay, and my detectors have confirmed Kirby, Meta Knight, Bandana Dee, and Dedede have definitely either passed through, or have otherwise completely disappeared.

Susie: So, at least 2920 different inhabitants have gone through.

 

Adeleine: This is, very bad.

Adeleine: Why is this happening so soon?

Adeleine: We usually get, like, a year between major crises.

 

Susie: Unfortunately, this one seems to be a direct result of the Void Termina incident, so if it was going to happen, it basically had to happen now.

 

Adeleine: I hate it. I almost want to go in there myself, just to know if they’re safe or not.

 

Susie: Addy, please, we need all hands on deck.

 

Adeleine: I know, it’s just

Adeleine: Ribbon and I are panicking, okay?

Adeleine: I mean, imagine if Queen Ripple were stuck in possibly another universe, and you had a way to get there, but there was a chance doing so would just kill you

Adeleine: How do you think that would feel?

 

Susie: I understand. Believe me, I do.

Susie: But right now, the best thing we can do is wait, and try to be ready if they need us.

 

Adeleine: Okay.

 

Susie: For right now, just try to be there for Ribbon. You both need your girlfriends at a time like this.

 

Adeleine: ...thanks, Susie. Stay safe.

 

Susie: You too, Addy. You too.

 

---

 

13:06 GST

 

Meta Knight: Ş̶͗̋̒ụ̴̢̱̤͗́̾̽̓͝s̷̼̪̫̤̦̥̜̣̹͛̍̌̄̏̌̂̽͗͊̅̌̃ỉ̵̗̑̊͗̾́̈́̈́͝͝ę̴̛̼̝̅́͛?̶̛̰̠̯̇̿̅̋̊̆͋͑ ̷̡̪͎̪͚̯̲̳̼̲̲͔͖̞̃̈́̅͊̂̈̿A̸̗̠͙̔̐̈́͋̏͘r̸͈̺̮̺̠͕͗͜͜ͅe̵̢̫̺̖̻͚̓͒ ̵̜͉̝͍͖́̿͌̏́͐͛͂̄́̕y̸̡̗͕̜̤̭͂̂̆͜o̸̧̡̙̝̯̗͕̮̭̯̟̖̓̃̒̂̏͆̔̐̎̓͘͘͝͝ȕ̴͚̀͋̊́̉͋͑̈́̾͛́̕ ̸̛̿̓̌͗̀̀͋͊͂͋͆̋͜͝ţ̵̢̧͖̫̱̙̲͓̰͍͑ͅh̶̡̰̟͑̅̿̊͒̈̈́̕ȅ̴̡͉̠̗̯́͆̎̽͂̆̈͠r̵̡̡̬̠̺̭͍̝̯̬̾̄ë̸̝͉́̎͌̊̋̈́̀̃̅̍̚͘̚͘?̴̨̹͉̬͚̻̪̜̯̞̖̙̄ ̸̻͕̳͍͎̩̗̼͉̲͉̙̝̉̑̕C̷̢̡̭͖̝̘͚̮͍̖͎̞̊̿͑͗͗̽͋͊̑͠ͅã̷̯̯̰̱̗͎̩̞͂̉̆̑͠͝ͅn̶̺̗̞̝̙̰̋̌͂̄̐͊̄̎̓̀͊͝ ̴̛̳̙͎̰̗̰̫̰͖̒̓̓̄̀̒͋͆͘ͅy̴̧̯̻̯͕͚̹̼͈̩͚̺̳̅͛̈̍́̊́̋̒̎̏͝o̸͈̮̦̫̻͎͈̙̫͎̥͉̗̣̐̌͛̃̎̿͝͝u̶̺̖̎̅͗͌̍́͒̃̚͘̚͜ͅͅ ̸̝̤̪̹̓́̀̿̃̇͛͘̚̕͝͝ḧ̴͉̗̟̱̥̺͈́̓̄̀̓̎͐̑͑̄̔͜e̶̛͚̝̰͋̔͗͆̉͗̽á̶̡̛͍̘̠̼̎̑̂́̔͛̂̽̍̃͜ŕ̶̡̪̙̠̲̀̌̂̄ ̸̜͖̪̦̥̗͓̲̖̈́͌͌́́̓͜ͅm̷͎̥̯̈́́̆͗͆̏̈́̋̔͜͝e̴̢̠̥͍̰̺͖̩̠̜͆̈́́͊̚?̴̧̟͉̼̗̖̙͎͇́͒̍̀͊͂̃͌̏̀̽͘͠͠ͅ

Meta Knight: Ó̴̪̭̘̳̬̘̊͆͊͌͋͐͐̚̚͠͝͝r̶͉̬̠̬̭̤̙̳͍̘͓͖̪̃̃̉̉,̶͍͎͛̐͒̄̏̓̒̃̂̇̎̕ ̴̗̣̜̞͇̱̣̤̥̥͒̐r̷̼̅̈́ę̷̨̨̦͓̼̞͍̠̜̮̎͂̈́̓̆̏͗̅̈́͋̆̄̕̕ͅà̴̯͈̤̘̯̖͉̍̅̚d̸̢̝̞̜̮̗͉̂̓͂̏̚ ̸̧̧̫̳͙̯̩̣͚̩̳͆̾͂́̔m̴̻̮̝̦̦̰̘̻͖̼̦͚̪̚͘ė̴̢̧̛̫̻̪̮̠͎̰̭̹̣̈́͑̓͒̉̎̄̾̍͘,̸̢̫̣̥̼̳̬̰̄͑͌̌͒͐͊̈̋̆̎̊̈̇ͅ ̴̛̟̙̣̻͍͙̓̑͒̊̈́̌͐̔͋̍͌̂Ǐ̴̠̭̘͍̮̾̌̌͌̇̽͜ ̷̢̧̣̞͓͙̠̮̖̗̰̲͚͚̑s̸̥̥̏́̆̌̆̇͒͠u̷͎̝̐͆̾̋͆͝p̴̘͉̮̜͓̘̼̮̓̂͌̅͐̋̄́͌̕͠͝p̷͎̖̪̝͋̊̆̈́̐́̓ơ̶͎̼̦͗̎͒̊͒̓́͑͘͝s̷̲̟̠̞̐̅̒̈̓͋͒̅͛̐̽́͠ḙ̸̝̱̞̍͗͂̀.̶̤͖̳͖̫͖͒̎́̋̈͋̌̆̿̃̕

 

Susie: Meta Knight? Is that you?!

Susie: Your text is coming in corrupted.

 

Meta Knight: S̶̡̩̺̖̪̰͔̻̪͕̬̓̈́̀̈́̏͊̒͒̓̊̓ͅh̵͓̠̥̣̜̳͉̓̅̂̂͊̍̀͐̌́̒̽̆͠ͅi̸̢̦̻͇̝̰̤̪̰̩͒̃͊͌́̂̐͘͝t̵̢͉͔̱̮̖͒̈́̀͝͝.̷̢̨̧̭̳͇͔̱̗̉͐ͅ ̷͙͐̇̊͋̈́́̽͂̅̃̆̓͠Ş̴̨̰̘̲̲̬͎̲̣̱͈̥̂͠o̵̡̧̟̝̮̦̙̺̙̓̅́̔͛͛̐̌̀̃̑̔͆͜͝m̸̖͊̉̈́͗̀́̄͠͠ė̷̥̜̠̝̗̗̥̖͔͈̌̿͐̂̐̋͘͘t̸̡̥̦̱͉̞͔͉̺̲̘͕͇́̔̈́̾̉h̸̭͚̭̥͚̀̈́͋̓́̓̇̿ͅį̶͍̥̠͓̗̺̳̯̤̟̽̈͂̎̀̏̀̅̾̉̑̓̀̂͜n̴̢̦͈͓̙͈͓̬̲̝͒̽́̉͌̓̆̎͂̈́̚͜͠͠ͅg̸̢̮͖͒̈́̃̅͑̅̉͝'̷̠̘͔͍̍͑͗̉͒͝ś̷̡̡̰̼͕̓̈́̇͋͜͠ ̵̰̥̖̪͙̼̰͍̘̜̒s̶̳̲͇̻̝͖̣͚̬̓́̓̈͜͜͝t̶̬̅̃̋̋̇̓̐͝͝ĭ̸̞̹͕̝̜̪̳̖̘̙̳̭̻l̵̦̤͙̪̼̺̋͂̌̎̂̓͑͑̑̌͛̆̕̚ͅl̴͎̞͙̘̱̠̻̼͚̉̅̕ͅͅ ̶̧͇̞̼̼̍̏̽̊͑͒̕̕w̵̧̮͕͖̼̬͙͍̹̜̱͐̓͝r̶̨̡̭̳̰͍͒͂̀͆͋̑͠o̵͚̅̓̀̀̓͐͐̇́͠n̴̞̺͍̱̎̅̿͂ģ̸͖̣͖͓̟̯̗͈͎̣͕̫͈͐͐̓̚͝.̴̡̫̭̮̦̘̤̗͕͍̱́̾͐͑ ̵͉̱̻͚͇̗̦̣͕̖͋̐̀Ģ̵̧̛̲̜̼͇͇̬̬̜̩̮̤̖̂̃͋͊͐̉̉̋͝i̸̢͍̗͙͈͂͋́̑̈́̿͌̒̈́̓v̴͍̈͝e̷̢̡͚̹͐̑̾̔ͅ ̷̢̢̠̖̜̞̠͎͚͙̍͜͜ͅm̷̜͕͕̞̥̣̯̘̦̾͠ë̸̡̙̥̤̥́͋̿̓̎̅̿̎̚ ̵̡͔͔̈́́̀́͐̅̑̃̏ṍ̶̟̣̦͓̈́̒͗͂̄̌͛̒͘̚͜n̵̛̰̟̊̉̃͑͝e̵͍̞̽̍̿̈ ̸̡̦͈͕̯͍̻͔̻̝̄͆s̶̢̧̛̲̗̥̹͕̖̠̼͎̿̓͊͗̚͠͠ḙ̷̡̼̮̬͕̭̔̍̈́͑͊̓̒͋͋̋̓̒̂̚c̴̨̛͕̜̫͂̿̈́̐̀̀̈́͋̚͝o̵͖̖̳͑̽̾̋̐͛̎̌̄̚͜͝n̴̨̢̮͓̼̙̳̜̬̩̲̘͊̇̓̃ͅd̴̺̿.̶̡̢̢̫̘̠̱̀͑̏̆̇̅̋

 

Meta Knight: O̵k̵a̸y̴,̸ ̸c̷a̶n̵ ̴y̵o̴u̷ ̸r̵e̵a̴d̴ ̶m̷e̷ ̶n̶o̷w̶?̶

 

Susie: That’s, better? I can read it, yes.

 

Meta Knight: G̶o̸o̴d̷.̶ ̵I̴ ̶d̴o̸n̶'̷t̴ ̷k̵n̵o̶w̷ ̸h̴o̴w̷ ̵l̸o̶n̶g̵ ̶w̴e̷ ̴h̵a̵v̸e̴,̶ ̴s̶o̵ ̴j̵u̴s̴t̶ ̵l̸e̶t̵ ̸m̸e̵ ̷t̶y̷p̶e̷.̴

Meta Knight: W̵e̷'̸v̷e̸ ̶e̴n̴d̴e̷d̷ ̷u̸p̴ ̷i̷n̵ ̶s̶o̸m̷e̷ ̵w̸e̵i̸r̵d̵ ̸n̶e̵w̴ ̷w̸o̸r̸l̸d̷.̶ ̵T̶h̷i̴s̷ ̶p̴l̸a̸n̵e̸t̶ ̸s̴e̶e̷m̸s̸ ̴t̸o̴ ̶b̷e̸ ̷i̷n̸h̶a̶b̴i̶t̶e̶d̴ ̸b̶y̸ ̸i̵n̸t̷e̷l̵l̷i̸g̷e̴n̷t̵ ̷a̴n̷i̵m̸a̴l̴s̸,̵ ̵a̶n̴d̴ ̴t̸h̸e̴y̵'̷v̷e̷ ̷t̴a̵k̶e̸n̵ ̶c̵o̶n̷t̸r̵o̴l̵ ̵o̴f̵ ̸m̸u̵l̴t̶i̶p̴l̷e̷ ̶D̵r̴e̶a̸m̷l̴a̵n̷d̶e̷r̴s̵.̸ ̸T̴h̴e̴y̵'̵r̸e̶ ̸a̷l̸s̴o̸ ̶a̸b̶d̵u̴c̴t̵i̷n̸g̸ ̷W̸a̴d̸d̵l̵e̷ ̸D̸e̴e̴s̷,̶ ̵b̵u̴t̷ ̴K̷i̴r̷b̶y̶ ̵a̶n̸d̷ ̷B̶a̶n̴d̴a̴n̶a̴ ̸a̵r̸e̷ ̶w̷o̸r̶k̶i̷n̵g̴ ̷t̸o̴g̸e̸t̷h̴e̵r̵ ̴t̴o̶ ̴f̷r̷e̷e̴ ̷t̴h̸e̵m̶.̴ ̵D̴e̸d̸e̶d̷e̷ ̸i̴s̸ ̶s̸t̵i̷l̷l̶ ̸M̴I̵A̷,̷ ̵a̴n̸d̴ ̸j̴u̸d̸g̵i̷n̶g̴ ̸b̸y̶ ̵w̷h̷a̵t̶ ̷t̷h̷e̶y̸ ̸a̴t̵t̴e̸m̸p̸t̶e̴d̴ ̴w̴i̴t̸h̶ ̵m̸e̸,̶ ̴h̶e̵'̷s̵ ̶l̵i̵k̶e̶l̶y̷ ̶u̵n̶d̴e̶r̸ ̷t̵h̸e̶i̵r̵ ̶c̸o̴n̴t̷r̵o̵l̴.̴ ̵I̶ ̸c̸a̸n̸ ̸o̴n̴l̴y̶ ̶g̴e̵t̶ ̴t̸h̸r̷o̶u̵g̶h̸ ̷n̶o̵w̷ ̴b̷y̷ ̵u̵s̸i̶n̸g̴ ̵a̷l̴l̷ ̶o̵f̸ ̸m̸y̶ ̷p̴o̸w̶e̵r̵,̴ ̵s̴o̸ ̸I̶ ̴l̶i̶k̶e̸l̵y̶ ̸w̷o̵n̵'̷t̵ ̵b̸e̷ ̵a̵b̵l̶e̶ ̴t̷o̴ ̸r̶e̵c̶o̸n̸n̵e̸c̵t̵ ̸f̶o̵r̶ ̷s̶o̴m̵e̶ ̷t̸i̴m̵e̴.̸ ̸I̶f̶ ̴y̶o̴u̷ ̵c̷a̶n̶,̷ ̷t̶r̶y̸ ̵t̶o̷ ̴s̸e̷n̷d̶ ̵s̴o̷m̸e̴ ̶r̶a̷t̵i̶o̸n̸s̵ ̶f̴o̶r̸ ̶u̷s̵.̵ ̴A̶n̶d̷ ̵s̵t̶a̶y̸ ̶s̷a̸f̶e̴!̷

 

Susie: I’ll try to send them over, and we’ll try to stay safe. Please, take care of yourselves.

 

Meta Knight: You to

 

Susie: Meta Knight?

Susie: Damn it.

 

---

 

13:15 GST

 

Susie: Meta Knight managed to get a message through to me.

Susie: I’ll try to uncorrupt it for you all.

Susie: “We've ended up in some weird new world. This planet seems to be inhabited by intelligent animals, and they've taken control of multiple Dreamlanders. They're also abducting Waddle Dees, but Kirby and Bandana are working together to free them. Dedede is still MIA, and judging by what they attempted with me, he's likely under their control. I can only get through now by using all of my power, so I likely won't be able to reconnect for some time. If you can, try to send some rations for us. And stay safe!”

 

Magolor: Okay! We’ll get to work gathering food to send in through the rift!

Magolor: We can maybe set up a rescue party at some point, now that we know the rift does lead somewhere livable.

Magolor: I promise, everyone, we’ll figure this out.

 

Addy: We fucking better.

 

Marx: It’ll be okay, Addy. We know they’re safe. Everything’s going to be fine.

 

Ribbon: I’m going to ask Queen Ripple to magic up enough food for 3000 people. It will be easier than finding enough on Popstar, and I need something to distract myself.

 

Taranza: I’ll get a transport ready to send that food to the rift.

Taranza: We can do this, we’re going to be fine.

 

---

 

18:24 GST

 

Ribbon: Okay! The food shipment has arrived! We just managed to warp it to Popstar!

 

Susie: Perfect! Taranza, how’s the transport looking?

 

Taranza: Uh

Taranza: Everyone’s on or near Popstar right now, right?

 

Susie: Um, yes?

 

Magolor: I believe so, yes.

 

Taranza: @everyone

Taranza: Look up.

 

Marx: ...oh fuck.

 

---

 

18:27 GST

 

Anne-Marie27: SUSIE! OH MY GOD, WHAT’S HAPPENING?!

 

Susie: Ama, I’m so sorry, I don’t know what’s going to happen.

Susie: We’re heading directly towards that rift, and so is that planet on the other side.

Susie: I think this might be it.

 

Anne-Marie27: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

Anne-Marie27: THIS IS NOT WHERE IT ENDS

Anne-Marie27: WE HAVE NOT COME ALL THIS WAY JUST TO GIVE UP NOW!

 

Susie: Well, what else are we supposed to do?

Susie: I don’t know how the fuck I’m

 

Anne-Marie27: SUSIE?!

 

Susie: Uh

Susie: I think I just saw

Susie: A semi-truck driving towards the portal?

 

---

 

18:32 GST

 

Bandana: Hey, everyone

Bandana: So, uh

Bandana: A lot of stuff has happened, huh?

 

Addy: BANDANA WADDLE DEE WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?!

 

Kirby: We will explain everything, I promise, but Meta Knight and Dedede are still in the other world!

Kirby: We have to find a way

 

Susie: Kirby?

 

Bandana: So, uh, Susie

Bandana: Do you think we can have a spare phone for a new friend?

 

---

 

18:44 GST

 

Kirby: Okay

Kirby: Everyone’s okay

Kirby: Everybody’s safe

Kirby: So now

Kirby: I need to explain what happened

Kirby: But also

Kirby: I think I want to sleep for, like, a week.

 

Susie: I’ll be honest, I can get that.

Susie: You’ve had a busy day.

Susie: /month, I guess?

 

Ribbon: I’m sorry, month?

 

Bandana: Oh, yeah

Bandana: Time between these two worlds is weird.

Bandana: We were all there for, like, a month, but it’s only been a day for all of you.

Bandana: For us, it was only, like, 2 minutes between the rift being closed and Elfilin coming back.

Bandana: But apparently, on the other side, it was a full week?

 

Dedede: Tell ya’ll what: all of you come over to this side

Dedede: Elfy can bring you over.

Dedede: And frankly, I think all of us could use, like

Dedede: A hundred hugs.

 

Magolor: ...fuck it, let’s go.

 

Addy: Ribbon and I are coming over immediately. And Kirby, Waddle, you two better have room for us wherever you’ve been staying.

 

Kirby: Can do, and please do.

 

---

 

20:44 GST

 

Susie: Okay

Susie: So, I think this planet, is like

Susie: An alternate universe Earth?

 

Anne-Marie27: Fascinating. Maybe we could get Yutaka to check it out?

 

Susie: Maybe. It’s just, all so bizarre.

Susie: There’s writing that seems to be BASED on the Latin alphabet, but also, isn’t, there are so many familiar looking buildings and architectural styles, but nothing specifically Terran, there’s what I’m like 90% sure is just straight up Old London, permanently frozen like it was freaking Shiver Star

Susie: It’s all so weird.

Susie: And that’s not even discussing the technology here.

 

Susie sent 3 images to chat

 

Susie: Like, this lab LOOKS like the old HAL project.

Susie: Is it Ancient? Human? I don’t know, and it’s so concerning.

 

Anne-Marie27: Oh my lord, I would love to get my hands inside that lab.

Anne-Marie27: I swear, Suze, that place is my wet dream.

 

Susie: Gross?

 

Anne-Marie27: Do you know what they were studying there? Or is it not decoded?

 

Susie: No, thankfully this place does have automatic language detection, and it was able to translate to English.

Susie: So, do you remember that weird, thing, we saw on the scans of the larger Rift?

 

Anne-Marie27: Susie it has been less than three hours

Anne-Marie27: Obviously I remember

 

Susie: Right, sorry.

Susie: Well, I think they were studying that lifeform when this planet was more inhabitated.

Susie: I’ll try to get a full recording of the English translation of this data, and try to start forming a translation tool.

Susie: I hope this isn’t an inconvience, with everything else going on.

 

Anne-Marie27: Susie

Anne-Marie27: We are the first explorers of a non-AD alternate universe.

Anne-Marie27: We are increasing our reputation 2,000 times.

 

Susie: Hell yeah.

 

---

 

21:03 GST

 

Marx: Yo, Kirbo

Marx: How you holding up?

Marx: Everything okay on the flip-side?

 

Kirby: Yeah, I’m okay.

Kirby: Addy and Ribbon have been sticking right next to me and Waddle for like, 2 and a half hours.

Kirby: It’s so nice to see everyone again.

 

Marx: Heck yeah, man

Marx: I get that

Marx: Was everything, like

Marx: Okay, during the whole thing?

Marx: You know, not being able to, talk to people?

 

Kirby: Projecting some, huh, Marx?

 

Marx: Fuck you, I’m trying to be nice for once

 

Kirby: It’s all good! I do appreciate it.

Kirby: Yeah, I’ve been, okay?

Kirby: I definitely missed everyone

Kirby: A lot.

Kirby: But, I wasn’t alone, at least.

Kirby: Plus, I was able to focus on adventuring. Saving Waddle Dees, saving Elfilin, saving Dedede

Kirby: Pretty much any time I could just focus on helping people or working, it was all fine.

Kirby: Any other time

Kirby: I’m sure Bandana or Meta Knight have already complained about my clinginess enough

 

Marx: I’m sorry, you’re expecting your pseudo-boyfriend and your kinda-dad to complain about you being “clingy”?

Marx: Meanwhile, from what I’ve heard from you all, it sounds like Ribbon and Adeleine have actively duct taped themselves to you

 

Kirby: They’re not that bad

 

Marx: Yeah, sure. You just like the attention.

 

Kirby: Yes! I do!

Kirby: It’s been a month for me, that I’ve spent separated from 90% of my loved ones!

 

Marx: I know

Marx: Honestly, I really do get it

Marx: Hell, for us, you were only gone like one day, and I thought some of us were going to jump into an endless pit from missing you.

 

Kirby: Awww!

Kirby: I’m really sorry

 

Marx: Are you kidding?

Marx: Kirby, you are in no way responsible for any of this

Marx: You are a VICTIM

 

Kirby: That

Kirby: It’s weird to think of myself as, like

Kirby: I don’t know, I don’t think I can be a victim?

 

Marx: Kirby

Marx: What the fuck are you talking about?

 

Kirby: I don’t know

Kirby: Today I fought the “ultimate lifeform”, several different possessed beings including Dedede, and a giant wall of goo flesh.

Kirby: I’m freaking tired.

 

Marx: Get some sleep, buddy.

Marx: Give my best to Add, Ribs, and Band.

 

Kirby: Lol. Will do.

 

---

 

22:54 GST

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Addy?

Bandana Waddle Dee: You still awake?

 

Adeleine: We are literally in the same bed

Adeleine: Why are you texting me

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Because I don’t wanna wake Ribbon or Kirby

 

Adeleine: ...fair.

Adeleine: What’s up, Waddle?

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: I

Bandana Waddle Dee: I’ve missed you two

 

Adeleine: Aw

Adeleine: We missed you too

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: No, like

Bandana Waddle Dee: You don’t get it

Bandana Waddle Dee: It’s been a month, and

Bandana Waddle Dee: Of all the people I missed from back home, it was you and Ribbon

Bandana Waddle Dee: I don’t know

Bandana Waddle Dee: It’s dumb. Ignore me.

 

Adeleine: No, no, it’s okay!

Adeleine: You’re not dumb. I just

Adeleine: I don’t know. I figured you, wouldn’t really have any reason to miss us?

Adeleine: I mean, I know you care a lot about us, but, I also know you have a lot of friends in the Waddle Dees here

Adeleine: Not even mentioning, like

Adeleine: You were with Kirby almost the whole time.

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Yeah, and, don’t get me wrong, that was really nice, in its own ways.

Bandana Waddle Dee: It just

Bandana Waddle Dee: Fuck

Bandana Waddle Dee: Not being able to talk to you for a month just sucked.

 

Adeleine: ...think you can scoot over in the bed without waking the others?

Adeleine: I wanna cuddle you

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Okay? There, should be just enough room.

 

---

 

23:01 GST

 

Susie added Elfilin to server

 

Elfilin: Huh

Notes:

Random Kirby Headcanon: This is probably going to be the first thing to be disproven, if Forgotten Land gets an update, or DLC, or even just is mentioned in another Kirby game, but here’s my headcanon/theory anyways: Fecto Elfilis is another of the four ancient heroes. We know, from Star Allies, that there were “four heroes of yore” who, based on the English translation, “vanquished” Void Termina. Additionally, while Super Kirby Clash isn’t strictly canon, it does seem to confirm that Galacta Knight was one of these four heroes, as his name in it is “Aeon Hero”, and one of his moves involves the Heart Spears which the four heroes used. Several of Fecto Elfilis’s attacks are strikingly similar to Galacta Knight’s (using a non-sword weapon in very sword like ways, firing beams of light which resemble blades, opening rifts and attacking with massive laser beams), the character’s primary form is much more anthropomorphic than most main villains in Kirby games (even if their Chaos form’s last phase is more in line with the Soul standard), and most pressingly, Morpho Knight is able to absorb both characters, and takes not only the same form from both (although, in this fanfic series, that’s probably because it’s their true form), but also the same level of power, and incredibly similar attacks. You get why I would come to this conclusion, right?

Chapter 22: Actions and Consequences

Summary:

Kirby: Now, I need to get back up to Morpho Knight, at the least.

Magolor: Welcome to the Stellar Emergencies chat, flying chinchilla!
Magolor: Hate to be a bummer, but keeping our worlds connected is technically endangering the fabric of reality.

Susie: What?

Elfilin: WHAT?!

Pinned: Elfilin: Hi! My name is Elfilin! I’m Kirby’s friend from the other world (Veaumond is the planet’s name, btw!), and, also technically part of the organism that opened those really big rifts? But, don’t worry! I’m not evil, I just want to help people and keep both our worlds safe! I’ll be keeping the rift between Dreamland and Waddle Dee Town open for the forseeable future, so feel free to stop by and say hi! Don’t worry, with this rift, we shouldn’t have to worry about the whole Time Dilation thing.

 

End pins

 

---

 

11:59 GST

 

Marx: I have acquired

Marx: More mouthful

 

Ado: If you send that freaking Lightbulb again

Ado: I will rip you hat off your skull, no matter how “attached” you say it is

 

Bandana: It’s not THAT bad.

 

Marx sent image to chat

 

Marx: KIRBY BIG RIG RACING

 

Bandana: Oh, shoot, that’s what Kirby hit Fecto with!

 

HamstersAreHonorary: Holy shit, Kirby Isekai’d Shadow the Hedgehog?

 

Susie: Just

Susie: So ancient

Susie: These references

 

HamstersAreHonorary: Don’t blame me that your dumb species programmed out the ability to dream.

 

Kirby: I AM GOING TO STRANGLE THIS FUCKING POCKET DIMENSION

 

Dedede: Oh, you having trouble with the new Colosseum cup?

 

Kirby: I have

Kirby: The sword of the fucking GRIM REAPER

Kirby: And this thing just KEEPS KILLING ME

 

Coo: Hey, hey, it’s okay, you’re still alive!

 

Kirby: THAT’S WHAT MAKES IT SUCK

Kirby: IT’S PLAYING BY THE ARENA RULES

Kirby: IT’S ACTUALLY A LITTLE EASIER, BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE TO START OVER IF I FAIL

Kirby: I CAN KEEP FIGHTING THIS STUPID CREATURE AS MUCH AS I WANT

Kirby: AND I STILL. CAN’T. BEAT IT

 

Elfilin: It, probably doesn’t help that it seems to be, real?

Elfilin: Like, the other opponents in this “cup”, even things like Morpho Knight, seem to be just, like,

Elfilin: Dream matter?

Elfilin: But this feels like Fecto, like, I can feel it.

 

Kirby: AND IF I DON’T BEAT IT

Kirby: IT COULD ATTACK THE REST OF THE PLANET

Kirby: SO I HAVE TO KEEP TRYING!

Kirby: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

Ribbon: It’s gonna be okay, Kirby!

Ribbon: I promise, we’ll all cuddle you for a full week if and when you beat it!

 

Ado: Define “we all”

Ado: I don’t think he wants Meta Knight to cuddle him in full armor.

 

Meta Knight: Well

 

Ado: Okay, probably not DARK Meta Knight

 

DMK: Fair.

 

Kirby: Okay.

Kirby: I’m gonna stock up on Attack boosts and Speed boosts again

Kirby: And I’m going to destroy this thing.

 

Ribbon: You’ve got this, Kirby!

 

Bandana: Ribbon will kiss you when you win!

 

Ribbon: !!!

 

Kirby: Alright, let’s do this!

 

Ribbon: WAIT HOLD ON AAAA

 

---

 

14:15 GST

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Okay, I’ll give you this, Watanabe

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: It’s a good looking planet.

 

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutaka Watanabe: Thank you, ma’am.

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutaka Watanabe: Three months down, and we’ve gotten a Terra level planet going.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: It’s impressive, honestly.

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: How’s the wormhole forming going?

 

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutake Watanabe: That’s, a bit worse.

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutake Watanabe: The wormholes are just, refusing to form for a lot of the sectors.

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutake Watanabe: We can slightly work around it by attaching two wormholes, with a midpoint at a station that can reach the planet

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutake Watanabe: But, it takes a lot of energy, and the wormholes last a lot less time.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Damn.

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Is it maybe possible to move the planet itself?

 

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutake Watanabe: Unfortunately, if we wanted to do that, we’d need to move the entire Solar System, and we do NOT have the ability to even start doing that safely.

 

Chief Executive Officer, Anne-Marie Laperrière: I might have a suggestion.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Really?

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: What do you have in mind?

 

Chief Executive Officer, Anne-Marie Laperrière: So, we’ve been attempting to decode the dimensional rift technology on the Halcandran’s vessel for some time, correct?

 

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutake Watanabe: Yes, but we ran into a number of issues, since the materials and energy sources the vessel used were so different from our own resources.

 

Chief Executive Officer, Anne-Marie Laperrière: Well, we do technically have a new subject capable of forming rifts.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Anne-Marie

 

Chief Executive Officer, Anne-Marie Laperrière: I’m not suggesting we do anything crazy, I don’t think we need to be inhumane

Chief Executive Officer, Anne-Marie Laperrière: But, we know that the people of this “Veaumond” world studied this creature in order to develop warp technology.

Chief Executive Officer, Anne-Marie Laperrière: And, these rifts are significantly more efficient, and much more flexible, than Wormhole technology.

 

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutake Watanabe: That is very true.

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutake Watanabe: If we managed to create long-range, non-wormhole technology, we could completely revolutionize galactic travel and communication.

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutake Watanabe: Not to mention how much more efficient it could make the Capital project.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: I understand what you’re saying.

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: If there is any way to do this WITHOUT having to physically use Elfilin themself, let’s do that first.

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: We have a whole planet which was once inhabited by people who DID develop this technology

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: And we have a way to perfectly translate their writing.

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Put people to work trying to find any remnants of their research, and if that doesn’t work, we can talk about alternatives.

 

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutake Watanabe: Yes, ma’am. I’ll get on it today.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Thank you.

 

---

 

16:21 GST

 

Kirby added Elfilin to server

 

Kirby: I figured they count as an Interstellar hero.

 

Susie: Fair enough.

 

Kirby: Now, I need to get back up to Morpho Knight, at the least.

 

Magolor: Welcome to the Stellar Emergencies chat, flying chinchilla!

Magolor: Hate to be a bummer, but keeping our worlds connected is technically endangering the fabric of reality.

 

Susie: What?

 

Elfilin: WHAT?!

 

Magolor: Okay, so, scroll up, read my ramblings about the fabric of reality?

 

Elfilin: Okay?

 

Elfilin: Done.

 

Magolor: Okay, so, your rift is, thankfully, much smaller than Fecto’s, in terms of spatial dimensions

Magolor: And that does have an impact: if Fecto’s rifts were a meter wide in a 5 meter wide sheet, yours is basically a safety pin poking into it.

Magolor: Now, that size of rift: perfectly safe. The Lor makes rifts 20 times bigger than that with every transit, and it works out just fine.

Magolor: The problem is, the Lor’s rifts are usually closed within a matter of moments; this rift, meanwhile, has been open for a solid month now.

 

Elfilin: Well, I mean, is that making it less stable?

 

Magolor: Not, necessarily? But it is affecting the space AROUND the rift.

Magolor: Like I said, it’s a safety pin scale hole, but as time goes on, the hole is going through the sheet in a straight line, and that cut is just going to get longer and longer as more time passes.

Magolor: Now, it is a fairly clean rift, which means the cut is also fairly clean; there aren’t many loose threads, in this analogy, where space could come undone because of it.

Magolor: However, the longer it goes on, the more separated space becomes at that point.

Magolor: Now, I don’t know if, strictly speaking, a rift in three or four dimensions can cut the universe in half like a one dimensional cut can slice a two dimensional sheet.

Magolor: But what I do know is, if you make a big enough cut, it becomes exponentially easier to just keep making that cut.

 

Meta Knight: Like ripping a piece of paper along an already perforated line.

 

Magolor: Exactly.

Magolor: And, like that piece of paper, the rip may not be as neat and tidy as the original perforation.

Magolor: And, that’s not even getting into the risk of the rift ending up ripping backwards through time.

Magolor: Now, considering there DEFINITELY wasn’t a dimensional rift there BEFORE last month

Magolor: That definitely poses the risk of breaking the universe.

 

Elfilin: I see.

Elfilin: Well, I mean, maybe we could close it for a while, and then, reopen it?

 

Susie: The time dilation, though.

Susie: Like, even if you wait for long enough that there’s no risk of connection to the previous rip on YOUR side, there’s still the very real possibility that it will not have been enough time on OUR side.

Susie: And if enough time does pass on our side, who knows how drastically your world will have changed?

Susie: What if it takes a full year on this side for the fabric to heal, and in that time, everyone on your side has passed on?

 

Elfilin: So, what do you want me to do?

Elfilin: Do I just close it? Cut off our worlds for the rest of eternity?

 

Magolor: The honest answer is, I don’t know.

Magolor: I really don’t.

Magolor: It seems stable enough, at the moment, and if my estimates are correct, a rift this size and this clean could stay open another year without major incident.

Magolor: But, those are rough estimates. And ultimately, the fact is, we don’t know what will happen, or what to do.

 

Susie: For know, we should be okay.

Susie: Just, be careful, okay?

 

Elfilin: Okay

 

---

 

18:11 GST

 

Magolor began Direct Chat with Meta Knight

 

Magolor: Hey, Meta Knight.

 

Meta Knight: Magolor, to what do I owe the pleasure?

 

Magolor: You’ve, studied Ancient history, correct?

 

Meta Knight: Ah, yes, the Ancient Halcandrans. They are a very important figure in our galaxy’s history.

Meta Knight: I’m surprised you’re asking me about this, considering Hyness IS one of the Ancients.

 

Magolor: See, that’s the thing: I did ask him my question, but he didn’t have a good answer.

Magolor: He’s from one of the last generations of the Ancients, before they moved the planet into Another Dimension. He lived on Halcandra for most of his mortal life.

Magolor: My question is about where the Ancients originally came from.

 

Meta Knight: Interesting.

Meta Knight: Obviously, there are a number of myths and legends regarding their origins.

Meta Knight: I always assumed that the true answer was the simplest: they originally evolved on Halcandra, and just happened to be in the right place at the right time to master both Magic and Science.

 

Magolor: See, you’d think that, wouldn’t you?

Magolor: Just two problems.

 

Magolor is quoting another chat

 

|          Magolor: So, you saw their rifts, right?

|          Magolor: Like, those are the exact same kinds of rifts the Lor makes.

 

|          Hyness: Indeed, but, I discovered something more, pressing

|          Hyness: I investigated the characters of the Veaumond language.

|          Hyness: They aren’t twisted English characters.

|          Hyness: They’re versions of ancient Halcandran characters.

 

Meta Knight: ...damn.

Meta Knight: There are definitely stories of the Ancients hailing from other “worlds” than Halcandra

Meta Knight: As well as, obviously, stories of individuals and groups passing between the core four universes.

Meta Knight: It’s possible that both stories originate from the same true story, or even that the true story is out there including both.

Meta Knight: I’ll begin looking into it further, I promise.

 

Magolor: Thank you, so much.

 

---

 

19:45 GST

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: Am I a bad gay if I wanna kiss a girl?

 

Meta Knight: ...Bandana.

 

Bandana Waddle Dee: I MEANT TO SEND THAT TO SOMEONE ELSE I’M SO SORRY PLEASE IGNORE

 

---

 

1:40 GST

 

Coo: I’m serious, she’s talking about Tattoos.

Coo: And, like, I’m trying so hard to be the cool dad, compared to her mom, but like

Coo: Your feathers, honey

 

Marx: I asked about fruit, how did you get to this point?

 

Kirby: IT IS DONE

Kirby: THE BEAST IS SLAIN

Kirby: THE ELF IS WHOLE

Kirby: @Ado @Bandana @Ribbon

Kirby: I WANT MY KISSES AND CUDDLES

 

Marx: Bold of you to assume they’re still awake.

 

Bandana: Bold of YOU to assume I haven’t kept them up this whole time.

 

Marx: Well I’ll be damned.

Notes:

Fun Fact: The name for the New World I use here, Veaumond, is based on the French Nouveau monde, which translates of course to “New World”. Also, I bet you all thought the “Susie gets involved in bullshit human politics” stuff was me getting distracted, and wasn’t gonna tie back into Kirby stuff, didn’t you?

...yeah, me too. This was a fluke.

Random Kirby Headcanon: While this chapter should make it obvious that, in this series, the inhabitants of the New World are in-fact the predecessors to the Ancients, they aren’t just specifically related to the “Tech Ancients”, as some have theorized – namely because I feel like, even if there were multiple clans of Ancients, they were still probably mostly the same species, right? Like, Hyness recruiting the Mage Sisters feels more like an outlier than the standard behavior for the whole group. So, yes, they developed incredible technology, both before and after getting their hands on ID-F86, and then, when they managed to warp themselves to a new universe, they ended up in what would become the Dream Sector, and there found a way to harness incredible magics. That’s why there was tension between the two ideas in the first place, too. Make sense? Who knows at this point. Wee!

Chapter 23: Calm Between The Storms

Summary:

Ribbon: I still can’t believe things got that bad that quickly.

Kirby: I honestly can’t believe things were so calm.

Ribbon: That’s considered calm for you?!

Pinned: Meta Knight: Take caution regarding Veaumond. Remember, this is a completely different world, and we don’t want to harm the local environment.

 

End pins

 

---

 

9:32 GST

 

Kirby: Have I mentioned recently how much I love my partners?

 

Marx: About once every hour, yes

 

Ebichu: Be fair, Marx

Ebichu: It’s closer to twice a day.

 

Addy: To be fair, it still makes Ribbon and Bandana blush.

 

Ribbon: Traitor! >.<

 

Elfilin: Kirby’s the most affectionate deity I think has ever existed.

Elfilin: Though to be fair, I’ve only met a couple.

 

Bandana: Question: Does Fecto Elfilis count as a god?

Bandana: Follow-up question: If so, does that mean Elfilin is also a god?

 

Elfilin: I’m not a god!

Elfilin: I’m just a little guy!

 

Marx: But is it also your birthday?

 

Elfilin: I, don’t know?

Elfilin: I don’t know the dates related, plus

Elfilin: Do you count when Fecto was first born, or when I split off from him?

 

Coo: I mean, I’m not sure if Fecto would qualify as god.

 

Kine: It would probably help if we had any clue what the hell Fecto was.

Kine: Like, we don’t even know what universe they’re originally from, given the whole dimensional warp thing.

 

Elfilin: I don’t remember, much as Fecto, but

Elfilin: I think my original universe was, like

Elfilin: Destroyed?

 

Meta Knight: Fascinating.

Meta Knight: This implies that Fecto has existed since the era of Void.

 

Elfilin: Oh, absolutely.

Elfilin: BTW, @Hyness

Elfilin: Did you ever know any Knights?

Elfilin: Like, before Meta Knight

 

Hyness: Interesting. Did you know the Galacta Knight?

 

Elfilin: Maybe?

Elfilin: What did they look like?

 

Ribbon: Kinda like Kirby, but with a mask like Meta’s, and big, white, feathery wings.

 

Elfilin: Oh, him!

Elfilin: Uh, I guess Galacta is probably the best translation for his name.

 

Kirby: He tried to kill us all once.

 

Daroach: To be fair, Dark Meta Knight struck first.

 

DMK: Harsh, but accurate.

 

Elfilin: Oh, yeah, no, you really shouldn’t do that.

Elfilin: Galacta is, better than Fecto was, but,

Elfilin: His impulse control is

Elfilin: Yeah

 

Kirby: To be fair, he might be dead now?

 

Elfilin: Oh, yeah, you mentioned that weird butterfly had shown up before?

 

Kirby: Yes, they absorbed Galacta when he tried to kill us.

Kirby: And, then DMK cut them apart? I think?

Kirby: And that may have been why they tried to kill us this time?

 

Meta Knight: Or possibly, they intended to attack us before, and simply didn’t get the chance.

 

Kirby: Hard to say.

Kirby: I mean, they also attacked with something that looked like Fecto’s Soul, so

Kirby: All up in the air, really

 

Coo: Mood

 

Kine: Lol

Kine: Hey, since I think someone mentioned Birthday’s, serious question

Kine: When the heck are Kirby and Meta Knight’s birthdays?

 

Kirby: I have no idea!

Kirby: To compensate, I just eat cake whenever I can

 

Meta Knight: I’m sure we could figure it out from certain data files, but, I’ve never really cared enough to figure it out.

Meta Knight: Kirby, do you have any interest at all?

 

Kirby: Eh, maybe?

Kirby: To be fair, I don’t think it counts as much of a birth.

 

Susie: What, you don’t consider being assembled from random genetic samples a natural birth?

 

Bandana: I was literally made out of a gallon of water vapor and a wish

 

Addy: A full gallon? I was made out of a quart and a half.

 

Ribbon: You got Water Vapor?

 

Susie: Suddenly, it occurs to me that I might be the only person in this chat who was born through standard reproduction

 

Daroach: I mean, Dreamlanders can have kids through sexual reproduction.

Daroach: I’m sure the parents in this chat can testify to that.

Daroach: ...I was made through a wish though.

 

Dedede: Same

 

Kine: Yeah, same here

Kine: That’s also the plan when Mine and I have kids

 

Coo: Same on both counts here, except I already did it.

Coo: My son had children without wishing, though!

 

Taranza: ...Magolor?

 

Magolor: I mean, do eggs being fertilized by lava and pure magic count as “natural”?

 

Hyness: No, not even for our species.

Hyness: I’m pretty sure our ancestors were just sexually reproducing mammals.

 

Susie: So, basically just me, and maybe the Mages?

 

Francisca: Probably.

 

Zan Partizanne: If I remember correctly, I was actually extracted through surgical means at birth.

 

Susie: So, a c-section?

 

Zan Partizanne: What does C stand for?

 

Kirby: Cutting

 

Addy: ...no?

 

Kirby: Snip snip

Kirby: Cut the baby out

 

Elfilin: I mean, it is technically possible Fecto Elfilis was born by “natural” means?

Elfilin: Though, I definitely wasn’t.

 

Susie: ...you know, it just occurred to me: how many of you have even had the Birds and the Bees talk?

 

Kirby: ...I mean, I know a fair few birds, and, Taranza is bee-like?

 

Susie: Okay, is this another “What does homophobic mean” thing of Kirby being a little joker? Or are you serious?

 

Kirby: Uh

Kirby: half and half?

Kirby: I’m guessing you’re not talking about literal bees and birds, but

Kirby: Otherwise, just kind of confused

 

Addy: I, vaguely remember that phrase?

 

Ebichu: Well, you see kids

 

Susie silenced Ebichu for 1 hour

 

Susie: You’ll thank me, some day.

 

---

 

13:21 GST

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: How’s progress going?

 

Director of Robotics and Biologics, Q Dequina: Slowly, from what I can tell.

Director of Robotics and Biologics, Q Dequina: The “Rift project” is still using 90% of the labs.

 

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutake Watanabe: Unfortunately, this other world’s inhabitants weren’t generous enough to leave behind much for us.

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutake Watanabe: Which, considering the behavior of your Halcandran friend, does at least support ONE theory.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: So, not enough information to replicate the technology?

 

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutake Watanabe: On the contrary, there is plenty of information.

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutake Watanabe: Arguably, more even than we need!

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutake Watanabe: There’s just one problem.

 

Chief Executive Officer, Anne-Marie Laperrière: They all use the exact same source of power.

Chief Executive Officer, Anne-Marie Laperrière: And I’ll give you three guesses what that source was.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Damn it.

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Is there any chance we can replicate this power source through ANY other means?

 

Chief Executive Officer, Anne-Marie Laperrière: I mean, define “any other means”.

Chief Executive Officer, Anne-Marie Laperrière: If we had even the slightest idea what this lifeform was like, we could probably recreate it somehow.

Chief Executive Officer, Anne-Marie Laperrière: We wouldn’t even need to keep the lifeform in containment more than, like, a day.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Anne-Marie, for the love of god

 

Chief Executive Officer, Anne-Marie Laperrière: Deny it all you like, Susanna, but we’re not gonna be able to do this without the organism’s DNA.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Ah, yes, because that sounds like a great idea!

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Let’s just try take the DNA of an eldritch being we have little to no control over!

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Because that’s never gone wrong in all of human history!

 

Chief Executive Officer, Anne-Marie Laperrière: Susanna, do you care about our species, or not?

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Don’t you fucking dare, Anne-Marie.

 

Chief Executive Officer, Anne-Marie Laperrière: Oh, I’m sorry, would you rather I ask your fellow “Dreamland Defenders”?

Chief Executive Officer, Anne-Marie Laperrière: Or maybe your alien girlfriend would like to have some input.

Chief Executive Officer, Anne-Marie Laperrière: Maybe she can finally convince you to fully abandon the human race.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann left server

 

Head of Human Resources, Scot Ritchey: Anne-Marie, what the fuck?

 

Chief Executive Officer, Anne-Marie Laperrière: I’m not going to pussy-foot around anymore, just because Haltmann is going native.

Chief Executive Officer, Anne-Marie Laperrière: @Director of Robotics and Biologics, Q Dequina

 

Director of Robotics and Biologics, Q Dequina: Yes, ma’am?

 

Chief Executive Officer, Anne-Marie Laperrière: Get a lifeform-collection team together to travel to Veaumond.

Chief Executive Officer, Anne-Marie Laperrière: Your target is lifeform ID-F87.

 

---

 

15:05 GST

 

Anne-Marie27: Susie, where are you?

 

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Anne-Marie27: Susie, I’m sorry.

 

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Anne-Marie27: Look, just talk to me.

 

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Anne-Marie27: So, is this your way of saying you quit, or are you firing me? Because it sure feels like it’s one of those.

 

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Anne-Marie27: Fine, then. I’ll see you when you decide to be mature for once.

 

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---

 

16:32 GST

 

June Ripple began Direct Chat with Magolor

 

June Ripple: Hello? I believe you’re a friend of Susie’s?

 

Magolor: I believe so? Is everything okay?

 

June Ripple: Not, exactly.

June Ripple: She’s, not in a great place at the moment, for one.

 

Magolor: That’s, worrying. She was fine just earlier today.

 

June Ripple: Also, I, think you may need to tell the others to prepare for a potential altercation?

June Ripple: Apparently, her company is planning to “procure” one of your new friends, for some reason.

 

Magolor: ...I see.

Magolor: I guess they didn’t listen to me about the dangers of rift technology, then?

 

June Ripple: Okay, I’m glad you understand at least.

June Ripple: She, may have had a few drinks before she even got here.

 

---

 

16:37 GST

 

Magolor: So, I’m going to go try and contact the company in-person.

Magolor: In the meantime, Elfilin, you should probably get somewhere secure, and anyone who can, please try to help defend him.

 

Kirby: Bandana, Addy, Ribbon and I are already in Veaumond today, so we’ll be the main defense force.

 

Elfilin: Okay, I’ll try to stay close to you four.

 

Meta Knight: Should we alert the main defenders chat?

 

Magolor: Hopefully not? I mean, we want to scare them off, not, kill anyone.

 

Susie: yu can break the robots

 

Magolor: That’s, true I suppose.

 

Meta Knight: Surprisingly coherent for a drunk human.

 

Kirby: ...yeah.

 

---

 

16:39 GST

 

Kirby: She’s really bad, huh?

 

June Ripple: Oh, very.

June Ripple: She apparently had a, very heated conversation with one of her oldest friends.

June Ripple: Like, knew each other before Susie fell into Another Dimension, old.

 

Kirby: Oh, that, sounds like a lot.

Kirby: Make sure she drinks a lot of water, okay?

 

June Ripple: I will. Make sure Ribbon is safe during whatever happens?

 

Kirby: Alwayahbd

 

June Ripple: Kirby?

 

Kirby: THEY’RE HERE, BACK SOON

 

---

 

16:52 GST

 

Susie rejoined server

 

Pete Shepperd, DOT: Wait, hold on, the President left the server?

Pete Shepperd, DOT: Was this before or after the retrieval order went out?!

 

Susie: BEFORE

Susie: Immediate raise for anyone who manages to shut down the mechanoids in Veaumond.

 

Song Inseon, DOR: How important is being able to reactivate them later?

 

Susie: NOT IMPORTANT

 

Song Inseon, DOR: Okay, so, nobody fire me, but,

Song Inseon, DOR: I may have installed an emergency kill switch on the “animal requisition” mechanoids

Song Inseon, DOR: Which, I just flipped for those units

 

Susie: Inseon, how would you like to be the new CEO?

 

Song Inseon, DOR: ...I genuinely can’t tell if you’re joking or not.

 

Susie: Quite frankly, right now, neither can I!

 

---

 

16:58 GST

 

Chief Executive Officer, Anne-Marie Laperrière: Susie, I promise, they were supposed to be nonviolent!

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Anne-Marie, I’d recommend shutting the fuck up.

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: When this is over, you might be lucky to keep your LIFE, let alone your job.

 

Director of Robotics and Biologics, Q Dequina: Without wishing to upset you further, madam president, she is telling the truth.

Director of Robotics and Biologics, Q Dequina: The mechanoids were supposed to be completely unable to harm any biological lifeforms, let alone Dreamlanders.

Director of Robotics and Biologics, Q Dequina: I don’t understand what happened!

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Your department, the Robotics division alone

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Constitutes 87% of our company budget

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: And you didn’t even think to test sending the mechanoids through the rift

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: BEFORE SENDING A SMALL ARMED BATTALION?!

 

Director of Robotics and Biologics, Q Dequina: I

Director of Robotics and Biologics, Q Dequina: I thought it would function the same as other rifts we’ve sent them through?

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: I swear to whatever gods there are

 

Head of Human Resources, Scot Ritchey: Miss Haltmann, I’ve sent you the logs from the period where you left the server.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: I saw, Scot.

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: I assure you all, there will be appropriate discipline for this after negotiations are complete, and I’ve gotten over this fucking hangover.

 

Director of Communications, Satoshi Ishida: Hangover?

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Rapid sobering via extreme time dilation; not recommended.

 

---

 

18:32 GST

 

Elfilin: So, I’ll hang around for a few days, just to make sure extraction doesn’t have any negative effects, then I’ll be back.

 

Marx: So, let me get this straight: Susie’s company went rogue, and their robots tried to kidnap then kill you

Marx: And now you’re going with them willingly

 

Ebichu: To be fair, it’s not like this is the first time people have tried to kidnap him.

 

Kine: To be even fairer, most of those were being controlled by his evil twin.

 

Ribbon: I still can’t believe things got that bad that quickly.

 

Kirby: I honestly can’t believe things were so calm.

 

Ribbon: That’s considered calm for you?!

 

Addy: Ribbon, you’ve been directly involved in two of his adventures, and both involved eldritch beings trying to destroy the universe.

Addy: Six semi-dangerous robots trying to attack is basically the equivalent of having to climb a steep hill for him.

 

Kirby: ...you’re not wrong.

 

Addy: For the record, it doesn’t make us love you any less.

 

Kirby: Awww

 

Susie: Jesus, I don’t need a second reason to vomit.

 

Magolor: Did you need the first?

Notes:

Welp, I hate to say it, but I think the next chapter will be the last one for this fic, at least for a while. I’ve ridden this hyperfixation for about as long as I could but, to put it in perspective, I’m writing this in very late May, I started fixating with the release of Forgotten Lands in late March, and my Hyperfixations generally last two months. Hell, I’ve already written an entire EP’s worth of music I need to release somehow and have started scripting a video game I’m probably never going to make at time of writing, and that’s not even mentioning that I’m starting classes again in about 30 hours. I can’t say I’ll never return to this fic in the future, say, when I fixate on Kirby again (I’m nothing if not cyclical), but, for now, I think I’m ready to bring this plot to a conclusion

Penultimate Random Kirby Headcanon: The inability to clone a soul that HWC expresses in Canon isn’t a coincidence; Souls in the Kirby universe are in fact unique, directly tracable entities, each assigned to a specific individual. If one could locate a soul, separate it from its current location, and connect it to a clone of their original body, you could potentially fully resurrect a living being. Of course, this is easier said than done, since severing a soul from a dead body artificially is difficult enough, and managing to smuggle a soul out of Another Dimension is quite literally the same as escorting a lost soul out of the Underworld. Plus, there isn’t technically a way invented yet to force a soul to latch onto a body, even a clone of their original. Still, there may yet be a way for a soul to transfer to a new body...

Also, happy late Rosh Hashanah to my Jewish readers! Happy New Year and all that.

Chapter 24: Those That Fail To Learn

Summary:

Marx: Space isn't working right! I tried walking back home, and I ended up inside of Whispy Woods!
Daroach: WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE TWO DOCS?!
Meta Knight: We have a Code H emergency, on a galactic scale!

Magolor: I warned you! I fucking warned you!

Pinned: Elfilin: Welp, I’ve officially gotten my DNA extracted, and Susie’s company is working to, clone me, maybe? Recreate my powers? I’m honestly not completely sure, but, I’m sure we’ll find out soon enough!

 

End pins

 

---

 

2:34 GST

 

Coo: I mean, at what point do we cross the line between a healthy skepticism, and outright paranoia?

 

Marx: Look, all I’m saying is, if there are any extra-dimensional entities observing our universe, isn’t it reasonable to assume one or some of those entities might have also created us?

Marx: And thus that those same entities would be capable of destroying us?

 

Gooey: I really don’t like this...

 

Susie: Uggggggggghh

 

Marx: Oh, hi, Susie!

Marx: Want me to make you paranoid of the fourth wall too?

 

Susie: Is there any chance our universe’s writer could erase 95% of empty space?

 

Marx: Hold on, let me check

Marx: They got really pithy at me, and also said no.

 

Coo: Is the rift project not going well?

 

Susie: Oh, no, it’s going surprisingly well.

Susie: We managed to clone a small cluster of Elfilin’s cells that manage to generates enough power to open, like, a million small intragalactic rifts.

Susie: The only issue is actually opening all of them.

 

Magolor: I do hope you’re not keeping them open permanently, Susie.

Magolor: I warned you how dangerous that could be.

 

Susie: Don’t worry, we’re just opening sample ones then closing them to be reopened at will.

Susie: We’re even going out of our way to set it up so a max of 10 can be open at a time.

 

Magolor: Definitely on the high end of viable rift numbers, but, I guess there’s not much we can do, huh?

 

Susie: We are serving just about the entire human race, so

Susie: Anywhere from five to 192,000,000,000 at a time.

 

Marx: Jeez, your species fucks.

 

Coo: “Jeez” and a sexual “fuck” in the same sentence...

 

Marx: Don’t judge me, Woodsy.

 

Coo: I always do.

 

---

 

8:50 GST

 

Elfilin: So, uh, don’t freak out, but

Elfilin: I’ve been feeling, a little empty, recently?

 

Flamberge: Like, emotionally? Intellectually? Romantically?

 

Elfilin: More, uh

Elfilin: Soul-wise?

 

Kirby: Oh, that’s not good.

 

---

 

8:55 GST

 

Director of Communications, Satoshi Ishida: We have a potential emergency!

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: What’s happening?

 

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutake Watanabe: We have 52 rifts open and counting!

 

Director of Robotics and Biologics, Q Dequina: Make that 135!

Director of Robotics and Biologics, Q Dequina: It looks like every single rift we’ve set up for the New Alliance is opening all at once!

 

Head of Human Resources, Scot Ritchey: Everyone’s panicking, and the whole rift station is in an uproar trying to stop it.

 

Chief Executive Officer, Anne-Marie Laperrière: Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Anne-Marie, what’s going on?!

 

Chief Executive Officer, Anne-Marie Laperrière: I’m in the station

Chief Executive Officer, Anne-Marie Laperrière: The cluster won’t fucking die

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Oh shit

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Okay, everyone, we need to remai

 

-=_

 

Shadow Kirby: Like, I can actually process these messages in actual order, stability.

Meta Knight: We need any and all allies with abilities on deck as soon as possible!

 

 

Shadow Kirby: Limited stability, but yes.

 

Magolor: How many fucking times?!

Ado: Oh my god, what's wrong with these messages?!

Kirby: Do you think that means...

Ado: Something's going wrong!

 

Coo: Rick, for the love of god, shut the fuck up!

Taranza: Okay, so, everything's fucked.

 

9:05 GST

Susie: Shit, the cluster is opening every rift we've got!

Susie: Elfilin, we need as much help as we can get!

 

Rick: Fucking hell, Coo, why would you blame me?!

DMK: Anyone who can read this message, try to get to the dimension mirror!

Marx: Space isn't working right! I tried walking back home, and I ended up inside of Whispy Woods!

Daroach: WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE TWO DOCS?!

Meta Knight: We have a Code H emergency, on a galactic scale!

 

Magolor: I warned you! I fucking warned you!

DMK: I know it will be difficult, but the mirror seems to be giving stability to the surrounding area.

Gooey: Why is everything cloudy?

 

Magolor: How many times did I warn you?!

Ado: I'm stuck here in Orange Ocean!

Kirby: Wait, Elfilin, when you say empty

Gooey: ...huh?

 

 

 

 

 

Taranza: That's about all I'm getting from this.

Ado: Kirby?! Ribbon?! Waddle?!

Kine: What the hell is happening right now?! Why is everything jumbled?!

 

Dedede: SOMEONE HELP

Rick: What the fuck, I haven't even said anything!

 

Elfilin: ...huh.

 

---

 

9:39:42:45:12:6 GST

 

Elfilin: Okay, that’s pretty much all the Dreamland team at the Mirror with us.

Elfilin: I think we’re mostly safe around it, if not, you know

Elfilin: Able to fully see each other

 

Magolor: This is definitely fascinating.

Magolor: I would not have expected the Dimensional Mirror was a sort of anchor for space and time.

 

Meta Knight: It does make sense.

Meta Knight: Whether the Mirror World is a separate universe or a pocket dimension, it’s still definitely a very important distinction from this universe.

 

Susie: Again, I would like to apologize for

Susie: All of this

 

Magolor: Agh, I can see the inside of Meta Knight’s mouth!

 

Susie: Especially that.

 

Elfilin: Okay, so, Magolor

Elfilin: If we can manage to close the rifts, will we be able to bring things back to normal?

 

Magolor: I, honestly don’t know.

Magolor: If we can, we might also need to close the Veaumond rift.

 

Elfilin: Okay, we can start the evacuations of all Dreamlanders from Waddle Dee Town.

Elfilin: We, might need to find a way to stabilize the area around the rift so we can actually get them through.

 

Kirby: Okay, we’ll move the Mirror there!

 

Magolor: Would that work?

 

Kirby: Do you have a better idea, Magolor?

 

Susie: Okay, let’s do that.

Susie: But what’s our plan after that?

 

Kirby: Easy. Elfilin and I are going to the Rift station.

 

Elfilin: Okay!

Elfilin: I’ll, try to find a way to keep the rift technology viable, Susie.

 

Susie: Honestly, at this point, that’s a lower priority than keeping the universe from completely being destroyed.

 

Kirby: Got it.

Kirby: Alright, let’s do this.

 

---

 

10:09:08:07:06:05:68:03:02:01 GST

 

Kirby: I love you three so much.

Kirby: I don’t know what’s going to happen.

Kirby: And there’s a good chance of death now.

Kirby: I just need you to know, how much you mean to me.

Kirby: And, I’ll try to get back to you.

 

---

 

Five Fourty Five Fourty Five GST

 

Elfilin: Kirby, are you there? Do you still have the shard?

 

Kirby: Yeah, I think I’m close by.

Kirby: It’s really hard to see you, but, I think I can see around us at least.

 

Elfilin: So, what’s the plan again?

 

Kirby: Step 1: Find the cluster of your cells.

Kirby: Step 2: Figure out what exactly is happening.

Kirby: Plan A: If it’s just a malfunction, then find a way to take the cluster away so it can’t fuel the rift tech.

Kirby: Plan B: If it’s actually a piece of Fecto hijacking the cluster and technology, try to pull that piece out and put it back inside you.

Kirby: Plan C: If none of that works, panic and destroy the cluster.

 

Elfilin: Well, at least that last one is realistic.

 

Kirby: I think I see it. You ready?

 

Elfilin: God, I hope so.

 

---

 

: GST

 

ˇ˙´ på®å߈†´ øƒ ˚ˆ®∫¥ began direct chat with Kirby

 

ˇ˙´ på®å߈†´ øƒ ˚ˆ®∫¥: Can you read me?

 

Kirby: Uh, maybe? I just, don’t understand your name.

 

ˇ˙´ på®å߈†´ øƒ ˚ˆ®∫¥: Apologies. Just give me a second.

 

Soul: Is this better?

 

Kirby: Um, I think so?

Kirby: Are you a piece of Fecto’s soul?

 

Soul: No, I’m afraid not.

Soul: I’m an entity native to Another Dimension.

Soul: I believe you and your allies refer to my species as “parasites”.

 

Kirby: Wait

Kirby: Are you

 

Soul: A copy of yourself, yes.

Soul: I see one of the three informed you of our meeting.

 

Kirby: They did.

Kirby: They mentioned you seemed, mostly benevolent

Kirby: But

 

Soul: I understand trepidation.

Soul: I assure you, this meeting will not be long.

 

Kirby: Do you know what’s happening?

 

Soul: Roughly. It would appear that a rogue soul intended for our dimension managed to persist in a pocket dimension.

Soul: Then, it was claimed by your ally temporarily, before separating in your universe.

 

Kirby: Yeah, figures. So, didn’t just vanish, then.

 

Soul: I’m afraid not, no.

Soul: I do believe, however, we can change that fact.

 

Kirby: ...why do I get the feeling there’s a catch?

 

Soul: I assure you, this will be mutually beneficial.

Soul: All we ask is that we can take the rogue soul, and this should allow your universe to continue its existence safely.

 

Kirby: And what about Elfilin?

Kirby: Even if you only take Fecto’s soul and not his, he could lose his abilities and be stuck here forever!

 

Soul: I assure you, that will not happen.

Soul: Your ally has more than enough energy within himself without that fragment of soul, and the cluster your other ally’s conglomerate formed will still have all the power it will need.

Soul: No, the power of this fragment is great, but it’s only a fraction of the full soul, still.

 

Kirby: ...and you’re sure you can contain it?

 

Soul: It should be easier than our attempts to create our own containment for its comrade.

 

Kirby: ...okay, what the hell are you?

Kirby: Like, not even just you

Kirby: What in the world do you all want?

 

Soul: A little advice.

Soul: There are some questions you aren’t prepared to handle the answer to.

Soul: Learn to avoid them.

 

Kirby: ...what?

 

Soul: Do you agree to our containment of the soul fragment?

 

Kirby: Yeah, sure, whatever, go ahead.

Kirby: But what do you mean I’m “not prepared”?

 

Error: This user does not exist

 

---

 

14:01 GST

 

Elfilin: What just happened?

 

Kirby: ...I’ll be perfectly honest, even I don’t fully know.

 

---

 

14:13 GST

 

Susie: Okay, everything has settled down, now.

Susie: Thankfully, not every planet was affected as drastically as ours.

Susie: Again, I am so sorry that all of this happened.

 

Magolor: It’s all good. At the very least, it should serve as an educational moment for your species.

 

Ribbon: Honestly, I’m more upset with Kirby right now.

 

Kirby: Would you prefer it if I did actually die, and I never got to say goodbye?

 

Ribbon: ...no.

 

Marx: Okay, can we just, go like, a month without some big emergency, now?

 

Meta Knight: Marx, you didn’t do ANYTHING to help.

 

Marx: Hey, I had to read through the jumbled mess multiple times! I consider that deserving of at least a nobel peace prize!

 

Rick: I’m still pissed at Coo.

Rick: At most, you saw two messages! Why snap at me?!

 

Coo: Because it looked like you were snapping at me!

 

Ado: Maybe you’re both jerkholes?

 

Several people are typing...

 

---

 

14:20 GST

 

Elfilin: ...you know, your friends are really weird.

 

Kirby: Yeah.

Kirby: I wouldn’t have them any other way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

EPILOGUE: ONE WEEK LATER

 

6:12 GST

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Ishida, any further issues?

 

Director of Communications, Satoshi Ishida: Not that have reached us. It seems like the after effects of the incident have officially ceased.

 

Head of Human Resources, Scot Ritchey: Total HWC casualties are 24 missing, 13 injured, and 1 confirmed dead.

Head of Human Resources, Scot Ritchey: Not great, of course, but better than most major incidents.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Good.

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Dequina, is everyone confirmed clean?

 

Director of Robotics and Biologics, Q Dequina: Yes ma’am.

Director of Robotics and Biologics, Q Dequina: And we’ve confirmed, the only employees affected were those who personally surveyed Lab Discovera and/or had direct contact with the cell cluster.

Director of Robotics and Biologics, Q Dequina: We managed to remove any side effects from the afflicted, what few were left.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Excellent. I assume Anne-Marie is safe, then?

 

Director of Robotics and Biologics, Q Dequina: As safe as she usually is.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Fair enough.

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Watanabe, is the cluster still active?

 

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutaka Watanabe: Yes, though, not as active as initially hoped.

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutaka Watanabe: We’re able to hold open one or two rifts with it at a time, but otherwise, we’ll need to work on recreating the energy for ourselves if we want to open any more.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Understandable. I assume the rift is currently routing from the wormhole exits to Pritvi?

 

Director of Tactics and Records, Yutaka Watanabe: Yes ma’am.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Good. We can use that for now, while we work on replicating the rift energy for ourselves.

 

Head of Human Resources, Scot Ritchey: With all due respect, President, are we sure we should continue pursuing this line of research?

Head of Human Resources, Scot Ritchey: I mean, if this event has shown us anything, it’s that there are major risks with the rift project.

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: I am more than aware of the risks, Ritchey.

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: This is not something I’m taking lightly, but it’s something we have to do.

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: In the mean time, Dequina?

 

Director of Robotics and Biologics, Q Dequina: Yes ma’am?

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: I’m going to need a squad of heavy procurement droids prepared, as soon as possible.

 

Director of Robotics and Biologics, Q Dequina: I see. What environment should they be prepared for: any particular planet or ecosystem?

 

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Prepare them for interdimensional travel.

President Susanna Patrya Haltmann: Specifically, AD travel.

Notes:

Thank you for reading The Invention Of Group Chats In Dreamland. This is the end, for now. Don’t worry, I know we’ll meet again, some sunny day.
Final (maybe) Random Kirby Headcanon: While there is some speculation on Kirby’s future when he fully matures, I don’t think Kirby is ever going to become any less powerful. And, I don’t think he’ll ever stop loving his friends.

 

...also, happy Yom Kippur from the past, if it’s the day this should go out and you observe it, why are you reading a dumb Kirby fanfic today of all days?

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 5 of Of A Star: A Kirby Series