Chapter Text
Lucy was immersed inside of her, surrounded by her, and only thinking of Kate as they hungrily kissed, nipped, and sucked at every inch of one another they could reach. She wasn’t sure who was closer to the edge. Months of tension, frustration, and desire had finally boiled over. Nothing else mattered but them and all they needed was to feel one another after months of trying to keep each other at a distance and keep their feelings at bay. Lucy nuzzled Kate’s neck. One hand was inside of her panties, the other gripping the skirt that was hiked up to Kate’s waist. Kate’s blouse was open, breasts threatening to spill out of the bra still haphazardly in place. Her heels were digging into Lucy’s backside and begging for more as they finally touched one another in the way they had wanted to since they first met in the bullpen. Now, as satisfying release was building and everything between them felt inevitable, Lucy found herself only wondering one dizzying thought. She could get lost in Kate forever.
Lucy was startled out of her daydream by Jesse shaking her shoulder. She immediately blushed, feeling as if she had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. In some ways, she had. Kate had not only managed to work her way into Lucy’s dreams but her daydreams as well, which annoyed her. Jesse gave her a teasing smile as he leaned against her desk.
“I mention Whistler for one second and your eyes glaze over. Are you ever going to tell me what happened between you two?” The question made Lucy clear her throat and try to refocus on her computer screen.
“Nothing…well…something, but…it’s a long story. Did you need something?”
“More coffee, remember? Are you okay? You seem distracted.” She waved him off.
“I’m fine. Just focused on the case. You seen Tennant?”
“Not since she headed up to DIA. Think she’ll have any luck this time?”
“No, which pisses me off. Why are they punishing her?” Jesse sighed.
“Don’t know for sure, but I think we all know it’s probably for the same reason Whistler left.”
“That case really screwed everything up, didn’t it?” Jesse gave her a sympathetic smile and clapped her on the back.
“Maggie Shaw will forever be on my shit list. Now, can I please get some more coffee before I have to get back to interviewing more witnesses?”
“I still don’t know why I have to go,” she grumbled as she stood up to grab her things.
“It’s your day.”
“No, it was my turn, and I went this morning, which means it is technically Kai’s turn.” Kai looked up from his desk.
“I offered to go, but he said you would,” he defended, and Lucy arched an eyebrow at Jesse as he smiled sheepishly.
“You need to get some fresh air. You’ve been a bit out of it. We’ll call you if anything changes,” said Jesse. Lucy wanted to protest but knew he had a point. She had been out of it. The past few weeks felt like a fever dream she still hadn’t woken up from. Ever since Maggie Shaw had entered back into Jane’s life and they had to investigate the case of the mysterious Chinese operative, Bao, their lives had been turned upside down. The betrayal of her best friend left Jane shaken and put her on notice with her agency and others. It exposed a lot of agencies in ways the brass did not appreciate, and it seemed like NCIS was getting the brunt of the backlash. Not only did Shaw’s decisions strain Lucy’s professional life, but her personal life was in limbo thanks to the woman as well. They all knew there could be repercussions when they chose to work off base for the case, and even though she wasn’t sure to what extent it all played a role, she also knew it was impacting Kate in ways the former DIA Officer refused to talk to her about. At Jane’s request, not as the NCIS Special Agent in Charge but as a new friend asking for a favor, Kate agreed to work the case with them, and it ended up being the last case she worked as a DIA officer. The only one who seemed to know what happened was Tennant, but she wouldn’t talk about it. That frustrated Lucy almost as much as her aching heart over Kate Whistler.
To say she and Kate didn’t get off on the right foot was a bit of an understatement. She knew the moment their liaison from the DIA walked in, she was hooked. Lucy was a sucker for long legs that looked amazing in heels, and it didn’t help that Kate Whistler had the heels and height to ensure her eyes never left her for long. She was gorgeous, but what intrigued Lucy even more was that she was fiery, stubborn, and determined. Their first case working together was a bit of a setback. Whistler’s job for the DIA was to decide what intel was disseminated to the team, and Lucy and the rest of the team made it a point to circumvent that whenever possible. When Kate refused to show Lucy the coroner’s report for the case, Lucy decided there was no harm in taking a peek upside down to see for herself. That was the first time she had been on the wrong side of a Kate Whistler glare, but she could admit she enjoyed getting under Whistler’s skin a bit. It was fun and the rest of the team was amused by it as well, but the tension between them felt different from Whistler’s confrontations and frustration with the others. It wasn’t just tension. There was something always right beneath the surface with them and it slowly became clearer the more they had to see each other for cases. They worked well together. They could bounce ideas off of one another and the tension shifted from colleagues butting heads to flirting that left both riled up and aching for more. Like with most things in Lucy’s life, the Shaw case changed that, though.
The case had everyone tense and after working one night well past midnight, Lucy ended up at Kate’s. At first, it started off innocent enough. They were working an angle together and didn’t want to stress Tennant about it until they had more to go on. An offer of a drink led to more casual conversation. Lingering looks and fingertips lightly grazing as they talked led to passionate kisses. Lucy still wasn’t sure who made the first move. It didn’t seem to matter after so many months of knowing they both wanted more but trying to keep things professional. Their yearning and palpable desire for one another ensured they didn’t even make it to the bedroom. Instead, they got lost in one another on Kate’s couch, touching and aching for more. They did eventually end up in bed, and after a blissful night together, their bubble was disrupted by a call from Jane. There had been a breakthrough in the case, and they were needed back in the bullpen.
The case escalated pretty quickly from there and Maggie Shaw confessed. She was willing to take the fall for her son and they all hoped it would end there, but instead, Jane was placed under investigation for her connections to Shaw. Lucy and Kate didn’t talk much during then, except for one night when Lucy came over to ask if she had heard anything about the investigation. None of the team was supposed to be in contact with their boss while she was questioned and while most of them ignored that order, Lucy also wanted to know if Kate heard any details about what may be the fate of the special agent in charge. She was surprised by how annoyed and unenthused Kate seemed to be when she opened the door. Kate even asked her why she was there, but to Lucy, it was obvious. She wanted to talk about the case but also about them, why Kate hadn’t responded to her text messages, and what happened between them. That was when Kate did what Lucy realized Kate Whistler knew how to do best. She put distance between them. She suggested it would be best if they steered clear of one another until things cooled down with the investigation. That was six weeks ago and she hadn’t heard from Kate since. Her pride wouldn’t let her text or call her again, but she could admit to herself that it hurt, that it felt like she meant nothing to Kate, that she was an afterthought. Since then, the investigation into Tennant had closed and her boss didn’t speak of it again. Lucy knew something had happened. They all did, but no one spoke of it. Tennant never said what or why Kate was suddenly an FBI Special Agent instead of working her way up the ranks in the DIA. Kate never touched base or came around to explain either. Instead, a new DIA liaison was assigned to them. He was strict, aloof, and didn’t seem to care about their emotional pleas or angry outbursts. It just made him stop coming to the bullpen altogether, which made their jobs even harder.
Lucy locked the screen of her computer and headed out of the bullpen for yet another coffee run. She wanted to be annoyed but knew what Jesse was doing. She often felt the need to get air and have some space when she was stressed and she suddenly felt relieved for the reprieve. She took her time walking to the parking lot and getting into her car. The coffee shop wasn’t far from the base, but she groaned when she saw the long line of cars in the drive-thru of people needing their midday caffeine fix. She decided to park and go inside, hoping the line would be shorter. Luckily, there were only three people waiting in line when she walked in, but she gulped when she recognized one of them. Even from behind, she could spot Kate Whistler. Long legs, blonde hair cascading past her shoulders, and hands stuffed into her pockets. The black pantsuit she was wearing made Lucy groan. It was hard enough to keep her composure when she was around, but there was something about Whistler in a pantsuit that always flustered her, especially after not seeing her for so long. She took in a deep breath, set her jaw, and got in line behind her. To get out in front of the awkward interaction she was sure it would be, she quickly tapped Whistler’s shoulder before she could lose her nerve and put on her best smile. Kate’s eyes widened in surprise when she turned to see Lucy standing there.
“FBI Special Agent Whistler, what brings you in today?” asked Lucy as Kate gulped.
“Lucy, hi, um…just grabbing something to get through the rest of the day. It was a long morning. You’re on coffee duty kind of late.”
“We’re already on round two.” Lucy smiled at the way Kate’s eyes couldn’t help but roam over her in her navy pants and tucked-in Hawaiian shirt. She smiled cheekily at her and nodded toward the front of the line.
“You’re being hailed,” said Lucy. Kate blushed when she realized Lucy caught her staring. She quickly turned back around and walked to the front of the line where the barista was waiting to take her order with a bright smile.
“Hey there, Kate, I was starting to think you didn’t love me anymore or even worse, had replaced me with a Keurig,” teased the barista and Kate playfully rolled her eyes.
“I wouldn’t insult you like that, Cammie. I’ve just been busy,” she assured and the woman giggled.
“I need a tall Blonde Roast,” called Cammie before Kate could even ask. Kate blushed when she heard Lucy laughing behind her.
“A tall blonde, really?” teased Lucy and Kate put on her best smile as she glanced over her shoulder at the brunette.
“It started off as a joke, but Cammie was right. It is better than my usual latte.”
“Oh, it’s a great drink. I just didn’t think Whistler would be into blonde jokes or flirting with the barista,” said Lucy. Cammie winked at her.
“Don’t worry, Special Agent Tara. I can flirt with her and still have a special place in my heart for you.” It was Lucy’s turn to blush and Kate smiled slyly at her. Cammie handed Kate her drink and Kate paid before placing money in Cammie’s tip jar as well.
“Thanks, Cam, see you next time. Special Agent Tara, always a pleasure,” she said with a nod and charming smile before heading out the door. Lucy bit her lip as she watched Kate leave and tried to read the woman that rarely gave her thoughts or emotions away through her expressions. She had no clue what to make of the interaction. It felt like it had been forever since she had seen her and yet like no time had passed at all. Cammie’s giggle brought her out of her trance.
“You know, if you’re my competition for her heart, that may put a bit of a damper on our relationship.” Lucy put a bill in her tip jar and gave her a wink.
“Not if I tip you well enough and always bring in business. The usual once again for all of us, please,” said Lucy and Cammie gave a knowing smile.
“Fair enough. By the way, knowing you two are so into each other may put you right back at the top of my list with her. Throuples are pretty hot.” Lucy was well acquainted with Cammie’s harmless flirtation and shook her head in amusement.
“Wait, why wasn’t I at the top of your list anymore?”
“You’ve been pretty moody lately.”
“Have not,” pouted Lucy.
“Just last week, you went off on a customer for not knowing her order yet,” she reminded.
“We’d been in line for like twenty minutes.”
“She was a little old lady.”
“Which means she was old enough to know better.”
“See, moody,” Cammie teased before going to help with her order. Lucy huffed but held back a retort. She knew she was right. Lucy had been in a bad mood lately and the blonde that just sauntered out of the coffee shop was a big part of the reason why.
Lucy dropped off Jesse and Kai’s coffees before heading toward Ernie’s lair. She wasn’t surprised that Tennant wasn’t in her office when she got back. The DIA hadn’t been helpful in weeks and the agency was quickly becoming a thorn in all of their sides. She strolled into Ernie’s office and pulled up a chair to sit down beside him. His eyes were trained on his computer as he furiously typed on his keyboard and tried to sift through the files he was searching.
“Do you think Tennant will bring the FBI in on this one?” He glanced over at her, but was silent as he kept typing.
“I mean, I’m just asking. Technically, Whistler is still our liaison, just for the FBI now, right?” she asked.
“While I know you aren't asking for the sole purpose of solving the case, yes. This one seems to be causing a lot of red flags across agencies, including the FBI. The question is, if you finally do get to see her again, what do you actually plan on doing about it?” he asked as he finished setting up the parameters of his search and let his systems process the request. He swiveled around in his chair to face her with a look of challenge and Lucy gulped.
“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll actually get to talk to her about what happened between us.”
“You do know you don’t need the FBI brought in on this case to do that, right? You know where Whistler lives. You also have her number. Why not just go over or give her a call?” She shrugged as she stared down at her hands in her lap.
“The last time I was there, she wasn’t exactly happy to see me, and a part of me is afraid of what she will say. I just want to get a feel for things first. I guess I’ve been kind of waiting on a sign and I might’ve gotten it.”
“I’m listening,” he said with a smile.
“I saw her at the coffee shop. It wasn’t a long conversation. She seemed like she was in a hurry. Typical Whistler, but she didn’t seem too upset to see me either. She even checked me out.”
“Oh really, interesting. Then why didn’t you just ask her about things then and there?”
“She was in a hurry. There wasn’t time.”
“There never seems to be time with you two. Are you sure it isn’t something else…like maybe a certain online mystery girl you’ve mentioned a time or two?”
“No,” she said too quickly and groaned when he arched an eyebrow.
“Fine, yes, I just…I don’t know. Maybe I don’t know what I want,” she confessed.
“Lucy, you know exactly what you want. You’re just afraid to get it and I get that, especially after everything that happened. You don’t want to put yourself out there and get hurt. That’s valid.”
“Everything is just so complicated with her right now. We weren't even dating. Maybe to her it was just a hookup and she doesn’t know how to let me down easy. I don’t even know what we are or were or if she is dating someone else. All of this worrying and stress over how she is and what she’s doing could be for nothing, but you know who I don’t have to worry about all of that with? NT. Things are just simpler with her.”
“Yeah, because it’s a fantasy with someone who isn’t emotionally available either.”
“She is plenty available emotionally. If anything, I’ve felt more of an emotional connection to her than I ever have with anyone else. I can tell her anything.”
“Right, except for your name, location, job, identity,” he listed, and she sighed.
“But maybe I should just tell her. I don’t even know why I’ve waited so long. We’ve been talking for weeks now. She isn’t just some stranger.”
“Let’s recap, shall we,” he said as he sat back in his chair, and she placed her face in her hands, knowing he was about to go on a rant.
“So, there’s Whistler, a woman you’ve been circling for months and obviously have very strong feelings for. You know her, she knows you, and while yes, things somehow got wrecked because of Shaw, that’s temporary. You’re just playing it safe.”
“That’s not…”
“Meanwhile, you have fallen in cyber love with someone you don’t even know…”
“I know her…”
“You know what I mean, physically, her identity, who she is outside of chats and DMs. Lucy, you know how this works. You get to be anyone online and I’m not saying you don’t have something with her. It’s clear you two have things in common and enjoy talking, but it’s a fantasy world. Don’t let the fantasy ruin the possibilities you have for a great reality with Whistler.”
“You mean the reality where she slept with me and then ghosted me?”
“The reality where things may be complicated, but communication could be helpful.” The sound of footsteps drawing closer to the door made Lucy excited for a moment until the door opened and her boss walked in. The clicking of Whistler’s heels as she made a grand entrance with news or an announcement was something Lucy didn’t realize she would miss so much. She was starting to wonder if Ernie was right, and she was hiding behind her mystery woman online. After all, Kate was the one she could never stop fantasizing about. Jane groaned and began to pace as Ernie smiled sympathetically at their boss.
“No luck?” he asked, already knowing the answer.
“None, DIA is stonewalling us yet again, and the new guy is a hard ass. He isn’t even fazed by how frustrated I am. We have three dead sailors, and he doesn’t seem to care. Jesse and Kai are looking for leads at the bars they were found at, but DIA knows something. I just know it.”
“What about Whistler?” suggested Lucy, and Ernie had to hide his smile as Jane frowned in confusion.
“She’s FBI now, remember?” reminded Jane.
“I know, but she’s Whistler, right? Always some resource or having a friend here or knowing someone there, maybe she could help,” said Lucy.
“I don’t know if I’m ready to call in that favor again, especially so soon, and quite frankly, I wouldn’t blame her if she said no after last time,” grumbled Jane.
“And what exactly happened last time?” questioned Ernie as he leaned forward on his elbows to give her his full attention. Jane glanced over at him and noticed Lucy seemed intrigued as well.
“Nothing, just…things got complicated. We need to get the DIA to sign off on this ourselves,” said Jane, and Lucy groaned.
“But, how, they won’t even play ball with us? If this actually is a…”
“Lucy, don’t even say it out loud,” interrupted Jane, and Lucy slowly nodded.
“Okay, if this is actually something we may think it is, then we don’t have time for interagency politics. There could already be another victim,” said Lucy, and Jane pinched the bridge of her nose.
“Alright, um, you two try to find something, sift through old cases, look into the bars the sailors were found at, just dig. I’ll see what I can do,” grumbled Jane as she marched out. Ernie let out a low whistle.
“Haven’t seen the boss this irked since the Shaw case. I wonder if she knows your suggestion is also because a certain blonde is totally the focus of your date night plans,” he teased, and Lucy playfully rolled her eyes at him.
“Focus on the case, please. The more we can find out, the better.”
“You know we’re going to circle back to you and Whistler, right?”
“We always do,” she said with a shake of her head. She looked over his shoulder at his screen while he began sifting through old case files and the coroner’s report on the victims.
After hours of dead ends and a lack of responses from the DIA, Jane told the team to go home. She already had Honolulu PD running extra patrols in the areas around the local bars and nightlife. Lucy tossed her keys onto the small table by the entryway of her home and sighed as she took off her badge and gun. They were all frustrated and tired. Even Kai and Jesse were stressed after coming back empty-handed after hours of questioning people about what happened on the nights the sailors were found. After a long shower and rummaging through her refrigerator for leftovers, Lucy settled on her bed with her laptop and a plate of pizza and gnawed nervously on her bottom lip. She’d told Ernie she was going to go home, get some rest, and be ready to start fresh in the morning, but she couldn’t help herself. She just wanted to check in.
Before the conversations started up, Lucy was what many categorized online as a lurker. Ever since her favorite book series had come out with the final novel, she had been curious about the responses of other readers. One day, after perusing the most popular forums, she found a chat room and saw two readers engaged in an intense debate over if it was fair to critique the final book’s ending. Lucy wasn’t sure what initially made her join in. It had been a long few weeks and she was struggling with the aftermath of the Shaw case. Things at work had been tense and things in her personal life had been null and void, especially since she hadn’t heard from Kate. The abrupt pause on their relationship felt like a breakup in ways Lucy wasn’t expecting and a part of her was annoyed that Kate even gave her hope that in the future, it could go beyond that. So, between that, her work life, and the heartbroken state of her boss, she needed an escape.
It didn’t take long for her arguments and witty remarks to catch the attention of the user she was siding with and they began speaking privately through DMs. The first few nights online were solely focused on the series, the characters, what they loved and hated, and what they thought the author got right and what could’ve been better, but after a while, it was just a conversation between two people wanting to talk about everything and yet nothing at all. Since then, any time work and her schedule allowed her to get online, she would grab her laptop and sign on to see what her new favorite person was up to. She beamed with happiness when she saw that her mystery woman was actually online. They began chatting and Lucy was relieved that instead of their usual pleasantries about their day, a new interview from the author responding about the final book gave them something to focus on. It had been too long of a day and she didn’t feel like doing anything but escaping into a world that wasn’t hers at the moment. Hours passed with them going back and forth. Once they picked each other’s brains about the interview and possibility of an additional book in the series, the two continued on in their usual banter and conversation until Lucy noticed the time and chuckled.
Starlight88: Why do you always make me forget the time?
NorthwesternTheta: Time flies when you’re having amazing conversations.
Starlight88: Definitely the best conversations I’ve ever had. It’s getting late though.
NorthwesternTheta: Before you go to sleep, you know I love to ask. Listening to any good songs I should know about?
Starlight88: I’m currently listening to Deep In The Woods. Heard of it?
NorthwesternTheta: Who sings it?
Starlight88: Hayley Kiyoko
NorthwesternTheta: Looking it up on Spotify now.
Starlight 88: I can’t believe you’d never listened to Hayley Kiyoko before me.
NorthwesternTheta: Are you judging me? I feel judged.
Starlight88: I’m not judging you. It just means you’ve obviously been deprived of gay culture and have been consuming cheap swill for music. I’m sure it happens to the best of us.
NorthwesternTheta: Wooooow
Starlight88: I didn’t make the rules.
NorthwesternTheta: It kind of feels like you did.
Starlight88: I don’t make the rules. I just enforce them.
NorthwesternTheta: Well, I’m happy to report the song is downloaded and I have all of Fletcher’s new stuff too. You’ve taught me well.
Starlight88: See. Was that so hard to admit? ;)
NorthwesternTheta: Yes.
Starlight88: Lol I’ve been listening to that song on repeat. Now you can too. Listen to it and let me know what you think. Talk more soon?
NorthwesternTheta: Always. Sweet dreams Starlight.
Starlight88: Sweet dreams NT
With that, Lucy logged off and turned up the volume as she put the song on repeat. She wished she could see NT’s face as she listened to the words. Lucy never allowed herself to think about how much of a romantic she was at heart, but she hoped the woman who managed to captivate her with her words in a chat room knew why she was recommending the song to her. She wished she could see her hearing it for the first time and couldn’t wait to talk about it. She imagined that she was listening to it with her and that they were in bed together. The thought made her smile. She was at peace when thinking about her, a stranger in some ways, a confidant and seer of her soul in others. Lucy fell asleep midway through the song with a serene smile on her face, knowing that if she couldn’t have one of her dream girls in real life, she still had her mystery girl online.