Icarus

by LizaWebber

Summary:

The sky doesn't belong to you anymore.
After a huge crash one year ago, you stopped flying, and you feel like you don't belong to the Navy anymore. But your superiors think otherwise.
Now with the task of assisting a new instructor on a suicidal mission, maybe you have another chance to feel alive again.
Your heart is in the right place, but your brain keeps drowning you in darkness.
If you fly high enough will you reach the sky, or burn too close to the sun?

Notes:

Hey!! After finishing Top Gun this Sunday I couldn't stop thinking about this story I made in my mind.
I hope you like it, if you know me from my previous fics you already know I love to explore my characters so have fun! Have a good reading<3

This fic contains spoilers for Top Gun: Maverick

Chapter 1: People Watching

"But I wanna feel all that love and emotion

Be that attached to the person I'm holding

Someday, I'll be falling without caution

But for now, I'm only people watching"

- People Watching, Conan Gray

The clouds in the sky, the rough wind against the metal, from up there life seems manageable, up there all my problems used to disappear, vanish with the wind, gone with the mountains. I loved to watch the world from up the clouds, to see the sun next to my eyes, to feel like I can control my own life.

But now…

Every time I look at the bright blue up our heads, every time I look at an airplane my body wants to run away and hide. The sky doesn't belong to me anymore, my problems are down here, in the dry land, where no matter where I run, I keep seeing her face.

The sound of the crash from almost a year ago keeps living in my head, I can’t forget about it, I don’t deserve to forget about it. If I let go it means that her life was meaningless, if life moves on, what’s the point of our past?

My eyes shot open, the nightmares never stop. Every lunch I try to eat alone, and sometimes I fall asleep against a wall, that was one of those times. My face is wet ‘cause of the sweat and the heat on the Navy's Base.

“Captain Hawks?” I hear someone with a rusty voice calling my callsign. I look up, Admiral Beau Simpson is looking down at me, his hands on his hips and concern in his eyes.

“Sir? I’m so sorry-”.

“The meeting is in thirty minutes”.

“Meeting? What?”.

“New Top Guns pilots will arrive by the end of the day, did you forget?”.

Yes, I did, and no, I can’t answer that.

“Of course not. I’m very aware of it”. Simpson offers his hand and helps me stand up.

The sun is burning on our skins, but I always insist on wearing long sleeves t-shirts, it makes me feel safe after what happened. We start to walk side by side getting inside the huge Navy Base, the white walls feel suffocating sometimes, especially when you’re me.

Even though I know a lot of people here respect me, a lot of them blame me for the accident that happened, and the gossip is always spreading around.

“The new instructor will arrive tonight” continues Simpson, “It’s your job to deliver all the information you have about the pilots tonight, the training start tomorrow”.

“This mission is really getting on your nerves huh?”

Simpson locks his blue eyes on me with a concerned expression, he walks very fast that I don’t even have time to look at my surroundings.

“All the previous instructors didn't accept this one, and you keep saying you aren’t in conditions to-”.

“And I’m still with no conditions to fly, Admiral Simpson. Helping with the training is the least I can do”.

“I know. I just hope this guy can help you with it”.

“Guy? Who’s the man you chose?”.

“We didn’t choose him. He is the only one left”.

Admiral Simpson opens a gray door and holds it to me, I enter the room, there’s a large table with some files, my files spread all around. At the other side of the table Admiral Bates is sitting with his arms crossed as he looks at the slide show impatient, not because of me, I hope.

When he puts his eyes on me a little, but soft, smile crosses his lips, and he looks relieved.

“Good afternoon, Captain”. He greets me.

“Same to you, coronel”.

“Your files are perfect, I hope the pilots we are receiving are as perfect as their results”.

“I hope they know how to press buttons and don’t faint in the airplane, like the previous ones,” Simpsons says as we sit at the table waiting for the Instructor to arrive.

"So, hm, you didn't tell me who is the infamous instructor at the bottom of the list. I'm curious".

The men look at each other and then at me again, I don't know if this is a good or a bad sign, maybe I'm thinking too much, or maybe I'm right, I can never tell. 

A knock on the door steals my attention, and a voice, a very distinct voice echoes muffled by the door.

"It's him".

When the door opens, I have to contain a big smile from forming on my lips, in the front door is no other than Maverick, one of my favorite human beings in the entire world, he looks the same as ten years ago, just some tiny almost imperceptible wrinkles in the corner of his eyes, his brown hair always looking good, and his dangerous smirk on his lips. 

Maverick looks surprised when he sees me, I give him a salute just before the start of the meeting because when it starts it looks like it will never end.

Simpsons gave Mav' all the information about the mission that we would be doing in three weeks, it's suicidal, I know that. 

On the day of the accident we were doing a similar operation, I was the only one that came out alive, not because I was faster than the others, not because my pilotage was better, but because after my plane crashed and civilians found my body almost dead and helped me, so I survived.

I wish I didn’t.

I got lost in my thoughts just before hearing Admiral Bates saying my name.

“The Captain here will help you with the pilots, she has all the information about them, after that you’re dismissed”.

“With all due respect Admiral, I’m not a teacher”. Maverick says, his hands behind his back.

“Oh, I’m counting on that” I finally say, “These guys are the best of the best, they don’t need a teacher, they need a leader, Maverick, and we can talk outside. If that is possible admirals”.

I look at the men sitting beside me, both of them give a sharp nod allowing me and Maverick to leave, and that’s what we do.

“So… Captain, right?” Maverick says at the moment we entered Penny’s bar, I always loved all the decorations on the ceiling, the cups, the little airplanes, everything seems too easy there, like being a pilot was the easiest thing in the world, I wish it was.

I put my hands in my pockets a bit embarrassed, Maverick was like a walking legend to me, my grandpa had flown with his dad more than forty years ago, and I respect him so much.

“Yeah… It's been two years I guess. And you?”.

We sit at the bar’s counter and I watch as Maverick's eyes get lost in Penny Benjamin, I shake my head waiting for his answer but it never came, instead, he started to talk with Penny, gosh… the man got the moves.

As I wait for Maverick to come back from his endless flirting with Penny the bar’s door opens again, and there they are, a whole group of young Top Guns starts to walk inside the bar, their competitive eyes looking all around, and their loud laughs fulfill the place.

“And here they are ” I whisper to Mav breaking the fantasy he must be created in his head. He closes his eyes and then looks back at me, and I point to the other side of the bar at the pool table.

Maverick watch the pilots in silence like me, but sometimes his eyes go back to Penny and I laugh softly.

“Dude, calm down. You can take it”.

“Are you talking about the pilots or…” he points in Penny’s direction.

“You gonna figure it out” When I look down I see Mav’s phone on the counter, and I remain silent, maybe Penny didn’t notice.

Well, she did.

When she gives me my beer she locks her eyes on his phone and holds a laugh in her throat, after she rings the bell and the whole bar celebrates. Free round to everyone, poor Maverick... He is so confused that I can’t hold a laugh anymore, Maverick looks at me with wide eyes.

“You knew that?”.

“The plate is right there, Maverick. I thought you knew how to read”.

He rolls his eyes.

“How’s your family?”.

“Oh they are okay, my mom is just a bit recluded after grampa died”.

“Viper was a great man. No wonder why his grandkid is such a smart one. The last time I saw you, you were…”.

“Fifteen, I guess. It’s been so much time” I take one more sip of the beer and get up “I’ll be right back, don’t run away”.

The bathrooms are close to the piano, as always I tried to get there fast enough to not be disturbed by anyone, and when I was almost reaching it a tall man passed in front of me and we almost collided, he looked at me above his sunglasses a bit confused.

“Sorry”, I raised my eyebrows with an apologetic expression, I was trying to not be disturbed, but I ended up disturbing someone, life’s irony.

The blonde guy kept staring at me, and he hung up his sunglasses on the collar of his shirt.

“I’m pretty sure I know you from somewhere”.

I tilt my head to the side analyzing his features, the tall stature, the blonde hair, and most important the mustache, I would remember, right? He is pretty recognizable.

“I think I would remember”.

“Oh would you?”, he raised an eyebrow with a teasing tone.

“That’s not- that’s not what I mean. Can I just pass, please?”.

He laughed softly and opened space for me to pass through, I gave him a nod thanking him and went to the tiny bathroom of the bar.

When I returned to the bar a huge crowd was around the piano and an old song was being played. I took a glimpse of who was singing Great Balls on Fire , and he was there, the mustache guy was with the sunglasses on, and all the top guns were around him, I leaned against the bar counter watching all the commotion.

Penny was behind me watching too, I look at her with a little smile, she loved her job, that’s when I noticed that Maverick was nowhere to be found. His seat was empty and a few dollars were laying on the counter.

“What happened?”. Penny pointed to the bell, she must have rung one more time, and Maverick was thrown out of the bar. “I can believe I missed that”.

“And you’re missing that too” Penny pointed in the piano’s direction, the guy was looking above his shoulder in our direction, and when he caught my gaze on him he turned his attention back to the piano.

“Thanks for the drinks, Penny” Even though I knew that Maverick would pay for the drinks I always paid her, she deserve it.

“You barely finished” she answered confused, and she was right, my bottle was far from empty.

“I have a lot of work tomorrow”.

“No. You always use that excuse to run away”.

“No I don’t”, Yes I do.

“You’re gonna sit here and finish that bottle”.

“Hmm, you sound like my mom” Without taking my eyes off her I took the bottle in my hands, and took a sip. “Happy now?”.

She nodded satisfied.

I stayed there drinking and watching the people singing happy and full of life, I wonder when was the last time I did that. 

Although I loved the bar, sometimes the huge crowd made me feel watched, and followed, that is just in my mind but I can’t stop thinking that way.

Someone sat on the bench next to me when I finished my bottle.

“Two beers, please” a voice that I recognize asked Penny and she quickly put the bottles on the counter, when I realized one of them was being offered to me. “I’m Bradley”.

“Are you trying to get me drunk, mister Bradley? ‘Cause I can guarantee you, it won’t happen”.

“Peace offering, what you’d think?”.

I frowned at him, I could feel Penny’s blue eyes on the back of my neck, so I gladly accepted.

“I think this will do, thank you”.

Taking a second look at him, he is familiar to me. Me and my terrible face recognition, ugh, I hate this feeling. He notices me staring at him for too many seconds.

“What?” he asks softly.

“I think I know you. I just don’t know from where”.

“Any guesses?”.

“No. You?”.

“I don’t know either, but I’m sure I know you. I never forget a face”.

“ Weird ,” we say at the same time and I laughed softly. “Though I don’t mind if you stare at me a little longer” he continues.

“Oh so you’re really trying to get me drunk, silly of me thinking you were a decent man,” I said ironically and a laugh in the end, Bradley laughed too.

Chapter 2: I'm Still Here

Summary:

"And I want a moment to be real
Wanna touch things I don't feel
Wanna hold on and feel I belong
And how can the world want me to change?
They're the ones that stay the same
They can't see me but I'm still here"
- I'm Still Here, John Rzeznik

Notes:

Hey, I'm back!
Thanks for all the love guys it means a lot to me, have a good reading<3
TW: eating disorder

“So that’s why I know him,” I whisper looking at a file in my hands.

Maverick turns his attention to me with curious eyes. “Who?”.

“Nosy man”. 

It’s early in the morning, we are sitting at a desk out of the base. The clouds in the sky are reflecting the orange sunlight of the dawn. We had to wake up very early because I couldn't find him after the night at the bar, the man is good at disappearing as I am.

“This one” I give him the file and then his face changes abruptly, the smile that used to live on his lips is gone just like the shine in his eyes, he covers his mouth with one hand, clearly thinking about something. “Mav, what’s wrong?”.

“I can’t believe they are doing this”. He says, his voice sounding miles away.

“Maverick?” I put a hand on his arm, he squeezes his eyes shut and then looks at me again. “What’s wrong?” my tone is heavy and serious.

“Bradley Bradshaw, his father was Goose, my wingman”. Maverick’s tone is full of grief. “He died in a mission”.

I don’t know what to say to him, even though I know how he is feeling, I just don’t want to say the wrong thing. 

This feeling of impotence, the memory of your mistakes, the guilt. I raise my hand to his shoulder and squeeze it a bit. 

He looks at me trying to put a smirk on his lips, but the sadness is still watering his eyes.

“Did you meet him?” he asks.

“I kinda bumped into him at the bar, and then he bought me a beer.

“ He bought you a beer , that’s how you call it these days” he laughs at his irony.

“He. Just. Bought. Me. A. Beer” I say pausing at every word “I don’t have time for those things. Anyway, all the pilots have great abilities, do you think you can deal with them? Without scaring them?”.

“I can't promise that” Maverick stares at me. “Can I ask you something?”.

I nod to him, focusing again on the files, and start to organize them.

“How did you get those?” he gestured with his head in the direction of my right cheek, where two thin but long scars are showing.

My guts twist up at the question, and the memories start to come back, but before they can drag me, I say.

“I think we’re done, right?” Maverick notices my change of behavior and decides to not argue. “See you at the introduction?”.

“I have nowhere else to go”.

“Me neither. And don’t forget don’t scare them ”.

---

He totally scared them.

I was talking to Hondo when the pilots started to show up, I tried to focus on what he was saying but the bright colors of the huge US flag behind us were distracting me. Why does it have to be so big???

“Hawks?”.

“Sorry, Hondo. The flag, I don’t- never mind. What were you saying?”.

“I asked how the things with Maverick are going”.

“Oh, it’s fine, no problem. He is incredible, you know”.

“I hope Admiral Simpson thinks the same way as you do”.

I cross my arms thinking about the possibilities, Admiral Bates was a bit more tolerant, but Simpson? He was the executioner himself. I know that Maverick wasn’t his first choice, but he could at least try to be kind to him. Who am I kidding? We are the Navy, kind is not our word.

I take a glimpse above my shoulder, I can recognize some faces from last night at the bar, Bradley is one of them, but he didn’t see me yet, I think.

Admiral Simpon and Bates walk towards us.

“Here it comes” Hondo whispers at me with a low chuckle, and I gave him an eye roll.

We both salute our superiors, Bates touches my shoulder with his soft expression, Simpson doesn’t have a soft expression, actually, I think I never saw him smile.

“We better start,” I say before we all got into our positions.

As Simpson starts talking with pilots I start to analyze their faces. Some of them look directly at me recognizing me, Bradshaw included. They all seem to be around my age.

The Admiral says my name and gestures in my direction.

“Captain Hawks is going to be assisting your new instructor. She was in a much similar mission last year, she is open to your doubts and support”.

“That’s right Admiral. I hope we can get along, I need to warn you it’s not an easy mission. That’s why we called your new Instructor”.

When the Admiral starts to talk about Maverick, Mav begins to walk in the corridor in the middle of the chairs, all the pilots look at him with an embarrassed look, mainly the blonde one sitting in one of the front chairs.

Maverick is now standing in front of them, starting his speech, and when he throws the F-18 manual in the trash the only thing in my mind is ‘ This man will scare the shit out of these people’, and maybe that’s a good thing. Top Gun pilots have the habit of being incredibly prepotent and competitive, and if there’s someone that can teach them a good lesson, that someone is Maverick.

“This is going to be fun” I whisper to Hondo that is with a shocking expression on his face.

---

Yes. It’s going to be fun.

When Maverick started the dogfights training I couldn’t believe what I was watching. The way that he controlled the plane, the movements, it was like the plane was an extension of his body. I used to think that way too.

Of course, I named my old jet ‘Wings’ If my callsign is Hawks it makes a lot of sense. It was an extension of my pilot self if that expression even exist. Sometimes when I was wearing a uniform I didn’t act like myself, obey orders, do what you’re told to do, or respect your superiors, it’s all automatic.

But for some reason Maverick's presence inspires me, he does what he thinks is the best not if the others will approve. And by that, I’m feeling like myself again, if that’s a good or a bad thing I can’t tell.

Hondo and I were responsible to watch the pilots paying their bet against Maverick. If they can’t beat him at the dogfight they have to do two hundred push-ups. Hondo and I are having a good time watching the sweat people losing to their older Captain.

“Did you have lunch today, Captain?” Hondo asks me while I count the push-ups that the pilot Hangman is doing on the ground, he is around a hundred and fifty-seven.

I nod at him, trying to improve my lying expression.

“Really?”.

“A hundred and sixty” Hangman presses his arms against the ground the painful expression he is doing is hilarious. “A hundred sixty-one, C’mon Hangman you can do it”.

He looks up, his blue eyes are almost watering.

“Captain-”.

“No winning. Just more thirty-nine and you’re out”.

He snorts but keeps doing his task. I can feel Hondo's worried eyes on the right side of my face.

“You can go get your lunch, I’m fine, Hondo. Pretty boy and I are almost done, right?”. Hangman can’t even process what I said, he is too focused on finishing the push-ups.

Hondo nods and leaves. 

When Hangman finishes his body is almost colliding against the floor, but he is doing his best to keep the unbreakable man pose. He sits on the floor and looks up.

“Water?” A pass to him the bottle I was holding, the sun is shining bright against our heads and the heat is the worse thing.

“Thanks, Hawks”. Hangman is arching.

“Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone you only did a hundred ninety-nine. It’s going to be our little secret”.

He stands and gives me back the bottle.

“I did two hundred”.

“No. I counted every push-up you did, a hundred ninety-nine, that’s your result… Or do you want to start over?”.

His jawline twitched and he looks at my face with annoying eyes.

“Fine. Are you going to-”.

“You can go for lunch with the others, I have some forms to fill out, I hope not to see you again sweating on this floor”.

“Yes Mam”. He salutes me and leaves.

I didn’t lunch that day, just me and my water bottle walking around the Base, and no, no one beat Maverick in the sky. I watched as every pilot had to do the two-hundred push-ups again.

At the end of the afternoon Hondo stayed alone with the pilots so I could go to the bathroom, I drank a lot of water. Maybe it was a bad idea. When I returned Hondo was nowhere to be found, but still on the floor doing push-ups was Bradley, but now I know that his callsign is Rooster.

He didn’t notice as I got closer to him, I can’t see the look on his face, but I can tell that he is not happy at all.

“Water?” my voice terrifies him for some reason and his body collides against the floor. He sits running his fingers through his blonde locks, taking deep breaths, and then he looks up.

“Hi,” he says out of breath.

“Hello, Rooster. Do you want to stand up, or you gonna keep sitting?”.

“Will you leave me alone if I stay here?”.

“That depends, do you want me to leave?”.

He fails at containing a smile and gestures with his head towards the floor. I sit in front of him, throwing the bottle at him, and he grabs it with no difficulty.

“Nice reflexes, no wonder why you almost beat Maverick”.

“I don’t- forget it” he looks to the ground.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to be mean”.

“It’s okay. I’m sorry too”.

“For what?”.

Rooster almost drinks all the water in my bottle, but I don’t care. He seems to need more than just my tiny plastic bottle.

“Last night. I didn’t know you were-”

“Your Captain?” I chuckle softly, “Don’t worry about that”, I offer my hand to him, “Friends?”.

“Friends” He shakes my hand with a smirk on his lips. “But actually I think we should be enemies”.

“Oh yeah? And why is that?”.

“I think hawks have a tendency to kill other birds, and you know, eat them”.

“Are you afraid I’ll eat you alive, pilot?”.

“If you want us to be friends, Captain, you should stop flirting with me”.

“It was a genuine question!” I put a hand on my chest with an ironic shock expression on my face.

Rooster chuckles and stands up offering his hand to help me, I kindly accept. A distant voice calls us, and running towards our direction in Phoenix, her face has a tone of red spread across like she was out of breath.

“Hey! The others are going to the bar” she says looking at Rooster and after to me. “You’re free to join us, Cap” a smirk rest on her lips.

“Are you coming?” Rooster asks looking at me and giving back my bottle.

“I don’t know, I have some work to do”.

“Please, I need a partner at the pool table. Rooster is terrible”.

“Phoenix, don’t start with that” Whines him.

“Dude you put the white ball on the pockets and we fucking lost!”.

“The white ball?? I’ll go, but just to teach this grown man how to play, I won’t let him commit this kinda sin again”.

Rooster has his jawline stiff like a stone, I can see the blush spreading around his cheeks.

“That’s what I’m talking about, let’s teach these kids a lesson, Cap”.

Notes:

See you soon!! Have a great week<3

Chapter 3: Everybody Wants To Rule The World

Summary:

“Help me make the most of
Freedom and of pleasure
Nothing ever lasts forever
Everybody wants to rule the world”
- Everybody Wants To Rule The World, Tears For Fears

Notes:

Hello!!! How have you been everyone? I hope this chapter can make your day a bit happier<3
This one is a bit longer than the others, but I hope you enjoy it! Have a good reading!!
TW: Eating Disorder

I have to be fair, these guys know how to play pool table. But Phoenix and I are killing it. She’s smart and has a perfect aim, when she points to a ball nothing can stop her. We cheer once in a while seeing our score just going up, everytime we make a point Bob does a thin white line on a small blackboard, they are prepared for everything.

Our adversaries Rooster with Fanboy, and Hangman who chose to play alone are whining about their bad game strategies. Hangman is winning the duo, of course, Phoenix was right, Rooster is terrible, I can’t believe that, and I try to hold a laugh every time he misses his target. 

The frustration in his eyes is very entertaining.

“C’mon man!” shouts Fanboy putting the pool cue against the wall. “Are we going to let Hangman be in second place?”.

“I’m trying my best” Rooster says closing his eyes.

“Are you?” teases Hangman.

“Boys, it’s okay. You can cry after we won” Phoenix says before throwing the three balls left in a row inside a pocket.

“And they won” announces Bob making more three white lines. “Again”.

“This is humiliating, I need a beer” Fanboy leaves the table going after his drink.

I wink at Phoenix, and she winks back. I put the cue back in its place and sit on a tiny bench, just watching Rooster and Hangman staring at each other with tiredness in their eyes.

Phoenix sits right beside me with a beer in her hand.

“Thanks for coming”.

“It was my pleasure, you’re a really good partner”. 

She gives a little smirk and takes a sip, and I stare at the beer in her hands, my stomach growls, and the hunger is starting to appear in my body. I don’t remember the last thing I ate, maybe an apple in the morning?

I feel my face getting warmer, I think it's time to go home. I interacted with them more than I should.

“I have to go”.

“Leaving so soon, Hawks?” Hangman says walking in our direction, Rooster is right behind him. “It’s been what, two hours?”.

“Two hours and you didn’t win once” I stare at him.

“Right, what about a bet?” I stay in silence letting him continue, “If you two lose we can ask you anything”.

“And what do we win from that?” Phoenix asks standing, she loves a challenge.

“Two drinks for free”.

Phoenix looks at me, her eyes shining with excitement, I can’t say no to her, so I just nod.

Bob cleans the blackboard fast enough, and another round begins.

Every time Rooster misses his target Hangman looks at him with fire in his eyes, and Rooster just ignores him behind his sunglasses. They don't seem to get along, and their performance during the game is really showing that.

I lean towards the table aiming at a red ball and a green a bit further, if I can reach the red one the impact will throw the green together. 

"You got it, Captain Hawks," Bob says in a low voice.

"Which side are you?" Asks Rooster.

"The winning one, right Bob?". I gave him a look raising my eyebrows. 

"For sure, Mam!".

I push the red ball, and as I predicted both balls fall in the pockets.

I don't really understand what's happening. As I try to stand up properly the world around me starts to spin, and the voices around me turn muffled. I feel my legs getting weak every second, my vision gets blurred and then the darkness swallows me.

---

Two years ago

Late night, at the beach house

“Come on, Captain! Dance with me!”

Marceline’s black hair is moving in the air as she moves her hips trying to dance, and offering a hand to me. She’s wearing a huge t-shirt and large pants. Her old record player is echoing Shout from Tears For Fears all around the small house we both share.

I eat the piece of cake that I had sliced five minutes ago, it tastes like strawberries, Marcy loved the cakes I made, actually, she loved every food I made, so she asked me to cook one for her birthday.

“Can’t you see I’m eating, Raven?” I called her by her callsign, and she frowned. “I don’t wanna throw up on your birthday”.

“I would hate to see that,” Alexia says, she’s sitting right beside me, her dark hair falling above her shoulder, “Every time I see someone throwing up, I do it too, so no, por favor”.

“This is my favorite song! C’mon! Someone, please”.

I hear the toilet flush in the bathroom behind the couch, the door opens and Tom, a tall guy with brown curly hair and dark clothing, got out stretching his arms. “Tommy! Please, they are leaving me alone on our dance floor”.

Even almost in her thirties, Marcy seemed like her teenager self, full of life and joy. Her beautiful smile brightened everywhere she went. Tom approached Marcy with a chuckle and then started to dance with her, they were siblings but very different at the same time.

“Your cake is divine, Hawks,” Alexia says. “Can I take some for June?” June was Alexia's girlfriend, she was working at the hospital that night so she didn’t come.

“Of course, Lex. There is more on the fridge” I point above my shoulder. 

“Hawks” 

The memory starts to fade as I hear a voice calling from the darkness.

“ Captain! ”.

As I start to open my eyes, my sight is still tired, I can feel strong arms holding me. When I come back to reality I can see worried faces staring at me. 

Phoenix is kneeling in front of me, Hangman has a bottle of water in his hands, behind him is Bob with fear in his eyes, and sitting on the floor holding me is Bradley. I look up to meet his terrified gaze, he puts a gentle hand on my cheek holding me still, and whispers my name.

I try to speak but I don't know what to say, I'm still feeling so tired, maybe if I close my eyes again I can finally rest.

Rooster hands caress my cheek again.

"Captain, please answer me".

" Hi " I whisper at him, and his expression softens. " Am I dead ?".

“ No ”.

“Then why am I looking at an angel?” That’s what I would have answered if I could manage the pain in my body, but I just said “Ok”.

He helped me to sit on a chair, but after I left his arms he still leave a hand on my shoulder trying to help me stay present in reality. Hangman gave me the water bottle already open, I thanked him and just drank almost everything.

“Cap” Phoenix called me and I looked at her with tired eyes, “what’s wrong?”.

“Oh, nothing. I’m fine”.

“You just black out for four minutes, that’s far from fine”.

I faced the ground trying to formulate a good lie.

“It’s the heat, sometimes it happens, and my pressure falls, it’s a hell”.

Phoenix frowns and looks at the other pilots suspicious of my affirmation. I get all the strength in my body to try to stand up.

“I’m okay, I just need to go home. Thanks for the night everyone”. I wanted to fake happiness in my voice but I was too tired for that, I could feel my eyes watering, but not there.

“Are you crazy? You won’t leave alone” Rooster says when I was about to leave them.

“I live on the block, don’t worry is not that far. See you guys tomorrow, don’t get drunk”.

With that, I left them walking through the people in the bar.

---

“She just left us?” Hangman says with shock in his voice, “I can’t believe that”.

“Stubborn lady” Rooster whispers to himself, he shook his head, “I’ll talk to her”.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Rooster-”. 

He didn’t wait to hear the opinions of the others and just walked through the bar, leaving the dollars for Penny at the counter, and went outside, he searched with his eyes looking for you. You have walked far enough to the right, but with his large steps, almost running,  he reaches you. Rooster stops some steps behind you calling your name. You hesitate, but when you finally turn, Rooster can see some tears on your cheek that you rapidly wipe away.

“I know you said you’re fine, but I’m just stubborn as you are, Hawks. I can’t leave you alone, not after-”.

“Okay.” You interrupt him and he is surprised, he could swear you would send him away. “My house is not far, but if it will make you calm down, follow me”.

And he did.

Walking beside you with his hands in his pockets, you two walked along the beach for five minutes in complete silence just hearing the sounds of the sea, he noticed that sometimes you looked up from the corner of your eyes to look at him, but he didn’t say anything.

You reached a small beach house with yellow walls and a white ceiling, with some blue flowers in a tiny garden around the house. You take the keys from your pocket as Rooster stays at the bottom of the white wood stairs, unlocking the door you look back at him frowning.

“Do you plan to stay there or are coming with me?” the low sound of your sobbing break his heart.

“Sorry”.

“Don’t be”.

You enter your house and Bradley follows you and analyzes the place, at his right is a tiny kitchen with a small table with just two chairs, in front of him at the end of a hallway there's a staircase, at his left is the living room, with a small TV, a blue couch, and a record player with a shelf full of old discos that calls his attention.

“Make yourself at home,” you say going direct to your kitchen.

He walks in closing the door behind him, he turns on the light since you forgot, the windows are open and a warm breeze fills the room. A sound calls his attention, and a sharp bark echoes in the house, from the end of the hallway a brown wiener dog, comes running in his direction and jumps on his leg.

“Knuckles!” You shout putting your hand on your hips. “Behave yourself little one”, you come back and take the dog in your arms almost like a baby, “He’s our guest. Sorry, it’s been a while since he saw anyone that wasn’t well… me, and Amelia, Penny’s kid, she comes after school to fed him when I’m not here”.

“Knuckles?” Rooster chuckles softly while patting the dog’s head which tries incessantly to lick his fingers.

“Yeah… My friend was a huge Sonic fan, we had a cat named Tails too”  You put Knuckles on the floor and come back to the kitchen. Rooster walks to the couch and when he sits Knuckles jumps on his lap making him laugh, he liked dogs. You look above your shoulders to see the scene, Rooster hears you saying “ Traitor ”.

Rooster looks at you, you aren’t moving just staring at your open fridge with your arms crossed.

“Hawks? What’s wrong?”.

“You wanna eat something? I have just… lasagna? I guess?”.

“Don’t worry about-”.

“Lasagna then”. She takes out of the fridge a small package, put it in her microwave, and then started to take some kitchen supplies.

Rooster noticed two pictures right next to the record player, one with a lot of aviators, and another with just four of them, he got up making Knuckles jump from his lap, and walked towards it. 

The one with four had Hawks, two other women, and a guy. All of them were wearing pilots' clothing and holding their helmets. The other picture made him hold his breath, his father was on it, along with a lot of other pilots.

And the question that had been living in Bradley’s mind since the morning escaped from his lips.

“Why aren’t you training us, Hawks?”.

The glass cup that you were holding almost collided with the ground if weren’t for your good reflexes. You put it on the table, took a deep breath, and then look at him again.

“Because Maverick is your Instructor, not me. And I don’t fly anymore so”. She shrugged.

“But you’re a Captain just like him, and his background-”.

“Trust me, I’m not qualified, I may be a Captain on paper, but I’m no leader, Bradley”.

He didn’t prolong the subject, the way you looked at him, and the way your voice sounded was an alert.

“Did you know you have a picture of my father here?”. He pointed to the photo of the larger crew.

A little smile formed on your lips and you walked in his direction.

“My grampa is on that one too”. You said when you reached him, taking the picture in your hand, and pointed to Viper, the older man with a large mustache and black hair. “I bet this blonde one is your dad since you’re almost the same person, you know, the mustache”. You hear him chuckling.

Rooster looks at you and then to the photo again.

“Yeah” he feels his eyes watering. The microwave rings and you put the picture back, hoping the Lasagna didn’t burn.

Rooster takes one more glimpse at his father and comes back to the couch. Knuckles jump on his lap again, rest his head on Rooster’s knees fitting perfectly, and sleeps.

“He liked you”. You say bringing him the food, a fork, and a knife, he accepts with a small smile. “Or maybe he is just trying to get me jealous” You sit next to him on the tiny couch.

“Is it working?”.

“Hmm, a bit”.

You watch as Rooster takes a bite from the lasagna you made two days ago, his eyes widen.

“Did you make this??”.

“It depends, did you like it?”.

“Is that a question?? Of course, I think is the best thing I ate in years”.

“Then yes, I made it”.

You both finish eating in silence, Rooster is too focused on the food to say anything. After some minutes, you got up taking the dishes to the sink. Knuckles leaves Bradley’s lap and goes after you, taking the opportunity, he gets up and goes to the shelf full of old discos.

He notices that you have a lot of Tears For Fears ones, and take one in his hands, he picks a song and put it in your record player.

---

When a song starts to echo in my house, I stop breathing. My heart bumps faster.

I turn around just to see Rooster playing Everybody Wants To Rule The World on my record player, a cute smile resting on his lips as he moves his head with the rhythm of the song.

He turns to me as I walk next to him with my arms crossed.

“What are you trying to do, Rooster?”.

“Put a smile on your face”. He offers his hand “C’mon, Captain. Dance with me”.

My heart skips at his words, and I try to avoid the tears forming in my eyes, I accept his offer. Rooster spins me and brings me close to him putting a hand on my lower back, as I look up at him I can’t control my emotions and a tear falls from my eyes, with his other hand he wipes the tears on my cheek touching my scars, and I smile to him.

“That’s what I’m talking about”. He says and I rest my forehead against his chest raising my hands above his shoulders.

“Thanks, Bradley”.

And we kept dancing until I can’t remember anymore. I never told him to leave, so, he didn't.

Notes:

Thanks for the love guys!! see you soon<3

Chapter 4: Fourth of July

Summary:

“Well you do enough talk
My little hawk, why do you cry?
Tell me what did you learn from the Tillamook burn?
Or the Fourth of July?
We're all gonna die”
- Fourth of July, Sufjan Stevens

Notes:

Hey I'm here with another chapter! Have a good reading<3
TW: Eating Disorder, Anxiety

Rooster spent the night on my couch, he slept there like a baby, he fell asleep after a long talk we had there, I put a pillow under his head, brought him a thin red blanket, and Knuckles slept on the floor next to him. When I woke up he was already awake, sitting on the couch realizing where he was.

I gave him a towel and he went to the bathroom as I started to think about breakfast, I opened the fridge, and thanked god that Rooster didn’t look inside, because there was barely any food. Only a bottle of orange juice and two eggs now, ‘cause last night we ate the entire lasagna.

So I took the eggs and started to make scrambled eggs.

“It smells good”. Rooster’s voice comes from behind me and a shiver runs through my spine.

“Oh, thank you. I hope it tastes good too”.

“It will”.

Two knocks on my front door made Knuckles start barking.

“Are you waiting for someone?” Bradley asks looking at the door confused.

“No. Did you tell anyone you slept here?” I look at him above my shoulders.

“Would that be a problem, Captain ?” his teasing tone from the night we met is back.

I turned off the oven, the smell of the food taking control of my senses, damn I'm a good cook. I stared at Rooster crossing my arms, his hair was wet and a bit messy, and he was wearing an old white t-shirt I had.

“I don’t know. Maybe you have to find out”.

“Don’t play with my heart, darlin. It's not fair” he chuckles and looks at the door, “I’ll get the door”.

Bradley goes to the door and I start to set the table for our small breakfast, Knuckles approached me jumping on my right leg, his tiny paws are ticklish, and he looks at me with his cute puppy eyes. 

“I’ll get your breakfast too, baby”.

“ What are you doing here? ” 

I hear Rooster saying, his tone is far from polite. Shit. I put the food on the plate as fast as I can and run towards the open door staying behind him, his figure projecting a shadow on me, but I can see who he is facing.

“I just wanna talk with Hawks. What are you doing here?” Maverick’s voice is recognizable from miles away, he is not angry, but very curious.

“That’s none of your business”.

“Rooster?” I call him and he opens space for me so I can face Maverick too, Rooster's expression is a mix of anger and confusion. “What’s wrong?”

He shook his head and stays in silence.

“So” Maverick starts “We can talk later, I feel like I’m interrupting something”.

“You always have to meddle in other people’s lives, don’t you?”.

“Bradley!” I look at him with a warning gaze. “The eggs are ready, get inside, please ” I point at the small table, Rooster breathes deeply but does as I asked. 

I close the door behind me, I raise my eyebrows looking at Maverick. The wind is strong outside the house making my hair fly a bit.

“Good morning, Captain. I’m so sorry about that”.

“Don’t be, he is quite right” he opens a smile and I feel the previous tension leaving my body. “Can we talk for a minute?”.

“Of course”.

Maverick sits in the little staircase and I do the same, sitting at his right. I look forward, the beach is so pretty today, It’s been a year since I last put a foot in the water, I hug my coat at the painful thought.

“Last night… I talked with Hondo about you” I notice that Maverick is choosing his words carefully. “I was questioning myself… If you did a mission just like that one and succeded, why do they need me? Why not give you the position of Instructor”.

I cross my arms holding them tight against my chest, please Maverick not now.

“So I asked Hondo about you”. Maverick turns his head to face me, I look at him in his eyes, the lump in my throat just getting havier. 

“Did he tell you what happened?”.

“No. He said that he didn’t know the full story, but… he told me that you stopped flying”.

“You really are a nosy man, Maverick”.

“I’m just trying to understand because I feel that we can help each other”.

“I’m sorry, Captain… I can’t talk about it”.

The forest. The leafless trees. The dark night. 

My mouth is dry and my hands start to shake. Maverick notices my shaking hands against my arms. He gently puts an arm above my shoulders bringing me closer to him.

My dad used to do the same thing when I was little, he wasn't good with words so he just hugged me, holding me until I was feeling better. I miss him.

“We don’t need to talk right now. When you feel ready I will hear you”.

---

Maverick left and I went inside the house just to see Rooster putting dog food in Knuckles' red bowl right beside the kitchen’s table. When I closed the door he looked at me, the anger in his eyes had disappeared.

“I couldn’t resist his puppy eyes,” he said giving Knuckles a pet on the head. He stood up and walked in my direction with worried eyes “Are you okay?”.

“Yes. I’m fine” My voice breaks and I can feel the tears in the corner of my eyes. “Are the eggs good?”.

“I’m waiting for you, actually”.

“That’s really kind, thank you” I take a deep breath wiping the tears from my eyes, and Rooster frowns. “Don’t worry about it, let's eat” I take some steps and sit on one of the chairs, the eggs are still warm.

“You know, when you say ‘ don’t worry about it ’ that just makes me more worried”. He walks and sits in front of me still looking into my eyes. “What did he do?”.

I look at the eggs on my plate and the orange juice on my cup, I don’t want to eat it right now, maybe I’ll eat later, so I just drink my juice.

“He did nothing. He just asked some questions, that’s all”.

“ Hawks ”.

“That’s all Rooster, seriously. But- never mind”.

He was about to put a fork full of food in his mouth but he stopped in the middle of the air, “What? Now you have to say it”.

“Can we talk about the way you talked to him, I feel like I missing something, I don’t- I don’t want to be rude”.

“You don’t know?” I shook my head in silence, Rooster finally puts the food in his mouth, he tries to contain a praised noise coming from his throat but fails. “Fuck, Hawks. That’s incredible. Okay, we can talk after we finish this”.

“Oh, don’t worry I’m not hungry. You can eat mine if you want”.

“No way. You gonna eat that, it’s the best eggs I ate in years, I won’t let you miss it”.

“I can cook another later”.

“No, no. My mother used to say that every food is unique, if you don’t eat it right now you’ll never taste it again”.

"Wise woman”.

“She was”. Rooster whispers, lowering his eyes, and I start to eat.

I don’t finish my entire plate leaving some for after, Rooster on the other hand just left an empty plate and offered himself to wash the dishes while I get prepared to work.

After some minutes, when I was walking down the stairs, I could hear him playing catch with Knuckles throwing his blue ball, and I could feel my heart warming, Bradley was a good man it’s good to have him around.

“ Your pretty mom is coming back ” I heard him whispering to Knuckles, I don’t know if I should have heard that.

“Are you ready?” I asked tying my hair up.

“Of course, sweetheart”.

“ Rooster ”.

“What? You’re sweet and have a good heart”.

“Nice save, let’s go or we’ll be late”.

Rooster didn’t tell me about what happened between Maverick and him, and I’m okay with it, after all, I have my secrets. If he doesn’t feel comfortable with or doesn’t trust me enough it’s totally comprehensible.

We arrived at the base in the morning, Maverick had a tough training schedule for today. We talked about how much time the pilots would have to shoot the target and leave safely, in my mission my crew had two minutes and ten seconds, the target was a bit different, only a meter bigger, but in missions like this every little thing can trigger infinite possibilities, one mistake and you’re dead, and Maverick and I wanna bring everyone home.

All the pilots started to be tested, I stayed at the base hearing their communication channel. Hangman is right beside me listening with attention, Rooster is on the other side of the room, sitting on a chair looking at us.  Phoenix and Bob had just failed their test.

“That’s not enough”. I whisper looking to the ground.

“Sorry for asking” begins Hangman, here it comes . “But how can you be so sure, Hawks?”.

I stare at him, that’s a man who needs to have his wings cut. 

“I did a similar operation, if you guys can’t shoot the target in these conditions, then you’re not ready for the mission”.

“Did you shoot the target?”.

“ Yes ”.

“No offense, Hawks. But if you succeded the mission, why don’t you and your crew carry out the mission?”.

“Because they are all dead”.

I swallow hard, trying to remain calm and don’t allow my emotions to control me. The room is fulfilled with a deadly silence. I look around, the pilots in the room are all staring at us. I take a deep breath and stare at Hangman again with anger in my eyes.

“Lieutenant, listen to me very carefully. You have no idea what it is like to hear the mother of your companions scream at you at her kids’ funeral saying that it is your fault that they are dead”. I put a finger in his chest “So before confronting me again ask yourself, are you ready to explain to their family” I point in the other pilots' direction, “that you're responsible for their death. Do you understand? Or Do I have to draw a diagram?”.

Hangman avoids my gaze, embarrassed or angry? I can’t tell. All I can think about is that it was the first time I said those words out loud.

They are all dead.

Notes:

Thanks for all the love, it means a lot, see you soon!

Chapter 5: Why Am I Like This?

Summary:

“Oh, it's like I'm looking down from the ceiling above

Never in the moment, never giving enough

Let's go out and shout the words we never said

I've got my mistakes on loop inside my head, inside my head”

- Why Am I Like This?, Orla Gartland

Notes:

Heyy I'm back with another chapter!! I'm so happy that you guys are enjoying this story, thanks for all the love and support ❤ See you soon!!
TW: Eating Disorder, Anxiety.

Last Year, July 6th

“Marcy? What are you doing?” 

I asked staring at our living room. There were new curtains on the windows, the couch looked cleaner, and the room smelled like roses. Marceline was all dressed up, she was wearing a green coat, dark jeans, and her black hair wasn’t messy.

I was wearing a huge white t-shirt, my eyes were tired and my hair was all over the place.

“Oh, you woke up! I just-”.

“It’s four in the morning”.

“You said your mother would arrive early, so I decided to you know, clean the house”. Her soft smile wasn’t enough to make me happy that morning, because…

“She’s not coming”.

Marceline's smile faded away, and a concerned expression took its place.

“She just called me. She changed her mind”.

“But- why?”.

“Don’t worry. Just- go back to sleep. We have a mission tonight”.

Marcy stared at me, her face made my heart break. Her eyes started tearing up, and her mouth turned into a thin line, she hated crying. I ran at her and embraced her, she sobbed on my shoulder.

“Hey… what’s wrong?”.

“I- I can’t believe that she is doing this to you. Every month is the same fucking thing. It’s been seven years, Hawks”.

“It’s okay, Marcy. You know I don’t care. I don’t want you crying about this, ‘kay? She doesn’t deserve your precious tears”.

Marcy looked in my eyes, she always cared so much about me, always worried, always putting my pieces back together, and I was there for her too. Every time she needed me. We were good for each other.

“Go back to sleep, okay?”.

“I can’t…”.

I took my arms from her taking her hands on mine.

“I can’t sleep” she continued.

“Why not? Did something happen? Your mom-”.

“No. No. It’s about tonight”.

“Why? Are you worried?”.

“I just- I have never been scared for anything in my life. Every mission they gave to us was difficult but I never got scared before, but today I’m-”.

“Hey, it’s okay, we can do this” I squeezed her hands trying to give her comfort. “Have I ever disappointed you?”.

“Last night, when you put sugar instead of salt in our dinner” she chuckled and I smiled softly. 

“I’ll protect you, okay?” I put a hand on her cheek wiping the tears, “You’re my favorite wingman after all”.

“And you’re my favorite pilot, idiot. Don’t tell Tommy, though, he’ll get jealous” she took a deep breath and shyly looked at me, “Can- Can I sleep with you, Hawks?”.

“Let’s go, Marceline”.

---

“Captain?”.

A knock on the bathroom door woke me up, I was laying against the left wall of the room. I could hold myself in front of the pilots while talking to Hangman, but when I left to the toilet to take a deep breath everything went black.

“Captain are you in there?” Rooster’s voice called me again as I started to stand up. I looked in the mirror, my face was sweaty and huge eyebags made me look sick.

I cleaned my face and opened the door, Rooster was the personification of the word ‘worried’ at that moment.

“Are you okay?” I asked him crossing my eyes.

“What? If I am okay?? Hawks, I’m here to check on you” he ran his fingers on his hair, oh jeez, when he does this he looks so fine- Stop thinking about this, Hawks. “Are you okay?”.

“I’m totally fine, but thanks for caring about it”. I gave him an awkward smile, I can feel my face getting warmer, shit I’m blushing.

“Hawks C’mon don’t lie to me. You just told Hangman-”.

Rooster stopped talking when I grabbed the end of his sleeve and squeezed it. I look down, closing my eyes.

"Please, not now Bradley. I- I can't believe I said that". I can feel the tears coming again as my voice starts to break.

Before I stop speaking Rooster hugs me gently, resting his head above mine, he is always so kind that it is so painful for my heart to try not to let him in too much.

"Hey, it's alright. Take a deep breath, can you do that for me, darlin?".

I take a deep breath resting my face against his chest, trying to hold the tears from falling. I can feel my heart beating faster every second.

"You don’t need to do this, Bradley".

"But I want to" he whispers my name and I look at him. "You don't need to talk about it, just know that if you need a shoulder to cry on, I'll be here".

"Same here," I tell him, smiling again.

"Two times," he says with a soft expression and I look at him confused. "I made you smile two times".

That day was just getting more complicated every hour.

After all the pilots had the training section with Maverick I took all the results and observations - went to a separate room next to the one Maverick was talking to the aviators - to analyze the scores, none of them had succeeded in the mission, well to be fair, Rooster did. But his run time was four minutes, and I know for sure that if they cross the two minutes limit they will die.

And that’s not an option.

And even if they can accomplish the mission in the time we established previously the enemy must have something under their sleeve. That’s what happened to my crew one year ago, we shot the target, and we exploded the enemy's base, but when we were leaving something surprised us. 

That’s why we have to be prepared for any possibility.

I was almost finishing the documents on my laptop when I heard a huge commotion coming from the pilots' room, they were screaming and Mav’ was trying to calm them down.

I leave my room and open the door just to see all the pilots standing, Maverick is in the middle of them, Hangman is on the corner of the room, and on the other side Rooster is being held by other people, I have never seen his eyes like that, if someone tells me that he was trying to kill Hangman I would believe it.

“Hey! What the hell is going on?!” I shouted and everyone looked at me. “I leave you guys alone for twenty minutes and you are trying to kill yourselves?!”.

The room stays silent.

“Everybody out,” Maverick says looking to the ground.

Hangman passes in front of him saying, “You know that I’m right”.

When he tries to pass through me I stopped him. “What did you do?”.

“What? You think I started it?”.

“I know you started it, Hangman. If you think you’re going to lead this mission, forget it, you’re no leader”.

Hangman opens his mouth to say something, but he takes a deep breath and leaves the room, some other pilots go after him. Maverick hasn’t moved. Phoenix and Bob are still trying to calm Rooster down. I touch Mavs shoulder and he looks at me, he looks tired.

“What happened?” I looked at the group.

“That motherfucker” says Phoenix, Rooster closes his eyes taking a deep breath. “talked about Rooster’s father”.

I frowned at them, shit. Rooster started the commotion.

“Let’s get some fresh air, okay?” I tell them and I whisper to Maverick “I can take care of this”.

---

I got Rooster a bottle of water at the cafeteria, Phoenix and Bob were outside with him sitting on the floor. I walked towards them and gave the bottle to him, and sit in front of them.

“Okay, guys. I need to know what happened” The heat was only increasing at that hour, and I couldn’t wear the coat anymore so I took it off, putting it on my lap, and the scars on my right arm showed up.

There are huge white lines everywhere from my shoulder until my wrist, the pilots' tried not to stare but it was the first time they were seeing it, so it was impossible.

“Tell me about what happened and maybe I tell you how I got those”.

Rooster takes a deep breath trying to remain calm, I put my hand on his knee, and he looks up at me.

“Rooster, it’s okay”.

“I should have told you in your house. But-” He took a deep breath again, “Hangman started to talk about the day that my dad died”.

“What?”.

“He is trying to convince Maverick to not send me on the mission”.

“Maverick wouldn’t do this”.

“He did it before. It’s his fault I’m four years delayed on my career”.

“And now that Hangman discovered that his dad and Maverick were flying together…” Phoenix says with a sad tone in her voice.

I squeeze his knee with a comforting smile on my lips, and he smiles back but with teary eyes.

“I’ll talk to Maverick, Rooster. Don’t worry about this, okay?”.

“What about Hangman?” Asks Bob, he looks more concerned than me.

“He is like an angry dog, barks but won’t bite, don’t let him get on your nerves. Let’s focus on the mission”.

“Rooster I have a question for you man” Phoenix starts as Rooster takes a sip from the water bottle. “What were you doing at Cap’s house? Did you two-”.

“No”. We answer at the same time, Rooster almost chokes with the water and I remove my hand from his knee fast as I can.

“That’s not convincing”.

“At all” Bob completes Phoenix's line and she chuckles. “We won’t tell anyone”.

“Because there is nothing to tell-”.

“She has a dog named Knuckles, he is the cutest thing in the world, and” Rooster cuts me, and before ending his line he looks into my eyes, but whatever he was about to say he holds to himself, enjoying his thoughts. “And that’s all”.

“Suspicious,” Phoenix says standing up.

“Very suspicious”. Bob follows her movement, they say their goodbyes living me and Rooster alone.

Bradley holds the bottle with a tight grip, his knuckles are white from the pressure. When he looks at me again his expression gets soft again and the stress in his eyes disappears.

“Water?” he asks offering the bottle to me, I accept and take a sip, it is a very warm day. “Do you have plans for tonight?”.

“Why are you going to ask me out?” I wink at him and he chuckles softly.

“I don’t know. Maybe you have to find out” he teases.

“Thief, that’s my line. I don’t have plans, but I need to go to the supermarket, there is no food in my house”.

“Did you eat lunch today?” His question sounds like a death sentence to me.

“No, but I’m fine”.

“So I think I have to go with you. You’re almost obliging me to. I can’t leave you walking around town with the risk of blacking out on your own”. He stands up and offers me his hand.

“You don’t need to, Bradley”.

“I know. But I want to”.

 

 

Notes:

See you soon!! Thanks for all the love again!!

Chapter 6: right where you left me

Summary:

“I stayed there
Dust collected on my pinned-up hair
They expected me to find somewhere
Some perspective, but I sat and stared
Right where you left me”
- right where you left me, Taylor Swift

Notes:

hello I'm back!
I hope you like it<3
TW: survivors guilt, eating disorders!!
And once more thank you for all the love and support

Rooster didn’t know what happened. Maybe you were a witch and put a spell on him, maybe you had hypnotized him when he wasn’t noticing, but god, you did something to him, he was sure of it.

Just standing behind you with his hands in his pockets, and seeing you walk around the hallways of the market was somehow… enough, for some reason he couldn’t fully understand.

It was a small market, the customers knew you by your name, and it looks like you were an old client that they appreciate very much. When they saw Bradley walking with you they started to whisper, the older lady nodded agreeing with something he had no idea, he heard you taking a deep breath and noticed you rolling your eyes to yourself.

He stayed in silence as you pushed the supermarket trolley around the corridors, you stopped in front of a big fruit fridge looking carefully at the strawberries.

“Seems good to me,” he says looking above your shoulders, you chuckled softly.

“Is this your way of asking me to cook a strawberry cake?”.

“Maybe”.

“Hmm”. You didn’t look at him, took the strawberries, and put them in the trolley looking to your right again.

“Is that a yes?”.

Rooster noticed that you stopped moving, your head still looking to your right. The hand holding the trolley started to shake a little bit, Bradley looked in the same direction you were staring. 

At the end of the hallway was a tall woman in her twenties, her hair was blonde and short, she was wearing a big t-shirt with green flowers, and a long white skirt. Rooster put a hand on your shoulder.

“Hawks? What’s wrong?”.

“I- I need to…”. You whispered, Rooster saw that you were trying to move, but your legs were frozen.

The blonde woman turned you in your direction, she dropped the grapes package she was holding, and Hawks' hand started to shake more. Rooster looked at the woman, she looked surprised and confused.

“Rooster”.

“Tell me, darlin” He whispered.

“Let’s go. I- I think I got everything”.

You turned away, and Rooster followed you very closely, staying behind you, he heard the woman calling your name but soon you both were out of the market placing the groceries in the back seat of his car.

You sat on the bench next to him, leaning your head against the glass window, your forehead was sweaty and your breath was increasing fast.

Rooster put a hand on your knee, and you looked at him with tears in your eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” you said with a weak voice, “You shouldn’t get involved in this”.

“Hawks, you already are involved in my life. I’m happy to help you”.

You took a deep breath trying to calm down and put your hand above his. He held it gently, like the gentleman he was.

“In my crew, I have- had a pilot named Alexia. The girl we saw is June, she is her- she was her girlfriend”.

Rooster didn’t know what happened with your crew, but he could tell that you feel blamed not because they are dead, but because you are alive.

“It’s been a year, Bradley. A whole fucking year, and I still can’t look her in the eyes. We… We were friends. Can we go home, please ?”.

“Are you sure?”.

“Yes. You can stay there too, I’ll bake that cake you want”.

“You can cook it later. Let’s just hear some music and relax, ‘kay? It was a really rough day”.

He started the car. On the way back home you stared at the streets outside, you didn’t want to cry, but your heart had been through a lot that day. Rooster was right, you needed to rest.

The night was warm and sultry, and the smell of the salt fulfilled the air. You were sitting on the white stairs that led to your house looking at the sea. Rooster was right beside you, Knuckles was sleeping in his lap.

“Oh my god, my dog loves you more than he loves me, that’s unacceptable”.

“You think so? Nah, he loves you more for sure”.

You looked at his face with a small smile on your lips, and Bradley smiled back. Something crossed your mind and suddenly your expression changed, the smile disappears and you frowned.

“I’m so sorry, Bradley. For what happened with your dad”.

“You have nothing to be sorry about”.

“No, I do”. You looked away facing the ocean, “If I weren’t such a coward Maverick wouldn’t be your Instructor, and you wouldn’t be dealing with this shit”.

“What about you? Would you be happy?”.

You snorted and looked at him, your arms hugging your knees in front of you.

“That’s a word I haven’t used in a long time”.

“Hawks, I don’t know what happened but… It wasn’t your fault”.

“Is that what you think about Maverick? Because I can assure you my friend’s parents will blame me forever”.

He blamed Maverick. Every time he looked at the man he remembers his dad and the anger and sadness consumed him, he was just a kid when it happened, but all the good memories he had of his dad would never leave him.

The times when Nick picked him up in his arms raising Bradley in the air, he felt free, he felt alive. The way his mother danced with his dad on Friday nights just the two of them, the love they shared with just one look, the incredible stories he always told Bradley.

He always felt like he had to blame someone, Maverick and his reckless behavior. That’s what his heart chooses to blame. But he never thought about how Maverick felt, and you seemed to be in the same position as the older man. How could Rooster blame you for what happened?

“The friend that used to live with you-”.

“Yeah, she died” you closed your eyes very tightly, Rooster put an arm around you bringing you closer, “At the funeral, her mom… she punched me so hard in the face, she almost broke my nose. I shouldn’t be alive".

“That’s not true, Hawks”.

“It is true, Rooster. I was their captain, I should be with them. Captains don't abandon their crew”.

“Hawks, listen to me” you looked up to meet his gaze, the tears in your eyes made his heart break. “You didn't abandon them. They are still with you, everything you do when you wake up until you sleep, you are doing it for them”. 

Knuckles woke up with the louder voices and jumped out of Rooster’s lap.

“They are not gone, they are still with you”.

“Then why do I feel so alone?”. Rooster hugged you and you wrapped your arms around him too.

He held you while you cried against his chest, he didn't know what to say afraid of offending you or making you even sadder. Gently stroked your hair, whispering that he was there for you.

You were no longer alone.

---

Bradley woke up slowly, once again he looked around trying to remember where he was. Of course, he was in your house, laying on your couch, it was still dark outside, but something made his heart jump.

He wasn't alone.

His nose brushed against soft hair that smelled like strawberries, god he loved strawberries.

The moonlight entered the room through the open windows and a warm breeze made Rooster feel at home. But he couldn't feel like that, you were his captain, he shouldn't feel like this, yet, he couldn't avoid it. He looked at the wall clock. It was almost three in the morning.

For some seconds he didn't move, he wanted to caress your cheek, but hold himself. Slowly he sat on the couch trying not to wake you. Gently he picked you up in his strong arms.

He could feel your heart beating slowly, your slow breath as he carried you upstairs to your room.

On the second floor there were two doors, the one on his right was open so he approached it. 

Your room was small and with a lot of photographs spread around. Gently he put you in your bed, he didn't want to invade your privacy so he left fast and closed the door.

Before going downstairs Bradley stared at the other door, there were a lot of paintings around, some autumn leaves, and an orange cat, that must be your friend's room.

That night he dreamed about his father, he was a little boy again, and his family was complete.

Goose, Carol, Bradley, and Maverick.

Notes:

See you soon, love you!

Chapter 7: I Ain't Worried

Summary:

"I'm at my best when I got somethin' I'm wanting to steal
Way too busy for them problems and problems to feel, yeah-yeah
No stressing, just obsessing with sealing the deal
I'll take it in and let it go"
-I Ain't Worried, One Republic

Notes:

Hellooo one more chapter guysss
TW: grief, eating disorder, hot man

Three years ago,

June 10th

“Oh my, I love summer”.

June said, sitting next to me, her blonde hair was cut short, we were both sitting on the sand enjoying the sunlight while Marcy, Tom, and Alexia enjoyed the water.

“I like it too, just hate the heat waves, no matter what we do the heat never leaves”.

“I think I'll ask Lex out," she said with no hesitation in her voice, turning to face me with the most serious look I've ever seen in her eyes. "Do you think she will accept? It's a life or death situation".

“I don't know. Maybe you'll have to find out” I winked at her with a chuckle.

“C’mon, girl. You always say that!”.

“It's my natural charm”.

I met June in kindergarten, she wanted to be an astronaut, but when she found out about gravity and labyrinthitis she swore to never leave the ground.

We always did everything together, ballet classes (she was better than me), martial arts (I was better), skating (she killed it), and most importantly went to the movies together. 

Our little ritual started because my mom wanted me to be an artist. But what do I want? Well, every time my grandpa came to visit us, all I could think about was his cool stories about jet and sky battles.

He was my version of an older Luke Skywalker.

My mom hated the idea.

It was on one of those movie weekends that I met Marcy, we were at the end of high school by that time.

She ran into me with a huge package of popcorn and dropped everything on the floor because she tripped. I bought her a new one, June was always communicative, started talking with her, and after that we were inseparable.

“But I think she'll accept. No one can resist your big blue eyes”.

“You did” she giggled.

“Oh don't start with that” I chuckled. “Wrong place, wrong time, my girl”.

She laughed and looked at our friends on the water.

“You know, I'm happy that you found more weirdos like you”.

“It's that supposed to be a compliment?”.

“C’mon, you guys lock yourselves in flying metal boxes, hoping to not die every time, of course, you are weirdos”.

“I won't deny that”.

“They are incredible people, and with so much heart. I'm happy we are together”.

She grabbed my hand and guided me to the water.

---

Maverick showed up at my front door by six in the morning, this time I was the one who opened the door. He told me about his plan for today's training, at first I was unsure about the effectiveness of it, but as usual, Mav always had a good point, so I accepted it.

Rooster was very tired that morning so I didn't wake him up. I cooked him some eggs and bacon and went upstairs to change my clothes.

My room was very empty, just a bed in the left corner, a wardrobe and polaroids all around. I put on shorts, a tank top, and a huge t-shirt, when I heard Knuckles barking I realized that Rooster was awake.

"Good morning aviator," I said to him walking down the stairs.

Rooster was sitting on the floor playing with Knuckles. He gave me a warm smile as I approached him.

"Good morning, Captain. Slept well?".

"Yeah. Though I don’t remember returning to bed".

"We were very tired. And thanks for the food again, it was heartwarming".

"No problem". I sat on the couch, Rooster followed me with his eyes, curious.

"Why are you dressed like that?".

"You'll find out".

"Mysterious woman". He sat next to me still looking at me with his big brown eyes. 

"What? Is there something on my face?" 

“If you call ‘beauty’ something, Then yes, there is something on your face”.

How in the world I’m supposed to deal with this man? I know that he was holding back a lot of flirting and compliments, and so was I, but sometimes it was impossible, he’s just good at it.

“Do you have a book about flirting?”. I crossed my arms, raising my eyebrows.

“Why? Do you think I need one? Am I that bad?”.

“No, you’re too good and that’s the problem”.

He chuckled and looked at the ground, a bit of red spreading across his cheeks.

“You really think it’s a problem?”.

“Yeah, because it’s working. And if it’s not a problem now, it will be in the future”.

“Why do you think that?”, he looked at me again, there was no curiosity, or teasing in his eyes, but actually a concern.

“It’s just-”. I took a deep breath, “You know what? The day just started, let’s try to keep in a good mood. C’mon or we’ll be late”. 

I got up and took Knuckles in my arms, the little guy deserved some fun.

“We’ll be late for?”.

“Beach training”.

---

Knuckles is a lazy dog. Even in the middle of the beach, with the sun up above our heads, the beautiful view, and a lot of distracting noises, he still prefers to be alone, sleeping against my leg, then watch the pilots playing football in front of us. And, I hate to admit it, I watched with a lot of attention, more than required for an Instructor assistant.

I sat on the sand with my sunglasses, I hate what I’m doing, but you know, it’s a very pleasant scene to watch. They are having fun, and I am having a lot of fun just watching. I could play with them, but the last time I played football I was fifteen and I don’t know any of the rules. 

“You’re missing a lot, Knuckles” I whispered to the tiny dog on my lap.

“ Hawks ?”. I heard a sweet voice calling me, breaking my very needed attention. Knuckles woke up and moved his head in the direction of the voice.

Amelia Benjamin looked at me with a surprised expression, and I took off my glasses.

“Hey Meli, how are you, kid?”.

Knuckled jumped from me and walked toward her, Amelia kneeled to pet the dog's head with a laugh.

“I’m okay! Just surprised to see you here, I was going to feed this little guy, but I see he’s in good hands”.

“Don’t worry about him, I’ll go home soon. And your mother, is she okay?”.

“Yeah, Maverick is flirting with her again” she pointed to Maverick who had just sat down a bit further from me, he looked at us and waved with his charming smile. “I don’t know if that’s a good thing”.

As far as I know Maverick was a good man, a great pilot, actually, an incredible pilot, but his love life wasn’t very… constant. Maybe we have the same problem, too much work and no time for relationships. Or maybe he is afraid, just like me.

“Maverick is a great guy, he is just-”.

“Complicated?” I completed her line and she smiled a bit sad.

“Yeah, I don’t want my mom to get hurt again. She doesn’t deserve it”.

“Penny is amazing, I’m sure Maverick won’t play with her feelings”.

“I hope so. Anyway I need to go, and Hawks”.

“What?”.

“I know you’re enjoying the view but try not to, you know, let your jaw drop every time you look at the mustache guy. It’s pretty obvious”.

I put my glasses back on with a fast movement.

“Too obvious?”.

“A bit, you followed him with your head all of the time”. 

She laughed petted Knuckles one more time and then left. The little dog returned to me sitting beside me. I shook my head and turned to see Admiral Simpson talking to Maverick, I waited until he left to approach Pete.

He greeted me with a nod and I sat next to him.

“Aren’t you going to play with them?”.

“I don’t know half of the rules of this game”.

I looked back at the pilots, Bob was on Rooster’s shoulders, they were all cheering and screaming happily. I felt my heart beating a bit faster.

“I don’t think it will matter”. I noticed Maverick's lowering his head, he took off the sunglasses, his eyes carved on the scars on my right arm, it wasn’t a pleasant sight for sure. “Hawks-”.

“Our mission was next to a forest, the trees were all leafless. When the accident happened we ejected above them, even though my parachute worked, my wingman’s  parachute didn't… I almost lost my arm and an eye ‘cause of the collision against the branches”.

“Hawks-”.

“You can read the files, Mav. I don’t want to talk about it, but I don’t mind if you read about it. I trust you, and we will bring them all home, Captain”.

Maverick didn’t wait, he hugged me, but somehow I knew that it meant much more than just a hug. 

It was understanding, it was compassion, it was familiarity, it was trust.

And he knew how I felt, of course he did, Bradley’s dad, Goose, was his wingman.

“How do you deal with that?” I asked him letting go of the warm embrace.

“I don’t think I’m the right person to ask that”.

“We are both a mess, Maverick”. I sad chuckle echoed from his throat.

“I guess we are, girl” He tried to smile like he always did.

“Cap!” Phoenix's voice called and we both looked at her, she chuckled putting her hands on her hips, what a gorgeous woman.

She stopped in front of me projecting a shadow on us.

“C’mon let’s play, Hawks”.

“Nah, you don’t need me as a partner on this one, Rooster is a really good assistant to you”.

“So you were watching him, huh?”.

“These are your words, not mine”.

“You don’t need to say it,” Maverick said trying to hold a laugh.

“Pete, c’mon! I thought you were on my side!”.

“And which side is that?”.

“The one that says don’t get involved with co-workers”.

"I don't remember this code, do you Phoenix?".

“Neither do I, Maverick” she answered him with a cocky smile. 

“You two are the worst, I can’t believe you're doing this to me,” I said ironically. "And if you didn't notice, I have a little guy here,” I pointed to Knuckles, who was listening to the conversation with attention and sitting between Maverick and me.

“I can take care of him while you go there,” Mav said, petting Knuckles.

“I don't think that's a good idea”.

“I think it's an incredible idea, sir” Phoenix grabbed my hands and lifted me with no effort. “Let's go, pretty lady”.

“Okay, but I have to warn you, I have no idea how to play it”.

“Not too much on sports, are you?”.

“I like basketball a lot”.

“Sure you do”. Phoenix put an arm above my shoulders and guided me to the crowd.

---

7 pm

I wasn’t expecting that night.

After the game on the beach, as I was returning home with Knuckles in my arms and feet full of sand, an annoying voice called me. When I turned, I saw Hangman trying to reach me slowing his running.

I waited for him, the wind started to grow fast on the beach as the night came closer, and the moon appeared in the sky.

“Lieutenant,” I said to him with a flat tone.

“Hawks, can we talk?”.

“We are talking right now, Hangman”.

“You know, I don’t usually do this, but I wanted to-”.

“Is everything okay here?” Bradley’s voice sends a chill down my spine. He appeared on my right coming from the beach, the sunglasses on, and no shirt. Knuckles barked at him, happy to see him.

“Yeah, we’re fine. Hangman was just trying to say something,” I said to Rooster, and a thought crossed my mind. “Are you guys going to eat somewhere?”.

“What are you suggesting?” Rooster looked at me with a raised eyebrow, clearly interested.

“I bought a lot of food yesterday, maybe we can, I don’t know, cook something?”. Rooster was trying to contain a smile.

“Do you cook?” Hangman asked with a playful smirk.

“Excuse me” Rooster started, he put an arm around my shoulders and brought me closer, my eyes widened, and my whole body got tense. “Hawks here is the best cook I have ever known, I’ll call the others”. He let go of me and ran towards the group.

I could feel my heart beating faster than it should, my mind was spinning. Hangman chuckled and coughed trying to change the subject.

“Hawks, you could at least try to hide” he walked and stopped right beside me, “Even in the dark, I can see that you’re blushing”. I pushed his face with one hand.

“Shut up, Hangman”.

Notes:

Thanks for reading, and for the love you all are giving to this story🥰
See you soon!

Chapter 8: Late Night Talking

Summary:

"We've been doin' all this late night talkin'
'Bout anythin' you want until the mornin'
Now you're in my life
I can't get you off my mind"
- Late Night Talking, Harry Styles

Notes:

Hey guys! I hope you're having a great week, see you soon!
TW: Eating Disorder, Mommy Issues.

“Hey! Be careful that’s not a toy”. Rooster said to Fanboy and Payback when both of them approached your record player like two kids on Christmas morning. 

He was sitting on the couch while you and Phoenix went upstairs to grab some spare chairs to accommodate the group. Hangman was analyzing the pictures right beside the record player. Bob was waiting for you and Phoenix on the staircase, and Fanboy and Payback were amused by your collection of old records.

“This is stunning”, said Payback, clearly shocked.

“Dude she has Scorpions ! A lot of rock here. Good taste”. Fanboy concluded with a praised smirk.

Rooster was worried, he didn’t know if you were comfortable with the reunion, but since it was your idea he tried to relax a bit, but having Hangman in the same room always made him alert, the man was unpredictable.

Hangman looked down, Knuckles had jumped on his leg looking at him with puppy eyes.

“Hey, little guy” Hangman kneeled in front of the dog and petted his head with affection. Rooster felt betrayed, “Come here” Hangman picked Knuckles in his arms and sat next to Bradley on the couch.

The men were surrounded by an awkward silence, Rooster bit his cheek. It wasn't easy to be around Hangman after what he said to him, but the blonde guy didn't seem to care, like always.

“Why are they taking so long?” Bob said a bit concerned.

“It’s been just five minutes, Bob, chill out,” Hangman said, his eyes locked on Knuckles that tried to lick his face.

“I don’t know, it's pretty silent up there,” said Payback looking for some disc on the shelves.

“Or we are being too loud,” said Fanboy, “Found it!”. He screamed, taking a record in his hands.

“What are you doing, Fanboy?” your voice sent a relief on Rooster's shoulders, at least he could help you cook and not deal with Hangman’s presence.

Phoenix and you brought two chairs and put them next to the couch. Fanboy was embarrassed, his cheeks were burning red.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t-”.

"It’s okay, dude. I was going to suggest putting it on the record player faster, I cook better when I’m listening to Scorpions, nice choice by the way”.

Fanboy looked relieved, and an excited smile appeared on his lips as he turned on the record player.

“I’m gonna help you with the meal,” Rooster said, getting up ready to run away from Hangman’s company.

“Nope. I invited you, so I’ll take care of it, understood, Bradshaw?”. The way you put your hands on your hips and the look in your eyes defeated him, he let out a small breath. “Make yourself at home guys, and Knuckles!” the little dog stopped licking Hangman’s face immediately, “Behave yourself”.

“Not even you can resist, Hangman?” Rooster said, petting the dog’s head.

“I told you, Rooster. I’m too good to be true”.

---

Rooster had noticed how you treated food, not just when you were cooking, but mainly when you were eating, that’s something he rarely saw. Small bites, never finish a plate and save it for later, but he wasn’t sure if you really eat it after.

And he was apprehensive about it.

He kept his eyes on you while you moved around your kitchen almost like a choreography, there was a little glad smile on the corner of your lips, and you moved your head with the rhythm of the song. Seeing you happy made him happy and a little smile appeared on his lips.

“Rooster, my friend, you’re in so much trouble,” Phoenix said, sitting next to him, Hangman wasn’t there anymore. She was holding a bottle of beer in her hands, Bob sat on the floor between their legs laying against the couch and looking up.

“What?” he asked looking at Bob and turning his head to look at Phoenix.

“What do you mean with ‘ what’ ? Look at you” she chuckled and took a sip from the bottle.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”.

“You like her,” Bob said with a happy tone in his voice, it wasn’t an accusation, it was a statement.

“Of course I like her, don’t you like her?”.

“C’mon, Romeo , stop avoiding our questions,”  Phoenix said, turning her body towards his direction, she put an arm behind the couch.

“I like her but, it’s just- it’s complicated”.

“ Shit ,” Bob said, closing his eyes and putting a hand against his forehead.

“Give me the money, Bob,” Phoenix said with a convincing tone. Bob took twenty dollars from his pocket and gave it to her. “We bet on whether you’d admit it or not, and I won”.

“She’s always right, I’m tired of losing money”.

“I can’t believe you guys” Rooster passed his fingers through his hair with a soft laugh, “Just don’t say anything, she has been through a lot, the last thing I want is her getting more worried”.

“Don’t worry, that’s classified information. Right, Bob?”.

“Yes, ma’am ”.

“Just think about it, Rooster. I feel that’s a good thing”.

“You feel?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, having a reason to come back from the mission, makes us more focused on accomplishing it”.

---

I was feeling happy for the first time in ages. The last time I had this amount of people in my house was the night before the crash, after that, it was just me and Knuckles against the world.

But now, hearing them laugh, talk, and sing made a sincere smile appear on my lips. I was finishing the meal while listening to the song. I got so focused on my task that I didn’t notice a tall blonde man standing at my kitchen counter with arms crossed and a curious look on his face.

I turned off the oven, put a spoon in the sink, and looked at him.

“How long have you been there, Hangman?”.

“Five minutes”.

“Oh my god, you’re a weird man”.

“People call me a lot of things, but you're the first that called me weird”.

“I try to be honest”.

“Fair enough. Do you need help setting the table?”.

“ Hangman ”, I raised an eyebrow trying to understand the point of his approach.

His cocky smile disappeared from his thin lips, he rubbed the back of his neck while closing his eyes. That's not the Hangman I'm used to.

“Okay, Jake. You can help me, the plates are up there”.

His eyes shined and he started to help me, taking the things I couldn’t reach from the tall shelves. I could feel that he was trying to say something, just didn’t know how. 

“I’m sorry for what I said yesterday, Captain”, he finally whispered when we touched shoulders putting the cups on the table. 

I turned my head to look at him, his blue eyes locked on mine, some hair fell on my face, and his eyes were serious and embarrassed at the same time.

“Don’t worry, Hangman. Put the past in the past, seriously”.

“I wouldn’t have said that if-”

“Don’t lie to yourself, we both know you would say the same thing” I looked in his eyes and whispered, “Just like you did to Rooster”.

“That’s different, it’s a competition”.

“It's not a competition, Jake. If you lead this mission you have to assure me that everyone will come back home, and I can assure you, they don’t trust you”.

“I know”.

“Doesn’t seem like it” I crossed my arms, leaning against my counter.

“But about yesterday, I’m really sorry. You’re right ”. The last word sounded painfully on his tongue.

“Sorry I couldn’t hear you, what did you say?”.

“I won’t say it again” He chuckled, and looked down then up again. “What happened in your mission?”.

“That’s a story for another day, let’s just say that someone put her nose where she shouldn’t and something went very wrong. Now let's eat, pretty boy”.

---

“So you’re telling me you never went to cooking classes?” Phoenix said, staring at me. She was sitting on the floor of my living room, Bob was beside her, Rooster was on the couch behind me, while Hangman, Payback, and Fanboy sat at the table talking to each other.

“No, never”.

“I don’t believe you” she took another bite of the chicken.

“What did you put in here?” Bob asked with curious eyes.

“A lot of love,” I said joking, Rooster petted my head and I chuckled. “Rooster, C’mon”.

“Say the truth, darlin, and I’ll let you go”.

I couldn’t look at his face but I could hear the grin on his lips when he spoke.

“But it's true! Cooking it’s just like flying, it has to be part of you, emotional attachment, focus, and heart, that’s what makes me a good cook, and that’s why I was a good pilot”.

“Was?”, Phoenix seemed to doubt me, “You still are, Hawks. We saw some videos of you flying, the way you controlled that jet, it was like a part of your body”.

“I don’t do that anymore. I’ve been thinking for some time, maybe that’s my last service, maybe I’ll move to somewhere with no airplanes, no beach, no Navy. You know, start over”.

“Start over, or run away?” Phoenix threw those words against me like a brick in my head. “Because it sounds like you’re running away, cap”.

She is right. I can’t deny that, and the words hurt me because they are true, a truth I’ve been ignoring for months, I have tried to hide from my past, actually, I think I’ve been hiding longer than that.

I remained in silence, thinking about myself and my life. Phoenix's eyes raised up to look at Rooster whose hand rested on my naked shoulder.

“Sorry, Hawks. That was-”.

“The truth, Phoenix. You’re right, don’t apologize”.

“No, no, no. You’re not getting sad” Rooster said with a playful tone in his voice, “C’mere”.

Rooster sat down next to me putting his plate on the floor and hugged me with affection, I couldn’t see anything my head was trapped in his chest, I laughed softly and hugged him back. He smelled like fresh mint, it was good and welcoming and made me want to stay like that forever, but I knew I couldn’t.

But at that moment, just that little moment, I let myself go into his embrace, he left a soft kiss on the top of my head, and I know I’m blushing, thank god he can’t see it.

“God, I love strawberries” Rooster whispered.

---

Everybody started to leave around midnight, Phoenix took some of the food in little plastic bowls and took it with her. Rooster was anxious, he didn’t want to leave because he didn’t see you eating anything, and that made his heart hurt, he didn’t know why you did that, but he wanted to understand.

You were sitting at the staircase outside the house waiting for him, Knuckles was sleeping on the couch, Bradley took a deep breath and walked outside sitting next to you.

“Hey,” He said putting a hand on your right knee.

“Hi” you looked up at him some hair falling on your face, he couldn’t resist and put it behind your ear, your surprised expression was everything to him. “Thank you”.

“You don’t need to thank me”.

“I am thanking you for being here, Bradley. You are indeed a decent man”.

“Oh, so you changed your mind?” He chuckled. “Hawks, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but I need to ask you something”.

“Okay”.

“I don’t see you eating a lot… I don’t know if you were always like that, or if you just eat alone. Can we talk about that?”.

“Fuck, Bradley. Hangman is so wrong”.

“What?” He asked genuinely confused.

“You’re the one that is too good to be true”. 

Rooster closed his eyes when you rested your head on his shoulder, he felt his cheeks burning. You were playing with your fingers, anxious, he grabbed your hand in his and caressed your knuckles as you tried to relax and started talking.

“When I was little, my mom wanted me to be a ballerina, I had a very restricted diet, you know, everything under her control. So after I ran away from home I tried to control my own life, and when I was up there, in the clouds, next to the sky, I thought I have everything under control. But after what happened… I feel like I don’t have control over my life anymore, and now it feels like eating is the only thing I can control”.

“Hawks you have-”

“An eating disorder? Yes, sir. I love food, I used to cook all the time with my dad when I was a kid, but even though I love it so much, I can’t eat sometimes. Some people would call me a picky eater and that’s why I don’t eat in front of a lot of people. I got better, I thought I would never worry about this anymore, but the truth is you can’t control life”.

When you look up to meet his gaze, a sad smile rested on your lips, there were no tears in your eyes. Bradley put a hand on your cheek and leaned kissing your forehead, you put your hand on the back of his neck holding him, and chills ran through his whole body. Your cold fingertips brushed against the small hair on his neck, and he smiled.

“You’re not real”.

Rooster whispered your name and you looked up at him.

“I’m right here, honey”.

“Honey?” you chuckled.

“You don’t like it?”.

“That’s the problem, Bradley. I like it a lot” You kissed his cheek with a soft smile on your lips. “Have a good night”.

Notes:

Thank you for reading!! See you soon, and thanks for all the love again!!

Chapter 9: Love Me Again

Summary:

“Oh, I told you once again
I can't do this again, do this again, oh
I told you once again
I can't do this again, do this again, oh no”
- Love Me Again, John Newman

Notes:

Hello guys!!! Sorry for the wait, but this last week was soooo turbulent for me, now I can finally breath a little, thanks for all the love<3
TW: PTSD, Anxiety

I’m worried. I hate when these things happen when suddenly everything changes. We needed more time, I know they aren’t ready, and in these new conditions, I’m not so sure that Maverick and I can bring everyone back home.

And this makes me very anxious.

Anticipating this mission in one week it’s suicide, the pilots don’t believe in themselves, they are not ready.

Maverick was standing in front of the pilots explaining the mission, and what they had to do to come back from it. The aviators are as worried as I am, I hold the pen in my hands tightly.

What am I doing? If I keep thinking this way I won’t be able to help them, and I need to, that’s my job and my biggest desire, I want them to come back. I tried not to let them be inside my life, but now, all I want to do is bring them to my house again.

“Sir, is this possible?” Phoenix asks staring at Maverick.

Before he can speak I stand up leaving my pen on the desk.

“That depends on the pilot”.

I said crossing my arms and looking at all of them, I think it’s the first time I have had enough courage to talk about the mission. 

“I know that this sounds impossible, but believe me, we still have a whole week and no time to waste. Everyone here is capable of it, the best of the best, so let's work together to accomplish the mission and return back home. Understood?”.

The room was in complete silence.

“ Understood ?” I put my hands on my hips, frowning at them.

“Yes, Captain!”.

“That’s better” I turn back giving two pats on Maverick's back, he smirked at me.

The first team on the air was Phoenix, Bob, and Coyote. I sat next to the communication channel to listen to their progress. I paid too much attention to it that I didn’t notice someone standing behind me putting hands on my shoulder, as I look up I found Rooster’s eyes looking back at me, a soft smile on his lips.

“Hello, Lieutenant”.

“Mornin’, Captain”. He squeezed my shoulders with affection. “Good words back there”.

“I hope they had some effect” I looked down taking a deep breath.

We stayed in silence listening to the channel, from the corner of my eyes I could notice Hangman looking at us, he was sitting on a chair a bit further.

My heart stopped when things started to go wrong, first Coyote fainted in the cockpit, and now Phoenix and Bob were falling after a bird strike, I sat up in shock after hearing their desperate voices. 

I could feel the anxiety in my body, the memories of the crash coming back, not now… I need to be calm to help them. But I can’t control that, my emotions are starting to show up harder than I thought.

Closing my eyes I try to control my breath, Phoenix and Bob are still screaming through the call, I can’t help them, there is nothing I can do. My hands are starting to get sweaty.

“Hawks?” Bradley’s voice brings me back, and I look at him with wide eyes full of tears almost dropping.

When Phoenix and Bob ejected from the jet a relief sound echoed in the room and the channel went off. I crossed my arms, biting my lips. Rooster’s concerned eyes didn’t leave my face until I took a deep breath.

“ Wanna go outside? ” he whispered close to my ear, holding my arm with a soft touch, I nodded to him.

When we were almost leaving the room Hangman’s voice called my name, and I turned back to see him, he approached us in the doorway, no one was paying attention.

“What’s wrong, Hangman?”.

Hangman looked at Rooster and then back at me again, something in his expression was interesting, there was a shine in his eyes that I couldn’t explain. He shook his head and closed his eyes.

“Nothing, we can talk later” He looked between Rooster and me again, “ alone ”.

“Okay” I couldn’t process what was happening at that moment, I was feeling weaker every second.

Rooster walked with an arm around my waist until we reached outside, the clouds covered the sun, and we sat together on the ground. I look at the sky trying to hold the tears, the clouds were the same as the ones from my last day in the air, I felt small.

---

One year ago

“You do as I say, or you’ll never fly again”.

Admiral Salazar looked at me from her chair, she was writing in a notebook like I wasn’t even there. I was holding myself to not slap her in the face. The room was dark, it was eight in the morning and the clouds were covering the sun.

“Are you crazy? I know my pilots like the palm of my hand. We trained for a mission with four jets, not two”.

“Hawks, you’re one of the best pilots the Navy has ever seen I’m sure you can handle this change”.

“I’m not- I won’t handle anything, ma’am. You are risking my crew’s life, we won’t do the mission. I won’t let them”.

Admiral Jennifer ‘Vulture’ Salazar, was more feared than respected, her green eyes spread fear everywhere she went. Marcy and Thomas always felt pressured, she was their mother after all. A tall woman with a black long ponytail, and some white hair begging to grow in her head, she was fearless.

“I’m sorry, Captain , what?”.

“You heard me loud and clear. I won’t risk their lives for this mission”.

She looked at me closing her notebook and crossing her arms, I felt my face sweating.

“It’s an order”.

“Are you really risking your kids' lives? Marceline is my wingman not my Weapon Systems Officer, she-”.

“You’ll bring her back, that’s why she will be sitting right on your back”. 

“What?”.

“Listen to me very carefully, Hawks, this conversation never happened. The data we had about the enemy's weapons was wrong” She stand up and walked in my direction stopping in front of her desk.

I stayed in silence listening to her.

“They have four jets of fifth-generation, they were off the radar when we tracked the place, if this information goes out we will have to abort the mission, and we will never have this chance again”.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“That’s why Marceline is coming with you. You shot down two enemy planes in the last three years. Marceline will not come back from this mission if she flies alone, and neither will Alexia”.

“What if you’re wrong? You don’t trust them? I know they are capable of-”.

“You won’t change my mind, Captain. My superiors already approved the changes. There is nothing you can do, just open your wings and fly like you always do, Hawks”. She put a hand on my shoulder and looked in my eyes with a challenge, “After all, you don’t want to disrespect the memory of your dead grandfather?”.

---

“Hey, it’s okay” Rooster held my hand, “What is popping in that big brain of yours?”.

“I should have said something that day”, I looked at him, “I should have said ‘no, fuck that!’ when they gave me the mission last year. But I didn’t, and now I can’t even do my work without having an anxiety crisis. I need to know if Phoenix and Bob are okay”.

“Hawks, wait”. He held my hand tighter, “Take a moment, hearing that wasn’t… easy ”.

Shit, how can I be so stupid? 

When I look at Bradley’s eyes my heart breaks in small parts, tears are falling on his cheeks, if that wasn’t easy for me, for him must be worse.

“ Bradley… ”.

I let go of his hand and embrace him, his head resting against my chest, as he holds me tighter against him, I put my chin above his head and close my eyes feeling that moment, being there for him just like he has done for me.

“ They are alive, they’ll be fine ” I whispered to him, caressing his hair.

Bradley didn’t respond just stayed there in my arms, and I won’t lie, I felt like I could do that forever. 

Rooster squeezed me a bit stronger, I left a small kiss on the top of his head, when I looked up some meters away was Fanboy, he had a sandwich in his hands and his jaw was dropped. I stare at him with anger in my eyes, he got the message, but before leaving he winked with a smirk.

Shit , that man is like my mom in a beauty salon, gossip in the first place.

My cheeks started to burn when I felt soft lips against my jawline.

“ Brad ?” I whispered and looked down to meet his gaze but his face was still against my body, now placed in the crook of my neck, shit my face is burning. 

“Yes, my dear?” He said and I could feel his breath against the exposed skin of my neck, he left another tiny kiss.

I analyzed our position, I was tucked in the middle of his spread legs, his arms holding me against his body, and I was standing on my knees and holding him against my chest.

“ I don’t think that’s a good idea ”.

“Sorry” He looked up just to meet my red face, a grin crossed his lips. “Are you blushing?”.

“I don’t blush. It’s the sun”.

“Wanna test that theory?” He got closer to my face and all I could do was get more flustered, gosh that man will be the death of me.

“Lieutenant Bradshaw, that’s not appropriate” my voice sounded like a weak whisper.

“You should see your face now, Hawks. It’s priceless”.

I hugged him, hiding my face from Rooster and he chuckled.

“I hate you”.

“I hate you more” he kissed my hair and I smiled.

---

I hate hospitals, I spent months in rooms like this one doing physiotherapy after the crash, I don’t have any good memories of a place like this. Phoenix and Bob are both sleeping in their beds, I came here to keep an eye on them.

Maverick stayed at the base.

I can’t leave my pilots, I will never do that again.

When I look at Phoenix again I meet her brown eyes, she is not injured but the doctors thought it would be good for both of them to stay some time.

“Hey, gorgeous,” I said, a smirk appeared on her lips.

“Hello, pretty lady”.

“How are you feeling?” I left the wall I was laying against and sat next to her on a brown chair.

“Just a bit sleepy. What are you doing here?”.

“I have to check my favorite pilot” I winked at her and she laughed trying to sit on the bed, I hold her shoulder.

“No, stay still. Rest for now, okay?” I stared at the ceiling. “You two scared me a lot, I’m happy that you’re okay”.

“It’s no big deal, Cap. We ejected, we are fine”.

“That’s not the point, Nat. What if I lose you two, I can't risk your lives”. I looked back at her and squeezed her hand. “I know that we are risking our lives every day but… I promised to myself that I would never lose any pilot under my wings, got it?”.

“Clear as crystal, Hawks”.

A knock on the door got our attention, I looked above my shoulder to see a small nurse with blushing cheeks looking at us.

“Are you Hawks?” She asked shyly.

“Yes, miss”, I answered her, letting go of Phoenix's hand.

“A tall blonde man is looking for you here, he is outside”.

She looked nervously above her shoulder, and she left leaving the door open.

“Bradshaw?”, Phoenix asked curiously.

“Maybe, I don’t know. I'll be right back”.

I put my jacket again and left the white room, when I turned left green eyes stared at me surprised. Hangman was laying against the wall with his arms crossed.

“Oh, it's you,” I said surprised, he frowned and said my name, he sounded sorry for some mysterious reason. “What's wrong, Jake?”.

“Are they alright?”.

“Yup, it was just a bit of shock, nothing too serious”.

“That’s good" He closed his eyes in relief, "mind joining me for a walk?”.

I crossed my arms with a smirk.

“Are you asking me out, Lieutenant?”.

“You know, in a jet Rooster can't beat me. But I guess he already got into you, didn't he?”.

“What do you mean by ‘into you’?”.

“Into that stone heart of yours” He raised his eyebrows teasing me, and I pushed his arm laughing. “What? Don’t tell me I’m wrong”.

We left the hospital, there was a huge garden in front of it, and the sun was starting to disappear, covering the sky with a beautiful orange tone. We sat on a metal bench, white flowers were spread around the grass. I looked at Hangman, he was staring at the sky like he was carrying too much weight on his large shoulders.

Looking at him like this my past start to hunt my thoughts again, though these memories don’t hurt me anymore.

“You look so much like him”.

“Who?”.

“My ex” I dodge his gaze looking at the flowers.

“No… you had a boyfriend? Or a girlfriend maybe”. Suddenly he got very interested.

“A boyfriend. Incredible pilot, but… terrible person. And no, Jake, I don’t think you’re a terrible person, get that thought out of your head”.

“That’s good to know” I looked at him again, his ironic grin all over his expression. 

“I think that’s why I was being a bit rough to you” He opened his mouth to say something but I cut him off, “But I don’t regret anything I said, you need to know your place”.

“My place?” he snorted, “You are really bossy, don’t you think-”.

I put my finger between his eyes.

“Choose your words very carefully, Hangman”.

“So bossy” He shooked his head, god this man knows how to keep eye contact, maybe he invented it. “Don’t worry, I like to obey you”

“ Hangman ”.

“Even though I’m in love with this conversation, teasing you is so fun, that’s not what I wanted to talk about with you”.

“Spit it out”.

“Did you know Thomas Salazar?”.

I blinked twice and averted his gaze. I locked my eyes on the ground hoping to have heard things, Hangman can’t be serious.

“How do you know that name?”.

“Thomas graduated with me in the academy, with his twin sister Mar-”.

“No. Jake, please ”. I touched his knee and looked up to meet his green eyes.

“Please, hear what I have to say, Captain”. He put his hand on my back, “I didn’t know who was his captain, but god, every time he talked about it, he said that he trusted you with his life. I am sure he doesn’t blame you, neither of them”.

I felt the tears coming, and Hangman’s jaw got stiff.

“God I’m terrible at face recognition. We met before right?”. I said to him embarrassed, he nodded a soft chuckle leaving his throat.

“At a party four years ago, you were with Jaws, Thomas WSO”.

“And you also remember about my ex, what a memory, Hangman”.

“How couldn’t I? Jaws almost punched me for talking to you”.

“Oh. Did we talk? I don’t-”.

“You were very drunk, I offered to take you home but Jaws…”. I put my hands on my face.

“That’s so embarrassing, why didn’t you say something sooner?”.

He shrugged and looked away, I was about to say something when my phone started to ring in my jacket, I picked it up.

“Hawks, this is Maverick. I have bad news”.

“What? What happened, Mav?”.

“Commander Iceman passed away”.

Notes:

Thanks for reading, and yes I had to split this chapter in two. Omg almost ten chapters, thanks for reading seriously!! Your comments make me so happy, thank you so much<3

Chapter 10: Running Up That Hill

Summary:

“And if I only could
I'd make a deal with God
And I'd get him to swap our places
I'd be running up that road
Be running up that hill
With no problems”
- Running Up That Hill, Kate Bush

Notes:

heeey everyone I'm back!!! Thanks for all the love and support, ten chapters already, I can't believe that, thank you sooo much!!
TW: Blood, Injuries Description, Grief, Eating Disorders, Survivors Guilt

When I was little I remember when my grandfather brought me to San Diego for the first time. My mom didn’t come with us, she hated the Navy, and my dad had to work that week, so it was just me and my precious grandpa.

That week there was no mission to be done, no risks to take, just the sky and the sea around us. Viper held my hand while we walked through the bases’ cafeteria. A lot of people greeted him while we walked to the tables with two sandwiches and two orange juices.

I sat next to him while he looked at me with shining eyes.

“So, did you like it here?” he asked, taking a bite from his sandwich.

“Yes!” I said excited. “The airplanes are soooo cool, grandpa!”.

“ What do we have here? ” a voice called in front of us and two men sat at our table, one of them was tall, strong, and blonde and the other was smaller and with brown hair. “Didn’t know you had kids, Commander” the blonde one continued.

“This little one is my grandkid, say hi sweetie”.

Shyly I told them my name and they shook my hand with their fingers because my hands were too small.

“I’m Maverick,” the smaller one said, “He is Iceman”.

“Your name is Iceman? So cool”.

“No, little one” Viper chuckled, “That’s his callsign like mine is Viper”.

“Oh, but what is his name?”.

“I’m Tom,” he said with a short laugh.

“Tom? Yeah, Iceman is much cooler, you should change it” I said taking a bite of my big sandwich.

“She has your sense of humor, Viper” Maverick said looking at Iceman's face with a grin on his lips.

“She has all the good parts, right? Tell them what you said to me earlier”.

“About your favorite pony from My Little Pony ? I told you Applejack was the best!”.

“No, not that, little one, not that,” Viper said a bit embarrassed.

“Oh no, talk more about that, Little Viper” Iceman teased my grandpa, “it seems like crucial information”.

Before I could answer Viper said.

“About the jets, sweetie,  about the jets”.

“Oh, right! I said that being a pilot is so cool, and I want to be one when I grow up!”.

“She made a huge banner to her school about it. I’m proud of my little girl” he petted my hair and I giggled happily.

“Tell me that you put glitter on it,” Maverick said, very interested.

“Of course I did!!! My jet was so beautiful…” I took a deep breath, “But my mom didn’t like it”.

Iceman frowned at Viper that just shook his head sadly.

“Okay, what about a trip with Uncle Iceman, and Uncle Maverick? I bet Viper didn’t show you the top-secret stuff”.

I looked at Viper with my eyes shining with excitement, clapping my hands, he let out a breath from his nose.

“Okay. But just because I have a meeting in fifteen minutes”.

“That’s what I’m talking about,” Iceman said standing up. Maverick got me in his arms and I waved happily to my grandpa.

“So” Maverick started, “About the My Little Pony thing…”.

And now I’m here standing in front of Iceman’s coffin, Maverick is beside me as the funeral goes on. The tears rolled down my face.

---

Rooster was standing right next to Phoenix when the airplanes crossed the sky during the ceremony, Iceman was a great man, he knew that.

Standing at the graveyard made him think about his dad.

When his mother was alive they always visited his grave on father’s day, and on his birthday, Carole always brought a red rose with her to put in front of the white gravestone.

After an hour people started to leave, Phoenix and him stayed together looking at the big crowd, and for some reason, they couldn’t find you anywhere. 

“She came, didn’t she?” Phoenix asked, “I think I saw her somewhere”.

“She must be with Maverick, if she doesn’t I have no idea”.

“Maybe she is with Hangman”, Rooster didn’t like that idea.

He looked around and spotted Hangman talking with Payback, you were nowhere to be seen, and Maverick was talking with Penny. So, where were you?

“Dude…”.

“I know, she can’t be alone in a moment like this. Grief is a dangerous and powerful thing”. He said feeling the weight of his words.

Phoenix was also worried, after what you said to her in the hospital she noticed how much you cared for them, and it was hard to don’t sympathize with you more and more.

“Nat” Rooster called her and she locked her eyes on his, Hawks called her by the same nickname, making a little smile appear on her lips, “I have an idea where she might be, I’ll find her”.

“Rooster wait-”.

He didn’t wait and started to walk through the crowd, he had no idea where to start, but if he could find some clue about his idea, maybe he would find you.

While crossing the crowd, someone poked his shoulder and he looked back to see a blonde woman with freckles all around her face, she was wearing a black suit, her hands inside her pockets.

“Hey, you don’t know me but-”.

“June?” he asked and her blue eyes went wide.

“Oh so… you know me,” she laughed awkwardly, “That’s so embarrassing” she looked down hiding her face.

“I saw you at-”.

“The market, yeah I know, that’s why I’m talking to you”.

“I’m Bradley” he offered his hand and she kindly shook it. “I’m trying to find Hawks”.

“Well then, I believe we can help each other” Rooster analyzed her tired expression, large eye bags rested on her pale skin, it looks like she hasn’t had a great night’s sleep for a long time. “I know where she is but… I don’t think I should talk to her. She doesn’t answer my calls anymore”.

“I’m sorry, June”.

“Maybe it’s better this way, I don’t want her to suffer anymore” June took a deep breath, tears appearing in her eyes. “She is sitting at the graves next to the huge tree”. She pointed above her shoulder, “Don’t leave her alone, please ”.

“I won’t, don’t worry”.

“Thank you, Bradley”.

She gave him a weak smile and left. Rooster wondered what was the last thing you two said to each other, June seemed to regret something in her words, her expression was taken by guilt.

June was right, as Rooster walked towards the direction she pointed he started to see your silhouette, you were sitting in front of three white gravestones. Your white hat was on the grass beside you, and in your hands was a small purple flower.

The gravestones seemed new, at the top of the one in front of you he could read “Marceline Salazar; beloved daughter, incredible sister and unforgettable friend”; the other on your right side was “Thomas Salazar, the perfect son a mother could wish for”; and the other on the left side was “Alexia Torres, your smile will always be in our hearts”.

When you heard his steps coming closer you wiped the tears on the sleeve of your coat and took a sharp breath. He called your name and you looked at him trying to smile.

“It’s good to see you” you put the purple flower above the gravestone in front of you. 

Rooster sat next to you and put an arm around your shoulders bringing you closer, he didn’t know exactly what to say.

“How did you find me?”.

“Oh, that’s a mystery we can solve later” He kissed your forehead and you look up with surprise in your eyes, “Sorry”.

“It’s okay” You took a deep breath before looking at the gravestones again, “You know… I think they would have liked you” You chuckled, “Of course they would, it’s impossible to not like you, Bradley”.

“I’m flattered. I bet they loved you a lot, Hawks”.

“Yeah, they did. Wanna go for a walk? I need to think”.

“Of course”.

---

When Maverick returned to the base that afternoon there were two things in his mind, the loss he was feeling, and the comfort he felt when he saw Rooster walking with you holding your hand. He felt like he could talk to you about it but to Rooster? 

That was difficult. 

When Maverick looked at you he could understand your pain, but that day he wanted to know more, after all, you permitted him.

He entered the files room and searched for your name in the archives, he found a huge white box and took it with him. He didn’t know you had shot down two enemy jets, your scores were too high and a side note called his attention.

‘ Likes to take risky moves during flights, almost crashed during a training session trying to get away from the instructor ’ he laughed to himself.

And then he found what he was looking for.

The mission happened at night, with only two jets, after hitting the target as you returned home one of the jets with the pilots, Thomas ‘Crow’ Salazar and Alexia ‘Eagle’ Torres was hit by the enemy missile, exploding in the sky.

The other jet with Marceline and Hawks suffered from a bird strike, both of them ejected but the collision with the ground killed Marceline immediately because her parachute didn’t work.

---

I started to open my eyes, the pain rushed through my whole body, and my vision was blurred by a red color. My parachute was trapped on the leafless tree, there was snow on the ground.

I took a deep breath trying to control the pain I was feeling, my body was cold, I looked at my right arm, there was a lot of blood coming from it, some parts already freezing, my flight suit was torn apart, and I had lost a lot of blood. I could feel that my face was also hurt. Taking all the strength I had left in my body I cut the strings of the parachute freeing myself.

“ Marceline ?” my voice almost didn’t come out, I hold my right arm tight against my chest as I walked with weak steps through the forest, only the huge full moon guiding me.

Looking at the snow I noticed some red circles in it, I looked forward tightening my gaze. My knees dropped the moment I saw her, Marceline’s eyes were open, her body was on the ground, a huge pool of blood around her head, her body was stiff, and her parachute didn’t open.

I approached her, and laid my back against a tree behind me, I took her head in my hands, her blood staining my fingers, the tears were freezing against my cheeks, I closed her eyes and took her dog tag, putting it on inside my pocket.

That’s it. I thought, I was too tired, if that’s the way I going to die, then fuck it.

“ I’m sorry, Marcy ” I closed my eyes, “ I’m so sorry”.

The next morning I woke up in a wood cabin, locals heard the crash and went to the woods to see if they found someone if weren’t for them I would be dead by now.

When they did the funeral my right arm was immobilized and I had a lot of stitches on my right cheek.

I couldn’t say anything, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat. I had killed them.

If I didn’t accept what Jennifer said, my crew would still be alive, and her kids would still be alive.

I couldn’t process anything that day, when Jennifer started to scream at me I stayed silent. When she punched me I didn’t say anything. I kept my mouth shut for almost two months until someone knocked on my door.

That day I planned to stay on my couch for the whole day and feed Knuckles, I was hungry but I didn’t want to eat. When I heard the knock I stayed still for more seconds until the knocking came back.

Reluctantly I opened the door with tired eyes just to meet old blue eyes looking at me, Commander Iceman was there with his eyebrows almost touching each other, at that time his health was good, and I would lie if I said that I wasn’t happy to see him, but I didn't expect him at all.

“Hi,” I said with a sleepy voice. “Come in”.

I gave him space, and he nodded and entered, my house was a mess, some clothes on the floor, dishes in the sink. He looked at me with a question in his eyes that I understood immediately.

“I know… I will clean it up… Eventually ”. I rubbed my eyes trying to stay awake.

Iceman walked to my living room staring at the pictures next to my record player, a smile appeared on his lips when he picked one in his hand.

“You look like him”.

“I don’t have a mustache, Commander”.

“I’m not talking about Viper”.

I walked next to him and looked at the one he was pointing at.

“Maverick? What? Why?”.

“When Goose died a part of Maverick died too”. I didn’t answer him and continued, “They were inseparable” he put the picture back on the wood shelf, “He wanted to give up, but we didn’t let him. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”.

“I’m not Maverick, sir”.

“I need you back there, little one”.

“There are a thousand pilots-”.

“But there’s just one Hawks”. His word hit me hard as a huge stone, my lips quivered as I tried not to cry in front of him, but it didn’t work. He hugged me and I cried on his shoulder.

---

Rooster loved to watch you cook, after a long walk along the beach, you two went to your house and you started to bake that strawberry cake that he had dreamed about. He was helping you with the dishes while you both waited for the cake to get ready in the oven.

“It’s smelling good already, you’re the best,” he said putting a blue plate on the table.

“You know if you keep complimenting me like this, I’m going to become Hangman, my ego will be bigger than his”.

“I believe that’s impossible, darlin. I can’t stop complimenting you”.

You giggled and opened the oven, taking the cake out. Rooster came directly at it and you put a hand on his chest stopping him. You had some powder on your nose and cheeks.

“No, no, mister. You can’t eat while it’s still warm. It’s not good for your stomach”.

Rooster whined frustrated.

“But it looks so good!”.

“Just because you want something, doesn’t mean that you can have it”. 

He looked at you, you were both so close, your hand in his chest just made everything worse, you were right, but he could try.

Rooster put a hand on your cheek cleaning the powder from your face.

“How did you get powder on your face, sweetheart?” 

Your eyes were locked on his face, he felt like the luckiest man in the world at the moment, he wanted to kiss you so much. But what if something happened to him in the mission? He couldn’t make you suffer like that.

“ Bradley ”.

“Yeah?”.

Before you could say something your phone started to ring in your pocket. You closed your eyes frustrated, Rooster gave you space and you picked up.

Rooster felt guilty, he tried to stop liking you, but he wasn’t trying enough because deep in his heart he liked to think that it was possible, a little spark of hope. He sat on the chair running his fingers through his hair as he kept thinking about what he was feeling.

“Shit,” you said putting the phone on your table and resting your hand on your forehead like you were having a huge headache.

“What’s wrong?”.

“Admiral Cyclone called me, he wants a meeting in an hour”.

“He said why?”.

“No. Just said ‘ we need to talk ’,” you said giving your best Cyclone impression, Rooster chuckled.

“Do you want a ride?”.

“Nah, I got a bike, don’t worry”. You looked at him with a little smile on your lips, “Sorry about the cake, you can eat it-”.

“I can wait for you, Hawks, that’s not a problem”.

You nodded and took off your apron, leaving it on the kitchen counter. “I’ll be right back”. Rooster got up and walked with you to the door, before leaving you hugged him and he felt he could melt into your touch.

“I’ll be here when you come back,” he whispered in your ear.

Notes:

Thank you so much for reading!! See you soon!! And once more thanks for the love<3

Chapter 11: The Archer

Summary:

“Combat, I'm ready for combat

I say I don't want that, but what if I do?”

-The Archer, Taylor Swift

Notes:

Heyyy guys I'm so sorry for the wait, but I’m back! I hope you enjoy the chapter🥰

I arrived earlier than I thought at the base, I could feel my heart pounding hard against my chest. Walking fast through the hallways a hundred thoughts crossed my mind: what Cyclone wanted to talk about; the relief I felt in my heart; and that day, for a brief moment I felt that I could face my fears again. 

Iceman’s voice echoed in my head, there could be a hundred pilots working for the Navy, but there was just one Hawks, and as selfish this may sound, I felt good with his words, to feel like you matter to someone, that you can make the difference, is a feeling I hadn’t felt in a long time, but that little spark warmed my chest.

The gray door of Cyclone’s office was in front of me, I was about to knock, but I heard voices inside, I looked at my watch on my left wrist, I was thirty minutes early. 

Paying attention to what the voices were saying I felt rage accumulating in my body, Admiral Cyclone was removing Maverick from the mission, saying that I would take his place.

I couldn’t control my actions. I stormed inside the room, the door slamming against the wall.

“FUCK THAT!!” I pointed my hand towards Cyclone’s direction, he was sitting at his desk, and his expression was a mix of confusion and outrage. “You’re not doing this, Simpson”.

My breath was sharp, Maverick eyes were wide and locked on my face, his mouth a bit parted, but he tried to remain calm, something that I couldn't do at that moment.

“What do you think you are doing, Captain?” Cyclone said throwing the pen he was holding against the papers.

“What do YOU think you are doing, sir? Putting Maverick on the ground? Are you fucking crazy?!”.

His blue eyes looked like they wanted to murder me.

“Watch your mouth, Hawks. I don’t think you want to add insubordination to your background. You’re taking his position tomorrow, it’s an order. Now, get out”. He pointed at the door, his angry gaze still focused on my eyes.

“I don’t give a shit, sir. You can throw my career to the trash if you want. I’m not doing this, we need him”.

I felt Maverick gently grabbing my arm, trying to intervene, Cyclone proceeded.

“Listen to me, Hawks, I like you, and that’s why I’m not reporting your behavior. But I don’t need another rebel pilot on my mind right now”.

“Rebel pilot? Really? Just because I don’t agree with your stupid decision I’m a rebel?”.

“What you did to her, Maverick?” Cyclone stared at Maverick with an annoyed expression.

“They are going to die, sir”. I said interrupting him. “We need Maverick in this training, please”.

“You are pretty capable of doing it too, Hawks”.

“Sir-”.

“It’s been a year, Hawks. I know that your crew was really important to you, but I can’t keep you in the ground anymore, I need you to fly”.

“Bulshit! You just don’t accept Maverick’s method and think that if I assume the training you can control me”.

“That’s all”.

“Hawks, let’s go”, Maverick whispered to me, the look in his eyes was sad, almost helpless, he knew it was over to him, he knew that Cyclone wouldn’t retreat from his decision.

I inhaled deeply, trying to calm down.

“Okay, let’s go”.

I didn’t look back, I didn’t apologize, Cyclone didn’t deserve my words and I just wanted to leave that place. I followed Maverick to the cafeteria where he took two burritos and a big bottle of orange juice, and we sat together.

I rested my head on my hand trying to process what just happened, I can’t train them, I’m not ready for that, not until I can be inside of a plane without having a panic attack, not until the memory of Marceline’s body stop haunting me.

“Is orange juice still your favorite?”. Maverick said giving me a burrito, I accepted but the last thing I needed at that moment was eating, so I just stared at the food.

“Yeah”, I answered with a flat tone.

“Hey, don’t worry,” he put a hand on my shoulder, I could tell that he was trying his best to remain calm too.

“This is so ridiculous, Mav. They can’t do this with you”.

“Actually they can”.

“I know, and that’s why is so frustrating. I can’t… I’m not you Maverick”.

“Hawks, when was the last time you were in the sky?”.

“The day of the crash, almost a year ago. I can’t do this, Mav. I’m so sorry”.

I got up and walked away as fast as I could, I heard Maverick calling my name but I couldn’t look back, I felt my chest getting heavier, and my breath starting to fail, I needed some time to think. 

---

The sky was dark I finally returned back home, the sea was calm and the stars shined peacefully in the sky. Sitting on my stairs was Bradley, he was throwing Knuckles’ red ball, and the little dog ran fast as he could to catch it.

I waved shyly to him, putting my hand inside my pockets again, when Rooster saw me a beautiful smile appeared on his face, and god I needed that smile, he waved back, happy to see me.

“Isn’t that the most beautiful woman you have ever seen, Knuckles?” Rooster said picking the dog in his arms as I approached them, sitting next to him on the stairs.

“What? Is Tessa Thompson here?” I said sarcastically, looking around. “I love her” I laughed looking at Bradley’s expression.

“Very funny, Hawks, very funny”.

“Sorry, couldn’t resist”.

“So, I ordered pizza, we can eat it now and then after can we pleeeease eat our cake”.

“I’ll think about it”. I said with a teasing tone.

“C’mon, Hawks, don't tease me”.

“Okay, let’s eat, Brad. I’m a bit tired”. 

We went to the kitchen and Rooster set the table while I put some food for Knuckles in his bowl next to my chair. As we eat I stayed in silence, Rooster frowned at me with his worried eyes.

“What happened there?” he asked.

I took a deep breath and then met his gaze.

“Maverick is out, Cyclone wants me to take his place”.

Rooster almost choked with his food.

“What?”.

“That’s it”.

“Will you-”.

“I can’t, Rooster, at least not right now”.

“And what will you do?”.

“I don’t know yet, can we talk about something else? I don’t want to… you know”.

“For sure, my dear” he took a sip from his beer, ready to change the subject, “When was your last date?”.

I almost choke with my soda.

“What?”.

“You heard me loud and clear, Captain”, the grin on his face was annoying, he was clearly enjoying my reaction.

“Maybe- I don't know, I don’t remember actually, but more than two years ago, for sure”.

Rooster crossed his arms resting them on the table, he doesn’t look shocked, but surprised, his frowning brows tells me that he doesn’t believe in me.

“Liar”. He says with an ironic tone in his voice.

“Seriously, my last date was with my ex, and I have to tell you, thank god it was my last”.

“Oh, your ex” Rooster whispered still facing me with his dangerous beautiful eyes.

“Yes… but we don’t need to talk about that if you don’t feel comfortable with it”.

“And why do you think that? Maybe I’m interested in your love life”. 

I chuckled, “I don’t think it’s a love life anymore, it’s not that interesting”.

“Anything about you it’s interesting, Hawks”.

That made me blush and I tried to hide my face while standing up to finally take the slices of the long waited strawberry cake. As I tried to think about Bradley’s words I felt a gentle hand caress my upper arm, looking above my right shoulder I saw Rooster standing behind me.

He was wearing a white t-shirt and dark jeans, and somehow that vision comforted me. It felt like I was waiting for that feeling of being at home again, and Bradley, well, he always made me feel complete, to feel like I could start over again. He whispered my name and I turned to him to look inside his shining eyes.

“When this mission ends” I started a bit insecure, trying to use the courage I had in my body, “Would you go on a date with me?”.

Rooster's expression changed, and a shy smile appeared on his lips, the hand that was on my arm went down and held my hand.

“I would love to go on a date with you, darlin” He leaned forward and left a kiss on my forehead. “I wanted to ask before but I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, or-”.

“Rooster, you never made me uncomfortable". I chuckled and finally took a little blue plate with a small slice of the cake and gave it to him. “Are you ready to finally eat my famous strawberry cake?”.

Bradley looked down at the cake and then back to my face, a little smirk on his lips, he was thinking about something for sure. He took the plate from my hands, his piercing gaze never leaving my face, a knock on my door made me interrupt our visual contact, Knuckles started barking at the white door.

“Enjoy it,” I say to him before going to the door.

I grabbed Knuckles in my arms and opened the door just to see Maverick standing with his arms crossed against his chest.

“Hey, Mav,” I said, curious about his presence.

“Hi, girl. I have an idea,” his eyes shined at his words.

I frowned at him and opened space so he could go inside my house, quickly he got in and I closed the door putting Knuckles on the floor. Maverick petted the dog's head but froze in his place when he noticed that Bradley was there too.

“Oh my god, I think that’s the best thing I ever ate”. Rooster said with his eyes closed.

“Bradley?” I heard Maverick whispering.

Rooster looked up from the cake in front of him that he was savoring and took a sharp breath.

“Are you hungry, Mav? I made some cake”.

I said trying to pacify the mood in my house, I could feel that Rooster was uncomfortable with Maverick’s presence, but he stayed in silence closing his eyes briefly and then looking at me. He wasn’t annoyed or mad, he was visibly confused and trying to keep calm.

“I don’t want to bother-”.

“Stop that” I interrupted Maverick, “Sit down and eat, I’m not asking”.

“You better obey her, Maverick” Rooster said pointing with his fork towards Pete’s direction, “She can be very bossy”. I put my hands on my hips frowning at him, “I’m not complaining, my dear, it’s part of your charm”.

I laughed softly, put the cake on the table and sat next to him waiting for Maverick, the man had a happy smile on his face, he walked and sat in front of us, after cutting a slice of the cake for himself, Maverick looked to me with a question in his eyes and a grin on his lips.

I shook my head with a warning gaze.

“Don’t start with that, Pete”. I said pointing at him, and he chuckled.

“Okay, I won’t say anything, but I was right”.

“What is he talking about?” Rooster questioned.

“Nothing, nothing. Don’t worry,” I could feel my cheeks burning again, “anyway, you said you had an idea, Mav. What it is?”.

He hesitated, looking to Bradley and then to me again.

“I need your help tomorrow”.

“Tomorrow?”.

“Meet me at the base at five in the morning, Hawks”.

“Oh wait” I crossed my arms, “what are you suggesting?”.

“We will show them that this mission is possible, I need your help”.

I felt my heart beating faster, I knew he was right, I needed him to show the pilots that the mission was possible, I needed him to help everyone come back home. I couldn’t let what happened in my mission happen again, the fear of losing another crew again grew in my mind. 

If we did nothing, they would for sure die, and I would blame myself forever, so as Maverick.

I trusted him, I knew he would do the right thing.

“I’ll be there,” I said to him with confidence in my voice.

“Hawks?” Rooster asked worriedly.

“Don’t worry, Brad. I’ll be fine”.

“I know, you’re a big girl”.

“So…” Maverick started, “You two are-”.

“Eat your cake, Captain,” I said with a warning tone.

“Bossy, very bossy” Maverick shook his head avoiding my gaze.

“I told you, old man” Rooster said, “It’s part of her charm”.

Notes:

Thank you so much for reading!! Thanks for all the love and patience guys🤧🤧 love you 🥰

Chapter 12: Where No One Goes

Summary:

“Let the wind carry us
To the clouds, hurry up, alright
We can travel so far
As our eyes can see
We go where no one goes”
- Where No One Goes, John Powell and Jón Þór Birgisson

Notes:

Heyyyy I'm back! Sorry for the wait I started a new job, and my routine went crazy, anyway, chapter 13 is almost done too!!
I hope you all are doing well, have a great reading!!
Thanks for all the comments and kudos, you guys are sooo kind<3

Rooster was intrigued.

When he woke up on your couch, there was food on the kitchen table and a small note above the juice bottle.

“had to leave earlier, see ya” and a tiny rooster was drawn at the end, he smiled to himself and ate the lovely breakfast you made for him. He fed Knuckles, took a warm bath, and left your house with his heart filled with happiness.

Arriving at the base he met Phoenix and Bob outside the meeting room. Both of them had concerned expressions, Phoenix was laying against the wall, while Bob was walking in circles, his anxiety showing up.

“What’s wrong?”, He asked, approaching his friends.

“Neither Maverick nor Hawks arrived”, Bob said, crossing his arms.

“Do you know where they are?". Phoenix asked, lifting her gaze.

Rooster shrugged, putting his hands on his hips like a concerned mother.

“Cyclone is inside, he looks mad”, Bob completed.

“I have no idea”, he finally said.

“Well that's concerning”, a voice came behind him, Hangman’s annoying voice, “I thought you two were together”.

“Fuck off, Bagman”, said Phoenix with an angry tone. “Thought, I thought the same”.

“Where did you sleep last night, Bradshaw?” Hangman asked.

Rooster was about to answer when the strident voice of Cyclone emerged from the room, asking them to come in. He sat on his chair far away from Hangman’s annoying presence, why this guy need to be so inconvenient?

As Cyclone started to speak the whole room started to gossip, and a heavy atmosphere spread through the pilots. The Admiral said that Maverick would no longer be their instructor and since no one could contact Captain Hawks he was assuming the training.

“Admiral, don’t you think that’s an hasty decision? We should try to find Hawks first”, suggested Phoenix.

Cyclone just shook his head and proceeded with his speech.

And then the changes started.

The time to accomplish the mission had changed, and that made Rooster think. On the previous tests, he had completed the mission, but every time he exceeded the time previously established, and Maverik and Hawks always said that it didn’t matter if his team shot the target, they would be already dead.

He felt his hands sweating. The thought of not coming back made his anxiety increase. Cyclone said no one could contact you, or find you, where were you? The base was huge, but he assumed that no one could disappear inside of it.

Suddenly a memory crossed his mind, and he connected a puzzle he was trying to solve since the first time you two met. Bradley was good at recognizing people, and when you bumped into him at the bar, he could swear to god that he knew you.

Well, he did.

---

Bradley was bored.

Waiting to see his father the whole day was boring, though he loved to be with his mother and hear the stories she created for him. Especially the one about the sky, in which brave heroes flew with huge dragons saving their kingdoms, these stories always made him think about his dad in an incredible jat fighting for his country.

He thought that his dad was the bravest man in the whole world. Well, uncle Maverick was cool too, but his dad? His dad was the most incredible man in the whole galaxy! 

But for some reason, uncle Maverick had been more present in his life than his father. Carole and Bradley had come back a lot of times to visit him at the base, and Bradley always had the feeling that he would finally meet his dad again.

It’s been four years since he last saw Goose, his mother keeps telling him that he is “gone”, but he doesn’t understand. If he went somewhere far away, the solution is simple, just come back, right? It wasn’t that complicated.

“Bradley, what are you doing?”.

His head was close to the floor because he was sitting upside down in a huge red armchair, his feet laying against the top of it, he was seeing the world from another perspective and it felt interesting for him.

Carole put her hands on her hips watching Bradley and chuckled.

“Just don’t throw up, kiddo”.

“I won’t, mom, I swear”.

“You said the same thing last time, and you remember what happened-”.

Carole’s voice was interrupted by the white door opening abruptly, Maverick had fear in his eyes, and his breath was fast.

“Viper is going to kill me”.

“What happened, Mav?” Carole asked worriedly, walking closer to him.

Maverick took a deep breath running his fingers through his sweaty hair.

“Viper had a meeting so he let me taking care of his granddaughter, and then she said, let’s play hide and seek!”, Maverick mimicked a little girl’s voice, it was far from perfect, it sounded almost like Mickey Mouse, “And I thought, yeah, let’s play hide and seek. And I’m seeking her for thirty fucking minutes!” he slapped his own face. “She’s a little girl with a shirt full of ponies, and her hair is braided, can you please help me?!”

The desperation in his eyes was almost touchable, Carole looked at Bradley who was finally sitting in the right posture on the armchair, and a loud breath escape from her nose, it was too much information.

“Okay, Bradley, stay here, Mama will be right back”.

“I can help!”, he said, but Maverick and Carole had already locked the door behind them, leaving Bradley alone with his thoughts again, and he loved that. He pretended to talk with his father, he knew it was only in his head, but he missed his old man so much that it almost felt real to him.

Shivers ran through his spine when he heard something.

Someone was crying inside the house.

It was a soft sound, but creepy at the same time.

So he did like the heroes from his mother’s stories and fought his fears.

He followed the sound, it led to his mom’s bedroom, the window was open and the curtains were fluttering with the slight breeze, it was dark so he turned on the light. He looked behind the bed and something called his attention.

Bradley saw a shadow reflecting at the wall under the window, he walked slowly, and the cries and sobbing just got louder. When he finally put his eyes on the crying person he felt his face getting warm.

A little girl was sitting on the floor hugging her knees, she raised her head to look at him and held her breath drying the tears on her shirt.

“H-Hi,” she said with a shaking voice.

Bradley sat next to her trying not to scare her, but the truth is that he was scared.

“Hi… I’m Bradley?” he was scared and confused, what was she doing in his mother's bedroom? “And you?”.

She sobbed again.

“I’m- I’m nobody”. She hugged her knees harder, burying her face between them hiding her tearful eyes.

“Everyone is someone” She looked at him again, her eyes shining, “So who are you?”.

“My mom says I’m a ballerina, my grandpa says I’m his treasure, and my dad… said I’m a fighter”. She shrugged, “But I don’t understand what it means”.

Bradley didn’t know if he was dreaming, if he was imagining, if she was his new imaginary friend, but something about that encounter felt unreal and at the same time so compelling, that he didn’t cared if it was real or not, he was glad just to have it.

“Why are you crying?”.

“I miss my dad”. She said, closing her eyes.

“Where is he?”.

The girl pointed to her heart, the sobbing starting again. Bradley didn’t fully understand what she meant by that.

“Wanna know a secret?” he asked, and the girl only nodded in response, “I miss my dad too, my mom says that he is gone… But… I don’t understand, he will come back, right?”.

She stopped crying, and with a hesitant movement, she hugged him without saying any word. Bradley chuckled and hugged her back, still doubting if she was real or not.

“So there you are!!” Maverick’s voice echoed in the room, he was outside looking at them through the open window. “How did you get in there?”.

Bradley let go of the hug, and the girl pointed at the window, Maverick slapped his forehead.

“I’m good at disappearing,” she said with a proud smile.

She got up, and before leaving through the window with Maverick, she turned and faced Bradley again and waved shyly, he smiled, and then she left in Maverick’s arms.

---

A sound brought Rooster back to reality.

The panel behind Admiral Cyclone started to show a jet moving through their training route. The room was involved in a deep silence, everyone was inside, who could be that?

“Who the hell is that?”, said Cyclone.

Maverick’s voice emerged from the panel, and suddenly the gossip in the room started again, but Rooster remained silent, his hands sweating. Maverick started talking with the range control and surprise took over Rooster’s mind and body.

“Green range is confirmed, sir” Your voice made Bradley’s heart jump, so that was Maverick’s plan. “ It's show time, Mav”.

“Setting time to target, two minutes and fifteen seconds”.

Maverick started the route and the countdown began.

Everyone in the room couldn’t remove their eyes from the panel. Two minutes and fifteen seconds? That’s impossible, no one could do that. Rooster didn’t blink while he watched Maverick go through the impossible target, he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

The man was almost succeeding, the mood inside the room was indescribable, some of the pilots were panting, and some had a grin on their faces admiring what Maverick was doing. But Rooster? He was afraid.

He didn’t know if Maverick could do that, he feared for the man’s life. Bradley couldn’t lose him, not now.

Maverick hit the target and then the G count started, Rooster felt his forehead sweating, took a deep breath, and continued to watch.

When the jet hit ten G, Maverick ended the test, and the room stayed in complete silence, Cyclone left the room with heavy steps and Admiral Bates followed him. Some minutes passed with the room in complete silence, the aviators were processing what just happened, and the talk started to spread again.

Phoenix turned in her seat and looked at Rooster with an excited expression, Bob also turned to face him.

“You knew about this?” She asked, lifting her eyebrows.

“I didn’t know, I swear”, he raised his hands releasing a huge breath, seeing Maverick in that dangerous situation made a headache start on him.

Fanboy got up to approach the group, but a knock on the door made him change his course, then he opened the door and a little scream escaped from his throat when he stared at you.

Rooster watched from the corner of his eye.

You crossed your arms as Fanboy whispered something to you, your eyes wide open, Fanboy chuckled and let you enter the room. You were visibly embarrassed, Phoenix got up happily, almost jumping towards your direction like a happy kid, Rooster enjoyed the cute dynamic you both had and the corner of his lips turned into a soft smile.

She passed an arm above your shoulders guiding you through the pilots and watched you with surprised eyes.

“What happened, girl?” Phoenix asked.

“It’s not that big a deal, just a trade of favors”.

“With who?” asked Bob with curious eyes.

“James from the control tower, he knew my grandpa, and now I have to cook and bake for his daughter’s birthday”.

“Sounds like a fun afternoon”, commented Rooster, his soft smile still on his face.

“Oh, so you two are already making plans?”, teased fanboy raising his eyebrows, with a playful smirk on his lips.

“Shut up, Fanboy”, said Phoenix, “You guys are so nosy, jeez”.

“I’m just curious”.

“Sure”, you said, staring at him with a serious face and Fanboy swallowed hard, “Anyway, I need to find Maverick. See you guys later?”.

“Yeah, we are going to Penny’s bar tonight”, said Phoenix, removing her arm from your shoulders.

“Okay, see ya”, you nodded and left the room with fast footsteps.

Rooster followed you with his eyes and something caught his attention. He noticed that Hangman was also looking at you, but tried to hide it.

“Right, now that she left, Rooster,” started Phoenix, “Tell us what is happening between you both”.

“Nothing, we are friends. I told you guys before”.

“Stop acting like a teenager, dude”, said Bob trying to hold a laugh.

Rooster rolled his eyes laughing, “I swear guys, nothing out of common”.

“Of course, you’ve been simping for her since you met her at the bar”. Fanboy crossed his arms.

Bradley opened his mouth and then gave up.

“Well… I- I can’t deny that”.

 

Notes:

See you soon!! Thanks for all the love again!! I love to write this story, and I hope you guys enjoy reading it, <3
ps: I think I'll upload on wattpad too, what do you think?

Chapter 13: The Way I Loved You - part one

Summary:

“He opens up my door and I get into his car
And he says, "You look beautiful tonight"
And I feel perfectly fine
But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
And it's 2:00 a.m. and I'm cursing your name
So in love that you act insane”
-The Way I Loved You, Taylor Swift

Notes:

hey guyysss I'm back with a huge chapter, hope you enjoy it!
TW: abusive relationships, violence

As I walked through the base I felt my heart beating faster, I didn’t know if Maverick’s idea had worked, but I needed to find him. I turned left, about to enter the cafeteria, and what I saw made me hold my breath and stop walking, abruptly.

Laying against the white walls, in front of the gray doors that led to the cafeteria, was a man. His dark hair was longer than the last time I saw him, his medals shined in his uniform and his blue eyes got a darker tone when they found me.

“You’re… alive ”, he said looking down at me, his eyelashes seemed bigger somehow.

“What are you-”.

“Doing here?” he snorted, “Got transferred from Florida. What about you, Hawks?” he pointed to the scars on my right arm, “Those are new. I always warned you about that devilish cat of yours”.

I stayed in silence just facing him, I could feel my eyes watering, and the rage accumulating inside my heart.

“Oh, c’mon, don’t give me those eyes, babe ”, he opened a grin with his perfect white teeth.

“Leave her alone, Jaws”, a deep voice came behind me, a voice that I wasn’t quite expecting.

“ Seresin , now that’s a… surprise ” Jaws said ignoring me completely changing his attention to Hangman who was behind me. “What are you doing here, pal? Already coming to save little Hawks, again ?”.

I tried to leave, but Jaws put his arm above my shoulders bringing me closer, squeezing me against him. I could smell the cigarettes on his shirt. My whole body got tense and alert, my eyes found Hangman’s green worried gaze. He was frowning, clearly annoyed by Jaws, I didn’t say a word, my brain was processing what was happening.

“Stop being an ass, Jaws. Let’s go, Captain”.

“Oh my god, Captain ?”, 

Jaws let go of me, almost throwing me against Hangman, like I was some kind of infection that he was afraid of. My head collided against Jake’s chest, and I heard him chuckling. 

As I turned to face Jason, well, Jaws, I can’t remember the last time I called him by his name. I felt Hangman’s hand on my lower back, trying to guide us to the cafeteria. But my shitty ex stayed in front of us, blocking the passage. His expression was a mix of confusion and despise, he snorted putting his hands on his hips.

“I just find out that you’re alive, and you are captain now? What the fuck?!”.

“Oh fuck off, Jason, I don’t have time for your bullshit right now”.

Jaws presence was suffocating to me, it was hard for me to stand in the same room as him. He opened a sarcastic grin and clenched his fists closer to his sides, I felt Hangman’s hand on my back got heavier, I looked at him from the corner of my eyes, his jaw was stiff and he inhaled sharp breaths.

Hangman wasn’t a talking guy. Unlike Rooster it was difficult to know what he was really thinking, and what were his true intentions, he only talked when it was convenient for him. It was very difficult to read him.

He wore a mask almost all the time.

“C’mon, Hawks”.

Jake bumped against Jaws’s shoulder, and we left him alone in the corridor. We sat at the first table we found in the cafeteria, Hangman was still by my side, his hand still on my lower back, almost holding me by the hip, I looked down at it and then again at his eyes.

“Jake?”.

He realized it.

“Oh, right…”, he crossed his arms still looking at me with an annoying expression, is he mad at me?

“What’s wrong dude? Stop looking at me like that”.

“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you!”.

“What?!”.

“You should have punched that fucker for what he did to you!”.

I took a sharp breath, my mouth parted open. Looking into Jake’s eyes I can’t describe what I am feeling. Closing my eyes I shook my head, I can feel my heart beating hard against my chest. 

He knows.

“Jake, you said you met my friends. What else are you hiding from me?”.

He avoided my gaze, looked to the side, and let out a small sigh.

“ Hangman ”.

“I don’t wanna talk about this. Okay?”.

“That’s far from okay”.

Hangman stayed in silence, staring at his hands on the table. I was confused, I didn’t know what to do. Jake was indeed a weird man, pretending to be this cocky human being, that could only exist in pages of a book. 

We are all shaped by memories. Good or bad, happy or sad, they are all important for who we are today. Every decision we make is a consequence of our past, and I can’t imagine what led Jake to create this character of himself that he plays every day of his life.

Sure, he is not pretending all the time, he for sure has a huge ego, I have no doubt that he grew up to be a winner and that had influenced his personality, but he isn’t just that.

“Hey”, I said, putting a hand on his right shoulder, “I’m not mad at you, I… I just want to know”.

“I know you’re not mad, but I am”.

“And I want to know why, because I have no fucking clue”.

“You really don’t remember me?”, he sounded frustrated, and I felt bad for it.

I shook my head, denying it.

---

Four Years Ago

“Thomas, are you really leaving me alone at your party?”, Hangman said to his best friend staying at the front door while Thomas checked his phone with a worried expression.

“I’m sorry dude, Marceline called me, she said it’s an emergency with our dad”. Thomas shook his head making his black curls wave with the wind coming from outside, it was a cold night, a rare one.

“Shit, is he okay?”.

“I don’t know, I have to hurry. Though I need to ask you one last thing”.

Hangman frowned.

“It’s just, you know Jaws?”, Hangman nodded, “Okay, he is dating one of my best friends-”.

“Hawks?”, Jake rolled his eyes, Thomas always talked a lot about this incredible best friend of his, sometimes Jake felt like he lived in her shadow.

“I don’t trust Jaws… Since they started dating… she started to drink too much at parties, I don’t like him” Thomas whispered, “Actually I can’t stand him, sometimes I think about crashing our jet with him in it”.

“Hey, don’t you ever say that again”, Hangman said with a concerned tone.

“Oh, are you worried about me?”, Thomas smirked.

“I didn’t say that”.

“Anyway, just… keep an eye on her for me, please . Love you, man”.

Thomas closed the door on Hangman’s face, he blinked twice processing the pieces of information he just received. He turned around to look at his friend's house full of aviators dancing to the loud music, drinking, and trying to talk in the middle of the crowd.

Hangman agreed with Thomas, Jaws graduated with both of them in the academy, and he was an asshole. Well… Jake knew he was also an asshole sometimes, but Jaws? He was on another level, he really meant every mean word he said. Jake on the other hand only half mean it, which wasn’t much better, but still.

Jake walked through the people trying to find you, he looked on the first floor, in the living room, in the bathrooms, when he walked into the kitchen he spotted Jaws laying against the kitchen counter with a huge bottle of beer on his hand, but he seemed to have drunk way more than two bottles. 

Hangman despised that, how could Jaws have a partner and not care about it? You were nowhere near him.

He got to the second floor, and again the bedrooms were empty, but something caught his gaze.

An open window that led to the roof was open, Jake approached it and put his head outside.

A girl was sitting on the roof looking at the dark sky, a small cup of beer next to her.

“Hawks?”, Hangman asked.

You looked at him with shock in your shining eyes and then closed them again with relief.

"Shit, you scared the hell out of me, man".

Your voice sounded lazy and tired, and Hangman noticed the recent tears on your cheeks.

“Are you okay, miss?’.

“Physically or emotionally?”, You snorted, “The answer is no for both, thank you very much".

Jake passed through the window and sat next to you, the roof was large and dark, and he wondered how long you've been here in the cold.

“Okay… hm… let me take this”, Hangman picked up your cup, putting it on his right side far away from you. “Maybe it's time to go home don't you think, lady?”.

You laughed softly staring at the sky.

“Maybe it’s time for you to go back inside”.

“Maybe, but Thomas would be very mad and we both don’t want that”.

“You know Thomas?”.

“Yup, and he told me to keep an eye on you”, he showed you the cup again, “How many of this you drank?”.

“Don”t remember”.

“Of course, you don”t”, Hangman rolled his eyes frustrated, he went to a party to have fun, not to be a babysitter.

“Do you think I'll die if I jump?”.

Jake held his breath, did he hear right?

He looked at you a bit scared, questioning his sanity. Why would you ask that? Could it be possible? No of course not.

“I asked you a question, pretty boy”.

Fuck.

He stared at you and noticed something worrying. Your bottom lip was cut, and there was a bruise above your right cheek, it looked very bad.

“Hawks, why are you up here?”.

You avoided his gaze staring at the huge tree that Thomas had in his garden, that he cared so much. Jake couldn’t tell how drunk you were, but he was sure you were far from sober.

“I like the stars”.

“Okay, and how did you get those?”, he pointed at your bottom lip, you touched with your fingers and noticed fresh blood on them.

You stayed in silence, staring at it.

Hangman had a feeling, a bad one and he prayed to be wrong.

He put your hair behind your ear, and you looked at him again.

“Let's fix that, shall we?”.

It was a strange thing to do, sit on Thomas’s bed and help a girl he barely know. He found Thomas’s first aid kit under his bed, where Jake also found empty bottles of coke and dirty socks.

You didn’t look at his eyes while he helped to clean the blood from your lips and applied some ointment on your bruise. He noticed how your eyebrows twitched every time you two made eye contact and he chuckled.

“Are you going to tell me who did this to you, or you gonna keep the mystery?”.

“I’m full of mysteries”.

“I’m not kidding, Hawks. Thomas will kill me if you don’t say it”.

“Why do you care? I don’t even know you”.

“Well if you were my friend I would be fucking pissed, and I’m sure Thomas will be if you don’t tell him, or me”.

Jake ended his work, putting the kit under Thomas’s bed, again.

“You’re Thomas’s friend?”, you asked clearly confused. “I didn’t know he had other friends”.

“Why? Are you jealous?”, Hangman teased with a smirk.

“No… I’m not that kind of friend”.

“You’re very drunk aren’t you?”.

“I’m not drunk, you’re drunk!”.

Hangman wondered how you could be a fun and a sad drunk at the same time.

He got up and hoped you would follow him, but instead when he opened the door, you just crossed your arms, anxious. You looked at the window again, and Hangman closed the door, he took some steps and kneeled in front of you.

“Hey. I know you’re scared, but I’ll be with you, okay?”.

“I was thinking about escaping through the window. Would that be a bad idea?”, he let out a soft laugh.

“Escaping from who?”.

“ Jaws ”, your voice sounded like a whisper, Hangman just heard it because he was very close to you. He frowned, feeling the anger running through his body. 

“He did this to you?”.

You stayed in silence, and the lack of response started to kill him from inside. He couldn’t believe his thoughts.

“That fucking bastard”.

He stood up, and before he could open the door, you held him by his shirt, and he turned to you with fury inside his eyes.

“That asshole-”.

“No”, you cut him with a weak voice, Hangman opened his mouth ready to argue with you, but when your head collided against his chest and you started to cry, the only thing he could do was hug you, and caress your hair.

He guided you to the bed and you both sat again, you stopped crying but your breath was unstabilized. Hangman had no idea how he got in that situation, but god, he felt so bad for you, he felt powerless, there was nothing he could do for you unless…

The bedroom door opened with a strong push, just to reveal the man that Jake was ready to push from a bridge, Jason Cugller, callsign ‘Jaws’. He was wearing a letter jacket with a white t-shirt, he had a shiny earring in one of his ears and a cigarette in his left hand.

“ Seresin ”, he said with despise.

“If you take another step inside this room, I’m gonna punch you so hard you gonna wish for death”, Jake said trying to stay under control.

Jaws looked at you with annoyed eyes, pointing at you with his cigarette.

“What did you say to him?”.

Jake held you against his side tighter, his green eyes burning with anger, and you looked up, cheeks flustered.

“ It will be fine ”, he whispered with a soft voice.

When he looked at Jaws again, the man had his fist clenched, he was visibly drunk and too angry. A level of anger that shouldn’t be aloud when someone was in that state, with no self-control.

“Oh my god, look at you, should I call you what? Super Hangman?”.

“All I want is that you leave her alone”.

“She’s my girlfriend, you idiot”.

And then a sound that Jake wasn’t expecting, you started to laugh at his said, it was a soft and sweet laugh, but your words were the extreme opposite.

“Fuck you, Jason. I’m not your girlfriend, I’m not your ‘babe’, I’m not even your friend anymore, I just want you to stay out of my way”.

“You’re not-”.

“Oh shut uuuup” you cut him, and Hangman just watched as Jaws started to back in his tracks, “You talk too much, jeez ! So annoying, you stupid narcissist”.

The man rolled his eyes inhaling deeply and then slammed the door.

You rested your head against Jake’s shoulder as he rubbed your lower back.

“Let’s get you home, miss”.

“You don’t know where I live”.

“Well, I hope you can help me with that subject”, he opens a soft smile.

“Your smile is too beautiful, you know that?”.

“Oh, I know”, he chuckled and helped you stand up.

Hangman tried to call Thomas and Marceline, but none of them were picking up. So he got inside of his old red mustang, sat you on the passenger seat, and put the seatbelt on you. It took some time but eventually, you started to answer his questions a bit sober, and he found your beach house, that he knew that Marceline and you shared.

He found the light switch, and both the living room and kitchen came to life. 

“Marcy! I'm hoooome! Where's my goodnight kiss??”, you shouted while Hangman guided you through your house, he chuckled at your silly drunk personality.

“She's not here, lady. Thomas and Marceline are with their father”.

“What? Nooo, that's not fair, I want to see mister Salazar too!”.

“Well, now what you need is a warm bed and water”.

“Nah, no water, just warm bed”.

“Alright, alright”.

Hangman helped you, got to your room on the second floor, noticing an orange cat sleeping on top of your wardrobe.

You laid on your bed hugging a huge pillow you had, and Hangman smiled at the cute scene, though what he had experienced tonight was far from cute. He was scared for you. What if he leaves and Jaws tries to do something with you?

You closed your eyes on your bed, Hangman let a loud breath escape his nose and closed the door. He went downstairs and waited for Marceline outside of your house.

---

I stayed in silence while Jake told me his story, he didn’t look in my eyes while telling what happened, he looked embarrassed and angry at the same time.

“I asked Thomas to not mention me, so he didn’t”, he shrugged, looking away.

“Hangman…”, I touched his shoulder, but he suddenly stood up.

“I’m sorry, Captain”.

He walked away, he ran away, he left me alone.

Notes:

sorry for no Rooster this chapter, he will be in the next I promise, THANK YOU FOR ALL THE KUDOS THIS IS INSANE!!!!
see you soon<3

Chapter 14: The Way I Loved You - part two

Summary:

“He respects my space
And never makes me wait
And he calls exactly when he says he will”
-The Way I Loved You, Taylor Swift

Notes:

I can't believe I am saying this... BUT I'M BACK!!!! My mental health was terrible these last few months and I couldn't write a single word, but I'm finally here to continue this story I love so much with the characters I love the most! I'm so sorry for the wait...
and again THANK YOU FOR ALL THE KUDOS, COMMENTS, AND HITS!! YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!!!
I hope you have a good reading<3

In the bar, Rooster was worried, you told the crew that you would be at Hard Deck by night, but you were nowhere to be found. What happened to you?

“What's wrong, Rooster?”, Penny's voice sounded so distant but when he looked up from his beer she was in front of him, on the other side of the counter. 

“It's nothing, Penny, I'm fine”, he wasn't convincing at all. Penny raised an eyebrow. “I'm just… thinking”.

“Maybe that's the problem, don't you think?”.

“What do you mean?”.

“Well…”, she took a deep breath and a soft smile appeared on her lips, “I have known you since you were just a kid, Bradley, and since then you always think too much”.

“So I should…”.

“Stop thinking”, a smart smirk appeared on her lips, turns out Penny can read minds, Rooster thought.

“That's the same thing Maverick keeps saying to me since we started the training”, he let out a sharp breath and looked at the beer in his hand.

"And at the same time… The more you think, the more you keep staying for last”, Hangman’s voice emerged from his right side, like a demon emerging from the dark abyss of hell, Rooster liked that description too.

The blonde man sat next to him with his drink in hand.

“Fuck off, Hangman. I'm not in the mood for this little game right now”.

Penny looked from one man to the other, and snorted, shaking her head.

“You two never change”, she turned around to talk with another client that was waving at her with some dollars in his hand.

"Do you know where Hawks is?”, Rooster asked him with an annoyed tone, he hated to discuss about you with Hangman.

“Well… if you don’t know, why do you think I do?’.

“Wow, you really are a good friend" Rooster rolled his eyes, "I just asked you a question, man. Don't need to get defensive”. Rooster raised his arms in the air, ironically.

“I'm not getting defensive”, Hangman frowned, clearly getting defensive.

“Sure not”, Rooster said, impatiently. He stood up, wanting to leave Hangman alone, but something burned inside of him, something that had been stuck in his mind for a long time, and he couldn’t keep quiet anymore. 

He turned just to face Hangman again, and then, he spoke.

“You know, Jake, sometimes I think you have the capacity to be a decent human being, but then, in a second, you can be the worst jerk I have ever known. If you keep acting like this you’ll just end up-”.

“Alone?”, Hangman cut him off with an ironic tone, like he didn’t even care about what Bradley was saying, maybe he didn't. “I can deal with that”.

“No, you can’t”, Jake opened his mouth to argue, but Rooster continued, “You love to be in the spotlight, have all the eyes on you. And I am sure, if you keep acting like this, neither the ones that follow you will still be by your side”.

Bradley put the money on the counter and left the bar, outside he ran his fingers through his hair, he could feel his heart pounding in his chest, he hated being anxious, his hands felt sweaty and his breath was difficult to control, but after what he said to Jake it was impossible to be calm.

He closed his eyes, storming out wasn’t the best way to solve things, no one had ever stormed out with him, not even Maverick, actually, he had stormed out with the old man days before, god, this mission was putting too much pressure on him.

Looking at the sea he took a deep breath, calming down, he wanted to meet you, and talk to you. During the day you two briefly talked, and the truth is he was missing you, these three weeks felt like months to him.

“I left her”, Jake called Bradley from behind, and he turned to face the man, "Hawks needed me, and I left her, I’m sorry".

"What happened?".

Jake told Bradley everything, since the first day he met you at the party and his conflicting feelings about the inconsistent relationship you two had. When he felt like he could tell you about his past, and how much of a coward he was when he left you alone at the base because he couldn't face you.

Bradley heard with attention at Jake's words, and he felt his heart beating faster in his chest. That Jaws was the ex you briefly mentioned, with an uncomfortable behavior and height fulfilling your words. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. If that guy showed up near him he would regret every finger he touched you with.

Hangman never talked like that, like he cared about anything other than himself and at that brief moment Rooster noticed that the man had a heart.

After finishing, Jake waited to hear Rooster’s words, but Bradley stayed silent, facing him with worried eyes. Hagman looked at the sand on his shoes, shook his head with a deep breath, and, one more time, left someone he cared about alone because he could never admit to himself that he truly cared, he wasn’t raised to be like that.

Bradley watched as Jake disappeared inside Hard Deck, like the conversation they both had didn’t occur, he closed his eyes, the knot he felt in his throat was too much. When he felt the tears in his eyes he felt guilty.

Guilty for not being able to help you.

Guilty for not being able to make amends with Maverick.

Guilty because he was not good as his father.

“Rooster?”, he didn’t turn, he wasn’t trusting his mind at that moment.

“Rooster? Are you okay?”, when he felt your fingers touching his shoulder he turned to you, just to find your beautiful shining eyes staring back at him, and he started to feel less tense, but the tears that accumulated in his eyes dropped down his cheeks, and your expression changed in less than a second. “Bradley? What happened?”.

You were dressing a huge yellow shirt and black jeans, but no matter what you were wearing you were always stunning to him, he was speechless. 

With the lack of response, you just said…

“I made an apple pie”.

And that was everything he needed to hear.

Notes:

Thanks for reading!!! See you soon, and thanks for all the love again, I missed writing Icarus so much<3

Chapter 15: Midnight Rain

Summary:

“He was sunshine, I was midnight rain
He wanted it comfortable
"I wanted that pain
He wanted a bride
I was making my own name
Chasing that fame
He stayed the same
All of me changed like midnight"
-Midnight Rain, Taylor Swift

Notes:

Hey, I'm back with another chapter! I hope you like it, have a good reading!!
TW: Eating disorder, PTSD

“So you’re telling me that Hangman said the word 'sorry' two times on the same day, that must be a sign, right?”, I said as I sliced the pie, Rooster’s eyes followed every movement I made like he was admiring a painting.

"A sign of what?", Rooster didn’t explain why he was alone crying at the beach to me, he just followed me to my house with a shy smile on his lips, and if there was a word that could not define Bradley, that word was "shy".

"You tell me, Bradshaw. I feel that-"

"Wait, wait, wait… Bradshaw?", Rooster asks while I give him a plate with a huge slice of the pie, looking up at me, I just stood in front of him, staring at his confused expression. "You only call me Bradshaw when you are worried or tense. Why are you worried, darling?".

The way he said the word ‘darling’ made my heart melt, and I couldn’t answer him, I just got lost in his eyes.

“Hey”, he touched my arm with just the tip of his fingers, sending little shivers through my body, “Why are you so tense?”.

I just shook my head, avoiding the bad thoughts from my mind, well, I was trying to avoid them. I sat in front of him, my gaze avoiding his, I was afraid of telling him about the terrible feeling that was growing in my heart, and in my head.

“Hawks, what’s going on? We barely talked today, are you sure you have nothing to tell me?”.

“It’s just a feeling, don’t worry, Rooster”.

“Don’t do this with me”, I finally looked him in the eyes, and instead of the worried gaze from before I stared at a serious expression, that I wasn’t expecting. Bradley’s eyebrows were almost touching, his mouth was a thin line, and his jaw was tenser than I have ever seen.

“Is it about the mission?”.

I held my breath. I knew how important the mission was to him, it wasn’t just another medal, it was a matter of honor, a way to prove to Maverick, to prove to himself that he deserved to be with the Navy. I knew he wanted to be team leader, and I also knew that he couldn’t be because Maverick already was.

“Maverick is going to be team leader, Admiral Cyclone made the choice”.

I knew how that sounded to him. 

You’re not as good as Maverick.

We don’t trust you.

You’re not good enough. 

Rooster bit the inside of his cheek, staring at the pie in front of him. I looked at my plate, I didn’t feel hungry, the only thing I felt was emptiness. And the walls that I have been struggling to bring down, started to rise from the ashes. Suddenly I felt small in my own mind, I felt small at my own house.

“Well”, Rooster started, “after what he did today, I wouldn’t expect less than this. He deserves it”, his tone wasn’t bitter, or angry, he sounded conformed. He looked into my eyes, his shoulders less tense, “Why were you so worried about this?”.

Because there’s more , I thought, taking a deep breath.

“Is it-”, Rooster hesitated, biting his bottom lip before speaking, “Because you saw him, isn’t it?”.

My eyes grew wide with his words, I felt my mouth dry.

The feeling.

The memories.

The pain.

The crash.

I hugged my arms, trying to stay present in the conversation, my hands felt cold against my exposed skin. When I tried to speak, only a small sound came out, so I took another deep breath, I couldn’t do this anymore.

The way Jaws spoke about my scars like they meant nothing made my darkest thoughts appear again, making me question myself again and again.

“I’m sorry, Bradley”, I felt the tears coming and I knew I couldn’t stop them. “I’m so sorry ”.

In a blink of an eye, Bradley was kneeling in front of me, one hand resting on my knee, the other trying to brush away the hair that was falling over my face. He whispered my name but I didn’t have the courage to look him in the eyes.

“Hey, look at me”, he gently put a finger under my chin, “please, darlin’ ”.

“I’m sorry Bradley, I thought- I thought I could move on with my life but-”.

“Hawks, you don’t need to be sorry. I won’t pressure you”.

“I know, Brad, you have no idea what this means to me. But there’s one more thing”.

“Go on”, he caressed my knee encouraging me to continue.

“Cyclone wanted me to be Maverick’s wingman", Rooster's eyes went wide with anticipation. 

“And?”.

“And I- I said no, and left the room”.

I could still hear Maverick calling my name from behind, but I didn’t look back, I didn’t turn, I had no doubt, I wasn’t ready for that. No matter what, the motivational speech, the comforting words, it wasn’t enough to make me feel ready to be inside a jet again.

I wasn’t fully healed yet, it takes time to live together with your traumas without having a panic attack, but for some reason, Cyclone didn’t understand in that way. But working with this type of people is hard, either you do what they ask you or you’re out. 

And I have no doubt anymore, that was the final straw, I was out after this mission, and finally, my escape plan was about to begin.

“I’m not ready, Bradley. It seems like the more I try to overcome everything, the more things appear to bring me down again, I can’t”.

“Hawks, you will not like what I’m about to say, but, I’m going to say it”, Rooster’s hand disappeared from my chin and he stood up, “You’re wrong if you think that the solution is ‘overcome’ what happened with you. And I don’t think Cyclone is wrong for asking you to be Maverick’s wingman”.

Rooster was right. I didn’t like what he said.

“Really? You really think he cares?”, I said with an ironic tone.

“Actually, yes”.

“That’s not possible, Rooster. That guy doesn’t care about us”.

Rooster put his hands on his waist looked at the ground and continued.

“I think he believes in you, he trusts you, Hawks. He trusts you enough to ask you to be part of the operation. Why can’t you see this?”.

I stood up.

“Because I know that if I get in that jet this mission will end up the same way my old one did”, I could feel the tears burning in my eyes.

“That’s not true, Hawks. He wants you in this mission because he believes in you, he is our Admiral for a reason, and-”, Rooster stopped talking and closed his eyes, his jaw twitching like he was deciding what to say.

 “And what?”.

“You know you’re not responsible for what happened”. 

“I am”.

"You may believe that, but this isn't true, Hawks. If I was your wingman, Hawks, I would follow you anywhere because I trust you, like your crew did, and like our friends do".

A deep and deadly silence filled out the room, I just stared at him with my hands closed at my sides, the nails piercing my skin, I could feel the pain but I didn’t care. I couldn’t look into his eyes anymore.

“Hawks”.

“I think you should leave”.

Rooster frowned, he looked offended and mad at the same time.

“You’re crazy if you think I’ll leave you alone after this, Hawks”.

“I’m not asking, Rooster”.

“Hawks, listen to me-”.

“Bradley, I just wanna be alone and I can’t think straight when you’re fucking around. I know you're trying to help me but I just need sometime to think”.

Rooster walked towards me and stood dangerously close, I could feel his warm presence too close, too tempting, I looked up, staring at his honey eyes. I was still mad at him, but what he said…

Since the first day we met, Bradley only wanted to make me feel better and help me. When I cried he was there to hold me, when he cried I was there to listen to him and help him. He wasn’t attacking me with his words, he was trying to make me see what was really happening around me, trying to help me see beyond my pain and distrust in people around me.

I knew what I had to do.

I took a deep breath calming down just like him.

“You won’t do anything stupid, will you, darlin?”, he said with a smirk,

“Only the normal amount of stupidity”, I smiled at him, a shy smile, but still a real one.

I saw Rooster’s eyes shining when I smiled, his cheeks got redder than mine. He shook his head and put a hot hand on my waist, bringing me closer to him.

“ Fuck it . I can’t resist your smile”.

Gently Bradley put his lips against my left cheek, leaving a quick kiss, and then his lips were on the corner of my mouth and I felt my heart racing, and my cheeks warming faster than ever. He repeated the kisses on the right side of my face, I felt butterflies flying in my stomach.

“I’ll save the rest for after the mission”, he said and kissed the tip of my nose, “I’m leaving now”.

“I’m not so sure if I want you to leave now”, I said, holding a laugh.

“Oh, is that so?”, he leaned forward but then kissed my forehead, “I’m kidding, sweetheart. If you need me you know where I am at”.

“I know”.

Notes:

Thanks for reading!! Thanks for all the love<3 See you soon!!

Chapter 16: Bigger Than The Whole Sky

Summary:

“And I've got a lot to pine about
I've got a lot to live without
I'm never gonna meet
What could've been, would've been
What should've been you”
- Bigger Than The Whole Sky, Taylor Swift

Notes:

yup, I'm back after months, so sorry for the wait, I try to write when I have time and quality too.
THANK YOU FOR ALL THE KUDOS AND COMMENTS SERIOUSLY!!!
working hard to write my ideas the best way I can, so I hope you like this looong chapter, and there are references to previous chapters too.
anyway, it's getting late and you deserve a bedtime story
sooo good reading!! see you soon, I promise!

The rain was heavy outside the building, and the noise was loud and intense even with all the windows closed. That place was the same as one year ago, with the same grey walls and dark wooden doors, the old smell of poorly washed carpets on the hallways invaded my senses, and I hoped to find her here.

I stopped right in front of the old door, the number 201 shining against the brown background, with my heart hamming in my chest I knocked twice at the door.

Some seconds passed until I heard soft footsteps approaching me. Am I ready for this? No. But that’s the first time I have had enough courage to face her in months.

The door opened and shocked blue eyes stared at my soul.

“Sorry… I know it’s late… but I need to talk with you and-” I said until June wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into a fierce hug, my face buried in her shoulder, she was so tall.

I felt the water blurring my vision, I closed my eyes letting the moment consume me. She whispered my name, and then my world fell down, and all I could remember was the last time I saw her, one year ago, a cursed moment in my past, that I tried so hard to bury deep inside my mind, but I couldn’t anymore.

---

“She really said that?”, June asked taking a sip of her coffee mug and looking at me with concerned eyes. “She can’t force you to do that, Hawks."

“She’s my Admiral, June. She can do anything she wants to me."

“I know, but you still can talk to other people about it, right?”.

I stood up from her black couch, took a deep breath, and left my coffee mug on her tiny glass table.

“Right, Hawks? She’s not the only Admiral there, you could talk to Iceman”, June’s voice changed, from a concerned tone to a serious one, like she could read my mind, sometimes, I thought she could.

“Yeah, yeah. I know that”.

I couldn’t tell her that the people above Admiral Salazar had already approved the changes on the mission. Salazar said I needed to complete the mission or my crew would never fly again. I had to do that mission for them, I couldn’t let that happen to them.

“Then… why are you here instead of talking to him?”, June asked holding her mug with strength, her knuckles turning white.

“It’s not that easy, June”.

The little living room was full of deep yellow lights, but at that moment I felt like the room had darkened because the mood of the situation brought all my hopes down, she couldn’t understand.

“It is that easy, Hawks. He’s my dad I can call him right now if you want”, she made a pause, and stared at me with her brows almost touching, “Well, if that’s what you want”.

“You’re not seeing the full picture…”.

“Well,” June didn’t take her eyes off mine while she stood up and walked in front of me just to say, straight to my face, “What I am seeing is my best friend who can make a fucking right decision since…!”.

“Don’t you dare finish this…!”, I said pointing the finger at her. I felt a bit of anger burning my vision.

“Since she became a Captain!”, I snorted and took some steps back giving myself some space from that conversation.

“You can’t be fucking serious, June”.

She remained silent, taking sharp breaths like she was about to cry, or say worse things.

“You just… You’re not there! You have no idea what kind of pressure I have to deal with, and the more you grow in there the pressure just gets heavier, especially when you’re not a man”.

“I know, Hawks, but that doesn’t mean-”.

“Stop!”, and then I noticed that we were both shouting at each other, that never happened before, my heart was getting tight at every word. “Don’t act like you know what I have passed through, you don’t know the things I had to hear, the disgusting things that I went through... Months ago I was with- with an asshole of a guy and none of you did anything, especially you, June!”.

Silence.

And then… tears.

“Why? Why didn’t you do anything? For fucks sake I know you since we were two. You of all the people, why didn’t you talk to me?”.

“You were always busy! I was working two shifts at the hospital, and…”.

“You call me and I’m at your door, June. I always put you in the first place”, I took a deep breath and approached the door, holding the handle with strength, “So, I ask you again, why didn’t you talk to me?”.

“I- I don’t know ”. June looked at the floor, and then at me again, “You’re saying this but… if you really cared about me you wouldn’t go on this mission”.

“ What ?”.

“Hawks, you’re putting your crew and yourself in danger”.

“You think I don’t know that?! I don’t have a choice here. Or we do the mission or we are out”.

“ Out ?”.

She whispered, but I didn’t want to answer.

“I can’t risk their carriers. I would rather stay Captain forever if that means that they will grow. I’m sorry, June”.

And I closed the door behind me, for a long time.

---

To be sitting on the same black couch, drinking the same coffee in the same mug must have been a sarcastic joke of the universe, and everything becomes full circle.

June was wearing a blue shirt and white shorts while she roomed around the little apartment bringing photos of her new girlfriend, Maria Mercedes, a short girl with dark skin and white braids, with a joyful smile.

“She is so kind, Hawks. I need to introduce you two”, June sat at my left side and I turned slightly to face her. “You gonna love her”.

“I bet I will”, a weak smile appeared on my lips, “Again, I’m sorry June, I know it’s late, but I needed to see you”.

“You kidding, right? I literally tried to talk with you for months, and I realized you needed your space. But- But when I saw you at the market, I just… really wanted to talk with you, I couldn’t stop myself”.

“I’m sorry…”.

“Stop apologizing!”, she poked me on the shoulder, and I snorted.

A moment of silence fell between us while I thought about the mixed feelings in my heart.

“I’m sorry for your dad”, I finally said.

June’s face couldn’t be more expressive. Her mouth closed in a thin line, and her eyes got sadder. I should have been with her when he died, I should have helped, that’s what a best friend should do, but I? I ran away, well, that used to be my way of dealing with my problems.

Not anymore.

I hope so.

“He told me”, June began, “that he talked with you about returning to the Navy”, June’s eyes shined with tears and I held her hand trying to comfort her.

“I’m glad he did that”, I looked at the ceiling like I could see my life projected like a movie against it, all the days after that talk, all the people I’ve met because of it, the changes in my life, the woman I was changing into. 

And I felt proud.

I was starting to become myself again.

June wiped a tear from her face and smiled at me, her blonde hair falling in front of her eyes.

“Aren’t you going to talk about you and… what was his name…” she paused, closing her eyes tight, trying to remember something from her deepest thoughts, “Oh, right! Braden?”, she asked interested.

“Braden?”.

“That guy you were with, in the market”.

“Bradley?”, I chuckled at her confusion.

“Yes, that one! Is he your new best friend or something? Should I be concerned about my position?”.

“Only a little bit”, she gasped at my ironic answer. “I’m kidding, idiot. He’s a great guy and a really great friend”.

“He’s familiar for some reason, I spoke to him at the… funeral”.

June was Iceman's youngest daughter, maybe she had met Bradley in the past but couldn’t remember him. Iceman never encouraged her to join the Navy, he knew how dangerous it was, he didn’t want that kind of stress on June’s life, and neither did I.

“He’s a pilot”, I said and June raised a brow under her blonde bangs. “Maybe you have seen him before at a party with Alexa”.

“A pilot?”, she sounded ironic and I didn’t understand why “Okay, then”.

“I didn’t like the way you said ‘pilot’”, I chuckled and stood up, and she followed my movement, walking me to the door.

“Is just… There’s something about pilots that I really love”, June said with a sincere smile, “My father and all of our friends, every time they weren’t flying they were always living like it was their last day here with so much joy and love, giving life the value it really has, knowing how precious life is. Pilots are... something else”.

“Yeah”, she opened the door for me, “We are”.

---

My hands were sweating while Maverick listed the pilots that were coming with him to the mission, the fear and tension could be seen in every pilot's face there, the anxiety showing on their sweaty foreheads. I held my breath while Pete said their names and callsigns.

I feared for their safety but I trusted them enough to not doubt their abilities, the pilots would come back, my friends would come back. I looked at Phoenix, Bob, Fanboy, Payback, and then, at him.

When Maverick said that Rooster would be his wingman I couldn’t get my eyes off him, he looked at Maverick with a heavy expression, with the weight of the world above his shoulders, forcing him to the ground, trapping him on land. I couldn’t fully understand what he was feeling, fear, worry, stress, all of it at once. 

When Maverick finished, and everyone started to leave I went in Pete’s direction and stood beside him waiting to talk.

“You made the right choice”, I said and he turned to face me, concern spread all over his face.

“I know. I just wished we had more time”.

“Hey” I put a hand on his shoulder and he followed the movement with his eyes, not expecting my reaction, “As you said, time is our greatest enemy, you’re a pilot, Mav, can’t have this kind of expectation”.

A sad smile appeared on Maverick’s lips and he tilted his head to the side.

“You’re gonna fly high again, Captain Hawks”.

“And I hope it will be by your side, Captain Maverick”.

When Maverick hugged me I held my breath, he caught me off guard and I felt the tears falling from my eyes.

“Take care of him for me, okay?”, he said and I felt my heart freezing with fear.

“I will, I promise”, I tried to sound confident, but I felt my last words full of dread.

When Maverick left I felt a huge hole growing in my chest, I dried the tears and ran outside of the aircraft carrier, the sun was high on our heads and I felt my skin burning under it, I needed to find him.

Loud noises infested my senses, people shouting, engines starting, the blowing of the wind, and my heartbeats, making my anxiety go wild. I took a deep breath and stopped walking, leaning my body against the wall of the control tower, I couldn’t run away, not this time, not anymore.

“ Hawks! ”, his voice came behind me.

As I turned around and looked into his eyes, I felt my heart just getting faster, I couldn’t lose my crew again, I couldn’t lose him.

He was ready to fly, with the suit and holding his helmet under his arm, he took sharp breaths like he had been running for some time.

“Rooster, I-”.

“Don’t”, he interrupted me, stepping forward, I felt my face burning with anticipation, “Keep it to when I come back”.

“I just wanted to wish you good luck”, I took a step closer to him, the distance between us just getting shorter and shorter, centimeters, millimeters… His free hand grabbed my waist and pulled me closer until our bodies touched.

“A friend told me that having a reason to come back makes us more focused on accomplishing the mission”, Rooster closed his eyes and put his forehead on mine, “You're my reason”.

I felt the tears burning my eyes, a knot formed in my throat.

“You better come back, Lieutenant.”

“I'll Captain”, he kissed my forehead and looked down at me with tears, “My Captain.”

“ Rooster, we gotta go !” Phoenix's voice echoed behind him.

“Go. You know where to find me.”

He smiled, a gorgeous and shiny smile, and then, left.

But for the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel alone.

---

At the control room, I sat on a chair far away from the controls and Admirals, the pilots were almost leaving the carrier, everything getting prepared for the mission, the last details and preparatives. Admiral Cyclone didn’t take his eyes off the panels with all the data and parameters.

The room just got smaller every second, with more people coming in and finishing every procedure. Admiral Warlock looked above his shoulder and glanced at me with surprise in his eyes, he got closer with some steps and took something from his pocket, a note, and gave it to me with a shake of his head, and just walked away, as if nothing happened.

Before I read it I looked around, most of the crew was focused on the screens illuminating the room, but some of them looked at me just like Warlock did, above their shoulders, whispering to each other, I recognized a few. They worked at my old mission too, I shook my head avoiding the intrusive thoughts coming to my mind.

I stood up and left the room, the door led to an empty hallway, and without hesitation, I opened the note.

It wasn’t Warlock’s handwriting as I expected, it was Cyclone’s.

locker room on the second floor, locker 336.

I’ve got you a new one. Do as you want to.

“Sweet as always”, I said while following his instructions, not because he ordered me to, but because after one year in the Navy doing exactly what people wanted me to I finally felt like I had a choice again.

---

Hangman didn’t feel fear in years, in fact, he thought that nothing could scare him anymore, that nothing could test his sanity and values. 

He was wrong.

But he didn’t know that yet.

Jake waited impatiently in his jet, just hearing the communication channel with caution, if the other pilots needed him he would be there in a second, no doubts, no second guesses.

For a brief second his eyes escaped the radio to a silhouette coming in his direction, holding a helmet with one hand. 

He had to blink twice to believe his eyes, maybe the tension was tricking him, maybe the anxiety was making him hallucinate, but it was you . It was you coming in a full pilot suit, a yellow helmet with black and white stripes on its side, and ‘ hawks’ written in front of it.

“Have room for one more?.” you asked with your shining eyes, and Hangman stared at you like you were a ghost.

Notes:

THANK YOU FOR ALL THE KUDOS AND COMMENTS YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME!!!!
see you again soon!!!
I planned a lot of things to happen, so, be ready!!

Chapter 17: I'm Always Chasing Rainbows

Summary:

"I'm always chasing rainbows, watching clouds drifting by
My schemes are just like all my dreams
Ending in the sky"
- I'm Always Chasing Rainbows, Alice Cooper

Notes:

It's been a long time. I can't believe I took so long to write again, but I did it! I'm back!
Please if you still remember this story say something in the comments I always love to read them, you guys are amazing<3
Have a good read!
TW: anxiety

“Have room for one more?”

You asked but Hangman didn’t answer, he just stared at you without blinking, his eyes shining like gold, holding his breath at your sight.

How did he not see? How could he be so lost in his arrogance to not notice the incredible pilot you were? You weren’t in the jet but he could tell, just looking at you in the uniform that you were born to wear with pride.

“Jake?” Your voice woke him from his thoughts bringing him back to the ground, but soon, both of you would be in the air, flying into the forever and beautiful sky.

“Come on in”.

Hangman sounded confident, god, he cared about you, but he would never admit that.

---

As I climbed onto the plane, I could feel my heartbeats echoing through my body and shattering my soul, holding my breath the anxiety started to spread on my nerves.

Just breathe.

Just breathe.

When I finally sat behind Hangman putting my helmet on, reality struck me. I’m doing this, and after one year, I’m finally inside a plane again, that’s where I belong. I need this, damn, I’ve been needing this for so long.

Hangman didn’t say anything, we both just listened with attention to the channel of the pilots, the mission would last two minutes but it all felt like two hours of pining waiting. Everything was going as planned, they had succeeded with the missiles, and now they were at the coffin corner.

While I heard them, all I could think about was my crew, my friends. How many times have we done that? Those suicidal missions, and after coming back we were drinking beers and eating pies at my house, laughing like we weren’t the craziest people on the planet, but you know what? That was the whole point. It was our job, it was our life and if people thought we were crazy, we didn’t give a fuck for it.

We were happy.

But then, Maverick was hit and the air left my lungs.

My hands were sweating under the leather gloves as I heard the despair in their voices, they were shouting that Maverick was gone, that there was nothing they could do, Rooster wanted to go back and look for him but there was no time.

I heard from afar, Hangman’s voice asking for permission to offer assistance to the crew but it was denied. As my surroundings turned steady and my breath was stable again, I touched his shoulder from behind.

"Turn off the communicator, Lieutenant."

"Captain?" He asked with hesitation, turning his head just a little so I could see his green eye under the helmet.

"It's an order, Hangman." And he did it, he turned it off. "Listen to me, fuck what they want us to do, put this jet in the air, right now."

"God, I told you” I could hear the grin in his voice "I like to obey you.”

And then we were in the air, cutting clouds, the rough wind against the metal, I closed my eyes briefly and stayed silent enough to Hangman notice the anxiety pounding inside my chest.

“Cap, we are fine, open your eyes.”

I opened it and looked around, the sky was gray that day, the deep blue I was used to in my night missions was gone, and under us the sea was enormous it was hard to think straight, it’s been so much time I was up there that even the adrenaline was beginning to fail with my senses, everything felt too real, felt too much for me.

“Hey, Hawks. It’s okay, just listen to my voice,” Hangman’s voice was soft, so far from the usual ironic and superb tone that my brain got confused, trying to understand his behavior. “Wanna hear a funny story? When I saw you the first day, when we were having the instructions I panicked in the locker room.”

“You.. what?” I sounded breathless, but the tension in my body was dissipating from my muscles.

“I didn’t know how to act around you, 'cause I didn’t know if you remembered about me. That’s so stupid.”

“It is a bit stupid.”

“Right?” He chuckled, “And then I just acted like the jerk I am, like I always do.”

“You know, I don’t hate when you’re a jerk at a certain level, but sometimes you push things too far, and I believe you haven't apologized to Rooster yet.”

“Touché.”

“So you better do it when we come back, Hangman.”

Everything happened too fast, in a moment Hangman had helped me to calm down, in the other, I was helping him to find Rooster and Maverick through the navigation system we had on the jet, and everything felt natural like we had been flying together for years.

In some minutes we found Maverick and Rooster in an F-14, flying from another jet. Hangman was fast shooting the enemy with extremely precise skills, and turned the communication channel back on, so we could hear the pilots on the plane across us.

“Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, this is your savior speaking. Please, fasten your seat belts, return your tray tables to their locked and upright positions, and prepare for landing”, Hangman said, his cocky tone coming back and I rolled my eyes.

Maverick knocked at the glass waving at you two.

“Hey, Hangman, you look good.” Rooster said, and I felt relief in his voice.

“I am good, Rooster. I'm very good.” I reached for his helmet and pushed a little, hearing him chuckling.

“Shut up, Jake. Stop flirting you two, we are in the middle of nowhere.” I said jokingly looking at Rooster and Maverick.

“Nice helmet, Captain”, Rooster winked at me, my cheeks getting hotter.

“Okay if I can’t flirt, you two can’t either.” Said Hangman, “I’ll see you back on deck.”

And then he turned the plane coming back to the aircraft, staying in silence. I could feel tears of joy and relief in the corner of my eyes.

“A “thank you, Hangman, my favorite pilot, for saving their lives” would be nice to hear, you know?”

“Thanks, Hangman” I was smiling under the mask, couldn’t hold myself from doing it.

“And?” He was waiting for me to say the entire line.

“And what? I can’t say you're my favorite pilot ‘cause that would be a lie.”

“Bullshit, you know I’m the best one.”

“Jesus, can’t wait to get on the ground again…”, taking a deep breath, I knew I was feeling better but the anxiety still surrounded me.

“Are you feeling okay back there? We’re almost there.”

“I’m fine, don’t worry. It’s just tighter than what I remember.”

“If you’re okay, then we are okay.”

The jet finally landed, the metal against the metal making loud noises that I wasn't used to anymore, when the movement stopped, Jake opened the cockpit and the cheers of the crew started to get to us. The crowd was shouting congratulations and honor to the pilots that came back.

While Jake removed his helmet and jumped off the jet, I stayed there absorbing the moment, the mission was a success and everyone returned back home, everyone .

Tears fell from my eyes as I removed all the equipment and stood there looking for my crew, my pilots among the crowd below. I sat at the wing of the jet, my legs were dancing in the air. 

Everything felt so right at that moment.

That feeling I was missing for so long finally hit me again.

I felt alive.

Not surviving like the past year, but alive again, and it felt too good.

Joining the crowd I found myself being hugged by a lot of coworkers, they praised me with comforting words and compliments, and I smiled and hugged them back too involved with the feeling.

"Got a hug for one more?" Phoenix's voice called me from behind, I turned and stared with a shining smile at her, Hangman, and Rooster.

She hugged me with tenderness and it felt perfect. She was a good hugger.

"You were incredible up there, Nat" I complimented her, and she freed me.

Jake hugged me quickly almost as he was afraid to, but still was full of happiness and gratefulness. When he was about to release me, you held his upper arm and his green gaze locked on mine.

"Thank you for saving their lives, Jake."

"Any time, miss."

Through the screams of the crowd, I heard a soft and familiar voice calling my name, as I turned in his direction I met the beautiful honey eyes of Rooster. 

His arms wrapped around my body lifting me from the ground, and I held myself on him like he could disappear at any moment.

"Don’t you dare scare me like that again" I said half joking.

"Gosh, I love your hugs." he said, sounding breathless, "I'm so proud of you, Hawks, you have no idea."

"It's been a long time since I felt this happy, Bradley. I thought I'd never feel this again" I looked up meeting his warm gaze, Bradley kissed my forehead and smirked.

"I'm just upset that you flew with him before me" he joked pointing to Hangman with one hand, with the other he held me tight to his side by my hip.

"What can I say, Bradshaw?" said Hangman, "She knows who's the better pilot here."

The four chuckled and Phoenix winked at me because she knew that she was my favorite but that was a talk for later, now I just wanted to be where I belonged, with my crew and the Navy one more time.

Notes:

Anddd I have to warn you that the next chapter is THE ONE, I mean, I think is the one most of you have been waiting for since you started to read this fic, so stay tuned!!
THANK YOU FOR THE KUDOS AND COMMENTS YOU ALL, love ya<3

Chapter 18: Slut!

Summary:

"Got lovestruck, went straight to my head
Got lovesick, all over my bed
Love to think you'll never forget
We'll pay the price, I guess
But if I'm all dressed up
They might as well be looking at us"
- Slut!, Taylor Swift

Notes:

First of all 700 kudos???? What is this?? The number of hits???? When I started to write this fic I just wanted to share Hawks's story, and now I know that a lot of you have enjoyed it and this makes my heart melt.
Yeah, I'm alive! Top Gun 3 is being produced, and so is this fic!
Things are going to change.
Paramount hire me, I have script ideas!
This is a chapter I bet a lot of you are waiting for! I had so much fun writing it you have no idea!

 

TW: smut

That night the Hard Deck was closed to the public, but every person that walked in front of it could see people cheering and dancing all over the place.

I remember staying outside and staring at them for a while, hearing the music, seeing Rooster playing the piano with friends all around him, and I stayed there, outside staring through the open windows, it was cold, and my black dress made me feel exposed, it wasn’t so short but my knees felt freezing, I couldn’t move.

“Oh my god. Who are you, gorgeous?” said a well-recognizable voice with a teasing tone.

I turned abruptly, my hair flying with the wind. It was a rare occasion, I never used my hair down, at work and home it’s always in a ponytail. 

Hangman’s cheeks turned red.

“Captain, I am so sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“You didn’t?” I asked, hugging my body tight, what did he mean by that?

“No, it's just, I mean it but I didn't mean it, got it?”

“Jake, that doesn't make fucking sense, did you mean or not?”

“Of course, I meant it, Captain! You look fucking hot!” He exploded, taking a step further and getting closer to me, and I stood still as I noticed his face getting even redder, his green eyes getting brighter.

“Can't believe you're blushing” I said chuckling.

“I can't believe you're not” He whispered, “I am sorry, Hawks. I shouldn't have said that.”

“That I look hot?”

“Okay, now it's getting to your head.”

“Said the one who always lets things get to his head,” I smirked and looked him up and down, Jake was wearing a black button shirt which was open, revealing his torso, and his pants were also black. “You look like a bodyguard.”

“A sexy bodyguard, you mean.”

“Who am I to deny that?” I shrugged, raising my hands. “You look decent.”

“Now you’re just being mean.” He blinked slowly, “You say this like you’re not dressed in black too."

“I like it, it’s simple and-”

“And it suits you.” He stepped closer, and put my hair behind my ear, revealing my shining earring, biting the inside of my cheek. I held my breath, Jake had never been that close to me, his eyes reminded me of a dark forest, he whispered my name and said “You look beautiful.”

“Tha-Thank you.” I stutter, why the hell did I stutter? “You look good too.”

“Well, you could at least say I’m the most handsome man you have ever seen in your entire life, but this works too. And you know what?” He got even closer. “We are matching, and someone there will be very angry about it.” 

Faster than I could imagine, Jake gave me a pick on the cheek and left opening the door of the bar and leaving me alone at the entrance, with my cheeks burning and my heart hammering in my throat. 

That bastard.

I got in, taking a deep breath as I watched all of my friends talking to each other, and sat down at the bar, watching as Rooster and Phoenix performed “ Holding Out for a Hero ” at the piano, I could tell Phoenix was a bit drunk by the way she reached the high notes, and Bradley laughed of her through the song. She wore jeans and a blue top with embroidered flowers all over it, she looked stunning, her hair was down just like mine.

Rooster on the other hand, looked like he was about to go to the beach like he always did, in his typical shirt with leaves and flowers printed on it, with a black shirt under it, he also wore a pair of jeans, but darker than Phoenix’s.

They were so happy and I felt grateful for that. We had a month of vacation after the mission's success as a reward, and I thought that was what I needed, but somehow after I landed I was more excited to go back to the sky, but now was time to celebrate.

“Look who it is, if it isn’t my favorite, Captain?” Penny’s voice was a blessing to my ears. “It’s been a while, isn’t hun?”

Turning at her she greeted me with a smile, her green shirt shining on the yellow lights of the bar.

“Yeah, missed our midnight talks, Penny,” I said as she gave me a bottle of my favorite beer, of course, she memorized it, that was her favorite thing to do, to know her clients so well they didn’t even have to make orders, she already knew what they needed.

“Pete told me about what you did, I’m so proud of you sweetie.”

“Thank you, it was about time.”

“Do you think about leaving? You said that you wanted to.”

“Not anymore.”

“Have reasons to stay? Wanna share them with me?” she arched an eyebrow comically.

“That’s what my friends would have wanted, and that’s what I want.”

“That’s the spirit, honey.” She winked at me. “If you need anything, just ask, but the kitchen is open, there’s food and more drinks, make yourself at home.”

I stayed at the counter enjoying my beer, that’s exactly what Marcy would be doing if she was here, she would be dancing around with Thomas singing with Alexa and I would be here, just watching as I always did, with a soft smile on my lips.

A single tear rolled down my face, I whipped it off and was about to go after food when a warm hand touched my lower back, and I froze in place.

“You know” his soft voice whispered in my ear, “when I texted  you and asked what you would wear and you said 'something different', I thought you meant boots or shorts, definitely not this.” Bradley's lips brushed my ear and he placed a kiss on the side of my neck, his hand finding my waist.

“Thanks, you look great too,” I whispered with a smile.

“Sorry, darling, but you don’t look great, you look like you have descended from heaven.”

“I’m in black, Bradley.”

“A fallen angel, perhaps.” He leaned down and kissed my cheek and then my neck again, fast enough to no one see but still I felt my skin burning from his touch. 

“I love your shirts, you look like a tourist in Hawaii.” He chuckled, “And- never mind.”

“And what, darling?”

“And- god this is so stupid.” I looked at him, staring at his honey eyes, “this.” I pointed at his face.

“What?”

“I don’t know, your mustache, I can't describe it.”

“We need to talk.” He simply said, and his hand left my waist, but his gaze was still warm.

“We are talking.”

“You know what I’m talking about, smartass.”

“Wanna do this right now? You can wait until the party's over, right?”

“I have other things in mind after the party, like that strawberry cake you texted me.”

“So selfish.” I mocked him. “Okay, spit it out.”

“I’m gonna have to stay out this mouth, go back to my house to solve somethings and I know I promised you we would go on a date but-”

“Rooster.”

“There are some important things that I need to solve and I’m sorry-”

“Rooster.”

“I wanted to stay-”

“Bradley!” I grabbed his arm and shook it, cutting from the unstoppable mumbling. “I know! I know. There’s no need to worry about it.”

Bradley looked confused, trying to connect the invisible dots in his head.

“Maverick told me.” I finally said, Rooster searched the room with his eyes, trying to find the man himself. I just laughed at him and how angry he looked. “Stop that, it’s okay.”

“It isn’t, that’s why I don’t tell him things, he’s terrible at keeping secrets.”

“Sooo, I thought… Why don’t we consider this our first date.”

“I like the way you’re thinking, I definitely love it.” He blinked twice, “So that’s why you're dressed like this, and I look like a Hawaii tourist.” He pointed at me and then at himself, it wasn’t fair that this man could be funny like that.

“Don’t say that, you’re a handsome tourist.”

“No honey what you don’t understand is” his hand came back to my waist and then to my hips, “If this was our third date and you came dressed up like this, we wouldn’t be here anymore, we would be at your house, and this dress would be on the floor.”

Crossing my legs, I felt the blood in my cheeks getting hotter, I knew what he was doing and I didn’t step back.

“Just on the third?” I took a sip from my beer.

“Don’t tempt me, darling, it’s not nice especially when I’m the one wearing thigh jeans.”

“Idiot.” I looked above my shoulder, Jake was on the other side of the bar, Fanboy was talking to him but he wasn’t paying attention, his cat eyes were glued on Rooster and me. “Your boyfriend is staring at us.”

Bradley followed my gaze and rolled his eyes, Jake kept staring.

“Ex-boyfriend, you mean.”

Arching an eyebrow, the engines on my brain started to complete the puzzle of Hangman and Rooster's endless bickering, I shouldn’t have looked as surprised as I was, but my mouth was open and I leaned back.

“Wait, don’t tell me you didn’t know?”

“No clue, but now that you mentioned I can… see it?”

“No one told you? Phoenix always brings that up, we used to- no, forget it”

“Used to what? Now I want to know.”

Bradley ran his finger through his hair with a long deep breath.

“We used to go on double dates.”

“No way, I need to talk to Phoenix, it’s like crucial information about you.”

“Please don’t.”

“Was it that bad?” I smirked and put a hand on his thigh, “To date a blonde, tall, cocky pilot? If it is, I need to take notes, 'cause I need to know what kind of trick I’m falling for.”

“I’m not cocky.”

“All pilots are, don’t lie to yourself.”

“You’re not.”

“I can be, believe me.” I lifted from the bench and adjusted my dress.

“Where are you going?”

“Saw Phoenix walking outside, I have serious subjects I need to talk about with her, excuse me, Rooster.”

As fast as I could I crossed through the pilots and went outside through the back door of the bar, pretending to look after Phoenix, lying against the wooden wall I waited some seconds and then Bradley was right there with wide eyes, looking around searching for me. He rolled his honey eyes and approached me, I looked up with a small grin.

“Can’t believe you fell for it.”

“If you wanted to come outside, you could have just asked.”

It was dark, the yellow light from the bar illuminated the outline of his body but still looked like the moonlight had turned dark blue. Rooster hands found my hips, and I touched the side of his face, he shivered with my cold touch and chuckled.

“So beautiful,” he said, his eyes scanning my whole face, almost pleading as he leaned towards me, I could feel his breath against my lips, “May I, darling?”

“You don’t need to ask, never did”

With that, I closed the gap between our lips, Rooster let a small noise of surprise escape his throat and I smiled against his lips.

Can’t lie I was thinking about it this whole week, but Bradley could always manage to surprise me. I thought his kiss would be sweet, and gentle just like him, but Bradley had waited enough just like me, so when my lips touched his the man was hungry, starving for weeks.

It was a dance unpredictable of teeth, lips, and tongue that made me melt under his hot touch. His right hand left my hips and grabbed my thigh. I felt the fabric of my dress being pushed up by his precise fingers, but I didn’t care. I lifted my leg, tangling him, bringing his body closer until our hips were touching.

“Shit.” He whispered as he gasped for air, lifting me from the floor a few inches, keeping me against the wall with just one strong hand holding my waist, and then he kissed behind my ear, I could feel a knot growing in my abdomen, the urge to close my legs around him. “Your gloss tastes like…”

“Strawberries?” I giggled and he looked up, his pupils dilated from the lack of light and pleasure at the same time.

His expression darkened,  I don't know what I said to make him look at me that way, eyebrows furrowed, mouth parted, red cheeks, but god I wanted to make him look at me like that forever.

“Think this is funny?”

“I know they’re your favorites.”

He didn’t answer me, instead, his mouth came back to my exposed neck, the straps of my dress falling over my shoulders, Rooster took me by surprise, I tried to hold back a moan, covering my mouth with my free hand, but I couldn’t, I felt Bradley chuckling against my skin.

Lifting my other leg, now I was fully embracing his hips, searching for some friction, Bradley's moan reverberated against my collarbone, and I tangled my fingers in his messy blonde hair.

“So impatient.”

His hand started to trace the inner part of my right thigh, and I let a small gasp escape my lips, his mouth was shortly back on mine as his hand traveled up and up, until his fingers brushed the fabric of my panties, my heart was pounding so fast I could bet Bradley was listening just as loud.

“You know, as much as I would love to hear you scream my name, if you want this right now you’ll need to be quiet.”

“I know” I whispered, “Brad, I didn’t bring any condoms.”

“Honey, this isn’t about me.” He pushed the fabric aside and ran a finger on me, a low moan left my throat, and my arms held him tighter, I couldn’t remember the last time I had sex, more than two years for sure, I shut my eyes. “Relax, If you want me to stop just say it, okay?”

“Don’t worry, I’m a tough girl.” I winked at him, and Bradley raised an eyebrow, his thumb started to massage my clit slowly, painfully slowly, I knew I was a complete mess down there, and another whispered moan escaped me.

“Are you? Look very needy right now.”

“Shut up”, his first finger entered me and I rested my head against the wall, he started to move it, and he guided my legs down, so he could use his other hand, I followed his movements under my eyelashes, and he lowered the front part of my dress, exposing both of my breasts, first he looked hypnotized, then he faced me surprised.

“No bra?”

“No strawberry cake either. It was- fuck- a lie.”

“All just a trap for me? You’re so mean, Hawks.” He added another finger, his movements faster and harder, his mouth captured one of my breasts, the stimulation was high, and a loud moan echoed in my throat.

“Bradley, right- right there.” 

His fingers worked synchronized like a machine, that man was going to be the death of me, his tongue circulated my nipple and he let go of it, coming back to stare at my blushing pleading face, Bradshaw smirked, he was loving that, didn’t know if it was more than me but, his expression, looked like he was the one being fucked.

“You close?” He sounded out of breath.

I nodded incapable of answering him, grinding against his hand I felt the climax reaching closer and closer.

“Bradshaw I-”

“Shit, that’s it, darling, let go.”

I moaned against his mouth trying to muffle the loud sound, holding his shoulders with my nails. I hadn’t felt that good in so long, shit, how could he be that good with those hands.

Finally looking at him, I felt my face getting even more hot, I wanted to hide from his peaceful gaze, a soft smile resting on his lips.

“You okay?” He still sounded breathless.

“Yeah... you’re good at this” I kissed him gently, “Thank you, Bradley.”

“That’s what I’m here for.”

I watched as he took the fingers out of me, and licked every inch of them, and I practically knew what he was thinking.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“What?”

“I know it doesn’t taste like strawberries” I chuckled, breathing deeply.

Rooster rolled his eyes.

“You’re impossible, Hawks.”

Notes:

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE LOVE I DON'T DESERVE THIS
See you soon!

Chapter 19: Hung up

Summary:

“Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you
Waiting for your call, baby, night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you.”
- Hung Up, Madonna

Notes:

Hello! I came back! My life is finally on track, and my obsession with this movie has returned, new chapters coming!
As always, thank you all for the love and support throughout the years. It's been 3 years since I posted the first chapter of this story, and that's huge for me.
Have a good reading!
TW: Eating disorder.

When we returned to the bar, I could not control the beats of my heart, felt that at any moment it could explode in my chest. The heat was still spread over my face even after talking to Rooster for more than half an hour outside the bar. When we came back, Rooster went to the bathroom while I returned to sit at the bar’s counter. Penny was enjoying the party with Maverick and Amelia, so I had the counter all to myself, taking courage to open another beer and challenging myself to take it.

I deserved that moment, I deserved that happiness. 

So why when looking at the empty benches around me, the only thing that passed through my mind was how selfish I could be? As I pressed the bottle on my lips, I felt sick, and a sigh of defeat came out of my lungs, and I put the bottle back on the table without drinking it.

"You know, it’s a sin to waste this bottle." Jake Seresin’s voice was unmistakable at that point, and yet an inexplicable shudder ran down my neck as he approached sneakily like a cat. Dressed in those black clothes, he could get annoyingly more beautiful, but I would never admit it. 

Rolling my eyes, I tried to drive away those annoying thoughts. Jake’s eyes ran from the beer to my face again, and he raised an eyebrow as if he was the owner of the truth. I believe he felt that way most of the time.

"Why don’t you allow yourself to enjoy the good things that happen to you?" That phrase made me swallow dry and stare at his green eyes. Who did he think was to talk to me like that? As soon as I opened my mouth to challenge him, he interrupted me, continuing, "Will you say that I’m wrong?"

"I don’t think you’re in a position to want to argue with me about ‘enjoying good things’". I made quotes with my fingers as I turned to him. Hangman got what he wanted; now he had my full attention, just for him, arrogant.

"Oh, darling, I think I am. If I see something that I want, I don’t let it slip away."

"Then why did you leave Bradley?" A smug smile took my lips, but Jake was the inventor of provocative argumentation, so he didn’t budge at all.

"You should go to jail with that smirk, it’s too criminal."

"Shut up, Hangman."

"Do you really think he escaped?" And then, his eyes widened, and before he could turn away from his touch, Jake pulled the hair that covered the side of my neck, revealing the hickey I was trying to hide. His mouth opened slightly with surprise, and I only managed to blush even harder, his fingers still in contact with my skin. "That mother fucker... Is that why you both disappeared, then?"

"That’s none of your business."

"Of course it is." He shrugged, gathering his hand and taking a sip of his beer. "I’m curious."

"If by curious you mean nosy." Rooster passed his arm over my shoulders, approaching affectionately, and I thanked the gods for his appearing. I glanced at him, Bradley wasn't angry or suspicious; in fact, the playful smile on his lips evidenced his good mood. "Did I miss something, honey?"

"No, I just said that Jake was an idiot for breaking up with you," I said, and finally took a sip of the drink.

The two men were stunned. Jake tried to disguise the redness on his cheeks by drinking beer, and Rooster did not even try; he stared at me, startled, and I felt good to see the two embarrassed. I would not be the only one to be ashamed that night. I can not deny that knowing that the two had a relationship in some way made everything more interesting and fun for me. I just hoped it wasn’t anything traumatic, if we are talking about terrible exes, mine is enough.

"It offends me that you think he’s the one who broke up with me, sweetheart." Rooster put his hand against his chest.

"And wasn’t he?" I said, surprised, "It’s Jake’s thing to ruin good moments."

"I don’t have to listen to this nonsense." Commented Jake, who tried to walk away, but my hand on his shoulder stopped him. "Hawks..." He hissed like a cat in a threatening tone.

"What? I’m a curious person."

Jake’s eyes were glued to my hand on his shoulder. The sudden change in his expression was something I didn’t see coming. He licked his lips, and his eyes traveled between my hand, my face, and Rooster’s for a few seconds. There was something in that gaze I could not identify, but it wasn’t his usual confident look, he was almost vulnerable. Noticing Jake's look, Bradley slowly held my hand, gently removing it from Hangman’s shoulder. He said nothing but held Jake’s gaze as if he understood what that simple gesture meant.

Jake took a deep breath and shook his head, wanting to get away from that confusing moment.

"Well, it was a pleasure. But some funnier people need my company. Have a good night, lovebirds." And with that, he went back to the table of Fanboy and Payback.

Rooster came out from behind me and sat where Jake was before, his nervous fingers playing with the bottom button of his Hawaiian shirt, and he stood in silence contemplating whatever it was that was going on in his confused little head. I joined him in the awkward silence, but put my hand on his thigh, so he knew that when he wanted to speak, I would be there to listen to him, and he held my hand with affection.

I bit my lip, a little anxious, something was hovering in the air that made me alert. Something was happening, something that only those two could understand, and it was reciprocal for sure. Rooster did not seem jealous or nervous, he seemed touched somehow. I didn’t understand then, but now I know exactly what had happened, the little flame that would set my life on fire from that moment forward.

Soon, Rooster returned to his normal state, and we sat down with Maverick, Penny and Amelia, and the evening followed with quiet conversations and delicious laughs. Although I didn’t like the way Jake had been talking to me, he had a point. I needed to enjoy my life again, even if the guilt still burned inside me

It was time to live again.

---

We left the bar around two in the morning. Rooster's bags were already on the back seat of his blue Jeep, which I found so charming, and it matched with his personality. I knew I would miss him a lot… But at least now I had returned to talk with June, and it was already a huge progress in my life, at least, I would not be so alone.

"Try not to disappear," I said, crossing my arms, the icy wind of the night beach hitting my arms.

"I’ll call you when I land," he said as he opened the Jeep’s door and turned to me, a muffled laugh escaped from his throat. "You know, sometimes I still think this is all crazy."

 "What do you mean?"

"I never thought that I would get involved with someone from work... again. Everything gets complicated... But Hawks, I can’t imagine my life without you in it." He approached and carefully held my face in his hands, there was a certain concern in his honey-colored eyes. "Promise me that when I call, you will answer.”

"I promise, Bradley. I’ll miss you.”

"I’ll miss you more."

He said goodbye with a gentle and affectionate kiss, and soon the Jeep drove away, taking one of the people who had turned my life upside down in three weeks, and the future that awaited me left me excited, even if my pains and insecurities still haunted me.

I would try living again.

 

Notes:

Thank you for reading!
See you soon!
Comments are always appreciated!
<3

Chapter 20: Silver Springs

Summary:

“Time cast a spell on you, but you won't forget me
I know I could've loved you, but you would not let me
I'll follow you down 'til the sound of my voice will haunt you.”
- Silver Springs, Fleetwood Mac

Notes:

Hello, I'm back!
Have a great reading<3

TW: Grief and Anxiety

Have you ever had that dream of falling off a cliff? Your body in free fall, just waiting to collide with the hard and cold ground? Think about this feeling, and now add to your back a parachute and several dry trees with sharp branches. Personally, the cliff has always been more attractive to me, and recently, those trees appear more and more in my sleepless nights.

I woke up around 2 in the morning and couldn't sleep again. Rooster had returned to Virginia a week ago, and things were going well. The Navy gave us one month of rest as a merit of the mission, but soon everything would be back to normal. I sat on the sofa in my living room, staring at the ceiling. Knuckles was sleeping in my bed upstairs and had no intention of waking up, that lazy dog.

The closer some dates approached, my emotions always found a way to shake me and hurt, like taking away my right to have a good night of sleep, which is too important for me. I had a calendar on the fridge, an old thing, I know, but it was my routine and Marcy’s to make an ‘X’ on the dates that had already passed, and since she died this practice had been lost, and that’s why I got lost in space time and almost forgot what day was today.

It was Marcy’s and Thomas' birthday, and then all the nightmares made sense.

I couldn’t sleep anymore.

It was the first birthday without them, a date that, before the accident, was full of food and euphoria, and now was replaced by emptiness and loneliness. It was six in the morning when I put on my aviator jacket, put some food in Knuckles’ bowl, and picked up my bike.

The cold wind rocked the leaves of palm trees along the path to Fort Rosecrans, the cemetery where my friends were honored and buried, doomed to oblivion like anyone else. At the entrance, I bought the siblings' favorite flowers. Marcy always loved violets, and while Thomas, despite always being dressed in dark colors and loving rock songs, adored sunflowers.

It was a silent walk to the oak’s shadow where they were buried. Although we were in the middle of summer, the mornings used to be cold due to the proximity to the sea, when the clocks marked eight o’clock, the city began to heat up. It took about ten minutes with fast steps to reach the tombstones of my friends, but I arrived in twenty, because I always wondered if I really wanted to go back to that place, to remain in the void where the three left me. As soon as I finished climbing the little hill that led to the tombstones, I was surprised to see that I wasn’t the first one to arrive.

Hangman wore a red flannel shirt and lit the incense that I put monthly at the feet of the graves. I stood while he placed a small portrait next to the incense and gave two taps on the glass, returning to sit on his heels. Between his lips, there was a cigarette, which was not yet lit, which surprised me even more. Swallowing the surprise, I approached cautiously.

"Good morning," I said as I stood beside him, holding the flowers against my chest.

He took the cigarette out of his mouth, and a shy smile lit up his face.

"Morning, beautiful." He tapped the grass next to him, "Have a seat."

I knelt and carefully put the flowers in front of the tombstones, the knot of sadness starting to curl up my throat, but going through it alone would be much worse; with Jake, who shared a pain similar to mine, made matters lighter, even if by a little.

"I didn’t know you smoked," I commented, staring at the cigarette between his fingers.

"I don’t. Thomas was a walking chimney. Sometimes when he was very stressed, I would join him, just to see if it helped." He lifted his cigarette, staring in disgust. "I hate the taste."

"Me too. He was always too anxious; it was nice to see him relax a bit. Anxiety must be a family thing." I chuckled. "Marcy looked like those sodas after you shake them, you know?"

"About to explode?" He agreed with his head. "You could have told me you were coming; I would have picked you up."

"I don’t have your number, Hangman."

"This is a mistake I intend to correct."

That sweet smell of incense was Marcy’s favorite, burnt cinnamon, such an ingredient that she always insisted that I had to find a way to put in my sweet recipes, and if it made her happy, I would gladly. I hugged my knees against my chest and took from inside the jacket the dog tag that I carried up and down, not mine, but Marcy’s, ‘cause Alexa’s and Thomas' were never found.

"I still hear them, you know?" I commented softly. "I don’t think I’ll ever forget... the despair in their voices. Sometimes I have trouble remembering what their voices were like when we were just talking, singing, and even arguing."

"That’s terrible, Hawks. I don’t know what to say, but... maybe I know what to show you."

Hangman took his phone out of his pocket and began to search in the gallery. I didn’t stare, afraid of seeing some photos that I shouldn’t. After a few seconds, a victorious smile appeared on his face, and he clicked on a video that soon began to play. It was the old living room of Thomas’s house, two people were facing the huge flat screen TV holding microphones and dancing glued to each other, while reading the lyrics of the song that played in the karaoke.

" Come on, Jake, you can sing better than this ." The voice came from the person who recorded the video, a voice I knew too well. It was Macy’s.

In front of the TV, Jake and Thomas were competing to see who would do a better version of Silver Springs from Fleetwood Mac . Jake already seemed to have drunk about four beers, and Thomas was not far from that. Both had erratic movements, and Marcy laughed in the background. Upon arriving at the peak of the song, Marcy got off the couch and joined the two, switching to the front camera of the phone, and the three finished the song together, terribly harmonizing. By the time I realized, tears of longing were already coming down my cheeks.

"I have several of these. I can send them to you if you want."

"I-I do," I said, trying not to stutter.

As soon as I went to dry the tears, Jake’s calloused hand was faster, and I stared at him without breathing as he wiped my tears with his thumb, and a sad smile on his lips.

"Come here."

With that, Jake welcomed me into his embrace, and I rested my head on his shoulder. I never imagined that of all the people I met, the one who could comfort me in a moment that should be taken by darkness was Hangman. I didn’t cry with remorse, but the longing spoke much louder. I wanted them to be with me, the good moments swirled in my mind as I snuggled into Jake’s embrace, it was warm and pleasant.

I liked it when Jake let this more vulnerable side appear, which was not recurring, but when it happened, it was very good. And I can’t deny, sometimes his asshole side also serves as entertainment.

"Thank you, Jake," I said in an attempt to get away from the hug, but Jake’s strong arms held me there, and he squeezed me harder against his body. " Jake ?"

"Wait just a little. This feels nice."

I laughed softly and stayed with him for a few more seconds, until my phone started ringing. I let go of his hug, feeling the loss of heat from Jake’s body, and looked at the name on the screen, Rooster , and a chicken emoji.

"Always him." Hangman rolled his eyes and laughed. "Always interrupting good things."

"Shut up, Hangman," I said, pushing his shoulder and answering the call. "Good morning, Brad."

"Brad?!" interrupted Jake, making sure that Rooster was hearing his voice. "You’re already on first-name basis, I wonder what else is going on."

Silence.

I looked at Jake with wide eyes. Really, why can’t he shut up just for once? It took a few seconds before Rooster answered me.

"Good morning, dear... may I ask why Hangman is with you at seven in the morning? Or is it better for me not to know?" His voice sounded lazy, as if he had just woken up, god I wanted to wake up next to him one day.

"We kind of bumped into each other."

"At seven o'clock in the morning? Where? The base?"

"In the cemetery, Bradley," I said, swallowing dryly, and getting up, Jake followed me.

Rooster was silent again, surely studying the words he would say next to avoid saying anything stupid. He asked me what had happened, and I explained about the twins' birthday, but did not want to prolong the matter. Soon, he told me about what he would do that week: see some friends, solve some banking issues that he did not seem at all excited about, and in a week and a half would be back at the base. I had no news to tell, so the conversation was not that long, while Hangman and I walked back to the entrance of the cemetery. 

At the end, Rooster made sure to reassure me to be careful with Hangman, talking about his unpredictability and inconstant emotions, which made Hangman well… Hangman.

"Don’t worry, Rooster. We’ll be fine."

"Alright, then. See you soon, sweetheart."

 "See ya." 

With that, I hung up the phone. Hangman and I were already outside the cemetery, the sidewalk had some old leaves rolling through the concrete, the tall palm trees swaying in the wind. Jake was with his arms crossed, staring at me with a malicious grin on his face.

“You should see your face right now, darling.”

“C’mon, this again? What now?”

“You look happy, that’s a great and dangerous thing.” He took some steps forward, and I started to follow him unconsciously. “So, what about a proper breakfast? I’ll pay.”

“You don’t need to do this, Jake. It’s okay.”

“I know, but I'd rather keep this smile on your face a little longer.” The grin on his lips was handsome, god, I hated it. Briefly, he touched my chin with his index finger and walked again. I just stood there in disbelief. “I won't wait for you, I’m starving.”

Bastard, and even though I wanted to tell how much of a jerk he could be, I followed him with happy steps.

Notes:

As always, thank you for the love and support<3
Have a great weekend, I'll probably post another chapter by Sunday!