Was Born To Cockblock!

by wolf2z0

Summary:

Signora finds out that she’s in a tragedy BL novel. The main characters were Childe and Zhongli and because this is a tragedy novel, Childe dies at the end. Signora really doesn't care what will happen to him to be honest. But the more she thinks about it the more it's unfair. Their fates are already planned ahead. Childe was young. Very young for his age to be a Harbinger. And for him to die only in his early 20s because of a douchebag named Zhongli, Signora hated it. Screw fate! Screw Celestia! Signora will turn the table around!

The main characters have yet to meet and have yet to fall in love. Signora still has time to protect the youngest Harbinger. Childe is confused by Signora’s sudden change of behavior while Zhongli is annoyed by Signora’s third-wheeling and butting head with her for Childe’s attention. Hah! Too bad for the old man! She was born to cockblock that bitch old dragon!

Notes:

This is mainly crack so please don't take it seriously. I write this purely for fun. As this is my first time posting on this site, please excuse any mistake I make.

Chapter 1

She is known as…

La Signora. 

The Fair Lady.

The 8th Fatui Harbinger. 

R*******

"Do you agree with this contract, Morax?" 

In a close and private room, Signora was standing straight, arms behind her back, behind Her Majesty, The Tsaritsa. Across the table was Morax, the geo archon. 

"It is a reasonable arrangement." He closed his eyes, taking a few seconds before opening them, looking straight at the harbinger. "But it seems someone has something to say on this matter." 

Signora’s shoulder tense, lowering her head. "I dare not go against Her Majesty's choices. My opinion does not matter." 

"Speak." The Cryo Archon spoke, voice cold. "I'm curious what you think." Signora bow, biting her lips before speaking. 

"Please excuse me, Your Majesty…Tartaglia...I want him to know about this plan as well." 

 

Signora let out a long sigh. She walked down the long hall of the Zapolyarny Palace. Alone, with her thoughts, the sound of her high heels clack on the floor. 

La Signora. 

The 8th harbinger. The woman who used Tartaglia, who also goes by Childe, as a pawn to destroy Liyue. She never got along with the 11th harbinger. Everytime they see each other, words with venom are thrown back and forth. They can't see eye to eye. Different morals. Different ways. Different tastes. 

That’s how she’s described as. 

But the important thing right now is what the god of contracts said at the meeting.

“I’ll be in disguise as a mortal under the name of Zhongli who works as a consultant of the Wangshang Funeral Parlor.”

The woman stops in her tracks, leaning against a wall before smacking her fist on it. 

Goddammit!! This…This can’t be real right?! 

Signora pushes herself off the wall and angrily stomps on the floor. 

"Fuck this! We’re just characters?! In a shitty tragedy BL novel?! Do you mean this world is nothing but fake?! Our fates are already set in stone or what?! I won’t accept this!” She yells. “But most of all!" She raised her arms and did the middle finger in the air. "FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID DARGON! I HOPE YOU KNOW YOU'RE A GODDAMN DOUCHEBAG!!" 

She quickly continues to walk until she reaches the library. Walking in, she sees books after books. Right. Time to study. She looked around before finding what she wanted. She picked several books, carrying them in her arms and walked to an empty table, setting the books down. She took a seat and opened the first book. 

'Learning Liyuen language' 

She will study her ass off about learning everything Liyue. She will do anything to stop Childe falling in love with Zhongli. She will not let him fall to his demise.

"I will fucking clockblock you Morax. You're not going anywhere near our youngest." She hissed as she turned a page.

 

The hit novel BL, 'A New Star Approaches'

A novel about Childe and Zhongli, the main characters of the story who went from acquaintance to friends to lovers. Childe, the 11th harbinger, was sent out to get the gnosis of the geo archon. Having to stay in Liyue as a diplomat for a year and a half, during those times, Zhongli and Childe had developed a relationship. The first few months they met, they became friends. A few months after that, they became lovers. 

Childe knew this relationship wouldn't go anywhere, him being a harbinger, will always have difficulty and misery. He doesn't want Zhongli to be caught up in his trouble but at the same time, he can't let him go. He loves Zhongli. He loves him at the bottom of his heart. So when he saw his lover, no, Morax, handing Signora his gnosis, his heart shattered. 

Things turned south. Childe wouldn't talk or see Zhongli. Zhongli let him be, not bothering to meet him. They stay distant and as the days go by, they grow apart. A day turns into a week. A week turns into a month. A month turns into-

A letter was handed to Zhongli. A letter about Childe's death. Only a month passed by since their fight and Childe has...he had…

A funeral was held. A funeral at Snezhnaya. A funeral Zhongli could not attend. 

 

Signora sighs, holding her head in her hand. Her eyes close shut as she tries to remember the novel. 

That’s right. A novel. This world is nothing but a story created by someone. Signora was traveling back to where Her Majesty resides after finishing her mission. She and a few of her subordinates that were with her were ambushed on the way. It wasn’t anything Signora had trouble dealing with, quickly disposing of her enemies. These small fry didn’t stand a chance against her.

But…as much as she hates to admit it, she didn’t see the arrow that flew towards her, piercing through her shoulder from behind. She didn’t cry out in pain, no, never, but instead dealt with the archer with a swift of her hand, creating spears of ice raining down on him, instantly killing him. 

After finishing off the enemies, she pulls the arrow out of her, ready to rant her anger at the few subordinates that survive when there was a quick, strong, pain throbbing in her head, making her stumble forward with a hand shooting up to hold her head. It was so painful that she almost cried out but she refused to show any weakness, biting her lip hard enough to make it bleed. She glanced at the arrow still in her hands with her vision being blurry, a faint scent of poison coming from it. 

Really? Signora was fuming in rage. She’s been hit by poison, strong enough to effect her, all because of her stupid mistake of not noticing that archer early in. The pain throb again and the next thing she knew, she black out. 

When she opens her eyes, all she sees is black. She looked around, seeing nothing but empty space. Was she just put in a dark room? She slowly takes a step, feeling the solid ground before beginning walking to nowhere. After walking for like an hour or so she sees a light in the distance. She paused. 

No way. Is she…dead? Did the poison kill her? She died an idiotic way! Fuck that! She turns her heels and walks away from the light. She refuses to believe she died! Suddenly, the bright light shines above her, blinding her as she raises her arms above her face to block it. She slowly peeks an eye, opening them wider when she sees a book floating in front of her. 

What the fuck.

She looks around, confused about what’s really happening. Nothing but darkness surrounds her as always, the book suspiciously floating. She stares at the book for a few minutes before she slowly reaches out for it. 

The moment she touched the book, words and voices flashed through her head. It’s like reading so quickly the sentence blurs together, not making sense yet…she understands every word. 

It’s about their world. More so about Childe’s life. The youngest and recently 11th harbinger. 

It was told in Childe’s perspective mostly. It’s just about Childe’s romance and him being grossly in love with a man named Zhongli. Signora was sure she’s making a disgusted face, seeing how the story play out and really want this to stop but her attention was back when she saw her name in it. 

She was part of this too. And what’s more, this Zhongli turns out to be Morax, the geo archon. Signora and Morax were in cahoots together, tricking Childe to play the “evil villain” and Childe, angry at being played with and tricked, left the room after Signora, without a word to Zhongli, the man he loves. And at the end of the book, Childe dies. 

Hold up. What…?

It didn’t explain how he died. The only information about his death was Zhongli receiving a letter about it. And even at the end, Zhongli couldn’t even attend the funeral held in Childe’s homeland, Snezhnaya. What’s more, it didn’t tell her how Zhongli actually felt about Childe. Did he see Childe’s as a friend? Did he actually love Childe back? Or was it just all fake and he really didn’t care about him, even when the news of Childe’s death reached him? 

But then again, the last sentence at the end makes her think about it more carefully.

Life moves on without stopping, but to the man who can be seen standing alone at the harbor, facing in the direction of the land that belongs to the ice queen, time was forever frozen to him. 

Does that mean Childe meant at least something to Zhongli? But if Zhongli really loves him, why hurt him in the first place? They dated for months before Zhongli was revealed as Morax. Why did he not try to make up with Childe if Morax really loved him? Why didn’t he try harder?

Childe died young and Zhongli was left alone with regrets, at least that’s what she thinks the book is telling her. 

Signora tightens her grip on the book, about to tear it apart. What the heck did she read? Oh what do they call it in Inazuma? Ah yes. Childe’s life seems to be a shitty tragedy BL novel. Why did it even show her this damn novel, she has no idea why. Her head throbbed in pain like before and the next thing she knew, she passed out once again. 

 

Signora sat up gasping, sweat dripping down her face. She blinks a couple of times, her blurry vision setting in to see a white room. A white room she recognized and dearly hated to be in it.

“Aw, how disappointing. Here I was hoping to turn you into one of my experiments.” She whipped her head to the side, ignoring the dizziness, to face the disgusting doctor, Dottore. She glared at him before noticing she was on a bed, in a white gown, her wound on her shoulder patch up. Oh this is truly a nightmare. Who knows what that crazy doctor did to her while she was passed out. “Oh don’t make that face! I’ll have you know I was on my best behavior! Her Majesty, the Tsaritsa ordered me to make sure to treat you back to good health.”

“I would have said thanks but I would prefer to have died than be treated by you.” She said coldly, moving to get off the bed, trying not to wobble when she stood. The insane doctor just laughed. 

“I would have preferred that too. Then I wouldn’t have to find an excuse to explain how you died.” The doctor grinned at her. Oh, this fucker. He was planning to kill her in her sleep. She flipped her hair before walking past him, not wanting to stay with this dickass any longer. “Oh, before I forget,” She cast a glance at him as she cracked the door open. “Her Majesty called for you once you wake up. And I’m sure I managed to take all the poison out but if you feel anything off, feel free to come back and I can look into it more.” He rubs his hands like a greedy man with that craze grin on his face. 

She didn’t reply and left the room. She should visit her room to dress more properly before meeting the queen. A meeting she did not expect of another archon joining in. 

 

---

 

"Your Majesty…Tartaglia...I want him to know about this plan as well." 

Silence… 

A curious hum came from the Tsaritsa. Her hand came up to hold her chin. She had a veil on, covering her face but Signora felt she could see her smirking in amusement. 

"You want to let little Tartaglia in on this plan? That's quite surprising."

Signora gulped, hoping Her Majesty didn't hear that. Of course the Tsaritsa would be surprised. Signora and Taraglia don't have the best relationship. In the same room, they bricked like dogs, baring teeth to each other before one of them snapped, mostly Childe snapping first.  

"I believe he can keep it a secret." Signora bowed her head low. Her stomach twisted in disgust of praising that fool. "Even if he's a ruthless warrior, he knows how to keep a secret if promise." Tsaritsa didn't say anything. Only the clink of teacup was heard. Signora didn't dare to lift her head to look at Morax who she can feel his gaze on her while hearing him sip his tea. 

"Hmm, yes. Little Tartaglia always keeps his promises. However, do you think he will agree to promise if he knows about this mission? He cannot sit still if he knows Morax's identity and he's likely to want to fight the geo archon then focus on his mission. Which will cause the Qixing to kick him out of Liyue for fighting a “civilian” once reported." 

Signora can't argue with that. Childe is a battle idiot. 

"Your Majesty, if you wish so, to not fight the geo archon, Tartaglia will always follow your orders." 

"Of course. He is one of my loyal people. But another thing is, little Tartaglia is honest. He does not like underhand tricks. He’s not like you or the other harbingers. He also has a soft spot for the weak. If he knew about this contract, do you think he would still plan something that could endanger Liyue, where many innocent people are involved and may be killed in progress?" 

Of course not. As much as Childe is unhinged, he doesn't like getting the innocent involved. But...

"Yes. He would still be able to endanger Liyue when needed." 

The novel shows Childe still released Osial. Even if it drowns the whole city. Even if the man he loves could be in danger. He released it, just to get Morax's gnosis. For the Tsaritsa, Childe will do anything for her. The only thing Signora and Childe have in common. 

She heard the Tsaritsa hum once more, thinking about it. She hopes the cryo archon agrees. Agree to let Childe in on the plan. 

"He should be left out." Signora jerks her head up to Morax which she quickly lowers her head back down when those amber eyes glare at her. "This Tartaglia, I do not know what kind of person he is, only rumors about him being a great warrior, but the only people who should know about this contract will be the three of us. This is between us archons. The exchange of my gnosis. The lady here is just the overseer. The less people know, the better. Besides, his role is just to be a threat. A pawn. Someone who we can always replace if he's not fit to the role given." 

'Oh what a dick.'

Signora bit her lips, holding back to curse at the geo archon she now hates so much. 

"May I suggest something else?" Both archons look at the Fair Lady. 

"Speak." Her Majesty waves with a hand. 

"Let me stay with Tartaglia’s side as we both work together on this mission. I promise not to tell him about this contract so please." 

"My my." The cryo archon lightly chuckles. "Again, you surprised me…" Tsaritsa glanced at Morax. 

"...As long as the contract is kept quiet and held, do as you please." 

"Then, La Signora, you shall work together with little Tartaglia to collect the geo archon gnosis. I will inform little Tartaglia about his new mission once he comes back from his current mission." 

"Yes your Majesty." 

"Once little Tartaglia returns, you two will have a week to prepare before you leave on a boat to Liyue." 

"Hmm, I guess you can see the last Rite of Descension before I retire." Morax finishes his tea before setting the cup down. 

"It will be an honor to see you in your glory form one last time." Signora almost hissed but kept her tone professional. Morax stares at her before nodding his head to the Tsaritsa. 

"I shall take my leave then."

In her head, Signora flipped the geo archon off as she watched him leave. 

“How are you feeling?” Signora almost flinched at the sudden question. She placed a fist on her chest and the other hand behind her back, saluting at her.

“I am well. The doctor managed to take the poison out but in case something is off with my body, I will visit him again.” 

The queen hums quietly. 

“You were asleep for three days. I wonder if this has to do with your sudden change?” Signora failed to hide her panic. “You want to work with little Tartaglia. Even seem to care and worry for him.” 

Signora beat down the blush raising up to her face. Yeah, she really did a 180 degree change, even she knows that. But that’s because she finally realized the novel she saw is going to come true soon. Morax, Zhongli, the gnosis, the contrat, Liyue Harbor, Osial’s release, the mission. 

…Childe’s death. 

The more she thought about the whole situation, the more unfair it was. Their fates were already set in stone. Their choices were not their own choices but by someone who wrote some goddamn BL novel. 

And Childe. She hate him like no tomorrow but she really doesn’t deeply hate him like what everyone thinks. Childe is like an annoying baby brother to her but showing affection or kindness is a sign of weakness and she does not want to go through the feeling of losing someone close again. 

It’s easier to not feel anything for the other if they hate each other but after reading, knowing what’s going to happen to him, can she really put on an act of hating him now? Childe is…young. Just a damn kid. Join in the Fatui at the age of fourteen and became a harbinger at the age of eighteen. Now he’s going to die at the age of tweety-one. Too young for a short life. 

She may not hate him to the core and if she heard the news of Childe’s death she wouldn’t shed a tear, since being a Harbinger, one must be prepare to face death at all times but what made her more angry and what she can’t accept of Childe’s death in the future is because of the damn geo god. The novel makes it seem like he’s a kind man but meeting him for the first time, Signora would describe him as a cold, mean, dickhead! Now she doubts if Zhongli really does love Childe because the Zhongli she met today, she wanted to choke that old man. 

And Childe fell in love with that dickhead?! Signora does not understand his taste. She already disliked him the moment she saw him and even more so with his rude personality during the meeting. How dare he act so mighty in front of Her Majesty. So she’s going to cockblock that damn dragon, have Childe not fall in love with him, and Childe will end up not dying due to her so Childe should be grateful she’s willing to save his dumbass life. 

“La Signora.” Signora snapped out of her thoughts and lowered her head, not noticing how warm Her Majesty spoke her name. "Do take care of little Tartaglia during this mission and not let him get into trouble. You are excuse."

Signora bite her lips. Deep down, she really knew the main reason why she can't let Childe die. She, herself, may not care much but Her Majesty will deeply grieve over his death even if she doesn't show any emotion. Childe, to Her Majesty, is like a son she cares for. And Signora, knowing what will happen in the future, how can she let herself watch and let it happen when she knows it'll hurt Her Majesty's heart. 

The novel may not have describe Her Majesty's much but if Morax, the strongest and oldest god, can't even attend to Childe's funeral, she knew the Tsaritsa had forbid the old god to even step one foot on her land. The two gods may not have a close relationship and Her Majesty respects him, yet, to forbid Morax from her land, Tsaritsa must have known Morax was the cause of death of her most beloved child. 

  "Yes your Majesty." Signora answered before making one final bow and took her leave. 

 

---

 

A month has passed since that meeting. Signora was in the library, reading about Liyue’s culture when someone came up to her. 

“Lady Signora, Her Majesty had summoned you.” 

Signora pauses, before nodding, closing the book. “Yes. I will be there.” 

She walked down the quiet hallway. She had been studying about Liyue throughout this month as well doing small missions she was assigned to. She crammed everything she learned in her head. If she knows about Liyue as much as a local should then they have no need for Morax. 

In the novel, Childe and Zhongli had only hung out together because they were business partners. Zhongli, being knowledgeable about Liyue, Childe accompanied him and listened to Zhongli tell tales about Morax. Childe hoped he could use what he learned from Zhongli to plan out how to lure Morax. 

But as they spend more time together, Childe starts to fall in love. He would listen to Zhongli talk, not caring if it’s about Morax's tale anymore. He would pay for Zhongli’s shopping, no matter how expensive it was. He would watch Zhongli go back home, wishing tomorrow would come faster to be with him quickly. 

Childe loves Zhongli like a fool.

Signora stopped in front of two huge doors to Her Majesty's throne room. Yes. If she knows about Liyue as much as one should, they don’t need Zhongli to give them a history lesson or a tour. Her knowledge is not par to the geo archon of course but it’s decent enough. Once she and Childe reach Liyue, she would be the one to give him a tour. Yes. That way, Childe and Zhongli won’t hang out. They have no reason to. And if Zhongli needs anything, she’ll be the one he needs to talk to. 

“…..”

Fuck!! She forgot for a moment about Childe hating her guts more than her hating him!! She was too busy to think of a perfect plan to make sure those two dumbass men did not meet and fall in love. There’s no way Childe would sit still and listen to her! Give him a tour around Liyue?! More like a fight to the death in Liyue if she even tries to have him listen to her! 

As she tries to figure out another way for Childe to not meet Zhongli, or to be more correct, to have Childe listen to her, she hears laughter echo through the hall. She turned her head towards the laugh and her face frowned at the sight. 

“Well, if it isn’t the witch La Signora. You’re going to get wrinkles if you keep frowning.” 

There, walking towards her was a ginger-haired man, his red mask clipped to the side and dull blue eyes stare at her like a predator with a cocky smirk. 

Speak of the devil. The drama queen is here.

Notes:

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy it. Follow me on Twitter if you want!

Chapter 2

Sinora stares at him in silence. If it was before, she would have made a petty comeback but now, she needs to get on his good side as much as she hates it. If she wants Childe to listen to her, she needs to be…ugh…kind. 

Childe's smirk dropped, a brow lifted, confused and a bit unsettled Signora hadn't said anything back. "...it's…good to see you…doing well…" Signora tries not to gag or hiss at the last word coming out from her mouth. Childe froze in place, slowly backing away with disgust on his face. 

Fuck you too! Even she wants to throw up after uttering those words! 

Childe opens his mouth, about to say something, but immediately close them when the doors slowly open. They both straighten their back and walk in with grace to the middle of the room. The Tsaritsa sat on her throne, legs crossed with her chin resting on her hand. The two harbingers salute and greet their queen. Her Majesty wave a hand, motioning for Childe to speak. Childe does so, reporting every detail about how his mission went. 

Signora took this time to rethink her plans. The easiest way to befriend Childe is probably to promise a spar once a week or something related to a fight. Fuck that. She doesn't have time nor energy to fucking deal with his love for battle for a day. She knows how blood thirsty he can get in the middle of a fight. 

The second thing is probably getting him a weapon he would like… 

Her eye twitch at the thought of using her own money to buy something for the damn fool. Childe's not low on money and he could buy whatever he wants yet she has to buy a weapon just to make him happy? Nope. She's damn sure if she had given him one, he would never use it or accept it, thinking it's a scam. Even more so, Childe is very picky about his weapons. Something about the detail, the weight of it, and other bullshit Signora does not care about. 

Signora bite the inside of her cheeks. What the fuck does this battle idiot like other than a fight or a weapon?! 

Then, a light bulb flashes above her head. She remembers in the novel, Childe had talked about his family to Morax. How he loves to spoil his younger siblings with gifts. That’s it... She now knows how to keep Childe beside her and not wander off. 

"Tartaglia. I know you just returned from your last mission and you must be tired after that long trip but I have another mission for you." 

Signora stores her thoughts away and focuses back to attention. Childe smiled and bowed slightly. 

"Do not mind me Your Majesty. Anything Your Majesty wishes, I will gladly fulfill them." 

The Tsaritsa hum before looking at the two harbingers. “Tartaglia. La SIgnora. You two are to go undercover and work together to steal the geo archon’s gnosis. La Signora will tell you the rest of the details of the mission. Prepare to set out to Liyue in a week.”

 

The moment the doors closed after leaving the throne room, Childe already started barking like a dog. “Tch. I can’t believe I have to work with you.” Childe spat, putting his hands in his pocket. “I could have handled this mission myself.” Signora crosses her arms, finding it ironic how he said that when Signora already knows what will happen if Childe really did work on this mission alone. 

“I’m sure you can.” Signora rolled her eyes. “Must be why Her Majesty had us work together because she trust you so much with this important mission.” She said in a sarcastic tone. Well, it was her that asked Her Majesty to allow Signora to work with Childe but the fool does not need to know that. Before Childe could bark again, Signora began to walk down the hall as she continued.

“As Her Majesty said, we will set off to Liyue in a week. Pack the things you need because we will be staying there for a year at most.” Signora doesn’t hear any footsteps behind her as she walks but she knows Childe is following her in silence as he listens. As much as the boy hates her, he does do his job seriously.  “We are diplomats for the Northland Bank station at Liyue’s Harbor so don’t cause trouble or unwanted attention. We do not want the Qixing on our tails.” 

Signora hears Childe scoff, no doubt rolling his eyes by now. Really? This boy was definitely planning to cause chaos wasn’t he. She continues. “The Rite of Descension will happen in a month when we reach Liyue and I bet the harbor will be busy because it’s the only time Morax comes down once a year.” 

“So we don’t have to wait long to get the geo archon’s gnosis then.” Childe jumps to walk in front of Signora, giving her a grin, the one he uses when he’s excited to fight. “I heard Liyue’s archon is a dragon. I never fought one before so I’m excited to have a chance! Don’t get in my way, okay!” 

Signora narrows her eyes at him. “No you little brat. It’s too early to do anything. Morax only descends once a year, in front of many people. You think we can get away easily if we try to do anything with no plans? And no.” She said firmly when Childe opened his mouth. “Don’t fucking think you can bulldoze your way out to escape. Before you can even touch Morax, he’ll fucking whip you with his tail and send you flying all the way back to here. Now go fucking pack your things or whatever you have left to do before we leave.” 

Signora did not spare a glance at Childe nor give him time to talk back as she quickly walked away. They’re going to sail on a ship in a week and she needs her alone time before they’re stuck together out in the sea. 

 

A week has gone by quickly and Signora watches the sailors load her luggage onto the ship early in the morning. She didn’t pack much. Only her clothes and the products to make her skin glossy. Maintaining her beauty takes lots of effort, especially since she’s a Harbinger. And how she thinks it's unfair when she looks at Childe, now chatting to a sailor, whose skin looks soft to the touch as if he’s a princess who never left her castle. 

How the heck does Childe maintain his skin to look so soft and healthy when Signora knows for sure this boy bathes in the blood of his enemies and probably doesn’t shower in weeks or months! Signora is having second thoughts about saving his ass and maybe she should let fate do its thing but she shook her head. 

Do it for Her Majesty. She told herself. Her Majesty asked her to take care of Childe and so she will do so, for Her Majesty’s wishes are hers as well. 

“Hey old hag! Are you boarding the ship or not?” Childe shouted, already onboard.

…she really wants to strangle him right now.

Signora boarded the ship, glancing back for a final look at the snowy land when the ship started sailing. It’s going to be a year at most before she’ll come back to this place, where she now calls it home. If it wasn’t for Her Majesty taking her in, she doesn’t know what her life will be without her. 

From the corner of her eyes, she knows Childe was thinking the same. Dull blue eyes focus on the snowy land, watching it getting further away. Signora could tell there was something on his mind, most likely thinking about his siblings. The Childe from the novel talks about his younger siblings and how much he misses them and even as a Harbinger, he tries his best to keep their innocence. 

A big brother who’s a hero in their eyes. 

Signora frowned a little. It’s times like this that she’s reminded of how Childe is really just a kid. People his age already have their dream jobs or have already found the person they love and started a family or start adventuring to see the world. He’s at the age where his life is barely starting. And yet, here he is, the youngest harbinger who’s a killing machine and feared by people with his lust for battle and strength. Childe never seem to care for anything unless they have to do with fights and getting stronger. 

But in the novel…meeting Zhongli, Childe experiences love for the first time. 

As much as Signora hates it, she has to applaud for the old geezer to manage to make the battle idiot feel love. It’s too bad Signora has no intention for them to ever get together though. If their love cause Childe to die then their love should be shut down and Signora will make sure of it. 

“Do you have a family…?” Signora asks. Childe glanced at her, staying silent. Signora knew he did but she only knew it from reading the novel and not Childe himself. It doesn’t say much except how much Childe loves his younger siblings. So she can guess Childe doesn’t get along with his parents, remembering how his father was the one who brought him to the Fatui in the first place. 

“...why do you ask?” He scoffs, crossing his arms as he stares off to the ocean. “You usually don’t give a shit about anything that’s not in your interest.” 

Yep. His family is a landmine if that tone of his is anything but dangerous, something he does not want to talk about. 

Signora stays silent before softly speaking. “I…have a brother. A younger brother.” Even without see Childe’s face, she know he’s making a confuse and surprise face, not expecting that information at all. “He and I do not get along well. We fight almost daily whenever we see each other.” Signora stares out to the sea as well, the land of snow nowhere in sight anymore. “He’s really damn annoying and I hate him to my guts. To be honest, I don’t care if he ends up getting killed or whatever but…when something really did happen to him that he almost ended up dead, I guess…at the end of the day, I really do care for him no matter how much I hate him.” 

Nothing but silence. Only the sound of the wave and the sound of the harsh wind can only be heard. 

“Why are you telling me this?” Childe asked in a whisper. Signora shrugs.

“I thought maybe you can help me get close to my brother since you look like the family type and can help me but if you aren’t then forget it.”

During the whole week before they set off to Liyue, Signora had given some thoughts, about how there’s no one who really love or care for Childe. Not once does she remember Childe having someone worry about him wherever he goes out on a mission. The only one is Her Majesty but she can’t show any weaknesses and has to hide her true feelings. Most people, including Childe does not know how much Her Majesty worry about him wherever she set him out on a dangerous mission. Only Signora truly knows how Her Majesty felt.

She doesn’t think Childe even has a single friend. Not a single person he trusts. Childe only has himself. Childe is…alone.

After reading that novel and planning to not let Childe meet his death, Signora starts to see how depressing Childe’s life is. She even wonders if he even has any fond and happy memories as a kid or not before his father pushes him to the Fatui. So for once, she decided to show a bit of her softer side, using an excuse of having a brother to disguise her feelings towards Childe because she needs to tell Childe he’s a person someone will be miss if he’s gone.

No matter how much she hates Childe, he is someone who she cares for deeply.

It felt like the wall she built between her and Childe was crumbling down. She knew if she let Childe have a place in her heart, she wouldn’t be able to pretend everything would be fine if something did happen to him. 

That’s the whole reason why she built up a wall and hates him so she won’t have to repeat those feelings. She doesn’t want to deal with those painful feelings again as if she lost a piece of herself. 

She doesn’t want to lose a loved one again.

But for once, Signora decides it’ll be okay. If she’s going to let Childe in her tiny heart, someone she will care for from now on, she will make sure he will stay safe and protected. 

The wind blows against them and the cold is nothing to Signora’s skin but since Childe hadn’t spoken once, she heads back to her cabin, leaving Childe alone to his thoughts.

 

A week has gone by on this ship. Signora was in her cabin, pouring herself a glass cup of fire water on a small table she sat at. She prefers the wine from Mondstadt but she really needs something strong right now. And five bottles did nothing. 

Signora and Childe haven’t talked to each other after she told him about her “brother” and everytime they happen to pass by on this small ship, Childe would be the first to avoid her, not saying anything. Which is really frightening she has to admit because she’s so used to Childe complaining every time they meet. 

And because Childe wouldn’t even speak with her, not even giving her a chance to say a word, she drowned herself in alcohol because this was troubling as she needs to talk to him to execute her plans of having Childe to sit still and stay by her side once they reach Liyue but Childe’s making this difficult by avoiding her. 

What? Is it that much of a surprise she opens up to Childe a little, talking about how she cares for him but pretends it’s about a brother she never even has, which makes Childe uncomfortable and wants to run away from her?! …okay, Signora would also do the same if that happened to her but that’s not the point! She justed wanted to tell Childe in his face that she care for him deeply and wants to protect him! Even if Childe didn’t know those words were meant for him! 

Signora chugs her drink empty before slamming the cup on the table. Well if they aren’t going to talk until they reach Liyue, the plan can still work. She was just going to show Childe where the souvenir shops are. Childe would at least follow her to those places because Signora knows he’ll buy them for his family and Childe would at least behave and not run off. She just needs to have Childe’s attention fast before he runs off to the wild to fight some damn monsters when they step foot onto Liyue.

Signora poured herself another drink, throwing the empty bottle on the ground where the rest of the bottles she finished before were at. She’s a clean and tidy person but she doesn’t give a flying fuck right now on how messy and tried she look with empty bottles of alcohol around her. It’s not like anyone dares to barge into her room. 

Signora almost choked on her drink when the door to her cabin slammed open. Fucking- There is an idiot who dare to come in her room!

Childe walks in casually as if he didn’t almost break her door, pausing in his step when he sees Signora in an unsightly sight. “What happened to you?” Signora grabs one of the empty bottles and throws it at him, to which it flew past his head and out the door. 

“First of all, what the fuck are you doing here?!” They haven’t spoken in a week and Childe suddenly decides to come into her room and to see her in this mess? Archons, can she just kill him now? Maybe she can throw him overboard. 

Childe eyes at the glass cup before looking at Signora. “Are you wasted?” Signora was about to reply no but she held back her tongue. Childe sound…worried? That's a surprise. Childe walks towards her, taking her drink away. 

“Hey! What-”

“Drinking this much is bad for your health. Just because you miss your brother so much doesn’t give you the excuse to drink all day.” Childe frowned at her. Signora blink. Did…Childe think Signora was drowning herself in alcohol because she missed her “brother” so much? Oh archons. Childe is such a sweet boy! He’s worried about her?! Her?! La Signora?! Maybe Childe doesn’t hate her as much as she thought.

And maybe she really is wasted. She actually feels like she’s about to cry. Signora held her head low, her hair falling in front, covering her face. She hears Childe taking a seat across from her, raising her head back up when Childe passes a glass of water towards her. “...where did you get this?” She doesn’t remember having water in her room.

“Have you forgotten I’m a hydro user?”

“Yeah, no thanks.” Signora pushes the glass back. “Drinking water from your vision is the same as drinking from your sweat. Ew.” Childe roughly pushes back the glass cup towards her again. 

“It’s not the same! It’s just fucking water! Just fucking drink it!”

“Fuck no! I’m not drinking your disgusting sweat you created!” 

“It’s not fucking sweat you old hag! It’s just damn water! Clean, fresh, fucking water!” 

“Anything from you is gross either way!” 

They argue while pushing the glass cup back and forth before Childe gives up, throwing his hands in the air. 

“Fine! Who cares anyway! You seem sober already! And to think I was worried…” Childe mumbled the last part quietly but Signora caught him, though she didn’t point it out. 

“Care to tell me why you’re here? I doubt you’re here just to check up on me.” Signora pushes back her hair, tidying it up a bit. “And why the fuck are you giving me the silent treatment?!” She points a finger at him when Childe stays silent again. “What is it? You usually throw insults non-stop but what happened now? You became quiet as a dead rat.” 

Childe opens his mouth, then close, then open it again, in a soft voice Signora ever heard from him. “You said you want me to help you get close to your brother…right?” Signora slowly nods, sitting up straight. 

Oh? Oh oh? What’s this? What is this?

Childe cough, glancing to the floor. “I guess I can give some advice on how you can get along with your sibling.” Signora could see a hint of blush on Childe’s cheek. 

“.....”

Your Majesty, The Tsaritsa, I now understand why you love him so much. That got to be the cutest shit Signora ever saw of Childe. A cute, shy, Childe. She wishes she had a kamera in her hands. 

 

---

 

--Childe--

 

Childe steps onto the snow, carrying his luggage as he leave the house. “Big brother!” Childe looks behind him and stumbles backward when a little boy hugs his leg tightly with teary eyes. “Don’t leave! Stay a while longer!” Childe smiles softly, kneeling down and patting his younger brother’s head. 

“Teucer, I’m sorry but I have to go now. The ship I need to be on will leave soon if I don’t hurry.”

“Then be late! That way you can stay with us longer once the ship leave!” Teucer pout. Childe chuckled, ruffling his hair. 

“Teucer, you know these people want the toys I make. I can’t let them be disappointed if I don’t show up. You wouldn’t like it if someone promised you to give you a toy and then they didn’t give it to you in the end would you?” Teucer frown, shaking his head. Childe glance back at the front door where he could see his mother standing by with a worried face. 

Childe knows his mother wasn’t making that face for him when he’s about to leave on a mission and she worry about his safety. No. It was for Teucer. She’s worried Childe will harm him if she’s not looking. What an utter ridiculous thought she would think that Childe would harm his own younger siblings. But can he blame her? He fought with his older brothers and his father, one of them ends up with a bloody nose at the end of the fight so how can she trust him to not harm the younger ones as well?

“Now be a good boy and go back inside.” Childe gives another gentle pat on his brother’s head. “Stay out of trouble alright.” Childe stood up to his feet and Teucer sniffled. 

“When are you coming back to visit?” Teucer grabs the end of Childe’s coat and tugging it. Childe forced out a smile. 

“I don’t know. But I’ll visit when I can, okay?” Signora had said a year at most but it could be longer since they are dealing with the oldest and strongest god. Things may go unexpected if their plan goes haywire. 

“Teucer!” Childe’s eyes darken when he saw his father standing by mother, glaring at Childe as if he’s a dangerous animal. “Stop bothering that person and get over here.” Teucer looked down, wiping his eyes before whispering one last bye to Childe and walking back towards the house. 

Childe watched Teucer go inside and only then, when his father shut the door, did Childe leave.

“Stop bothering that person and get over here.” 

‘...that person…’

Childe should be glad he didn’t say anything worse in front of Teucer. He knew his father didn’t accept him as his son, as family,  anymore and Childe had grown numb to care what his father thinks of him now. He only visits because of Tonia, Teucer, and Anthon. If it weren’t for them, Childe would never have come back to this damn house at all. 

 

Childe stares off into the distance as the ship sails away from the land of Snezhnaya. He hopes his younger siblings will be healthy and happy when he comes back to visit after this mission is over. He already misses them even though he just left the house. 

“Do you have a family…?”

Childe looks at Signora, surprised by that sudden question. He stayed silent, trying to read her face if there was a hidden meaning by it but all he saw was nothing. Just a genuine question if he has one. 

“...Why do you ask? You usually don’t give a shit about anything that’s not in your interest.” He scoffed. Childe is not in the mood to talk about anything that has to do with family. He doesn’t know why Signora brought it up but he doesn’t care enough to want to know why. 

“I…have a brother. A younger brother.” Childe flinched a little when Signora spoke softly. Okay, now he’s more confused. What the hell is going on? Did Signora eat something weird? “He and I do not get along well. We fight almost daily whenever we see each other. He’s really damn annoying and I hate him to my guts. To be honest, I don’t care if he ends up getting killed or whatever but…when something really did happen to him that he almost ended up dead, I guess…at the end of the day, I really do care for him no matter how much I hate him.” 

Huh... So Signora actually has someone she cares for. That’s…surprising. Really surprising. Childe thought Signora was just a grumpy old lady who treated others as garbage. But Signora, the La Signora, actually cares about someone and that someone is her brother… 

“Why are you telling me this?” 

“I thought maybe you can help me get close to my brother since you look like the family type and can help me but if you aren’t then forget it.”

Childe can’t figure out if Signora is playing a prank on him or not but the tone of her voice…is different than anything he heard from her. She sounds genuine about wanting to get close to her brother. And why did Signora ask him for help? Because he looks like the family type? How so? He never told anyone about his family. The only family member the people in the Fatui know about is how his father threw him at their feet at the age of fourteen. 

Childe hears Signora quietly walk away. He didn’t look back and progress what just happened. The prideful Signora, shows a side she never shown before and it’s to Childe she’s shown it to. 

 

Childe had been avoiding Signora for a week. He’s not running away, no. It’s because he felt awkward with her now after that talk they had. He does not know what to do. He’s scared weirded out she’s going to say something strange again if they’re both in the same room together. If it was any other person, Childe would not care and be as usual as he always has been but this is La Signora they’re talking about! Something about her loving and caring someone grossed him out.

And after a week, Childe gave it some thoughts. Signora didn’t chase after him to beat him up after showing that side of her nor pretended it’s a joke or made up an excuse. Signora just stays in place and didn’t bother him at all. So maybe Signora is really making a change. Maybe she was being truthful about her brother. And Childe knows how hard it is in the fatui to show a softer side to others, especially for a harbinger. It’s considered a weakness, letting other people know they have something they can take advantage of you. 

And Signora took a risk to show that side to Childe. Did she trust him or did she become a fool at that time? Childe thinks it’s the latter, seeing Signora drinking, bottles of fire water scatter on the floor. Did she really miss her brother that she needed to drink so much?

Even when Childe decide to be nice to her for once by offering her some water which she rejected it, saying how it’s gross. Well fuck her then if she didn’t want it! 

“Care to tell me why you’re here? I doubt you’re here just to check up on me. And why the fuck are you giving me the silent treatment?!” She points a finger at him when Childe stays silent again. “What is it? You usually throw insults non-stop but what happened now? You became quiet as a dead rat.” 

Childe clenched his teeth. He knows it’s weird. Even he himself thinks it’s weird for him to act like this. He guesses it’s because he thought about what she said about wanting some help to get close to her brother during the whole week. 

Because…if Childe had an older sister like Signora, who hated him with her life but actually cares for him in the end, and is really trying to get along with him, even if he despises her, Childe would truly be a tiny bit happy about the thought of her trying her best to get along. 

“You said you want me to help you get close to your brother…right?” Childe cough, glancing to the floor, feeling his face hot but trying not to show he’s a bit embarrassed. “I guess I can give some advice on how you can get along with your sibling.”

Childe values family more than his love for battle so hearing Signora wanting help to get close to her brother made Childe liking her a tiny bit. Childe may not be loved by his family but he knows how to give love to his younger siblings so he’s willing to help Signora on how to be a good older sibling. Maybe he can use this against her if they fight with insults again to make her shut up. Childe may not like underhand tricks but he’s willing to do so if it makes him win a fight.

Notes:

Yay! We got to see Signora and Childe becoming friends(?) an inch closer. Lol. Now for the next chapter we'll be arriving Liyue Harbor! Hope you all excited! BUT will we be able to meet Mr. Zhongli or will he appear on a later chapter? Who knows! Maybe he won't appear at all throughout the story because Signora is too good in not letting them meet even once!

Chapter 3

Signora looks out across the sea, seeing Liyue Harbor in sight. It’s early morning, the sun barely rising over the horizon and even with this time, the harbor is bustling with activity. Signora hates to admit but the sight of the harbor is beautiful even from this distance. 

“What are you looking at, old hag?” Signora rolls her eyes at Childe who grins by her side. During this trip, that felt like forever, after Signora opens up to Childe a little, they start to become “buddy buddy”, as Childe would like to say it. And Signora was tortured by him throughout, with him constantly bothering her non-stop and he knew exactly what he was doing. She was so damn close to tossing him overboard. Oh how she wants to take everything back! Things were much better before than now!

“We’re about to reach the harbor.” Signora glares at him, letting him know she’s annoyed by him but Childe does not care at all and still has that silly grin. 

“Oh sweet! I can’t wait to try their food cause I’m starving!” Signora grabs him by the collar of his shirt and pulls him back when he leans too far against the railing of the ship. 

“Behave yourself you idiot.” Childe look back at Signora with a blank face before making that stupid smile Signora see often now. As Signora opened up to him, so did Childe. 

It doesn’t seem much different at first but there is. Childe is playful with a hint of mischief as always but right now, the Childe Signora is seeing, is like a little boy living his childhood he never had the chance to experience. He looks more free. Signora could see how Childe is more comfortable being around her than before and he looks more like his age now. 

Yeah... Signora prefers this Childe more. 

“It’s gross of you to worry about me. Didn’t you say you wanted to throw me off the ship so many times?” Childe laughs, dodging a swing from Signora’s hand. 

This stupid brat! She’s going to damn well throw him overboard right now! 

“Hey! No using violence against your brother. ” Childe dodge another swing from her, finding this all too amusing and fun. 

Ah yes… 

On the way here, Childe said the best way to help Signora to get along with her “brother” is for her to play pretend family with him. How ironic of Childe to plan that. So Signora has to treat Childe as if he’s really her brother and Childe is having the most fun in his lifetime messing around with her. 

“As the older sister, you have to listen to every word I say since I’m the youngest.”

“That’s not a fucking rule. Shouldn’t you be listening to me because I am the oldest?!” 

“No. The youngest is the one who makes decisions here. If they want something, you get them. If they want to go somewhere, you take them. They are the king while you are their servant.” 

“...fuck this. Why do I need to do what you say! The only one I respond to is Her Majesty!” 

“Hey, I’m an older brother and my younger siblings love me because I know how to be a good older brother. And you asked me for help. Seeing that you have no idea how to be a good older sister, what makes you think you know better than me?” 

Signora could feel her blood boiling again, remembering that conversation they had before. The plan for Childe to listen to Signora and sit still is thrown out the window with her having to listen to him instead! Signora is willing to listen to Childe’s requests if so but there’s no way she’s going to obey every single wish Childe makes. No way!

Signora whipped her hair back, crossing her arms as she looked at the harbor once again. She guess it’s fine for now if they play pretend to be siblings and as annoying as it is to have to listen to Childe for whatever the fuck he wanted, it was the perfect excuse to be by his side at all times without Childe thinking she has a ulterior motive to be near him. 

“The ship is going to dock soon. You remember what you need to do right?” Signora glances at Childe who nods. 

“Yeah yeah. I remember. We’ll meet with the Qixing soon after we put our luggage away.” Childe waves a hand. “I’ll be on my best behavior okay.”

Having two diplomats in Liyue, the Qixing requested a meeting with them. Signora wanted to meet them as soon as possible and be done with them so they decided they’ll meet once Signora and Childe set foot in Liyue. 

“And after that meeting, I’m free to do what I want right?” Childe looks at Signora with excitement in his eyes, no doubt running off to kill some hilichurl camps. 

“As long as you don’t cause trouble.” Signora said. Even though they play pretend siblings and Childe is having fun messing around, he knows they’re still on a mission and he can get serious if needed. He’s a harbinger for a reason. 

“I won’t! You don’t have to keep repeating it!” Childe looks like an excited puppy when the ship finally comes to a stop near the dock. They both step off the ship, Signora grabbing Childe’s scarf and tugging him back when Childe look like he’s about to dash off into the crowds. “Oh come on! At least let me grab some food to eat!”

Signora ignores him as she drags him to the Northland bank, Childe whining the whole way about how she sucks at being an older sister, letting him starve to death. Oh, ever the drama queen this boy is. They reached the bank, the guard outside saluting when he saw them approaching. 

“Lady La Signora! Lord Tartaglia!” He greeted them, a nervous sweat on his face. Signora pays no heed to him and walks inside the bank, still dragging the idiot by his scarf. The receptionist of the bank quickly walked over to them when she saw the two harbingers, greeting them with a salute. 

“Greetings to Lady La Signora! Greetings to Lord Tartaglia!” Signora stares at her, examining her figure while the receptionist anxiously stands still. This woman looks capable and smart, Signora thinks. She can rely on her to babysit Childe if needed.

“Your name?” Signora asks, voice cold as ice. The woman flinched as she bowed. 

“My name is Ekaternia, Lady La Signora.”

“Go bring us the manager.” Ekaternia nod and rush to the back. Signora glances at Childe, who’s been pouting all this time. “...Oh stop sulking.” Signora sighs, putting her hands on her hips. “Stop acting like a spoiled brat.” 

“You’re supposed to spoil me. I’m your baby brother now.” Childe purse his lips slightly as he makes a puppy face, which…is creepy instead of cute with those dead eyes of his. Signora smacks the back of his head, Childe faking a sob. 

“My brother is a damn adult. Not a baby!” Signora regain her composure when she see Ekaternia back with a man. 

“Greetings to La Signora. Greetings to Lord Tartaglia.” The man bowed. “I apologize for not greeting you sooner. My name is Andrei, the manager of this bank.” He pulled out two keys from his pocket, offering it to them, his hands trembling. “I’ve already received notice about your stay here and we picked the best places for you two to be comfortable and relax in.” Signora takes the keys, tossing one to Childe who catches it. 

“Have our luggage be sent there. From now on, address us casually. You may just call me Signora and this one,” She lifted her chin at Childe. “You can just call him Childe. Idiot, is also fine as well.” The two subordinates glup, seeing Childe glare at her. 

They were afraid a fight was going to break out, hearing rumors about these two harbingers aiming at each other’s throats when placed in the same room. They start to sweat when Childe grins and lifts his hands, praying the both of them to not wreck the room, only to be confused when Childe cross his arms in front of his chest instead and not bringing his fists to Signora.

“How mean of you to call me that sister. ” The two non-harbingers blinked, looking between them. 

Sister…?

“I can’t believe you’re my sister. Just because we’re siblings , don’t think I won’t feel hurt when you call me names. Shouldn’t you treat me more nicely since you are my older sister. As your younger brother , you should-”

Ekaternia and Andrei rush to take cover behind the counter when Signora, a flick of her wrist, creates a spear of ice aimed towards Childe. Childe easily deflected them with his daggers made of water. Signora’s face was red as she scowled at Childe. To others, it looks like Signora was fuming with anger but Childe knows better. It was just Signora being embarrassed of how he keeps calling her sister. 

Childe laughs, putting his weapon away when Signora walks past him to the front entrance. “You’re lucky we have to meet with the Qixing soon otherwise I would have frozen you into an icicle!” She bust the doors open, scaring the poor soul who was guarding outside as she angrily walked out the bank, Childe happily skipping after her. “You better stay six feet away from me as we walk there! I’ll stab you if you come any closer!” Childe only laughed in response. 

 

Signora felt as if her soul left his body. The meeting with the Qixing was tiring and suffocating. They were suspicious of the harbingers and kept asking questions after questions. Signora was the one who mostly answered each and every question they asked. Childe remains silent throughout, occasionally talking here and there, speaking to a minimum. It wouldn’t have been so bad if it wasn’t for the Tianquan, Lady Ningguang.

She and Signora both talk sweetly and people would think they’re being too kind to each other but their words had hidden meanings underneath, literally insulting one another. Signora knew from the start they would not get along. The meeting ended with Ningguang wishing for them to enjoy their stay in Liyue, knowing the Qixing will keep an eye on them. The two harbingers book it out the door once they’re excused, not waiting to stay any longer. 

Childe had run off to kill hilichurls or whatever he can fight with while Signora toured around the city. It seems all that complaining about being starved to death can be put on hold if it means Childe can go fight. Signora planned to go with him, not wanting a chance of Zhongli appearing out of nowhere in front of him, but Childe ran off too fast to catch up to him so Signora just had to scout the city by herself. 

Maybe it’s a good thing she didn't run off after Childe. She has time to memorize her way around this city without needing to babysit a certain brat. She kept tabs of places where Childe may like to visit, restaurants where he might enjoy the food, remembering every toy shop in the map in her head. 

She stops in her tracks, shaking her head. Oh no. Is she really getting into this big sister’s role? She continued her walk, marking every place that can be of use. She pauses at one store, a weapon shop. She stood still for a good minute before walking in. The man behind the counter greeted her. 

“Welcome! Welcome! Do you have something you’re looking for?” Signora glanced around, seeing good quality weapons but she knew there were more better ones. She looked back at the man.

“Show me your bows. The best ones.” The man happily nods, taking her to another room where, indeed, the best weapons were at. Signora carefully examined each bow. Childe had been using that old bow of his ever since last year and a half, remembering how he randomly shouted that he’ll master the bow one day during a Harbingers’ meeting with Her Majesty. 

He even gave that bow of his a name. What was it? Dust? Or was it Rust? Maybe Rusty? Ah, who cares what name he picked for his stupid bow. Signora stopped in her tracks, a bow catching her eyes. She picked it up, humming in satisfaction as she looked closely. 

“You have good eyes my lady! This is made by a fine craftsman, one of the best! He called this work of his the Polar Star!” The man began rambling about its history that Signora does not care for. 

“I’ll take it. Send it to this address will you.”

“Will do! It’s a pleasure doing business with you!”

Signora walked out the shop after paying, continuing along the path. Signora was against the idea of using her money to buy a gift for Childe before but…she’s curious what face he’ll make if she surprises him with this. Well it wouldn’t matter if he liked it or not. If he likes it, Signora can bully him about how he enjoys her gift. If he doesn’t like it, she can use it and have Childe be the target practice. She hears shouts, seeing merchants next to their stalls, selling their products. 

Oh. She remembers how Childe and Zhongli met in the novel. 

The two men first met when Childe stayed in Liyue for three day after coming from Snezhnaya. Childe was looking at some merchant’s stalls before overhearing a commotion. Turns out it’s a merchant yelling at Zhongli, who’s angry at his comment of how the merchant is selling counterfeit jewelry he had set out for sale. The people around them watch, listening in to them talking back and forth. Zhongli remained calm, not backing down as he insisted the jewelry were indeed fake when the merchant refused it’s not and was unwilling to take them off his stall. 

Childe decides to step in, recognizing the merchant was one of his customers who has a huge debt yet to be paid off. The merchant was too slow to recognize Childe though, telling him to fuck off when Childe interrupted the two with a sweet voice to lighten the situation. 

Childe only stays smiling, looking at the merchant in silence. The man was about to tell Childe off again before he choked on his word when Childe mouthed the words, ‘800,000’ to which the merchant knew Childe was someone who collects debts. The man laughs nervously and apologizes to Zhongli and quickly packs his things. Childe can catch him later and instead chats to Zhongli. To his surprise, Zhongli is part of the Wansheng Funeral Parlor, a business partner of the Fatui. Childe invited him to dinner and after that, they started to see each other at least once a week. 

Signora bite her lips, her stomach doing flips. It should be fine if she’s not by Childe’s side right now. It’s just the first day and Childe’s out of the city, probably bathing in a pool of blood right now with no way Zhongli taking a random stroll and their paths happen to cross each other right? 

…Right?

Signora decided to go after Childe and look for him. She’s the 8th Harbinger! Her instincts are always the thing she trusts the most and if she feels something wrong then she’s going to listen to it! “Fucking Childe! Where the heck are you?! You better not be smitten by an old geezer when I find you!” 

 

---

 

--Childe--

Childe threw his arrow at the last hilichurl, killing it in one shot. He huff, scratching his head as he looks at his bow. He definitely needs more practice with it. He put his bow away, stretching his arms over his head. 

“That’s an interesting way to use an arrow.” 

Childe twist his body around, going into defense mood as he summon his water daggers when the voice chuckle behind him. He glares at the man slowly approaching him, amber eyes stare at him as if he’s a god looking down on Childe. 

“And your control of your vision is quite impressive.” The man stopped a few feet away. He manages to hide his presence and creep up on Childe? This man wasn’t normal. And that makes Childe excited, his heart racing as he grins. 

“If you’re impressed by this, I can show you more!” Childe dash towards him, connecting his twin daggers to create a polearm and swing it at the stranger. The man jumped back, enough for Childe to miss him. Childe didn’t spare him a break, rushing after him. 

Childe kept attacking while the man dodged every strike, making Childe annoyed with each miss. This man hadn't even drawn out a weapon and simply avoided his hits, stabbing Childe’s pride that he can’t even land one blow on this man. It was frustrating enough to make Childe gather all his energy and summon his narwhal attack. 

The man’s eyes widen, a spark of exhilaration in them upon seeing the huge body of water cast over him. The narwhal splashes into waves once it hits the ground with the man underneath. Childe watches from afar, wondering if he finally got the stranger. 

“You really are incredible. For a mortal to create something that large, it would have consumed so much energy that would make them unable to stand after.” Childe whipped around, a dagger hitting something solid. “Yet you have enough spare energy to keep going despite creating that narwhal of yours.” 

A shield… 

This man created a shield strong enough to take damage from Childe’s earlier attack. Childe took a step back, laughing with joy as he put away his weapons. He knows he lost this battle, for now. He would love to keep going but he’d just arrived in Liyue and Signora would yell at him if he got caught fighting with a civilian and got in trouble because of it. Though if this civilian agrees to spar with him some day, there should be no problem right?

“Hey Mister. What’s your name? I’m Childe.” Childe holds out a hand to the other. The man glanced at the hand before looking back at Childe’s face, smiling as he accepted Childe’s greeting. 

“You may call me Zhongli.”

Notes:

Zhongli: Pretty boy, come over here. I have weapons you would like.
Childe *slowly walk over*
Signora: Didn't I fucking teach you stranger DANGER!! COME BACK HERE!! LET'S FIGHT, YOU BATTLE IDIOT! THE WHOLE FATUI WILL FIGHT TOO!
Childe *run back to Signora*

(I also wrote a sweet/hurt/comfort if anyone like to read it here)

Chapter 4

Notes:

Ahh!! Forgive me for updating so late! Life been busy so I'll just cut my excuses short and let you all just enjoy this...5.6 k words chapter. :'D I thank you all for your patience!

Liyue harbor is always bustling no matter what time it is. Morning, noon, and evening are always crowded with people moving about. Kids would run around, laughing as they chased one another. People would stop by a stall to see what goods they can find. The smell of food would attract the ones looking for a place to eat. Not once is the harbor quiet. 

And that’s why Signora hated it. She hates noisy places and here she is, at a place called Wanmin Restaurant having dinner with two men. One is, of course, the troublemaker creating chaos wherever he steps and the other is…

Lips turn into a frown, arms cross under her chest, and eyes narrow at the man in front of her across the table. The man that she hoped to keep the youngest harbinger away from. 

Morax, who’s now going by the name of Zhongli.

The geo archon noticed her stare, giving her a polite smile before returning his attention back to Childe who sat next her. Both men are lost in their own world chatting about something she really has no interest in. She has been searching for Childe until the sun came down and when she did find the boy, he was with the damn god, both talking like good old friends. 

“Remind me how you two met?” Signora interrupts their small talk, her elbow on the table, resting her chin on her palm. Childe’s face lit up into a smile, all too happy to repeat his adventure and it makes her want to roll her eyes but she smirked, hidden behind her fingers when she saw Zhongli displease for taking away Childe’s attention, even if he hid it carefully. 

“Well, after the Qixing’s meeting-” Childe continued retelling his day. Signora wasn’t really paying attention, face bored out of her mind. She’s more focused on the archon, who looks like he’s head over heels as he listens to Childe. She’s trying to figure out why he’s here in the first place when it's their first day setting foot in Liyue when in the novel it’s stated they met on the third day. 

And that’s when she realized something important. 

When did Morax fall in love with Childe…?

They were lovers in the novel before Childe released Osial so that means the god has to have fallen in love at some point right? But in the end, the novel never stated if the dragon really loved Childe or if it was just a ruse all along for his plan to retire. However, even if it was just a ruse, there are hints that the man had at least some feelings for the harbinger. 

So when did Morax fall in love with Childe? 

Well, she has her answer right in front of her. 

Who would have thought the oldest and strongest god, a dragon that stretches miles to miles, the one who created Liyue, would be reduced to a puppy that wags its tail, fallen in love at first sight with a mortal who’s supposed to be an enemy. 

Her frown deepens when Childe laughs at something he says, Zhongli warmly smiling towards him, looking like a lovesick fool. One must be an idiot to miss seeing how deeply in love Zhongli is.

Oh wait. Childe is an idiot. 

“-and after fight- Uh, I mean sparring with mister Zhongli, we went to kill more of the hilichurl camps that were nearby.” Childe glances at her and she reel in back her attention to the conversation. “Then we walked back together to the harbor and met up with you.” He giggled. “You should have seen yourself Nora. You looked like a crazy old witch when our eyes met. I never see you looking like a mess before and I say you should do it more often. It’s a good look on you.” 

Signora felt her eye twitch as Childe laughed his heart out. She wanted to smack him. When she was looking for Childe, she had been running, running, all over Liyue. Over mountains, across the rivers, everywhere that has hilichurls and monsters nearby! She even saw some hilichurl camps destroyed and she definitely knew Childe was near yet she could’t find him! So when she finally saw Childe with him , she highly suspected the geo archon must have done something for her to not be able to find Childe. 

“But I’m surprised to hear you two know each other.” Childe said. “Even though we’re business partners, you two must be friends from how close you two are.”

“Not at all.” Zhongli blankly said.

“Are you blind?” Signora hiss. “We’re not friends! Not even close!”

“Uh…okay…?” 

A young girl then came up to their table with a cheerful voice. “Are you three ready to order?” Childe gasps, quickly looking over the menu, cheeks slowly tinted pink. 

“Ah, um, let me see. I talked too much that I forgot to look over the menu.” He laughs quietly, rubbing the back of his neck as his eyes scan quickly at the words in the menu. Signora took a quick look at what's on the menu before she decided to just order it all.

“We’ll order everything.”

“Everything on the menu.” 

Signora and Zhongli glance at each other when they both speak at the same time. 

“There’s no need to order everything on the menu.” Childe said, eyes still on the menu. “We won’t be able to finish it all.”

“I know you haven’t eaten all day, Childe.”

“You must be starving after killing those hilichurl camps.”

Signora and Zhongli looked at each other when they spoke at the same time once again. Their eyes narrow, glaring at one another. It seems there will be a battle soon.

“Yeah, I’m starving, but…” Childe looks up at them both before sighing with a shrug. “Alright.” He turned to the young girl with a smile on his face. “We’ll get everything.” Then a whisper. “First day in Liyue, and I’m spending this much already…” He most likely said it to himself but she heard him. Childe’s not short on money that he needs to worry about his spending but she knows he wanted to use his first spending on gifts for his younger siblings back home. 

“I will pay for both of us, Childe.” Signora said, ignoring Childe’s surprise, her eyes still on the older man across the table. “As for you.” She pointed a finger at Zhongli. “You’ll be paying for your own food.” Childe’s mouth opened to speak but Zhongli was faster.

“Oh. Please do not worry. Since it's both your first time in Liyue, the bill will be on me.” 

The words were considerate but Signora knew better. Zhongli’s warm gaze he had earlier with Childe was nowhere to be found when he looked towards her. 

This geezer is trying to look good in front of Childe.

"No." Signora scoffs. "I do not like to be in debt to anyone so no need for your generosity."

"Then I'll only pay for Childe. Since you do not want me to pay for you, I will only pay for the two of us." He smile at Childe. Signora taps a finger on the table, irritated, feeling a headache on its way. 

"No. I will pay for Childe. I can't let you, an acquaintance, pay for him. It's just not right and rude." 

"It's not rude at all. And besides, I enjoy Childe's company and would wish to get along with him." His eyes flicked to Childe, the warmth returned as he gaze lovingly to the youngest. Signora slammed her fist on the table. 

“I will pay for him! As his superior, it’s my job to take care of him.”

“No. Childe had shown me kindness so it’s only right I return the favor. I will pay for him.”

“Kindness? What kindness? By mistaking you as a threat and shoving a blade at your throat?!”

“It was just an accident. I’m the one to blame for sneaking up on him. And it was enjoyable after we had time to talk nevertheless. I just wanted to repay him back for those lovely times.”

Signora and Zhongli kept bricking, not giving up until the other did. The people around them in the restaurant all soon turn their heads to watch the scene, wondering what’s the drama between the three. 

“Ordering all these foods is going to be quite expensive. Are you sure you’re able to cover it for yourself and Childe?” Signora crossed her arms, head tilted back as she glared down at her opponent. “It would be embarrassing if you offer to treat him but then, in the end, only to find out you’re short of money and have Childe pay for your share.”

“You think of me that lowly?” Zhongli shakes his head, reaching for his pockets. “Of course I have enough to afford it. I would not have-” There was a pause. His hands pat his pants pocket, then to his chest, as if he’s searching for a bag of mora.

Signora secretly smirks. She knew this would happen. After all, she read the novel. Morax, not yet used to being a normal mortal, always forgets to bring his wallet and thus, Childe always pays for him in his stead. A stupid thing for Childe to do, Signora would say. But she’s jumping in joy, having won this battle. Stupid Morax doesn’t have any mora on him. 

When Morax offered to treat Childe, Signora was going to let him, wanting to embarrass him when he later found out he didn’t bring a single mora but she thought again. This is Childe they’re talking about. Childe! Even if Morax was trying to impress him and only to end up failing, Childe would let it off and instead pay! He would! He definitely would! 

Because he did it a million times in the novel!

So Signora stubbornly refuses Morax’s offer to pay for Childe when he doesn’t even have anything on him! She’s not going to let Childe spend a single mora on this stupid buffoon from now on!

She happily watched the panic on the archon’s face. She won this battle. 

But then, Morax, the Morax , pulls out a pocket full of mora, setting it on the table. “I believe I do have enough for tonight’s dinner.” He smirks at her, amber eyes declaring he won.

…this cheater! He created those right now didn’t he! 

Signora kept her rage in. Morax was the one who created mora and so of course he can create them anytime he wants out of thin air. He actually cheated just to prove her wrong! Oh, what a bitch he is! 

“Okay! Okay! That is enough!” Childe claps his hands together, sighing when two pairs of eyes turn in his direction. He looked at Zhongli, an apologetic smile on his face. “I appreciate your kindness mister Zhongli but there’s no need to pay for me.” Zhongli looked like he wanted to protest but Childe quickly turned to Signora, the smile turning into a pout. “Hey Nora, won’t you just do this one small favor and treat us all for tonight’s dinner? Pleeeease?” He whined, pleading with puppy eyes. 

This little brat. He doesn’t want this old dragon to pay but wants her to instead?! He must be delighted to use this chance! 

“I’m not paying for that old man.” Signora hiss. 

“Please! If you do, I’ll listen to you for the whole day tomorrow!” Now that has her attention. She stared at him, trying to see if he was actually serious. He only smiles back, small fangs peeking out with that silly face he makes. Signora rubs her temple, sighing as she gives in. 

“Fine. Only for today.” Childe cheer. She glanced towards the consultant. “You should be grateful for this brat. Fucking wasting my mora on these idiots.” She sighs. Zhongli blinked before smiling.

“Yes. Thank you.”

 

Signora mostly tuned out of the men’s conversation, only jabbing in when the old man was getting a bit too flirty, until their orders finally arrived. The young girl that had taken their order placed the dishes on the table before leaving with a giggle. 

Signora stared at her when she left, feeling like there was something she missed. Taking a quick look around the room, the people around them also seem to whisper in hush voices, eyes taking a peek at their table every once in a while. 

She picks up her chopsticks, still on high alert but she was feeling quite hungry, ready to fill her stomach. She had been running around looking for this dumbass without rest. She gracefully picks up the food with her chopsticks and plopping it into her mouth, chewing. She continues picking bits by bits until she notices Childe staring at her, eyes wide with his mouth slightly open. 

“What?” She ate a dumpling, chewing before swallowing. “Why are you making that stupid face?” He didn’t say anything, gaze shifting at her hand before his, looking a bit depressed. 

Oh…that’s right.

Signora picks up a piece of meat before hovering it in front of his face. “Having trouble with these chopsticks, Childe?” She chuckled, pulling her hand back to eat the meat. “Mmm, delicious. If you don’t hurry and eat, there won’t be any food left for you. Ah, I can help feed you if you’re having trouble.” 

“I don’t need your help!” Childe turns to look away, gazing at the dishes in front of him. She can tell he was trying to see which one look the easiest to pick up. His tongue peek out, focus, clumsily holding his chopsticks as he tries to pick up a piece of meat. It easily slipped out of his hold. Childe tries again only to fail once more. 

Signora finally took pity on him after he looked frustrated and was about to offer Childe her help when Zhongli brought his chair to sit next to Childe. “Here Childe, let me teach you.” Zhongli leaned in close and held his hand, fixing and showing Childe how to hold his chopsticks properly. “You hold them like this.” He said with glee, his face glowing when Childe smiled at him. 

“Oh, thank you mister Zhongli.” 

Code red!!! Code red!!

This idiot harbinger can’t see the hidden desire this dragon has! Using the excuse to teach him to hold his chopsticks only for him to touch his hands! 

Signora watch in disgust as Zhongli held Childe’s hand, fingers almost interwinding. She wanted to flip the table, seeing how Childe is damn oblivious to Zhongli’s intention, but instead, reach over and pull Childe’s hand away from him. 

“I’ll teach you instead, Childe.” She frowned at the god. “You can go back to your seat. I do not want you missing out on your meal while teaching this fool.” Zhongli made no movement to move, a smile still on his face. 

“Oh please, do not worry about me.” Zhongli takes Childe’s hand away from her, holding it closer to him. “I’m not that hungry anyway. You, however, seem famished so please, focus on enjoying your meal while I teach Childe how to use these.” Signora snatch Childe’s hand back to her side.

“If you aren’t hungry, then you can leave. The food will go to waste if you’re not going to eat.”

“That’s why I offer to help Childe. So you can eat instead of teaching him and not have the food be cold by now.” 

Signora and Zhongli held onto Childe’s hand, pulling it back and forth as they argued. Signora could hear the people’s whisper grow louder, sounding excited instead of being bothered by their argument. She wondered why they were so thrilled about seeing them argue and wanted to yell at them to mind their own business until Childe yanked his hand away from their hold.

“Ah! Fuck off!” Childe snap. “I don’t care who’s teaching me! Just teach me instead of yelling at each other in front of me! For god sakes!” Childe set down his chopsticks, rubbing his wrist. “I swear I thought my hand was going to split apart from me from how hard you two were pulling.”

“Forgive me Childe…” Zhongli looked apologetic, head hanging low. “I didn’t notice you were in pain-”

“No!” Childe squeak. “I-It wasn’t painful! I just wanted you two to stop arguing…arguing…” Childe pauses, looking confused each second, glancing side by side at them. “Why were you two arguing? Is it such a big deal on who’s going to teach me?” 

Silence…

This dumbfuck! Signora wanted to shout that this perverted old man was using the excuse to teach Childe is to hide the fact that he wanted to molest his hand! But Signora kept it in, knowing full well Childe would just laugh, thinking she’s overreacting. 

Zhongli, on the other hand, politely smile. “No. I guess we were too worked up because we really wanted to teach you.” Zhongli then gently took a hold Childe’s hand, not minding the small flinch Childe made, amber eyes softly lit up as he stare at them, thumb rubbing the back of the younger man’s glove. “You have beautiful hands that I didn’t want to lose the chance to teach you.” Then, the consultant brings up their hands to his mouth, placing a kiss on the ginger’s knuckles. “I just have to teach this lovely hand how to hold them properly.” 

Signora’s hands grip the table, flipping it over, not caring about the wasted food nor the crowds of onlookers who gasp and ‘ooh’ at them with flushed faces and squeals of enthusiasm. 

They’ll be having dragon stew for dinner instead.

---

--Childe--

 

When he saw Signora while walking with Zhongli back to the harbor, he burst out laughing. It was a rare sight. Her hair was in a mess and her clothes shifted loosely, looking like she crawled out from the hole of the abyss! Her expression was a delight to see, fury in her eyes before he noticed it change to surprise when her sight landed on the man beside him. 

He would never have thought the man he fought with was one of their business partners, Zhongli, consultant of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. Signora sure could have told him while they were on the ship. Well, it doesn’t matter now if he knows about it or not. 

Childe was glad that Zhongli didn’t seem too mad about attacking him. They even went to destroy more hilichurl camps after that! Zhongli is strong and didn’t mind his lust for battle so Childe knew Zhongli is a fun guy to hang out with! 

He’s also listen to every word Childe’s saying, unlike Signora over here next to him, looking bored out of her mind. He did invited Signora to dinner, surprised she actually accepted. He thought she would be off on her own after being bored but she stayed throughout, even asking him to repeat his story again. 

“Remind me how you two met?” Signora interrupts their small talk, her elbow on the table, resting her chin on her palm. Childe’s face lit up into a smile, all too happy to repeat his adventure. 

Normally, Signora would have just gone up and left but she stayed! Even if she doesn’t pay attention to Childe’s rambling, she stayed! Signora can’t be all that bad, he thought. They may have gotten on bad terms before but she’s becoming a different person than what he knew of her. Is it because she’s actually truthful about wanting to be a good sister to her brother? 

Whatever. Childe doesn’t care much if she has planned something or not. He’ll take her head on if the time ever comes. It’ll be fun to take on whatever challenge she has for him. 

“But I’m surprised to hear you two know each other.” Childe said. “Even though we’re business partners, you two must be friends from how close you two are.”

“Not at all.” Zhongli blankly said.

“Are you blind?” Signora hiss. “We’re not friends! Not even close!”

Childe blink a few times. “Uh…okay…?” What was that? He was just joking. He can tell Signora hate this man with her life. She’s definitely not even trying to hide it. Zhongli on the other hand, looks indifferent but Childe can see a tiny hint of the man being irked about the idea of being friends with Signora.  

Before he can think about it further, a young girl then came up to their table with a cheerful voice. “Are you three ready to order?” Childe gasps, quickly looking over the menu, cheeks slowly tinted pink. 

“Ah, um, let me see. I talked too much that I forgot to look over the menu.” He laughs quietly, rubbing the back of his neck as his eyes scan quickly at the words in the menu. Not even a minute passed and the two already decided to just order it all. 

“We’ll order everything.” “Everything on the menu.” They both speak at the same time. 

…what?

“There’s no need to order everything on the menu.” Childe said, eyes still on the menu. “We won’t be able to finish it all.”

“I know you haven’t eaten all day, Childe.” “You must be starving after killing those hilichurl camps.” Again, they spoke over each other.

…Shouldn’t they pick for themselves?? Why are they worried about him first??

“Yeah, I’m starving, but…” Childe looks up at them both before sighing with a shrug. “Alright.” He turned to the young girl with a smile on his face. “We’ll get everything.” Then a whisper. “First day in Liyue, and I’m spending this much already…”

He knows he’s going to pay for this dinner. Signora isn’t the type to pay for him and for Zhongli, he just met the guy! It would be rude to have him pay for all the food. He was a bit bummed out, wanting to use his first large spending on toys for his younger siblings back home. Well, he guess he can use this to write letters about how good the food is. 

“I will pay for both of us, Childe.” Signora said. Childe’s eyes widened at her words. Is she serious?! Signora?! He knows she’s changed but he still can’t believe she changed this much! Is this even possible? “As for you.” She pointed a finger at Zhongli. “You’ll be paying for your own food.”

Okay, maybe she’s still the same Signora. 

“Oh. Please do not worry. Since it's both your first time in Liyue, the bill will be on me.” Zhongli said first before Childe can say a word. 

"No." Signora scoffs. "I do not like to be in debt to anyone so no need for your generosity."

"Then I'll only pay for Childe. Since you do not want me to pay for you, I will only pay for the two of us.”

"No. I will pay for Childe. I can't let you, an acquaintance, pay for him. It's just not right and rude." 

What the fuck is going on?!! Why are they fighting over this?!!

"It's not rude at all. And besides, I enjoy Childe's company and would wish to get along with him." His eyes flicked to Childe. Childe gulp when those golden eyes stare through him, making his body shiver slightly. He part his mouth, wanting to say he’ll pay for the damn bill but Signora slammed her fist on the table, startling him. 

“I will pay for him! As his superior, it’s my job to take care of him.”

“No. Childe had shown me kindness so it’s only right I return the favor. I will pay for him.”

“Kindness? What kindness? By mistaking you as a threat and shoving a blade at your throat?!”

Oh. So Signora did pay attention to his story.

“It was just an accident. I’m the one to blame for sneaking up on him. And it was enjoyable after we had time to talk nevertheless. I just wanted to repay him back for those lovely times.”

Signora and Zhongli kept bricking, not giving up until the other did. The people around them in the restaurant all soon turn their heads to watch the scene, wondering what’s the drama between the three. He can hear their whispers. 

 

“Oh, is this a lover quarrel?”

“A lover’s quarrel? But isn’t that Mister Zhongli? It can’t be a lover’s quarrel.” 

“But the woman and Mister Zhongli are arguing over who’s going to pay.”

“Mister Zhongli is just offering because he’s kind. The woman should just let him.”

“But it looks like the consultant is only paying for the other. Not the woman.”

“And the woman wants to pay for him too. Both of them are not giving up.”

“You think…”

“Are they…fighting over the foreign man?” 

 

Childe blocked out the whispers that were getting louder. It seems Zhongli is a well known figure. He’s not surprised, considering how smart the man is and as well…good looking. He glances at the girl who was here to take their order, her eyes twinkling with amusement as she watches the scene, glancing between him and the other two companies he has. 

And Signora thought he was going to be the one who’s going to cause trouble…

Their first day in Liyue and he knows for sure they’ll be the talk of the week after this is over. What even made Signora so stubborn about this anyway? 

“Okay! Okay! That is enough!” Childe claps his hands together, sighing when two pairs of eyes turn in his direction. He looked at Zhongli, an apologetic smile on his face. “I appreciate your kindness mister Zhongli but there’s no need to pay for me.” Zhongli looked like he wanted to protest but Childe quickly turned to Signora, the smile turning into a pout. “Hey Nora, won’t you just do this one small favor and treat us all for tonight’s dinner? Pleeeease?” He whined, pleading with puppy eyes. 

Childe doesn’t know if his plea would work but he cheers when Signora does give in.

 

When the food arrived, Childe stared at the pair of sticks he had. He heard about them. Instead of forks and knives, Liyue has these called…chopsticks… 

He glance up at Zhongli across from him, seeing how he held his in his hand. Childe tries to copy him but feel like it’s wrong. He then glance next to him, gawking in surprise when Signora uses it with ease, able to pick up the food without dropping them. 

“What?” She ate a dumpling, chewing before swallowing. “Why are you making that stupid face?” Childe holds back a frown, not wanting to show he’s a bit jealous of her being able to use these damn things. How is she able to?! He never saw her use these before! When did she even get a chance to practice these?! 

Signora picks up a piece of meat before hovering it in front of his face with a teasing grin. “Having trouble with these chopsticks, Childe?” She chuckled, pulling her hand back to eat the meat. “Mmm, delicious. If you don’t hurry and eat, there won’t be any food left for you. Ah, I can help feed you if you’re having trouble.” 

“I don’t need your help!” Childe turns to look away, gazing at the dishes in front of him. If Signora can pick these foods up with two sticks then so can he! He masters every weapons so he can master these as well! He picks up a dumpling, his hand shaking as he lifts it up, only for the dumpling to plop back down.

He stares at it before trying again only to fail once more. He tries again and again, feeling frustrated but before he gives up, he hears a chair scoot next to him. Childe looked up to see Zhongli had moved his chair and placed it next to him. 

 “Here Childe, let me teach you.” Zhongli leaned in close and held his hand, fixing and showing Childe how to hold his chopsticks properly. “You hold them like this.”

“Oh, thank you mister Zhongli.” Childe beam a smile at him, grateful Zhongli was kind enough to teach him and didn’t make fun of him for not knowing how to use chopsticks. Suddenly, their hand separated, Signora’s hand replace Zhongli’s. 

“I’ll teach you instead, Childe.” She looked at the other. “You can go back to your seat. I do not want you missing out on your meal while teaching this fool.” Signora said. 

…why does he have a bad feeling about this…?

“Oh please, do not worry about me.” Zhongli takes Childe’s hand away from her, holding it closer to him. “I’m not that hungry anyway. You, however, seem famished so please, focus on enjoying your meal while I teach Childe how to use these.” Signora snatch Childe’s hand back to her side.

“If you aren’t hungry, then you can leave. The food will go to waste if you’re not going to eat.”

“That’s why I offer to help Childe. So you can eat instead of teaching him and not have the food be cold by now.” 

Fuck this!! They’re fighting again?! Signora and Zhongli held onto Childe’s hand, pulling it back and forth as they argued. He didn’t even bother to stop them or pull his hand away. The whispers around them grew louder and Childe knew the little show they’re putting on attracted their attention once again. 

 

“Oh my! Mister Zhongli and the woman are indeed fighting over the red haired boy!” 

“Who is he to have two people wanting him?” 

“To be able to catch the knowledgeable consultant’s attention when the women after him couldn’t!” 

“He does have a pretty face…I can see why they both want him to themselves.” 

“Just look how they fight to want to hold his hand!” 

 

Childe doesn’t know what the people around them were even saying! They’re crazy! Do Liyue’s people not have manners?! Why can’t they mind their own damn business! He doesn’t even know how they came up to the conclusion about them fighting over him! Ridiculous!

“Ah! Fuck off!” Childe snapped, yanking his hand away. “I don’t care who’s teaching me! Just teach me instead of yelling at each other in front of me! For god sakes!” Childe set down his chopsticks, rubbing his wrist. “I swear I thought my hand was going to split apart from me from how hard you two were pulling.”

“Forgive me Childe…” Zhongli looked apologetic, head hanging low. “I didn’t notice you were in pain-”

“Pain- No!” Childe squeak. “I-It wasn’t painful! I just wanted you two to stop arguing…arguing…” Childe pauses, looking confused each second, glancing side by side at them. “Why were you two arguing? Is it such a big deal on who’s going to teach me?” 

That’s right. This whole thing started because of this stupid chopsticks. How stupid is that?! 

Childe see Signora was making a ‘why are you so damn stupid’ face so he ignore her, turning to face Zhongli instead. The older man smiled when his eyes landed on him. “No. I guess we were too worked up because we really wanted to teach you.” Zhongli reaches out and gently holds Childe’s palm, making him jerk a little, caught off surprise by the action, a thumb rubbing the back of his glove.

“You have beautiful hands that I didn’t want to lose the chance to teach you.” Then, the consultant brings up their hands to his mouth, placing a kiss on his knuckles. “I just have to teach this lovely hand how to hold them properly no matter what.”

Childe’s brain short circuit, not noticing their table had been flipped over nor the people gushing with their squeal of excitement. All he can think of is how hot his hand is feeling. 

---

--Zhongli--

 

When he first saw the young man slaughtering hilichurls, he knew it was the boy Tsaritsa cared for. He never met him but he had heard about him. How blood thirsty he is for a fight and how he fears no danger. 

The youngest harbinger, the 11th, Tartaglia, also goes by Childe.

Zhongli hears many stories about him but he never really took interest. After all, he, Morax, Rex Lapis, is the strongest god that lived and he had no interest in a mortal who sought power. But he would be lying if he wasn’t curious. 

Curious as to why the Tsaritsa cared for him like a son. Why the Fair Lady, who he thought she hated the young boy, trusted him enough to want to let him know about their contact. What makes this young harbinger so special? 

And when he finally saw this young man, Zhongli, Morax, Rex Lapis, and many names he goes by, understand why this man attracted the cryo archon and the rest of the harbingers. 

 Zhongli thought Childe looked beautiful the way he danced around with his blade out. Bright orange hair with a grin on his face as he cut down his enemies. He looks dazzling, pure joy as he laughs. Zhongli saw many attractive people in his lifetime but none of them took his breath away like Childe did when he saw him. 

He knew there was more to this boy instead of his beauty and love for battle if Tsaritsa loves him like a son, accepting him as his youngest harbinger. He placed a hand on his chest, where his heart beats, watching Childe from afar before smiling and taking a step forward. 

He’ll take the first step to learn more about this boy.

Notes:

I have trouble writing this tbh. I keep forgetting this is a crack fic and don't really need to be serious and I can just go wild with it so yeah, I start anew and wrote this all in the last two days and it was refreshing, so I said I'm happy with this chapter instead of what I wrote before.

So yeah, simp Zhongli and protective Signora are now finally butting heads and this will not be the last. XD

I want you all to know that I will not drop this fic even if I go missing for months or years. Again, I thank you for your patience. ^_^

Chapter 5

Notes:

Hello! Yes, I'm still alive. XD Many things happen but I'm up and well. I thank everyone who was patient with me. Now onward to the story!

Signora bite the end of her pen, grinding it with her teeth before she pulls back and continues writing her letter. It was early in the morning and she’s in her room, writing her report to Her Majesty, the Tsaritsa. She pauses her hand, bringing it up to pinch the bridge of her nose as she sighs deeply, remembering back to last night's dinner. The night with Childe and that old geezer, she flipped over the table when she had enough of the geo archon boldly flirting with the youngest.

 

“Get your dirty hands off him you old pervert!” Signora shouted, slapping Zhongli’s hand away from Childe’s before putting herself between the two men. 

“Pervert?” Zhongli repeated, placing his hands behind his back. “What do you mean by that? I simply held his hand.” 

“You were making out with his hand!” 

“It’s a simple peck. You’re being overdramatic.” 

Oh, being “overdramatic” he said? She’ll show him how overdramatic she can be when she’s about to throw a fist at his stupid face. She may not be a hand-to-hand combat person but she’s willing to get into a brawl with this old man. But before she could say or do anything back, a hand rested on her shoulder. She looks back, seeing Childe with a brow raised, looking confused. 

“Mister Zhongli is right, Nora. Why are you getting so worked up? I mean, it’s normal to kiss on the hand as a greeting, isn’t it?”

The room becomes dead silent when Childe utters those words. 

Signora couldn’t hold back a laugh. She smirk towards Zhongli who look disappointed but she doesn’t give a fuck about how’s he feeling. Childe mistakes it as a greeting! This dumb fool! 

Anyone with a brain can tell it was more than a greeting! Who the fuck kiss the back of someone hand with those stupid lovey dovey eyes?! Holding his hand more than necessary than needed to be! 

Should she be grateful Childe is an idiot for failing to see that?! 

“But I thought Liyue’s people don’t do such things, so it sure took me by surprise when Mister Zhongli did it.” Childe laughed.  

“Yes…” Zhongli remains calm with a smile. “I learned it was common in Snezhnaya so I thought it would be proper to do so with you.”

What a bold excuse.

“You are considerate but we are in Liyue so there’s no need for it. And besides, it's more for men to do it with women instead.” 

Truly, an idiot.

An idea pops into her head. She held an arm out around Childe, pulling him in close to her side and leaned in to give him a peck on his cheek. She watch Childe’s face morph into surprise, mouth and eyes wide open as if he couldn’t believe what she had done. 

She also couldn’t believe it either, but!!!

If this is past Signora, she would never, ever, do such a thing like kissing Childe on the cheek but present Signora has more important matters. And that is to get this old man as far away from their youngest harbinger. And she’ll do anything to have him disappear from Childe’s life. 

She grinned at the archon’s shocked face, eyes widening before instantly glaring towards her direction. 

“What a scary face you’re making, mister Zhongli.” She laughed. “Just as it’s normal for strangers to kiss one’s hand, it’s normal for family members to kiss each other on the cheeks.” She made sure to drawl her words when mentioning “strangers” and “family members.” 

Oh, the look on the god’s face was priceless. 

 

With a smirk, she lifts her pen after writing the last of her words and seals the letter in an envelope. She may have caught attention from the Qixing on their first day in Liyue fighting with the consultant and it may have affected their mission slightly but she doesn't care. 

All she cares about is that she won against that old man. She’s sure Her Majesty would approve of her action. 

Signora: 1

Morax: 0

---

 

“Nora! Nora! Hey! Nora!” 

Signora rubs her temples as Childe buzz around her like an annoying fly. As Childe promised, he stayed with Signora and followed her like a puppy and obeyed her words without questions. But it’s not even the afternoon yet she already has a migraine just from Childe’s loud irritating voice destroying her eardrums. 

Okay. Maybe she regrets this decision but she can deal with it as long as Childe didn’t meet with that old man.

…She’ll drown herself with a few firewater tonight before going to bed. She at least deserved some of that since she had to deal with their youngest.

They had been walking around the streets, checking every store and of course, Signora made sure to let Childe know where the best shops that sell the finest toys. The way those dead eyes lit up when Signora showed him and didn’t spare a second thought to buy souvenirs for his siblings on the spot, immediately purchasing everything in the shop. 

Pantalone may be sending a letter of complaint soon about Childe’s spending but she can deal with it later. Her Majesty gives us her approval to spend as much as needed for the mission. So of course, buying Childe’s siblings gifts is part of the mission if it’ll make Childe happy and focus on his family instead of going after a certain dragon to spend money on. 

“Noooraaa!”

She finally gives him the attention he so dearly wants after finishing looking at a merchant stall, giving him the stink eye. “What.” A plain, dry tone and he giggled like an excited child having sweets for the first time. 

“I just want to say, you’re actually starting to get into the role of being a good sister. Thanks for showing me the shops you took me to. I’ll tell my siblings about you in my letters.” 

Signora’s eyes widen slightly before quickly narrowing them, turning her head away with a “hmph”. She wasn’t expecting him to say that at all, suddenly feeling shy, which she will not admit out loud. “You’re such an annoying brat.” Was all what she responded to and Childe just laughed at it. At the corner of her eyes, something caught her eyes. 

A rectangular device to which she knows what it is. A kamera. When she realizes it, she quickly rushes over, handing mora to the merchant selling it, not sparing him the chance to talk. “I’ll take this. You can keep the change.” She grabs the device with the merchant thanking her repeatedly and hurrying back to a confusing Childe.

“What did you buy?” He pointed to the kamera in her hands. She didn’t answer him and only held it to take a picture of him, a small flash lit up when she clicked a button. Childe was caught off guard, surprise, blinking his eyes by the sudden flash. “Hey!”  

He rubs his eyes while Signora smirks, seeing the photo she just took of him come out clean and clear. “It’s a kamera. I thought it would be fun to take some photos.” She said as she took another photo of Childe. “Isn’t that what families do? To take pictures for memories?” Truthful, this is an excuse to send some to Her Majesty. She knows Her Majesty will love it if she sends her some photos of their youngest.

“I guess that makes sense…” Luckily Childe didn’t suspect her. And what’s even better is that he seems to be interested in the device, examining the taken photo of himself. “Should we take one together?” His lips turn upwards, looking excited.

She may as well have a heart attack right then and there with him being so excited and…a bit cute…but…

“No.”

She refused to have her picture taken. 

“...let’s take one together-”

“No.”

“...Give me the kamera.”

“No.”

“Nora! Give it to me!”

“Nope.”

Childe reaches out to grab it but Signora avoids him, having fun as she watches him getting annoyed by her taking a photo of him each time he tries to grab the kamera away from her. She could tell Childe was at the end of his limit and should probably stop until a familiar voice called out to them.

“Lady Signora. Young Childe. What a coincidence to meet you two here.” A deep voice with a hint of amusement to it came from behind them. Signora clicks her tongue at the sight of the geo archon walking towards them. Zhongli paid no attention to Signora’s displeasure, swiftly standing next to Childe. “You two seem to be having some fun.”

“Mister Zhongli!” Childe smiles with a cheerful voice, seemingly to forget about Signora teasing him. “It’s nice to see you again! Are you taking a stroll as well?”

“Yes.” Zhongli gently take Childe’s hand, bringing it up to kiss the back of his hand. “It’s nice to see you again, Childe.” 

It hasn’t been a minute and Signora was ready to throw hands at the god right there and now if Zhongli won’t let go of Childe this second! 

The youngest pulled back his hand slightly, cheeks turning pink. “Ah, no need to greet me that way Mister Zhongli! Like I said before, we are in Liyue.” 

“But what if I say I want to greet you this way? Are you uncomfortable with me doing so?” Zhongli gently takes his hand a second time, a thumb rubbing softly against the back of his hand. Childe began to stutter and Signora step in before anything else could happen between to two. 

Just like last night, she slapped the leech’s hand away from Childe’s once more, making sure she hit him with more force than before. But it did nothing to the god of geo, unmoving like a rock. 

That smile of his doesn’t fade, yet the displeasure shows clearly on his face.

“Mister Zhongli, don’t you know a thing about boundaries?” She crosses her arms, standing before Childe.

“Lady Signora,” He put his hands behind his back. “I was just greeting him. Why are you so against it? And beside, you’re acting as if I have ill intention towards Childe which, I do not. I merely want to be his friend.” 

Hah! What a sly dragon he is! 

She opened her mouth, ready to fire back another excuse of him staying away from Childe when suddenly, there was a click sound. Both heads turn towards the youngest, who happens to be holding up a kamera. 

When the fuck did he get that from her?! 

Childe has that shit-eating-grin of his, holding the newly printed photo in his hand. “You two need to chill. Especially you, Nora.” He then waved the photo. “Let’s call this, Nora’s being an overprotective sister.” 

“Who’s being overprotective?!” She shouted at him. Childe holds both hands up as he laugh.

“Mister Zhongli is our business partner isn’t he? We shouldn’t be rude to him.”

Then, the worst thing happened next. 

Childe skipped towards Zhongli, wrapping their arms together as if they’re a couple. 

What the fuck are you doing?!! 

Signora was screaming in her head. She can see how delighted Zhongli is. Childe doesn’t think what he’s doing is anything wrong. Which would be true if a certain dragon wasn’t interested in him in the first place!! 

Childe’s grin grew wider and by now, Signora knew the reason for his action. 

Just because Childe became a bit docile around her, it doesn't mean he will stop being a fucking menace. Childe loves to get on her nerves and seeing her hating Zhongli with a passion, he decide to irked her more by sticking to the man he hates. 

Fucking brat!!!

“Childe! Get off of him!”

“And why is that? We’re just linking arms. Nothing to get angry about.” He pressed his body closer to Zhogli’s side. Oh archon, she’s about to strangle Childe with her hands. 

“You promise you would listen to me! And so I say to get off of him!” That did the trick. Childe pouted, removing his arm away from the geo archon. He isn’t one to break a promise after all. 

Signora breathed a sigh of relief but that was short-lived when the consultant’s arm wrapped around Childe’s waist, not letting the youngest free from his side.

The three of them stay silent. The old god is not even making an effort to explain himself why he has his arm around Childe.

“Mister…Zhongli?” Childe glanced between him and the hand on his hip before glancing back to Zhongli. 

“Yes?” Zhongli said with the happiest face he has. Even Signora was a bit surprised, still used to the cold gaze from the man when she first saw him during the meeting between the cryo and geo archon. “Ah, are you uncomfortable with it?” 

“Huh? Uh, no. I’m fine.” Right there, Signora could see a light bulb lit up above Childe’s head. The young harbinger stretched an arm out and around Zhongli’s shoulder with a smirk. “Well Nora, as you can see, Mister Zhongli isn’t willing to let go so I can’t exactly get away can I? You’ll have to ask him instead.” 

Zhongli’s eyes lit up, leaning his head against Childe’s. “No matter how many times you ask, I won’t leave him. ” The tone of his voice already declaring Childe is his.

To other people, they look like best friends hanging out but to Signora, she knows damn well what the sly lizard is doing. Especially how that dirty hand of his inches its way to touch the exposed skin on his waist Chlide likes to flap it wide open for everyone to see! 

How dare he take advantage of Childe’s stupidity!

Signora: 1 

Morax: 1

---

 

--Childe--

 

The look on Signora’s face was priceless. It’s easy to see she hates the consultant to her guts so he couldn’t help but tease her, linking his arm with the man and sticking close to him. And when she reminded him of his promise, he thought his fun was short-lived. Until Zhongli tugged him back to his side, a hand around his waist. 

Now he's no maiden. A simple hand on his hips is nothing to think about. If he was a woman, he would have probably fallen in love with the consultant. However he can't help but notice how big Zhongli's hand was. Childe is a man with a large build, unlike a woman's body, but even then, it looked like Zhongli can fully wrap both hands on his waist. 

Is his waist that small? He never really took notice of it before. Or maybe Zhongli's hands are just big. 

He can’t help a shiver going down his spine when he feels the cold touch of leather on the skin of his waist. 

When did he move his hand that close to be able to touch there?

“Ah, are you uncomfortable with it?” 

“Huh? Uh, no. I’m fine.” A great idea came to mind. The young harbinger stretched an arm out and around Zhongli’s shoulder with a smirk. “Well Nora, as you can see, Mister Zhongli isn’t willing to let go so I can’t exactly get away can I? You’ll have to ask him instead.” 

This is great! Even if Childe promises to listen to Signora, he can't do anything if Zhongli wants to do something. So if Zhongli wants him by his side, he has no choice but to stay by his side. Signora will have to handle it by herself if she wants them to separate. 

He stiffen when he felt Zhongli lean his head against Childe’s. “No matter how many times you ask, I won’t leave him .” 

Childe felt something wrong with that tone of his. It kinda sounds…possessive? Surely not. They just met so it couldn't be. Maybe he's reading into it too much. Tonia did say he had no understanding of social cues. 

All of the sudden, his feet were off the floor. Zhongli picked him up and carried him like a princess, a hand under his knees and the other supporting his back. Childe blink. He had carried Tonia like this many times, playing as a knight and she, a princess, but not once, Childe would have ever thought he would one day be carried like this. 

He must be heavy! Yet Zhongli, a consultant, easily carrying him like he weighed nothing! 

“Forgive us Lady Signora but I would like to talk to Childe privately . We will take our leave.” With a turn of his heel, Zhongli quickly and gracefully walked to the opposite direction of Signora. 

“Wait! What are you- Stop right there! Return him to me you cunning old man!” 

Childe heard Signora scream, trying to catch up but her voice was fading away. Well, he can’t blame her for getting left behind since it was getting more crowded, people blocking her way as if it seemed to be on purpose…

…Liyuen must love drama, don't they? 

They were making quite a commotion so it’s no surprise for people to stop and listen in. After walking and turning each corner, Zhongli had taken him somewhere quieter. Only a few people walking by, casting looks their way but he ignores them and instead stares at the consultant, studying his face. He knew before but Zhongli is really a handsome man. 

Especially those eyes of his. They feel…unhuman… 

Zhongli noticed his gaze, locking eyes with him with a smile. 

“Is there something on my face?” 

“Yeah.” Childe reached up, a hand caressing the older’s cheek. Zhongli flinched, surprised by the touch, but welcoming to it. “A handsome face you have there.” Childe grin before pinching it. “How about giving some of that handsome-ness to me as well? That way, I won’t have to hear people telling me I have a babyface.” 

Childe never let go of Zhongli’s cheek, pinching and pulling. The older man stopped in his tracks, before bursting out a laugh. Childe’s hand pauses, mesmerized by his face and the sound of his laugh. His heart skipped a beat when Zhongli’s face was suddenly close to his, those golden eyes sparkling with joy. 

“I believe you have no need to change. I quite like your face. Beautiful, I would say.” Childe held in a breath, their lips close enough to touch. “If you like this face of mine, then please stare to your heart’s content if it’ll make you look only at me.” Next, Zhongli leaned against his hand, the one teasing his cheek before, giving a light kiss to his palm before whispering. “I also do not mind if you like to touch. You may touch me however you like my dear.”

…Whoa! Okay! What’s with this mood?! And why call me “my dear” out of nowhere?!

Childe was too stunned to speak, cheeks heating up as his mouth opened and closed without a sound coming out. He shifted a little in the older man’s arms, casting his gaze elsewhere, suddenly embarrassed. 

“Put- Put me down first. You must be tried carrying me.” 

“Oh, not at all.” Childe could feel Zhongli’s hold tighten, seemingly to not want to drop him. “You’re light as a feather. Do not worry about me. Now, let me guide you around Liyue. Have you stroll this side of the city yet?” Zhongli continued on his walk while still carrying Childe. 

Huh?! Like this?! Hello! There are still people here! We’re not alone! Wouldn’t it be strange to be seen like this walking around?!

“Wait- Mister Zhongli-”

“Xiansheng.” The man interrupted. “Call me xiansheng. If you are to learn Liyue’s culture during your stay here, you can practice learning Liyue’s language.”

“O-Okay…?” Zhongli looks at him as if waiting for something. “Ah, I understand, xian…sheng?” Childe’s pronunciation sounds childish, like a toddler learning to speak for the first time. Even to his ear, Childe knew he messed up, face getting hotter and hotter by the second.

Zhongli’s smile never fades, only growing wider with each blush Childe's face gets. “Ahh! Don’t laugh at me!” Childe squirmed to get off and thankfully, Zhogli finally set him down. Childe hopped a few steps away in front of Zhongli before standing face to face with him.

“I’m not laughing. Believe me.” Zhongli said afterward when Childe squinted at him, not trusting his words. Then he pulled out the kamera, taking a picture of the consultant. Zhongli blinked a few times, wondering why Childe took a picture of him. 

Once the photo came out, Childe flapped it a good second before looking at it, mouth turning upward. He held up the photo, facing it towards Zhongli. “Now, I have the evidence of you laughing at me.” Zhongli opens his mouth, about to deny it again but Childe continues. “So now you have to teach me until I master the art of speaking Liyuen if you don’t want me spreading the news of how the respectful consultant is nothing but an evil man who laughs at a poor boy who’s trying his best to speak in Liyuen.”

Zhongli blink before laughing, just like the one before. Childe skipped closer, leaning in close with a playful smirk. 

“So? Do we have a deal?” Zhongli hums quietly before swiftly taking the kamera once Childe was close enough. “Hey!” 

Click!

Childe shut his eyes by the sudden light, rubbing his eyes before glaring at the man. Now not only did Signora take a photo of him but Zhongli as well. The consultant looked at the photo, a warm smile on his face. He flip the photo for Childe to see. 

In the photo, Childe’s eyes were squinted with his mouth slightly open. 

An ugly picture he would say. It looked like he was about to sneeze. Childe facepalm, dragging his hand down across his face. 

“Please burn it. I look so damn ugly.” 

“I disagree.” Childe was going to refute but his words died down in his throat upon seeing Zhongli bringing the photo to his mouth, a small smooch can be heard after. “I say it’s adorable.”

He knew Liyue’s weather can be hot and when he first stepped in this city, he could feel the heat burning his skin. 

But even the burn can’t compare to this heat he’s feeling now. He feels light-headed, stumbling backwards as he gawks at the consultant kissing his photo! It was a small peck but still! 

Those golden eyes stare intensely at him, as if the older man is going to pounce on him.

Him! Childe! Tartaglia, the 11th harbinger!

Childe knew Zhongli is a strong person, by their little “spar” when they met but this seemed different. It doesn’t feel like he was in danger of being killed. 

It was something else. 

It feels like a dragon capturing a prey to keep it as a pet. Or something more than a pet…

Zhongli is a dangerous man and it’s definitely not the kind Childe seems to enjoy. 

It wasn’t a battle Zhongli seems to want and Childe doesn’t know what it is. It’s something he has no knowledge of.

For the first time, Childe wanted to be with Signora. 

.

.

.

.

.

.

Nora: 1

Xiansheng: 0

Notes:

Childe may be an idiot in the area of love but even he can tell Zhongli is coming off to strongly. Zhongli, tone it down, you're scaring the poor boy and your greediness is showing. If you didn't understand, Signora earn a point from Childe at the end, being skeptical of Zhongli's action.

Chapter 6

Notes:

Surprise! I finally updated. Thank you all who waited and still reading this work! ;u;

And something amazing! Check out this fanart of this fic by the lovely @velkalee on twitter who drew Zhongli and Signora fighting over the bill to impress Childe! XDD It's so adorable and wonderful! I love it so much!! <333

Now, I hope you enjoy this chapter!!

Signora cursed at the damn geo archon who had kidnapped the idiot youngest. She yelled at him to give Childe back, tried to go after them but the people blocked her way, as if it was all planned and everyone was trying to separate them.

Of course Liyue's people would side with their damn archon, even if they didn’t know their god was pretending to be a mortal among them. They just can’t mind their own business can’t they! Once she makes it out of the busy crowd, she finds a place where she’s alone. She snap her fingers. A single pyro crystalfly float to her. 

Then two.

Then three. 

Before a dozen of pyro crystalfly surrounded her. "Find that idiot." She said, snapping her fingers once more before it scattered away into every direction. 

She knew the consultant would no doubt try to worm his way to stay near Childe at all times but to think he openly kidnapped him in broad daylight.  

And right in front of her.

As much as Signora hates it, she knows she can't do this alone. She can't always be there for Childe at every hour and even she would be exhausted if she stayed with that youngster for that long. She walks towards the Northland Bank, eyes forwards but ears open to hear the hush and excited whispers of the Liyuen, no doubt enjoying this "drama."

 

Vlad blink upon seeing a pyro crystalfly floating towards him. He glanced around before offering a finger for it to rest on. It sits there, flapping its wings once, twice, before flying away. He’s puzzled how there can be one here in Liyue. He follows it with his gaze and then gawks at the sight of the 8th harbinger in the distance, marching her way towards the bank.

Even from a far distance he can tell what needs to be done. He quickly slammed the doors open, earning a surprise look of everyone inside. 

"We're uh- very sorry for the sudden news. The bank is unfortunately now closed. All clients would need to please leave." He made eye contact with Ekaterina, and she knew this was not a good sign. 

 

Signora burst through the doors, her heels clicking with each step she takes. All the employees were gathered in the middle, nervous and scared. Oh, how excellent. It seems the recruits stations here in Liyue are smarter than they look. Isn’t Childe lucky to have them under him. That is, if Signora wasn’t here to begin with. Her Majesty had given permission to have them under her order as well. They now work under both her and Childe but she’s got a higher position than that brat of course. Her words are absolute. 

She stops before them, cocking her hips out with arms crossed. 

"I don't want to waste any more time explaining so you better listen closely because I won't repeat myself twice." She glares at them as they gulp, their eyes glancing at each other in worries. "We have a dangerous enemy we need to get rid of." Everyone starts to mutter, confused as to who could be the threat for even Lady Signora to fret about. She continued, "He is a lowly pervert who preys on our youngest's innocence." 

Silence before gasps filled the room. 

 

Their youngest, 

Childe, Lord Tartaglia. 

His innocence…

Lord Tartaglia's chastity!

 

"Who's the one that actually has the balls to flirt with Lord Tartaglia?" One whisper. 

"Lord Tartaglia may be…dense towards people flirting with him but he would have them decapitated if they tried anything to him.” 

“…unless…" 

"Unless that person actually manages to get into Lord Tartaglia's pants-"

Signora clicks her tongue, making them shut their mouths, silence filling up the room. A woman was brave enough to speak out in this tension, raising her hand slightly in the air. 

“I-If I may…” She shakes when Signora stares at her before nodding her head for her to continue. “Is this…possible threat be..the consultant? It was the hot gossip last night.” She played with her hands nervously. “How…Lady Signora and the respectable consultant, mister Zhongli, were…fighting over Lord Tartagalia.” She whispers that last part, afraid she offended the 8th harbinger. 

Signora couldn’t help but tap her foot in annoyance, making the woman’s quiver in her boots. She took in a deep breath before letting out a sigh. 

“The people of Liyue have no shame.” She starts to think maybe Childe’s plan to release Osial and drown the city in the novel is a great plan but that’ll be later in the future right now. It seems everyone has heard about what happened last night. No surprise there with how big they made a scene. Wonderful. She doesn’t need to explain that part then though it annoys her for just how many people think she’s someone who wants Childe’s hand. Ugh. 

“Yes, the consultant is after our youngest.” She clenches her teeth. “And being so bold in public that he even molested Childe in front of me. ” They gasp again, surprised, before angry voices start to fill up the room. 

Granted, it’s just hand holding and a smooch to it but it’s a sexual offense when it’s that old dragon!

“How dare that man try to pursue our 11th harbinger!” 

“Lord Tartaglia needs to be protected by that man at all cost!” 

“We need to protect his chastity!” 

Great. They’re riled up. Signora saw this coming. Most of the people stationed here in Liyue are fans of that idiot. It was no big surprise how Childe had fans fawning over him. 

He stands out the most among the harbingers. Even during the rare meetings they have, that boy stands out like a sore thumb, looking like a carrot surrounded by giants. He is an idol to the people of the Fatui. So it’s really no surprise when there’s words about Childe having a fanclub, unknown to his knowledge.

None of the harbingers discourage the act, leaving it be. And if a certain ice queen likes to hide her identity and secretly sponsored that fanclub, none of them made any comment and turned a blind eye to it. 

Signora raises a hand to her mouth, covering her smirk over her fingers. 

 

And now for the final bait. 

 

She holds her hand up, quieting the angry voices in the room. They all look at her, waiting for her to speak if she has more to give. Then, as if a magic trick, with a flick of her wrist, a small size of paper appeared in between her fingers. All eyes focus on that item before realizing what that paper was. 

No, not a paper. It’s-

“For the people who contribute the most in parting that consultant away from our youngest,” Signora grinned. Between her fingers is the photo she took of Childe with the kamera. “Shall be rewarded with a close-up shot of our 11th harbinger. There will be more rewards if you all do a good job.” 

It was deadly silence before a roar of excitement with fists in the air, all pumped up and ready to do whatever it takes to have a photo of their idol. “Now advance! We don’t have much time left before that pervert does something to our innocent youngest! Spread the news to the others that weren’t here. We need every hand on deck to crush that disgusting worm to not taint our 11th!” 

They all rush outside without a second thought. Signora glanced at the photo in her hand before putting it in between her chest. Of course, this first photo of Childe being in Liyue belongs to Her Majesty. She’ll have to take another photo of him later on for the reward.

 

Signora had taken a seat on a bench, passing the time to think of a plan to destroy that old dragon. She wanted that perverted archon away from Childe as soon as possible but there’s no way she’s going to spend all of her energy searching for him. She had done it the first time where she ran like a madman with her gut feeling that told her to look for him and her gut feeling was right when she came across that idiot with the old man together outside the harbor. 

Signora knew the cunning dragon had something to do with it, how she couldn’t find him so quickly when she had followed some lead to where Childe was. The lord of geo. The archon of Liyue. He must have something to do with the earth. Most likely able to sense where everything is and able to recognize her steps or something when she’s near, leading their youngest harbinger away to avoid her. 

It would be futile to search for Childe if that’s true. It’s best to leave to the underlings to search far and wide for him instead. 

“Oh, my lady.” Signora turns her head to see a man walk up to her. Oh. He’s the owner of that weapon shop she visited yesterday. He was holding something that’s wrapped in cloth. “I was just about to deliver this bow to the address you gave me. I didn’t expect to run into you here.” 

Signora looks at the bow wrapped up in a clean cloth to keep it from being dirty. An idea pops into her head, smiling as she holds out her hands. “Ah yes. There’s no need to deliver it there. I can take it from here.” The man nods and hands her over the bow, leaving with a grin when Signora kindly tips him with some mora. 

A pyro crystalfly flew towards her, circling around her once before flying away. 

Ah, finally, it found him. 

She got off the bench to follow to where Childe is.

 

---

 

--Childe--

 

Things were awkward between Zhongli and him after the consultant pulled that act of kissing the photo he took. It didn’t last long though, Zhongli passing it off as a joke and with Childe following the older man as he guides him through the area they’re in. Things settle back to normal after a few moments of chatting. Zhongli gave history lessons about the things around them and Childe would pop a question between here and there. The man would answer without missing a beat, that smile on him only growing as they walked. 

“-and over there is Bubu Pharmacy. It’s one of the finest pharmacies in Liyue.” Zhongli gestures to the huge building in the distance they could see from where they are. 

“A pharmacy…” Childe stares at the building. Zhongli stops in his track when he realize Childe stopped walking behind him. When he didn’t move, the man tilted his head. 

“Childe?” 

He blinked. “Huh? Oh, sorry.” He grinned as he ran up to the other. 

“Is something the matter?” Zhongli’s voice sounds concerned. 

Childe opens his mouth before closing it, shaking his head with a smile. “Everything’s fine. Oh! What’s that smell? It smells delicious!” He quickly follows the scent, the view of the building drifting further away. Luckily Zhongli didn’t press any more questions and followed. 

 

“Xiansheng, are you single?” Childe asks, a bag full of food in one hand while the other hand holds a meat skewer. He bites the meat off the stick as he chews, watching Zhongli’s face morph into amusement.  

“Why do you ask?” He said with a small chuckle. Childe shrugs, tilting the skewer up and down at the older man. 

“As I said before, you’re quite handsome. There’s no way you’re not single. You must have a partner, do you not? Or maybe you don’t like to be tied down? Maybe you have some ‘friends’ that you enjoy spending the night with.” Childe smirks, wiggling his eyebrows. Zhongli sighs, but the smile on his face tells Childe the man isn’t offended by his words. 

“No, I do not. I have no partner nor anyone I have to engage with.” The smile then turns into a teasing one. “However, I am open to having a relationship. Would you like to be my partner, Childe?” 

Childe burst out laughing, playfully bumping their shoulders together. “Haha! Good one xiansheng! You sure know how to joke!” Zhongli’s smile never faltered but there was a twitch to it. Childe didn’t have time to wonder why as his attention quickly focused on something familiar.  

A single pyro crystalfly. It gently flew towards him and he watched it land on his shoulder. 

Oh.

This is…

“A pyro crystalfly?” Zhongli mummer, inching close to look at it. With all the scent of the amazing food in the air, there was a hint of silk flowers and sandalwood among it. Childe realized it was coming from Zhongli when the older man came too close to his personal space. “Strange. Why would there be one in Liyue? Wait, now that I look at it closer, it’s a bit different.” He stares at it curiously before his body suddenly jerks. 

Zhongli’s carefree mood quickly turned sour, snapping his head behind them so quickly Childe thought the man broke his neck. He must have also imagined the glow in the other’s eye due to the trick of the light because there’s no way human eyes glow right? Childe turns his head to see what the consultant is looking at but he sees nothing except the same crowds of people and the food stalls. Then he felt a hand on his back, swiftly pushing him forward. “Come Childe, there are more places to show you.” 

“Ok- wait- Xiansheng! No need to rush!” Zhongli kept a firm hand on him as he guided Childe through the street. Why is Zhongli in a hurry? What made him do so? There isn’t any danger around them. He would know for sure if anyone tries to attack them. But then, he heard it. It was faint but Childe heard it. A voice that was far and buried under all the other noises around them but Childe heard it. 

His name.

His name is being yelled. 

Childe twist his head to look behind, then to Zhongli, and now the pyro crystalfly, still sitting on his shoulder. 

Is Zhongli…purposely avoiding Signora? 

Before he could ask Zhongli the question, he heard that faint voice again. 

“Childe! Bow! Bow! I got you a well, awesome, amazing bow! Childe! Come to me boy!!!” 

 

---

 

--Zhongli--

 

He was right.

Childe is truly an interesting man. He won't lie, he may have fallen at first sight with his beauty and his dance of swinging his blade fluently when he first saw him outside of the harbor but he falls more after just spending a few seconds with the young man. 

Childe, with his cheerful attitude with a playful personality, is also a person who can be deadly and dangerous by the next. 

Hunting hilichurls with Childe made him see how the young man got his position as the 11th harbinger. The way Childe is able to quickly take down an entire camp by himself in under a minute. The way he controlled his vision is amazing, wondering how much the young man must have trained to be able to get the control to where he is now. 

That whale of his made Zhongli's heart skip a beat, amazement to see Childe being able to summon a huge body of water and still be energetic afterwards. If the harbinger was a god instead of a mortal, Zhongli wondered if the man would be more powerful than where he is right now. 

He should consider asking the Tsaritsa to add another clause to the contract of him being able to have Childe to himself after his retirement.

But he has a feeling that’s unlikely as one of the other harbinger, the 8th, shows hostility towards him upon meeting. With the 8th being like a protective hen around Childe, squawking at him to leave, he can just imagine how the Tsaritsa would react with more extreme measures if she found out Zhongli had taken an interest in him, the one she favored the most. 

No matter. If he can have Childe take a liking to him, they can’t stop their youngest harbinger if he is the one who wants to come to him instead. Try all they can, Zhongli will get what he wants. 

However, seeing the young harbinger shift nervously with his guard up as if he’s in a battlefield after Zhongli gave a small kiss to the photo he took, maybe, he thought, that he had come on too strongly with his intention. It's been such a long time since he last courted someone. Back in the old days, if one wanted to pursue another, one would be straightforward with their action, leaving no room for doubt of their intention to be in a relationship. 

It seems that’s no longer the case now. He had seen some mortals beat around the bush, being unclear of their interest in wanting to be in a relationship. Zhongli can not understand why they would make useless effort to take the long way instead of just confessing how they feel. If your feelings are true, they should not be afraid. Rejection is not the end of the world if it happens.

The archon is disappointed in himself for thinking too lightly of those things. He currently understands how one can be down, hurt, or feel like they can never stand again after being rejected. Afraid of confessing only to be rejected later. 

It stings. 

The way Childe’s brows knitted together, those lips pressed into a thin line, and his eyes narrowed towards him with caution in them. Childe has no interested in him. Not a hint. 

And now he’s looking at the consultant as if he cannot be trusted.

Zhongli had thought kissing the man’s hand was a clear declaration of wanting to court him but Childe pushed it off as a tradition from his homeland. It irks him slightly how Childe missed his motive and his irritation grew more when the 8th keeps getting in his way. However, he had the assumption Childe was also attracted to him after the way the young harbinger clung to his side as he taunted Signora in the morning.

“Well Nora, as you can see, Mister Zhongli isn’t willing to let go so I can’t exactly get away can I? You’ll have to ask him instead.” 

Did Childe give him approval to have him? Zhongli didn’t want to let him go and the young man had said he can’t get away from him. Childe needs his permission if anyone dares try to take him away. 

“No matter how many times you ask, I won’t leave him.”

He purr in delight seeing Signora’s face in rage at that time when he declare Childe is his.

Thinking Childe has the same interest in him as he does, he whisk the man away, happy to leave the other harbinger behind so they can be alone . His belief of Childe liking him only grew more when the young man touched his face, saying how Zhongli is handsome and wished to have some of it. Zhongli only chuckles at the thought, reassuring Childe he is beautiful as the way he is, kissing the palm of his hand on his face. The warm feeling inside him only grew more when he saw Childe’s cheeks go red. 

And the way he says the word xiansheng with a broken accent sounds cute, just like him. He would have preferred Childe calling him laogong but that would be too much for the man as they’re not married… yet. Xianseng is close enough and it wouldn’t be so strange in public when Childe calls for him.

But everything was all a misunderstanding. 

Childe never was attracted to him. 

 

And it hurts.

 

Zhongli tries to hide his pain, forcing a smile as he places the photo inside his coat. He felt ashamed for assuming Childe was interested in him. How foolish of him. It seems Childe is harder to court than he thought. 

No matter, Zhongli won’t give up. 

 

A dragon must own the most beautiful and precious treasure. 

Notes:

Signora calling Childe like a dog with a treat to come back to her. Maybe she should actually get a leash for him.

Zhongli outright confess only to be taken as a joke. Not even death can save him from this humiliation.

Childe just oblivious to everything, enjoying his stroll through Liyue as he eat. Nothing beats good food!

Chapter 7

Notes:

I have nothing to say but melt into a puddle of shame >.<
Sorry I took so long to update this. Well, if people are still reading this, I am grateful to you!

“Childe!” 

Signora shouted, uncaring of her dignity as she weaved her way through the crowd. How her appearance is seen right now isn’t important than their youngest being tainted by that slimy geezer! Luckily, Childe is easy to find with how bright his hair stands out among the Liyuen with their mostly dark hair. “Childe! You little- Childe! Goddamn that old man!” She can see the dragon leading the youngest away, trying to escape again. 

Like hell she will let him run away a second time!

“Childe! Bow! Bow! I got you a well, awesome, amazing bow! Childe! Come to me boy!!!” 

From the distance, she catches the sight of Childe twisting his body around, the consultant jerks in surprise but is quick to recover, trying to catch him with his arms outstretched. However, the young harbinger ducked down and Zhongli caught nothing but air. The ginger dashed towards Signora’s direction, his face beams with a wide smile, looking too much like a puppy running happily to its owner. Signora -for the love of Tsaritsa’s grace- had to hold back the bubbling warm feelings in her chest and toss away the thought of Childe looking so damn adorable. 

Nope! That idiot does not look cute! He’s a battle freak! Nothing cute about him at all!

“Big sister Noooraaa!!!” Childe ran with a laugh. If he wasn't holding a bag full of food, the boy would definitely have waved his arms around excitedly. The excitement in his face grew upon seeing her holding something wrapped in cloth. When he reaches her, he jumps with glee, circling around her like a kid waiting for his favorite toy to be given to him. “Is that it? Is it my bow?” His eyes sparkle despite how dead they usually look. 

Signora smirks, holding the neatly wrapped bow close to her so the other can’t snatch it away. Even with his hands full, Childe can be full of surprises when it comes to his favorite things. “First, stay still.” The youngest immediately stands straight and gives her his full attention, the smile never leaving his face. Even with him standing still, Signora swears she can see a ghostly tail wagging behind him. Like a puppy. She chuckles to herself, wishing she can show Her Majesty how childish the Eleventh is acting. “Now, I can’t give it to you just yet.” There was a whine coming from him and she rolled her eyes. “You didn’t behave. Why should I give it to you right now? A reward only goes to good children.” 

“I've been good!” He pouted. 

“You left my side.” She raises a brow at him. 

“I…It’s not my fault.” He murmurs with his shoulders slump down. Truly, a child he is. “Zhongli xiansheng was the one who carried me away. It’s not like I left you on purpose.” 

“Xiansheng?” Her mouth twitched, deciding not to question him about why he suddenly addressed that old man ‘xiansheng’. “Even if he took you away, you can easily get away, couldn't you.” You are a harbinger after all was left unsaid. Childe laughs guilty, eyes shifting from left to right knowing what she’s implying. But before the young man can give any excuse, Signora sees the archon making his way towards them. She grabs Childe’s arm, dragging him with her away.

She’ll be the one taking Childe away this time. 

The young harbinger was left confused, stumbling forward by the sudden grasp as Signora quickly, but elegantly, walked to who-no-where. 

“Wait Nora, I left Zhongli-”

“You want to go back to him or do you want to test out your bow?”

“I’ll follow you wherever you go madam!” 

She smirks, casting a glance back to see the old lizard getting pushed back by the crowd passing by, blocking his way towards them. And by “crowd”, she certainly doesn’t mean the fatui agents in disguise. She knows nothing about them. 

They are nothing but strangers.

 

Mission to take Childe back from the dragon: Success.

 

 

Signora watch Childe pull his arm back, practicing his newly bow in hand as he aim at the tree in the distance. He let go and the arrow hit its mark. Signora has no knowledge of using a bow but she thought Childe’s skill isn’t so bad. However, she isn’t one to care about being a perfectionist when using a weapon so she guess Childe isn’t so satisfied with his bow techniques when it look above average than most archers she seen. 

“Do you really hate Zhongli xiansheng that much Nora?” Childe asks suddenly, taking another arrow and pull back with the string. They had not said a word to each other after leaving the harbor to Mt. Tianheng (well, it’s only Childe who spoke excitedly of his new bow while her ears bleed listening to him). He was too focused on analyzing the bow once Signora gave it to him and immediately using it once they found a spot where he could freely test it. He shot the arrow, hitting his target before turning to her where she took a seat under the shade of a tree. “I know you don’t get along with anyone but something with Zhongli xiansheng makes you more…rile up. Heck, I feel like our relationship before is more tame compared to yours and Zhongli xiansheng.” 

He snicker as she rolled her eyes, taking a steamed bun from the bag of food Childe had carried with him. “He is much worse than your childish behavior that I have to deal with often.”

“Hey!” 

“Listen to me Childe. Stay away from him. He’s a massive pervert.” She took a bite of the bun while the young harbinger full on laugh, holding onto his stomach as he bent over. 

“What are you saying Nora? He doesn’t look like one to me. Are you just trying to make him look bad just because you hate him?”

“Oh, I assure you, he is. Did he try to do something weird to you when he took you away? Did he touch you somewhere inappropriate?” There was no response from the other and Signora narrowed her eyes at him when his cheeks were slowly turning red. “...Childe, I will say this once and only once. Where did he FUCKING TOUCH YOU?” 

“N- Nowhere!” Childe stutter, eyes looking away. “He didn’t do anything!” Then his voice lowered in a mumble. “Maybe awkward but not…inappropriate, I think.” 

Oh. My. Tsaritsa. Tits.

How quick does this old man try to make a move on their youngest harbinger?! He has a death wish if he touches Her Majesty’s favorite child! 

Signora quickly stands to her feet, walking over and grabbing his shoulders as she shakes him. 

“Tell me everything! What did he do to you?!” 

“Like I said! He didn’t do anything!” Childe didn’t bother to push her away. Instead, he covers his blushing face with his hands.

“That reaction doesn’t look like nothing has happened ! Childe, Tartaglia, our eleventh harbinger! Confess!” Signora grasps his hands, trying to pry them away from his face but the man wouldn’t budge. “You little shit! If you don’t tell me what he did to you, I’m going to tell Her Majesty, The Tsaritsa on you!” 

“Don’t you dare tell Her Majesty! Why bother Her Majesty with unimportant matters?!” Childe barks back, now trying to shove her away but she would not step aside. Both pushing back and forth as they struggle against each other and bicker like children when getting into a small fight. 

“It is important if he did something to you! Her Majesty will ice him if that old fart touches you!” 

“He didn’t do anything! Don’t trouble Her Majesty with minor things! We are Her harbingers! What kind of harbingers would disturb Her Majesty with this childish situation?!” 

“If it involves you, it is definitely important! So tell me! Or else I will be writing that letter to Her Majesty!” 

“Ugh, he really didn’t do anything! All he did was…” Childe glanced to the side. They both came to a halt from their tussle. “...k-kissed a photo he took of me…” They both stood still. Signora’s mind reworking itself to understand what she just heard. 

“...what photo?” She leaned in close, hands gripping onto his shoulder with a tight squeeze. “What do you mean he took a photo of you and kissed it? Tell me you at least kick his ass after that?”

“Huh? Why would I? It was just a peck. I don’t think it needed to go that far.” Childe blinked cluelessly. “And he’s a civilian. I can’t just beat him up for no reason in public. You even told me to behave so why are you now encouraging me to cause trouble?” The young man yelps when Signora pinches both of his cheeks before stretching them. 

“And you just fucking continue to stay with him and not run away?! What would happen if I didn’t find you?! Would you just go to his house if he invited you?!” He slaps her hands away, rubbing his painful cheeks. 

“Is there something wrong if I did go if he asked?” He whined. “Why are you making such a big deal out of this? Just because you hate him doesn’t mean I can’t hang out with him.” 

“No. No no no!” Signora makes a cross sign with her arms, shaking her head. “You are not allowed to be with him alone! He is dangerous!” Childe raise a brow. 

“Zhongli xiansheng? Dangerous? Sure, he can fight but I don’t think he’s-”

“I don’t mean that kind of dangerous!” 

Well, technically, he is, as being one of the strongest archon but that’s the least of her worries of that old lizard being “dangerous”.  

“And did you even get the kamera back from him? You know, I paid for that.” Childe smiles sheepishly, avoiding her gazes. 

“I…got a photo of him instead. Uh, do you want that instead-” He jump away from the spike of ice appearing beside him. “Hey! You can just buy another one!” 

“Get it back from him! I already paid for dinner last night! I don’t want you giving him my things as well you fucking brat!” 

"If you want it back so bad, why don't you ask him for it- Hey! Nora! You're going to kill me! I'm going to tell Her Majesty you're trying to kill me!" 

 

 

Signora and Childe came back to the harbor after they had been chasing each other throughout the day till night fell. Both (Signora mostly) tired and hungry, agree to call it a day and go get dinner.

"Hey-"

"We are not inviting the old man." Signora pulls the younger one by his scarf like a dog on a leash. Who knows when the man will run away just to annoy her. He laughs quietly, obediently following.

“What did he do to make you hate him so much to the point where you’re not letting me get close? If he is ‘dangerous’ as you say, why not let me at him?” He leaned forward, a confident smirk on his face. She shoved his face away. 

“Like I said before, he is a massive pervert.” 

“Hmm…” Childe squinted before snapping his finger with a loud ‘ah ha’. “I get it! Did he grope your boobs or something? Is that why you hate him? You keep saying he’s a pervert so he must have done something like that.” 

The woman pinch the bridge of her nose, a heavy sigh spilling out from her lips. She opens her mouth before shutting it quickly. 

Actually, that would be in her favor if he thinks that is the reason. 

“Oh definitely. I met him long before you became a harbinger.” Signora takes out a handkerchief, pretending to wipe a tear away from her eye. “I thought he was a gentleman, from the way he dressed and acted but of course, all men are the same. Nothing but pigs, wanting to fulfill their dirty desires with their bodies.” Signora goes on with her lies, describing how the old man is nothing but a disgusting pervert. “Not only does he prey on women, but he also goes after men.” She glanced at him, seeing he was looking forward but she could tell he was paying attention. “Listen to me well, Childe. Think for yourself. Why is he trying to get close to you? I doubt it’s because we’re business partners and he wants to get to know you better.” 

She hopes Childe will at least be more cautious around him.

“Excuse me.” A merchant quickly ran over to them. Signora quirk a brow, clearly suspicious. “Oh my my. What a lovely couple you two are.” The two harbinger made a face, gagging out loud. The merchant noticed his mistake, quickly changing his statement. “I- I mean, what beautiful and handsome…siblings you two are…?” Recognizing his words didn’t have a negative reaction, he continued. “Young lady, if you don’t mind, I have something that might interest you.” The merchant pulled out a case full of colorful ribbons. “These are high quality, silk ribbons. They would look lovely on you if you tied your hair with these.”

She didn’t bother to glance at them, about to refuse before Childe chirped in. 

“I’ll take that red one.” Childe smiles as he points to a simple, red ribbon. The merchant nod and hands him the ribbon as Childe hands him the mora. The man quickly left while Signora crossed her arms, watching the young harbinger smiling to himself as he looked at the ribbon in his hand. 

She guesses it must be a gift for his siblings back home. Why else would he be interested in a ribbon? 

“Here, Nora.” Signora blink when the youngest holds out the ribbon towards her. “To be honest, I don’t really know what you like. But I thought this would look good on you. Since you got me a gift, I thought I would as well.” He hummed. “But, I guess a ribbon is not much compared to the bow.” 

Signora quickly snatched the ribbon away from his hand when the young harbinger looked like he was about to change his mind. 

“I prefer something more extravagant than this piece of fabric but I’ll accept it since it is the first gift from you.” Signora brings her long hair to the front, tying the ribbon on the low end of her hair. She left it there, glancing up at Childe making a goofy grin. His little giggle spilled from his mouth as his lips were stretching up far and wide. “If you say anything stupid, I will end you.” She scoffed but her little threat only made him giggle more. “Now come, let’s go find a restaurant. After all that chasing after you a second time, you must be famished.”

 

They settle for Xinyue Kiosk, a famous restaurant in the harbor. It would usually have a waitlist but of course, with their reputation for being diplomats from another nation as well as a bit of “donating”, they were easily let in. 

However, a certain someone decided to tag along. 

“Is the sir behind you with you two as well?” The employee who stood outside of the restaurant asked before she let them inside. Both harbinger turn to see the fine consultant smiling dazzlingly at their way, standing closely behind them. 

How long was he fucking there?!

“Good evening.” The archon smiled. “If you two don’t mind, may I join as well? It’ll be my treat this time.”

Before the older harbinger can say a word, Childe laughs. “Zhongli xiansheng, when were you behind us? I wonder if you’re even human?” He grins, an expression she knows too well whenever Childe is suspicious of something. A friendly mask on the outside while studying to see what the other person is hiding. 

She knew he’s not stupid, knowing Childe will quickly know the old man is not human but she wish he isn’t so stupid to not see how the geezer try to flirt with him. Is it because Childe has no experience with it? He does only seem to focus on sharpening his fighting skills. 

Or maybe, ever since his father threw him away to the fatui, he forgot how it feels to be loved by someone. 

And ever since growing up with the recruits and then becoming Her Majesty's youngest harbinger, he probably doesn’t think anyone could ever love a “monster” like him.

“I am but a normal human. What else can I be?” The consultant chuckled.

Childe hum, glancing at Signora before looking back at the older man. “Well, I don’t mind if you join us but Nora here, don’t want you. You’ll have to ask her.” She quirk a brow. She would have thought the young man would try to annoy her again by allowing the archon to join them. He grinned in return. “I’ll be going in first then!” 

Childe skips his way inside the restaurant. 

Before the leech can open his mouth, Signora shuts him up first. “Nope.” She walked inside, giving one last glare back at the old man. “Enjoy your evening alone. ” With that, the door shut.

 

---

 

--Childe--

 

“Not only does he prey on women, but he also goes after men. Listen to me well, Childe. Think for yourself. Why is he trying to get close to you? I doubt it’s because we’re business partners and he wants to get to know you better.” 

Childe knows it as well as she does. The man named Zhongli does want something from him, but he can’t tell what. Yet, he also feels that Zhongli isn’t…harmful. There’s no ill will towards him when they’re together for that short time. 

Expect that awkward moment.

And is Signora really telling the truth? It sounds like a lie but she really truly feels…positive that Zhongli is a “pervert.” But Zhongli also seems to hate Signora as well. Would a “pervert” try to meddle with a person who he has -as Signora said it- grope before? Wouldn’t they try to keep away instead? And if Zhongli really had groped her, he wouldn’t even be alive right now, knowing the woman would have chopped off his head. Even if they’re business partners, Her Majesty would have cut ties with them if she knew one of her harbinger had been touched inappropriately. 

Which is why he tried to stop Signora from sending a letter to Her Majesty. 

Truly, it was no big deal unlike what the older harbinger thought it was and he really didn’t want to bother Her Majesty with this little thing. It’s just a kiss to a photo. A silly joke is what it is. 

It was the same when that man asked him out. A friendly, small joke to ease tension. 

…maybe he shouldn't tell Signora about that. He gets the feeling she won't like that. She might even send him back to Snezhnaya with how “overprotective” she's being right now. 

He grinned to himself. 

How funny. He never thought he would enjoy being with her. They were like cats and dogs in the past but now it doesn't seem like that never happens at all. 

He remembers the time where he would often get teased by his older siblings when he was younger. He would always cry whenever that happened and his mother would always scold them. 

It's probably because they were always getting into trouble whenever he cried that they didn't want to babysit him, often leaving him to be by himself. He would consistently run after them, wanting to be with them but they would repeatedly chase him away to his own.

Tonia and Anthon were too young to stay out in the snow for too long, otherwise they'll end up sick and Teucer was still in his mother's belly. 

If his older siblings hadn't chased him away and left him alone, would things have been different. Would he have not fallen- 

A merchant then suddenly came up to them both. 

“Oh my my. What a lovely couple you two are.” The two harbinger made a face, gagging out loud. As much as he enjoys being with her, there's no way he'll end up liking her like a lover. Seeing Signora make the same reaction tells him that she agrees as well. The merchant noticed his mistake, quickly changing his statement. “I- I mean, what beautiful and handsome…siblings you two are…?” 

Childe blink, glancing slightly next to him where the older harbinger stood. 

Right, he forgot for a moment they were acting like siblings for her to understand her younger brother she told him about.

Now that he thinks about it, Signora…stayed with him. Even if he had run off, she looked for him. They bicker and fight but she doesn't stomp away as she usually would. And if she lost, she would drag him with her, just like how they chased each other in the mountains and with her being exhausted, she called it quits and hauled him back to the harbor. 

Since they started this sibling act and no matter how much he annoyed her, she hasn't pushed him away…yet.

Even now, she warns him about Zhongli and actively be aggressive each time they meet. Is it because she…actually worries for him? 

Not because they're fellow harbingers but as “family”? 

Even if they’re just pretending?  

Childe looks back at what the merchant is trying to sell, taking a quick glance at Signora again before looking back at the ribbons. 

“I’ll take that red one.” Childe smiles as he points to a simple, red ribbon. The merchant nod and hands him the ribbon as Childe hands him the mora. The man quickly left while Signora crossed her arms, watching the young harbinger smiling to himself as he looked at the ribbon in his hand. 

If they weren’t pretending to be siblings, would things have been the same as before? Would they be at each other’s throat if Signora hadn’t asked for his help ? Asked him to help her amend her relationship with her brother? 

“Here, Nora.” Signora blink when the youngest holds out the ribbon towards her. “To be honest, I don’t really know what you like. But I thought this would look good on you. Since you got me a gift, I thought I would as well.” It was a moment of impulse buying this ribbon. He hated to admit but he secretly thought they could match a little with this red ribbon to his scarf. A subtle detail on his part and he hopes she never learns the reason lest he want to hear her laugh and make fun of him for it. But Signora looks shocked, staring at it and Childe feels like maybe she doesn’t like it. She does have a more expensive taste. Now that he thinks about it, he never had…given gifts to people older than him. They aren’t children who like toys and such. 

What do older people like? 

…What do Signora like?

He hummed, “But, I guess a ribbon is not much compared to the bow.” He chuckled quietly, about to keep the ribbon for himself before it was suddenly snatched away from his hand.  

“I prefer something more extravagant than this piece of fabric but I’ll accept it since it is the first gift from you.” Signora brings her long hair to the front, tying the ribbon on the low end of her hair. Childe watch before feeling his lips stretch into a grin, giggling. 

Well, it does seem like she likes it after all. 

“If you say anything stupid, I will end you.” She scoffed but her little threat only made him giggle more. “Now come, let’s go find a restaurant. After all that chasing after you a second time, you must be famished.”

 

They settle for Xinyue Kiosk, a famous restaurant in the harbor. It would usually have a waitlist but of course, with their reputation for being diplomats from another nation as well as a bit of “donating”, they were easily let in. 

However, a certain someone decided to tag along. 

“Good evening.” Zhongli smiled. “If you two don’t mind, may I join as well? It’ll be my treat this time.”

“Zhongli xiansheng, when were you behind us?” Childe laughed. “I wonder if you’re even human?” He watches the other’s expression. He knows there’s something off about the consultant. He already guessed so when they fight- uh, “spar” when the man sneaked up on him when Childe was clearing a monster camp. Any normal humans that managed to catch the eleventh harbinger off guard is not a normal being. And with his and Signora’s hatred for each other, it seems he’s an important asset to Her Majesty as she still keeps him around as business partners. 

“I am but a normal human. What else can I be?” The consultant chuckled.

Childe hum, glancing at Signora before looking back at the older man. “Well, I don’t mind if you join us but Nora here, don’t want you. You’ll have to ask her. I’ll be going in first then!” 

Human or not, he does enjoy his company. It’s fun to watch Signora and Zhongli having some sort of battle while he’s on the sideline. He would have definitely invited him just so he can watch Signora scowl but for now, he’ll let her be. After all, she did give him the bow as well accompany him throughout the day. 

What a good younger brother he is. 

Yep. 

 

---

 

--Fatui--

 

“Waahh. Mister Zhongli is so scary! Did you see his face when we blocked his way while Lady Signora escaped with Childe?” 

“I’ll say. I’ll be having nightmares dreaming he’ll come after me and chop me into pieces!” 

“I thought people said he was a gentleman?! He looks nothing like one when he glares at us!” 

“Luckily his boss came and dragged him away. So we won’t have to worry about him chasing after our harbingers right now.” 

“Do you think we can keep doing this? Surely he won’t murder us if we keep meddling between them?”

“What are you saying?! Didn’t you listen to Lady Signora? That man is dangerous! Sure, he may kill us but remember who it’s for! We have to protect Childe from that man!” 

“Also, don’t forget we can get that limited photo of him.”

“...”

“...”

“YEAH! LET’S PROTECT OUR IDOL FROM THAT PERVERT! FOR LORD TARTAGLIA!” 

 

---

 

--Liyuen--

 

“Hey! So how did it go?” 

“What’s their relationship?” 

“Tell us the details!” 

“Gah! Stop pushing me around! They aren’t a couple. They’re siblings! They looked disgusted when I called them a couple but after I called them siblings, it seemed I got it right when that man was smiling before buying the ribbon from me.”

“Oh so they’re siblings!”

“They look nothing alike though.”

“But they both are a beauty. Surely they are siblings with their appearance looking like some fairytale prince and princess.”

“Aw, I wanted to see some love drama in this harbor. I thought it was exciting to see them fight over that man.”

“What are you talking about?! It’s still exciting! The sister was practically trying to bite Zhongli xiansheng’s hand off last night, remember! She’s such a very protective sister! Think of what our consultant has to do to bypass the sister in order to date that foreign man!” 

“Spread the news! Everyone needs to help Zhongli xiansheng get that foreign man!” 

“Haha, the women who were aiming for our consultant must be heartbroken after finding out he likes men.” 

“Bah, they’ll get over it. It's not like they even stood a chance.”

“And when they do get the chance to talk to him, almost every woman looks bored out of their mind.”

“That’s because Zhongli xiansheng just talks too much! He’ll give you a lecture about anything! Even tea! Be prepared to listen to a five hour long history about tea if you drink with him! I didn’t even know there was that much fact about tea!”

“He also forgets to bring mora with him which the women find annoying. No woman wants a man that keeps forgetting his wallet every time.”

“What a surprise when Zhongli xiansheng actually brought mora last night! The town was all in an uproar when we heard the news!” 

“Hey! Tell everyone drinks will be on me if they end up together!” 

“I’ll make a big feast as well if they do!” 

“I’ll also mark my wares at half-prices too!” 

Notes:

Reminded: This is a crack fic. Don't take it seriously. And if it seem fast pace, that was because it is intentional as I wasn't planning to write much but meh, we'll see how long it takes and me changing my mind lol

Thank you again for reading! <3

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