Chapter Text
The house was dark when The Chief arrived home. He didn't smell dinner cooking or evidence that any had been cooked,
which was puzzling. She probably doesn't feel well and I'll need to order in he thought to himself. He thought
about calling out, then reconsidered (on the chance that she was sleeping) and mounted the stairs instead. In the master bed-
room the bedside lamp on his side of the bed is at its dimmest illumination; his wife is huddled in the middle of the California
King-not stirring or speaking. "Baby," he called, receiving no response. "Vic," said, louder this time...still nothing.
He moved closer and sat on his side, reaching out a hand to shake her. "Baby are you sleep"- before she flinched away.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry," she chanted in a broken. sobbing voice.
Gently he asked "What about, Love? Why are you sorry?"
Distraught she repeated again "I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry...FORGIVE ME, PLEASE; PLEASE FORGIVE..."
"Victoria, listen to me: what are you sorry for? Did something happen?" (He even thought to himself Mayhorn ?...did she go to
Joe's, get drunk and bang Mayhorn? NO...she wouldn't do that...)
"VIC"-
"T-T-The...b-baby," she gasped finally. "I-I-I-I didn't mean it; I SWEAR...Lucas I d-d-idn't mean it; I-I'M SORRY; I'M SORRY!" she bawled.
"The...baby..." It dawned on him at last: the fetal position, her arms tight around her middle: she'd had a miscarriage. He didn't bother with
the usual platitudes 'it'll be okay' (it won't-it won't EVER BE); he held her in his arms and wept along with her
"Can I...can I be a-alone, please, Lucas? I...I wanna be alone for a little while."
Surprised, Lucas says "Of course...yeah I'll...wait until you got to sleep."
"O-Kay," she says sleepily, in a child-like voice.
When he was sure that she was sound asleep he descended the stairs and made a call from the living room: "Bobby; hey...um...I...Vic
l-lost the baby."
"FUCK, Man; I'm sorry Brother. Did you need Andy to go over and sit with her? Rip?"
"Uh...yeah-that'd be good," Ripley answered at last. "How long d'ya think?"
"45 to an hour," Sullivan responded. "I'm sorry, man. And thanks, Sul. T-Thank you, man."
(!)(!)(!)(!)
Waking his wife proved no easy task but he managed to do so and send her on her way within the promised timeframe; he then made
the necessary phone calls to arrange for a substitute for Hughes (once HQ opens its doors at 7 am he'll notify Deputy Chief Ross of the
Chief's expected absence).
¿Suegro...como almanecio, Don? Todos contentos nosotros...Oiga le pido un favor: nos puede cuidar el nene hoy? Andy no tiene
turno pero yo si; y lastimadamente le paso el aborto espontáneo al Hughes y su hija esta ahi ayudandoles...OK, muy amable, Don-gracias
(Father In Law...how did you sleep Sir? We're all fine here...I have a favor: can you watch the baby today? Andy doesn't have a shift but I do, and
sorry to report that Hughes had a miscarriage-your daughter's there now helping out...excellent, thanks Sir).
Lucio woke at 630 wanting his bottle, and a diaper change; once he was fed, bathed, and changed Robert called HQ and advised them of 'the
boss' absence...at 745 Pruitt arrived.
(!)(!)(!)(!)
RIPTIDE
(!)(!)
"I don't know how to process this Mom. I sense that our grief isn't the same because I didn't carry the child inside me...of course, I under-
stand that. I just...I don't know what to do."
Jackie Ripley's heart breaks for her son and the grandchild that she and Lon (Lucas' father) will never see. "I'm so so sorry, Lukie; poor Vic.
as devastated as you are she is even more so: she had a person—a pre-loved darling representing our enduring dedication—growing inside
her… and then suddenly didn't. You simply cannot understand how profound her grief is." She pauses before continuing: "We never spoke
of this to you lot, but: after Tony I-I miscarried. And again after Jen. I can only describe it as a deep sadness-which is still with me to this
day. Lon...Lon didn't have the faintest and I don't say that to disparage your Dad; his distress, sadness, anger, helplessness, and anger were
and are equally as valid as mine. When I realized that at last, we sought grief counseling. We got through it, as you and dear Victoria will. The
two of you should seek counseling, Lukie...soonest."
"Yes, Mum; of course, you're right. In the meantime, how do I support my wife if she wants to be alone?"
"You'll have to be patient, my Love. She'll come to you soon enough after she's had time to herself. YOUR job is to be available when
she does. I know you, Son and you tend to try to multi-task too much : in this instance, you must be fully engaged-no work, no
outside distractions. All focus on my daughter-in-law...is Jennifer aware of what happened?"
Lucas says that he left a message for her and that she's driving in from Puget Sound. "Good. Your father will call, perhaps tomorrow,
if not sooner. We love you, Lucas...our love to Vic."
RIPTIDE END
ANDY and VIC
"Hey...I'm so incredibly sorry, Vic. I know how much this baby was loved and wanted. Robert and I don't have the words...there aren't
words, except you are one of the strongest people that know we know, but please don’t feel like you need to be strong right now. Being kind
to yourself and to Lucas - is more important. He is hurting-barely hanging on.”
Vic nods, her tears mostly gone for the time being. "I needed some space earlier but I need him now...could you send him in, please?"
"Of course." Andy leans down to press a gentle kiss onto her friend's forehead. "Take it from me: grief has its own timeline. we are here
for you whenever you need to talk about this, whether that’s in ten minutes or ten years. Whatever you need."
She found her boss in the living room. "She's asking for you, Si-Lucas," she said. "As you know I'm not a 'hugger', but...can I hug you,
please? I think that we both need it.
"We're both so heartbroken about this, Luke. Robert is leaving his shift early and coming straight here," she said after they released one
another. "I'll make us something to eat; just know that we're here for the both of you -
whenever and whatever you need." With a sad wink
and a nod, he squeezes her shoulder and goes in to see his wife.
(!)(!)(!)(!)
May It Be-Enya
May it be the shadow's call...Will fly away...May it be you journey on
To light the day...When the night is overcome...You may rise to find the sun
Mornië utúlië (Darkness has come): Believe and you will find your way
Mornië alantië (Darkness has fallen): A promise lives within you now
"Lie down with me please," Vic whispers.
"Sorry, Love...what was that?"
Louder, she says "Can you lie down with me, please."
When the mattress sagged, indicating that he'd joined her she 'scooches' a bit to mould her back to his front. He places one
hand onto her lower back and one on her rounded hip; the moment that he did she grabs his hand and moves it from her hip
to her abdomen. "I don't know what to say, Love...how to comfort you...
"Nothing. Be here with me; close to me."
"I can do that...SHIT ! I forgot!" Lucas groans, banging his forehead against his wife’s upper back.
"What? What is it?!"
"Nothing, I'll figure it out."
She goes rigid against him and when she speaks its through gritted teeth: "Lu-cas!"
"The Washington State Association of Fire Chiefs Banquet," he says guiltily. "It's fine; I already hav a solution: SULLY."
She relaxes the tiniest bit; only the tiniest..."What about Sullivan?"
"I'll send him in my place...he can take the family, get out of Seattle for a week."
"You're the President, though..."
He loops his arm around her middle and with his lips against the base of her neck he assures her "I'm not leaving you. NOT
NOW. Not after...the worst tragedy of either of our lives. Either they understand or...fuck 'em if they don't.
Vic whispers "What will we tell Meggie? She was so excited about getting a sibling." Her voice trails off and her tears begin anew.
"I'm here, Baby. I'm right here" is all that he can offer for the moment. Her port in the raging storm...
DIANE LEWIS (TWO DAYS LATER)
/
"Victoria; I'm so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, I'm uniquely qualified to commiserate on this particular issue, I'm sorry to
say. I honestly believed that I would never get over mine but with patience, the support of my family, and therapy I made it
back to the light - so will you. Of all the types of tragedies that may befall us a miscarriage can be a particularly devastating
experience. We are susceptible to overwhelming grief and may experience depression and even GUILT as if something we
did or failed to do somehow caused the loss of our baby. For me the guilt is what did me in: was it that extra cup
of coffee the morning that I found out I was expecting? Did we breathe in smoke or chemicals? We find a way to cope and that is
usually different for everyone. It is important to remember that handling a miscarriage can take time; we must give ourselves the
sufficient AMOUNT OF TIME to work through our emotions. I'll email you a batch of coping methods as homework after our
session. You have what I consider to be superior support systems in your husband, family, and friends. It's important to USE
THEM, Vic. That is key in your healing process."
**TBC**
Chapter 2: What Ripley says to his wife. She visits Diane Lewis for grief counseling (first alone, then with
Lucas' Family and friends surround the Ripleys in a tsunami of support