Chapter Text
It had all the makings of the perfect scary movie night - thunder was growling, the mood was set, and the movie was terrifying. There was popcorn, alcohols, blankets, m&ms, pizza, friends, and-
Everyone was making out.
Not a single one of his friends was paying the slightest attention to the movie, all too absorbed in their partners. Even Sasha, infamous for her love of gore, was too busy making gooey eyes at her boyfriend, Connie, to be paying attention to the girl being hacked apart with a chainsaw on the tv.
And after the movie ended, with the craziest plot twist he'd ever seen, none of them commented on it anymore than, "Eh, it wasn't as bloody as I thought it would be."
It was infuriating.
He decided, that rainy Friday night, he was going to get himself a girlfriend.
And thus began the "Get Eren Laid with Shitty Cliches" plan, named by none other than Jean Horseface Kirstein.
***
“Everyone knows that coffee shops are one of the biggest romantic cliches of all time.” Armin explained as he helped Eren prepare for his interview by choosing his outfit of the day. “It’s practically a given that you’ll find someone there.”
“If I can get the job.” Eren pointed out to his friend, slipping out of his pajamas and into the jeans that had been laid out for him.
The blonde boy rolled his eyes, “Annie is the manager there, Eren, it’s pretty much guaranteed you’ll get the job.”
“Hmph.” The brunet shrugged on the shirt Armin had put out and began combing through his hair with his fingers. “Good?”
Blue eyes twinkled with amusement as they scanned him up and down before nodding, “It’ll do.”
***
Two days later, Eren had his first shift at the coffee house. As Armin predicted, he’d been hired with ease, and after a day of training, he was ready for his first official day at work.
“Don’t even try to handle the machines.” Annie told him as he checked in for his shift, “You’re on register today until I have more time to teach you how to handle drinks.”
Eren nodded, recognizing that he’d probably screw up every drink he attempted to make anyways, and took his place at the cash register, replacing Christa, who ran off to meet her terrifyingly tall girlfriend once her shift ended.
There are several moments in a person's life where everything changes based on a decision in that moment.
For Eren, watching his sister and friends all with their significant others while at their weekly movie night was one of those moments.
Since the shop wasn’t very busy, he observed the couple as they walked out the door, holding hands. A dull ache grew in his chest as he watched them, feeling his single-ness like a stab to the chest.
He hadn’t always been so desperate to get a girlfriend, but after realizing that everyone he knew was in a happily committed relationship for some time, he panicked. It wasn’t like he hadn’t dated before either, but it’d been years. Not since his senior year of high school when he and Annie dated (which should be awkward considering she was now dating his adopted sister, Mikasa, but it wasn’t) had he had a girlfriend.
Which brought about the crazy scheme of meeting his “true love” -Armin was always a romantic- through classic romantic tropes from books and movies. Coffee shop meetings were at the top of the list.
And yet….
He’d nearly given up by the second week at work.
He didn’t hate the job, he actually ended up liking it a lot, but it seemed to make his desire for a girlfriend even worse. Couples came in all the time and spent hours chatting over coffee, and he was forced to watch from his position at the cash register.
Several cute girls came in over the course of his first couple of weeks, and he did his best to smile and flirt, but none of them seemed interested. He had always been confident in his appearance, but after his lack of luck at the coffee shop, his self esteem dropped remarkably.
Mikasa consoled him by pointing out that most girls coming in weren’t looking for a coffee shop romance, just coffee, but it didn’t help much. He was nearly going to give up hope of ever finding love until the third week at the shop.
It was nearly the end of his shift and he was manning the register, as per usual, when he noticed a girl walk in. She was everything he wanted in a girlfriend, cute, a bit on the shorter side, with dark hair pulled into long pigtails. He hadn’t seen her before and he was preparing his best smile when a loud cough drew his attention to the man standing in front of him.
“I’d like to order, if you are done ogling at customers like a horny brat.” He seemed both parts annoyed and amused at Eren’s flustered response.
“I- I wasn’t- uh- What can I get for you today, sir?” He stumbled over his words, focusing his attention on the man instead of the girl.
“A large green tea, unsweetened.” He ordered, taking out his card and handing it over.
“And your name?” Eren asked, swiping the card and then picking up a coffee cup to scribble on the order to hand to Christa, who was currently working with him. His eyes scanned the shop for the girl, and he spotted her chatting with a group sitting at a table near the back, not yet having approached the counter to order. He hoped she would soon, Annie was never late to work and would be here to relieve him any minute.
“Levi.” The man replied, drawing his attention back to his current customer if only for a moment.
“It’ll be ready in just a few moments. Have a nice day.” Eren informed the man as he passed the order on to Christa, eyes still on the girl across the shop. She had yet to reach the register, and seemed to be there only to hand over a notebook to the friends she was chatting with. As she got up to leave, he felt the fear of letting her slip away creep into his mind. Where was Annie? Once she got here he could quickly change and try to casually pass the girl on the street. Maybe bump into her by “accident” and offer to buy her a coffee to apologize. That was a typical romantic cliche, wasn’t it?
Just when he could feel the panic setting in as she said her goodbyes to her friends at the table, Annie appeared next to him.
“Oh thank god you are never late.” He praised her, much to the stoic blonde’s confusion, before he rushed back to the employee’s breakroom after shouting a quick farewell. Once back in the room, he fumbled to untie his apron and slip into more casual clothes. She was sure to be walking down the street by now, and he had to catch her. He’d never seen her in the coffee shop before, and this might be his only chance. She was exactly his type, slightly shorter than him, with dark hair and very pretty. The cliche was finally coming together.
He rushed out of the employee entrance and looped around the back, hoping to cut her off on the street. By some chance of fate, he caught sight of her black ponytails farther down the street, nearly to the crosswalk, and he sped up to a speed walk in order to catch up with her.
Despite his keen eye for spotting the girl, he was not as aware of his surroundings as he’d thought. He realized this when he slammed full force into another human being and they both crashed to the ground, warm liquid splashing everywhere.
“Fucking shit!” The person he’d trampled in his hurry cursed, glaring up at him from under dark bangs. “Where the fuck are you going in such a hurry, you shitty brat?”
Recognition dawned in the man’s eyes the same time that Eren recognized him. It was the man from the coffee shop. Leo or something. And he looked pissed.
“I’m sorry!” Eren yelped, standing and reaching to help the other man up, only to have his hand swatted away. “I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going and I didn’t see you and-”
“Do you ever pay attention to anything beside your dick?” The dark haired man glared, wiping the spilled tea from his face.
“W-what?” Eren blushed.
“Your dick. You must be desperate to get laid if you are tracking that poor girl down with no regard for others.” He continued.
“I-I don’t know what you are…” He shook his head, deciding it best not to dignify the man with a response. “I’m sorry I wasn’t paying attention. I’ll buy you another tea to make up for it.”
“You bet your sorry ass you will.” The man grumbled. Levi, Eren remembered his name suddenly. Levi, not Leo. “And while you are getting me that tea, you are going to explain why the fuck it was so urgent you get to that girl.”
Eren swallowed. This was going to be an awkward conversation.
Walking back into the coffee shop was definitely high up on one of the most embarrassing moments of his life. Annie raised an eyebrow when she saw him re-enter, and though she didn’t comment as he ordered a new tea, her eyes flickered between him and the scowling man behind him. He felt his face heat up, knowing she was probably going to relate his odd behavior to her girlfriend later, and then he would be bombarded with questions from a very concerned Mikasa.
Once the new tea was securely planted in Levi’s hands, the pair sat at a table farthest away from the register.
“So?” Levi raised one thin eyebrow. “Is your dick so desperate for company that you are going to jump on the first girl you see? Or is it so lonely that you are willing to jump on anything that moves? Because if that’s the case, you should really warn a guy in advance.”
If possible, Eren flushed an even deeper shade of red, “No, no! I’m not gay and I’m not desperate, I’m just-” He cut himself off, because if he was being honest, he was more than a little desperate. After all, no sane person would get a job at a coffee shop for a cliche romance and try to chase down a girl if he wasn’t desperate.
“Horny as fuck?” Levi replied, his lips twitching up slightly in a smirk.
“No!” He shook his head furiously, “It’s just.. All of my friends are in committed relationships and I’m always the only single one whenever we hang out. I’m tired of it.” He explained.
“And to remedy this, you thought it was a good idea to chase down that poor girl, and what? Ask her to be your girlfriend right then and there?” The shorter man’s tone implied the stupidity of such a plan. Eren had to admit, out loud, it sounded pretty crazy.
“Yes?” His reply sounded more like a question than an answer.
“And have you just been scoping out girls since you’ve worked here? It’s a surprise you haven’t frightened away all the customers yet, brat.” Levi took a sip of his tea, seeming amused.
“Actually….” Eren shifted in his seat, embarrassed to be speaking of his plan at all, much less to a stranger like the one across from him. “I’ve only been working here a couple of weeks. The point of the job was to find some coffee shop romance, you know, like the ones in books and movies and crap.”
“You’re kidding me, right?” Levi’s face was completely blank as he peered at the taller man, trying to judge his truthfulness.
“No….” Eren drew out the word cautiously.
Silence descended between them.
One beat. Two beats. Three-
Levi threw back his head and laughed, loud enough to cause several heads to turn in their direction. A laugh that Eren would have never pictured from a man like him, a laugh that, if it hadn’t been from a man and directed at him, would have been infectious enough to cause his own laughter as well.
As it stood, he simply sat there, dying of embarrassment more and more as each second passed until Levi composed himself again.
Finally, the other man straightened up, though there were still traces of amusement in his eyes, “You’re a riot, kid.” He told him, “And I think I’ll just have to stick around and watch this clusterfuck of a trainwreck go down in flames.”
Eren wasn’t sure whether that was supposed to be a compliment, or even what he was supposed to take from that statement, but it didn’t seem to matter. Levi had already set his mind to something, and as Eren would learn, once Levi decided on something, he would see it through.