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It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Katsuki wasn't supposed to be sitting at the dining room table alone staring at a dirty mug. He took another drink from the bottle that was clutched in his hand in front of him.
He’d been cleaning out His side of the room today. It’d been months, it was fucking time. Then he found Izuku’s favorite All Might hoodie in the closet and the next thing he knew he was back here. Staring at the last place he seen that beautiful smile, laughing at some dumb meme he was looking at on his phone yelling “Kacchan, look!”. Swallowing down more of the burning liquid he tried to lose his thoughts.
He pulls the hoodie to him from the spot on the table it’d been sitting in front of him. Burying his face in the fabric, inhaling deeply trying to catch any scent of his nerd that the article of clothing might be holding on to. “Fuck” he muttered brokenly as the faint scent burned into his lungs. Pulling his face away from the fabric, Katsuki gripped the bottle harder and drank deeper still.
When a call interrupted their laughter it was a notification that a villain was destroying a residential area and back up was needed as soon as possible. they both jumped up and rushed to change into their respective hero costumes. Leaving their dishes behind in their haste.
It was supposed to be simple. They’d go, kick ass and come home and clean up and enjoy the rest of their day watching dumb videos or the same All Might movie they’d seen a million times while snuggling on their couch.
And that’s almost what happened. The villain was caught easily, even. But in the moments that Izuku was looking away to grab the quirk suppressing cuffs off his belt the guy's hand flashed out quicker than anyone was able to comprehend and slit Deku's throat right through the jugular. Katsukis whole world started crashing down as he watched the surprise in the green haired mans face quickly morphed into terror.
“K-kacchan” he tried to garble, reaching out towards Katsuki like a sick parody of when they were children. “Izuku” the blonde roared, grasping the hand pulling the stumbling boy into his arms sinking down to ground gripping Dekus' body screaming for someone ,anyone to help them. To help Izuku.
“Please,” he whispered hoarsely. “Please nerd, don’t leave me.” pressing his hand to Deku's throat trying to stop the blood that's gushing out of the smaller man. “I-im sorry Kacchan. I love you.”
That was it. Deku was gone. Before anyone found us Izuku bled out on the ground in his arms.
After that it was a blur of flashing lights and people surrounding him trying to get him to let go of Izuku’s limp body. He heard screaming but didn't realize it was Him screaming like a wounded animal. He felt hands yanking at him and he gripped Izuku harder, refusing to let go.
“Kat! KAT! Please, you have to let him go.” It was Kirishima looking lost and tears running down his face. “Please, Kat. I know, I'm sorry.” finally pulling Katsuki away from his lost love, the others circled around him. Eijiro, Hanta, Denki and Mina's arms are all circling him, all trying to grip him at once.
Katsuki didn't know how long they stood there like that while Dekus' body was being hauled away. He didn't remember going to the hospital. Or standing there as Inko's tiny fist wailed on him while she screamed that he didn't protect her baby. That her baby was gone. That it wasn't supposed to be this way. How was a mother to bury her son?
Katsuki didn’t know the answers to those questions then. And he sure as fuck doesnt know them now. Feeling the now familiar burn in his eyes and knot in his throat, Katsuki choked down the last of the bottle.
Gripping the hoodie in his free hand, he stood leaving the empty bottle on the table with the others littering his side. Stumbling to the sound system they had in their living room, Katsuki pulled his phone from where it was sitting, ignored in his pocket. Attaching his phone to the bluetooth , barely glancing at the numerous missed calls and texts he had from various friends and family, he pulled up the playlist he and Izuku had collaborated on. Pushing play, he set his phone down as Izuku’s favorite song came pouring in throughout the house.
Pulling on the hoodie, he wrapped his arms around himself, foolishly hoping that for a single second it’d feel like Izuku’s strong arms are wrapped around him. Even though he knew it wasn't going to work, the sob he’d been choking down finally broke its way free, ripping out of Katsuki's throat.
Letting go, he went crashing into the kitchen ripping the fridge desperately looking for another bottle to drown everything that was still rushing through his head. Gripping the first source of comfort he could find. Prying open the bottle he chugs through the coughing and sputtering and sobbing.
“Please. Please, just stop.” he gasped, begging anyone listening to make this stop.
In his mind's eye he saw him and Deku dancing playfully throughout the house. Heard the echoes of his laughter bouncing off of the walls. Deku’s ghost haunts him from every nook and cranny of their shared home.
Shaking katsuki brought his lips to the bottle again.
“Izuku, I miss you, so fucking much. How am i supposed to live like this?!”
Getting angry he whipped the bottle at the wall, watching as the glass and liquid rained down on the floor below. But as soon as the anger came, it faded.
His head was spinning now, and things looked slanted.
“I can’t do this without you.”
Taking a deep breath he stumbled over to the door to their balcony, sliding the door open he stepped into the night time air and shuddered. Stepping over to the ledge he reaches out to hoist himself up. He stood there wobbling for a moment before he caught his balance. Tipping his head back he let the breeze wash over him. Taking another breath he turned so his back was to the world and he was staring at Izuku’s ghost playing memories in their home.
“I love you, Izuku.”
Katsuki closed his eyes, leaned back and embraced the free fall. Emerald eyes sparkling in view.