Chapter Text
Last year had been scary.
At first, it had been kinda awesome. Robin’s life up until that point had been unsatisfactory, to say the least. She had few friends, - but nobody who really knew her - little money, was slinging ice cream for losers in Starcourt Mall to make a few bucks an hour, and everything was just so dull.
“One big error”
That’s what she had told Steve.
Steve, who had barrelled into her boring life with his big, stupid hair and his big, stupid smile and his big, stupid heart and Robin was surprised, and a little annoyed, to find that he wasn’t the douchebag she had vaguely known in school. Or at least, he wasn’t anymore. Their camaraderie came so naturally that Robin felt the need to be mean at times, as if to justify all those hours she spent piercing daggers into his head as he munched on his gross bagels every day. But it was okay because he was a little mean to her, too. But even then as the weeks trickled by like melted ice cream, the malice faded. They were left just poking fun at one another and laughing. The absurdity of her sharing the same weird sense of humour with the prior King of Hawkins High was almost as surreal to Robin as everything that happened next.
So, in the midst of all that boringness and those bizarrely fun moments she shared with Steve, when the opportunity arose to investigate secret Russian spy codes and underground bases? Robin jumped at the chance. It was the taste of adventure she had been craving. Granted, rather than a taste it was an entire mouthful and rather than adventure it was more like her life hanging in the balance. If she had known from the start, when she signed up for that summer job in the shiny new mall, that it would eventually land her tied to a chair with scary Russians and their scary drugs, Robin would never have gone for it. She was a lover, not a fighter, and almost certainly would have ran screaming from the mall where really fucked up things happened to little kids.
Ultimately, it didn’t matter, not now. In the end, she was glad it happened. Not glad that people died or Steve got his head bashed in. Definitely not glad that they had to fight that thing – the one part of the whole experience that she couldn’t stand to think about. But glad she met Steve and Dustin, and even that sharp-tongued little shrimp Erica. Glad that she was high off her ass with Steve, at least enough to confess the one big, scary thing she was hiding about herself. Because it meant being accepted, finally. It meant having someone to really call a friend.
Overall, it had been terrifying. Robin spent months waking in a cold sweat, a strangled gasp or a choked scream on her lips as she jerked awake, either from dreaming about The Mind Flayer and what it did (or could have done) or dreaming about the Russians and what they did (or could have done, too). But, it was also the start of something. The start of some pretty great relationships in her life. The start of her finally trying to accept herself, because if Steve could manage it maybe she could as well. And it was the end of the monotony, which was a relief, amongst other things.
This time around, her perspective was a little different. For one, none of it felt like a silver lining.
Getting Vecna’d sucked ass.
When she fell from the gate on the ceiling of Eddie’s trailer, she was expecting to land squarely on the soft, strangely stained mattress. Instead, she landed on something solid. Hard.
The wind was knocked from her lungs and for a second she was forced to fight for her breath. Her eyes snapped open and she anxiously looked around her. To her confusion, she found she was lying on the tiles in the girls changing room in school. Stumbling to her feet, she spun in a circle, her heart hammering in her chest. It wasn't until she caught her reflection in the mirror that she realised she was wearing the gym clothes from freshman year.
No. No, no, no.
Vecna had gotten her. It was the only explanation. But why bring her here? Deep down, she had a feeling she knew. Dread pooled like poison in her belly as she instinctively headed over to her old locker. She wasn’t sure why she done it – she should have run. Instead, sweaty hands entered her combination and the door swung open; Robin never even touched it. There was an odd feel to where she was. It was the changing room but different, somehow. It was almost other-worldly; colours were too bright; sounds were too loud. Even time seemed distorted, like things were moving just a little slower than normal.
She flinched and shuddered, but the locker was empty, except for a small, folded piece of paper. Robin didn’t want to touch it, didn’t want to open it. But something was controlling her hands and she watched, disconnected, as trembling fingers reached in and snatched the note.
She unravelled it. The dread had expanded now, leaking into her bloodstream and turning her body to ice. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak, could only read.
Beware, students of Hawkins High. This locker has been infested with the Dyke Disease. It is highly contagious. Proceed with caution
Robin scrunched the paper into a ball, her eyes and cheeks burning. She knew what happened next, so at the sound of poorly smothered laughter, she didn’t even blink.
“Look, the dyke found our note!” someone exclaimed gleefully. Vecna was warping the memory, making them sound less human. Their laughter exploded like gunfire from their mouths. She turned to face them and felt her stomach fall to her toes. They stood at the door in a crowd, a crowd much larger than she remembered, with mouths unnaturally big and wide as the laughed, borderline hysterical. The sound bounced off of the walls and echoed in her mind, making it ache. Red, hot shame sliced through her, just like it had when it actually happened.
“What’s going on?”
The words came forth without her permission, and she was back to feeling like a puppet on a string. Her voice sounded young and scared. She lacked her spunk, her fire. She was just dorky, little Robin who had cried during spin the bottle in the summer between middle school and high school.
“Look at her, she’s crying. Little baby Robbie is crying”
Her hands, warm and clammy and awkward, swiped desperately at damp cheeks. “S-stop it. Why are you doing this?”
“Cause you have a disease, Buckley”
“What? No, I don’t”
She stepped forward, one hand still clutching the damn note. To her horror, they fled back, falling over each other in their haste to move away.
“Stay away, freak!”
“You don’t understand. I’m not what you think-“
“Sure you aren’t” one sneered.
“Prove it” demanded another.
“Yeah, prove it. Prove it! Prove it!”
The chant gathered in volume and this time, they advanced towards her, their bodies stretching and growing to way above her head. They screamed the words in her face, spit flying, eyes blood-red. Robin back-pedalled until her head thumped against the wall. It was dead-end. She had nowhere to go. The crowd was hysterical now, more monster than human as they foamed at the mouth, eager to tear her to shreds. To eradicate her "disease".
They don’t understand you, Robin
The words were separate to the din of abuse. The voice came from inside her own mind, deep and laced with malice, and it made every one of Robin’s hairs stand on end. She slid down the wall, sobs wracking her body, and screamed.
“Leave me alone!”
Don’t you see? Look at them, they will never accept you. You can never be happy.
Her fear was palpable in the charged air and the students-turned-monsters fed on the emotion, cackling and jeering and hissing. Their features had melted away to reveal skulls with loose, gooey skin. Robin squeezed her eyes shut, not wanting to see the grotesque picture.
“This isn’t real, this isn’t real, this isn’t real-“
Is it not? Look again, Robin.
How was his voice inside of her? Each time he spoke, her bones rattled. Chest heaving, heart racing, she pried her eyes apart.
Standing there were Steve, Nancy, and Eddie. She breathed a sigh of relief, sounding closer to a sob, and launched herself into Steve’s arms.
“Steve, oh my god. Oh my god, he got me. Vecna got me”
“Get off of me”
Strong hands shoved her away. She careened backwards, her head slamming against the wall painfully. But more painful was the disgust on Steve’s face, mirrored as well in Nancy and Eddie’s expressions. She realised, belatedly, that they weren’t in Eddie’s trailer. They were still in the locker room.
“Steve?” she rasped desperately. “Steve, please. It’s me. It’s Robin”
Other-Steve laughed cruelly and the Other-versions joined in, too. Her lips quivered as more tears streamed silently down her face. God, this was worse. This was so much worse.
“That isn’t them” she whispered, but she felt less certain. They weren't like the students before. They weren't different. They looked just like her friends.
How can you be so sure?
Other-Steve imitated her, his voice high and whiney, saying “Steve, Steve, help me. Save me”. The Others howled. “Why would I help you, Robin? Hell, how could I have fallen for you in the first place?”
“Don’t say that” she begged. She still sounded so painfully young. So pathetically sad.
“I always knew there was something wrong with you” Nancy sneered. Robin’s eyes locked onto hers and the depth of hatred in them tore Robin’s heart right out of her chest and onto the floor. She glanced down at her feet, half-convinced she’d see it lying there, still weakly beating.
They don’t love you Robin
“Shut up!”
They can’t even stand you
Nancy’s hands grabbed a fistful of her shirt and dragged her up, depositing her in front of a full-length mirror. Robin’s reflection stared back at her mournfully whilst Nancy looked on, repulsed. It wasn’t the Robin she was used to seeing in her reflection in the morning. It was her, but from before, barely fourteen years old and only just understanding what it was that made her different from everyone else. Her hair was cropped short, like it always had been because she hated having longer hair, and her limbs still look disproportionately long and lanky in comparison to the rest of her. Her face was still so young, so earnest. And her eyes – it was painful, in a way, to look back on her younger self and see such hurt reflected there. So much internalised hatred and insecurity. So much confusion and hopelessness. Not wanting to look anymore, she tried tugging away, but Nancy held fast and grinned, clearly enjoying the torment she was subjecting her to.
Suddenly, the door flew open and clanged against the wall. Dustin, Lucas, Max, even the other kids that Robin hadn’t seen since the year before, stood huddled on the other side.
It was stupid and pointless, but Robin shouted over, her voice breaking as she chucked the last of her hope over the threshold of the changing room. She shoved away from Nancy with a surprising show of force and reached for him. This kid, with his goofy smile and that brilliant brain of his. He looked real. When she grabbed his shoulders and squeezed, he felt real.
“Dustin! Please. Please, you have to listen-“
“Get away from him!” snarled Eddie. Robin felt her body get wrenched aside, a booted foot slamming into her ribs to keep her down.
“Did she think I was going to help her?”
Dustin’s taunting laugh ground the last of Robin’s hope into dust.
This is real, Robin. This is your reality. Unless you come with me.
She grit her teeth against the agony in her side and swallowed down the sobs clogging her throat. She sent one, last desperate glance up at her friends.
Dustin, just a kid. A brother, in a weird but welcome way. The one she geeked out with about movies. The only one who thought it was cool she could play the French horn. The one who could make her smile and roll her eyes all at once. Now, he pointed and jeered at the hot tears welling her eyes.
Nancy, someone unexpected. Not a priss, but a kickass monster slayer. She was grit and courage and determination with a stupidly pretty face. She was the one who could make Robin’s heart flutter, the one who Robin lost her composure around. She was the one Robin admired, the one she found herself wanting to be with. She was her new Tammy Thompson. She looked down her nose at Robin as if she were nothing more than a bug deserving to be squashed.
And Steve, her soulmate. Her best friend. Her person. The one that could make her laugh. The one she could tell anything. The one she could count on, no matter what. When he spat on the ground by her face, her heart tore in two.
She looked at them all and found strangers looking back.
Come find me, Robin.
So, she did.
She shoved her way past Mike, and El, and Will who still guarded the door. Even Jonathon was there, stood protectively before the kids like he expected her to lash out at them. She expected a fight to get out, but they parted easily, and watched blankly as she careened down the corridor and through the double doors at the front.
She emerged into a world of red, which took her so much by surprise that she didn’t register she had run right out onto a flight of stairs. Her foot snagged on a step and she rolled down, the steps creaking ominously beneath her weight until finally she landed in a heap at the bottom, every muscle in her body aching. She moaned in pain but struggled to her feet all the same. Over her panting breaths, she could hear a ticking noise, and when she looked around, she spotted a grandfather clock floating through the air, just like Max’s drawing.
“Vecna” she breathed, her chest clenching. This wasn’t good. This was very bad. She was in Vecna’s mind now. This is where people were brought to die. As if her thoughts had been spoken aloud, Robin shuffled forwards and was met with the slack-jawed corpse of something that looked vaguely similar to a boy she used to see scuttering around after Nancy in school. Bile burned up her throat at the sight of his twisted form and vacant, bloody eyesockets. A few feet away, she could see the mangled form of Chrissy. Robin turned her back on them, feeling ill. Was this her fate, too?
I see you have found me.
She jumped, whipping round to where Vecna stood before her, monstrous and deadly. Fear traced its icy finger from the tip of her neck to the base of her spine. The feeling grew outwards, like the vines growing from Vecna, and curled around every inch of her body. She was paralysed, rooted to the spot as the feeling reached her toes. Vecna wasn’t holding her in one place yet, but he might as well have been.
“This-this isn’t real” she stammered. Vecna chuckled, an ugly sound that grated Robin’s eardrums.
I am very real, Robin. I am as real as you.
Thunder clapped overhead, followed by a strike of scarlet lightning. Spiders scattered underfoot as she tried to step away. Vecna flicked a finger and a vine shot out and wrapped around her ankle. It tugged and she lost her balance, landing on the wet, squelchy ground. She was dragged, kicking and screaming, until she was wrenched upright and slammed up against a tall, black spire. The vines advanced on her before she could wriggle away, curling round her arms, her legs, her neck. They held her so tightly, she could scarcely draw breath.
I am more real than your so-called friends.
Vecna watched her with beady, soulless eyes as she jerked against the vines, but they were too strong. She couldn’t escape. Sharp, breath-taking terror seized hold of her heart. She was going to die. She was going to die here, and there, too. In front of those kids. In front of Steve.
Join me, Robin. Join me, and it all ends.
“No! I won’t!”
And then, that’s when she heard it. Music.
Vecna growled, but Robin laughed. She laughed, because the opening tune of Girls just wanna have fun, of all fucking songs, was being blasted out across the hellish, red landscape of Vecna’s mind.
No!
The vines tightened and Robin’s smile was stolen, but her hope was burning bright. A piece of the landscape fell away and she saw herself, floating above the heads of Robin and Nancy. She saw Steve jumping up, arms flailing, trying to reach her. He was screaming her name, his voice thick with tears. She saw Nancy, small hands trembling as she covered her mouth. She even saw the kids on the other side of the gate, their faces pale and drawn as they yelled for her, jumping in place like Steve, even though they, too, couldn’t reach her. Eddie was even dragging a chair from the table to climb up on.
They were trying to save her. And she’d be damned if she didn’t try to save herself.
Doing the first thing she could think of, she pulled a trick out of Steve’s book and bit down, hard, on one of the vines. It fell away with a flinch, like a living thing, and Robin used all of her strength to break away from the rest. Her hands and knees took the brunt of the fall, but she barely felt the pain. Vecna watched, enraged, as she slid to her feet and ran.
When the first chunks of concrete fell, she was ready for it. Max had explained the experience. She had explained the run to salvation. What she hadn’t mentioned was the terror gripping her heart, squeezing her lungs, shaking her already uncoordinated legs. She was drawing closer now, but with every step Vecna threw something else at her. Vines chased her feet as she fled, threatening to topple her. Twice, they succeeded, but as quickly as she crashed to the ground she was up and running again. Flashes of memories surged through her mind as the song, still blasting through the air in such a bizarre dichotomy that Robin wanted to laugh, reached the chorus.
Steve and her on the dirty, bathroom floor of the cinema. Steve and her slinging ice-cream. Dustin and Steve doing their handshake. Road-trips to drive-in cinemas with Dustin and co. in tow. Vickie, and her pretty eyes as she played the clarinet. Her parents, beaming, when she performed for the first time. Nancy walking through the door of the film store, the sun casting a halo around her head as her eyes sparkled.
Robin ran harder than she had ever ran before.
When she fell, it wasn’t because of the vines.