Chapter Text
“Oh for fuck’s sake.” Penelope muttered to herself as she found herself scratching away at the sheets of parchments. Long gone were the days of Lady Whistledown, having been exposed a couple of years ago, she was able to maintain a level of status and had begun writing under her birth name. She no longer caught the attention of the Ton with gossip, but more scholarly work graced many bookshelves throughout Europe. However, it had been months of her sitting in her study in the country. She had earned enough money to move away from her dreaded mother, and the plans to seduce the eligible men of London to provide them with fortunes were now distant memories.
She attempted for two seasons after being exposed as Lady Whistledown to try and find a husband, however she remained unsuccessful, and found solace in the emptiness of her home.
After long fights with Eloise about her time as Lady Whistledown and the rumors she published about her dear friend, they were able to once more sit in each other’s company, going back and forth over the many different qualms of society life. Eloise was still expected to marry, and even though they were both still young, at the ripe age of twenty-two, Penelope had found herself less inclined to re-enter the world of courting and ballrooms.
“All I’m saying is if you do not show up at Lady Danbury’s ball, I will throw myself off the balcony.” Eloise replied in a serious and calm manner. Penelope rolled her eyes, she had a draft for her next novel to get to the editor and she was not having her friend push her back into a season.
“I told you that I’m done. I had five unsuccessful seasons and I will not humiliate myself anymore.” Penelope began scribbling again, her hands and arms covered in ink. Her long, fiery mane unkempt due to her fast approaching deadline. Eloise sighed loudly, she knew a large reason was due to one of Lady Whistledown’s last papers.
“Are you sure it has nothing to do with my idiot brother speaking poorly of you? Because I have told you a million times, I will beat him if necessary.” Eloise responded as Penelope paused her writing. Colin had made a horrible comment about never wishing to court the lovely Featherington, which in his boisterous tone had flitted into the red-head’s ears and plummeted her already low self-esteem.
“And I already told you that beating is not the way to solve my problems.” Penelope muttered back before placing the quill back into the ink pot. “Here.” She held the parchment up to Eloise, who happily snatched it and sat on the lilac sofa. Eloise had taken up being Penelope’s initial audience with every chapter of her novels having to pass Eloise’s scrutiny. Penelope planned to surprise Eloise with a co-author title on this newest novel, as Eloise’s suggestions had been more than helpful these past few months. She deserves some recognition for her own writing abilities. Penelope thought as she made her way to the kitchen in the back of the house to fetch a damp cloth for her ink stained hands.
Penelope was proud of the beautiful home she created. The country house was simple and not palatial, but filled with a woman’s touch. The colors were soft and inviting, the candlelight flickered along the delicate floral paintings throughout the hallways, and the silver-plated framework added a bit of glittering to the walls. She had sent the staff home for the week, she hated feeling watched, especially when a deadline approached, and considering it was only her, it was unnecessary to have so many other people in the house to wait on her hand and foot
As she approached the study, books strewn about for both pleasure and inspiration, she saw Eloise dab the corners of her eyes.
“Eloise, what’s wrong?” Penelope whispered, her friend rarely showed such vulnerability, even to her.
“Pen, this … wow, the book ends so beautifully, yet heartbreakingly.” Eloise responded. Penelope loved the reaction, it was just as she had hoped for, if not more. The book was the third in a series about a woman who had grown up in the country, her family having little dowry and her looks being average at best. In the first two books, it was all about the trials and tribulations of the woman making her way to the city, entering the courting season with hope, only to be rejected by her unrequited love. The third book was about her coming into her own, forging her own path, separating herself from the obstacles of society, and coming to terms that her love was never meant to be matched by the man who handled her so poorly. She felt that the book held autobiographical qualities, but it was more than that, it was about women holding more to life than a husband and child. She sensed this book would resonate with more people than her previous ones, but feared the backlash from the hopeless romantics for not having the woman fall into the arms of the man she was so enamored with at the beginning of the first novel.
“Pen, I have to ask though,” Eloise seemed stilted in her questioning. Penelope’s eyebrows rose, showing complete attention to her loving friend. “Is this how you truly feel about Colin, now?”
Eloise’s question hung in the air as the candles continued to flicker.
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The Bridgerton men were sitting in the drawing room when Eloise returned in her coach. It was late for a woman, especially of Eloise’s unmarried status, but each of the brothers knew better than to tell her she couldn’t go to her friend’s new home. Colin perked up as he heard the door swing open.
“Darling, how was Penelope?” Violet asked in her loving, gentle voice.
“She’s doing well, finished her third novel, I must say, it’s beautiful.” Eloise sounded dreamlike as she spoke about her friend’s writing. “Penelope wants to add my name as a co-writer, but I could never dream of the plots she comes up with.”
“Oh, El! That’s amazing, and so kind of her, you truly have an amazing friend.” Benedict responded, his boylike smile causing Violet to laugh under her breath. Eloise shook her head.
“I don’t think I’ll take her up on it. Mama, you should see her home, she’s truly made it her own.” Eloise continued and Colin perked up.
“How so?” He questioned and Eloise’s mouth downturned. They never were the same after his words about Penelope made their way throughout town. Colin thought that things would change after Penelope was unmasked as Lady Whistledown, but Eloise remained frustrated with her shortsighted brother.
“If you must know,” Eloise began, “Penelope has finished painting and the study is huge! She has this desk, it was a gift from her publishing house, her initials are engraved on the right corner. However, those idiots left a space where the F should be for her ‘matrimonial’ initial.” Eloise scoffed. She hated the idea that people thought less of her friend, simply because she was unmarried. Violet shook her head slightly at her daughter. She knew that Eloise had a certain level of disdain for the sanctity of marriage, however she had conversed at length with Penelope and knew that deep down, she wanted a husband and family, but had talked herself into believing she no longer desired it.
“Has she considered moving closer by?” Anthony asked, his nose in a book. All of the Bridgertons seemed to miss her presence since her move a few months back. Eloise shook her head sadly.
“It seems she has been getting more comfortable with the idea of living alone out in the country.” Eloise stated and Colin’s breathing hitched. He hated the idea of Penelope being alone, but to think she was alone in a house without anyone to speak with really broke him apart.
“Shouldn’t she try and hire protection?” Colin asked, his eyes darting around the family.
“Protect her? She’s out in the country.” Benedict replied, he squinted toward his younger brother, who seemed to grow more frustrated with his response.
“Well who knows maybe a stray animal would find its way into her home and hurt her!” Colin exclaimed and Eloise burst into a fit of laughter.
“Ah yes, those stray goats always make for terrifying opponents.” Eloise continued to laugh loudly as Benedict looked at her with bewilderment. “Apologies, Penelope has taken up having a drink while writing and I may have indulged.” She mumbled and Anthony shook his head. At this point, Kate and Hyacinth entered the drawing room.
“Is Penelope planning to join the season? I’m sure there will be many men wishing to court her given the success of her novels.” Kate asked, sitting next to her husband, whose hand rested on her knee. Colin felt his chest constrict slightly. Penelope was not a prized animal to be touted around, only desired due to her success and not because of her brilliant mind.
“Ah, I tried, she is sticking her heels in the mud like a stubborn mule.” Eloise countered, then smacking a hand over her mouth. “Don’t tell her I said that.” A chuckle rang out throughout the room.
“Well you must try again!” Hyacinth exclaimed. The younger sibling was hoping to speak with Penelope about her writing and try to snag insight into any other novels that might come up. Eloise only shrugged.
“Maybe I can speak with Lady Featherington.” Violet mused, but Eloise only scoffed. The entire Bridgerton clan knew that Penelope and her mother had a difficult falling out after she decided to leave the estate. Her mother had tried to go on a smear campaign, only to be told off by Lady Danbury, who had grown fond of the youngest Featherington during her time in the society circuit. “I just wish for her to find a nice, stable man to settle down with, I know you don’t want to believe that Penelope desires love, but I can tell you, Eloise, she does.” Violet’s tone remained loving, but took on a level of sternness. “I will invite her to tea tomorrow to see if we can convince her to join us at Lady Danbury’s ball.”
The family’s topics diverged from Penelope Featherington, but Colin continued to think of his old friend with yearning.
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“ELOISE, HASTE!” Violet spoke in a loud rumble. She knew it was unbecoming for a lady of her stature to yell, but her daughter was anything but cooperative.
“Mother, why don’t I go along while everyone continues to get ready?” Colin appeared, his hair seemed to be recently washed and his scruff shaven. Violet widened her gaze in surprise, but then looked over her shoulder. Her daughter would enjoy the added time, without having to rush into her corset. She looked back at her son, after his horrific words were published, she had spoken with him at length with frustration and seriousness. She knew that her son was not mean spirited in his words, but in those moments, she had wished her husband was still alive so that he could set Colin straight. It had been two seasons since his horrible speech and Penelope attended with complete avoidance of the entire Bridgerton family, except for Eloise, who kept a close eye on her friend, ensuring that her brother did not step within 10 feet of Penelope.
Colin had grown more annoyed with his younger sister toward the end of the second season, and once word had spread that Penelope was retiring from society and matchmaking, Colin had become brooding. Violet knew that Colin held feelings for Penelope, but she didn’t know if he knew that he held those feelings. Colin had decided not to travel after last season, feigning some excuse about needing more family time, but all of the Bridgertons knew that he spent most of his time in his room, ruminating over his journal. Once, Eloise tried to take a peak after snatching it out of his hands, and Violet had to get Benedict and Anthony to separate the siblings. Everyone assumed the journal was filled with stories of manly conquests, but Violet believed it had less to do with Colin’s travels and time with exotic women, and more about Penelope. Violet had seen Colin watch her from afar for the entire last season, and knew that if nothing changed in the upcoming months, he would become a hermit and Violet’s dream of her son and Penelope’s nuptials would dissipate.
“Fine, but please be completely respectful, she is still an unmarried woman who has a reputation to consider, she is not solely a friend of the family.” Violet stated in a strong tone, as Colin smiled for the first time in weeks and turned on his heels.
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The carriage ride gave Colin time to think about what he would say to Penelope. Eloise had made it impossible for them to speak more than two words and all of his letters seemed to collect dust in the corner of his desk, too afraid of rejection to send them. The carriage stopped and Colin exited, he straightened his coat, and absentmindedly ran a hand through his hair. He knocked on the door and a woman opened it.
“Hello, how may I help you, sir?” She bowed her head and he saw the flash of pink run across her cheeks. Colin understood that he was attractive, his mother would have smacked him for thinking so highly of himself, but he had met many women throughout his travels who threw themselves at him and it was hard not to understand why.
“I’m here to request time with Pene- Lady Featherington.” He corrected himself as the woman nodded and allowed him to enter the foyer.
“She is currently dressing, is she expecting you?” The maid queried, and Colin’s eyes widened slightly at the mention of Penelope’s state of indecency.
“Mr. Bridgerton is Ms. Eloise Bridgerton’s brother, Lottie. Please show him to the drawing room and make enough tea for about seven people, thanks.” Penelope spoke from the top of the stairs. Her hair tied up into a tight bun, her delicate features slightly enhanced by some rouge and her forest green dress with colorful embroidered flowers all seemed to make Colin feel slightly weak at the knees. She was holding a pair of dark green lace gloves in her hands with the same colorful embroidery around the hem. Penelope and Colin looked at each other before a clearing of the maid’s throat took them both out of their trances.
“Mr. Bridgerton, please follow me.” Lottie murmured and Colin glanced from the young maid, back to the top of the stairs, only Penelope had walked away. He craned his neck, before following Lottie, Colin could understand Eloise’s fascination with the home. She was right that Penelope had made it her own, the colorful floral paintings, the silver candelabras, the smell of vanilla and citrus filled the air, and the walls painted a cream color with foiled filigree. The drawing room had floor to ceiling windows looking out into an empty field, rows of flowers being tended to by staff, and the sun pooled in, catching on the metallic tea tray.
“Is there anything you take with your tea?” Lottie asked, her face continued to flush as Colin looked into her eyes. Shaking his head with a smile, he went to sit by the window. He felt wrong looking so intently at Penelope’s staff, he felt from Lottie’s reaction, it was almost like he was cheating on Penelope, without being committed to her.
Lottie made herself scarce, mumbling about ringing the bell to call for help, before leaving him alone in the expansive room. Although Bridgerton manor seemed to be double the size, he felt like this place was far too large for Penelope to be in alone, like she would be cold walking these rooms on her own. A knock on the door and Colin assumed it was the tea, so he remained seated, before hearing Penelope’s voice.
“Did Lottie give you any trouble? She’s rather new to the position and I don’t require the formalities that my mother would want out of staff.” Colin sprang to his feet, watching as Penelope’s now gloved hand reached out to his. The greeting was exceedingly formal, almost cold, as Colin bowed slightly and took her small fingers between his index finger and thumb. Although the greeting was cold, her touch was as warm as he had remembered. He almost shivered from the contrast, and from the ability to touch her after such a long time.
“Oh she was perfectly professional.” Colin responded, stuttering slightly as Penelope’s eyes scoured into his, imploring him to continue. “How have you been? I feel like we have not spoken in ages.”
“This is true, maybe not ages, but at least a year.” Penelope responded coolly. Her eyes seemed to soften the longer they remained in Colin’s gaze. “I wrote to your mother this morning that I would host, considering I have not had any guests outside of Eloise at my home.” She continued and Colin nodded with understanding.
“I was just marveling at the size of this place, Pen-Lady Featherington.” He corrected himself as he felt the heat rush to his cheeks.
“Colin, we have known each other for years, you need not be so formal with me in the privacy of my own home. It’s not like we are in the Queen’s presence.” She scoffed lightly and his heart thumped. She had always used his birth name, unless she was mad at him, and yet in this moment, it felt so intimate.
“Right, Pen, I’ve been meaning to call on you,” Colin started and was interrupted by Lottie bringing in the tea tray and announcing the arrival of his family. He felt his stomach churn and he wanted to whisk Penelope away to speak with her alone, but it was no use. Penelope smiled widely as the Bridgertons filed their way in, looking around the room in awe.
“Wow, Penelope, you did all of this yourself?” Benedict smiled at the young woman, his eyes seemed to crinkle with a tinge of pride as she nodded and walked over to him to point out different areas of the room she had changed. Eloise waltzed her way up to her brother.
“You remained respectful with my dear friend, correct?” She inquired and Colin nearly spit out his tea.
“Of course, Eloise, I would never do anything to hurt Pen’s reputation.” He stated indignantly, only for Eloise to raise her brow and for Colin to reply in a scowl. He knew that his words hurt her, and her reputation, he felt guilty for that, but he did not understand why it continued to haunt him.
“I believe an apology is necessary.” Kate murmured in between the two Bridgerton siblings, as if answering Colin’s silent pleas. Since entering the family, Kate had been a beacon of logic to Colin and Eloise. She had a sweet tone, but knew her strength. She inspired Eloise to remain steadfast in her opinions and Colin enjoyed watching her give Anthony a run for his sanity.
“I guess I just don’t know how.” Colin mumbled in response, staring longingly at Penelope, her eyes honed on Benedict, listening to every word with complete concentration. She glanced quickly over his way and Colin believed he saw a small smile form on her lips. He hoped it was for him.