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Chloe stared out at the fountain as it changed colors, from pink to blue to green. It was beautiful at night, the lights reflecting off the water as it showered down, a quiet, soothing murmur. It was lovely. Peaceful. Romantic, even.
It wasn’t the type of place you’d expect the person you loved to tell you they would never feel the same about you. Not because they didn’t like you, or didn’t care about you, or didn’t want to be together. Not because they loved someone else instead. Not because they loved you in a different way than you loved them.
No, it was because he didn’t think he was capable of love, at all.
The words kept repeating themselves in her mind. If I ever said those three words to you, it would be a lie.
I am incapable of love.
It was ridiculous. That had to be the most absurd thing that had ever come out of his mouth. And considering how many nonsensical statements he came up with on a daily basis, that was saying something.
The silence stretched on as they stood side by side, gazing out at the water, neither of them looking at the other. They were right next to each other, unmoving, but Chloe could feel the distance between them grow with each passing second. He was doing it all over again. Pulling away from her, just when she thought they were finally getting closer.
I am incapable of love.
How could he just say that? After everything they’d been through, everything he’d done for her, he really thought he couldn’t love her. As if that was even a possibility.
She wanted to be patient. She wanted to give him the space to sort out his feelings. The last thing she wanted was to push him into something he wasn’t ready for, but this was different. He wasn’t asking for time to figure it out. He’d already made up his mind, and the decision he’d come to was that it could never happen.
Not I don’t love you. But I can’t love.
Did he really expect her to just accept that?
No.
Her hand curled around the railing, gripping it tight. She wasn’t going to let this go.
Lucifer half turned to her, and she realized a second later that she’d spoken the word out loud. “Detective—”
“No,” she said again, cutting him off. “No. I don’t believe you. There’s no way that’s true, Lucifer. No way.” She glanced over at him for a second before looking at the fountain again. He didn’t seem surprised to hear her say it. Just sad, and a little regretful, like he didn’t want to insist but was resigned to do it anyway.
“It is true. You know I don’t lie. I can’t—”
“Just because you think it’s true doesn’t mean it is. You know better than anyone how people don’t always know what they want. Well, they don’t always see themselves clearly, either.” She turned to face him fully this time. She wanted him to see how much she meant it. “I don’t know what’s been going on with you. I don’t know what happened to make you think that. But I see you. And I know it’s not true.”
“You don’t understand, Detective,” he said, an edge of desperation in his voice now. “I realized today that my father doesn’t love us. Not me, which I already knew. Not Michael, which should be a given, but wasn’t. Not even Amenadiel. His favorite son, and he doesn’t love him.”
He sounded so sure. At the moment she was pretty pissed at God, too, but to think he didn’t love any of his children? Where was that coming from?
“My father doesn’t know what love is. He’s never done anything to suggest otherwise.” Lucifer shook his head slightly, eyes shining. “I didn’t want to admit it. I don’t want to be like him. But I am, in more ways than one. I’m broken. Just like him. Last night I asked him if he loved us, and I watched him dodge the question. Just like I do when I don’t want to lie. He can’t say he loves us, because he doesn’t. And I couldn’t say it either, I couldn’t—” He took a deep, shuddering breath. “Back at the precinct I wanted to, Chloe, I wanted to say it, but I—”
“That’s why you think you're like your father? Because you’re not ready to—wait.” Something wasn’t right. She had the feeling this was one of those times Lucifer was dropping pieces of information without actually explaining what was going on. “What do you mean you watched him dodge the question?”
“Ahh…” He looked away for a moment, obviously trying to figure out how much to tell her. “When I disappeared the other day, it was because Michael upset Amenadiel so much that he stopped time completely. We fought. And Dad decided that of all things, we’d finally taken it a step too far. He showed up in person to put an end to it.”
Chloe stared at him. “God was here? On Earth. At the precinct.”
“Unfortunately, yes. And then he called us to a family dinner. Which went about as well as you’d expect.”
Family dinner. Okay, sure. That made as much sense as anything else. “Why didn’t you tell me? You know what, never mind. Is he coming back?”
“I don’t even know if he left yet.” Lucifer looked at her with something like suspicion. “Why?”
“Because I want to have a few choice words with him,” she snapped. “Why else?” She took a step away from the fountain before she knew she was going to, ready to find God and tell him exactly what she thought of him.
Lucifer reached forward and gently put his hand on her arm. She instantly stopped, as if he’d grabbed her instead. Right. God could wait. Lucifer was more important, and she didn’t want to leave until they’d finished this conversation. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea,” he said, but his tone indicated otherwise.
“Too bad,” she said. “He’s got it coming to him.”
Lucifer’s lips twitched slightly. “Even so. I quite like you all in one piece.”
“I think I can handle him,” she said, just to make him smile, and was glad to see it worked. His expression smoothed out, the sadness easing from his eyes. It was a small smile, but it was there.
“Undoubtedly.” His hand lifted from her arm, and Chloe caught it with her own, twining their fingers together.
“You’re not broken, Lucifer. And you’re nothing like your father.”
The smile vanished. “I am.” He tried to pull his hand away, but Chloe held on.
“No. You’re not. You want to know why?”
Lucifer hesitated, but didn’t try to draw away again. He searched her gaze, half-hopeful, half-cautious.
“For one, you actually communicate with the people you care about. For example.” She gestured to him. “You’re here, right now, talking to me instead of leaving me to guess what you’re thinking and feeling.”
“I’ve left you to guess plenty of times, Detective.”
“But not for all of time. Not for good. You try. And from what I’ve heard, God never has.”
He didn’t deny it.
“You care about people and show it, instead of pretending to and doing nothing about it. When you or Amenadiel asked him for help, you got nowhere, right?” she continued.
“Yes…”
“But when I ask you for help, you come. You don’t leave me to face things alone. I always know I can count on you, Lucifer.” She reached up, briefly touching his cheek before dropping her hand again. Lucifer closed his eyes for a moment, letting out a sigh.
“You forgive,” Chloe said. “Again and again you forgive people who wronged you when they ask you to. Me. Maze. Amenadiel. And what did your father do when you went against him? He cut you off from your family. He kicked you out of your home and forced you into hell forever.”
Lucifer’s expression was so raw, so full of old hurt and pain.
“For thousands of years you ruled a place of torture and misery. It would have changed anyone. But still you didn’t let it poison you, didn’t let it twist you into something you’re not. It didn’t smother your light. You are so, so alive, Lucifer, in a way I don’t think God ever was. You embrace desires, you live for passion. You experience everything so fully, feel everything so strongly. Happiness. Anger. Despair. Love.
“You couldn’t be more different. I would go on all night, but that’s not the real problem here, and you know it. You are not broken. If you’re not sure if you love me, fine. But I need you to know that you’re entirely capable of love, Lucifer.”
He shook his head again, but there was no conviction behind it this time.
“People show love in all sorts of ways,” she said softly. “I see it from you in all the little things you do, for me and others. You bring people coffee. You give them gifts just because you can. You offer compliments when you admire them.”
“That’s hardly love,” he protested.
“It is,” she insisted. “But I see it in other ways, too. It’s when you stop to think about what others want instead of just what you want. It’s in how you try to make amends when you mess up. It’s in how you want me to be happy, how you do things to make me smile. It’s the way you always try to protect me, how you’d do anything to keep me safe, even if it means taking a bullet for me. Even if it means going back to hell.”
Chloe realized she’d slipped up and started referring to how he loved her in particular. She didn’t care. “I see it when you get jealous when you think I want to be with someone else instead. I hear it when you say my name, as if it’s the most important word in the world.” She finally let go of his hand, setting both of hers on his waist, standing in front of him with hardly any distance between them. “I feel it when you put your arms around me. When you touch me. When you kiss me.”
Lucifer swallowed. He reached for her, hand coming up to her face, and brushed his thumb over her cheek. He was looking at her, longing mixed in with… well, with love. He was looking at her like he was full of so much love, he didn’t know what to do with it all.
Any lingering doubts and fears she’d had that maybe he didn’t feel as strongly as she did melted away as she spoke. Maybe they’d both needed the reminder. They’d been showing they loved each other for a long time, and she didn’t think that would change. So what if he wasn’t ready to say it out loud?
She didn’t understand why Lucifer wasn’t vulnerable around her anymore, or why he had his mojo back. But she didn’t think it was because he didn’t want to let her in. What they had now, it was…new. He was still figuring it out. They both were.
She could wait. As long as he wanted to figure it out with her.
“You always see me differently,” he murmured. “I want to believe you, I do. I want to say those words to you now. But I…”
“It’s okay,” she whispered. “It’s okay if you don’t believe it right away. As long as we’re together, I’ll remind you every single day if I need to, until you do believe it. That is… if you still want to be together?” That was the one part she was still unsure about. If he didn’t even want to try…
Lucifer hesitated, but he didn’t pull away.
“You said you’d always tell me what you desire, mojo or not. So tell me what you want, Lucifer.”
“I want to be with you,” he said, voice low. “I do. But you deserve more than this, you deserve better—”
“Don’t tell me what I deserve,” she said. “That’s for me to decide. Look, when we were talking, back at the precinct, I didn’t want to force you into saying it. I just wanted to know where we stood. I wanted to know what you want. And now I do. You don’t have to say those words now. If it takes another week, or a month, or a year, it doesn’t matter. Just don’t run away. Okay?”
He nodded, the last of his hesitation fading away. “Okay,” he breathed.
She didn’t know who moved first, but a second later his lips were on hers. He kissed her with all the desperation and relief of someone who thought they’d never get the chance to again, his other hand coming up to cradle the back of her head, fingers threaded through her hair. She held onto him, holding him close, her own relief breaking through as she kissed him just as eagerly.
She’d gotten through to him. At least, he was still here with her. He wanted to trust her when she said he was capable of love. He wanted to try to believe it himself. And for now, that was enough. They still had plenty to work through. But they would work through it together.
Tonight, she just wanted to kiss him, right here by the water, as the lights from the fountain changed from pink, to blue, to green.
It was beautiful. But neither of them noticed.
As it turned out, it didn’t take a year, or a month, or a week.
Two days later, he sat before his father on his piano bench, having been forced to go through song and dance yet again. He didn’t know why his father was picking this method to talk to him, and though he hated being controlled, right in that moment he didn’t much care. Because despite it all, they were still getting nowhere. He was fed up to the brim.
Two days of having his father hang around, of trying to be civil, of sharing his life, all so he could try to mend their relationship. If they were able to move past it all, then surely it would mean Chloe was right. If he was able to stop hating his father, then it must mean he was capable of love, after all.
“Oh, my son, the Lightbringer," he father said. "So full of light, that it blinds even you sometimes."
Lucifer scoffed. “What does that even—” But then he stopped, because he thought he might know what it meant. Hadn’t Chloe tried to say the same thing, when she said people don’t always see themselves clearly?
It didn’t smother your light.
You experience everything so fully, feel everything so strongly.
Happiness. Anger. Despair. Love.
“I cannot fix you, Lucifer,” his father said.
That was what he thought he needed, before. But now he wasn’t so sure. “I don’t need you to fix me, I need you to fix us. Sooner rather than later, if you please, because unlike you I don’t have eternity.”
His father frowned. “What do you want me to say, Lucifer?”
“I want you to hurry up and—” Tell me you’re sorry. Tell me you want to make it right. Tell me you love me, so I can tell Chloe I love her.
But that might never happen. His father might not ever say anything like that to him. And he was starting to realize it didn’t matter. Because they were just words. He didn’t want to hear them, he wanted his father to mean them. He wanted his father to change.
And in the meantime, his feelings for Chloe weren’t going to change, regardless of what his father did. He was just waiting to tell her. And he couldn’t figure out why anymore. Why was he waiting to hear those words from his father? What difference did it make? All he wanted was to go to Chloe and tell her he meant them. He wanted her to know, beyond a doubt, what he felt. He wanted her to know just how much he cared about her. That desire had been behind everything he’d done over the past couple of days, a constant underlying thought.
Maybe that was all it took.
Maybe if he went to her now, it wouldn’t be a lie.
He stood up. “There’s something I need to do,” he said. “Don’t wait up.”
God seemed taken aback. “Lucifer, there’s another reason I came here. You should know, my powers—”
“Hold that thought.” He strode past his father. Whatever it was couldn’t be nearly as important as this.
Chloe opened the door a moment after he knocked. She took him in, seeming surprised to see him. “Lucifer? What are you doing here?”
“Can I come in?”
“Yeah, of course.” She moved to the side to let him in and shut the door behind him.
“Sorry for the late hour, Detective, but I didn’t want to wait.”
“What’s wrong?”
He laughed a little. He couldn’t help it. “Nothing’s wrong.”
“Then why—”
“I love you, Chloe.”
The words fell out as if he’d been saying them all his life. Easy. Simple. Because it was the truth. And he knew that now.
Her mouth parted slightly as she stared at him, stunned. “Lucifer…”
“I love you. You were right before,” he said. He wanted her to know exactly how he felt. He wanted her to hear it instead of just assuming, because she deserved it all. “Every day, I just want to know you’re okay. I want to keep you safe so you’re never hurt again, even if it’s from me.”
She shook her head, but he didn’t stop. “You make me happy. When you smile, I want to smile, too. And I want to be the one to make you smile. I want to be the one to make you happy.”
Chloe grinned at that, a slow smile that spread across her entire face. “You already do.”
Lucifer smiled back at her. “See?” he said softly, and kept going. “Sometimes when I look at you, there’s a second where I forget to breathe, because all I can think is how beautiful you are. I want to turn to you for comfort because just being near you makes me feel better. I care what you think of me. I want you to see me as a good person, because you are so good, Chloe. You’re good, and smart, and brave, and strong. You’re kind, and caring, and I don’t know how anyone can be as wonderful as you, but you are. You’re amazing.”
“Go on,” she said, still smiling.
“You know I want to, but let’s not waste the whole night. There are other things I want to do, too.”
She laughed.
“I don’t want to let a single day go by without telling you all over again. I love you.”
Chloe wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight. He didn’t hesitate to do the same, cherishing the feel of holding her in his arms. There was no place else he wanted to be. He said again, just because he could, “I love you, Chloe.”
She sighed, humming a little in contentment as she did. “I love you, too, Lucifer.”