The One in which Bradley James secretly ships Merthur, Colin Morgan secretly (or maybe not so secretly) is not a good Catholic, and the Fandom gets the ending it always wanted.

by loveneverwantedme

Summary:

Bradley discovers the wonderful world of fandom.

Notes:

I own nothing except the order in which I placed these words. This is a work of fiction and not intended to portray the thoughts, actions or feelings of any real persons or entities.

Chapter 1: The Merthur Incident

It wasn't an obsession. Not really. It was just that Bradley couldn't help noticing certain things, certain moments between the two characters (and it was the characters, that much he was sure of) when it just felt like more. More than was being said, more than was being portrayed, just more. That was the best way Bradley could describe it. He didn't have the words for what exactly Merlin and Arthur were to each other; he knew it was something more than friendship, more than destiny or The Powers That Be. He just couldn't put his finger on it.

That is, until a fan smacked him in the face with it. Not literally, of course, but that was what it had felt like when a girl at Comic-Con asked them if they had ever heard of "Merthur" and if they "shipped" it. After Katie's hysterical laughter died down, she explained the strange terminology to them and Colin turned bright red. Bradley tried his best not to follow suit, but he was pretty sure he failed miserably.

In his defense, his brain had been pretty occupied with trying not to short circuit. (He was pretty sure he failed that one too.) He could hardly be blamed for his flailing, bumbling, idiotic and possibly offensive answer, since his entire world had just been turned on it's head and somehow also shifted perfectly into place because dammit that was it. He refused to call it "Merthur" because that just sounded stupid, but what it represented, that was the missing piece, the more he'd been desperately searching for.

And well wasn't that just great! Bradley had finally grasped the one intricacy of his character that had always eluded him and it would never ever in a million years make it to the screen. The BBC would never air a show with a gay King Arthur, or a gay Merlin for that matter. Sure Doctor Who had Captain Jack, but they were bloody Doctor Who, not even the all-powerful Beeb could tell them what to do. Plus the good old Captain wasn't a historical british icon, a literal legend, who was supposed to be the epitome of masculinity. Not that Bradley saw being gay as unmasculine, but unfortunately not everyone was as open-minded as him.

After the Merthur Incident, Bradley went home and googled "Merthur". The results were slightly traumatizing. Ok make that incredibly traumatizing. (And Bradley most definitely did not feel a strange twitch in his lower abdomen at some of the more graphic and realistic pictures; the things some people could do with Photoshop were both amazing and disturbing. He also was not left with a general tingly sensation after the whole experience. Or if he was, it was all down to shock and absolutely nothing else.)

And that is the story of how Bradley became a Merthur shipper, not that he would ever call himself that, on pain of death. Nevertheless he found himself searching the web several nights a week, slowly uncovering more of this strange and wonderful world. Most of the "fan fiction" was complete trash, written by horny, illiterate teenage girls, (and some boys) but some of it was truly beautiful and inspired. One in particular even made him shed a few manly tears (read: sob like a little girl).

It was not that fic however (Yes he was using the lingo now, but only in his own head of course.) that made up his mind. It was a post on tumblr, a rant really, by camelotfairies69. (Bradley thought this username was pretty offensive, but apparently it's okay as long as you're gay.)

She was complaining about homosexual representation in the mainstream media, or lack thereof, and how damaging it was to the progress of equality. She talked about how sick she was of the stereotypes and of the rigid boundary between gay and straight. She said that she didn't believe society as a whole could ever truly accept the LGBTQ+ community until it learned how to view sexuality as a spectrum, instead of a binary model.

But most of all, she said, she was sick of falling in love with the relationship between two characters, watching it evolve into something that couldn't possibly be denied. Then watching it be denied over and over and twisted into a joke, a wink-wink to the audience who got the joke but wasn't laughing. Who ate it up anyway and came back for more, just wishing and hoping that maybe someday...but it would never happen and that was the real punchline, the real kick in the ass. It was okay to slip in a little inappropriate joke here and there, or an invasion of personal space, a stare that lingered just a touch too long, but anything beyond that would be absolutely scandalous and surely cause a huge ratings drop and probably a natural disaster or something.

As Bradley read he found himself agreeing with every word. He hadn't realized until now, but it was true. How had he been so blind? And it was just so unfair. Why should heterosexuals get all the say? Television should tell stories that speak to everyone, gay boys and girls and everyone in between should have the same access to relatable stories, to the values and the role models that these stories can give, the solace in knowing they are not alone.

That was when Bradley decided that things had to change. He was going to make Merthur canon if it was the last thing he did, goddammit! Now he just had to get Colin onboard. And the Julians. And the BBC. Shit.

Chapter 2: Lurking Outside Co-Worker's Trailers (or The Best Laid Plans)

Summary:

Bradley realizes that he is, infact, an idiot.

Notes:

This turned out waaay more angsty than I meant it to. So, sorry for that, but it has a happy ending I promise.

Bradley figured that Colin would be the easiest sell, but also the most awkward for obvious reasons. Colin was cool though, very non-judgemental, and Bradley was pretty sure he was comfortable playing gay since he'd done that skit on the Catherine Tate Show. Except Colin hadn't had to snog anyone then, and that's what Bradley was asking for. He didn't want to leave any room to interpretation. He wanted this to make a bold statement: We hear you, we care. We love you and accept you for exactly who you are. You are not alone. And if anyone has a problem with that, they can piss off.

The only issue with that being that Bradley had absolutely no idea what to say to Colin. Which is why he was currently pacing back and forth in front of Colin's trailer. He certainly couldn't tell him the truth, well not the whole truth anyway, but maybe he could get away with telling part of it. Maybe he could say that someone tweeted him the blog post and even let him read it. camelotfairies69 was much more eloquent than he could ever be anyway. (Although Bradley was pretty sure that username would lose her some serious points with Colin.) Surely once Colin read what she had to say, he would be onboard.

Bradley had just decided this, and was grinning to himself quite delightedly (and a bit manically) when Colin chose to swing open his trailer door with absolutely no regard for any weirdos that might be lurking just on the other side. Bradley jumped back a bit, startled and also trying not to get hit by the door. So of course he wasn't looking where he was going and lost his footing on the steps behind him, sending him flailing and tumbling to the ground. He landed flat on his back with a loud thump.

"Bradley!" Colin was nearly as startled as his co-star. He rushed to Bradley's side and stooped down to inspect for any injuries. "Are you alright? That was quite a fall. Where does it hurt?" Colin was running his hands ever so gently all over him, checking for breaks, and for some reason it annoyed the hell out of Bradley. He pushed Colin away and sat up.

"Christ quit fussing like a mum, will ya," he muttered gruffly. He was embarrassed and his bum hurt something awful having taken the main force of the fall. His back, however, had not completely escaped damage. Great, those sword fighting scenes today were going to be just fantastic.

"Right. What crawled up your arse today?" Colin tried to cover up the hurt at being brushed off so rudely when he was only trying to help. "And what the hell are you even doing hanging about outside my trailer anyways?"

Bradley froze. He didn't really have a good answer for that. Somehow 'Oh nothing, just lurking about, wondering if you'd like to fight the heterosexual 'man' with me and possibly lose our jobs and be sued by the BBC? BUT IT'S FOR THE LITTLE GAY CHILDREN!' didn't seem like the right thing to say at the moment. Instead he went with clearing his throat, scratching the back of his neck, and laughing nervously. Eventually he said, "So you noticed that, huh?' and laughed some more. Colin looked at him like he'd gone daft, which he probably had.

"Right. Ok. I'm sorry for acting so weird. I just- I really need to talk to you." Bradley couldn't look Colin in the eye, and oh God this was going to go horribly. And here he thought nearly breaking his neck was going to be the low point of the day. Thankfully Colin could tell that something was genuinely wrong and took pity on him. He stood up and offered a hand to Bradley, who took it gratefully.

"Why don't you come in," Colin said, nodding towards his trailer. "I'll put the kettle on."

A few minutes later, Bradley sat impatiently waiting for Colin to pour the tea. He was taking his sweet time, it seemed, as Bradley fumbled nervously with his hands and couldn't stop jiggling his leg. This made the rickety chair he was sitting on tap out an erratic beat against the linoleum floor. It grated against his already fraying nerves, but he couldn't bring himself to stop.

"Fucks sake Bradley! Would you give it a rest?" Bradley jumped in his seat. Colin never yelled, like ever. Not unless he was in character. His face must have shown his surprise because Colin's shoulders slumped and he heaved a sigh. "I'm sorry, just, you're putting me on edge."

"You!?" Bradley scoffed in disbelief. " What in the bloody hell do you have to be on edge about? I'm the one that's got to-" He stopped short and the silence hung in the air, stifling.

"Got to...?"

"Right. We're doing this. Ok. You should probably sit down."

"Bradley, what's this all about? You're kind of scaring me."

"Only kind of? I'm terrified myself." Bradley's voice quivered pathetically and he wanted to cry.

"Hey," Colin's voice was gentle and soothing, a balm to Bradley's raw nerves. "Hey, you know you can tell me anything, right? You should know that."

"Can I? Can I really? I wish I knew if that was true."

"You can," Colin said firmly and took his hand, squeezing it reassuringly. "Always. No judgement." He gave Bradley a soft little smile. This gave him the courage to tell Colin everything, no half-truths. He laid it all out there.

"Col," he started, "have you ever thought that- I mean felt like, like there was just more? More to...to our characters than we've been let in on?" Pause. "Does that sound completely insane?" He hoped like hell that it didn't.

"No Bradley, it doesn't. Not at all."

He heaved the most gigantic sigh of relief known to man. Then Bradley he went on to talk about Comic-Con, and after, and Colin, bless him, didn't so much as bat an eye. Jesus, Bradley was so grateful for this saint of a man.

When it was all over, when Bradley had told all he had to tell about discovering the fandom and his noble quest, Colin was silent. The silence stretched on for an uncomfortable length of time, making Bradley fidget nervously. Then finally Colin cracked a smile brighter than the sun and said:

"Wow Bradley, never knew you were such a queer."

"Wha-aat!" He spluttered in return. Colin just chuckled and beamed even brighter. "I-I'm not gay, Col. Where the hell did you get that from? Not like there's anything wrong with it, but I'm just not."

Colin's face fell and Bradley knew he'd said the wrong thing, just didn't know why it was wrong. He wracked his brain desperately for a way to fix it.

"So let me get this straight, " Colin said. His voice was stone cold. Bradley shivered and shrank in on himself. "You're telling me that you read gay porn, but you're not gay." It wasn't a question and Bradley knew better than to try to answer. "You want to lead a fucking crusade against the BBC, which will probably end in tears and none of us working in this town, or any town, ever again. But you're 100% heterosexual is that right?"

"Um..."

"Well?" Colin's voice was sharp and Bradley flinched. "Please don't try and say this is just for the kids, Bradley. Don't you dare."

"I don't read the...the dirty stuff," 'Not much, anyway' his brain so helpfully supplied. "I just- some of the stories are really beautiful...well written..." His voice was weak and kept cracking in odd places, so Bradley just bit his tongue and focused on trying not to cry.

"You know it's really not fair, you looking so pathetic like that, " Colin sighed after a moment.

"Sorry. I'll just go then." He made to get up, but Colin pushed him back into his chair.

"You're an absolute idiot, you know that?" Colin's voice was fierce in a way that Bradley had never heard before. It sent shivers down his spine. "A complete moron, really. God I love you though."

Bradley's head shot up and he met Colin's eyes for the first time in what felt like eternity. He didn't look angry anymore. He looked...Bradley didn't have the words for the way Colin was looking at him, like the man was peering into his very soul and turning it inside out. It made him want to run and hide in the darkest corner he could find, but it also made him never want to look away, to stare into Colin's eyes until he drowned.

"W-what?" he finally stammered out. It sounded lame even to his own ears.

"I said I love you, you idiot." Colin's tone was annoyed, but he was smiling. His grin turned wicked and suddenly Bradley was more terrified than he had been this morning, pacing in front of the trailer. Colin leaned in close; Bradley didn't dare to breathe. "If you're so damn straight, Bradley James, then why don't you tell me what you think of this then, eh?"

And this time Bradley's world didn't tilt or shift or tip upside down. No. It fucking exploded. It ceased to exist. And then it rebuilt itself piece by piece, but now they fit together differently than they ever had before. Because this was Colin, kissing him. Colin's lips were pressed against his, barely moving, and yet...and yet... It was enough to tear apart everything Bradley had ever known and rebuild it in his image. His sainted, skinny-legged, big-eared, perfect image. And, fuck, Bradley really was an idiot because this was it. This was why it mattered so much.

Bradley let his eyes flutter closed and gave himself in to the kiss. He pulled Colin, who came more than willingly, into his lap and wrapped his arms around his waist. This was perfection. All he could feel, all he could see or hear or smell or taste was Colin. His senses were overloaded and it was bliss. He was never letting this go. The soft sighs and bitten off moans, the solid weight of Colin in his lap, the bob of his Adam's apple when Bradley bit his lips or placed sloppy kisses along his collarbones, the taste of his tongue which was quickly becoming more addictive than any drug, and the smell that was so uniquely Colin. Bradley nudged his nose behind the other man's ear and just breathed him in, spice and earth and something clean and bright now mixing with the scent of his arousal which was a new but entirely welcome scent to him, burying his face in his love's neck.

'Love?' His brain asked vaguely with the last of it's fading cognitive powers. 'Yes, this is love.' His heart answered. He knew it now. He had been so blind before, but that's okay because Colin saw enough for both of them. And now that he'd been given this precious gift, he would guard it with his life.

Chapter 3: Operation Subtext

Summary:

Bradley decides that Colin is going to be the death of him. Also Julian is a Jedi Master.

Notes:

If anyone has ideas for the finale, please leave them in the comments and I might use them. If you prefer, you can leave them in my ask box at loveneverwantedme.tumblr.com
I would love to write the finale that you guys want. It will probably be the next and final chapter unless I have a brilliant stroke of inspiration. Thanks so much for the kudos and comments. You guys are awesome ♡.♡

Turns out that Colin Morgan is a bit of an evil genius. Really, Bradley isn't sure whether he's more scared or turned on by how good Colin is at this. Okay that's a lie, turned on definitely wins, by a lot, a lot a lot. A lot. Uhm, where was he again?

Oh yeah. So, Operation Subtext (The name was Bradley's idea and he's quite proud of it, thank you very much.) was now a go and frankly Bradley was beginning to curse himself for getting into this mess because he was going to die of blue balls, and Colin thought it was fucking funny, the rat-bastard.

It had started out innocently enough, with Colin just leering at his ass during takes and somehow making every single line sound dirty. (Ok so maybe not so innocent, but it had been better than this hellish torture.) When that hadn't worked, Colin decided to take a more direct approach.

Now he was always entirely too close to be decent by any stretch of the imagination, and took every opportunity to get even closer which Bradley hadn't previously realized was possible. There was also lots of unnecessary touching.And he kept speaking directly into Bradley's ear, if he wasn't staring into Bradley's eyes, so close their noses brushed and Colin's breath ghosted over his lips. Both of which kept making Bradley shiver and swear and just generally make an ass of himself. Clearly he should have thought this one through a little better.

The sun was sinking towards the horizon and they had yet to complete a single scene today, and Bradley was pretty sure that if the blue balls didn't kill him, the director would gladly do the job. Which Bradley didn't think was entirely fair as this was mostly Colin's fault. Not that the director looked all too pleased with Colin either, but he wasn't glaring evil, murderous eye daggers at him.Bradley figured it was down to the weird, magical "Everybody loves Colin" rule of the Universe and left it at that.

"Cut!" yelled the director, shooting a particularly withering glare his way. And okay, yeah, Bradley had to give it to the guy that time because he hadn't even realized they were rolling. Colin was making a poor attempt of smothering his laughter with his hand, so Bradley felt justified in elbowing him in the ribs.

"Ouch! Abuse!" Colin wailed dramatically, clutching his heart which was utterly ridiculous. Of course, it just made Bradley love him even more.

"Right. That's it," huffed the director who was stomping towards them quite menacingly, nostrils flaring. Colin, the coward, attempted to use Bradley as a human shield. "I don't get paid enough for this shit. I'm done. Julian can bloody deal with you." And he very uncermoniously grabbed them by the backs of their shirt collars and dragged them like naughty schoolboys to the headmaster's- eh- head producer's- office.

The scariest bit of it all was that Julian seemed to be waiting for them when they arrived, as if he had developed some sort of Colin-and-Bradley-are-making-mischief-again ESP. Bradley wouldn't put it past him to be perfectly honest. The other scariest bit was that Julian didn't even look angry; he was actually smiling slightly. 'Maybe he always smiles at people before he murders them.' "Oh shut up, you absolute twat!" Bradley told his brain, he was really starting to hate that thing. Except Bradley might have accidentally said that out loud because the room had suddenly gone extremely quiet, and yep the director was definitely going to throttle him now because he had just been busy detailing the living hell that Bradley and Colin had put him through today...fuck.

Julian's eyebrows had shot unnaturally high up his forehead, but he also looked like he was trying not to laugh. The director, meanwhile, was trying his very best to set Bradley on fire with his mind.

"I can't be treated like this," the director nearly screamed, flailing his arms in Bradley's general direction. "It's in my contract! It's basic human decency!"

"Uhm-" Bradley weakly attempted to interject. The director rounded on him. Bradley threw his hands up like he'd been caught by the police. "Look, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean-" Julian Murphy is a wonderful, merciful, angel and Bradley will say so to anyone who asks.

"That's quite enough. A dramatic disposition is only attractive in an actor, you may leave now. You will be compensated amply for your time and frustrations. However, I do not appreciate you roughing up my main leads and, if it happens again, you will have a very hard time finding work." Julian said this all quite cheerfully and politely, and the director thanked him and left in a confused daze. Bradley surmised that Julian must also be a Jedi Master. He was surprisingly not far off the mark.

Julian now turned his full attention to them, and sighed heavily as if to say "What am I going to do with you two?" He might have gotten around to actually saying it, too, if Colin hadn't stepped in front of Bradley and started rambling like mad.

"It's not Bradley's fault. It was all my idea! I just couldn't take it anymore, all the jokes, all the hints and teases. It's maddening, and it isn't right. For Merlin's sake, just give the people what they want!"

Julian raised one eyebrow. "For Merlin's sake?"

"Yeah, the poor kid really needs to get laid," Colin deadpanned. Julian cracked a smile, and Bradley just plain cracked up.

"And you agree with this, Bradley? I must admit, I never expected this from you. That's why I never approached you with the idea in the first place, didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable."

Bradley couldn't help, but be a little offended by Julian's words. "Hey, it was my idea too! Colin might've come up with the plan, but I came up with the codename and it was my bloody idea in the first place!" Bradley was pouting now and Colin found that irresistibly cute. He couldn't really be blamed for forgetting himself and grabbing Bradley's hand, pressing his smile into his neck.

"Oh," said Julian, his smile growing. "I see. Well, that changes things, now doesn't it."

"It does?" Bradley and Colin asked simultaneously.

"Yes, of course. It makes them infinitely easier. Always easier to win a war when you have someone to fight for, to live for."

"Expecting many casualties, are you?" Colin tried to control the snark, he really did.

"Of course not, but with these things one can never really tell." Julian winked.

"Just to be clear, we are talking about making Merthur canon, right?" Bradley was rewarded with two very unimpressed faces.

"Merthur?" Colin wrinkled his nose. "God, Brad-ley, you're such a fangirl."

"Damn right," retorted Bradley. "And proud of it." He put his hand on his hip and stuck his chin out. Bradley was the queen of sass. Julian had, strangely, never been so proud of the two idiots before him.

Chapter 4: A Love Story Between Two Men, Part One

Summary:

The very long awaited and probably wholly disappointing next chapter.

TW: Brief mention of panic attack

Notes:

Heeey, betcha none of you expected this to see the light of day. (Well, it technically still isn’t since it’s nearly 11 pm here.) So I’m not sure if anyone will still care about this fic after a 4 year hiatus (doubtful lmao), but here we go! I’ve always wanted to come back and finish this. I’ve had a few half finished chapters languishing for years and I needed a writing project, so I’ve finally decided to revive them. Hope someone enjoys!

P.S. Please forgive any spelling, grammar, or continuity errors. As well as just any general suckiness. This has not really been edited at all and I am half asleep as I type this disclaimer.

(TW: Panic Attacks)

 

Part One:

   Bradley was shaking. Which was a bit ridiculous, but his nerves didn’t seem to be getting the message. Not even when he had screamed, “This is ridiculous!” in front of quite a few cast and crew members who now looked very concerned. (Whether for Bradley’s sanity or their own safety was anyone’s guess, probably a bit of both.) 

 

   Right, time to stop being a numpty and get down to business. He could do this. All he had to do was kiss Colin. He’d kissed Colin loads of times by now. (They were both extremely dedicated to their craft.) Except it was more than that, wasn’t it? This one scene meant so much to so many people, himself included, and Bradley was feeling a bit overwhelmed. Make that completely in over his head.

 

   He may have been hyperventilating into a paper bag when Colin found him. The prat then proceeded to laugh his pretty little arse off for the next 10 minutes. Bradley did not think it was funny. Colin laughing at him did make him stop hyperventilating long enough to yell several obscenities though, so there was that. It was only when Bradley eventually had enough and got up to leave that Colin finally stopped.

 

   “Aw, don’t be like that. Come back!”

 

   “Why, so you can laugh at me some more?”

 

   Colin jumped up from the floor on which he had been rolling a few moments prior and ran to the door to block Bradley’s exit. 

 

   “I’m sorry, alright. It’s just we can either laugh about it or lose our shit, and you’re already losing your shit so I guess I have to laugh. Honestly it’s just nice to know that you’re going as mental as I am.”

 

   If Bradley rolled his eyes any harder they might’ve popped out of his head. “Please. I’m supposed to believe you’re freaking out right now? You’ve just been taking the piss.”

 

   “Yeah, well humor is how I cope with uncomfortable situations if you haven’t noticed by now. Plus it is kind of funny that we’re scared shitless to kiss each other when you think about it. Considering what your lips were doing to me last night.” Colin smirked and cocked an eyebrow and Bradley wasn’t sure if he wanted to strangle his friend in a sexy way or a murderous one.

 

   Then Colin snaked his arms around Bradley’s waist, pulling him close and hiding his face in the crook of Bradley’s neck. Very quickly Bradley became the one in danger of asphyxiation. He was pretty sure that his lungs had been robbed of all air and, his brain failing, for the life of him he could not remember how to draw breath. Quite frankly he could go happily nestled in the arms of this lovely ethereal being. 

 

   Soft lips brought him back to life as they dragged across his stubble, finding their way to an earlobe accompanied by the playful nibbling of teeth, before finally drifting lazily to the desired destination. Each exhale greedily sucked down in a strange sort of reverse resuscitation. The patient desperately gasping for air instead of lying still and silent. 

 

   Suddenly there is thunder rumbling and lightning sparking against his lips. Bradley’s head spins in the whirlwind of the storm, and yet he feels safe and warm and a bit like a glowing ember is nestled in his chest, or maybe the pit of his stomach. 

 

   “Mm- love you.” 

 

   It sounds muffled and far away, like a fading dream, but it breaks through the rumbling nonetheless. There it is again. That all-consuming dread, and now he understands. It always comes back to the incredible love he feels for this wonderful man and the nagging fear that it could all slip away with the slightest miscalculation. He is afraid to lose this perfect moment and the privilege to hear those precious words professed again and again. He also realizes that it doesn’t change how he feels, and that not acting in the face of a raging storm is equally as dangerous. So it is with a heart full of fear and a stomach full of fire that Bradley James opens his mouth and says the most important words of his life. 

 

“Love you too, loser.”

Notes:

P.P.S. Sorry for coming back with a measly 700 words. I have a part two to this chapter that is 90% done, but I need sleep. I’ll try to have it up in the next few days. I also have 70-80% of a chapter 5 and a rough outline of a sixth and final chapter. Those could take a bit longer to get out, maybe not until the new year. Although I fully understand any lack of faith in the fulfillment of this plan.