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Sanji was terrified.
He was keeping it together right now, but even he could only take so much before breaking down. Staring at his father's face, Vinsmoke Judge, the man who was biologically related to him, but never a father, a Dad.
The only man Sanji would call his Dad was a chef in the East Blue that kicked like a freight train. The man who taught him all he knew, be it his cooking, morals or fighting skills. The man who sacrificed his leg for him, Sanji, the Failure of the Vinsmokes. The pitiful third prince of the warmongering kingdom of Germa 66. The mistake his father never wanted.
Owner Zeff was the only man Sanji looked up to, aside from his Captain, Luffy.
It took a lot for Sanji to trust someone, especially men. In his experience in his younger years, men were cruel, heartless beasts that only followed orders.
Men hurt Sanji. Emotionally and physically, and his brothers fell into that same category. Sanji never understood why they were so cruel back then, but now he did. They were all genetically engineered, with only Sanji not awakening the power that would cause him to lose all of the empathy and kindness that his mother loved.
Reiju was the same, but she still had her empathy, she just locked it down in fear for their father— no, Judge, would find out. She was afraid, another emotion his brothers lacked, allowing them to be perfect little soldiers for Judge.
It made Sanji sick.
No one deserved to be made into a killing machine for a man that didn’t know right from wrong. Especially not for a man that used them to kill entire populations of people for money of all things. Money should be used to cook for the poor, to help heal people.
Judge is so caught up in his own fucking ego to realize that everything he has done up to this point was pointless. What use is there to be a king in the North Blue if he was just going to be taken down again? His wish to be a king, an Emperor, on this sea is so pitiful. Judge is not strong enough to fight on the Grandline, especially the New World. The only reason Sanji didn’t beat up Judge in their fight was that Sanji knew that even if Judge was defeated, he would still be trapped in an Emperor's territory, all alone and without allies.
Without his crew.
Sanji didn’t regret leaving Zou the way he did. He would sacrifice his life for his crewmates, even the stupid moss head. They would do the same for him in a heartbeat, he knew, even Usopp with his “cowardly nature”.
But Sanji knew that they weren’t ready to take on an entire Emperor’s crew and win like they always did. At least one person would die, and Sanji would rather sacrifice himself than have to live with the fact that one of his friends —his family— was killed because of him.
Sanji was prepared to die here. By the hands of Judge or Big Mom, it didn’t matter. If his crew was safe, that was all that mattered to him. What he hadn’t expected was Reiju putting cuffs on his hands and was told they would explode if he left the island.
His hands, the hands that cooked for his crew, the hands that he made sure were safe from fighting, were at risk of harm because of Judge. It enraged Sanji. But he couldn’t do anything, and that, more than anything, made Sanji feel despair.
But Strawhats never fall into despair, just a lull in motivation.
When Sanji made the decision to marry Pudding, and then have his feelings crushed, ripped apart, and burned, all Sanji could think about was Luffy. The same stupid captain that managed to get to him in an Emperor’s territory, fighting his way through some of the best fighters on the Grandline, only for Sanji to knock him out because he wouldn’t fight back. And then caused Sanji to sob, when he said that he couldn’t become the Pirate King without Sanji and that he would rather die than leave without him. Would rather not eat until Sanji himself gave him food.
It crushed Sanji.
Dreams were a main part of what made the Strawhat crew, and it was normal that they would punch or kick anyone who would disregard their crewmate's dreams. It was the unspoken rule on the Sunny, that every dream is important and must be protected and defended at all costs. And when Sanji himself was in the way of that, it hurt like a motherfucker.
Luffy was the first man, person, whatever, after Zeff to truly look at him. To look at Sanji and see a man that just wanted a place to belong. To be somewhere where his talents were respected; where Sanji himself was needed. Sanji never knew how Luffy manages to find all the people who would follow him to the grave, but it was a talent nonetheless. And Sanji is so proud to be one of the very few that were allowed to sail by the side of the future Pirate King.
But when Sanji needs to leave the very person that lit up his life, to save him, it felt like his soul was ripped out from his body. Sanji didn’t know how Brook deals with it. When Sanji saw his father's face after Sanji injured his captain, Sanji felt like he was a child again. A weak child that could only hope that this day wouldn’t his last in that cold dark dungeon, face covered in a mask that cut into his skin every time he tried to open his mouth. Always cold and drowning in despair.
His wrists had never felt so heavy.
And Luffy… Luffy. He stayed in that spot, facing the enemies that came in waves without any rest or food. Sanji never felt more like of a failure than at that moment when he realized all of his efforts were for nothing. His family would die, killed by the people who promised Judge the power he was so greedy to have. So useless when Big Mom never did intend to keep her promise of freeing Luffy, his captain. Sanji felt the experience lay on his shoulders, slowly drowning him in how useless he was. He couldn’t do anything for his captain, nothing for his crew, nothing for himself.
Big Mom played him and Judge like a well-tuned piano that only had one key. And they fell into her hands with no effort but it would be almost impossible to escape her grasp.
But Sanji had to try. He had to apologize to everyone he harmed, Luffy and Nami first and foremost. Sanji would take any punishment they gave with a smile on his face. He deserves it after what he put them through. He deserves it for making the crew's lives harder. He was supposed to be the cook, the one they depend on to eat on the sea. And what did he do? Leave them without looking back, thinking he was saving them. What a fucking joke.
When Luffy punched him, something broke inside him. The cage that bound his heart the minute he stepped foot in Toto Land broke and splintered into tiny pieces. Luffy asked him what he wanted, and Sanji didn’t even need to think about it.
“I want to go back to the Sunny!”
Sanji was sobbing, eyes leaking water, and Sanji didn’t try to stop it this time. He wanted to go back to the place that was his home. To the people, friends family, that always welcomed him back with open arms. To sail the sea without worrying about his heritage and to know he had someone at his back. He wanted to be back at Luffy’s side.
Luffy was like the sun. So warm and inviting and bright, shining light on everyone who graced his presence with magnetism that put moons to shame. He was the only one in the wide sky that made Sanji feel like he could do anything. He was the center of the Strawhat Pirates’ universe, and for good reason. He was strong and so, so dependable.
When they were in any trouble, Luffy would swoop in, and reach out to them. It didn’t matter what situation they were in, a fight or a bad experience; it didn’t matter to Luffy. He would reach out regardless of the harm that could cause him in the process, and he would hold on. Even under the threat of death, or even worse, Luffy would stand tall. And that made Sanji gain respect for the only man whom he would call his captain.
Don Krieg was considered a monster of a man back in the East Blue, and that was the first time Sanji witnessed Luffy pull off one of his miracles. How he would run and not care for the injuries he got and still kept fighting because that's how he would win. It was both awe inspiring and concerning. Luffy was so reckless with his life, that it made Sanji want to do stupid things to keep him safe from himself. But Sanji knew that nothing he would do would change Luffy’s ways, and he was fine with it. Luffy was Luffy, and nothing will change that.
Sanji felt stupid for thinking that Luffy wouldn’t come after him. He should have guessed after what happened at Enies Lobby two years ago that Luffy would do anything for a crewmate. Sanji thought that since it was an Emperor that took him, Luffy wouldn’t come until he was strong enough to take her on. Sanji was wrong, oh so wrong. He should have known that Luffy would take a chance to fight an Emperor that wasn’t Whitebeard. Because Luffy likes Whitebeard.
Maybe Sanji wasn’t running on full cylinders. He would have normally thought of all of this before choosing a path, but hearing the Vinsmoke name after all these years, caused him to panic. All he felt was overwhelming anxiety and fear. He still had occasional nightmares of living in that damned castle, and he was never ready to see his blood family again. Maybe Reiju, in small doses, but everyone else can go fuck themselves in hell.
But now, once again by his captain's side, Sanji couldn't feel more whole. The wedding ceremony caused him to once again be distracted, but this time Pudding was off. She was crying, and Sanji felt concerned for the woman he once liked. She felt like she was in pain, not the physical kind, but emotional, and something resonated with her emotions. The pain from family was so deeply rooted in the soul that it made it so hard to heal. Sanji never felt this disconnected from a woman's emotions before. It was concerning.
But that would have to wait because the wedding was still going on. Everything happened so fast, and the next thing he knew, Sanji was rescuing his blood family from hardened candy. He hated them, but Sanji didn’t want them to die. If it was anywhere else on the Grandline and not in his sight, Sanji wouldn’t mourn. But since they were right there, he couldn’t just do nothing. Judge was sobbing like a bitch, and something glowed in him at the expression, but he shoved it down. Not the time.
In Bege’s castle, shaking around him and tremors messing up his footing, Sanji stared at Judges' face. Sanji scowled and was so tempted to kick the man, but he wouldn’t do it now. With an Emperor outside just waiting to kill them all, there was no time. Sanji felt all the emotions from his “stay” in Toto Land bubble up to the surface, and it took everything in him to suppress them again. No need for a breakdown right now. Maybe later when they were all safe on the Sunny.
“You are not my father. And I am not a Vinsmoke. Never appear in front of me, or my crew, ever again, and maybe I will be merciful.”
Judge opened his big fucking mouth.
“I expect the same.”
Sanji practically hissed at the man. “Good. We have an agreement.”
Sanji huffed and straightened out his wedding clothes. At least one good thing came out of today. Good clothes were always welcome without those god-awful capes. Seriously, what the fuck were those?
He looked at the people in the room, all in similar states of disarray. Luffy was raring to go, as per usual, with Nami trying to stop him. Jinbei looked cool as a cucumber. Chopper and Carrot were screaming. Pedro was battle-ready but seems to be thinking of something. Brook was laughing in the background. Sanji also saw the mafia people who brought him here huddling around the in pain Bege.
Speaking of Bege…
“Strawhat!!”
Big Mom's shrill voice echoed throughout the castle. Sanji flinched at the volume. She sounded enraged. The wedding cake must have truly pissed her off. Well, Luffy did, too, if the loud scream of rage outside the castle walls said anything. Tremors from Big Mom’s attacks were getting more violent, and Bege was barely holding on. Sanji went to Luffy’s side, ready to burst out of the castle, legs ready to fight away.
When they did get outside, Sanji and Luffy were ready to kick some ass, but Big Mom distracted them.
“Strawhat! You messed with my family, messed with this wedding, and destroyed my wedding cake!”
Sanji raised his eyebrow. Why was Big Mom repeating herself? Sanji saw the woman smile menacingly at Luffy, and he felt a chill go down his spine from her look.
“I think it’s only fitting I do the same. Your family will be dead in a week, Strawhat.”
Sanji froze, and everyone in the vicinity knew Big Mom was serious. Sanji was about to curse her out when he stopped at the sound from his side.
Luffy was laughing.
Sanji was bewildered, along with the increasingly angry Big Mom and her children.
“You dare laugh at Mama!”
“Strawhat, you have gone too far!”
Big Mom scowled.
“You don’t believe me Strawhat? I have done it before, and I will do it again in the future.”
Luffy was still laughing, great heaving peals of laughter. He was on the ground laughing himself sick, tears coming out of his eyes.
Luffy stopped laughing after a minute, wiped his tears, and then stood back up. “I haven’t heard such a good joke in a long time.”
Big Mom was steaming in anger, waves rolling off of her. She opened her mouth when Luffy interrupted her.
“My brothers are the Second Division Commander of the Whitebeard Pirates and the Chief of Staff of the Revolutionary Army. My Father is the leader of the Revolutionary Army, and my Grandpa is the Marine Hero. And of course, you know Pops. You can’t kill my family because they are strong. Your threats won’t work on me~.”
Luffy’s eyes were hardened, despite his jovial voice. Sanji smirked. Yeah, he did forget about that, didn’t he? He didn’t know about the Chief of Staff part, but it was just like Luffy to have another high-profile brother.
Big Mom was gapping, along with every other Big Mom pirate. They seemed more in shock over the point Luffy didn’t care about Big Mom’s authority than everything else he’d revealed. And maybe because most of that information was already public information. Some of the Big Mom pirates shifted, not knowing what to do without guidance. Sanji inwardly scoffed. Fools.
While the Big Mom pirates paused in their general assholish-ness, Sanji grabbed his sister, who was in the process of almost dying and got out of there fast.
Once some of the Big Mom pirates noticed Sanji leaving with Reiju, they snapped out of their self-imposed stupor.
“Get them!”
Time to leave. Preferably in one piece. Sanji saw Luffy throw a punch, supercharged in an odd transformation. Sanji leaves for two weeks, just what did he miss? Then Luffy gets hit, and everything goes to shit.
“I am never doing that again.”
Sanji collapsed onto the Sunny, happy to finally be back on the sea. Pedro nodded at Sanji’s words. He was worse for wear, but alive. He somehow managed to wrap a high-ranking Big Mom Pirate with dynamite, almost blowing himself up in the process. The only reason he was alive was because Carrot pulled him out of the way in time. That Big Mom Pirate lost an arm, apparently, since Sanji wasn’t there and had to be told that little piece of information later. Sanji was very proud of the cake he made. He thinks that is one of the best damn cakes he has ever made. Big Mom had better appreciate it.
“I am sorry, Mama!”
Pekoms was crying his eyes out, and Nami patted him on the back sympathetically. He was one of the many on the ship that had to be bandaged up. Honestly, if it wasn’t for him, he might not have gotten to Luffy in time. He was with them because there was no way Big Mom would have him back after all he had done to help the Strawhats. And he wanted to get revenge on Kaido for attacking Zou.
Luffy was snoring away on the deck, and Sanji smiled at the sight. He never ceases to surprise Sanji. He beat Dog Tooth Katakuri, one of the top fighters of the Big Mom Pirates, and arguably the first mate of the said pirate crew. It always boggles Sanji how far they’d come since starting out.
Sanji heard a stomach growling and sighed. He stood up, legs aching. He was sore all over, and moving was a pain, but he had a job to do, and for god's sake he will do it. He lit a cigarette and breathed in. He puffed out the smoke and raised his voice.
“What do you all want to eat?”
The energetic replies of the occupants made Sanji smile. It was nice to know that you are appreciated.
“Luffy, your bounty is actually 1,500,000,000 Berris!”
“What?!!”
Luffy grabbed his bounty and beamed. His eyes were alight with glow, and he cackled.
“I have a bigger bounty than Ace! I am so telling him that he lost.”
“Of course that’s your reaction.”
Luffy just laughs away.