Work Text:
see this body
this body doesn't belong to me
it belongs to a little girl
a little girl that's been dead for years
she existed for a small amount of time
she was small in all the ways that mattered
she was quiet like she was supposed to be
she had long hair that wasn't too curly
she was blonde with blue eyes
she had a tan
but...
she was never me
she was never who she wanted to be
she was who she had to be
in order to survive she wore dresses
in order to survive she didn't talk back
in order to survive she always smiled
in order to survive she learned how to cry silently
in order to survive she learned how to hide
and hide so well that the only person that could find her was her sister
her sister found her even when she couldn't find herself
in order to survive she hid everything
she learned to hide who she was
she learned to hide what she wanted
she learned to hide who she wanted to be
she learned to hide what she needed
she learned to hide if she was in pain
she learned that she wasn't important
she learned what was
what was important were other people's emotions
what was important was what other people wanted
what was important was what other people needed
what was important was other people's pain
but not hers
why would it be
she thought that if she took their pain they may one day take hers
so she did
she took everyone's pain
she did this for so. long.
she did it long enough that it became a part of who she was
the "therapist friend"
the "mom friend"
she did it long enough that she became numb
she did this for long enough that she forgot why she started doing this
she did it for so long that when people finally started to try and take her pain she didn't believe them
so she kept it
she kept hers & everyone else's pain
then one day
something changed
she had too much of it
so she started getting rid of her pain
but not by giving it to someone else
no she started to get rid of the emotional pain by creating physical pain
she knew it was wrong
but she did it anyways
because it helped
she stopped being numb
and she started crying
she started crying because of who she became
she started crying because of who they made her