Chapter Text
His first time is not particularly thrilling.
As he stands in the shaded gloom of his dormitory room, re-knotting his tie, he’s almost annoyed with himself, because he knows it’s his fault. The faint, empty ache between his legs is frustrating, rather than gratifying; the drowsy heaviness of his head doesn’t make him want to lie down and fall asleep, it makes him want a tankard of black coffee.
He glances, without interest, back at the quivering young man sat up in his bed, white sheets clutched to his bare chest. He’s pretty, Dio supposes; pretty enough for this purpose, anyway. His hair is an admittedly lovely inky black. His eyes, which Dio had thought were blue under the gaslights of the lecture hall, but in fact were closer to green… had been more of a disappointment.
But the way he looked now, all shaken and scared, white as the bedsheets, aroused nothing but faint disdain in Dio. Looking at him, Dio could almost see the future stretching out ahead of him - terrified, yearning confusion buried beneath years of denial; a successful career as a barrister, a respectable wife, and a curiously childless marriage.
Dio felt the urge to spit. Not him. Never him.
But regardless, Dio is annoyed at himself, because he could have enjoyed it. If he had let himself focus on the shape of this boy’s body, of his scent and the sound of his voice. If his mind hadn’t been elsewhere.
As he starts to pull on his shoes, the boy seems to jolt back into reality, staring at Dio like a frightened deer. ‘Where… where are you going?’ he asks, clutching the sheets in his fists tighter.
The library, to bury himself in a commercial litigation textbook and forget this waste of time, he thinks.
‘Out,’ he says, pulling on his overcoat. ‘Don’t be here when I get back.’
He had only been able to focus on what wasn’t there, rather than what was. The absence of those strong, burly arms around him. The missing bulky weight pressing him down. That soft, masculine scent. Those blue eyes.
It was like making love to a phantom. Dio had almost wanted to tell him to get out of the way.