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It’s impressive how the human mind has the ability to adapt and get used to almost every situation.
Tim may not have a major in psychology like Lucy, but he had gone through a traumatizing childhood and more than one round at war, not to mention the many years in patrol. He was able to see, first hand, the crazy things people could normalize in their heads and actually get used to. Some of them, although horrible, get stuck with you to the point where you can never fully go back.
He was now learning that the same could happen to not-at-all-horrible stuff as well.
Like kissing Lucy Chen, for example.
Two weeks ago, he had been sent on an undercover assignment with her, much to his desperation. Not that he would think any other cop was more suited or capable than her, and in other circumstances there probably wouldn’t have been anyone he would rather have as his partner, but things had been… Complicated lately, to say the least.
Bradford didn’t know when it had started, but he knew their lines had been blurry for a while now. Even when he was still her T.O. and said lines should have been as clear as it gets, they had audiobooks and postponed promotions and just the kind of relationship that definitely went beyond superior and subordinate. Coworkers, friends, something else – he didn’t think there was a word that summed them up, but he knew she was important to him. Probably more than she should be.
But he tried not to worry much, because this was Lucy. She had this way of just creeping up into people’s lives and suddenly every corner had a little bit of the woman. And he knew he wasn’t the only one who fell into her charms, for she had also won over Angela, Harper, Nolan and, hell, even Grey had a soft spot for her. But he also knew it was different between them, it just took him too long to figure out why. And, again, he didn’t know when it had started, but he knew exactly when it got out of control.
The first time she went undercover all by herself for a big op, she was gone for two weeks. He still remembered the day she came to say her goodbyes.
“Try not to miss me too much”
“I won’t.” lying liar who lies. “Just… take care”
“I will” she had smiled softly, and Tim had no idea how much that smile would haunt him.
The first week was already hard enough. He realized that ever since she became his rookie, they had never been apart for more than a few days, and even then they usually texted. Not hearing from her was more challenging than he thought, and he caught himself missing her too damn much, to the point of listening to the old audiobooks she had recorded him to study for the sergeant's exam. Just so he could hear the teasing tone in which she read certain sentences, her snarky comments here and there and, well, her voice. He always complained about her non-stop talking, but he really missed listening to her voice.
To make matters worse, he was worried 24/7. He knew she was good, but he also knew the risks and it killed him that he wasn’t there to have her back in case she needed it. His sleep was lighter than ever those nights, and everytime he wondered if she was okay, he remembered that last smile she gave him. The sweet expression that took over her face, so full of life and that was god-knows-where right now, and he just wished he had some kind of insurance that he would see it again. It was ridiculous because they were in danger everyday at the patrol as well, but he couldn’t help himself.
And then he had stopped her car, and just the sight of her was enough to make his heart race – of worry, he told himself. Pure adrenaline because of the risks. He promptly ignored the fact that his heartbeats, already quick, seemed to double the speed when she touched his hand. And when she flirted with him.
They handled the situation well, overall, and once the operation was over and she was safe, relief washed over him and he released a breath that he felt like he’d been holding for two weeks. The whole thing should have raised red flags already, but he somehow convinced himself it was no big deal… Until Angela’s wedding came.
And there she was.
Tim wasn’t an idiot, he was always aware of Lucy’s beauty – he might even have been slightly harder on her in the beginning of their training because of it. But even ‘beautiful’ didn’t do her justice that day. He didn’t know if it was because of the time they were apart or if it had something to do with that gorgeous green dress that seemed to fit her so well, hugging her curves in all the right places. All Tim knew was that she looked breathtaking .
She came towards him with sparkly eyes and a smug smile, and soon enough they were teasing each other as they usually did. …Or not, because this time it felt a lot more like flirting. But he wasn’t sure if she was just joking around or actually meant it. Either way, he seemed to have lost all brain cells around her, because he had almost no control of what he was saying – first a flirty response, that she replied on the same tone; then a compliment, because he had been so proud of her and he just could not not say it; and then “save me a dance”. Where did that come from, Timothy?! He couldn’t remember the last time he asked to dance with someone, he wasn’t even that into it, but something about seeing her slipping away made him blurt out the question without a second thought. He just wanted an excuse to be near her, an insurance that he would have at least another moment alone with her later, maybe. That was the only explanation.
Her smile and absolutely adorable head tilt as a reaction had been a pretty amazing bonus, though.
But then all hell broke loose and things got messy. Lopez was taken, they lost Jackson and what was supposed to be the perfect evening was soon turned into a nightmare. They were all too focused on finding Angela at first to allow themselves to feel Jackson’s death with full force just yet, but he knew it would hit Lucy badly the second she got home.
He also remembered that, last time they had a crappy day at work and he suggested she shouldn’t be alone, he had unknowingly pushed her towards Caleb and a much worse situation, and that scared the hell out of him. This time, he wasn’t taking any chances. She shouldn’t be alone, yes, but he was the one who would be with her. They had already lost one of them and his best friend was still missing, there was no fucking way Lucy was getting out of his sight that night.
Seemed like a brilliant plan at first, and he only realized how dangerous it was when Lucy showed up in his living room, dressed in his clothes, and somehow looking as breathtaking as she did at the wedding.
So, maybe it wasn’t the green dress then.
He did his best to turn a blind eye, but then she asked for a hug, and it was the least he could give her since she didn’t even allow him to take the couch (so bossy, by the way. He had no idea why he just couldn’t argue with her when she went all bossy on him, but he never did). And then something shifted.
They had meaningful glances, Tim was aware. Sometimes he lost himself for a second or two in them, enjoying that spark that only hit between them two, without thinking or reading too much into it. But in that moment the spark lit up a whole fire inside of him, and breathing seemed impossible and he had to muster all his self control to not just give into it and let himself being taken by Lucy’s gravity field – because she suddenly seemed to have one, and it was pulling him with such a strength he had no idea how he managed to say good night and just go to bed by himself. The few seconds between that and the call he got from Wesley were blurry in his mind, and he wasn’t sure he wouldn’t have done something crazy and completely inappropriate if his phone didn’t ring.
The three months after that were spent trying to not dwell on it, but every single time they teased each other, that spark would come back and it made him ask himself if he was the only one who noticed, because it didn’t feel like it. It felt like they were dancing around each other, constantly pacing between bickering and flirting, and Tim didn’t know exactly what it meant, but it was impossible to not wonder if they were going somewhere with this. He fought himself, not allowing his mind to overthink and just go with it, but was forced to face the possibility when Grey had suggested picking Lucy as his aid. And the truth was: he couldn’t do it. Because even if he had no idea where this thing between them was going and didn’t dare to think about crossing any lines, he also didn’t have it in him to close that door by becoming her superior again. And, for a moment there, he thought he might not be alone in this.
But, of course, he had been wrong. Because Lucy kind of mocked the idea and a conversation that could have been flirty was more friendly and a little bit of a letdown, if he was being honest, but nothing he couldn’t handle. He had just misunderstood it a little, but again, he wasn’t really expecting anything. And now that Lucy had chosen to close that door completely, he wouldn’t even dare giving it a second glance. Time went by, and he met Ashley, and Lucy met Chris, and they were both happy. And whatever the hell almost happened at his house was buried, or so he thought.
Once again, he had been wrong. So fucking wrong.
Because then undercover assignment came and they decided to meet at her apartment, to set up the details. And Tim realized that he hadn’t really thought this through once he suggested she came with him in undercover with a revenge smile on his lips. He was just having a blast with the turned tables, but the implications of it hadn’t really hit him until they were all alone in her living room and had to face reality: they were playing a couple.
It was an even more dangerous game than dancing, or having her sleeping over on his couch – and that really said something, all things considered.
The idea of kissing practice crossed his mind at first because he knew Lucy affected him. He knew he sometimes got lost in her, and he was worried that, if he didn’t know what to expect and kissing was a necessity during the op, it might throw him off-balance. Not to mention they had to be convincing, and things could be awkward in situations like this. Still he had brushed it off because, well, what were the odds of them having to kiss, right? They could risk it.
But then she started to dwell on their backstory and he knew he was screwed, because the mere image she had painted on his mind of them – their characters, but still – full on making out because she was so hot , as she had so bluntly put it, was enough to get him malfunctioning. He really needed to get that kiss out of the way if this was going to work.
The chaste kiss had been the easy part: just a tingly feeling on his lips and his stomach fluttering a little. Nothing that should happen but also nothing he couldn't handle. He had played it safe, purposely, and it had worked. The hard part was when she just shut him up with a real, passionate kiss, without warning, and turned his world upside down.
The fluttering stomach gave room to about a thousand butterflies and Tim just melted into her, because everything about that kiss felt right. From her hands cupping his face and then sliding down to his chest, to the way she molded her body to fit his and how insanely good she tasted. Or the way the world went mute as her soft lips moved against his, and how the fire that had almost consumed him at his house months ago now seemed like a modest bonfire in compassion to this wild flames that had full control of his body. Nothing had felt so intense in his entire fucking life, and as their lips started to part for a short breath, their faces never did, the gravity making it impossible to. His right hand moved to her waist, pressing her body against his even more because there was no chance he was letting her get away now. He needed to taste more of her, because that hadn’t been nearly enough, and then one kiss soon became two. He chased her mouth with need, eager to deepen it, to get fully lost in her, and it was incredibly satisfying to meet her lips already parted and waiting for him. Almost like she was just as lost and eager as he was.
Their tongues brushed for no more than a split second that sent an electric current all over his body, and he was pretty sure it would have turned into a full make out session and he would not have let Lucy get away from him if Tamara hadn’t shown up.
If he thought he was malfunctioning before, after the kiss he was barely himself. He wasn’t even sure how he managed to stand, or say anything, or walk through the door, because his brain was nothing more than a puddle.
He was so, so screwed.
As he stood by the door, trying to get a hold of himself and what just happened, his shaky breath and racing heart not helping at all, he knew there was absolutely no denial anymore.
He was in love with Lucy.
Madly. Wildly. In a way he had never, ever felt before, and it was terrifying . But it wasn’t new, it definitely wasn’t, and he felt stupid for not seeing it for what it was. For lying to himself like an idiot, thinking it was just a small feeling he could suppress, and letting it grow quietly and so exponentially. But coming to think of it, what choice did he have? He never had a chance against her, he should have known that.
He really should have known that.
And, fuck, how was he supposed to handle playing a couple with her after realization hit him, after she had him completely undone with just a kiss?
Things couldn’t get any worse.
But oh, they could. Because he still had a girlfriend, which made him feel ill now, and insanely guilty, because Ashley didn’t deserve this. He wasn’t even worried about the kiss (the kiss still had started with work purposes, it wasn’t cheating) but his feelings weren’t acceptable, and he didn’t want to feel this way, but there was no going back. And he hated to compare, even in his head, but that kiss was magic, not him and Ashley, and he must have been out of his mind when he said that, because it didn’t even come close. They were good together, but good would never be enough now, not after the real deal. Not after Lucy . And, if he was honest, he was already thinking about breaking up since he figured they wanted different things for the future, but after this new realization he felt like a jerk for even asking her out in the first place, even if he wasn’t fully aware of his feelings back then. Because all this time he had just been fooling himself, and ended up fooling her along as well.
There was also this other feeling in the pit of his stomach, that he wanted to ignore, badly, but just couldn’t: Hope. Because the way Lucy had just grabbed his face and pulled him towards her, like she really meant it , had him spiraling. Was the woman really that good at acting or maybe, just maybe…?
The sargeant looked at her door, confused. It didn’t make sense in his head. Sometimes he could swear they were sharing something, other times she would just joke about it like it was nothing, and after she cut him that last time, when she became his aid, he had been convinced there was really nothing going on between them on her end. He was sure of it. But then she had been acting weird about Ashley sometimes, and the way they had danced… But she was still in a relationship. But so was he, right? And that kiss… The way she was reciprocating when he deepened it, the way she also looked flustered and lost afterwards… It had him dizzy.
For someone who was so fond of clear communication, she sure as hell gave a lot of mixed signs, if you asked him. Reading Lucy was usually easy for him, but when it came to their relationship, she was as mysterious as the dark side of the moon.
Tim didn’t sleep that night, tossing and turning, trying to figure out what to do. He was worried about the undercover, about his feelings getting in the way and putting both of them in jeopardy. He was trying to process his new discovery, giving himself a well deserved hard time for being so blind and stupid for too long. And he was trying his hardest to not get any hopes up, because if the letdowns had hurt when he wasn’t even aware of his feelings, now it would be nuch, much worse if he dared to hope. He also sent his girlfriend a text: “Ash, we need to talk.” because he didn’t want to delay it any longer. And, mostly, he couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss, not for a second.
The next day, when he met Lucy at the station’s parking lot, he almost went against his better judgment and talked too much. Because seeing her for the first time after he was aware of his feelings was kind of maddening, especially now that he knew the way she tasted, the way she felt. But they had work to do, and she was still with Chris, and he needed to get his shit together because realizing how he felt about her didn’t change anything.
It didn’t give him the right to do anything, to make a move or drop such a big bomb on her right before a major op, especially an undercover couple one. It also didn’t mean she felt anything back, as much as his mind seemed to keep pushing that idea to him, but he had to be as down to earth as possible. Just because he was a fool who fell so hard, didn’t mean she felt the same, and he had to keep reminding himself that. So, again, it didn’t really change anything.
But it also changed everything, and he didn’t know how to handle this.
And as if things weren’t already complicated enough, Hajek reached out to him, giving more specific instructions. Him and Lucy were supposed to be in a hotel in Santa Monica that night, he had booked a room for them. They should take the cash that would be delivered to them there, that night, and take it to his supplier in a couple of days, as soon as he gave them the signal and location.
Seemed easy except for the fact that meant spending at least “a couple days” undercover with Lucy in a hotel. Just what he needed.
Angela and Grey approved the op, and Nyla told them to go home to pack and “get their personal lives sorted out quickly” because they didn’t know how many days exactly this would take.
Aside from a call to his sister and Kojo, who Angela offered to take turns with Tamara for feeding and walking purposes, Tim had only one thing to deal with.
Ashley.
It hadn’t been easy, or nice, but it had been the right thing to do. She understood perfectly when he talked about the future, his desire to have kids and marry again someday, and not being willing to give that up. He also said he was going undercover and things were becoming complicated, which made Ashley smirk bitterly. They said their goodbyes and hugged, and when he was leaving, she called him one last time, arms crossed.
“Send Lucy my best regards” He frowned, confused for a moment, and she added “I bet undercover is with her, isn’t it? And the complicated part too.”
He opened and closed his mouth, caught off guard, and Ashley rolled her eyes. “I may not be a cop, but I’m also not stupid, Tim.”
“Ashley, this is not—” he stuttered “I didn’t—”
“Don’t worry, Tim, I know you’re a good man. But I also know it’s only a matter of time now.” She didn’t look mad though, she looked… resigned. “She’s a lucky woman, anyway”
“She’s with Sanford” he offered, weakly, trying to show her that he wasn’t breaking up to be with Lucy , nothing could even happen between them to begin with. The blonde smirked again.
“Yeah, and we both know that’s not gonna last.”
His heart bounced hopefully at that, but he pushed that feeling away, once again trying to suffocate any sign of hope that may come. Instead, he focused on his very understandable shock about the whole Ashley situation. He was the cop in this relationship, and somehow he was still the clueless one, which didn’t sit right with him. He had no idea she felt insecure about Lucy, she never mentioned it. “I’m sorry, I- I had no idea you… felt this way, I didn’t…” he trailed off “I’ve been a crappy boyfriend, apparently.”
“Not really.” She sighed “Look, when I told my father we were going on a date, he was shocked. Said he was sure you were dating officer Chen, and soon I could see why.” Ashley shrugged “I kinda knew what I was walking into, I just fooled myself because I really, really liked you. But we can’t have a future together anyway, so… I hope it works out with her, eventually.”
He gave the blonde an apologetic look. “I’m really sorry. You’re… You’re a great woman, Ash. I really hope you find what you’re looking for”
They both nodded and he felt pathetic, but that was it.
A few hours later, he and Lucy were heading to Santa Monica together, already on their covers. The hotel they were staying at was a fancy one, and before they left, Nyla and Angela called both of them in. It probably wasn’t a coincidence that Hajek had booked them a specific room and requested they stayed a few days. He would probably keep tabs on them – maybe even have the room wired. That meant they could not break cover, even when they were alone, and all contact would be through text in their burner phones.
Not breaking character even in their own room. Great.
The four of them talked, aligning a few final things before they both headed to the hotel. The road there was tense, predictably. Lucy was talking way too much, and Tim knew it was a mix of nervousness with the many cups of coffee she probably had that day. She was dressed in a black and white plaid shirt, black jeans and combat boots. Her hair was down, her eyes painted in dark shades, and even though Tim knew next to nothing about makeup, even he could see it was much heavier than what she usually wore. The fake nose piercing and insanely long nails were also part of the package.
It was a very non-lucy look, but she still looked beautiful, in a different way. And it was hard as hell to pretend he wasn’t affected by it.
“Ready?” he asked once they arrived, after a deep breath, while they were still in the car.
“Not really, but I guess we have to be” she said, her nervous hands a mere confirmation of just how tense she was “You?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be” he tried to play it cool “Let’s go, Juicy ”
“Let’s go, Dim ” she teased back, and then it had begun.
It was weird at first, and he was pretty sure he would never get used to it. Her attitude, her outfits, her makeup, the constant gums, her ever-present provocative tone – that was very, very hot, but not her standard. Lucy was indeed very good at undercover, way better than him. She had a different way of talking, walking and even her facial expressions were a bit changed. But she was still Lucy, and one of the things that remained the very same was the way she looked at him. It grounded him, put him at ease, but at the same time she seemed to have his whole heart locked inside those warm, light brown eyes.
The money was delivered without much trouble, and they only left the room to have dinner at the hotel’s restaurant. He held her hand on the way there and she intertwined their fingers, laying the other on his biceps. It sent shivers down his spine in the most delicious way while simultaneously being comfortable, natural. Tim instantly knew that, out of all the weird things that the undercover brought, this was one he could easily get used to.
Dinner was nice, and even though they were still in character, they felt a bit more at ease. It was highly likely they weren’t being heard 100% of the time, so their banter was a bit more them. They shared fake tastes, fake life visions, and some of them were so different from their own that it was almost funny. They teased each other about it, without giving their covers away, like they had their own secret little language that allowed them a bit of familiarity, a bit of themselves. And even though the timing was terrible and everything was complicated and messy between them, Tim was grateful it was her. There was no one else who could put him at ease like this in that situation, and he knew it.
Didn’t mean his heart didn’t shake to the core everytime they got flirty, though. And they did get flirty. A lot.
When they got back to their room that night and she came out of the bathroom wearing one of his plaid shirts as her sleepwear, his jaw dropped. He tried to compose himself, he really did, but all he managed to do was stutter. Didn't help that her makeup was gone along with the fake nose ring, which made her look more like herself, more like his Lucy . She smirked, her eyes glistening as she clearly noticed he had been affected.
“I’d say this one looks better on me. Don’t you agree?” she shifted the shirt a little, which made the fabric go slightly up and reveal a little bit more of her tights. Tim swallowed, trying his hardest to not be too obvious.
“I… Yes. Definitely” he was able to say, regaining a bit of control. He needed to get in character, and his character definitely would make a move now, but Tim needed to be careful to not ditch their script. He stood up and got closer, placing his hands on her waist. “It just makes it very hard to hold myself back, babe ”
“I bet it does” She bit her lower lip, teasing, tracing his neck and the beginning of his chest with her fake nail. Tim almost sighed at contact, his skin burning. “Too bad we agreed to stay focused on the job these days”
That was their script. Their excuse for, in case they were being wired, the people listening didn’t find the lack of… intimacy weird, considering their doppelgängers seemed like rabbits in heat from the little they had seen them interact. Tim let out an exaggerated groan, taking this opportunity to express his own frustration regarding the situation.
“Yeah, I don’t really know what I was thinking when I agreed to that”
Lucy smirked again. “We better get some sleep then before both of us kiss our deal’s ass goodbye” she said still in that provocative tone, but getting away from him. Tim nodded and they both headed to the bed, laying down and shifting a little awkwardly on the mattress. As they laid their heads on their respective pillows, their gazes found each other in the dim light.
Everything about this situation was crazy, and unnerving and intimate, and Tim could see the same mess of feelings he had inside reflected in Lucy’s eyes. She gulped and then seemed to hesitate for a moment before leaning towards him and placing a chaste kiss on his lips, much like the one he had given her at her apartment.
“Good night, Jake ”
The soft way she said it was the closest she got to Lucy’s true tone the whole evening, and it shook something inside of Tim. Before he knew it, he was leaning towards her again, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and then proceeding to caress her cheek, his thumb trailing all the way down to her lower lip. She closed her eyes for a moment, a clear reaction to his touch, and Tim took it as a good sign, shifting even closer.
“I’m sorry, is that it?” He repeated her words from the night before, his voice raspy and practically whispering, the tone almost challenging. Lucy’s eyes sparkled at that, the teasing, flirty smile back on her lips in no time.
“Criticizing me, huh?” she provoked, also referencing their previous dialog, biting her lower lip again and glancing briefly at his.
It was all the encouragement he needed.
Tim let his hand slide to the nape of her neck, fingers tangling in her hair as he pulled her in, closing the gap between them and gluing their lips much like Lucy had the night before. Except this time there was no Tamara and no one else to walk in on them, and Tim was also very aware of how much he wanted to taste her, of how amazing and mind blowing it would feel, and how he should savor every second of it. With that in mind – or what was left of it, because his brain was once again a puddle – he took his time. He explored her lips, her mouth, her tongue without hurry, but with an intensity he had never kissed anyone before in his life.
He felt like a fucking teenager, which was utterly ridiculous, but accurate as hell.
And as he kissed her with everything he had, their lips moving against each other in a slow, delicious and almost sexy dance, he got completely lost again. Lucy tasted like mint from her toothpaste and freaking sunshine, which was beyond comprehension, but not arguable. And she had definitely broken him, because he knew nothing would ever taste or feel like this ever again, and he was pretty sure he wanted it every single day. He wanted her hand caressing the base of his back underneath his shirt, her leg tangled between his, the slow, delicious bite she gave his lower lip, all of it, for the rest of his fucking life.
As their lips parted for air, he opened his eyelids, head still spinning and heart pounding loudly in his ears. She was staring right back at him, eyes still sparkling, filled with emotion, and a small frown painting her features. It was like she didn’t understand what had just happened, and he didn’t know if it was because there was a hurricane of emotions inside of her as well and she couldn’t make sense of it, or if she didn’t understand why he was so affected by it because she wasn’t. Seemed like the first, but he was not the one who was capable of turning worlds upside down and tasted like sunshine, so he highly doubted it.
It was probably just another kiss for her, a cover kiss, that meant nothing, he told himself. His world was rocked by her, every piece of it, because of how madly in love with her he was, truly far gone like never before, but he had to remind himself that she probably didn’t see him as anything more than a… friend. The stupid little word he had never used to call her, for reasons he didn’t fully understand at first. There was a time he thought it was to try and keep some professional distance, back when she was still getting him to open up; other times, he was convinced it was just to annoy her, because Lucy already knew how important she was to him – or at least she should. But it was none of it, it just didn’t feel right, and now he was pretty certain it was because he somehow knew, unconsciously, in the back of his mind. Just like he probably knew he didn’t have a chance, which is why he repressed it. But, damn, the way she had kissed him both times… It could have fooled him easily. If he didn’t know better, if she hadn’t joked about it as if it was nothing, more than once, he might even have believed she could have feelings, but it wasn’t the case.
And, still, when she smiled softly at him, he mirrored her like an idiot. He sighed. “Good night, babe ” he had said, earning a final caress on the cheek from Lucy before she rested her head on his shoulder, leg still tangled between his.
The thing is: Tim didn’t cuddle. He wasn’t able to fall asleep with someone that close to him, smothering him. He felt uneasy, suffocated. Isabel had never been into it, so it was easy with her. Rachel didn’t like it that much either, but she tried to cuddle next to him once, while he was already asleep, and it backfired: sleepy him almost threw her off the bed trying to get some space (she teased him about it for a few days). And Ashley had asked him one time, in which he tried, for hours, but simply wasn’t able to even relax enough to close his eyes until she had shifted in her sleep and he could turn to the other side to get away from her.
But, of course, it had to be different with Lucy.
First because his stomach fluttered when she chose to use him as a pillow. Second because her warmth didn’t feel suffocating, but rather cozy. She smelled like orange blossom and her usual fresh shampoo, and Tim’s nose and mouth were resting softly above her locks before he knew it, her scent filling his head and once again making it spin, but also putting him at ease. He smiled, instinctively lifting his hand and caressing her hair gently with the tip of his fingers. It felt weirdly comfortable, and he actually wanted to stay there at least for a little longer.
That “little” turned into the whole night as he fell asleep . And, even more surprising, he woke up the next morning still all tangled in her, his heart impossibly warm.
Her face was too close to his, and he could count all the little freckles that painted her skin, like small constellations of her own. Her eyelids fluttered like she was dreaming, her lips moving ever so slightly, and he caught himself smiling like an idiot. He spent so long unconsciously trying not to linger at her face for too long, save for their shared meaningful glances, that being able to look at her perfect face now without worrying about being caught was rewarding to say the least. Last time it had happened, she had been all bruised and scarred, and the ting of guilt and pain in the pit of his stomach hadn’t let him enjoy it at all. Plus, he wasn’t in love with her back then, or at least he didn’t think he was. He wasn’t even sure anymore.
After some time, she shifted in her sleep and Tim took this opportunity to try and wake her up gently, rubbing his hand against her arm. She frowned, moving again, but still didn’t open her eyes. “Good morning, sleeping beauty”
“You’re sleeping beauty” she practically mumbled with an adorable raspy voice from her sleepy state, still refusing to open her eyes and turning her back to him. He grinned at that, getting closer and letting his lips brush her ear softly as he whispered to her.
“Then good morning, sunshine . Better?” She slowly nodded and shivered a bit, apparently ticklish by his breath and lips “I know you’re sleepy, but we should probably go get something to eat. I don’t know what time breakfast closes”
Lucy groaned in protest at that, but finally opened her eyes when he disentangled himself from her and got up from the bed. Once she was finally able to do the same, she scratched her head, her dark locks already crumbled from sleep getting even messier. Her eyes were still too tiny, her face somewhat flat from sleep and the shirt covering her body was all wrinkled, but she still looked like the most beautiful woman on the planet. It was really beyond comprehension.
She went to the bathroom and came out a few minutes later, hair slightly more settled, face washed, but still wearing his shirt - and it was cute as hell how the sleeves went way beyond her hands. She got closer, looking more awake and happy now, and once again, way more like herself.
“Now: good morning”
“Good morning again, sunshine” he smirked, deciding that this was the perfect nickname for her indeed. Maybe not her cover, though. He put his hands on her waist again as she put hers on his shoulder and, after a second of sparkly gaze, they both just naturally leaned in for a kiss.
It wasn't a chaste kiss, but it also wasn’t as passionate as the others they shared. It was a slow, tender good-morning-kiss that had both of them smiling at the end, lips still glued.
It felt like home.
“So… What are our plans for the day, Jake?” her provocative tone was back on.
“Ain’t got any, really. Except waiting for instructions” he was back in character “Any ideas, babe?”
She suggested they went out, to check if there was anything interesting to do around, and he agreed. It was something that was also on their plan: recognition of the area, and try to find any of Hajek’s men, to confirm if he was keeping tabs on them as they suspected. They both got ready, Lucy being back with big earrings, fake nose ring and heavy makeup, hair still loose.
And that was the first day: breakfast, area recognition, walks along the pier nearby, and a bar at night. Lots of hand holding, teasing and posing as a couple, which left him dizzy but, oddly, never uncomfortable. Even when they were being heavily touchy or fully on making out in front of the henchmen sent to watch them – that were, by the way, easily spotted. Giving them a little show was very pleasing and even funny, he had to admit. Lucy obviously had the best remarks and always made him laugh. He never thought undercover could actually be light and fun but, of course, she had the power to make it that way for him.
One day turned into a week, and they spent it mostly the same. Their aliases became familiar with the surroundings, especially the local bar, but the most terrifying thing was how they got familiar with each other. Between fake-dates, long walks along the beach, just hanging at home while playing video games together (crucial part of his cover, since Jake was a bit of a gamer), fun nights at the bar and many mornings waking up with her in his arms, Tim got too comfortable. Their usual teasing and light flirting gave room to a much more blunt tone and lots of touches and kisses. Her lips were addicting, he was convinced, but it wasn’t just that. He found that her warmth, her scent, her touches and her taste – be it from her mouth, tongue or skin – also seemed to draw him, like she had her own gravity. He couldn’t keep his hands off of her, even if in a non-sexual, mostly respectful and innocent way, more romantic and intimate than anything. He’d never say it out loud, but he kind of understood why Jake was known for being so touchy around his girlfriend, if she was anything addicting like Lucy was.
And the worst part was that, the more comfortable he got with taking initiative and bringing her closer, the more she let him. And the more she did the same. First time he dared to kiss the tattoo on her neck was a great example. He was hugging her from behind, both watching the sunset on the pier with beers in their hands, being followed by at least one of Hajek’s men, as usual. She was leaning against him, her back weighing on his chest and her head a little crooked to the side, making a smart remark and giving him a perfect view of her tattoo thanks for the position and the ponytail she was wearing that day. Tim just couldn’t take his eyes away from the ink in her skin, as he found that he kinda always wanted, in the back of his mind, to kiss her in that spot. Just to see if it would make her moan, proving it was as sensitive as he imagined it would be…
And then before he knew it, he had done it, and it was . And she not only moaned, but actually bent her neck to give him more access, which made it impossible for him to resist. He proceeded to trace his lips and nose all the way up to the back of her ear, self control all gone. Her heavy breath and the delicious squeeze she gave his arm in reaction was his greatest reward.
And, as this happened, so did a lot of other things. Some that set him on fire, others that made his heart warm. From Lucy casually sitting on his lap one day at the bar, provoking him with earlobe bites, to hand holding and leaning her head on his shoulder as they watched tv at the hotel, where no one was even seeing them. Or to them kissing repeatedly in celebration whenever he won a pool game, even casually lifting her and spinning her around with him, to that one time he pretended to teach her how to play (when both knew that, although Juicy was clueless on the game, Lucy was actually way better at it than him). He memorized all her sensitive spots with ease, at least the ones he was able to figure out, and tried not to dwell on the ones he wanted badly to learn but couldn’t. And she somehow seemed to already know all of his, doing everything just right to tease him and leave him on the edge of control loss.
And he loved and savored every second of it all. This glimpse of life with her, even with its limitations and constant adrenaline and fear of being caught, was more than he could ever hope he’d have one day. Mostly, it was somehow more real than any relationship he had before, which felt maddening, but was still true.
Then Hajek finally got in touch, setting the date and time they had been waiting for: four days after the call, 11p.m. The address would be sent on the day prior to the job.
The two days that followed were pretty much the same as the rest of the week, but on the third, he felt the shift in both of them. This was coming to an end. They only had one last day and he had no idea what to do with it, how to make the most of it, and he desperately wanted to. Lucky for him, even if Lucy didn't feel the same, she was big on closures, and he could always count on her to make it special. She suggested they went to the Pacific Park, that neither of them had suggested before. Tim wasn’t big on fairs and parks, so it never crossed his mind, and as she came up with the idea, it occurred to him that Lucy might have been purposely saving it for the last day. It was just a hunch, but he was pretty sure he was right about this one.
And it was one of the greatest days, by far. Very couple-like, without a doubt, and still fun as hell. Between her quick remarks, their teasing and little competitions on rides, the ridiculous displays of public affection that were so characteristic of Dim and Juicy, he wondered why he wasn’t a fan of this kind of stuff anyway. And the answer was the very same as each one he seemed to have these past days: Lucy. It was always her. She made him laugh, and see things differently, and even when he complained – or fake complained – she always had the best comeback or gave him the cutest eye roll, that made his complaint not even matter anymore. And between all the rides and prizes and sute little moments they shared, he kinda wished time would stop for the both of them, just like the ferry wheels did when they got right on top.
“Of course it would stop” he fake complained and Lucy gave him a smirk. He had his right arm around her, and she was close enough their thighs and knees were casually touching as well.
“It’s a classic” the smug smile of hers made his own grow. She turned away from him, looking briefly at the view of the park. “…And cheesy as hell, but at least the view is beautiful”
Maybe it was the romantic set up, the way the waves of her dark hair fell perfectly down her shoulders, the lights sparkling and reflecting in her eyes or just the way he was utterly lost for her and tired of fighting it, he wasn’t sure. But he didn’t even hesitate, or flinch, or even try to play it cool and pretend he wasn’t foolishly staring at her.
“It certainly is” he said, not averting his gaze from her perfect features for a second. “And it’s my favorite by far”
It might have been his tone or maybe that particular phrase, he wasn’t sure, but it seemed to grab her attention, making her eyes drift back to him. She looked as surprised as overwhelmed, and soon the sparks between them were far too strong to ignore. Their lips met in what must have been their thousandth kiss or so, but it instantly became one of his favorites. He loved every kiss they shared, but there was something 100% real about this moment that made it all even better. Being able to, at least once, open his heart and say something so true without a hint of hesitation made it more special, and he could spend his whole life easily stuck on that kiss without a care in the world. As their tongues slowly finished their electric dance, both of them gasped for air as they parted, noses brushing in an eskimo kiss for a moment.
She opened her eyes to his and a thousand of unsaid questions seemed to go through her sparkly brown orbs. He had no idea what was going through her head, what she was trying to ask him without words, but he gave her the most reassuring and loving look he could muster. Her response to that was a melting sigh and another slow, emotional kiss that got interrupted by the ferris wheel moving again, shaking both of them. They laughed against each other’s lips, foreheads still touching before she pulled away and rested her head on the crook of his neck, hugging his torso.
Tim wasn’t sure what had just happened there, what was inside her heart, but he was sure of one thing: In that moment, he felt happy. The happiest he had ever been in God knows how long.
After the fair, they went over to the bar to close their tab from the past two nights. The bartender, a lady in her thirties who was easily the most sympathetic person in there and that had chatted with Lucy occasionally during the week, asked if they were going away for good. Lucy agreed.
“Probably, but who’s to say, right? Maybe we’ll drop by again someday. You never know.” she looked over at Tim, running her hand through his slicked back hair “Life tends to be a little unpredictable with this bad boy”
“I’ll be honest, I could never live on the run like this. Don’t know how you guys do it.” she said, still trying to fix the printing machine to give them their receipt.
“It’s easier when you know he’s the one” Lucy shrugged, and Tim’s heartbeat quickened. Saying things like this so freely was so not fair to his lovestruck poor heart…
The bartender smirked “So cheesy… Y’know I listen to so many drunk people talking about shitty romance tragedies behind this balcony, I’m actually intrigued when I hear about one that worked out” Lucy grinned at that “Tell me this, how did you know he was the one?”
Lucy glanced his way, looking at him with those sparkly eyes that got him so hooked. He frowned, deciding to tease. “I’m curious now, I ain’t think I know that answer”
She seemed to genuinely think about it for a moment, and although he had been expecting the provocative tone she used for her cover, she surprised him. Her voice was soft when she answered and there wasn’t even a hint of tease in her words. “I don’t think there was a moment, to be honest, it was… a slow burn type of thing. But if I had to pick… Surprisingly, it would be a ridiculous prank he pulled on me. Not too long ago.”
“A prank?! really?” the woman asked, incredulous, and Tim stopped breathing for a second.
She couldn’t possibly mean…
“I know it sounds stupid, but he scared the hell out of me, and it just…” she hesitated “put things in perspective, I guess”
He knew he was staring, mouth parted, but he just couldn’t not to. She sounded nothing like her cover, and he suspected he knew exactly what she was talking about, which was not fictional at all, but it couldn’t be. Could it?
“Girl, that is weird”
“Yeah, like I said, it’s stupid…”
“It’s not” Tim was quick to add, and her eyes shot up to him instantly. “And I’m sorry. I… I didn’t know” was everything he managed to say.
“It’s alright, you… You couldn’t have known” she nodded, and their eyes were again saying too much without saying anything. The bartender seemed oblivious to their moment as she went on.
“And what about you, Jake? When did you know?”
Lucy let out an almost bitter laugh. “Oh, he doesn’t know yet. If he did, he would have proposed, right?”
“Wrong” he cut her without even thinking about it. Lucy looked at him again, sparks flying between the two. “I have known for a while now. Just didn’t want to accept it”
“Since when?” she tilted her head.
“A part of me has known since that time I almost lost you. Why do you think I passed on that job right after?” his lungs seemed to fail him as he blurted out the truth “couldn’t imagine my life without you”
He knew what he was confessing, he just wasn’t sure she was being serious and taking him seriously as well.
“Oh, I think I got it” the woman said, referring to the printing machine, but none of them listened. Lucy looked shocked.
“You- you got to be kidding me, that was ages ago”
“I know” he offered, weakly “But things have been complicated ever since”
“Complicated? I thought you two were together for god knows how long” the woman asked, taking the receipt that was finally getting out.
“We have” they said at the same time.
“But she gives mixed signs sometimes.” Tim added.
“I- What? ” she sounded incredulous, and a little pissed off.
“Look, guys, forget about it, I didn’t want to cause any trouble between the love birds” she finally handed their receipt “Here. And uh, look at the bright side: at least now you both know you are the one. Elope wedding in vegas?”
They both seemed to come to their senses at that. Lucy laughed off her suggestion and they thanked the woman before saying their goodbyes and heading back to the hotel. The silence was excruciating and for the first time since the op began, Tim actually felt awkward and lost in a bad way. The thing is, once again, he didn’t know what was real. Had she been joking around when she brought up the fake prank? And now she was pissed when she understood he’d been in love with her for such a long time? Did she hate him for that now? Did she think he was being a jerk and taking advantage from their undercover work because of the way he felt? Wait a second, was he actually doing that? Because he didn’t want to do it, it wasn’t his intention. They had to play a couple and he was just trying to play the part, and he didn’t do anything she didn’t want him to, right? Should he have come forward saying what he felt before going undercover? Was he a creep for not doing so? Did she hate him now?
He knew they shouldn’t break cover, ever, but he couldn’t help it. As soon as they stopped in the hotel parking lot, he stared at her. “Look, I’m sorr-”
But she was already talking above him. “What mixed signs? ”
Ok, she definitely hated him. He had read this all wrong.
Tim opened and closed his mouth, and then he saw one of their watchers staring at them from afar. He swallowed his desperation and all of his feelings the best as he could. “We should go up, babe. And talk about this some other time.”
Now he was 100% sure she had her own turmoil inside of her, but after a few seconds she swallowed it too, giving him a bitter laugh. “You know what? You’re right. I just… Forget it. It’s fine.”
“What’s fine?” he frowned.
“We’re fine” she said, even though she still sounded a little aggravated. She took a deep breath and then looked back at him, her expression a lot more ‘Juicy’ once again “See? We’re fine, Jake .” and then she gave him a chaste kiss, as if to prove a point, and got out of the car.
So they were… Fine. Well, clearly not really fine, but apparently she wasn’t upset about the kissing and touching, then.
They went to their room and, once they got there, she went straight to the bathroom, just grabbing a couple things in her bag on her way in. She got out almost 40 minutes later, already showered and wearing one of his shirts, as usual. A black one this time. She gave him a small smile.
“Hey…” He got closer “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, don’t worry”
He nodded slowly. “And are you sure we’re okay?”
She sighed, taking one more step towards him and cupping his face with her hands. “Yes. We’re professionals. Let’s get this job done with”
This job.
He knew she was being ambiguous and choosing her words careful because of the possible wire, but still hurt. This was just a job to her and he needed to remember that, to be professional. And to pray she was really okay with what had just happened and maybe, just maybe, things wouldn’t be awkward between them.
To ease his worries, she didn’t seem pissed off indeed, but there was something off about her. She sighed, composing herself and looking at his face tenderly. Her expression was nearly bittersweet, he just couldn’t figure out why.
“We’re almost there. Let’s just… try to end this day on a good note and get some rest. We have a big day tomorrow, right?”
“Right, yeah” he agreed, and for a moment their eyes locked and it was all there again. The sparks, the turmoil of feelings, bittersweet included. He put his hands on her waist again, bringing her closer, and she pulled his face in.
This kiss started almost sad, tender and soft, but it soon gained an intensity that Tim wasn’t expecting. He didn't know how, or why, but he knew it felt mutual. On his end, it might be because it was ending, and this was probably going to be one of their last kisses, but he had no idea why it felt like she was on the same page when it clearly wasn’t the case. Especially after the conversation they just had back at the bar.
But she still reciprocated as passionately, her fingers running fiercely through the base of his skull, in the shortest part of his fade cut. He had bent down and she was on her tiptoes, molding her body against his, almost asking him for more. They ended up falling on the bed and grinning at the situation, him slightly on the top of her. Their eyes locked and Tim felt his breath get caught in his throat.
He didn’t want it to end. Fuck, he never wanted anything so much in his entire life the way he wanted to have that with her, for real, everyday.
“We should probably sleep now” she said, her voice cracking a bit. She looked almost sad, and he wasn’t sure she was pitting him or what, but all he could do was nod reluctantly.
“You’re right. I’ll take a quick shower and will be back in a minute”
He did as he told her, and he was pretty sure he’d find her already sound asleep by the time he got back, but no. She was wide awake, seeming deep in thought and, when he laid down and she immediately searched for his body, resting her head against his chest and hugging his torso, he realized she was waiting for him.
His heart tightened inside his chest. Holy crap, he was so fucking screwed.
Tim stayed there, caressing her hair much like he had the past days, feeling her breath pattern he had so easily grown used to. His eyelids were already heavy when he heard her voice, so low and muffled from sleep he barely caught it.
“Tim?”
“Yeah?”
“I don’t want it to end” she practically whispered, or at least that;s what he thought she said. He wasn’t sure, but the mere possibility had his eyes almost popping out of his skull.
“What?” he asked softly, his heart much like a tambourine inside his chest.
But she never answered, already sound asleep against his chest.
The next day, he tried not to think too much about what he thought he heard the night before. After they woke up and had breakfast — with one of them bringing the other coffee on the table with a chaste kiss, as usual — he tried his best to stay focused on the operation, but it was hard. They packed, between occasional hugs and kisses, had everything settled and had lunch together, the melancholy hitting him hard. He did his best to forget all about it and just enjoy the way the sun lit up her features and mostly her hair, making it look like she had a halo of some sort, but the bittersweet feeling never left him. After eating, they got their stuff from the hotel and then she drove them to the meeting point, occasionally reaching for his hand on the way there. He accepted every time, stroking her palm with his thumb.
They got to the location a little earlier and, playing the part, got out of the car and stood casually on the sidewalk, Tim leaning on a lamp post with one of his hands on Lucy's waist, her body leaning into his. Two dudes passed them by with weird looks on their faces and Lucy shot him a knowingly glance. They should blend in, not just be standing there suspiciously, and there were only two things a couple would be doing standing randomly in the street like this: fighting or making out. And Tim wasn't dumb. Even though he knew Nyla, Grey, Angela and a lot of other cops were in position now watching them, he wasn't gonna let it take away the opportunity of giving her one last kiss. And Lucy seemed to be in perfect agreement, as she took him in fiercely with her lips.
They got lost in each other for a moment, as they usually did when they kissed like this. Or at least Tim did, losing his focus completely, which was terrible for undercover, but at least he knew they'd look convincing. Too convincing, and he knew damn well why. As their lips parted, noses brushing and breaths shallow, Tim felt a sting in his chest upon realization that this was it, even if he never wanted it to end.
But it did end, and not long after that.
The operation was a success, at least. They were able to arrest two major drug dealers and took down at least one huge operation, leaving both Angela and Grey very pleased. Nyla also came over to them with congratulations, a proud smile on her lips, mostly directed to Lucy. Tim knew he had the same expression on his face, but he also couldn't resist the tease.
"Careful, Harper. People will start thinking she's your favorite"
Nyla shot him an incredulous look, raising one eyebrow. "Look who's talking" she gave them a smirk "Great kiss, by the way. Very convincing"
Both of them looked away shyly as their friend walked off with a grin, and Tim could swear he saw Lucy's cheek blush a little bit. But it was probably just out of embarrassment from the tease. Their eyes met again and it seemed like neither of them knew what to do with themselves.
"Well, I… I should probably go. Check in with Tamara, see if everything is okay"
"Right, yeah. I have to check on Kojo as well" he hesitated "Tell her I said hi"
"I will." she smiled, the awkwardness fading a bit "And you give our boy a lot of praise" she then caught herself "I mean your boy. Your boy, that's what I said"
And just like that, the awkwardness was back.
"Well, he's… kind of yours as well. I mean- he was at first so…"
"Yeah, right"
"Yeah"
Their eyes clicked again, sparkling in that way that created this sort of bubble around them, and once again Tim found himself almost talking too much.
"Lucy…" He didn't even know what he was going to say exactly, but they never found out as Nolan called them both, offering to give them a ride.
Lucy accepted his offer and said she'd be there in a minute, then turning back to Tim. "You were saying?"
He sighed, lost once again. "Nothing, just…" He gave her a soft smile "...Great work, partner."
Her eyes seemed to light up to the word, making his heart warm. "Thanks… you too!" her almost childish grin and excitement was contagious, as always.
"Well, I'll go with Angela. See you tomorrow, then?"
Her eyes still glistened, the sparks flying between them. "See you tomorrow… Partner" she grinned at the use of the word, turning around and walking towards Nolan right after. And although he felt sad to see her go, his heart was still warm from being able to send her home smiling like that.
Lucky for him, the ride with Angela was mostly safe. They talked about baby Jack, Kojo and she asked about the undercover with a smug smile on her lips, but didn't press him when he gave her a vague response, which he was grateful for. But once she parked in front of his house, she shot him a glare.
"You know whenever you wanna talk, you can, right?"
"I know"
"About anything"
"I know"
"...Including Chen"
"Angela-" his mere tone was a warning.
"I won't tease, promise" She was quick to add. He gave her a look and she smirked "Fine, I won't tease much "
"Thanks" he smirked back "But I'm good"
He wasn't, but he also didn't feel like talking. Especially now.
"You don't look good, Tim. You look like you're about to explode and do something stupid at any second"
"I just need a good night sleep, that's all" he assured her "Don't worry"
"Fine" she sighed, and he knew she was only giving up temporarily. But that was something he's handle another day "Good night, Bradford"
"Night, Lopez. Thanks for the ride"
But this was far from being a good night for him.
Seeing Kojo again was amazing, sure, he missed his — or should he dare say 'their' — boy. But once he showered, settled and was back at his own bed, he quickly figured sleeping was out of the question. His head was spinning, reliving the last two weeks and, fuck, he just couldn't turn it off, couldn't put his mind at ease if his life depended on it. Plus, he was actually having trouble finding a position to sleep. He tossed and turned, but every angle seemed slightly uncomfortable and out of place, and he just couldn't relax completely, like something was missing.
And then it hit him. Something was missing.
Lucy.
He missed Lucy. He missed the warmth of her body pressed against his, the even pattern of her breath, the way her hair sometimes made his neck ticklish. He missed her fingers that sometimes absentmindedly traced his torso, her legs all tangled with his, her scent. He just missed her . For the first time in his life he was having trouble sleeping because he was alone, and not the other way around.
Fuck. This woman had really broken him.
If she was there, she sure as hell would be able to bring him peace, at least enough so he could bat an eye, but no. She was in her house, back where she belonged, and even if he shouldn't, he hated it. Groaning, he eventually got up, tired of fighting himself, and decided to do something useful instead: unpacking.
He was halfway through his bag when he picked up on it: her scent. It still lingered in one of the shirts she had worn, one of the plaid ones. Smelled like orange blossoms, her shampoo and just… Her. Just Lucy. He buried his face on the fabric, pathetically, and much like a fool, put it on and tried once again to go back to bed. It helped, as he suspected, and he was able to at least shut his mind enough to take some naps, even if he kept waking up so many times he lost count.
The next day he was a total wreck.
He arrived at the station early, feeling like his body was a crumpled piece of paper, his eyelids heavy. Focusing seemed a hard task. Still, Tim was mostly used to working restlessly, so this wasn't going to be impossible for him, just… annoying. But at least most of his time would be spent at the station doing paperwork and answering some questions about the undercover op with Lucy. They still had to fill in Angela and Grey in a couple of things.
They had been dismissed from roll call since they weren’t leaving the station anytime soon, so Grey instructed Tim to wait for him at his office, with Lopez and Harper. They were both already there when he arrived, and they started to fill him in on what went down in the station the last two weeks. He was puzzled trying to understand how on earth Nolan had managed to take the T.O.’s test after all when Lucy showed up.
Just hearing her voice was enough to leave him off balance but, as if it wasn’t enough, she had two cups of coffee on her hands. She greeted everyone and handed him one, just like they used to do every single day in the last weeks on undercover.
And that’s when all went to hell.
Because, also just like they used to do every single day on undercover, Tim bent down and gave her a chaste kiss.
On the lips.
In front of Angela and Nyla.
At the fucking station. And even worse: inside Grey’s office.
Amazing, Tim Bradford. Fucking amazing.
He only realized his mistake when it was too late and Lucy was facing him with a shocked but amused expression, eyes wide that blinked rapidly in pure surprise.
Tim felt his face burn and his blood run cold and he wanted to disappear. He stuttered and babbled and he felt like he could die out of embarrassment as Angela and Nyla both stared at the two of them with very amused expressions, and he just knew he would never hear the end of it. He turned to Lucy again and his voice finally seemed to work again.
“S-sorry, I— It was just— The…” He sighed “I’m so sorry”
“It’s… Uh. It’s fine” her voice faltered as well.
“It’s- it’s not, I shouldn’t—”
“Is everything okay?” Grey asked, entering the office right at that moment. Nyla smirked.
“Oh it’s way more than okay” her tone was obviously full of teasing, and once again Tim felt like dying. Grey frowned.
“J-just ignore her” Beadford tried, making the older man shift his gaze between them both for a moment before speaking again.
“Well… Can we start, then?”
“We sure can. I wanna hear alllll about that undercover” Harper teased, taking her seat. Lucy took her side and a very mortified Bradford ended up sitting between her and Angela, who smirked and leaned in his direction, whispering.
“I guess the good night sleep didn’t help much, huh?”
Tim rolled her eyes at Angela, still mortified. It was an understatement to say the least.
As predicted, they spent most of their shift working on paperwork and reviewing information about the case. He could barely look Lucy in the eye, and the teasing remarks coming from Nyla and Angela all day didn’t help one bit. Lucy, surprisingly, didn’t do any teasing, but seemed to be analyzing him. She probably took pity on him, since he had practically made it clear how he felt back when they were undercover. She was too kind to knowingly play with his feelings.
At the end of shift, though, he knew he needed to face it. He needed to talk to her, to apologize properly, to explain himself and assure that nothing like this would ever happen again… But also say that if she wanted to take a step back and quit on being his aid, he would totally understand it, even if he was determined to not cross any lines again, especially at work.
And, shit, he would have to be extra vigilant about it right now, because he never thought he would ever, in his whole life, do something even remotely close to this. But kissing Lucy just felt so insanely right he just went for it. Without thinking, without hesitation, without holding back. Like it was the most natural thing in the world.
Well, it wasn’t. And he needed to get his mindset back in place, back to this reality, and fast.
Lucy was already in her civies, with her hair down in dark waves, a green shirt that reminded him a lot of that dress (she really looked amazing in green) and jeans. She talking to Angela about something, when he caught her eye and they clicked, as usual. She gave him a nod and he tilted his head to the side, motioning for her to come with him. She quickly said her goodbyes to the detective and met him at the covered parking lot entrance.
They walked side by side in silence for a while, without looking at each other, before stopping near her car. They had been in that place a hundred times, but something about that day gave him major flashbacks of her last day as a rookie. The day she gave him the bomb powder as a gift, the day they shared a handshake that left his hand tingling, even if he didn’t admit it back then. The day she pranked him saying she was in love with him, a suggestion that ended up finding a place in his mind to live rent free, prank or not.
Little did she know she had been absolutely right in saying he had feelings for her at the time. He just hadn’t realized it yet.
And now there they were.
“You wanted to talk to me?” She asked, and Tim realized he was probably staring dumbly at her. He nodded.
“Yeah, it’s… It’s about earlier… I…” He sighed “…I’m sorry.”
“You said that already” she remarked, her tone weirdly hard to read.
“I know. It’s just-We had been undercover for so many days and I guess I… got used to it. I was on autopilot, that’s all. But it won’t happen again.”
She squint. “So… autopilot ” she sounded… a little incredulous, a little challenging. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but he knew that tone. It wasn’t good. She looked away for a few seconds while nodding, pouting, and then looked back into his eyes once again. “Is that all that it was?”
Her gaze was intense now, but still impossible to read for him, and he was caught off guard. He hated to lie to her, and now even the prospect of doing so had him avoiding her gaze.
“Lucy…” he trailed off, and she smirked bitterly.
“So much for giving mixed signs…” she grumbled and he frowned, eyes shooting back to her.
“What?”
“Nothing”
“Lucy” his frown deepened “What are you talking about?”
She huffed, frustrated. “I think it’s just really ironic of you to…” She groaned again “You know what? Forget it. It was stupid of me to expect clear communication from you, of all people”
“Excuse me, but I think I have been pretty clear about…” the way I feel. It was at the tip of his tongue, but he hesitated, and she took a step closer, clearly angry.
“About what? Because let me tell you there is absolutely nothing clear to me right now. And I’m sorry I snapped at you, but hearing the king of mixed signals accusing me of it, even if falsely during undercover, was a little too much to take”
“I’m sorry, I’m the king of mixed signals?!” He was completely lost now. He was sure she was mad because of him crossing lines he shouldn’t have crossed and feeling things he shouldn’t feel, but mixed signals?! Really?! When she had literally been driving him nuts for months of back and forth? And now she thought he wasn’t serious about what he was saying?
“Yes, Tim, you are! You can’t just kiss me the way you did these past weeks and then tell me you were running on autopilot! Or telling me you can’t live without me and that was the reason you postponed your promotion when we are in the middle of undercover, then leave me hanging without knowing if that’s even true or what on earth that’s supposed to mean! Or start saying things and never actually finishing them, or the- the ferris wheel and your apartment and I-.” She took a shaky breath “I can’t figure you out, Bradford!”
Tim wasn’t really pissed off as she seemed to be, but now he was frustrated to say the least.
“Well I can’t figure you out, Lucy, because I put myself out there and you got pissed saying I read the signs all wrong! And last time I checked you were still dating Sanford, by the way”
“Oh, yeah, the guy you set me up with. Well, just so you know, we broke up before me and you went on uc. And let me remind you I wasn’t the one who showed up in a relationship out of the blue.
“Me and Ashley aren’t even together anymore either, but I what was supposed to do after you had made it clear that it was never a possibility between us?!”
Their tones were aggravating now, both of them frustrated and almost angry and Tim really didn’t know what the fuck was going on, but every single bit of frustration in his body was put in this conversation. Lucy seemed to feel the very same in her core.
“When did I ever do that?!”
“Once you chose this job!”
“What?”
“We talked about it, I tried to probe saying people might read something between us and you made fun of it! And acted like it was an insane thought!”
“God, I was teasing you, as always!” she was incredulous “What I remember telling you is that I didn’t care what anyone else thought!”
“And how was I supposed to know what you meant by that?!” he rubbed his hands on his face in frustration, then looked intently in her eyes again “You have literally made fun of the idea of us being together, you pulled a prank on me!”
“That was ages ago! Why are you even bringing this up now?”
“Because I never forgot it, not for a second!” He just started to blurt everything out, nonstop, without thinking. He was in a row, and just so frustrated and moved by his own emotions that all he wanted was to let it all out “But then you kissed me like that in your apartment and my whole world turned upside down and, damn Lucy, you broke me! I spent the last two weeks savoring every moment with you, every fucking kiss, but not daring to have any hope of ever being with you! You wanted clear communication, well, there it is, as clear as it gets! I am–.”
He could never finish that sentence, for his words were muffled against his mouth by her lips, much like she had done for the very first time, two weeks ago.
But that kiss was different than all the others they shared. It was emotional, yes, but it was also full of frustration and anger and just an explosion of everything they were in their most intense form. The usual slow dance of their tongues were now almost aggressive at first, electric, madenning, until they both started to melt into each other.
Once they parted, Tim could barely breathe.
“You’re an idiot” she whispered against his lips, smiling. “And just so we’re clear: That was very, very much real.”
He grinned in pure bliss and, for a second, that’s all he managed to do. Grin. Because he couldn’t believe this, couldn’t believe it was real. Couldn’t believe she actually wanted this, with him. He felt like his heart could explode any second now out of happiness and it was still absolutely terrifying but at the same time the best thing he ever felt in his life. “I am counting on it” he was finally able to say, before pulling her in for another kiss. A much softer, slower kiss, but that still shook him to the core.
She caressed his cheek and jawline tenderly as they parted, both smiling like the two idiots in love that they were. She opened her eyes into his, the tip of their noses brushing for a second before she pulled away to give him a better look. Tim’s heart tap-danced inside his chest when he could see, as clear as ever, that she was gleaming with the very same happiness he was.
“What happens now?” she asked, breath still somewhat shallow, giving him the most beautiful smile in world that he had no choice but to mirror.
“For starters we should probably stop kissing at the station for now.” he said, but made no move to pull away.
“You’re right, someone could see us.” she seemed to think about it “But it kinda makes it a little hot, doesn’t it?” she asked, giving him a quick, very provocative bite in the lower lip.
Tim blinked, mouth parting in slight shock at that. He felt like he was back at her sofa again, just blankly staring at her, frozen, without being able to say anything. Lucy laughed at his reaction – or lack of it – and stepped away from him.
“Well, I guess I’ll see you at home, then” she added, winking at him.
That seemed to shake Tim up, like he had been electrified, and he immediately followed her and grabbed her by the waist, pulling her body back towards him. Soon enough his face was buried in the crook of her neck.
“Sorry, which home exactly are you talking about?” he asked, mouth against her inked skin. She smirked at his desperation.
“Huh, what happened to stop kissing at the station?” she teased him. He slowly pulled away, taking a deep breath and trying to contain himself. Most people were long gone by now, either off shift or on night patrol, but he knew they were pushing their luck and should not take any chances. Still, she was making it almost impossible for him to resist.
“You’re gonna drive me crazy, Luce” he said in a sigh. She gave him a very teasing smile.
“Oh, you have no idea” she bit her lower lip “I say we go to your place so we can finish this conversation. What do you say?”
“I love that idea” He said, still trying to catch his breath. The rational part of him kicked in for some miracle then, making him shift tones for a bit “But hey… As much as I’m excited, you know we do have a lot to talk about, right?” he tried to focus “about this… Us.”
“I know” she nodded, caressing his neck “And we will.” He could see in her eyes she had the very same worries he did about their jobs, but she was also as certain about this as he was. “We’ll figure it out. Together”
“We will” he agreed “Plus, we have time” he tilted his head to the side, winking back at her. She smiled provocatively again.
“Oh, we certainly do. And we’ll make very good use of it, I promise you.” she smirked, but then her features softened again “Come with me?”
He took her hand, smiling at her without a hint of doubt inside of him. “Wherever you want me to”
And nothing ever felt more right than that.