Work Text:
summer 2014
I
Nervously, almost in panic, Daniil held the note in his pocket. He was afraid that it would fall out and the whole world could get a glimpse of his thoughts. He was so focused on clutching the paper that he hardly noticed what Andrey was saying. Sometimes Daniil nodded in agreement, but his mind was completely elsewhere. However, Andrey didn't really seem to notice, as always when he talked about tennis. (Most of the time Daniil thought it was pretty cute. At least as long as he didn't want anything from Andrey).
The piece of paper in Daniil's pocket was not just a piece of paper. It was currently the most important document in Daniil's life - tennis, his graduation, and maybe one or two other things aside. But it was definitely important and Andrey was not allowed to read it at all.
Daniil had, in fact, created a small cluster.
Feelings were something extremely complicated. Something you could never rely on, especially when there were such different concepts as friendship, romantic love, and sibling love. How were people able to easily recognize their kind of love? At some point, Daniil had gotten stuck in his mind, so he had looked for a pen and paper to do something about the mess in his head. He had tried to put all his thoughts into a mind-map - logic usually helped, so why not here too.
Almost like a photograph, the result had burned itself into his head. In the middle was Andrey's name in unfortunately somewhat spidery letters. Around it were all the things that Daniil had thought of.
The item tennis had been the easiest. He didn't really have to write anything down. Andrey was fantastic. Even Karen couldn't reach him. That forehand... Many times Daniil had stood at the practice court, hoping that someday he could generate that much power, too. Tennis was an absolute pro point. Good tennis skills were damn attractive. But that alone could have fallen under friendship or some other category. After all, there were other excellent tennis players and he didn't want to date Rafael Nadal or Roger Federer.
Andrey's appearance was also an important aspect. Daniil didn't quite know what to think about the dyed hair, but color does grow out one day. And it didn’t change the fact that he wanted to grab Andrey's hair at every opportunity. (Maybe he was a tiny bit jealous, too. His own hair did not impress anyone…) Hair, fortunately, was something he could look at whenever Andrey was around. Other body parts, no. He had to hope for such occasions as a few weeks ago when Daniil (by chance, of course) had taken a little longer to change to catch a glimpse of the freshly showered Andrey. And maybe he had liked a very little bit what he had seen. (He had to run out of the room quickly, though, because he feared that Andrey would notice his staring). Anyway, he had drawn a little heart at the point: appearance . Siblings or friends usually did not find each other physically attractive. Daniil knew that much about feeling.
Then there was Andrey's super sweet cute lovely way of laughing. There was nothing better than watching Andrey laugh. Unfortunately, Andrey was sometimes too serious, so Daniil tried to change it as often as possible. By now he knew pretty well which statements, which movements, or what else, made Andrey laugh. And he used this knowledge quite often.
At first, he thought that it was normal among friends to make each other laugh. But then he realized that he not only liked to make Andrey laugh but especially liked to look at him when he laughed. And the best was when he made Andrey laugh and not Karen.
Then, while writing, it occurred to Daniil that he actually needed to write tennis again. After all, it wasn't just about how well Andrey played, but with what motivation. Sure, Daniil liked to play tennis, but he also liked to play video games, read books, and sometimes even solve math puzzles when he was bored. But with Andrey, there was only tennis. Daniil sometimes wondered if Andrey had tennis balls in his head instead of a brain. But somehow it was extremely involving. Daniil wished he had that much passion for the sport, too - maybe then he would be a little better.
The last point had actually been the clearest. Andrey was just too good for this world. Daniil noticed that especially because he was rather the opposite. He was way too direct, accidentally said nasty things, and sometimes insulted people, even though he didn't mean to. Andrey never did that. Every person Andrey met liked him too. Every person who talked to Andrey never wanted to end the conversation. (Sometimes Daniil wished that Andrey would just get out of other people's clutches on his own, but he was just too nice for that).
Andrey always noticed everything that was happening around them. Who was with whom and how and why. He just saw things that Daniil didn't even know existed. Sometimes Daniil wanted to wrap Andrey in a blanket and protect him from the world because it didn't deserve such a sweet and caring human.
After comparing and weighing all these things, Daniil had come to the conclusion that maybe he was a tiny, but really just a tiny bit in love with Andrey Rublev.
In a romantic way.
II
Daniil took two deep breaths and went over the sentence in his mind several times. He didn't want to get confused or pronounce a word awkwardly. He was really nervous and he didn't like that at all. Daniil Medvedev was a controlled and thoughtful boy and not one to embarrass himself over a stupid question. Unfortunately, his brain showed him a thousand ways how he could embarrass himself by saying only one sentence. So he took a third deep breath. His coach always said that proper breathing was so helpful. He better be right.
"DoYouWantToDoSomethingTogetherTomorrow?" he finally asked.
That had worked out splendidly. Daniil wanted to roll his eyes, but he didn't want Andrey to misunderstand. Andrey looked up from his phone (so at least Daniil had managed that) and smiled somewhat tentatively at Daniil.
"You mean training together? Yeah sure, I was going to the court early in the morning. Shall we go straight over together?" he asked back. Then he ran his hand through his hair once and grinned.
A little helplessly Daniil nodded. He didn't want to play tennis. He wanted to go somewhere, only Andrey and him, without yellow tennis balls, rackets, or coaches. He just wanted to look at Andrey, not Andrey the tennis player. And he wanted to make him laugh when Karen wasn't with them. Besides, he wanted to finally run his fingers through his hair. Maybe he should have phrased his question smarter, with more precise words or something.
"Uh, I actually meant something else, but we should definitely train together..." he finally replied. At that, he stared strained at the glass in front of him, trying to concentrate at least a little bit.
"What did you mean then?" echoed Andrey. Daniil took another deep breath. He wanted a goddamn date with Andrey, that wasn't so hard to understand. Actually. Maybe he needed to be more specific.
"Do you want to play chess after practice?"
He got an enthusiastic smile in response, which made his heart jump a little.
"Sure, always do. We haven't played in ages."
That's right, they hadn't played in forever because Daniil had this problem with Andrey's hair. And there had been a time when, unfortunately, that had distracted him a lot from the chessboard. But at least he had that under control again. His instinct to win was more dominant now. Thank God.
"I'm glad," Daniil replied, almost a little monotonously. But he didn't want Andrey to know what was going on in Daniil's head. All his thoughts were dancing limbo and various connections between the neurons had erased themselves. Love was really annoying. A well-functioning brain was so much better than this mess.
"I'm glad, too," Andrey replied softly and smiled once more before turning back to his phone.
III
At first, Daniil was excited when they told him that he had to share a room with Andrey. Maybe that was his chance. In the last few weeks, they had written almost daily, and as Daniil knew, thanks to Karen, that was worth a lot. Many times Karen had complained loudly to Andrey that he shouldn’t delay his answers for several days. Now, however, Daniil stood in the bathroom a bit indecisive, not really knowing how to take the next step. That Andrey liked him in some way was obvious. There was enough evidence for that. Now Daniil had to figure out whether it was in the friendly, the romantic, or the sibling way.
Examining, Daniil looked in the mirror. He had nothing else on except his shorts. Much to his satisfaction, quite a six-pack was showing. Being a professional athlete did have its advantages. He turned back and forth a bit, but the six-pack definitely worked from every angle. Maybe he should work out more often without a shirt because his skin seemed even paler than usual. But there was little that could be done about that right now.
Andrey was lying on his bed like a few minutes earlier, listening to music. Daniil thought a little about what he should do now. He first ran to his own bed, rummaged around in his bag, only to run back towards the bathroom. If he just walked around the room often enough, maybe Andrey would look up (and maybe Andrey would like what he saw, too?)
Daniil was just getting back to his bed when Andrey finally took his headphones out of his ears and looked questioningly at Daniil:
"Can't find your T-shirt? Do you want me to help you look for it?"
So Andrey had noticed that Daniil was shirtless AND THAT WAS HIS REACTION? Daniil didn't know what he expected, but definitely a little.... more. Maybe he had expected too much.
"Uh, thanks. I've got it," Daniil quickly replied, grabbing his shirt and running back into the bathroom. Well, that had worked out splendidly. Why was Andrey resistant to ANYTHING that wasn't tennis. In the bathroom, he splashed some water on his face and then thought about how to get to his bed as quickly as possible without having to look at Andrey again. All of a sudden he felt pretty ridiculous himself. What was he trying to impress Andrey with his weird lanky body?
He hurried back and dropped onto his bed. Intensely he stared at the wall, overwhelmed with the situation.
"Daniil?"
"Huh?" was all Daniil replied. Briefly, he decided to hide his head under the pillow but then turned to Andrey.
"Are you all right? You've been weird these last few days…", Andrey had turned to him and looked over at Daniil with wide eyes. He showed some serious concern.
"I'm in love with someone”, Daniil blurted.
"Oh, but that's a great thing."
Of course, Andrey had far too much tact to ask who it was.
"It's a little difficult with the person, though."
Daniil stared at the wall. The wallpaper was suddenly immensely exciting.
"I'm sorry about that."
Then Daniil heard Andrey stand up. A few seconds later, the mattress moved under the extra weight.
"Do you want to listen to some new music with me? Maybe that will distract you from this person?"
Andrey held out a pair of headphones to him.
"I don't believe it, but we can try."
As they sat so close to each other listening to Andrey's weird emo music, Daniil had to pull himself together not just put an arm around Andrey. They weren't even sitting very close, but it was enough to completely throw Daniil off his game once again.
What was Andrey doing to him?
IV
"Go away."
Daniil ignored the almost whispered words and dropped down next to Andrey. He had seen Andrey often enough, after losing a match. It was never easy. Andrey was too hard on himself. Tennis was still just a sport. But as miserable as Andrey just sat leaning against the wall, you would think that someone important in his life had passed away. Daniil said nothing. He hadn't really been able to figure out what was the best way to cheer Andrey up.
"I'm such an incredibly bad tennis player. Did you see that error at the beginning of the second set? Absolutely pathetic," Andrey continued to whisper. Indeed, Daniil had seen the error, though he wouldn't describe it as pathetic. It had just been a mistake. And mistakes were human.
"You know yourself it's not true," Daniil finally said. The missed shot was indeed a bit stupid, but such things happened. There was nothing you could do about it afterward. And certainly, Daniil would not say that it had been a silly mistake.
Andrey was probably fighting with his own demons in his head anyway, so he didn't need Daniil's unhelpful words. Instead, Daniil decided that reaching for Andrey's hand was perfectly legitimate in this situation. Careful not to touch the bloody knuckles, he reached out and gently stroked the back of Andrey's hand. As he did so, he kept looking at Andrey to see if the touching was really okay. He didn't want to impose himself here, after all.
"I'm such a failure," Andrey finally brought out again.
Daniil had so much on the tip of his tongue. He wanted to say that Andrey was a great tennis player. That he shouldn't always be so hard on himself. That perfection didn't exist. That tennis was there to be fun. But none of that came across his lips. Instead, he said the first best thing that went through his mind:
"2 and 5 are the only prime numbers that end in 2 or 5."
Daniil wanted to bang his head against the wall once. His conversational skills were really poor. Why didn't they actually learn how to comfort people in school? That would have helped him more than some nerd knowledge about prime numbers.
"What?", Andrey looked up at him. His eyes were puffy from tears and he had barely wiped the snot off his face.
"In a room of 23 people, there's a 50% chance that two people have the same birthday."
Andrey chuckled. "What are you trying to tell me?"
"Nothing, I just thought of that. Exciting, isn't it?"
"Totally. Especially since I'm known to have a highly developed interest in math."
"You are just clueless. But you have to admit, those are two enormously interesting facts."
"I've already forgotten the first one. What are prime numbers?"
"ANDREY, you must know what prime numbers are?"
Perhaps Daniil was exaggerating his horror a bit. But Andrey really started laughing now and that was the most important thing. Hopefully, Andrey didn't notice that Daniil was still holding his hand (and wasn't about to let go anytime soon either).
He would surely think of more absurd math facts to tell Andrey. As long as they distracted Andrey. That was the main thing.
V
"Guys, I've had enough." Karen stopped in front of Daniil and Andrey and looked at them rather angrily. In his mind, Daniil was checking all the words and actions to see if he had offended Karen in any way (as said before, he sometimes didn't realize when he insulted someone), but for once he couldn't think of anything along those lines.
Karen had his hands on his hips, reminding Daniil far too much of his sister whenever he had been secretly in her room or eaten her dessert.
"What are you talking about, Karen?" Andrey looked a little irritated and perhaps a little helpless.
"About your emotional incompetence. I don't want to see you again until you sort this out," Karen continued rather firmly. Daniil wasn't sure if Karen was really angry and annoyed, or just had chosen a very aggressive tone.
"Sort what out? I do not argue with Daniil if that's what you think... or did I miss something?" Panicked, Andrey looked at Daniil. Daniil shook his head cautiously. No, they didn't argue.
Daniil would also like to pretend he didn't know what this was all about... unfortunately, he knew very well.
"If it were that simple, we'd have been further along by now, weeks ago," Daniil snorted in annoyance. What was Karen thinking? Daniil was working on it. But he couldn't deny that Andrey was... just the way he was. And Daniil couldn't do more than his best.
"You guys are terrible, thank God you make money playing tennis and not other things. I'm going to sleep now. I only want to see you guys at breakfast when you're one step ahead. I won't put up with this for a second longer. I've put up with you for months, MONTHS. You're awful. Argh. Good night. And please be grateful to me, I saved you from more months of emotional stupidity."
With those words, Karen stomped past them. Andrey looked after him rather perplexed, while Daniil found the ground beneath him much more exciting.
"What was that?", Andrey asked Daniil expectantly.
"I know what Karen means," Daniil replied as tersely as possible. Why did Karen have to throw him into this situation so unprepared? Usually, Daniil planned every conversation far in advance.
"Does it have anything to do with this person you're in love with who makes everything so complicated?"
Who made everything so complicated. Oh, Andrey. Daniil wanted to grab his arms and shake him. Instead, he crossed his arms and continued to look at the overly exciting pavement.
"The person is you."
"The person... what!?"
"It's about you. It's always about you Andrey.”
"I don't understand."
"No you don't, I've noticed that too."
"How?"
"Can I touch your hair?"
"What?"
"I actually want to do that every time I see you."
"Uh, yeah?"
Daniil decided that he had tried talking often enough. Not very successfully. So he grabbed Andrey's hair and pulled him a little toward him.
"I'd like to kiss you now."
Daniil didn't know how long he had been waiting for this moment. It was way too long. He also didn't know what exactly they were doing here and how to proceed. But he certainly knew that kissing Andrey was pretty amazing. Maybe he should add one more item to his Andrey list: at kissing, he was obviously pretty good, too.