Chapter Text
This place smells like us
Let’s not forget this scent wherever we are
We cried a lot, we laughed a lot, but it all was pretty beautiful
Nonhyeondong 3rd floor, thank you- 이사 (Moving On) by BTS
gloss
Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/gloss • 5-16
Please stop asking me these questions #kpop #extraineeproblems
Video description:
[Gloss, popular Korean TikToker, is standing with his arms crossed and an amused smile. He's shaking his head repeatedly, feigning disappointment. Text appears on the screen that says: When you're a songwriter and like making funny videos about what interests you and yet all everybody asks you is what group you were going to be a part of or if you have any horrible secrets about the K-pop industry…]
lisky21 • 5-16
🔫 🔫 STOP AVOIDING THE QUESTION BESTIE ♡ 94.6k
chaesgff • 5-16
you forgot to include "will u marry me" ♡ 72.9k
JEON💘 • 5-16
ok but i just KNOW you have beef with someone ♡ 33.8k
Amari • 5-17
why does he have to have beef with someone??
someone??? why can't yall just be normal i s2g
this is why i hate this app bc yall are always
trying to start shit ♡ 204
LOONAISTHEBEST • 5-17
damn then log out we don't care ♡ 432
zhelle • 5-17
I like your music a lot! Looking forward to
your next song😍 ♡ 171
baekhyun's little slut • 5-17
KING!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHEN'S UR NEXT DANCE
CHALLENGE COMING? ♡ 3386
dianxia • 5-17
didn’t he say a while ago that he
hates making the dance videos 😭😭
we shouldn't pressure him ♡ 211
baekhyun's little slut • 5-17
idc i wanna see his tits BOUNCE! ♡ 837
gloss
Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/gloss • 5-23
I wasn't meant for dancing #TXT #GBGB #good_boy_gone_bad #kpop
Video description:
[Gloss, popular Korean TikToker, is dancing to the chorus of TXT's "Good Boy Gone Bad," a K-pop dancing trend on TikTok. His dancing is awkward and determined. He starts trying to hold back his laughter near the end of the video and finally stops dancing to actually laugh and quickly turn the camera off.]
taext • 5-23
BARKBARK WOOF WOOF BARK BARK ♡ 59.3k
piss ^-^ • 5-23
YOU'RE SO CUTE :(((((( also I've watched this 10 times already ♡ 31.7k
Ollie • 5-23
not your dn 💀 ♡ 466
Kpop>>>>>>>>you • 5-23
TXT NOW? how have you literally danced to every group
EXCEPT bts 😀 ♡ 12.9k
Laura✨ • 5-23
no but literally :/ I'm worried he's actually an
anti or something bc why would he always
avoid dancing to their challenges :( ♡ 5740
BELLONA🌺 • 5-23
yeah, he's definitely giving anti behavior rn ♡ 1034
fairyjoon • 5-23
"anti behavior" ??? go outside. i beg of you. ♡ 3439
私のナルトになれ! • 5-24
GLOSS IS AN EX-TRAINEE FOR BTS! 😱 ♡ 622
11:45 🔗 • 5-24
people have "proven" him being an ex-trainee
for literally every boy group. he doesn't want us
to know and we should respect that ♡ 1422
김태형• 5-25
omg him being a bts ex-trainee would make SO
much sense actually 🤯 ♡ 65
블랙핑크 • 5-23
What's your favorite GG song, Gloss? ♡ 233
pilates • 5-23
txt huh… I know what you are. ♡ 9838
gloss
Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/gloss • 6-2
Diets were hard… #extraineedays #kpop #storieswithgloss
Video description:
[Gloss, popular Korean TikToker, is smiling at the camera as he starts to reminisce about his ex-trainee days. He laughs as he recounts a story about another member in the group (who is unnamed) stealing his food because of the strict diets they were all on. He explains how he went to the bathroom and when he came back, two-thirds of his black pork hot pot rice had been eaten in his absence. He then says how the thief quickly fessed up and he laughs as he explains how angry he had been at the other member. Nonetheless, he ends the video saying that he hopes that member is eating well now.]
in hope world ☀️ • 6-2
wait oh my god isn't this the same story namjoon
talked about like a year ago????? AM I CRAZY OR
DID THAT HAPPEN????? ♡ 142.5k
gbzv • 6-2
IT LITERALLY HAPPENED. HERE'S THE LINK!!!!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJvOj7
Hu6A4 ♡ 53.5k
Dini • 6-2
broo he's a fucking ex-trainee for BTS? ♡ 7273
JIKOOK • 6-2
please stop spreading rumors. this could
be about anybody…. ♡ 409
tu mami • 6-2
how tf is it a rumor when they both said the same
story word for word. stfu jikooker ♡ 681
minxie • 6-2
damn what'd jikook do to u 😭😭😭 ♡ 722
Gg • 6-2
KPOP industry is so brutal & Idk how any of you
could find this funny. Another member was so
starving he had to steal Gloss's food.
That's fucked. ♡ 40.7k
BTSPOP • 6-2
here come the essayists 🙄 ♡ 15.9k
Gg • 6-2
at least I'm not an obsessed weirdo like
you all are LOL ♡ 4392
phuongling • 6-2
so THIS is why you never danced to BTS 📸 ♡ 99.6k
I 💖JIMIN • 6-2
LIKE IT'S SO OBVIOUS NOW LMFAO ♡ 8528
P army • 6-2
& we thought he was a hater 😭 ♡ 6721
Gabriel7 • 6-2
he still could very well be lol. ♡ 1909
gyupup • 6-2
did u not hear his tone wishing joon well?
he is NOT a hater. GLOSS ARMY ERA 💜 ♡ 9210
jinkook thinker • 6-2
he obviously cared about nj so much 🥺🥺
i wonder if they still keep in contact?? ♡ 77.7k
Ayush • 6-2
BORAHAE 💜💜💜💜💜 Plz dance to Fire now 🔥 ♡ 437
gloss
Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/gloss • 7-18
Been a while #SVT #SEVENTEEN #CHEERS #kpop
Video description:
[Gloss, popular Korean TikToker, is dancing to the chorus of Seventeen's "Cheers," a K-pop dancing trend on TikTok. His dancing is polished and he never looks away from the camera. At the end of the video, he looks proud of himself and huffs before stopping the recording with a small smile.]
jihaan • 7-18
WE MISSED YOU!! You're such a good dancer!! ♡ 36.5k
Ana • 7-18
Ikr it made me so sad how he basically
disappeared after the whole fiasco :( ♡ 3082
m • 7-18
wait what happened???? ♡ 112
🍓 • 7-18
basically like a month and a half ago he
posted another story time video about
his trainee days but he revealed that
he was a trainee for bts ♡ 845
m • 7-18
i don't see the video?? ♡ 42
she/they • 7-18
yah he deleted it like the day after.
i don't think he realized joon had told
the same story before so he didn't kno
we'd connect the dots…. ♡ 34
rie ☆ • 7-18
omg wtf he's an ex-trainee for bts? that
means he KNOWS them? ♡ 12
she/they • 7-18
here's the video he deleted. someone reposted it
a while ago. https://www.tiktok.com/bangtanx_12/
video/7117984641465732358 ♡ 213
m • 7-18
thanks! ♡ 9
Bangtan army 💜 • 7-18
DELETE THIS. he deleted the video
for a REASON! ♡ 576
… • 7-18
So you're just going to ignore how we all know that
you're an ex-trainee for BTS? 😃 ♡ 22.4k
jungkooks pogo stick • 7-18
literally why does it even matter? it's
not like he's actually a part of BTS ♡ 2699
✧˖*°࿐ • 7-18
okay now please dance to DYNAMITE by BTS☺️ ♡ 2416
Michelle 희진 • 7-18
I personally want to see save you… ♡ 1120
hye.j • 7-19
what about winter day? could u imagine 😭 ♡ 855
mikay • 7-19
I just realized how much more i'd love
bts's music if gloss did debut with them…
i literally listen to gloss's music 24/7
he's so good ♡ 726
lisaaa • 7-18
MORE STORIES ABOUT BTS PLS PLS PLS! 💜 ♡ 173
♐️ • 7-18
YESSS SHAKE THAT ASS 🤤🤤 ♡ 1694
Juliana • 7-18
will u marry me 🙏🙏🙏 i'll cook, i'll clean ♡ 6293
Pao🌿 • 7-18
I miss his cooking videos sm. real gloss fans
will remember 😫 ♡ 739
:) • 7-18
yeah it's all kpop now like it's fine but i
followed for his DIY & cooking videos 😭 ♡ 217
JHOPEEEE • 7-18
can you please tell hobi that i love him thanks ♡ 1292
alexis • 7-18
literally why would he still be talking to them?
bts are way too famous for him hello ♡ 349
かぐや • 7-18
Same.. but with Jin. I need Jin to know just
how much I love him. ♡ 178
MINA MINO💛 • 7-18
alexis that's a pretty gross mindset to have.
do you know bts at all? ♡ 620
alexis • 7-18
nope. and u don't either lol ♡ 486
Caratarmy • 7-18
omggg do you know seventeen too?! ♡ 73
WWH114867 • 7-18
"Do u know BTS?" – Jin of jinhit 🤣 ♡ 14
naf 🐨 • 7-19
cringe. ♡ 111
🖤 • 7-18
I'm sorry everyone's being so weird to you now :(
we love you ♡ 3297
vmon<3 • 7-18
me: [hears about how the tiktok dude who used to
know bts has come back so I check him out not
expecting anything]
me after seeing this video: oh 😳😳 ♡ 7412
Jiminaaaaah • 7-19
he's so hot 😖😩💘 ♡ 878
GMC • 7-18
alright but how do we know he's even telling the
truth??? he could have seen the story namjoon told
and is just pretending that it was about him? ♡ 2043
GMC • 7-18
I just find this all really weird…
doesn't he have a new album coming
out soon too? seems like this is all
just for clout :/ ♡ 1565
lili • 7-18
i know u didn't just accuse GLOSS,
the most mysterious man on tiktok,
of using bts for CLOUT. ♡ 745
Mel • 7-18
why would he delete the video then
dumbass ♡ 903
GMC • 7-18
to make it seem more real?? duh ♡ 522
#sock 🧦• 7-19
the funniest thing about this
interaction is that he's not even
releasing a new album soon 😭 ♡ 2034
gloss
Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/gloss • 7-31
Last day of July is a dog day #storieswithgloss #dogdad
Video description:
[Gloss, popular Korean TikToker, is cuddling a cute Toy Poodle dog while in bed. He's smiling sleepily at the camera and then starts speaking, voice low and tired.
"This is my dog everyone. His name is Holly. I thought I'd tell the story of how we met since I'm with him and showing him off anyway. Ah, well, he was abandoned when we found him and so very dirty. My brother is the one who named him. Don't ask me why he's named Holly [laughs] I really don't know why. Holly was so dirty when we first found him that my mother made me wash him outside the house before bringing him in. She was worried he'd make a huge mess everywhere, which is totally understandable. She loves him just as much as I do now of course. Anyway, here he is. He's very cute, isn't he? I'm sure he is loving this right now—he really likes attention [laughs]. Maybe he should have been the one training to be an idol. Alright, be well everyone."
He ends the video by grabbing Holly's paw and waving it goodbye for the camera. His gums are showing as he smiles.]
nood 🍥 • 7-31
i've only had holly for 1 minute but if anything
happened to him i would kill everyone in this
room and then myself. ♡ 41.8k
Karla • 7-31
oh my god a puppy. oh and holly is here too ♡ 26.3k
tksdream • 7-31
wdym 🤨 gloss is obviously a kitty ♡ 2304
jinnies cheeks • 7-31
gloss is so funny 😭 he's trying to distract us
from the bts stuff by posting his dog 😂 ♡ 14.7k
V3NOM • 7-31
cool dog bro anyway will u please just confirm
or deny the rumors about being an ex-trainee for
bts ♡ 8412
markhyuck 😌 • 7-31
fucking hell armys are annoying. WHY
DOES IT EVEN MATTER? he's not even
mentioning them or anything, just
leave him alone! ♡ 4722
🐥🦋 • 7-31
he doesn't owe you guys anything so
just piss off ♡ 832
Fifi • 7-31
i KNOW you aren't up the asses of the
other ex-trainees for bts so why are you
so obsessed with gloss? he is literally
just existing…. ♡ 654
bot562283133 • 7-31
it's just bc he's famous lol ♡ 382
mars 🍭 • 7-31
does holly want a sister☺️👍 ♡ 25.9k
kk3636 • 7-31
eye- 💀 ♡ 1283
gloss
Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/gloss • 8-8
Not sure if you have heard of this band… 🖤💙💜 #BTS #방탄소년단 #FakeLove #kpop
Video description:
[Gloss, popular Korean TikToker, is standing staring at the camera with a smile as he rolls his eyes. Then, the beginning of RM's verse in "Fake Love" by BTS starts playing and he starts rapping along. He moves as he raps and when j-hope's verse comes up, he raps along easily. Finally, after the rap parts are finished, he begins dancing the choreography, his movements sharp. At the end of the chorus, he gives a little bow and raises his eyebrow in a manner indicating he knows exactly what this means to people. The video ends.]
k 🏳️🌈💖 • 8-8
HOLY SHITTTTTTTT ♡ 46.5k
xiao_du • 8-8
YOU RAPPED THEIR PARTS SO WELL 😭😳😫🙏 ♡ 28.9k
b • 8-8
he literally raps better than some professionals
it's insane how talented he is. he is so
so underrated. ♡ 231
sam 💥 • 8-8
do you have a link to his music? ♡ 12
b • 8-8
it's in his bio my dude ♡ 183
sam 💥 • 8-8
ok well have you considered I'm stupid
(but thanks!) ♡ 205
💜 ARMY GIRL 💜 • 8-8
can you do a proper story time about what
it was like training with bts now? we'd rlly
appreciate it 🥺🥺🥺 ♡ 12.2k
urdudi • 8-8
god I miss when armies weren't
clogging up gloss's comments
with stupid questions like this :/ ♡ 165
JUNGKOOK'S WIFEY6 💍 • 8-8
Can you tell us if TaeKook are dating 😍 ♡ 1004
taekoooook • 8-8
We already know they are 😏 ♡ 56
d • 8-8
no way yall are real 😭😭😭😭 ♡ 1302
hoseok's hand holder • 8-8
and what if I submit this to the bts fan challenge ♡ 9834
page? What Then, Gloss Tiktok?
Priya • 8-8
what's that? ♡ 15
cj🌌 • 8-8
it's a thing HYBE are doing where they're letting
fans submit popular fan creations/videos/etc that
will all be compiled in a larger video project
and shown to BTS and ARMY. ♡ 78
Priya • 8-8
ooo but I thought fans could only submit their
own stuff? can we really submit gloss's vids? ♡ 19
ORV • 8-8
uhhh… this seems kind of like a weird idea
considering the fact gloss doesn't seem to be
even comfortable discussing his ex-trainee
days with them though? ♡ 178
cj🌌 • 8-8
tbh there's no way to stop fans from
doing it at this point. gloss has a large
fanbase & now has a lot of fans that are
ARMYs too so I doubt getting upset about
it will do anything anyway. ♡ 151
ORV • 8-8
just bc everyone is doing it doesn't make it
right lol. that's common sense. ♡ 88
cj🌌 • 8-8
what's common sense is not arguing with
others on fucking tiktok actually ♡ 23
ORV • 8-8
chill 😭 ♡ 97
RM IS #1 • 8-8
THIS IS SO AMAZING WOW! I can't believe you
didn't make the cut at hybe? you're so talented ♡ 4234
Boop • 8-8
Consider this…. what if HE is the one
who left 🤔 ♡ 189
vjdkekd • 8-8
bigshit doesn't deserve him anyway 🤧 ♡ 16
`l' • 8-8
ive watched this so many times i'm so obsessed ♡ 11.4k
Olivia • 8-8
uhm yeah I'm submitting this to the
army art project IMMEDIATELY ♡ 809
gloss
Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/gloss • 8-22
Kimchi stew #cookingwithgloss #cooking #korean #김치찌개
Video description:
[Gloss, popular Korean TikToker, is standing in his kitchen with an apron on. He is smiling at the camera as he shows off each individual ingredient needed to make one of his favorite meals: kimchi-jjigae. An original Gloss instrumental is playing in the background. For the rest of the video, he shows off his cooking skills as he makes kimchi-jjigae. At the end, he is sitting at his table to do his first tasting. He smiles and gives a thumbs up to the camera.]
max • 8-22
help who is this I think I'm in love now ♡ 36.2k
yeeyss • 8-22
I missed your cooking videos so much! and this
looks SO good, I can't wait to make it 😋 ♡ 6394
potatolord • 8-23
does he have more? all of his recent videos are
just kpop videos :/ ♡ 9
Kaitlyn • 8-22
this looks fantastic! personally, I like to make the
kimchi fresh when cooking it though. just a tip😉 ♡ 11
hyo 🍑 • 8-22
tell us you aren't korean without
saying you aren't korean ♡ 329
~RISE BANGTAN~ • 8-22
Do you have any more memories with BTS? ♡ 3837
koya's parent • 8-22
who's ur bts bias? it's hobi or joon isn't it ♡ 7782
dilfhunter • 8-22
personally i think jk ♡ 44
👽destiny👽 • 8-22
btw @ new people: since gloss won't say it,
you can find the music in this vid on his
soundcloud! link in his bio 💕 ♡ 2036
isa • 8-22
omg thank u so much I was like where
is this music from it's so good :o ♡ 15
Ava 🐯 • 8-22
ur a real one for promoting his music!
unlike all the new fans that just want him
to talk about his past ♡ 32
NAYEON • 8-22
plz Dance to Twice Again? Esp The Feels? ♡ 145
numb homotron 3000 • 8-22
O!RUGAY4PAY? ♡ 5214
a 🍎 • 8-22
oh my god ♡ 199
user203485732834 • 8-22
HELLOFJKSFJKSJFJFKSJFS ♡ 21
lesbian wei ying • 8-22
well thank god he isn't bc then we
wouldn’t get to see these videos for free ♡ 758
COD • 8-22
Gloss isn't gay. ♡ 2
irene's girlfriend • 8-22
YOU THINK A STRAIGHT MAN WOULD
DANCE TO RED VELVET???? ♡ 426
holly jolly • 8-22
why didn’t u debut with bts? are u still friends? ♡ 7463
pxxx. • 8-23
doubt it. why else would he not just tell us
that he was an ex-trainee with them? he's totally
sus and i don’t get why so many armys are
supporting him ♡ 454
no name • 8-23
^^ i'm not convinced he isn’t just using
them for clout like everyone else. i just don't
trust him at all and i wish he'd keep away
from our boys. ♡ 67
🌮 • 8-23
god you guys are annoying. just leave him
alone. he's literally just cooking in this video.
weirdos ♡ 108
STREAM BTS • 8-22
BANGTAN FIGHTING~~!!!!!!!!!! ♡ 41
Namjoon hasn't seen Min Yoongi in ten years.
Ten years ago, Namjoon had gone out for a walk with a racing, torn-up heart and wild eyes. All the while, Yoongi packed his things away, probably avoiding the questions the rest of the members were throwing at him. Namjoon had hoped that Yoongi would be gone by the time his walk was over, and when Namjoon did finally return to the dorm, his wish had been fulfilled; Yoongi was gone. Along with their relationship.
Namjoon remembers regretting not having the courage to say goodbye. He remembers regretting a lot of things.
The aftermath hadn't been good for any of them. They had just lost Ji-hun a few months prior but with Yoongi, it stung more. Yoongi chose to leave; Ji-hun was cut. Plus, Yoongi had the determination and he had the talent and he had everything that could have taken him everywhere, and yet—and yet—he still left. Taehyung and Seokjin had blamed Namjoon. Jimin and Jeongguk had blamed Yoongi. Hoseok hadn't blamed either one of them, not willing to take a side.
Back then, Namjoon definitely blamed Yoongi. He blamed Yoongi for a lot. Blamed him for the heartbreak, the anger, the abandonment that he ended up feeling for years, no matter how hard he tried not to. Blamed Yoongi for his spite and determination to do better and be greater and Namjoon supposes he owes Yoongi for a lot of that pain in the beginning because back then, Namjoon had used that pain, channeling it into his music and his work ethic, and it worked.
BTS is everything and more now, much more than the Namjoon of ten years ago could have ever really imagined. And now it's been years. Years since Namjoon has thought about Min Yoongi for more than thirty seconds because that's the thing with a decade passing by: you move on. Namjoon's known romance and relationships that isn't just Min fucking Yoongi now. Other people have broken his heart now and he's broken the heart of others, too. It's been years and Namjoon hasn't seen Min Yoongi in a decade but of course now here he is, in the ARMY ART Project that was spearheaded by Kim Namjoon himself.
Namjoon would laugh if it wasn't so fucking tragic.
"Isn't that Min Yoongi?" Seokjin says immediately after the video plays. "Wait, was that Yoongi or am I seeing things?"
"It has to be him. He raps the same way, too," adds Taehyung, who even straightens up as he says it. Namjoon thinks he hears the same things he heard that night all those years ago in this very room right now—the sound of the wind on his walk, the sound of Jeongguk's cries when he returned, the sound of nothing at all when they all eventually laid down to sleep, none of them able to.
It's obvious that Minsuh, the woman in charge of the ARMY ART Project, is confused by their reaction. Nonetheless, she rewinds the video and lets it play again. It's a TikTok video, Namjoon notices in shock. He's still beautiful, Namjoon notices again, unsurprised, hating himself for thinking it at all. When the video finishes, she looks at Seokjin with raised eyebrows.
"You know…" she looks down at her notes, "Gloss?"
Gloss, Namjoon takes in, remembering the name immediately, not having thought about it in years. It seems Hoseok remembers too.
"Wasn't that what Yoongi wanted his stage name to be?"
"No way," Jimin says. His tone has a sense of urgency to it. "I can't believe he submitted a video for this."
"You can't tell me you still have a grudge," Seokjin says, scolding Jimin.
Jimin looks affronted. "Of course I don't! I'm just surprised. We haven't spoken to him in years, hyung, how do you expect me to blame him for something that happened a decade ago?"
"You were pretty upset when he left."
Jimin crosses his arms, looking away. His bottom lip juts out. "Yeah, well, weren't we all? It was a shock."
"Gloss is his TikTok username," Minsuh then says. "He's actually one of the people who didn't submit himself, but so many ARMYs submitted this video that we have to take him into consideration."
Finally, when nobody else says anything in reply to that, Namjoon speaks, "Doesn't that mean we have to reach out to him personally and ask? I thought you wanted to avoid picking projects that weren't submitted by the original creator."
She nods. "Yes, we do want to avoid that since it's less work on our part. We did, however, open the project page for suggested videos, and this one was submitted an overwhelming number of times."
"Well," Namjoon swallows, "I doubt he'd say yes to being in the project anyway. He doesn’t want anything to do with us."
Minsuh looks shocked by his response and the room goes stiflingly quiet. Namjoon looks down at his hands. He hates that he knows what they're all thinking. He hates—
"That's not true, hyung," Jeongguk suddenly says, voice loud loud loud in the silence.
Namjoon looks up at him and frowns. "Jeongguk?"
Jeongguk seems nervous but he has that determined look in his eyes that suggests he knows something Namjoon doesn’t. He shakes his head. "Your assumption isn't true. I've talked to Yoongi recently."
"What?" Jimin and Taehyung both say in unison.
Jeongguk simply shrugs, as if this information makes perfect sense. "I use TikTok. He's really popular, hyung. Like really, really popular. I'm surprised none of you have seen one of his videos before. But yeah, I came across him one day and checked out his page and it's him. I messaged him, and, well, he replied."
Namjoon blinks. "How long ago was this?"
"Probably a month ago? I don't know." Jeongguk shifts in his seat. "He's still… him, hyung. We talked for a bit about how we've each been doing. He wished all of us well. I don't think he would mind being in the video, really, or if he does mind, I don’t think it'd be because of whatever happened in the past."
Instantly, Namjoon feels a mix of many emotions. Betrayal that Jeongguk talked to Yoongi without telling him and then anger at himself for feeling betrayed about that at all. Horribly, he feels jealous as well. Jealous that Jeongguk somehow knows more about Yoongi than he does now.
Namjoon deflates, not wanting to talk about this at all anymore.
"Well, whatever. I don't care whether he's in the project or not. We can invite him. It's up to him."
"Namjoon…." Jimin says, but Namjoon just shrugs, wanting to move on and feeling awfully young again.
He smiles. "I'm okay, Jimin. Let's move on, though, yeah? We have a lot more to get through."
Jimin just nods and before they move on, Namjoon meets Hoseok's gaze for a few seconds before looking away.
Namjoon doesn't even need to ask what Hoseok is thinking; Hoseok always seems to know too much when it comes to him and Min Yoongi.
"Ah, hyung, I knew we shouldn't have gone out. I told you the snow would get worse!"
Yoongi sighs. "It wasn’t supposed to worsen for another hour. Besides, you're the one who wanted candy all of a sudden."
Namjoon juts his lip out and huffs, muttering out a, "Well you didn't have to come with me" while watching miserably as the snow outside comes down even harder. Namjoon looks around the convenience store, quickly spotting umbrellas. Namjoon could cry from relief as he points them out. "Let's just buy umbrellas and hand warmers. We'll be fine. It's not like we're going to die."
"If we get sick, I'm telling Hoseok it was your fault."
They walk over to the umbrellas and Yoongi grimaces at the price. "Let's just buy one. I already have an umbrella at home and I don't need another one."
Namjoon almost offers to buy one for Yoongi anyway, but he doesn't want to potentially embarrass him either. They've only just started being actual friends.
"Okay, hyung. Sure."
They grab the umbrella and hand warmers, walking back to the counter and smiling awkwardly as the cashier lightly comments on wishing them a safe journey home.
Finally, they brave the outside, the two of them huddled closely together, Namjoon holding the umbrella as Yoongi helps readjust one of Namjoon's hand warmers.
It's freezing, which isn't a surprise, but what is a surprise is how much closer the two of them get, nestling together as if they do it all the time. They keep their walking pace brisk and Namjoon can feel his ears start to ring from how cold he is.
They don't say anything except for an occasional groan over how freezing it is or a hurriedly whispered question on if there are any shortcuts back to the dorm.
"Fuck," mumbles Yoongi when they're just five minutes away. "It's so cold. Namjoon, I'm never going anywhere with you ever again."
Namjoon can't help his laugh. "Well, that'll be hard if we actually debut. What happens if we get to go on tours? Won't you need to go out with me somewhere then?"
"You're so annoying."
And—
And Namjoon doesn't know if it's his emotions already being on edge because of the weather or his exhaustion or the fact he just snuck out to get candy with Yoongi as if they aren't all on diets or the way Namjoon's been noticing Yoongi so much more now recently, but… the words hurt.
Namjoon stops in his tracks, nearly causing Yoongi to fall over in surprise when he walks forward and there's no umbrella to shield him.
"Namjoon?" Yoongi exclaims, quickly moving backward to get back under the umbrella. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"
Namjoon is just so tired. And—
"Do you really think that?" He looks straight at Yoongi when he asks it. Yoongi's nose is bright red. His lips are pinker than usual. Namjoon wants to kiss him. Namjoon doesn't even want to think about what that means.
"What?" Yoongi asks, voice unsteady as he stares back.
"Do you really think I'm annoying?"
Yoongi blinks, frowning a second later when he realizes what Namjoon's asking. He lets out a breath and Namjoon can see it—in fact, he feels it mix with his own, and a horrible part of Namjoon wants to taste it. They're so close. They're so, so close.
Eventually, Yoongi shakes his head. "No, Namjoon. I don't think you're annoying. You're… you're one of my best friends right now, honestly. Why else would I go out in the freezing fucking cold just to accompany you to get some candy?"
Namjoon sighs and then smiles. His grip on the umbrella tightens. Namjoon doesn't think he's ever going to forget this moment.
"Sorry," Namjoon eventually says, ducking his head and letting out a small cough. Yoongi's hand comes up to cover Namjoon's holding the umbrella handle. Yoongi takes the umbrella from him.
"Don't be sorry. But come on, we need to get out of his weather. I don't want you to get sick. Hyung would feel bad, yeah?"
Namjoon is glad his cheeks are already red from the snow because he knows they'd be red regardless. He nods, embarrassment creeping up his throat, but he keeps his mouth shut, not wanting to say anything else entirely too sappy or weird.
When they get home, Namjoon asks if Yoongi wants any of his candy, but Yoongi just shakes his head, telling Namjoon to enjoy it with a fond smile.
And they do get sick from the night out. Sick enough that the other members are almost jealous that they're offered a break from school and training, but not so sick that anybody's truly worried.
Still, Namjoon worries over Yoongi all the while, and Yoongi worries over Namjoon.
After that, they change.
Because it's just a little over six months later that Namjoon does finally get to taste Yoongi's breath.
Embarrassingly, when Namjoon finally gets off work, he goes home and immediately pulls up Yoongi's TikTok account. Namjoon obviously knows what TikTok is, having posted a few things on the group's TikTok page before, but he's never had his own account because, well, he never really thought much about it outside of work.
He makes an account now, though, using a picture of a frog he recently took a photo of as his profile picture. His ideal username ('rkive') is taken so he figures it won't be suspicious if he uses that same username with a series of numbers after it. So, he finally settles on rkivem1994, and hopes it doesn't alert any ARMYs to who he actually is.
He finds Yoongi's account easily, the 46.4 million followers that stares back at him taking him by complete surprise. There's a SoundCloud link in his bio and Namjoon can't help but smile at that, relieved that Yoongi's still making music.
Of course, he doesn't think Yoongi would ever stop making music. Yoongi was born to make music. Namjoon's always thought so. He still thinks so. Namjoon doesn't click the link—he's never been able to listen to Yoongi's songs after… after everything. He tried only once and it was two years after Yoongi left, a year after BTS debuted, and Namjoon hadn't even been able to listen to the full song before he broke down crying, eventually just drinking himself to sleep.
So, he never tried that again. He wonders then, not for the first time, if Yoongi listens to their music. He supposes it's a bit impossible to avoid their bigger songs, but what about the B-sides? What about… what about their solo music? Did Yoongi ever listen to Namjoon's first album? His second one? Did he sit and listen to his rage, his melancholy, his loneliness?
Just thinking about it makes Namjoon’s heart clench so he forces himself to move on, not wanting to delve too deeply into the past. Thinking about Yoongi hasn’t made him happy in a very long time.
He clicks on Yoongi’s most recent video—a cooking video that he posted today—and his breath catches as the video starts playing. Yoongi looks so… he looks so happy. He looks like he was meant for this and as he smiles delicately at the camera, Namjoon watches in rapt fascination, immediately going to watch his next video after finishing.
Of course, he had already seen in the dance challenge video that Yoongi had grown up. But Namjoon hadn’t allowed himself to look—hadn’t allowed himself to bask in what the years did for Min Yoongi. Because Yoongi looks not only happier, but also healthier. He looks more self-assured in his own self, and painfully, Namjoon finds that he wants to know everything about him. He wants to know what else Yoongi has been doing this past decade. He wants to know if he has any new pets. He wants to know what his favorite foods are now—if they’ve changed at all since they last spoke about it. He wants to know if Yoongi has loved anyone else in all these years; Namjoon figures that he has, but what if he hasn’t? What if—
Namjoon closes his eyes, doing his best to stop. He can’t think about all of the what-ifs. He can’t allow himself to get lost in what never was. Instead, he opens his eyes and ignores the video, opening up the comments to read instead.
A lot of the comments are in English, which surprises Namjoon. He wonders if Yoongi knows English. He obviously knows a bit more than he used to based on some of the captions, but did he learn it fluently? He didn’t think Yoongi would ever learn English, but then again, a lot can change in a decade. Maybe Yoongi learned different languages. Maybe he’s fluent in Japanese now. Maybe he knows Spanish. Namjoon hates that he doesn’t know. Namjoon hates it even more than he cares in the first place.
Namjoon can’t help but laugh as he finally starts to read some of the comments. A lot of them are… particularly enthusiastic about Yoongi. None of them seem to know his real name, though, all of the commenters calling him “Gloss” only. There are also quite a few ARMYs in the comments as well, which Namjoon supposes he should have figured considering how he even found out about this, but, still, it surprises him.
It almost offers Namjoon an insight into a future that could have been if Yoongi had stayed. Because if Yoongi had stayed, comments just like these would have been directed at him but on more platforms and in more ways. Namjoon can almost picture the thousands of fans with their “I ♡ Gloss” signs at their concerts. Namjoon swallows, hating himself for how easily he can envision that universe. That universe where Yoongi didn’t leave them. Didn’t leave him.
Fuck, Namjoon thinks. This wasn’t a good idea. Namjoon already knew this wasn’t a good idea, but being here, having to watch this life Yoongi has created for himself without Namjoon hurts.
Namjoon wants to ask Yoongi why he’s on TikTok in the first place. Yoongi never seemed the type, but then again, what does Namjoon know? Namjoon only knows the Yoongi at age 19. Not 29. Just like Yoongi doesn’t know the Namjoon at age 27-almost-28.
Fuck. Namjoon clicks out of the video, closing the app entirely and lying down on his back, staring at the ceiling. Namjoon is being ridiculous. He knows he is. Namjoon had been so young when they were together. What the fuck did Namjoon know about love back then anyway? Namjoon isn’t that person anymore. Namjoon is glad he isn’t that person anymore.
So why does Namjoon still hurt so much when it comes to Min Yoongi?
Admittedly, Namjoon doesn’t last long before he opens up Yoongi’s TikTok page again. He does his best to occupy himself the next couple of days without checking, but when he has his first full day off without any meetings, he gives in.
This time though, he starts from the beginning, scrolling all the way down until he finds Yoongi’s first video that he posted in late 2019.
Yoongi’s first video is another cooking video that meticulously shows Yoongi’s hands chopping and the food cooking until the very end which is Yoongi plating the food and setting it on the table in front of a man who Namjoon doesn’t know. The man in the video smiles at Yoongi and takes a bite until he grimaces and shakes his head. The video ends with a shot of Yoongi shaking his head, obviously exasperated and disappointed. The caption of the video is “When your roommate is hard to please.” Namjoon can’t help his laugh—the humor is so obviously Yoongi. Still, Namjoon can’t help but wonder who the other man is. Is he just a roommate, like Yoongi says? Or is he something more—like a partner?
Namjoon swallows, opening up the comments to see if Yoongi replied to anyone. He bites at his lip scrolling through the few comments, but in the end he finds nothing except other comments also speculating on who the roommate is to Yoongi.
It annoys Namjoon so much that he immediately scrolls up to watch the next video instead. This time, it’s a DIY video where Yoongi explains how to build a lamp. Namjoon blinks at the sound of his voice, not expecting it since it wasn’t in the first video, and while, technically, Namjoon has already heard Yoongi’s voice in his most recent video, Yoongi had barely spoken in that one. This time, though, his voice is low and raspy while he explains what to do and Namjoon soaks it in, feeling like an absolute creep. He opens the comments on that video as well, hoping to see a reply from Yoongi, but still, there’s nothing. Namjoon supposes he can’t blame Yoongi for not being interested in replying to comments. Yoongi never did seem the type to be overly obsessed with social media.
Figures Yoongi would have a healthy relationship with social media even as a famous TikTok star, thinks Namjoon, letting out a small laugh after he does.
Namjoon does that for the next two hours, meticulously checking the comments after finishing each video, only to be disappointed every single time. Namjoon doesn’t like or comment on any of the videos, feeling like that’s definitely crossing a line in some way. Although, him stalking his ex’s TikTok page ten years after they broke up isn’t really staying on his side of the line either.
Even so, as he watches, he notices Yoongi start to open up more and more to his followers. He talks more about his life, starts replying to some comments but in video-format, and starts trying out new things that have been suggested to him by his audience. He even starts sharing his original music in early 2020, beginning to use instrumentals he created as the music in his cooking videos. Namjoon likes all of what he hears but he still can’t bring himself to click the link in Yoongi's bio.
In late 2020, Yoongi starts doing his dance challenge videos, which prompts him to admit that he used to be an ex-trainee for an anonymous K-pop company. Namjoon snorts at the comments saying how obvious it always was to them that Yoongi was an ex-trainee because he remembers the way Yoongi used to grumble about having to dance to show his music to the world.
In 2021, it seems Yoongi found his popularity tenfold, the comments and likes on each video rising exponentially each time Namjoon scrolls up and watches a new one.
Still, Yoongi doesn’t reply to comments very often, letting his fans speculate and speculate and speculate because speculate they absolutely do. They wonder about Yoongi’s sexuality and relationship status, they wonder about which group he was training to be a part of, they wonder if he has any issues with anyone in the K-pop industry, they wonder what his real name is, they wonder what he does for a living outside of TikTok, and they wonder.
Namjoon finds it a bit ridiculous that he’s stuck here wondering along with them.
Finally, Namjoon reaches a more current Yoongi, noticing when he gets his hair cut in March (maybe for his birthday?)of this year and noticing when Yoongi wears a shirt Namjoon hasn't seen since his first few videos from 2019.
In June of 2022, though, Yoongi doesn’t post at all, which makes Namjoon frown. If there’s one thing Namjoon’s noticed about Yoongi’s TikTok account, it’s that he always posts at least once each month and has done so since the beginning.
But in June, there’s nothing. Namjoon clicks on the next video (dated July 18th, 2022), smiling when he hears Seventeen’s “Cheers” start playing and smiling more as he watches Yoongi dance. As always, he goes to the comment section, but unlike always, the comments are accusatory and questioning, most of them bringing up BTS for some reason.
Namjoon’s stomach drops when he sees his own name in the top comment. And it leads him to a link and suddenly Namjoon’s question about why Yoongi didn’t post in the previous month makes sense.
“—when I came back, about… ah… two-thirds maybe… of my rice was gone! Of course, I knew who the thief was immediately, but I didn’t even have to get him to confess because he admitted it to me right away. He was so guilty! Ah… I remember being so angry at him. But of course, I understood and quickly forgave him… he was so adorable, you all would have forgiven him too, but ah… I hope he’s eating well now, wherever he is. I’d like to think that he is.”
Namjoon swallows, playing the video again, watching the soft smile form on Yoongi’s face, watching so closely as Yoongi reminisces about a time in his life that Namjoon didn’t think he’d ever reminisce about. Especially not publicly.
Namjoon wants so badly to reach out to Yoongi then. He knows he has no right to, though. He also knows that there’s no point. Yoongi made it clear how he felt about Namjoon. Yoongi doesn't want anything to do with him.
Sighing, Namjoon finally closes the app for the night. He feels awful for it, too, but the way they left things between them has always been such a sore spot for Namjoon.
Namjoon sighs again, deciding to stop moping around and do something more productive with the rest of his day. Like ordering take-out and watching a documentary and, most importantly, trying to forget all about Min Yoongi.
Jeongguk, 11:26 PM
Hey hyung
Namjoon, 11:28 PM
JK?
Jeongguk, 11:28 PM
You aren’t mad at me right
For talking to Yoongi?
Namjoon, 11:29 PM
No, I’m not mad
Of course I was a little surprised but it’s okay. I know you two were close too.
Jeongguk, 11:32 PM
You’ve been avoiding me though
So I thought you were mad at me
Namjoon, 11:35 PM
I’m sorry
It’s not that I’m avoiding you especially it’s just I’m avoiding everyone right now I guess.
I just feel awkward. The others have all messaged me too already.
Jeongguk, 11:36 PM
Oh.
That makes sense.
Like why you’ve been avoiding me.
And it’s okay, you know? It makes sense why you’d feel awkward.
But none of us are judging you for anything.
And we’re all on your side.
Of course we were all close to Yoongi years ago but we’re closer to you now and he can’t really compete with that honestly.
You’re our leader, RM! Fighting!
Namjoon, 11:37 PM
You're hilarious.
Jeongguk, 11:37 PM
ㅋㅋㅋ
Although I’m being sincere too.
Even if I was teasing you a bit.
Namjoon, 11:38 PM
Thanks, Jeongguk.
I’m glad you messaged me.
Jeongguk, 11:38 PM
👍
Seokjin, 22-08-2022, 5:49 PM
You can talk to me if you need to.
Seokjin, 23-08-2022, 8:40 PM
WOW… so you’re going to give me the silent treatment.
We were all hurt by Yoongi, but it was nothing compared to you. If you need me to come over, just let hyung know, okay?
Namjoon, 11:41 PM
I’m good hyung really
You don’t need to come over
Thanks though
Jimin, 22-08-2022, 5:22 PM
Are you okay Namjoon???
Seeing Yoongi was a surprise….
I can't believe he’s a Tiktok creator. It seems so weird, right?
Jimin, 24-08-2022, 8:09 AM
I get why you aren’t replying but we’re here for you, hyung.
We care about you a lot.
Just reach out if you need me.
Namjoon, 11:44 PM
Jimin, I’m okay
If you want to talk about Yoongi though we can
Us being here for each other goes both ways:)
Hoseok, 23-08-2022, 11:34 AM
Want to hang out today?
If you need me just let me know.
I'm sorry about Yoongi.
Namjoon, 11:46 PM
Sorry for not replying, Hoseok
I'm okay though
We can hang out soon though if you want
I'll buy
Taehyung, 24-08-2022, 3:46 PM
Jimin's sad you aren't replying to him
I know you'll be okay though, hyung
You're strong like that
If you need any of us though we can help you
Love you, hyung
Namjoon, 11:50 PM
God forbid I don't reply to Jimin for a few days ㅋㅋ
But I'm good Taehyung, thanks
Love you too.
It had been a chilly day when Namjoon first met Yoongi. Namjoon remembers it.
He remembers meeting all of the members, but he remembers meeting Yoongi the most because of how often he used to hyper-fixate on it. Namjoon had been so young; Yoongi had been, too. Yet they both tried to act so much older than they were, neither one of them ever getting away with it.
Namjoon remembers how Yoongi's cheeks were flushed and he remembers his rosy red ears and Namjoon remembers smiling awkwardly at him while Bang Si-hyuk introduced them with a pleasant and firm voice.
Namjoon had liked Yoongi instantly. He liked his hair and his style and his face and he had already heard some of his music and he had liked that too.
So, of course, this meant that Namjoon hated him from the beginning.
That feeling, Namjoon had quickly found out, was mutual.
And—
And they didn’t get along because they both had an idea of who the other person was already without even knowing them. Yoongi thought he was an over-achiever and too stubborn. Namjoon thought Yoongi was arrogant and slightly pretentious. This caused disagreements to pop up like daisies around them, much to the distress of their dormmates.
They respected and admired each other though, both of them admitting to even feeling envious over the other months later when they finally let themselves grow closer and closer and closer.
What Namjoon remembers the most, however, is how absolutely obsessed he was with Yoongi.
He had been obsessed with the way Yoongi seemed to make music, obsessed with the way that Yoongi critiqued Namjoon’s songs and even more obsessed with the way he would roll his eyes when Namjoon’s song was chosen instead of Yoongi’s. He had been obsessed with the little, snide comments he’d sometimes make about Namjoon or the other members, obsessed with the gentle way he treated everyone when they needed it, obsessed with the way he would cook for Namjoon every now and then when he noticed Namjoon hadn’t eaten.
Later, his obsession turned into even more. He obsessed over the way Yoongi sometimes wore shirts that clung so tightly to him, especially when he was drenched with sweat, and he obsessed over the way Yoongi called his parents every week, always leaving the room to do so and never caring about the teasing comments thrown his way when he came back. He obsessed over the way Yoongi would bite at his nails while deep in thought, always flushing when Namjoon pointed it out. He obsessed over the way Yoongi quickly learned what Namjoon's favorite foods were, always defending him when others complained about how picky of an eater Namjoon was.
And, even later, he became obsessed with the way he could sometimes hear Yoongi in the top bunk, making pretty noises that nobody else would purposefully stay awake to hear, but Namjoon did every single time. Every single time.
One time, when they were kissing during the beginning of it all, Yoongi had murmured, “I’m so obsessed with you” right into Namjoon’s mouth and Namjoon knew that he’d never be able to come back from that. Knew it even more when they weren’t able to keep their hands off each other for the next few months, sneaking out together to enjoy any free time alone and together. When they were eventually found out (Hoseok had been scandalized), it wasn’t a big deal simply because they all agreed to keep it to themselves. They all knew how hard they all worked to get here and by that point, they were all friends. It didn’t matter—as long as they kept it to themselves and didn't let it affect their future.
Over time, other members left or were cut completely. Namjoon remembers asking for reassurance against Yoongi’s neck that he would stay. He remembers Yoongi holding onto him even more tightly at that and whispering a quiet, Of course I’m going to stay back to him.
Of course, Namjoon had believed him. He had no reason not to.
If there’s anything, though, that Namjoon has learned about life since those pre-debut days, it’s that things change.
It’s just the way it goes.
When Yoongi posts his next video, Namjoon is notified of it. Not because of Namjoon, but because TikTok apparently kept the data of him obsessively watching every single video Yoongi has posted and decided to send him a recommendation notification as if to say: Hey, you remember your ex you’re still weirdly obsessed with! Come watch his new video!
Unfortunately for Namjoon’s well-being, he clicks on the notification as soon as he’s alone.
gloss
Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/gloss • 9-10
Nice weather today #glossdaily #ARMYARTProject #storieswithgloss #thankyouall
Video description:
[Yoongi is outside and he’s grinning at the camera. He points the camera down to show Holly at his feet, walking alongside him while on a leash. Yoongi points the camera back up at him.
“I’m at the park right now,” he says. “Walking Holly of course. Beautiful outside today. Anyway, I have some news to share. HYBE recently reached out to me about the ARMY ART Project and apparently a lot of you guys have submitted my Fake Love video. [laughter] It’s a bit embarrassing that they’ve all seen my mediocre dancing, but I said yes to it. Mainly just because… well, it feels like a way for me to share my appreciation with all of you.
I’m thankful for you supporting me so much, really. I know I don’t reply to comments or interact much with any of you but it’s mainly because the whole TikTok thing still makes me a bit nervous sometimes [more laughter]. I guess it’s just how it is, but I wanted to say thank you.
I also wanted to talk a little about the ARMY ART Project, which of course is a massive project of creations that were inspired by BTS in some way. It’s a way to celebrate the art within the community as well as spread love and positivity. Of course, there’s also the charity auction and donation aspect of the project, which each invited artist can choose to agree to or not. I agreed!
Once again, it felt like a nice way for me to give back to the community as well as thank all of you for recommending me in the first place. What I’ll be auctioning is a personalized dance challenge video to any song by BTS. If you don’t wish to join the auction, but still like to donate, you can also do so. All proceeds will go to children fighting cancer because… I want to help them since they cannot receive proper treatment because of financial hardships. I’d like to see them become healthy and bright. I’ll comment the link so you can find it more easily. Thank you again!”
He sits down on a bench and tilts the camera back down to show Holly staring back up at him. “Say goodbye, Holly!” He leans down with his other hand to grab Holly’s paw and have it wave goodbye at the camera. The video ends with Yoongi letting out another laugh.]
Namjoon swallows hard after finishing the video. He knew that HYBE had sent out the information to the chosen 107 artists a few days ago, but a large part of him didn’t think Yoongi would actually say yes to it. Even more than saying yes, he agreed to be a part of the auction, too, offering up even more of his time for the cause.
The acceptance feels weirdly… intimate for some reason. Namjoon supposes it’s because the project was something Namjoon mainly came up and something that he really fought for. Namjoon’s involvement was kept a secret, however, because Namjoon didn’t want to take all the credit. The other members inspired him to come up with it anyway so Namjoon didn't want them to be excluded. So, to the public, it was announced that the project was something they all equally worked on.
Namjoon can’t help but wonder if Yoongi would have agreed if he knew how much of the project was actually Namjoon’s brainchild.
Namjoon clicks the link in the comments and expectedly, it takes him to the auction page that officially starts in a two days—on Namjoon’s birthday. That was something that the other BTS members fought for, all of them saying it’ll be a way for ARMYs to appreciate all the work Namjoon has done for the project, even if ARMYs don’t know the specific details.
For the official photo, Yoongi submitted a picture of himself smiling prettily which Namjoon stares at it for a few seconds too long before reading the description underneath his photo.
[Hello! 👋 I’m Gloss, a Korean TikToker who occasionally makes videos of me dancing to K-pop songs. If you’d like for me to dance to a specific BTS song, here is where you can do it! All proceeds go to my chosen charity which is the Keimyung University Dongsan Medical Center in my hometown of Daegu, which will help children battling cancer. You can either choose to donate directly or donate by winning the auction. Thank you and let's give these children a brighter future!]
Ah, Namjoon can’t help but think. He’s still so undeniably good.
He opens up the group chat with the other members immediately, after reading it three more times.
Namjoon, 11:16 PM
Did you see Yoongi accepted the ARMY art project?
armyartproject.org/artists/gloss-auction Here’s the link
He even joined the auction
Hoseok, 11:17 PM
Oh wow
Wait is this why you just left?
I thought you needed to pee 😂
Jimin, 11:17 PM
Ugh Hobi don't complain the longer he stays away the longer we can wait for him to return
But I'm surprised.
I didn’t think he’d say yes
Namjoon, 11:17 PM
I'm walking back right now!
Also me neither
Taehyung, 11:18 PM
I figured he would honestly
Namjoon, 11:18 PM
You did?
Taehyung, 11:18 PM
Of course
I mean he never seemed the type to turn something down if it could be used for good.
Namjoon, 11:19 PM
Yeah. It makes sense but I guess I figured he’d really just want nothing to do with us.
Especially me.
Seokjin, 11:20 PM
Namjoon hurry back, Hyowon is getting annoyed
Also it’s not like he knows the project is basically your project though right? I don’t think he thought about it too much
Namjoon, 11:20 PM
I'm coming back! I'm not going to run!
Wow thanks
Taehyung, 11:20 PM
Noooo stay away Namjoon, Hyowon is so cute when she's mad
And isn’t that a good thing though?
Or do you want him to be thinking about you?
😏
Namjoon, 11:20 PM
Hyowon would kill you if she heard you say that
That’s not what I meant. I just meant that I don’t want him to be uncomfortable.
What if he finds out? I don’t know.
Hoseok, 11:21 PM
You’re overthinking it.
Besides, I still don't think he'd regret it even if he knew.
Namjoon, 11:22 PM
It’s hard not to when it comes to him.
And OK.
I'll be there in a minute btw
Seokjin, 11:22 PM
Are you SURE you don’t want us to come over after this?
I'll bring beer.
Namjoon, 11:22 PM
ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
After work is over for the day, Namjoon once again avoiding the members' insistence on coming over, he texts Jimin.
Namjoon, 4:29 PM
Jimin.
Please convince me not to do what I want to do
Jimin, 4:34 PM
You want to win the auction for Yoongi’s video don’t you
Namjoon, 4:34 PM
Yes
I know it’s probably really weird
Jimin, 4:35 PM
It is a bit weird
Namjoon, 4:36 PM
It’s for a good cause though? I want his winning auction to be the most
Jimin, 4:36 PM
You could always just donate though
Namjoon, 4:37 PM
Shit.
You're right.
Jimin, 4:39 PM
Why don’t you just reach out to him hyung?
Obviously he doesn’t hate you.
Of course I never thought he hated you in the first place
But obviously he feels comfortable enough with you that he’s literally a part of the ARMY art project that YOU created
Namjoon, 4:40 PM
Ok well he doesn’t know it’s MY project
Jimin, 4:41 PM
There’s no way he doesn’t know
Even ARMYS suspect you had something to do with it
And you and Yoongi actually DATED
Namjoon, 4:42 PM
I don’t think he knows. I don’t think he’d sign up if that were the case.
Jimin, 4:42 PM
I think he would
Namjoon, 4:43 PM
Ok well you’re not actually convincing me NOT to win the auction
Jimin, 4:43 PM
Who says you’d win?
What if I won it
Namjoon, 4:44 PM
You must be joking
Jimin, 4:44 PM
I want to see him dance to Filter.
Namjoon, 4:45 PM
Park Jimin.
Jimin, 4:45 PM
You have to admit it’d be pretty funny
Namjoon, 5:09 PM
It wouldn't be.
Also, I've decided not to do the auction.
I think I'm going to donate to his charity though
Anonymously
Just don't want him to get weirded out 🙃
Jimin, 5:40 PM
Like he won't figure out it's probably you
But I support you hyung!!
💕☺️💕
"How are you still getting so tall?" Yoongi grumbles from his top bunk as he watches Namjoon struggle to pull on a shirt he swore fit him a year ago.
Namjoon cracks a grin at Yoongi from where he's standing. "If it bothers you so much, don't look."
"Why wouldn't I look? You're hot."
Namjoon flushes, not able to say anything as he finishes getting dressed. Yoongi seems to notice his embarrassment because he lets out a quiet laugh.
"Ah, you're so cute, Namjoon, really. I don't know how I thought I'd ever be able to resist you."
Namjoon snorts, finally finished dressing as he climbs up the stairs to kiss Yoongi softly. He pulls back after a few seconds, leaning his body against the stairs so he doesn't lose his balance. "What do you mean resist me? Have you seen me? What about you? You're the cute one."
Yoongi laughs, moving back and bringing his knees up to rest his chin on them. He stares at Namjoon with small smile.
"You think we can do it?"
Namjoon swallows, knowing exactly what he's talking about. This isn't the first time they've had this kind of conversation and Namjoon doubts it'll be the last. He sighs, climbing up the rest of the stairs and sitting on the end of the bed, facing Yoongi.
"You already know my answer, hyung. I don't know… I think so. I think yes more than no."
"Yeah?" Yoongi asks.
Namjoon nods. "Of course. I mean, you're here and I think… I think you can do everything, Yoongi-hyung. The world needs your music. And no I'm not biased, before you say that. I've thought that since the beginning."
"But didn't you admit to me the other day that you think you've been into me since we met?"
Namjoon rolls his eyes and just scooches closer, letting himself lay down, his arms wrapped haphazardly around Yoongi's legs and his face—
"No way you're putting your face right next to my butt right now."
"It's a cute butt."
"You're a butt."
Namjoon laughs at that, only holding on tighter while also trying to move his head up so it's resting in between his legs and stomach. Yoongi complains the entire time before finally, he heaves a heavy sigh and falls back, pulling Namjoon up the bed with him so that they're wrapped around each other fully.
"I love you," Yoongi suddenly says then. It isn't the first time Namjoon's heard it but his heart still stutters, his breath still stops, his eyes still widen. Every time is like the first time; always so important, always so special. "Even if… even if this doesn't work out or anything, I'll still love you. You're my future, baby."
And Namjoon, who's had a very tiring day of existing, starts tearing up. He doesn't let Yoongi see, not wanting to be the one who cries when the other one says sappy shit, and simply nestles his face against Yoongi's neck, pressing a light kiss there.
"I love you too, Yoongi. A lot."
Yoongi's arm around him tightens, gripping onto Namjoon's arm gently.
"Ah," he finally breathes out. "That's good."
And it is.
They're good.
When the ARMY ART Project's Charity & Auction finally begins, Namjoon doesn't donate anything yet. He doesn't want to accidentally discourage any other fans from donating once they see his own donation. It's his birthday, though, so he tweets the link and posts about it on his Instagram and replies to the funny posts the other members post for him before spending half of the day with them and the other half with his family.
"It's been a while since we could get together like this, hasn't it?" Hoseok sighs, pouring some soju for the both of them. Namjoon only laughs, already tipsy from the beer they've been drinking for the past hour.
"Oh so we're at the part of the night where you get all sappy on me, huh?" Namjoon teases, leaning forward so he can grab the soju and tip it back. Hoseok does it with him and he giggles, already much tipsier than Namjoon is.
"Hey, I'm allowed to be sappy about you. It's your birthday! We're the same age again!"
"My birthday was two days ago."
"It's still your birthday! Shush you."
Namjoon laughs again, pouring out more soju. Hoseok thanks him when he's handed his cup and Namjoon can't help but laugh again. He's always laughing with Hoseok.
They settle into a comfortable silence, admiring the view of the restaurant and enjoying their secluded time together. Namjoon is staring out the large glass windows, watching the city move below them.
"Namjoon."
Namjoon looks back at Hoseok and Hoseok is staring at him so openly, with something akin to either sadness or pity in his eyes.
"Hoseok?"
Hoseok swallows, looking like he's trying hard to think about what he says next. Finally, "I think you should talk to him."
Namjoon's stomach drops. He almost wants to pretend that he doesn't know who Hoseok's talking about but Hoseok knows him better than that. Namjoon sighs, pouring another cup of soju and downing it.
He swallows, feeling hazy and muted.
"Why would I do that?"
Hoseok's eyes widen. Definitely pity. Namjoon feels sick.
"You know why, come on, don't pretend. Namjoon."
"Why would he even want to talk to me?" Namjoon sits back, crossing his arms and trying his best not to scowl. "And why would I want to talk to him?"
Hoseok sighs, looking miserable. "I'm not trying to upset you. I'm sorry. It's just… I really think you two should talk. You've been obsessing over him since the whole TikTok thing. I'm—we're—worried about you."
Namjoon clenches his jaw, trying to get his thoughts together best as he can, but struggling enormously in his attempt to do it. Eventually, he simply sighs, his entire body deflating as he pours himself yet another cup. He doesn't let himself look at Hoseok. He can’t. Hoseok sees too much when it comes to him and Yoongi.
"What would we even talk about, Hoseok? It's been too long." He drinks the cup of soju. "It doesn't even matter anymore."
Hoseok reaches his hand out then, grabbing Namjoon's and holding onto it tightly, reassuringly. Namjoon finally looks at him. Hoseok's shaking his head.
"I think you two have more to talk about than you know." He laughs loudly then, obviously laughing at a joke that Namjoon hasn't caught onto yet. When he stops, Hoseok gulps, still holding onto Namjoon's hand. "Sorry. I was just thinking how funny it is. Because it's always been like that for you two, hasn't it? You guys were always living in your own little world. Honestly, I was jealous of it for the longest time. But I knew you two cared about me and that was enough. I think I was just jealous that you guys found each other so early, you know? And at the beginning of everything… it's so weird to think about that Yoongi was there at the beginning. He was there and now he's not. And I know you miss him because I miss him."
He squeezes Namjoon's hand and horribly, Namjoon notices that Hoseok's tearing up. "But what if we didn't have to miss him? I think that even if you two don't… don't love each other the same way you did before, I think that you two could be friends. Haven't you always been that for each other? Isn't that what you told me that week after he left? You said you'd never stop caring about him. Isn't that still true?"
"Hoseok…."
Hoseok laughs again, his smile big and forced but small and real at the same time. "Ah, I've probably had too much to drink tonight. I didn't mean to ruin tonight, I'm really sorry. I'll make it up to you, okay?"
Namjoon nods, feeling like he could crack under one more word.
They end their night shortly after that, Hoseok somehow managing to successfully call on their waiter so he can pay the bill.
"It's your birthday dinner, don't even try it," Hoseok admonishes when Namjoon tries to protest.
They're both drunk enough that they have to call on their managers to come pick them up and drive them home. While waiting, Hoseok all but falls asleep on Namjoon's arm, and when their managers both show up, they hug and say goodbye as if they won't see each other the same week.
Namjoon isn't able to fall asleep in the back of the car. Instead, he stays awake, staring outside the window as he thinks about what Hoseok said.
And Namjoon knows that Hoseok has good intentions, how could Namjoon not know that, but Namjoon also knows that Hoseok isn't the one who had his heart broken by Yoongi. He isn't the one who Yoongi would kiss deeply or gently or passionately. He isn't the one who got to hold Yoongi during Yoongi's bad nights and who got to be held by Yoongi during his own.
Hoseok will never understand what their relationship was. Not really.
So how could he know what's best for them? How could he know whether or not Yoongi wants to talk to him? Or if Namjoon even wants to talk to Yoongi?
Namjoon doesn't even know what he'd say. He doesn't know if he actually wants to know about Yoongi's life this past decade or if he's just been deluding himself. He thinks he'd probably get angry; how could he not get angry, but then Namjoon doesn't think he'd get angry at all because how could he get angry?
He imagines Yoongi could get angry at him, though. Namjoon remembers some of their fights, especially the ones before they were dating, and fuck, he must be a fucking idiot to be wishing he could re-live some of those moments again right now.
"Namjoon, we're here. Do you need help getting in?"
Namjoon shakes his head. "I'm okay. Thank you, Ji-hu, sorry for making you do this."
Ji-hu chuckles. "It's my job, Namjoon. Besides, I want you to be safe. I can't even imagine you and Hoseok trying to get home yourselves with how drunk you two were."
Namjoon laughs, not letting himself admit that he's still pretty drunk. Or at least he thinks he is.
"Have a good night."
His walks up to his entranceway, inputting the code wrongly a few times before he finally gets it right. When he gets to the front door, he struggles again with the code and keys, but finally, he's able to get inside.
For a long time, Namjoon hated coming home to an empty house. He's lived so much of his life living with others that it was strange to have his own home finally. He got used to it, eventually, but tonight, he feels the same way he did the first time he ever came back to nobody waiting for him.
"Fuck," Namjoon mutters, nearly stumbling over one of his bags that he leaves by the door. He sighs, managing to make his way to his bedroom. He removes his pants but isn't able to remove his shirt.
If it were any other night, Namjoon thinks he would have passed out immediately. But it isn't. And as Namjoon looks at his phone one last time before going to sleep, he sees the date again and cringes. He smiles to himself, the irony of Hoseok bringing up Yoongi today of all days hitting him in full force.
Namjoon wonders what Yoongi would do if Namjoon did win his auction. Namjoon sighs, turning so he's lying with his face against his pillow.
He can almost imagine how Yoongi would react to it. Except when Namjoon thinks about Yoongi, he still pictures the Yoongi at age 19, not the unfamiliar Yoongi who he can't stop thinking about. Namjoon presses his face against the pillow even more.
Maybe Yoongi would be upset that Namjoon won his auction. He can imagine it; Namjoon thinks he would be if that happened to him. Would Yoongi even fulfill it? Namjoon hates that the answer to that question could be 'no' and he hates that he doesn't actually know.
Namjoon groans, turning again so he's facing the ceiling. He shouldn't buy the auction; he knows that. He wants an actual fan to win it.
What if he donates, though? Namjoon closes his eyes. He was already going to donate but what if he donates with his name attached?
That would sure to shock Yoongi. There Namjoon would be, acknowledging Yoongi's existence but also not being super weird about it by asking him to dance to one of his group's songs.
That should be okay, right? Wouldn't that be okay? For Namjoon to do that?
Besides, why is Namjoon so concerned with what Yoongi thinks anyway? Yoongi left him. It wasn't the other way around. Namjoon would have stayed by Yoongi's side forever if Yoongi actually fucking let him. Yoongi didn't, though. He made his choice so shouldn't Namjoon be able to make his own choices as well?
Why can't he donate to Yoongi's charity with his name attached?
Suddenly, Namjoon knows it's exactly what he wants to do. So, he sits up, pulling up the website on his phone easily enough considering it was already an open tab. He blinks a few times as he tries to sort out all of the words, but eventually he figures it out, climbing over his bed to reach for the wallet that's still in his pants that he threw on the ground.
It takes a while for Namjoon to input all of his information, but finally, he does it. He even adds a message.
Of course, since the payment amount is so large, his bank immediately sends him a message for him to confirm the payment. Namjoon confirms it and immediately, Namjoon is sent a flurry of emails stating such and such about Namjoon needing to talk to a representative to fully confirm it, but that, for now, the payment has gone through.
Namjoon barely understands any of it, having already lied back down, with a pleased little smile he couldn't get rid of even if he tried.
Namjoon only wishes he could be there to see the look on Yoongi's face.