Chapter Text
suzuki sonoko added 6 other people to a group chat.
suzuki sonoko renamed suzuki sonoko to sonoko-sama .
sonoko-sama: the gang's all together, as if certain people never left! :D
hondou eisuke: oh, cool!
kudo shinichi: this is an odd group.
mouri ran renamed kudo shinichi to holmes freak.
holmes freak: ha ha, very funny.
sonoko-sama renamed holmes freak to ungrateful husband.
ungrateful husband renamed ungrateful husband to kudo shinichi.
sonoko-sama renamed mouri ran to beautiful wifey.
beautiful wifey: sonoko.
sonoko-sama renamed kudo shinichi to absent lover.
absent lover: sonoko.
sonoko-sama renamed beautiful wifey to lonely wifey.
absent lover: sonoko stop
lonely wifey renamed absent lover to kudo shinichi.
lonely wifey renamed lonely wifey to mouri ran.
mouri ran: sonoko.
toyama kazuha renamed hattori heiji to idiot.
idiot: EXCUSE ME
kudo shinichi: accurate
idiot: you'll get yours, absent lover
hondou eisuke: :0 this is so chaotic, i don’t even know half of you
idiot: yeah who is this guy
toyama kazuha: i swear i’ve heard you talking to someone over the phone about “hondou”, is it not this guy?
idiot is typing…
kudo shinichi: hey idiot why haven't you changed your name back yet?
toyama kazuha: he’s clearly too dumb to figure it out!
idiot: UH NO i just know it's futile with people like you around
toyama kazuha: did you just delete your whole response to my question to insult me
kudo shinichi is typing…
idiot: you must've misheard, i was talking about the new honda model that came out
kudo shinichi: anyway, why are you two even in this chat?
sonoko-sama: i wanted you all to meet eisuke-kun! you don’t know him either, right shinichi-kun?
[kudo shinichi is typing… appears and disappears several times.]
mouri ran: shinichi?
kudo shinichi: true.
hondou eisuke: anyway, nice to meet all of you!
toyama kazuha: nice to meet you too! i’m happy to be your friend, unlike a certain idiot here
idiot kicked toyama kazuha from the group chat.
mouri ran: hattori-kun. >:(
mouri ran added toyama kazuha to the group chat.
toyama kazuha: thank you ran-chan!
mouri ran: no problem!
hondou eisuke: so how do you all know each other? i met ran-san and suzuki-san through school.
sonoko-sama renamed hondou eisuke to clumsy manga character.
clumsy manga character: that's just unnecessary…
sonoko-sama: you all have such boring names! except eisuke-kun and hattori-kun now :)
kudo shinichi: i met ran and sonoko in preschool. i met hattori in a case
idiot: yeah! i gave you some chinese wine!
kudo shinichi: …no
mouri ran: hattori-kun, you gave it to conan-kun…
idiot: oh, right!
toyama kazuha: idiot! you keep confusing kudo-kun and conan-kun!
idiot kicked toyama kazuha from the group chat.
mouri ran: again??
kudo shinichi: hattori, add her back
idiot: asldkfjlkj fine
clumsy manga character: uhhh what’s going on
kudo shinichi: let the record show, i am not a 6 year old
idiot added toyama kazuha to the group chat.
idiot: i met the neechan on a case, too. before i met kudo
toyama kazuha kicked idiot from the group chat.
mouri ran: wait, add him back
mouri ran: i have questions
toyama kazuha: he kicked me twice! he deserves it
kudo shinichi: ^
mouri ran: shinichi no, add hattori-kun back!
kudo shinichi: nah, let him sit in time-out for a while
sonoko-sama: i have been silent for too long
sonoko-sama renamed toyama kazuha to hattori-kun hateclub president.
sonoko-sama renamed kudo shinichi to vice president.
sonoko-sama renamed mouri ran to a true angel.
clumsy manga character added hattori heiji to the group chat.
hattori heiji: KUDO YOU TRAITOR
vice president renamed hattori heiji to a fucking dumbass.
a fucking dumbass: EXCUSE ME?????
a fucking dumbass kicked vice president from the group chat.
a true angel: hattori-kun no
clumsy manga character: oh boy…
hattori-kun hateclub president: add him back heiji!
a fucking dumbass added miyano shiho to the group chat.
a fucking dumbass: WRONG PERSON
a fucking dumbass added kudo shinichi to the group chat.
miyano shiho kicked miyano shiho from the group chat.
kudo shinichi: i am going to kick your teeth in and you will never grow them back
a fucking dumbass: I SLIPPED I DIDN'T MEAN TO ADD HER
a true angel: WHO?!
sonoko-sama: oh? does hattori-kun have a girlfriend? >:)
hattori-kun hateclub president: NO HE DOESN’T RIGHT
a fucking dumbass: she’s not my girlfriend! i barely even know her
sonoko-sama: shinichi-kun seemed suspiciously angry… maybe he’s cheating on his wifey
kudo shinichi: hattori shut up
kudo shinichi: you too sonoko
a true angel: who is she, shinichi.
[kudo shinichi is typing… appears and disappears a few times.]
sonoko-sama renamed kudo shinichi to cheating husband.
cheating husband: i am not "cheating", we know each other through a case.
sonoko-sama: righttttt
sonoko-sama: what kind of case? an affair investigation? :)
a true angel: how does hattori-kun know her?
sonoko-sama: he was clearly the one investigating the affair!
a fucking dumbass: no, it's just a normal case
a true angel: what is a "normal" case? why do you both know her?
sonoko-sama: divine intervention
sonoko-sama added miyano shiho to the group chat.
a fucking dumbass: FUCK
miyano shiho: …………
cheating husband: this isn't my fault
miyano shiho: it never is, is it.
a fucking dumbass: sorry
miyano shiho: i should hope so.
a true angel: how do you know them?
miyano shiho: no need to be a jealous mistress. i just know them through the case i hired them for.
sonoko-sama: :0 sounds like what a secret girlfriend would say
clumsy manga character: why didn’t i turn off notifs
hattori-kun hateclub president: lmao fair. just lurk like me instead
sonoko-sama: nuh-uh, what's your vote? cheating or case-crazy?
hattori-kun hateclub president: heiji and kudo-kun are acting suspicious… i say cheating!
clumsy manga character: shinichi-san seems pretty loyal to ran-san though…
miyano shiho: you think anyone would date these two? at the same time, no less?
cheating husband: you’re right, no one would date hattori
a fucking dumbass: wow ok asshole
sonoko-sama: he didn’t say anything about himself… 👀
cheating husband: i literally get fan letters. i'm not going to lie so obviously.
miyano shiho: …
cheating husband: i'm not dating her.
sonoko-sama renamed miyano shiho to mysterious mistress.
mysterious mistress: why do i even bother with people like you
a fucking dumbass: …who are you talking to, there
cheating husband: all of us.
mysterious mistress: i hate to say this, but kudo-kun is right.
clumsy manga character: I DID NOTHING 😭
sonoko-sama: oh i absolutely love this chaos
hattori-kun hateclub president: i did nothing wrong either
mysterious mistress: “heiji and kudo-kun are acting suspicious… i say cheating!”
mysterious mistress: you sure about that?
hattori-kun hateclub president: ok fine but im only saying what i see! not my fault they're acting so suspicious!
clumsy manga character: maybe she's just a private person and they're afraid to have upset her by giving out her contact info?
cheating husband: exactly
a fucking dumbass: yeah, exactly!
sonoko-sama: then why's shinichi-kun so scared, huh? 👀 you two jumped on that explanation reeal quick
a true angel: miyano-san, what kind of case did you hire them for?
mysterious mistress: a confidential one.
a fucking dumbass: yeah and that's why it's bad you guys have her info now! client confidentiality is a big deal, yknow!
hattori-kun hateclub president: wow what do you think we'll even do with it? we don't even know what the case is about!
a fucking dumbass: it's the principle of the thing! and she's scary!
mysterious mistress: wow
cheating husband: knowing you, i'd think you'd take it as a compliment.
sonoko-sama: sounds like a couple's squabble! ♡
a true angel: we'll talk later, shinichi.
cheating husband: oh. okay
sonoko-sama: ooh drama
hattori-kun hateclub president: the real couple's squabble… knock him dead, ran-chan! =^v^=✊️♡
a fucking dumbass: i am so sorry, kudo
clumsy manga character: i still have no idea what’s going on…
sonoko-sama: oh right, this group chat needs a name!
mysterious mistress renamed the group chat to case freaks and bimbos.
clumsy manga character: WHAT 😭😭
cheating husband: of course you would put that
sonoko-sama: ah, the beauty of nature